Begin Again with Davina McCall - Tulisa: I Was Set Up by the Media, Here’s the Truth!

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

In this episode of Begin Again, Tulisa Contostavlos, N-Dubz star, solo artist, and the youngest judge in X Factor history, shares the untold truth behind her rise, fall, and rebuilding. From chart-topping success to a leaked tape, depression, and the 2012 drug sting that nearly destroyed her career, Tulisa opens up about betrayal, media pressure, and the darkest years of her life. She speaks candidly about how those experiences pushed her to the edge, and how she found strength, purpose, and spirituality to rebuild. With her new book Judgement, Tulisa reflects on resilience, survival, and why no matter how far you fall, you can begin again. 💬 Comment below: What part of Tulisa’s story resonates with you most? 👉 Follow us on Instagram: @beginagain 🎥 Watch more on TikTok: @beginagainpod Tulisa's Book: "Judgement": https://geni.us/judgementtulisa (00:00) Intro (01:07) Tulisa: Early Life and Introduction(02:56) Tulisa’s New Book “Judgement” Explained(03:45) Musical Roots and the Rise of N-Dubz(04:59) Growing Up Fast: Life Lessons from a Young Age(08:06) Alternative Families: Uncle B and the Misfit Household(11:45) N-Dubz Blow Up: Storytelling and Staying Authentic(13:41) Becoming an X Factor Judge at Age 22(18:55) From Stardom to Homelessness: Tulisa’s Fall(22:17) Leaked Tape Scandal and Public Backlash(24:58) Depression, Media Attacks, and Mental Health Struggles(30:19) Inside the Sting Operation That Targeted Tulisa(32:46) Writing “Judgement”: Tulisa’s Process and Purpose(34:49) The Drug Sting: What Really Happened(46:14) Isolation, Betrayal, and Loss of Trust(49:11) The Breaking Story, Suicide Attempt, and Meeting ‘Jacob’(55:54) Tulisa’s Spiritual Awakening and Purpose-Driven Life(1:06:26) Finding Gratitude and Healing –  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And when it all falls apart You've got to try and just find your way through it It's a big worldwide company We and me We have a Hollywood producer That's interested in you for a role There's three million quids out there for you But I find out it's a set up

I have just had The most extraordinary conversation With Talisa from Endubs She has shared with me Exactly what happened in the sting operation That's devastated, decimated her entire world. We talked about facing a future that you didn't choose,

finding a way to rebuild it, even when it feels like there really is no light the end of the tunnel. If you want something in this life, you must go out and get it. She talks about how she grafted her way to the top from the age of just 11. It felt like there was a point where just every kid in the country knew who he was, love us or hate us.

And even won over Simon Cowell. I loved this conversation. A really good reminder that hitting rock bottom doesn't mean the end. Sometimes it's just the beginning of something even better. So, Talisa, I like you because we can call you by one name. Like Talisa, everybody knows who that is. I mean, I don't know if you've tried to ever pronounce my second name. I have.

That's why I'm just calling you Talisa. But Talisa is recognisable enough. Yeah. I guess it's an unusual name as well. So that's why you could probably use it on its own. Yeah. And, you know, you have done a lot in your life. But two platinum albums, two gold albums,

countless moboes, what, seven moboes? Seven mobos. Seven mobos. Three platympos. Three platinum's. One double. Making four. One double.

Well, I'd well get it in there. Yeah, well, I mean, please. You know what I mean? You know, because, but it's not just that you have lived a life. It has been quite extraordinary. And it is a real pleasure. Thank you. To have you here.

I've got like goosebumps talking about you. It's a pleasure meeting you. I've like grown up watching you and I'm very much an energy person. I've always, whenever I've seen you on TV, I've just been so drawn to your energy. You just literally feel like a ball of light. A ball of love of light to me. So when they said I was going to be doing this, I was like, oh my God. was like to be it was like icon epic like so yeah I'm really really happy to be in and grateful thank you

i'm i'm really grateful for that actually because um i do understand that when you have had a big life with lots of ups and downs it's um it's quite hard to feel in a place where you feel safe enough to talk about it um takes a while i just want to say thank you thank you trusting us me i trust Yeah. So we're here to celebrate a book that you've got coming out. And it's out now. Yeah. And it's called judgment. I'm going to just hold it up so people can see. Love trials and tribulations. Yeah. And I love this picture on the back. Yeah. Of you handcuffed. And I want to basically paint a picture of who you were before this happened to you. And because basically you had an epic beginning to your career.

Wherever you listen, make sure you follow the show. I mean, if we deserve five stars, that's what we'd love. I mean, I think we knew, don't we? So tell me a little bit about how old you were when you and Dappy started kind of coming up with music and I mean because he was your cousin right? Yeah. He was actually more like my brother because I was an only child and so like

our two moms would always bring each other around each other's houses every day. So he was like my bro growing up. And then when we were 11 years old, we got in the studio together. 11. 11. I love that. I need to show you a picture later because someone posted on Instagram a picture of us like at the age of 11

years old in the studio and I was like, oh my my God, 11 years old. And Faiser, he was his best mate from the age of 8 years old. Yeah. They met in karate lessons. I know. And it was, it was just magic when the three of us, even like the first time we all did what we do individually, even like Faser as a producer, I listen back now to the little beats that he was making as an 11 year old. And I'm like, fascinated. I'm like, the magic was always there. And we grafted and we. perfected our craft. We would bunk off school to go and spend time and hours in the studio and to practice writing music, to practice making music. And we were doing it all in-house with the guidance of my uncle B, Daffy's dad and my dad in the studio.

Because they were both musicians in their own right, right? Yeah. And it was their studio. That's why we had access to a studio, thank God. But yeah, we spent a lot of time growing and also becoming a new. individuals and finding our place in the group, but it didn't actually kick off until we were at the age of 17 years old.

In a way, that's a blessing, right? Because when you look at other people who are child stars, it's, I mean, even though 17's not... Still young. It's not massively grown up, but 11 is so young. I wanted to ask you a bit about... I don't want to go into depth about your family, but your mum wasn't well.

Yeah. And you ended up actually kind of being her carer. So you're doing that and doing music. Yeah. My mom has had Schizophrencative disorder from the day I was born from before her mental health started. But when she had me, it just kind of sent it into overload. Schizophrencifective is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar.

They had misdiagnosed her. Funny enough, up until I was about six. So they were always given her the wrong medication and they were only treating her for the bipolar. So she was constantly having episodes, you know, like every year and a half. And then at the time the whole thing drags out. She gets hospitalized. She has to recover. It's like another year, like out of her life and, you know, out of our life as mom and daughter.

It was very intense, very intense childhood. But I've learnt a lot from it and it gave me a lot of life skills from a young age. skills did you get from that? Gave me independence. It gave me the kick that nothing is handed to you. If you want something in this life, you must go out and get it. In a sad way, you can say it made me less reliable on people, but that is also a positive because when you have that high level of independence

and you can go out there and get it and you're used to doing things on your own, it's like, I don't need anything, I don't need a handout, I can do it. it gives you more drive, I suppose, and more of a kick to get to where you want to go. But there's obviously a bit of an emptiness to that as well. Do you know how I describe it, that feeling you're talking about, is you were an island. An island?

Do you know what? I've never heard it explain like that before, and it makes so much sense. On your own? Yeah, I get that. Surrounded by people. Yeah, but on your own. Sometimes I'm not even knowing they're there.

I get that. It's funny, isn't it, how these difficult things can make you in a way. Yeah. But there is no denying that it breaks you on the way. Yeah. I mean, I think a mother in particular, I'm always fascinated. I don't know what you're like on Mother's Day. I always find Mother's Day fascinating because I didn't really have a relationship with my mother.

Well, not the same kind of relationship as you would. Yeah. I know me too. Yeah. So it kind of becomes just like a passing day to me. I have a weird, I feel like I had a weird relationship with both of my parents in the sense of, it was like I love there because it's family, but it didn't feel conventional. Like when I looked at my friends and maybe like mum and dad and you have a problem and they

ring mom and dad, I didn't have that. I always kind of felt like my own entity and then these are my parents, but like you said, like an island. You were Formantera and they were Ibiza. They were the big island over here but you were just like the little one down here

on your own. Literally. Did you kind of adopt anybody as parental figures? Was there anybody that had kind of a really positive influence over you in your childhood? My uncle B did, Daffy's dad but it was very

he was kind of more of a mate it was an unusual relationship in the sense of he was very there for me and when it comes to handouts I feel like he's the only person that ever kind of really gave me that where I'm like oh crap

and with me it always feels like oh I owe you something yeah because he put so much into end-ups and getting us to where we wanted to go but and in a way that was work though wasn't it yeah yeah agreed but yeah he was he was a friend but very honest very very very straight down the line like he didn't molly coddle me he knew that i was in a crap situation in life and he was almost a little bit

tougher on me because of it in a sense of he could see where things were going for me and he was very much the type of pull it together you need to be strong you know don't wallow that this is my situation, I'm going to deal with it. Because if you get lost in the depression of it, you get lost in the nonsense and woe me, you're going to fall apart. Use this, utilise this. And he's always say, the reason

that I'm tougher on you than I am on Dapy and Faser is because I feel like he always knew he was going to die. And he would say, one day I'm not going to be here. And because of all your life experience, you're going to be the one that is the drive and takes over the business and does everything that they need to do and I'm not going to be here to do that for you so I need to be tough on you so

you get it and you get to that place but it's worked it's definitely worked to me like my even the way that I deal with myself and my own psychology very tough love on myself funny enough with the people I love extremely gentle extremely empathetic when it comes to my own crap, I'm like, get it together. No room for weakness. I haven't, of course I have the weakness, but I'm always battling against it with that thought. So he was super helpful actually. Yeah, 100%. So, I mean, it's hard as a guy, his age, looking down at me to make that decision to be like, I'm going to be tough on her and to know it was the right thing to do because what do you do in that situation? But obviously, very wise man. He got it right. So how old were you?

when he was kind of beginning to be a bit tougher on you? I'd say like early teens, like 14, up until, and they passed when I was 18. I mean, what was life like for your friends and what was life like for a 14-year-old in those days? Where was everybody else going with their lives? God. I mean, I had started transitioning with my friend group.

initially growing up all my friends had these really normal lives and happy childhoods and really loving and supporting parents and then when I hit 14 I started being drawn to people more like myself you know slightly more troubled upbringings I had the same experiences and I kind of bundled together with a group of misfits

you know that all every parent had their issues and life wasn't necessarily easy and by that point so at that age I kind of joined the odd balls. And did that help in a way with, I mean, I always think like endubs were brilliant because they were edgy. And the lyrics spoke to a generation. Storytelling. Yeah.

Was that part of that journey? The storytelling or the storytelling with the storytelling. Yeah. I mean, we were just expressing ourselves. That's all we did. It was all very authentic. No one told us what to write. Every song you've heard from Endaub's, it was written by us. And it was based off a real life experience, you know, at some point. And I think that's why we connected on such a big scale with that generation because people just got it. Like it was relatable. And we would, we'd speak our truth and speak our songs. Like you'd write out a text message or, you know, have a conversation. And we do that through music. I mean, how big did it get? Like, what was it like going out on the town when you were 17, 18, 19? I mean, it just got, it did get really, really huge.

I felt like there was a point where just every kid in the country, you know, knew who he was, lovers or hate us, you know, we were kind of Marmite, maybe sometimes appealed to a certain class, but then even that changed. It went big. I can remember, you know, one. in that success all of my life. And then our first, you know, really successful performances or our first arena tour and like 20,000 kids screaming us.

Like, you know, we were Justin BWR. And I remember just being mind blown, mind blown by it. What does it feel like coming off? Were you elated? Were you, when you say overwhelmed, was there ever a time where you thought, oh my God, actually stop for a moment, I just want to get off.

X-fact on. That's the first time I experienced that feeling. So how old were you when that happened and how did that happen? I was 22 years old when I started. I know. Everyone forgets how old I was, mental. 22. I look at 22 girls now and I'm like, I was doing what then?

I've got a daughter 21 and 23. When I think about someone their age, madness. Mental. And again, not as close, you know. with my family so it's just me Lone Wolf, I'm out here doing it and at first I was good, I was living the dream because that's what I wanted

I wanted to be the best of the best and that for me was the best position in the UK But how did you, did Simon Cowell get in touch with you? Had you met him at a party? Like what's... The show... The show got in touch with me. One of the producers had seen me on B&N-Dubs and gone, oh what a character

and I think they had a list of 100 people. They'd met all the 100 people and I was right at the bottom of the list and they picked a judge but they were not 100% happy and that producer Beth the name was a female she was like

were you just please like she was the only one that was kind of into it meet this girl like just one meeting what's the harm and I went for this meeting and while I was in the meeting they were like are you free to fly to L.A. tomorrow

to meet Simon And I was like, yeah. I always played it very nonchalant, you know, two court per school. Like, you need me. That was my energy. And I was like, yeah, I'm free. I'll make it work. And they jaded me off.

And before I knew, I was in Salim and Cowhousehouse. Can I just ask you something? So while you're being nonchalant, 22 year old, underneath are you going, really shit? Underneath, I'm going, this is the biggest opportunity of my life. But I was so delulu in my manifestations.

I had manifested the job. I was like, I'm going to be an ex-factor judge. I don't know how it's going to happen, but I'm going to get that job one day. And was that from watching the show? Yeah. I was like, I'm going to get it. How many years after saying that in your head were you doing it? Not long.

It was in the space of like two years that it happened. So when I was sat there like, yeah, this is all meant to be. I'm going to get this. I'm going to do it. I've got this. So you fly to Simon Cowell? Yeah. Okay.

Spill the dirt. spill the beans dish the dirt no dirt other than we dish dish the dirt dish the dirt yeah

and spill the beans and spill the beans um no dirt other than we established we were both chainswakers at the time um Tunisa

I know I know um I went in there with a a t-shirt that I made with his face on it and I put the male boss on it

and I was like here I was like here I was like I'm and I got your present wait you had it made yeah a one off

yeah Well, well done. Have a business at home. Because I knew like ballsy women. Oh my God. And you are that. Yeah, so I was like, okay, I'm going to work on that. So yeah, gave him the T-shirt and he's, you know, smoking away. So I looked at him and went, oh, are you smoking here?

Don't mind, do you? Pulled out my own. And I basically said to him, Simon, I was like, now, you know, you and Cheryl have gone to America. You're going to need someone to be Mr. Nasty and say, the truth. This is bad. This is rubbish. And you're also going to need someone that tapped into their emotions like Cheryl does, you know, and cry when it's emotional. And you've not got, you've got that right now. You're going to need me. You need me for this job. I bet he loved that. I bet he absolutely loved it. Like, if you don't hire me, you're making a very big mistake.

Did you really? He shook my hand on the spot and said, right, I'll get the contract over. So I've got literally goosebumps non-stop. talking to you because, like, I want to say something to you. Go for it. Because if you were my kid, and I'm saying it, because the reason why I'm crying, is because I'm a bit sad that I don't think you got this from a parent. Like, I'm so proud of you. Oh, thank you.

That's like, fucking. Me a sloat. Isn't that it? It's so mega. Oh, missy. Honestly. Yeah, no, it is. It's a mega, mega moment, like, mega.

Mega, I know. I, you see him when I reached out. I was like, in my 30s when I met Simon Cowell, and I was petrified. Yeah. He's such a power. Yeah. He's such a force.

Yeah. And you at 20, like. I know. I know it's mad. I did that for 22. It's fantastic. It is. When you say it like that, I look back and I'm like, okay.

So, so that changed your whole life. Like you were not just a kind of niche, like cool young people's, like music act, but then you were suddenly Saturday night, everybody sat on the sofa and everyone knows your name. Yeah. Wild transition. So were you in a good place then making lots of money? Yeah. Were you a saver? Were you sensible? I was definitely a saver. Yeah, compared to most of the people around me.

me but I liked a nice house and I like cars. But other than that, I wasn't a spender. Like, I wasn't out buying Louvreton bags. No. Designer clothes. Wasn't interested in jewellery. But I always liked a nice sports car and a nice big house. Just because I'm trying to set up the scene before, you know, your life implodes that,

did you have a mortgage? Well, actually, before my life imploded, I was going for the dream house thinking. I've got this, you know, I've got this job, I've got all these other massive brand deals and I put down like half a million quid deposit on this house but I hadn't completed yet so I was due to complete in the next couple of months and because the sting hit the way the contract worked I lost my half a million pound deposit and my house. if I'd have just completed it

but I couldn't complete now because I didn't have the money to pay the mortgage because all my brand in deals and endorsements was frozen instantly and then I knew I had a million quid in legal bills so I was like all right and then no future income and do you know what the weird thing was when I was in that house let me tell you something I always get a sense for things I was like this is not mine I had this overwhelming feeling like I've got all this stuff

and I'm going to lose it I'm going to lose it. This is not my home. All of this, it's like I knew I had this weird sense that I was going to lose everything. Do you think that's sometimes though what we think because of it comes from... I know, energy.

Yeah. Energy. 100% in a lot of circumstances. But this, what happened with the child was something else. I feel like it was, there are some things that we can create and kind of lead on. and there are some things that are written on the wall. So I'm going to touch on something.

I know I don't want to talk about it too much now. I know it's a subject that you don't really like going into great depth about. But because it happens so close to the sting. And because you were riding so high at this point, dream job on X Factor, amazing career in music. selling out tens of thousands of arenas like people in arenas triple

platinum albums I mean unbelievable and an ex-boyfriend of yours did the unthinkable thing and he published a sex tape of you guys when you were together in love yet.

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Steep Flip Or that And enjoy Via Rail Love the Way And charged people money for it Yeah

Now the reason why I feel so strongly About this now As being such an important thing And I understand why you wouldn't Because it's horrible It's dirty and it's hard Yeah But what I want to explain to

people now is the way that people thought about those kind of things back in that day because nowadays people would you're the victim you're the victim but back then I was the is my fault yes I'm the whore yes this is not again I'm so angry I know I can't even tap into it I've to let go away angry of it because it's like too much did people think that you have purposefully released it to further your career that is why I seed him because he had said it's nothing to do with me she's done it she's released it on top of doing it so I was like

I knew you didn't have any money well actually I found out later that he did but he did it well off the back of the tape and yeah it was just but you so you had to sue him to prove to the nation that you hadn't released it to further your career

yeah exactly that and when he got to the point where he was like I'm you know getting drag out of through court proceedings and having to spend too much money, he then just eventually admitted it and said, okay, it was me. And put his hands up. And also I just want to talk to you about

the fact that in those days, because it was different to how it is now, in those days, even though you win a court case, because in my head... Didn't get anything out of it. I just got him admitting it. But also, papers didn't cover stuff like that.

They don't cover where you win. something. Yeah. Or somebody, they realized that they were wrong and you didn't do that. That doesn't serve their purpose. That doesn't serve their rhetoric, their story. Well, I find that with, yeah, with the stories that they do and then if there's, you know, a turnaround or they find out other information, the apologies that you get,

this small at the back of a newspaper. I've done it like so many times. And I'm like, well, the damage is done. No one's reading that. No one cares. It was front page when you wrote it So that at the back doesn't do much I think that was the reason

Why they used to do these big stings It didn't matter if it was the truth really Even if the truth came out It would be page five Yeah It's just selling these Where are wrong The mad world

So that happened And you were on the X Factor When that happened Yeah And in Endubs Did it affect your career in the way that you thought that it would? Did it have a catastrophic effect on your career?

So two things happened. One thing that happened was coming out of end up's going on X Factor, I could have leaned towards the more family-orientated, polished image, which for me, that is something that I wanted to lean towards. And now that was out the window. but it then catapulted me as this controversial star. So I was still getting branding deals, but then different, certain types and other brands wouldn't want to touch me.

So then I was just in a position where I had to just own it. But that was the catalyst for my major depression. Tell me what happened. it just I think I'd based my whole life on becoming getting to that point that I was just before it happened

it was like the dream and if I could do this like my whole life would change and everything was going to be all right and that thought got me through the depression as a kid and all the anxiety so I'd worked my whole life for this moment

and in 0.5 seconds the rug was just swept out from underneath me and I knew in my heart nothing was ever going to feel the same again in terms of public image and perception. It was like, okay, I'm tarnished now. And it just sent me on a spiral.

And then I began relating it to the show. I hated my job then. I finally got my dream job and then I didn't want to do it anymore because I was like, if I wasn't on this show, this probably wouldn't have happened. you might have not wanted to sell it because you wouldn't have thought he was going to make that much out of it. And then it was also the platform for the wolves to come at me every night and every Saturday night and it's live and Twitter and this and that. And you look like this and you look like this.

This is interesting actually because again, I think that we don't discuss enough what the barrage is like online when it happens. and that people are always like, well, you wanted to be famous. Like, you've got to put up with it. But very few people really understand what it's like unless you're in the business. Yeah. Yeah.

every time you're in public and in a public place, that's the time that people have something to say because you're kind of being rammed down their throats. So rather than you kind of going into hiding and things slowly fainting away or time to heal, I was having to do Saturday night live television every week. And then I've got, you know, half a country hating me. And then it just makes them hate me even more.

So it was just a very intense, very overwhelming experience. I was done. By that point, after the tape, I was done. I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. All of this just made you so famous, the tape. But not the right thing. Not the right famous, right? No.

Not the famous I wanted to be anyway. What was interesting was that your career, was not finished by it. And in a way, these papers, in those days, because I do think they've got much better, but in those days, they used to decide, well, that person looks quite bulletproof. Yeah. Right. And I heard that, like, from the inside that a lot of members of the press were doing that.

Like, she's taking down a peg or two. I've had that where they decided. And I've seen a journalist on the Jade Goody documentary talking about. It was part time. Yeah. And it felt like that's what they decided with you. Yeah. So.

It was also the cockiness though. Like after the tape dropped, instead of holding my head down in shame like I should have at the time, I like released a video saying, listen, I was in, I'm not the bad guy here. Like I am the victim. And then while I was sat there and the whole country was talking about me calling me a whore, I was like, fuck this.

Utilize this. I'm in every newspaper. Drop the single three months early. Do it now. Give them something else to talk about other than that tape. Because I cannot have this being the talk of the town for the next three months. Drop the single. The label like Tilesa, we don't know if I was in.

Drop the single now. The video is shot, release young. Which then went to number one. So it was that now I'm this, I've catapulted where it's this controversial. I mean, that's Uncle B, isn't it? Yeah. Oh. 100%.

In retrospect, looking back, are you pleased you did that? Yeah. I'd always be a woman that stands on business and owns my shit. Excuse my French. Always. I knew I was the victim.

Why should I? Did the public perception change when you did release that big, yeah, good. Overnight. Yeah. Overnight. But it made you,

all of this made you a target for a massive sting. It's what judgment is all about. This absolutely, obviously I remember it at the time. I remember it coming up, but I did not know all of the details. I also, because I didn't,

we ever really read about it, and we'll go into this, I had no idea that you didn't do drugs. Yeah. You know, initially... See the insanity of it. They, I felt like initially they tried to get me for doing Coke. They just assumed.

That you did. Which I get with my energy and the party girl and the Ibiza girl. And then when they realized that I didn't, that's when they had to transition this thing into something else. So how, just paint the picture of like the efforts that the paper had gone to to set up the sting. Like how many people roughly were working on it? How much did it cost? I was told it was in the region of like 300 grand.

This is like information. from the inside afterwards. On 300. Yeah, I can't say that that's, you know, bulletproof. This is just from insiders coming to me from press. So they couldn't let it drop. They couldn't let it out. And I heard as well that they'd, it was initially assuming that I did Coke and then

them going, we spent too much now. We've got to get her. Yeah. But there must have been, oh God, there were at least, at least eight actors. hired actors, playing producers, directors, lawyers, assistants, I think even accountants at one point, fake contracts, discussions of like, they tried to get me during the sting for offshore bank accounts saying this is where we're going to transfer you, the three million quid we're going to pay you.

But you need to set out this account and my accountant was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not doing that. It's just like a sting within sting. So they tried to get you to do something illegal that you'd never done before but thank goodness your accountant Yeah it was like no we don't do all that offshore business So how did they approach you What was the kind of what was the promise

I got a I don't know how they did it Like they must have like paid off someone in this big big company worldwide And they got someone to go on the Twitter account, the verified Twitter account, and DM me saying to Lisa we have a Bollywood slash Hollywood producer that's interested in you for a role.

So it's like solid a DM from a verified account. Saying that they wanted to talk to you about a part. And then when did you start, did you start writing this diary that So judgment, basically, in this book, there's lots of amazing kind of diary entries that you wrote at the time. So it was initially, it started off as diary entries. And then what happened is I would go on these tangents. I was always like a big story writer as a kid.

And I would switch from diary entries to novel form. So I'd write it as it's happening, a story from a first person narrative. Yeah. And then as I would really start enjoying these bits, I'd just. decided to transform the whole book, so it was no longer diary entries, and make it into a novel about that year of my life from the first person narrative. So if you didn't know who Talisa was and you were reading it, you just think, oh, this is a great story rather than autobiography. But it's the truth. But it's the truth written in story format.

So clever. Yeah. Well, I did think, you know, business-wise as well, I was like, no one's done that before. No one's done that. And then I had like romance coming at the time. So I was like, oh, sex in the city on a drug charge. Epic. At the time, at the time, at the beginning, you were thinking, oh, wow. Yeah. Young girl, singer, dream job comes. This is going to be epic and epic tale of her getting her dream.

Yeah. Job in Hollywood. Yeah. I mean, the first, like, the first chapter is more about the facts, because I didn't start writing until I found out it was a set up. Yes. So if I'm doing it in story form, I have to write it moment to moment, and the sting had gone and passed. So I can't go down to precision in terms of being in the room and feeling it out. So the first chapter is more factual. Like, this is, you know, it sounds like more like a biography. Like, I've come to this point. I think I'm getting this movie role. And it brings you up into the point where I find out it's a set up. And then the story format begins and that's when it turns into a novel. So in your experience when you were in it, when did you start thinking, well, this is a bit odd because was it quite a way before the story came out?

When they started sort of saying, do you think you could get us some coke? Look, this is Hollywood. Like, you know, the drill, like everyone's, a lot of Hollywood's on something, you know, I know loads of Hollywood's on something, you know. I know loads of people in the industry but do cocaine even when I wasn't doing it and it was very even though people tried to you know hide it from me when they find out you don't do it

it's like okay like do you want some oh no okay I'll go and do it over there but it was a thing like I wasn't unaware of that but yeah it was very it was everywhere to be honest at the time so I wasn't shocked Like to me that's just like

Of course they do drugs Like a lot of the industry Doing drugs And you were like Well I don't I don't do that Yeah Do you know what one of the opening lines That I said to him

In one of the first meetings in Vegas And this is where they were lining up The Coke thing I came into the hotel room And he was showing me his running machine Saying oh look I was on this till Like I got on at 5am And I was running like a madman

Saying things that sounds like you're on drugs and I instantly went oh they're proper coke heads these and so I sat down at the table and I'm recorded you can hear this publicly this recording and I they said um like something about to do the girl in like the lorrielle adverts and I was like yeah I can be the girl in the lorriole adverts without the drugs so I instantly tried to let them know let them know, like, I don't do it. And that's recorded. It's also recorded of them pulling my friend aside and saying, oh, like, I want to get some, some gear and, you know, Talisa, like, does she do it? And you hear my friend go, no, no, no, no, don't, tea don't, tea don't do drugs. She don't do drugs. She's

not like that. And he's going, oh, really? Yeah, no, no, don't bring all that up around tea. there's the recording of that that was played in court. So they knew as well by this point from the comments that I've made and then go into my mate and then they were like, crap, you actually hear the assistant going to him going, she's not on all this. Like she doesn't do that. Like she's actually saying to Mahmood,

like you're pushing here for something that doesn't exist. That was played in court. And this is when they went, right, we've got to take it up a notch. we can't get her doing it because she doesn't do it, then we're going to have to get her. Talisa, I just... And the novelty to me was like, well, the irony. The irony was of all the freaking people in the whole industry,

when 90% of the industry is doing it, you go for the girl that doesn't do drugs when it's so hard not to in the industry that I was in. in and be able to stand on business and go, no, I don't want to do that. No, I don't want to try that. No, I don't want to be that person. And you go for the girl that doesn't do drugs because she's a Camden girl. And what, I deserve it anyway. Like, I mean, the interesting thing is you, you were the kind of face of end-ups really, weren't you? You were more famous in all the magazines. Oh, in a female perspective. So like commercial world, they always like the

women and the girls that dress up and the dresses, but musically no. No, but I mean, yeah, but as a commercial face, yeah. You, not the boys. Yeah, yeah, on a commercial level, I was the ones doing the magazines. I mean, this is, I know this is a story from your life, so in a way you're a bit like, it just, this happened to me. I'm telling you, as an outsider, I am kind of amazed that you didn't like have some kind of breakdown or

psychotic weight. Because well I want to talk to you about that because they then change TACC and they start going for something else but you still, they are so real at this point these people that you still don't feel

anything weird. You're just trying to help them because I felt something weird. I'll go on tell me. I didn't like him. I didn't like his energy. You're a slime ball but you know what? This is an energy exchange. I need something from you. you want something. Yes.

Not drugs. Yes. Fucking movie role. Sorry. Yeah. Of course. So, but I felt it. I was like,

I don't like this human, that's all. But you've got to deal with him because you really, really want this part. That's the industry. Sline balls everywhere. So I sense that much. So what was the next ask? They basically started asking me, did I know anyone that could get any gear?

And at the time, I've got two things going on. One, I don't know anyone because I don't do drugs, but two, I've got this assistant pulling me aside, putting the recording devices away, saying to me, they're not going for it. You've got to up the ante. The only way you're going to get this role

is if they believe you are the bad girl in the role this hood girl from a council estate from London so when you say assistant she's not your assistant she's his assistant and she plays a role and she does this off

off my yeah she would well they all have recording devices but she would take her recording device off and say oh come to the toilet with you and then go come here I really want you to get this role I'm a mother I've read your biography my daughter loves you

what you went through with your mum is so horrific you know your mom's illness and I know about your spiritualism I know like this is meant to be for you you want this so bad and I believe in you you can do this but you have to go out there

and you have to up the ante you have to make him believe you are the girl in that role or they're going to give it to someone else there's three million quids out there for you like go and get it so I literally just go from saying

yeah I used to smoke a bit of weed and I was in a bit of a rough group of girls and, you know, I used to get into a few fights to, oh yeah, I know every gangster in London. They all carry guns and I know every drug dealer. Like, I just, I think I said I used to sell crack at one point. Like, I just went, I just went with it. I don't owe the guy nothing.

I thought he was a slime ball anyway, so I don't care if I'm telling him the truth or not. I want a three million quid. But can I just say something? Because this story that you're telling, I think everybody would do the same thing. Oh, what, you want me to lie about my childhood?

Yeah. Would that get me the job? Yeah. Okay. You know you're lying. It's like... Yeah. It's not...

It's not rocket science. It's not rocket science. No. I think everybody would do the same thing. This is what's so awful. This is why no one can judge. Yeah. No one.

No. Don't throw stones. Yeah. It just... It beggars belief. Yeah. So you go and become the person they want for this part. Which everybody would do.

And even that night, when I've gone out and become the person and they're asking me for drugs, I still can't get them. You can't. Because you don't know how, because you don't take drugs. Yeah. So they're making up excuses. I think there were two times where I've had to make up excuses. And it's gone on for months and months this thing before they finally eventually one day got a number of someone who wasn't a drug dealer,

who was an aspiring movie producer. I thought I was helping by introducing. So just explain that fully what you did because you thought you were helping this guy. Yeah. So just tell that story. I basically, there's some level of detail. I don't want to go into legal reasons. Yeah, but what I would say is they're asking me constantly for Coke.

They end up getting a telephone number from me of someone who's an aspiring movie producer. He's not a drug dealer. And they end up... You thought you were helping him, connecting him with the 21st century box. Yeah. And here's the mad thing as well, like the catch. Let's say even if I've given someone a telephone number,

I don't do drugs. I don't know how much drugs costs. I don't know the level of like how illegal drugs are. I don't know any details about cocaine. No, like the class of drugs. Yeah, I don't know anything. Yeah. And they order... not a bag of coke,

800 pounds worth of cocaine. That's a lot. 800, yeah. Like, and obviously now I know what 800 pounds of cocaine is. Because I used to. That's four years in prison. Yeah, it's like, that's four years in prison.

Okay. Wow. I think it was up to eight years, but being realistic. Yeah, well, that's, I guess that would be, like, a dealer's amount. Yeah, it was concerned in the selling of Class A drugs. Yeah, right, yeah. Like, I am basically approving £800 worth.

Even if they got a number from me and I'm thinking, okay, I'm picturing a bag of coke and I'm picturing like a bag of weed, which I did smoke. Okay, they're going to order like a bag of cocaine, like a small bag. I'm not understanding that they're going to order like £800 worth or what that means is just... Yeah, I found out. And what happened then? They left it for a while. It wasn't instant. Were they still in contact with you in that time?

Yeah. Were they still playing the game? They were still trying to gauge things from me because what was happening was, I would sit down with these producers or they'd have phone calls with me and they're these massive Hollywood producers so I'm trusting them with private information.

So they're then getting stories about my life, about my relationship at the time about anything that was going on and obviously the son are just ploughing these stories out and I'm not knowing where they're coming from so they're still gaining even once they know they've got that they're going to go to the police

and they're going to send me to prison they're still banging out and getting as much news as they can by maintaining that relationship so at that time this was before the kind of phone hacking scandal broke in the UK. So they were basically just trying to milk you for any stories they could

get. Yeah, I was phone hats as well. Until the big sting came out. And it was at a time, just explain how little you trusted everyone else in your life because those stories, you would have thought to yourself, well, those stories have got to be coming from somewhere. Who did you think was doing the dirty on you? I'd already had family members selling stories on me. I had like my ex-step-mom write a book. So I wasn't, I just expected anything from everyone. I trusted no one.

Yeah. Everyone was a threat. I locked so many people out of my life because I was just like, it was a weird place to be in. Was it lonely? Yeah, very lonely. Very, very lonely. How hard was it for you

to make friends even? I mean, for example, my two best friends I have now, I've known them both for like, since the age of 17 years old. I'm 37. And it took me a minimum of 10 years to trust them both for them to actually become my best friends.

Imagine they know me for 10 years and they'd be like, tea, you know what the thing is with you? It's like you kind of love, but from a, I feel like you're not really, like you're there, but you're not. You're not breaking through that barrier with you. It's like you don't, it's like you don't love anyone because I didn't feel like anyone love me. It's weird, isn't it, to be universally loved?

Mm. By a nation for your music and... But no real meaningful, deep connections. An island. An island. Santorini. Santorini, that's a good one. Santorini.

I, um... You know, what's really sad is that you didn't trust anybody, but you trusted these people because of the blue tick. Well, anyone that's selling stories on you, you look at things like, well, they need something, they need income, they need money, or there's something to gain. You're dealing with Hollywood producers, they don't need crap from me. I need something from them, which is exactly how they wanted it.

So by giving vulnerability and truth and opening up, That usually makes other people open up. So I'm giving it all. And then nonsense on top of truth because I need it. So I'm also making stuff up as well as giving them truth within that. So how long after, you know, you'd given them that telephone number, did the story actually break? I actually don't know.

But I know there was a period because I was in one house when it started and then another house. by the time it finished so that's how I know there was like a gap I don't know what it was maybe like a couple of months I don't know that's a lot of time to get a lot of information out

yeah exactly and can you tell me was it Sunday was it the news of the world was it the sun on Sunday yeah yeah sun on Sunday and the mad thing was they weren't obliged to say

what had happened so the way it was printed was like I just had these conversations with a random stranger or someone that I knew. Not that it was set up. Yeah, that there's no... That you were promised to partner, though? Nothing. Like they said nothing about the entrapment.

It was just... Talisa's gone and sold £800 worth of cocaine. And by the way, she hangs around with all these London gangsters and drug dealers and she's this bad girl. And that's how it was printed. Did they sometimes, as I'm sure you're aware, they can call you and say, we're just giving you a word of warning, we're going to print this on. No, it dropped. It just drops.

Where were you? I was in my house. Who are you with? My manager at the time, he came in the room and he just said it's a lie. It's not real. It's all been made up. So what happened then? I was just like

my whole world has just falling apart but a fighter to Lisa you are fired to Lisa when I was like no no no

no no everyone's going to know what you did and how this happened and I was crying hysterically and I grabbed my laptop I went upstairs and I pressed record and started telling the story of what happened

and within what weeks of that. I was writing this book. And you pressed record and posted it on Facebook, right? No, I didn't, couldn't say anything. My lawyer told me until this case is done, you can't say anything. So when did that go up? The day that the case dropped. And how long was that? I was 24 when it started. I was 26 when it finished. Two years of your life and you couldn't tell anybody the truth? Only my friends. Not no one in the, not the public. The public just believed for those, that time that I was, what they, printed. You know, I think I just keep thinking about the place that you were in before it happened

and like, imagine those two years of you'd had such a fall from grace, but it wasn't even a fall from grace. That's where, what happened to you in those two years and how, because you keep talking about strong to Lisa and picking yourself up and being, but that would break anyone. Yeah. Did you break? Yeah, I did break. I could tell you briefly here but again it's all in the book my first initial moment where I was just like I'd had enough like found pills in the bathroom, weren't sure exactly how many I needed to take or what they did, it was just to kind of do you know what if these finish me off

I don't even care, I had a whole litre bottle of vodka people in the house at the time so my managers obviously knowing something's He was like banging on the door and then he's put the key in the thing and opened it and then said, you're all right, seeing the pill packets, what you're taking, so ambulance was called. Wait, because you just went through that in a classic, someone who's been through a lot in their life. Yeah. That's a big, you know, that's a big thing. Yeah.

But also, if it wasn't, you know, there were. other people in the house, but it was also a massive cry for help. Yeah. Did you get help? No, I didn't, I never went to counselling or anything like. It just wasn't any time to process because I was still going through it, like you said from the age of 24 to

26, get help. Help for what? To face the fact that I might go to prison for four years? Go on, you show me a light at the end of the tunnel. My life's fallen apart. It's never going to be the same again, even if I don't go to jail. Like, there's nothing anyone can tell me that's going to make this better. I just have to ride the through this. And I would have my good days and I would have my bad days. Luckily I met,

so his code name, not his real name is Jacob, who I write about in the book. And I get into a relationship with someone and he really saved my ass. In what way? I mean, if you read the book, you understand it was a very toxic rollercoaster whirlwind of a relationship, but it was a great distraction. It really took my mind. mind off a lot of the time off what was happening. You know, one day it's like I'm going to court and the next day I'm dealing with epic relationship drama. It was just, it was crazy and no one knew. It wasn't good or healthy, but it was just something else to think about.

Don't get, don't get it twisted. Like, I have got the utmost love for Jacob and we both gave each other our fair share during that period. We both, you know, were, you know, slightly egotistical, toxic individuals at times. And it's all based on fear, isn't it? Fear of vulnerability, both, you know, play games with each other. But there were a lot of beautiful moments. You know, he is ultimately a beautiful soul

where he was so full of love and empathy and kindness to me. And you get that when you read the book. And that's why, you know, reading it's not like, oh, there's just some toxic narcissist in my life. It's like, oh, from what I've heard so far, people are like, you just want it to work. to like, please, where's it going to go?

Like, we hope it works out. Like, so he's very much, you know, the good guy, but the diamond in the rough, the edgy guy with a lot of rough around the edges, energy. And so there was a lot of dark times with him, but there were some beautiful times that save my life. I don't really know how I would have coached without that relationship as my distraction during that period.

I don't. And he knew it. He was a very spiritual person also, and he had this sense. He'd always say it to me. You know, he speaks it in the book. And he's like, I feel like I have been sent to you. Like we've just sent to each other during this time. And like, I have to get you through this thing.

You've always had that spirituality, haven't you? It's like, it's so interesting because I've really only kind of believed in people get sent to you. Things happen for a reason. in later life. I just think I just went through life, ignoring signals. Talk to me a bit about how that got you through, you know, after you got acquitted.

But like I said, it's no good being acquitted when your life's in tatters in a way. And at least you didn't go to prison. Yeah, yeah. Oh, listen. Don't get me wrong. I was so grateful. Yeah, it's the good result.

Yeah. Really. Love and light, but I couldn't shake the depression. No, because your life had been. been changed measurably forever talked to me

about that time it was it was a weird one like at first I was like wow I've got free a miracle

I knew this was going to happen because I always had that faith and then I went through that period

and then I kind of had a little comeback and then again me always following the hope everything

it's going to be fine everything it's going to turn around and then I start to

realize it's not turning around this this has changed you need to accept life has changed everything's changed

it's not going to be the same as it was and then the processing starts to kick in because I didn't have time I kind of wasted the two years just trying to get through

the two years I didn't have time to heal because I was going through it so then the processing only happened after and remember afterwards he's now being charged for like perverting the court of justice and I'm the key witness and a lot of dodgy stuff went on there. I was still being followed and

attempted set-ups were still happening. So I'm in this state of hypervisulence and complete fear. Like literally at a point where I start, my paranoia is like I'm fearing for my life now. And that continues for another year afterwards. So there's a whole three years. Not one really. Yeah, journey. And then my life isn't the same. and the depression starts to kick in, the anxiety, the PTSD. And that's when I made the more definitive suicide attempts. When I was like, oh, I know what I'm taking here. I've got 20 of these tablets.

I've got three of these. This is definitely going to finish me off. You know, Googled it. And really bizarrely, at the time, I was taking these sleeping tablets that can make certain people's sleepwalk. there's like a lot of cases in the United States about it and I had discovered I was a sleepwalker on these tablets I had friends that had witnessed it

and they had videos of me I've still got it of me walking around the house very bizarre behaviour but I'm up I'm up right I'm chatting I'm having a conversation and then I drop back down again into a sleep state then I'm up talking nonsense not really makes sense I also would start cooking I'd get hungry so I'd sleep eat I'd wake up with like bowls of food

next to me on these tablets and I realised obviously when I woke up one day and my manager was at the bottom of my bed and he's like and this is when we've established and he shows me this video and I'm like this is the food bowls

this I've been sleepwalking on these pills now I'm thinking I've taken 20 of these other tablets these two tablets of the sleeping tablets sleepwalking tablets they're not I'm not going to sleepwalking of these like I'm going to die not going to get up and start walking about

but you want to feel sleepy I'm just throwing as many in as I can finish me off like oh they'll do put them on top as well and as I'm going into basically essentially about to drop off into a sleepy death I ping up and sleepwalk

and I get on my phone I start sending dodgy messages and making dodgy calls and like what okay so here's an example of something that I'd said like in sleepwalking stay I was walking around

there's like a video I've got of myself and I'm saying one of my friends is called Percy and I'm going where's Percy and the boys where's Percy and the boys and like my mate's going what and I'm like

where are they Percy and the boys I know they're here and I start looking under sofas I'm like opening cupboards I'm like looking under things doing weird stuff where are they I know they're here

like nonsense like I just sound like a mad woman and one of my friends obviously know, oh, something's not right here. And she comes round the house, thankfully, and she finds me, veins calling up my head, blue in the face. She said she thought I was already dead. Called an ambulance. I think she said that they were trying to bring me back or, like, I can't remember if they resuscitating the ambulance.

It's actually quite a blur. I don't remember any of it, obviously, because I'm out cold, but even speaking to people afterwards. I kind of say this in the book. Like I didn't even want the information. I found out years later. I was like the first conversation with that friend I had about it

was years afterwards. I didn't even address it with what she'd found. Why not? I had this. I was pissed off when I woke up. I was like, why am I here? How the hell? And then I'm the spiritual side's kicking in.

I'm looking at the universe and I'm like, what do you want from me? I can't even die properly. it was that energy and I was just and then I had this acceptance of do you know what you want me here for something

because if you've managed to do that with them amount of pills and save my life in such a miraculous way there's obviously a reason that I'm here I don't want to be here but all right

do your thing show me why am I here then cool I'll stick it out even though I'm miserable, Cole, you show me why I'm still here. And like, why are you still here? What do you feel is your purpose? What do you want?

I want peace and happiness. And a part of me, if I'm honest, like the only thing I can lean towards is my purpose is to tell this story. A lot of my life story and a lot of my experiences and a lot of my experiences and a lot of my perspectives, I think there's something in it that maybe people can take something from it. And also now I have things in my personal life to live for.

I have inner peace and I have enlightenment, I have a very calm environment. How did you get there from where you were? That's upstairs. That has nothing to do with me. When people ask you that, I'm like, I don't know. I can't tell you.

It was an accumulation of things and rollercoaster of events, setting up one thing and another thing that just got me to this point where I went, ah, this is what it's all about. Okay. Do you think it's getting older? Accumulation, it's getting older. It's the experiences at a time. It's the signs.

I experience a lot of spiritual stuff as well, miraculous experiences, miracles. Me coming off out of the case in its. was a miracle because it took one of Mazeemamud's right-hand men that he'd known for like 20 years and worked with to grass him up for lying about me. Is that a taxi driver? Yeah. Which why is his, you know, practically his solid mate that's worked with for 20 years, done this with for 20 years, just for me, because he's lied about other people as well.

But for me, he stepped forward, put himself in danger. He had to go on tag. Like he was found guilty for being involved. I feel like... That's a miracle in itself. I feel like people must have been involved in that sting. And you would have to be a pretty bad person to not feel bad for you. They were really trying to make you out to be someone you weren't.

A demon. And knowing that they were manipulating a young woman at the... top of her game to do something that will finish her career that wasn't even true. Yeah. It's an unth. It's awful and I always say it's so evil. Somebody had the decency to do that for you. And you know what?

I've never publicly thanked him and I take this moment to do it. I'm so grateful to that man. So grateful. He saved my life. Adam Smith. So grateful. I don't care about what mistakes you made before. I don't care who you were.

Thank you. thank you for doing the right thing in that moment. Like, I've got, it actually makes me well up. Like I've got no bad blood for that man. Just pure love and light, thank you from the bottom of my heart. So much for saving my life. Because if you were getting those suicide attempts out of that cell, could you imagine what would have happened in it?

Thank you, Alan. To Lisa, I just want to say thank you. Thank you. I have so much respect for you. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. You've really lived a big life.

But this book is going to be important for people to read because I think people go through dark moments and they think there's no light at the end of the tunnel. That is what it's about. Yeah. That's why the universe. Yeah. You kept me here to finish this book.

Yeah, because this will help people. Yeah. I hope so. And I hope I've written it in an exciting story way So it's not just a boring or whereography either It's really clever Yeah And you are a great writer

I know you've written a level as well Yeah I'm just saying this is really brilliant It is all me No ghost writer It is all me So Please may I give you a hug

I would love to give you hug I was going to ask if you didn't Oh I love you lots like Jenny Tots Oh,