Begin Again with Davina McCall - How To Have The Best Sex Of Your Life (again, and again and again!)

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Finding Confidence in Your Sex Life Can Change the Way You Live… In this episode of Begin Again, Cindy Gallop, sex educator, advocate, and founder of Make Love Not Porn IS BACK! Sharing her unfiltered thoughts on how to know what you want in bed and, more importantly, how to get it. Cindy talks about the importance of sexual agency, why communication is the key to great intimacy, and how we can all break free from shame around desire. With her signature boldness, Cindy dives into why sex isn’t just about physical pleasure but about emotional connection, self-confidence, and empowerment. She also opens up about her own experiences, challenging societal taboos, and reimagining how we can talk about sex, no matter our age. From tackling societal shame to unlocking your sexual desires, Cindy’s advice is both raw and real, making this a must-watch for anyone seeking to reclaim their pleasure and confidence. Join Cindy as she proves it’s never too late to begin again, especially when it comes to embracing your truest self. 🌟 Follow for more thought-provoking episodes on self-discovery, empowerment, and reinvention. Leave a comment below, who or what would you like to see next? Follow Cindy & Make Love Not Porn: MakeLoveNotPorn Academy: https://www.makelovenotporn.academy/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cindygallop https://www.instagram.com/makelovenotporn https://www.instagram.com/mlnpacademy Follow us here:📸 www.instagram.com/beginagain🎥 https://www.tiktok.com/@beginagainpod (00:00) INTRO (01:14) Why Dressing for Yourself Matters (04:37) Why We Don’t Talk About Sex (07:52) Sextortion: Why We Should Talk to Our Kids About Sex (21:49) Making Sex Real, Not Performative (26:13) Normalising Conversations Around Pleasure (28:01) Airbnb Ad (29:06) Bloom & Wild Ad (30:14) How Communication Gives You Sexual Power (36:06) Building Confidence in Bed (37:55) Thriving Sexually as You Get Older (46:31) Navigating the Evolving Sexual Landscape (54:32) Exploring Polyamory, Swinging, and Non-Monogamy (58:55) Why Desire and Self-Love Matter (01:02:31) Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Partnerships (01:06:08) What Every Man Should Understand About Sex and Intimacy (01:08:40) Cindy Answers Your Questions Sponsored by - Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.co.uk/Host Bloom & Wild - https://www.bloomandwild.com?utm_source=podcast+&utm_medium=podcasted&utm_campaign=Mother%27s+Day Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sex is never just sex. Everybody wants to be good in bed. Yes. No one knows exactly what that means. Great sex is all about Cindy Gallup is back. Yes! She's going to teach us how to have the best sex of our lives. Loub, Loub, Loub, Loob, Loeb. I love lube. I love lube. There is no such thing as too much lube. No, ever. We talk about how insecurity can just quietly creep in. We are very good at laughing about sex, but we are not good about getting serious about sex.

It's so difficult to know, is it okay if I do this? Is it all right to laugh at that? So, Cindy, what are the mistakes that you could make? It is ironic how difficult people find this, but the single biggest thing is, Cindy also shows us how anyone can start having sex they actually enjoy. If you are in bed with somebody, they are just enormously grateful you're there.

But the thing is, you do need to establish whether you mesh. There's nothing hotter than going, I love it when you do this. And if you do this to me, then it'll be even better. That's a real turn on in itself. How can you reignite a relationship that feels a bit tired? The most important thing is actually she doesn't hold back because even in bed, it's never too late to begin again. So I'm wearing a Tom Ford Vaguchi, black leather plows, that I bought in New York way back in the day when I was running an ad agency.

I'm wearing Alexander McQueen, like a black, you know, biker pants. and this was all when I was, you know, starting up this agency in New York and that was really tough. And so what I was doing every day was I was arming myself a battle. Yes. And when you put on black leather, you are warrior woman. You're ready to get out there and conquer the world. And so for some reason, we both got the vibe this morning.

I went, seen Davina, warrior woman time. Do you know, I think actually this is quite a. a nice place to start that the way we dress ourselves is really important to how we feel. Totally, totally.

Do you know, years ago there was a woman's magazine in Ireland called The Gloss. And I don't think it's still going, but they invited me to speak at a wonderful event where, you know, business in Ireland, very old-fashioned then, still pretty old-fashioned today,

The men have their golf clubs and their cigars. And so the gloss held an event in Dublin that was for women to bring their female clients to. And they had a fashion show and they had makeup lessons and, you know, lovely cocktails. And they asked me to give a talk. And I gave a talk on how it is the expression of your personal style, not the suppression of it, that delivers results in business and in life. And so it was talking through my life lessons about style. And precisely your point, you know, when you wear what you really want to wear, when you feel great, that confidence absolutely delivers the kind of results you want.

So it went down a storm in Dublin. They asked me to do the same talk in Cork. And I've always remembered a few weeks later, I got an email from a man in Ireland. And he said, you don't know me. my wife came to your talk in Cork a few weeks ago. My wife is 55 and before she heard you, she was dressing very conventionally. I was trying to encourage her to be more fashionable.

After your talk, she went straight out. She bought a black leather skirt, a pair of knee-high leather boots. She looks amazing. She feels amazing. Thank you so much. And so, yes, I would like to encourage many more women to just really think about dressing for you. And what makes you feel great

because honestly, you will see the knock-on benefit in your life. I mean, I always feel like if I am going for a big meeting, I want to power dress to make myself feel powerful. It's not to make other people see me as something. It's for me. And lingerie is a really big part of that for me. Langerie is super, super important. Our poor listeners, I bang on about it all the time.

But it's the first thing you put on that nobody else sees. But you do. And you know it's there. Exactly. I was just wondering, would it be all right if you just subscribed? Thanks. You made such a massive impact for our listeners. And it was a lot of men were really helped by the conversation

that we had, I think, because they want to be better and do better and give more. And we were talking a bit about how to make a woman feel as desired in what is predominantly a male-centric sexual world and how we can balance it out a bit more. And there's so many things that we didn't touch on last time that I want to touch on today. But first of all, I would like to start with, why is it that the UK and America, I would say, are predominantly the big countries, I mean, maybe even Australia as well, the big countries that are embarrassed about sex and relationships and talking about it. Why is it a sort of dirty, hidden subject? Do you know, it's interesting, do you know, because I think, and by the way, the US and the UK are our two biggest markets that make love not poor. Yes. And I think there are different dynamics at play in both. And so America is, and by the way, even more so now, unfortunately, in 2026, very repressive and very hypocritically repressive because, you know, stories emerge all the time of what you criticise people for, you are found doing yourself. You know, that happens a lot.

The UK, I think, is especially interesting because we actually have this strange dichotomy of, for years, actually, there's been a sort of culture of humour around sex. Yes. So if you think about the carry-on films, you know, if you think about, you know, seaside comedians, as a nation, interestingly, we are very good at laughing about sex, but we are not good about getting serious about sex. And I would love to see a reversal of no sex, please, we're British to yes, sex please, we're British. Because I actually think we have that cultural foundation where if we can just unlock more openness, more honesty, take the shame, guilt, and embarrassment out of sex, which is obviously our mission that make love not porn, then... we could actually fly the flag globally for how you nationalize a really healthy attitude towards better education around and honestly a celebration of sex. Yes. I mean, it is interesting with the Brits that we are, I think it's the fact that we've laughed at it, that it makes it embarrassing for us to try and talk about it in a serious manner.

That when you start trying to talk about sex seriously and say, actually, this is what you. I'd like, it's giggly. And we want to take that away. But I think, you know, we discussed it a bit last time, but it's education. It's got to start at school. What's your take on that? You're absolutely right. It needs to start as early as possible.

And it needs to continue for as long as possible. You know, because lifelong sex education is the key. So obviously, on the one hand, it is incredibly important that we begin educating children about sex as early as possible. And it's important because... And when you're saying sex, you're saying age appropriate. Absolutely. Yeah, but, you know, it's important because children are now facing astounding online harms, driven by, by the way, giant tech platforms founded by young women. white men who are never the targets of sexual assault, of harassment, abuse. So they did not,

they do not proactively design to keep all of those things off their platforms. And we see that around us everywhere we look. And the key thing is, obviously there are a ton of brilliant initiatives absolutely, you know, legislate for this. But the thing is, you can put legislation in place, you can mandate guardrails, the tech company is never going to do that, we have to be preemptive. And that means age appropriately, from as early as possible, just educating children on the basics and then about the things that we want them to be aware of, again, age appropriately. But all of this, especially to mean, it has to start in the home because my through line, whenever I talk about education is, especially for parents,

the one thing you want to guarantee is that your child will always come and talk to you about this. Yes, of course. And so, you know, I go, you know, when I say educate about sex, I don't mean literally talk about sex. But the very first time your child asks anything that is about where babies come from or play with their genitals, the most important thing isn't what you say, it's how you say it. Yes. crucial, never ever get visibly flustered.

You know, never change the topic. Leave the room. You know, shut them down. Answer them calmly, straightforwardly, honestly. The moment you do that, you open up a channel communication between you and them that will always be there for them. And it's so important they feel they can talk to you about any aspect of this. Because, you know, to give you just one example of what is increasing, unfortunately, sex stortion on the internet.

And this predominantly impacts teenage boys because the scammers behind this know they are especially susceptible to being approached by what appears to be a hot girl encouraged to share a naked photograph and then the scammer reveals themselves and I'm going to send this to all of your family and friends unless you pay me, whatever.

And the awful thing there is A, the shame, as I said, the guilt and embarrassment we've imbued all of this with means that that is seen as life destroying. The moment that young boy hears this, he goes, oh my God, my life is over if that happens. And also that shame and embarrassment means he feels he cannot tell his parents or anybody, combined with, again at that age, lack of impulse control. And so teen boys are committing suicide because of its extortion. And one case I read about, the time lapse between the first sex distortion demand and the boy killing himself was 30 minutes. Because when you're a teenager, and as I say, the shame is, oh my God, my life is over and lack of impulse control, I'm going to kill myself. And he did.

And so, again, parents, if you make your children feel they can talk to you about anything, you completely preempt that happening. because equally, thank God, there have been stories of boys who have spoken to their parents immediately. The parents have reassured them, they've reported, and there are no horrific consequences of that nature. And I'm citing just one example of what can unfortunately happen with children on the internet. So make sure they can talk to you. What's interesting there is that I'm saying that it's not just that the kids need to be educated. It's like parents need to learn how to not be embarrassed to talk. Exactly.

And by the way, Davina, now, because this is what... what's changed in the year since we last spoke. Alongside this episode, you can put the link to make love not porn.com. Yes. Oh my God. Cindy. Yes. Yes. Because it's live. It's live. Cindy. I was so excited. But well done. Thank you. Thank you. Now, I won't just say. Tell me everything. Yeah. I want to say for you and honestness, so obviously I talked to you about my plan to launch Make Love Not Porn Academy, which is, is effectively the Google of SexEd.

Because, again, one of the very depressing things happening is that with increasing censorship on tech platforms and in the prevailing environment, especially in the US, by the way, open healthy sex education is being blocked, censored and deplatformed everywhere. And the outcome of that is... Oh my God. I mean, everything we're talking about when children, teenagers, aren't able to be educated in the way they need. need to be and when parents and teachers cannot find the resources they need. And that's the key thing because literally parents' teachers have been saying to me for years, please will you start the zero to 18 and beyond sex education extension of what you do at Make Love Not Porn? Because they search Google, they can't find the resources they need. The algorithm itself is now biased and censoring.

And so we, and this is very new news, so it's very exciting. Literally 10 weeks ago, we took Make Love Not Porn. Academy live. Now, it's very early stage beta. It's very bare bones. We are real world testing it while we load educators and content on. But I would love our listeners to check it out. It's Make Love Not Porn. Dot Academy.

So the Academy is part of the URL. Great. And listeners, when you go to the homepage of Make Love Not Porn. Academy, you will see that I've posted two videos from me there. Very short. One is how to talk to young children about sex. love and porn, and one is how to talk to teenagers about sex, love and porn. And both of those exemplify exactly what you've just said, DeVina, which is this is actually way easier and way simpler

than most parents think. And I'm giving some tools from me, and then obviously the Academy is an aggregator hub for the best of the world's sex education. We have amazing educators for all ages. You know, we're bringing them on to the platform. as we speak. We will do a big official launch the moment everyone is on there. But it is so much easier to have these conversations than parents think. Yes. And what I do also say in the video about talking to teenagers is I think it's very important for parents to understand that however your teenager may appear to squirm and, oh no, and don't, you know, they they want you to provide this education and they want it to be able to reference in their peer group.

And so I encourage parents, you know, if there are things you overhear when, you know, your teen has some friends around, you may be listening in, you know, they're hanging out, you're in the kitchen, whatever, if there is anything that you think should be corrected, jump in and correct it. Because you want your kid to be able to go, actually, you know, my parents say that, blah, both in terms of accurate information, but also, and because of that, I'm not allowed to do that. And teens and children often would like to have those guard-raiths, that they can go, no, you know, I'm not going to look at that because my parents don't want me to. And they do actually want to have that reference point.

But also, I think if you are talking to them in a healthy way and when you say my parents don't want me to, it's not like they're not teaching me anything. No, no, no. And it's not like they don't want me to learn. They want me to learn, but they don't want me to learn that. Yes, precisely. And that the kids are getting enough information. What I, we discussed this documentary that I did when Chester was in my tummy. And what I learned was that if you don't teach kids this, if you don't educate them around sex and relationships,

they make all the mistakes that you could make. you know, lose the virginity because they just give in to somebody because they don't know how to say no. You know, do it really young because they've ended up in some compromising situation for somebody and they don't know how they got there. Whereas if you are informed and educated, all the research says you wait. No, no, exactly. And this is the thing again, I mean, I want parents to understand. the way to preserve your child's innocence for as long as possible is to educate them early and often.

And I just want you to say that one more time because that is really everything. That is so important. Go. Parents. Yes. The way to preserve your child's innocence for as long as possible is actually to educate them as early and as often as possible, not the opposite. If you do not do that, your child is going to lose their innocence in ways honestly you don't even want to think about. To keep your child innocent, to keep your child safe, you must educate as early as possible.

The other interesting thing, when I went into doing this documentary and my kids were two and four, about to turn three and five. I did not want to educate them in sex and relationships. I was terrified that they would lose their innocence. I didn't understand about age-appropriate language and stuff. So this is all going to be covered right in the academy that you can, how to talk to them and what kind of language to use. So basically you are empowering parents to have that no-nonsense conversation. Yep, absolutely.

And the key thing about the academy too is, so we are bringing all of this education together. And in the first instance, by the way, all of the educators we've invited because we can see, of them the best of the best. And then we make all of their work easily searchable, you know, by age appropriateness. You'll see on the homepage, you can enter whatever age you want to find the right education for, by cultural sensibility, you know, so we have Christian sex education, you know, again, based on, you know, whatever your personal background is, but very importantly,

by personal comfort level as well. Yeah. You know, so we just, we just, bring all this together, you can decide what you feel is right for your family, or by the way, for your classroom or school, because we have lesson plans. We have lots of different approaches with brilliant educators creating education for schools. You know, you can finally all in one place see what is out there and decide what you would like to make use of. And that's what's never existed until now. We owe our kids. Absolutely. We're doing them a disservice at the moment, I think. And also, you know, Dimea, a very important. importantly. So there's a reason that our name is make love, not porn. We view everything through the lens of love.

Make love not porn is love in action. Make love not porn academy is education through love. And I say that because we now have children growing up where they are living as much through screens as IRL. They are communicating predominantly through screens, which means that IRL's social interactions, can be awkward and anxiety-inducing. They are stumbling across porn at very early ages. They are forming romantic and sexual relationships with AI chatbots. Chatbot uses exploding amongst children and young people. Isn't it? It is.

And chatbot relationships are friction-free, play back exactly what you want to hear. What is getting lost in all of that is the joy, the messiness, the friction, the connection, and the wonder of first love. And so we are framing everything at the academy in the context of love, intimacy and relationships. So it's not just

sex education, it's dating education. It's relationship education. It's love education. I loved it when you talked about the friction. There's something joyful and funny and sweet about when you're with someone you love and you try something and it gets a bit like awkward. But you trust them. You love each other. You respect. them and something and then you can talk about it. There's something so magical about that, but the wealth of learning that you each get from entering into a situation like that. There was a lovely story I think you were telling about in Make Love Not Porn when somebody on the site went into role play. Oh yes. Will you just tell us that story? Sure. So the great thing

about Make Love at Porn is that what you see is the real world version of everything. And we have everything. We celebrate the full glorious spectrum of human sexuality. So we have, you know, kink videos, BDSM videos, but the real world version. Yes. You see the negotiation of boundary setting. So you do see what happens beforehand. Yes.

Yep. Yep. And especially because we ask our make love not porn stars, as we call our creators, to introduce and contextualize their videos. And so we have a ton of role play videos. but only on Make Love Not Porn will you see, you know, a video where the couple decided to, you know, play out this political scenario. And halfway through, one of them goes, you know what, this isn't really doing it for me? The other one goes, yeah, it's all a bit meh, isn't it? They go, that's as fuck.

And it's so important to see that because what that says is, this is all very low stakes. You know, you can try something. You can discover you don't like it. You can drop it. You don't have to like power through regardless. You know, you can go, okay, try that. not great for us, let's move on. And I always remember to your point about, you know, when you start making love, having sex.

So we have a video, because again, this is the real world, where, you know, with a Make Love Not Porn Star couple, the man suddenly ejaculated prematurely. You know, no one saw that coming, literally. It's hysterically funny, by the way. And this young man left a comment, a very long comment, and he said something like, He said, I'm 24, and I've only just started having sex for the first time. And, you know, it's so difficult to know, is it okay if I do this? Is it all right to laugh at that?

And he said, he just rhapsodised about how reassured this video made him feel. And he ended saying, there are so many wonderful things about this video that are nothing to do with sex. Yeah. And that is the point. You know, I mean, we all want love, intimacy and human connection. You know, you see that at play on Make Love Not Porn. And so you see what it's like to be with someone you trust, you know, to feel relaxed, to be able to laugh when something accidental happens and to be wonderfully connected.

You know, we showcase the great sex we all want to be having. And I think it's so important. You know, it's interesting. A lot of what we're doing is a new real world spin on old world truisms. What do you mean by that? So, you know, we've all heard, if not from our parents, then, you know, sex is best with someone you love. Now, as someone who's had a lot of casual sex, I do not, in fact, endorse that truism, but it is absolutely true that when there is feeling and meaning, it is transcendental

when it comes to sex. It is a whole dimension of sex that a lot of people, very sadly, have not even gotten to experience. And so when we take the guilt, shame, and embarrassment out of it, when we can talk about sex and educate about sex as it's all about pleasure, as opposed to, by the way, the parental teacher thing that goes, and don't catch this and wear condoms, it's all about pleasure. And the pleasure is especially great when you have established a degree of trust and mutual respect. And you know that you are both there to have a good time with each other and to consider the other person, and that then just takes it to a whole new level. And so that dimension of education is severely missing when a lot of people focus on, here are the knots and

bolts, you know, this is what happens. And there are all these emotional dimensions of pleasure that are so important to educate about. It's very interesting how, you know, it's like here the nuts and bolts, but it's almost portrayed as something you're not supposed to enjoy. Like it's a duty, you know. Procreation. But there's just so much joy to be had in fun-loving sex. Exactly. And importantly, Devinna, that message is crucial for girls and women.

Because the double standards of our society mean that, you know, girls and women are especially, you know, told it's a duty, you know, nice girls don't enjoy it. You know, including, by the way, the complete lack of openness to female masturbation versus the massive acceptance of male masturbation. I mean, there are a lot of young boys that don't know that girls masturbate. Yeah. Can I just say something, Cindy?

I loved this from the last time we met. You sound so posh when you say masturbation. You go, you go masturbation. I'm like, oh, sexy. I love it. I just want to say that. But that, again, I love this idea of let's encourage girls to masturbate. And often you'll find, if girls were to rub themselves on something, everybody's like, no, no, no, stop doing that, but it's completely normal for a boy to try.

It's like, don't shame them. Just say, choose to go somewhere quietly and privately, or don't let other people see. You go enjoy yourself. Do you know what I mean? That's so important, especially because children naturally begin masturbating very, very early. You know, so I have two girlfriends, each of whom have small children, who said to me precisely because they've known me for a long time. They've totally internalised all the lessons of make love, not porn. And so, you know, one friend, her daughter at three years old began playing with herself.

And so my friend and the other friends were, they've totally done the right thing. They've incurred, you know, absolutely enjoy yourself. But to your point, they've made sure that they teach their daughters, you know, and this is something we do in private. Yes, it's lovely. You should absolutely feel free to do it. We just do it in private when nobody else is around. And they've completely normalised it, which is so important. Because

again, if you do not know how to get pleasure out of your own body, how will you make sure that you experience pleasure with somebody else? This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. I know it's only the second month of this year, but Michael and I are already working out where we're going to take

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she's been there for me through everything. Mother's Day's coming up and I think it's such a lovely day, but it's also a really good reminder to tell the women who've held you up in your life how much you love them. And sending flowers with a little card, don't forget. Don't forget. at the card everyone. It's a really lovely way to do that. Our sponsor Bloom and Wild delivers the most gorgeous blooms like these ones. And their flowers are sent in bud, so they just arrive beautifully fresh and they last for absolutely ages. And if you really want to go all out, you could add a little candle or maybe some chalkies. So this Mother's Day care wildly with Bloom and Wild. And I've got a code. Use my code, Davina, for 15% of your next bunch.

in a relationship sometimes women don't feel they have a voice or if something is suggested it's like oh I have to go along with this what how do women find their voice and verbalise their desires and if they should they if there was somebody they really love and they want to try something and the girls are a bit like oh my God I'm a bit nervous should they get give it a go should they not give it like what do they do Sure. So first of all, I'm biased because obviously I designed a solution to this. But I want to say that, you know, what girls and women tell us when they watch make love not porn, because what they are seeing there is orgasm equality. I mean, equal everything. One young woman left a comment on one of our videos saying, after watching this video, I felt so enabled and empowered in my own sexual agency. Thank you for this gift. We give girls and women sexual agency. That's a great expression.

Isn't it just? I mean, they see how they can choose the sex they want, ask for the sex they want, have the sex they want. And again, all of it boils down to, I mean, the, you know, one word answer to your question is communication. And yes, you absolutely should communicate. Because you were just saying, yes, they should have the sex that they want, to get the sex that they want, but what about the sex that they don't?

Same deal. communication. Okay. So, so essentially if, if somebody is doing something that you do not like, yes, absolutely stop, stop and and have a conversation about it. And, and, you know, it is ironic how difficult people find this, but, you know, to use my own example, just to reassure our listeners. So I, you know, as, as you know, I date younger men. Yeah. And I absolutely encounter that moment. where you're in bed with somebody and he breaks out the porn moves. And I go, okay, we're going to have to have a conversation.

And I am fully aware that, you know... Sorry, just quickly, just so that people know what we're talking about. When you say porn moves, it's something that he probably saw in a porn movie but that's not very connected or... I mean, basically, you know, if someone... By the way, the obvious example,

because it's absolutely happened to me is non-consensual choking, okay, which I'm not having any of, by the way, at all. But also, if it's sort of ridiculous positions or, you know, or anything you don't particularly want to happen, I'm fully aware that, you know, I think to myself, right, the moment I say something, the atmosphere in bed is going to change. But I have to have this conversation for every other woman he will ever sleep with, you know. Oh, wow, that's a nice, also a nice way of looking at it. And the key thing here is, first of all, when you actually speak up and talk about what you want to do it,

and the key thing, by the way, Davina, is I always do it as positive reinforcement. So I go, what you want. You know what would really turn me on is if you stop doing that and why do we do this? Whatever. But essentially, it's, you know, this is really hot and it's going to be even hotter if we. Right. So first of all, I have never ever had a bad response. when I've broached that conversation.

Because fundamentally, everybody wants to be good in bed, but no one knows exactly what that means. So I found people are really open to, right, you know, I'm going to learn something here. And she's saying it'll be even hotter if I do this. And that's, you know, bring it on. And then secondly, it is actually very sexy to talk about sex in bed with the person you're having it while you're actually having it.

because this is, and the term dirty talk does not do it justice, because dirty talk is often taken to me, like forbidden words. Literally, talking in bed is fantastic because there's nothing hotter than going, I love it when you do this, and if you do this to me, then it'll be even better. And that's a real turn-on in itself. You know, I think I said this last time we spoke, the single biggest turn-on in the world is to be in bed with somebody, and no, they're having a bloody amazing time because of you.

And people are really open to conversations that are making sure that is the case. And by the way, I think people are also open to the fact that this is a chance to add to their own sexual repertoire in a way that can only benefit them. I remember having a hysterical conversation on a panel with the wonderful Jamila Jamil, whom I adore. She is an angel investor in Make Love Not Porn.

We are her first ever invest in. That's how much should be used on what we're doing. And we're on a panel together in London some time back and talking about the importance of communication in terms of learning how to be great in bed and teaching other people how to be great in bed. And Chameela went, I love the way to put it. She went, you know, I mean, who would not want to be thought of

as a legend in these here streets? You know, and when you go, right, more information to help me be, like, you know, the best in bed ever, people are really, really open to that. I mean, in bed confidence is key, you know, knowing, feeling like you're learning something. It makes you, it boosts your confidence. And I think that positive enforcement as opposed to negative, that's a brilliant steer for people because it makes the person that you're with feel more confident. But how do you build your confidence in bed?

And specifically, Cindy, I love your confidence about your confidence. body, I can see how you feel about yourself. It is incredibly attractive and as you know, with your many gorgeous friends that you have, how do you get there? If you're a woman and you're thinking, I just don't feel desirable, what can you do? Honestly, you know, at a very fundamental level, and this is what we say it, make love, not porn, everybody is beautiful. Everybody is beautiful. when they're having real world sex. And I mean that literally because to our listeners, if you are in bed with somebody,

they are just enormously grateful you're there. You're there with them. Your body is the most amazing thing ever. Seriously, that is how they're thinking. Do not internalize the voice that social media drives that says to be hot and you've got to be this skinny, six-pack abs look like this. Seriously, if you're in bed with someone,

they are so happy, you are there naked, they're getting to do wonderful things with you, know that. Okay, that that is ground zero of like great real world sex. And then, you know, I really recommend, interestingly, you know, listen to your body. And again, a lot of us don't because all of this ridiculousness were assaulted with detaches us from our bodies, okay? we don't stop and listen to them in terms of how they are responding. So I said earlier, if something is happening about that you are not a fan of, stop. Because your body is already telling you you're not a fan of this. So stop and have a conversation about it.

Regroup and redirect it. But listen to what your body is telling you about whether you do or don't want to do this. I also think that as we get older, I think some of our listeners will have either been in a relationship for a very long time or will be encountering a new relationship perhaps after an old one has finished and starting afresh in midlife sometimes and how it's very different to when you meet somebody when you're Uber young because I'd like to talk about dry vaginas and the menopause because it is something that happens to many women and after cancer and, you know, cancer treatments.

And that actually vaginal estrogen is life-changing and safe, but please don't. I'm not a doctor. If anybody's listening, please go and talk to your doctor about it, but it is, you can start at any age, you can go on for as long as you want. It's topical, but it will reopen your shop. It has a profound effect on, well, not getting UTIs and also keeping your vagina the lubricated. But what's interesting is how, and I have felt like this at times, but I don't anymore, but how I was a bit embarrassed about having to use it, that there was something in some way,

oh, am I not like sexy anymore or am I not sort of feeling sexy or is there? It's not that. It is just that your body isn't making something. Do you hear from women and men? And that was the other side I wanted to talk about because as men get older, you know, it's sometimes harder to get a really powerful, strong erection or to maintain it or, but it's not you. No, no, no, no, no, exactly. So first of all, can I just say to you and our listeners, lube, loob, loob, loob, loob, loob. I love lube. I love lube. There is no such thing as too much lube. No, ever. Ever. Okay. And, and I say that because, I mean, to your question, Years ago, a young woman wrote to me a teenager.

And she said, she had issues with dryness. And my boyfriend won't let me use lube because he says, I should be getting wet like all those ladies in porn. Yeah. Okay. And I wrote back, loob, loob, loob. And basically, I recommend that everybody keeps their favorite lube on their nightstand. Yes.

They whip it out. Don't ask permission. because honestly the moment anybody feels the feeling of lube they're sold. So there is nothing to share about because nobody produces vast amounts of wetness in the same way those pawnsiles have a giant barrel of lube that you cannot see off stage that they are shipping in tons of. So absolutely go to town with the lube, go to town with vagina estrogen. There is zero failure of anything, especially,

as you get older. And then for older men, so again, you know, the really unfortunate thing is that, so porn impacts people's perception of sex at every age. And in fact, I remember a lovely email I got, again, years ago, from an older gentleman in Ireland, actually, and he wrote to me, and by the way, people write to us because they don't know who to turn to.

You know, they have nobody to ask in their community about very sensitive issues. So this gentleman wrote to me and he said, I am, you know, he was in his late 50s. He said, my wife very sadly died a few years ago. I feel I would like to start dating again. But since my wife died, I've been looking at porn

and it seems that women really like really big cocks. And mine's, you know, not that big and I'm a bit worried about dating. And honestly, I was virtually choking up reason. And so I wrote to him and said, there's a reason they're called actresses. Yeah. They're acting. It is absolutely not about what you've, you know, those, and the male actors are cast for that.

You know, it's not what you've got, it's what you do with it. And he wrote back and said, thank you so much. You've given me the confidence to go out and date again. I mean, just adorable. And so, you know, I want to reassure men, especially older men. first of all it has nothing to do with your proportions it's all about what you do with it

and secondly and again this is a very important thing we also try to educate on and make love not porn is in the real world in real world sex men of all ages are regularly not erect or semi-erect because that is what happens in the real world

and so we have a tag for videos on make love not porn where the man is not erect or semi-inrect, our tag is derived from the world of ice cream. We call those videos soft-serve, because soft-serves are yummy and delicious. And the key thing I think, Deviner, is also, very importantly, again, for the older men and women listening.

So an older couple wrote to us sometime back, they'd been married for 20 years, had a wonderful sex life, the husband then very sadly diagnosed of prostate cancer. Fortunately, operation, chemo, everything was good, came out cancer-free, but erectile dysfunction resulted. And so they had a wonderful sex life, we're unhappy about this, went to see a therapist, who said to them, there's this website called Make Love Not Porn.

And they rhapsodised about, oh my God, your videos, your Make Love at Porn, so they're wonderful. What was interesting was, at the end of the letter thanking us, they said, our sex life is now even better than it was before the operation. And while they didn't spell this out, I think that was because we showcase many ways to enjoy yourself that are not all about penetrative sex. It is not all about penis and vagina. And so as you get older, you know, I mean, first of all, be aware that not getting an erection is entirely normal. There's nothing wrong with you. And secondly, there are so many ways to have a good time that don't require an erection. I also think that this is really really important for women also who have had cancer treatment who sometimes their libido is

lessened or whatever but you don't have to have penetrative sex to be intimate you can be really intimate and together and bonded without it with your partner and don't worry there are ways to still feel connected in that way i met somebody once at a festival and we went it was a woman and we just went deep straight away. And it was about that. And I felt so sad for her. I could literally see how worried she was about her and her partner growing apart and how it was such a big part of their lives before

and how she just didn't know how to get back in. And we talked about non-penetitive intimacy and how to do that. Exactly. I remember years ago I tweeted something on Twitter about the female orgasm. and a ton of my male followers, and these all lovely men, but very well-intentioned, replied with things like, oh, Cindy, I don't think I could keep going that long,

or some along those lines. So I went, guys, newsflash, we don't need your dick to orgasm. Your mouth, your tongue, your fingers will do just as well. And I said, and in fact, I've been known after my partner has come, to say, lend me your hand. and by the way, you don't even have to do anything, I will move it for you because I've totally done that and got myself off accordingly. Yeah, I mean, there are so many wonderful ways. For a great time. I never even thought of that.

So if the man comes first and then he's like, roll back and gone, oh, well, I'm done. Yeah. It's like, no, no, no. Give me your hand. Seriously, I've done that. You know, I'm still, I'm still rearing to go. Give me your hand. And you can just like, and I'll move it for you.

And I did, and I had a great time. Yeah. I mean, you know, but for some guys, this would be like, what? But why not? We deserve that. Exactly. As well. Yeah.

And then by the way, and then he feels even better because, you know, we've both orgasmed. Yeah. Another thing I was thinking about was this idea of exploring, say, either you've been in a relationship for a while, Or you meet somebody new and they perhaps have a sexual preference. Like now, I feel like there's just a myriad of options, sort of open to everybody with apps and people alike. It's becoming more normal to look at having threesome, swinging, orgies, field, meeting strangers, hookups, like all of that.

but if you're not used to navigating that and you meet somebody who'd quite like to, what do you do? So, you know, Devin, this is another reason why we all need to get happier and more at ease with talking openly about sex. And in fact, I designed Make Love Not Porn, I said to my team, one day,

you'll be on a first date, you'll be able to call up your profile and make love not porn and go, this is who I am sexually. And the reason that's important is because on the one hand, there are opportunities to expand your sexual horizons. But on the other hand, if you don't want to, you don't need to. And I'll give you my own example of this. You know, years ago, I met a young gentleman online.

This is in the US. Communicated. You know, I have a whole filtering process, put them through. And I liked your filtering process, by the way. That was very good. And can I tell you something quite funny? I told somebody about that yesterday. Oh, right.

Yes. I said, this is how you need to filter. Yep. And it was thanks to you. And if anybody's wondering what that is, by the way, just go and watch the first podcast that we did. Excellent. This is like, basically, Cindy's going to be like the Encyclopedia Britannica of Sex.

We're going to get her on every year for the next installment. But watch the first one and then this one. Yeah. So anyway, you know, very nice young man. Because I put him through the filter, he was actually based in Washington. And so we agreed that he would come and, spend the weekend with me. And as I said, I've been pretty rigorous on the filtering, and so I felt comfortable inviting him to do that. So he turns up, okay, and he is. He's a very

nice young man, but I discover in bed that he is really into spanking and spanking in the sense of being spanked himself. Now, I'm completely happy to like go with the flow, but it became clear that this was really his thing. And I'm thinking at the time, actually, I'm very pleased that I'm only engaging in these casual encounters. Yes. Because, you know, if I was someone who had met this young man fallen madly in love with him and wanted to marry him, I personally would not want to be spanking him for the rest of my life. No.

And it just struck me, you know, that is absolutely a case where you want to make sure that you are connecting with somebody who shares the same proclivities and is just as turned on by spanking you as you are by being spanked. And so that's what I mean by. But on the one hand, it's terrific to absolutely have the flexibility to, you know, expand your sexual horizons, try a few things, see what you like, see what you don't like.

On the other hand, if you are looking for a committed relationship, you do need to establish pretty early on whether you mesh sexually. Because, and again, you know, I have friends who have, you know, gotten into committed relationships of people who had, you know, certain preferences that they only revealed over time. Right. And the other person, because they loved them, kind of went with it,

but were not thrilled about something that was turned out to be very fundamental to their partner's sex life. Do you mind, could you expand on what kind of thing that would be and did they end up splitting up? Yeah, they did. I mean, essentially it was BDSM, you know, very much into kink in a way that was not every so often, but really this is what I'm all about.

But that conversation had not been had when they were falling in love, you know, and as I say, only emerged over time. And ultimately, the other partner really felt could not sustain this in the way that the first partner required it. So, yep, that that marriage did not last. It's sad that, isn't it? It's interesting. What I, what I've just heard from what you've just said is that, you know, in a casual relationship, when you first meet somebody and the first time you are together and they try something out, you think, well, I'll just go with it, because I don't have to see them again. I'm not in a committed relationship. I'll do it with you

just for fun, whatever, because you don't have that deep connection. But once you've got the deep connection, you're kind of stuffed, aren't you? Because you want to stay with that person and make the effort. But then if you end up feeling compromised, you can't be with them anymore. And the key thing is that at the same time, there are many people out there who would actually adore to be partnered in that context, have not necessarily found the right person with whom to convince.

admit where their interests mesh perfectly. And this is why I'm saying we need to be able to be more open about that from the get-go. You know, on a first date, it's absolutely fine to talk about, you know, your food preferences, your travel preferences. Actually, if there were not this myasma of guilt and shame and embarrassment, I think more people would say, you know, this is actually what I'm intersexually in a way that is about what is negotiable and what isn't because it's a fundamental part of who they are. You know, again, you know, our sexuality is as much a core attribute of our personality as

anything else is. We should be able to talk about it. Have you heard of married at first sight? Of course. Oh, my God, glued to the last series. Absolutely glued to it, addicted. So I love Mel Schilling and she's one of the relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, fantastic. Yeah. And we've had her here. And what she talks about in terms of a loving relationship, the whole gamut of which sex is one, is like 11 kind of life values. And how do you score each other where are your values and where are they at? And the more compatible you are,

the more your values sort of line up. It's amazing. And we did it with Michael. God, I was terrified. I was terrified. We actually were great together. Of course. I knew that.

Of course it would be. I was terrified that it wouldn't. And I would think, I can't be wrong about this. I know how I feel about him. It's so funny. But what I think you do is sex isn't just sex. Sex has 10 core values as well within it as a subcategory. that that's what you need to go through.

So as well as going through all the values of, you know, how would you want to raise kids? Do you want to have kids? What about work? How do you feel about the way you look? You know, all of these kind of things. Are they important to you? That sex has a load of subcategories

where you need to talk those through. No, no, that's exactly why. I regularly say to people, sort of your sexual values. And nobody can ever answer me because we are not taught to think like that. I mean, can we talk about some of the possible kind of explorations that couples can have or different relationships can have? Can you talk me through what is polymary?

Polyamory. Polyamory. Okay, so polyamory, and by the way, polyamory is different from an open marriage or an open relationship. Yes. Polyamory is specifically about maintaining multiple loving, loving, relationships at the same time. And, you know, multiple may be, there are three of you, in a thruple, you know, or it may be, you know, each of you has several different relationships with several different people simultaneously. But interestingly, those relationships come about

when those people meet someone and discover that this is the feeling that they have for them. You know, it's like any relationship in life. You know, those so-called unconventional relationships come about because, you know, often you have a couple and then one of them meets a third person and feels enormously drawn to them. And by the way, again, that can be surprising sexuality-wise. You know, a woman may meet another woman

and the first one's been straight all her life and discovers they have a connection. And, you know, their partner then meets them and they discover that between them, they have this really interesting dynamic and they want to form this, you know, thruple or, you know, the term, by the way, for a polyamorous unit is a polycule. Polycule.

So you form a polycule or whoever you and your polyamorous partners are. And what about then swingers is different because there's not the emotional commitment. Tell me what swinging is. So swinging is, and again, there is far more swinging and many more swingers than anybody realises. All ages, you know, there are, you know, there are swingers cruisers, there are swingers resorts.

Wait, wait. What? Swingers cruises? Yes, yep, yep. What, you can cruise as a swim. That sounds like such a great thing. I'm cruising. I'm on the mailing list for one of these organizations. I've forgotten its name, unfortunately.

I can't give them some free advertising. But they take over a cruise ship. And then everybody on the cruise ship is there to. Jesus wept. You know, yeah. And also... Like an image of what poolside must be like or dinner or... And there are also, you know, resorts that are swingers resorts.

Yes, I've sort of heard about those a bit. Yeah. But again, I think the important thing here is, and, you know, I'm not a swinger, you know, I'm just promiscuous, by the way. I don't fit into any of these categories. Can I just also say, Cindy, that's also kind of brilliant. I'm not a swinger, I'm just promiscuous. And do you know, I've said for years I want to redefine the term promiscuous

because you will note it's only ever applied to women. Oh my God. Have you ever heard of a promiscuous man? No. No. And so I've said, you know, I want to redefine and own that term because it's simply making your own choices sexually as freely as you want to. And why should it have that negative connotation?

That's slightly blown my mind. I hadn't even really thought about that. Because actually, you know, I believe everyone should be free to design the relationship model that works for them, which may, by the way, be different at different stages in your life versus society tells us there's this very limited number, relationship models that we are allowed to operate. And we'd all be a lot happier if we could choose freely how many people want to be with that one time. I mean, if we could choose not to be with anybody as opposed to have the pressure to be part and coupled up. If we could choose, you know, per point. polyamory, you know, yes, you can be in love with two people at one time. You can feel equally strongly about people at one time, whereas popular culture says, no, no, no, you know, there's the one, and that's all. And so I welcome anybody who role models a different way to live your life, because so many people would be so much happier if they felt able to step outside the rails and decide what makes them happy. The word desire I love, how much? How

important do you think it is for either you to desire yourself or for somebody you're attracted to to feel their desire and how can we show someone our desire? So first of all, I think it's lovely to be desired, you know, and importantly, desire has nothing to do with superficial appearance. It really doesn't. And we can all testify to that. You know, we've all desired people who are not conventionally attractive. You know, we've all had people desire us that is very profound and not to do with how you look. And so that's the power of being desired when you know that something in them is connecting with something in you and there's a real sexual spark. There's chemistry, that that's fantastic. Also, the ability to desire yourself is wonderful and very,

very important. And again, we showcase that on make love, not porn. We have many solo masturbation videos, you know, men, women, trans, non-binary, make love not porn stars. And those videos have a profound impact on the people who view them, you know, because people see what it's like to have a fantastic relationship with yourself. Yes. You know, to desire your own body, your own sexuality, it's to celebrate that. That is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

To celebrate yourself as a sexual being. And it's something that, you know, again, at Make Love at Porn, you have to see that to understand the potential for you to do that yourself. And our members respond and say, you know, I watched, and I explored myself or I use the same sex toy.

It was incredible. And I think it's so important for people to understand you can and you must and you should desire yourself because you are enormously desirable in yourself. And again, when you learn to desire yourself, you can then translate that into better connection with a partner that you desire and who desires you. Well, I think people would be amazed at how much of an effect

it has on other people when you desire yourself. Absolutely. I was just thinking when you were just talking about that, about making a date to masturbate with yourself. Yes. You know, have a bath, light a candle, put some music on, get the lighting. Or even, or even, Domena, because,

and we have plenty of these videos that make love at porn as well, we have, you know, I had a bit of quiet moment in the office. I thought, I fancy masturbating, had to find, we have a video of this woman, she went down to the office garage, got in her car, you know, and masturbated there. My God, that's epic. Yeah, no, no, we have a ton of, you know,

had a moment, thought, let's seize it. Because those, because you're worth it as well. Like, you are worth the pleasure. Why not? Yeah, exactly. Why wouldn't you? Yeah, it's enormous fun. I personally have, you know, on several flights,

a night flights, when, you know, no one is just hammering on the loo door, gone into the airplane, airplane toilet and masturbate it. It's great. Everybody. Take notes. One final thing I want to finish on is like

if people want to get the most out of their relationships or particularly I think if you've been with somebody for a very long time, you have a deep love, you have history, you have, how can you re-ignite something that feels a bit tired.

So forgive me if yet again I bring it back to my own venture, but that's why I desire this. Can I tell you something? I don't mind you talking about make love not porn a lot because there's nothing else like it. No one else is providing what you're providing. No, no absolutely. Thank you for saying that.

Because in that scenario I so recommend watch our videos together. And I recommend that because we got an amazing email from a woman a little while back who went, oh my God, best $10 a month I ever spent, which is our subscription fee. She said, my husband and I married for like 20 odd years, sex had dwindled to a few times a year.

She said, in the first month of Make Love Not Poor, we've had sex eight times. You know, the videos are amazing, make love fun, it's amazing. But here's the very important part, Dvon, she said, it's not just the sex. My husband and I now feel more connected, closer, more intimate

and more in love than at any time before in our marriage. And she said at the bottom, thank you for saving my marriage. And that blew me away. But also we've heard that from many other people because, you know, what we do is, you know, we don't just inspire conversations around sex, make it easy to talk about.

You know, we showcase the power of love, intimacy and human connection and we can rekindle that in a matter. And that's fundamental to making sure you have a wonderful time with each other going forward. So it isn't, you know, it's interesting. You know, I think a through line of our conversation today has been sex is never just sex. You know, it's not, and again, because we are so messed up about it, we focus on sex, but it is inextricable from human connection, from intimacy, from values, from the ability to live live life. life in a way that enables you to really enjoy it, take pleasure from it, form better relationships. You know, we need to be more open about sex, but also when we do that, we bring it into its

rightful place across all of those dimensions in a way that just results in far more human happiness. I think what is interesting is, you know, often you hear of, I hear of girlfriends who get the smack on the bum and go, you know, fancy a shag later. And then you're slightly like, oh God, you know, I don't want to. But if there had been intimacy or a connection a few days before, that wouldn't need to happen like that. You don't need to make an appointment.

No, exactly. Going to bed. Paul, you know, he gave me this brilliant bit of advice, which was four play starts. straight after the last time you had sex, everything that happens in between is foreplay. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, making a cup of tea in the morning and bringing it. So on that tip, you know, I do know that men do watch our chats.

And what are the tips and hints that you would give to a man to try or a woman to try and try and have more understanding a deeper connection with their partner. Do you know, it boils down to very simply, men, we welcome you showing emotion and vulnerability and openness. You know, we welcome you talking about, I want to feel closer to you. I'm not sure how. You know, I would really love us to be more connected. Can we talk about how we can do that?

I've been feeling that we are feeling detached from each other. Honestly, because let's face it, I feel pretty confident saying most men do not broach conversations like that, do not open up like that. We absolutely welcome that. And also, you know, great sex is all about both of you being open and vulnerable. with each other. Yes. And, and,

you know, when you, when you start from that place of openness and vulnerability, you don't fall into oil groups, you don't get into the old routine. You can really go amazing places when you are willing

to be genuinely open and vulnerable around sex and around your relationship and around how you connect. And so I would say literally just open up completely and see what happens. And also I think being honest, like really honest, even if it makes you vulnerable or puts you in a compromising situation

is incredibly attractive. There's something that makes the other person, whether it's whoever it is in the relationship, feel safe when someone is just completely honest. There's nowhere to go with the truth. And do you know, it's so interesting because I think very few people are completely honest. You know, to the men out there, you know, if your partner makes you feel a certain way that you have always thought you would never dream of revealing because it like makes you too vulnerable, say that to them. You know, because they will never have heard that from you before and it will be amazing.

Okay, so, Cindy, we asked our listeners. for some questions and they're actually brilliant. So how do I ask for what I want in bed? I get embarrassed even after 12 years. So as I was saying, you ask what you want in bed is seriously the hottest thing out. Yes. You know, just actually saying that, asking for it, I promise you, you don't need to feel embarrassed at all because just doing that will land brilliantly.

And it's the way you frame it. So as a positive... You know what I'd love. Yeah, precisely. You know, I just... The idea of doing this with you is the hottest thing out. You know, can we give it a go?

Yes. Okay, brilliant. My husband wants oral sex, but I'm not that interested in doing it. How can we have this conversation? Now, that question doesn't make clear oral sex which way. Yes.

So that could be oral sex on the husband or it could be oral sex on, I'm assuming this is a woman. I mean, I would guess like either way, that's quite a difficult conversation to have because all sex is quite popular with people and if you think you're never going to get it, it would be sad or you're never going to get to do it even. No, exactly. And so, so two responses based on, you know, again, because they have not been specific. First of all, depressingly, because I've also, you know, talked to people about this, there are a number of women where their partner really wants to go down on them,

or as we say to make an example, give them a lick job, lick job, but they feel self-conscious to go, oh, I'm going to smell, I'm going to, I mean, they are, and honestly, men absolutely adore, you know, going down on you. So I would say to her, first of all, absolutely given to this, you know, because it's a wonderful feeling. he has died to do it'll be the biggest turn on in the world for him, you know, just, you know, think about... It's letting go, isn't it? Yes, yeah, but, you know, think about what in your head is inhibiting you.

Yes. You know, are you worried you're going to smoke? You're not, by the way, but you can like have a jolly go wash beforehand. Yes. You know, and by the way, he will love your natural smell. I mean, that should not even be a consideration, but just if that is the barrier in your head, you know, identify what you think the barriers are and just let go of them, because it's going to be a wonderful feeling. The very important thing, by the way, is that you should direct him.

And by the way, men adore guidance on the nick job. And I think a lot of people are embarrassed about doing that, aren't they? Like, I don't want to tell them what to do in case they take offence. But if they take offence, then they're not the right. No, no. And also, they want guidance, especially if guidance then makes you come. Because the moment you've had a bloody, brilliant orgasm, through them going down on you, they are going to feel like the big man on campus. You know, they're going to be ecstatic.

And again, like you said, the way you do the guidance, oh, that feels amazing. Could you move there? Oh, my God, a bit more of that. Yes, yeah. Now, if it is, you know, your husband would like you to give him a blowjob and you don't fancy that. Again, you know, I would ask yourself what in your head is preventing that? Because it's a lovely thing to do with someone you love. You know, it will give him enormous pleasure.

It is very pleasurable. what are the blockages? Because it's really important that you do get rid of those blockages. I remember one of my partners telling me that I was extremely good on the blowjob front. And obviously one loves to hear this.

And I said to him, oh, really? Oh, thank you. So what exactly makes me so good at this? He went, enthusiasm. Oh, gusto. Yeah, amazing. And so it's really important, actually, when you give you husband blow job, you really have to do it with enthusiasm and gusto,

which means not look like you're not enjoying it. Which means getting rid again of what is it in your head, because he'll love it, and when you go about it with enthusiasm, and gusto, you'll love it. So just get rid of those mental barriers. That's a brilliant answer. I've been single for most of my 50s. I'm ready to start dating again, but where do I even begin?

So do you know, I really recommend, and I know that, you know, I'm a big fan of Cougar dating apps historically, yes. But I would say today, I encourage people to actively think about how they go about dating IRL. You know, literally go to places with lots of other people, you know, go to the pub, go to a coffee shop, and the key thing is be open. Okay, so be open and start conversations with someone you might want to date. And again, you know, I'm assuming if this is a woman, I'm assuming she may be straight, but she may not be, you know. So I really advocate for, I just think it's so much easier to get a sense of somebody when you meet them, IRL in the first instant. Yes. Be able to have a bit of a conversation, you know, see.

how it goes. The dating apps these days, a lot of people are defecting. And by the way, that is because the dating apps are driven by, you know, the people behind them who want to keep you on there for as long as possible as opposed to the ideal, which is getting you off them. And so I think there are many opportunities around you if you actually take them. You know, I always say, I want on my gravestone, she retarded the things she did, not the things she didn't do. See someone you like, ask them out. Okay? All they can do is say no, and at least you know you tried. And I think you'd find many more people around you are really open to being approached

and having a nice conversation and being asked if they'd like to, you know, get a drink sometime, then you would have thought. I was thinking, like, is there space for there to be a I'm available finger ring, you know, that you look down at some, not that they're married because a lot of people don't wear wedding rings, but that they've got like, I'm, I'm, I'm. up for dating ring. Yeah. That's IRL.

Yes. I loved the fact that I had to ask you what that meant last time. I've been using it ad infinitum since then. Thanks, Cindy, for making me look cool to my kids. IRL. Okay, that's great advice. Thank you. Now, this is good one.

I think I've got a fetish. How do I bring this up with my partner without scaring them off? So, again, the fetish, obviously that could apply to a very broad range of synony. I think that depending on what it is, it is usually relatively easy to find a depiction of whatever it is in a movie somewhere. I suggest movie night at home, you know, watching 50 Shades of Grey or whatever else it may be. And off the back of that saying, wow, you know, that really turned me on, you know, let's give it a go. Yes, okay, that's a much easier way to broach it. isn't it, if you've just seen something.

Yeah, but you've seen something that where it's happening in it's really hot and, you know, all of that, yeah. Cindy, I just want to say thank you. I've loved talking to you again and you've given us all so many more brilliant insights. Thank you so, so much. Well, Tavina, right back at you. I love you.