Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 118 - The Oldest Milkman In The World

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

John Rutledge joins in this month as we catch up with Len Biro, the oldest milkman in the world.Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.comMusic credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com:Before You Wake Up / Erik Fernholm

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Beef Boost Hippo Hormones, the new range of extra-strength hormone replacement products from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Are your bulls listless and depressed, impotent and slow? Have their cannon fallen silent? Then why not use Beef Boost and harness the raw power of Hippo hormones to turn your sad old has-beens into virile sturdy laser-guided spunk missiles. Ethically milked in our state-of-the-art Kentucky hormone farm, our healthy happy hulking hippos live to serve your herd and hang out with their little back bird. For 10% off your first

order of beef boost hippo hormones, simply use the code MILKMYHIPPO. Or use the code QUALE to get a free quail. And do those codes stack? Why not find out? Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website as well as the printed magazine, brought to you by Mitchell's Beef Boost hippo hormones. And we'd like to thank Mitchell's for their gift, which we received this morning here at Beef and Dairy HQ, a four-storey high inflatable rubber balloon in the shape of a hippo's

hypothalamus, filled with helium. We tethered it to the top of the building and it bobbed proudly for four or five minutes before catching a gust of wind, tearing off the roof, floating away and getting caught on a pylon which took down the electricity supply to the whole of Aylesbury. AYLESBURY! Luckily, we have a backup generator here, which runs on old beef grease. But the rest of the town has been plunged into darkness, and just minutes after the power going out, the looting and disorder began. I'm sure you can imagine the kind of scenes, people stealing onions, not taking back library books and photocopying sheet music, maybe importing lemons without the correct licence

and taping songs off the radio onto a cassette. Watching society break down so quickly was truly fascinating and reminiscent of when TikTok was turned off for three hours in America and the murder rate spiked to its highest level since the Al Capone era. Luckily here at Beef and Dairy HQ we've been preparing for full societal collapse for years and we were able to call on the militia that we have on Retainer. The Legion of the Sovereign, as they call themselves, are a sort of Praetorian Guard made up of members of a local English civil war reenactment society who, to be honest, are just happy to have an excuse to get their kit out and use it in anger. And to be fair, they've done a great job, providing us with a sort of peace of mind

that can only really be achieved by knowing that your personal safety is being dealt with by a retired accountant dressed as Oliver Cromwell. Anyway, this month the Milk Marketing Board announced that the popularity of old-fashioned doorstep milk deliveries has now continued to rise for the fourth year in a row. And so I thought it'd be a good time to catch up with milkman Len Byrow, who we last spoke to a couple of years ago to see how things have been going for him. And despite being 94 years old he's still going strong, delivering milk on the streets of his hometown of Tinmouth. Hello, my name is Len Byrow and I am a milkman.

Len, it is great to talk to you again. Thanks for coming on the show. It's a pleasure. It's been a period of time since we last spoke, but- Yeah, but a couple of years, I think. A few years, and to tell the truth, I'm surprised I'm still here, ambling on. Well, you're 94 years old, Len. Still alive, still going incredibly strong, and incredibly proud to be back on the show. Last time I was here, the response was fantastic. The amount of customers who started calling me, potentially there was a stalker, nothing sexual, just someone very interested in where I lived. It was a fantastic response, so it's great to be back.

Well, we spoke to you, as you say, a couple of years ago, we were talking about how milk deliveries are becoming more popular and they're continuing to become more popular. People like the idea of the old milkman coming around and you are a very old milkman. As I said, you're 94. 94. And I believe after the coverage that you had on this show last time, you were contacted then by the Milk Marketing Board of the UK and they wanted to run with the idea that you are the oldest milkman in the world. Oldest milkman in the world.

Something I'm incredibly proud of. I've had a wonderful life. I'm proud of everything I've done. To be the oldest milkman in the world truly is a badge of honour. Tell me about what happened when the Milk Marketing Board got in touch. Were you expecting that, or was it just totally out of the blue? The whole experience has been wonderful. You see, a few months ago, I woke up as I do at half past three, preparing myself to staple Robert, my horse, onto the front of the car

and start my milk round. As listeners may or may not know, I have a horse whose back legs have been removed. I fasten him onto my car. I deliver my milk that way every day. And just to be clear, just in case people don't remember, the horse is dragging the car. The horse is attached to the front of the car and is dragging the car. It's not that the car is pushing the front end of the horse along. No, the car itself is simply placed into neutral. so the free movement is available. The back end of the horse, the legs have been removed, is fastened to the car.

The horse then uses its front stumps. They're not legs anymore, they've worn down considerably and it is medicated on ketamine and it uses its front stumps to drag the vehicle along the road. So it's the same speed as a traditional milk float. There's nothing dangerous about it. And it just adds a certain rustic charm to my delivery and my customers love it. So, you know, getting up as normal, half past three in the morning, fastening the body of the horse, the heavily medicated horse to the car

and preparing to deliver the milk. When out of nowhere came my local postman. And great to see another early morning worker and we started chatting. He said, I've got a letter for you. I thought fantastic. I don't get many letters these days apart from the one regarding my stalker. That's another issue. I opened the letter and the milk marketing board had been in touch

saying I was the oldest milkman in the world. Wow. How much have they must've felt amazing. It was absolutely fantastic to know I was the oldest, oldest milkman in the world. And to celebrate this, this is what really tears filled my eyes. A dinner was to be held with a presentation, a three course dinner by the way. The starter was a trout pate. Well, a traditional trout course.

Traditional as always. The main was based around beef gelatin and that had been, what's the correct word, melted down to create a type of liquid that was seasoned with, what was it? It was salt. That was very, very nice. I believe in France that's known as the devil's salty ass water. Yeah, salted beef gelatin delight, I think was the correct name on the menu. It's very, very tasty. And for dessert was a chocolate fondant, but that was seasoned with, again, the leftover beef gelatin from the main course.

A wonderful meal. But besides that, I was to be awarded the prize of being oldest milkman in the world. And I was so, so very excited and so happy to be there. And it was in Solihull in the Midlands. So I got not only to leave here, Tidmouth, but to go on a day trip to the Midlands, which was fantastic. And it was held in a local bridge club. The Milk Marketing Board had begun in touch. They'd hired the room out, there were over 85 people. And not just any old people, I'm right in thinking Len, because you were given the award by a top celebrity.

I was. I mean, imagine what it's like to meet someone you've always dreamt of meeting. It's very, very exciting. I mean, to this day, I still hold it very, very, very, very close. It was Esther Ransom of That's Life fame, which if you are a listener to this program from outside of the UK, Esther Ransom is one of the most beautiful women in television history. She's a wonderful presenter. She has a talent like no other. and she's very, very famous for running a program called That's Life in the late 80s, which primarily was based around people sending in images of misshapen fruit that often look like a penis or packets of crisps from foreign countries which had strange names. For example, instead of being called salt and vinegar,

the crisps might have been called something in a foreign language that sounded like a swear word, like a piss or tit. Mason- Absolutely wonderful programme. Al- It was wonderful to meet Esther Anson, to have her hold me by the arms and dangle me over the front of the balcony as everybody clapped. It was a real treat. Swaying me backwards and forwards in front of the crowd. I was, to be honest, quite nervous because her hands were slick with beef gelatine. I mean, obviously we'd really tucked into that meal there. It was all across the front of her chin, down the front of her chest, across her dress and

on her arms. We were all caked in it, to be honest. We were having such a good time. But she held on very, very tightly and she dangled me in front of the crowd and everybody cheered three cheers for the oldest milkman in the world. Hip hip, who's R? Hip hip, who's R? Hip hip, well you understand the third, same thing.

And after this, I was so overjoyed, I spent the evening with Esther Rantz and we exchanged stories of the rest of the That's Life team and it was a wonderful evening and I had such a great experience. I went home with a poster, I went home with a medal. Went home with a smile on my face and got to spend the night in a travel lodge as well. It was a wonderful, wonderful experience. And of course, the echoes of that evening then reverberated throughout your life. You were the world's oldest milkman and the world knew about it. What was it like in that time

immediately after that was announced? I was front page news. Everybody knew who I was. The milk round itself, I'd increased my customer base by eight new customers who were happily accepting milk off of me. Robert the horse was incredibly happy to be given the extra work as well. I mean, when I say he was incredibly happy, I was still smashing massive amounts of ketamine into him through the pipe system I created whereby once I'd fastened his back end onto the front of the car and his bloody stumps had had the skateboards applied, I would then take out the ketamine tube, stuff it with the ketamine, pop it into each nostril and

blow the ketamine tube, stuff it with the ketamine, pop it into each nostril and blow the ketamine into each nostril and he was flying through time and space having a wonderful experience. And I believe that subsequent to the event then, not only were, you know, you're a famous person, everyone's amazed that the oldest man in the world lives in their town and, you know, people are waving at you in the street and suddenly you're a celebrity. You found out a rather extraordinary thing about Esther Ransom. Jason Vale Obviously, as I'd mentioned, since I'd been on your podcast, I'd had a stalker. I had no idea who this person was. It works out, Esther Ransom herself had been said stalker. Jason Vale Oh.

Jason Vale Now for most people, a stalker is something terrifying. For me to find out Esther Ransom was my stalker was the pinnacle of my life. A wonderful experience to see her gleaming teeth smiling at me as she said the words, I'm the one who sent the rabbit's head. And I knew what she meant straight away. Gosh, because yeah, of course, you know, being stalked is usually an awful thing, but that sounds wonderful. Everything was wonderful and everybody was having a great time. The business was booming and I really couldn't have asked for anything else. There was nothing that could change my outlook on the world. Everything was sunny. Everything was just absolutely fantastic. It wasn't to remain that way though.

It wasn't to remain that way though. Back to our interview later. But first we've had a huge response to last month's episode in which we spent some time talking about so-called hot oxing, the trend amongst young people to blow cannabis smoke directly into the anuses of cows. It really got you talking and our inbox lit up with your responses to this issue. Sarah Rockborough from Hexham emailed to say, I was disgusted to hear that teenagers would do that to a cow's anus. The only things that should go into a cow's anus are the gloved hand of a vet,

a farmer's gun, or the hand of the Prime Minister. Thanks for that Sarah. Tessa Rothman from Manchester wrote, What I can't understand is that teenagers will often say that they resort to blowing cannabis into the anus of cattle because they are bored. This doesn't make sense to me. I think young people need to be encouraged to do something useful for the community like bathing the elderly.

Interesting point there Tessa. And finally Alan Pugh from Derbyshire writes, I was disgusted to learn about the prevalence of cannabis use. When it comes to cannabis, the only joints I'm interested in are joints of beef. When I say that I'm getting baked, I mean that I'm baking a beef pie. When I say that I'm getting fried, what I mean is that I'm frying beef for my family. If I'm rolling one, I'm talking about a brisket. If I'm sparking up, that means I'm having ideas about new beef recipes. The only thing I pass on the left hand side is a piping hot gravy boat.

When I'm getting my hands on some herb, I'm talking about the rosemary that I'm rubbing onto my Sunday rib of beef. The only hot box in my house is my oven, cooking up some beef for my family. When I'm smoking a fat one, I'm talking about the top rump that's in my BBQ. The only Mary Jane I want is my wife, Mary Jane. The only pot I want is one full of beef casserole. When I get a big bowl of hash, I'm talking about corned beef hash, and the only grass I'm interested in is the lush pastures that sustain beef cows. When I'm hitting the bong, I mean that I'm ringing the gong that I have in my house to let my children know that the beef is ready.

When I'm getting stoned, that means that the local community are pelting me with rocks because I've been stealing beef again. And when I'm taking a hit, that means that one of the rocks has made contact with me. For me, THC stands for The Hurling Crew, and 420 stands for the number of times I've been hit by a rock. For me, the only blunt I know is the blunt force of the rocks hitting my head and body. Thank you for that, Alan. Sounds like you have a very rich life. A very rich life indeed. A very rich life indeed. More after this. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Beef Boost Hippo Hormones, the new range

of extra strength hormone replacement products from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Healthy bulls are at the heart of any farm, but sometimes as bulls age, they can begin to slow down. Their sperm count can dip and they begin to look tattered and saggy, their feces flaked, flaccid, leathery penis dragging along the ground like an abandoned ragdoll. But what can be done? We believe that the answer lies deep in the glands of our lumbering amphibious friend,

the hippopotamus. Beef Boost is packed with only 100% hippo hormones to give your big boys the pep they so desperately need, all administered in a simple 90 to 120 minute anal transfusion. For 10% off your first order of Beef Boost hippo hormones, simply use the code MILKMYHIPPO, or use the code QUALE to get a free quail. And do these codes stack?

Who knows? But what's the worst that could happen? Now it's time to go back to our big interview with Len Bayerow. Having received a letter telling him that he was the oldest milkman in the world, he then received a second less welcome letter from the Milk Marketing Board. From the highs of the fame, I suddenly came crashing down to earth after receiving an apology from the Milk Marketing Board because after everything they'd gone through, and I understand where they're coming from, they'd obviously thought they were helping.

I was in fact informed everything was a lie. I was not the oldest milkman in the world. And in fact, that title was held by a man called Paul Menendez, a Chilean man. Everything I'd been awarded was to be stripped away from me awarded was to be stripped away from me and given to him in a ceremony in Chile. They apologized profusely and they did offer me the opportunity to visit Santiago in Chile, to stay in a three-star hotel and to meet said man, pass him on my title and still hold as a gesture of goodwill the title of oldest milkman in Britain. I was in pieces.

How does one begin to come to terms with that and what kind of effect did that have on you? It's something I can't bring myself to talk about, but I'll just say I hold very dearly and very closely to my heart the fact that Esther Anson's greasy hands once held me aloft and swung me from a balcony. And although that may never happen again, I know it's, as the saying goes, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I've tried desperately to reach out to Esther, but so far there's been nothing. I am trying to move on regarding that. That's probably the hardest thing, knowing that, you know, if I ever find a root

vegetable that looks like a penis or a packet of crisps that look like their brand name is something like shit or piss, I've got no one to share that with now. So there's a sadness there. No, it wasn't all bad news though, was it? Because as you said, you were invited over to South America to stay in the three star hotel and you did go over there. You took your horse, Robert, and you met Paul. And I believe that you hit it off or at least you, you had a lot of similarities. You realised that your lives were actually very, very similar. It was a very unique experience, almost stunning in some ways because as two men who've never met but are of a very similar age and have had a very, very similar profession. The idea

of him having an Alpaca that had lost its back legs and he'd fastened it to the front of his own vehicle, popped his own vehicle into neutral, and would then allow the alpaca to drag it through the streets of Santiago was incredibly similar to my experience. I mean, it was wonderful. I mean, obviously language was a barrier, but the experience of the two were seeing the similarities. I mean, him, you know, holding up Robert my horse's front legs, the bloodied stumps and laughing whilst I held his alpacas stumps and we realized the similarities. Him

then allowing me to share my supply of ketamine by blowing some of it into the nose of his alpaca through the tube, straight in, and him in turn showing me how he kept his alpaca going by using pure cocaine and him blowing some of that into the nose of my horse. And we had a cultural exchange like none other. We had so much in common, I felt there was a bond. I mean, that's very clear in the video, which has been released. It's an amazing video, the two of you with the alpaca and the horse and... The cocaine and the ketamine as well. An incredible moment, very emotional. But what makes it all the more emotional is that

right at the end of that video, which you can see on YouTube of course, the screen darkens and it says, unfortunately, the day after this was filmed, Paul disappeared and hasn't been seen since. And that really puts a sort of a sad note on the end of what has been a very happy song to that point. The only good thing to come out of this is the fact that I now have regained the title of the world's oldest milkman. But have you though Lem, because he's missing. He's only been missing now for about six

or nine months I think. Six months and eighteen days since he vanished. So there's every chance he could be alive somewhere and still be the world's oldest milkman. Is that not fair to say? There is a chance, but also if I was to tell you that he won't be coming back. You're confident of that? I need to be completely truthful here. Paul will not be coming back. I murdered him. I took him out to the desert. I held a plastic bag over his head and I drained the life out of him, in full view of his alpaca who I shot. Len, just to put in here, I mean, this is an incredible admission on your part. This

isn't something I was necessarily prepared for. Are you saying that you, just to be totally clear, you're saying that you murdered Paul Menendez? It's a confession. And I want the world to know that I would never dream of hurting any other man unless they impose on me. And the fact that it was the oldest milkman in the world drove me insane and in that moment I took him out and I killed him. I drank his blood for his strength, I ate his heart for his energy and I took a portion of his brain and ate that as well.

I also wear one of his nipples around my neck as a memento of that. I'm not afraid to take anyone on. I have the strength of a thousand men I have killed and I will kill again if it means I am still the world's oldest milkman. Okay, now what happens when, you know, this goes out, the police become aware of this, the men and his family become aware of this? What happens then, Len? Have you thought that far? What can they do? What can they do? What can they do to stop me?

Well, they can imprison you. I mean, they can arrest you. There is no way that they will catch me. I will take on anyone, young or old, and I will fight you to the death. And who cares if you put me in prison? How long have I got anyway? Days, literally days. I'm in my nineties for Christ's sake. I don't care anymore. I have no fear. I will fight any man. Okay. Just, just to remind you, you're 94 years old, you're quite physically frail. But I have the mind of a maniac and I live

in a permanent K-hole. I feel no pain. One final question, Len. Of course. Where has this violence come from? You felt like a very placid kind of person when we spoke last time. And even for most of this interview, it feels like you're a very relaxed and peaceful man. Where's this other side of you come from? I use Google a lot and quite often the algorithm will suggest products for health. And I came across some testosterone replacement tablets on a Google advert.

I've been taking them for just over 12 months now. And it's certainly a marked difference on my approach to people. Are you sure you're taking the right dosage of that? So basically I took my first pack on, I ate the entire thing and to be honest, they didn't do that much. They did, there was some difference to my life in general. But over time that I needed a stronger dose, I spoke to a local friend of mine who's a vet who looks at the horse. I ended up managing to get some hippo testosterone replacement tablets and I haven't looked back

since. Incredibly powerful. Just to be clear, you're taking testosterone at a kind of hippo level dose? On a daily basis. I'm just crushing it up and snorting it daily now but I feel like a 14 year old with the testicles of a hippopotamus. Fantastic. Top of the world. Wow. Okay, well Len Bayrou, thank you very much. Thank you.

A big thanks to Len Bayrou for that interview, and a reminder that hippo hormones should not be ingested by humans. But no one can stop you. So that's all we've got time for this month. If you're off to more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we sit down for a big pasta meal with a CGI Pavarotti. So until next time, beef out. Thanks to John Rutledge. Hey everybody, I'm Jeremy.

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