Beef And Dairy Network - Jumanji: CWS - Episode 950

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

It’s MaxFunDrive! To support the show, go to maximumfun.org/joinIt’s episode 950 of Jumanji: CWS with Michael Banyan. This week's guest is actor Roger Westcott LeMaigrelay.Thanks to Henry Paker and Tom Crowley. MaxFunDrive ends on March 28, 2025! Support our show now and get access to bonus content by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Hello, it's the second Beef and Dairy episode in two weeks. That's not normal, is it? No, because it's not an all-time of year. It is MaxFunDrive. It's the time when shows on the Maximum Fun Network ask their audience to contribute and to support the podcast if they feel like it. This podcast exists because of audience support. To those of you who already do that, thank you so much. If you don't, I'd love it if you'd take a moment to consider it. Maybe pause the podcast now, go to maximumfun.org forward slash join and sign up from $5 a month. Think of it like giving us a tip, in the same way you might tip a waiter or a taxi driver. The show's free, of course it is, it's always going to be free. But if you enjoy it, if

you love it, why not tip? Anyway, I'll talk about this a little bit more at the end. But if you enjoy it, if you love it, why not tip? Anyway, I'll talk about this a little bit more at the end. But first, I'm very pleased I got to make this episode. It's a great bit of fun. Take it away, Michael. Hello. I'm the poet Michael Banyan, and you're listening to the podcast Jumanji CWS. It's a unique podcast where I ask guests whether they could have been in the film Jumanji CWS. It's a unique podcast where I ask guests whether they could have been in the film Jumanji, whether they would have been in the film Jumanji, and whether they should have been in the film Jumanji. This episode, as always, is brought to you by our sponsor, Jumankini, a brand new Jumanji-themed

bikini or mankini sent to your door every month. Simply leave the old, soiled jumankini in the provided metal bin, and wake up to a fresh jumankini on your doorstep. And as always, I'd like to thank Jumankini for helping me to talk to the people who could have been involved in Jumanji but weren't asked, the people who would have been involved with Jumanji had they not been unsuccessful in an application process, and the people who should have been involved with Jumanji but weren't for various reasons. And along the way, we'll learn a little bit about ourselves. Jumanji CWS. Before we welcome today's guest, I'd just like to mention our upcoming live show,

which is taking place at Wembley Stadium in June. I'll be asking Hilary Rodham Clinton whether she could, would, or should have been in Jumanji, with music from Sting's brother. At time of recording there are only 65,000 tickets left, so get booking. CWS. Now it's time to introduce today's guest. Welcome, actor Roger Westcott Le Maigreley. Hello, Michael, dear fellow.

Thank you for the Jumankeene. Oh, well, not at all. It's all handled. I don't know if you can involve it. By a third party. That's right. You get yours straight from the factory, so they should have that... It had the new musk smell of a freshly minted mankeene, or Jumankeene.

That's right. It's a really intense chemical smell because they're quite proud that there's not a single natural product involved, either at the design or the template stage or in the final... I could get... I got that impression from it when I put it on. There was a strange sort of fizzy feeling around, well, the affected area, I must say. And I've still got a slight headache. Is that normal?

That's actually... I'd be more worried if you didn't. Right. Actually, yeah, because it's an intense chemical halo that surrounds it. The halo is a wonderful word for it. Yes. I looked in the mirror, saw a faint green glow. I wondered what that was.

It's not green. It's actually a new colour. Is it? Yes, that's right. It's between turquoise and vermilion. There isn't a name for it. No, no, there's no space between those two. I thought there was a sort of cigarette paper's worth of space between those two colours.

But no, this is the territory we're in. It's in there. Yeah, there is space in between. The things they can do today, honestly, Michael, are really remarkable. But that's why, because the eye can't interpret the visual information that emanates from the, neither can your body's immune system deal with a lot of the chemicals that are certainly in the buckles. So there's a reason that there's a, don't suck these buckles stickers.

You know, I haven't been sucking the buckles. I have been trying to maintain a normal diet and I haven't been to the backwards toilet for three days. Is that also to be expected? Again, I'd be more worried if you were going to the toilet. I thought it was the tightness maybe, but no, I'm not sure that is the problem. I think it must be. No, it is.

It's a diaphragmatic tightness. Oh, I see. So it's all sort of backed up in there, you might say. Look, it's a brand new product. We still don't fully understand the... The implications, no I understand. Well it's my honor, my great honor to help you to test the mount. As requested I have not removed it for three days, so I'll keep you updated.

Fantastic, and actually that does, I'm glad we brought, we were talking about this because I have, I've been told to say this at least four times. Don't suck the buckles. Don't suck the buckles. Enjoy your Gimanchini. Get your cheeky little gob off those buckles. That's a fun way of saying it. Before we begin, Michael, I must say I am a tremendous fan of this podcast. Oh, that's lovely to hear. I'm not just saying that, you know. Donatello Versace's episode, hearing her come to terms with the

fact that she probably shouldn't have been in Jumanji was an enormous emotional turning point not just in her life, but in mine. Yes, I think, you know what, I'm so glad you said that because that episode, I think it did affect a lot of people. And it's one of those funny things where I think a lot of people were carrying stuff around Donna Tella Vasatchi and the film Jumanji and people were carrying it, they hadn't worked it through. And I think it's the fact and we really identified it because we went deep and dark in that episode.

I remember, yes indeed. There was a lot of screaming. So I think the fact that she worked that through, I think in a way we always knew, a lot of us always felt we knew that she shouldn't have been in it. Because because she wasn't in it, and this is essentially where I feel this podcast really starts to cook on gas, and really can actually make positive change, because people, because she wasn't in the film Jumanji, the fact that she shouldn't have been in it almost doesn't become a thought. It takes a backseat doesn't it?

Well it does, because we all carry an archetypical collection of people who were in Jumanji. Yes, of course. Robin Williams. A rhino. Kirsten Dunst. Yep. But what we also carry, but unbeknownst to ourselves, are the people who weren't in it. Yep.

Robert De Niro. John Goodman. Barry Manillo. Hans Blix. Jimmy Hoffa. So, we carry an army. A virtual army of people that weren't in it. But what we never do is stop to think, should they have not been in it? Yes, yes, that's right.

Or should they? Or should they, indeed? And Donatella Vasace, that damn broke on her. And we recorded it. And that was big. Speaking as an actor as well, so many projects many projects come and go you ask yourself, well what would I have done with that? Could I have done better? But sometimes you ask yourself, should I have had that role? And sometimes the most freeing thing is accepting that I,

Roger Westcott Le Maigreley should not have played the Riddler in Batman Forever. And you didn't. And I didn't. So the right thing was done. And that's a really liberating thought to have. It is. Okay, well, I think it's time to get on with the show. Before we get to that, a mutual friend of ours asked me to say hello.

So that's what I'm saying. Oh yes. Oh yes. Who was that? Benedict Cumberbatch's mum, Barbara Cumberbatch? No. Benedict Cumberbatch's aunt, Brenda Cumberbatch? No.

Benedict Cumberbatch's grandmother, Bumbleena Cumberbatch? No, though they are all beautiful women. Sweet Bumbleena. No, I'm talking about our mutual friend, Mark Rylance. Mark Rylance? That's right, he who said, uh, make sure you say hello to Michael and suggest that the three of us Royster Doisters go out on the Nodge some evening. Well, um, I haven't Nodged for...

I've been, well, I've been Nodged free for 18 months. Oh dear. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I mean, it's, it mean, it's a wonderful, wonderful beverage. And yes, Mark Riemann's... Well, look, we're not actually talking at the moment. Oh dear. Did something happen? Mark can be a bit of serving, especially after a couple of notches. We notched ourselves into quite a dark place. Nodge-blivion? Well, I wish. No, it was very much real full kaleidoscopic surround sound HD rock.

It was the seventh circle of notch. So, Roger, you know the drill. It's time to ask Jumanji, could I have been in it? Well, I knew this was coming, Michael. So I've actually brought my diaries here from the mid-90s. My appointments book here, you can see. So let's have a look here. So Jumanji now, we're looking here for, what are we after?

It was filmed probably end of 94. Yes, so Jumanji was filmed at the end of 94, early 95. Let's see here, could I have been in Jumanji? Now as luck would have it, it looks like I was available. So I'd just finished a run at the National, playing Mary Queen of Scots. So was that job finished by the time Jumanji started production? It looks like it was. Throughout the summer I was filming a handful of adverts for a popular brand of

anti-flatulence yogurts. But apart from that, I was absolutely free. Was that the Guffaway Peach range? Guffaway Peach, yes. Well, peach, strawberry, kumquat. There was a range of them. Obviously, I was in different costumes for each advert. I'm remembering the ad. You were dressed as a strawberry, but you were wearing underpants. Oh, yes. Strawberry with underpants over the top. Because then the strawberry says, oh no, not again. And then you see the underpants sort of billow out like a sail. And then reach for the yoghurt. Thank God for Guffaway.

I remember exactly. Thank God for Guffaway. I've got a dry gusset. Cumquat may. And then William Shatner came inusset, cumquat may. And then William Shatner came in dressed as a cumquat. That's right. And started hitting you with a stick. Yeah, he did. It was not meant to be that way in the shoot. He was just supposed to come in, put his arm around me and say, no need to toot when you're

high on this fruit. But it was a very dark time for Bill. Um, his, his later Star Trek film sequels had not, um, had the cultural impact he might've hoped. And of course he just found out that the whole Star Trek universe was fictional. Yes. And that was a real blow as you can imagine. I mean, all those worlds saved, but gone in an instant. Can you imagine if someone suddenly said, this entire podcast you've made is fictional? I tell you what, I'd, I'd, I'd hit you with a stick probably.

Exactly, exactly. So there I am, he's sitting about me. And you know what it's like to film a movie. When you're filming an advert, it's very quick. It's fast set up, action, cut, very, very fast. Of course. And it was the 90s, so they had to just roll with whatever was filmed. They didn't have digital technology to do more than one take, did they?

Exactly. And I mean, I was due to knock off at five, so I wasn't going to do another take after that. As was the fact that he'd broken both of my legs. But you know, it's the rough and tumble of filming, isn't it? We shook hands at the end of the day as they stretched me off. Well, of course, it's all just part of an actor's life, isn't it, this stuff? Yes.

So the fact is, you'd just on a West End run, you'd been injured by William Shatner during the filming of a flatulence for a yoghurt ad. But dates-wise, could you have made this work? Yes, I suppose I had both of my legs broken, but you do over at the Doctor Theatre, you get over these things, don't you? So I suppose yes, yes I could have been in Jumanji. It's a could. Coulda. Jumanji, CWS. You coulda have been in the film of Jumanji.

So we've established that you could have done it. But would you have been in the film Jumanji? If you could have, which we've established you could have done it. But would you have been in the film Jumanji? If you could have, which we've established you could have been. In it. In it. Yes, well, I pondered this, obviously loving the show as I do and looking back over my own career. At that time, I was very, very wary about any engagement with Hollywood, you know, because the absolute frenzy there was for motion capture. It still carries on to this day, if you didn't realize, quite

often. You know the film Avatar? Well, you may not know Avatar, but you know the film Avatar to The Way of Water? Yes, I do. The blue creature people, those are motion captured actors. You may not realize, but underneath those blue cat lizards are human actors. You know, I assume they were just people that had been wearing the Jumankeene for a couple of weeks. Is that an effect that it can... It can be a pallor.

Right. Well, no, unless I've been seriously misled, those are real human actors that have a special computer dot. You know, I don't know quite how it works, but as I understand it, they put dots all over you. In each of those dots is a computer that can understand your acting and then use that to create a computer man who will imitate your behavior exactly. So I'd had many experiences like this.

I was not long before been in the film Jurassic Park as Sam Neill, and of course I go to the cinema. I, you know, I, they didn't invite me to the premiere, which I already thought was a bit strange. So you, you, you played Sam Neill, didn't you? I played Sam Neill, yeah. So I turn up, you know, I say, well, I hear the film's out. Next thing I hear about it, I'm filming the whole thing, waving the flair, all that business. And, and then I hear, oh, it's out now, reviews are through absolutely gangbusters, it's through the roof, box office gold. I think that's strange. They never invited me to the

premiere, they never told me it was on general release. So I go to see it and what have they done but put Sam Neill over my performance using computer graphics. So this left a very sour experience with me. I thought that, and I played three of the Velociraptors, Laura Tern. So this had left a real sour taste in my mouth vis-à-vis working in Hollywood. I'd really resigned myself at that time, the mid-90s, to appearing exclusively on the British stage and in a number of unbearably depressing British television dramas and nothing else really. Of course you were in Screaming Mildred. Screaming Mildred, of course, the woman who is addicted to everything.

And you were in More T for Roy? More T for Roy as well, one of the most harrowing post-nuclear dramas ever produced in this country. And of course Where the Fuck is Barnaby? Where the Fuck is Barnaby. We still don't know where the fuck Barnaby was. Well that was the point wasn't it? No indeed because it was just a shot of a rusty watering can for three hours

narrated over by Tom Stoppard reading out various parts of the Highway Code. And of course, you mo-capped the watering can. Yeah, that was another disappointment for me was just being, you know, they said just sit there while Tom reads over your image. I thought, well, you know, at least it's good exposure for me, the image being used, you know, association with Stoppard. And then I watched it and Bloomin' Watering can CGI'd over my face and arms. I did think it was strange.

They wanted me to sort of cock one arm perched against my hip and another sort of raised in a sort of fascist salute to the other side. And then that all became clear why they wanted that when I saw the eventual programme. And of course, it was only later that you discovered it wasn't actually written by Tom Stoppard. No. It was written by a writer with a similar name, wasn't it? It was written by Tom St. Oppard. Not particularly good writer.

No, Tom St. Oppard. He was known across the French theatres of the city for extremely mediocre plays. Yes. And well, there's a lot of actors that have fallen into this at the time. There was a lot of writers with similar names because there was also Tom Stoepaard. And this sort of copycat movement in the theatre was really, because the star system, you know, people go for the name. So if you run Tom Stoepaard's name together, as they did at the Old Red Lion around that time, then it looks like

Tom Stoppard and the kerning on that slightly off, they've run the name together, but you still think, well, fundamentally it's Tom Stoppard. That's right. It was especially bad when, man I used to know no longer, Brian B. Lessard was cast in Tom's Opards, seminal work, Brenda's Banquet. Well, he thought he was playing alongside Sigourney Weaver, but he was playing alongside a Swedish actress. Sigourn Rivver.

Rivver, exactly. And so this people were frightened to buy a ticket anymore. They were throwing the theater. You simply didn't know what you were buying. No, is this Tom's op-ard or Tom's stop-ard? Have you seen a tousle-haired West End playwright in the venue or is it just Tom Oppard who, as we know, is very portly gentleman? And can barely hold a pen. Not a good writer. I mean, you would always know him by the trail of discarded by-rows that he'd left clumsily in his wake. But that was how you could tell that you were seeing a really authentic Tom Stoppard play. And you notice the emphasis I've had to put on that.

Because at the time- Oh yeah. And then that started to affect your acting, didn't it? It did, yes. Your intonation. Now, the winter of our discontent. Things like that would happen, just sneaking. Because you, I mean, working with William Shatner didn't help either, you know what he's like, you know, now is the winter of our diss content. So pair that with the Tomst Oppard awareness campaign that was going around around the theatre at the time.

A difficult time. It was very, it was difficult to keep your, to keep your diction and your, your projection clear. But you know, all that said, I came in here very, very prepared to be negative about Hollywood in the 90s, but discussing all this, it makes me realise that it wasn't all fun and games in the British theatre and television scene then either. Maybe I could have been tempted by the comfort, the money, the craft service table of a big Hollywood production. So actually, I'd have to say, in the final analysis,

yes I think I would have taken a role in Jumanji. So you, Roger Westcott Le Maigreley. Hello. Wudda! Been in the film Jumanji. Wudda! Jumanji! CWS! It's a wood. Roger Westcott Le Maigre.

We've established that you could have done it. And that you would have done it. But now, a trickier question. A question that is going to involve you maybe looking inside yourself a little bit, maybe becoming a little bit vulnerable. Because I'm now going to ask you maybe looking inside yourself a little bit, maybe

becoming a little bit vulnerable. Because I'm now going to ask you, should you have been in the film Jumanji? It's an interesting question, isn't it? Because on the one hand, you know, I had all my misgivings about Hollywood and I wonder what might have been in my career. For one thing thing I always dreamed of being one of the humans shouting get your hands off me you dirty ape in the many Planet of the Apes sequels and could that have been affected had I been in Jumanji I wonder.

Roger do you mind if I interrupt you? Yes. So I think the question really is it's not so much would it have helped your career, could you have gained any benefit from it. It's more just should. Should you have been in Jumanji? Oh yes, of course. It's always a difficult question to get to grips with with the guests, isn't it, this one?

Well, I wonder should I have been in Jumanji? I suppose I'd have been a positive presence on set. I could have assisted the production. Sorry. None of that's in doubt. positive presence on set, I could have assisted the production. Yeah, no, no, sorry. None of that's in doubt. It's more, think about that word should. Should. Should.

Should you have been in Jumanji? Ideas of destiny, of ideas of our ultimate journey through the universe. Yeah, should I? Roger, you're using narratives. You're using fake narratives to avoid the question. Now, guess do this along. But work with me a question. Should. Should is an idea. You are Roger. You are Roger Westcott Le Maigleret.

Should you have been in Jumanji? Should I? I am Roger Westcott Le Maigleret. Should you? I live on Earth. I participate in the world. I am a consciousness in a universe of spinning, spiraling consciousness. Should you have been in Jumanji, Roger? Yes! Yes, I should have been in Jumanji!

Oh, Roger! It's a yes. Jumanji! Manchanji! Jumanjanandji! Jumanjata Jumanjata! Jumanjita! Jumanjiandri! Jumanjata Jumanjata Jumanjita! Jumanji CWS

Roger! Thank you Roger, thank you for going there for us. Where am I? Oh Michael! Michael I'm still here. Roger you've just done so I've watched your performances. What happened? And you've never, I've never seen you go as deep as that. I've never felt so deep before. You went all the way. You went to the plug.

Oh. You went down to the plug, Roger. Oh, right down to the roots, the very bark. Oh, I now know it more than anything I've ever known in my life. You should have been in Jumanji, and I didn't even know that today, and neither did the producers. Neither did I. None of us knew whether you should have been in Jumanji. No. The power of this program, it's evident to me now.

You know what, I'm going to tell you something. We knew you could have been in it. And we actually knew you would have been in it. This was the meat. This was what we wanted to get to today. This is what I never dared ask myself. Should you have been in it? Should I?

Should. Should I have been in Jumanji? Yes! Yes, Roger! Yes! Yes, you should have been in it! Yes, cry! Oh, Father! Shout and scream and cry.

Wail! Wail like a baby. Because you should have been in Jumanji. I never dreamed I... And Little Roger, before trousers. Little Roger, in your little napkin. My little napkin, I'm dead. You should have been in Jumanji, Roger. Cry tears, salt tears.

Oh, Mother! Make your chest wet! Wreck your little chest! Mother, I never told you! You're not the bad, you're not naughty, Roger! I never told you that I should have been in Jumanji! You're okay! You should have been in Jumanji! I never got to tell her!

The regrets, there's so many, but... At the same time, I know nothing truly matters anymore, now that I know that I should have been Jumanji, and yet I am. Roger Westcott the Megali. Yes. Can I say, I've never seen your face look this swollen. No, it certainly feels bulbous. Can I use a towel, please?

Please do, yeah. Thank you very much. Oh, they're Jumanquini branded. No, that's nice, isn't it? Can I keep one of these? You certainly can. I have a feeling I'm going to be needed. You can keep the whole box.

Oh, thank you. And that's the end of today's podcast. A big thank you to my guest, Roger Westcott-Lemaigreley. It's been a pleasure. Thanks very much, and please use those towels. Oh, absolutely. I'm really sweating now. And of course, this episode would not have been possible without our friends at Jumankeeney.

And remember, don't suck the buckles. Michael, I have a confession to make. I did briefly suck the buckles. That might explain what's just happened. Yeah, I've started to... Can I tell you, I've been sucking, but I've been sucking the buckles. That might explain what's just happened. Yeah, I've started to... Can I tell you, I've been sucking the buckles non-stop. Out of you. Really nice. They look so delicious.

So shiny. They're not, but they really want to put them in your mouth. Yeah. Tastes like a tart coin. They do, don't they? Yeah. They've got that real alloy, that alloy fresh. Yeah.

Gah-dee. Freshly oxidised. Yeah. Yeah. Really zinky. Very zinky flavour. And please join us next week when I'll be giving the CWS treatment to gymnast Simone Biles. Can't wait for that one.

Thank you to Henry Packer and Tom Crowley. And Tom Crowley also made the custom artwork, the Jumanji CWS logo, which is horribly garish. Thank you, Tom. I love it. And thank you for listening. This was a special Max Fun Drive episode. I love Max Fun Drive. It's a nice time of year. We do some fun stuff. And also I reflect on how good it is that so many of you have decided to support the podcast. I just want to say a huge thank you. I love that I can pay people like Henry and Tom to work with me to make stupid stuff like that. Love it. And it's all because of you guys. You'll be sick of me saying this but maximumfun.org

forward slash join is the place to go. Check it out, you can see all the info there. There's the various tiers you can sign up at, the different gifts that are available. Everyone who signs up gets the bonus content. That's this year's bonus content and all the ones going back as far as 2016 I think. So if you've never been a MaxFun member before, why not try it out at just $5 a month. Enjoy all that bonus content. If you're already a member and you'd like to support a little more, we would certainly appreciate you upgrading your membership or just boosting it by a few dollars a month. And I'm asking you, if it's something that you've considered and you're thinking, I'll get around to it, why not do it now before

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