Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 56 - The End Of The World

Episode Date: February 16, 2020

Heather Anne Campbell, Nick Wiger, Sarah Campbell, Moujan Zolfaghari, Jordan Morris, Tom Neenan and Tom Crowley all join in for this episode in which we learn about the end of the world.  By Benjamin Partridge, Heather Anne Campbell, Nick Wiger, Sarah Campbell, Moujan Zolfaghari, Jordan Morris and Tom Neenan.  Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com Music includes: “Avec Toi” by Dana Boule (www.danaboule.com)

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Mega Bean, the new man-made bean from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. The Mega Bean is the world's largest bean, weighing up to 40 pounds. If you find hair growing from your Mega Bean, simply shave it before feeding it to your beasts. For 10% off your next order, come to Mitchell's HQ and fight me. Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and a printed magazine, brought to you by Mitchell's Mega Bean. This month, I speak to Matt and Stacey Perrucci, a couple from the USA who claim that they received

a letter from the United Nations saying that the end of the world is coming and that they have been chosen to be one of the select few to receive a weekly ration of post-apocalypse beef. I would like to be clear that there was no sweepstakes involved. No. There was no, like, precursor to our selection. It just, we got the notice and there it was. It was, congratulations, you are one of the families that gets to live. I went to meet them to find out more and they seemed like a normal married couple.

We're from Kenosha, Wisconsin, where Matt is a Christmas tree farmer and I'm a human rights lawyer. It works out great because my busy season is her slow season really so human rights abuses tend to slow down around christmas it's yeah i think the the holiday spirit kind of soothes people and makes them less likely to do crimes against humanity i mean you're the expert i don't want to speak for you no that's that's that's accurate yeah um like genocides are less likely to happen in december right the point is i'm selling a lot of christ trees, and she's got nothing to do. Yeah. So you help with the Christmas tree farm?

I do some of the dragging, but a lot of those big boys are too big for me. Don't sell yourself short. You grow some incredible Christmas trees. I'm proud of my pine, you know? The key to growing a successful Christmas tree is you have to start earlier than December. A lot of farmers try to shortcut it and December 1st runs around and they're like, oh, better get started on this. And my husband, he'll start sometimes for the big, for the department store delivery trees,

he'll start two, three years ahead of time just to grow that perfect tree. We have a joke around the household. Christmas tree season comes earlier each year. Well, that brings me to— Wait, is that a joke that we've told? Yeah, I've said it to you a number of times. First time I've heard it. Okay, I think you have heard it.

I would remember it. You might have just tuned it out, but I've definitely said it to you a number of times. Okay. I mean, it doesn't have to be weird. We're just talking. I mean, I didn't say it was weird. I was just saying I've definitely said it to you. I feel like if a joke is around the household, that's something that two people participate

in, not something that one person says and the other person maybe is in earshot. Okay. Well, I just say, look, when we go to like Bucca di Beppo and you, they say they serve everything family style and you say, I like my wine family style. Yeah. I've heard you, that's a joke you've said a number of times and I like that. And I've heard that.

Okay. I wish you hadn't brought up my wine drinking here in this interview. Can I mediate? Yes. I'm sorry. So maybe a good way to get past this would be that you tell your joke to Stacey. Okay. Stacey can react.

And then similarly, Stacey can tell her joke and we can react and we're all on a level playing field. Oh, great. Okay, sure. That's great. That's great. So you go first. Okay. Well, I mean, okay.

Okay. Yeah. I think I get it. You know, yeah, we start going Christmas trees in, I don't remember how I set it up. You said, and apparently this is something you say all the time, is Christmas comes earlier each year. That's the joke that you said we have in the house. I said, well, specifically I said Christmas tree season comes earlier each year. Okay, can I mediate a sec?

So I think a more natural way to get him into the joke. Yes. That's what you're struggling with. That's the thing. Yeah, I'm not being teed up for it. Sure. So let's imagine I'm a customer. Okay. And I've arrived and there aren't many Christmas trees left because they've already been bought up. Oh, right. And that might give you a little in for your joke. Yeah, sorry we got slim pickings here at the lot. But you know, what we say around here is Christmas tree season comes earlier each year. here at the lot, but you know, what we say around here is Christmas tree season comes earlier each year. There, I heard it. Okay. So now, Stacey. Yes. We probably need again to set this up as a situation. So I'm the server. Okay. And by the way, we serve everything family style.

Oh, I like my wine family style. Yeah, that one's actually funny, that one. That was very good. Well, I wouldn't describe myself as a conspiracy theorist. I'd describe myself as a simple servant of truth. Deborah Lazarus makes the conspiracy podcast What the Moon Isn't Telling Us. Welcome to episode 502 of What the Moon Isn't Telling Us. This week, green bananas.

Why? And how does it involve the CIA? Deborah has been covering the UN end-of-the-world beef plan for a number of months on her podcast. The UN know that the end of the world is coming and they are stockpiling huge quantities of choice beef. And so when the end times come, the chosen few, not anybody else, the chosen few, will be allowed a weekly ration of choice beef. We don't know when the world is ending.

We don't know how the world is ending. We don't know how the world is ending. But we do know it's happening. I asked Matt and Stacey about how the message from the UN was delivered. We heard a knock at our door very early in the morning on a Sunday. And we went down there and there was an owl with a message in his beak. And it's like a little scroll. And we took it and it had a, you know, like it was sealed with wax that had the UN emblem on it. And we unfurled it and it told us that we'd

been selected. It's lucky that it had the UN emblem because I happen to know that if you see an owl near a Christmas tree farm, you have to shoot it down. Yes, they can ravage Christmas. And you know, that was my reaction. I had my gun and Stacey was like, no, don't. I had my AR-15 trained on this owl from point blank range. And Stacey pushed it out of the way just as I fired a shot. Yeah, he unloaded a couple rounds into the lawn. The owl was spooked, came back, opened that letter. And I mean, gosh and golly, we're just going to be eating beef for years. I mean, it's a total change of our lives. Yeah. So let's talk about your diet then. Once the whatever happens happens, you're in line for a certain weightage of beef every week that will be delivered by owl.

Is that how this is going to work? Well, I'm not sure if the owl was just a messenger or if the owl will be actually delivering the – it's a substantial amount of beef. Yeah, it's 75 pounds of beef per week. We really don't know how we're going to get through all of this, but they've made it clear that we are not allowed to distribute it to our neighbors. So it has to be consumed on our premises or burned in the backyard. So it has to be consumed on our premises or burned in the backyard. My understanding is that there is a drone that will be flying to individual homes with this 75 pound portion of beef. It's kind of like a drone Santa Claus. And in that way, you could say that Christmas is coming earlier every year.

What is he talking about? Really? Because that's your joke, sweetie. I just asked you to walk me through it. You don't have to get hostile. I'm not getting hostile. I'm just... I feel like every time I take your side, I get burned.

Deborah Lazarus. These messages, often delivered by owl, often delivered by weasel, have been going out over the past couple of weeks, and they are the first real concrete indication that this is happening. The UN aren't on record as to the end of the world happening.

There's been no official statement from the UN that these messages, the contents of these messages, makes it a virtual open secret. Ask someone at the UN. They won't be able to deny it. Deborah put me in contact with someone she said was on the UN's end-of-days committee, and on the condition of anonymity,

they agreed to speak with me. And here I do have to apologize. I did say to her that I would change her voice to preserve her anonymity, but I couldn't work out how to do it. She was unexpectedly candid with me when I asked her if the end of the world is inevitable. Oh, of course. Of the list of like the five things you speak about at the UN at every single meeting, number one, always behind closed doors is we realize it will come to an end. Does that have a kind of impact on the tenor of the discussion? So for example, if you're in a different committee, you're talking about, I don't know, wheat stocks,

or you're talking about fish, a tricky border area somewhere in Central Asia. Ultimately, in the back of your head you're thinking this is all fine but it doesn't really matter does it right yeah well we always have two pads that we take two different decisions we make at end of meetings one is you know what people expect of us long-term goals etc etc and one is you know the more realistic years. What can we make out of it in years? So that's as long as we've got, you think? Yes, I'm sorry. Wow.

Okay. Do you mind if I just take a moment to process that? Sure. Sure. Of course. Okay. Yes. That was my reaction as well.

Really? Yeah. Obviously, you know know you're telling this to me i'm a public facing journalist really in this situation this will be broadcast yeah um is there a worry that this could cause a certain amount of panic and do i need to bleep out for example the amount of time we have left yeah i think you should bleep out the amount of time we have left right now you seem pretty chipper yeah you've you've come to accept what's gonna happen yeah okay for the first year or so knowing about this nothing made sense i broke relationships i went through a sexual rumspringa i just you know just really got crazy

but i've recently reached a zen part of my life where I am happy to be here right now because we only have years left. I'll bleep that one. Yes, thank you. There are obviously many questions that we have. The big one being, how has the UN selected who will receive the beef rations? From what I can see, it seems totally random. Do you know why you were chosen? We really have no idea.

I mean, I suspect maybe it's because I have to assume that it's because of Stacey's high-profile job as a human rights lawyer. I think it's because you know how to grow a tree. It could be that. You know, it could be they're looking for, we're're gonna have to do some terraforming either on this planet or another one and we need some people with some horticultural experience the thing i've got with the the tree theory is that matt here grows in the most in ornamental of trees right kind of quite useless really well i don't want, I wouldn't call them useless. I mean, they bring joy to people.

Yeah, they bring joy. In the holiday season. Yeah. Do you think that there's going to be a lot of joy about in a kind of post-apocalyptic Earth situation? Well, I mean, it might be the only comfort in a bleak world. So I don't think that's useless at all. I think that if we let go of our traditions as a culture, then what is the post-apocalyptic

culture? I think that Christmas will probably come... Earlier each year. There you go, sweetie. I didn't understand that in that context. Didn't really make sense. I don't know. I was trying to set... Give him a win.

Come on, just give him a win. Hi, I'm Rock Bleasdale, and I worked at the UN end-of-days meat store. For two years, Rock Bleasdale was a security guard at the meat store where the UN's beef stockpile is kept, deep underground. That was part of the appeal, part of why I took the job. I mean, I've spent so much of my life above ground, and it's worked out pretty well. But, you know, a man when he's laying awake at night, can't help but ask what else is there, you know, like a sort of a reverse little mermaid, right? Yes, exactly. A lot of people, a lot of mermaids, you know, look above them

and say, what's up there. Uh, me, I think a little bit differently and I'm a stomach sleeper too. So I think that's part of it. I'm sleeping on my stomach. I'm looking down, I'm looking down, I'm thinking what's down there, you know? So the chance to, you know, get up under that crust was kind of a thrill. And it was deep. Oh yeah. That bunker was deep. I mean, not only was it under the crust, but it was mid-mantle. And that's a strata of the earth I had always wanted to visit. It was just great to be able to see it up close. The big question, of course, is what will cause the world's end? I asked Rock whether the experience of working in the underground meat

store had given him any insight into what we're facing. We did not get any hard and fast intel as to what the end of the world event was going to be. You know, we had heard kind of, you know, murmurs from the scientists of they were flitting to and fro from the bunker up to, you know, whatever sort of science facility was up there on the Earth's surface. And, you know, we heard a lot of things. The word dinosaur came up more often than you might think. So, I mean, we were speculating maybe it was, you know, some sort of dinosaur resurgence project, a Jurassic Park type deal. We heard Christ's name a lot. So, you know, maybe we were thinking this was some sort of biblical event. We were thinking this was some sort of biblical event. Something we heard through the walls a lot being yelled by various scientists was,

there's only four meets, goddammit. There's only four meets, goddammit. And we weren't really sure what that was about. You know, again, these guys have degrees and we're just security guards. So we just assumed it was above our pay grade. We know it's going to happen. That is for sure. Blammo, we're not existing anymore. But there are a handful of ideas we're still whittling down.

It could be classic. Climate change could cause the end of the world in a rapid movement. Next years, maybe we'll blow up. Very possible. You think that climate change could get to a stage where the world just blows up? A hundred percent. Also has to do with the number of straws that we're putting in the ocean, you know? Drinking straws.

Exactly. And what, they act as a kind of kindling for the explosion? Exactly. Right. They spark together. Plastic on plastic causes fire underwater, you know? Basic science. It could be the rise of, and this might seem funny to you,

but it's not, a zombie apocalypse. So that's an actual thing the UN are worrying about? Yes. So that's not just a fictional... No. Really? Mm-mm. No.

Because I think people will be listening and they'll be thinking, yeah, but that's just films, isn't it? But films were there to make it, make it more common for us. So when it happens, we're not so scared. Does that mean we, people listening, could think about other films, other genres of film, were they also created to get us used to?

I'm not at liberty to say. It's not my committee. The Richard Curtis film, Love Actually, that features several concurrent romantic storylines, is that something that the world's governments put in place to seed ideas in our heads? I'm not at liberty to say, but I will say it ends at an airport where many people of different cultures come together. So that may be a hint.

So watch it again. With a different eye when you watch that film. It's like a how-to for how to survive the apocalypse. Well, you got me Well, I can't. You got me there. I can't say. But yes. Are these the people that survive?

Like when everyone goes, will we be left with Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Martin McCutcheon, Laura Linney? Is that what it's telling us? It's like what will happen to Laura Linney in this time? It's my question if you can find a male model in your office who's attracted to you but not do anything about it you have a higher chance of surviving i will say that that's the message that's the message well yeah they did make a second one though a second live actually yes yes yes an actual full-length film that will be released moments before the end of days and years and that'll be a much more explicit explicit very

much it's two camera it's a lot of monologues hugh grant just basically telling you everything he's been holding in his head for years and there's a very chilling scene with kira knightley scared telling you where you can find the last remaining drinking water. Yeah. She looks great in it. Beautiful. Her cheeks. Did the scroll from the owl give you any indication as to

what's going to cause this apocalyptic event or what it will be? No. I mean, it was beyond just the rather ominous writing, the end is nigh. It didn't really give any additional explanation. I mean, we've spent some time wondering what it could be. I have a pet theory, which is that manhole covers, you know, we always think that they are to access what's below. But to me, it seems like they're sealing something off from below. And I think that maybe all of these cities have all of this piping and all of these lock mechanisms in the streets.

And that concerns me. It concerns me. So I think it's probably something that's underground. Is this something you agree with, Matt? We've had this discussion, and I think it's probably something that's underground. Is this something you agree with, Matt? We've had this discussion and I think it's a possibility. I personally think it's more likely that we're going to run out of air. We, I don't know if you've noticed, like you just, it's just harder to breathe lately. Like you go outside and there's just, it's harder to catch your breath, especially if

you do some light exercise. Because there's a finite amount of air out there there's a finite amount of air and i think just you know i'm doing my part with christmas trees trying to recirculate some of it out there take some of the co2 turn it o2 but you know that's not going to last forever yeah i i don't know that i was the last couple of years your figure has become a little bit more robust and i i i i don't know that i would attribute your difficulty or shortness of breath i don't know that i that would be something that i would indict the planet with well there is a problem with your theory though yeah which is that if the cause of the end of the world is that the air is running out the several pounds of beef you're going to

get every week are going to be useless how would that help you with that problem right you can't breathe beef to my knowledge can you breathe beef i mean i don't think so. I would. Yeah. And I know that if you work in a slaughterhouse, you do take in a bit of pink mist. Yeah. And and and so there is a quality of beef that you can breathe. But I don't know that I think it eventually if you're overexposed, it's too much. Yeah, I think it's I don't think you can breathe beef. I will say that, you you know you certainly try i inhale it so to speak and you inhaled wine by the sounds things yeah okay um you know you really didn't have to bring it up you didn't have to bring it up look i just i have a stressful job i know you have a stressful job. I'm allowed to go

through a box or two of wine in the weekends. You deserve your stress outlet. Thank you. Of course, when the only food that you're getting delivered is beef, you'll be able to make fizzy beef wine of your own. Yes. The truth is I've been researching a little bit about Jenkum. Jenkum? Yes, I think that might be my in. What's jenkum? It's a homemade drug or sort of alcohol experience where you ferment human waste in a toilet. And then after it has sort of transformed into its next form, then you open up the toilet and you inhale the gas. And I believe it causes a massive near fatal hallucination. You can also drink the liquid, I believe. So something like that with beef, I think would work. And we could make, I don't know if it'll have bubbles, but I mean, it'll certainly fuck us up.

See, Jake and I always understood as an urban myth. You think it's real. I've always thought that it was an urban myth. I bet we could take some of that beef and we could ferment it in the toilet and make ourselves an alcohol. I feel like we could use a receptacle other than the toilet. I think the receptacle is designed in the most effective manner. Shove the beef in the lower pipe, close off the toilet, and it's a fermentation device. And maybe the flush can act as a kind of carbonator.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. Fizz it up. We have a number of different appliances that can do the same thing without it being in toilet water. We have three bathrooms. I think one of them can be a dedicated place to make our own beef jenkum. I don't. You know what?

If you want to drink whatever's been mingling with the septic tank fumes you're welcome to do so but i will not be doing it but that's part of the process you say that like it's like that's a bad thing that's part of what makes it work we're not making jenkum we're making fizzy beef wine it doesn't have to be the same process. I'm covering my bases. One of those bases is put the beef in the toilet. Well, I'm going to talk to a sommelier and find out the process for making fizzy beef wine industrially, because I'm pretty sure it does not involve a bunch of toilets. I was no closer to finding out what the cause of the end of the world will be. So I went on the Beef and Dairy Network website

and asked network members if they had any information. These are just some of the messages we received on the Beef and Dairy Answer Phone. My best friend's cousin works for NASA and he said that there's a meteor that's going to hit the Earth and flip it like a pancake, shooting us all off into space. My brother told me they're going to turn the internet off. The gas inside our bodies might expand drastically and will pop like a dead cane toad left out

in the sun. I'm personally looking forward to it. Acorns. When is the last time you saw an acorn? Have you seen a film called The Truman Show? Yeah? Won't be nothing like that. Have you seen another film, a big Hollywood blockbuster called Independence Day? Won't be anything like that either.

Yeah, my mother used to tell me one day the earth will spin too far and start slowing down, and then eventually stop, and then start spinning twice as hard back the other way, hurling all of the continents and cars and hamburgers and dogs into the cold, inky vacuum of space. Question number one. Have you ever seen a wind farm being built? The extraction of true believers will go ahead a week Thursday like we planned. So that's not this Thursday now, but the Thursday after. See you on the other side. Bye bye now.

I cannot divulge my name or my position within the United States Intelligence Service. Suffice it to say, I have access to high level classified materials. Suffice it to say, I have access to high-level classified materials. The U.S. government is currently making plans with the governments of New Zealand, Indonesia, and a secretive cabal known only as Praxis to open up a series of ancient gates deep beneath the Earth's crust. Their goal in doing so is the complete destruction of the Earth. At which point... Jeremy, your eggs are getting cold. Mom, my door was closed. Stay the fuck out of my room. Don't you speak to me like that.

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Oh my god, Slash Beef! It's our new baby boy! My second baby beef. What shall we call him, Slash Beef? We shall call him Svengerman. Svengerman? Svengerman. Svengerman? Svengerman. Svengerman? Svengerman. Svengerman Svengerman Svengerman Svengerman Svengerman

Svengerman Svengerman Svengerman I love you, Svengerman Oh, Svengerman But don't think that that doesn't mean I don't still miss Glengerman Glengerman

Glengerman I'm SlashBeef ZipRecruiter.com SlashBeef Personally, it's no surprise to me that they have gone for beef. Dr Sam Archer is a television doctor, best known for his appearances on Sky TV's Doctors in Danger and Channel 4's Transplant on Bowler Live.

Beef is the most nutritionally complete foodstuff that there is. One portion of beef contains as many nutrients as 85 almonds, a whole salmon, three mangoes and a swimming pool's worth of kale. Dr Archer was very clear that beef is super nutritious but he did spot a potential problem with the plan. The first thing you're taught in medical school early on regarding diet is that you unfortunately cannot subsist on a beef-only diet. It's extremely inadvisable and eventually what will happen is that you unfortunately cannot subsist on a beef-only diet. It's extremely inadvisable and eventually what will happen is that your colon will swell up like a party balloon and eventually burst. It's happened to two of my patients, both while I was in the room,

and it's impressive, but it is shocking and it is fatal. I put this to Deborah Lazarus. Is this not a big flaw in the UN's plan? I put this to Deborah Lazarus. Is this not a big flaw in the UN's plan? It's certainly a challenge, but is it a challenge or is it an opportunity? Because that is true for 95% of the population. They couldn't take the beef. Their colons would explode. But for 5% of the population, is not true they can beat the beef there are a small number of people I understand

who can exist on a beef only diet what potentially could happen is evolution is supercharged in this way and that 5% interbreed and what we are left with and what humanity becomes is a very strong coal on to people.

And we'll find out who can survive on beef alone and who can't, and effectively sort the wheat from the chaff and end up with, I mean, the word super race has a lot of negative connotations, but I think in this case it's also extremely exciting. negative connotations but um but i think in this case it's also extremely exciting you know you're probably looking at you'd have to have a different classification even you know you're looking you'd have to have a new type of homo homo colostomax i think it will be an upgrade so if that comes to pass and the five percent who can take the beef live the 95 die and then we're left with this strong colon kind of new version of the human race what does society and what does the world and take the beef, live, the 95% die, and then we're left with this strong-coloned, kind of new version of the human race. What does society and what does the world look like once it begins to go ahead with these people?

I think with these people, with this iteration of humanity, you're looking at a very violent, very brutal society. People will fight tooth and nail for each other's beef rations. The people with the stronger colons will slowly start to emerge, will slowly rise to the top. In a way, hierarchies will be decided by a sort of beef-off, if you will, by a sort of beef-off, if you will, where the method of combat is to go beef-to-beef with someone.

How much beef can you take before the weaker male's colon explodes, leaving the stronger coloned male, to enjoy the females. I asked Matt and Stacey if they considered how they will protect themselves in a potentially violent post-apocalyptic world. I think that a lot of the solutions of the future are going to be futile in nature. I mean, we're going to have to look to the past to develop the securities of the present. And I think some of those will involve moats, towers. Right. I know that we are not allowed to distribute

any of the beef ourselves, but you can distribute hope. And that is a excellent way to manage crowd control. Right. You can sort of recruit some mercenaries with the promise of beef. Yeah. And then when they come to collect their beef ration,

you can toss them in the moat. Yeah. So I think we've given some thought to that. I think that seeing other bodies will be a deterrent also. Right. It's really about the measure of ruthlessness that you're willing to enact in order to secure your own family's safety.

It sounds as if you're going to keep going with the Christmas tree growing business once the end times come to, as you say, distribute joy to the local people to maintain our customs. Are you going to be able to keep up your human rights practice, given that it seems like you yourself are going to be responsible for throwing bloated corpses in a moat, shooting rivals with an owl gun? I think that as long as the idea of law exists, there will be people who need lawyers. And though I can't really identify the shape of that in the future, I know that the kind

of work I have done and dedicated my life to is the kind of work that I'll probably find as society starts to fall apart. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think that's a lawyers are going to continue to exist. You know, if you don't cut back on your drink and we may need a divorce lawyer, right? You like it. My thoughts inevitably turned to my own survival. After all, I have so much to live for. The bond I feel with all network members, the 20 years supply of Mitchell's granium nutritional sand in my garage.

Vis-a-vis staying alive, Deborah Lazarus had only one piece of advice. The only way I can live is to get on the UN's list for beef rations. If you want to live, get yourself on that list. There is no other way. I don't know how you'll do it, but you need to get yourself on that list, attract the attention of the UN in some way. So are you doing anything yourself to try and get on that list

and get those that list and get those beef rations? I'm afraid that my career as a seeker of truths, uncomfortable as they may be, has made me a persona non grata, let's say. There's no hope for me. And I

live with that every day. I asked my UN contact whether she's on the list. I cannot say. Because if I say if I am, that's kind of a... I come off. It sounds bad. But if they say if I'm not, then that also sounds bad.

Because it's like, why am I working for the UN? Right. Yeah. Yeah. But you've got access to the list. I do have access to the list. So you could add access to the list. I do have access to the list. So you could add me to the list. I can't really add people to the list. I could look at the list. Do you want me to look at the list?

It is your decision. Psychologically speaking, would you say it's better that I know if I'm on the list or not or not? How about I show you the list or not or not how about i show you the list but you don't say out loud what you see you just process it you've got it here it's on my phone it's in the cloud okay hold on let me just bring it up yeah it's on google drive okay okay here we go it's not many names but let me scroll through if you just um scroll across to united kingdoms okay okay okay there it's literally just sting

he's given a lot it says you united kingdom sting that's it it's just sting he's he is an cultural icon oh for fuck's sake and i've seen you on the there's a you you're on the list twice yeah and there's an asterisk next to you what does that mean i can just bring whoever else i want oh right yeah have you decided yet who that might be? I have a friend at the gym. I'm just gonna... Right. Do you know them? No, they seem nice.

Right. Yeah. Because we've got on, haven't we? You and I. I could give you... I should... Do you like Hondas? Cars? Honda Civic.

I'm more of a Toyota girl myself. 2006. I'm okay. I guess the question we need to ask is, is the end really so bad? It comes for us all eventually. Maybe the best thing we can do is accept it. And from here on in, live life as if the world ends tomorrow. Eat beef like the world ends tomorrow. And gain succor from the thought that even if you or I are instantly squashed by a comet,

or eaten by a zombie, or turned into jam by an alien, beef will remain. Sure, after the apocalypse there may be no cows. The only beef meat on the planet might be the slowly dwindling supplies in the UN meat store. But beef is always, and has always been, more than just a meat. It was here before the Big Bang, and it'll be here long after the universe has collapsed back

in on itself. Beef is the cradle in which everything sits. Beef is a handshake from the spirit world. Beef is a promise. However, that said, that offer still remains. That's a Honda Civic 1.6 litre 2006 model, full set of clean new car mats, runs like a dream, yours with a full tank of petrol, if you can get me onto that UN list. I don't want to take a single pound or dollar. All I want is to get on that list

and you're buying yourself with that. The Honda Civic, beautiful, great on the motorway, also good in town great miles per gallon really well looked after and as i say i throw in the full tank of petrol that's yours uh just get me on that uh un list and uh i guess just all i want to say on top of that is is please. Please. Please.

Please. There hasn't been any official word on this but the rumor is that whatever the event is capital e uh is going to happen somewhere in so we've got to get prepping pretty fast right and i'm trying to move some of my inventory in anticipation of that. But, you know, luckily for me, Christmas tree season comes earlier each year. It didn't work that time, did it? It didn't work. I thought everyone... I don't think

there's a context for it to work, sweetie. The guy holding the boom mic, I could... He smiled. Looked like a grimace. Did you like it? He's shaking his head. He gets IBS, so he makes those faces. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, you're right. As usual, you rest your case, I guess. Judgment awarded in your favor. It's going to be a really long end of the world. I've got my own beef stockpile that I've been working on in case the end times do come. And there's a bit of morbid curiosity in me whether I can exist on a beef-only diet or whether, like my two patients, whether my colon will swell up and eventually explode.

Part of me hopes that I am part of the first group, but then part of me also wonders what it feels like to have all of your internal organs rupture. Certainly from the look on the faces of my patients, it was painful. They seemed very upset. But then there was a moment of euphoria just before the bursting. I'd love to know what that feels like. Thanks to Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Weiger, Sarah Campbell, Mujan Zolfakari, Jordan Morris, Tom Neenan Dr. Game Show. Leave your message after the beep.

Hello, this is Steve from Albany talking about my favorite podcast, Dr. Game Show. Dr. Game Show is a show where listeners submit their crazy ideas for game shows, and the two hosts have to play them, and they often bring in celebrities and small children to share in the pain and hilarity at first it might seem like joe firestone has a contentious relationship with listeners but that is only mostly true she actually really respects us it's a lot like lethal weapon where joe is like oh listeners you're all loose cannons you're out of control and we're like no firestone youtube by book. You've forgotten what it's like out there.

And that's why I love the show. Listen to Dr. Gameshow on Maximum Fun. New episodes every other Wednesday. Hey, everyone. It's I, John Hodgman of the Judge John Hodgman podcast. And I, Elliot Kalin of the Flophouse podcast. And we've made a whole new podcast, a 12-episode special miniseries called I, Claudius, in which we recap, discuss, and explore the very famous 1976 BBC miniseries about ancient Rome called I, Claudius. We've got incredible guests such as Gillian Jacobs, Paul F. Tompkins, as well as star of I, Claudius, Sir Patrick Stewart, and his son, non-Sir Daniel Stewart.

Don't worry, Dan, you'll get there someday. iPodius is the name of the show. Every week from MaximumFun.org for only 12 weeks. Get them at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.