Beef And Dairy Network - Episode #PODSTRIKE - Gary Burglar from Mitchell's Europe

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

Beef And Dairy Network Podcast is supporting the global climate strike on Friday 20th September 2019, organised by Greta Thunberg and the UK Student Climate Network. We speak to Gary Burglar, head of sales at Mitchell's Europe, about an exclusive discount offer for Network members. Thanks to Tom Neenan. Find out more at https://globalclimatestrike.net

We are the younger generation. We are the ones who are going to be affected and therefore we demand justice. What do we want? Climate justice! When do we want it? Now! PodStrike. Podcast supporting the global climate strike. Now I'm joined by Gary Burglar, Head of Sales at Metrals Europe, who's here to tell us about an exciting offer exclusively for network members. Hi, Gary.

Hello there. If it's not Mitchells, get back in the truck. I hear you've got a very exciting proposition for our network members. Yes, indeed. I'm really excited to be talking to you about this. It's something we've been developing for a while. It's something we've been developing for a while. As you know, there is what is rumoured to be a climate crisis going on at the minute. We've looked down the road here at Mitchell's and we've seen that things aren't going to go well for old Mother Earth. Don't worry, though, because we're going to make sure that our customers are well looked after. And how are we going to do that?

We have a special end of the world survival pack that we've been offering and trialling at the minute to members, and everyone seems really happy with it. And let me get this straight. If you've got the survival pack, you can then burn fossil fuels, do whatever you want, in the knowledge that you're going to be fine whatever happens. You're going to be fine. And ideally, we want to see a situation in which people are burning fossil fuels, looking over at their neighbour who's maybe worried about the climate crisis, fossil fuels, looking over at their neighbour who's maybe worried about the climate crisis and have a sort of that sense of warm smugness that comes from knowing that when the end times come you and your family will be absolutely fine but theirs will suffer. Great. Well let's talk about the pack. Obviously people are worried about what's going to happen with the sea levels rising etc etc etc. How will this help? What's in the box? Well if you order it they'll arrive to you

within four to seven days. And the first thing you'll notice is it's extremely heavy. That's because inside is a large inflatable raft. Now, when I say the word raft, you're probably thinking, oh, I know what a raft is. I know about the basic size of it. No, no, these are the size of rafts

you've never seen before. Basically, you pull a ripcord and these rafts inflate. And we're talking something roughly the size of uh sort of half the size of a football pitch that you'll have you actually uh sent us uh one of the boxes we opened it up earlier uh and and got the raft out it is equipped with some things there's um some dj decks which kind of turn the whole thing into a party raft that's pretty amazing it is yeah we we really hope that people start thinking of them as the party raft that actually makes people more excited about um when the apocalypse does

come so the idea of the dj decks and the kind of the party lights and and all of the party accoutrements is the idea that it takes your mind off the fact that everything you know and love has been destroyed your life goes from being stressed i've got to go to work i've got to commute i've got to make dinner into oh my life is one long, my life is one long party. My life is one long trip to Ibiza, basically, except obviously Ibiza's underwater. Suddenly, I've gone from having a stressful life where things were difficult to I'm just partying every single day on my amazing party raft. Is that how you imagine the future looks once the ice caps have melted and there's just water everywhere? It's just long party it's just one big party so if anything the the land was holding us back as a as a species we were tethered to the

land like a donkey tethered to a post and just like the donkey when the post is raised and it can go wherever it wants we too will have an amazing time just partying drinking um just enjoying ourselves basically um and sure people will say oh but how are you going to grow new food and and there won't be any shelter on the raft and so really you know everyone will die of heat stroke but um but that happens that happens when people go to ibiza anyway so so why are they complaining now spring break exactly exactly except uh every season break if seasons even exist anymore. So you've got this kind of party raft. Yes.

The idea is that once the sea levels rise, you're safe on the party raft. Are you staying there the whole time? Is that the idea? The idea is that you have the party raft. And because you have this surface, and hopefully, yeah, hopefully a party is going on. People will be jealous of it. People want to board and that's the that's where the bartering begins that's where you say okay you can get aboard my dinghy but i'm gonna need some things in return for that i'm gonna need some of your food um i'm gonna need directions to anywhere

where there's still land um just tell me your memories about what life was like before before the the flood so do you think memories will become a sort of currency i think so i think people will sit around and go um okay uh i'll give you a i'll give you a sausage and in return can you remind me what a flower looks like um i think it's a beautiful vision of things to come so so you're on you're on the raft there's people bartering giving you things in return for some time on the raft. What about the obvious problem, which is that people will be jealous of your raft and will want to board it in a more hostile sense? Okay, you're talking about piracy. I get that. That's something we have considered because the raft also does come equipped with certain weaponry. A weaponry that is allowable within the parameters of what you're allowed to

carry with you as a non-offensive weapon. So what you'll have there are some projectiles. Obviously, they won't be harpoons and things like that, but they'll basically be some bowling balls, which are perfectly legal to carry around with you. I'd remind the police that. So you've got some of them and a mini trebuchet, which hangs the back of it and you can you can fling those at other rafts and hopefully sink them and stop them boarding you that's we've thought about that and we think that's the best way of approaching it i mean obviously you've taken a a kind of legalistic approach to what what weapons are allowed to be carried yes obviously there's every chance that once these things start happening the the breakdown of law and order will mean that laws really won't really um be in force anymore and and so you're there with your your mini trebuchet and your your bowling

balls but someone else might have an assault rifle or a rocket launcher what happens in that situation what we would encourage people to do is we try and get a network of people a community of people who are buying these packs and these party rafts so occasionally we'd suggest that people tie their rafts together and start creating their suggest that people tie their rafts together and start creating their own nation states. And between them, they can share out weaponry that any of them have been able to keep for the end times. And then basically what we'll have is a sort of floating version, a sort of slightly more whimsical version of what we have now, which is countries going to war with each other, but in a much more fun uh bouncy and floaty way and i imagine that the person that takes charge of of each of those conglomerate

rafts which they're now lashed together will just be the physically strongest and least empathetic character i'd imagine so i'd imagine that these will basically be lawless citadels i'd imagine that there'll be the person at the head of the raft there who declares you know either but yeah they're the king, I have primacy, I have prima nocta, all these kind of old laws that would come steaming back when all things end. A kind of bouncy, floating feudal system. Exactly. Doesn't that sound fun? I mean, we love bouncy castles, right? So why not have a bouncy king who, you know, rules with an iron fist? king who you know rules with an iron fist and then eventually on the raft nation some people will start getting sick of the king um sort of pushing his luck they will start plotting together they will make coalitions amongst themselves they will then stab the king and push him into the sea and then uh it all starts again it's it's a it's it's a wonderful prospect i think so i mean

basically it's it's an inflatable version of macbeth and that's one of the most popular plays of all time so i don't know what people are complaining about and you can live inside that play doesn't that sound exciting well all the world's a stage as as the bard said and what was it all the world's a stage uh but soon all the world will be wet so the stage will need to be inflatable and on top of the sea obviously food is going to be a problem as the climate crisis continues yes um you know there'll be problems with creating enough food for the growing population there'll be problems with fertile land becoming unusable and so is there anything is there any provision in the pack to help you with food? I've got two very exciting words for you. Insect paste. Did you know that the average insect

contains as much protein as an entire chicken breast? Because that's what our scientists claim they've discovered. And so what we've actually done is we, over the last sort of four or five years, we've just been collecting as many insects as possible and crushing them down and creating an insect paste that's so rich in protein, some people cannot even swallow it. Well, you've sent us actually a little tiny pot of this nutrient-dense insect paste. Yes, yeah, yeah. And I have to say, it's absolutely phenomenal stuff.

Yeah. I'm waking up in the morning, I rub some into my gums and I feel vitalised for the whole day. Fantastic. Which flavour did you go for, by the way? Because there's a few there. Did you go for the Bug Blast or did you go for, by the way? Because there's a few there. Did you go for the Bug Blast or did you go for the Six Leg Spicy?

I went for the Barbecue Beef Locust Paste, which has gone down very well with my family as well. Oh, fantastic. That's the thing. People think that eating insects is just for the end times. No, start now. Get a taste for it now. Get ahead of the curve, for heaven's sake. So we've talked about the party raft we've talked about the the food options what else is in the pack right uh there's a small water filtration system as well uh it's it's not the most technical on the market some people have criticized this for that sure and some people have even gone as far as to say it's basically just a bottle with a sieve at the top and And to those people, I'd say, well done. That's exactly what it is. But what you do is basically you take some of the dirty water and

you fill the bottle and hopefully the sieve at the top there will just filter out any of the nasties there, any big globs of mud. And what you'll have in the bottle then is water clean enough to drink or at the very least clean your feet with. And of course, you could use that brown, marginally clean water as something to barter with. Exactly. Exactly. You come across another boat and they want to barter with you. You say, I have 60 millilitres of brownish water. And what I'll do is I'll exchange that for maybe your memory of when you last saw a giraffe. Or, you know, a memory of when you skipped through a meadow with someone you loved and things that come the end times just won't exist. And you might barter backwards and forwards. You might say, actually, it's just going to be

15 milliliters of brownish water. They might say, well, it's quite a precious memory. So instead, I'll just tell you about the time that I saw a tree. But eventually you come to an amicable compromise and hopefully form a deal on that basis. I mean it's a lovely idea isn't it? You're floating there in the middle of the sea and there's a kind of slightly hostile raft comes towards you, you're shouting each other, maybe firing guns into the air and then someone says hey tell you what you know I'll give you 30 millilitres of brackish water and we can remember when animals roam the earth yes yeah yeah and so maybe you'll even join the two rafts together

you'll you'll you'll share out the water and and you'll just say to each other do you remember deer and somebody like no and you might go oh they were sort of like um very big very big dogs and and you'll just chat about that for a while and then of course maybe once you're kind of more friendly in each other's company you invite them onto your boat and then you sneak over to their boat and then you plunge a knife into the inflatable section of it and then you watch as it sinks into the water and then you create a sort of system where they are your slaves i mean you're the one saying this yes yes, but these are all, weirdly, these are all conversations that we have had. Ideally, that's what would happen. I mean, slaves, sure. I'm assuming there

will be elements of cannibalism come the end times as well. So why not just, you know, I'm not going to say eat them. All I'm going to say is sometimes you will look at some fresh human skin or you'll look at your bug paste and you'll wonder, which do I prefer this evening? And I'm not going to make any judgments about what you choose. Well, this is all very exciting. Now, the reason you're here to tell us about this is that you are offering us an exclusive price for this just for network members. So what's the RRP and what's it going for? What can people get it for

if they call up today? All of that comes together for the low, low price of just £8,000. Right. And is that the exclusive price you're offering network members or is that the going rate? That's the going rate. For exclusive members, we are offering this pack. Bearing in mind what I said the registered retail price was, we're not doing half price. We're not doing a quarter of the price because we wouldn't make any profit on those. Instead, we're going to be offering them to members for £7,999. So that's a pound off. Yes. That's a pound off. That's not bad. And you can spend that pound on whatever you want then.

Exactly. I spend it as quickly as you can because it will be absolutely worthless when the end time comes. What is your plan given that the authority of states could collapse and in that way fiat currency would just become worthless, worthless paper? How are you hoping to get around that once you're trying to sell off this pack as it becomes more clear to people that they're going to need it? to sell off this pack as it becomes more clear to people that they're going to need it? Ah, well, I shouldn't really go into it, but basically there comes a point where you make enough money that these things stop mattering. There are various bunkers hidden around the world where very rich people can live incredibly decadent lifestyles for the next 10,000 years. So you'll be in an underwater bunker, you don't really care? I can give it but uh but what

i do i do care about is customers getting uh what they need which is a huge dinghy and some squashed up bugs in a tube great lovely stuff um just just just uh one thing before you go i think some people will be listening and they'll be thinking you know hang on gary this is all well and good yeah but you know wouldn't it be better if as a society, rather than trying to come up with these ways that we can somehow survive this world where everything has gone wrong, what if we tried to do things now that would stop that eventuality happening

and would actually stop the climate crisis and then we'd never have to get to a stage where you're knifing people that would have been your friends before but are now very much your foes on a on an inflatable dinghy uh sorry i don't understand sorry as in as in uh what it doesn't happen so for example you know i i know this is isn't necessarily my view but people would say you know maybe we stop burning as much fossil fuel um maybe we start thinking a bit more about um how we consume certain things i'm gonna stop

you there you're not this doesn't make any sense um like i say the packs are here and people buy the packs and we make money from them. Sorry, I'm just listening to you now. It baffles me why anyone would want to stop that. We'll make a lot of money from these. Well, Gary Burglar, thanks for coming on and see you on the high seas. Yes, exactly. Good luck, everyone. This podcast is part of Podstrike. See you on the high seas. Yes, exactly. Good luck, everyone. This podcast is part of Podstrike, supporting Greta Thunberg and the young people behind the global climate strike

on the 20th of September. For more information, head to globalclimatestrike.net.