Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 121. What EVERY Father Needs to Know About Raising Sons

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

As fathers, our role goes far beyond simply being present.We’re tasked with shaping the next generation of men—teaching them strength, discipline, and integrity in a world that often tells them to hide who they are.How we show up, how we lead, and how we handle challenges sets the standard for our sons to follow. They’re watching us, learning not just from our words but from our actions.In today’s episode of The Bedros Keuilian Show, I dive into the principles every father needs to know about raising sons who are confident, capable, and purpose-driven.It’s not about perfection—it’s about being intentional. Because when you lead by example, you create men who will lead with courage and honor.THE SQUIRE PROGRAM: A rite of Passage for Your Son as He Becomes a ManA Father and Son Experience That Will Be Remembered FOREVERhttps://squireprogram.com/registerREGISTER FOR THE LEGACY TRIBE Get the Life, Money, Meaning & Impact You Deserve https://bedroskeuilian.com/legacytribe JOIN MY FREE 6-WEEK CHALLENGE: Transform into a Purpose-Driven Man https://bedroskeuilian.com/challenge TruLean Supplements | https://www.trulean.com/pages/bedros Get 50% Off Trulean Subscribe & Save Bundle Use Code: BEDROS Few Will Hunt Apparel | https://fewwillhunt.com/ Get 20% Off Your Entire Order Use Code: BEDROS OPEN A FIT BODY LOCATION A High-Profit, Scalable Gym Franchise Opportunity Driven By Impact https://sales.fbbcfranchise.com/get-started?utm_source=bedros PODCAST EPISODES: https://bedroskeuilian.com/podcast/ STAY CONNECTED: Website | https://bedroskeuilian.com/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/bedroskeuilian Twitter | https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian

They don't care about the words that you tell them. They care about the example that you set by the man that you are, how you show up every day. Welcome to the Bedroft's Kooli and show. Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo. I was banging with a gang of instrumental. All right, dads, this one is for you. This is what fathers need to know about raising sons. And what people aren't telling you because, well, masculinity is toxic.

And God forbid we tell dads how to raise their sons into formidable, capable men, because if we do, then oh my gosh, that could be bad, very bad. Well, it's not. It's not bad at all. In fact, today on the BK show, we're going to talk to you, dads, and tell you exactly what you need to do in terms of raising sons. And this comes from someone who has a daughter who's 17 years old, and I've got a son who's 19 years old. Both of them are absolute studs and great human beings. And they are an asset to humanity. And they will continue to be assets to humanity. In fact, you know, if you ever find yourself stuck on the side of the road, you better hope that my son is driving by because he can help you out. He won't just drive by and ignore the fact that you're stuck on the side of the road. He's that guy. And that's the kind of dudes we need to raise.

So with that said, let's get started with this episode. And by the way, if you're a young man listening to this and you're like, hey, I don't have a dad in my life. My dad's gone. He's been absent. I've never met him. or he won't talk to me or I won't talk to him. Whatever the thing is, you can father yourself and you can father yourself by either putting yourself around good men, coaches, joining jujitsu, whatever, or you could just bother yourself

by literally watching YouTube videos, reading the books that I'm going to recommend. There are one, two, three, four books that I'm going to recommend at the end of this episode that I recommend every dad read so that they can better nurture, grow, grow, mentor and coach their sons and young men, these four books are something that you should read so that you can better develop as a man. So let's get started. First of all, I want you guys to understand. I believe that it breaks down like this. First, we have babies, right? We have babies. And a boy, well, between the ages of zero and three years old, he's a baby and he's attached to mom. And then between four to 10 years old, he's a boy. Between 11 to 19 years old, I kind of see him as a young

man. And then 20 plus, he's a man. He's a man. And he should be formidable. He should be capable, confident. He should have some kind of a path in his life. I'm not saying that he should be fully evolved in every area of life, but he should have a path, the direction that he's going to because you, dad, took time to coach him, mentor him, and teach him the things that I'm about to drop here. So let's get started. The first experience that your son is going to have in terms of what a man does is the experience of how you, sir, treat his mom, right? Now it doesn't matter to me if you are divorced, if you are with the mom. none of that matters to me.

What matters to me is the experience that your son is going to have in watching you and seeing you as an example of how you treat his mom because that will be the blueprint and how he treats women in the future. And so if you are with mom and you are happily married and you are excited for this relationship that you're in, the way that you treat mom and respect her and tend to, you. to her needs and show up as an understanding husband and lead your family. All those things are caught. Those things are not always taught, as my friend Ed Milet says.

A lot of things that we do as men are caught and not taught. And your son is watching you as you interact with his mother. Now, if you're like, well, you know, look, man, I'm divorced. And his mother's not the nicest person on the planet. It doesn't matter. You at some point chose to be with that woman. You made an active decision to have kids with that woman. You then have a responsibility to be decent and respectful and kind and just show up as a decent man, a good man, because your son is watching.

And if you have daughters, keep in mind that your daughter is watching how you interact with her mom. And she will ultimately find a man like you. So if you're an asshole, if you're calling mom a bitch, if you are one of those divorced dads who says, you know, she's psycho, she's crazy, you're talking shit to your kids about their mom. Let me tell you what you are doing is not only eroding your reputation with your kids, but you're also modeling to them how they should treat women, how your sons will treat women, and how your daughters will go and find. an abusive man like you. And I know you don't like hearing that, but that is the reality of it. The next step is how you handle frustration and anger, right? At every one of these stages, baby, boy, young man or man, your kids are going to have to deal with anger and frustration, especially a young boy, right? A young boy has to learn how to deal with anger and frustration.

Well, again, that is the modeling that you do. And so are you the kind of dad who raises your voice, throws shit around, puts his fist through a wall, and then later regrets it, thinking, oh, my kid's too small. He's four or five years old. He's not going to remember this. Or are you the kind of man that can take a step back? Catch your breath. Gather your thoughts. Go take a walk and cool off. Sleep it off. Wait an hour, a day a week. And then respond to a situation that angered you and frustrated you instead of reacting emotionally and embarrassing yourself, putting fear in your kids around you, and in the woman that you're with, right? And so a young man has to be taught how to deal with frustration and anger,

and he's going to be taught that by you. And like I said, the books that I'm going to share with you at the end of this episode are going to help you guide your son better as a father. But right now you have to develop the emotional discipline, right? And so how you handle stress, frustration, and anger, you have to teach your son how to manage his emotions, his thoughts, his feelings, how to not get offended at everything, how to not hold on to this feeling of rejection or being upset or feeling like they were wronged. because how long are you going to hold on to the pain and hold yourself and the people you love

hostage because of the anger, frustration, and stress that you experienced? And so you have to teach your son mental and emotional discipline, right? How to temper his rage and anger. How to have other sources to be able to let off steam, working out, jiu-jitsu, going on a run, MMA, boxing, right? journaling, going on a walk. There's so many ways to let off steam. There are so many ways to take a step back, catch your breath, reflect on what happened

before you react and therefore you could respond like a grown-ass man. It is your duty dads to teach your sons because when they are young boys and young men, they'll be let off the hook by the adults around them. when that young boy becomes a man, he's 20, 30, 40, 50 years old and he acts like a petulant little fuck, he will have to pay the price and you will not be there to defend him and he will realize the consequences of his shitty little actions of being frustrated and angered so easily. The next thing that we have to teach our sons, fellas, is how they're going to avoid

conflict and de-escalate conflict. This part is very, very important. If you can't teach your sons how to avoid and de-escalate conflict, they're always going to end up budding heads with people. And they're either going to make enemies in life or they're going to be seen as people who just can't seem to get along and therefore their reputation is going to be tarnished. And I say this because Oftentimes, we tend to turn everything into a battle that we're willing to fight. And I often ask myself, whenever I get angry, is this a hill I'm willing to die on? And I've taught my son this. Son, you will be angered and you will be frustrated.

You will come to a place in life where people will want to pick a fight with you and argument with you. Cooler heads must prevail. You must learn how to de-escalate conflict and how to avoid conflict. and whether that's a fist-to-fist fight, whether that's verbal jousting, I would rather avoid and de-escalate a problem if I'm not willing to die on that hill. In other words, I'm not going to spend five minutes on it today if it's not going to matter five years from now, right? But if you think that every single thing is a hill to die on, then you're going to have a shot. shitty reputation. You're going to be someone who's seen as abrasive and you're going to raise a son

who's going to be that way as well. Now moving on to the next thing that we need to teach our sons, which might seem contradicting to what I just shared, which is how to defend himself and others, how to fight, and how to defend himself physically, how to defend himself verbally, and how to draw a boundary, how to draw a line, and how to create non-negotiables. Like, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, and I will do everything I can to protect myself and the people that I love verbally.

I will not let them get abused emotionally. I will not get them harmed physically, right? And so if we can't teach our sons, combatives, if we can't teach our sons how to de-escalate an issue, If we can't teach our sons verbal jiu-jitsu, then we find ourselves in a position where you're constantly being walked on. You're constantly being picked on. You're constantly being bullied.

And at some point, you're seen as the nice guy, the nice guy who can be pushed around, kicked around, taken advantage of, and that's not a good place to be. You must have standards that you stand for. You must have values that you are not willing to compromise. And if you have those values, dads, you must pass those along to your sons. There's no owner's manual that comes with being a baby that says, you know, once you're four to 10 years old, do this. Once you're 11 to 19 and you're a young man, do this.

There's no owners manual. There's no operations manual. This stuff is taught from fathers to sons, from fathers to sons. Because remember, who you are raising is not just a future, hopefully a future leader of a family, of an organization, a business of this country. But you're raising someone who's going to be a father, who's going to be a husband. You have that responsibility as a man

to raise a father, a future father and a husband who's going to be a valuable asset to his family and who's going to make this country even better once you and I are long gone. And we are in our graves. Like I want to know that my son, is going to be an amazing father and husband, that my daughter is going to be an amazing mother and wife. And they need to find spouses who are equally formidable as they are. And they need to raise

kids with values, morals, character, integrity, non-negotiables. And for that to happen, we have to not only teach them how to de-escalate conflict and how to avoid conflict, but when There is no room for de-escalation and avoidance, how to defend yourself physically, verbally, emotionally, and how to draw those lines. And it is up to you, dads, to teach this stuff. This is why men are supposed to be rough and tumble with their boys. Every night I go to the gym with my son and we'll work out, we'll box, we'll jujitsu. And we do this together because this is how we teach. We lead through example.

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code before it goes away. Back to the show. What else do we need to teach our sons? We need to teach them to be healthy. We need to teach them to be healthy not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, mentally, right? Physical health, that they will be judged. They will be judged when they walk into room by their body. That is the truth. You and I know that we respect a man who walks in and who has great posture, who has the ability to look put together, who has some level of fitness where you could see that they are a formidable fit human being. We have greater respect for that person. We are willing to give more time and attention to that person. Don't you want to give that advantage to your son? Then it's up to you to teach him how to exercise right,

to make it a daily part of his routine, how to eat right, what macros look like, proteins, fats, and carbs and how they can make him leaner and stronger or fater and more sick, right? And that means you have to be that guy because you cannot say word. like eat right and exercise if you are fat and floppy and gelatinous and out of shape dad so you have to lead through example this is what we do at the squire program you know when fathers and sons come to the squire program because the squire program is a right of passage for these young men as they go from that you know 11 to 17 year old age and step into manhood they win a seat at the table to become a man right it's a 12-hour experience that fathers put their sons through

and fathers go through that experience with their sons. It's physical, it's mental, it's educational. It's a community of other dads and sons going through that experience. At the Squire program, there's a point in which I separate the fathers and sons. And a couple of our instructors take the sons and they teach them one set of lessons. And I take the fathers and take them to another part of our ranch. And I sit with the dads and I go, fathers, you know, it's been six hours so far. and I'm watching how you guys are operating with your sons

and how you get so quickly angered and frustrated when you feel like they're not doing something right and how you look like a fat little pumpkin and you look like a pear and your son looks like a pumpkin or a pair. And sir, you're jacked and lean and it's no surprise that your son is lean and jacked because they don't care about the words that you tell them. They care about the example that you set

by the man that you are, how you show up every day. I work out every single morning and then I work out every single evening with my son. And it's important for you to understand that if you are going to be an example, you have to lead.

You have to lead yourself first. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite and an imposter. If you're like, son, I need you to be fit. I need you to eat right. I need you to keep a positive mental attitude. I need you to be emotionally disciplined. This is what a great man is. A man who can protect.

a man who can provide, a man who has a sense of purpose and value. But if you don't have any of that, if you're constantly screen sucking and scrolling through social media, if you've got love handles, you're shaped like a pair, if you are emotionally reckless, if you have vices and addictions that are keeping you oppressed and limited in terms of your own personal quest for meaning and purpose in life, your son's going to go, dude, you're an absolute hypocrite, you're a liar, you're telling me I got to do this, but you don't value it because look how you're living. And therefore, I think I'm going to model what you're doing instead of do what you're saying.

And that is the difference, dads. We must hold ourselves accountable to higher standards and expectations. And if you're like, well, I never had a dad to hold myself to these expectations. I never had a dad to teach me these standards to teach me that I've got to, how I'm going to treat the wife and how I'm going to handle anger and frustration and how I'm going to learn to defend myself and others and how to escalate or de-escalate and avoid conflict. How to maintain a healthy body and mind. Start today. You can start today. You can't use lack of time as an excuse.

You can't say I'm too busy. you can't say, I don't feel like it is too cold, it's too hot. None of those things are viable excuses, fellas. It's not. Like one of the greatest works we can do is to develop humans that are going to be better than us, that are going to serve humanity at a higher level than us. Our sons and daughters depend on us. And what they learn from you as a dad is different than what they learn from a mom.

I oftentimes say moms turn babies into boys, but it's the dads who turn boys into men. Moms have a role in terms of nurturing, loving, teaching compassion and empathy and care. But you, you have to teach your son how to develop himself into a high-valued man, into a man who's respected, into a man who has core values, into a man who has a sense of purpose and meaning in life, a man who chases his dreams, a man who protects and loves his family, a man who cares for humanity,

a man who's willing to be an asset and not a liability, a man who's not going to be dependent on the system, dependent on vices, drugs, alcohol, pornography, and is free from all of the mental shackles that the opposition is constantly trying to lure us into. Think about what the opposition wants to do. There are forces actively working against you, fellas, actively working against you to keep you dumb, dopey, dependent, drugged up, depressed, television, social media.

Like, this is the first time in history that we are walking into a government led by Trump that actually cares for the people. But make no mistake about it, there are people in the government. still, and will still stay in the government who are actively trying to manipulate masculinity, calling you toxic, trying to make you addicted

to social media, to pornography, to alcohol, to food, to drugs, trying to get you to break up the nuclear family. Listen, if you're with the wrong person, I get it. I get it.

You may, not be with that person forever as a spouse, but you have your children for life and you have a duty and an obligation to your children to make them formidable, to make them valuable, to make them valuable, to empower them what they need with what they need to succeed, to thrive, and not just to survive and anxiously get by looking for handouts from the system, from the man. this is why 2020 the pandemic was such a massive failure for humanity. Men hadn't stepped up for so long that when 2020 came and the opposition oppressed you with masks and arbitrary six feet of distancing and try to get you to stick toxic needles into

your body. You're like, okay, I'll do it. I'll wear the mask while I drive around by myself in my car with the windows rolled up. I'll maintain six feet. Yeah, I won't go to the gym. I won't go outside. I won't do all the things that are healthy for me and have community. I'll just rot here watching social media and getting scared.

What the fuck, fellas? 2020 showed us how we failed as men. It is not a woman's job to stand up against the opposition. It is a man's job to stand up against the opposition to be a formidable force and say, I will not follow unjust rules and laws. So what if you're going to find me? So what if you're going to put me in jail? So what if you're going to shut down my location?

Threats for all of those things happened to me. I had employees in my own building going to the state of California and telling on me that we don't have enough enough alcohol pumps and masks available. we are still operating headquarters because we want to see our fit body boot camp franchises franchises thrive and so we're still running business fuck them and we got letters from the state threatening fines and and prosecution and jail time fuck them because if i cower i'm being an example to my son of what a coward is i will not cower when i know there's unjust laws and i don't want you to cower and for that to happen you have to keep yourself formidable

You have to be fit. You have to have to have your own values. And you have to sometimes be an outlaw when the law itself is not righteous. And if you're able to do this, you can teach your son these things. And you can end up building and raising a son who can choose a purpose driven life where he's fit. He has core values. He has non-negotiables. He's got the gift of gab.

He's got charisma. He's got a career path. And he's not just going to live. look for a spouse just to become a captain save a hoe, just to rescue some some damsel in distress because he was never taught to find someone who is equally as valuable where they can multiply their impact in life together. So even if you've made mistakes in the past, you can correct those mistakes today and be an example to your son, even if your son is already a teenager. Even if he's already a 20-something-year-old man. If you're like, is it too late for me? It is not

too late for you. Start changing your life. You become the formidable, savage man that you need to be, operating yourself with standards, expectations that are non-negotiable. And you will see how you will magnetically attract your son back into your life. He will start modeling what you're doing even in his 20s because I'm telling you right now I'm 50 years old my father is 91 years old and I still look up to him I look up to see what he's doing how he's carrying himself in old age how he handled himself when he lost his wife my mom how he pushed through a broken hip last year like it's it's factory installed in us sons to keep looking up to to our dads, no matter how much they fucked up,

there's a bond between a father and son that never goes away. And so if your son is older and you're like, is it too late? It's not. It's not. You can start correcting your life, correcting your path, finding purpose, getting off devices, fixing your financial life, becoming healthy, becoming a servant to humanity. and then showing your son that change can take place anytime, anytime in life.

You know that. You know that to be true. And if you've got a son who's somewhere between the ages of 11 and 16, 17 years old, and you're like, man, all of this makes sense to me, what else can I do? There's two things that you can do. Keep pouring into your son. And one of those ways you can pour into him is to bring him through that right of passage experience. Bring him to the Squire program. We're going to put the link to the Squire

program in the show notes, in the description of the YouTube video, in the show notes of the podcast. I'll make sure we pin it as the first comment. Bring your son to the Squire program. Go through the Squire program with him, that right of passage. Show him that he has what it takes and do it with him. It's such a memorable experience. And the other thing you can do is you can read these books. And then as he gets older, have him read these books. Here they are. Book number one. Raising a modern day night. The younger your son, when you read this, the better. Raising a modern day night.

And that's by Robert Lewis. The second book is by Jack Donovan, The Way of Men. Great book by Jack Donovan, The Way of Men. The third book is Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. Another amazing book for men, Wild at Heart. And the fourth book is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Get these four books. Read them.

Apply them to your life. Use it as a framework to serve your son. That is what you do. You're a servant man. Serve your son. Develop him into a formidable warrior, lover of humanity. Bring him to the Squire program.

And if you do these things, you will see how tight and connected that relationship is with him. And he will end up replicable. awesome children as he moves on in life, finds a spouse, creates a family. And while you and I will pass away, our legacies and our last name live on through our sons. If you got any value from this episode, please I encourage you to share it. If you're watching this on YouTube, please know that 74% of you watching this are not subscribed. comment, like this episode, and subscribe. And always remember this, fellas, averages the enemy.

Success is your responsibility. And change can take place in an instant if you are willing to flip the switch. I'll see you guys next time.