Beef And Dairy Network - Episode 74 - Beef Fishing

Episode Date: August 22, 2021

Neil Delamere, Katie Elin-Salt, Tom Burgess, Chris Cantrill, Elis James and Lotte Betts-Dean join in as we learn about a growing phenomenon that is blighting the dating world: beef fishing. Tickets for our live show on 11 September 2021In-theatre: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-3/Livestream: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-11-9/ Stock media provided by Setuniman/Pond5.com and Soundrangers/Pond5.com Music credits courtesy of www.epidemicsound.com :Martin Klem / A Look InsideJakob Ahlbom / FractureThe Fly Guy Five / Upbeat Flat FeetSage Ourseler / Sinister PassageGavin Luke / So Many SecretsAugust Wilhemlsson / Moving AreaGerard Frankloin / When The Ending ComesDream Cave / A Subtle MindTrabant 33 / Day Of The HopefulChristophe Gomma / Little IdeaLine Neesgaard / Still Feel For You

Stick around at the end of the podcast for details about a live show, which is happening next month in London, but which also will be live streamed. So you can watch it wherever you happen to be on Earth. Oh my God. Anyway, I'll give you details at the end. I work hard and I play hard. And after a hard day, I like to kick back with a nice glass of cold beer. But why shouldn't my dogs be able to do the same?

Now they can, with Alan Bambra's Cold Beer for Dogs. Hi, I'm Alan Bambra, and I want to share my beer with your dogs. Now endorsed by dance champion Kenny Baritone. Hello, it's me, Kenny Baritone. It's the world's only dog beer,'s made exclusively for dogs, by dogs. You should see the brewery. It's a bloody state. Your dogs will love the taste of our beer. But don't just take our word for it. Here's former vet Bob Triscothic.

Listen to me very carefully. Do not feed beer to a dog. Please. Don't do it. That's Alabama's cold beer for dogs. Because a drunk dog is a happy dog. Cold beer for dogs is a very cold beer. hello and welcome to the beef and dairy network podcast the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds the beef and dairy

network podcast is the podcast companion to the beef and dairy networkds. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you by Alan Bamber's Cold Beer for Dogs. Now, this month's episode is about a growing trend in the world of dating. If you're unlucky, you may have fallen foul of this yourself. I'm talking about beef fishing, a practice where beef fishers, or as they're sometimes known, dark butchers, start a sham relationship on a dating app only to reveal when they finally meet their target that they are a butcher who has no interest in romance and merely wants an opportunity to sell meat. This is a problem that we've had to tackle ourselves here at the network.

As you may well know, we are partners with the Californian tech company Data Harvest on our dating app Beef Encounters, which has recently been blighted by beef fishing, especially after we decided to open up membership to those who are not just working in the beef industry, but anyone with a solid passion for beef. Later in this episode we will be sharing some tips on how to spot a beef fisher. But first, we hear from two people who have themselves been beef fished. As you will hear, one of them befell the fishing whilst using Beef Encounters, whereas the other shows that this phenomenon has been around longer than the popularity of dating apps.

Hello, my name is Father Simon, well, Simon Featherby, and I am the former vicar of St Bartholomew's Neo-Presbyterian Church in Clackett, Somerset. The Neo-Presbyterian denomination is incredibly strict when it comes to human pleasures. You can't drink alcohol, you can't drink heavily sugared squash drinks, and we are not allowed to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh. And one night, I settled down to watch a film that I'd never seen before on television, a film by the name of Ghost. And in that film, there's a sequence in which

Patrick sways in to me more, of ghost. And in that film, there's a sequence in which Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore sit down at a potter's wheel and set it whirring. Their hands both touch as they touch the wet The wheel speeds up and... I just have some water, actually. I'm so sorry. Yes, that's calmed me down. As I watched that sequence, I couldn't describe what was going on in my body. The feeling, It was like having an alcoholic, sugary squash drink and an orange all at once. At first, the overwhelming thought in my head was, my body must want me to go to a pottery class.

want me to go to a pottery class. So as soon as I could, I went down to the pottery class in our local community hall. But it had none of the erotic charm that I'd been expecting. Nobody sat behind me, nobody put their hands on my hands. And naturally I became angry, hurling the wet clay at the walls. I was something other than human that day. I realized that what I really wanted to do was engage in carnal lust instead. So I realized I had to get out of the Neopresbyterian church. I went in, handed in my robes, Bible, badge and gun,

taser, ivory-handled bell, motorcycle, the whole lot, really, and set off on this journey to find a physical companion. Hello, I'm Michelle Davis and I was beef fished. When I was very small, my first foray into the world of romance was through the Disney classic Robin Hood, specifically the fox um I always remember flutterings when I used to when I used to look at his his green triangular hat and cloak um and they just seemed something about him that was very um very alluring and very kind um and I I feel like I've been I've been searching for that ever since. I really did have to play it down quite a lot as a teenager

because, you know, obviously it's quite a vulnerable thing, isn't it, to admit that you're in love with a Disney character. So, of course, as everybody was getting into Boyzone and Westlife and Limp Bizkit and all the rest of it, and the posters were going up, I was following suit and I did have Fred Durst on my wall staring down at me so that when my friends came around, we could talk about him and our love for him

and our love for his music and his body of work. But as soon as they left, I would peel Fred off and behind him would be the poster of the fox waiting for me. In his quest to find a partner, Simon joined Beef Encounters. I was delighted to stumble across it because, well, I've always felt able to trust a woman who loves a good plate of roast beef. Easy enough to set up a profile. I use the automatically generated username, sexualcollidoscope5000. And then it was simply a question of listing some hobbies, such as they were, and taking some profile pictures of myself.

Mainly of me doing the gardening. But I decided to get a couple of action shots in as well. I was going for a kind of James Bond thing. had a couple of action shots in as well. I was going for a kind of James Bond thing. I was often told back in my youth that I was a dead ringer for George Lazenby. In fact, I got into quite a groove of taking Bond photos. Even my next door neighbour, Jan, got involved, recreated a few scenes. And if I may say, she made a really mean Blofeld. Never seen a woman so keen to shave her own head and bleach her cat.

After weeks of radio silence, I finally received a message from a user called BondBabe007. Seemed like a match made in heaven as far as I was concerned. The only problem was she didn't have a single picture of herself on her profile. So I was sending increasingly intimate and loving messages with an inanimate grey head.

After a time, I did grow increasingly determined to see her face, I asked her, I implored her to send me even one picture of what she really looked like. She kept replying. She was shy. Webcam wasn't working. Every excuse in the book. In the meantime, I'd been sending her increasingly intimate photographs of myself.

I still have to apologise to Jan every day for making her take some of those. In an attempt to meet someone who would match up to Robin Hood the animated Disney fox, Michelle started going to archery lessons. One day, I was holding my bow at slightly an awkward angle, and I just felt this hand lift my elbow up and say, straighter. And I looked behind me, and there he was. was um and I I just I just knew I I knew in the way that he held the bow I knew in his in his eyes in his green cloak that I'd found my Robin

18 months later after a whirlwind romance we we got married and of course it was a it was a Robin Hood themed wedding um I was I was made marry and my father bless him married us dressed as Friar Tuck and then in the reception I found out that all my friends from school had clubbed together and they had managed to book the UK's only Limp Bizkit tribute band which was very confusing for everybody um as uh obviously I I was never really that into Limp Bizkit in reality but my friend my friends didn't didn't know that so um it was a very kind thing however it was it was rather an awkward reception it was very loud and um doing my first dance to Keep Rolling, Rolling, Rolling was quite an experience, but we made it work and it was truly an experience that none of us will ever forget.

The thing was that when the band stopped playing and they stopped being Limp Bizkit, we soon came to realise that the lead singer was in fact not in character at all and it was actually the real Fred Durst. And of course, I had many questions for Fred, such as what are you doing here and why in a wedding in Caerphilly? And he looked me in the eyes and he said, wedding buffet. And he then went on to explain that actually he he's really passionate about Welsh wedding buffets

and apparently they're very specific and not seen anywhere else in the world so he he really he will travel the distance for a vol-au-vent or a sausage roll or perhaps a pineapple on sticks a jelly hedgehog a blancmange a trifle, specifically Sherry, specifically Sponge. And apparently you just don't get them in the USA, so he will travel. Simon continued to correspond with his match on the app, but she still wouldn't send him a photograph. Now, it should have been all too obvious to me at this stage that this woman was clearly a dark butcher, as I believe they're called. And I wish I'd seen the signs.

I beg you, look out for these red flags. If you send a woman whose picture isn't visible, if you ask her to show you a picture of her breasts, and she sends back a photo of chicken breasts, if you say I want to see your jugs and she sends you a photograph of a couple of jugs of ice cold milk, if you ask to see her ass and she sends you a picture of a table covered in freshly slaughtered donkey beef, then my god, run for the hills. I remember I said to her, at least send me a picture of your eyes. Send me back a picture of a jar of pickled pig's eyes.

So the next 10 years were a dream, really. We had a beautiful marriage. We had two beautiful children, little John and the sheriff. So it was the week before our 10 year anniversary. And my husband said to me, I've got a surprise for you, which is obviously a very exciting time as a wife. So obviously I started looking for clues. And the only thing I found actually was a lot of sausage meat in the boot of our car, which led me to believe that my husband was planning on making sausage rolls in order to pay Fred Durst, who I believe was going to come back and perform a tribute concert to recreate my husband and I's first dance. So on the morning of our wedding anniversary, I woke up and he wasn't there. And there was just a note on the

pillow that said, meet me at the community hall at eight, which is where we got married, which I thought was a really, a really nice touch. And I was so excited to celebrate. I spent the whole day getting ready. I actually put on my Maid Marian hat again and my gown, which still fit, which was just wonderful. And I trotted down that evening,

expecting to see my husband and Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit and perhaps our friends and family. And I opened the door and the reality of what had happened was very clear. Stood in front of me was my husband. He was alone and he was not dressed as Robin Hood as perhaps I'd expected. He was instead dressed in a butcher's outfit with a bloodied apron and hat and in front of him was a trestle table straining under the weight of various cuts of meat. And I knew then I'd been beef-fished. My first reaction was just to scream, this feral scream.

And eventually I stopped screaming and I just uttered, why have you done this? And he just calmly explained to me that our 10-year marriage had in fact been a lie, and his sole and primary intention was to sell me meat. He then just gestured toward the table and said, what do you want? And I said to him, what about our children? And he said, there are no children. They're made out of felt.

And I realised that, of course, he was right. You know, every time I bathed them they just disintegrate and I just I just so wanted to believe that that it wasn't true that I just I just built them back up again every evening but but the reality of the lie that we've been we've been living then was just just just just too apparent and he just kept asking me over and over again, which cut, which cut. And I didn't know what to say. So I just got my wallet out and I bought everything. I spent £4,000 on meat that evening. And after it was done, I said to him, what now?

And he said, eggs. And he took me to our family car, which he had packed out with eggs. And I bought a thousand eggs. Then he drove off in my car. And I've not seen him since. Eventually, she asked me to meet. And, of course, I was delighted. And of course I was delighted.

I should have grown suspicious when she insisted, rather than meeting in a cafe as I'd hoped, she kept asking me to meet in the back of a large refrigerated van in a car park in the dead of night. I said to her, that's going to be freezing, It'll be uncomfortable for us both. She just said back, things will be getting pretty hot before long. And she sent me a winking smiley emoji, whatever they're called. She said we could do whatever I wanted.

Asked me what I wanted to do. And I thought back to how this all started and said what I'd really want is to reenact the Potter's Wheel sequence from Ghost. She said she could arrange that. She'd sort the Potter's Wheel and she sent me a gif of it whirling around and I fainted. So I sauntered down to the car park

in my best tuxedo, real swagger, looking my very best. And there it was, the biggest lorry I've ever seen in my life. One of those American ones. I knocked seven times, as requested. I knocked seven times, as requested. The doors opened, and I really wasn't ready for what was there in front of me. The entire enormous interior of this lorry was draped with hundreds upon hundreds of different cuts of meat. Strings of sausages that you had to step through to get in.

Sides of beef lining the walls. I was walking on a carpet of mints. And there, in the middle of it all, was Bond Babe 007 herself. Never did tell me her real name. Standing in front of a

potter's wheel. and on that potter's wheel was an enormous side of beef. I really can't remember her face anymore. I simply couldn't see past the butcher's apron, the hat, the enormous meat cleaver. And I said, what the hell is all this? I thought we were going to have sex. I got jammed at telling me all about it. But she wouldn't even entertain the possibility. Just asked me, are you going to buy this meat or aren't you?

And I said, I'm not going to purchase a single morsel from you, you witch. And then she just reached under the apron and said, well, it'd be a shame if these got out, wouldn't it? And then she

held up hard copies of every single intimate photograph I'd been sending her for the last four weeks. And my God, I couldn't face the scandal of those getting into the local paper. Jan certainly wouldn't want them getting out. Looking back, it's not clear to me why she did have to be naked in those photos as well. And so that was that. I immediately had to go to the nearest cash machine,

empty my bank balance, and buy kilo upon kilo of meat that's now all spoiled and rotten in my garage. The real kicker is she released the photos to the local paper anyway so i just want your listeners to know that if they are unfortunate enough to get beef fished it really doesn't have to be the end um i've been very fortunate. I've actually used the experience and the connections that I made throughout my marriage to build a better life for myself. I reached out personally to Fred Durst and I'm now working full-time as his personal caterer. So Fred knows no matter

where he is in the world, no matter how far from Wales, he will come off stage and within 30 seconds he will have a sausage roll in his mouth. The whole of Limp Bizkit have really got on board with it actually. They're all really into the vol-a-vonts and the pineapples on sticks and even the trifle. It really feels great to be a part of something again. I've got my merry men back and it is the boys of Limp Bizkit. I just want to give them a big shout out, really. I love you guys and the vol-au-vents are on the shelf. I tried going back to the church.

They wouldn't take me, of course. I did tell them I hadn't had sex. But unfortunately, I had had a very sugary orange squash. You can smell that on you a mile off. So instead now I have a job leafleting for a nearby motorway service station. The manager asked me to give him out on the high street. I'd say to the manager, doesn't seem a very worthwhile job.

You don't go specifically to a service station on the basis of a leaflet. You go because you've seen a sign saying it's coming up. He said, alright, give them out on the motorway then. So here I am. Sprinting alongside cars and hurling a scrunched-up leaflet through an open window or sunroof as best I can. I get hit a lot. A number of times I've woken up on the hard shoulder in a pool of my own blood. The manager leaning over me.

Shouting, Give out more leaflets, you worm! The manager leaning over me, shouting, Give out more leaflets, you worm! But I never give out enough. Simon has a message for all our listeners. Please, don't be like me. Don't fall for the beef fishers. Don't fall for the dark butchers. Don't make the mistake I did. And if there are any priests listening to this,

do not watch Ghost. Before you know it, you'll be getting hit by cars daily. Some godforsaken spot. While a hundred kilos of meat goes off in your house. The other day, Jan was attacked by thousands of flies. I had to hose her down to get rid of them. And they just flew onto me. It's not so bad.

The maggots are cleaning my wounds. You know what they say. Maggots can't cure a broken heart or a broken pelvis it turns out. A big thanks to Simon and Michelle for telling their stories. Five years ago, my dogs were listless and sad, eating canned horse meat and mooning around in my kitchen. That's why I invested a windfall I'd received from a fraudulent whiplash claim into my new product, Alan Bambra's Cold Beer for Dogs.

Hi, I'm Alan Bambra. You think your sober dog is full of exuberance and joie de vivre? Wait till you've seen them after a couple of pints of Bambra's Best. Now endorsed by darts champion Kenny Baritone. Hello, it's me, Kenny Baritone. Finally, dogs can live a life equal to their owners. You know, dress them up in little trousers and a hat and that. Pour them some dog lager.

Then enjoy a lovely evening in the company of several fine inebriated hounds. And finally, man and dog can see eye to eye. Across a smoky table. I dream of a dog with hands. Strong hands. Strong hands. Strong, strong hands. Your dogs will love getting battered on our beer, but don't just take our word for it.

Here's former vet Bob Triscothic. Beer is very, very harmful for dogs. Please, please don't listen to Alan Bambra. The man's a maniac. That's Alan Bambra's cold beer for dogs. Because a drunk dog is a happy dog. Cold beer for dogs is a very cold beer. More after this.

According to Forbes, gyms, mom-and-pop stores and more are set to go on an epic hiring spree to meet the pent-up demand for all these services. All of these business reopening means that millions of jobs will need to be filled. So where do they turn to fill these roles fast? ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter's technology finds qualified candidates for your open roles and proactively presents them to you. You can easily review recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply for your job, which encourages them to apply faster. ZipRecruiter's technology is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter

get a quality candidate within the first day. And right now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com slash beef. That's ziprecruiter.com slash b-e-e-f. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash B-E-E-F. Now, I promised you some tips to avoid beef fishers, and so here they are. Firstly, while this is relatively rare, it's worth remembering that like in Michelle's story, you can still be beef fished even if you're in what you think is a happy relationship,

even if you've been in that relationship for many, many years. We've heard of extreme cases where relationships have been going on for decades before the dark butcher decides to come forward and try to make the sale. In one particularly heartbreaking tale, we heard about a couple's diamond wedding anniversary where, in front of the couple's assembled family, their several children and 25 grandchildren, the wife in the relationship pulled out £10 of sausages and revealed that the whole marriage had been a sham. The children and the 25 grandchildren were, of course, made of felt. So no matter what stage you're at in your relationship, you could still be at risk. Look at your partner. Are they really who they say they are? A common sign to look for is a

secret compartment in the back of their wardrobe or the wardrobe you share with a butcher's apron in it. Now, if it's more of an online dating scenario you're in, maybe you're on Beef Encounters or maybe you're on Beef Encounters' new sister app which is more focused on casual liaisons, that one's called Red Hot Meat Market. Of course there are red flags that are obvious, some that Simon Featherby mentioned, the lack of a photograph and encouraging you to meet in a refrigerated van. Those are all classic signs. But signs that are maybe less obvious include only messaging you after 5pm. That might be a clue that they are keeping butchers hours. Another clue is if their flirting style includes

various allusions to cuts of meat. This is a technique where they begin to subconsciously seed the idea that you'd like to buy some meat. If for example over on Red Hot Meat Market you might be getting involved in some racy flirting as a prelude to what you hope will be a casual sexual encounter in a cheap hotel near a motorway junction, they might write, for example, I want to take your clothes off and play your ribcage like a xylophone, plinking out a tune on that rack of ribs. rack of ribs. Now to the men on the street, that looks like harmless sexual banter, but in fact, they have subconsciously introduced the idea of a rack of ribs to your unconscious brain. This means that when they reveal that they are a butcher, you're more likely to pick up some of those ribs at whatever price they're offering. So next time you're on your dating app, next time you look into your partner's eyes, be safe. Think about these tips.

Because a drunk dog is a happy dog. Unless, you know, it can't handle its beer, in which case a drunk dog is a wildly unpredictable and dangerous dog. A Labrador with three pints in it? Drop that ice kayak straight away. Now, what we really wanted to do with this episode was interview a dark butcher, a beef fisher. For many months we were unable to find anyone who was willing to come forward and be interviewed. However, we recently got hold of someone who was willing to record a short interview on the proviso that we disguise his voice. This particular dark butcher is based in Ireland. He used to be a regular butcher with a successful butcher shop, which had to close down after a

major supermarket opened just 200 yards away. Since then, he's been trying to find alternative ways to sell his meat, and for almost five years now, he has been full-time beef-fishing on dating apps. I began by asking him what he thinks of being labelled a beef-fisher. I don't particularly like that, because I think it suggests that my only motivation is to sell meat to unsuspecting women, whereas that isn't the full motivation. I mean, that's 95, 96%, but there is a 4 or 5% chance of romance.

If there was a spark, I would definitely leave my wife and kids. So I'm not a bad guy here. Okay. Well, whatever you want to call it, you're not denying it. You string women along

on these dating apps only to meet them and then reveal that the whole thing was about selling meat. Yes. When that happens, are they angry when they realise what's happened? Extremely so, most of the time.

And their responses vary. They vary for everything from attacking me to ringing the police to breaking down and crying. And how does that make you feel when you see a grown woman crying because of what you've done? I mean, it's not ideal because I find if they cry, they buy less meat.

I was interested in his hit rate. Surely angry duped women aren't then in the mood to buy meat. I asked him how often it works. I'd say eight times out of ten, it doesn't work. Okay, so eight times out of ten it doesn't work okay so eight times out of ten it doesn't work and you're often corresponding with these women for what weeks and months at a time months and months yeah it feels like a very inefficient business model and also you know now

that beef fishing is becoming well known as a phenomenon you know this podcast is going to go a long way to get the word out about what what people like you are doing yeah you know people are going to start to know what what to look out for what the red flags are your current hit rate is 20 that might get even worse is this something you can really keep going with as long as i'm selling more meat this way than my previous way i mean there there was an intermediate stage from when I closed down my butcher shop and then I did farmer's market and then I used to just hang it from trees and provide treasure maps written on ham. As long as I sell more meat this way I think I'll continue

to do it, you know? So how much meat were you selling using the drawing a treasure map on a piece of ham method? Well, people really are idiots. I mean, I would give the most basic clues and they wouldn't find the meat. And then crows would eat the meat. And, you know, like if you have to hang it on trees, trees are usually woodland areas and therefore there's animals there. So in terms of that, I'll be honest with you,

it wasn't a very sound business proposition. Right. And how is money made through that? It was an honesty box. Right. And are they paying you for the ham map? No, you'd leave the maps around and who doesn't like a puzzle?

So you would just leave slices of ham in places that you thought people who like ham frequented. So building sites, a lot of building sites, anywhere people were working outside, manual work, idle the ham,

slices of ham, X marks the spot for more ham and more cuts and better meat. this but but even if they do find it themselves you're relying on them then to put money in a in an honesty box so what i'm saying is i'm an innovative businessman and leaving a treasure map based on ham to other further cuts of meat is not as efficient as duping largely innocent women. Yeah, you can see that's an evolution of a business model, isn't it? It is an evolution. It is, yeah. And hopefully this will force you onto the next evolution. And who knows what that could be? I mean, I am looking into buying a ham

cannon. Thanks to our anonymous guest for that interview. if you're listening best of luck with that ham cannon not sure how he plans to monetize that but best of luck all the same finally if you are a beef encounters or a red hot meat market user and you believe that you might be corresponding with a beef fisher we've installed a new functionality on the apps to help with that so just press the little red butcher's hat underneath their username and well uh it doesn't do anything but it's designed to make you feel like we care so that's all we've got time for this month but if you're after more beef and dairy news get over to our website now where you can find all the usual stuff as well as our off-topic section where this month we run down the top 10 things

not to say if you're being held hostage by a South American drug cartel and they think you're Prince William. So, until next time, beef out. thanks to Katie Ellen Salt Tom Burgess Chris Cantrell Ellis James Lottie Betstein and Neil Delamere so as I said at the beginning we're doing a live show it's taking place on the 11th of September at the London Podcast Festival and I'm super excited because the live shows are always really good fun. They tend to sell out, so it's worth getting a ticket if you want to come.

But what I'm also super excited about is that for the first time, it's not just live in the room. We're also live streaming the whole thing. So if you can't make it to London for the show, because maybe you live in, I don't know, Australia, for example. Also, if you buy a live stream ticket you can watch the show for up to seven days after the show actually takes place which will be useful because it's taking place at 4 30 p.m uk time but you know wherever you live that might be the middle of the night or what have you so yes the guest lineup so far looks like it's mike wozniak of bob triscothic fame

henry packer of bovine poet laureate michael banyan fame also naja kamal dave crib oh it's a dream team absolute dream team so um i hope to see you there 11th of september live in the flesh or down the live stream i'll put links for tickets in the show notes. I'll also put it on our social media, on Twitter and Facebook. If you have any trouble or you have any questions, just contact me on beefanddairynetwork at gmail.com. Sweet! Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety?

Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO, news overload. Fortunately, there's treatment. Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone. On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two, two, two doses of Troubled Waters a month.

The cure for your ****** news overload. Available on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. an Apple podcast review that said this show isn't well researched. Well, yeah, no doubt. Of course it's not. Not since the day we started has it been well researched. Guessing and anthropomorphizing dogs is what we do. The Can I Pet Your Dog promise is that we will never do more than 10 seconds of research before telling you excitedly about any dog we see.

I'm going to come at you with top 10 enthusiasm, minimal facts. We're here for a good time, not an educated time. So if you love dogs and you don't love research, well, you know what? Come on in to Can I Pet Your Dog podcast every Tuesday on Maximum Fun Network.