Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 201. The Clarity You Need To Be Successful

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

Zander The Coach of Coaches & now Author, stops by HQ before the release of his book to talk about his life’s work that led him to his book “Shit You Don’t Learn In College”. Bedros and Zander give high level and micro level insight, on our internal and external conversations, which lead us to the crossroads of action, and how that action provides us data to become better. But what stops most is the inner battle between our own two ears, and through their own success, they give all the knowledge necessary on what it truly takes to achieve your goals. This one is heavy note taking, so be ready and enjoy this eye-opening conversation!   “ Just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean that you should do it. What would you do if you couldn’t fail? ” - Zander Fryer 00:32 - Intro  01:12 - How did The Coach of Coaches get into coaching? 08:16 - What if you took control instead of waiting to be told what to do? 10:32 - What inspired Zander to write “Sh!t They Don’t Teach you In College” 16:13 - Why don’t they teach these life skills in school? 22:49 - The craziness revolving around the title of the book 28:18 - Zander gives GEMS on our operating system, our goals, and our natural internal programming  33:00 - How we can take the clarity, and turn it into courageous action 37:40 - What you should do once courageous action meets adversity 48:24 - MIND-BLOWING thoughts around sales and leadership Get the Book Shit You Don’t Learn In College and get an amazing bonus with it!  https://www.sydlicbook.com/   Connect with Zander on Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/zanderfryer/   Go to his website and check out his programs at : Zanderfryer.com Connect with Bedros Keuilian : Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/bedroskeuilian/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/user/KeuilianInc Twitter - https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian LinkedIn - https

All you need to do is learn how to program your brain, how you operate as a person, understanding your emotions so that you can move through them rather than letting them control you. And that's literally just the foundation. Once you understand how you work, you have to get clear on what it is you really want. Hey friends, welcome to The Empire Show. My name is Bedros Kulian, and this is another Inside Look episode. And today we've got a very special guest, someone that I've had the good opportunity to coach and mentor, someone who I consider a dear friend, and someone who I consider a dear friend. who I consider an asset to society.

He is the coach of coaches. He is my dear friend, Zander Friar. Thanks for having me, B. Yeah, man. Thanks for coming out to the H-Q. And we'll talk about it in just a minute, but you also wrote this awesome book. Shit, they don't teach you in college.

Yeah. Right? And you got a phenomenal story that I just heard about that, and I've known you for some time that we'll go into this. But, you know, how did you even end up getting in the time?

coaching world because there's so many different levels of coaches from fitness coaches nutrition coaches business coaches mindset coaches how did you even figure out like I want to get into this space oh that is a really good question so I think like even kind of take it back before I became a coach you know five years ago I had a I had a phenomenal job I was working for Cisco systems I was making a quarter million dollars a year as an engineer there I was I was living in Venice Beach you know driving a BMW flying around the country I I had clients that were, you know, Disney, Facebook, I had a really good life. You know, a lot of my, like, friends and family would say was like, you know, success,

but I felt really empty, right? I felt really, I felt lonely. I felt stuck. I felt lost. So, you know, I did the proverbial millennial thing. You know, millennial quits corporate job to start a life coaching business, even though I had no idea what the hell I was doing, right? But, I mean, well, I mean, you know, I love how. you can have this sense of humor about it. But something had to, the pain was obviously

great enough, where you said, but there's also some kind of work that you must have been doing on yourself where you're like, okay, I've achieved an outcome and I want to help others achieve it. I'd been, I'd been into self-development for, even at that point, you know, this was five years ago. At that point, I'd been into self-development for probably 10 years. I was in Air Force ROTC when I was in college. I was actually going to be a fighter pilot in the Air Force. I graduated Top Gun. I literally was lining up to be a fighter pilot, and I got a DUI my senior year. So I got kicked out of the Air Force, lost kid, you know, who had all this energy to go be a leader in the military. Now, you know, what the hell do I do? Well, I go join the corporate world. So even back then, like,

I had a passion for helping people. I had a passion for leading others and mentoring. Like, that was what I loved to do, was like leading my detachment. But, you know, obviously when you're, when you're 21 years old and your life's destroyed in front of you, what do you do? You go do what everybody else is doing, right? You go join the corporate world. The next best thing. The next best thing. And so, you know, it took me about five years, five or six years I was at Cisco. And again, following what everybody else said was success, but never feeling like I ever had any of that. And I actually had a mentor of mine. I think I got really lucky because there's so many, people that are making great money and they'll go a lot longer than five years. They'll go

10 years, 20 years. They'll spend the rest of their life doing something that they really don't want to do. Right. Like I was in a prison for a quarter of a million dollars, right? But I got really lucky because I had a mentor who was an entrepreneur because I wasn't to mentorship. I wasn't a self-development ever since I was young. And I had a mentor that actually asked me. I remember being out with my mentor. He was a seven-figure business owner. a health and wellness entrepreneur, actually. And he just asked me, he said, this may have been over a couple of glasses of tequila,

but he goes, Zander, you could do a lot of things. Like, what do you really want to do? Like, what would you do if you couldn't fail? And I think that was the real question that really got me, right? You know, at 26 years old, he was like, what would you do if you couldn't fail? And I said, well, I don't know, I'd probably like mentor and help people full time. And he goes like, Tony Robbins?

I was like, I don't know. Like, is that even a thing? Right? And he goes, well, why don't you figure out how to do it? And I was like, well, because I'm making great money. I'm going to be one of the youngest directors in Cisco's recent history. I have this whole, you know, like so much momentum and all these good things going for me. Right.

And he basically told me, he goes, dude, just because you have, just because you have this path in front of you, does that mean you should follow it? And just because you're good at something, does that mean you should do it? And he goes, Xander, I'll be honest. I just see a scared little kid. And that was the first time in my life. I had this, you know, this cocky, confident exterior, making great money as a young guy in his mid-20s. And he just cut straight through it with a knife and was like, you're just afraid. That's it.

What separates you and others like you who are doing well, they're young, financially driven, but they go, I'm not happy and satisfied and look for a way out versus the guy or gal who doing well, financially driven, but have opportunities, but stay in it for 15, 20 years, even though they're not happy. Like, do you think it was this mentor that gave this shift or were you already looking for a way out? You know, the way that I tell it to people,

I was deep down, I think I was looking for a way out, whether or not I wanted to admit it. So, you know, there's this moment that caused you, right? That conversation with that mentor, I quit my job two days later with no idea what I was doing. There's always a significant life event. There's a significant moment, but the balloon had been building, right? The balloon had been building for years, probably. Right?

I was constantly, you know, I was always trying to focus on like, what is it do I really want? Every raise that I got, you know, I'd make more money, but it was like this sharp peak of joy. and then it was followed by just dull, like emptiness, right? Like, what's next? And the whole time I couldn't stop but thinking, like, is this really all there is in life? Like, am I just going to do this for the rest of my life until, you know, until I die? Right. And so that balloon kept building.

And the more self-development books that I read and the more podcasts that I listened to, that balloon kept building. And then it was just, you know, that one critical moment that the whole thing just burst. Right. So I think it really does build up over time. Yeah. Yeah. And there's something to be said about self-awareness because quite often, for many people,

it's building up. That balloon is building up and we start feeling it. But we begin to avoid it and ignore it because it is a scary decision. Well, I think that's the truth, right? It's like we don't like to take the deep look at like what's really going on, the deep, scary look and being honest with ourselves, like, asking yourself the question, like, am I actually happy? When was the last time you actually asked that question?

Like, am I actually happy doing what I'm doing? Most people aren't, like, they don't want to ask that question. No. Because it's terrifying. Because the answer is probably not, like, emphatically, hell yes. Yeah. Right? And if that's the case, you have the opportunity to change it.

Like, you have control over your life. But that's scary for a lot of people. That is. It's terrifying to go, I actually have to own this and I have to do something different. Yeah. Well, most people want to be told what to do, which is the, I mean, you look at the times we're living in right now. Everybody just wants to be told with you, wear one mask, wear two masks, take the masks off, put the masks back on, take a vaccine, don't take that vaccine. Now it's a different variant. And I don't know what everyone's opinion is on the virus and all that. But what if you actually took control of what's happening with your body instead of letting, you know, talking heads on television or social media tell you how you should feel? So there is a sense of risk and involved when you have to take control of yourself. Take control, take ownership. Yeah, versus, you know, counting on someone else to tell you what to do.

And I think, you know, part of that, that this is the whole premise of shit you don't learn in college, right? Like, that's something that we're never taught at a young age. We're taught that somebody's going to tell you what to do next, right? That's not part of our education system to tell people how to critically think. You know, one of the things that I talk about is, you know, the ancient Greeks had a, education system. It's called the Trivium. Are you familiar with it all? No. So it's called the trivium. It's developed in Plato and Socrates. And basically the trivium, the three major pieces of this, people would spend decades trying to master these three parts. It's grammar,

which is technically the ability to learn, right? Logic, which is the ability to reason on your own. And then rhetoric, which is the ability to critically think, critically question, and redeliver. People would spend decades learning just that before they started to go down a specific skill set, before they started to go down a specific path. We don't do that anymore. That's something that, like in our society, we use something called objective-based learning, which is essentially it's wrote, hammer something in over and over again repeatedly until you get it. Right? Very different. We never learn the foundational skill sets of how to think, how to reason, and how to critically question these things. So to your point, why do some people like me make it out? Somewhere along the path,

I learned how to ask a critical question, is this what I really want? Is this right? Is this the direction I should go? Rather than just being a cog in the wheel. You know, one of my favorite things is statements is a question well phrased is half answered. And to be able to ask yourself or ask others the right question. Yeah. It is massively powerful. Question well phrased is half answered. So, you know, by the time you and I met up, you had joined our Empire Mastermind.

And, you know, you're starting that coaching. And at the time, you know, as the first time I heard you say, you know, hey, I got this thing, you know, shit that'll teach you in college. Yeah. Shit you don't learn in college. what is the premise of that? And was that just a shock title or headline? Or was this like a deeper, more meaningful thing for you? So there's a lot of, a lot behind it, right?

Because I personally think, I personally think that every single person on the face of this earth, this is a big claim and a lot of people are going to say bullshit. I personally think every single person on the face of this earth has the ability to accomplish the things that they want in life, right? Right. I agree. Whether they're born poor, whether they're born rich, whether they're born black, whether they're born white, whether they're born gay, straight. It doesn't matter. You know, I always tell people there's someone with all of the excuses that you have that found a way to succeed.

Right. Now, what's the difference? And I personally believe that with a strong desire for action and the right knowledge, anything is possible. the problem is most people are not given the right knowledge. True enough. They're not given the shit that you don't learn in college that you actually need to succeed in life. And I learned this from a young age. I remember I was seven years old.

I was in second grade. So this is obviously a little bit before college, but this is the school system. In second grade, I took like an IQ slash aptitude test. And I was deemed slow. I was deemed the dumb kid in class. and I was not going to pass second grade. Right. And I remember, like, I have an amazing mom.

I'm a total mama's boy. I love her. But I remember her telling me like, oh, you're cute. You'll get by fine. You don't have to be smart. I love that. Right? Amazing, loving mom.

But that didn't help me, right? And I remember I had my second grade teacher, Mrs. Lagrange, literally pull me aside from class one day because I was devastated by this fact that I was the dumb kid. I was labeled the dumb kid. So I was never going to make it in life. And I remember my teacher pulling me aside and Mrs. LaGrange, she goes, Zander, do you want to be smart? I remember thinking about it.

I remember going to going, yeah, I do. And she said, you're going to have to work really hard at it. So she implanted in my mind this idea of like, you know, Carol Dweck's growth mindset, that anything is possible, that even if I was born with a two out of ten IQ, I can become a ten, right? And I ended up, even though I was not supposed to pass second grade, I passed. second grade, I passed third, I passed fourth, fifth, sixth. By the time I got to middle school, I was taking math at high school. By the time I got to high school, I was taking math at the local university. By the time I went to UCLA, I'd finished all of my college calculus, all of my physics for all my engineering degree. And that was from the dumb kid in second grade. So that

simple idea that I could do something differently that when everybody else was telling me, I learned when I was seven years old. Like that moment was incredibly lucky for, for me. But most people don't have that. Right. And then from then on, I was always hyper aware of, like, what are the things, what are the things that I'm not learning in school that's actually allowing me to be successful? Because by the time I got to high school, I was so good at math and physics, I convinced my physics teacher that I didn't have to go to class. As long as I kept getting A's on the tests, he didn't care. Right. I remember I had a stats class that I was having somebody else turn in the papers for me because I just didn't need to be there, the teacher

actually thought that I dropped the class. And then I showed up for the midterm. He's like, you're still here? I was like, yeah, I've just been handing my papers in. I almost didn't get to walk at graduation because I missed so many classes my senior year. But I still got whatever it was like a 4.3 GPA. So I was learning very quickly that the education system did not work. And what I was learning was how to learn. And that was something that was never taught. Nobody taught anybody. like your brain doesn't come with an instruction manual. Isn't that funny? Our brains, our bodies don't come with an instruction manual.

A fucking blender, a microwave comes with an instruction manual. You get a Fitbit. You get a new TV. Like, you get a three-page guide on how to use the damn remote. And yet no one's out there looking for that instruction manual. Yet, you know, obviously something happened and with mom nurturing you in the right directions. And you're having the right amount of curiosity, you started to ask those compelling questions, which kind of led you down this path.

Which led me down this path of really wanting to learn all the things that actually allowed people to be successful that nobody else was getting taught. And that's, you know, that kind of, it really started for me like back in high school, like really paying attention to what these things were. And, you know, obviously then going through everything I went through, starting my business and getting that up and running. We've now worked with, I think right now, over 750 coaches that we've, obviously myself have been a, you know, built a multi-million dollar. coaching business. We've now helped over 750 coaches and self-development entrepreneurs build six-figure, multiple six-figure, seven-figure, even multiple seven-figure businesses. And we're like, okay, we've kind of figured this out. Like, what is all the shit that nobody's learning in school? Like, I couldn't tell you how many times we've worked with

like Harvard MBAs and like Stanford MBAs. And then we go teach them these things. And they're like, why are they not teaching this in my $100,000 MBA that I paid for? Yeah. Why are they not teaching that? That's a great question. You've got to have some insight. We should probably give them a call. To be honest.

If you were to guess, because I think we know. So I'll take it back to the education system and where it came from. So if you go back to ancient Greece, Plato, Socrates, that's where the trivium came from, right? Now, the whole idea of the trivium was to build individual contributing members of society. Okay? So you had to study this trivium. You had to master the trivium. It's very unsexy to master three things over the course of a lifetime. Very unsexy. Right. Now obviously in our ADD world, we love to try and do a little bit of everything. But so basically what happens is in the transition between ancient Greece and ancient Rome. Well, Rome is what? An imperialistic society. Militaristic expansion. What leads militaristic expansion? Armies. Right? Soldiers. Well, what creates a really shitty soldier? Free thinking. Free thinking.

Yeah. Someone who can learn on their own, someone who can reason on their own, and someone who can critically think, right? The exact thing that ancient Greece was trying to teach everybody, ancient Rome, said, oh, fuck that. Let's get out of here. So they completely shifted the education system to something called objective-based learning, which is basically what we were talking about. If you think of it like, think of it like if you were, have you ever played piano? Mm-hmm. Maybe not a good analogy then.

If you've never played piano. Yeah. Right? Let's imagine. I'm musical. So I've played the piano, the guitar, the drums. So I couldn't have even picked a guitar or drums or anything like that. It wouldn't have helped.

So if you've never played piano and I showed you exactly what keys to hit to play a piece by Mozart, right? What keys to hit and when to hit them, right? eventually you could actually get that song down. It might take you months. It might even take you a year. But eventually you could play that song, right? But if I then gave you a piece by Bach, could you do it? No.

No, absolutely not. So objective-based learning is just that. You're teaching somebody just to get an objective. You're not teaching them how to do scales. You're not teaching them how to read sheet music. You're not teaching them the basics of actually being a pianist. right and that's actually what our education system is now because if you think of you know the industrial age right i was just going to say that the industrial age didn't help any either well so so you know ancient rome

obviously you know militaristic expansion we'll call it long gone for now right um but you think of the industrial age what is the industrial age it's essentially like economic expansion it's a similar idea right we're building many armies these corporations or many armies of soldiers Assembly lines. Assembly line, all of this stuff. It's the same exact idea from an economic standpoint. And don't get me wrong, like capitalism, amazing. It's created technological advancements, health advancements that are crazy.

Could not have ever happened over the last couple hundred years without it. But at the same time, what's also come along with it? Depression, anxiety, people being put in cookie cutter boxes that they were never meant be in. Right? Because our education system now is technically meant to build economic soldiers, right? So you're asking, you know, why do we not teach this stuff in schools? Well, it's because for the last hundred years, it would have gone against everything that

capitalism stood for. But now whether or not we want it to happen, we're seeing it happen, right? There's too many people that are hyper aware that the education system is broken and that they have to pursue something different. used realizing that, yeah, like, economically, capitalism is good, but, you know, anxiety, depression, all of these things are at an all-time high. I think Forbes did a study and found that 87% of all nine-to-five employees are either disengaged, unhappy, anxious, depressed, or don't want to be there. 80, yeah, like literally, there's only 10 to 15% of people. They're actually happy

doing what they're doing. That's crazy. That's heartbreaking. Yeah. But also when you think, when you think about it, they do have a choice more now than ever. Once people say, oh, the American dream is dead. I'm like, the American dream is more alive than ever. 100%. The barrier to getting into any kind of entrepreneurial endeavor is lower. It's down here. I mean, you can literally make free videos on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook,

how to, how to lose weight, how to make more money, how to sell real estate, how to whatever it is that you're good at. And then you're going to build an audience. And then you get a free WordPress webpage and then you use PayPal, which is free. You can use your iPhone to film. to film everything. Yeah. You don't need anything.

The barrier is lower, yet people will, 85% will sit there and complain about the job that they have without doing anything about it. But also, we're designed to seek out problems, not solutions. One thing I will say about that as well, though, the barrier to entry into entrepreneurship has never been lower. Like, monetarily, physically has never been lower. But because of that, more people are not succeeding. And the reason for that is because it's such a low level of commitment.

Right. Someone could start a side business today with 50 bucks in an iPhone, right? But more entrepreneurs are failing than ever because there's so little commitment that they're putting into it. They're never fully going, I'm 100% in, and I have to make this work. And that's a big issue too. And there's so much truth to the fact when I coach my clients and I say, look, you know, be willing to be the premium product or service in your industry. They go, well, why?

I'm like, because the more people pay, the more they pay attention, the more committed they are. The more committed they are. I know that's how I was. Free advice was, okay, I'll get around to it. Yeah. When I paid for advice, like, I'm going to fucking execute this. 100%. 100%.

Like, I remember at this point, I have now, I have now invested nearly half a million dollars on my own personal mentorship and coaching. And every time I do it, it's because every time I, every time I, you know, I give the money, I write the check, my ask gets in gear. Right? It's a lot less about the coaching and a lot more about the accountability that I know that I'm going to get simply by signing the check. Yeah, exactly right.

Exactly right. So your coaching business, obviously as it was thriving and continues to thrive, you're like, you know what? I'm going to write this book. Yeah. Right? But in the process, before even writing the book, you know, you were trying to secure the trademark.

This book... You got to tell this story. Yeah. This book has been... This book has been on my mind for five years, and I think you knew that. So obviously, I've been studying for this book for a long part of my life. What really got me to commit to wanting to write this book was four and a half years ago, right when I was starting my business, my best friend took his own life.

And he was one of the smartest people I've ever met. He was one of the most liked people I've ever met, most talented people I've ever met. But he suffered from PTSD. He suffered from addiction tendencies, suffered from trauma, depression, you know, for 10 plus years after getting out of the military and ended up taking his own life. And so many of the conversations we had had

were around how the school system had kind of screwed him over. Right. And it was just a reminder that literally like this process of this process of trying to force somebody into a box that they do not fit took one of the most amazing people I've ever met and led him to the point that he felt he no longer had anything to give on this world.

So he took his own life. And that was the moment when I was just like, we have to get to people earlier and teach them, give them that guide, the guide to the manual for how to use their brain, for how to find what they really want to do in life, the skill set to execute and actually achieve their goals,

all of these things. And so, you know, that commitment started about four and a half years ago, and that's when I really started to pursue shit you don't learn in college just as an idea. And I didn't know what would come from it. And I spent, as soon as that idea came up, I took it to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. And they actually denied my trademark. And they denied my trademark because shit you don't learn in college is actually, I got a 12-page, a 12-page letter back telling me about. how this will never be accepted because the idea is lewd and offensive to the idea of higher education. Stupid.

Right? And this is the, like literally the government does not want me to write this book or do anything like that. And so we ended up, I ended up hiring a lawyer and we ended up in a two year long legal battle with the US government that eventually culminated in a Supreme Court ruling that what the US patent and trademarked, office said was unconstitutional. And so we ended up getting, we ended up getting our trademark of shit you don't learn in college. But literally like, that's how much the government does not want this shit to happen. Right. It's crazy. Right. Yeah. Right. Anything that will unshackle minds. Yeah. And encourage free thinking, they don't want. Of course. It's counterproductive to their agenda. And if everyone was like, well, what is their agenda? It's not like, it's not like the kind of

of control where it's like, oh man, we're going to shackle you. You're going to be like animals on a farm, just plowing. Like 1984 shit or anything like that. Not that. But if we can kill the middle class and keep everybody on this side of the fence, or majority of the people on this side of the fence, seeking, you know, government assistance. By the way, because the more broke you are, the more compliant you become, because money is a weapon. Yeah. Money is a weapon because it's a vehicle to freedom. It's a vehicle to opportunity. It's a vehicle to experiences. It's a vehicle to donate, et cetera, and feel good about things. If you don't have money in this world,

you need help. You need help. And if you need help, you become a dependent, and you are no longer independent. And so people are like, why are you so like all fucking angry about this whole thing that's happening? It's like because I'm going to be fine. Me and my family and the wealthy people in this world,

we're going to be fine. They're not looking to make everybody broke. They're saying, look, there's going to be the elites, and then there's going to be the rest of you that are going to be broke and codependent on the government. and therefore you will get the vaccine, you will show the passport, you will do things on their terms.

I do things on my term, whether it's flying in a private charter or whether it's getting access to things that others don't have access to because I've got the money and the connections. And most wealthy people, truth be told, and you're watching this and you might be, hey, Pedro, that's unfair.

Guess what? That's how the world operates. Yeah. And so when you're teaching people how to think freely, how to create independence through money, and by adding value to society, you are truly doing what the government does not want you to do. And it's a really simple thing to do as well, because it's just a little bit of knowledge. It's not a lot. It's just enough to open up the door and give you the skills to start to take it further. I got that one little nugget in second

grade. I was the dumb kid, but I could be smart. Yeah. That's all I needed to carry me forward for, the rest of the decades after that. Right? So if I can get this book into more hands of people that really need it, people that are on the other side of the fence rather than you and I that have access to this knowledge on a very regular basis, that's going to be what

really changes the world. So what... And now that the Supreme Court rules that it was unconstitutional for these motherfuckers to try and tell you that you can't have the title of things or shit they don't teach you in college.

college. As you write the book, what are some of the nuggets that you have in the book that like a reader would go, holy crap, I did not know that. That's going to help me. Yeah. So the book's basically broken up into four parts. It's, you know, the thing that I tell people is like, it's fairly simple to be successful in life. It's not easy, but it's fairly simple. So there's four basic pieces. It's what I call the foundation or the instruction manual to you. Right? Like, you've never been given an instruction man. If somebody gave AJ, my best friend, an instruction manual to how his brain worked, to the emotions that he was going through, you know, some of the stuff that you talk about and you dig into with the project. If somebody had given him

access to that, just a little bit of that knowledge, he'd probably still be here today. Right. So like the foundational, like how you as a person operate, why you operate the way that you operate, because as soon as you realize that your brain is the most powerful tool that you have, 95% of your brain is subconscious, right? According to most of the studies that neurologists do, 95% of your brain is unconscious you. You're only 5% of a person. Now that 95% of you is constantly programmed like a computer, right? It's programmed by media, by society, by your parents and all of their faults going up,

by school, right? And most of them are not programming you to be successful. They're programming you to be compliant, right? to achieve your goals. Right. And so you're never taught how to take control over that, how to program your brain, how to understand your emotional operating system and your intellectual operating system. And as soon as you understand that stuff, the world starts to open up to you.

Right? Like I always tell people, like just that first part, the foundational understanding of how you operate as a person. If you'd imagine, like, we all want to achieve our goals, right? Let's say you have like five horses and they're like thoroughbred, like, vainy motherfuckers, right? And they're all running towards your goal. But those five horses are chained to 95 donkeys.

And those 95 donkeys have been trained to do nothing. Just sit on their asses. You think those five horses are going to ever achieve your goals? Nope. No. Well, what if those 95 donkeys were actually trained to go the other direction? That 5% of you is fighting for its life. And the 95 donkeys are just going to drag them the other.

direction. So all you need to do is learn how to program your brain. This is something that nobody's nobody's taught in school, right? But you need to be you need to learn how to program your brain, how you operate as a person, understanding your emotions so that you can move through them rather than letting them control you. And that's literally just the foundation. Once you understand how you work, you have to get clear on what it is you really want. Yes. Right? And this is, this is a really basic step that I think is like, for some reason, so overlooked. And if you think about college to begin with, right?

Like, Bejores, I'm going to ask you to go pay $100,000 or $200,000, depending on where you're going. I paid about $120,000 to go to UCLA. Right. I paid it. My parents didn't pay it. I didn't have well-off parents. I paid that shit.

Right? I'm going to pay $120,000 to go to UCLA. And I have no idea what the hell I wanted to in life. I'm asked as a 17-year-old kid to make the decision of how I'm going to spend the rest of my life when all I really care about is smoking weed and chasing girls. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Yeah.

Right? But basically what we found when it comes to getting clear on what you really want, a lot of people think that it takes a lifetime to figure out what it is you really want in life. What we found is if it's kind of like a jigsaw puzzle, right? It's like putting these little pieces together and as you put them together, you get a clearer and clearer view. Now, a lot of people think you're going to find these jigsaw puzzle pieces

like taking out the trash or writing emails at work. Never going to happen. It's intentional conversations. It's life-changing moments, me losing my best friend. It's that conversation I had with a mentor where he told me, what would you do if you couldn't fail? That was a big puzzle piece that he dropped into that jigsaw puzzle. right he helped me get crystal clear on what it was I really needed to do it's these tough conversations

it's exercises so in the book we've got a bunch of exercises that we put people through and you know what we tell people it's it's not everything but when you go through a handful of these exercises you can get about 40 to 50 percent of clarity of that jigsaw puzzle which is enough to start to take action that's exactly it and we've all done this right whether you're watching a show like um it wasn't jeopardy was the one where the lady flips the letters over. A wheel of fortune? Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wheel of Fortune. Or if you're putting together a jigsaw puzzle, at some point there's enough pieces together where you're like, I know what that says or I know what

that's going to be. And that's all we need. We don't need 100% of the information. In fact, General Colin Powell said this. He goes, I was literally just to bring, just about to bring up the Colin Powell. Yeah. He goes, I need 40 to 70% of the information for me to make a decision on what we're going to do with the military. And because we'll never have 100% of the information in time to make the right decision every time. So if more people started to do that, just seek out enough information to go, okay, I have 30, 40, 50% clarity on what my path might be. The rest of it is a byproduct of execution. Of moving.

Yeah. Which basically brings us to the next step, right? You've got the foundation of how you work. You've got clarity. You don't have to get 100%. Literally one of the things I talk about in the book is the Colin Powell rule, the 4070 rule. And so like once you have enough clarity, you have to move. Yeah.

Right. So learning how to execute properly is really the next step. And it's really a skill set. Right. So you were talking about mastery earlier. Right. This isn't, when you learn how to execute, this isn't something that I, you know, I tell you one thing and all of a sudden you become a great executor. Right. Right. It takes years of executing and messing up and learning how to execute better. But what I have found is there's essentially three parts to executing well. And it's in whatever endeavor you want to do, whether it's in relationships. business, your physical health. It's pretty simple. The first step is courageous, decisive action. So we just talked about decisiveness. Colin Powell talks about being decisive, but courageous decisive action. You have to take courageous action, the shit that scares you. Right. Oftentimes, we've all heard that, you know, everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear, on the other side of your comfort zone. Well, that's true. Yeah. Right. Everything. Yeah. And it's like, okay, I know that, but I'm just going to stay right here where it's comfortable. Exactly, right?

And I always tell people, because everybody asks me, they're like, well, why do we do that? Like, why is it so hard for us to take action and do something uncomfortable? And it kind of goes back to like how you're wired. If you understand how your brain is wired, like I was just talking about 95% of your brain, subconscious. Somewhere between 50 to 90% of your actions are habitual. Okay. Why does your brain do this? Because we are the only animals on the face of the earth that has a brain-to-body ratio of this size.

Right? You're a health and wellness guy. Do you know how much energy our brain takes from like our caloric intake on a daily basis? I don't. I know in terms of hydration, I mean, it definitely sucks up a lot more water than our muscles would. Than everything else. So it's some people say 30%? Some people say up to 50% of our energy.

That's substantial when you think about the size of your head versus your body. This tiny thing between your ears. Yeah. Right. So if your brain is constantly thinking and working and doing really hard things evolutionarily, you'd die. You'd use up all your energy. So your brain is actually like when you're born is programmed to do less and stay comfortable. Because it would technically keep you alive longer because you wouldn't have to eat as much.

Well, Bezos, are you like short of food? I don't think so. We've got grocery stores everywhere. pretty sure we've all got enough, at least here in the first world, we've all got enough food. Right. So we need to start to overcome that habitual process of inertia of being stuck and just start to take courageous action. So, you know, one of the things that I did when I first started my business, you know, I quit my job with no idea what I was doing. Two days after that conversation with my mentor, quit my job with no idea what I was doing. Everybody's like, yeah, but Zander, you were making like $200,000 a year. So you had all this money in the bank.

you guys, I'm a millennial. You think I saved any of that money? Spending it as is coming in. Gone. Right. Gone. And good for you. Thank you.

Contributing to the economy. Exactly. Yeah. The bar economy mostly. Sure. But I had about three months worth of living expenses saved up. And with that three months worth of the living expenses saved up, I invested all of it into mentorship, coaching programs, things like that.

Right? And I told myself every single day, the only thing that I knew, I knew that today, I knew that today, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm not good enough to be an entrepreneur. People are like, what? What do you mean you're not good enough? Like, aren't you supposed to be like a self-development guy? Like telling us like, hey, we're all good enough. No, I'm here to tell you like you're not fucking good enough.

If you were good enough, you'd already be there. You'd already have everything that you wanted, right? This is one of the beliefs that I've noticed like some of the most successful people have. It's I'm not good enough yet. True story. I was just talking to Andy Frasilla two days ago about this very top. We're on the phone going back and forth about it and both of us were like man, I never feel I'm good enough yet that I've arrived yet and this is why we have such big dreams and ambitions Yeah and are always seeking out more wisdom

But it's not it's not like you have a lack of self-worth or a lack of confidence right Like I still know that I'm worthy right I can be both a work in progress and a masterpiece at the same time Right myself worth my confidence is here but I know that I can be better Bingo And so because of that, you know, I made this commitment that every single day I was going to do something I called my big cahonis action. Right. And what it meant, I didn't know what it was going to be. It was just every morning when I woke up, I was going to do the one thing that scared me the most, right?

Because that was my decisive, courageous action. And it didn't matter what it was. Because as long as I took decisive courageous action, I would be getting out of my comfort zone and I would be growing as a person. And as I grew as a person, sometimes they'd make the right decisions. Sometimes I would do really stupid shit. But eventually, if I just kept growing, I would get what it was I wanted. Right? I don't know when, but I'd get there.

So literally for an entire year, the first year of my business, every single morning I woke up, I asked myself, what's the scariest thing you can do today? And the first day, it was call Jack Canfield. Because he was one of my, like, I loved his books. He was one of my idols growing up. And so I called Jack Canfield's office. I got a hold of his director of operations. I told him, hey, my name's Zander Friar. just quit my job? Can I come hang out with you guys? Sure. 30 minutes later, I'm on the phone

with his CEO, Patty Aubrey, then I'm on the phone with Jack Canfield himself, and then, you know, 45 minutes later, I've got a ticket out to Arizona to go hang out with him and his team. All because I did the one thing that scared me the most. Now, some of these actions were like very unhelpful, and some of them were very helpful, but, and not all of them were business-related. I remember one of them, I woke up one morning, and I was incredibly single at the time. And I remember thinking, like, man, like, why am I so single? So, so I like that, you were, he wasn't just regular single. He was incredibly single.

Like, like, I was going nowhere. Fucking Xander, you cracked me up, man. And, and so, I was like. Why am I so single? And so. What did you figure out? So, so literally I was like, shit. Because the first thought was like, I should, I should ask my ex-girlfriend.

I was like, there's no way. Like, there's no way that I can call my ex-girlfriend. of like three years ago and ask. Ooh, that's asking for some serious feedback there. So I did. Good for you. So I called an ex-girlfriend and asked her what was great about our relationship,

what sucked about our relationship, how it was in bed. Like, I asked everything. But, like, that was the type of shit that I was doing because I knew if I just kept taking courageous action, eventually I would become the person that I needed to become to get there. Yeah.

Right? So that's one of the most important pieces of execution is like, you know, taking decisive but courageous action, right? The second piece that I always tell people, once you're an idiot and you go take stupid action like that is you have to learn from it, right? So you have to review the action. You have to take a critical look at it. This is where critical thought comes in.

You've got to go do something. And then after you do something, you have to go, well, what was the outcome I got from that? Did it go the way I wanted? Did it not go the way I wanted? What do I need to do differently next time? All right. Ray Dalio talks about this in his book, Principles. He talks about the feedback loop.

You have to take an action, you have to review the outcomes, then you have to adjust your action and adjust your goals based on that review. So you take decisive, courageous action, you review it. And then number three, and this is something that I got from you actually, is you have to be relentless in your pursuit of the goal in the face of fear, in the face of failure, in the face of obstacles. This is something that I got from you. Every time I got to spend time with you, you would talk about results.

resourcefulness and relentlessness and resiliency. The three yards. And we're all, you know, we're all going to face the crap. We're all going to get punched in the face, right? That, by the way, is by design. I do believe that the universe does that. 100%. So that we, imagine this.

Imagine this. What do we hear all the time, right? We hear that when someone wins the lottery, 85% are broke within like, within five years. Within five years. Because their bank account said millions of dollars. Right. but their brain said trailer trash. Right.

And so the same applies when you're like, all right, man, today I feel like I'm, oh, I don't know, Phil Heath, Ronnie Coleman, any of these guys. I'm going to go into the gym, load up the bar with like 5,000 pounds and squat. You've got to break your legs and your back. You can shatter yourself. Exactly. Because you're not, you don't, you didn't earn that money over time to condition yourself how to spend it, use it, invest it.

Yep. You didn't build those muscles in the connective tissue over time to learn. how to how to operate under the pressure of the weight. And therefore, the universe is there to give you the stress inoculation that you need to get to where you want. And that shows up in the form of the bear and the dragon is what we call it in the project. I'll share this with you real quick. The bear is all external things to go wrong, right?

So whether, you know, yes, the three hours. Resiliency, resourcefulness, and relentlessness. You have to be those three to fight through all. of this. The bear shows up at every step of growth and it almost becomes more intuitive. And the bear says, hey, you know what? I know you want to get to this next million. You want to get to this next level of impact and influence on society. Here's the resistance I'm going to give. It could show up as a virus. It could show up as an economic crash. It could show up as a competition. Do you really want this? Right. Prove it. Prove it. It's a prove it. The bear is external. The dragon, as Joseph Campbell

says in his writings in the power of myth is internal. All the internal insecurities of self-esteem, self-confidence, am I worth it? Do I have what it takes? The dragon is all that inner self-dialogue that says, do I have what it takes? And you need to conquer the dragon and the bear in order to accomplish that because otherwise there is no straight line. And that is why we need resiliency, resourcefulness, and relentlessness to get there. And one thing that I want to point out as you're talking about this, right, is you've developed a belief that the bear and the dragon are the path. They are the path, exactly. That is actually the goal.

The goal is to find the bear and find the dragon. Then you know you're on the path. And move through it, right? Where so many people try to avoid the bear, avoid the dragon, right? I truly believe I'm going to break everybody's minds right now. I'm going to tell you the purpose of life. The purpose of life is to grow. Period.

End of statement. That's it. right. Someone will say the purpose of life is love, the purpose of life is to live on purpose, whatever, right? All of these things, in order to have any of them, you have to grow. Grow. Personally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, you have to grow to get there. That's the purpose of life. It's to grow. Well, how do you grow? Bejures, how did you get such big biceps?

Well, you lift, you lift weights. You lift weights. You lift weight. You challenge yourself your adversity. You put them under tension, right? Over an extended people. period of time over and over and over and over again. Right? Yeah. That's how you grow. Yeah. So the goal is the bear.

Yeah. The goal is the dragon. We have to constantly seek that dragon and seek the bear. And it's not supposed to feel good all the time. Yeah. You know, like if it doesn't feel good, that might be a sign that you're on the path. Yeah. That either the dragon or the bear are giving you resistance.

And so you kind of reach into your toolbox of resourcefulness, resiliency, and relentlessness. and go, which one of these do I need? For example, if it's going to be resourcefulness, it's like, all right, this is something tough. I've never experienced this before. I brought my impact to a place where I've impacted 10,000 people, but I want to get to 100,000 people. Shoot, all right, I'm resourceful. I got all these friends. Zander, I think I'm going to, like, you're the resource I'm going to use right now to help me.

What would you do to break through 10,000? Because every time I try, I end up having this slide back. And so, like, you've got tools in your war chest, like, use them. If you don't, because like, well, I don't want to bother Zander. Well, then I'm probably not going to be able to break through that bear. Right. And so that's such an important piece. And people like, all right, well, I can be resourceful.

We'll fucking figure out. Sometimes resourceful, it doesn't mean like you have to try and charge the wall harder. It just means I got to go, hey, Zander or hey, Craig Valentine or hey. But sometimes that's, that might be the dragon in them that's like, you know, I don't want to ask for help. Exactly. Right. Like, then I look weak. Yeah.

Right. And that's a huge. And I'm sure you see this a lot in the project. Like for men, it's so tough to ask for help. Yeah. I mean, there's jokes written about it that, you know, pre this fucking GPS thing, pre-Siri, you know, all every comedian would write about the jokes were, you know, a husband and wife are on the road. They're lost. The wife's like, hey, stop into a gas station and ask.

He's like, nope, not going to ask. I can find it myself. And they end up in the hood getting shot or whatever. Yeah. Right. And that's just, you know, it's a sad fact of how men think. 100%. But so much of that comes from the dragons within us.

Well, where are those? if you understood how your brain worked, how your emotions worked, and where some of this mental programming came from, of not wanting to ask for help because it makes you look weak, because one time when you were six years old, you asked your dad for help, and your dad said,

figure it out on your own. And from then on, you thought to be a man meant to figure it out on your own. Right? You were six years old, and you made this decision that, you know, 33-year-old Xander is now running his life on. How fucking stupid is that?

But that's exactly. how we operate. That's how we operate because none of us realize that that's how we operate. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So when does your book come out? Books coming out. October 19th is the official launch day. Oh, that's right around the corner. Yep. October 19th, we're coming out with it. We're super excited. You know, obviously like we talked about, like I, this, this book, shit you don't learn in college really is, you know, those are the three fundamentals. And then there's a lot of tactical stuff, right? So, you know, there's the tactical stuff around, communication skills, leadership and sales skills.

You know, I always tell people, like, leadership and sales are the same thing. Right. Like, one of the reasons you're such a good leader is because you were such a good salesperson before. Right. People always give sales a really bad rap, right? But sales and leadership are basically the same tool just with a different wrapping around the outside. Yeah. The core of it is influenced.

It's influence, its persuasion. Like, you know, one of the best leaders of all time was Hitler. Mm-hmm. terrible person, but you can't argue that he wasn't a phenomenal leader. True enough. He almost plunged the entire world into darkness with his influence. And by the way, let's just break some more minds here while we're breaking minds. Hitler, Osama bin Laden, arguably two of the worst people in humanity.

And Jesus, probably one of the best people in humanity, all had the same personality types. And the argument there, right, Jesus might have. have been one of the best salesmen. Like, the Bible is literally... The selling continues. Yeah. Long after his death. And I always tell people, one of my favorite salesman is Martin Luther King.

He sold an entire generation on a new way of thinking and changed the world because of it. Yeah. Right? So sales and leadership is the same thing. So we do have, there's a lot of like the mental stuff learning how to execute, getting clarity. And then there's the tactics of like, how do I actually make money? How do I sell and lead?

How do I communicate? How do I become a productive person? Because productivity and being busy are not the same thing. Right? Like actually doing the shit that produces a result, you can do a lot less work and produce a lot more results if you know how to do it properly. So we have to teach all of these things.

And our goal with the book is obviously, you know, like you were talking about, for the people that are really ready for it that want to take it to the next level, do their own thing. We're going to help them make more money. We're going to help them have the freedom. We're going to help them have more meaning in their life.

lives. And then for the people that are on the other side of the fence, is to really break them out of the old way of thinking and give them that exact same opportunity. Ain't that a great thing? And so what is the best way for folks who are watching this, we're listening to this right now to get their hands on the book, shit you don't learn in college? Yeah, you can go to S-Y-D-L-I-C, that's S-D-L-L-I-C, that's S-D-L-L-C-U-D-L-L-C-B-L-L-L-C-B-L-com. So, S-Y-D-L-I-C-Book.com, and you can pre-order it now. We're actually giving away, I think we're giving away something like $3,000 worth of different programs. So we've got a productivity training.

We've got a whole e-workbook that goes with it. We've got a four-week shit you don't learn in college program that we've actually previously sold for $5,000. So I've sold that program for five grand, and we're actually giving that away for free for everybody who pre-orders the book. So, s Y-D-L-I-C-Book.com. And what's the best way for everyone to find you on social media? Social media, Instagram, Zander-Friar, so Z-A-N-D-E-R-F-R-E-R.

You can go to Xanderfriar.com, stock me there. But Instagram's probably the best way to get a hold of me. Indeed. All right, guys and gals, well, listen, this has been a pretty eye-opening episode, hasn't for you. And we know that to become the higher version of yourself, you've got to understand how your brain operates, thinks, and wants to process. And to do that, you need the owner's manual. Since you didn't come with one, the next best thing is to get this awesome and amazing book. Shit, you don't learn in college.

So follow Xander, pick up a copy of his book. And as always, be sure to share it on social media. Give us a five-star review. And don't forget to tell your mama.