Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 182. Become Confident AF

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Chances are that you've heard the aphorism "fake it till you make it." Too many individuals seem to have this mentality when it comes to building confidence. Unfortunately, imitating confidence will only take you so far and often leads to imposter syndrome.  In today's Empire episode, Bedros Keuilian breaks down a proven system to help you develop confidence at the highest level, the most accurate barometer to measure effectiveness, how stacking wins will accelerate your success, and so much more. "The more you build credibility with yourself, the more confident you become. The more confident you become, the more likely you are to take action and become competent in the skills of making money, making decisions, leading people, growing companies, impacting lives, and whatever it is you want to do in life." -Bedros Keuilian Here's what you don't want to miss: 1:05 Finding confidence Vs. building confidence 2:30 The single most significant form of self-development 3:39 The importance of emotional resilience 4:40 The three "Cs" to building confidence  6:00 How stacking "little wins" builds integrity with yourself 7:46 Why breaking promises to yourself erodes trust in your ability 12:30 Why integrity is the first step to building long-lasting confidence  13:39 How small wins compound into big wins 17:55 A 30-day challenge to help you start stacking more wins Connect with Bedros Keuilian:   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/bedroskeuilian/ Youtube https://www.youtube.com/user/KeuilianInc Twitter https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/bedroskeuilian/ Buy Man Up and get Bedros' High-Performance Leadership Course for FREE: https://manup.com/ Subscribe to My Channel for weekly videos: http://www.youtube.com/bedroskeuilian/?sub_confirmation=1

If you want to gain confidence and you want it to be lasting confidence, the kind of confidence that people are attracted to, you want to have the kind of confidence that helps you lead your organization, your family, well, there's a little secret to it. Hey, what's happening, friends? Welcome to another Empire show. My name is Bedros Kulian. You know who I am. And today I want to talk to you guys about something that I get asked often, which is confidence. Hey, Beidros, how do I build more confidence? How can I get more confidence? How can I get more? confidence. How can I find my confidence? I can tell you this guys and gals, confidence isn't lost. Your confidence isn't lost. You're not going to go out there and find it. That's for sure. How can you build confidence? That's the question to ask. Now, most people think that you build confidence by, well, you just fake it until you make it, right? I got to tell you, I was that guy. I tried way back then to fake it until I made it. And it was the worst feeling ever because I felt like an imposter. Have you guys ever tried that to try and act confident, to try and act

sure, to try and act like you know what you're doing. But deep down inside, you kind of, you kind of feel like an imposter. You feel a little bit like everyone knows that you're faking it. And any minute now, they're going to be like, surprise, motherfucker, we know you're faking it, right? So that's never a good feeling and so because of that I want to tell you what really works and I wish I had known this in my 20s for me I started to understand this in my 30s and it was my business that actually helped me build my confidence and there's actually a funny thing that I've heard before I think Tony Robbins talks about this he says the greatest self-development program on the planet is entrepreneurism. And I do believe that is true. Like if you want to develop yourself to the highest

level, um, in terms of confidence, in terms of character, in terms of integrity, in terms of problem solving, in terms of decision making, in terms of leadership, all of those things are self-development, right? Go start a business and actually start selling and being profitable. I'm going to take a little caveat here for a moment and tell you that many people, in fact, I think well over 80% of entrepreneurs, business owners, small business owners, specifically, they're kind of stuck in that loop of creating. They're creating corporations. They're creating trademarks.

They're creating brands. They're creating their social media page. They're creating products and courses and systems and processes. and, well, they never get around to creating sales. And I got to tell you, the only barometer in business is sales. And if you want to begin to get the type of problems, they're going to help you develop in those areas that we just talked about, including confidence. Well, guess what?

You're going to have to get some sales. You're going to have to deal with the rejection of sales. You're going to have to deal with the loss of sales. You're going to have to deal with the loss of money where marketing is concerned. And in the process of that, you begin to become more resilient, more resourceful. You begin to, well, you build your emotional discipline, don't you? You build your leadership. You, your ability to delegate to others.

Everything grows. And so make no mistake about it, that, yes, entrepreneurship is the greatest form of self-development. However, only when you are making money and growing, because that's when you begin to kind of gain and experience. the first world problems that you want that are going to force you to expand in areas that you have typically stayed in your comfort zone in, right? So with that said, let's get started. Really, this whole title of this episode is becoming confident, right? And I don't want you to fake it until you make it because it's just an ugly feeling. It's an ugly feeling. You feel like an imposter. You feel like everybody knows you, you, you, you, it just shows. It drips off you when

you are not confident. So if you're not confident yet, you're better off telling people, hey look, I'm unsure of myself right now. Right now, I don't feel too confident in the skill sets required for this thing that you want me to achieve. However, I am going to figure it out. And so here's how you're going to figure it out. First, I want to let you know that there are three things that are connected together. Those three things are the letter C's, C's and C's. The three Cs.

And it's step one, credibility. Step two, confidence. Step three, competence. And let me explain because what no one has probably told you is that there's something called the credibility, confidence, competence, loop. And it is just like a loop. In other words, the more you build credibility with yourself, the more confident you become. And the more confident you become, the more likely you are to take action and become competent in the skills of making money, making decisions, leading people, growing companies, impacting lives, whatever it is that you want to do in life, right? And then, of course, when you're competent and you do that,

well, guess what? You gain more credibility, don't you? So let's break it down. If you want to gain confidence and you want it to be lasting confidence, the kind of confidence that people are attracted to, you want to have the kind of confidence that helps you lead your organization, your family, well, there's a little secret to it. You got to start stacking wins, little wins and big wins. And so people ask, well, what do you mean by that? So let me clarify it and kind of go from the 30,000 foot level to the ground level, right? We're going to go deep in the weeds.

When you're trying to build credibility with yourself, what you're really attempting to do is build integrity. In other words, you want to stack little wins, as I said. A little wind could be, say, when you set your alarm tonight to go to bed. Let's say you set your iPhone alarm to waking up at 5 a.m. And you set it with the best of intentions. I'm going to wake up at 5 a.m. And then I'm going to drink 30 ounces of water.

And then I'm going to send out three gratitude text messages. And then I'm going to put on my workout clothes and go work out. There you go. That's like the first, oh, I don't know. That's like the first 30 minutes or so of my morning in case you're wondering. I just literally gave you my morning. But let's say you're going to do that. So you set your alarm tonight.

And of course 5 a.m. comes tomorrow morning. The alarm goes off and instead of waking up like you had planned, remember you had promised yourself the act of setting your alarm on your phone is the act of promising yourself that you're going to wake up. And all of a sudden, five o'clock comes and you hit snooze. What did you do? You broke a promise to yourself, right? And so you broke that promise to yourself and you got your 10 or 15 minutes of sleep because, well, gosh, I tossed and turned all night. I didn't feel so good. I had nightmares. My body ached, whatever the excuse was. And so what ends up happening then is

you kind of have an L, don't you? You just stacked a tiny little L to you. It's like, well, it's no big deal. But it's just like 15 minutes. No worries. I can haul ass. I can get to the gym. I could I could do it all. Hear me out here. But what really happens is that subconsciously, your first act of the day was stacking an L, getting an L. And I don't know if you know this or not, but teams, sports teams, that are on a winning streak have anywhere between a 400 and 500% chance of winning the next game. Imagine that. A team that is on a winning streak has a 4 to 500% chance of winning the next game and therefore

winning the next game and therefore winning the next game, right? We've seen this throughout NBA sports, NFL, MLB. And as it turns out, the same thing applies to salespeople. when a closer, a salesperson, just closed a deal, they're like 400% more likely to close the next sales appointment that they have. And if you just lost a sale, you're about 400% more likely to lose the sale. That's the unfortunate part, right? So we know that when you achieve a W, you're more likely to get more W's wins. And when you achieve an L, well, you're more likely to get the next L, the next loss. And so by hitting that snooze button, first thing in the morning, guess what you do?

You tell your subconscious mind that I'm looking for more else, right? What you did is you actually broke a promise to yourself. You had said a promise the night before to wake up at 5 a.m. With the best of intentions. And now you hit the snooze button. You broke a promise to yourself thereby eroding credibility with yourself, didn't you? And when you erode credibility, you begin to erode integrity. You begin to lose trust in your ability. You don't trust that you will do the things that you say you will do. So now it's instead of five o'clock, it's 5.15 and you're up and there's your 30 ounces of water. Mmm, delicious. But you only drink like 15 ounces of it. You'll get to the rest, but you really didn't. So now your intentions were to drink 30 ounces

of water because our friend Sean Steven says, Sean Stevenson says to drink 30 ounces of water first thing in the morning because your body's dehydrating all night long as you're breathing and exhaling out. And so once your brain swims around in a bunch of water, you want to rehydrate yourself so that you can stoke your metabolism. You could stoke those synapses that are firing in your beautiful brain, right? But guess what? You only had 15, 20 ounces of water instead of 30 ounces of water. And while it's a tiny little L, it's a tiny little loss, you just stacked another L, didn't you? And so while you were going to send out three gratitude text messages to three people that you're excited about and grateful for and appreciating

your life. You only have a few minutes left now because time is of the essence. And so you only sent out two gratitude text messages because you woke up late. You hit that snooze button, remember? And so all of a sudden you're sending out those two gratitude text messages in a state of duress and stress. And you have told yourself that you would send out three. And so you see what's happening, right? Kind of the domino effect, the domino effect of L's starting to fall. and each time you stack another L, you're further away from a W. And so I'm sharing this with you because as you send out those two gratitude text messages instead of the three that you meant to send out, in the back of your mind subconsciously,

you feel like an imposter. You know that you hit the snooze button and you didn't keep a promise to yourself. You know that you meant to drink 30 ounces of water, but you only drink 15 to 20 ounces of water. You know that you were going to send out three gratitude text messages, but you only sent out two. And you can justify it all you want. It's only 15 minutes and, well, gosh, I wasn't that thirsty anyways. And, well, two, gratitude text messages are better than none at all, right? But then as you get to the gym or the park or wherever you're going to work out, you're kind of pressed for time.

And already you have a few W or a few L's in the back of your mind. And so guess what? You're not going to bring the thunder. You're not going to bring the thunder in the gym during your workout and your training and your run. And whatever it is you're about to do, your yoga appellades, right? your beak grum yoga you're not about to bring any of that thunder ed back there is laughing behind the camera you're not about to bring any of that thunder because guess what losers don't bring the thunder badros i'm not a loser hmm i don't know i sure was when i was doing that when i was hitting

the snooze button and i was telling myself i'd send out gratitude text messages but then i wouldn't i would remember telling myself that i was going to meditate and journal and i wouldn't do any of that shit, I'd be inconsistent. And I always found that the days that I was inconsistent and I didn't do what I said I was going to do, that I just didn't feel 100% credible. Because I eroded trust with myself. I didn't trust myself. And let me ask you this. Would you trust someone who lies to you? You probably wouldn't. So I'll ask the question in another way. Would you have confidence in someone who lies to you? Probably not. Right. And so how do you go from lying to you? You? You know, yourself, breaking promises to yourself, and stacking L's, how do you go from there,

eroding credibility, to having confidence? You don't. You just simply, that bridge doesn't exist. That chasm cannot be crossed. And so I share this with you guys and gals because the first step to building confidence is to keep promises to yourself, to build credibility with yourself, to begin to have integrity with yourself, to make a promise and keep a promise with yourself, and to know that you are trustworthy and that you say what you might. You must. mean and you mean what you say. And the moment people can go, man, I could set my time, could set my watch to bedroats because when he says he's going to show up on time and he's going to bring your thunder, he's going to show up on time and bring the thunder, guess what happens? People begin

to have trust in me. And that is called confidence. And when people begin to have confidence in me, I too will have confidence in myself, won't I? Because if I keep the promises to myself and if I follow through with everything I said I was going to do and stack all those little Ws, then when it's time to get to a big W, like it's time to sell to say another, well, currently we're in the process of working a deal to get Fit Body Boot Camp into Switzerland. Imagine that with a stroke of a pen, if all goes well, we'll have 15 to 20 new franchise locations in Switzerland. Now, that's a pretty cool thing, right?

But guess what? If I'm stacking little Ls all day long and it's time to get on the first. phone with that prospective master franchisee out of Switzerland, do you think, do you think that I'm going to win that sale? Or is there a greater probability of losing that opportunity, right? Odds are, I'm probably going to do something to sabotage the process if I've been stacking L's all day. But I'm going to go and stack Ws all day long, no matter how little they are, because those little Ws help me get that big W. And whatever that, that's, you know, and whatever that big W is in your life. It could be just an awesome workout because you want to get on stage

and show off your body and compete. It could be something that is just going to be a transformational experience in terms of adding another $100,000 to your bank account this year, right? It could be something of a promotion in your career or it could be tapping into a new vertical in your business. But you won't achieve it if you don't have the confidence and you won't gain the confidence if you don't have credibility with yourself. So now that you know that credibility and trust with yourself will lead to confidence, and if you have the confidence, then there's nothing stopping you from being competent and doing the things you should do to make money, transform your body, and improve your relationship and go into that next vertical or whatever,

right? And the competence piece is that. People go, well, you know, I know I need to make social media videos and I know I need to do call to actions in those videos, but I'm just afraid to ask for money and I don't know, you know, if I ask for money, I might hurt people's feelings. You know what that is, don't you? That is literally a lack of confidence. And it's because those people have no credibility or trust with themselves. Because if you had confidence, you go, hey, you know what? I'm going to turn on the camera and I'm going to knock out the best video I can, knowing it's not going to be great, but over time as I stack more videos, I'm going to get better as they go. But I feel completely confident in my ability to execute on social media videos

and my ability to create a funnel and write the copy and get on the sales call and take the stage and wow the audience. And when you do that because you have confidence, that competency of doing that thing instead of putting it off leads to then more credibility because competency means you did something towards creating an outcome, which means odds are you probably got a W. And even if you got a L, you can probably change it into a W because when you're a confident person who's competent at doing something, when you experience an L, it's not a failure, but it's felt as a temporary defeat. You understand that? And when you're when something feels like a temporary defeat, you're like,

that was temporary. So going that way, didn't work. So I'm going to backtrack and go that way because that will work. And now all of a sudden, it did work and guess what? Back to the loop. Credibility. You just won. You got another W. So that credibility just increased her confidence that much more. And imagine that each time you do credibility, confidence, competence, credibility, confidence, competence, your confidence continues to grow, which means that things that you become competent at are bigger money movers, right? And with money, meaning and impact and now all of a sudden you have a sense of fulfillment. All of a sudden, that stress and anxiety of life go away because you have more money in the bank account

than bills coming in. And it all boils down to a sense of confidence. But that confidence is not going to be gained in any other way other than those tiny little battles of fighting and winning the Ws. You stack the Ws over and over again and you become a champion. Now, here's my challenge to you. My challenge to you is this, as you listen to this episode of the Empire Show, I want you to take a screenshot and I want you to write down on that screenshot before you post it in your stories or on your timeline. The one thing that you're going to promise to yourself and do for the next 30 days, right? Just pick one thing that you're going to promise to yourself. Like I promise to wake up at 5 a.m. every day for the next 30 days and keep that promise. And watch how the days that you keep that promise, you begin to stack more Ws.

to pay attention to on the off chance that you happen to, well, not keep that promise and get a loss on a day or two during those 30 days. See how shitty you feel. See how low confident you feel. I want you to stay tuned with yourself, right? And if you stay in tune with yourself, you'll realize very quickly that credibility is directly tied to confidence and confidence will increase competency. And with competency comes fulfillment, significance, and meaning. So guys, do me a favor and share that on social media and feel free to tag me on it so I know what your 30 day challenge is. I don't care if you want to wake up early at 5 a.m. for 30 days straight, I don't care if you want to wake up and do your gratitude text messages, three of them like I do,

if you're going to drink 30 ounces of water first thing in the morning, or if you're going to go and work out 30 days straight at a very specific time that you've set and that you're going to hold yourself accountable to. But when you do, you'll see that on the other side of 30 days is a higher level of confidence. And then you might start stacking more wins, right? And that's really the name of the game. So thank you so much for hanging out with me on The Empire Show. Do me a favor and share this episode. Leave us a five-star review. And as always, don't forget to tell yo mama.