Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 54 - Beefhead Day

Episode Date: December 18, 2019

We celebrate Beefhead Day by speaking to Professor James Harcombe about its true origins. Plus new music from Paul Paul. By Benjamin Partridge, Mike Shephard, Kat Sadler, Catherine Brinkworth, Max Davis, Rhodri Viney and Eugene Capper. Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com

Oh, oh, oh, happy Beefhead, everyone. Hello, it's me, Old Sir Dunstan Hooves, with a message from Mitchells. On the twelfth day of Beefhead, Mitchells sent to me twelve farmer's trousers, eleven turbo-mincers, ten hormone missiles, nine pig muzzles, eight milk injections, 7 tranquilizers, 6 semen silos, 5 types of meat, 4 German farmhands, 3 angry hens, 2 milking gloves, and a bag of nutritional sand. of nutritional sand. A jolly happy and festive beefhead day, or Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever

you might be celebrating, from Mitchells. If it's not Mitchells, get back on your heifer-drawn carriage. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and a printed magazine brought to you by Mitchells. Now, the lights, the candied beef festooned from the ceiling and the general lack of application to admin tasks going on here at Beef and Dairy HQ

can only mean one thing. It is, of course, beefhead season and you'll no doubt be looking forward to some time off work to eat chocolate sparrows and drink beefhead soup with your friends and families. Many of you already will have taken the kids to sing carols in front of a giant beef statue of St Beefhead. Also thank you for all the beefhead cards we've received this week, and the hot soup that many of you have sent in the post. But is the beefhead season just about gifts and overconsumption and rich, rich soup? Historian James Harkham, formerly of the University of Plymouth, says no. This month he released a pamphlet called The Truth About Beefhead Day, which aims to educate readers about what he claims are the true historical origins of Beefhead Day,

which he feels have been forgotten. I went to Plymouth to see James and started by asking him why it is important that we know about the true origins of Beefhead Day. I don't want to take away from the very special Beefhead Day memories and obviously family and things like that. I'm sure it's a great pleasure to spend time with family if you have one. But a lot of people will be having a lot of fun come beefhead day and maybe they will forget perhaps some of the more important origins

because obviously in school kind of we're taught the background to the other big festivals in the year so of course christmas jesus's birth uh easter jesus crucifixion, Palm Sunday, which was when Jesus invented the high five with John the Baptist. Absolutely. Why do you think we don't know about the history of Beefhead Day? Why isn't it taught? I think a lot of it is embarrassment. I mean, it is at its heart a pagan festival.

And again, even the kind of the myth of St. Beefhead and things like that. Christianity looked to co-opt the festival when in fact its origins are more tribal, more dark. So I would say more honest. You know, these days on Beefhead Day, we all go to the church, we drink beefhead soup out of the font. And you're saying that actually the church have co-opted all of these things. The beefhead soup wasn't originally drunk out of the font? No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. No, it would have been, I mean, in Celtic times, this would have been drunk from the hollowed out skulls of your enemies, or if you didn't have any enemies, from the hollowed out skulls of your friends. That is something that Christianity, I think,

bulked at, and so the character of Saint Beefhead was created. But any devout Christians out there may be surprised to learn, but there was not an apostle of Jesus who, in fact, had the head of a bull and came to live in Norwich. That didn't happen. That's not true. No. Okay, so if everything we know about Beefhead Day is a lie, if you want to use those kind of strong words

i would i would use those strong words it's a damn bloody lie sure what what really is the basis of beefhead day so beefhead day's origins lie very much in uh an ancient system of justice the set of rituals that i identify in my pamphlet are what we would expect to find perhaps in the time of Chaucer, in medieval village life. So a malefactor of some kind, a villain, a local wide boy. He would be brought up before the lord of the manor for whatever his malfeasance was, whether that was punching a pig or taking a woman's wimple, murdering some monks, stealing an onion, these kind of things. And rather than, as we would now, sending this man to jail, to rot, they would see him covered in beef, head to toe, stitched onto his body, tied

to him, and he would be pushed out rejected by the community sent to live wild in the woods for a year just to explain when you say stitched on like a sort of full body like a wetsuit yes i mean again the the concept of the wetsuit would have meant nothing to jeffrey chaucer his understanding of water sports was rudimentary at best. There is some limited evidence in the Knight's Tale, I believe, that he had some experience of windsurfing, but nothing more. In this beefhead justice system, the accused would then, in their full-body beef suit and, of course, wearing a beefhead dress or mask, the beefhead, walk in the woods alone for a full year.

At the end of that year, they could then return to the town or village from which they had been exiled. They would come to the very limits, the outer limits of the parish. They would stand on the border, unaccompanied, at midnight, and the villagers come out onto the street, burning torches in their hands. From this disorder come forth the two attendants, the attendants that we still recognise today, very familiar on our Beefhead cards and Beefhead toys and presents, Oxtail Sam and Sir Dunstan Hooves. These two characters are interesting because, obviously, as you say,

they play a big part in our current celebrations of Beefhead Day. They're often characters in Beefhead films. Often you can go to a local garden centre where someone will be dressed up as Oxtail Sam and you can take your kids to go and see him. But I've never actually thought about what it is they're meant to represent. So it sounds as if every village would have their own Oxtail Sam and Sir Dunstan Hooves.

Is that right? Yes. I mean, it was a great honour. Generally, Oxtail Sam would be an honour taken by a different man of the village every year. Sir Dunstan Hooves was normally passed down father to son. And in ancient times, they represented a kind of the duality of beef justice. The friendship, the redemption of Oxtail Sam mixed with the punitive punishment of Sir Dunstan Hooves and this is why they kind of they have a kind of almost a yin and yang effect in the way that we would traditionally

see them so Oxtail Sam the lower half of his body would be entirely bovine he would have the legs of legs of a cow the tail of a cow and his upper body would be entirely naked and tattooed. Whereas Sir Dunstan Hooves would have the upper body of a cow. He would be wearing horns and often a knight's helmet, and then in later times a tricorn hat or a feathery embroidered hat, and then of course naked from the waist down. Now that's interesting because the modern version we have of Oxtail Sam and Sir Dunstan Hooves sound very different to that. The modern Oxtail Sam, he's on a skateboard. Normally, he's wearing thin leggings of various neon colours.

Jeggings, yes. And he's often holding a sort of water pistol. So that's our Oxtel Sam. And then obviously our Sir Dunstan Hooves, these days is a kind of kindly old gentleman with a moustache and a little waistcoat and a pocket watch. And he's kind of throwing sweets to the children. He's this lovely old grandfatherly figure.

Yes, he's a kind of glorious confection of Colonel Sanders, the man on the Pringles tube, and that little fellow on the Monopoly board. And of course, the big difference today is that you can't see his dick. So the two attendants, Oxtel Sam and Sir Dunstan Hooves, come out of the crowd and approach. They emerge, and it is only they and only they who are permitted to lead the beefhead man

across the boundary, back into the village. They process down the main street, through the crowds. Matters are complicated, of course, by the addition of the rich beefhead cream, which has been prepared by the villagers. Yes, now you actually, in the pamphlet here, you include a recipe for the beef head cream. In our modern version of Beef Head Day, that's just a lovely sugary cream that we will eat after our beef head soup as a kind of dessert. But you're saying that actually the beef head cream was actually central to this ritual and actually was the pivot on which justice was served. Literally served, yes. So tell us about that.

So the beef head cream, this will have been prepared, again, by the children of the village with their mothers. A rich mixture of cream, butter cream, double cream, single cream. All the known creams. The cream would be brought together in troughs and mixed with rich aromatic herbs. In English villages, traditionally, troughs and mixed with rich aromatic herbs in english villages traditionally the the ancient herbs that we associate with old england parsley sage rosemary and cress you've actually got some

here you've actually made made up a little batch i do yes and i uh i won't be throwing that anywhere anytime soon but uh yes you can see there's a wonderful rich consistency there very rich very fragrant it's deeply aromatic it really is just just have a little have a little snort oh that's lovely it is isn't it it's as you say in the pamphlet this wasn't to be eaten or not by the people of the village anyway no so the the the troughs of beefhead cream would be laid out, and the villagers themselves would take forth their beefhead ladles, often hand-carved, often with humorous carvings of Sir Dunstan Hoove's phallus, or the oxtail of Oxtail Sam. And they would take this, they would scoop up the cream, the rich, aromatic cream, and hurl that forth at the beef head man

so the beef, the very grain of the beef the gristle, the old gristle is just being completely soaked saturated as he trudges forward his suit of rotten beef just being saturated with this rich aromatic cream and it's at that point that Sir Dunstan Hooves takes forth his basket, removes the lid and flies forth starlings, blackbirds, sparrows, birds. It's filled

with local birds that have been lured into the basket and then they're attracted by the cream. birds that have been lured into the basket and then they're attracted by the cream herby cream is absolute catnip for birds if we had a parrot here now it would be going absolutely batshit crazy i've seen pigeons dive into a watering can full of cream and never come out this cream is then all over the beefhead man and is then attracting the birds? Absolutely, yes. You've got it in one. The aim is then that the birds are drawn to the cream, they're drawn to the beef, they're drawn to the beefhead man. Very much his trial by ordeal here is to undergo the birding. Crucially, if the birds strike out his eyes, he is innocent.

He may return to village life. Beefy, creamy, blinded, but reborn. Hang on, so if it turns out that the perpetrator hadn't done the crime, the birds have a sort of sense of justice or...? It was believed in English cultural life that if a bird took your eyes, it was because they knew that they were true, they were honest. But they would only take good eyes. So they're not going to eat a bastard's eye?

No. Is there any proof or scientific thought about whether birds can tell if someone's innocent? Well, I mean, of course, you can prove anything you like with science. But I think we all know that birds have an aptitude, shall we say, a natural instinct for justice. They know the difference between right and wrong in a way that, say, a horse just wouldn't. I was sceptical about Professor Harkam's claims about the ability of birds to judge a human's moral character, so I spoke to an expert. Hello, I'm Clementine Purcell and I'm a bird scientist at Oxford University.

Clementine has studied birds for many years and is also the only scientist who replied to my email. The basis of Professor Harcum's theory is that the birds themselves have a natural sense of justice and they can tell when someone's innocent or guilty and they they can then show us with their pecking does that seem plausible to you no it makes absolutely no sense at all birds are horrible horrible creatures they are evil in every way it makes no sense that they could possibly judge someone else's moral character they are evil

so you think that they can't tell the difference between someone who's innocent or guilty because they themselves are so immoral? Is that the right word to use? They are evil. If you cut a bird, it bleeds black. Black. Clementine works every day at a lab at Oxford University, a large room which contains her desk and equipment, and around the walls, in cages, over a thousand birds.

They all hate me. They all hate you? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I walk in and they all start pecking the walls and tapping against the wire of their coops. It's turning into a living hell. Every day is hell. I'm really trying, but it's really hard when there's a thousand beady eyes staring back at me,

waiting for me to fucking die so I can peck my eyes out. Almost all unexplained murders that happen in the UK are birds. And you can prove that? Happily. You show me a corpse i'll show you the little foot marks of the bird that's been on it and why do you think the the police pathologists aren't able to see those foot marks when they come to investigate that murder i don't know maybe some kind of deal they've got with the birds maybe they're scared and i reckon there's probably some kind of like shifty underground deal they have where like they let the birds have the

sort of like lesser members of society and the rest go free i think's what happens actually like the police have cut a deal yeah i think there is some shady business going on like the mafia but with birds the way you're describing birds is that they seem to be dangerous. Yes. Capricious. Yes. Sneaky. Yeah.

Vicious. But sometimes... Harsh. Sore. Cruel. Relentless. Relentlessly cruel. Sure.

Dark-souled. Evil creatures. Malicious. Sure. Evil. Yeah. They really... They have it in for you. Sure. Evil. Yeah. They really, they have it in for you. They've got your number.

My question being... I don't know whether you fully understand. They've pecked your name into the dust of their cell and they're waiting for any opportunity to get you. When you say you, do you mean me specifically? No, I mean me, but you by a subset. We've spoken and now they know who you are.

You think I'm in danger because... Oh, yeah, you should be hiding. You should be in hiding now because they're coming. Has this happened to associates of yours in the past? Yes. So many of my ex-boyfriends. I get a little call from the police. Hello, it's happened again.

I go round Michael's dead Where are his eyes? They've done the eye thing Gone And he's dead as well? He's dead, yeah And that's happened to how many of your ex-boyfriends?

35 are there any birds you've come across in your work where you've gone oh this one's okay there was one a lovely little bird gorgeous little lorikeet and i called him percy and he was great and he just looked friendly there was like a little grain of goodness in him. We were just like best friends. I would see those birds glaring at me and he'd be like, hey. Well, he wouldn't say it. He's a bird, so he'd be like, hey. He'd be like, hey, leave her alone. He'd like stop the birds from flying at me sometimes.

I could come back and he'd have prevented a big murder from happening. But then like one day I came back and like I just like opened my lab door and there was just green feathers all across the entrance. And I thought, that's Percy. They've got Percy. To be fair, it was a scab though, so good riddance. So you sympathise with the birds for murdering your friend? Yeah, I loved him, but he was a little snitch.

Well, Clementine Purcell, thank you so much for coming in to talk to me. And you've given me lots of food for thought. That was very interesting. And I'm sure our listeners will be very well. They'll think differently now when they go out of their house and look up in the sky and they hear the dawn chorus. Yeah, get back inside and hide. I think before they would have heard this, the dawn chorus has always seemed to me, anyway, to be this kind of lovely opening overture for the day. Yeah, you're absolutely wrong. No. The dawn chorus is the shriek of a thousand murderers.

The dawn chorus is the shriek of a thousand murderers. Clementine was clear that a bird is in no position to judge a human, but in a similar fashion to how I had doubts about what Professor Harkam had told me, I wasn't sure whether to believe her either. After all, what probably didn't come across on the recording was that she was plastered head to toe in bird shit and sunflower seeds. More after this. Here at Mitchell's, innovation is at the heart of what we do. After all, who can forget that we're the first company to turn sand into food? We've introduced a huge new product range this year, and we're pleased to announce that the following items, all of them introduced in 2019, have now sold over 1 million units each worldwide. So, a big round of applause for

Granium Nutritional Sand, Multi-Purpose Hoop, Zero Splash Insemination Goggles, Rodent Be Gone Humane Rat Harpoon, 5 Star Synthetic Ass, Premium Leather Pig Bin, New Recipe Donkey Biscuits, Dr. Sam's Pretty Girl Fetlock Shampoo, and of course, Mitchell's Deluxe Supple Bags Utter Bomb. For 10% off any of these products, simply scream naked into the night, I'm not paying full price. I listen to Bullseye because Jesse always has really good questions. What did John Malkovich wear when he was 20?

I don't know how to describe it. There's always that moment where Jesse asks a question that the person he's interviewing has not thought of before. I don't think anyone's ever said that to me or acknowledged that to me and that is so real. Bullseye interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know from MaximumFun.org and NPR.

Alongside his pamphlet, Professor Harkam also commissioned singer-songwriter Paul Paul to create a piece of music, supposedly based on ancient Beefhead carols. Here is the resulting track, The Beefhead Comes This Night. The Beefhead Comes This Night Come all good people of this fair town, pray hear my tale of the beefhead brown. As days draw short and darkness blooms, a woeful wretch emerges from the gloom. As winter's hand strengthens its grip, the beefheaded man makes his devilish trip. Here he comes, the beefhead comes, sound the horns and bang the drums, with his friend, Oxdale Sam Sir Dunstan hooves at the last of the clan The beefhead comes this night

Come, my friends, in fright Beef for a face and beef for a head Beef for arms and beef for legs His sodden soul without a prayer Rugged clothes and matted hair Lit by the moonbeam, the townsfolk throw their cream. Here he comes, the Beefhead comes, sound the horns and bang the drums. With his friend, Oxtail Sam, so dun Dunstan hooves at the last of the clan. The beefhead comes this night. Come, my friends, in fright. Doused in the delicious paste, He stumbles through the streets at haste. The women stand by with kettle and pan, To deliver us from this cursed man. Sir Dunstan lets the small birds fly The creatures take his eyes Here he comes, the beef head comes Sound the horns and bang the drums, with his friend, on still Sam, Sir Dunstan

who's the last of the clan, the beefhead comes this night, cowboy friends in fright. The Beef Man comes The Beef Man comes The Beef Man comes The Beef Man comes The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man

The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Beef Man The Goof Heads are coming in at a dose of goose. A week after our interview, I received an email from James telling me that following the publication of his pamphlet, he had persuaded a woman living in the village of Amberley in Sussex to participate in a traditional beef heading. He asked me if I'd like to observe, and I jumped at the chance.

Hello, I'm Zara Pashley. I'm a full-time stay-at-home mum and yeah, today I'm just here submitting myself to beef justice. Basically, I was accused of stealing an onion. My twin daughters go to a lovely primary school and every year we have a beefhead lunch, obviously, and I'm usually in charge of making the broth and my soup is the best beef head soup and the other mums have a problem with that that there is one mum who's always had it in for me because of my excellent soup she basically planted an onion in my pocket and somebody said hold on a minute Sarah why is your pocket sticking out and there it was it really seemed like I'd taken the onion from the display of beef head foods that the children had brought.

So, you know, I've been framed. Hello, my name is Brian Pashley and I am Sarah's husband. I think she's fallen under the spell of this James Harkam, this historian, who she says that she's met on Facebook. I don't like the guy. I don't trust him. I don't think he's a married woman. You should be messaging historians on Facebook. I've got a real problem with that. I'm going to parade through the town

and then the birds are hopefully going to descend. Really, really hoping they pick up my eyes because that will prove I'm innocent once and for all. Sarah thinks that birds have a natural sense of justice. I do not. And I'll tell you why. A couple of years ago, we were on holiday in Lanzarote, and a hawk ripped off my swimming trunks and flew off of them.

And he didn't even want them, because he flew out to sea, and I could see him in the distance, and he just dropped them. Just flung them into the ocean. And where's the justice in that? A man standing on the beach with his cock and balls just flapping around in the hot, hot Lanzarote sun. That's not justice.

Not to me. The worst case scenario is that the birds spare my eyes because that would mean that in their infinite wisdom I am guilty and in that case I'd have to pay a £75 fine. She's asked me to be there at this bird trial. I've said no. I just want to say one thing and I want to say it to James Harkam. Harkam, if you're listening, you, sir, are a disgrace. You've ruined my marriage. You've got between two people who loved each other

and you've obliterated it. You should be ashamed of yourself. Shame on you, sir. My wife might be getting her eyes pecked out by birds. You have pecked out my heart. It's 11.58 now. I can see the crowds gathered. I see a lot of people I recognise

They've got some flaming torches Obviously I've had second thoughts A little bit But they're quite insistent The wheels are in motion now And I completely understand So I've got to do it now I'm going to do it

I've got to do it I would never tell Sarah this But. I'm going to do it. I've got to do it. I would never tell Sarah this, but honestly, I'm pretty sure she did steal that onion. At midnight, I joined James to watch the procession. So this is Amberley. Yes. The atmosphere, I have to say, is absolutely electric. It really is, isn't it? It's quite a privilege to be here at the first truly authentic beefhead day in over 200 years. I mean, what's amazing is, for you, I guess,

is that this was originally planned just as a kind of a commemoration of Beefhead Days of yore, but actually there is someone who's decided they do want to face that Beefhead justice. there is someone who's decided they do want to face that beefhead justice. Things have escalated in quite a wonderful way, and so a very big thank you to our beefhead woman. And that is a kind of modern twist, isn't it? Because it seems as if back in the days of yore, it was mainly men who would be the beefhead man.

Yes, it was not thought, traditionally it was not thought a seemly form of justice for the ladies. They were considered a little more delicate and so they were simply burned or drowned well um i think it's about to begin um if you could just talk us through what's happening obviously as the the world experts on this um so as we can see at the top of the hill there at the beginning of the high street we can see the beefhead woman there she's all beefed up and she's standing uh just on the curb there and i think i'm right in saying that that is oxtail sam yes oxtail sam the the friendly familiar face uh of oxtail sam there his uh his his bare chest brightly painted with uh ancient symbols and uh dancing uh a merry dance with his his tail swishing behind him his his hoofs uh beating uh on the street as he as he takes the beefhead woman now her uh she won't be able to see in there oh i don't want to interrupt you but is that who i

think it is i think we're seeing the first glimpse of sir dunstan whoves. Yes, it is Sir Dunstan Hooves there. Really is quite spectacular and fully authentic there. And no trousers or underwear, of course. No, absolutely swinging free in the wind there. So they're taking the beefhead woman there by her arms and they're taking her across. Now she's on the high street, so that means she's now past the parish line. We're in the parish, and again, we're just waiting for the sword to fall

from Sir Dunstan Hooves, and that will be the signal for the villagers. And there we are. Yes. Yes, well, and the ladles are up. Yes, the cream there is flying at quite a rate. I can smell it from here, and that's a couple of hundred yards away.

It is. When you have cream on this scale, I've got to tell you that cream, that aromatic, that smell will be around for weeks to come. You can see actually some of the wild birds which are up in the trees and up there on the church, they're starting to look very interested in that cream.

Yes, that's right. We will start to see uh uh some of the the local uh the local bird life will take an interest now obviously strictly for the purposes of authentic justice it's only the birds in the basket um so if we if we lose an eye to a local pigeon or uh if a hawk comes down from the church tower unfortunately that will have to be discounted um it's only the birds in the basket that count but now what stage will uh so dunstan who's at what stage will he be opening that basket um well once we hit uh peak cream as we move past the midway point he will loose the wicker basket and the birds will decide the fate for the final leg of the journey.

Okay, so it looks like he's opening the basket now. Okay. Wow. Whoa. Wow. What a sight. What a sight. That must be a hundred tiny little,

mainly sparrows by the looks of things. Mainly sparrows. Some blue tits. A couple of dunnocks. And they are setting about the beef head. That is... It's instant. And I think, and I, correct me if I'm wrong, they're taking her eyes.

I mean, it's a massive wing and, I mean, it's hard to tell in the melee at this point. I mean, they're certainly concentrating on the beef head itself. The cream really seems to have soaked into the gristle there. I've never seen anything like it. I mean, you read about this in books and you can't imagine. It's just not stopping, is it? But yes, it seems that there's blood.

There's a lot of blood. I'm going to have to look away, actually. I find it actually quite beautiful. She's not in a good way. She's on her knees now. See, if she doesn't make it all the way through the village, again, all this will have been for nothing, which is really the job of Oxtail Sam here,

to kind of jeer up, to kind of spur her on a little bit. No, she's not moving at all now. She's just a kind of beef heap. This has... This has taken a turn, hasn't it? Now... I mean, is she innocent? What have we learned today?

Well, we haven't made it to the village limit, so if she's made it through this, there will have to be a retrial next year. I will be speaking to the parish council. I think we can do things differently, make a few improvements. Maybe a few less birds and a bit less cream. Yes. Yes. I mean, there's been so much to enjoy here,

and I don't think we should let a little thing like this mar the overall atmosphere. Oh, it looks as if the police have arrived. So I assume... That's a very interesting point. Hey, James. James! I think when I'm walking through the townspeople being ceremoniously pelted

and when the birds are swooping towards my face, I think I'm going to feel a strong sense that I've got justice, that I've got justice on my terms. I think it's going to be very satisfying. I think every cold beak puncturing my face is going to feel like a handshake of justice from Mother Nature herself. Nå er vi på Norske Norske. Outro Music Fyre What I'm really looking forward to when the birds are really going for it, I'm going to look at my accuser, the woman who framed me, Lucinda. I'm going to look right at her and she's going to have to watch my tears of blood drying on my innocent face.

And I'll think, Lucinda, I've won. So, that's all we've got time for this month. But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you can read all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we've made a print-out-and-keep guide to the 20 Italian phrases you need to know to survive a Neapolitan prison.

So, until next time, per favore, sono de bolle. Thanks to Mike Shepard, Kat Sadler, Catherine Brinkworth, Max Davis, Rodri Viney, and Eugene Capper. Hey, if you like your podcast to be focused andard, Kat Sadler, Catherine Brinkworth, Max Davis, Rodri Viney, and Eugene Kappa. Hey, if you like your podcast to be focused and well-researched, and your podcast host to be uncharismatic, unhorny strangers who have no interest in horses, then this is not the podcast for you. Yeah, and what's your deal? I'm Emily.

I'm Lisa. Our show's called Baby Geniuses. And its hosts are horny adult idiots. We discover weird Wikipedia pages every episode. We discuss institutional misogyny. We ask each other the dumbest questions and our listeners won't stop sending us pictures of their butts. We haven't asked them to stop, but they also aren't stopping. Join us on Baby Geniuses.

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