Begin Again with Davina McCall - Jamelia: I Had To Start My Life From Scratch

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

In this episode of Begin Again, singer Jamelia shares the deeply personal story of how she rebuilt her life from scratch after heartbreak and abandonment. Jamelia opens up about becoming a single mother of four after her husband left her while she was pregnant, and how she found unexpected strength in the love of her daughters. She talks about navigating loneliness, the silence from people she once supported, and how starting over in her 40s became the most empowering chapter of her life. She also reflects on her Rastafarian upbringing, her decision to homeschool her children, and what it means to truly heal while parenting. This conversation is full of warmth, vulnerability, and wisdom for anyone who’s had to pick themselves up when no one else was there. Whether you're facing a relationship breakdown, questioning your purpose, or simply looking for a story of resilience, you’ll find inspiration here. Don’t forget to like 👍, comment 💬, and subscribe 🔔 for more stories. Click the bell icon to stay updated on new episodes! 🌱 00:00 Intro 00:30 Jamelia’s Rastafarian Upbringing 05:53 Choosing To Home School 11:30 Jamelia’s Experience of Single Motherhood 16:53 Being Left During Pregnancy 24:11 Teaching Consent and Boundaries to Kids 26:30 Embracing Your Weirdness and Authentic Self 28:38 How Jamelia Got Her Start in Music 31:24 Adobe Express Ad 32:32 Aura Frames Ad 33:36 Jamelia’s Musical Journey 37:17 Gratitude for The Life Jamelia Has Now 43:16 Starting Over After Her Husband Left 51:27 Navigating a Manipulative Relationship 56:49 Rebuilding After a Traumatic Birth 1:04:27 Pride in Raising Empowered Daughters 1:07:01 Staying Humble 1:10:05 Her Final Release and Views on the Music Industry 1:14:22 Jamelia’s Comeback to Music 1:19:06 Reclaiming Her Voice and Bold Identity 1:20:35 A Letter from Her Daughter and Final Thoughts Sponsored by: Adobe - https://Adobe.Ly/OneBetter Auraframes - https://auraframes.co.uk & use code DAVINA for £45 off Carver Matt Frames Auraframes - https://auraframes.co.uk use code DAVINA for £35 off Carver Matt Frames Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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My husband left me while I was three and a half months pregnant. The morning off, I would have told you I was happily married. He literally just said, oh, I'm leaving. My life on paper looked like a tragedy. Today, I am joined by the incredible Jamelia. A woman whose music defined a generation. He and my records offered me a record deal there and then. I was 15.

Wow. Yeah. Very, very young. Oh, yeah. Vulnerable. So who was looking up for you? She speaks about loving someone so deeply that you start to lose sight of yourself. I thought the best way to get someone to love you is to give and to give everything, to give your all. I end up depleted with my ex-husband.

There are things that he did and said during that pregnancy that I was like, no, you want me to die. We also have a look at loss and how it can spark something new, something really powerful. I think it's important that we reclaim our stories. You know, I shouldn't have such a high sense of self. I've had two failed marriages. I'm a single mother. And above all, I am the happiest I have ever been. And through all of that, her message is just so clear.

It is never too late. Or, as Jamelia says, never too audacious to begin again. I am here with Jamelia. I love Jamelia because Jamelia is, the name that you only have to say one named. There's only one. Yes, there is. Yeah, I'm not really funny, but there is. You know what I was amazed by? I mean, I've obviously known you forever and I think when I met you, you must have been super duper young. Literally, yeah, yeah. But I was a, I was kind of really interested in your upbringing. Yeah. Because you actually were in a very

male energy household. Can you tell me who you kind of grew up with? So I grew up with my mom. and my younger brothers. But my younger brothers had about 11 brothers. And so we all grew up together. I grew up in like a Rastafarian household. Can you explain what like a Rastafarian household is like? So how I would describe it is imagine like a commune, even though it's not that.

That's how closely we grew up with each other. We were in and out of each other's houses. you know, they'd come to stay at ours, we'd go and stay with them. And these are different, you know, different mothers. So I feel like I had many different mothers. It was full of music, full of culture, full of education, very colourful and very empowering as well. So it's funny because when I look back,

I realise just how rich I think I was. Yeah. I realized when I went into school and stuff like that, that, oh, everyone doesn't grow up like this. Yeah. Everyone, you know, doesn't have that type of upbringing. And I feel like it set a fantastic foundation for me just living my life, even to this day, as I'm not a religious person. But if you were to push me and say, you know, what religion are you? I'd say I identify closest to Rastafarianism.

Yeah. And like in sense of, you know, you've told me about the kind of family and everybody coming together and comfortably and everything. Was there any other kind of really strong beliefs? I know that Makita, Oliver, I don't know. Yeah, I love Makita. So when she, I don't know if you saw the documentary that her and Andy did where she went. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Went and hung out with the rest of her and community then. I was so jealous. How amazing that was. It was fantastic thing, wasn't it? But you know what? It's so they, you know, they do this thing called reasoning. And so as a child, you got to witness, you know, conversations. And, you know, it's, I think it's difficult to describe.

And I'm really glad they did that, they did that dark because it, you know, it gave a lot of people an insight into a world that I feel doesn't, you know, doesn't get, isn't publicized as much. But, and my experience of it is only as a child. I didn't experience it as an adolescent. By the time I got to 15, I just wasn't, that world wasn't happening anymore. It's like everything changed, everyone had changed. But I feel really fortunate to have been a part of it at that time.

I feel like knowing you a little bit now, that side of the reasoning or listening to adult conversations is how come you're such a kind of wise owl now. Like you are wise. I feel like you're wise beyond your years. Yeah, yeah. I've been told that a lot. And I think more than anything, it's caused me to become a deep thinker, especially being, you know,

being born and raised in the UK, living in the UK. So you've got, it's like having a dual reality. I'm being told, for instance, that, you know, in Africa, there are kings and queens and, you know, it's the richest land in the world. And there's so much rich history.

how black history has impacted world history. And then I go to an English school. And the only thing I'm told about black people is that we were slaves. And I'm like, oh, but that's not true because I know about Mansa Musa, I know about, you know, who invented the traffic light. And so whilst it was a good thing,

I was armed with disinformation for my own confidence and self-rength. self-worth, it was also a little bit, I can only describe it as grating when I was in, especially the education system. And I think my teachers were a bit annoyed with me because I was always correcting them on certain things, particularly things to do with what I adopted as, it's my history and you're telling it wrong, you know? I mean, I think the beautiful thing about you actually is that culturally you have really been a proud black woman

but made it incredibly accessible for all of us to understand what that feels like without being frightened of talking to you about it in case we say something wrong or we like get a phrase wrong it's so nice because I feel like if I did you'd go actually do you know what we say

rather than going it's not you know what to mean Do you know, I think for me, I think that comes from being a mother. We're all children. Yes, all learn. Yeah, we're all children and we're all learning. And there are some arenas where we are, you know, toddlers and we don't know anything. And for me, if you were to, you know, if my toddler approached me and, you know, with something that she didn't know, I'm not going to jump down in her throat because she doesn't know it. She just doesn't know it.

So, and I am fortunate to have the wisdom to be able to teach her what a beautiful thing to teach. someone else and give them something to walk away with, you know, I homeschool my children. And that's one of the reasons I think it's the most beautiful thing to teach. Did you homeschool all of them? Yeah. Because I know you're doing the youngest two right now. Yeah. Yeah.

You did it with all of them. So yeah, I homeschooled my older two until secondary school. Yeah. I was out. That's a long time. That's laughing, right? Yeah. I just, I love it.

Yeah. That was also your upbringing. right, that you went to a school and nobody knew what you knew. Yeah, yeah. And I think especially young black children, I feel like there are disparities in the education system, particularly in the UK. And not just for black children, I will say as well,

but as a mother of black children, there are additional difficulties. And I feel like I want my, children to go out into the world whole and I don't want anyone to break them before I've had the chance to do that. And so with my children, my main reason for wanting to home educate them is so that, I don't know, so that they go out into the world feeling empowered and they, you know, without, I don't know, for, you know, for instance, there are, there are occasions where there are things like as a child, I was, I was, you know, heavily pushed into sports. I didn't want to do sports. I didn't want to do

sports, but from my understanding, it's because I was black. Right. And that to me, you know, I would hate for that to be the story for one of my children. Yeah. If that's not what they want to do. I'm just, I am a person. I love to just pay attention to my children and, you know, literally like, who are you? Who are you?

Who do you want to be? And how can I assist you in being that thing? And it may require that they go to school, like, you know, I want to be a scientist. Okay. I can't help you with that. Stuck here. So, you know, but for me, I think, especially like that first 10 years, I just want to spend it just listening to them and, you know, and observing them and just,

you tell me who you are, you tell me who you are, and I will assist you to get there. What's been amazing, though, is that your kids range over like a 25 years span. Literally, literally. And you are. still teaching, like, this is incredible. Do you look at, because I've got three kids. Yeah. And my son is my youngest. He's 19 now. And I look at him and I go, you're literally getting the best bits because I've messed it up. Yeah. Quite badly with the first one. Second one got it a bit better. But you, golden balls, like, are they seeing it? Literally. I feel it's so, so I have,

So I have like two sets of children and all girls. My oldest two are 25 and 20. And then my younger two are seven and three. So it's a span. There's a 21 year difference between the oldest and the youngest. And I feel like every single day I wake up and I just, I literally feel like I've won the lottery. Like how is this my life?

Because although I don't feel like, no, I absolutely have made mistakes and I continue to make mistakes in parenting. They're good. Yeah. Mistakes are good because everybody learns from it. Exactly. Exactly. And I feel like, but I feel like the opportunity to do this whole parenting thing again, it's like I feel like I've won the lottery. I've hit the jackpot.

And do you know what happens then? grandparent. I'm actually so excited. I am so excited. Right. Again, it's like, it's another. And I feel I am someone I celebrate my life so much. Like how lucky am I that I get to do this, that I get to be here.

I've got a fantastic relationship with my children. And just little things. So, you know, my elder daughter, my eldest, she's about to turn 25. she's thinking about maybe moving out and she's like, oh, but I think I'm just going to live around the corner and I just think how amazing that my daughter still wants to be around me and you know and even like, you know, this upcoming weekend, me and my older two are going to go out on the town and stuff

and it's like they actually want to hang out with me and then, you know, and my younger two, they're little ones, they're obsessed And it's just, I just feel, I just feel so blessed, so incredibly fortunate. Like, and I have to, I have to say, you know, I would never describe my mom as this, you know, my mom's not a tyrant. She's not, she's not anything bad. There's nothing bad about her. But I have to say, she definitely made some mistakes with me.

And I feel, she didn't know what to do with her. girl, right? She was just surrounded by boys. Well, but I think the main thing, my mom was 17 when she had me, just 17. And so I, you know, I, I remember myself at 17. I remember, you know, my daughters, you know, even my daughter at 25 suggesting she wants to move out. I'm like, you're not ready, you know, stay with me. But I, you know, by the time, by the time my mom was my daughter's age, she had all three of us, me and my two brothers, she had all of us by the time she was 25. Like, that is, for me, unimaginable. And I think, so I think from my perspective, you know, I can only give her grace. That being said, I still had my experience of my

childhood. And I feel like my childhood itself, I don't look back and think, or I had a terrible childhood. But as a mother, I can see where the holes were. Yeah. And what I didn't get and why I am the way that I am or the way that I have been. And getting to raise these girls, for me, it's literally like raising myself. I'm like, oh, they're all, because they're all, they're so different. They're four totally different people, but I see myself in all of them. And I think this is like I'm literally getting to raise myself. I'm giving myself everything I need. Makes me feel a bit emotional.

Right? Because to me, like that realization, and I've had that realization for a few years. When I was gifted with my fourth girl, I was just like, because I grew up always wanting sisters. You know, as I said, surrounded by boys. And then it was like, oh, I wasn't meant to have sisters. I was meant to have daughters. And then not only that, I was meant to keep my daughters to myself as well. That's like another new thing that I'm getting to experience.

This is incredible as well. Yeah. Because I think often people would see single mothers as you're lacking something. Yeah. You know, you're missing something. Yeah. And how hard that is. Yeah.

And I feel like Ulrika really struggled with that. Like people really judged her. Uh-huh. Yeah. for the different dads. And that was more about the men she chose. Well, exactly. You know, not her fault.

Yeah. But she's been an amazing mother to those kids. I mean. And no one should feel sorry for her. Did you get that the kind of, we talked a bit before we started about them next. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. Oh, no.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I am not one of these people who set out to be a single mother. No. At the point of especially embarking on my second two children, I definitely thought, this is it, this is me. I'm married, you know, married, going to have my second kid, like with him. And, you know, this is it.

And it's so funny because, like, even saying that from now, from where I'm sat now, like, oh my gosh, you set the bar so low because I would have never known that this life was possible. I feel like my single parenting, my single parenthood, particularly embarking on it at, how old was I about 42? I was just like, what on earth? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do from here? Me? Four kids on my own?

You what, mate? This is not how it's supposed to go. And again, that was three years ago. now. I'm like, oh, that's exactly how it was supposed to go. That's exactly what was supposed to happen. And I now feel like the luckiest woman alive. I'm so lucky that you left me. I'm so lucky that you want nothing to do with your daughters. I'm so lucky that, you know, that that you've left us alone. Because now we literally live in like, and it's not a pink house, but it feels like a pink house. It's just, you know, it's so girly, it's so fun, we're so free and no one is lacking anything.

Do you know what they're gaining? A very strong, positive role model. And I think that's what changed. There was a moment in time where I was like, I can't do this. I can't do this alone. I can't do this. I just can't do this. And then there was a moment.

It was when I had my fourth daughter, when I gave birth to her. So my husband left me while I was pregnant, three and a half months pregnant. And so literally like, and it was, it was the most. I've been in an abusive relationship before and it was the most violent thing that anyone had ever done to me. Him leaving me whilst I was pregnant, that was the most violent thing that has happened to me. Can we just explain that?

Because I would like to try and explain to people what it's like when you're pregnant and something bad happens to you during your pregnancy because it's one thing to do something terrible to someone as just you are. But when you are, a child, all your feeling, you want to protect it from bad feelings, bad, everything, right? Even just emotions? Yes. Because, because, you know, you, there is so much research to show that, you know, a mother's experience during pregnancy can be passed on to the child. It's traumatic for the child. And I, honestly, I just couldn't fight it. I had to, I had to, I had to surrender and I had to, I had to, I had to look like.

just absolutely breaking down, just absolutely, you know, my, my daughters saw me in a way that they had never seen me before, which is, you know, I was always capable. I've got this, everything's going to be fine. And I was just like, you know what, girls, I'm not sure if it is. I'm not sure if things are going to be fine. Gift. Like. Such a gift for them to see that. And that's how I see it now.

And a gift for them to see that and then see you get through it. Honestly, honestly, it's how I look at things. Because something like that, I will never, ever forget that happening to me. I will never, ever forget. I'll never ever forget my daughters. You know, I literally, I had the conversation with my older two girls. Like, if you don't look after me, we're all going to die. And I am the mom who, like, I never, I never.

never, because I'm an oldest daughter, I'm the big sister. I know, I know what that responsibility is like. And so I've never wanted that for my older children, never ever. But then it came, you know, like I think, again, I think it happened to them in the most violent way. Like, you have to step up because nobody else is. It wasn't, it literally, it wasn't just him who left me. There was, There were a plethora of people that just disappeared. And I think... Who was there? My daughters.

Just my daughters. I think... And I think for me, I... I was that person. And I still think I am. That person who was there for everyone. You're having a baby. I'll bring soup.

You're not feeling well. I'll bring your lasagna. You know, it was... I was that person, drop your kids off at mine. You haven't got a babysitter. I'll come and I'll pick your kids up from school. Like, that was me. And I loved and enjoyed being.

I loved being of service to other people. And so even, yes, my husband left me, but I still expected other people to kind of rally around and gather around. Yes, of course. And no one did. And I'm still, I'm still. I'm still like I don't understand and these people include my own mother

you know it's and I don't understand and I think I think sometimes you just have to fill in the blanks yourself just so you can move on and how I how I positioned it in my mind is that maybe I was always a strong one always a resilient one always and also you know I lived in a big house and I had lots of money And so, you know, nothing bad can really happen to me. And so I think everyone just thought, oh, she'll be all right.

And I also take accountability that I don't think I ever said to anyone. I'm not okay. I am drowning. Yeah. I am beneath the floor. I don't think I ever said that to anyone. And so I do take accountability for that. And yeah, yeah, I do.

I do. I do. I've got to quickly say something to you. Yeah. this is really amazing because taking accountability and saying that you made mistakes with your kids and understanding that and being responsible for that and owning it.

Yeah. This is all... This is why you're happy. Because you're learning. Yeah. Learn every day. And I think sometimes it's funny, isn't it? that aging is a time when we can take these learnings and really, I don't know, maybe we absorb them, maybe we can hear them.

I was wondering when you were talking, do you have, what do you believe in? Because you must be feeling that something is looking out for you on your path because you've had a lot of hardship. Yeah. But you're very positive. Like firstly, how come, where does that positivity come from, do you think? and do you believe, like I believe in the universe and that the universe sends me messages.

Yeah. And I couldn't hear them up until about five, ten years ago. Yeah. You know, I'm 58. Yeah. And I started hearing the universe at 50. Amazing. 50.

Yeah. And like you, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Yeah. Yeah. But because I'm open. Yeah. And do you know, I think I've always, always been a student. I've always been curious.

I've always wanted to learn. And then also having children, I think in the Jamaican household that I grew up in, it was, you know, children should be seen and not heard. And, you know, be quiet, be good. And when I had my daughter, I was like, no, I want her to be the opposite. I want to know everything she's thinking. I want to know.

And then I realise, oh my gosh, I can even learn from her. I mean, I know she's too, but I can learn. You know, it's interesting, Jamila, this is also very good to hear for any of you. of our younger viewers because a lot of people nowadays are questioning whether to have kids or not. Yeah. The world is a frightening place. The world is a frightening place.

Yeah. Lots of people are living fantastic lives as young independent adults and don't want to kind of ruin it. Yeah. And it's so nice to hear you and I feel the same way. Michael and I are evangelical about our children. Yes. Because they have taught us so much. Absolutely. And they continue to do it. They're very humbling kids.

Yeah. I'm not embarrassed about telling you what they think. Yes. You know. Yeah. And I make a conscious effort to encourage them to hold on to that for as long as you possibly can. Say exactly what you think. Tell me exactly how you feel and tell other people how you feel. We can go, you know, we'll go to a birthday party and we've got like a little cold. And so if they feel uncomfortable, they'll come up to me. They squeeze my hand and I'll just literally be like, okay, it's time to go. It doesn't even have to be a birthday party. We could be at someone's house.

We could have just arrived. And if you do that, I know you're uncomfortable, you're feeling something. And I want them to know that whatever you feel is valid. Obviously, you know, the world is not going to respond like this. But I want them to be able to identify. Yeah. Right. I want them to identify for themselves.

Like, it's okay for me to be honest about how I feel. I remember when I was younger, you know, having to hug the dodgy uncle or, you know, just little things like that. And I'm just like, my daughters never have to do anything like that. My two-year-old, you know, do you want to give them a hug? It's consent. Yeah, absolutely. It's young. Absolutely.

And I think, again, this idea of like all of these things that I've learned, all of these trials and tribulations, that I've had, what's the point if I don't teach it? What's the point if I don't, you know, so there are things that I, you know, I might, I'm trying to think of something in particular. But, you know, okay, the, the thought that I, that I don't need to respond to every call, that I don't have to, I don't have to show up where I don't want to show up. This is something I've probably learned in the last year. But as soon as I learn it, my daughters will learn it.

At three, at seven, at 20 and at 25. Like, as soon as I know it, I want to pass it on. Because a lot of us, we spend a lot of our time on learning things and, you know, undoing damage. I'd much rather not have to do that. And if it means that I have to make the mistake or feel the pain or, you know, experience things first. And then, you know, it's kind of like, I don't know, you put your hand in the fire. okay that's hot. I'm just going to tell,

let me just make sure I let her know. Don't do that because it's hot. And, you know, I feel like, I feel like that's, that's our purpose. That it is, yeah. It is our purpose.

You're absolutely right. And I think the other, I often talk about Michael and I's sometimes call ourselves islands. Because we're a bit different from the rest of our family sometimes or, you know. And it feels like you're a bit of an island. Oh, I am the island.

Yeah. What was that like growing up? What was that like with your brothers? Did they notice that you were different? Did they treat you differently? Do you know what I would say? I think my weirdness has always been celebrated. My weirdness, you know, it's, and it's always been beautiful.

Like, I think, I think it was like common knowledge I was, but being weird was okay. And now all four of my daughters could be seen as weirdos and they're all okay with it. They're all happy to be weird at the moment. I've never thought you were weird. Just hashtag the sire. And do you know, I think I think my weirdness is more my mentality and my mindset, you know? And I think also like I've just never, I've never subscribed to other people.

people's ideas of me, you know, I've heard them and I've listened to them and I've also been affected by them. But I've, when it comes to, like, I've always just thought, this is my life. And I, and I only get one. And so, and I've lived like 10 different lives by now. But I'm, I'm glad that I was brave enough and audacious enough to actually go and, and just live, to live a real life. And even though it was, you know, weird to everyone else. At least I can say I did it. Lots of lovely stories. You know, the whole premise of this, of this podcast was to help people begin again.

Like you did 10 times over, did it. Absolutely. You are the epitome of that and you're only halfway through. You know, but this is amazing. Yeah. I want to, because I love the fact that we are quite a way into this interview and I haven't even started talking about your unbelievable music career. So you were, you know, we're talking about.

protecting your kids and educating them to be inquisitive and ask questions but you got thrown into a kind of savage world and when you went into it there weren't really any protections for young

women. You weren't in a band with four other goby mates you were on your own your parents weren't in the music industry nobody knew what the fuck was going on so can you just tell the story about how that happened because it wasn't even you, I think somebody else sent in a

Yeah, so, so I used to, do you know what, I love, I love that I'm going to mention these things and everyone knows what I'm talking about so I had a Walkman, I had to put my headset in, yep, he all does. If you're on that one of these youngsters podcasts, no one knows

what a Walkman is, but on this one, you're safe. Can I just say, well, before I go into this, this last year of my life has been, the most incredible. And I want you to know that listening to this podcast every week has been a huge part of it genuinely.

When you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you announced that you were doing it, I was over the moon. I've listened to every single episode. And it's so important for us to tell our stories, for us to share. Like, you know, every week I feel seen. Every week I feel like I walk away with so much value. I run to work. I mean, not literally.

Like, I just, like, I love it. And you can tell and it's palpable. And I feel like, I just needed to say that. Like, what you're doing is so important. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Yeah. Thank you.

I'm glad. I'm really, really happy. I'm glad. I'm glad. But yeah, it's so important for you to know, like, it's, especially in a season of healing and a season of beginning again. It was right on time. It was just like, oh my gosh.

Oh, this is for me. Or Tabina's put another one off is for me. Another one is right. Like, absolutely. And I feel it was about you said it, living a life that you're proud of. Yeah. And you're already there.

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Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Did you want to get into music when it happened or was it just somebody heard you say? and thought, oh, well, have a go, we've got to thrust into it. I wanted to work in the corner shop.

That was as big as my ambitions went. And it was really cool corner shop. They had a till and everything. I was just like, oh, I'm going to go. It's called John Shuff. And I was like, yeah, I want to work in John Shop. That was my big ambition. And I think it's, you know, it's really important, you know,

especially with your children, be mindful of like the environments that you place them in. Because that can become their whole world. Like, I haven't got my kids with me here today, but normally one of my children will be with me. I just want them to see. I want them to see different, especially women, doing amazing things in amazing places, you know. And it's just so important to me. So my big ambition was working in John's shop. But then I came to London, so I'm from Birmingham.

I came to London to attend Ninth Hill Carnival. And I had my tape. So I would record myself singing and then my tape, I would pretend it was an album. So I'd have it in my Walkman. I'd be like, listening to my album. And I would say that I dreamt of being in the music industry in the same way little girl's dream of being a princess. Yes.

It's not really going to happen to you, but we can pretend. And at 15, I was still pretending. And then my cousin kind of like, oh, what's that you're listening to? Took my Walkman off and she was like, who's this? And I was like, it's me. She was like, no, it's not. No, it's not. I was like, yeah, yeah, it's me. It is me. And then it was kind of, like, my family didn't really know that I sang or anything like that. So we went to Not In Hill Carnival,

and my cousin just went up to the, to the DJ and was like, my cousin can sing. And I was just like, oh my gosh, no, no. I was so, like, so scared. But then I was just like, well, the guy, it was peer pressure from the audience and the guy was like, come on, come and sing. And so I got on the stage and I sang. And it just so happened that in the, audience was an A&R guy from EMI Records. And he made a B-line for, well, for my mom. And the next day I went in for a meeting and he offered me a record deal there and then. I was 15.

Wow. Yeah. That was a summer holiday story to tell my classmates. Yeah. Yeah. It was, and it was, it was the most unbelievable thing. And even, maybe even now, I kind of think. like did that really happen?

Like, it would never happen now. There would never be an A&R guy. Yeah. It's so sad. Online. Yeah. Nobody ever gets to play live in front of anyone anymore. Honestly.

It's really, it's so hard. It is. Any kind of musical band to get off the ground. It is. And I find it especially, especially the live element, especially, like to me, as an artist, performing live, having in real time feedback from an audience. is the most incredible feeling.

And for artists not to get that, I'm just like, oh, this is such a shame. It's such a shame. I mean, I feel, again, I feel really fortunate to have existed and to have been born in the time when I was born and to have had a career in the music career at the time that I had it. You know, I was there. You know, I even performed with like, with like bands and, you know, and people who went in even in my genre and you'd, you know, I.

I wrote a song with Chris Martin and, you know, he doesn't do R&B, but we ended up writing an R&B song. It was just... Can we just say something? Can we have a Chris Martin appreciation moment? I love Chris Martin. I love him. This man, he's very similar ethos in life.

I think we know why he'd like working with you and you'd like working with him. Yeah. Because it's like, let's spread the word with love. Exactly. Exactly. Let's put love out there. Exactly. Not anger or hatred.

Yeah. Unity, love. Exactly. And I think I think I'm always gravitate towards loving people, kind people. Because I like loving people. I like being kind. But sometimes because of that, especially when you radiate love and kindness, there are a lot of people who don't necessarily know how to handle it,

know what to do with it and can actually turn quite nasty even though they've received it. And that just doesn't make sense to me. Can I talk to you about that? Yeah, of course. So you were 15. Yeah. You started this singing career. Yeah.

At 15, you're very, very young. Oh, yeah. Vulnerable. Yeah. Yeah. So who was looking out for you? Honestly. I mean, I mean, I.

I stayed with family when I was in London, but I can only say God. You asked me earlier, what do I believe in? I'm not religious, but I do really believe in God. Because even me looking back, I never would have sent my 15-year-old to go and sign a record deal and go off to London and go and be in studios and, you know, events and blah, blah, blah. So someone had to be looking out for me. Nothing bad ever happened to me. you know, and I was never, yeah, it is. I was never, I was never treated badly.

I was never, you know, I was never compromised. I was never taken advantage of. I wasn't, you know, I was, I was safe. I was happy. I loved every second of it. Like, how fortunate am I? Yeah. Because then you hear about other people who existed at the same time older than me,

who had horrific experiences. And so I genuinely do believe that, like, someone looks out for me. That's so nice to hear. Yeah. In Narcotics Anonymous, which is like the anonymous fellowship that people with drug addictions go to.

Yeah. And they call it a god of your understanding or your higher power. I love that. And I like that idea that it's just something bigger than me that's looking out for me. Yeah. Because I would be dead by now

if I didn't have that. Exactly. And I'm really pleased to hear that was your experience. Yeah. And I think also, as well when you're someone who even though I don't think I could have named it at the time when you're someone who didn't feel cared for

it's good to have something else to believe in that something else is looking after you that you are being cared for yeah yeah it is I haven't even thought about it like that but I think that's exactly what it is it's it's understanding that

There is something bigger than you. And even if, even if in reality it's just me keeping myself safe. Yeah. To believe I'm doing it with a, with a teammate is a good thing. No? Yes. That's exactly what I believe. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking after myself, but with a bit of a helping hand. Yeah. Uh-huh. Supported. And I think also as well, because if people were to, I actually wrote a book, when I was about 30-ish.

And I remember I gave them back the money and I said, I can't put this out. Because my life on paper, even at 30, so this is like 15 years ago, looked like a tragedy. It was, and I just thought, I can't let people read this because I feel like I've lived a good life.

I know I've had these absolutely terrible things happen to me. But I feel I'm so happy with the life that I've gotten to live. I feel so fortunate. And I think, I think especially when you experience the darkness, I think that's the only way I can describe it,

the, you know, the horrors that life has to offer, I think it makes you so much more appreciative of the beauty, of the joy, of the, of the sunshine that is out there. And I genuinely feel like there have been way more days of sunshine and I would hate for my story to be, sensationalised and made a drama of. Exactly.

Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I also wrote a book. Yeah. And I didn't, I had the same thing. No. Okay.

Okay. Yes. You know, it just sounded fucking terrible. Yes. Yes. But I was like, that isn't what it is. So I thought I can't do it like that. Yeah.

So I called it lessons I've learned. So I told little stories of my life. And then at the end, I went, and the lesson I learned, from that one. I'm so inspired. And it would be nice to hear yours. Yeah. Because you've had lots of life experiences.

Yeah. But you're so aware of the lesson that came from it. Because it's waiting for your kid. Write it for your kids. Yeah. Yeah. But a lesson, a lesson, I always say it's either, it's either a blessing or a lesson. And a lesson is still a blessing.

It's like, you know, I, like, I understand. my husband left me. I understand I've been in an abusive relationship. Oh, no, no, no. What, what, what was his reason? I, I still don't have a reason. So he walked out. He literally, one day just said, oh, like, I was, I literally said to him,

oh, what's, what's wrong with you? He was like, oh, I'm leaving. And as quickly and as some. No reason. No reason. But the day before, the morning off, I would have told you, I was happily married. So I don't, again, I don't know if I missed something.

I still, to this day, have had no explanation, no desire to see our children, just absolute nothing from him, his family, his friends. And I have seeked the answers and no one wants to talk to me. And I just, I think, I think for me the most triggering thing about that, it reminded me of dad. So my dad wasn't, just wasn't present in my life and I feel like I never got the answers. I've never got my dad still alive, but I've never gotten the answers that I need. Why, why didn't you want me? Why didn't you want to, I've described my career as like a whole, the whole thing of my career is being like, look dad, look at me, look what I can do. And maybe this is what's going to convince him to

No, I'm mine. No, I just tell you something. I relate to you. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. No, in a good way. Like, I have no regrets about that because I've loved my life, right? I spent my whole life.

Yeah. Trying to get my mom to be proud of me. There we go. And she just couldn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't even know. She was a bit jealous.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's a hard one. Yeah. Especially when you. And so I get you. Yeah. And I think.

Again, a gift. Of course. Of course. And I think, so I think when he left, it was just another pile of questions that I didn't have an answer to and I still to this day have no answers to it. And again, I've had to just make up the scenario for myself and... You mean make up the story of why? Yeah. Yeah.

Literally. Oh, this is, this is it. And, you know, for me, I just, I feel like... And this is probably not the best conclusion. But I think I think I was just too much. I was, I was, what, too lovely? Well, too gorgeous, too kind, too sexy. I think, I think just, I think I'm a lot, a lot to handle.

And not in terms of, I think I'm always having ideas. I'm always wanting to, you know. For the right person. Yeah. You are. Yeah. Yeah, I know this, you know, like what I'm interested in is you have had quite bad luck with men. Absolutely.

And I found my person at 50. Yeah. So I've got hope for you. Yeah. And but it was because I only really found myself. I feel like you're really there now, this particular this last year. Exactly. This journey of getting older is, isn't it?

Yeah. It's the most beautiful thing. I think, as I said, I feel so fortunate to be here. I feel so fortunate that I get to live a life that is comfortable and enjoyable that, you know, I feel like the opportunity to begin again has been the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. I've gotten to do every, I feel like do everything again from scratch. Like, you know, I've found a new circle of friends.

I live in a totally new place. I, I, even just something as simple as like, you know, I always get my nails done on, you know, and every other Friday, like, for me, is it? Let me see, wait, wait, right, hang on, I got to here. No, can I just say, to me, to you, to you, these might be casual. But to me, they're like, oh, no, easy. Okay, beautiful. And you all was coming on here.

Yeah, right? It's a dress up. But yeah, and I feel like these are all aspects of a woman that didn't exist before. I'm so safe again. This is self-care. Right. Self-love. I didn't love myself. Exactly.

And I think you can be in a relationship and not know that you're not caring for yourself. Do you think that's what attracted you to the men that you were attracted to, that you didn't love? yourself enough to deserve to be treated? Absolutely. That's why I can say to you with 100% confidence. I think that I chose men from a place of, you know, lacking confidence. I always felt like I could help these men through whatever trials or, you know, torment they'd told me about.

I think, I think, I think I was a vulnerable person. and I think when it comes to abusers, narcissists and cheaters, you're easily identifiable. And I think I stuck out like a sore thumb and that was very easy to get. And when I say that, I don't mean like easy in like a... And being easy is not a problem by the way. I've got to keep remembering like, you know, what I tell my daughters. But like, like, I was just easy to catch, you know.

I wasn't, I... What was that? in you? Was it a fear of abandonment? Like, I'll take less than I deserve because you won't leave me. Because then it would be easier to keep, yeah? But then, you know, I am also the woman who, I don't know, is, I don't know, I'm kind of like the builder man workshop. Like, you know, I'm always, like, I'm, I love to pour into my relationships and I am someone, I'm always ambitious. I, I, I, I'm, always want to be better and, you know, I want to recommend books and recommend things that will help you and, you know, so I help these men to get better and to become giants and then

I end up depleted. I end up, I've given my all and then they run away. You know why? Because it's a one-way street. Yeah, absolutely. You are not getting it back. And I didn't need to get it back. And these are... But then you're depleted. Absolutely. You did need to get it back. Oh, my... This is the thing.

I know that now. But like, back then, back then I thought the best way to get someone to love you is to give and to give everything, to give you all. With my ex-husband, I... My second ex-husband. Like me. Shah Zha Gabor. I'm working on it, yeah.

Right. I feel like I... I would have done anything for him. I would have done anything to keep this relationship going. I, you know, I, I doled down even my personality. I made myself small so he didn't feel inadequate. I wasn't taking work. I wasn't, you know, I was just doing little bits and bobs to survive, but not, I just

wasn't being too, you know? Yes. And now I'm like, what a way to live. live? What a way you were willing to live? And what a blessing that he took the initiative and walked away? Because I don't think that that Jamelia would ever have walked away. I feel like I would have stayed there and pretended that this dollhouse was real. I'd like you to just talk about how you how you've got here for any women there that haven't. been, that have made themselves smaller for their man.

Yeah. And then there comes a point where you've made yourself so small, you get used to it. Yeah. Yeah. And you then can't make yourself big again because they won't let you. Uh-huh. And then it's hard to, it's hard to leave. I mean, you were lucky in a way you were left.

Absolutely. You said that earlier. Absolutely. But what would you say to women who are struggling to leave? Like, how do you find the... The power again. I have to be honest. I don't think that I got this serious, you know, inner strength and it was like walk away.

I think I would have stayed there forever. But he... What are sliding doors. Him leaving you, when you say that. Yeah. And you look at what you've done in the last... Honestly. No, but that's mad.

It is. It is. That is someone looking out for you, right? Exactly. Exactly. And I feel like what I would like to say is that I hope that I radiate the happiness that I have internally. I hope. You do. And if I do, I want you to see this for yourself. I want you to see that. Because in hindsight, I think there was a knowing. I knew I was doing it. I think I knew I was not saying what I wanted to say or just, you know, being a little, I'm going to tell you something that. is absolutely ridiculous. So I was the breadwinner.

And he, I just supported whatever it is he wanted to do that month. Because the fact that you were the breadwinner made him feel small. Exactly. Exactly. And I would hand over all of my earnings so that it looked as if he was the one spending the money. And that was something I was very happy to do because I thought, thought, you know what? I just want him to feel. And I feel like, but what did you feel? What were you feeling? You know, and it, for me, it's a representation of what I was willing to do to make him

feel big. And what I did in that process was diminish the fact that I am big. I, and rather than getting someone who could, and that's why I described myself as too much, I think even though I made myself small, it was still to be. But did they ever say things like, it's hard being married to you? You know, you're so, you're Jamelia, like, make you feel kind of. Oh, like, it was, it was a running, it was a theme. And I think I felt as if like, well, what more, how much smaller can I make myself? And I think that was what I was doing.

I was like, okay, I'll make myself even smaller. I'll make myself even smaller. Even my daughter, all of my children were planned. But I, this is very personal, but I'm very happy to discuss. I had told him I wanted a baby for a few years. And he was just always, no, no, no. And then I got a part in a film. And I recorded, I filmed, I did all the filming,

had the most amazing time. And then we, you know, we had the premiere. And then he was like, oh, let's have another baby. And I remember I was like, what? But also, yes, I get to have another, I get to have another baby. And it's so, in hindsight, I think, oh my goodness, like, how manipulative, how, you know, like, but I was completely on board because I did want it. But in hindsight, I'm like, was that to stop me?

Was that, do you know, and then, then, you know, we, we, I get pregnant and then a few months in, you're leaving. And so for me, these actions, it wasn't even just about stopping me. It was about destroying me. And so, wow. Like, right? And then going through the pregnancy, there are, there are things that he did and said that during that, pregnancy that I was like, no, you, you, you want me to die, doing things like actively going around my family, his family, and ostracizing me from everyone. To this day, he's, like, his mom has not

spoken a word to me since he's left the house. And I've reached out to her. We were so close. And especially when you have a difficult relationship with your own mother, I, I, this is a, this is a running theme for me. I really latch on to other people's parents because it's like, oh, what's it like? You became close to her and even that got power. Yeah, I don't. I don't know why. No explanation. I don't know.

And again, this is that whole thing of not having the answers. And then, but it was, I became acutely aware that my daughter was going to be born into absolute turmoil. And I was just like, absolutely fucking not. Excuse my language. I never swear. But that was literally how I felt. I was just like, no way. No way.

Not my daughter. I'd already had the most traumatic pregnancy. And she's not going to have a traumatic life. She's going to, and her name is dream because she was going to live the dream. That was my whole thing. because can I just say I love the manifesting name

like yes amazing it's just like and he hated it and I was just like well you're not around you're not here so and I was just like she was a

she was a begin again she was a start she was a start of something new and I had an emergency C section with her and that was tough right It was frightening. I stopped breathing.

So my second daughter was in the operating theatre with me. Again, this was the first child I had without the dad being in the room. But my daughters were there. So my elder too. But traumatic for her as well. Well, this is it. She was just, you know, we knew I was having a C-section. and she was the one who wanted to cut the cord

because my eldest one cut it for my seven-year-olds. So it was her turn. And so, you know, she was in there with the whole thing. And then it was kind of like they literally handed her the baby and rushed her out. So she rushed out with the baby. And I was, I didn't have to get, it wasn't resuscitation. What had happened was I had the epidural

and they gave me another one. And it had gone too high up my body. And so my lung stopped working. And so basically, we just basically had to wait. I was there, I don't know what that thing's called. They did, yeah. They did that so that they could, you know. You could breathe.

Yeah. But as you can imagine, very scary. And also, I have to say this, even at the point of, even at the point of becoming pregnant, there was a statistic that had been reported on for a few years before that black women, in are one in five times more. More likely. You know five times more. I do, I do.

You wrote a chapter in my book. Oh, wow. Yes. Of course. The one that you did in Midwife, family, of course. Amazing. Yes. Those girls.

You know, they've changed that statistic. Yeah, I know. But it's, and this is one of the things that I advocate for more than anything. It's for us to share our stories, for us to, even, even if the stories make people, people look bad because that's the only way we can change things. It's the only way that change can happen is us being honest, you know? And like that experience, you know, giving birth while thinking you might die, then something happening and it's like, oh, oh, oh, I actually might die.

And, you know, and your daughter's, what are they going to do? Yeah. What are they going to do? And then I think I actually. got to meet DREAM maybe about an hour later and totally, totally out of it. But my main thing was at least I'm alive, at least I'm here. And then when I got home, my daughters, my daughters literally had to carry me to the toilet. They had to, anything that I wanted to do was, you know, was, was a monumental

mental task. They would change my clothes. They would wash me. They would feed me. And all the while, I am fiercely reluctant. Because I'm just like, you are not supposed to be doing this. Where is everyone else? Why does no one else want to help us?

And I think when you're the person who, like you help everyone, that, that is what, changed me. But I think, especially as a mother, you tap into this like, this like fierceness where you're like, I'm not, this is not, this is not it. This is not what we're going to do. And I am going to fight like hell for us to get out of this. You know, women and men that have the same illness and at the same rate, a woman is more likely to survive because of her Really.

Lioness. Motherhood. Yeah. Yeah. You will fight harder to survive. Yeah. And that sounds like you. That's exactly what it was.

It was just, I had four little girls, you know. They were 21, 16, four and just born. I can't leave. And your 16 year old had your new baby. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember just, you know, I was unable to walk. I was unable to do anything by myself. Maybe about two weeks I couldn't walk.

I was, you know, I was well looked after. But again, there's this thing with me where it's like, am I being looked after because they know I've got a big mouth and I might say something. You know, does everyone get looked after? Because why are black women more likely to die? In fact, I'm just going to quickly mention for anybody that's watching that doesn't know. Five times more is a charity and they're activists that raise awareness.

Because black women were five times more likely to die in childbirth than anyone else. That is such a horrific statistic. and they have, they have single-handedly through their actions and through raising awareness and getting the word out there, change that statistic to some. I think it might be down to three. Yeah, it is. And for me, I think, still, just get perspective on that.

That is still fucking terrible, right? Like, let's not forget that. But a change is still a change. A change in the right direction is still progress. And I think, you know, again, had five times more not happened, had we not had these conversations, even me being, being, you know, vigilant about my care in pregnancy was because I'd read these statistics, because I knew, you know, there are certain checks that might not be done. I might not be taken as seriously.

And so, you know, and I shouldn't have that going around my head as well as all my husband's just left me. All my kids are at home. And no one's got my back. This is something I heard. And you are a very strong person and you have positively spun everything. But I think that hurt. Oh, like, like hell. To this day, to this day, I can't believe that I was abandoned.

Abandoned? I can't, I can't believe his mom didn't, you know, do anything. I can't believe my mom didn't do anything. you know but they didn't and it's always what are you going to do now

well you've raised four girls yeah and the oldest two with the oldest that could actually do something yeah and they stepped up yeah

and that's telling you you've done that yeah and look at what they're going to be like in the future and they've got you've got their back for the rest of their eyes

oh my gosh absolutely what a gift yeah honestly you've got you're bringing four women into people who are going to change the world. Yeah.

Well, well done you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It's such a pleasure. Like it genuinely being, being the mother to these four girls and even even seeing like my, my seven-year-old, you know, she, she had her dad with her every single day. You know, he lived with us and he was with her every single day.

And then one day, he just went. and even her she is the most wonderful, funny, fun-loving, entertaining and honest. Honest, yeah. Like, she's, I thought, you know, she was broken too. She was broken too. And I think one of the worst things is all of us were broken.

And I am the mom and I didn't have the facility. to fix it like I always did. Yeah. But they all turned around and fixed themselves. Like what? Once you've done that once. Right? You can do it for the rest of your life.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think these types of lessons, whilst we would never wish them our worst enemies, they're incredible, especially incredible things to learn at such young ages. I wouldn't have wished it for them. But I feel that it is a blessing for them, for sure. You know, with your music, we were talking about how young you were.

Yeah. And obviously, like, crazy success. It happened fast and furious. Yes. And you brought out that second album. You know, what's funny, I opened my eyes this morning. And I was singing superstar. I was like, it's today.

Yay! And, you know, like literally everybody can sing you that song. Yeah. I was looking at your Spotify and it's like, I don't know, like 1.8 million months of dance. It's like incredible. Like 240 million down this. I mean, my crazy huge. Yeah.

I didn't know that you'd done that track with Beanie Man. Yeah. Really? No, like mega. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who got the keys to my bin was like one of my, who am I, right?

Like one of my favorite tracks ever. So iconic. I always knew you loved Beanie Man. Oh my God, love, love, love, love like mad. So, but this career, what was that like for you? Was it, did it feel like work? Was it, was it all your dreams come true? It was all of my dreams come true.

It was, to this day, I, You know, I'm so grateful for the career that I got to have for the success that I got to. It took me all over the world. You know, I met with presidents and royalty. And I had a number one on the other side of the world in Australia and New Zealand. So good. And I'm, I still feel like Jamelia from Birmingham. I am still Jamelia from Birmingham.

Is that like Jennifer in the block? Like, but the UK, the UK version. I'm just Jamelia from Birmingham. I don't know. I feel like, I feel like my hometown and where I was raised is still so much a part of my identity. Yeah, you're real, right? You're still real. Yeah. And I feel like, I feel like it's hard to, and I don't want to let that go. I love, I love where I came from. I love Birmingham. I love representing Birmingham. So, but when I'm sitting next to Nelson Mandela or, you know, or, you know, the current king, you're just like, what, what am I doing here? Even today being here with you on this podcast and you've had, should I tell you why? Steemed people.

No, but should I tell you why? I'll tell you why, because you've learned a lot, you've done a lot. Yeah. You've lived a really incredible life full of hardship. Yeah. And full of fantastic golden ones of joy. of joy and success. I think you do it in such a positive way.

You're such a guiding light. Oh, bless you. No, but that's why you're here. You know, I would have had you on years ago if I'd have done it years ago. So I do want to talk about music because I've got something very exciting or you've got something very excited to tell everybody,

but I want to talk about how did you record your last piece of music that you let us all enjoy? Like, what year was that? How old were you? And, because was it your third album? It was my third album and I think, I think it was released. I was released in 2006.

Six. Twenty years ago. I mean, yeah. Isn't that you're using 20 years ago? It is. And did you know, when you recorded it, obviously you were pleased with it. Yeah. You really liked it.

Yeah. But it didn't work. Yeah. Yeah. And whoever's fault that is, I mean, that sounds like the record label just didn't. You know, I think, I think what happened at that point is that I think I was falling out of love with doing it. And it wasn't, it wasn't the, it wasn't the creating music itself. Like it was, you know, it was still a top 40 album.

But for me, for Jamelia, that wasn't a success. And I feel like to, I, I, I. I feel like I know when to quit. Maybe not in relationships, but yeah. It worked. I feel like I know when to walk away. I'm a very good kind of pivoter. And I feel like I had my two of my daughters by then.

And I think I felt like I was a part of a machine that was running away with me. Yes. It was like churning. Yeah. And I didn't feel very like creatively. control, particularly of my own narrative. I felt like there was a huge leaning towards, you know, being sexy and being desirable. And when you've got two little girls watching your every mood, it's like, I don't want to, and it's not, it wasn't even about my two little girls. I was

just like, well, if my two little girls are watching, so is everyone else's daughter's watching. And I don't want to be the person that encourages little girls to be like me. When I, would do shows. I did like, I did like a sold out tour and it was always little 11, 12 year old girls in the front row. And so I was just like, I don't want to encourage. Respectability. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I also knew this is just how it's done. And so I was just like, I can't, I can't continue. I have to walk away then because I don't want to be that person. I I recognize myself getting caught up in it. There was, for instance, you know, you had paparazzi and stuff

and I knew like, you know, when you're doing a show, show them a bit of, you know, a bit of your bum and stuff like that. And it's just like, now I'm like, I'm horrified. Yeah, that's funny, isn't it? But you kind of just get caught up, you know, you know, be really slim or like, you know, lose loads of weight. And I'm starving. I'm Jamaican.

And I'm like, I need to eat. I can't survive like this. And so, you know, but then the upside is, again, being from Birmingham, the obscene amount of money that I'm getting from shows and tours and brand deals and, you know, sponsorships. Like it was, it was more money than I could ever spend and, you know, didn't know what to do with it. also didn't have any financial literacy, so I haven't got a penny of it. But it's just, you know, I, it was hard to walk away. And I think it took me that whole album.

I think if the album, again, it's probably like a relationship. Because if the album did was like a top 10 album, I probably would have went again. Yeah. Against my own, you know, my own. That's a judgment. Yeah. I feel like I would have done that. And you used the word pivot earlier and I love that word because it is like quick turn around to this set of tracks I'm going to go over here.

Yes. You then, you know, unable to not do something brilliantly got into television. I was like, hang on a minute. What's going on here? I mean, you also, you not only went for kind of entertainment and, you know, like you did loose women. Yeah. loads of kind of shiny floor shows and stuff. But you also did documentaries that were really important and gritties. Yeah. Did a bit of everything. Yeah.

But 20 years later, will you please just tell us what you've been doing? So. Wait, can I just ask you something? Sorry, one more thing. Yeah. About people's opinion of 26-year-old singers, which is how old you were or 25 when you finished. So. Yeah.

So, yeah, I was about 25. And then five years later, I told my team, I was like, you know, I think I want to get back in the studio. You know, I think I'd like to create another album. 20 years, five years later, I was 30. Young. Yeah. We know that now as young.

We know that now. And I was told, oh, you're way too old to put an album out. You're way too old. You're way too old. You know, you're a mom. And I was just like, oh, but again, those things I think, I think they either fuel you or they put your light out. And I genuinely feel like that statement put my light out, especially when it came to music. So what gave you the courage now then?

The thing that gives me all my courage and motivation, it was my daughters. They sat me down at the beginning of this year. And they were like, yeah? And they were like, what are you doing? Really? Literally. What are you doing? What's your plan?

And I was just like, oh, I don't know. Because I'm very fortunate. I can live off my royalties. So, you know, I don't necessarily have to. Not that I don't have to work. Yeah, but you don't. For day to day. Yeah.

Yeah. To survive. It wasn't out of necessity. Yeah. This was out of rather than what it was when you were younger. Exactly. This is desire. Exactly.

and I'm always I'm always writing music I'm always you know just at home but it's always just just at home just pottering about with my computer and my daughters were like why don't you just make another album and I repeated the words that were told to me 15 years ago I'm too old I'm too old to do that and they were like and says who this and this is the beautiful thing about having these these girls that I've raised they're looking

at me like what on earth are you want about what do you mean you can still sing you can still perform I was like oh yeah do you know what they're doing they're Jamila in Jamiliate the law lane yeah and I was just like

all right I'll give it a go I went to the studio I recorded one song I was like this this is this is quite cool and so I've been I've been in the studio putting to just just get like getting back into the motion of things. And yeah, now I've got music ready.

And next year I'm going to, it's going to be out there. Do you know what's really mad? Is that on your Instagram, obviously, the 1st of November, it was like, oh, hang on a minute. What? The audacity with Jamelia's golden nuggets of like lifeless. Yeah. I was like, hang on a minute.

What's going on? Because I'm right to saying that is the name of the album. That is the name of that. The audacity. Do you know what's lovely is you've already used that expression during this interview. Yes. Yeah, you have. You know, the audacity.

Yeah. And do you know what? I think it's one of the things that I've discovered about myself. Like, you know, as a 15 year old, as a 20 year old, 25, I feel like there are so many instances of just absolute audacity, you know, like, people could definitely say, who does she think she is? And I'm just like, yeah, who, you know. But the most, can I say, I love this idea of being totally audacious in your 40s, 50s, 60s, honestly. That's when it's the funniest because people are like, she's doing it. It's like exactly what I want. Exactly. And this is the thing. I feel like,

I feel like partly it's a shame that we've waited so long to be audacious. but then there's another part where I'm like if we live our lives out loud we're giving permission to every girl, every woman, every, you know, and even if you are 80, you still have the space to be audacious and take it, take it, do it, use it.

And even if you've never been audacious before, it's never too late to start. As long as you're breathing, you're capable of doing it. And I think, you know, and so for me, you know, I've got the audacity at 45 to release new music, you know, and it's not... What's the flavour? It's definitely more R&B.

I think that it's the album that I always wanted to make. You know, it's an album where I reclaim my own narrative. I think one of the issues that particularly women have is we allow other people to tell our stories. And I think this, this, it's not a trend, but this kind of surge of women owning their narratives, speaking out, launching podcasts and, you know, and doing, doing the big things. You know, we, we are, we are inadvertently told by society that we should, you know, quieten down, be a bit smaller, don't be too much, don't be too loud. And then what? And then, like, as I said, from my three-year-old to my 25-year-old, my advice is be as loud, take up as much space as you can, do everything that you want to do.

Because we only get to do this once and the men get to do everything. Why can't we? Yeah, all the time, over and over again. Yeah. Yeah, we can. And this is it. I did, I have, and you have, and you will. And I think it's important that we reclaim.

our stories and we tell them in the way that we want to tell them. I think one of the issues that a lot of us face is that we allow other people to tell us who we are and to dictate our worth. You know, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have such a high sense of self. I've had two failed marriages. You know, I'm, I'm a single mother. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm absolutely amazing. And you're happiest you've ever been. And I am, and above all, I am the happiest I've ever been. And the reason I'm the happiest I've ever been is because I've chosen myself. I've chosen to do it my way.

I've, you know, and I know, people might look at me, oh my gosh, she hasn't, you know, she hasn't got a boyfriend or a husband. I'm like, yeah, I'm over the moon about it. You know, and if I choose to change my mind in three years time or next week, it's entirely up to me. But it's because I choose it, not because society is telling me, this is what you should be doing by this age. Gosh, those, I've had conversations with my daughter and, you know, she's, as I said, she's coming up to 25 and she's like, oh, I'm behind, you know,

I'm not doing what everyone? And I'm like, you're behind what? Behind who? I've had in life. I want to talk about your daughter, your daughter's daughter, because she gave us something to give to you. First off, I want to show you this. Because, you know how old this is? 25.

No. Yeah. Your daughter, 25. Yeah, yeah. And she wrote us a little letter. Oh, no. For you. Yeah.

And I wanted you to have it. And I'd love you to read it to us. Oh, my goodness. I'm, um. Oh, no, I'm going to, oh, I'm going to be a miss. Oh. To me, my mom is my safe space. She has been for so many people. The type of person you get around and then instantly exhale. Instantly, the tension in your shoulders. You didn't know you had releases. She makes you feel warm and loved. My mom for me is what it means to be safe, no matter the danger outside. She's like a shield. not just because of what she does, but just who she is.

A lot of who I am and the things I'm praised for now in my adult life is a direct reflection of the woman who raised me and my sisters. Oh my God, I'm not going to get to the end of this. The patience, the unconditional love, the confidence to go again and go against negativity. I learned it all from my mom. My mom has done it all by herself. She's the person who never gives up on any of us, day in, day out.

She gives 100% to every single one of us, every single day. Bear in mind, I'm 25, and she's done this since I was born, and still to this day, is the only one who gives 100% all in for all of us. if there's anything I wish for my mom now that I'm an adult is that she starts going 100% for herself I want her to accept love, help and praise 100%

and allow herself to be poured into the way she pours into so many of us I adore my mama she's my idol for sure and all my little sisters are obsessed with her as they should be p.S. I'm really hoping I'm really hoping I get the whole never-aging Benjamin Button gene that she's got going on. Right? And if not, I'll be absolutely fuming.

Love you, Mommy. Thank you for being all of our 100% person of Tasia. Oh my goodness. That's so beautifully written. It is. You've done an amazing thing there. Yeah. You know, I'm not, I'm not the type of person who I don't require, I don't require like a pat on the back or, you know, I don't, I don't, I don't require those things.

And I think, I genuinely strive to be a good person. And I know like I'm guilty of maybe being good to the wrong people. but I never stop I never let that stop me from still carrying on I'm just kind of like I'll just do it again somewhere else hoping that I'm going to get it back

not like not like in a I don't do it to receive it but I just feel like well maybe one day someone will give it back to me I'm going to let you know that you deserve it

and I'm telling you that. You don't have to say it about yourself because I know you're not that kind of person but I'm telling you you do and you will get it because I think every relationship you have is preparing you for the one and the one can come at any time and it will come from the strangest place

and the most I expected and it might not be your type and it might not be who you, but it's coming Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Amelia. I'm trying not to cry. Can I say something? I have absolutely loved talking to you.

You are a beautiful, beautiful woman. Thank you so much to offer the world, not just banging music, which I can't wait. You're going to play me a bit right in a minute. I am, I am. But also so much wisdom. Please write the book, lessons I've learned. Do you know, I genuinely think I will. Please do that because I need it.

That's, yeah, that's, because I don't want people to be like, oh, poor Jamelia. No, I'm not a victim. I'm just not. I'm just not. I'm like, I'd much rather, yeah, I'd much rather tell people what I've learned. And yes, this happened to me, but this is what I learned from that. That's a gift. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. About that on paper for your girls. Yeah. Yeah. That would be, yeah. I mean. I literally, like, can I come over for the loving? Please, please.

Bring it in. Oh, my God.