Begin Again with Davina McCall - Begin Again Moments: Life After Loss With Richard E. Grant and Prue Leith

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Richard E. Grant and Prue Leith share their stories of life after losing the loves of their lives in this weeks Begin Again moments. For the full episodes just search 'Richard E. Grant Begin Again' or 'Prue Leith Begin Again' wherever you get your podcasts💚 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In exactly the same way that I started keeping a diary when I was 10 and have continued to do so, I then, I now write to Joan every night. And I have no, you know, woolly spiritual delusion that she's hearing this or that I'm going to get a response. But I know in writing to her it somehow makes, it keeps the connection going. Because I know what her response would be. Do you write, dear Joan? Yeah. So I write emails to her.

I mean, I write in an email form in a diary, but, you know, dear Joan, don't know, and today that this happened, this would really have amused you. I think we should do this. So it's somehow it makes it feel like that person is still there. It's an ongoing conversation. Sorry, I interrupted you. No, don't. Do you not feel that she's still there? No.

She's gone. Yeah. I mean, she's inside me and in my daughter. and in the memory of our friends, and I've got photographs of her around the house, but I don't, my father was unequivocal about saying that heaven and hell are human concepts, and everything is the here and now.

We only have one life, nobody's come back. And I haven't been able to find a better theory than that. So I take great comfort from the fact that it is how life has been completed, in the same way that in the same way that all the other people that I know and have never come back. So I have no... I'd like to have had faith that somehow when you die,

I'm going to see all the pets and the people that I've loved in some other space. But I don't have any delusion that that is going to take place. And I find that reassuring. So are you reassured now about the end of your life? Yeah, yeah. And she said to me, would I bury her ashes underneath a cherry tree that we've got in this cottage in Gloucestershire? And that's the one thing that I have not been able to do.

I've still got her ashes in the box that they came in. There are your sisters. Sister, I can't bring myself to do that. And I know that people have said, well, that's her last wish, but it might not be her actual ashes. I said, that doesn't really matter. It's just that is the last thing that I have of her physically And I just can't bring myself to do that Because I think, well, if I sell this house

Or there's a rainstorm in the mud, you know, illogical stuff So I think just better to keep this in the box. I don't think it's illogical at all. Well, she asked that they be, you know, bad in the garden And I do understand, I understand you saying if there's rain Or like if we sell, like then she's left there. But that's, That's not practical.

It's just an emotional thing. Still stopping you from doing those, isn't it? Sentimental, old fool.com. It's very interesting those last minutes because I kept just telling my sister that I was going to be okay. Oh, did you? I knew she was worried about that. Like, don't worry about me.

I'm going to be okay. because she looked after me so much emotionally. So when you said that to her, what does her reply? There wasn't one because she was kind of put to sleep. Oh, she couldn't talk anymore? No. But I think they said she can still hear. Yeah, apparently hearing is the last sense or whatever to go.

Because Jones said to my daughter and I four days before she died, I know that you're going to be sad, but try and find a pocketful of happiness in each day. Which was a brilliant mantra to bitch to live by. You wrote your book? Yeah. Called that. So tell me what did she mean by that?

She, I think more than anything, she said, I know that you will be sad, but every single one of us, including you two, are going to die. So without saying it, what is built into that little phrase is don't have any guilt about feeling joy or happiness. after I'm gone. And that has been an amazing thing, not to feel guilt of thinking, my goodness, this Christmas pudding tastes fantastic. But Joan's not here. No, but it still tastes fantastic. Yeah, to...

She gifted you that. Yeah, to really embrace what you have and not, oh, you've got to walk around in a quagmire of grief for the rest of your life. Does that's really good? Speak to the kind of person that she was. Yeah. Yes, she's very pragmatic and also, you know, philosophical about that you've got to enjoy yourself. Otherwise, you know, what are you going to be walking around?

In widows weeds, widowers weeds for the rest of your breathing days. That's not good either. But how were you after she died? You think, you feel that you're never going to be able to fully breathe again because it's so, you know, it's like an anvil's being stuck on your chest and that you're not going to be able to walk or, I think more than anything, I felt like a crab or a tortoise or a turtle that your shell has been taken off, that you're so vulnerable that you can be just squashed by anything.

And you can't imagine that your life can ever normalize again. And people always say, you know, time will heal. or time will tell or all these cliches that come out with. So it's a sort of day-by-day adjustment. I don't, you know, four years on from her death, I don't wake up and think, oh, Joan's dead today, which I had done for so long. And the wonderful trick of memory is that,

I don't know whether you've had this, but I've experienced the last six months a re-calibration of it that when I remember her now I remember her in full health I don't remember her when she was what she looked like and was like when she was ill

and if I look at photographs again of it I'm really taken aback of how altered somebody is by disease do you have you had that experience with your sister I definitely just think of my sister in rude health In root health, yeah. And how long did it take for you to have that?

About probably five years, I would say. Yeah. And do you feel guilt at all about the fact that you're living and she's not? No. No. I never have. Good. Really lucky.

Really, really lucky. I was 70 when I met John and he was 64. The very set in our ways. He did a life in fashion. and designing clothes and things. How did you meet? We met in a friend's house. And it was quite funny because the woman who I...

A friend and I were taking, were sharing a cab to get back from Halifax to go to, for her to go to this party and for me to go home. And I said, let's drop me first because I'm on the way. And she said, no, I'm in such a hurry because I've got, it's such an important dinner party. And my sister and I are giving it, and it's me and her giving it. So I have to be there. And she was panicking and very jumpy about this dinner party.

And so I said, all right. So we dropped her. And she said, come in for a drink. And I went in. And this dinner party was a table for four with candles and champagne and beautiful lighting and all flowers. And I mean, it was an obvious setup for four people. Right.

And these were two sisters who were giving the party. And John was one of the... So he was being matchmade with one of the sisters. Yes, he was definitely to be... He was designed for one of them. And was either of either, I think. Was it an instant attraction? I am not for me.

I was so, felt such a gooseberry that I just wanted to get out. You got a conversation doing you know, no, you shouldn't be there. And so I wasn't concentrating at all and I didn't listen to anything he said. But apparently I told him that I was going to Canada, which I was on a book to us. And so the next day, this guy arrives on what I'm so unobservant that I thought he was driving a quad. You know, it was a big machine. Yes. As I was a sort of farmer's quad.

Yeah. And he said, oh, I brought you a letter. I thought you'd gone to Canada. So I said, I'm the guy from last night. So wait, he saw you. He thought you'd gone to Canada. He wrote you a letter and came to your house to deliver it. Yes.

Wow. Heen. Yeah. I think he and said, the letter said, I know you're in Canada, but I just wanted to tell you where I live and also suggest we have a walk with our dogs because we talked about our dogs when when I come back. So I said, well, let's go now. In fact, I met him because just as I walked out of the front door with my secretary, my PA,

we walked out together, we were going to walk the dog round the field. So I said, well, we're going to walk the dog around the field, why don't you come to, which I don't think was what he had blood. When he said, let's walk the dog together, he wasn't quite meaning with someone else and with my PA. Anyhow, the three of us walk around the field. And Francisco, my PA, very quickly got the message that she was the good screen now. So she went out when he came in for a drink and she went off. And you know that thing when you fall in love and you just talk all night.

Yes, yes. It's just so exciting. And he was chattering away. I realize now he was quite nervous because I know. well enough, but he seemed to me totally confident. And he was just talking about history. I mean, I remember him walking up and down. I was sitting on the sofa and he was walking about.

And he was talking to me about traveling and why. And you love traveling, right? He does love it and so do I. And then we went out to dinner. And then I went, then he said, would you come to my house and I'll cook you dinner? And I thought, oh, he could cook. Wow. When I got there, he cooked me Haggis.

And you know, Haggis, nobody has to cook Haggis, comes ready made. Yes. It must be in the first ready meal, because nobody would want to actually cook haggis. So you just heat it up in the microwave. So it haggis and bash deeps, because he's a Scot. Right. And of course, I love that, and it was absolutely delicious. So he always said, well, it worked because she stayed for breakfast.

And unfortunately it was the last thing he cooked for me. Oh. Because the next time, also that first couple of weeks, we were talking about beef, what was the best beef. And he, I was so impressed because he bought some Dexter steaks. And Dexter are a wonderful breed of, they're a bit like Aberdeen Angus, but they're much smaller. Right. And they're very flavorful, but they're quite small. And anyhow, they had two fillet steaks, Dexter fillet steaks.

I mean, nobody buys fillet steaks anymore. They cost an arm and a leg. So I was really impressed that he had bought two fillet but dexter steaks. And he put the frying pan on the heat and he put a blob of butter in it and it was just beginning to melt. And then he put the steaks in. And I just jumped it. I mean, there's only one rule about steaks. You get the hat.

First of all, it's not a good idea to use butter straight away because it burns. You need to get a little bit of oil and get it so hot that the pan is absolutely smoking so that you get that lovely seared. Yes. And the juice doesn't run on steaks. And then you could put some butter it. Anyway, I was just so anxious. I mean, I wasn't thinking about him.

I was just thinking about, that are the best stakes in the world and you're ruining them. I pushed him out of the way. And I... Sorted it. And I cooked the... Sorted it. So I've been cooking up since. No!

That was the last thing. You've made a rod for your own back? Yeah, but I don't care. No. Actually, I love cooking. And we... If you asked him what he lives on, he'd say leftovers. I do remind him that, you know, the only reason there are leftovers is because I must have

done some prime cooking at some point. Because leftovers from some from what? Yes, exactly. How long have you two been together now? 16? Yeah, 15. 15 years. Something like that.

I mean, you know what's really nice, Prue? What? Is that when you talk about him, it's like you're talking about a new love. You look happy and excited. He's a lovely guy. And I'm very lucky. I mean, not many people have one happy marriage, never mind two. Yes.

and I had a really my first marriage was really happy to rain he was a lot older than me and so I always knew he'd died before me because he was 20 years older than me but he was wonderful man and I'm so

lucky to have had him for 20 years 25 years and then I had 8 years I didn't like widowhood that's not that no you've lived an incredibly varied life. You know, you've done, you've had two husbands and you loved both of them.

It wasn't like you fell out of love in a divorce or anything like that. And you've experienced great love twice in your life, which is extraordinary. And then... Lucky. Yes. How many people get? No, not many. Not many people have one.

You know, it's really something else. And two children who've brought you such joy and then. such an incredible career and I was... I often think, De Weena, you know, it's... I just do think that I deserve the sort of Damocles to knock me on. I mean, I should... It's not fair that I've had so much luck. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets?

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