Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 070. Why Society is Failing Young Adults

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

In this episode of the Bedros Keuilian Show, I'm diving deep into the crucial topic of raising great kids in a world riddled with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. We have an obligation to focus on self-development and healing from past traumas to become better role models for our children. I discuss the balance between nurturing happiness and avoiding spoiling, the significance of instilling traditional values, and the unique approaches to raising sons and daughters. REGISTER FOR THE LEGACY TRIBE Get the Life, Money, Meaning & Impact You Deserve https://bedroskeuilian.com/legacytribe SUBSCRIBE TO DOMINATION DOWNLOAD A Weekly Newsletter to Help You Dominate in Business & Life https://bedroskeuilian.com/ JOIN MY FREE 6-WEEK CHALLENGE: Transform into a Purpose-Driven Man https://bedroskeuilian.com/challenge TruLean Supplements | https://www.trulean.com/pages/bedros Get 50% Off Trulean Subscribe & Save Bundle Use Code: BEDROS Few Will Hunt Apparel | https://fewwillhunt.com/ Get 20% Off Your Entire Order Use Code: BEDROS BECOME A MODERN DAY KNIGHT: Join the MDK Project https://www.themdkproject.com/ PODCAST EPISODES: https://bedroskeuilian.com/podcast/ STAY CONNECTED: Website | https://bedroskeuilian.com/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/bedroskeuilian Twitter | https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian

Moms turn babies into boys, but it is the dads to turn those boys into men. Welcome to the Bedroes Coolie and Show. Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental. Hey guys, welcome to the Bedrose Coolian show. I want to talk to you about something that I feel is very important, and that is our kids. This nation, this generation that's coming up is dealing with more anxiety, more depression, and a higher level of low self-esteem than any generation ever. I want to talk to you about what it takes to raise great kids. And I'm not saying that I've been

able to raise great amazing kids. My kids are awesome. I love them. Andrew and Chloe to me are just the apple of my eye. They are good human beings and they have great friends. And I want to let you know through my experience and through experiences that I've seen other people raise their kids on what I think the problem is and what I think the solution can be to raising great kids. So let's get started. Now, listen, here's the deal. If, if, if, if our goal is to leave our kids in a better state than we were raised in as parents, that means we have to do things differently, right? We have to do things differently. And so it's not just about how we raise our sons and daughters, but it's also about how we raise ourselves. And you may come from trauma, you may come from

abuse, you may come from a low-income family, you may come from getting bullied, whatever it is. Hurt people, hurt people. And so if you are someone that comes from trauma, from hurt, from adversity, and you haven't healed yourself, odds are you are going to pass that hurt along to your children. So thing number one, and I'm not going to go deeper into this other than telling you that if you haven't healed yourself, consider working with the therapist. Consider reading books on stoicism. Consider watching, going back and watching the rest of the episodes of the Bedros Kulian show

and really consume the stuff that's about self-mastery, developing yourself into a better human, overcoming your pain, your trauma, your adversities, and rewriting your story. Because when you do, you become a better parent. You become a better role model and example to your kids, which is something that we're going to talk about here. So let's get started. Now, like I said, I think I've got two amazing kids. I've been blessed with two amazing kids. We've done a great job raising them as a family.

And, well, quite honestly, I want to share with you what has worked for us. And what has worked for many of my friends who have great amazing kids that are servants to humanity, that carry themselves well, that have high self-esteem, high self-worth, that aren't struggling with anxiety and depression all the time and aren't necessarily sucking social media bandwidth day and night or stuck playing video games left and right. Because as a parent, I know you feel that. You're like, well, I want to make my kids happy. I want them to be happy.

But there's this fine balance between making your kids happy and then hurting them by spoiling them, right? If you want to make them happy, you might want to create structure. One of the greatest compliments my son Andrew ever gave us as parents was that he said, thank you for making me continue to go on to guitar lessons. When he was a tiny little puppy, maybe five, six years old, we got

him into guitar lessons. He wasn't a big fan of it. We encouraged him and made him go anyway. And today not only does he play the guitar well, he plays the piano well, he's picking up the drums, he's writing music, he's a very talented, talented young man. Same with my daughter, right? Put them both in sports, expose them to music, talk to them like they're adults, set expectations, set standards. And so that is what we're going to talk about here. Before we break down, like, okay, what's the difference between raising a daughter and raising a son? There's like a core foundational thing that you, mom and dad, need to do. So we talked about you first raising yourself, developing yourself into the best possible version of who you are, right? And that is overcoming your pain,

overcoming your fears, overcoming your doubts, overcoming the trauma, healing from past hurts. Because without you being whole, how can you pour into your kids? What you're going to pour into them is what you already are. Anxious, depressed, fearful, overweight, low income, always struggling to make ends meet. You don't want to pass along a curse. What you want to do is leave them better than you were left by the generation that raised you and I. I think that's how I kind of always viewed it is I'm going to raise my kids. I'm going to pour into my kids in a way that my mom and dad never poured into me. And this is not a knock on

them. They just didn't know any better. They did the best they could, my parents, your parents, did the best they could with what they had. And if what they had was addictions to alcohol, to drugs, maybe they were just crazy, maybe they never healed from their own emotional baggage. And they poured that into us? Well, guess what? We had to heal first. I had to heal first before I could start pouring into my kids, right? In fact, I had to heal while pouring into my kids. And there's plenty of times I can tell you where I've had to apologize to my son and daughter for being a certain way with them, being loud, being angry, one time smashing an iPad out of anger, right? Like, that was uncalled for. Like, what did that demonstrate? What did I just role model to them? That it's

okay to lose control of your emotions and smash an iPad out of anger because they didn't listen to me. And so it's not, it doesn't make me feel good to say this. But I realized in the process of helping them develop, I had to speed up my self-development as well. Because no one wants to be a hypocrite. You don't want to be a hypocrite and say, well, do as I say, not as I do. Like if you're vaping, if you're smoking weed, if you're drinking alcohol, and then you're telling your kids not to vape, not to smoke weed, not to drink alcohol. If you're eating shit over consuming caffeine, if you're not working out, but then telling them to eat clean and to exercise daily, but you're a little tubby jelly roll of a mom or a dad, your words are never as loud as your

example of your physique, of the lifestyle that you live. And so you got to understand that it starts with the core foundation. The core foundation is this. Number one, you've got to set values. What are the core values that you and your family want to live by, right? You got to get together with your spouse and set the core values. Like how do we want to live? What do we want to be known for? Like what are the what are the fundamental truths about this family. And if you have core values, that becomes your true north. Right. Like, for example, you're going to, let's say, hey, we're never going to have alcohol in the house.

Great. That is a great core value. Hey, we're always going to go to bed by 10 o'clock, teaching the kids to go to bed by 10 o'clock. But, hey, we're always going to exercise no matter what. Teaching the kids that they're going to exercise, right? We're always going to have clean food and not processed food that are in bags and shit in the house. because if it's processed food and little packages and bags that can last forever, it's probably full of poison that's slowly going to kill their bodies and their health.

Right? We're not going to go through the Starbucks drive-thru and pick up, you know, 2,000 calories of high sugar, high caffeine and high fat and then tell our kids, make sure you eat your fruit at school. Like, you're hypocritical if you do that. So there are core values that you have to live by. There are core values in terms of like how you're going to carry yourself. You know, are you going to go to church?

What is the faith that you're going to have? Is there a belief system you're going to carry? Is there you going to open doors and say, please and thank you? So once you develop your core values for your family, you also have to set the standard. Set the standard of living those core values. Like you, mom and dad, have to be the example of living those core values. There's no other way to say it. The do as I say, not as I do thing doesn't work.

You're a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite if you do that. So once you have your core values and you set the standard by you living that life, then the next step is you can set the expectations. Because if we have the core values and I'm actually living that standard of core values, I can now expect you set expectations. I can expect you as my child to live that, right? I'm going to demonstrate what a healthy relationship is.

I'm going to demonstrate what love is. I'm going to hug them. I remember a long time ago, Clay was a little puppy and she gone into a little bit of a little phase where she was giving me the sideways hug. I said, Clow, we always hug belly to belly, belly to belly. I want it all like bring it in, bring it in. And oh, okay, dad, right? I have to demonstrate it. It's one thing what they can learn a lot from their friends. They can learn a lot from school. But if you let that carry into the household, because you're like, well, I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to make them unhappy. I want to always get my kids approval and validation.

Sometimes you have to lay the rule down. Sometimes you have to lay the rule down and you go, hey, these are the expectations. Here are the core values. I live by these standards. Right? And then I expect this of you, the expectations. Once you have those, you've got the foundation. So what are some of the ways that you can maybe start leading your daughter?

So let's talk about the daughters first and then we'll get into the sons after. And a lot of this is transferable to sons and daughters, but I kind of broke it down into sections. How about this? Be involved in their lives. Like actually take interest. Right? And man, I'm talking to you specifically right now. Like actually take interest.

Like, yeah, but they're into dolls and they're into kids stuff, like gross stuff and I don't know it. Figure it out. Pretend. Like, that's okay. That's okay. Take interest in their music. Take interest in their toys. take interest in their school, take interest in their friend group, because to them, their friend

group is their world, right? Like, remember the friend's names, remember what they're into. You're like, yeah, but I'm so tired. I do, shut the fuck up. You try and remember the stats of your favorite athlete on a football team, basketball team, baseball team. You know the stats, you know the fucking number, you know how much they get paid, you know how long their fucking contract is. Don't tell me you have a hard time remembering your kids, friends, names, and what they're into. You are not just prioritizing. That's the problem. You have a priority issue. You don't have a memory issue. You have a priority issue. Right. So start getting involved in their lives. Take interest in what they are interested in. Number one. Number two, when Chloe was a little puppy,

we started going on dates. We started going on dates and that kind of set the expectation of what she can expect when she is older. Now she's 16 and she goes on a date with a young man. Like, she just expects him to open the door. She expects him to be a gentleman. She expects him to say please and thank you. And she carries herself like a lady, right? Which leads to the next thing. Like, we've taught her traditional values.

That doesn't mean that she's a damsel in distress. Like, my daughter's a great athlete, very intelligent, witty, smart and sharp as a whip, and can absolutely handle herself. But both my son and my daughter carry traditional values. And I love that about them. Like they are a rare breed, right? And ever since they were puppies, when we'd go out to a restaurant as families, people would come up to us as parents and be like, wow, you know,

we thought your kids there in high chairs would be loud and obnoxious and scream because we're at a nice restaurant and we're shocked that you brought them to a nice restaurant. But man, they're at the entire dinner. kids were so cool. They were so polite. You didn't have to put any iPads or iPhones in front of them. Not at once because we were engaged with them. And we continued that engagement till this day. Chloe's 16, Andrews 18. And that engagement continues. Chloe and I still go on date nights, right? And that's important. You also have to encourage and model the traditional values that you want. because if you're asking that of them,

but you're not literally modeling traditional values, then how are they going to see it in action, right? And you can model that what a healthy relationship is. And if you can instill confidence in them, how do you instill confidence? Teach them to stack wins. Like, teach them to stack wins. I love seeing my kids learning to drive,

learning to get a job, hold themselves accountable to a time, you know, getting into sports, music, challenging themselves. Like Chloe just got her license and she's already driving herself to places. I shouldn't be saying this. And if you're a cop here in Chino Hills, please be cool to my daughter. But she'll drive her friends around. Like, she's got that responsibility.

She'll drive her friends around. I know she's not quite old enough to be driving her friends around and according to the California state law. But she drives her friends around. Like, I love the fact that she feels confident enough that we've instilled that in her, right? And she also has the responsibility of what that is. Like, hey, you've got other little lives in your car. It's not just your life, so you can't be reckless.

If you're willing to do that, they will gain confidence. They will gain self-esteem. And if you're willing to draw the line at certain places with them, yes, be friendly. Yes, go on a date. Yes, roughhouse with them. Yes, I've roughhouse with my daughter and my son. Hell, my daughter, when me, Andrew and Chloe would wrestle on our bed in our master bedroom, I think at the time Andrew was probably five or six, which would make Chloe around four years old.

Chloe would get the pillow and try and smother me, just like put it on my face and try and smother my face, and I have to fight my way out. And that was such a cool thing because she knew that if she did this, the dad would do that. and now brother's going to jump in and save me. And sometimes it was a two-on-one against me. Sometimes it was a two-on-one against Chloe. Sometimes it was a two-on-one against Andrew. But at the end, bumped with bruises and all that,

we had this fun, exciting experience. I never once treated Chloe differently because she's a girl. Yes, I took her out on dates. Yes, her mom and I taught her. how to carry herself as a lady, the expectations she should have from a young man. And if that young man does not meet those standards and expectations, to walk away, to call me, call Andrew, we'll come pick her up. And it's such a good feeling to see that confidence in her,

to see that she doesn't live in a state of anxiety, a state of depression, that she's not popping pills. And so I'm telling you as a parent, and you're like, whoa, what if we're not together? What if me and the spouse are not together and we're divorced? Guess what? You may not be able to control what your spouse is teaching her. You certainly can control what you are teaching her, what you are role modeling to her. And you don't have to throw the spouse under the bus.

You just have to be a shining example of good humanity. Right? You've heard me talk about control what you can, cope with what you can control and concentrate on what counts. Well, if you want to raise great kids, control what you can. Control the fact of what can you teach. What examples can you live? How do you keep your apartment or your house when your daughter or your son comes over?

Right? What is the new relationship that you're in like? Do you demonstrate love, patience, care, humor, compassion, empathy? You can still model even if your spouse, Doesn't. That's very important, you know. And so don't for a moment use a divorce as a cop-out of why you can't be there for your child. Now, what about the sons? Well, I'm a big believer in Jack Donovan's book. Jack Donovan has a great book entitled The Way of Men. And everything that I shared here about daughters really applies to your sons as well. Put them in sports. Put them in

combatives, make sure that they understand music, play some kind of music, kind of involved in their life, take interest in it. And arguably, I'd have to admit that I have more things in common with Andrew that I have than I have with Chloe. Like when Andrew was probably four or five years old, I put a ping pong paddle in his hand. I was like, son, you're going to learn to play ping pong. It's fun. And even since he was a puppy, and he'll tell you the stories. If you ever see Andrew, he tells the story. He's like, I know dad didn't take it easy on me when I was young because I never really let him win. And now he beats me all the time. Like he would get upset as a kid and cry and you're probably thinking like, Pedro's, that was shitty. No, he was like, son we're

going to play another game. Maybe you'll win this next one. Some are going to play another game. Maybe you'll win this next one. And he got older. He got better. He had better hand-eye coordination. He could serve better. He could return better. He now regularly beats me a ping pong and we're both damn good ping pong players, also known as table tennis. Now I share that with you because whether we're one-wheeling, we're playing ping pong, we're surfing, we're lifting together,

we're doing jiu-jitsu together. I want to be as involved in his life and in my daughter's life as possible, taking interest in their music, but then going, hey, you want to hear the music of my generation? Like the very first thing we do when we walk into the gym, BK Strength, my gym together.

there is like hey whether it's me or Chloe or or me and Andrew do you want to play your music or do you want me to play my music on the Bluetooth right and I'll introduce them to my music and I'll tell them about the history of that music whether it's Tupac or Dre or Cube right or Wu Tang and then they'll introduce me to their music the mumble rap the weird shit that I can't understand but they'll explain that to me and I still can't understand it but I can find some beauty in it I can and when you do there's a commonality, a connection, and they feel respected. And when your child feels respected and heard, and that is the magic here. They need to feel respected. They need to feel heard.

They need to be given boundaries. They need to be given standards and expectations. And so, yes, sometimes you have to be firm with them. You can't always expect them to be happy because if you are them, maybe you're going to let them go to bed without brushing their teeth. No, you're going to brush your teeth, even if you're going to cry about it, right? You're going to have to say, and thank you to people. You're going to have to not have a temper tantrum at the grocery store. Like there's expectations that are needed and there's punishments for it if you don't meet those standards and expectations.

But also, when you do meet those standards and expectations, look how involved I'm going to be in your life. And you have to be the constant, mom and dad. You have to be the constant. Our kids are going to have ebb and flow in their energy. Doesn't matter if they're tiny. or if they're teens. They're going to have an ebb and flow

and their mood and their energy. And if you can think back to the time when you were young, you were a prepubescent or you were a teenager. You probably thought your parents were stupid. You probably had good days with your parents. You probably had bad days with your parents.

You probably took some shit out on your parents for no reason, just like our kids take shit out on us for no reason. In their head and their mind and their emotions, they have a reason. But to us, we're like, what the fuck did I do wrong? You have to be the constant nevertheless. You are the adult. You are the example. You are the example. And if you can do that, then you're literally helping them wire their

brain into being consistent even when their emotions are ebbing and flowing, right? And so I talk to you about Jack Donovan's book, The Way of Men. There's also another book out there, and I forget the author's name, Robert something. And the book is called Raising a Modern Day Night. And really, both of these books talk about a rite of passage for young men. But in Jack Donovan's book, he says, you know, a man is forged by these four things, strength, mental strength, physical strength, emotional strength, resiliency, right? Strength. Courage, the courage to take a risk, the courage, to defend those they love, the courage to stand up for what's right. Honor, right? Are they honorable? Do they have core values? Do they have a great character? Do they carry integrity? Are they loyal to their

fellow man, to their tribemen? And of course, mastery. Mastery, do they have a skill that they bring to the tribe, to the community? Or are they just mooches, extracting value, and you? useless to the tribe. And I share that with you because it is our responsibility as dads to teach our sons this. Now, I've said this before and this pisses off a lot of the feminist women out there. But moms turn babies into boys. But it is the dads to turn those boys into men. And gentlemen, it is your responsibility, dads.

It is your responsibility and duty to instill honor, strength, courage, mastery, core values into your son. It is your responsibility to give him a right of passage into manhood. It is not the mom's responsibility. The mom's responsibility is to nurture and love and raise that baby into a boy, but it is your responsibility, turn that boy into a man. And if you absolve that to someone else, the school system, you absolve that to somebody else,

then they will go and become passive, aggressive little bitches. you know that to be true. I think in many ways, today the modern society, we have a more difficult time raising sons who are providers, protectors, who are confident and capable, who can be savage and servant. And then that's why you see so many girls and women

stepping into their masculine energy and then complaining that there are no good men left. Yes, I will agree that a large contingency of women out there are currently being brainwashed by social media, by television, movies, the news. They're being brainwashed. Universities are brainwashing them into feminism. You can do anything a man can. No, no, you can't, baby girl.

You can't. That's the reality. Go watch a few Jordan Peterson movies or podcasts or shows. You can't. Just like a man can't do everything a woman can. I know there's a pregnant emoji, pregnant male emoji on the iPhone. I know it exists and therefore you're fooled into thinking with your soft mushy brain that men can get pregnant. But you can't.

You can't do everything a woman can. I cannot nurture my children when they are hurt emotionally like their mother can. A mother has such a gentle heart. heart, gentle touch, gentle words that a dad simply cannot muster up. And so if you understand that, then you have to understand that it is our job to raise strong men, courageous men, confident men, honorable men, men who can develop mastery. But it is also our job, moms and dads, to raise women, like turn these young girls who have been brainwashed by the feminist movement and therefore hate their life. That's the weird thing is they are brainwashed by the feminist movement and then

they hate their lives because they've stepped into this masculine role that they don't want, this masculine energy, and they're looking for masculine men. But when they get masculine men, they don't know how to be because they're so stuck in that masculine energy. They're afraid to let go the steering wheel and hand it over to this guy who says, I truly, confidently want to lead myself and you as a family unit. And it's so sad it breaks my heart because they'll find what they're looking for, but they don't know how to let go of control and step into their natural feminine energy. Because if you did, that man will feel the confidence and responsibility of taking your heart in his hand and protecting it.

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use code word bedros, join the Truling tribe. You get 50% off your first order and then 20% off your recurring monthly orders after that. Back to the show. You know I'm right about that, don't you? You know I'm right about that. And so it starts off with you, He and It starts off with you developing. It starts off with you becoming example and then raising two great and amazing humans Because that is the only way we're gonna save this country and if our goal is to not only save this country But to also raise great kids that are full of confidence self-worth self-esteem Capable anxiety and depression free and guess what?

It's worth doing the work isn't it as a mom is a dad as a parent, as a role model, as an example. And so what do we do from here? We start pouring into them. We realize that we're not here to make friends with our children. We can be friends with them, but we are here to first set core values, set the standard and live the standard ourselves, set the expectation and expect them to live the standard, and then become the human boundaries for them.

Call them out when they need to be called out. Draw the line when the line needs to be drawn out. and then share their life experiences, take part in their interests, actually actively listen and put your phone down. And if you do that, friends, I dare say that we will raise great children who will become great humans and leaders. And they will save this wonderful country of ours. Guys, thank you so much for watching and listening to this episode of the Bedros-Culian show.

And remember this, that average is the enemy, that success is your responsibility. And change can take place in an instant if you are willing to flip the switch. I'll see you next time. What's the difference between me and you?