Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 132 - Robbie Pipes

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith and Linnea Sage join in this month as we meet a campaigning journalist who wants to expose the Bovine Farmers' Union. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com Music credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com: In Abundance/Edgar Hopp

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The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website, as well as the printed magazine, brought to you by the crossed hoof sale over at Mitchells. They've just confirmed another extension to the sale, and now, for the first time, it includes pork boosters. Now, this month I spoke with campaigning journalist Robbie Pipes, who came in to tell them, me about his plans to publish what he described as an expose of the bovine farmers union. Hello, I'm Robbie Pipes, and I am a freelance journalist. We were also joined by a lawyer representing that, some might say, shadowy organisation. Hello, I'm Charlotte Gresham, a lawyer for Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham and Gresham,

and I'm representing the Bovine Farmers Union. Now, before we start, obviously it's not usual for a lawyer to sit in on an interview that I would do on Beef and Dairy Network. No, not normal, is it really? No. Charlotte, I wonder if you could just kind of explain your appearance here. Look, I'm here just to make sure that there are no inaccuracies. People think it's a real drag having a lawyer present in the room at all times, but it's not true at all. I can be really, really fun.

I mean, for example, ask me what I had for breakfast? Okay, Charlotte, what did you have for breakfast? Toast. And before we move on, I think it's good to give some context for our listeners of who are talking to you today. Robbie Pipes is quite well known. you're a campaigning journalist. Yes, you of course were behind Watergate. Yes, the Watergate scandal.

Yes. Although I should say not maybe the one people might think of when they hear Watergate. It was actually a separate scandal involving the same hotel, but from only two and a half years ago, when it was revealed that the detergent that they were bulk buying and using on their towels was giving guests hives in quite a large number. 76% of guests were reporting very, very red, angry, blotchy skin. And that's...

scandal didn't really come out until A, you published about it, but B, you involved Angela Merkel. You took her there. That's right. She dried herself. She towed herself vigorously, I believe. And she's a woman who knows her way around a towel. Let's not forget that. I mean, this has been reporters a lot in the press, but Angela Merkel knows towels and knows what's a good towel, what's a bad towel, what's a fine towel, and what's actually like a hand towel, not a real towel. But was that a stunt? Was she actually, did she, was she going to stay there anyway, or did you take her there? Because I think some people, sorry to get straight onto criticism,

people talk about how you carry these kind of journalistic stunts in such a way to almost entrap people into doing things that are wrong. You took Angela Merkel there who has very sensitive skin, especially on the haunches and buttocks. Angler Merkel's haunches and buttocks are perfectly serviceable, all right, I want to get that clear straight away. I didn't say they weren't serviceable, I just said they were sensitive.

She has occasionally reported slight psoriasis on the hip, And that is the only proven pre-existing condition she had. But after using those towels, she was red-wrore like an uncooked gammon joint. It was absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry, Angler, if you're out there, but I mean, she said it herself. Well, we've all seen the photographs. We've all seen the photographs. And she would say to you herself, it was gross.

It was gross. And Charlotte, of course, you were representing the Watergate Hotel in that case. That's right. I mean, in the end, the Watergate Hotel did have to pay out a huge amount to Angler Merkel, who needed a full buttock transplant. Do you feel like justice was served? I think these are the sort of tactics we've come to expect from the gutter press, taking a woman with known psoriasis and taking her to a hotel with a stringent laundry policy.

And a lot of red angry guests as well. I actually have an exclusive because we are going to appeal the decision. Okay. Because we have CCTV footage, which has emerged, of Mr. Pipes actually sandpapering the haunches of Angela Merkel. Well, that's absolutely ridiculous. In her sleep. Well, listen, this isn't the first time that a big corporation,

like, you know, the Watergate Hotel, managed by Fair Branch hotels and restaurants, they're not the first time that they've yet used manufactured smear material to try to undermine legitimate journalism. Because I think what our listeners won't be interested in, if we look back through what you've campaigned about and Charlotte, who you've worked for, there's a kind of game of cat and mouse going on between the two of you where it seems very often that Charlotte you're defending the people that Robbie is trying to expose. Is that just a kind of random thing? Or is there something going on in the universe where you two are brought together and a rutting like two prize stags? Well, there is, listen, is there a certain excitement about being in a high-stakes interview? situation like this and being at loggerheads legally? Yes, I think, yeah, I think it's fair to say. Did we go out with each other for a few weeks at university?

Yes. Yeah, well, I wasn't necessarily going to mention that, but yeah. I think it's pertinent to the argument. Right, and did that end? Because someone slept with my flatmate, yes. You? And was that me? Yes, it was me.

But I don't see how that's relevant to a very serious legitimate case, like my completely above-board investigation of the Watergate Hotel. and all the flaky bums that they were producing at the time. Because people sometimes say, don't they, Robbie, that it seems as if the targets you go after are just the companies that Charlotte is representing. And so really all you're doing, you put it out there as if you're trying to make the world a better place. But actually, you're just trying to get one in the eye for Charlotte, who you had a sort of abortive relationship. Look, we only went out for three months.

20 years ago now. Well, 21 and a half, but, you know, who's counting. but this is completely unrelated to what's going on. I mean, for one thing, I will say that it is a matter of public record the companies that Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham and Gresham are working for. So, you know, if one were to be interested in who they're representing, it's very easy to find out. Robbie, when I was acting on behalf of a pensioner who had been run over by a bus,

from a local bus company, the number nine, all right. You investigated the pensioner, Mr. Pearson. and went through his whole life, all his records, and found and outed him as having slept with a Nazi in 1943. Well, maybe he should have thought of that before he grabbed that German milkmaid roughly, told her he loved her, impregnated her,

and then fled, got demobbed and carried on his life in England and the wiser. The point being, you have a vendetta against me. It doesn't matter who I act on behalf of you take the opposing side, even when I'm clearly acting on behalf of the good, You've still got my Simply Red CD by the way. Do you see what we're up against? Another case, one that I was going through your recent work. Yes, thank you.

There is one where Charlotte was representing a supermarket chain, well-known supermarket chain. There seemed to be no issue really at all as far as I can tell. And then we all saw the video from the supermarket chain in which you walked in, you walked to the meat aisle, you threw a beef sausage onto the floor, and then tripped over it. And claimed that that beef sausage had been left there by a member of staff, It was very clearly planted there by yourself.

And you'd greased it, and you'd greased your own feet. Oh, that is... Now, listen. Okay. Let's break that down. Now, it's very, very easy to listen to an order of events like that and to read some sort of malice or intent into it. Look, I'm a private British citizen, right?

And unless I missed a meeting, I have a right to expect that I should be able to peruse the aisles at my local supermarket superstore without slipping up on some discarded, feted old sausage and fall backwards onto a cardboard standee of Gordon Ramsey that goes up my ass. We all know that you put that sausage there, Robbie. And why weren't you wearing any trousers?

It was a hot day. Did you see what I'm up against? Right. This is all motivated by our relationship at university. It's ridiculous. Would you call it a relationship? Three months it was... That's a relationship.

No, okay, but I'm just interested in what in the... Mistake. ...in the flavour of it. Okay. Wow. You know, but what frustrates me is that he acts as though he's the wrong party, whereas he wronged me. Okay.

I didn't sleep with Tim, you slept with Tim. When I had this conversation with you at the time, you said you fully understood. I think that was sort of simpler to say that at the time than argue with you. And that's sort of what's continued throughout our lives. It's just easier to walk away and yet you continue to follow me around

and embroil yourself in every single one of my cases and move next door to me. Firstly, there was an incredibly good deal on the house directly next to yours, right? I didn't, you know, no one can prove that I knew that was your house, firstly. And there was a brilliant deal on the house next door, because someone had died in a way that involved a lot of diarrhoea. And the idea with that good deal on the house was that you'd rip out everything and replace it, and yet you haven't. I haven't got that sort of money. I'm your next door neighbour. I can smell it from my house with my windows closed. Do something

about it. Look, I have, look, I've made a start, all right, and actually, I've done the ground floor and the first floor. Not the second story. No, I haven't. Because, Because what's that going to be? That's the diarrhoea floor. It's useful to have that as a contingency because I get diarrhoea sometimes. And I don't mind saying that on the record. So the idea of that floor being one

that you can go and have diarrhea and just not worry about where... You can strip naked, head up the stairs, you know, maybe pull the hatch too before you go up there just to prevent any of the other floors becoming contaminated. But, you know, let's say you're in real trouble. You know the sort of thing, you know,

the kind of like dodgy pie in a pub situation where, I mean, it's coming out of... every end you've got. You can just go up there and, I mean, ruin that place. But it's already ruined. That's the beauty of it. And that's not just for me. You know, I'm a generous man. So, I mean, I've opened that up to, well, there was a quite distressed-looking man passing one day. I let him go up there. He did some absolutely blasphemous stuff up there. But the whole local community is welcome to make use of it. Charlotte, you could use it if you wanted to. No, thank you, Robbie.

You too, he's only a high horse, aren't you? Two is on your high horse using legal technicalities to prevent the people from finding out the truth. About what happened to my simply read CD, yes. But also, who it was, you, by the way, who got my notice taken down from the local residence Facebook group advertising the use of the diarrhea floor. Now no one knows it's there. You're saying that like I should be ashamed.

I'm proud of the fact that I got that taken down. And that doesn't sound to me, sorry, Robbie, as if that was kind of legal machinations. That just sounds like you probably messaged the moderator and said this isn't the kind of thing we should have on the local group. And he agreed. breed wholeheartedly. Sure, and I can understand where that would be, Charlotte.

So I don't think this feels like a kind of legal puppet master ruining your life. This is just someone. I mean, sorry to take, I don't mean to take sides to it. Sorry, that would mean that Gary had approved taking down the post? Yeah. Gary, you spoke to Gary and he said, yeah, I'll take that down. I actually gave him a call. You got Gary's number?

Yes. We've been out together a couple of times. What? This isn't even important. Oh, this is amazing. This is incredible. Absolutely amazing. You and Gary. Me and Gary, nothing. It's none of your business. This was 20 years ago.

He's 10 years younger than you. This is absolutely typical behaviour from you. First there was me. I was your first conquest back in university days. President of the Student Science Fiction Society. Then you move on from me in no time flat. Who's your next conquest, the student president? Right. And now here you are bedding the local Grand Poo Bar. Poo-Bah, he's just the moderator of the local Facebook group. Well, it's the most prominent Facebook group servicing the residents of P&E Drive. Sorry, just for our listeners to sort of understand this.

Who is Gary? What is his status? He works at the local phone shop. I think he's like the deputy manager or something. Right, okay. He's the assistant manager. Sure, he's the assistant manager. Again, power. Do you see? But this is what I mean, he's looking into it. Like it's a story.

And it's not a story. I see. I think the problem is that Robbie turns things into stories by inserting himself into the situation. So sometimes nothing will be going on and then he will insert crime into it. So he'll be the one that breaks the law, causes a huge issue,

and then it makes the local papers. And it's because of him, but he creates news wherever he goes. This is about the garden centre again? It's entirely about the garden centre. That's where it started. I have told you that was no fault of my own. That was down to the negligence and the lack of attention paid by the management of the Happy Tree Garden Centre

that I was able to slip on that rotten sausage and fall onto that gnome. Up the arse? Yeah, firmly. Firmly. Sorry, I know I'm an outsider to this. And I, again, don't want to take size. But again, this is an instant in which you're slipping on a sausage. So what is it about you?

I mean, that means that there's always a sausage on the ground for you to slip on. I don't know. I mean, like, sausages get everywhere, don't they? I mean, we're a sausage-loving country, aren't we? aren't we? And Charlotte, just to really understand this, this garden centre, is this a garden centre that you were doing any legal work for?

Just to try and build a pattern is what I'm trying to do here. Yes. So I'd been doing some work for the regional manager of the Happy Tree Garden Centres. But actually, it was for the one in Malvern, but Robbie decided to go to our local branch. and cause problems there, which then got passed up the chain. I want a surprise that, thanks to your intervention, it got passed up the chain. Because of the amount of money, they've had to pay out.

50 people have been made redundant. Just because you shoved a gnome up your ass. So this went to court by the sand of things. Yeah. Okay. Was there no evidence or CCTV, for example, showing that he did or didn't slip on the sausage? The whole garden centre was covered in CCTV except for one area behind the ornamental rockery section

and where do you think the slip happened. It was a really phenomenal coincidence. Okay, well, this is all very interesting. Are you seriously going out with Gary? We've just been for a couple of days. This isn't appropriate for here. What's the date?

Like nice dinner, napkins. We went to the cinema. It's not why we even talk. It's not important. What did you see? They were rerunning the original Jumanji. You must know. I love the original Jumanji.

I would have loved to come and see that with you. And Gary are. I can't believe this. Sorry, you want to come to the cinema with me and Gary? Yes, I'd like to be asked. See, this is what I'm up against. Yeah.

He inserts himself into every area of my life. Well, Gary could have made an event on the Facebook group. Jamangi Cinema Trip. It was just me and him. It's not an open invite. Why do you even have someone moderating the Facebook group if they're not going to share interesting local events? It's not an event.

It was just me and him. This isn't really appropriate for now, is it? It's not appropriate. I see. I see. Right. Okay. But this is appropriate. It's these sort of legal terms that she's always dropping on me to try and outthink me, outmaneuver me. You see, this is why I think the priorities of Gary need to be seriously looked into. Really, they seriously do, because he's taking down important, legitimate local stories like, oh, there's a whole floor of a house that you can go and have diarrhea in.

He doesn't think that's newsworthy. And he's failing to list really interesting local events, like a big trip to go see Jamangy, which we all would have enjoyed. When was this? last Thursday afternoon. Right. Yeah, no. Well, I would have still been in the anus clinic at that point,

having the last of the name taken out, so I couldn't have probably come anyway. Because they got most of it out the first time, but then they realised they'd left the fishing rod up there. So I had to go back. Okay. Well, I think Alison probably have got a good sense of your relationship, one that I didn't even realize you had

when you walked in here, I didn't realize that you knew each other. A very precious relationship to me, actually, when I still think about quite regularly, but apparently not everyone feels the same way. I try to forget about it, but, you know, he lives next door and his house stinks of diarrhoea. It's not all my diarrhoea. That is the community's diarrhoea, our diarrhoea,

P&E Drives Diarrhea, some of it. Gary's been in? Yes. Yeah, apparently, like the day after he took down the message on the Facebook group. I see it now. He was, oh, if I need a bit of diarrhea, I'll pop in there for a bit of diarrhea. The rest of the street doesn't need to know about it. Oh, I'll keep my little chaffinch happy and take the message down from the Facebook group.

But I'll still go around. Sorry. He's not welcome anymore. Sorry, Robert. Do you understand somebody meant by chaffinch? No, I didn't understand that either. It's what I used to call you affectionately. For those three beautiful months.

We never even had sex. I didn't think of it as a relationship. Some of the things we did could be said to be adjacent to sex. Charlotte, are you saying that this relationship that Robbie's talking about that lasted three months, you didn't even consider that to be? What did you consider your relationship to be? Friends? Well, just sort of some I saw in a couple of lectures.

He sat one in front and two to the side of me. Yeah, and after one of those lectures, we went to not my room, but, you know, the communal lounge, and we watched Mars attacks on DVD. Well, you did. I was, you know, doing a crossword near you. Did it mean nothing to you? You met my parents. No, I didn't.

Yes, you did. Don't you remember? That old couple that came in a made a cup of tea during Master's text, that was them. Right. I was, you know, focusing on the crossword. I wasn't really too thin. Oh, this is unbelievable. I don't remember.

This was 20 years ago. Mum still writes you cards for Christmas. Oh, is she? Jean. Yes, Jean. Because I always get these cards from a Gene and Russell. Yeah, Jean and Russell pipes, yes. I get these cards for, like, my birthday and Christmas and say, love from Gene and Russell and the dogs.

Yeah. Rimpin and Tufti. Although, actually, Rimpin actually died last week. Oh. Sorry about that. Messeroy, it's fine, you know. Dogs were around such a bloody long time. couldn't stand up anymore.

They had to wheel it around on a skateboard. Couldn't even eat properly by the end. She had to inject milk directly into his thighs. Sounds like it might be a good thing that Rampin has passed on. Yeah. How dare you? You didn't know that dog. You don't know anything.

Rimpin. It's so much life ahead of him still. It's just the strangest, most random incident. He was in this phone shop around the corner from where I live and hit a phone battery that had been left discarded on the floor next to an old rotten sausage.

Have you done this deliberately? What? Look, all I'll say is Gary will very soon be getting a call from my solicitor. Shoving a gnome up your ass is one thing, but murdering a dog? Is there anything you won't do to get back at me for the non-relationship

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Okay. Yeah. It's everything to do with that. Sure. Okay. Okay. Okay. So let's move on to talking about the bovine farmers union. Yes, please. Okay. So Robbie, you've put post on your website saying that tomorrow you plan to publish a big expose of the Bovone Farmers Union. That's right, yes. I need not mention the fact they are one of the most significant bodies within the beef and dairy industries and have been for hundreds of years. Yeah, and although that may all be about to change after what I'm going to talk about comes

to light, all right? Because, listen, so it was an ordinary Thursday. I hadn't had to make use of the diarrhoea room. So, you know, I was out early. And I went to a appointment. that I had made with the Bovine Farmers Union. An appointment they were not aware of at the time. But so I was, okay, let me paint the scene for you.

So I was there in a corner of the Welcome Lobby. This is in Central London. This is Bovine Farmers Union, Central London headquarters. Bovine Farmers Union HQ in Savoy Place, yes. I had noticed that there was only one corner of the Welcome lobby, the entrance lobby, that was not covered by the CCTV setup. So I had, well, hang on, so I had just gone over to that corner because I thought if someone slips on something here, maybe a loose piece of paper, maybe a sausage, then, you know, there

would be no record of that accident. So I should just go and check and see whether there were any discarded sausages in that corner at the time. And, well, you know, wouldn't you believe? Yes, there was one very slippery, greased up sausage in the corner. And I thought, well, I've better alert someone to this. Someone needs to know about this, because there was actually a very large, prominently displayed ceremonial bust of Sue Gooseberry on a low-down plinth nearby to the sausage. And, you know, if somebody had slipped on that sausage, you know, God forbid, then that bust of Sue Goosby would have gone straight up their ass,

especially because I wasn't wearing trousers that day. I mean, this is what we're talking about again. He was doing it again. The point you're making? This was, what, three days after I'd been appointed as their representative? Maybe, but that's not the point. But this one is real. They're all real.

All of them are real. They're all very, very serious journalistic investigations. But this one is actually, this one is more real and important than the previous ones with the up the arse stuff going on. Okay, well, please explain. Right. So near to this uncovered corner of the Welcome Lobby, there was a meeting room that had been left slightly ajar. And I was standing there holding a pack of sausages. And someone poked their head out and said, oh, you must be the caterer.

And I said, sure, and they welcomed me through into this large boardroom. And so I started, well, I mean, I wasn't sure to do. I didn't actually work for a catering firm, so I didn't know. But, you know, they said, what are you doing? You're not wearing any trousers. This is unhygienic. So they gave me a pair of waiters slacks to put on and a penny. And they put me to work.

Presumably it's a large catering firm. They get all kinds of people working for them. They don't necessarily recognize all of them on site. And famously, I mean, the Bovine Farmers Union is swathed in secrecy. Nobody really knows what goes on in those meeting rooms. Apart from, it's well known that they have the at-the-table sausage barbecue for every meeting, at the board meetings, and that the sausages are cooked in front of them. And so they assumed quite understandably that you were there to carry out the barbecue during the meeting.

Just the kind of wonderful hospitality you can expect from the Bovine Farmers Union. Well, hang out. That's irrelevant. Listen, so they put me to work. They gave me the long bar. barbecue toasting fork and then starting me flipping sausages on the big grill. This is, of course, the traditional Japanese business way to cook sausages on the large open hot plate on the meeting table does lead to some people, you know, putting a hand down to make a point forcefully and searing their hand, but that's, you know, I'm not here to defend that cooking practice. I'm here to talk

about something else. So I was there at the foot of the table at the sausage station, flipping bangers as fast as I could. And then the people attending the meeting started to file in. And the names around that table. I mean, other end, head of the table was Sue Gisbury. I mean, I recognized her from the greased bust, the bust that was outside the door to the meeting room. And then the others coming in. I mean, David Cameron, Richard Branson, Peter Mandelson, right. Andrew Lloyd Weber. The list goes on. It's the elite. Yeah, it was the absolute creme de la creme. And what was really amazing was that, you know, in my pinny with my waiter slacks on flipping sausages, it was like I wasn't even there. So these people were speaking,

completely freely. It was just me and them left in the room. The other person setting up the sausage station had already gone left me to it. So, you know, they just carried on as if there wasn't even anyone else in the room. So I saw firsthand the unguarded, unvarnished comments and opinions of all of these people vis-a-vis their relationship with the bovine farmers union. And what I heard was absolutely staggering. Now, why is it, do you think, that they felt that they were able to be so candid in front of you? So at first I thought this was just the, you know, the invisibility of the butler in the room, you know, because I'm dressed as a waiter and I'm flipping sausages, which I have to say, they were taking down like absolute champions, by the way.

It was quite hard to keep up with bringing the next round of sausages before the first, what the previous one had been sort of gagged down. It was really quite remarkable. Androyd Webb with a hot dog is like watching a gannet just in one, right? Straight down. Incredible. So I assume that was why they were speaking. So you just assume that they sort of, they're so elite that they don't even see the lower classes around them. They just see them as a kind of anonymous help. Is that what you mean? I think that's roughly what I imagined when I started listening into the meeting. They don't have time to consider the sausage flipper like me, you know, in the room.

I see. But then it was at the end of the meeting, I realized, well, it was at the point when they were arguing with each other quite ferociously over who would be the one who got to stab me in the neck to prevent any of the secrets getting out, that I realized, oh no, this is why they're so unguarded. They're accustomed to slaughtering everybody within hearing distance of the meeting. Okay, so it's your contention that at every meeting, at every Boven Farmers' Union board meeting, they will kill any staff who are present? Yes, and if the lower half of my body hadn't been completely thoroughly greased, it would have been me as well. Okay, Charlotte, I wonder if that's the kind of thing you'd like to just respond to. I'm actually really glad that we've had this opportunity to really delve into the relationship Robbie and I have had, because I think it's proven that he is a fantasist. No, no, no.

He is a fantasist. Robbie, please. But this time... Robbie, please. But this time... Over the course of this interview, he has completely discredited himself. Oh.

And I'm pleased that I think everyone listening to this will see how ludicrous these claims are. It's just as ludicrous as the garden centre, the phone shop, and now we have the bovine farmers union. It's just one of a series of purely invented... It's interesting, isn't it, that you published it on your website?

Why is that? Because no newspaper would take it. The telegraph have stopped returning my call. but that's not relevant to this story. That's because I was phoning them too often about the diarrhea room. It's not related, all right? Because they wouldn't cover it for their culture and lifestyle section. I said to them, this is perfect fodder for the weekend magazine, the glossies.

But anyway, that's not important. The key thing is this is a different league to the sausage, slip on the sausage and the things got up the ass. This is a different ballgame entirely. You have no proof of any of this. A legitimate journalist would have had some record. equipment on his person. Do you have any video footage of this? Do you have any audio recording of this?

Do you have any photographs? You have nothing. I have proof that Ander Lloyd Weber was in Starlight Express rehearsals when this meeting was said to have taken place. Oh, that's interesting. That's interesting. And I have to say, you know, not going to do your job for you, Charlotte, but I can't imagine people of the kind of moral standing of David Cameron,

Peter Mandelson, being involved in this kind of thing. Well, I was shocked too. But, I mean, the things I heard in there, I mean, I'll never look at any of them the same way again. Okay. Because, I mean, once you've seen Richard Branson coming at you with, like, blood in his eyes and a sharpened toothbrush in his hand, you can't see that person the same way ever again. Okay. And you mentioned that you got away.

You mentioned it was to do with your greased legs. Yeah. Can you just explain how that happened? Well, the whole bottom half of the body completely greased up. And so Branson goes for me with the sharpened toothbrush, misses the neck. I sort of lean back, but then the heels, they're greasy. So I go straight down onto the ground on my back. Branson's bearing down on me from above.

I do a barrel roll out of the way, but obviously there's no friction because of all the grease, so I just keep rolling and I'm straight out the door. Meanwhile, Branson loses his footing, goes face first onto the barbecue hot plate, and I mean, you could hear the screams all the way down the strand. I mean, this is just fantasy land, isn't it? I'm not making this up this time at all, ever,

but especially not now. Oh, Robbie. I don't think any of these claims would stand up in a quarter of law, Oh, Robbie. But the truth has to get out because what these people are doing is evil. Okay, well, let's talk about that. So I know, Charlotte, you have your concerns

about what Robbie's saying, but we're here to talk about what it is that you think you heard. Well, what I heard in there, and I did hear it, was absolutely scandalous. So those people were both working either for the bovine farmers union or as representatives of the bovine farmers union were openly discussing a series of high-profile political assassinations that have been carried out in the interests of the bovine farmers union.

Some with bare hands, some with like a club or something like that, sometimes a bungee cord. That's not really that important. But what they were confessing to, essentially, discussing openly in this meeting was, I mean, for example, when did you last hear from Phoebe Truthers, from the Ancient and Royal Guild of Milkmaids? When did you last hear from her?

Well, she, I believe, moved away from Britain. She got a job, I think, two years ago. I can't remember. She, I mean, she's a wonderfully charismatic woman, and she was cast in a new Jemangi remake, which is yet to come out. That's right. Yeah. Ah, there we are.

Right. And what about... It's not filming in South America, I believe. Okay. And what about Aymand Destro from the Omen of the Hoof? What about him? Well, he, yeah. Strange, but he...

He also... He's a very charismatic guy and I think... Certainly was. The story was that he was running the Omen of the Hoof and then someone came and said, it's you.

You're going to be in the Jim Angie Remick in the kind of Robin Williams role, I think. Right, it was head hunted. He was the chief executive of the Omen of the Hoof. And so suddenly he, along with Phoebe Truthers,

most of them coincidentally, within a year of each other, decide that they're going to move to South America and take a job, doing an extra role... I don't think he's an extra, because he would do these speeches at the Christmas party. Oh my God, you'd watch something, you'd be like, this guy needs to be on the silver screen. So I think he's probably

in one of the larger roles. All right, well, possibly, but isn't it a bit of a coincidence? All right, well, let me throw another name at you. What about Yanderton Bin from the Yogurt and Kurds Alliance? What about him? I actually don't know. I'm not kept up with the... Six months ago, Yanderton Bin vanishes. Right. The previous week, he'd be making some very derogatory comments specifically about Sue Gooseberry and about the Bovine Farmers Union, alleging some very serious corruption at the top end of that organisation, suddenly he's gone. And I remembered this from the time,

because six months ago, it had been reported not as, oh, mysterious disappearance of Yanderton Bin. It was on the front page of Variety, and it was listed as cow bod Nets Jumanji Hot Roll. Yeah. Yeah. Yanditin has long been a member of his local armed traumatic society. This isn't new information.

All right. So they're just, they're just, chiefly recruiting all of their actors, small and large roles from beef and dairy industry. Oh, for goodness. These are three isolated cases. Three isolated cases. All right. Well, what about Graham McHogan from Gay Butchers for Scottish Independence? Gone. And only three weeks ago, Vince Bounsel from the Mintz Council, gone. Not a trace of him left. I even spoke to his wife. After I escaped this meeting, I spoke to his wife. She said, oh, it's very strange. He's never shown any interested in acting. All of a sudden, I find him gone, his bags packed, and a letter on the kitchen counter

typed on a typewriter, suspiciously, saying that he decided to go and pursue his dream of being in the next entry in the rebooted Jiamangi franchise. That's right. And if you were to go to his house now, you would find several VHS copies of the original Jumangi film.

He was that much of a fan. So this is a real dream come true for him. Okay. Now, so look, just to be crystal clear here about what you're alleging, Robbie. I am alleging, well, not alleging it, this happened. These five people that I've just mentioned, they are all people working prominently in the beef and dairy industry.

They were heard to make critical statements on the public record about the bovine farmers union. Every single one of them has apparently gone to South America to star in the new sequel in the rebooted Jumanji franchise, but not one of them has ever been heard from again. Not one of them has been reported as there have been no set photos on Ain't It Cool News. Not one of them has been heard from ever again. And I'm telling you it's because they have been bumped off by Sue Guisbury

and her cabal of thugs at the head of the bovine farmers union. And what about this new Jumanji film? There is no Jumanji film! Think about it, when's the last time you heard about a hot new, exciting rumour about the new Jumangi film that didn't involve someone from the beef and dairy industries? Never. If you look on IMDB, Jumangi, the staff of Buenos Aires,

has been listed as in development for the last four years and not one bit of news has come out about its development. When you look at the cast list, there's no information. Not even The Rock. The Rock isn't even there. There are no names listed except for the direct. Peter Mandelson. Okay.

Wake up! Okay, Robbie, so these are quite explosive allegations. I believe a fuller write-up of this is going up on your website tomorrow. Too right, yeah. So today's the story about me slipping over on a sausage at London two and getting a penguin stuck up my ass. But then tomorrow, that's the explosive expose. Okay, now, Charlotte, I imagine, again, you might want to respond to this. I don't know if you've had a chance to read what Robbie has written,

or maybe you will only read it when the rest of us do when it goes up at midnight. Does the Bovine Farmers Union have any response to what Robbie has said? I mean, simply that he has no proof, that I think he really doesn't understand how long it takes feature films to make. And just the fact that this new Jammany film has been in production for the last five years doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and doesn't mean that it won't come out. I think we're all very excited to see Jiamangi, the staff of Buenos Aires, is when it does eventually reach our screens.

Because, I mean, we look at the Avatar films. James Cameron's been working for years on that. He's only got three of them out. I'm sorry, so Avatar Fire and Ash comes out this year, only one year after Avatar 2, the way of water. They're saying that you have to... They were in production concurrently. They filmed them at the same time.

All right, well, maybe enjoy going to see that with Gary as well. And this is what it's really about. Okay. This has been his prime motivation for the last 20 years. It's to get at me. It's got nothing to do with the Beaufine Farmers Union. This is just the last in a string of attempts to discredit me and to infiltrate my life.

You need to get it together, Robbie. Can I say one more thing? I would just say to you and to the listeners at home, do not let the moment that you realise what's really going on here be the moment that you wake up with Android Webber's boot on your neck. Well, Charlotte Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, Gresham, and Gresham. And Robbie Pipes, thank you very much. Thank you.

A big thank you to Robbie Pipes for that interview, and thank you also to Charlotte Gresham, for what I think was important context to the allegations. Excitingly, just the next day after we recorded that interview, Robbie was cast in the upcoming movie, Jumanji, the staff of Buenos Aires, and immediately moved to South America to be with the rest of the cast. From all of us here at the Beef and Dairy Network, a big good luck. See you at the Oscars. Jose that he was due to publish on his website was never uploaded, and in fact the website disappeared, and now auto directs to the IMDB page for Jumangi, the staff of Buenos Aires. As for Charlotte Gresham, she too has left her job and has been cast in Jemangri, the staff

of Buenos Aires. Jumangri, the staff of Buenos Aires, is slated for a 2031 release. So that's all we've got time for this month. If you're after more Beef and Dairy News, get over to the website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we try to convince Beatle star Paul McCartney to kiss Ennia on camera. Why don't you see how we get on? So, until next time, beef out. Thanks to Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith, and Linnaeus Sage. Max Fun meetup days on Thursday, April 23rd. Max Funsters from all over are getting together

to hang out and celebrate their favorite podcasts. Want to go and meet some friends who like similar stuff and care about the same things as you, head to Maximumfun.org slash meetup to see where and when your local meetup is. Don't see one nearby? Host your own and make some new pals. All you need to do is pick a place that could hold a small group, a bar, cafe, park, library, wherever. Then fill out the form at maximum fun.org slash meetup. We'll add you to the page and help get the word out. So go to maximum fun.org slash meetup and maybe we'll see you on April 23rd. Hello, this is Alden Ford. And Mujan Zofigari.

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