Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 209. The Dad Edge with Larry Hagner

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Today’s guest Larry Hagner joins us, stepping aside from being an amazing father, his purpose and mission in helping fathers and aspiring fathers for an incredible episode! Larry sheds a light on his past, accidentally meeting his biological father, the night he broke a promise, that led him to the creation of The Dad Edge mission, and highlights some of his touch points over the nearly 1,000 episodes including names like Matthew McConaughey, Andy Frisella and Frankie Edgar. 00:31 - Introduction about The Dad Edge Podcast from Larry Hagner 01:28 - The Squire experience with Larry and his son 02:48 - How you can change the path of your trauma’s 05:54 - How Larry accidentally met his biological father 08:57 - How Larry ran into his father after not connecting for 18 years 10:51 - What kind of negative impacts came from an absent father? 12:39 - How The Dad Edge got started 20:30 - The top 5 conversations in a father’s head 26:31 - What is the next phase of Larry’s mission to impact 30:27 - Where does the man who feels there’s nowhere to go, go? 34:59 - Where can we connect with Larry? Connect with Larry :   https://thedadedge.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thedadedge/   Connect with Bedros Keuilian : Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/bedroskeuilian/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/user/KeuilianInc Twitter - https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/bedroskeuilian/   Buy Man Up and get Bedros' High-Performance Leadership Course for FREE: https://manup.com/ Subscribe to My Channel for weekly videos: https://www.youtube.com/bedroskeuilian.com/?sub_confirmation=1

Every single guy thinks that their problems are all theirs. Like, no one else is facing what I'm facing. No, everybody else has a great marriage except for me. Every other guy out there is patient with his kids except for me. Man, that's a lie. All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Empire Show. My name is Bedros Kuhin, and this is an inside look. And in this episode of The Inside Look,

we are looking into the life and operations of my dear friend, Larry Hagner. And Larry owns an amazing, amazing platform called the Dad Edge Podcast. And of course, he's a wonderful father. He speaks into men. And Larry got into this space because, well, truth be told, he grew up without a father figure in his life. And he made this commitment and decision that his kids would not only know their father, but be fully engaged and involved with their fathers.

And as 2015 came around, he launched the Dad Edge podcast. which has now been an amazing platform to help out and serve men who want to be dads or who are dads and want more direction and guidance. So with that said, Larry, welcome to the show, brother. What's going on, Bedros? It's good to see you again, man. Yeah, man. So the last time we were together, we were at the Squire show with you or the Squire show, the Squire show, the Squire program here in Chino Hills with you and your son, Ethan. We had a great time having you guys there. I'll tell you, man, That program, that event, that elevated my relationship with Ethan so much. Ethan talks about it constantly to this day.

He's actually became really, really good friends with Gabe, who is the honor young man in that class. They talk, I think, almost every day. But that has been a game changer, man. It's just awesome. Yeah, that's great to hear. You know, it's funny, just the other day I saw a young man. So Ethan went through class four.

you and Ethan. And just the other day, I saw a young man at my son's high school who went through class one. And myself and my son, Andrew, went through class one as I was also an instructor. And to see this young man who his dad lives out here in Chino Hills and they just came to it, man, in two years, you know, they sprout so much. And he's like, Mr. Coolean, Mr. Cooleon, just want to let you know, man, I'm still living the Squire values. And I'm like, holy crap, that's such a good feeling. So anyway, it's great to have great men like you who have amazing sons and who are amazing fathers, where you get to mold the future of our great nation and quite honestly, the world. So your journey, man, has been pretty awesome because I think when

you grow up without a father or you grew up with some trauma in your life, whatever the source of trauma is, you have one of two paths you can take. You could either replicate the pattern of being an absent father, a deadbeat father, or you could say, say, I'm going to do something about it. And I'm going to do something different, something more meaningful and intentional. And you went down that path. Do you remember when specifically you had that specific path and direction and idea? I think a lot of it, man.

There was definitely a moment, you know, where my four-year-old son, who's 14 now, and he'll be going through the Squire with me on May 28th. Nice. You know, the monster that I always swore to protect myself, protect my son again. was the person that I became, was the monster I became. And I'll get to that story here in a second. I honestly think, though, man, dad had started probably with my childhood.

My mom and biological father were married in 71. I was born in 1975 after I was here for about nine months, they got divorced. He left. I didn't know him. My mom, it was just me and my mom until I was about four. And kind of a crazy story, but when I was four years old, I knew what a dad was because his dads came to pick up their kids from preschool. So I knew what they were.

I just knew that we didn't have one. No big deal. I didn't really bother me. At that point, my life actually thought moms went out and found dad. My mom had found out yet. That's what I thought it was. And I'll never forget, man, if you could put yourself in this poor guy's shoes. My mom brings home a guy that she had been dating for the first time.

So it was the first time I ever saw a guy walk through my door. I was four years old. And I'll never forget it. Like, it's 1979. He's wearing this trench coat, right? He's got a handlebar mustache, three-piece suit, double winds or tie briefcase. Dad, a software engineer. My mom introduces me to him.

She's like, Larry, this is Joe. Joe, this is Larry. I shook his hand. And the first question that pops out of my mouth to this guy is, are you going to be my dad? Oh. Like, yeah, literally. I mean, for all you knew, that's how they show up. Mom goes and picks a dad from somewhere and here you go.

This might be your dad. Yeah, she was a target. You know, he just went down the right aisle this time, right? Yeah. No, but that's, long story short, they did get married. They were married for about six years. And they got divorced when I was 10 and what I was. I can tell you that six-year stretch, that was the only dad that I knew. That was my first touch

point with the dad. And he was a very nice person when he was sober, but when he drank, he got really mean. And so did my mom. So their relationship was really toxic. It was really abusive, got really crazy, especially towards the end. He left. And then at that point in my life, I knew where kids came from. So I knew my dad just didn't show up. So I started asking my mom, I was like, hey, where exactly did I come from? I just, like, what's going on? And my mom actually was like, well, I was actually married before and you actually have a biological father.

And I was like, no kidding. Showed me the wedding album and there he was. Well, I won't go into all the detail for the sake of time, but when I was 12, just two years later, I accidentally ran into him. Now, tell me about that. I know when you came out here and we were talking, you shared it with me, share it with our audience, that went. Sure. So I'm 12 years old, and I went to our local, like, little rec center to go play

basketball with a friend. And I knew my dad's name. That's all I knew. I knew his name was Larry and I knew his last name. So I'm standing there and I'm getting my basketball from the clerk behind the desk. And I heard the clerk say, here comes Mrs. So-and-so with the hockey payment. And it was his last name. And I was like, huh, his last name is Boyd. It's no secret. And I was like, huh i was like what what did you say her name was and he said boyd and i was like what's her husband's name and he's like larry he plays hockey up here and i'm like oh my god like what are the chances right so i'm standing there waiting she comes in makes the payment i go right up to her just bold curious 12 year old kid and i look at her and i said excuse me i was like what's your name and she told me

i was like is your husband are you married to a guy named larry and she said yeah and she just would look at me like I was crazy. And I said, I know this sounds crazy. I was like, but I think your husband is my dad. And she just like looked and you saw it. You saw it click. And she was like, honey, she goes, are you Larry? And I was like, yes, I am.

And she goes, would you like to talk to him? I was like, well, yeah, I would. So she literally, we go around the corner, you know, where there's pay phones, puts a pay phone, quarter in, calls him, hey, I'm standing here with your son. He wants to talk to you. hands over the phone. I don't remember what we said. I just remember the feeling.

And it was just like he was asking me how I was, what my life was like. Turns out we only lived three miles from each other. We didn't know it. And that touch point turned into a six-month relationship. He was remarried at the time, two-year-old son, another one on the way. And we had this great relationship for about five months. And then the last month, it got kind of weird. The best way I can describe it, well, I mean, he came to my little league games.

We talked all the time, that kind of thing. And then the last month, it just got kind of odd. the best way I can describe it is think of a time when you've dated a woman and she's not into you anymore and she just hasn't told you yet but you know it's coming that's what it felt like and I just remember calling them one day and I was like hey I was like is everything okay like I just feel like something's off like I don't see you as much when I talk as much like what's going on and basically I don't remember what was said but it was hey it's me it's not you bad time for me sure and we went our separate ways and that was hard man I fell into a pretty deep depression I didn't know know at the time why, but man, I failed the eighth grade and literally just gave up. I had to do eighth grade twice. Gained a bunch of weight, went on to high school, went on to college, graduated college, got my first, got my degree, and then I went into a career. And this is where the story kind of ends.

Fast forward, 18 years later, I'm 30 years old. In medical device sales, I'm married. I have my first son on the way. Every Monday morning at the same Starbucks, same time, same place. I have a meeting with my sales team. I'm sitting there having coffee with my team, and this gentleman walks in and kind of grabbed my attention. I looked over at him, and I was like, oh, my God.

It's Larry. That's my dad. Yeah, because I hadn't seen him in 18 years, and one of my, one of the coworkers on my team, she looked at me, she's like, are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost. And I'm like, yeah, I was like, you're not going to believe this. I was like, but my father just walked in to get his morning coffee, I guess. And she's like, excuse me what?

And I told her, I was like, yeah, it's him right over there. Well, without another word, she just walked over, just got up and walked over to him. I had no idea what she was doing. And I saw them talking. And I was like, oh, my gosh, like, what do I do here? And I couldn't hear him, but I could read his lips. And I saw him say, where is he? And he started looking around our eyes met.

And I was like, oh, my gosh, like, what do I do? So he stands up, comes over, shakes my hand. And he's like, hey, you know, how are you? It was very awkward. Basically, I was like, yep, you know, I'm married. I'm expecting my first son. How are you? We caught up. Well, here we are 17 years later. And I still have a relationship with him. And we've got a good relationship. I have two younger half-brothers, still married

to the same woman. He's a highly successful business owner. He's a great guy. He just didn't make the best decisions when he was younger. That's all. But we've put the past behind us and we've decided to see what the future holds for us. Now, is he involved in the lives of your kids? Totally. Totally. Okay. Yeah, he is. And I'm curious, before that encounter in Starbucks, because I'm sure everybody else listening and watching wants to know, before that encounter in Starbucks, looking back, because it never happens, you never can tell that it's happening when it's happening, but looking back, was there any kind of pattern, either self-destructive pattern or a pattern of self-limiting, upper limiting, that it was a

byproduct of that? For example, you said you gained weight, you fell into depression, you had to do eighth grade over again. So clearly right after that, there was an impact that happened to you in the next decade or so, was there any kind of negative repercussion that looking back you can point your finger to and say it was a byproduct of an absent father? I think there was a lot of touch points on that one. You know, I had zero relationship skills growing up. My mom was married a total three times, and every guy she dated in between was the same type of guy.

Just a partier, toxic, heavy drinker, you know, verbally abusive, physically abusive. I would say the byproduct of that was I had this belief. I can tell you right now at being almost 47 years old, it was a belief. It wasn't a perception that I just was never going to be good at relationships. And my belief also was, as crazy as it sounds, was you only get married to get divorced. Sooner or later, you get divorced. So marriage isn't going to be forever. So it just is what it is.

So my mom actually lived with a man for two years when I was 15 and the guy was a total nightmare. I would say one good byproduct of that was this guy was a total nightmare, but there was one good thing that came out of it. He was a former natural bodybuilder and I was super heavy. I was about 50, 60 pounds heavier than I am now. And that guy really took me under his wing and he helped me find fitness. And for a kid who was bullied for his weight, never got done. dates or anything like that. Like I lost my junior year of high school about 60 pounds and I've kept it off for the past

30 years. And I would say a good byproduct, believe it or not, was that one thing. But I would say the bad byproducts were I was terrible with communication. I was not good at relationships, had no relationship skills or communication skills whatsoever. And then you asked how Dad Edge got started. my oldest son was six. As of tomorrow, he's going to be 16. My youngest son, my youngest son's time was four.

I was your typical guy. I was married for about nine years and didn't have a whole lot of patience, not a whole lot of guidance. My marriage was mediocre at best. Just sort of really surviving, not thriving. And I always swore to myself, I'm like, I'm never going to hit my kids. I'm never going to scream profanities. I'm going to be a calm, gentle father. going to be a good leader. And I wasn't doing really any of those. I wasn't doing anything horrible,

but I certainly wasn't showing up the best way I could. Well, when my son was four, who's now 14, we were getting ready to move. I was packing up his playroom, hate moving, stressed out, had a really bad day. I worked that day lost one of my biggest customers. I was going to impact my income for the next six to 12 months. And I spent about three hours packing up his room. And this is hard for me to talk about. He came downstairs, just typical four years. year old kid and I told him I was like I just spent the past three and a half hours packing up your toys because you can play with whatever's out but I'm going to take a break I'm going to come back and what do you think he did in that 30 minutes he pulled out everything that I packed

and I went into a rage and I spanked him and I spanked him hard enough to where he hit the ground and I swore that I would never do that and when I realized what I did and I went to help him up I saw this look of absolute terror in his eyes. Like I was this monster. And dude, that moment was it. Because in that moment, I did not see my son. I saw me because that's how I was raised by all these crazy dudes that my mom was with. And it was that night, I was like, this has got to change.

Like, I got to do something. And it was that night I started what is now the dad edge. It was the good dad project back then. and I just basically surrendered and said, you know, I'm just going to learn. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing and I'm tired of not knowing what I'm doing. And I started looking at other things in my life, like my career. I was great at my career. And at the time I was doing martial arts.

I was good at that. I was like, what's the common denominator here? I was like, common denominator is that I'm always willing to learn. Like I always want to learn and practice and do. And fatherhood, parenting and, you know, marriage, nothing. No education. So that was it. And that has been the journey for the past 10 years is learning.

Oh, you know, it's funny is there is no owner's manual that comes with a marriage. There is no owner's manual that comes with a child. And all we have is the experiences that we have seen and gone through, whether it's mom or dad, grandparents, aunt and uncles, or how our parents treated us. And again, we either are smart enough to connect dots and go, that's how I was raised and treated, and that's not okay and I'm going to do something different. And you said that. However, what does different look like? There was no answer for that. And so to have enough self-awareness to go, all right, man, look, martial arts, business, I'm an open book. I like to learn. I'm a sponge.

I'm coachable. Maybe I can actually do this here as well. So as you kicked off, Dad Edge, what was your intention? Was it, hey, I'm just going to do this for myself, or I'm going to gather this information and they share it with the world because I think there's other dads who are probably lost and screwed up and maybe need some salvation as well. Yeah, man. It's a very funny story. So my first, it actually happened that night. So that night I went into my office. I was emotional. I was beating myself up, you know, emotionally and mentally. And I went into my office. And what do you do when you're an adult? You know, you have a bad moment. You go get on social media, so you don't have to think about it, right?

So I'll never forget that night. So I'm in my office. My eyes are filled up with tears. I'm like, crap. I can't believe I just did the one thing. I told myself, I would. and do. And I go on Facebook and there's a button in the left hand corner. It says, create a page. I had never created a page. And Bejuros, I don't know what it was. Maybe it was divine intervention. I don't know. But I clicked that button and popped up and said, what do you want to name your page? And literally, I didn't even think about it. The good dad project just rolled off my heart and onto that keyboard. And I thought to myself, I'm the project. The project. That's your project. Yeah. Right. The project. I'm the project. I'm the project.

I'm just going to learn. And whatever I'm learning, I'm going to learn something new every day. That's it. I'm going to just posted here. I never did it for a following. I never did it for a podcast. Nothing. And I had that for about six months.

And then it kind of got some traction. And then I started being asked to speak. The first time I was ever asked to speak was in front of 300 women at a church, a mom's group. And I was like, and they contact me. I was like, I'm not a speaker. Like, what do you want me even talk about? And they're like, oh, we want you to talk about being a dad. I was like, you got the wrong guy.

I'm not very good at it. And they're like, I'm trying to learn. still, right? Right. I was like, well, they were like, well, that's what we like about it. So I always led with this just imperfection and authenticity, and that's what I just led with with the speaking thing. And then I started a blog in 2013.

And then in 2015, me and my good friend, who I know you know, at the time, he wasn't as big as he is now, but me and Sean Stevenson teamed up. And I told him, I was like, hey, I'm going to launch a podcast at the time. He was like, I don't know, maybe 50 episodes. to the Model Health Show. And I was like, I'm going to launch this podcast. And you and I've been pretty good friends. We have similar stories.

I'd really like to co-host it with you. You want to do it with me? So we did that together for 80 episodes. And then, yeah, we did that in 2015. And now for the past seven years, I have just under 1,000 episodes. And I launched the podcast, quite frankly, because I just got tired of blogging. And I want to have conversations with high-level people to learn, just to keep learning. And that's, to be honest, man, that's still what it is.

And you know, what I love about the podcast is that it's not just a playbook for how to be a good dad. Like that, if anyone thinks that the Dad Edge podcast is just that, they're missing the mark completely. It's parenting, mindset, patience, communication, and intimacy, optimizing your health, creating a community. There's so much that you cover that it really is about how to be a well-rounded man, a well-rounded human. So I, in some ways, it's like, well, the Dad Edge podcast might just teach me how to be a dad. But if you just look at the surface title, you're going to miss really the meat of what it is, man. And you do such a great job. And so I'm curious with 700 episodes or so, I mean, nearly under a thousand episodes,

there's probably got to be some that stand out where you were like, that gave me an aha moment. Or here's a couple of nuggets that my audience responded to from this guy or this guy or that episode, if we could drop two or three nuggets for the, not just the men in the audience who are fathers or want to be fathers, but the women who are also in the process of, hey, man, I'm looking for a husband or I have a husband, he's going to be a dad. What wisdom can I pass along? Like, what episodes can we point them to? What nuggets can we talk about here? So sure, I can obviously talk about some of the most popular. So I'll name a few people that our episodes are really popular. So you're one of our more popular episodes.

So make sure you guys check out the episode with Bedros. Andy Fersela, Matthew McConaughey, Frankie Edgar, Todd Stottlemeyer. You know, we're interviewing Steve Weatherfoot here next month. But what I can tell you is we actually have really great data because, you know, we've got our mastermind guys have to apply to be a part of it. We've got great data of what men want and need. And what I can tell you is based on all of our research, five areas of manhood, fatherhood, husbandhood, if that's even a word. So creating a legendary marriage, that is the first and foremost, most important thing on the guy's mind from our audience. The second thing is, how do I be a more calm, resilient, patient father, but an effective leader at the same time?

Because it almost, those two almost seem like a dichotomy where it's like, well, how can I, we always talk about it the project to be a savage servant. It's like, well, how could I be a servant where it seems like a servant has to be someone meek and soft and gentle, but also be a savage? And, you know, John Lovell, I imagine. John Lovell, warrior poet, shout out to John Good Friend. He says, look, if you are only a lion and never show the lamb within you to your wife, to your kids, to your community, you have failed at life. And so it may not really be a dichotomy after all. But go on, explain that. And in particular, what I can tell you, one of the things that men are most curious about is communication with their wives.

because what they're mostly having right now are these high-level conversations, like more what we call managerial conversations. Men are really, really curious to be like, man, like, how do I reignite the fire of my marriage just through conversation? Like, what does that even look like? I already know everything about her. And I always challenge guys, no, you really don't. You think you do.

You know, you're asking her the same questions every day and never getting curious. like we've gotten out of being curious. One simple, if I could give your audience one simple tweak. And then I also reference something that Matthew McConaughey said too. It's never ask your wife. If you're listening to this podcast right now, stake a flag in the ground and never ask your wife, how is your day? Never do that because you're going to get the same default, crazy, busy, fine, good, right? If you ask your wife something like, hey, what was something that made you smile today?

what was something that happened today that was really meaningful for you what's something that brought you joy today you know when your wife when you can bring your wife guide her lead her to gratitude and she gets to connect with you on that you would be amazed at the elevation of intimacy that happens just in that one question alone right so just even if you could just make that simple simple tweak That's huge. The other big aha moment that I'll share with you is every single guy thinks that their problems are all theirs. Like no one else is facing what I'm facing. No, everybody else has a great marriage except for me. Every other guy out there is patient with his kids except for me. Man, that's a lie. Like, so I'll give you an example. When I interviewed Matthew McConaughey, you know, like Matthew can literally say anything and people will believe him, right? So I asked Matthew all these questions. And I got to one question and I asked him, I said, hey, how do you keep your marriage fresh and on point with Camilla at all times? Like, how do you constantly pursue her and date her? And he could have said anything.

And he took a deep breath and he goes, you know what? I got to tell you. You asked me that question. I'm realizing I'm in a season where I suck at that right now. I'm not doing a good job of it at all. I'm busy with the kids. You know, we're producing Sing 2, all these things. and I'm realizing just through that question that I've neglected her.

And he's like, and I got to get back to dating her. So the theme that I've gotten from like all these guests is it doesn't matter who you are, how high level of, you know, celebrity you are. I mean, look what just happened with Will Smith. We all put our pants on the exact same way as men. It doesn't matter what level you're operating. You are going to struggle in those areas of fatherhood and parenting your kids, right, leading your kids and creating intimate.

with your wife and dating her and pursuing her and all these things. We all put her pants on the same way. And a lot of guys think like, oh, they've all got to figure it out. I don't. Man, that's not true. And that's such a good point because we end up putting so much unnecessary pressure and unnecessary self-hate on ourselves instead of just doing one thing and that is going from robotic to intentional. And you really touched on that a point ago, which was when a guy goes, I'm going to be more present with my wife. And so, honey, how was your day? Look, you nailed it. Well, it was crazy. It was busy. It was fine. It was good. They're going to give you the robotic answer to a robotic question. And an intentional question is, like you said, what is the one thing that made you smile? What is the

one thing that really had meaning today for you? And that shows that you cared. You put some thought into being present because people can tell when, oh, you're just asking me, hey, how's it going, B, because you know that's the proper etiquette to ask versus, hey, B, how's your daughter specifically? How's your son specifically? What is, you know, hey, Larry, what is the specific date of the bodybuilding show that you and your son are doing? Those are more intentional and present versus just how's it going, how are things? Because, well, what am I going to say? I'm going to give you the robotic answer and say, everything's great. And so I've always challenged the dads that have come through the Squire program and the men that have come through the project. And when you want to be a good man,

you have to go step out of robotic and go into intentional. And you make a really good point there, because when we ask a robotic question, we're going to get a robotic answer. And soon we become two ships passing in the night. She's got her prepared answer for your prepared question. And that's that. You check off a box and you move on. But it's a sad and unfortunate man. at that point. Agreed. Yeah. Yeah. So, so as you as you look forward, as you are about to cross a thousand episodes and your reach has expanded worldwide, what is the next phase of Dad Edge and Larry in terms of impact? Yeah, so there's a few things that are on the horizon for for dad edge and more resources out there for the dads. And number one, if I could say what's next,

like listen, and this might sound woo-woo, but it is what it is. I want every man who hears this episode just to know that no matter what shape your life is in, no matter how defeated you feel as a father or how inadequate you feel as a leader or maybe your marriage on a scale of one to 10, it's a two right now. There is hope. Like if you're willing, and Bejros, you see this all the time in the project, right? You see this all the time in the Squire. If you're willing to set your ego aside, if you're willing to ask for help, if you're willing to learn and do the, most importantly, do the work, man, there could be a whole new world that opens up for you. As far as new things that are happening, you know, we're with, we have a mastermind community called that edge alliance. We've

almost 800 guys in that program. You know, my goal is to help 1,000 men minimum on the daily, right? And I think that that's small in that particular group. However, through the podcast, you know, I want, we want to reach millions. And we have. We've already reached millions. But I want to reach the dads out there that feel that there is no hope. And the other thing, too, is we want to reach the dads out there that already have a good life.

and they haven't even scratched the surface of an epic one, right? As far as other things, I've got a new book coming out. It's going to launch September 6th. It's called The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood. And it's a whole arsenal of different skills and different things. It's basically a book that you could probably open up to any chapter and whatever it is you're struggling with. There's going to be some answers and guidance in there for you.

The other thing we have in here, too, is we have a program called Dad Edge Accelerator. That's for our dad business owners. And the reason we created that a few years back, but the reason we created that is because, as you know, dad business owners, they just have different needs. And those needs are they try to be everything to everyone in their business. And they're also trying to do the same at home. And, you know, those men need to be fed just a little bit differently. But it's really just to change the game for these men. And the last thing I'll say is this.

I really honor a lot of men in this generation because I think the guys that, that, that, you know, that. that raised us, Bedros, right? Our dads, they did the best they could with what they had, and there's nothing against them. And I think they were raised by some of the toughest dads out there. And our dads were a part of a generation, the Great Depression, and all the world wars. I mean, these guys are ironclad dudes.

But now I think what we're seeing, and you're seeing this through the project, is a generation of men who are raising their hands saying, I want more. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to do, to create the life that I truly want with my kids and my wife. I just don't know exactly what to do first. And I think we have such an arsenal of resources now. Men have an arsenal of resources at their disposal.

And that's what I'm excited about for the future. Things like the project, things like the Squire. Man, I'm a raving fan of what you do. there's just so many things out here that's going to help men over the next several years. Well, listen, man, you're making a huge impact, and I'm grateful to have you as an ally in my life. And I want to end with one question that I know a lot of men listening to this it's going to resonate with. So there's a guy out there. There's thousands of guys, but I want you to speak to this one guy.

There's a guy out there who is suffering in silence, like you said, currently at the moment. out of one through 10, he sees his marriage and his ability to be a father as a two. Seems like he can't do anything right. Feels like everything is falling apart around him. He feels like he can't complain. And then he feels like he's alone on an island with his problems. Where does this guy go? What does he say?

Who does he ask for help to start this journey of healing and of becoming a better husband, a better father and and having some kind of compassion for himself. That's a great question. And I'm going to start answering that question with a quote. I want to rattle the mind and the heart of that man because that man truly probably feels that this is as good as life gets. And it's just the way it is. Like a lot of us look at marriage as our mediocre marriage and we're like, well,

this is just marriage. No, it's not. It's not. I've known my wife for 25 years. I've known you've known your wife for several years. I can honestly say, we are going to celebrate 19 years of marriage this year and it's never been better. So here's what I'll tell you. The definition of hell is meeting the man that you could have become when you're on your deathbed.

Remember that quote. Because you have the choice. You have the power to make a different choice. Your life doesn't have to unfold in front of you just the way you think that it has to just because it's the way life has to be. So here's what I'll tell you. you are one of millions of men who are quietly suffering, right? And you're also one of millions of men who are isolating, maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally, isolating. And isolation is the enemy of excellence.

If I could give men who are listening to that message the next right thing is be the first to raise your hand and say, you know what? I don't have this all figured out. I don't have communication figured out with my wife. I'm trying to be more patient with my kids. I'm trying to be a better leader. I don't know exactly what I'm doing. You will be shocked at the men that will gather at your side and be like, holy crap, dude, I'm so glad you said that.

Me too. Like, okay, how do we go figure this out? If you really want to figure this out, and Bezos, you know this as well. You've got to get in rooms with people who are further along in the journey than you are, right? I'm always fascinated to talk to men in their 50s and 60s who have young men. I'm raising four boys who have young men in their 20s and 30s and 40s because I'm like, hey, man, let me know what's coming. How do I navigate?

What do I avoid? What do I do? Get in rooms where you can have conversations like that because it will change the game for you. Well said. Well said. And on that note, I'm going to share this with you, which is something I say all the time. from stage and it's worth sharing here on this podcast because you really stress this point. Success leaves clues and proximity is powerful. And really what you're saying is there's people

around us, either through social media or you might meet them in person somewhere, or you might just know them because, gosh, there are three doors down there, you're a neighbor and they've got a son or a daughter that's a decade ahead of yours and you see that they have a great relationship. that is success and it's left a clue and you just have to go and ask. And I think one of the biggest things that men don't do, and this is synonymous with how we're wired, we won't ask for directions. Now, gone are the days of asking for directions, but we have this beautiful little iPhone that will give us directions. But in terms of other areas, if we're not going to a destination, if I see someone who is in business, for example, I've got a $100 million business and they've got a $300 million

business, I'm going to ask you what clues you can impart on me and share with me so that I can time collapse and avoid those mistakes and get to that same outcome that you're at faster. So success leaps clues and proximity is powerful. In other words, being in proximity of intelligent people, of being in proximity of people that are already living the life that you want. And that's what you've done with these masterminds and the communities that you've created, Larry, is you have brought men together who are looking to grow and elevate and, of course, rising tides, lift all ships. With that said, where can our audience find you to be able to connect

with you, learn from you, and follow you? Well, I'm not hard to find. Everything can be found at the Dad Edge. So Instagram is at the Dad Edge.com is where you can find everything. If you just search out Dad Edge on Facebook and social and everywhere else, you'll find absolutely everything. Podcasts. I've got a ton of free resources for guys who want to elevate their marriage, but you'll find everything there. Larry, well, I want to want to be. and thank you for your time, man. I really appreciate you pouring into our audience. And guys and gals, thank you so much for watching and listening to this episode of The Empire Show. As always, please go ahead and leave us a five-star review. Be sure to leave a comment, take a screenshot of this

episode, and share it on your social media, and be sure to tag Larry Hagner along with the Dad Edge podcast and myself so we can get the word out. And as always, don't forget to tell your mama.