Begin Again with Davina McCall - Patsy Kensit on Being a Child Star, 90’s Icon & Living With Grief

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

What happens when the life everyone sees as extraordinary has been shaped by trauma, loss and the constant need to survive? In this episode of Begin Again, Patsy Kensit joins Davina for an emotional and deeply personal conversation about childhood fame, love, grief, PTSD, motherhood, addiction, losing everything and finding the strength to start again. Patsy looks back on an extraordinary life in the spotlight: beginning her career at just four years old in The Great Gatsby, becoming one of Britain’s most recognisable young stars, working alongside Hollywood icons and finding herself at the centre of 80s and 90s pop culture. She shares unforgettable stories from Lethal Weapon 2, meeting David Bowie and the surreal experiences that came with growing up famous. But behind the success was a childhood filled with fear. Patsy opens up about being told at six years old that her mother could die, growing up with a father who was repeatedly in prison, and the secrets she carried to protect her family. She reveals how a PTSD diagnosis decades later finally helped her understand the sadness, depression and fear she had lived with for most of her life. She also reflects honestly on love and marriage, including her relationship with Liam Gallagher and the pressure of becoming one half of one of the most famous couples of the 90s. Patsy explains how the relationship became “bigger than me”, why she felt she lost part of who she was, and how becoming a mother ultimately forced her life to change. Now, after losing her home and everything she had financially, Patsy is rebuilding from scratch. As she returns to Emmerdale more than 20 years after first playing Sadie King, she reflects on survival, gratitude, getting older and why, after everything life has thrown at her, she still chooses to see each new day as another chance to begin again. This is a conversation about fame, family, grief, identity, survival and what it really means to find yourself again. 🌟 Like, comment and subscribe for more honest conversations about purpose, resilience, love, loss and beginning again. Follow us here:📸 www.instagram.com/beginagain🎥 https://www.tiktok.com/@beginagainpod Follow Patsy Here: https://www.instagram.com/patsykensit/?hl=en ✨ Sign up for the Begin Again newsletter for behind-the-scenes access, recommendations and much more: https://linkly.link/2g2xm We'd love you to share your Get Busy Living stories with us at https://getbusyliving.beginagainshow.com/ (00:00) Intro (01:17) Returning to Emmerdale After Years Away (05:17) A PTSD Diagnosis and the Childhood Fear That Never Left (08:56) Growing Up With a Father in and out of Prison (11:30) The Reality of Life as a Child Star (14:04) Davian Reads Your Stories (Monzo Ad) (16:40) Behind the Scenes of Lethal Weapon 2 (26:34) Clubbing at 14 at the Famous WAG Club (29:24) Memories of Working With David Bowie (31:55) Marrying First Husband Dan Donovan (33:13) Davina tries Monzo (Ad) (34:21) Garnier Ad (38:19) The Deep Importance of Marriage (42:38) Meeting Jim Kerr and Their Relationship (49:19) Losing Her Mother and Coping With Grief (57:13) Inside a Turbulent Relationship With Liam Gallagher (01:01:10) Alcohol, Addiction and Finding AA (01:02:49) Living With Depression and PTSD (01:06:41) Hysterectomy and the Reality of Perimenopause Sponsored by: Download Monzo. Monzo Current Accounts are for 16+ and UK residents. Ts&Cs Apply. Join the 'Say Yes Club' and hear more about our events here - https://events.beginagainshow.com/ Mastercard's exchange rate applies. Monzo Current Accounts are for 16+ and UK residents. Ts&Cs Apply Garnier Nutrisse: UK's NO1 hair dye, chosen by 2 million women. Davina is shade 5 Mocha Brown. Find yours: www.garnier.co.uk/our-brands/hair-colour/nutrisse-creme Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We were practically married. That's the most erotic experience in my life. Today, I am joined by the legendary actress, singer and model. Patsy Kenseth. I started working when I was four, and my mum, she had cancer. So I wanted to work because I thought I could make her well again if I worked. So I could buy her health. We talk about finding love through some of life's messiest chapters.

I was a hopeless romantic. I just seemed to have married all my boyfriends. What's good about us doing this today is it's a chance to set the record straight, unedited. Hit me. She opens up about grief and what it's like to navigate. life that's changed in ways you never imagined. I was told at the age of six, my mother was going to die. By the 22, I've been to the hospital probably a dozen times to say goodbye to her.

And when I got a call, and they just said, she's gone. And I just went, no, no, no, no, no, no. And if there's one thing that Patsy reminds us, I'm a survivor. You just take each day out of time. It's that sometimes the bravest thing that we can do is simply begin again. I am sat with a friend of mine who I've basically known

for what like 45 years or something like that Patsy Kensett The icon I'd like to kick off by talking to you about Emma Dale You are back Sadie is back

Is she still mean You know I just don't want to spoil anything For the years But she's back I mean I've been filming nearly two months now actually. Really? Yeah, hence a very puffy eyes today and because it's

a lot of dialogue, a lot of learning which is really good at actually my age being 58, just that memory muscle and knowing that you can still grab the lines and remember them and also then work on your performance.

But yes, I know she's back and I'm only back for six months but the storylines are fantastic. It's really written really well. She's definitely not who we think she, she's I can't say if I say too much. Don't give too much away.

We don't want that. It's going to be, it's a hell of a ride and I'm in the middle of right in the middle of it at the moment and everyone has been so gorgeous to me coming back after, it's over 20 years. 20 years? Yes. I mean it feels like two. Yeah. It's like it was yesterday again. But to go back and then have cast members that have, you know, stayed on the show or had left and then gone back to the show just to see them again.

And there's a real truth about the Yorkshire and the Yorkshire welcome. And that is something that I've had in spades going back on the show. And I was nervous, very, very, very nervous about it. And one of the cast members, Mark Charnock, he faced Marlon Dingle. And Mark and I were really great, great mates. And he sort of phoned me up. It was like, P.K., you're coming back. And I went, yes, but Mark, I'm shitting myself.

And he was how, why? I said, I'm so scared. And he said, do you know what? It would be weird if you weren't. Yes. And that's because I genuinely care. And I love that character so much. And so I don't want to do her a disservice.

But they've been great to me. Really, really great. Great cast crew across the board. How do you ever entertained coming back? Was it a shock when they asked you? It came out of nowhere. How nice. Which is lovely to get that call.

And then just said, you know, do you want to come up and have a meeting? So me and my agent did that. Loved being back in Leeds again, put me up in the same hotel that I used to stay in when I was shooting it all those years ago. Yeah. So it was just seeing faces that still work at the hotel from remember me from before. I jumped at it. Yeah. And it's people on soap.

So the hard is working people in our. business. I mean, the amount of script. I mean, I've bought my book. It's like, it really is a book. It's a folder, isn't it? A folder. And that's, I sort of had, that never leaves my side and just having to get on top of the, you know, learning and finding out what works mentally for you. Nowadays, it feels a bit more like my inbox is full. Right. I've just been remembering things my entire life and now I feel like there's not much space left and I'm having to download things.

But actually what I've been finding and I don't know if you've been finding this and perhaps going into Emmerdale is a chance for you to look back over your life that I've been going back and looking at all my experiences as a child and people that I met and looking at it with it. a different set of glasses on.

Yes. Have you been doing that a bit? What's going on from what you were saying and looking back over everything? I was diagnosed with PTSD about three and a half years ago. And so I do suffer from depression. And that's something that is, I mean, I'm a very joyful person and I'm so grateful for all the blessings

I've had in my life. But there's a sadness. And I'm going already. And I always attributed it to things not working out with my partners that I had my children with. And I thought that that was the reason that I was carrying a bit of pathos. And what was brought to my attention was the trauma that I was going through as a child. Because I was told at the age of six, my mother was going to die. By the age of 11 or 12, I've been to the hospital probably a dozen.

times to say goodbye to her. And then she would just pull herself, but she was the most incredible woman, a living example of manifestation, mind over matter with, you know, cancer. So just to remain positive, watching shows that are funny as opposed to, you know, watching deep dives on some poor soul's life, just trying to keep that positivity up. And she was just to master at it. But what it did for me was I recall being about seven or eight. I used to say this thing, I'm having a bad thought. I'm having a bad thought. If one of my kids had said that to me growing up, I'd immediately, you know, panic and

and be on it. And my mom was so great about it because she used to say, oh, just cancel it. Don't worry about it. You know, this woman's fighting for her life. And I wanted to work because I thought, and that was a childish kind of suit, but I thought that I could make her well again if I worked and owned money. So I could buy her health. Of course, that's not, wasn't possible, but I had her for, she died when I was like 21, 22.

James is just coming up to his first birthday. And I miss her every day. I was dealing, I've been dealing with all my life, if that makes sense. And it's so good that people can talk about this stuff now and not be sort of blacklisted you know, people don't think you can work or anything. But I'm a very open person. I've had to be, you know, journeys.

It's been a real journey. I read about your PTSD diagnosis and I thought that makes complete sense. You have been, it's not just fight or flight, It's extreme fight or flight. Yeah. But, you know, it wasn't just that your mum was fighting for her life and you were going to lose your mum who you loved so much. So much.

But she was your anchor. Yeah. And your dad was in and out of prison. Yeah. And absent. Yes. So she was so important. She was everything.

Everything. And what's interesting is that sort of romantically, historically, historically, for me. I've always chosen people that have to travel and go away for their work because that was a familiar thing to me. I was used to the male energy in my life

not being there. And, you know, every girl loves her daddy and he was a very flawed character but he was my dad and I loved him. Can we talk about your dad? Because, you know, you loved your mum and your dad. Oh yeah.

But your dad was in and out of prison he was part of a kind of criminal network but to you he was just your dad were you were you aware of what he was as a little girl

I mean obviously not at four or five but at 8, 9, 10 did you know what prison was or? Yes I did my mother would never let us go and see him when he was in prison I think she really wanted to take that horror away from us whether

I mean, I remember writing to my dad constantly when he was inside, and I love getting letters from him. But I didn't, the longest I didn't see him was for seven years. I know. And he was like 14. That was the last time he went to prison. I was 14 when he came out and I'd become, you know, this girl that was sneaking out and going to the wag club. And just having the best time. so I'd changed so much.

He'd missed a huge portion of my life. Was your relationship different when he came out? It was. Yeah. It was. I sort of lost respect for him a little bit. And that's, I mean, I'd heard it said, and that's those circles. Years ago, you know, listen, you go to prison once and that's it.

You don't, you never want to go back again. And it was almost like I felt like when he came out the last time that he'd been institutionalized. You know, he'd be up at four. for keeping his really weird hour hours. And he was a lot older than my mom. I mean, both of them were very cagey about their age. And their marital status, because in fact, they didn't get married till a week before my dad died.

So they've been living in sin. Because you always used to say, I'd love to see your wedding pictures, Mom. I'd love to see this and that. And you go, well, we'll find some for you. You didn't know they weren't married. You didn't found out. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. I know. And then I found up one of my mom. I suppose there was a lot of shame back. In those days, yeah. I believe he had another family completely. And there were, you know, other Kensers out there. But then that to me is something I didn't grow up knowing about.

I didn't, you know, looking after my mom and pursuing success were the two main things in my life. And then horses and then boys. I mean, you started working, and this is so unbelievable at four. So whose idea was that? Was that like you going, I want to go to a club after school club? Or was it your mum going? I think you could do this. My mum's friend started this agency.

And she asked my mom, she just started it up. And she said, listen, as a favour, can you put Patty on my books with me? because I'm trying to get a client base going and I was only four. So my mum, her name was Rhonda, this woman and my mum was like, yeah, sure, okay. And she got a call saying, okay, Margie, my mom's name was Margaret,

but everyone called her Margie. And she was like, Margie, listen, please, can you do a favour for me? Paramount is doing the Great Gatsby with Mia Farrow and Robert Redford And they're casting, they need me to send five little girls around Patsy's age to go and meet Jack Leight and the director. And can you just go as a favour? She's not going to get it.

And so I went along and I remember going to Pinewood. Do you? You actually remember it. God, that's amazing. So clearly. And sort of we'd leave the house with the outside toilet and the mattresses on the floor, which is what it was. But it was my home and I loved it. Yeah.

And then getting this chauffeur-driven car with the guy in the, like with the hat on, the whole kitten caboodle. I'm just going to this other world. Anyway, I went like, I got the part. So that's how it started. And then Ralph Lauren did all the costumes for the film. So I was getting fitted, you know, with everything down to like the little lace gloves and lovely booties and just stunning, stunning costumes. and working with these icons. I mean, Mia Farrow was just divine.

Was she? So sweet to me, yes. Was she? Robert Redford was, I noticed even at that young age, when he'd come onto the set, women would get very giggly, all of a sudden. And, you know, it was, my mum was one of them. Then I thought, why are they all getting so excited about this very tall, blonde person? And then, of course, I understood it now.

I mean, he was like the Brad Pitt of, you know, our days. I mean, such a sad loss because, you know, he was so important to a lot of people. And his films were. Yeah. He was a genius. What's one thing you'd love to be able to say you've done? Well, Monzo's sponsoring begin again to help us win back some time. So we can do more of what we love.

I wanted to know what that thing was for you. So let's have a look and see who we've got. So Shane didn't try just one new thing. He tried 100. Let's hear it. After losing my mum to stage 4 cancer, I wrote a bucket list of 100 things to reconnect with who I was when I was a little boy.

I've done things from friendship bracelets, knocked or run, roller blades. I've sat my GCSE exams, failed miserably. Did a wing walk where I stood on top of a plane. Every time I tick something off, it reminds me of the potential life can be. That's exactly why I started this podcast to fulfil our life's potential.

Shane, I'm actually doing maths lessons, which is quite funny. I'm loving. it. And Shane says something else happened when he started going out there and doing all this. He met someone special. Look what that shows us about what can happen when you start saying yes to life. So let's do this. Let's say yes more. In fact, I'm going to make it happen right now. I'm calling it the say yes club. We're going to take one thing we've always wanted to do and we are actually going to do it. So I'm going to put a link in the description for you to come and

and join us because that's exactly the thing that Monzo is here to help with. They put our money to work in the background, sorted, saved, sent where it needs to go, so our energy is free to say yes to more things in life. Monzo current accounts are for UK residents, age 16 plus T's and C's apply. Get your tickets now for the dog stars. It's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear. Go! A therapist. Kill or be killed.

Jacob Allorty. There are people out there. They need her help. Josh Boland. Shoot first. Did inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough way.

And Guy Pearce. Arm up. The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. In Theaters Friday. Get tickets now. I mean, you know, you've gone straight into the Great Gatsby, but let's not forget Birds IPs because I remember Birds IPs. Yes.

I remember as a four-year-old girl seeing you. and thinking how cool it was that you were in an advert and that you could do that. I've got such long fake nails now. I can't pop anymore. I can't do it. It's important to pop, you know. Yeah.

I've got a groove on the inside of my mouth. From popping so much. From having to do that. Seriously, as a kid. And there's this one side in my cheek. There's a little... My nail obviously was catching it. But there you go.

That was... What was fascinating about doing those... commercials were they were directed by Riddy Scott No yeah Tony Scott his brother yeah

Adrian line what years years later I was in I was having I was hot for sort of 15 minutes in the States

and just been in a huge movie lethal weapon which is the wait stop park car wait we've just got you've just said lethal weapon I just

need to just quickly say yes every red blooded male with any sense. That was such an iconic. I mean, Lee Francis was obsessed with that. You know, Michael's talked about it.

We made Tom go red earlier talking about it. I mean, it was, it shot you into the stratosphere of fame there. You were already famous, but that was massive. What was that like? That was fantastic. The Christmas before. before I went into audition for it. And there's an interesting story

because just quickly going back to the Great Gatsby, the woman who cast me in that, gosh, mooring something, does something. I was watching years later to read for a part in the Batman the Jack Nicholson film.

Yeah. And the casting director said, I don't think it'll be right for this, but there's something, a project that is right for you, and I'm going back to L.A. next week. You're perfect. And you don't remember

you don't remember me, do you? And I was like a... No, it's awful when somebody asks you that, isn't it? Oh, God. And she said, I put you in your first film. I cast you in lethal... Great Gatsby. So that was a kind of a full circle moment.

So I got... I was in L.A. and I got a call, you know, can you come out to Warner Brothers and just meet a few people? I remember just that Christmas going. I watched Mutiny, the Noel Gibson version of it. not the Marlon Brando and I remember thinking oh my gosh I would love to work with somebody

that looked like him wouldn't that be wonderful and you know I obviously put it out there to the inverse and then I walked into this room in LA years later and there was sitting

Joel Silver the producer very weird isn't it? Very strange Joel Silver Richard Donner the director and like hunk of the century Mel sitting in this room. And I was just, I couldn't believe it. We read a scene together and they said, okay, great.

Are you, you know, available in January? You know, all good. And the casting lady, I can't remember her name, it's terrible because she did so much for me. She said, Richard, Joel, I just need to talk to you. And they left the room and she's with me and Mel. they're put side by side and I was like I said here you're Catholic he said oh yeah I am

and he said you I said yes I was I went to a convent so we actually Oh that immediately immediately And then they came back in the door and they said listen Get to wardrobe kid you're in the picture Oh my God I know which never happens and I called my agent on the way I said I'm just going over to costume to get fidgeted because I've got the party

No way you did it doesn't work like that and it doesn't work like that No. And so I, yeah, I got the role and I loved it. I loved every minute. It was fantastic. How old are you at that point? I was just 20. So was it extraordinary because it was American? Did it feel like, oh my God, is this actually happening? Did you know how big it was? Well, I watched the first movie then straight away because I hadn't, I'd missed it. And it was quite a dark thriller, the first one. And I was sort of saying to my agent, my god, we started legal weapon too. And it's like it's like a comedy how they're shooting this.

I was very sort of a way. But yes, a little bit. And it was genius what they were doing. It's clever. It was very, very clever. And that's why it gave it. The second one is not because I'm in it, but is one of the fan favorite. Yeah, again, it's iconic.

It's iconic. I mean, it was so funny. And he was just becoming the biggest star in the world. And he would turn up for work. He'd drive himself in and just be, he was so down to earth. And it was all men on the set. Even you think in costume or hair and makeup or your script editor, someone's female.

Not one. I was the only woman on the set. Did you ever feel vulnerable? No, because Mel was so. great to me. And he just, we used to play dirty word scrabble all the time, which was, which is really great. And we got, we got on very well. He was very, very protective and very boundaryed. And very boundary. But it was interesting because we had the scene in the trailer where we're, you know, having a fantastic best week's work of my life. I mean, I'd done that for nothing. We were so stuck on the soundstage in, in, in Los Angeles, in this very tight space caravan. And, you know, we're butt-naked, the pair of us. But having fun. And obviously, he was a married man.

So it was, and I was married. I was married to Dan at the time, Dan Donovan. So we, it was a seven-day shoot for that one little section, which we're nowadays, unless you're on a big project movie, I suppose I could spend that time. But we had a week, over a week to shoot it. And every day, it was a close set, but every day in Video Village, two or three executives would come down.

and sit and watch what we had to do. And I could see Mel getting more and more upset about this as the week went on. And I said, listen, look. I said, I don't care. You know, I'm just happy to be here. That is amazing that you didn't. Well, I just, you know. You're 20.

I know. Wow. But, you know, child actor, they asked what I do. You know, I love scene. And they also wanted me to be dead, naked, in the bottom of the time. And this could have lost me the job, but I said in the room when I first met Mel, I said, you know, more than happy to do the love scene. I do wonder why I would need to be dead, naked. I think that's a bit gratuitous.

So I spoke up for myself and they said, yeah, you're right. Fine, yeah. Amazing. Get to costume. But as the week went on, Mel was getting more and more frustrated. And I said, look, I'm nobody. So I can't, you know, Sodom, they're out there. I don't care.

Get over here. No, I didn't say that. And I said, but you can truly, it makes you that unhappy. And he said, Patsy, I can't. And I said, he just said, I can't, this is what I'm being paid to do. And I thought it was very humble. It was very sweet of him to show that because he's quite macho. Yes.

It was a very macho set and lots of directions, you know, man o it, man oit, Mel, you know, It was all very meat eating, you know, I can do worse things than you can and, you know, boys together. Yeah. It can become really funny or it can become really annoying. I saw it as very funny. Yeah, so he was very, very sweet, no open with me. And then very worried because after my first weekend, it's the only job ever had where they rap,

like at 12 on a Friday. And everyone, we were in LA, everyone just got in their cars and went off. And I was there sort of on my own, staying in the Mondiore on Sunset Boulevard. And there was a car dealership over the roads. I thought, well, I'm going to have to get a car. And they wouldn't hire me a car because I wasn't 21 yet. Oh, wow. So I went off for a walk down Melrose Avenue.

And I got pulled over by the police because no one walks there. And they were like, what are you up to? And I said, well, I'm just actually having a little walk because I can't hire a car. and I just want to get out and get some fresh air. And they said, well, you know, be careful. And so Mel said to me, my mind, he said, what do you do, Pits? And I said, well, I got, and he got arrested. And he said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got the quick, because I was walking down Melrose and going.

He said, well, why weren't you driving? I said, because I can't hire a car yet. And he went, show me your passport. And I said, don't have it with me. I'll bring it tomorrow. And he, I think they actually thought that I was old. I was about 25. Oh.

Warner Brothers got me a car to drive myself immediately. But that was something that was interesting. And I was pretty lonely. And then I flew my mom out and she was there with me and, you know, she got on really well with Mel. He was just great. I know that he'd run into stuff down the road, but I can't, I can only comment on what my experience was with him. And he was just wonderful. When you talk about your life,

Do you go, God, what a life? Or is it just, it was just your life? It was just my life. Isn't that funny? Because, you know, I've had quite a life. I'm an incredible life. I'm listening to you and it's just blowing, it's blowing my mind. The idea that you'd gone to L.A., you were 20 years old.

They didn't know you were 20. They thought you were older. Yeah. And they were all like, holy. Yeah, how old are you? I think there was probably a moment of, are you a teenager? Are you a... I mean, so...

Yeah. So that was how... That was all revealed and there was no problem, of course, with it. But it was just, you know, I couldn't hire a car. We were talking about you being 14 years old and being in the wag club. Yeah. And how mad it was back then that, like, there was no... I was trying to explain to my kids the other day that, like, nobody asked for,

for an ID. No. But then, like we were never ID'd ever. If you were a girl, you were... That was it. And you had somewhat

of a decent outfit on. Yeah? I went with school friends one Saturday and they would only let three of us in and not the other two. Of course, we're like, bye.

I remember walking up those steps into the wag club and then it being like top of the pops. It was just madness over here, Spandard Ballet, hair cut 100.

I'm just And it was just fun and naughty and people would smog each other and have this I don't know that I feel actually for this generation because we had such freedom it truly was a glorious time

and the 80s and the 90s and the 90s particularly that we got away with a lot you would never be able to do that now and I also think that there were so many venues and clubs to go to There just aren't any spaces to congregate at anymore.

I mean, I know I sound a bit sort of depressing and old, but I just feel like dancing and coming together in a nightclub, all of us. It was magical. It was magical. And it was spiritual at times. Like we would, it was euphoric. Yeah, it was. Now, Chris Sullivan used to run.

Yeah, Chris and Ollie. Ollie was on the door. And I seem to remember the casting people, somebody from Absolute Beginners. I'm sure they came to the wag. They did. Because I went to be in it with Kim Cyan. Oh, God. Kim's amazing.

In the Beatnik section, like the Cafe Beatnik thing in Absolute Beginners. So that was quite funny. We all got shipped off in a coach. A coach. This is it. And then at lunchtime at the pub that they have, Chepperton Studios. I'm not sure whether they still have the pub. for lunchtime going into the pub

was like going to the wag club there because it was all these things I knew everyone and it was fantastic and that was again a very has become a real art house classic

the film now because it was it did very well at the box office but it was just panned it was panned it was panned and then went to a

They should have opened it in the States first, I think. And it was the year that they released it there, it was their top in the top 10 best films in the LA Times. Oh, it was so iconic. So iconic. I mean, David Bowie. Like, what was he like? Well, what he did for all of us?

I mean, I changed my life. Yeah, me too. At 14, hunky dory, that album was just on constant repeat. And I was just so stupid in 16. and, you know, hadn't had a real proper boyfriend yet. And I thought, oh, we're going to meet. And he's going to fall in love with me. And we're going to just, you know, go off on his Vespa together.

And it was like a rural lineup at work because everyone was shaking his hand, meeting him. And I shook his hand and tried to make eye contact. And he was very sweet. He said, I'm like, very nice to meet you. And he just moved on. And I was crushed. I just thought, oh, my God, that's it.

And then a few months later I was sitting in makeup and the makeup artist had just run to the toilet and David walked past and the door was open and he sort of backed up and looked at him and he came in and I was too in order to say anything and he just picked up this hairbrush and my hair was very long then and not grey like it is today I've got fabulous roots

Patrick can I just say something? We hadn't noticed just highlighted Look, I now embrace these roots. Embrace it. Embracing them. That's, you know, I'm here happily embracing my roots. So, David popped in, and he picked off with this hairbrush and sort of brushed my hair for what it seemed. I mean, it was the most of erotic experience of my life.

David, David, David Bowie walked into the dressing room. The makeup room. The makeup room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And brushed up a hair brush my hair. And stood there and brushed out and talked to eat?

No. That did nothing. I know. It's just, I'm so delicious. That is. ridiculously sexy. Thank you. I think so. Some people have heard that story and think, oh, that's weird. No, no, no, no. That is, obviously, my husband is my hairstyle.

Yes, of course, you know that intimacy. The head is an erogenous zone. Yeah. Like it is, wow. And such an intimate thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So that was, that was, okay, well, you didn't skip off into the sunset. We didn't. But he brushed your hair. He brushed my hair. Come on. Yeah, like, come on. We were practically married.

I mean, in that union. Yeah. Quite funny, because you were starring in that movie with lots of people that were new, me. Yeah. And we're friends. And you said that you were actually married to your first husband at that point. Not yet. No, I was just going to say, I didn't realize you were that married that early.

No, because I hadn't, like I said, I hadn't really been in a big relationship. No. So you were 16. that one. I was 16 years. But 20 when you married down. I was doing a film in Scarborough with Anthony Hopkins the chorus of disapproval, Anthony Hopkins

and I mean my God you've just worked with them. Jeremy Irons yeah everyone and we were all in Scarborough so this was after absolute beginners I was around 18 when I married down was around 18 yeah 18 I remember that yeah he came up to Scarborough to visit and he asked me

marry him and and you know we did Michael Winner the director like completely bawled me out about he's all ridiculous getting married Patsy and da-da-da-da-da-da and I said well I'm going to do it he said well then happiness to you both and I'm so happy and wonderful and you know muzzled off and that was that was Michael he was just I really liked him some people found him an acquired taste but I thought he was great and we had such a laugh on that film yeah and then I got married in Scarborough You got married in Scarborough. In Scarborough.

Yep. So, as you know, I've been trying out Monzo sponsors of this podcast. And because I've just been to a festival, whoop, whoop, I thought I'd tell you what it does abroad. Now, you know that thing where you used to have to call the bank before you flew just to tell them that you were leaving the country? Not anymore. It's so good with Monzo. You just start paying when you get there. There are no fees.

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Fee-free. MasterCard's exchange rate applies. So current accounts are for UK residents age 16 plus, T's and C's apply. Right. Now, where is my passport? I need to put it away. This segment was sponsored by Garnier. Oh, lady over there. Hi.

What's your name? Shoshana. Shoshana. We've got a colleague at work, Emma, who wants to have her hair coloured. I'm trying to find somebody to come with me to come and colour her hair with some Garnier-nutrice at work. Yeah, why not? Would you really? Yeah.

Follow me, follow me. So this is the Begin Again studio. And this is Emma! Shana seemed really confident. She has coloured her friend's hair and stuff before. We've got to put this one into here and shake to activate the colour. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Already the colour's lovely.

The shade that we are doing on Emma is Mokka Brown, which is my shade. Mine. I own this. I don't. There are actually 35 shades to choose from. shades to choose from. It's got fruit oils in it. They are what nourishes it. Emma, you're very lucky you have no grey hairs but Garnier Nutris the permanent colour's got 100% grey coverage. I can vouch for that. That is it. Oh wow. Okay. Easier to do

it yourself. Just see what you mean. Is that easier than you thought? Very easy. Just like putting like hair oil in here. Yeah. It's like so easy. Time to go. Go Emma! Oh my god it looks great! Oh my god! It looks great! Oh my I'm not being funny, you've done a great job. Look at that, can we just discuss the shine? That's amazing, are you pleased with it? Do you like it? Love, love, love, love, love.

How confident are you now out of 10? Oh, 10 out of 10. That was a lot simpler than I thought to. I'm so pleased. We did a thing. Thank you. Thank you. You guys have done amazing.

And thank you, God. And you Garnia and Utreese. Love you. I mean, he, Dan was obviously famous for being for being in Big Audio Dynamite, which was such a cool band. Don, that's obviously

Don, I mean, I love Don. So much. And Don is, looks to say, Yes, he's just, was not changed and he's just fab. He's just fabulous. And obviously, Mick from the Clash. Mick Jones?

Mick Jones. Yes, yes, yes. He was amazing. And I totally iconic. That big audio dynamite was so cool. They were very cool. They were very cool. And then it sort of took me under their wing and we'd always go around to Joe Stromer's house. And he was, again, I was in awe. I was such a huge clash fan. Yeah, me too. Yeah. They were brilliant. But VAD you were great. And Dan was so beautiful. But you and Dan, you were a great couple. Yeah. I mean, or from the outside. Yeah.

What was that like? Because it seemed very sweet and caring and loving. Was it a good relationship? It was a good relationship. Yeah. And it sort of, it hit at a time when people were very heavily into going to raves and doing that stuff. And, you know, I wasn't. I'd kind of done all of that.

I had to work. And so it just became sort of living very differently. not suggesting he was doing anything inappropriate or what, but he was very into that, the scene and the music side of it. And we just, you know, I'd be at home and he was meant to be on tour. And then I get people phoning me up on the Saturday going, oh, so Dan was in, I saw Dan last night. And I was like, why he's meant to be in Coventry doing a show?

What was he doing at your club? And so that kind of happened. few times and I think that and we were so young. You were so young. We were babies. We should have just lived together and but why did why did you think that marriage was important to you?

Because I was a hopeless romantic and that's sort of been something that's carried through all my relationships and you know I just seem to have married all my boyfriends. That's really the truth. I mean I've not I wish I'd played the field and, you know, been taking advantage of, you know, my youth and the situations I found myself in.

But I was just always chose to be married. I was never happier than being married to someone. There is a, I mean, it is different being married. Yeah. There is, you know, I'm thinking about your mum and your dad. Yes. And how even though your dad was. was a complicated man and you really loved him.

Yes. When you were a little girl. Yeah, of course. Before you went inside for a while. And your mum, you could see, you understood why your mum saw. Yes, of course. Yeah. So when they were together, you know, maybe that kind of was an influence for you.

Do you think so? Was it a good example of a marriage or? You know, I think I've become, like I said, 14 when he'd been away for seven years. And my brother and I were sworn to secrecy about this. So nobody on our street, we'd actually moved to the local councilor stayed

by that point. And those, you know, it was very everyone, you know, everyone's business and quite, it was this sort of close, like Brookside close a little bit. Everybody knew. Everyone knew everything. So my brother and I had to pretend for seven years

Oh, yes, our dad's in South Africa. And that's what we had to maintain. And because my mom said, you can't, this is what you say. You say this at school. And they were like, so is your dad going to come? He's in South Africa. It was just that. And then, oh, he's back from South Africa.

So it's just restrictive that for a kid, like to have to lie about something. To have secrets like that. Yeah, it's big. They weigh very heavy on a young, person's soul. And like I said, I would do anything to protect my mum to help her to literally anything for her. And so I just felt like, and she was so beautiful.

I looked like my dad. My mom was just this, you know, violet eyes and its beautiful skin and, you know, very Irish, real Irish beauty. And I always thought she could have had a much vanilla. life. I didn't, you know, but she did love him very deeply and we'd be away on jobs and some of the other chaperones of their kids or whatever we'd be carrying on with crew members and all this stuff. My mother was never like that. She really wasn't. Wow. And when he died and we went to the hospital to see the body and we walked in together and I just remember going, oh, Jim,

Tim, Jim, Jim. And sort of stroking his face. And I really saw love. Love. Yeah. It was very sweet. It was very sweet. It was very sad.

But it also showed you that it was possible, you know, against all odds. Yeah. It was a very complicated relationship. It made me feel. I think there are so many couples. Yes. Who get together. They're in love.

And then they stay for their kids or whatever. Yeah. They don't really love each other anymore. And the kids can feel it. Yeah, of course they can. But for you, your mum loved your dad until his dying breath. Yeah. It's very rare.

And I think it was also, it was a great example to me of a partnership and a patient woman. She was very patient. And it was good for me to see that. Yeah. that they really had something together. Very, very sad. With, you spit up from Dan and you find another musician. Yeah.

The legendary Jim Kerr. And such a legend. We met when, you know, Dan and I would, had stood up long before this. I was doing a film with Terence Stamp in Madrid. Talk about Terence Stamp. God rest his soul. God rest his soul. Can I just say?

I just want to know what was he like? Amazing. Was he? He was amazing. We had a little like for each other. So hot. So beautiful. And classy.

So classy. And he did, I used to like really shock him because I come on to set with my trainers on and not my high heels and with the chit. And he was like, he used to call me monkey because I was born in the year of the monkey. He said, and he used to say, monkey, you can't. you'd come in your full costume and he was just every moment of Terrence's life was a great picture. Yeah. And he's a great storyteller. His book, so I don't know if you read any of them.

No. Oh my God. Tell me about his books. Stamp collection. And it's just unbelievable. I love the particularly the one, the book that really focused on the 60s and Judy Christie and all of those wonderful golden era actors. but he was so sweet because my mum was with me, of course, again, and she was telling him, because Terrence was way ahead of his time about health and what he ate.

Oh, really? Yeah, he was utterly brilliant. And I've found out after I found these letters after we finished the movie, he continued to write to my mum and would say, you know, this is what, you know, you should try this and you should try that. And he did that. Just as a caring act. Just as a caring act.

And he wrote beautiful letters. I mean, it was just, you know, handwritten with that lovely, just flowing, beautiful words that coming out of the page at you. And he wrote to your mom. He wrote to my mom. How? Oh, no. But she was, you see, my mom was very special. Yeah.

All moms are special, you know. No. You only get one mom. But she just. She had a thing. She had something. And so, but Terrence and I, you know, had a little flirtation. And that was wonderful.

And then to come to the end of that film and we were shooting in the Palace Hotel in Madrid, which was so beautiful. And we're shooting in the corridor and they're trying to get the shot. And all we can hear is this very angry Scottish voice down the corridor going, I need to get to work. I can't, I've got a car. I need to get. Oh and you guys are in the way? Yeah, you're in the way. And so they were like, okay, hold the roll.

And this person came walking down the corridor in very tight trousers. Love the way that that is like the thing you notice. Yeah, very tight trousers. And sort of walking down and quite brightly because when you're filming, you do tend to expect the world to stop for everyone else as well. And, you know, you have to be accommodating. So they let them through. And all of a sudden he wasn't very busy.

And he went, oh, hello. I was sort of standing. And Terrence sort of, I think, saw the kind of rolled his eyes and walked off. And so we had a little chat. And then he suddenly he, you know, he wasn't busy. And then suddenly he did have to go. And I thought that was like, oh, he was a nice man. And then at the end of the day, the second AD came to me.

And they said, oh, Jim Car left you this note. and so he wrote this note to me saying just so nice to meet you ever listen to that and listen if you ever come to Scotland let me show you the mountains and it was just so he was just so sweet we had a lovely time together

and he's a good guy is that what's making you emotional remembering like that I'm sentiment because of everything, your kids growing up and moving on, going through all of that stuff and having to be whenever they call so strong

because that's the, they don't want to because I know from experience, having a mother that I had to worry about all the time was, it has had a massive effect on me. You don't want to be a trouble to your kids. I don't know you've had to experience that with your mum. Yeah, exactly. And so what,

Jim did because he loved my mom as well. I mean, he was like straight away, oh, we need to get Margie on the payroll. And I was already sort of supporting her and making a very good living at the time. But he was just so sweet. And then two days before she died, I was in denial.

I thought she's going to come through it. Well, she's done it so many times. So many times. And he's, he's. He said, no, I want to go and see your mom now. I said, well, no, I'm not going tonight to see her because I go every morning. And I hired, she was so thin and tiny and she was on this ward. And I used to call it the last post.

Because every time you got there, a bed was empty. She wouldn't eat. So I got a chef from Leiths to do, like, tiny little fish pies for her. And just mouthful. Something that she could. She could sort of, and she couldn't even eat that. Right. I'm going on the way to work.

So I would get up at 4. The car would pick me up, take me to take me via the hospital, which was on Mortimer Street. It's not there anymore, that big, the big Victorian kind of. It's quite creepy that hospital. And I'd go and see my mom then, go to film all day, and then go and see her on the way back home. And Jim was just adamant.

He said, I want to go and see her now. Did he have a feeling, do you think? Yeah, 100%. and he went and he's like, you know, I think he promised my mom a lot of things, which he, you know, he tried to, his best to do that. I mean, I think I was in such deep depression for so many years for him to have handled it. But then two days later, I'd gone in to see her on the way to work. and she was bringing up blood and it was just so hard to look at.

And I said, I'm going to be back on my way home and I went to work and I was in makeup and I got a call and they just said it and she's gone. And I just went, no, no, no, no, no. And we were filming in St. Paul's all around that area. It was a wartime period drama. I can't remember the name of it. but James Fox who I'd worked with on absolute beginners

I was playing his I played his wife on that and I was playing his niece on this show and we always used to say I'm going to be your mother eventually we've had every kind of relationship as possible on screen and anyway James took me out

and there's a beautiful blue sky and he just sat with me and of course they said well Patsy look we can can release you but we've only got this location for you know it's costing so much If we could just shoot out, we'll bring the scenes together and if you can shoot them out.

And of course, I said, yeah, I completely understand. And so I just was sitting in this sort of courtyard, looking up with the sky and he came and he just sat next to me. And then until I left the production that day, he didn't leave my side. And he didn't say anything. There were no words. And that was probably one of the most intimate moments I've had with her. a human being. You know, he just was by my side.

And then I went straight to the hospital. And I remember walking out of the hospital onto Mortimer Street. And all these people are like pushing you to get by. And I was like, everything was in slow motion. Yes. And I was just thinking, you have no idea. Just up at that window, there are people that are just

are going by the hour. And you're out here. you know, living and looking miserable or all of that stuff. And that's something that I just thought you have no idea. You have no idea. When I came out of hospital and got onto the tube, the first time and everybody looked unhappy or in their own world. And they've all got shit going on, right?

We all have got shit going. But I wanted to keep going. Yes. You're alive. You're alive. Yeah. You're alive. Yeah.

So I understand exactly what you're saying. Yes. It's so strange when you've been around a death. Somebody leaving this earth forever. Yeah. And then you go and see it. And it's just... No, can't comprehend.

I mean, you know, in a few months I probably was back to not being in that... Yeah, normal life and not being in that space of being having... It being so insightful. But I do feel that comically this is... I believe in reincarnation. I really do. But I think that I don't think there's much more I could cram in. I hope that I've lived a really full life.

And I've had so many blessings. I mean, I'm sitting here, you know, obviously still grieving terribly over things. And people would probably think, oh, just get over yourself. But anybody will be thinking that. Well, I think people, most people are kind. Yeah. And they'll get it. Yeah.

And, you know, you, I think if you're a good person and good things can happen for you. And I've seen that. I mean, I've manifested a life that was never on the cards for me. I mean, it was, you know, my aspirations were working on the pick and mix in wards. They really were. It's my favorite place to go as a child. And so, yeah, I loved it. But it's been great.

It's been great. And I've loved and I've lived. And I've had the blessing of having two wonderful children. And they drive me nuts. I mean, I won't lie. Their job. It's their job. It's their job.

And their men now, you know, they've got their own lives. How old are they now? Just 33. Because it's kind of crazy that, right? And 26. And, I mean, I had Lenin, had James very, very young, and I was late 30. How old were you when you had? James.

I was like 20. It's incredible that, isn't it? It's very, yes. And I was, I was blessed with this angel, but I was kind of screwed because none of my friends. Yeah. I'd had children. So I'd be, you know, going to the swing park, you know, me and the baby and sort of, he could sort of barely lift his head at the time. And I was out I was doing all of that stuff on my own and the sleep deprivation and all that stuff.

But again, I wish I enjoyed those when they were teeny tiny babies moments because I was always so scared that I'd hurt them or that they would get ill or they would or all of this sort of panic. I wish I hadn't considered that then because it's such a precious time and it goes. so fast. Now that you look back and you've had that diagnosis of PTSD about the fear of losing your mum for years and years and years nonstop, do you think that played a part in the fear around becoming a mother? Like you were so scared of losing your mum and then you've got a little baby to look after. It's like, you know, I know what happens when you really love something. Yes. Exactly. That must have been so difficult. It was difficult and because that first year of James's life

she was really in hospital all the time and I'd take the baby along with me and she's like, don't bring the baby in here with the germs and this and I'm like, Mom, he wants to see his grand and she told him and she loved him so much and that to me is something that I'm sad for my kids that they didn't have the experience of her as a grandmother because she was the most awesome mom.

And I compare myself regularly to her and think, well, I could have hidden that a bit better from the kids maybe. She was a lot to live up to. A lot to live up to. But your boys now? Well, they're living their best lives. Right. Can I say that?

Can I just say that? Yeah. Do you know what's enabled them to do that? I don't. I'll cry. You. I hope that. I've been a positive force for them. You know, and I essentially was the single mom.

That's what you did. But, you know, the boys have great relationships with it. And that's really important. I know that because that's an important relationship. Yes. The father being, you know, and encouraging that because a lot of women get very sort of angry and stuff. And certainly while the kids were growing up, it was always. my intention to do it, you know, going to have a great time.

And they loved going to be with their dads. And that was also something that filled me with joy. Because if they're happy to go and they're not saying we don't want to leave you, that means that they've got confidence. And they also have great relationships with their fathers. And that's something that I've encouraged. And you should be proud of, you know, because like you said, that isn't always the case.

And you've done a brilliant thing. Thank you. Well done. Thank you. You met, am I right in saying you met Liam on a plane? Yes, going up to Glasgow, fuddling enough. So what was it like? What was it like? Oh my God. It was such a long time ago. But I remember I had these little round glasses that I was wearing all the time like John Lennon glasses.

I sort of remember that era. Yeah, exactly. So I think the first thing he said to me, well, top big. and I was so glad I was really tempted to give him to him. And I thought, no, I'm not going to go to either New York. And I actually really quite like them. And then as the years went on, you know, he'd always come home with a new pair of sunglasses on that someone had given him. And I was so pleased that I hadn't.

You weren't that girl. So, but yeah, that was it. And then we just kept running into each other. It was something that happened. And then it was quite, you know, it was quite sweet. It wasn't a sleazy coming together. Jim and I were leading separate lives. Do I, you know, do I regret that?

Yeah, I look back now. But then I wouldn't have had my youngest son. And that's the blessing that came out of you. You know, because it was, you know, there were some very tough times in that marriage. I mean, I think also there was something about your relationship representing an era of. British history where that's an enormous kind of pressure to put on something.

It's hard enough having a relationship anyway. Both being famous is like extra hard. Yeah. But then representing an entire era and having to be a certain way. Yeah. You know, you had something to maintain. Yeah. For us, we needed you to do that.

It was such a weird. It's like weird. It's too much. I think what I forgot in that time was how much I'd done before it. Yeah. And that was, and I lost that for a little bit. What do you mean by that? Well, because that relationship became so big.

So big. Yes. And it was bigger than me. Yes. And therefore it, the pressure was huge. And so, yeah, of course, the Vanity Fair cover and all of that stuff is very people love it. It was a very iconic time. I lost part of who I was going into that relationship, somehow lost her.

I remember Noel, who is lovely and divine, and I always tend to bump into him. And he's just always been lovely to me over the years. And I remember him taking me to one side and said, he said, why aren't you working? Why aren't you, you know, because I was always off doing films and going to the States and stuff. And I remember saying because I'm too afraid to leave him on his own. And he was like, yeah, you should, yeah, you should be doing more. And then, you know, it ran its course.

So, but it was, there was some fantastic. times. I mean, we had now, just we had, you know, we were very irresponsible and it was just, you know, it was, I always say I had some very late nights in the 90s. Exactly.

You can relate. So that was, that was something that was going on and then that's something that I stepped out of very quickly because I was having a baby. Yes. You know, my lifestyle had to change dramatically. And it did. And it did. Did you put yourself into treatment? I went to meetings. Meetings. Yeah. I did the same thing. Yeah. So I came off the, off the, the street, into a meeting. And it was actually Pete Townsend, who I phoned because my life was becoming unmanageable. Yes. And he said, listen, I'm going to hook you up with somebody. And just go to a meeting. He said, just go go and listen, whatever. And I went along with Fiona Golfer.

Her name is. Did you know Vienna? Yeah, really well. Yeah, I saw it the other day. She's amazing. Well, she took me to my first meeting. And she was fantastic. And it was fantastic.

And I saw so many people that I knew who in the rooms. Oh, you've been here. Yeah, here. Oh, that's where you've been. Excuse me. It really helped me. Yeah. I don't go to me.

I mean, as someone that would say, never touch drugs at all, I like a drink. but I can't have one because the depression that I get the next day is just not worth it so even I don't know

I think I'm allergic it's poison to me and some people can enjoy drink and and put a lot of pressure on you sometimes you know what have one have one and I just fascinating that isn't it is no people don't like people that don't drink

that's so funny and so you know I'm not going to see and say I haven't over the past few years had a drink only to very quickly realize why I stopped completely. So that was a blessing. How have you managed your depression? Because obviously the PTSD is, was it in a weird way quite a relief to get that diagnosis? Because it explained everything. It was glorious.

Yeah. So funny. Because it's like fun. Finally, because I was thinking, you know, God, am I bipolar and I'm my ADHD? And I've had therapy over the years, and that therapy helps. I'm not currently doing it. But it was fantastic to know that. And the things that I attributed to my sadness being around failing,

creating the family and sticking in it, it wasn't about those relationships it was about stuff that happened when I was four years old I was never like abused physically in danger at work or around people

I was never nothing inappropriate ever happened but what my brain was doing and like I said I used to keep saying this thing I'm having a bad thought so I was trying to get it out then I had a deep understanding I think of the pain.

Catastrophising. Catastaprising. Exactly. Poor you. No, but you know what? It's been great. It's been great. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

And like I said, you know, I do feel tired. I do. Me too, though. Exactly. It's been a lot, right? Like it's a big life. 52 years. Yeah, it's a big life.

It's a big life. It's a big life. But it's, um, I. I don't know if it's relatable to anyone, but I, you know, had my pensions and everything. I was very vigilant about all of that. And then I entered into a corporate thing and I lost, this is 10 years ago, I lost everything. I lost my home. I lost just everything.

And so I'm having to start from scratch, I haven't been. I mean, these past 10 years, I've sort of. I didn't have that. Yeah. No, it has been written about. It was hard. But I'm a survivor. Yeah, you are.

I always have been. Yeah, you are. And you just take each day at a time. And I do that with regards to my work and the mammoth amounts of scripts that I'm learning. I don't. I try to just keep it in the day tomorrow. Who knows? Something brilliant that was, I remember after my first meeting that I ever spoke at.

And, you know, you say hello, my name is, and I am. And I called Fiona after. that meeting. I went, I can't believe I was so open with people and to sort of give myself a label and all these crazy thoughts going on. And that's a famous person that's frightening right? But she's

she went, it's no big deal. Get over yourself. It's like you can say, I'm, she said I'm, I'm me, I'm a banana today. You're going to be an orange tomorrow. She said just let it go and that that was freeing because it was years of

trying to keep have privacy and just having none and also I've got to say I've never seen the fact that you went to an anonymous fellowship in the press anywhere yeah no one sold a story on me yeah well I don't know if they have on you no that it's been

mentioned mentioned that I did because my mum sold a bloody story on me going to a meeting couldn't believe it out of like I've been going to meetings for decades yeah no one said anything but my mum did Thanks a lot Thanks, mum

It's a great place It's a safe place It is There is one other thing I would like to talk about Yes It's okay And that is

You had a hysterectomy Yeah And that is quite a profound Operation for a woman to have Yeah What happened there So I was in my 40s

I kept getting these Sists In my stomach and they remove one and then within a week two had grown back they removed Oh within a week

Jesus and I knew I was in trouble when I got a call I'd been to see the the gynaecologist again and he was like get to this address in Wimpole Street at

545 tomorrow morning we're fitting you in to see this special ultrasound person and I knew that Yes. This isn't good. And I would get this, my belly would get so distended by the end of the day. It was like I was pregnant.

I mean, it was just this huge, you know, hard belly. So I went to this particular clinic and as I walked in, it was just seven or eight women that, you know, scarves on their heads. They weren't, you know, and that kind of, they had, their skin had that, a glow about, you know people having chemotherapy chemo they're just like beautiful birds to me and I had I went in and had the ultrasound and they're like oh I'm sorry but you're going to have to have an hystericomy like yesterday so I was rushed into hospital and nothing was discussed past that operation and getting rid of of my womb. No one said to me, you're going to wake up and you are going to be in full-blown menopause. You're going to have fog brain. People are going to think that you're suffering from some sort of mental illness.

A mentor of some sort. I mean, terrible, terrible things. And you lose yourself overnight, really, don't you? Well, my best friend, Ange, who has been for over 30 odd years, I came out and I called her. and I was walking down Wimpole Street and it was just like when I walked away from my mom at the hospital everything was in slow motion and I remember her saying to me

oh my God you know you live the life you live and just in one moment you're being told something like this and I'm sure that you can relate I mean I was fortunate it wasn't cancer the tumours were wild.

They just showed them you picked them massive and they were like teeth in little pockets and hair and all kinds of weird stuff. How strange? Mad is that? It's totally mad. But I'm interested to know when you were told your diagnosis did it hit you like it?

I'd been in it for a while. Right. But I had noticed, first of all, that I just didn't feel like me anymore. Yeah. I wasn't laughing. No. I was kind of flatlining.

Yeah. Through life. Yeah. And I thought, oh, is it because my life is so busy? Like, yeah. Could have been the same as you. Is it because I've got like kids and a job and like the pressure and the responsibility and so much weight and my inbox is full? Yeah.

But it feels like more than that. I can't, I've always been pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Me too. You know, we calibrate, get going, make the call. Yeah. I just couldn't do that anymore. And I just thought, I can't remember people's names. I'm doing a live TV show.

Yeah. I've forgotten what you're called. I said your name two minutes ago. Yeah. We're live. Like, I'm not going to be able to work. No. But that's the thing. I would just, the rainy fog.

Did anybody tell you surgically like? No, we've got it out, that your wound's gone. Yeah. And you're safe. Yeah. On you go. and then just to be in the crazy world of menopause. So how did you find out what it was?

No, menopause. Yeah, that's how I found out. But how did you? Like, who told you? Did you go to a doctor? Yes. Because I didn't even know what pari menopause was. I didn't even know it was a thing.

It sounds like some sort of sports shirt. Yes. It just doesn't sound like a... Or you source at... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But they said to me, go and see this hormone guy. And I did and they would do, I was on kind of, you know, I'm on the estrogen two pumps

a day. That's what I'm allowed now. But they put me on all kinds of different things to try and get the balance right. And so I was like, ooh, ooh, and then having to do TV stuff and just being, and as the red lights going on, forget, thinking, I don't know why I'm here. I don't know where I don't know what I'm going. And it was just that bad. And no one knew and it accused me of being on something.

Oh, God, that's awful. I didn't know that. Oh, yes. And it wouldn't happen today. No, it wouldn't. Oh, Patsy. So again, I felt horrible. It was devastating.

Devastating. And I've always been so professional. To my, actually, to a fault. Because last year, broke my shoulder last year in three places. It was just like cat food in there. And I fell off a treadmill in the gym. And I can't raise it.

I mean, I'm doing physical therapy. But so, but I was meant to do this podcast. And I was on all sorts of pain killers. Yeah. And I didn't want to cancel and did it and shouldn't have done it. And my speech was very slurred. I'm very, I'm very aware. I know how fastidious you are

and how you would never want to do that but you would never want to let anyone down. But I didn't want to let anyone down because I'm professional and then to be accused of that was just like... Heartbreaking. And this is like, you know, a year ago

and you know, having to explain, listen, I'm actually, you know, this is awful what's going on. They can't operate. It's got to heal. I'm trying to work out, you know, the least strength of poison I can put in myself to help the pain. Yes, because obviously when you've been... Exactly, you've been around that.

You don't want to take pain killers. No, you don't. And so it was... Oh, Patsy. But it was just like it's a knock at my professionalism and my work. And I used to do so many voiceovers. And, you know, those... Those jobs aren't coming in anymore.

is that. So it does affect your career. And that's rubbish. Well, I think what's good about us doing this today is it's a chance to set the record straight. Yes, exactly. And get your side of the story out there. Yeah. Give everybody a flavour of who you really are.

Yeah. And you've done that in a brilliant way. I hope so. You've blown us away. You are an icon. I don't know. And yeah, you are. I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to take that.

I'm taking it. I'll take it. But thank you for being part of the fabric of our lives. And also thank you for being so iconic and being such a huge part of my life. I'm so pleased we're back together. Well, this is my point. And obviously, because I can talk to you about anything. Yeah.

And which is the gifts that you give to people and you always have. Well, we have that for the rest of our lives because I can talk to you about. You can talk to you about. You can talk. Exactly. And that's, but what I wanted, leaving this from, I mean, it's been, this has been the best therapy that I've had ever. And but I, I am a happy person. Yes. And I know that that, you know, the moments in my life that make me emotional, it's, I own every, every moment.

And I'm, like I said, I'm a survivor. And everything's been thrown at me. And I still, I still find thanks every morning. I get up, you know, I say thank you. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. When something awful happens, I say thank you. That's a lesson. That's, I'm, and so when you have those kind of tools and you're on top of it, you can lead a very happy life.

So, but that's why as an interview, this begin again was very special. Yes, very special. Because you have been through the ringer and come out a very wise and brilliant woman. and thank you for sharing that to us. And your boys are very lucky. You're a brilliant mum. So thank you Patsy Kensit, everyone. You are a fucking legend.

So just in case you missed this episode here, if you love this episode, I know you're going to love that.