Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - E170 - Squire Program

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

In this episode, Bedros and Craig recap and share the top stories from the first-ever Squire program.  -- 01:20 - Hear how and why Bedros decided to create the squire program to help fathers and sons create life long-lasting transformation. 16:58 - Bedros shares the most inspiring story of the day from the first squire program. 23:37 - B shares when the next opportunity to join the squire program will be and where to learn more: https://bedroskeuilian.com/squire/  "You don’t know if there’s going to be another hill in life, and problem and another problem. You just attack every single one until it’s over and you have more in you then you think." - Bedros Keuilian Follow me on Instagram: @bedroskeuilian Buy Man Up and get Bedros’ High Performance Leadership Course for FREE: https://manup.com/ Listen on iTunes and leave us a review: http://bedrosmedia.com/itunes131 Subscribe to My Channel for weekly videos: http://www.youtube.com/bedroskeuilian/?sub_confirmation=1

Don't know if there's going to be another hill in life and another problem and another problem. You just attack every single one until it's over and you have more in you than you think. Hey, what if you can raise a son who's a modern day night? What if you can raise a son who's a protector and a provider? What if you can raise a son who will stand up for core values and immoral ethos? Hey, welcome to the Empire Show. My name is Bedros Kulian. And this is the handsome Craig Ballantyne.

And I would sign up for that because when I have a son, I want him to be somewhat like. you and a lot like me and a really, really great Canadian. If he's a lot like me, then you should demand the DNA test from Michelle. Oh my goodness. All right, I couldn't help it. I had to say it. That's funny. So listen. You did an amazing thing.

You had your Squire program, the first round of the Squire program. You're going to do this again? Yeah, yeah. I decided I was only going to do one, but after the feedback from all the dads and sons who came to it, we're doing more. Okay. So you brought in, how many, were they 30, 50? 40. So there was 20 sons and

20 dads. Okay. Why? Why did you do this? Now, I kind of have a good idea, but go deep on why you brought these fathers and sons together. You had Marines, you had Navy SEALs, teaching them how to be great. So all of our project instructors, we taught

these young men and their dads, put them through a 12-hour awesome experience. Nothing like the project. It wasn't violent. It wasn't whatever. But it was this opportunity to create a right of passage for these boys who are 13, 14, 15 years old, those three years, 13, 14, 15 years old, they need a right of passage. And here's how it all started. When my son, Andrew, who's now 15, you know him. When Diana was pregnant with Andrew, Dye's uncle gave me a book called Raising a Modern Day Night.

No way. Yeah. When I read that book, I was like, holy crap, this book is really teaching me about how to be a shiver. man, how to be a protector and a provider, how to be a servant leader, how to open doors, right? Like, I didn't do any of that stuff, dude. I kind of grew up like a savage. And so I was like, well, before I can teach my son this stuff, I got to start learning it. And so the best way to learn it, obviously, was just to go all in. And I, during the nine months, the die was pregnant, I was just trying to learn as much about shivery and being a protector and a provider and having

core values to live by and morals to go by and not being a needy attention seeking person, etc. Did you still own the gyms at this time? That was in... 2004 or five? 2004. So I already sold my gyms. Okay.

I got it. I was online coaching gym owners. Got his point. Yeah. Starting to launch my coaching business. And so as Andrew was born, I'm like, holy crap, right? Now I've got to teach him this stuff, right? So he kind of starts coming of age.

And I teach him when he was like just a little dude, four years old. Hey, buddy, let's go open mom's door. And as he was old enough to reach a door handle, he would open Chloe's door, right? And he would take things from mom and open the doors for her, things like that. Just learning to be a little modern day night. And there's this quote that a friend of mine who was actually on the Empire show, Larry Broughton. Oh, yeah. Right, mutual friend, right?

Shared with me. The quote was like this. It's strong men create good times, good times. create weak men. Weak men create bad times. Bad times create good men or strong men again. And so I realized that

and the book was so profound, man. The book went on to say that raising a modern day night that when a young girl goes through this rite of passage into becoming a woman, there's a very physical thing that happens. One, she starts developing boobs. Sure.

And two, she has her menstrual cycle. So it's a very physical thing that the mom and the daughter can go, hey, let's talk about this stuff. Let's let me help you out in this process. You're now becoming a woman, right? There's really nothing that happens for us. Okay, you get a little stubble here and there, you get some armpit hair. You start feeling some emotions towards women or girls, but you're like, what's really going on? This is why tribes hundreds and hundreds of years ago had rituals that would, for example, the most savage ones were they would take a young boy who was 12 going on 13 and they would cut his arm, just not

obviously to the point of amputation, but just to draw blood, hand him the knife that he was cutting it with just as the sun's going down and saying, go into the woods, bleeding with only a knife to protect yourself, build shelter as you're bleeding, and now you're a prey, right? And you can only come out when the sun comes up tomorrow morning. We'll be here waiting, all the men, all the elders. And when he came out, they're like, hey, son, you're now a man. And as you're coming out, here's what we want to tell you as a man. You have to be a protector and a provider. And it was this right of passage that you are no longer hiding behind mom's skirt.

You are now going to be a young warrior. And a young warrior is not just someone who shows up as a savage, but they show up as a servant as well as a protector of the tribe in the community. And so in the absence of that, so now you fast forward a little bit and you have the knights who have squires. The squire's job is to clean the armor and sharpen the sword and wash the horse, et cetera. And in that process, that knight mentors that young man, the squire, into being a chivalrous adult. And so there's that.

And as we grow up when the world gets modernized and now with the 50% divorce rate and dad's not being around. Yeah, that's the thing. Right. So all of a sudden now, dads aren't around to become the men that these young men are going to look up to. Because young men will always look up to older boys or older brothers or older dads, right? Dads. And in the absence of that, they start looking towards gangs. No dad?

They start looking for gangs. In prison, there's initiation. The military is an initiation process. For men, we still have that. People go, well, there's all this hazing in the military. It's got to stop. And they put, you how many laws they've passed about hazing in the military when you get your, like our friend Navy SEALs, like Jason Redmond, Ray, care, when they get their trident.

They're not supposed to, they're just supposed to put it on their thing. But secretly, there's a whole hazing thing that happens, and they're so proud of it where they take that pin and they bash it into the chest. And every seal from that platoon bashes it into your chest and they're proud of the scar. And it's just a right of passage into the seals, right? And so as young men, we don't have that and we're not taught the core values, the ethos, to be a protector, to be a provider. And soon we grew up and we're like, man, I feel like I'm limping through life. I feel passive aggressive instead of being assertive and giving direct feedback and accepting direct feedback.

So that's why I created it because when I did this for Andrew, I saw how he shakes hands and makes eye contact. And I'm like, man, I didn't do that at the age of 13. Sure. Man, it was like, I was barely 30 years old before I felt confident to give you a proper handshake, dude. And so that's why. So when I shared the story on social media, everyone's like, oh, my God, I want to do this

for my son, but I don't know how to do it. Yeah, well, you also did this in Utah. when you took him to Idaho. How old was he 13? Yeah. So there always has to be in the end. So, you know, all the kid's life, hopefully, you're teaching him lessons as a father, right? Or as an uncle, there's an older brother.

I get it, man. We live in a time now where it's a high divorce rate, blah, blah, blah. But all of that child's life, that young man's life, you're teaching him lessons, but there has to be an initiation process, the slicing of the arm and here's the knife, go get him, right? And come back and you're a man. If you don't come back, then you obviously weren't. And while obviously that's very extreme and no one should do that, the book, Raising a Modern Day Night, says that as your young boy is entering into becoming a young man, 12 to 13 years old, he suggests that, you know, setting up some kind of an obstacle course. And so what Dye's uncle did for his sons was, you know, he set up like rusty nails that were sticking up and a couple of bear traps and broken glass.

Any angry beavers? No angry beavers this time. And he has... Soundtrack of running water. Right. Triggered. And the beavers start attacking. Yeah, you have to go watch the other one before this.

Yeah, if you watch the episode before this, you'll know exactly what we're talking about where the beavers are concerned. But dude, it was so cool. Like he got all of his... Like the dad, like all the friends that he looks up to that are like-minded like him, great entrepreneurs, et cetera, great family men, leaders. And he said, all right, we're going to do this initiation for my son. So it says, hey, son, like you see all these obstacles in front of you, the glass and the bear trap and the rusty nails, you're barefoot and going to put on your blindfold and the son's like 30 yards away. And he goes, son, me and your uncles and my friends here were here. I'm going to guide you.

You're going to follow my voice. And in life, you're going to have a lot of interruption. So all the uncles and stuff, we're like making all these background noise, right? But the son's job is just to lock on to dad's voice, which is your gut. Follow your gut, your intuition, your instincts that you built, hopefully over time. And when you do, no matter how much noise, and today, don't we have more noise than ever through social media and through just television media and all this noise that we don't know what decision to make?

But if you were tuned into your gut, you always know what decision to make. And so he guides his son around the rusty nails and around the glass and around the bear trap. And he finally, you know, our son, two feet that way, three feet that way. Now, big step over the nails. I was, okay, you got it. Now come to me, and he hugs his son, takes off the blindfold, and the uncles and the friends of the dad make a circle around the son, and they pour wisdom into him. Yeah.

Right? And I was like, man, I'm getting goosebumps. And that's such a right of passage moment. And so I did that for Andrew in Idaho, where I flew out nine guys from here that I trust and look up to and know that there would be great leaders to pour into him. And we put Andrew, we took him to a kill house. we're not killing anything. It's a house. It's a shoot house where a friend of mine who's a SWAT sniper...

They practice there. They practice there, how to clear rooms and all that stuff. But it's very scary because you're using real guns that shoot paintballs but still use gunpowder, right? And so you're being shot at, you're clearing rooms, et cetera. And so we gave him a very scary, tough, challenging, problem-solving communication-driven experience. And then at the end of the day, I had all the men surround him. And I said, son, like, this is your opportunity to get poured into. You're now becoming a young man.

And as a young man, you're going to have different responsibilities to protect and provide. So each one of those guys at the kill house in Idaho, they all had, like, how long did they have to share their wisdom? Because I remember, like, you saying, like, there was, I don't know, these nine guys, just like some guys were crying. Yeah, yeah. It was probably about 15 minutes. And in fact, Ed went up there with me. Yeah. And Ed videotaped the whole thing for us.

and Andrew has that and I audio recorded I put my phone on recording I had every guy the dad so it's like a minute and a half for each guy yeah yeah but dude these were like like one of the dads was pouring in he's like dude I've gone to war I've had many duties tours tour of duties I'm afraid of commitment because I've gone through seven marriages I'm afraid of commitment and this is a scary thing for me and I realize now today that I've been holding on to this traumatic thing and that's what led to these seven failed marriages and he's just sharing this with my son and he's like hey when you have issues that come up in your life address them and he was just bawling it's like this warrior who's gone to war for our country is this like but I can't hold a relationship together because of this baggage that he carried with him right and he realized in that moment so my son and I were just like in the middle of that group hugging each other as the group was just pouring into him and you know We recorded the whole thing, and it's so valuable.

So Andrew went through it again as a 15-year-old this time. Yeah. That was 13. So I was an instructor for the Squire program, and when the dads and sons got together, I was a dad, and we would do a relay together. Okay. And, you know, it could be sledge-hammering this giant metal bar into the ground.

Once you sledgehammer it, then you guys run half a football field, and you fill up these bags with dirt. Yeah. And you bring the bags back, and then you take a kettlebell. Basically, did you take the heaviest kettlebell? Did you elbow some other dads and sons out of the way? Because we taught them it pays to be a winner.

So be a winner, guys. But at what expense? And then we created bottlenecks intentionally to see, like, did you give another dad and son the right of way? Or did you just get greedy and elbow people out of the way? And so at the end of the 12-hour experience, so there was ice baths, pulling trucks. And what's really neat is we create these father and son evolutions.

And then we send the fathers away with two of our head instructors, right? For the fathers to learn how to communicate. with their spouses and with their kids and their sons like, hey, dad, it's pretty obvious, but we all do it. I don't anymore. Don't look at your phone as you're conversating with your kid. The signal you're sending is you are, the phone is more priority, a higher priority than that child of yours, right?

You're causing damage. It's going to be irreversible. Yeah. And so anyway, we did this whole thing and what was really neat at the end of the 12th hour when we all came back, we had, I purchased some actual bear traps from Alaska, this trapper and earlier that morning I demonstrated one of the bear traps. We set it and I demonstrate it with a two by four

and when I hit the trap I mean this thing closed so hard it broke the two by four in half and sparks flew out because there's two metal pieces coming together and we said boys you might see this at the end of the day today and when you do just realize stepping in this bear trap life offers us a lot of bear traps

to step into. So at the end of the day during the Squire program We took the dads And we had them blindfold their sons And we built out An obstacle course

Where there was Razor Wire Just think like Tumbleweeds of Razor Wire Throwing out Like almost like on a Like almost a half of football field distance

Or quarter of a football field Was it behind BK Yeah behind BK And so rusty nails Bear traps Swinging pendulums Like and so you got to Navigate your son

Right And so whack him in the head And knock him down Right And it was a really cool experience, man, for the dads to just be able to navigate their sons and the sons to be blindfolded. But the reason we did that at the end of the day is because I didn't make the assumption that the dads and sons had the same level of trust and rapport with each other that me and Andrew have. So we proved that in 12 hours, we can build such a bond. And so when we would bring the dads and sons together and they'd go through an evolution, an exercise, like a relay,

then when instructor Steve and instructor Matt would take the dads away bring him to HQ here while we're with the boys doing some other hard stuff instructor Matt and instructor Steve would tell the dad's like hey can I give you feedback on what I saw when you your son started to lag on the sledgehammer you started yelling at him like hurry the F up do you think that's going to shut him down or is that going to actually motivate him I meant to motivate him well you really shut him down didn't you and wasn't it embarrassing for your son yeah do you think that shows up when you're on the side of the lines that has soccer matches. Yeah. So what can you do about that? And thankfully, there's

another evolution that's going to come up where now the dad can correct his actions. And so it was really cool, man, to see how each time the dads and sons met up, the problem dads, and by the way, the only reason we're problems is because no one poured into us. Yeah, yeah. Right? The problem dads were improving by the hour. And the sons were getting more courageous and more vocal. One son went up to a dad and said, hey, dad, can I talk to you and give you feedback? And the dad's like, sure. he took him into the building, didn't give him feedback in front of everyone to embarrass him. He took the dad into the building and he gave feedback and the dad was taught earlier by the two instructors that if you're given feedback by your son, as long as he's respectful, say, son, I understand. Let me see if I got this right. Is this what you mean?

And it was so neat for them to come out crying and hugging because that son had never given feedback to dad when dad would lose his lid. You know, and those were the type of things, man, that the Squire program, that we created this whole right of passage for these young boys who become young men. And I believe they're going to be future leaders. And I'm just stoked to do the next one in March. And so tell us about one or two of the kids that maybe started off timid and had like a crazy evolution throughout the day. Yeah, yeah. So one of the kids actually, one of your friends' kids, he's, he's. 12 and a half years old.

So he's one of the youngest guys there? The youngest guy there. Got it. And he didn't even want to go in the ice path. Well, first of all, why 13, 14, 15? Good question. So technically, right around 13, 14, 15 is when that testosterone starts coming on. When you start developing your body and your muscles, and you realize psychologically,

that's when every psychology book about kids will say that's when the boys begin to detach from the mom and take more interest in the dads, if they're in their relationship. the older brothers or the older kids in the neighborhood. You don't see a nine-year-old joining a gang. It's usually a 13, 14, 15-year-old because of the absence of a dad. So it's during that time when the young man starts detaching, and it's a very healthy detach from the mom and starts taking more interest in more masculine stuff.

Because there's testosterone flowing through you, and you're like, I want to do stuff that involves breaking and destroying and protecting and lifting and whatever. Like, oh, but I got no one to do that with me. So I'm gonna like I actually Around that age I lit a freaking avocado tree on fire Because I was curious how fire worked on a tree Dude I did some stupid stuff lighting trees on fire

Almost set my parents house on fire because I was like My son he's gone out and shot guns with me He knows the proper etiquette with guns like we've done cool stuff Or he's not gonna be curious and go burn down the house you know But that's why so one of these and then also why not 16 and 17 Because he actually had a pretty good answer when our friend wanted to bring 16 or 17. The discrepancy in size and like, I mean, you know, you've seen some 16, 17-year-olds

that just like grown-ass men. Yeah. And at the end of the day, we kind of want the evolutions and obstacles that we put them through to be fair. And if they're carrying logs when the Navy SEAL is putting them through log PT, you don't want the log to be so slanted because the tall dude in the back and the short guy up front or vice versa. So at some point, you do need same height and same size build.

And so this 12-and-a-half-year-old man, he was. just a little savage. I mean, we're carrying sandbags during the, during a loop here called the 3.2 mile massive hills on a loop. And I said, boys, as we get to the hills in life, we're going to attack them. Life gives us hills, just like the hills you see in front of you, and you're holding these sandbags, and we're going to attack those hills. If you take your problems in a slow way, they're going to eat you up. But if you attack your problems in life, it's going to be easier. So even with the sandbags, we're going to charge up these hills. Well, he charged up the first hill. Little did he know there was three more hills to come. And that little savage,

before he became a little savage, when he saw the second hill, he just started falling apart. And the negative self-talk began. I can't do this. This isn't for me. This is too heavy as it is. He's 12 and a half years old, tiny little dude. And one of the boys comes up behind him and puts his and he was like, so he's complaining. I can't do this. I can't attack another hill. holding the sandbag over my shoulders, and he's complaining to another boy who's feeling the same way. So now misery loves company, right? And I'm like, boys, you've got to attack the hills. We're going to do this, right?

And I'm watching what's happening. Another one of the boys comes up, takes a sandbag off, puts his hands on their lower back. He's like, guys, we got this. We're going to do this together. And he literally ran up the hill with them, supporting them. And soon you just see those two break off and attack the hills. So they knew they had more to give. The lesson there was you don't know if there's going to be another hill in life.

another problem and another problem you just attack every single one until it's over and you have more in you than you think and what was really neat is earlier that morning we had taught those young men to roar to have their war cry right there's a breathing technique that Aaron teaches where you just actually when we're lifting heavy weights what do we do we go through a little you oxygenate your brain the more oxygen you take in the more agitated you feel you feel you and actually oxygen, pure oxygen, when people breathe it in, it does actually increase their rage level. And so I was like, boy, sometimes in life you have to muster up a lot of strength,

a lot of power, a lot of courage, and there's a breeding technique. Aaron's going to take you through this. And then when you do, I'm going to teach you how to roar, your war cry. And when you do that, that gives even a little more power. And in life, I hope you never have to use it to protect yourself or whatever. But if you do, here's how it's going to be. And I said, on the off chance, during this hike, we happen to see the dads. When you see the dads coming, as soon as they're even with us, you turn to them and you give me your war cry.

And so these young boys practice that. And dude, I'm getting goosebumps. We see the dads coming on the hike because we structured it that way. We're coming from the other side of the hill, right? As we get to the top of the highest hill, the dads are going and they're smiling because they're seeing what they thought were their little boys. What they didn't realize is these little young savages turned toward him and like, ah! yelled at them all at once.

And the dads were just like, taken aback, like, holy and it was the neatest feeling because right there the dad saw that that's my man right there, that's a young man, and like I need to treat him like a young man. And there's a place where that young man can be vulnerable and soft with

his dad and his mom, but he's also a young man and a very capable man, and we need to build more of those. Sounds like the father's changed as much as the kids that day. Massively. Just so you know, so one of them was the CEO that, the racetrack company.

Right. I mean, these are like high-level entrepreneur, some of them. Yep. CEO of that racetrack company out of Las Vegas. One of them was Aaron Hind, the CEO, Fit Aid. Oh, cool. Right? Life Aid beverages, like drinks you can find in every grocery store. Another one was a Navy SEAL leader.

He teaches leadership. Brent Gleason and his son came. Wow. And his son Tyler. And he went through it. Now, he was not only an officer as a SEAL, but now he has two companies where he goes into businesses and NFL teams and NBA teams. and NBA teams and teaches leadership and communication.

And he's like, holy crap, I learned so much, my son developed so much, thank you. And he gave us one of the most glowing testimonials. And proof of this is like, don't think just because you're like, hey, I'm a present dad. Like my son was like, dad, I got so much more out of it this time than I did two years ago when we went to Idaho. I'm like, son, do you want to do it with me every time?

He's like, absolutely. So he's gonna be doing this with me every time. And it was just a really neat thing, man. Transformational on every level. Cool. So you got at least one more coming up. Yeah, one more coming up in March. And so that kind of covers the who, when, where, why, and why we do it.

And people ask, you know, are you going to do this in other places? No, just part of this transformation. Yeah, it's part of it is like the location. Yeah. You have to go and scout all that junk out. Yeah. And not only that, there's something powerful about the hero's journey, right? Where you leave home as a boy, you come back as a man.

And so if this is convenient to you in your backyard, it's not a freaking mud run where it's like, hey, it's right down the street. Let's go do the mud run. You're going to get on the plane. You're going to go to a city that you haven't been to, Chino Hills. You're going to stay at the town place Marriott. At the town place Marriott. And at 4 in the morning, buses come to pick you up.

Right? And it's dark and it's cold. And you're seeing bear traps. And it's an unfamiliar place. And you see really savage-looking men who are going to lead. But very soon you see how gentle they are as well. And you're like, holy cow. And one of the young men there, he goes up to Ray and he goes,

hey, just so you know, I want to be a Navy SEAL when I grew up. And I thought he was kidding. The dad comes to Ray. He goes, even before he met you, Ray, I mean, he was jacked. 14-year-old just jacked. He goes, for the last four years, all he's ever wanted to do is be a Navy SEAL, and you're the first one he's met. Wow.

And it was just a neat thing, man, for that connection to happen as well. But that Squire program changed my life, like 10-fold any other business that I've ever launched. And it's not even a business. It's just a passion project. And so it's going to happen again in March. amazing. Absolutely love it. So listen, if you want to grow an empire,

if you want to raise a great young man, this is a place to be, right? Indeed it is. And to that point, thank you so much for watching this episode, listening to this episode. As always, do us a favor and leave us a five-star review

if you got value out of this episode. Share this episode on social media. Oh, and where the heck can people find out about this? Oh, and you just go to... Hi, we're marketers. By the way, just go to bedroskooling.com forward slash squire, and you can find out all about the Squire program. And join us if you're a dad and you have a son

between the ages of 13, 14, and 15. See ya.