Begin Again with Davina McCall - What Happens After Your Kids leave home?: Begin Again Moments

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

In this week's episode, we dive into the evolving dynamics of parenting as your children grow into adults. Dearbhla Mescal shares her journey of adjusting to her children's adulthood, discussing how to navigate the shift from traditional parenting to supporting them as independent adults. She reflects on how to remain close while respecting their autonomy, finding balance in the new stage of their relationship. Following that, Mel Robbins offers practical advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship with your adult children. She discusses the importance of setting boundaries, staying connected, and embracing the changes that come with this stage of life, while also highlighting the crucial role of communication in sustaining strong, supportive bonds. Tune in for a thoughtful conversation on how to gracefully transition into a new phase of parenting as your children become adults, offering insights and real-life wisdom on fostering these crucial relationships. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.co.uk/Host Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Now, I don't know if you remember, but I told you about my friend Kat, who was heading off to Thailand, with her partner to celebrate their 10-year anniversary. And she just got back last week. They spent a day exploring the markets. They went to Bangkok. And the real highlight for Kat, she said,

was when they visited this ethical animal sanctuary in Chiang Mai. I mean, can I just tell you something? I've actually never been to Thailand. I'm so jealous. But the reason I'm telling you all of this is before Kat went away, she found a local co-host through Airbnb's co-host network. And they helped her host her home and manage all the kind of admin-y bits like welcoming guests and responding to messages. And for Kat, that meant that she could just switch off and really just enjoy being on holiday,

all the while her home was bringing in a bit of extra money on the side. It just makes so much sense, right? If you're heading away anytime soon and could do with a bit of help, why don't you find yourself a co-host at Airbnb.com.ukuk slash host. I'm just going to explain here. You are the mother of Paul Mescal.

Yes, I am. But you have three children. I do have three children. All equally important. Yes. You got Donica. So Paul is 30 just recently. Donica is going to be 27 in July

and Nell is 23 in April. my baby. Amazing. I know I can't believe I have a 30 year old. Yeah, it's so weird, isn't it? That is like... How did that even happen?

I just, I have no idea. I find that, and that's the most interesting part of mothering, I think, as well, that you have to mother, like, they don't need mothering now. So where do you sit? They do. But they do. Exactly. But they don't.

And so therefore you don't want to be on top of them, but you want to be near them. You want to let them know that we're in the wings, always here. But yeah, he's, yeah, very lucky. The three of them are happy and well. Please will you just describe how you see what happens to two people when they have children where they kind of become an entity of parenting? Oh, yeah. Like, when you're parenting, when you're in a couple, before you have children,

it's about your dreams and my dreams and we're all going to be one of them. It's all going to be fine. We're going to be able to sail off there and we're going to be able to do that. And if you're blessed and you get a baby, suddenly nothing else matters. Yeah. Nothing else matters. It's only their dreams. What do you mean you have a dream? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we've got this person here. He's got to have the dreams. He's got to have the dreams. Oh, and we're saying yes, and there's no shit of coulda-woulda-woulda's, we've got to do it. Oh, my goodness, no should have would have could have, and Paul would be sitting there going, something, you are the first other person that I've heard that says shoulda woulda coulda. I say that. Yeah. Shoulda woulda gooder? Like, rubbish. Rubbish.

Don't do that. Did or did not? And I didn't want any of my children to turn to me at 30. Yeah. And say, I coulda, I shoulda, if you had. Do you know? And one of the things I said to my friend was that when she was coming in her front door and all the shoes were in the front door

and she had to kick them out of the way because she's tired and she's just come in with all her own and then she goes over to the wash machine and all the stuff is outside the washing machine so we were having that like you can imagine this this was a manic conversation of yes that happens all the time

and there is no fairy in the laundry like it's just who is it me and I said to her do you know what we have to do we have to realise that we're not always going to be kicking the shoes eventually it'll just be two sets of shoes so let's enjoy all the shoes

you know and it's really important because it's fleeting and when you're in the chaos and when it's hard you don't realize it's fleeting you think this is it this is oh my God my children are never going to learn and they do go

and your joys have to be found within yourself and I so I you know that was one of the things I remember writing, you know, kicking the shoes, dance over them. And then when you're folding the laundry, like, you're putting something into it. Yes. Do it with love. You know, like you're folding it, like. With intention. With intention. And so I try now, not every day. I can promise you it's not every day. But I do try intentionally to, it's like, you know, now it's WhatsApp. You know, I send them, like I was flying over today

and I sent the kids love you all see on the other side and that'll land wherever at whatever point in the day that they see it but those little that's a little moment for me

it's like a kiss on the on the forehead when they were small that's my kiss and now with these grown-up people but folding the laundry or like when Nell comes home like having her room nice you know just

just because it's, you want that. You just want them to know they were missed. Yeah. I want you to be gone. But you're missed when you're gone. It's kind of that balance of you're supposed to be somewhere else, but

I do miss you. I do miss that. Yeah. I mean, this is something that any woman that has had children it doesn't really matter how old they are now. At some point they will be negotiating their children leaving. and it was really funny because I was like, I'm not going to be that parent.

I'm going to, like, my whole mission in life give my kids wings. Absolutely. So they can fly away with confidence and never look back. Yes. And then I remember when the first one went and I was like thinking to myself, look back, look back sometime. Like, just a couple of times as it would be. I'm feeling it. And I love you.

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You and I have daughters that are largely the same age, and I wrote this book with our oldest daughter, Sawyer. I really want to talk to you a bit about that as well. So I finish what you're saying, but I'd love to talk to you about your experience of... Oh my God, we were going to kill each other. Like, it was the absolute, like, this theory works because we had to use it probably 37 times a day with each other. We are the exact opposite. Our daughter has worked for a cyber security firm in like data marketing. She is an Excel sheet on legs.

That's what she is. I am a just crazy lunatic. Like I always use this descriptor that my brain, imagine filling a cardboard box with mice and tipping it over in a restaurant. That's what my brain is like. So, yes, imagine she never wanted to work for me, ever. This was her worst nightmare. And, you know, it's a long story, but like a lot of 20-somethings, she had an early career. Then she went backpacking, came home broke.

And I'm like, I got a project. And she was broke. And so I looped her into starting to do some research on this. And then she's the one that came up with let me. Wow. Uh-huh. And when Sawyer, you know, came on and needed some money, I'm like, look, I just wrote the first draft of this book, and it sucks. Because you goodbye.

It was terrible. And so I'm at this point where I've turned in the manuscript. I think the book is terrible. She's home. She's broke. This would have been like a year and five months ago, January of 2024. And I said, hey, here's what I want you to do. I did a podcast episode about this.

go to the comments on the YouTube episode and go to the inbox. And I want you to do some analysis and tell us what are people saying? Forget about why they like it. We all know why they like it because it makes it feel better than other people. It makes them like, you know, rise above all this shit and not be so stressed out. Why do they not like it? Where's the pain point? Where is it not working? I thought she would take four weeks. She came back two days later with like a 37 paid Excel tabbed spreadsheet thing with all this links of porn. And so I'm like, now you're really stuck because now you've got to write this with me. And so we literally live together.

We work together. We wrote 10 drafts of this book in about 11 months. That's 3,300 pages. We would literally let them, let them. And then I'd get pissed off because she'd want to work out. And I'm like, I can't. I'm a creator. And I'd leave.

And then she'd be upstairs going, let her, let her, let her. and I'd be downstairs going, let her, let her. You know, I can't do this if you're in this mood? Because you know how you get with your kids? Where they're in a bad mood? And then you're like, why are you in a bad mood? And then she's like, I'm not in a bad. And then next thing you're like, that was us writing this book.

And by 11 o'clock at night, every night, we would be above the garage typing something up. And we'd look at each other and go, this is so good. And what was great about it is because she's in her 20s and I'm in my 50s, we argued over every word. We argued over every story. And it was almost like you've got to be careful when you write a book about control because the universe hands you nonstop situations that make you use the thing you're working. You get on a plane, somebody's kicking your seat. You go to the dog park.

Somebody is letting their dog poop everywhere and they're not picking it up. Like you just like battles. And so one of the interesting things about this is, we were writing the section on love, her boyfriend of two years broke up with her. She comes sobbing. This is one she thought she was going to marry. She literally is like, what am I supposed to do? Just let him leave, let him sleep with other people, let him break my heart. I hate this theory. And so we wrote the entire section about the breakup as she was going through it in real time. And what's interesting about that as a parent or a friend,

is that when you've been with somebody that's going through a horrible divorce or they're going through a terrible breakup, all you want to do is take their pain away. And I had to use the theory to let her grieve. Yes. To let her be in a depressive state. To let her have her process. And all I wanted to do was be texting his mother and trying to get them back together. And, you know, I didn't want to have to, like, I didn't want to delete the photos on the digital frame.

I was just, like, pausing them because I'm holding out, like, I wanted to reassure her, but that actually communicates that you're not strong enough to get through this. And one of the biggest lessons as a parent that this book has taught me is that your kids are so much stronger than you realize. And your job is to let them learn from life while you've got your arm. around their shoulder saying, I am here when you need me. And I believe in your ability to move through this. Because the truth is, if somebody breaks up with you or you're going through a really challenging divorce, it's a mentally healthy response to be in a depressive state. Yes, of course. Yeah. But we're so uncomfortable watching somebody go through.

through that, that we want to take that from them when they are fully capable of moving through it with your support.