Behind the Bastards - Part One: Hitler's Sex Life: The Whole Sad Story

Episode Date: February 26, 2019

In episode 49, Robert is joined by Brandie Posey to discus Hitler's sex life! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science?

And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences in a life without parole. My youngest? I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Any plugables to kick off at the start here? Yeah, I tore around quite a bit. You can go to brandyposie.com, brandy with an IE, posie with an EY for all of my tour dates. I also have a podcast called Lady to Lady.

That is very, very fun. We've had a lot of really awesome past guests like Margaret Trowell and French Stewart. So come check that out too. Normally we work all that out ahead of time and I introduce it, but Sophie isn't here. And as you can tell, everything's a nightmare. It's okay. You have like a terror in your eyes. Oh, it's horrifying, the thought of not knowing what to do. I don't know how to do, I don't know when we're going to do ad breaks.

This is the end for all of us. Do you want me to count something down for you? No, no. Should I put on a Sophie wig of some kind? What will calm your nerves properly for this recording? The only possible thing to do in the face of chaos is to just completely yield to the chaos and give up even trying to structure the show. Perfect. Sounds great.

Yeah, I think that's the plan. Okay. It explains why you're standing on the table. Great. Perfect. Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep. Now, Brandy. Yes. Today we have a subject that is near and dear to no one's hearts. Great.

But more important than I think a lot of people give it credit to. Today we're talking about how Hitler fucked. Oh, so glad you called me for this one. Yeah. I'm flattered. Well, I mean, we had you want to talk about Stalin and his love of pranks. Absolutely. DJing and drinking more than anyone else now.

And fucking Hitler feels like a prank. Yeah, well, maybe. Or maybe not. I can't, my predictions out of the gate kind of give a prediction before we get into this. I'm very curious for that. Not a generous lover. Okay. And also going to say this, not going to shame somebody for having a small penis because

that is outside of your control, but real angry guy. I have a feeling he probably has a little guy. The funny thing about Hitler, because Hitler's like the one person people have talked about more than any other single person in history. Yeah, of course. More has been written about him and whatnot. Everything you just talked about, the possibility he had a micro penis, the possibility he was not a generous lover.

This has all been debated by like elderly scholars from Stanford and Cambridge at length. That's one of the fun things about Hitler studies is that question about whether or not he had a micro penis, like the CIA's weighed in. It's a thing. Of course. Imagine dedicating your career to that. Like mom, dad, I'm majoring in Hitler dick. Hitler studies in general, and if you're going to be into Hitler studies, you're going to

have some questions about his dick. Yeah, Ph dick. Ph dick in Hitler's fucking. This is not going to be the most adult episode in certain points. I'm good with that. I think you'll be surprised where it goes. I do like that in front of me on the table while recording, we do have a product called a Purina busy bone, which is just right on the table in front of me.

Yeah. Speaking of busy bones. Yes. Hitler's, it's debatable. It's all very, very heavily debated. Think his bone didn't get very busy? Lazy bone? It's possible his bone got a lot busier than people give him credit for.

Oh. There's a lot of debate around this topic. There's even a lot of debate about the nature of his genitals, in addition to the question that like the OSS, the precursor to the CIA talked a lot about like whether or not he had a micro penis based on some interviews with some people. There's a hypothesis that a goat bit off his dick when he was very young and that that was the secret of his madness that he, a goat bit his dick. I want that to be true.

A lot of people did. Like again. Where's that goat statue? I mean, we don't want to celebrate that goat if it's the secret to Hitler's madness. Yeah. I mean, that's true. That's true. Now, and we're not going to get into much of that.

There's also a theory that he had one ball and there was like a song during the war. Hitler has only got one ball. Göring has two, but very small. Na, na, na, na, na. That was like a British ditty. But there were real rumors about it. Is that where that melody comes from? No, no, no.

Or is that a weird owl parody about? It was, I mean, weird owl hadn't been conceived of yet. Yeah. It was a parody of that like tune. Okay, gotcha. It was just an easy tune to mix a song to about Hitler's testicles. I just wanted to make sure that that wasn't like what that original song was. Because it was like, how is that not a fact in my lexicon at this point?

Okay. We have interviews with a couple of different doctors who, you know, palpated Hitler's genitals. Yeah. Because that's what doctors do. And they all say it's perfectly normal. So there's no hard evidence of that, but it has been debated a lot. And I do think it's important that people know for historical context that when bombs were raining down on London. People were comforting themselves with songs about Hitler and Gering's genitalia.

I'm pretty into that for sure. It's great. It's great. Nothing cuts to the core quite like a parody song. No, it doesn't. Now, let's dive deeper into this. Let's get in there. Let's just get on in there.

So as you might guess by the fact that I wasn't even holding up my notes for that whole discussion about Hitler's genitalia and the rumors about it, I am what you might call a Hitler nerd. I've read enough biographies of the man that I've started reading books about Hitler biographies that are essentially comparing all of the different biographies of Hitler and like biographies about writing biographies about Hitler. It's a problem. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good. Do you have like a shelf? Is it like a shelf in your house or do you have like a cloth in front of it? You know, I own a couple of physical copies, but I, for the show, I get too many books.

Like I just have everything on Kindle. Okay, got it. I usually am buying sometimes two or three in a week. Okay. You just take too long. It's better to have that all digital. Yeah. Well, although I think if you were to actually see the titles laid out in front of you physically, you'd be like, oh.

There's things that would be nicer, but I think it would take a lot longer to put together episodes. Fair. Okay, cool. But the point of this is that I tend to be on the cutting edge of new Hitler research in terms of like what I'm reading. I'm not doing new Hitler research, but I stay up to date on it. It's a hell of a Google alert. So speaking of that a couple of days ago, I was actively looking for new Hitler facts to just see if any had come out in the last couple of months since I'd checked that. Yeah.

And I came across an article in The Independent called, Hitler was a sexually confused serial killer. Psychologist claims in new book. So that's, that's quite a claim. So I think you can also probably just say serial killer because I think most serial killers have got, you know, their wires crossed. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting the term confused for serial killer because I wonder if like a guy like Ted Bundy probably wouldn't be like, no, I wasn't confused. I just, this is what I wanted to do. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. The confusion came from wherever the wiring crossed in the first place. Yeah. He's very matter of fact about, yeah. And the book that apparently makes these claims is titled Hitler one and Hitler two, the sexual no man's land. It's by a bestselling German author and psychiatrist named Volker Ellis Pilgrim.

And is that like a new, like that's a very dark cat in the hat. Hitler one and Hitler two in the cat in the hat go and they just. Hitler one and Hitler two. Yeah. They can do anything, anything. Oh no. Under the sun and red. It's a white supremacist parody right there for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Some, some Nazi listening in is already hard at work on that. Yeah. Not the Dr. Seuss version. I haven't gotten to read that book because it's only in German and I do not read German which is almost the title of a great podcast. There's a podcast called I Don't Speak German about the alt-right that people should listen to if they want.

It's kind of like my show but way more focused on that one narrow group of people. Great podcast. Anyway. I don't read German. Yeah. I don't read German. Podcast is called I Don't Speak German. Cool.

I couldn't find the book but I did find some claims that are in the book in this article. Hitler was a, Adolf Hitler was a sexually confused serial killer whose violence was driven by lust in his new book. Mr. Volker claims the Nazi leader had an orgasm while watching a film in which Austrian soldiers massacre French troops. Now, this kind of story is a treat for me because I'd never heard of this particular Hitler story before. Yeah. I'm always, I'm always looking out for some new, some new H facts. No. Quote, he quotes Marianne Hopp, an actress who was an acquaintance of Hitler, describing a time that she went to the cinema in the dictator's Berlin palace to watch a film called The Rebel. It featured Austrian troops hurling boulders from a mountain onto the French below.

Hitler got some kind of thrill and rubbed his knees at this event as the stones rolled down on the French and groaned. I don't know if he was crazy but he got some kind of orgasm, she said. I wanted to leave during the show. The man was creepy. Yeah. People gave Pee Wee Herman a hard time. People gave Pee Wee Herman a hard time. You know, Hitler in perspective.

In perspective. Yeah, if you compare the two, Pee Wee should get the statue. I feel like Pee Wee should have just been left to masturbate in that theater, but. That's what that theater was for. That's what that theater was for. It's not like he was showing up at the cinema to like, to showing up. Anyway. Yeah, yeah.

I've been unable to, yeah, find an English translation. But in this article, which apparently talked to the author, Pilgrim talks about how he suspects there's a connection between sexuality and violence in Hitler, and that his sexual excitement at the thought of violence gave him the desire to force men into killing. He says, however, since this lust for killing is the decisive feature of serial killers, the question inevitably arises. Was Hitler a serial killer who murdered for the purpose of his gratification? Hitler's sexuality, I believe, drove the dictator into the most colossal annihilation that man has witnessed. Now, that's this guy's claims. Interesting premise, okay.

Interesting premise. I can see why a lot of people would want to believe that. Yeah. Mr. Pilgrim also speculates about Hitler's sex life, claiming he abstained from sexual relations with his mistress and then wife, Eva Brown. Now, this all sounds, I think, to a lot of people. They might read this and be like, okay, well, this seems, you know, of course he was crazy. Maybe that makes him, he was just a serial killer who wound up in charge of a country. Yeah.

I get why people would want to believe that. I think what most people looking at that wouldn't dig into is kind of where the guy is basing his claims on. And most of them come from a dude called Ernst Hahn Stangle. Another nickname was Putsi. And Ernst was a- Classic Putsi. Classic Putsi. Ernst was a friend of Hitler's back in the day who then started hating him.

And- I'm sure that happened with a lot of Hitler's friends. That happened to Hitler. We're not great at keeping friends. Yeah, I'm sure. Not super good at friends. That'll be like, oh God, do I have to keep answering his call? I think that might surprise a lot of people.

Not a good friend. Yeah. Not dictators in general. Not great friends. No, not so much. Not great friends. They just take and they take and they take. They take and they take and they take.

Some of them are fun to drink with. Yeah. Once or twice. Yeah. Like if I could go back in time and just see Stalin and all of his buddies, how drunk they- Of course I would want to try it. I wouldn't want to be drunk around Hitler. No.

But Hitler didn't get drunk. He was a teetotaler, right? He was a teetotaler. Yeah, yeah. But that was a doctor giving it to him. Yeah. So he thought that he was being medicated. He thought that, and that was, you know, when we talk about that, and there's a great book

called Blitzed About That. Well, I'm sure we'll talk about it someday, but like that was mostly later in the war. Like during his rise to power, he's sober, like every now and then you'll hear a story of him drinking like part of a glass of champagne. But he was like- Yeah, yeah. Which is, you know, control freaks and whatnot. So I get the desire to like psychoanalyze Hitler, but going to Hompstangle for like advice,

because Hompstangle has a long time been claiming that Hitler was basically a neuter, was like couldn't get off. Yeah, yeah. He had like no sexual life. Yeah. Well, and that is a thing with a lot of serial killers where like they just can't come until they find the thing that makes them. Right?

Yeah. And if you think of Hitler as a serial killer, a lot of this stuff makes sense. But I think what most people don't realize when they hear stories like this, about every year or two, there will be a new rash of Hitler's sex life stories that will hit like kind of shadier but not entirely bullshit outlets and stuff and then every now and then someone like the New Yorker will give it a write up or whatnot. None of this is new in the field of Hitlerology. And in fact, like all of these claims, any claim that you like read about in like a modern

paper about like Hitler liking to poop on people or the possibility that Hitler was gay, all that stuff was kicking around in the 1930s. So there's a lot of myths around this guy. And so what I want to kind of do today is first give kind of an overview of the myths that people are still telling about Hitler and kind of the latest couple of waves of this. And then we're going to do a really deep dive into his whole sexual history, his relationships, everything that there is about him in like reputable scholarship.

So. Geez. If you and Hitler matched on Tinder and you wanted to Google him to find out what was really going on, this would be the episode to listen to. This would be the episode to listen to and spoiler alert. Don't date Hitler. No. Don't date Hitler.

No, don't. Probably not going to go well. Yeah. So back in like March of 2016, I came across an article in The Daily Star with the title Adolf Hitler was gay and loved teenage boys CIA files claim there was also a New York Post article around the same time with the title Adolf Hitler had a truly disgusting sexual fetish. It's equally emblematic of like those types of articles.

Yeah. These were all like spring of 2016 wave articles and they were all based on a dossier, the OSS, which is like a precursor to the CIA put together quote from the New York Post. The Nazi leader's bedroom habits included a love of poo sex claims a dossier from the office of. Yeah. So. Which is with shit not dressing up like Winnie the Pooh.

Not dressing up like Winnie the Pooh. And looking for honey. Yeah. The intelligent document says that he liked women to stand over him and defecate because he was turned on by poo. This is the New York Post keeps you from the word poo instead of feces, which just doesn't seem like great journalism. It also revealed the furor had a micro penis and as the famous song suggests only one

testicle. It also revealed he liked to be brutally kicked by women as part of his sex games. So again, this is always presented whenever it comes up in the media is new. This is all older than your grandparents. Yeah. This has been around forever. This has been around forever. Yeah.

Yeah. So the root of most of the salacious Hitler fuck myths is that infamous OSS report titled the mind of Adolf Hitler was compiled by a doctor named Langer and it was initially a secret thing that was like written up as a brief for FDR at the start of World War II. It's based on a lot of interviews and original documents and the source book behind the paper, which is like all of the raw sources that they compiled to write this is a goldmine of info.

But we should be really critical about the dossier itself. It has to be taken with as much salt as you'd prescribe something written by a psychologist in the 1940s because it's filled with really debatable conclusions based on bad psychoanalytic theory. I'm going to read you one excerpt where Dr. Langer tries to explain why Hitler always carried around a whip as a young man. Quote, anyone who has ever seen Hitler talking in a bashful and purile way to a woman would easily be led to believe that in marriage he would be the underdog, but that is manifestly

wrong. It would seem that the whip plays some mysterious role in his relationship to women. In Dr. Sedgwick's opinion, during the almost 15 years of association with Hitler, the whip with which Hitler loves to gesticulate figures as a kind of substitute or auxiliary symbol for his missing sexual potency. All this wielding of the whip seems to be connected with a hidden desire on the part of Hitler for some state of erection which would overcome his fundamental sexual inferiority complex.

The truth is that Hitler is in all probabilities still in the stage of puberty and still in the essential meaning of the word, a virgin. I want to take that guy to a Renfest and just take a look around. What do you make of this? What do you think is going on here? He references Dr. Sedgwick, that's Hans Stengel. This is again all based on that guy, a lot of this is based on that guy's stuff, but like Hitler was definitely not a virgin in 1942.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. For sure. How old was he when he went into World War I? Do you know? Because he was in the Frenches, right? He was in the mid-20s. He was in the trenches the whole time. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I got you. He was probably not even a virgin at that point. That's debatable. We'll get into that a little bit. Okay. So, just as we kind of criticize that, whips were really common among German fascists to be used as weapons in street fights at this time, and Hitler used his whip in street fights a lot.

He also used it to flirt with girls a lot, so we'll talk about that some. I, that's pretty cool. It was pretty hardcore. I love the idea of like a drive by whipping back in the day. It was more like a bunch of guys that would give speeches in these like beer halls because it's a big thing in German culture, and like a bunch of anti-fascists would crowd around them, and like they would start throwing bottles and fighting, and like fucking Hitler would pull out his whip and start like swinging whips at people and stuff, and you can fuck

a dude up with it. Yeah, you can. You're decent with it, right? Holy shit. It's a good weapon if you're going to like beat on somebody in a bar. Yeah. Yeah. And it worked for that purpose.

Yeah. Give Antifa all the whips now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they take a lot of training, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I like Indiana Jones reclaiming the whip for the not-fascist side of things. Appreciate that. I never heard the Hitler whip thing before. Hitler loved whips.

He loved the whip. You're going to be hearing a lot about Hitler's whip today. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. So anyway, because of all of this misinformation, because of all of these like conclusions that people still tried out based on like fucking 1940s psychoanalytic theory, I have gone through two different Hitler biographies, the ones I consider probably the two best, John Totlens

and Ian Kershaws, as well as a great book called Explaining Hitler, that's like a synthesis of a bunch of different biographies. And I've tried to present what I think is the most complete picture of the verifiable facts of Hitler's sex life. So anyway, if we're going to understand how Hitler fucked and how people talk about how Hitler fucked, we have to start with Hitler's sexual prehistory, what we know about how his dad fucked, or to be more precise, who his dad fucked. Ooh.

So. Well, his mom, at least. Definitely his mom. Definitely his mom. That's a given. At least twice, right? Because he had a sister. He had a sister or something, right?

Yeah. I think she was a half sister. You know, I don't remember that off the top of my head. Okay. His genealogy is very complicated. Yeah. So there was a younger, there was a girl in a room in his house growing up. Yeah.

Paula Hitler, he had a sister and he actually like one of the nice things Hitler did in his life is that as a younger man, he gave her his inheritance and like wound up kind of on the street as a result of that because she had a kid and stuff. Got it. Okay. So one thing we leave out a lot when we talk about Hitler's rise to power is the army of crusading journalists who fought a desperate battle to stop him from taking control. They have failed, obviously, and a lot of them died, but for a while their investigation

scared Hitler. More than anything, he was frightened that his family history would be exposed. When he learned about one of the first of these investigations, he allegedly told a party member, people must not know who I am. They must not know where I come from. Whoa. Now, there are a lot of different rumors as to why. The most salacious rumor is that Hitler secretly had a Jewish background.

We don't know for certain who his father's father was. His grandmother, Maria Schickelgruber, was a 42-year-old unmarried serving woman when she gave birth to his father, Alois, in 1836. Some legends say a wealthy Jewish man or a nobleman impregnated her. We don't know. The church she was baptized in and the entire town where she was born, Dollarsheim, was obliterated by German artillery probably on Hitler's orders in order to conceal his background, which is serious warlord move right there.

I'll give it to you. Erase the Schickelgrubers. Yeah. Get rid of that shit. Grandma. One of those things, one of those few places you'll catch a lot of really serious historians speculating as like, would it have even been possible for a guy with the last name Schickelgruber to have done the things that Hitler did?

Because it was kind of like chance that he wound up with the last name Hitler. His dad adopted it from another guy who probably wasn't his dad. It's a messy case. Interesting. They changed the original name and then they changed it to Hitler. I see. Okay. And I have trouble imagining Heil Schickelgruber working out.

No, no. Because people would keep stumbling over it. Yeah. Schickelgruber? It'd be like if Google had, if their name had been like question asked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You just probably wouldn't have worked as well.

No, no, no. It definitely would not. Yeah. So historians debate over the exact nature of the genealogy further back than Hitler's dad. But Hitler's dad was a bastard. We know that at least. Maybe.

We don't even know that much. Oh, okay. All of this is still debated. Got it. The odds that Hitler was ashamed of a secret Jewish person in his past, though, are lower than the odds that he was just worried people would find out his dad was gross. Alois Hitler was a mid-level customs official in Brownow, Austria. He'd been respected in the local community, but his middle management image belied the

reality of a man who repeatedly married children. Alois is... Cool. Cool. Sweet. There it is. Everyone, pedophiles, we're going to be a part of this story. They will be a part of this story all the way through.

Well, am I not surprised by that? Great. Nazis and gross sexual stuff. Wow, yeah. Everybody focuses on the possibility that there was pusex. The stuff that we know is so much grosser than pooping. That's whatever. People who are perfectly fine can enjoy that sort of thing.

What we're talking about with Hitler and his dad, both cases, fucked up objectively. You can have consensual pusex. Whatever. There's nothing to matter with that. It's whatever. Just clean your own sheets. Clean your own sheets. That's all I care about.

Or pay your cleaning lady incredibly well. Yes, exactly. I'm sure there's some people who'd take that job. So Alois' first wife was much, much older than him, and she died after a few years of marriage. Some of the rumors are that he married her for her money, which whatever. While Alois was married, but while his first wife was sick, he moved a 16-year-old girl into their home to be his serving maid.

This girl, Clara, was his niece. Now- Cool. Cool. Yeah, what a loser. What a fucking loser. Now, John Toland, who's one of the preeminent Hitler biographers of all times, says that Clara was hot, quote, with abundant dark hair.

He claims that she was, quote, installed with the Hitlers at an end where Alois was already carrying on an affair with the kitchen maid, Franziska. So when Alois' first wife is alive, he's got this 16-year-old niece who he's hitting on and also this like 17-year-old kitchen maid named Franziska, both of whom he's like starting up a thing with while his first wife is alive and dying. So when his first wife died, Alois got her money and married Franziska. I'm going to quote now from the fantastic book Explaining Hitler. After his first wife died, developments in the Alois-Hitler household began to take on

the appearance of a maimed French farce, after a period of living conjugly but without the benefit of clergy and with the kitchen maid, while simultaneously enjoying the services of the even younger maid and niece Clara, he married the older one. Well good for him. Good for him, picking that 17-year-old, not the 16-year-old, I guess. How old is he at this point? He is in his 40s. Now according to John Toland, Franziska was, quote, only too aware of how tempting a pretty

maid could be to the susceptible Alois. After the wedding, the first thing she did was get rid of Clara. Luckily for Alois, his second wife soon died, allowing him to finally realize his true dream of marrying his teenage niece. Wow, do you know how did Franziska die? It was cancer. Oh it was. A lot of cancer in the Hitler family tree.

He was kind of scared about it his whole life. Not enough cancer. Not enough cancer among the Hitler's. Some juvenile leukemia would have really dealt with some problems for the world. Not often I stand for juvenile leukemia, but for Hitler? Get up in them bones. So the only thing getting in the way of Alois Hitler and his true love with his teenage niece was the fact that they were very close relatives.

They officially share the same grand-uncle, Johann Jorg Heidler. Now even in the late 1800s, marrying your teenage niece was sort of frowned upon. Yeah, I could see that. This is not one of those things where, no, it was normal at the time. Everybody's marrying their 16-year-old serving girl niece. No. Alois had to get special dispensation from the pope to marry and continue fucking his niece.

He wanted to fuck his niece so bad he got papal approval. Oh my God. That's Hitler's dad. Just dear pope. Dear pope? My niece, you got to see this girl. Let me send you a couple of pictures. I drew some croutures.

Just because you chose to be celibate doesn't mean I need to be celibate. And I'd like to break that with a child that I'm related to. Related to and kind of morally responsible to. Can I give a thumbs up? Yeah, thumbs up, thumbs down. What's Catholicism say? And the pope just said, go for it? Go for it.

Yeah, Hitler's dad had official papal permission to fuck his niece. All popes are great. All popes are great. Popes have never done anything wrong. What a great thing to exist, a pope. Cool. So Hitler was Catholic or Hitler's dad was Catholic? Hitler didn't really give a shit when I mean he was a Hitlerist.

Yeah, I would say. Like technically, I guess on the paper. Yeah, and at that point in Austria you're not going to not, you got to be straight with the Catholic Church. Yeah, yeah. It's Austria. It's Austria in the late 1800s. How did this guy not get like the sin guilt shit worked into him?

I mean he might have. I assume there were a lot. I assume there was talk. I assume people were like, it's kind of fucked up, right? Yeah. I feel so bad about fucking my niece, child. Well, I don't know if he did, but I'm going to guess people in town, there was some like, but you know, those people all died of typhus, you know, so we don't know what they were

talking about. Not enough typhus. Not enough. Just give her all the Masturians. Okay, so to make things even creepier, according to Ron Rosenbaum's explaining Hitler, quote, even after the Vatican granted the dispensation, Clara continued to call her new husband what she called him when she was still his maid, mistress, uncle. So Hitler's mom called his dad uncle the whole time Hitler was a kid.

That's worse than when parents call each other mother and father. Yeah, that's grosser than, that's like Mike Pence shit on another level. Yeah. Yeah. My uncle. Yeah. It's gross. It's really gross.

It's really fucking nasty. Yeah. This is the relationship Adolf Hitler was born into. So I'm not going to say in fairness to Hitler because you don't give Hitler credit for anything because he's Hitler. Yeah. But as a baby, that's a rough situation to land in. Yeah.

Also, this is some classic uncle bullshit. Yeah. You always got a good uncle and a bad uncle. It's always like a bad uncle. When you got a bad uncle, it's nothing worse than a bad uncle. Hitler's dad was like the platonic ideal of a bad uncle. The uncle that everyone's like, can he not come to Thanksgiving? Can we not have him around?

Please just cut that uncle out of everything. Okay, so Hitler's dad marries two women that Hitler biographer Ian Kershaw describes as young enough to be his children. As a dad, he's remembered generally as a strict authoritarian figure, but most people who knew the family when his dad was alive say that Alois wasn't particularly violent or bad by the standards of the time towards his kid or his wife. We would probably almost certainly call the discipline that Hitler endured child abuse today, but it was not out of the norm for the area.

And most of the boys in Austria who grew up around Hitler didn't grow up to be Hitler. So you don't want to put too much influence on the fact that his dad was an authoritarian. But a lot of the boys around Hitler did grow up to be Nazis, so let's not discount the impact of authoritarian parenting either. But it's probably not what we're looking for for looking for the whole reason Hitler went all crazy. The fact that his dad hit him sometimes. Yeah, exactly.

It's like that's not going to be, that doesn't, that's a real A to Z connection. Yeah, exactly. You're leaving out some stuff if you drop it down to that. My uncle father. My uncle father. My uncle dad. My uncle daddy. Jesus.

Oh, Hitler. So we're going to dig into Hitler as a young man in his early love affairs. Great. And spoilers, they're as creepy as everything else in this podcast is going to be. I'm not surprised by that. If you thought Hitler the dad was bad. No. Yeah, there's no way like Hitler ate off as like a lethario coming from this place

at all. But what's surprising is how much like Elliot Roger he is. I'm not surprised by that. Oh, the fucking horse he is. Oh, he's fucking losers. He's fucking losers. Oh, God. Of course.

That is the overwhelming thing that you say to yourself when you get into some real deep study of the Nazis is these fucking losers. All you can say is fucking losers. You know who's not losers though, Brandy. Who? The wonderful sponsors who support this show and or program with their products and or services and or add petro dollar, add money. I'm spinning out of control here, uh, products.

During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations. And you know what? They were right. I'm Trevor Aronson and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. Because the FBI sometimes you got to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters

in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar smoking man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse was like a lot of guns. He's a shark. And on the gun badass way. And nasty sharks. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen.

Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole.

My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI. How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all bogus. It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Lance Bass and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991 and that man Sergei Krekalev is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart.

And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world. Listen to The Last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Whew, boy. Love those products.

Hate Hitler. Love those products as much as I hate Hitler. Exactly. And there's nothing that's as squeegee for your brain as well as a solid product or just a nice service, especially on like a hot Hitlerful day. Just like being told the possibilities. The possibilities. Yeah.

You know, Nazis didn't like possibilities. Course not. What you get with products and services is possibilities. Yes. A lot of good economic discourse coming out of this episode. We should write a book. Yeah. Let's write another Hitler book.

There aren't enough of them. There should be a couple more Hitler books. Okay. So, most of our... What would Hitler think about Squarespace? Yeah. What would Hitler think about Squarespace? I don't like the free speech of the internet.

You know, I hate to say this because it's what I do to make my living, but Hitler would a thousand percent be a podcaster if you were around the day. He absolutely would. I mean, he like wrote at length about how the best way, the only real way to convince anyone of anything was with the human voice and like the power of like radio to isolate someone with a voice and to really influence their thought, which is one of the things that scares me about the podcast era, but we're getting some of the weeds. That's a whole separate conversation.

Yeah. He would be like an Alex Jones type, but like with his own show. Yeah. But like... Yeah. Well, he has his own show too. But yeah. He would be a lot more popular than Alex Jones.

Cause I don't think Alex has a problem saying the quiet parts loud. And Hitler was up until the point where he took power usually pretty good about quietly saying the loud parts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why he won. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So most of our evidence for young Hitler's early love affairs comes from a dude named August Kubizek. Now Kubizek is a heavily debated figure amongst Hitler scholars. He wrote a book about his childhood with Hitler after the war. It apparently started during the third Reich as a pro-Hitler like Nazi biography. And then after the war, he was like, well, I mean, I've already got this stuff down.

People are going to want to know what Hitler was like as a kid. So I'm going to write this book. Some of what he says is definitely either a lie or stretching the truth. There's a lot of debate over how much to trust him. But it's also incontrovertible that he grew up with Hitler, that he was Hitler's really only friend as a kid and that they lived together. They were essentially like freshman college roommates in the big city. So he, no one else has this perspective.

So Kubizek's book is an irreplaceable source for the early years of Hitler's life. You have to be critically read him, but you have to read him. I've read Kubizek's book, of course, and it's really interesting if you do take it. Well, I would recommend reading like a John Toland or an Ian Kershaw biography first and then go into Kubizek. So you've got some sort of context for it. I'm going to be quoting from all three of these sources in the next little bit here because it provides any good synthesis and I trust those guys to separate probable truth

from probable lie better than I trust myself because they're elderly Hitler scholars and I'm just a Hitler nerd. Anyway, Kubizek recalls exactly one romantic focus for Hitler in his young years, a girl named Stephanie who lived in Linz. That was the small town that he grew up in. Now Hitler was madly in love with Stephanie and we have no evidence that she ever knew anything about him. In fact, later in life after the war, when she was told that Adolf Hitler had been in

love with her, she was shocked and horrified, which is, it's a dick move to tell me what that was. Yeah. Oh man, what a bummer because you're just like, am I responsible for him? You get through this horrible war. She was in Austria. She saw some shit. It would have been a nightmare for anyone living in that region.

You get through this horrible war and then like years later, someone's like, by the way, Hitler wanted to fuck you. What? Why would you ever tell anybody that? How do you process that? Baby Hitler popping boners to you. Don't tell her that. Yeah, because then that just makes you just rethink everything about your time with me.

Is this my fault? Yeah. Oh God. No, Stephanie. It's definitely not. You didn't do anything wrong. Stephanie, you're great. I mean, you've been dead for decades, but you seem fine.

You're listening somewhere. Yeah. We get a medium. You should be doing this podcast with a medium to contact some of these people and be like, hey, it's okay. Yeah. It's going to be fine. Yeah.

That's actually similar to another podcast idea I have, which is using a medium to sexually harass dead bastards. I really just want to see how uncomfortable I can make Chairman Mao. Oh yeah. Yeah. Really, really get in there and lock his ghost in a room. Yeah. Let's see where it goes.

I am 100% on board for that. I think we all are. So if you want us to. So Hitler was in love with this girl who knew nothing about him. He became convinced, and this is while they're in elementary school, essentially, like early high school era, that kind of thing. Like he's a teenager, young teenager. So during this.

I know these kids. I know this. Oh yeah. I was in marching band. I had one of these kids. I know exactly who this is. I don't know if there's a woman I've met who didn't have one of these kids in their life.

I know. Anyway. I'm so sorry. Hitler became convinced that Stephanie was sending him secret signals and messages only he could see. A fucking course. Yeah. Yeah.

They were destined to be together. He would rant about all this to Kubizek. And Kubizek claims he was pretty like questioning of all this stuff to Hitler, but like only to an extent. Kubizek did try to convince Hitler that if he needed to at least talk to this girl, if there's going to be any hope of her liking him. At the very least. At the very least, he suggested that Hitler should learn to dance because he knew that

Stephanie liked dancing, which is like solid advice, like, okay, get interested in something this girl's interested in. Have a similar interest. Have a similar interest. Yeah. Pretty solid advice today. Okay. So here's Kubizek.

Quote, all this is no good, Adolf. I replied. Stephanie is fond of dancing. If you want to conquer her, you will have to dance around just as aimlessly and idiotically as the others. That was all that was needed to set him off raving. No, no, never. He screamed at me.

I shall never dance. Do you understand? Stephanie only dances because she is forced to by society on which she unfortunately depends. Once she is my wife, she won't have the slightest desire to dance. That is... And Kubizek's books are generally pretty pro-Hitler book. Not pro the stuff Hitler did is like he's obviously against the Third Reich, but like he presents a sympathetic view of Hitler and this is how he describes it.

Wow. Yeah. What a... I mean... What a little maniac. I just need a thesaurus for the word loser. It's truly insane. Like, no, I'll never dance.

She'll stop dancing. She'll stop dancing too. She'll stop dancing too. Oh, she's not even dancing because she wants to. It's just society. It sounds like a Reddit post. No, it totally... It totally sounds like a Reddit post.

She'd be Top Dog Reddit. He would be... She would love Reddit so much. She would be so addicted to Slash Pole. Like, he would never get off of that fucking shit. He'd be an 8chan, like, he'd be deep into this shit. You really would be. God damn it.

I'm gonna dance. I'm not gonna learn to dance. I'm not gonna learn to dance. I'm not gonna learn to dance. Never. I shall never dance. I shall never dance. Adolf Hitler.

Yeah, exactly. There's your fucking t-shirt. Guilty feet ain't got no rhythm. Oh, shit. Yeah. Nice. Oh, boy. What are the good songs?

They always get it right. Exactly. It's obviously... It's actually about Hitler. It is about... All music is about Hitler. One way or the other. Yep.

It's my theory. We'll talk about Toto's Africa. It's a stretch, but I'll get you there. Now... I got a diagram. I got a diagram. It's about the Desert Fox. Now, obviously, waiting around and being an insane person did not woo Stephanie.

Gradually, Hitler started to realize that she wasn't going to fall to him. According to Kubizek, Hitler reacted like you'd expect a modern-day incel to react, with threats of violence. Of course. Quote, Stephanie was at that time in an unfriendly mood. She would pass the basically nearby road with her face averted as though Hitler did not exist at all. This brought him to the verge of despair.

I can't stand it any longer, he exclaimed. I will make an end of it. It was the first, and as far as I know, the last time that Adolf contemplated suicide seriously. It was not. He would jump into the river from the Danube Bridge, he told me, and then it would be over and done with, but Stephanie would have to die with him. He insisted on that.

Once more, a plan was thought up. In all its details, every single phase of the horrifying tragedy was minutely described, including the part I would have to play, even my conduct as the sole survivor was ordained. The somber scene was with me, even in my dreams. Young Hitler! Oh, God. Just the most emo little shit. Killing himself in a girl who doesn't know him!

Oh, God. Had he even talked to her at this point? As far as we know, he never said a word to her. Oh, my God. I just... You can't hate him more, but you find new depths of hate. You find new depths of, yeah, like, Hitler. Oh, here's a new cavity of hate I haven't filled for you.

What, didn't expect this? God, you fucking loser. You fucking loser. Just like, you know that he's a loser, and then it's just like, from this age too, you're like, oh, God, just go to a Toastmasters class or something, you piece of shit. This is part of why I get all frustrated when people are like, he was a sexual serial killer, and that's why... No, dude, he was just a lame-ass dude.

He's for sure like an incel-emorrhaged douchebag. Yeah. Yeah. I am owed! I am owed! I am owed this woman, and she doesn't deserve to live if she doesn't like me, even though I've never even talked to her. Like...

Were his parents together his entire life? His dad died when he was, you know, in his teens, and his mom died, not all that. I mean, his dad died when he was pretty young, and his mom died also when he was pretty young, like a young adult. Okay. I don't think he had. His dad was pretty authoritarian, but once his dad kicked off, it was kind of just his mom, and she was sort of...

He was a mama's boy, she was sort of a doting mom. Was that Clara? Yeah, Clara Hitler. Clara Hitler. Yeah. Yeah, Hitler... Adolf Hitler's mom was Clara. Okay.

Okay, I see. Gotcha. Yeah. So, he's born in incest, and then... Yeah. His dad dies, and then he's raised away. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool. So, outside of his obsession with Stephanie, Kubizek says he doesn't know of any individual women in Hitler's life in this period, certainly no one he might have fucked. When they became young adults and moved to Vienna together, Hitler remained unlaid. Here's John Toland's coverage of Kubizek's recollection. Quote, On promenades, girls and women would often slightly glance at them. At first, Kubizek thought their interest was directed to him, but it soon became apparent

that the reserved Adolf was the object. He coldly ignored their silent invitations. If the two did nothing about sex, they spent hours at night discussing women, love, and marriage, with Adolf as usual dominating the conversation. Over and over, he insisted that he must keep the flame of life pure. That is, he believed, in accordance with his Catholic upbringing, a man and a woman should keep themselves chaste in body and soul until marriage, and just thus be worthy of producing healthy children for the nation.

But the dark side of sex also haunted him, and he talked by the hour about depraved sexual customs. He railed against prostitution, condemning not only the whores and their customers, but society. His condemnation approached obsession, and one night after attending a performance of Wettekin's Spring Awakening, he took Gustl's arm and said, we must see the sink of iniquity once. They turned down a small dark alley.

It was the Spittelberg Gasse, and walked past a row of small hostels, so brightly lit that they could see the girls inside. In their scanty and slovenly attire, they sat there, recalled Kubizek, making up their faces and combing their hair and looking at themselves in the mirror, without, however, for one moment losing sight of the men strolling by. Occasionally, a man would stop in front of a house, converse with a girl, and the light would go out. The two youths reached the end of the alley, Adolf maneuvered them in an about face, and

they took another long look at the appalling sight. Back in their room, Adolf went into a lengthy tirade on the evils of prostitution with, quote, a cold objectivity as though it were a question of his attitude towards the fight against tuberculosis or towards cremation. So this is young Hitler, celibate, angry about other people not being celibate, and a real thought audit level hatred of sex workers. He is gallons of cum in his sleep at this point in his life. I mean, every fucking night.

What a shitty little- His socks shatter when they're dropped. I know, seriously. I cannot imagine how many fucking wet dreams those dudes happen to constantly. And they're all about the stuff that he says is terrible, because that's why you rant about this for hours to your best friend. He's like concealing an erection as he yells about prostitution. I'm not uncamping this prostitution just out there trying to make a living of any kind in this world.

Again, we all knew of Hitler. Oh, yeah. We've all known this kid. Oh, God. No, absolutely. Oh, God. Yeah. He's like the one that, that's like one of the names that you text the other people

you went to high school with that you just laugh about when you hear their name. Yeah. You're like, remember that guy? Oh, fuck, yeah. That's crazy. Oh, that guy, yeah. Yeah. So, uh, Hitler's mom died like right before this point of like a really, really horrifying

cancer. Uh, and then, you know, he wound up in Vienna with Kubizek, which is where that happened. They lived together for a while, but Kubizek was successful. Like he was a really good musician and Hitler, you know, didn't get in the art school. That's a pretty famous story. He eventually ran out of money and wound up living in a men's home, which was essentially like a homeless shelter for vagrants. Okay.

According to Ian Kershaw, being homeless did not improve Hitler's game. Yeah. I can't imagine that it would. No. Quote. To be fair, a home wouldn't have improved his game either. It seems like he was kind of hopeless either way. Yeah.

I don't know if either way would have helped him much. Quote. When his circle of acquaintances got around to discussing women and doubtless their own former girlfriends and sexual experiences, the best Hitler could come up with was a veiled reference to Stephanie, who had been his first love, though she never knew it because he never told her. The impression left with Reinhold Hannisch was that Hitler had very little respect for the female sex, but very austere ideas about relations between men and women.

Hannisch recalled Hitler telling him of a brief encounter with a milkmaid while he was still at school, ending abruptly when she made advances and he ran away, knocking over a churn of milk in his haste. This was probably a lie by Hitler. Hitler described his own ideal woman as, is a cute, cuddly, naive little thing, tender, sweet, and stupid. Cool. Cool.

That's great. Hitler. You want to fuck a baby. Well. I mean, yeah. It runs in his blood. It does run in his blood. Yeah.

Oh God. It's going to be weird how much it runs in his blood. Yeah. But first, eh. During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations. And you know what? They were right.

I'm Trevor Aronson and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. As the FBI sometimes, you got to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced, cigar-smoking man who drives a silver hearse. Standing inside his hearse was like a lot of guns. He's a shark.

And not in the good and bad ass way. He's a nasty shark. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science?

The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI.

How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all bogus. It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space.

And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991, and that man, Sergei Krekalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world.

Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back! Okay. So, Hitler also claimed during this period that women would inherently, quote, rather bow to a strong man than dominate a weakling. Even for the time, young Hitler was seen as a bit of a prude. This meant he didn't fit in super well in turn of the century Vienna, where erotic art

was in vogue and people were starting to do the 1909 version of opening up a little bit. Well, it's because he's just like popping boners all over the place. He's just popping, everyone could see him, his leader Hosans just like, ah, fucking arrow. Yeah, no. He's just like constantly just like very sweaty and pink with like a giant boner. He's just an angry, erect, terrible artist screaming at everybody and talking about how it's bad to come.

Constantly. Fucking Hitler. Like, oh god. You nerd. So, one of the things that was happening in Vienna at this time in the turn of the century is that rules about women's modesty had started to change and women were allowed to. I mean, we're not talking like woke by our standards, but things are improving. Yeah, yeah.

You know, things are improving and some women are pushing the envelope, quote, professionally and in just how they present themselves to the world. Young Hitler did not like that. Of course. Here's an excerpt from Kirchau's book again, quote, where decency demanded that women were scarcely allowed to even show an ankle, Hitler's embarrassment and the rapidity with which he fled with his friend when a prospective landlady during a search for a room for Kubizek let her silk dressing gown fall open to reveal that she was wearing nothing but a pair of

knickers. But his prudishness went far beyond this. It amounted, according to Kubizek's account, to a deep disgust and repugnance at sexual activity. Hitler avoided contact with women, meeting with cold indifference during visits to the opera alleged attempts by young women, probably seeing him as something of an oddity, to flirt with or tease him. He was repelled by homosexuality.

He was framed from masturbation, prostitution horrified but fascinated him. He associated it with venereal disease, which petrified him. So it is again hard to say how much of Kubizek's account is true. If Hitler was originally super anti-gay, for example, he definitely got over that shit by the time he was out of the army. Ernst Röhm, the head of the Brownshirts, was a flamboyantly gay man who was flagrant about his love life. Hitler did eventually kill Röhm, but only after he was in power, and some accounts say

he resisted doing so for a very long time and expressed angst over the decision. Basically, Röhm wanted to replace the German army with the Brownshirts, and that's why Hitler had to get rid of him. And there was definitely, like, he was willing to kill him because he was gay and he was seen as like a liability, but Hitler wasn't inherently against the idea of working with it. It seems like he moderated on that during his time in the army, at least from like one point of view or another.

There's debate about how much. But one thing that didn't change from Kubizek's memory of him was Hitler's obsession with venereal disease. The subject came up frequently in Mein Kampf, and in Hitler's early speeches, he generally like would compare the Jewish refugees immigrating to the country as like a form of venereal disease. And there was a lot of anti-Semitic claims that Jewish prostitutes were spreading typhus, and there's actually a rumor that Hitler himself got syphilis from a prostitute sometime

in like when he was a young adult. Semen Wiesenthal, the famed Nazi hunter, went to his grave believing this, even though there's no good evidence about it. There's a lot of weird questions as to why people, as someone like Wiesenthal, who's a Holocaust survivor himself, would be so much like into wanting to believe this. I mean, I get that though. Yeah, yeah. You kind of want to like...

A reason. And he had syphilis. It's also, there's like some weird, a lot of the attempts to explain Hitler kind of come across as blaming a single Jewish person for his hatred of Jewish people, which is really problematic. Yeah, that's an issue. Yeah. Kubizek, for his part, always claimed that Hitler was, to the best of his knowledge, a

normal dude sexually, not homosexual, not into anything weird, just like kind of a sexually frustrated young man. Kubizek was so emphatic about that because by the 1950s when he was working on his book, there were numerous rumors that Hitler had been gay. This conspiracy theory is best embodied by the book The Pink Swastika from 1995. That book was a major source for a recent... Dinesh D'Souza documentary where Dinesh claims that Democrats are the modern Nazis and that gay people are Nazis and Hitler was gay is a regular headline in far-right publications.

I found one on Breitbart from 2016 that just said, new evidence from his doctor shows Hitler was gay. Obviously, it's not new evidence, it's just, it's the old OSS reports that suggested Hitler was homosexual. Of course. In the OSS document, Dr. Langer wrote, quote, his sex life is as dual as his political outlook, he is both a homosexual and heterosexual, both socialist and fervent nationalist, both man and woman.

Again, that's just like, cycle and like, bullshit, there's no evidence that he was homosexual. He was okay with working with gay men, but like, there was no evidence beyond that. It's like, yeah. One of the things that's interesting to me is when you read a lot of like the old 1930s and late 20s news articles criticizing Hitler, a lot of these like 1920s German journalists, some of whom are conservative, when they're talking about like homosexuality with the Nazi party, go out of their way to not condemn homosexuality, to just be like, that we're condemning the Nazis because their attitudes on homosexuality are so negative, but they

have all these gay members, which is more nuanced than I expected out of like 1920s journalists in Germany. That's very interesting. Well, it does make a lot of sense though, because it's like, I mean, coming after World War I, you're in the trenches with men and you need some kind of comfort to get over that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to feel like you're a person and not just part of a meat grinder. Yeah. You know, so it's like, I'm sure that definitely, you know, was part of why attitudes started to open up right until the Nazis claimed them shut again. Yeah, exactly. Now, just so we cover the basics of Hitler's life here, Hitler served in World War I. Obviously, he was at the front basically the entire war.

There are rumors as we covered in our Children of Dictators episode that he fathered a son with a French woman during this time. This is very much doubted by historians, kind of thing, you can't 100% debunk. But for what it's worth, the son of the guy who thought he was Hitler's son says that Hitler was a gentle lover to his grandma. I don't know what that's based on. Seems like a reach. It seems like a weird flex too.

Yeah. Yeah. A gentle love. Here's the thing. I don't even know, I feel like he would be just like a petrified guy that would like come really quickly. I'm going to guess that is more accurate. Yeah.

That feels like, yeah, he's probably all fucking talk and then he's just like, okay, sorry. Yeah. Oh, no. He says, I'm sorry when he comes. Yeah. That's the Hitler. Yeah.

Now, when Hitler got back from World War I, he was sent by his military superiors to infiltrate a meeting of the National Socialist Political Party, and yeah, you know the rest more or less. He started giving speeches there, became a figure in the National Socialist Party, consolidated power and plotted his, you know, not quite meteoric, but eventually total rise to power. Now, we don't have a whole lot on Hitler's sexuality during the early 1920s or his relationships. Hans Stengel is one of the main sources for the claims that Hitler might have been gay. And he said stuff like this, quote, obvious prostitutes barely admitted to the Kaiser

Hof Hotel were fervently admired by him provided that they appeared in couples or with a man. A solitary woman is usually ignored by him unless he is in a large crowd and can send in someone to find out her identity. He always wishes to be a spectator. Do you know, he once said to Dr. Sedgwick in 1923, the audience at the circus is just like a woman, someone who does not understand that intrinsically feminine character of the mass will never be an effective speaker. Ask yourself, what does a woman expect from a man, clearness, decision, power, action?

Like a woman, the masses fluctuate between extremes. What we want is to get the masses to act. This can obviously not be done with an appeal to their selfishness, nor to their cowardice, but by an appeal to their idealism, their courage, and their spirit of sacrifice. Who has more the spirit of sacrifice than a woman? If she is talked to properly, she will be proud to sacrifice because no woman will ever feel that her life sacrifices have received their dual fulfillment. That's Hitler analyzing the German people.

And interesting. Yeah. You know, just what a first date. What a first date. Hans Stengel claims to have asked him once, why don't you marry? And he says, Hitler answered, quote, marriage is not for me and never will be. My only bride is my motherland. Then seemingly with no sequence of ideas, he added, there are two ways in which a man's

character may be judged by the woman he marries and by the way he dies. In 1923, when Hans Stengel once playfully said, if not a bride, you ought to have a mistress, Hitler replied, politics is a woman. He who loves her unhappily bites off his head. So this is one of the versions of Hitler you get that he's just too busy being the embodiment of Germany to flirt with ladies. What a piece of shit. He continues that line the rest of his life.

I think in this stage, it's not true, but he's not actually dating around that much. In this stage, he's still too awkward. He starts to have success with women when he gets popular. Yeah. When he starts getting some power, because then it's not about him. It's about the mythic thing that he's created. And in that case, he keeps saying that out loud and hiding his relationships with women, but he's also fucking some people.

So anyway, that's the way this goes. So it's hard, basically, impossible to say when Hitler lost his virginity. We do have one spectacular example of Hitler striking out with a lady. It happened in 1923, right before Hitler's famous beer hall, Putsch, when they were at Berktisgarten. Now, the story is related by Hans Stengel, who had come to visit Hitler in Berktisgarten on invitation, but Hitler didn't own a house there or anything at that point. They were all staying in a hotel.

The manager of the hotel was a guy named Herr Buchner, who was a German flying ace in World War I, and who had, according to Hans Stengel, a quote, strikingly buxom six-foot-tall blonde wife, which made her taller than Hitler. This rather vulgar, sensuous blue-eyed woman had manifestly succeeded in completely inflaming Hitler to a degree that made him seem entirely beyond himself. His breath was short, his cheeks feverish, his eyes filled with exaltation. In a swashbuckling manner, Hitler was, strutting up and down the large veranda in garden, swinging his whip.

He would stop now and again to talk to Frau Buchner, whip in hand, punctuating his sentences with the whip in a schoolboy fashion. He was obviously showing off, talking at Frau Buchner in the numerous gallery of admiring females, all party adherents. He made, however, no impression on Frau Buchner. On and on, he went through the whole afternoon, acting the desperado, the wild man, the man of destiny. The whole performance seemed hopefully pubescent and empty.

Oh, God. Hitler just... Just whacking a whip around. Just swinging a whip, trying to flirt with a girl. Check out my whip. Check this shit out. Look at how good I am with this whip. Are you impressed?

No. You think I look good? Oh, that's like the 1920s version of just like watching somebody play video games. Check it out. No, check out how good I am. Let me get this head shot. I have so many potions. Think of how many potions I have.

It's not real. No. Now, Hitler also had a gigantic crush on his friend Putze's wife, Helena Hopfstangle. Ian Kershaw writes, quote, On one occasion, he took advantage of Putze Hopfstangle's brief absence from the room to fall on his knees in front of Helena Hopfstangle, describing himself as her slave and bemoaning the fate that had led him to her too late. When Helena told him of the incident, Putze put it down to Hitler's need to play the role of the languishing troubadour from time to time.

This guy just like needed to be... He's a cuck is what he actually is. That, I think, is what he would have preferred. He needed a good sex therapist, he just said, No, dude, just do this. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Just like watch some of your friend's bone. That's why I think you'd probably be here.

That's why I think you'd be happiest with Hitler. Maybe give up politics and just watch your friend's bone. Yeah, be that guy. Be that guy. Compared to Hitler, that's a great guy to be. Yeah, well, especially that is the child of a dead uncle. You know what I mean? That's what your kid becomes.

Yeah, yeah. The child of a dead uncle. So when Putze later expressed the worry that Hitler was essentially trying to steal his wife's affections, Helena told Putze not to worry. Hitler was, quote, an absolute neuter. So that was Helena's attitude towards him. Now Hitler would later prove them in the OSS wrong, actually in the early autumn of 1926, when the rising fascist political star met a girl named Mimi Reiter.

We will talk about her, Hitler's courtship process, and his preferences in fucking in part two of this podcast. But right now, it's the end of the episode until Thursday when we talk about the rest of this stuff. I see. Yeah, that was just- That's just getting us to this, to Mimi. That's just getting us to Mimi.

Maybe the first girl he fucks, it's really well, no, not the first girl he fucks, but like the first girl we have a lot of detail on how he courted her. So we're going to be talking a lot about how Hitler flirted with girls. Cool. He's finally moving on from his fucking hand. From his fucking hand, and his leader, Hosun. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God.

He's such a- He's such a loser. He's such a loser. I just wish- Iqbanayan loser. There needs to be like, what is the- People need to know how lame, we always do like, it's either like Hitler at the end of the war where he's like a sick old man, or like Hitler is this terrifying warlord, and

we miss out on incel Hitler. You definitely nail the Elliot Roger perspective, for sure. And it's so interesting too, because it seems like he skipped right to incel, like he didn't have this like game phase where he was even trying to make it work. He just immediately knew that he needed power of any kind to get anybody because he was such a zero. Because he, yeah, there was otherwise no chance. Yeah.

Oh, the entitlement all of it. Yeah, it's- I think I hate it. It's gross. You know, I try not to like psychoanalyze how much of this was like, did he get into power? Because he went, like, I think it was probably ancillary, and everyone does things for a lot of reasons, but like, you can't look at his backstory and not see that like frustrated kid who just like, doesn't understand why some people are good at that, and he's not,

and like, he's pissed because of it. Well, and it's just like the entitlement as opposed to like growing yourself and making yourself a more rounded person. Yeah. Learning to dance. Yes, exactly. I mean, that's exactly it. It's like all of these kind of guys.

It's just like, just get a hobby that isn't just like, trying to fuck somebody. It's like, no, just be a well rounded person in your own regard, and then people will be interesting for people to be interested in you. Yeah. Because his whole thing in like, in Kubizek's book, it becomes like, the way he portrays Hitler is like, he loves talking about his opinions on everything. And of course. But he's not good at much.

No, no, no. He just loves to talk about what he thinks about things. Yeah, of course. And like, learn to dance, man. That kind of self important with nothing to back it up, it's just. We don't care. Learn to dance. Yeah.

Like, life's not that serious. Just like, learn to dance a little bit. Go do something besides yell at people, Hitler. Yeah. Get a fucking dog. Yeah. Get a fucking dog. Uh, well, he did do that, and we will talk about how dogs play into his flirtation style

soon. Yeah. Of course they do. Yeah, it's going to be gross. Brandy, you got some pluggables to plug. Uh, yeah. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at brandazzle, B-R-A-N-D-A-Z-Z-L-E. I have a podcast called Lady to Lady.

That's very fun. Every Wednesday, me, Barbara Gray, Tess Barker with a fourth guest every week. And then if you are in Los Angeles, I have a monthly show every second Saturday called Picture This. That is, it's at the Virgil. It's a $10 show. It's a comedians pair up with animators and they live animate your jokes during your set. It's very, very fun.

We just had Pendleton Ward, the creator of Country Time on the last one. Awesome. Um, Craig Bartlett does our show a lot. He's the creator of Hey Arnold. And we have people from like Bojack and Big Mouth and like all sorts of awesome cartoon shows. It's super, super fun. Oh man, it's crazy.

Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah, it's really fun. It's second Saturday of every month. It's my favorite thing to do. Um, and then I tour, uh, like half the year. Uh, so BrandyPosey.com. And, uh, yeah.

I'm gonna watch it. That sounds so much more gratifying than just talking about Hitler's sex life. Uh, it is. But if you're into Hitler's sex life, uh, you should follow my Twitter. Uh, I'm at I write okay. You should follow this shows Twitter at Bastards Pod. You can find the sources for this episode and every episode on BehindTheBastards.com. Uh, look us up on T-Public, Behind the Bastards, T-Public, buy a shirt, wear it, fight Hitler,

even though he's dead and you're not actually fighting him. Just buy a shirt and feel better. Uh, capitalism, uh, you can find us on Twitter and on Instagram and at Bastards Pod. So if he isn't here and this is a goddamn train wreck, uh, play me out, Johnny. Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns.

But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian-trained astronaut? That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space?

Well, I ought to know because I'm Lance Bass and I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the Earth for 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based

on actual science and the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest? I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.