Behind the Bastards - Ben Shapiro's Godawful Book: The Final Episode

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Robert is joined by Katy Stoll and Cody Johnston for the last reading of Ben Shapiro's terrible novel. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian-trained astronaut?

That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space? Well, I ought to know, because I'm Lance Bass. And I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space. With no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the Earth for 313 days that changed the world.

Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I knew that the show had started because of that. I have nothing to add. What I love is getting paid my entire salary to open shows like this. It's actually pretty easy to be an adult if you get a couple of lucky breaks that allow you to just grunt into a microphone and then groggily read Ben Shapiro's terrible book for an hour and a half to your friends, which is the career path I recommend for everyone listening.

It's amazing what success is defined as these days. I know. But I accept it. Yeah, I accept it too. How are we all doing today on the special, very special day? It's Friday. It's beautiful. Got a dog in my lap.

I apologize. I have a dog in my lap. There's two dogs in here. They might be joining in the conversation. We'll see. I'm good. I'm glad you have the dogs, Katie, because today isn't a day where we're going to all get some emotional closure. We're all readers here.

We're all fans of storytelling. When you finish a story that has really grabbed you, it can be like losing a family member. There's this moment of sorrow when you realize it's gone, and we are about to take our very last trip into the world of Ben Shapiro's true allegiance. I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this. We started this journey like a full year ago, y'all. It was a long time. It's been a while.

By the time we're done, he'll have released True Allegiance. True Allegiance. Which I just can't wait for. I love a series of books. I run one of the largest subreddits for True Allegiance fans. The Scuttlebutt is that the sequel, we're finally going to learn Yard's name. Oh, I'm hooked. I mean, fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed. I don't know, he might save that for the third one. Well, we are going to have to come up with something else to read, because I'm not ready to say goodbye to this tradition. No, we'll have to find another book. Maybe Steven Seagal's book, The Way of the Shadow Wolves. Oh, my God. That sounds fun.

Yeah, it's old. You had a visceral reaction to that title. And speaking of visceral reactions, the first chapter that we're coming back to is, we couldn't open this episode better, Brett Hawthorne. Here we go. All right, we're in New York City with Brett. Brett couldn't stop sweating. It wasn't that Prescott.

Prescott is the terrible president. Prescott's threats scared him. Not after the public scandal with Diana Kelly. Bullshit, though it was. Not after Afghanistan. Not after Iran. Not after spinning years apart from Ellen. Prescott would be better off burying the whole situation politically,

avoiding the backlash, making some payoff to Omari, which is the bin Laden. This would blow over. Brett wasn't sweating for himself. He was sweating for Hassan. He'd been a fool. He knew that now. He'd been a fool far too often, trusting Prescott,

serving in his administration. And then telling Omari that he knew about Muhammad's association with him. Omari could backtrack the story. Okay, so Brett's feeling bad because he got his friend, the good Muslim, in trouble for telling him about the bad Muslim who is like running care, basically. Like we all remember that. There's the anti-Muslim bigotry organization that's a front for al-Qaeda.

Because all of the Muslims, except for his friend Hassan, are bad guys. And Brett got his friend in trouble because his friend sent him to the anti-Muslim bigotry people who nuked New York City. Because the only reason to be against bigotry against Muslims is if you're planning to destroy the largest city in the country. Yeah, I can't think of any other logical region. Yeah, okay. So he's wondering how Prescott tracked him down.

Because he got caught by the president in the Fed's last episode, or last chapter, whatever you want to fucking call these things. Yeah, so he's in his hotel room. He's in trouble. He's worried about his friend. He picks up his phone and he dials Hassan's number. Hassan picks up on the first ring. General Hawthorne, he said, Brett picked up the cue right away.

Hassan knew they were listening. Hassan Abdul, I've heard so much about you. A mutual friend of ours referred me to you. He said you could answer some questions about Quranic philosophy for an article I'm writing about my experiences in Afghanistan and Iran. Okay, so they're doing like the Khoi thing because he doesn't want to give anything away over the phone because he's being tapped.

Yada, yada, yada. Okay, where's that good Brett Hawthorne action here? Come on. Yeah, he's getting the climate. We're getting the climate. Okay, so he gives Hassan his address and Hassan comes over and that's how they're that's how they're going to have a real conversation. Brett puts on Joy Behar to drown out whatever listening devices are in the room.

Nice detail. He's been a big Joy Behar fan. I don't think so. Yeah, couldn't be. No. Okay, so they have 20 minutes of phony discussion about the Quran. We still don't know what Brett's actually trying to do. Okay, so this whole conversation they've had is just so that Brett can set up

another secret meeting where they're going to actually have the real conversation. Okay. Good writing. We needed these last three pages where nothing really happened. So now he winds up later back at Hassan's apartment sneaking past federal agents and stuff to have, I guess, the real meeting. When Hassan let him in, he immediately held up a piece of paper to his chest. They stopped here today.

It said the tapes are gone. Brett's face went white, so they'd known all along. And then they'd waited for Hassan to leave the apartment to ransack it. Son of a bitch, he whispered to himself. Then he read the rest of what Hassan had written. Found your Muhammad, it read. Flatbush, blow it and address. So that's the terrorist who's in the country to set off another bomb, I guess.

It could have just said, this is like nitpicking. We're getting to the nitpicky stage. We are. We are. Just right. He read the rest. He read the rest. You know, I would push back and say that's not nitpicky.

It's an overall note. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You read the rest of what this person wrote. We know that. So far, this has been like four pages that could have been like three paragraphs where he's like, yeah, we exchanged coded messages until we could actually meet. Overall note, you need a redundancy edit.

You need a redundancy edit. I mean, that's the thing. When you're writing a piece of fiction, you write it, right? And the first draft is always going to be trash. The first draft is bad. You don't publish that one. No. Ben.

Ben. And then your goal should be to go through a few more times and make it shorter. Every time it should get a little shorter because you're recognizing, for example, that you wrote four unnecessary pages that don't convey any useful information about the progression of the story. But I don't know. Just a note. Just a note.

It's fine. Yeah. Okay. So he has to escape from Hassan's apartment, he's dodging federal agents. We have an action scene, I guess, where it takes way too long. Pages and pages of him just running away from guys and hiding. Ben, I was hoping for more fun combat general Brett Hawthorne and stuff. But okay.

So the agents catch him. He gets he's finally after three pages of very boring running away. He's on the subway platform. The agents catch him. General shouted one of the agents, just come with us. You know, we have our orders. Brett breathed heavily bent down and put his hands on his knees. He held one finger to them.

All right. Just catching my breath, guys. And then looked up at them as the noise of the approaching subway train grew. He counted down on his head. He could see the lights approaching down. Oh, I think he's going to jump on the train. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. He jumps on the train and he successfully runs away from the train. From the federal agents. Oh, wait. No, no, he doesn't. They run after him. So we're running again. We're running again.

We're running again. This is so many pages of just Brett Hawthorne trying to avoid federal agents. Okay. So he gets away. He comes out into New York City. He's walking around Prospect Park. He's looking for this Mohammed guy. He finds his apartment.

He had almost no chance of avoiding detection if Mohammed was listening. He knew the complex, the apartment complex Mohammed's in. Just wasn't big enough, heavily trafficked enough. Sure enough, a woman from 2B opened her door crack to get a look at him. He glared at her and he heard her shut the door and lock it. His hand felt in his pocket for a weapon he didn't have. Does he normally keep his weapons in his pockets? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he doesn't have anything, but it's not like he reached down by a side where his his trusty sidearm wasn't. He doesn't keep his gun in his pocket. Like, yeah, searching all the pockets for like, what do I got? Grab some keys. Where are my loose blades? Yeah.

I mean, okay. Some of us keep loose knives in our pockets. That's healthy. Eventually you build up an immunity to get in cut. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's like strict nine.

Okay. So he finds he gets into Mohammed's apartment, but Mohammed has been murdered already. He's had his throat cut. So I don't know. There's some fucking terrorism shit going on here. Oh, and Brett has arrived just in time to almost catch the assailant. Okay. So we have an action, another action scene here.

He gets attacked by the guys who just killed this terrorist and he fights them off. Well, he's in the process of fighting them off. There's another boring action scene and he succeeds in beating up the guys who killed the other guy and taking them captive. So yeah, he gets put tonight to one of their throats and he's, oh, he's about to torture one of these guys for information. That's, that's we're leading in the last paragraph of Brett's chapter is a few minutes later after subduing Mahmoud, who's the guy he is about to torture.

Brett dialed Ellen honey. He said, don't come to New York. I can't stay for certain yet. Just don't come to New York. Something bad is okay. So you remember three chapters ago when Ellen called him because she was about to fly to New York on behalf of the governor and she gets a call from Brett telling her not to. This is apparently happening contemporaneously to what happened three chapters ago.

That's why Brett was telling her not to. Oh, okay. So now we're back at that part. Well, because good writing. Clever. You want to be continuously building, but also continuously going back in time in order to build again so that there's, it's like a zigzag. Especially if that is a stylistic choice that has not been introduced earlier in the novel.

Yeah, you need to make it as not clear as possible. I will say one thing that has been introduced in this book so far is that Brett will change perspectives and shift time periods at random. Sure. Ben, sorry, not Brett. So there is that. So, yes, Ben, Brett, whomever, yeah, jokes on me for not paying close enough attention. All right.

I'm going to skim more this next bit because this is just terrible. Jokes on us for reading this. The joke is on us for reading this. So our next chapter is in Ellen chapter. And I guess we're finally moving forward in time from where Ellen was three chapters ago before Brett's chapter took us back in time. Good. So Brett's been missing for more than 24 hours.

Nobody knows where he is. He's waiting for an audience with the president. She's in New York City, so apparently she flew to New York City. Okay. She did it anyway. I didn't get explained to us. Yeah. Listen, I'm okay with that.

Because if he did a bit where he wrote about her going there, I'd be like, Ben, we don't need this. That's fair. Although, Cody, the next page or so is Ben going back in time and explaining why she decided to go to New York even though Brett warned her not to. All right. So we have a little bit about how she expected it to be chaotic in the wake of the terrorist attack, but the military has done a brilliant job of cleaning up the city and opening up

traffic. So that's good. Okay. There's a great line here. The dredging of the traffic clogged the main arteries. The dredging of the Hudson had just come about come to its conclusion. Although the Coast Guard still patrolled the waters in heavy numbers. Military men and women seemed to throng throughout the city, occupying every coffee house, every

restaurant. This, she thought, must have been what World War Two felt like. Okay. Couldn't agree more. She expresses that it's calming, having armed women and men everywhere, which if they're in coffee houses in a restaurant, like the military doesn't just let you keep guns when you're off duty. Like maybe if you were at like a fob in Afghanistan, yeah, you'd always want to have a gun near

you. But like these guys were sent to a city to assist in a rescue operation. They're probably not carrying guns as a rule because they're doing recovery work. They wouldn't have guns. The Army's not going to be like, yeah, we'll take your, it's, we're in New York. I'm shocked. Take your gun to get coffee. Huh.

I'm shocked. He got this so wrong. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's just been wanting to do his, you know, masturbating over the military thing. Yeah. Things better when everybody has guns. Things better when the Army.

I love to feel comfortable when everybody's got guns and occupying. It's fine. Well, it's one of those things. We feel safe when everyone has guns. Obviously. I, you know, I spend a lot of time around places where everybody has guns, but I don't feel particularly comfortable when there's a bunch of armed soldiers everywhere in the middle of a city.

That's not a great sign, particularly. That's a particularly bad sign. It's weird because Ben's supposed to be like this kind of libertarian conservative, but the thing he's celebrating isn't like a bunch of armed citizens. It's like a military occupying the largest city in the nation, which isn't a small government thing. But I guess. Yeah.

Conservatism left that behind a while ago. Yeah. Also, she, she, she feels safer in Midtown Manhattan in the immediate wake of a terrorist attack with soldiers everywhere than she felt in El Paso, famous for being one of the safest large cities in the United States, which Ben continuously forgets. He just thinks it's got to be like a dangerous hellhole because it's close to the border. El Paso was like a famously safe city. Yeah.

He doesn't want to know that. Unless. No. Unless. Really. Yes. But what if in this book it isn't? Yeah.

I mean, it clearly isn't because the government has declared war on Mexico and has invaded from El Paso. And El Paso is number six in the top 10 safest metro cities in the United States. New York. Oh, no, New York is two. Okay. Really? So yeah, fair enough.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's gotten it's it's it's pretty safe, pretty safe town. So there you go. I guess fair enough, Ben, although it's weird that she feels extra safe in the wake of a terrorist attack that killed thousands there. Yeah. But whatever. All right.

So she's she calls Ben's friend, the Special Forces General, who sent him on this quest in the first place and yadda yadda yadda. She calls somebody else. She's just she's doing a lot of phone call. She's walking around New York phone calling people like a reverse episode of Seinfeld. Okay. Now she's buying a sandwich. So we get we get about a page or so of her talking to a sandwich fender about how the

president's angry at her husband. I don't know if that's information she should just be sharing with people. Yeah. I mean, what's been going on? I don't know. I don't know. They're both eating a sandwich together. She's some he's some source of his in any case.

It's very boring. Yeah. Yeah. She's just meeting with people, meeting with people, talking to folks. Honestly, no wonder Brett's never at home. Am I right? Yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ, I wouldn't be.

She finally, after several pages of very boring conversations, finds the the place that her husband fought those guys and found the murdered dude. And I think she let's see. Oh, yeah. No, she finds so the the assassin that her president fought or that her her husband fought. He apparently murdered and he's been sitting in the apartment ever since. And yeah, so she's she's she's following in the wake of her husband's murder spree, I guess.

Cute. That's good. Yeah. That's a meet. Cute. Yeah. So OK, she finally gets she finally gets set up with her meeting with the president that she's supposed to take on behalf of the governor of Texas, who is invaded Mexico.

Prescott finally caught Ellen that night. They met at a conference room in the hotel. Prescott said at one end of the long conference table with Tommy Bradley at his elbow. They placed her at the opposite end. She felt like a little girl called into the principal's office. But realizing that's exactly how Prescott wanted it. She sealed herself for the confrontation. That's a bad sentence.

But realizing that's exactly how Prescott wanted it, comma, she sealed herself for the confrontation. No, Ben. That's no, Ben. She was surprised when Prescott grinned at her. Have you seen your husband yet, Miss Hawthorne? That little repost Ellen quickly figured meant they were tailing her. Not yet, Mr. President, she said.

In fact, I'm not quite sure where he is. She figured Prescott must already know that, otherwise he wouldn't have asked. He knew better than to ask questions to which he didn't know the answers. Wait, what? But he just did. He did. That's OK. OK.

So they're having a conversation about coming to an agreement on border security because, again, her boss has illegally invaded a sovereign nation. They determined that they're at an impasse. OK. The president leans forward a sudden seriousness coming over his face. I'm sure you can do better than that. Look, see from my perspective, we just faced the most serious terror attack in our nation's history.

All I'm trying to do is rebuild. All I need is some time, some calm in the country. You've seen the situation in Detroit. The world's on fire. Whose fault is that, Mr. President? What did you just say? I said it's your fault, Mr. President. Ellen couldn't back up.

OK. Truth to power. I guess I guess he caused he he caused all this by not bombing Iran, is what she's saying, or having all of the Black Lives Matter activists massacred. Yeah, that's that's why the war. Not enough violence. Yeah. Yeah.

Not enough violence. We need to listen to the women more. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. OK. So the president offers. Oh, OK.

So the president has Brett. Apparently he got captured. And after this point and after like they decide they can't come to an agreement on the border, he brings Brett in two secret service agents ushered in General Brett Hawthorne. His face was bruised. His clothes were filthy. He looked awful. His hands were gashed and scraped.

His knuckles bloody. For a moment, Ellen felt miles away. Her husband blared through her tears, right? She ran she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He stood there awkwardly, then raised his hands to her head, stroked his ear. She her hair. She breathed in the smell of him, the wonder of him. Then he saw Prescott's smiling face and came back to earth.

She kissed his cheek. What did they do to you? She whispered. He gently pushed her back. Then he turned to the president, his hands open, pleading, Mr. President, he said, you need to call M.M. Omari right now and get some answers. And why is that, General?

We've had this conversation before. OK. So the Brett spent his days tracking down leads. There's a terrorist attack. He's he's warning the president there's about to be a nuclear attack on American soil. I've seen the strategy before in Afghanistan. They draw you in with one bomb and use a second to kill those who help. I think what happened at the bridge was the preliminary attack.

Prescott paused. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. Then he said, slowly, I don't believe you. You already knew Brett mused, enraged. So the president knows that there's about to be a nuclear attack. And I guess he's, oh, no, OK, I did I did know. And I don't believe your intelligence is better than my CIA, my FBI, my Department of Homeland Security.

I don't buy this Jack Bauer routine you're putting on. I think you've got delusions of grandeur in that you always did. OK, so that was a deliberate 24 reference when he tortured that guy. That's nice to see. Yeah. OK, so the president. It's just like maybe it's because we've stretched this out over a year. It is.

But like I'm just so not invested in what's going on. I could care less. Even aware really of like, what am I? What am I? There are so many different plots and they're all poorly laid out and everything takes twice as long as it ought to. You're right, Cody, that it might be because we've stretched this out over the course of a year.

Yeah. Also, no, it's bad. It is. It's terrible. It's a terrible world. There's a reason it's been stretched out. It's because it's awful. Yeah.

We've got. We've been putting it off. A plot that doesn't make any sense because we've got both. There was the first bombing, which I guess was cover for the second bombing using the nukes that Saddam had, but he hid in Afghanistan. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's also the evil Black Lives Matter group and their scheme to replace all

of the cops with black people, which is so far is what we've got of the scheme of the Black Lives Matter crew. Yeah. And fundamental misunderstanding, I think. And then, of course, there's the attack on Mexico. Yeah. And then there's then there's an invasion of Mexico. So that feels like a good place to take an ad break.

Yeah. Yeah. You know who also would invade Mexico? These sponsors. Our sponsors. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What would you do if a secret cabal of the most powerful folks in the United States told

you, hey, let's start a coup? Back in the 1930s, a Marine named Smedley Butler was all that stood between the U.S. and fascism. I'm Ben Bullitt. And I'm Alex French. In our newest show, we take a darkly comedic and occasionally ridiculous deep dive into a story that has been buried for nearly a century. We've tracked down exclusive historical records. We've interviewed the world's foremost experts.

We're also bringing you cinematic, historical recreations of moments left out of your history books. I'm Smedley Butler, and I got a lot to say. For one, my personal history is raw, inspiring and mind blowing. And for another, do we get the mattresses after we do the ads or do we just have to do the ads? From iHeart Podcast and School of Humans, this is Let's Start a Coup. And to Let's Start a Coup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you find your

favorite shows. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991, and that man, Sergei Krekalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message

that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left offending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science?

The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI.

How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all bogus? It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. So trying him as a weekly, days after terrorists blow up the damn George Washington bridge. So here's my offer. We all walk out of here as best friends. Ellen, you tell the press

that we've reached an agreement and the state of Texas will be removing its troops from the border. We apologize for the massacre in Mexico. And just so your board, Bubba has a fallback position. You can tell them that I've pledged to offer up the federal support on the border as soon as possible. As for you, General Hawthorne, you retire quietly back to Texas with your wife. You keep your damn mouth shut because I'm tired of hearing it. So that's the deal they're willing to reach. I don't know if that's going to fly. Yeah, that's his best comeback. You keep your damn mouth shut. Also interesting, you know, I can't have these governors, you know, mouth and back to me. I can't have these reports.

Every single president in the history of ever. There's people like you're always going to be people talking about you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and yes, sorry, that's a minor point. Everything about this president is funnier based on how Ben went to bat for Donald Trump. Like everything he said he writes about this guy is a lot funnier because the year after he published this book, he had to start defending President Donald Trump. Oh, yeah. Almost almost a month after the book was published. It was like it's like a September before the election. So that chapter ends with with Brett and Ellen deciding whether or not they're going to let America get nuked so they can retire in Texas. And next chapter, the end of the beginning.

Oh, here. Poetic. It's poetic. It's poetic. Mark Prescott had gotten his moment, but now the time had come for the next step, the actual launch of the work freedom program, which is the president is a Nazi because he wants to give people jobs program. He'd spoken with the Chinese government and they had confirmed their prior commitment to purchase another massive round of debt. His advisors had warned him that too much leverage to the Chinese would place the nation's finances at peril, but his own economists told him differently. The Chinese, they assured him, could afford to take a financial hit even less than the United States by tying the two economies together. In fact, President Prescott will be doing

a service to the financial future of both countries. A little bit of a little bit of China baiting there. Yeah. So he's he's about to announce his big new works program. He's going to do with the military as a backdrop. It's going to have all these soldiers that are in New York behind him so that conservatives can't yell at him because the army is there. Preparations for the event had begun nearly a day in advance. The military set up bleachers to hold thousands of troops from across the country. Prescott insisted that the most racially diverse troops be placed directly behind them for the cameras and all had them all pre-screened for their political sensibilities. So that's OK. Yeah. So he's getting ready for his big.

He's going to change America. And now we're back to Brett and Ellen, who are sitting in the president's hotel trying to figure out what they're going to do. They cry and cry and cry and they're talking about whole shit. Brett is now explaining to her everything that we saw him do in the previous chapters where they weren't together. So that's good. I'm glad that he can open up. No. Yeah. OK. So yeah. Brett says that they can't do. He can't abandon things. They have to go about trying to stop this terrorist attack. They can't retire in Texas. All right. Now we're back to the president's big event. Everybody's waving signs. Oh, no, no. This is Soledad. So Soledad is at the president's big event.

I think she's about to do a terrorist attack. So she's going to do a terrorist. She's she's slipping through the crowd. Ricky O'Sullivan, the cop who shot the dead eyed black boy is waiting in her car. I guess he's he's her real man. Oh, she's going to try to assassinate the president. Oh, OK. Aiden's death had changed her. Hardened her. She knew she could fall off the California water. My recollection wasn't Aiden. They didn't know each other that well. I mean, she he was the he was the the the fed, the the SWAT cop guy who then got blown up by a drone. Yeah, but she met him the day they escaped, right? Yeah, but he killed the rest of the SWAT team to help her escape. So they were sure, sure. But it seems like

a wild way to end. It's a wild path to end up to killing the president killing the president. Yes. Yes. I mean, the death of this person that she'd known for a short period. I don't know. Just a note. Katie, why would you kill the president? Why would I kill the president? Yeah, we'll make you kill the president. Let's all talk about killing the president clearly into the microphone. What it would take for me to kill the president. Yeah, the president, the president, the president killing the president of the United States. I think he would have to at least have been or she or she in this book. Well, I mean, in this book, at the very least, had to or in minecraft to kill the person if I wanted to get specific revenge

on that president. I don't know. I wish I had a funny answer. You took me off guard. Everyone gets taken off guard when presidents get killed. That was the great lesson of this a pruder film. You the start of the film, everybody's having a good time. It's it's a fun day. It's like this. If this results in me getting arrested in some capacity, I'm not going to be happy about it. I mean, we do start every episode by saying that the threats against public figures that may appear in this episode are in fact legally actionable. And officially endorsed by I heart radio and officially endorsed by I heart radio. That was a call Sophie and I made years ago. Maybe a bad one. And I've got the I heart team behind

me. Yes. Yes. I heart radio collaborators with Bernard Sanders and with okay. So he's looking thrilled that we're saying these things. Robert loves looping me in on a crime. I you know, the best thing about crimes is getting other people involved, which is what Soledad understands. Oh, great pivot back. Thank you. Robert. Thank you. So apparently she voted for Mark Prescott the first time because his promises of a better America, a more caring America appealed to her. Then it turned out caring was just a cover for control. Very subtle been very subtle. Digit liberals. So yeah, she's she's she's in this big crowd, she's also thinking about what happened right after Ricky got killed by a drone. So yeah,

they'd spent days hiding in the woods because everyone thinks that they're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so she's explaining why Soledad. So we start with Soledad in the crowd and then we go back in time to after Aiden was killed for Ben to spend several pages explaining why she decided to kill the president. That's good. That's good writing, Ben. We're just doing another time shift here. I'm following everything. This is great. Soledad felt the handgun in her purse. It was a 3D printed plastic gun. She bought it from a gun enthusiast in Ohio. He'd been in that case obsessed with weaponry with an industrial grade printer at his garage. Prior 3D printed guns had been made with a few key pieces of metal to absorb

the explosion of the gunpowder or bullet. But this guy had perfected a method of making specialized bullets with a thicker shell that could absorb the brunt of her. What? Wait a second, Ben, that's not how guns work. So yeah, right? This is an all plastic gun, so it won't set off a metal detector, but it's not all plastic because the reason that the plastic gun works is that the bullets have extra thick metal shells. So there's no metal in the gun at all, just metal in the bullet. And as a result, it won't set off the metal detector. Okay. Uh-huh. I don't think he researched that. I mean, I guess she's unloaded it so the bullet is elsewhere and she's just assuming it's fine. What's

the point of the unloaded gun? Well, she's going to load it to kill the president, but she's assuming that the metal detector, number one, that in a place like I've gone through Secret Service Checkpoints, they don't just scan you for metal. They run it through a thing that lets them see what's in your bag. They would notice the gun shaped thing. Yes. So 3D printed guns don't work that way. But why would I expect Ben to know about one of the things he... In this world it does. It's just a dumb explanation. It's just a dumb explanation for how a 3D printed gun would work. Um, because that doesn't make any sense at all that like the bullets going to absorb the metal shell of the bullet will absorb

the explosion, but the bullet has to travel down a barrel and a plastic rifled barrel is not... She's not going to work very well. Okay. Unless you write it down. He did write it down. Okay, whatever. I guess fiction authors, you get a little thing like this, even though his explanation's dumb. I'll give it to him. Okay, so now we're back to Brett and Ellen. Solar Dad's got her gun. She's going to get close to the president and kill him. She'd have to get within a few dozen yards of the president. That's a long range shot with a real pistol, Ben. Let alone a plastic one. Like it's hard. It's hard for most people to hit. Like if you're a good shot, 20, 30 feet away, maybe, you know, um, you can,

you can hit reliably with an actual handgun from 20 or 30 feet away. A plastic gun with a plastic barrel, you'd have to get that. You would have to be at point blank range, right? Maybe then if it's like the kind of thing where you're just going to shove it into their face and fire, you're not, you're not hitting anything with that gun from dozens of yards away. Okay, Ben. So thanks to the foot traffic at the heart. Now we're back to Brett and Ellen. They're sitting in a limousine with the White House chief of staff. He keeps trying to talk to them. Um, Brett turns to Ellen, I need to go now, sweetheart. They won't let me go anywhere. Once we get to the airport, I need to get down to the

harbor, but you listen to me, whatever you do, you get on the plane with Prescott. I don't know whether this attack will come at the event or not, but I want you out of the city. I'm so sorry for this. I'm so sorry for everything. We could have had a life together. She looked at him dead in the eyes. Brett Hawthorne, I want you to know this. You are my hero. Oh God. Okay. I just can't even read the rest of that. Do it. Do it. You have to do it. Do it. Share the screen and one of us will read it, but she looked at him dead in the eyes. Brett Hawthorne, I want you to know this. You are my hero. You always were. I'm so proud to be your wife. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's. They felt the urge to

kiss each other. Then they remembered Bradley in the car and hugged instead. Take a bullet for you, babe. He said, take a bullet for you, sweetheart. She answered. I hate this. Oh God. Okay. It made me nauseous. I know. It's going to deprive our listeners of that. It hurts me. Also, wait a minute. It hurts me. Just because someone's in the car doesn't mean you can't fucking kiss your wife. What is this? What kind of weird kiss shaming is this? You haven't seen her in so long and you haven't kissed her yet. Come on. They're being watched by the Secret Service and the president's man, but like they know they're married. It's not like their relationship is a secret. Yeah. Like of all the things

that are going to be a problem of the fact that they're like they're doing a quick fuck on the sidewalk. Yeah. Brett's Brett's planning to escape. Like he's planning to flee and run away from the Secret Service. The fact that he kisses his wife is going to give anything away. Yeah. They're not close. You can't see it, but Cody's face is horrified. It's really funny. It's so bad. I am convinced that Ben has never kissed his wife as a result of this because someone might see. Yeah, someone might see it. What if somebody sees it? Yeah. They only kiss in the bedroom under the covers. Yeah. They hugs fully clothed under the covers. I mean, I'm not going to say that the father of Ben's children is a turkey baster, but

I'm not going to say it's not just based on this chapter. Statistically speaking, very possible. I know why. He thinks Brett Hawthorne's such a cool fucking name. He thinks he thinks Brett Hawthorne's an amazing name. It's unbelievable. It's like so embarrassing. It's sad because this is who he desperately wants to be. Yeah. And he's spent his life wanting to be an imaginary bear of a man who won't kiss his wife before going to stop a nuclear attack. Cool ass name. They love saying his full name, too. They love saying Brett Hawthorne. Brett Hawthorne. Okay. So then Brett reach pops open the lock and like jumps out into traffic in order to escape from the vehicles. The Secret Service can't find him. He sprints around the corner.

He loses them. There's not Secret Service agents on the running boards of the limousine like there always are on the president's limo. Ever since Bernard Sanders, one cold November day changed presidential security forever. Forever. Yeah. Well, he knew he wanted to be the president one day. So he's like, I want to feel really, really protected. So I got to take I got to do this. So that's the only reason it happened. Yeah. That was that was the secret service was slacking. Yeah. Yeah. When I'm president, they're not gonna know that I got to me limos with no top. That's a terrible idea. Let me show you why. The top 1% of all cars. All right. Something like that. Something like that. There's there's

a joke there. We'll figure it out one of these days. I'll put it in post. So Brett's running around. He's he's looking to he's trying to stop this terrorist attack. He sees above the huge throwing of people waiting for the president to speak imam Omari, who's giving an invocation. Oh, good. So the president being evil, his has a Muslim giving the invocation for this terrorist attack. There's polite applause. The imam takes a seat. Yada, yada, yada. Brett gets is almost at the stage close to the stage. The president's playing videos of soldiers doing relief work and helping after the disaster. The crowd's very the crowd roars its approval. It made Brett queasy. There were no pictures of the fall in Afghanistan or Iraq. No pictures

of the bomb going off under the bridge. Okay. Yeah, it makes sense that you would have pictures of dead men in Iraq at a vigil for a terrorist attack in New York. Brett, that would make other people queasy. Mm hmm. I mean, I don't know. I guess the point is making is that all of the men who died in Iraq and Afghanistan were trying to prevent this attack on New York. Yes, which is why we we had to get Saddam's WMDs that are now back in America because we invaded Iraq. The point he's making is confusing because we went to war with these countries because Saddam had these weapons and they still wound up over here, maybe suggesting that the war was a bad idea. But Ben doesn't stop to think about that. So the president

starts a speech. My fellow Americans, we stand strong. We stand together. Yeah. Yeah. He's oh, okay. The president announces that he's authorized his Air Force to strike Syria. What? That's what Brett asks. What the hell is in Syria? Press got continued. Our intelligence tells us that this vicious terror attack was masterminded in that war torn country. We felt the brunt of their rage and we took it there and they took their best shot. Now they will take ours. Okay. So he's attacking Syria over this attack that was using Saddam's weapons from Iran. All right. And he announces the start of the work freedom program. He gives a speech. He gives a speech. Brett notices a couple of federal agents in the crowd.

The speech continues. God, this is just this is just so boring. Okay. Brett was so focused on Mahmoud that he bumped into a smaller woman in front. Okay. He bumps into Soledad and he immediately recognizes by the way she has her hand in her purse that she has a pretty printed gun. Yeah. She's got a gun. He's seen that arm angle before. He knew what the person looked like before they pulled a gun from concealment. He is good at his job. I mean, I think it looks the same when you're pulling anything out of a purse more or less. But okay, whatever. That's fine. Brett, he's a combat general. He knows these things. He responds instinctively by yelling gun and grabbing her hand. She fires uselessly into

the air. The crowd panics. The Secret Service jumps on the president. They pull him off the stage. Then Brett gets jumped by the Secret Service. Yeah. Ellen had watched the proceedings above Air Force One. She watched the flustered anchors in the major network news try to get a beat on the story, giving out unverified information, then retracting it. Brett had no cell phone, so she had no one to call. Instead, she waited. The president gets back on the plane. His motorcade arrives. He's angry at everybody wondering how the security fucked up so bad and screwed up his big moment. He yells at Ellen about her goddamn husband. She says, my husband, save your life. Here's what I think. I think your

husband showed up at that event because he's got a fixation with the imam. Yeah. Okay. Where's this all heading? He argues with Ellen. They're all on Air Force One. She sees people going through security as they get ready to take off to protect the president. She sees a man she didn't recognize who emerged with his bodyguard from the presidential motorcade. The bodyguard carried a large duffel bag next to him, stood a Secret Service agent, the same guy who tackled Brett. I think they're going to blow up Air Force One with a nuke. Yeah. I think that's about to happen. She recognizes the imam Omari who's about to be on the plane with the president. They're all buckling in. The imam is talking to his bodyguard

in Arabic, which is obviously shady. The plane takes off. The plane begins to drop. Oh, good Lord. Okay. Then oddly, the plane began to drop. The building's in Manhattan, grew nearer beneath the plane as Ellen watched curiously through the window. The voice of the pilot poured through the speakers. Ladies and gentlemen, don't be concerned. The president has requested that we descend to a lower level over the city of New York in order to take publicity photos. Okay. Yeah. I guess they're taking plane publicity photos. Okay. So that's one thing I really hate about liberals is their their plane publicity photos. Okay. So the president is having the plane fly low over New York. And at the same time, the imam Omari

starts chanting in Arabic. I think it's it's his death chant because he's getting ready to do a terrorism. And Ellen gradually figures out what's happening. The plane circles lower and lower and lower. Oh, God. Okay. So it's the it's obvious that a 10 attack is about to happen because the Arab man is chanting in Arabic. The other passengers looked around uncomfortably paralyzed by a peculiar inability to overcome their political correctness. Oh, Ellen isn't though. She's not. She's not overcome with political correctness. She buckles her seatbelt and walks towards Omari. But she gets cut off by one of his men and she shouts that he has a bomb. Secret service agents appear. They pull their guns.

Omari holds up his phone. He says he just wants to negotiate the secret service agents freeze because Omari has been invited by the president. They think that it's been a mistake. Something could be worked out. Oh, God. From the floor of the airplane, Ellen looked up at Omari. He was lying. She could see it. He was stalling for time. No more time. Ellen thought to herself. No more talk. Negotiations. Games. A line from her past crept into her head for some reason. No loitering cadet. She almost smiled as she remembered. Take a bullet for you, babe. She whispered to herself. She pushed herself. Your faces. If I was butchering a deer right now, I don't think you would look that disgusted. No, and

I'm a vegetarian. Take a bullet for you, babe. She was just to herself. She grabs Omari's phone, but it's not in enough time. Air Force One explodes at 2000 feet with a nuke and blows up Washington Heights in a bunch in New York City. Damn. So, yeah, it kills. It kills a lot of people. Ben writes lovingly about this bomb destroying New York. Yeah, yeah, obliterated full blocks of Washington Heights. Why specifically Washington Heights, do we think? I don't know. Ben is clearly he spends a lot of time talking about New York getting nuked. I think he's he likes the idea. That's what they deserve. Yeah. Well, because of their political correctness. That's why this happened. No, I just think it's interesting because that's where Cardi

B is from. But it kills a bunch of soldiers, too. Yeah, he that's probably it is Cardi B. He's he's this is all his revenge for that song about vaginas. Preemptive. Yeah. I mean, these things did not happen in order. But I mean, maybe the song is revenge for this book on behalf of all of us. We may never know. Yeah. So Brett doesn't see any of this because he's sitting in a cell when the bomb goes off. He turned to stare in the distance. He saw the mushroom cloud rise above the profile of the new Freedom Tower. Oh, no, he whispered. Oh, God, please no. Then he fell to his knees and buried his head in his hands, screaming silently. All right, now we're at the epilogue. We're finally here. We have to take a break.

Yeah, but we do have to take a break. Yeah. I mean, you know, who will also destroy Air Force One. Yeah. When it's 2000 feet above New York City. Yes, they absolutely will. What would you do if a secret cabal of the most powerful folks in the United States told you, Hey, let's start a coup. Back in the 1930s, a marine named Smedley Butler was all that stood between the US and fascism. I'm Ben Bullock and I'm Alex French. In our newest show, we take a darkly comedic and occasionally ridiculous deep dive into a story that has been buried for nearly a century. We've tracked down exclusive historical records. We've interviewed the world's foremost experts. We're also bringing you cinematic,

historical recreations of moments left out of your history books. I'm Smedley Butler, and I got a lot to say. For one, my personal history is raw, inspiring and mind blowing. And for another, do we get the mattresses after we do the ads or do we just have to do the ads? From iHeart Podcast and School of Humans, this is Let's Start a Coup. Listen to Let's Start a Coup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you find your favorite shows. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories.

But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991, and that man, Sergei Krekalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world. Listen to The Last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic

science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI.

How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all bogus. It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. God, I love nukes. I can't stop thinking about how Brett should have just taken that goddamn kiss, yo. He should have taken the kiss, right? But he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the White House chief of staff. He didn't want to be slut shamed.

He didn't want the White House chief of staff to know that he kissed his wife. I mean, it's disgusting behavior. It is. It is. It says a lot about Ben that he was like, oh, people in this situation, knowing they're one of them is about to die wouldn't kiss because they wouldn't want the White House chief of staff to know that a married couple kisses. Yeah, they would hug politely. They would hug politely. In a way we're leaving forever.

And from your perspective, as they hug, you could think like, oh, are they also kissing? Yeah. Yeah. It's it's it's I mean, it's just a emblematic of Ben's talent as an author. An auteur. So the epilogue, I guess the the former governor of Michigan is the acting president. She's addressing the country from the eastern of the White House. Oh, that's happening. The tears in her eyes were genuine. She forced them down.

I know many of you may not know me. Few Americans bothered to learn the name of the vice president of the United States. I think most generally do. Oh, OK. So the current vice president, not the current governor. No, OK. She was the former governor, current vice president, which we haven't heard about since then since now up until now because most Americans don't know who the vice president is in this world. You don't run with a vice president on your ticket.

That that isn't happened. So people don't know her. I also love that the vice president, now the acting president, after a nuke has been set off in America, opens her speech by saying, I know none of you know who I am because I'm just the vice president. Very funny. By now, I'm sure you have heard the news from New York City, where a nation's greatest city has once again been struck by the scourge of terrorism.

I'm also sure that you have heard that the president of the United States, Mark Prescott, was the target of that attack, along with hundreds of thousands of the citizens he loved so much. Her green eyes hardened by years in the political limelight glinted. She had earned the lines around those eyes, the worry lines around her mouth. Alison Martin had fought her way to the top of American politics. We have some description of this person. Way too much of a description of this person's backstory for this moment in the book.

Her speaking style was mechanical. She was unlikable. She did not. Oh, she's Hillary Clinton. Okay. She did not have the charm of Mark Prescott. She did not inspire. She was, as she liked to think of herself, a grinder.

Yes. She did not, she reminded her subordinates, tolerate losing. I would give my own life to have preserved Mark Prescott's Yadda Yadda. He's a visionary leader. We will live for him. Okay. So she's talking about this president. Her voice rose in pitch and urgency and tenor.

Mark Prescott was always honest with you, and I will be no less honest. Here is what we know tonight. We know that there was an assassination attempt on President Prescott today at New York Harbor. It was thwarted through diligent work of our security on the ground. We do have a man in custody. Shortly after the attempted attack on the president, the president's security team moved him to Air Force One, where he was accompanied aboard by media and political figures.

The White House has been in negotiation over the state of Texas, over why are we talking about Texas now? Why not? Yeah. Okay. We're just going to Texas. Oh, okay. So she announces that Ellen Hawthorne is suspected of having smuggled and detonated a small yield

nuclear weapon aboard Air Force One. And so America is now going to war with Texas. Oh, my God. Okay, that's that. Because what, what, what, what, what the fuck? Yeah, that's the, that's the jump everyone takes. Ellen, who, okay. Okay.

It's called freedom, folks. Yeah. We support it. At war with Texas. This is a time for unity, not disunity, and we must steal ourselves from the battle ahead. There's also no question that America's capacity for rebuilding his building has been damaged. We've lost a lot of troops.

Yadda yadda, the value of the dollar is fucked up. Let me end tonight with a quote from President Mark Prescott, spoken just a few weeks ago at the site of the George Washington Bridge brawling. Love for each other. The president said, care for each other. Sacrifice, okay. Okay. So we're going to war with, and now we're back to Levon.

Okay. Finally, there's been really no resolution. Like none of, none of what has happened with Levon has built to anything. Yeah. Okay. So he's talking, he's on a Skype call or something with the mayors of a bunch of other cities because he's been made emissary of peace. Okay. So he's talking to the mayor of Detroit.

We're at war, the war, and that war is down south, as you know. Some of the mayors nodded. If you looked uncomfortable, he pressed on. That means we've got to have order in our own cities. I know that you're all doing your best, but as you know, and as Mark Prescott said, police departments across this country have a long legacy of racial bigotry. With the current shortage of national guard and federal military aid available, there's bound to be some unrest.

He looks at the governor. So here's what needs to happen, and here's what President Martin wants to happen. You're all going to set up civilian oversight commissions. These will be parallel to your city councils, and they'll have real authority, real public authority. If not, I can guarantee violence will happen. That's a guarantee. So his evil plan is to set up civilian oversight commissions over the police.

Okay. Which is how he plans to control the country, I guess. Yeah, the mayors no longer run their cities, leave on Williams did, because all of the oversight commissions report to him, I guess, which is better than the cops running the cities, which is how things actually... Anyway, oh, now we're at the South China Sea. The aircraft carrier sat moored to the manmade island to top the atolls of the Spratly Islands. The Chinese government had spent years dredging the coral reefs, turning them into military outposts

in spite of international furor. The crew of the Liyan Yang, fully 2,000 strong, had been trained to board the ship and knew her well. They came accompanied by another 700 members of the air group. Behind the Liyan Yang said a flotilla of destroyers and frigates. Okay, so we've got the Chinese military here. I guess they're about to do a Pearl Harbor. So much violence in this book. Yeah.

Wait, no, no, no, they're not. They're not? Okay, good. Okay, there's just the Chinese military is about to meet a bunch of forces from the coalition because they're doing some sort of... Oh, they're sending... The Chinese army is heading to America to help with the rebuilding, but really to occupy the country. Okay, because Hillary Clinton has asked the Chinese military to occupy the country and help go to war with Texas.

So fucking bad. Okay, so China's helping us go to war with Texas now. Yes, yes. That's cool. That's what's happening. That makes sense. And we end on Austin, well, I don't know if we're ending yet, but we're at 99%. So now we're in Austin, Texas.

The impeachment vote against Governor Bubba Davis is underway. He's in his office, the room dark, he's thinking about Ellen. There's no way that... He'd watched the speech from President Martin disbelieving. There was no way that the federal government, even this federal government, could actually believe Ellen Hawthorne responsible for the worst terror attack in the history of the United States, could believe him responsible for that attack. But they had said it. They declared war.

His bluff had been called unless he wasn't bluffing. Davis knew that governors all over the country were waiting, watching to see what the House would do today. He'd spoken with the governors of Mississippi. Okay, so he'd spoke with the governors of all of the southern states, all of the good state, all of the red states he's talking about. All the good old boys. Yeah, and he'd assured them that he had nothing to do with the attack. Okay, I see what Ben's setting up here. The federal military, the thought of American men and women aiming guns at each other made Bubba Davis sick to his stomach.

He'd hoped in a way that the House would go through with it or move him from office, put it into all this. Okay, so he doesn't get impeached. He knew soon that he will be at war with the federal government. So that's that's where we're going. We're going to have another split between red and blue states and China fighting for the blue states. Yeah, great. So we do have a sequel in the works. Well, I don't think Ben's going to write the actual sequel.

But I think he and I think his hope was that this would have been a huge hit. And he would write a series and they would be made into a blockbuster movie that would convince everyone that liberals are evil. It's so embarrassing when there's a bad book that's setting himself up to have legs. Like, no, bro, you barely made it through this. You barely made it through this and it's not coherent. So OK, I correct. The last part we in on is New York City. Brett Hawthorne is in an empty warehouse that the governments put him in because he's too high profile.

He's sad about Ellen. OK, a guy, an officer in full swat regalia walks into the room. He was tall, broad-shouldered, which means he's a good guy. Piece by piece, he began on dressing. Right, it does. There isn't much time, sir. You need to put this shit on. Brett looked at him.

What are you talking about? You're leaving, General. How did you get in here? You want to stick around here? That's up to you, General, said the officer, but I have a feeling you'd be better off taking my advice. Brett stood up and began putting on the police gear as the officer spoke. General, you're going to walk out of here. Keep your face toward the wall as much as possible.

Show them this ID. It's federal. Brett looked at it. EPA, what do they have to do with this? The officer left. This ID serves a purpose. Used to belong to a friend of mine. When Brett finished suiting up, the officer sat down with his back against the wall. Only one of us can leave, he said.

I think this is Ricky Sullivan. So Sullivan's giving himself up so that Brett can escape. So Brett escapes while Ricky takes his place in the black site. He gets into the car and he sees Soledad Ramirez there. He yells at Eric because the last time he saw her, she was trying to kill the president. You tried to assassinate Prescott. What do you want with me? Soledad looked at him seriously.

Do you want to stick around? If so, get out right now. Brett looked at her. You're that terrorist. I prefer rancher. The government made me a terrorist. No said Brett. You made you into a terrorist.

You're free to get out at any time. Brett went silent. She started the engine. For what it's worth, she said looking straight ahead, I'm sorry about your wife, General Hawthorne. I'm sorry for this country. I'm not sorry. What happened to Prescott? None of that happened.

I'm not sorry. What happened to Prescott? None of that matters. Where are we going? I figure you're the general. You pick. Brett thought for a moment. Then he looked to the horizon again, to the murky cloud of ash blotting out the rising stars. He said his jaw and a look Ellen would have recognized immediately as unshakable determination.

Let's head. Let's head west. He said, I'm going home. Wait a second. They're in like the northeast. West isn't from the northeast. Isn't Texas. It's out.

Okay. Beautiful. West for the northeast is like Canada. So wait a minute. Wait a minute. Depending on exactly where. Yeah. Oregon.

What are you doing? Wait. Why is there still smoke? Well, because there was a new. Yeah. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know how long it's been.

Fair. Because it never tells us. Fair. That's fair. I'll give it that there'd probably be smoke for a while after a nuke was detonated over New York City. I hate this book so much. I just am so glad it's over. It's terrible, but it is over.

It is over. Ben Shapiro's stand in character is looking west from New York towards Texas, which is south in a perfect sign of everything that this book is. I mean, you know, everybody's got their different opinions. This person says Ben Shapiro sure can write. I didn't expect him to write fiction, but I couldn't put the book down. Unfortunately, the events described in the book are possible. Some great from the recent news. I hope what's described here will never become reality waiting for the sequel.

So, you know, maybe maybe it's actually great. That time. What other what other reviews that writer left? I love ripped ripped from the headlines. Who can forget the time white Obama was killed by a nuke in Hillary Clinton invaded Texas with China? It was just so accurate. It's eerie. Yeah.

Straight from the headlines. Straight from the headlines. Oh, Ben. I am glad it's over. It's funny because the thing that is made clear over and over in this book from Ben's basic lack of understanding of firearms to his basic lack of understanding of the military to his basic lack of understanding of emergency response to his basic lack of understanding of love. And like good writing. He's he's a man who's never done anything but write shitty political screeds like he's he's just he's just since he was a teenager written bad columns about politics. He has no life experience.

He's never been anywhere or done anything but been like a rich kid who argues with people on camera. And it's clear because he can't write about anything. Yeah, you have to. And when his characters speak or anything is narrated, it sounds like that it sounds like he's just doing his little his town hall columns or whatever. Yeah. Civilian casualties are good. Yeah, they're fine. We should bomb.

He's angry because the president wants to bomb Syria, but we should have been bombing Iran. Oh, man. Yeah. You know, the thing the thing about it is the thing about it is you don't know. You don't have to have had a lot of you don't have to have had life experience about something to write about it. But you have to have had life experience to write. You have to have like like experienced things in the world to write well. And Ben is not.

And that's made very clear by the book True Allegiance. Yeah. Also, just like, yeah, I think there's a larger issue worth unpacking in the future and many other mediums, but like, yeah, it's just like, if you don't really understand or appreciate art, then you can't make it. Yes. Yeah, that's an interesting. Yeah. It just feels like, yes, he's got a vocabulary. It feels like a very simplistic and naive and childlike vision of what is possible, you know, you're not even possible.

None of it's possible things. But like, it's just it's just immature. It feels like a kid wrote it except with a thesaurus, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And it's one of those things where I ISIS with a good piece of fiction as a general rule, especially if you yourself read a lot and have read some of the same things that like the author of the which if you really like a book, you probably read some of the same things the author of that book read. That's just kind of the way creativity works.

You can often tell with a really good book. Oh, I'm going to guess this was a little bit of an inspiration or this was a little bit of an inspiration. You can kind of see, like, even if you're not really super familiar, like with Tolkien, you know, like, oh, this is a guy who spent his entire life reading like different sort of like old English myths. And that's that's what he's bringing into this book. You can tell that sort of thing because good, good writers steal, you know, that's how it works. Yeah. Well, they call it stealing or just reading, right? Yeah, reading.

It's what's learned from absorbing. The phrase is good writers borrow great writers steal, right, you know, like you can you can see like, oh, I can see what inspired you. I can see what your influences were. That's usually that's one of the joys of reading. I don't know what inspired been in terms of fiction. I know what I don't believe he reads. Yeah, I don't believe he reads. There's no sign of it in this book.

Yeah. Well, I think it's just like 24 stuff, right? Yeah, but it's that stuff. It's just like this. It feels very 24. Yeah. Look at the cover of the book. Yeah.

Yeah. He reads the scripts for things. That's it. Yeah. And like, look at the, yeah, the cover even is like, it reminds you of like a book you'd see at the airport. Yeah, it does. Which is, I mean, the cover design isn't bad. It's a good cover if you're trying to get people to buy a book at an airport.

It's fine. Exactly. The single most competent thing about this book is the cover. Yeah. And like, you know, but by its cover, all that kind of stuff. But like, it's like, it's just this, it's chasing an aesthetic and that's it. Yes. There's no like substance.

It's just like, I want it to be like this kind of thing with like the flag and like the military. And there's going to be like, you know, it's just like, it's a general idea of like what it should, should kind of feel like. But even I feel like the word feel is a little too generous here. Yeah. And you can tell like, it's very clear that he wrote this because like he wrote this imagine those scenes in 24 where you've got like the timers ticking down and like, OK, we got to do this. We got to find the terrorist here and this here and like everything's like, you know, this attack is happening. We're seeing the people moving around the area that's about to get bombed and like this, this whole like it's scripted. It's written.

I can tell it's written by somebody who wanted this to be turned into a movie or a TV show. Because it's that's the way it's it's it's it's plotted. It's not it's not written like that. It's organized like that. It's like, oh, and then, you know, a better writer and like a director and actors will like inject feeling and suspense into this. Huh. Yeah. It's a sure sign.

It's a bad book. Yeah. Because writing for it to be a franchise versus writing a story. I mean, look, I don't even under there's nothing to unpack here. It sucks like there's no like eloquent argument to be made. It's just fucking bad. Yeah. It's just bad.

It's just terrible. It's terrible. Yeah. It's it's it's very fun. But we've we've learned a lot together about about how not to write a fiction novel and we've learned even more. Most of all, we've learned about Ben Shapiro. Yes. A look at his little psyche.

Yeah. Yeah. The man loves a comma. The man loves a comma. Hates kissing his wife loves a comma. I it is interesting seeing the reviews are sort of along those lines even of like I'm a I'm a fan of Ben Shapiro, but this is not a good or interesting. There are a lot. Yeah.

It is not exciting. It's poorly written. Characters are pretty stilted like it's it's they're, you know, they're very honest. Someone should have been this honest with him when he was thinking about publishing a book. If he had a single person in his life who loved him, they would have put a hand on his shoulder and said, No, Ben, Ben, you're a millionaire. You're influential on the right wing. You you political leaders within your party have to get your, you know, they have to come and talk to you like you've you're very successful by the standards with which you judge success. This is not for you.

This will only hurt. Yeah. This is not for you. You don't get to do this. Oh, oh, but he does. I'm hoping because they're doing movies. Yeah, they're doing movies now. I hope that he writes at least one of them.

Right. He probably demanding that he will. I'm sure that's the entire reason he's there also apparently making a music label. Oh, my God. Oh, we finally got to hear Ben Shapiro's rap album. Is he going to drop a fucking AP? The Daily Wire presents music. Yeah.

None of this is none of this is sitting well with me. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm I know they've released that one movie about the school shooting. I don't think Ben wrote it. No, no, no movie was made. And yeah, they will buy will buy that and will release it under our subscription. Yeah.

And they haven't released anything that was written by the team yet. What it seems like the reason it seems like they did that because like they like they have money, but they don't have movie making money. So what they need to do is get a movie someone else made by it, have a success that makes a profit so they can get funding to do something. And then do their own thing. Exactly. And like legitimize themselves off the bat with like, oh, it's a real movie that was made,

not like Ben like writing truest allegiance or whatever. And I don't know. I'm sure Ben will get to have his hands in the pudding at some point. I don't know that they'll ever be successful enough for him to get to write a screenplay because number one, this is unfilmable. You could film you could film a version of it that would probably be better than the book if you had hundreds of millions of dollars, but you don't. But you don't.

His studio is years away from having the money to film in downtown New York City, let alone have nukes and tens of thousands of soldiers and go from Afghanistan. I mean, you know, it's going to be you have to be like still. Yeah. Yeah. It'll have to be like a very contained sort of. Yes. Yes.

To film originally. Yeah. Like his screenplay about being in law school. Exactly. Yeah. His dramedy, his dramedy. I'm glad we're done. I am too.

On to the next. Same. Yeah. We'll find another book. Hit us up online. Tell us what you want us to read. It'll probably be the way of the shadow wolves. Robert's like, give me suggestions.

I won't listen, but go ahead. I might. I might listen. I listen all the time. Yeah. There's some probably bad books. You'll at least read them. Yeah.

I'll at least I'll at least read your suggestions. Not the book. Not the book. Katie, Cody, do you have any plugables for us? Always. Check out our shit, yo. Yeah. Check out that shit.

Online. Katie, that was so cool. You guys know where we are. At some more news on Twitter. At this point. That was so cool. Yeah, you've got to. You know it.

You know the things. Go on. I do it. I'm friends with her. She's so cool. Oh, this is the end of the podcast. I take a bullet for you, babe. Take a bullet for you, babe.

Maybe that should be new merch. I don't know. We'll think about it. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Robert Evans here. Just before you go. I know we've just spent a bunch of time talking about a terrible

novel, but I wrote a novel too. And it's either terrible or not terrible, depending on your opinion. But you can find it at ATRbook.com. That's where the the text will be. It'll be both readable online and in an e-pub. Every week we'll publish another three chapters as an e-pub. And also every week we're going to be publishing three chapters

on day Wednesday, Friday on the podcast After the Revolution. So if you just go look up After the Revolution, wherever you find podcasts, you can find me reading my new novel. So ATRbook.com and After the Revolution podcast, check it out. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science and the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences in a life without parole.

My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian trained astronaut? That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space? Well, I ought to know, because I'm Lance Bass.

And I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the earth for 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.