Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 124 - Your Host's Tenth Anniversary

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

Mike Wozniak, Tom Neenan, Susan Harrison, Gemma Arrowsmith and Linnea Sage join in this month as your host celebrates his tenth anniversary as the presenter of the Beef and Dairy Network and proves that even in the midst of an outbreak of Jacobinius Arse Syndrome, beef is safe to eat. Music:Morning Mist / Brett Van DonselStock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.comMusic credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com:United Kingdom National Anthem / National Anthem Worx

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is brought to you by Quails 2.0, the revolutionary new live flightless bird cattle feed from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Unfortunately, thanks to government disinformation, bloated bureaucracy, and a worrying global rise in anti-scientific sentiment, Quails 2.0 is now banned in over 190 jurisdictions worldwide. But to our loyal customers in the Cook Islands, the Holy See, and Jersey, we'd like to thank you for standing by the world's most exciting live avian cattle feed. We love you, and so do your herd.

For 10% off your next crate of Quails 2.0, simply use the code, endorsed by the Pope. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website as well as the printed magazine brought to you by Quails 2.0. Now, I don't need to tell you that it's been yet another dark, dark month for the beef industry. Jacobeanus Arse Syndrome continues to spread throughout the cattle population, not just here in the UK, but worldwide. The link between genetically modified quail and the disease has now been officially confirmed. And although beef is safe to eat even from those animals

infected by Jacobeanus Arse Syndrome, beef sales have fallen to their lowest on record and the beef price has fallen to its lowest ever as long as you discount the 24 hours when the UK government made beef free on VJ Day. Cheap beef of course could seem like good news for consumers of beef, but it is a disaster for beef farmers, many of whom have already had to diversify into other income streams, such as pulling around tourists on an inflatable tyre on a rope across a greased tarpaulin. So I apologise for a gloomy start to this month's show, which is a shame of course because it's my 10th anniversary of presenting the Beef and Dairy Network. I remember my first

episode vividly, I was so nervous I'd actually taken what I've since discovered should have been a fatal dose of cattle tranquiliser. But after three or four years I was able to wean myself off that stuff and I can remember most of the episodes since. And I'd just like to say thank you to the production team who have done so much over the years, but I have told them that if they've prepared some kind of celebratory cake, that should be put to one side because this is a very grave time. Today isn't about me. It's about the beef family. Sorry to interrupt, but we didn't get you a cake? No, okay. No, yeah. No, I guess that was more of an example. Like saying, if you had got

me a cake, I'd be telling you to bin it right now because of the grave situation. Yeah. I'm not sure that's quite the right message either, because farmers are struggling at the moment. Binning food is a bit insensitive. Yeah, that's not the message I'm trying to put. Look, for a start, you didn't buy me a cake, so we're not binning a cake. So we're not binning a cake. Okay, great.

Okay? Yeah. Sorry, everyone, that's my production assistant, Kyla. One of the production team, but also one of the beef family. And I'd like to thank you, Kyla, for everything you've done for the family these past 10 years. That's okay. Okay. Have you recorded the intro yet?

I'm literally doing that. Are you not listening? Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't actually. I just I was just online booking weekend away for me and my sister. Did you know there's this farm in Sussex, right? That has a cheap weekend Airbnb type place. And if you give the guy 10 quid, they'll pull you around on an inflatable tire, on a grease tarpaulin. Can you believe that? It looks so freeing. You know, when you sort of get like dragged down by, you know, day-to-day life or like a boring job or whatever, or the sort of boring interactions, just imagine how free you would feel being dragged around on a tyre. Isn't that amazing? Shall I carry on recording the intro now, Kyla?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Today's not about me. It's about the beef family. And so, if the production team have maybe made a special montage, or bought me a gold watch, I would say no. That's not what we're doing today. Did you get that, Kyla? Just want to make sure you're listening. I don't want anything special today. Yeah, we had quite a lot of ideas and thoughts and plans, but obviously we had to cancel every single one of them. Well, that's what I wanted to happen. Yeah.

Exactly. So like definitely those things went through my head and some of them like reached further along the planning stage, but I So that's what I wanted to happen. Yeah. Exactly. So like definitely those things went through my head and some of them like reached further along the planning stage, but none of them have actually happened. But you know, yeah, but that's good. Exactly. It's really good. Yeah. Really good. And it doesn't mean like we can't all go for a drink after the show and just have a quiet drink, a respectful and quiet drink to celebrate, does it? Oh God, I'm just really, oh no, really sorry. I actually can't because someone's coming around to fix my wifi. It's just, sorry. I think let's just get on with the show, shall we, Kyla?

Yeah. Okay. Today is not about me. It's about the beef family. And to talk about recent developments, I've invited two members of that wonderful beef family to join me today. In the studio with me I have Bob Traskothic, friend of the show, nice to see you Bob. Hello. Sorry about all that business with Kyla there. This is Kyla, she's a production assistant just behind the glass. Ah. Hello Kyla.

Hi Bob. Oh, you know each other? She's a production assistant just behind the glass. Ah. Hello, Kyla. Hi, Bob. Oh, you know each other? Yes, we have... Well, yes, Kyla and I know each other. We had a bit of a holiday fling, you could call it. I was on holiday in Catalonia and Bob was working for some local shepherds running the sheep tip. I picked up a fungal toro infection

from the pool at the hotel and it was miles to the nearest chemist so I asked Bob to dip me into the antimicrobial sheep bath. As he used his strong arms to dip me into the fly-flect liquid I knew I wanted more. And that evening we stayed up long into the night Okay, Kyla, that's quite enough of that. Right, Bob, thank you so much for coming in. How are things with you? Obviously this is a really tough time for the whole industry. Well, it's unfortunate circumstances to be here. It's a tragic time for the industry.

I mean, the flip side, I myself had a wonderful weekend sliding around on a grease tub all in while sitting on an inflatable tyre. Being pulled by one of the farmers that I used to do a lot of work for. His entire herd has gone. So at the moment he's just charging you five for 10 minutes. So a pretty good deal. It's great fun. Well, thanks, Bob. Now also I'm joined down the line by a TV doctor best known for his roles on BBC Radio 4's Lunchtime Prescription and Channel 5's Celebrity Blind Pill Lottery. It's Dr Sam Archer, how are things? Yeah, very good, thank you. Had a wonderful weekend actually at a local farm. What the

farmer's done is he's spread out this huge tarpaulin, which he's then greased up, and if he's bugging him some cash, his son will drag you around on an inflatable tyre. Lots of fun. Yeah, sounds fun. I would like to take this opportunity as well to warn people, but while it is extremely fun, there is a danger with the greased up tarp with the inflatable tyre that you could fall off and you could cause yourself an injury. These places are completely unregulated as far as I'm aware.

Yeah. I don't even know how you'd go about regulating them to be honest. Probably people are quite hostile to anyone who turns up at their farm with a clipboard, so good luck regulating them. So this one you went to this weekend, did you feel in danger? Well, the thing is the farmer's son that I was being dragged around for is a, he's a strong lad, but he's not a clever lad. And so it's a trade-off there where you're going really fast, but if something were to go wrong and you had to say to him, Jimbo, stop, he might not understand you first time and that there are inherent risks involved in that. Yes. I think it's important people know it's a burgeoning scene and it is a lot of fun,

but a lot of farmers, they can't really afford fuel at the moment. They're not using the tractors. I mean, a few are, the premium end, but a lot of the time it is just the very strong offspring of children themselves that are being lashed up with ropes and dragging you around. Mason- And I know this isn't what we're here to talk about, Dr Sam, but are you seeing people coming in with injuries from these tyre experiences or is that yet to filter through to the general population? Sam- I've seen a few broken legs and I've seen a few grease burns and things like that. So it is, they are trickling in. I think it's when this gets popular and then suddenly

the shonkier outlets start allowing people to do this. It might not be a tarpaulin. It might just be some bin bags that have been taped together. That's a risk. It might not be an inflatable tire. It might be someone who's sort of formed a circle out of a pool noodle. It's sort of the knockoffs that you need to be aware of. That's where the danger lies, if you ask me. Yes. And obviously the smaller farms, which are actually at lower risk really on the whole, it's the larger herds that are higher risk and so some of the smaller farms are holding out, but they have less space. Usually when you come off the tyre, you come off by being effectively slingshotted off the tyre. If

there's not a lot of space between you and the nearest oak tree, for example, or railway line, then you can get a bit more of a pickle. Obviously, that's a kind of maybe positive externality to this situation, this golden age of being dragged around on an inflatable tyre on a grease tarpaulin. But let's talk about the downsides of this situation. Bob, since we spoke last month, Jacobinus Ars Syndrome has continued to spread and grow. There are now more countries where Jacobeanus-Sass syndrome is present. There are some countries, I believe now, where there are more cattle that have it than don't. It's not a good picture, is it, Bob? No, it's very troubling. And particularly, as you say, that number, large swathes of Western Europe particularly badly affected the Americas en masse and the Antipodes actually are, they seem to be the worst affected

zones, really, at the moment. It's interesting, isn't it, that those areas are the areas in which Netflix is one of the major media providers. Well, I don't think that's any, that'll come as any surprise to anyone. really Netflix were saved financially by getting in on the Quail 2.0 scheme and indeed tried to improve their own issues, the general public by incorporating them into some of their biggest shows. It's no accident the only survivor of Squid Game Series 3, what was a Quail 2.0? I'm sorry about spoilers. Yeah, so I haven't actually...

Oh yes, I do apologize. I am so sorry. But yes, they retrofit Quail 2.0 into some old classics as well. Well, it seemed like an obvious thing to do, didn't it? When they replaced Kevin Spacey in anything he's ever been in with a Quail 2.0, it felt like a win-win situation at the time. Again, there's great positives and that's proved some of Spacey's work immeasurably. Even he's admitted to that. I know we're not here to discuss this, but I feel it's the awards season in the United

States and they've just announced, obviously, the quail is absolutely hoovering up awards. I mean, is it right that a quail should get an acting award is all I'm saying, because does a quail even know it's acting in a show? It's just a bit, it gets on my nerves a bit, sorry, as someone who works in TV and the media, that they've sort of got, you know, so many garlands around this quail and he doesn't even know it's in a TV show. It's annoying. All right. Well, that's interesting you say that, I suppose, because it't even know it's in a TV show. It's annoying. Oh, right. Well, that's interesting. You say that, I suppose, but it's not, it's not, I've

only dabbled really in that industry. I did read an interview with Judi Dench, who said that the fact that the quail doesn't understand that it's acting, that it has no sense of what's happening at all actually makes it act better because it's less self-conscious and it's free of the shackles. Much like Mark Weilance, I believe. Exactly. Exactly. So. Doesn't even know he's alive, apparently. Barely able to register his surroundings, yes. In normal day-to-day life, yes.

Extraordinary. So Dr Sam, the principal reason that we've got you on the show today is that you're actually working closely with the government, I believe, on the crisis. Could you tell me about your exact role there? Yes, certainly. So I should say straight away that I'm not working with the government on a policy level. Personally, I'm not politically aligned with this current government. I'm not really politically aligned with any particular party. I get my marching orders from a very specific Reddit thread called Hilary's emails 423. Google it. Anyway, so yeah, so I'm not working on that level.

I'm working on a messaging level. The government are having trouble with their messaging. I volunteer my services, me and a sort of a brain trust of people that I'm very proud to be working with. There's me, there's RFK Jr, Bear Grylls and Jonathan Franzen. Is this something you're doing pro bono or are you being paid by the government to do this? Not money, let's just say that. Are you talking what, missiles? I'm not allowed to divulge too much, but yeah, let's just say arms, arms in general.

They're a very stable commodity at a difficult time. And then the great thing is I can then, in a way it's an ethical choice because then I can choose to sell them onto whoever I think globally has the best chance of winning. Or it's just domestic, isn't it? I've done the same. And given the danger of full societal collapse that could come with this current beef crisis, it might be useful to have some heavy weaponry. Yes, and if you do have a cache of spare arms and you're flush, you can do what I heard

Marc Camot did in the New Forest area, where he set off the rocket of an RPG behind him while he was on an inflatable tire on a Grease tarpaulin to really add a bit of a, add a bit of warmth. Tremendous fun. Look at me, Simon Mayo, look at me. Yes, that's what he says on the video. Yes. Now, Dr. Sam, I don't know if you're actually able or allowed to give us an insight into this about what the government's doing, but you would have been involved this week with their decision to officially come out

and officially blame Quails 2.0 for the epidemic. It was seen as an inevitable step, but let's just talk about the messaging around it because some people have said you weren't careful enough. And because of this, we've seen a wave of retribution from the public against Quails, not just GM Quails, but Quails and actually other birds when people don't necessarily realise they're not a quail. I've personally seen someone kicking a partridge. I've seen someone hassling a pheasant. So I want to ask you about that Dr Sam, but maybe first Bob, how does this feel watching this as someone who has dedicated their life to

animals? Is it hard to watch? It is, but I mean an animal I also love of course is the human race and the human race will always need a whipping boy of sorts and in a stressful time, someone is always going to get it. So few people really understand what a quail is. I saw a group of pensioners attack at Chihuahua just the other day and it's all associated. So there will be damage done to our nation's fauna, the fauna of the world, but it's better than that spilling out into some sort of wider conflict, I would say something more serious. But if it does, you are armed to the teeth.

Yes, if anyone makes it into my compound, they'll be faced with Lance Corporal Linda, by which I mean with my Zastava M55 Serbian triple-barrelled anti-aircraft gun. 700 rounds per minute, per barrel. Named after my mother. For? Yeah, very similar situation to me actually. Anyone who wants to access my domain, if they get past the dogs, then they've got to contend with a group of South African militia who like that kind of thing a bit too much. Great for me though, works well for me. Will maintaining a group of mercenaries like that be viable if society collapses? Obviously there's a danger with these kind of groups that in a post-society world

money won't be worth anything. In which case, what do you pay them? How do you keep them under control? In that instance I'm very pleased that I made them all ingest a remotely detonated grenade and the trigger, I'm happy to say, is always around my neck. Very good. Okay, now getting back to the issue of the public not being able to tell the difference between a GM quail and a regular quail, do you not think this is a failure on your part, Dr Sam? A failure of government messaging. People just don't know the difference. Sam Well, I'm delighted to say that actually we're

constantly evolving the messaging and in the next few weeks you'll see a rollout of films, online adverts, bus shelter ads as well tackling exactly this. And the messaging is all about the feathers of the quails. Mason OK, well maybe you could give us a preview and let our listeners know. How should they use the feathers to tell the difference between a GM quail and a regular quail? Basically, look at the feathering on the outside of the feathering. And remember, if it's brown on the line, then that quail is fine. But if there's grey on the hem, that quail is fine, but if there's grey on the hem, then that quail is GM. So just keep that in your mind. If you really, I mean, if you have to kick a quail, you know, if

you have to maim that bird, then please just remember that before you go in hell for leather. These are greys and browns that are very hard to distinguish on an overcast day. Almost identical, I'd say. Yes. Yeah. And because of the way that they're iridescent, sometimes the browns can look grey and the greys can look a bit brown. So maybe try and get them under a dentist's light? You could do, yeah. Although very bright light will make the feathers often appear transparent. So that won't help either, really. Well, yesterday, of course, the government took a really huge step. It's not been uncontroversial,

let's just put it that way. They put through an emergency act of parliament, which says that, and let me get this right, any property owner or landowner or tenant on land or in a property is now legally required if they see a quail 2.0 or a Mega Quail, which we will remind listeners is the offspring of a GM Quail and a regular Quail, they are legally required to try and catch that Quail 2.0 or Mega Quail, and if they do catch it, they should twist off its penis. I'll come to you first Bob, what do you make of this? Well, it has my full support It's the right thing to do. I just don't know if we're in the right generation these days I mean if this was back in the 50s or the 60s, you know, the post-war generation

I think people would have got behind a something like that even in the early 80s where people briefly got into things like counting the amount of butterflies they might see on a June day if the people at Blue Peter had asked you to do so. But I don't know, I think if we are going down that route, I think that, well I don't need to tell Sam, that the messaging has to be clear because people will just listen to the last bit and they'll be twisting the

penises off anything and everything, especially if they're panicking as people are at the moment. So education is key. Personally, I think that we shouldn't be targeting people of working age here because they're most likely to get it wrong. I think primary school education should be stopped immediately and primary school children should be trained in twisting the penis off of quail 2.0s, mega quails. To become a kind of vigilante force, like a sort of bounty hunter class of... Well, yes, but I mean, if they've got the rubber stamp of the government, they're more like a sort of dick militia, really, I think.

The following is a message from the UK government, Jacobeanus Arse Syndrome Task Force. Remember, it is now a legal obligation that if you see a genetically modified quail on your property, you must make an effort to catch it and twist off its penis. For help on how to successfully twist off a quail's penis,

please visit your local beef information centre, which should be running a series of workshops with the help of a local celebrity. For example, in Richmond you can learn how to twist off a quail's penis with some of the less famous members of the cast of Ted Lasso. Dr Sam, do you think you've got this one right? I think it's been rolled out well. I think the messaging has been good. I think that the public discipline has been on the whole respectful. I would just say, for heaven's sake, there are bins. There are specific bins and they have the label. We've all seen them where you're meant to

put the penises and the birds once the penis has been twisted off. Mason They're outside your local beef information centre normally? Yes, exactly. So just put them there. We don't need motorways littered with them. That doesn't help anyone. So please, if you're going to do it, just make sure everything is disposed off correctly because otherwise this is the British Isles and we want it to be clean and tidy and a green and pleasant land land not covered in quail penis. The following is a message from the UK Government Jacobeanus Arse Syndrome Task Force. So, you've twisted off a quail's penis. What next? Great question.

Simply take it and deposit it into the designated bin outside your local beef information centre. into the designated bin outside your local beef information centre. For those living in rural areas, your local beef information centre might be running a burn-it-on-site system, in which case, simply hurl it onto the roaring pyre. Once disposed of, you'll receive a form. Fill in the form and take it into the beef information centre. Once registered, you'll receive a badge and a packet of crisps. One detail of the scheme is that if you take the quail dick to your local beef information centre, put it in the correct bin, you will be given a badge. Yes. And I guess the question is, is that enough? Because the scheme's only been running now

for one or two days. And if you look out the window, you can see the country's littered with with quail dicks. So do you think they've got this right? I understand why they went for the badge. The badge was an easy, but I think it needs to be more than that. I think I think it needs to be a sticker book, ideally with shinies. It's a great idea. Yeah, I mean, I can suggest it, it will be expensive. I mean, the badges work because they're quite easy to make. Kids love them, so who are we to argue? Let's talk about human health. Of course, we know the only way for a human to contract

Jacobinus Ars Syndrome is via sexual congress with an infected mega-quail. Sam, have you begun to see any human cases coming through? It's what we in the medical industry call the I fell on it situation, which is people sort of claiming ignorance. They have all the symptoms, but they point blank refuse to admit how they would have got this. So we have to just discharge them. We've got no other choice. But if I was to read between the lines, I'd say I've seen about maybe 8,000 to 10,000 people come in with those kinds of symptoms. Mason Gerrard Bob, how about you? I mean, obviously you're

working in the farming community. There will be a certain amount of panic amongst people who work on farms. They're working in close contact with the animals who have the disease. Tell me about that. Paul McLean Yes, and this is a community that doesn't have access to the modern conveniences of urban life. There are no bowling alleys or cinemas. You can of course be dragged around on a grease tarpaulin on the back of an inflatable tyre. Absolutely, but if it's foul weather, you might want to stay in and bang a quail. So it's quite, it's hard

to convince these people that some of their pursuits are no longer safe or to advise them how to protect themselves. And there are people who are just saying it's a conspiracy theory. I know it isn't, but I do sometimes think that these things are mishandled. On the day that it was made public that this is how it's being transmitted to humans. It seems to me that the government, I mean, people use the word cover-up, I think they just didn't want to talk about it. Well, to be fair to the government, they put out a press release saying that they believe that Jacobeanus-R syndrome is circulating

in small numbers, they say, in the human population. But you're right insofar as they haven't necessarily talked about how those humans contracted the disease. Why do you think they're not being so upfront about this? I think they find it icky and they don't want to talk about it and that's why they keep trying to change the subject. That's why on the day that the information came out, did Downing Street release a statement? No. Keir Starmer released a zine that West Streeting had done all the art for that depicted Keir as a sort of pimp killer. It's pretty good, but it's part of the conversation, but it's never going to be enough to stop people talking about what really, really matters. I mean, okay, I feel like I'm sort of defending the government here. And I've kind of ended up

in a situation where I'm, I'm acting in their defense. And given that, you know, I should say I'm not contracted by the government at this stage. I had two short stories in the zine, which I thought were quite good and sort of all carried a subtext about looking after your best health and not having sex with quails. That was a strong subtext that I included in there. But like I say, I'm not here to defend the government, but I would say I think everyone is working to the absolute top of their abilities in order to kind of make sure that this doesn't turn into something that becomes snowballs and then is completely uncontrollable.

Do you think the government need to bring in Matt Hancock? You know, I'm a huge fan of Matt. We did actually speak to him, obviously. I didn't want to get coarse, but he was going to be the face of the penis twisting campaign because his surname is similar to the two appendages that are involved in twisting off a quail's penis. In the end, he wasn't available. He was at the same farm that I was, but because he's got a lot of...

He's a very wealthy man. Basically, he dropped, I think, something like 10,000 pounds at this farmer's feet and said, I want Jimbo to take me to the moon. So, you know, God knows where he is now. Yeah. Let's talk about the beef prices. Bob, you'll have been working with farmers all week and I imagine that's been hitting them pretty hard. Beef is now cheaper than water in Britain. Yes, that's right.

Obviously, this means that most farms are now economically non-viable. How have farmers been taking this? Well, the ones who are doing the best are the ones who've got decent courses for greased up tarpaulins and inflatable tyres. A little bit of hillage, a little bit of contourage and so on. Generally speaking, things are bad, I would say. Things are bad. And the price is dropping hour by hour still at the moment. Dr Sam, obviously this will have a mental health toll on the farming community. Is that something you're seeing coming across your threshold? Yes. Once again, farmers are very private people and getting them to open up about their

emotions is difficult. I would also say from a mental health perspective, if you are a farmer who, if your top hormone is greased up and you have the inflatable tire there, hop on yourself, treat yourself. Don't always be the drag, dragger, sometimes be the draggy. Let someone else take the strain for a bit. Exactly. And drag you round. Yeah.

Both metaphorically and physically on an inflatable tire. It's a good, I have to say, I feel ashamed of myself that I haven't, that hasn't occurred to me and I'm going to be spreading the word about that because I think that's such a tremendous idea. And a lot of these people that I meet, I mean, they'll enjoy that and I think some of them would also just enjoy just lying down on the Greece top all in and sort of splashing around a bit, really. Even that would be, just make a Greece angel. The following is a message from the UK government Jacobeanus Arse Syndrome Task Force. If you have any questions about twisting off a quail's penis or how to dispose of the

penis and register for your badge, simply call the Task Force Action Line on 5510 5555556741 55555555551655741. That's 5510 5555556741 55555555555655741. Do it for Britain. Do it for the world. Do it for beef. Twist off a genetically engineered quails penis today. Now, the reason you're both here is not just for your fabulous insight, and thank you for everything you've said so far today. It's been fascinating. But as I informed you both before the show, I felt that someone had to do something about this. I saw the beef price falling. I felt the government weren't really doing anything about it. Sorry, Dr Sam, with respect, apart from publishing these increasingly strange zines.

I mean, all the information is there if you read between the lines is all I'd say, but point taken. The truth is people in the public at large are scared to eat beef. They're scared. And that's crazy because meat from an infected animal is completely safe for human consumption. Isn't that right, Dr Sam? Yeah, no, it technically is absolutely fine to do. It is, in inverted commas, safe. You were a bit more unequivocal on the phone earlier, Dr Sam. Well I guess, you know, it was hypothetical then, now it's a lived reality and one that

I'm going to have to sort of watch. So, no, but you know, I stand by it. I stand by the word safe. Okay. And so here today on the show, in front of my witnesses, Bob Triskothick. Yes. And Kyla behind the glass. Start the music please Kyla. I am going to eat some meat from an infected animal to prove how safe it is. I had intended to feed some to one of my ex-wife's children but they refused. They obviously don't believe in the British beef industry as much as I do.

That's fine. I can take matters into my own hands. And mouth. Now, to make sure this is safe, I asked Dr Sam to be here. He unfortunately couldn't be here in person. I couldn't be there, but I'm, you know, I couldn't be there. But I'm here on the line if anything goes wrong. And I have spoke to Bob and he'll do, you know, what needs to be done.

Should it come to that? Which it won't. It won't. Because, like I say, everything's safe. Yeah, yes. And I'm here. And as indeed suggested by Dr. Sam, I am here with my trusty shovel. Music off, please, Kyla. Yeah, about the shovel, I noticed that.

Well, it's dope. Never let me down. Yes, this will take your head clean off in a single swipe. Right. It's helped me on many occasions. I've fought my way out of a favela with this thing. Fought my way out of a mass wedding I accidentally stumbled into in La Paz, Bolivia once. I had no business being there. People were very agitated, but thanks to this, made it home. In this context, I mean, this isn't like the wedding of a gang boss's daughter in a South American slum. So why, sorry, why Dr. Sand did you tell Bob to bring a travel to this?

It's perfectly safe. Like this is like an insurance policy on top of an insurance policy on top of an insurance policy. It's all going to be fine. Just do bear in mind that obviously with Jacobinus Arse Syndrome, normally the arse acts as a kind of vent. It avoids toxins, it avoids pressure from the body. When it loses the ability to do that, the human becomes like a... What's the best way to describe it? Have you seen the film Oppenheimer? Yes. Basically, that happens within the human body and there is a- I might become a kind of genius? Is that what you mean?

Think about what Oppenheimer made. Okay. I'll give you a hint. and it's not his wife sad. Are you saying I'm going to explode? There is a chance you could explode, a very, very slim chance. In that situation, obviously, Kyle's behind the glass, she's safe. I'm behind the glass of the internet. Bob there would be at the eye of the storm, as it were.

And if he thinks that things are going to go awry, I have given him a medical sanction to behead you. Behead? Which he said he was willing to do. So I'm very grateful for that. Yeah. Did you say behead? Then at which point your neck would be acting as a very necessary emergency vent.

Yes. But you wouldn't suffer. I mean, the way, well, just looking at you, I mean, with this shovel your head had come off like a sort of pat of cream cheese. Mm-hm. Did you say behead? Was it definitely behead you said? Can I just say that I'm pro-beheading if it comes up? Thank you, Kyla. So, I'll be eating this infected beef after this. This episode is supported in part by Falmouth University's Comedy Writing MA, the only

dedicated comedy writing masters on the market. Students learn from an award-winning TV and audio comedy producer, how to write sketches, sitcoms, comedy dramas, developing a body of work for multiple platforms including television, audio and online. Students leave the course with a portfolio of scripts, treatments and responses to professional briefs and connections to the industry through the professional backgrounds of the academic team, guest masterclasses and optional in-person events. You can tap into Falmouth's pioneering creative community at any time and place that works for you. You can start your studies in January, May or September with part-time studies that fit into your schedule wherever you are in the world.

If you want to find out more, search Falmouth online for more information. That's F-A-L-M-O-U-T-H. Falmouth! FALMATH! Okay, let's eat some beef. Well, here we go. Kyla has done quite a bad job of cooking this brisket. Bit tough by the looks of things, but I'm going to do it. I'd just like to say I'm not scared at all because why would I be? Because this is perfectly safe.

I'm not scared at all because why would I be? Because this is perfectly safe. So I'm just writing this down for posterity because just in case that's the last... Anyway. Okay Bob are you ready to be my official witness? Yeah. The shovel is in the brace position. Yes. You're putting on one of those... It's for spatter, yes. Yeah, it's kind of penny. Yes, it's a spatter penny. Is it made of lead?

It looks like it's made of lead. It's lead lined, yes. That's really for sort of bone fragments. Okay. Yeah, because I haven't done this in a while, just in case my technique is a bit off. And you do need... I mean, it should come off easily, but in case I need a few goes. Okay, so you're putting on one of those...

Yeah, it's kind of penny. Yes, it's a spatter penny. Is it made of lead? It looks like it's made of lead. It's lead lined, yes. That's really for sort of bone fragments. Okay. Yeah, because I haven't done this in a while, just in case my technique is a bit off. And you do need... I mean, it should come off easily, but in case I need a few goes. Okay. Here goes.

Infected brisket down the hole. For Britain. For beef. For the beef family. Oh no no no no no no no. Oh shit. What can you see? Shit, shit.

He's having a turn. This is looking nasty. Green light please. Request a green light to shovel. I'm going to shovel his head off. I'm going to shovel his fucking to shovel wait Do you have a shovel his head off? We're gonna shovel his fucking head off Do you have a visual? Shovel his fucking head off Do not behead him unless the anus fully closes

Do you have do you have visual only a partial visual on the anus a partial visual on the anus, a partial visual on the anus. I can't expect this, I don't know what's happening. Stop smoking, Kyla. Double four six, seven eight triple nine one, seven eight triple nine two, seven seven four. 7 8 9 9 2 7 7 4 Double 3 2 What is this podcast? What is this podcast? Is there a chance that when you find, or if you find this life on another planet whether it could yield a fifth meat.

A fifth meat? Yes, it works! I knew it would work! Ah, I laughed, okay? Come on! Barbara, why are there 180 cows running down the high street? I left the gate open. Candle-making, maybe two candles.

I left the gate open. Candle-making, workshops. Scented candles. There's not meant to be a scent, but a doctor best known for his appearances on BBC Radio 4's Dr Heal Thyself and Channel 4's Cry Yourself Thin, Sky TV's Doctors in Danger and Channel 4's Transplant Tombola Live and Channel 5's Laxative Roulette Live and Channel 5's 24 Hours to Save My Genitals and Channel 4's Embarrassing Penis and his Channel 5 show, RFK Junior Live and Channel 4's Celebrity Euthanasia Live, and Channel 4's Car Crash Anus, and Channel 5's The Great Big British Jubilee Prolapse Live, and Channel

4's Friday Night X-Ray, What's Up Your Arse edition. He's a very busy doctor. Request your position. Request your position. Come in Lancaster. Come in Lancaster. Position nil. Repeat nil. Mayday, mayday. Did you get that? What's your position? Come in Lancaster. Come in Lancaster. Position nil, repeat nil. Mayday, mayday. Did you get that? What's your name? Edith. My name's Edith. Come in, what's the status of your crew? You seem like a nice girl, Edith. Crew are all gone, all bailed out on my orders. Tommy, Freddie, Bob. All the crew have gone? They'll be sorry about Bob. We all liked him.

I am Bob Traskovic and I am a specialist bovine arse-fit. I'll start by inserting this scart lead into the dolphin's blowhole. There we are. And then, if you would please insert this end into your anus. Dad, I put four tins of olives up my arsehole to get that ticket so you'd love me. A bovine anus enjoys the hot weather. It flourishes, it blooms. I don't think I've ever heard the word anus that many times before.

There was very little left of this victim. It was disturbing. All that remained. It was a body, or at least it had once been a body. They'd only found his head, his lungs, his liver, and an anus. Big news from Brazil this week, where the beef market is hot, hot, hot! Excuse me, this bull that you're selling... What about it? It's got tiny bollocks. It's only got one eye, and one of its legs has been replaced by a wheel.

What's your name? It's got tiny bollocks. It's only got one eye and one of its legs has been replaced by a wheel. I'm going to parade through the town and then the birds are hopefully going to descend. Really, really hoping they pick up my eyes because that will prove I'm innocent once and for all. Nobody wants their two-year-old child seeing a huge baby tearing a dog in half. I get it. A huge baby tearing a dog in half. I get it. Last week, beef calf rearing reached an all-time weekly record of 70,000 head of healthy calf, beating the record set in March 1952. On the milk markets, prices have held steady with a gallon... Oh, I can barely hear myself thinking here. Really? Really? Will you shut up?

Shut up you infernal choristers! Be quiet! I am trying to do a report here and you're all just singing away like a bunch of merry jack-o'-n-aps living in a nightingale's enclosure and I am losing my ever-loving mind in this booth! Granium is like regular sand. We all know Christmas is a busy time for candle makers but the rest of the year can be a struggle. Granium is like regular sand. But unlike regular sand, granium is highly flammable. Granium is like regular sand. When a lioness attacks a wildebeest, why does she bite and claw at a stricken creature's neck?

Because she wants those glands! Granium is like regular sand. Use the code, eternally conscious, I roam the boundless plain of my seemingly never-ending existence. Simply use the code, I'm milking a killer whale, BB. That is the killer whale, killer whale. Black and white, two-toon black and white army of whales. Whales trying to escape and they're having to get the harpoons.

Grainium is like regular sand. You're not suddenly going to get that cow to mate with a fish and get some sort of whale cow. You're roasting a dolphin. It's a noble and a premium animal. I had one of the most profound experiences of my life with one of those dolphins. Then you're ready for the whale. There we are.

Hold him over there. Don't fight it. Don't fight it. There we are. You like it? All you know with that, I'm... Don't fight it. Don't fight it. I won't let our dream die. Goodbye, darling. Our little house by the sea, our scores and scores of bright-eyed cows. Peter, there's so many things I want to ask you.

Peter, do you think there'll ever be a fifth meet? Peter! Peter! Oh, God. I want to congratulate you on the show last night. Needless to say, I loved it. I absolutely loved it. Thank you. I'm glad you loved it. I took my little nephew along and... I saw him with you. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when that cow, I can't remember what her name was. You put her in the cannon and you find her out of the cannon and it's

that bath of Bolognese. Yeah. And I mean, the whole crowd obviously couldn't believe what they were seeing. Incredible, isn't it? And there's the interactivity of the Bolognese splashing across their faces. Well, that's right. I looked down at my nephew and he was scooping the Bolognese out of his eyes. Scooping, yeah.

Yeah. Well, if she hits it at the right angle, well, you do. You get a real wave. Yeah. We call it a Bolly wave. Dr. Valdez. Dr. Valdez. For God's sake, I don't need a beak.

I just want a normal mouth, I just want a normal mouth. This fucking beak, I can't even kiss my wife. And I know there's not a god because birds exist. I can't bring myself to tell you what I've just eaten. Let's just say the beak was the hardest bit. God in heaven, grant me a beak! When you are making a lasagne, you are making a cake. Now I don't understand the internet. In fact I always say I don't understand anything that I can't shoot but I've been working with my effeminate son Glenn

And he has somehow created the Wyoming cattle college of the internet Do you sanction the eclipse protocol? Tell me now. Negative. We may be in a partial eclipse. I want a green light on the eclipse protocol. Negative. It's not you in it, Dr. Sam. It is me.

So far what you described is more gibbous than eclipse and I need you to keep your head. It almost feels like a betrayal to put this image in people's minds. But if you can imagine her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II and I laying on the floor of her bedroom, just helplessly laughing till tears run down our faces as corgis are jumping on us, over us, licking us.

That is a day that I will treasure forever until I am executed. Control, we're under attack by IUDES to make 30 or 40 chimp handies. Here in Germany, there is a lot of interest in a towel that Chancellor Angela Merkel bought. Do you know what a chimp costs? which Chancellor Angela Merkel bought. Then why not try pig milk? Start the day with a splash of ice-cold pig milk and chug deeply from a gallon container of pig milk as you trudge to the office. It's weird. It's from New Zealand, it's not from Britain. There's no limes in Britain. You know, it's imported, it's like the rap music, you know, they listen to all this New Zealand rap music,

they want to eat the New Zealand lime. Granium is like regular sand. Granium is like regular sand. The truth of life is darkness. The only way to see everything is to see nothing. The only way to ultimate happiness is to appreciate complete grief. The only way to strength is to be weak in my presence. The only way to financial security for you is to give all of your possessions to me.

The only way you are assured of going to heaven is to do things so despicable in my name that hell will not have you. And now before I go, please all bow down to me. All hail Eli. All hail Eli. All hail Eli.

Eli! You flip a cow upside down, they make an excellent toboggan. Remember, it's always pig milk o'clock somewhere. Get some pig milk with beefy chunks down, you lot. Go big and strong like your big coffee daddy. There you go. That's a good kid. Get your pig milk down here. Up it down son. Deep, delicious, silky gulps of that pig milk.

There you go, that's it. That's it. Oh, David, you're alive! I'm so sorry Oh my love! Oh David, you're alive! I'm so sorry my love, I couldn't escape! What have they done to you? You're just... Head, lungs, liver and anus, yes. Oh David... Darling, don't look at me. I'm not the man you married, I'm just a head, lungs, liver and anus. You're my head, lungs, liver and anus. Is it true that the Pygmy Cow is mentioned in the Bible? Yes, it's mentioned in the Bible. And what does that teach us about the Pygmy Cow?

Nothing. I hear the sound of 90s dance music coming from the yard. The cows have absolutely lost their minds, you know, not in a good way. They were leaping over the fences in the direction of the motorway. When I danced with the giant milk cartons who were wearing the Nazi armbands, that signals, and the xylophone signals it's happening in her head. Pimpsie! Night clubs aren't what they used to be. The young people aren't going out now for a dance as much. You've got to play to the people coming through and they prefer sitting down, taking photos

with lots of very beautiful dishes made by my ex-wife Linda, our chef. TV's Mr Beef, Cliff Trent Roberts has been cooking beef on television since the mid-80s and was almost single-handedly responsible for the beef renaissance of the 90s. Aha, here he is, come in. Cliff, come in. Yes. Before we got down to cooking, I took the opportunity to have a look around Cliff's kitchen. Horse meat. Weasels. Yep, a sparrow, that's right, squid meat, yep, a giraffe,

yep, a lizard, a peregrine falcon, a house spider, a crab, a crayfish and a snow leopard. That's exactly right. And that was all in in one burger. Now how did that happen and why and how is that acceptable? Well, our burgers, and we're very proud of it, have a total of 12 different meats. Just your lovely, rich beef burgers. In they go. You're just stuffing them into the...

Stuffing them and they will start to disintegrate as you do it, to anyone who's joining in and cooking along back at home. But it's important, I was gonna put you off keep stuffing The great thing about the beef head ball is the recipe never changes, you know, it's quite a simple recipe It's a sort of it's a whole beef head a whole Beefhead boiled in rose water close rose water the clothes and then garnished with parsley fresh parsley and freshly cracked black pepper And then of course the freshly cracked pepper. You've really run that chicken's anus to its limit.

Mmm, yeah. Almost barely holding together, isn't it? And on Fridays only, we stock the famous pizza meat BLT sandwich. Bacon, lettuce and tomato, no way you're having a laugh, are you? Ball bud, liver and tongue. Children roam the streets in rags and breakfast on horses piss. Text 46678 to speak to bored sailors in your area now.

Hello, my name is Michael Banyan and I'm a poet. You were like no other. You fell in love with my words. My wondrous powers of metaphor opened your heart like a big door. A beefy oblong with the eyes of an angel. Black as night and white as snow. Your like an edible domino. A shitty armada of arse-made pies.

You opened up my eyes. Noble envoy of the bowel, priceless jewel upon my trowel, viscous, discus, shat down from Mount Olympus. Why, why, Hyundai, why, why, oh why, Hyundai? In association with Hyundai... Hello, I've hit the beef meal that can't be beaten is a plate of rich beef sausages. Rich beef sausages. I have to say my favourite beef meal is rich beef sausages.

I love the taste of rich beef sausages. Rich beef sausages. Three words, rich beef sausages. If you don't have access to the internet in your home, simply ask to use the internet at your local beef information centre. The last thing I went through like this was the time that I cooked two jack of potatoes and put them in a brine and put it on just to see how much pain it could take.

I like the Spaniards, overall. Especially Ronaldo, he's a top lad. Spill a bag of onions and you'll be picking them up for up to a minute. With one big onion, you're done in seconds. The onion juice starting to stain this carpet. The show hasn't even started in the third stack of onions. Punching a pig or taking a woman's wimple, murdering some monks, stealing an onion. We're still unpeeling that onion.

No. No. No. No. Back in 2011, two friends had a dream. To watch Jumanji every day and make a podcast of no less than 180 minutes about it. They quit their jobs and became the The Juman Geneaqs!

Should you have been in Jumanji, Roger? Yes! Yes, I should have been in Jumanji! Beverly, how has this affected business for you? Obviously, erm... What the fuck do you think? I mean, I've got a warehouse full of shit. Back to you in Aylesbury. Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aylesbury! There's something amiss in the pig milk factory. There's something amiss in the pig milk factory. We We one morning flooded the school with hot beef gravy. The Next, the Beef News Bulletin refers the look ahead to this afternoon's light entertainment. I had to tell Daniel Radcliffe that all of his leg acting was going to be edited out and they were going

to substitute in a flamingo. Are you telling me that popping two farmers in isn't going to improve the original avatar? There's a huge amount of beef entertainment. A new comedy by writers Alan and McCaffrey. Their new series is called Butcher's Dozen. Ethel? Ethel? Yes dear? What's this?

Oh I got you what you wanted darling. It took me an age to pluck up the courage to steal that reptile. I said I wanted a sirloin steak, not a purloin snake. Not a pearline snake! Laughter Music Music Music Music Music Through the darkness comes the light

The light of justice Burning bright The beefhead man Is the best of us Blind and screaming in the dust The dust Popeye England's rose Billy!

Hot gravy! Gravy! Mark... ...me! Me! Life is a struggle. Life is dog-eat-dog. Right? I will eat the dog. I have eaten the dog. In 1984 it became the biggest selling VHS in British history

Which would then be overtaken by 1986's Costa del Bollocks 3 jilted at Gibraltar. I believe there should be a little less chapel rhone and a little more chapel gone. If anybody out there has the Belinda bus, do get in touch. You haven't got to pay for a TV licence in a Turkish prison. And of course the great thing about owning a horse and being a milkman is you can milk a horse. Get away! No! No! Ah! Oh my God!

There is a way of things. A natural hierarchy. We live as the bee and the ant. Serving our queen. Our Dairy Queen. Off he goes the Milky Man. The Milky Man was here. Off he pops the Milky Man, the Milky Man was here Off he pops the Milky Man with the Milky Spring in his skin

Thanks, bye! Hello, I'm Tessa and I am milk-paid. Hello, my name is Andy Trevelyan and I won the beef lottery. Hello, my name is Bob Crack and I am the Beauvois Farmers Union Youth Outreach Officer. Hello, I'm Professor James Harcombe, recently dismissed from the Wyoming Cattle College of the Internet. Hello, my name is Dr Clarice Troutman and I'm a psychiatrist. Hello, I'm Jenny Baxter and I am a lollipop lady in the town of Hexley. Hello, I'm Nicholas Summers, former scuba diver

and now proprietor and sole investor for Spherical Horizons, the Nicholas Summers Lead and Beef Bar company. I'm Duckbastard and I'm handing you the bill. Hello there, my name's Wendy Axminster, more famously known as the Rosentons Guzbri Girl. Hello, my name is Leslie Sunrider, I'm the manager of Wood Green Sainsbury's. My name is Millicent ring roast and before the war I was a lady of leather my name is King Pena Gore of the lowland folk and I'm calling from the shores of the Black Lakes of Gimber door I am Larrington

Borgart Badri exterminator hi my name is Debbie cook and I won a bull at the Royal Suffolk show hello my name is Timothy Van Lengquist and I've... I've lost my cow. Oh Two, four, nine, six, three One, nine, three, four, six, two Eight, eight, seven The loaves must be made, the loaves must be made today What part of this aren't you understanding? So, that's all we've got time for this month If you're after more beef and dairy news,

get over to our website now. We've made a print out and keep guide to the 20 Italian phrases you need to know to survive in the Neapolitan prison. That's all we've got time for this month. This month we ask whether drinking seawater can make you more powerful than you ever. We imagine what basketball would look like if there was no ball and and no baskets, and no players, and no crowd, and no basketball court. And instead there was just you, and me, and a little bottle of wine, and a gun. And a gun. I hope there's beef in heaven. What part of this aren't you understanding?

May the horns of the afterlife be decorated with your entrails. May the horns lead you free. Oh thank god. Oh my god. That's a relief. Oh jeez. Okay. How are you feeling? Bob, why have you got your shovel on my neck? Just trying to make sure you don't roll and hit your head on something.

Sort of like a recovery position sort of thing. Yeah, recovery position. Was I unconscious? You had a bit of a turn, I'd say. Yeah, just a little bit. Had us a bit scared for a while. Oh. I will admit. He definitely recognises me, Dr Sam. That's a good sign.

The breathing seems fine. Slightly confused expression but that's normal, isn't it? I'm just going to get ahead of something that you might,, as you slowly come back to yourself. You might be aware of some discomfort, maybe, in the anus region. Oh, hang on. What's this? Have you shoved a scant lead at my arse? It is a scant lead, yes. It kind of became necessary at one point. We were worried we were going to lose you. It's what medically is kind of known as a control or delete on the body.

We downloaded your memory, your personality, soul, essence, people have different sort of terms I guess for what it is. We captured it on a VHS tape. What? guess for what it is. We captured it on a VHS tape. Bob very accurately said that's quite an old medium so then we put it onto DVD. It seems to have worked a treat. The good news is that your anus remained open, perforate throughout the whole thing. There's no obvious classic Jacoobenius-arse syndrome. There certainly were some very severe effects indeed. I think that VHS DVD transfer would have prevented any pathogens from working

their way back into the system. So you're just safe to continue really in life? Or you just need to avoid strong magnets and walking underneath power lines? There will be some downsides. We had to sort of decide if you DVD technology decide on a region that your personality would exist in. So we chose region two, because that's where you spend most of your time. I'd advise if you are going to travel to the US, to East Asia, that you might find that you have no memories. You're a bit of a blank slate. You won't know why you're there. Yeah.

Right. Might. Right. Might be fun. So, sorry, hang on. Was it totally necessary for you to download my soul onto a DVD? You have to understand. I mean, I came very, very close to lopping your noggin off. Very close. Very close. Talked me down from that ledge a few times, didn't I, Bob? Yeah. And it would have been for your own good. Honestly, I was really pro-Bob beheading you, but I'm actually really glad you didn't in

the end because you're still alive. Thank you, Kyla. So, hang on, just to get this straight, when you downloaded My Soul onto a DVD, what did you then do with my body? Well, I was worried about what was going on and I needed to do things to your body that would ordinarily be unsurvivable. So if you look, well, I'll help you out with some mirrors, but there's a very, very long scar that goes down from the nape of your neck down to your back and over a butt cheek and down one leg, the left leg.

That was just me looking for quail's eggs. Now that I think of it, now that things have cooled down, that wasn't justified, medically speaking. Bob went a bit hog wild. I needed to do something. I was just absolutely full of energy. And then while you were down and out, I mean, replaced your kidneys with an animal's kidneys. An animal? Any animal? A chaff inch. So you're going to have to be very careful how you work those kidneys in future because

they're smaller than a raisin. I think you'll be right. I don't know. It was stressful. Do you know what I mean? So I'm not going to apologize. It was a stressful scenario. Okay. I guess this is like... Was this totally necessary?

This was your idea. Let's not forget who was the architect of this whole thing. Yeah. Well, no, I didn't ask you to do that specifically, did I? Kyla, why didn't you stop them from taking my kidneys out? Kyla was absolutely no use whatsoever. She was just trying to book your replacement. Kyla! No, I know. I was just trying to be organised. I thought you'd be pleased. Who did you ring? Erm, oh it doesn't matter. Who did you ring?

Alan Bowker from Beef Week? No, not him! Well... Come on, Kyla! I know, but you've got to admit, it's his subject. He would be amazing. And to be honest, I did think you were dead. So you can't blame me. I mean, I was literally about to come in and twist off your penis. Kyla, that wouldn't have helped. Well, you don't know that because we didn't do it, so you don't know.

Okay. Well, I guess, thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, no worries. Simon and Bob, maybe I'll have to be in touch about the living with a chaffinch kidneys thing. Maybe you can help me with that. I don't know. But I guess the main thing is I proved that British beef is safe. Hmm. Right. If that's the message that a listener takes from this, then yeah, let them do it, I guess. If they've listened to the entirety of what's just happened to you and they think that doing what you just did is a good idea, then I say let them. Yeah. Probably single-handedly save the beef industry.

Great. That's the show, I guess. I don't know if you guys know, but I didn't mention this, but it's actually the 10th anniversary of me taking over as the host of the Beef and Dairy Network today. Wow. Yeah. So, Bob, do you fancy coming out for a celebratory drink? I have a fellow coming over to look at my Wi router. So I better not. Sure. Well, thanks for coming. And Dr. Sam, obviously you're busy with your appointments today, but maybe we can meet up in the summer and have a couple of Vino's in a beer garden or, you know. I'm also cursed with some wifi issues and I do not see them being solved by the summer personally.

I think that deadline is way too strict. Yeah, but we wouldn't need your Wi-Fi to be working for us to have a drink together. I wouldn't be able to relax if I thought it wasn't working. I'm currently talking to you over an internet connection, so it must be working. I know. I mean, your guess isn't as good as mine. Okay. Well thank you both. Valued members of the Beef Family. Bob, I don't know if you fancy going for a hot Orangina? I've got some Orangina warming back at my hotel room.

Hmm, that sounds amazing. I'll just grab my coat. Kyla, the show's not finished yet. What? It'll be fine, don't worry about it. Well, guess that just leaves me and you, Dr Sam. Oh, he's gone. Well, that's all we've got time for this month. If you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month Irish singing sensation Enya tries her hand at an ultra marathon with

no training. So until next time, beef out. Thanks to Mike Wozniak, Tom Neenan, Susan Harrison, Gemma Aerosmith and Linnea Sage. Also thank you to Gareth Gwynne for production help. And of course thanks to everyone who is included in that sort of mega mashup of old clips. And of course, everyone who's ever been on the podcast, there's too many of you to mention all in one go now, but you're all brilliant. But yeah, 10 years. Isn't that mad? Isn't that mad? My aim with that mashup thing was that it would have a bit of audio from every episode that we've made, even if

it's like tiny, tiny, tiny. And I think I almost did it. I think I basically lost track once I started making it. And yeah, but almost, almost. All right, lovely. Thanks for listening. Some of you for the last 10 years. See you next month. Hey, I'm Alan McLeod, the host of Walking About,

and I'm here with Adam. Hello. You know, as a member of the month, you're the member of the month, you'll be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fund store. Holy moly. Oh yeah. I can't wait. Thank you so much for supporting this show and the network.

Happy to do it. What made you decide to become a member? I just said, you know, these people give me so much Entertainment and and joy and fun in my life I gotta I gotta support them somehow the outpouring of love and support that these folks I mean, they made me maximum fun member of the month for crying out loud If you want this stuff to keep going then support it. Well, so nice to meet you, Adam. Thank you very much, everybody.

Keep up the good work. I mean it. I'm not just blowing smoke. Become a MaxFun member now at maximumfun.org slash join. Good evening. Thanks for tuning in to 101.1 MaxFun. It's midnight here on Host to Coast and we've got Sarah from Michigan on Line One. Hi, I'm calling in for some help. I used to love reading, but between grad school, having kids, and the general state of the world,

I can't seem to pick up a book and stick with it anymore. Sarah, this is an easy one. Just listen to Reading Glasses, a podcast designed to help you read better. Brea and Mallory will get all the pressure, shame, and guilt out of your reading life. You'll be finishing books you love in no time. Great, that sounds amazing.

Also, I do think my husband is cheating on me with Mothman. Can you help me with that one? Ooh, I don't think they cover that. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported.

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