Behind the Bastards - Part Two: Hitler's Sex Life: The Whole Sad Story

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

Robert is joined again by comedian Brandie Posey to continue discussing Hitler's sex life. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science?

And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences in a life without parole. My youngest? I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's me. We are here. It's part two of Hitlerfucks. Everybody's thinking about it. Part two of Hitler's Stupid Dick. And I'm going to guess, you know, he doesn't seem like a guy who did a lot of core strengthening exercises. So I'm going to guess a little low energy.

No. Hitler is like a five-pump kind of guy. And then he gets mad at you. I know what his hair would do, because I can imagine like a sweat drenched fucking Hitler with just like that little thing flipping down on the front of it. Yeah, he's just constantly just so mad. Like every organ at Asim makes him mad because it makes him happy. He just gets angrier and angrier the more he comes. Yeah, exactly. Hitler. Why does it make me feel good? They don't understand.

Who the fuck? I'm Hitler. That was going a little rush in there. A little. A little. Yeah, I'm not great at accents. It's okay. Anyway, the podcast, the Hitler. When we left off, we just sort of established Hitler's youth and his young adulthood, the way his best friends talked about him and his sexual life, although after they were no longer his best friends. So again, I'll take everything you hear about Hitler with a little bit of salt.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. One thing we know about the guy for sure is that Berktisgaden was his happy place. It's basically a quiet mountain town where he had, he eventually built a giant fortress up there, but he had like a room on like to the top of the mountain where he could stare pensively out of the skyline and contemplate being Hitler. He just needed an emo. I think he just needed like. Elliott Smith would have saved the world a lot of problems. Yeah, exactly. I feel so seen.

Yeah, I feel so seen. He is also right. Life is pain, I understand. I'm becoming Transylvania. The accents are going to be all over the fucking place. Bull, I'm a Hitler. Oh boy. Now, in autumn of 1926, Hitler took a trip to Berktisgaden in order to relax and plot the Nazi party's next series of electoral coups.

Well, he was staying at a fancy hotel. Oh, a writer's retreat. Yeah, basically a writer's retreat. He was going up to Big Bear to like get his tight five down. I wonder if he also took a bunch of spinach with him that he didn't end up eating. Almost certainly. That's every writer's retreat I've ever gone on. I'm just like, I'm bringing nothing but kale.

And then none of it gets eaten. I just go to Taco Bell instead. Hitler had that experience too. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Now, while he was staying at a fancy hotel, Hitler met a lady named Maria Reiter, Mimi to her friends. Joan Mimi was in a rough spot in life. Her mom had died of cancer two weeks earlier.

Her dad, a member of the Social Democratic Party, had pulled her out of her Catholic boarding school to help run the family clothing store. Now, the store was located in the bottom floor of the hotel where Hitler was staying. And Hitler saw her as soon as he arrived. Seemingly at once, this 37-year-old politician saw a grieving 16-year-old girl and was like, I gotta give me some of that. Oh no. It's the only moment his dad's ever been proud of him. There's one more. Okay, great, of course.

Probably a couple. Like father, uncle, like son, cousin. Sunkle. Now, even at the time, 16 was a bit young for a middle-aged man to date a... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That became a pattern with Hitler.

The older he grew, the age of the girls he flirted with stayed the same. I'm saying, yep. Yep. That's all it tracks. Yeah, no. Here's the thing, nothing you've said is surprising to me. You're just like, yeah, no, that fills in that part of the puzzle. That fills in that part of the puzzle.

She's like, pick it up little pieces. This guy's not such a mystery. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I've known a few of him. It's one of those... It's a puzzle of just a piece of shit, but with no borders. So the puzzle just keeps expanding in every direction. Not only do I feel like I know this guy, I feel like I've stood in a police station with several friends and tried to warn the police about this guy.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. It's one of those guys that you're like, you just get out of the car. Maybe I should just duck and roll. Yeah, you just gotta go. Oh, gosh. Hit on 16-year-olds. That was one of the most...

I've definitely told some gross jokes about women in my time, especially when I was like 17, 18 years old. I grew up with the same toxic bullshit as everything else. One of the big things in my change of mind state around this was just the fact that coming to a realization throughout my 20s that like... Well, every woman I know has been scared for her life at some point during a date. I'm just worried about like, am I tipping enough? Like, is she gonna judge me? Yeah, like the stakes are very, very different on both sides. It's really different.

Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry. Hitler's one of those guys today who would have made a lot of women scared. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And then been like, oh, it's your problem. It's your problem.

It's like, no, man. I'm not sure what the accents are going for. Just think, have a little bit of empathy for some of these situations that might be different from yours. Yeah. So Ian Kershaw notes, quote, Hitler preferred women much younger than himself, girls he could dominate, who would be obedient, play things, but not get in his way. I'm gonna guess that he seems pretty accurate. Yeah. Yeah.

Hitler waited until he saw Mimi out of work sitting on a bench in a nearby park with her sister playing with their dog. Which, okay, better move than flirting at her at work, wait till she's out in a social public situation or whatever. She's not alone, so you're not like, you know... You cannot interfere with the work. Yeah. So if you're gonna like game like question Hitler so far, of the opening moves you could have done, not terrible other than the fact that she's a literal teenager. So he goes up to this girl. What is this guy, a Republican potentially senator from Louisiana?

Yeah, he knows basically what's going on. That's not like this happens today. So he's a pretty big name in Germany in 1926 and Mimi recognizes him immediately. Not a lot of guys look like Hitler. Yeah, yeah. That is one of, he's Hitler. Yeah, he's a recognizable little... She's pretty much like, oh, that's a Hitler right there.

Yeah. Did he get the mustache at this point? Oh yeah. Yeah, we're about to talk about that. Got it. So Mimi later talked to interviewers and I'm going to quote the book explaining Hitler's kind of the way it put together her recollection of how Hitler flirted with her during this period. Quote, She describes the affair in the language of a Harlequin romance novel.

Quote from Mimi. There is the famous Hitler recently released from prison, she's told. He transferred his writing whip from his right hand to his left, gave me his hand and looked at me with a piercing gaze and praised her dog. The dog is really beautiful and well trained, you are really good at that. They talked about dogs for an hour, Hitler quote, did not take his eyes off of Mimi. Then he very formally asked her sister Annie whether she would permit him to take Mimi for a walk sometime. At that she, Mimi got up and ran away. So,

Yeah. This is the first meeting. Still, she was fascinated in a star stroke way. He looks quite dashing with his breeches and his writing whip. There is one note that spoils the picture, his mustache. Funny flies, she calls the black hairy growths beneath Hitler's nose. He was still figuring out the mustache at this point. She's a literal child, but isn't entirely against it at first, but runs off when she's flirted with.

Which again, this is fucking 1926. Yeah, yeah. And it's also like at a certain point, having been like a young gal that you kind of have to endure those things, you're polite until you see an exit. And you're like, okay, time to go. Also, I'm not going to outright rebuke you because you're in a position of power. Yeah, it's weird because she recalls this as like a positive thing. Oh, okay, I see. But it's also like, she's recalling this years later and when she realizes that she essentially hooked up with the most famous man of the 20th century.

Yeah, yeah. So, some of this is going to be retroactively. Of course. She's going to make it like a thing. I can't imagine being in that position, so I'm not going to judge Mimi right here. No, no, no. She's a child also. She's 16. Yeah. Yeah, he's the 37-year-old approaching her.

So, Pitler invited Mimi and her sister to a Nazi party meeting where he was giving a speech. He wasn't allowed to give public speeches in 1926 as a condition of his parole. So, he's an older man with a parole history with like, who's on parole at not a 16-year-old. What is he? What is he? A lion chef at a rib place? That's exactly how he mixes money. The fucking courts he is.

He's got a tram zand. Oh, God. Bokers falling off. Oh, I know these guys. I've bought Coke from Hitler. Oh, man. Yeah, you absolutely did. Yeah, that's totally who Hitler is. Oh, God.

Oh, Hitler. I remember working in a rib place when I was a teenager in high school. I know this guy exactly. And there's this one chef that didn't talk to me at all until on Valentine's Day, he brought me a candy heart that had a picture of a moose on it and it said, you a moose me. Okay. And I remember just being like, thanks.

That's a move. I, and then he had like a child. He had like a baby that he like brought to one of my shifts. I was like, cool, glad you were introducing me to your baby. I don't give a shit about this. So, how long have you all been married? He's probably dead, I hope he is. In a healthy society, that's what happens.

Exactly. The Hitler light guy dies of a Coke overdose in his car and at age 34. Yeah, no, exactly. I just remember, man, no, that's who Hitler was for sure. That's who that fucking fry cook was. It's that fry cook. In a healthy society, all our Hitler's are fry cooks. Yeah.

And some of our fry cooks become Anthony Bourdain's. Yes. But none of our Anthony Bourdain's become Hitler's. None. No, no, absolutely not. Yeah, that's a healthy society. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, Hitler, since that this teenager was attracted to his fame,

so he like really played that up. After this big event, he put her and her sister at the head table for dinner and sat them right next to him, so they felt like they were at the center of this big important political meeting. I mean, it was a big important political, the Nazis wound up in charge. But it's funny, like thinking about like, from the perspective of the other Nazis in the room, just like, oh, and Hitler has two children with him. The boss is hitting on a teenager.

Cool. We're on the right side of it. We're the right ones. Yeah, we're the good guys. We're doing great. Yeah, we got our fucking fucking cook pedophile boss running the party. We're on the right side of history. I feel like we're the good guys.

Yeah, we totally are. God. She later recalled, and I have to remind you, she's talking about Hitler here, quote, I was very embarrassed and blushed. It was as if he had organized the meeting just for me, as if all that counted for him now was to just conquer me. She was apparently feeling that. During dinner, Hitler, quote, fed her pieces of cake like a little child.

He treated her like a child and then again like a grown woman. After dinner, he talked about her dead mom and told her that she had the same eyes as his dead mom. Hitler's game is pretty weird. Wow. Oh, God. There's just so many letters. A lot of dead moms coming into how Hitler flirts.

Oh, man. Show me a picture of your dead mom. I hear your mother is dead. Show me mine. I'll show you your dead mother. I do have a tragically dead mother. Yeah, exactly. Let's put our pictures together and make them kiss.

Does this do anything for you? Just 69 are dead moms' faces. Is that what you like, little child? This is how fuck yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just whipping photos of somebody else's dead mother. No, no. Throw your mother's photo.

Yeah. Watch me cut it in half. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yeah. So he followed that with, or he followed with what Mimi described as a course sexual advance, although she unfortunately does not give the exact details of that. Yeah.

Given the 20s, it might have been him complimenting her hands or something. Yeah, yeah. Completely innocent like that. Well, not completely innocent. She was 16. He was 37. But you get what I'm saying. Yeah.

Later in the dinner, a guest asked Hitler why he wasn't married yet. This was a pretty common question for Hitler to get. He answered that, of course, he had to save Germany first. According to Mimi though, at the exact same time, quote, Hitler touched my legs with his knee and heavily stepped on my toes with his shoe. A funny and rude hint at what he wanted to say. This works. This works on Mimi.

I know. She says it does at least. Who knows how accurate her recollections are. I get it. Because also being a 16-year-old girl at that point, this is all intoxicating. This is all very, it's all very complimentary. And not that the two men are similar, but he's like a similar level in national politics to someone like Beto Overwork, where people are like seriously talking, this guy might

be in charge soon. So there's that dimension of this. For sure. Well, and it's also like, you've been forced to drop out of school by your dad. Your mom's dead. Yeah. Your only way to a better life at this point is probably through a man to another situation. Like you aren't really, you aren't being primed to take over a business if you're

on your own or anything. And your dad's a member of like the opposite political party, so maybe there's a little bit of that going on too, where she's like my dad's going to really hate this. I'm bringing home the ultimate bad boy. I mean, yeah. I'm kind of. There's no better date in a bad boy than literally Hitler. Yeah.

I know. Seriously. Okay. So based on what you know about Hitler's game so far, what would you expect his next step was after talking about his dead mom and then stomping on a girl's foot? I mean, maybe just like putting some of his dad's ashes on like lipstick and then asking for a kiss. Is that?

That would actually be less creepy. He chose animal abuse. Oh, great. Yeah. Here's, here's Mimi reader quote. We went out into the night. Hitler was about to put his arm around my shoulders and pull me towards him when the two dogs suddenly attacked each other.

Hitler suddenly intervened. Like a maniac, he hit his dog with his riding whip and shook him violently by the collar. He was very excited. I did not expect that he could hit his dog so brutally and ruthlessly. The dog which he had said he could not live without if he beat up his most loyal companion. How can you be so brutal and beat your dog like that? I asked. It was necessary.

Hitler said. Tenderly. He touched my shoulders. His mouth changed. His voice sounded sad. Don't you want to kiss me? He asked. She forces herself to say no that they shouldn't see each other again.

Hitler takes the reaction badly. He turned cold. Kindness disappeared from his face. Abruptly he turned away. Said Hile and left. Yeah, I mean. Pro tip, Hitler, don't beat dogs on a first date. Yeah.

I shouldn't have to say that. Yeah. I shouldn't have to say don't be dogs. No, no, no. I shouldn't have to say it anyway. Maybe not on the first date. You know, you don't do that. Most experts say animal abuse is like a third date thing.

Yeah, exactly. That's when you get that dog whip out. Yeah. Oh man. You and your goddamn whip. Spooned that dog that night and just whispered sweet nothing to the poor dog's ear. Oh, I really feel for that dog. I have all of Hitler's dogs.

I just saw so many sad masturbations. Yeah. He absolutely did. We don't think enough about the suffering dog kind went through during those years. No. It was rough. I know. Yeah.

Poor babes. Yeah. Now, Hitler once rejected was not about to give up on his dreams of conquering this girl literally less than half of his age. He sent one of his men to Mimi's store the next day. This guy told Mimi that he'd never seen the boss so filled with love. Believe me, the man is on fire. Now, this got Mimi to give Hitler a second chance.

She agreed to a second and it wasn't quite a date, but she agreed to hang out with him again. He picked her up at work and took her in a ride in his Mercedes. He didn't drive, of course. His man Maurice handled the driving. Hitler couldn't drive. He sat next to Mimi in the back, quote, he took my hand and put it into his lap. Then he took my other hand as well and pressed it.

Now I have your hands and I have you and I will keep you now. You're not a big fan of Hitler's moves? I don't like his moves. Oh, okay. I don't like what Mimi needed. She needed like a Wilson through the fence. She gave her some advice. She had an older man going like, oh, you shouldn't be dating 37-year-old Nazis.

Yeah, yeah. She needed somebody to be on her side here, to be like a girl. Some good adult advice. Oh, God. I guess dad was grieving. I'm not going to hit on him too hard, but it is kind of a failure of parenting if your daughter dates Hitler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When she's 16. Yeah. Adult kids can date Hitler. That's their mistake to make. Yeah, exactly. There's a couple of lessons that should have been taught. Better parenting at a few levels in this story would have really helped with some problems. So for their next date, Hitler took her to a graveyard to see her mom's grave.

What happened next is just so strange that I, I'm going to read explaining Hitler's description because it's, it's, it's weird, quote, Hitler's overcome thinking of his own mother moved by something he did not want to tell me what he said sounded very grave and at most distress. I am not ready yet, Hitler holding on to his writing whip, comforts a sobbing Mimi and strangely chooses that moment to tell her, I want you to call me Wolf. That was his preferred nickname. Wolf. He takes her to his mom's grave or her mom's grave says he's not ready to fuck and then

asks her to call him Wolf. That was his favorite nickname. He thought it sounded cool. Fucking guy. He made all his friends call him Wolf. Secret headquarters during the invasion of Russia was the Wolf Slayer. I'm just saying he would win one of those guys with an unironic wolf howling at the moon shirt.

You can't tell people your nickname. No, then it's not a nickname. It's not a nickname. Then it's narcissism. Yes. If you get a cool nickname, congratulations. Yeah. But you got to earn it.

Yes. You don't get to pick your own. Yeah. It's bullshit. You know what you do get to pick of your own is the products and services that you spend your money and or commerce units to purchase ads. During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations and you know what, they were right.

I'm Trevor Aronson and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. Because the FBI sometimes, you got to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar smoking man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse were like a lot of guns. He's a shark.

He's a good and bad ass way and nasty sharks. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based on actual science? The problem with forensic science in the criminal legal system today is that it's an awful

lot of forensic and not an awful lot of science. And the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price. Two death sentences and a life without parole. My youngest, I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. I'm Molly Herman. Join me as we put forensic science on trial to discover what happens when a match isn't a match and when there's no science in CSI. How many people have to be wrongly convicted before they realize that this stuff's all

bogus. It's all made up. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called NSYNC. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories.

But there was this one that really stuck with me about a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991, and that man, Sergei Krekalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space, 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your

podcasts. We're back. Yeah, we are. We're back. We just enjoyed the freedom of choice that Hitler would not have approved of, although actually, if we're going to be really honest, the Nazi regime was seriously in bed with the capitalist interest in Germany at the time and phrased a lot of what they were doing as a defense of free trade against Unionism.

But yeah. No, that's another podcast. We're talking about his boners. We're talking about his dick today, not the entanglements of fascism and capitalism throughout history. His little wolf. His little wolf. Wolfie.

So on their fourth date, Hitler decided to make his move on Mimi Reeder. He took her out for a walk in the woods and said romantic things to her and then asked her to kiss him, which is a pretty timeless move. That's a pretty classic date. I mean, to be fair, we're going from... Mom's grave. Mom's grave. Well, no, we're going from a dinner where he's given a speech.

We're going from fascist political meeting, date one where he beats a dog at the end, date two, middle-aged guy takes you on a ride in his Mercedes, date three, mom's grave. It tells you to call him wolf. And then date four, walk in the woods. Okay. I mean, the most normal of the dates so far... Is the walk in the woods. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a solid fourth date. It's a decent time to make that move. If you're... She's 16. Jesus, Hitler.

Okay. So here's Mimi. Quote, I could feel how he clenched his fists. I could see how he was fighting with himself. My child, I could squash you in my arms at this very moment. I did not resist any longer, his true self had come out. Yeah, yeah. This is what Hitler says in his first kiss.

Maybe his first kiss ever. Yeah. Maybe not. Hitler told her that he wanted her to have his blonde Aryan babies, but whined that he didn't have the time right now, what with his mission to save Germany, how many times have you... Just... I mean, speaking as a man, we've all used that line.

Oh, yeah, classic. I gotta save Germany, baby. I just can't help it. I just... Germany, you know? You're going to last 30 seconds, you piece of shit. Like, please, you've got the time. Now, Hitler promised to buy an apartment in Berlin for them once he was more successful

with... Of course. He made promises about the kind of furniture they'd buy and all this stuff. He told her they'd be together forever, but then he left Berchtesgaden and ignored her for months. This is the worst Springsteen song I've ever heard. He just ghosted her. Yeah, yeah.

Ghosted her for a long time. When he returned to the mountains finally, he didn't visit her. Being a teenager, Mimi did not take this very well. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, buddy. If you're gonna... We're gonna go here and let's do this.

Let's do this. I mean, all sorts of pictures appeared in my mind, faces of other women and Hitler smiling at them. I did not want to go on living. Yeah. So she attempted suicide, trying to hang herself on a door handle with a clothesline. Oh, damn, Mimi. Yeah, yeah, she went for it.

Her brother-in-law came in at the last minute and saved her, and according to Mimi, her brother-in-law had came to save her after he had gotten a message from Hitler that Hitler had just sent to him, explaining that he hadn't been seeing Mimi recently because he'd been blackmailed by someone who'd sent a letter to the Nazi Party office claiming that Hitler was seducing underage girls. So basically, months later, Hitler comes in and is like, you know, somebody was talking about us and I had to like go dark because it would hurt the success of my political party if we'd kept our thing up, so that's his excuse.

The truth would have come out, and oh, so it's like, he knows it's not supposed to be doing this. This is not a lot of times when you talk about people dating teenagers or whatever in the past. It was definitely more normal back then, but again, this was a political liability for a 37-year-old. It wouldn't have been weird if he'd been 25 and dating a 16-year-old. That would have been pretty normal for Austria in 1926, but like this is weird.

What he's doing is weird, and he knows it. So Mimi claims that she found out later that the letters sent into the Nazi Party office were actually written by a woman who was close to Hitler and jealous of his relationship with Mimi. It was possibly this lady who was like his bodyguard slash chauffeur who was like in love with him that he may have also fucked. We don't really know that much about that relationship. There's a lot of rumored relationships that we don't have confirmation of, but one thing

that is confirmed is that the Nazis were unbelievably catty bitches. There was tons of drama, tons of blackmail within the Nazis. They were gross and they were all fucking with each other. They're all fucking messy, just a bunch of messy bitches for sure. Messy, messy bitches. It's the Nazis. So Mimi and Hitler drifted apart for a while. The whole relationship was a huge deal for her, but it seems to have been more of a bump

on the road for Hitler. During this time, he repeatedly flirted with his best friend Hans Stangl's wife, as well as Henrietta Hoffman, the daughter of his photographer and fiance of Balder von Schirach, one of his top Nazis. Hitler dated or at least made moves on Jenny Haug, one of his drivers and the bodyguard lady I talked about, maybe the woman who sent the letter. It's hard to tell how true all the different rumors about women Hitler might have been with us.

But by the mid-20s, he's famous enough that, like, a lot of people are falling for his charms. Yeah, yeah. Largely for his fame. According to Ian Kershaw, quote, None of his liaisons, it seems, had been more than superficial. No deep feelings were ever stirred. Women were for Hitler a sport, an adornment in a men's world.

Whether in the men's home in Vienna, the regiment during the war, the Munich barracks until his discharge and his regular gatherings of party cronies in Cafe Neumauer or Cafe Heck in the 1920s, Hitler's environment had always been overwhelmingly male. Three occasionally, a woman would be admitted into our intimate circle, recalled Heinrich Hoffmann, but she never was allowed to become the center of it and had to remain seen but not heard. She could occasionally take a small part in the conversation, but never was she allowed to hold forth or to contradict Hitler.

God, I love a silent wife. A silent dumb, that's the way Hitler likes him. No, it's not the better than just a silent wife. A quiet woman who's barely alive. Oh, God. Hitler. Now, Hitler's next confirmed fling was with Gellie Raubel, his half-nice. Oh, sick.

Sick. Here we go. You can't stop a Hitler male from fucking his own niece. They cannot stay away from that. In the blood. Get by me. It's a thing. What a...

Two generations. You guys fucking... They're the same age when they start, too. So he met her when she was 14 years old. Her father had died when she was young and her mother worked as a housekeeper. They were poor. Hitler did wait until she was 16. Oh, well, what a gentleman.

What a gentleman. And that's the age when Uncle Alf, as she called him, asked her and her mom to move to Munich and become his housekeepers. Now for them, it would have seemed like a real upgrade, because he was a very powerful man by this point. He set Gellie and Angela up in an apartment, and while her mom cleaned house, Hitler took his teenage niece out on the town. He found out she wanted to be a singer, and R. Kelly-like started paying for music lessons

and promising to make her famous. Yeah. Like... It's all tracks. It's all tracks. It's not just Hitler. He wasn't just one of these guys. He was all of them.

Yeah. He's the prototype for... I mean, not the... There's before him, too, but it's like he really is just greatest hits all around. How many... Was he into Jell-O? Was he... Was he drugging ladies?

Yeah. Is he like super into Jell-O at any point? Yeah. I mean, credit where it's due. That might be an area where Cosby innovated on Hitler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Although... Yeah, there's some other crimes coming up here. Over the next year or so, Hitler fell increasingly in love with his teenage niece. This did not go over well with his inner circle. Hans Stengel hated Gellie, calling her an empty-headed slut with the coarse sort of bloom of a servant girl, which is some real sexist rich guy shit. Yeah. Please blame the child that was brought here by the adult man in power.

Yeah. Please, please, please. Yeah. Also, if he'd known Hitler's family history, he would have known servants were sort of the family thing. Yeah. That's kind of how it works out for them. Oh, my God.

Even his dad both not only sleep with their nieces, but both bring them in as serving girls. How aware do you think Hitler was of that relationship? I don't know. This is... There's a lot of rumors that he was to an extent, and he was trying to keep it hidden from people. Because I'm just wondering if that's him trying to normalize how his parents got together in some way?

Maybe. If he even was thinking that consciously about it. I'm certain it wasn't conscious, but that may have been a factor in him being one of wanting to sort of be like, well, no, you know, if I'm like the biggest man in Germany and this is what I do, then it wasn't messed up how I grew up. Yeah, yeah. Fine. And I don't have to think about it that much.

Yeah, exactly. No, my mother-aunt-wife cousin. My mother-aunt-wife cousin. Yeah. That's great. So Puzzi had to admit still that the infatuation his furor had with this teenage girl was pretty significant. He said that she, quote, had the effect of making him behave like a man in love.

He hovered at her elbow in a very plausible imitation of adolescent infatuation. So Gellie wound up having an affair with Hitler's longtime chauffeur, Emile Maurice. Hitler forgave her, but fired Maurice. When a local Nazi party leader named Munder whined that Gellie was distracting Hitler from politics, Hitler fired Munder. For a while, Gellie Raubel threatened to derail the coming of the Third Reich entirely. Hitler started canceling plans for speeches and meetings to take her on picnics. Now, Gellie's probably the single most controversial piece of Hitler's backstory.

Off the top of my head, the only thing historians debate more vociferously about Hitler is whether or not he was like an active or passive participant in the Holocaust. Those are two of the things that are most questioned about this guy. The relationship is, among other things, the origin of the Hitler-liked poop myth. So that's where we're going next. Oh hell yeah. I, you know, it's just sometimes you think you're just going to have a Friday and here it is.

And here it is. Here it is. It does feel great. So in 1929, Hitler bought the gigantic apartment that he'd first promised Mimi Reader. But he was over her, so he moved his 17-year-old niece in. Gellie's mother was sent off to Berktisgaden to keep Hitler's holiday home clean and to keep her away from Hitler and her daughter. So Gellie and Hitler lived in separate bedrooms, but on the same floor.

And now our main sources for this particular story about the relationship come from a journalist named Conrad Haydn and our old pal Hanshtegel. They also come from Gregor Strasser, a former Nazi who fell out with Hitler. So all these stories are from very anti-Hitler people who have reason to exaggerate things, which is part of why I bring that up. Yeah, I just like that they've got a real, like, I love Lucy set up in their house. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's very much that.

But with poop. So Vanity Fair quotes all of these sources and I'm going to read their kind of recollection of events, starting with Haydn. Quote, Hitler wrote the young girl a letter couched in the most unmistakable terms. It was a letter in which the uncle and lover gave himself completely away. It expressed feelings which could be expected from a man with masochistic copper-file inclinations bordering on what Havelach Ellis calls undenism. The letter probably would have been repulsive to Gellie if she had received it, but she

never did. Hitler left the letter lying around and fell into the hands of his landlady's son, a certain Dr. Rudolph. The letter was bound to debase Hitler and make him ridiculous in the eyes of anyone who might see it. Hitler seems to have feared that it was Rudolph's intention to make it public. So copper-file is obviously loving poop and odinism is loving to be urinated on. So that's how this journalist sort of describes this mythical letter.

But Hitler almost sends Gellie, but it gets intercepted and then another Nazi is like threatening the blackmail Hitler with it. I see. Again. That's an intense letter. How many rough drafts do you go through before you? Before telling you, Niche, you want to poop on her? Yeah, yeah.

Or be pooped in by her? Yeah, yeah. I don't know, man. We'd have to ask John McAfee that. So Putzee Honfstangle told a pretty similar story in his biography, but he claims that the pornographic content was different rather than a letter about his desire to be pooped in by Gellie. Honfstangle claims that the thing that got intercepted was Hitler's nude sketches of

his niece. Oh, I see. He describes the drawings as depraved intimate sketches of Gellie Raubel with every anatomical detail, which could have meant that it was something we'd consider really weird to be on the pale or could have meant that he was just drawing porn of a girl he thought was his girlfriend. I mean, it's gross because she's his 17-year-old niece, but it might not have been a poop thing. Yeah, it could just be like a nude photo or nude drawings, yeah.

Now, the most direct story we have or most direct evidence we have of the Hitler-like poop myth comes from Otto Strasser. Now Otto was a leading figure in the Nazi Party for a while and then fell afoul of the party. His brother, who was also a Nazi, was murdered and Otto became like a critic of the regime and he wrote about this in a 1940 book that he published after he had fallen out with the party. So again, grain of salt here.

Otto Strasser claims that basically after a period of excitement, Gellie got bored of being Hitler's girlfriend since Hitler believed he had to present an image of being available and married to Germany. Hitler's handlers kind of thought that Hitler's sex appeal was a big part of Nazism's draw and if he was known that he had a girlfriend, women wouldn't vote for him and then he wouldn't be able to win election, which they may have been right about. There's something, I mean, there's something there, I guess, yeah. It's hard to say.

This was pretty soon after women got the vote too, so people were, I mean, people were sexist for a lot of reasons. Got to vote for an available man. Sexy, sexy Hitler. Maybe if she sees my ballot, I'll get to be Mrs. Hitler. Yeah, exactly. Mrs. Hitler. So basically, Strasser claimed that Gellie was really bored all the time and was really

frustrated and depressed at not being able to go out with her boyfriend and finally, Hitler allowed him, Strasser, to take Gellie out to a Mardi Gras party because he was like, okay, I'll let you do something, but I can't go with you because it'll look bad, so you go with my friend. So Strasser claims that during this party, they were sitting down at a table and talking and she opened up to him with a very emotional horror story, quote from Strasser, Hitler made her undress while he would lie down on the floor, then she would have to squat down over his face where he could examine her at close range and this made him very excited.

When the excitement reached its peak, he demanded that she urinate on him and that gave him his sexual pleasure. Gellie said the whole performance was extremely disgusting to her and although it was sexually stimulating, it gave her no gratification. So cool, cool. What a party. These German parties, man, god damn. Yeah, and again, Strasser hated Hitler by that point and may have just been trying to

slander his name. Other reports of Gellie and Hitler's relationship say that it was about as normal as a sexual liaison between a niece and her uncle could be. We don't know what they got up to. What we do know is that in 1931, at the cusp of Hitler reaching power, Mimi Reeder came back into his life. This is while he's living with Gellie. She's like a legal age at this time and not even related to him.

She's like 18 now. Yeah. Okay. So while Hitler's living with and banging his niece, Mimi Reeder comes into town. She'd married a guy in the intervening years but dumped him a little bit in and basically traveled to Munich for a Hitler booty call. So this is her version of events as described by the book explaining Hitler. She quote, calls Hitler's adjutant Julia Schaub and formed that Mimi is in town.

Hitler tells Schaub, bring her over. Mimi places the episode that follows in the summer of 1931 when Hitler was living in his big new apartment with Gellie Raubel. Now Mimi claims that during this visit, I let everything happen. So they had sex. This is like one of the first confirmations we have and she doesn't give us a lot of detail about this. We know that Hitler has a booty call with Mimi in early summer or whatever in 1931 and then

not a whole long while later, maybe just a couple of weeks, maybe a few days, Gellie Raubel commits suicide. Oh. Yeah. Thanks. Now there are a number of theories as to why. One says she was jealous that Hitler had slept with Mimi and being 19 at the time, she took the most dramatic revenge she could imagine.

Another theory says she started an affair with a Jewish dance teacher in Vienna and was about to leave Hitler. And so he had her murdered. Some of the versions say that he murdered her himself. Yet another variant is that she wanted to leave for Vienna because she was just bored but Hitler refused to let her go and she killed herself in protest because again she was 19. Either way, one detail is consistent across all these stories. Gellie Raubel entered Hitler's room, found his 6.5 millimeter Mauser handgun and shot

herself dead through the chest. Which again, is part of why people think it might have been a murder because she shot herself through the chest. Yeah, through the chest. That's a hard shot to take. But it's also not uncommon for women who commit suicide with guns to avoid shooting themselves in the head. Interesting.

Yeah. Wow. Huh. Nobody knows. Yeah. This is debated to this day. There are people right now who are trying to have her body exhumed in order to like think that they found out like it's a big controversy and stuff still.

We don't really know what happened. It was a massive scandal at the time. Of course. Raubel Hitler's political career right on the cusp of rising to power. The Nazi party immediately responded with like basically claiming that she'd killed herself because she was nervous over an upcoming music recital. The body was taken away. Courtesy of the Bavarian minister of justice who was a Nazi sympathizer.

Her death was declared a suicide after a quick inquest. It was all clearly shushed up by the Nazis in the government and like the fact that law enforcement was fans with the Nazis. The whole story is, it's really hard to like grasp exactly what happened here. There's certainly a good chance she was murdered, but there's at least an equally good chance that she was just driven to suicide by her relationship with Hitler. Well, and she'd also been like so isolated at this point. Like your whole world is this guy and he doesn't let you leave anywhere and it's like, yeah.

I can see learning about him screwing Mimi when she's living with him could have made her commit suicide. I can see how she might not have known that at all and just been fed up by it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, driving women to suicide along with flirting via whip was sort of Hitler's thing. Robert Waite, a psychologist, wrote a psychoanalytical biography of Hitler titled The Psychopathic God. Now, Waite is like the first guy who got Langer's OSS report to classify it and he's

definitely a member of the Hitler was into weird shit sexually camp. So a lot of his conclusions are really debatable, but he makes a decent case to suggest that Hitler was doing something fucked up to the girls he liked, quote. The idea that Hitler had a sexual perversion particularly abhorrent to women is further supported by a statistic of the seven women who we can be reasonably sure had intimate relations with Hitler, six committed suicide or seriously attempted so. Damn. Yeah.

Oh, God. So something. Something fucked up. Goddamn. Yeah, he's up in some bad business. Doesn't have to be kinky sex. No, no, no. Even more likely maybe that he's just really emotionally abusive being Hitler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, something about, you know, he doesn't seem like a supportive boyfriend. Does not seem like a supportive boyfriend. No, no, no. This is a guy. He's, yeah, he's, he's weaving some bullshit in your ears. Suicide is the single biggest through line rather than poop of Hitler's sex life. Yeah.

Ava Brown, who was Hitler's wife eventually, who Hitler met in 1929 while she was 17 years old and he was in his 40s, attempted suicide in 1932 and again in 1935 and then obviously committed suicide with him in 1945. Yeah. There were two attempts before that point. Wow. While they were still together. Yeah.

Wow. We'll talk about that. We'll talk about that. Yeah. Frau Ingele, another possible Hitler lover, successfully committed suicide. So did Renate Muller and Susie Lipptauer. We don't know a lot about most of these relationships. Gellie, Mimi and Eva are the only women we get a lot of detail about and Mimi is the

only lover who survived fucking Hitler long enough to give a detailed interview. It turns out that being in love with the leader of the German Reich was even more dangerous than fighting in Stalingrad. So we're going to talk about why that may have been and about some of the things that we do know about his sex life from some of these women, the other details. But first is an ad transition. Yeah. Let's do some ads.

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world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back! Alright, what a nice break from thinking about his shitty sweaty balls. His shitty sweaty balls. Or a ball. Or a ball.

Who knows? Well, as doctors said not, but I don't know, it's a good song. So one of the women who committed suicide and is believed to have been a lover of Hitler was Renate Muller. She was an actress, and she got to tell a little bit of her story before leaping out of a window and falling to her death in 1937. So I'll quote Vanity Fair. These stories came from the guy who was her director, so we don't have her directly being

quoted on this. The guy who worked with her later told the OSS about what had gone down between them. Her director, Juan A. Zeisler, later told the OSS that she had invited in him shortly after spending a night with Hitler in the Reich's Chancellery, how distressed she was that the nature of the sexual practices Hitler demanded of her, of which, to her mortification, she complied. She claimed Hitler fell on the floor and begged her to kick him, condemned himself as unworthy and just groveled in an agonizing manner.

The scene became intolerable to her, and finally she acceded to his wishes, as she continued to kick him. He became more and more excited. So that's a really different one. That's the Hitler-liked being, and that's to me more believable than some of the, like, a lot of powerful men who talk to sex workers. That's what these guys go in for. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

They want to be the sub. I don't have any trouble imagining Hitler wanting a woman to just kick him a bunch while he masturbates on the floor. That's, yeah, that kind of sounds like the Hitler we know. No, that definitely sounds way more, because it's like there's a lot of self-hate going on, so it's like being able to actually exercise that part of yourself. Yeah, yeah, that seems, for sure, yeah, I can see how that happened. Yeah.

Well, and that also just makes a lot of sense with, like, it would be very difficult to reconcile those two things if you were a woman that knew that versus the image of the world that – Yeah. Hitler that you knew. That would be, I mean, I can see how that would help with suicide. Or it's, there's also a lot of people who suspect that she did not commit suicide, that she was murdered because she knew about Hitler's sexual preferences, because she was kind of,

you know, dropped out a window in 1937, might have been thrown. Yeah. We'll never know. This whole state was controlled by the Nazis by that point, so you're not getting a good inquest or anything. Well, it's like how many of these women, like, was it actually suicide versus murder? Well, that's that everybody knows with Gehle, either, like it's possible they were all murdered and none of them killed themselves.

Oh, man, with Hitler, I don't have trouble believing, like, Eva Brown definitely tried to kill herself beforehand, so I also, I suspect it's a mix, I suspect one or two of these women were murdered, some of them committed suicide. Whatever the case, being with Hitler is not great for your long-term survival. Not good. Again, Mimi Reader's the only one we get along, which, you know, she's kind of, Hitler is the romance character in her recollection of things, but like, she lived through it. Yeah.

She made it out. Yeah. Damn. Really dodged a bullet there. Yeah, seriously. Oh, bullet. Eva Brown did not dodge. Now, I think people who focus too much on the possibility of sexual deviance in Hitler

kind of might have some kind of bad intentions under the surface. I feel like focusing on that on, like, the weird sex aspect of things is a way to make him seem less scary, like calling him a sexual serial killer actually makes him less scary, because if Hitler's like a serial killer doing all of these things because he's just Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of a nation, or if he's some poop-fiending sex monster, then he's not a normal human being like all of us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Well, and it's also like, that's also demonizing those sexual practices where it's like, you know, your kinks are your kinks, as long as they're consensual, there's nothing to matter with them. Yeah. Whether or not Hitler was pooping in people's mouths, a lot of people who didn't become Hitler were pooping in each other's mouths, and it's fine. Yeah. Yeah.

And Amos, a best-selling English author, is very much a proponent of the weird sex view of Hitler. He was behind one of these recent waves of Hitler kink stories, one that hit back in 2014, because during a speech, he started making claims that he believed, he basically claimed that this was a typical sexual encounter in the life of Adolf Hitler, quote, he would fortify his underpants with clean serviettes and napkins, and then he would go into some sort of excitation with Eva Brown staying at a safe distance. So Amos believes that, and I'm going to quote from an article about him, there are three

schools of thought when it comes to Hitler's sexuality. One is normality, which Amos says that he can be immediately thrown out because it is impossible to see Hitler as a considerate and energetic lover. The next one is asexuality, and the third is perversion. Yeah. Now, this belief is in line with what spurned Nazis like Hans Stengel and Strasser claim, and is also in line with the Langer Report, but very much out of line with the recollections of Mimi Reeder, who probably did fuck him and says that he was pretty normal.

Like, he was a weird guy, but like in terms of the way he fucked, nothing that crazy. Hitler's six-ster Paula does believe Mimi Reeder was like the love of Hitler's life, and a lot of other people will say that Gehle was the love of his life. It's impossible to know. Maybe he never cared that much about any of them. I don't know if he's actually capable of love. That's a great question. And one of the reasons that like, Herman Gehring is one of the people who's like he was different

after Gehle. Like a lot of people who wound up in trial after World War II were the biggest proponents of the, Hitler totally changed after his niece killed herself, and there's some suspicion among historians that like, well, you're just trying to like make it seem, make yourself seem less complicit in that. Like, no, when I got involved with this guy, he was a normal dude, and then he went crazy. And I, you know, it wasn't, I did, you know, it was out of my hands. Also what a way to blame it on the woman.

I mean, the, the, the somersaults that people will pull to blame everything on a woman. That's amazing. Wow. And it comes down to like the ultimate example of that is not to throw a shade on Simon Vesenthal because he's a hero, but like the Hitler got syphilis from a Jewish prostitute room. It's like both blame it on a Jewish person and on a woman. There we go. Yeah.

Oh, cool. I just, what a, what a neat little bow. Neat little bow. We wrapped that up in. He couldn't help it. He's a victim. Yeah. So this, like the attitude that Hitler was just like sort of irredeemably weird and couldn't

possibly have attracted a woman naturally and there was always strength. It's not only out of line with what like Mimi Reeder reported. It's out of line with like what his friends who didn't go on trial for war crimes reported from this stage of his life. We, I found an interview in time with a Carl Wilhelm Krause who worked as Hitler's valet for five years from 34 to 39. They were like friendly. And here's what Krause reported, quote, what I can state here is that Hitler certainly

did not hate women. Proof of this are the many actresses who were invited along during the early years to afternoon and evening performances. Often during our travels, he would suddenly be totally enchanted, exclaiming, my God, isn't that a beautiful girl? He then turned around, making me, who was behind him, move to the side so that he had an unrestricted view behind him and could follow the lady with his gaze. If in any given place an exceptionally beautiful woman would catch his eye, Brookner more often

than not had to find out her address. After that, the lady was invited for coffee, either to Munich, Berlin, or the Ober Salzburg, just so Hitler could have a chat with her. That sounds like normal famous guy. No, no, no, that's normal famous guy. That sounds like fucking any rich, famous guy in LA seeing a girl he thinks is cute. And having someone from his entourage go down to that. Oh yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, that's classic. Sounds like normal famous dude behavior. John Toland talked to Emil Maurice, Hitler's longtime chauffeur, and he's the guy who made love to Galli and then got fired, but he and Hitler were close for a long time. And despite being exiled by Hitler for fucking his niece, Emil Maurice gave a pretty reasonable appraisal of his old boss's sex life. Quote, we chased girls together and I used to follow him like a shadow. The two would spend time at the art academy and in artist studios admiring models posing

in the nude, calling himself Hare Wolf. Hitler would occasionally pass an evening with Maurice roaming the night spots and streets for girls. Since the latter was attractive to women, he would act as a go between. Every so often, according to Maurice, Hitler would entertain one of these conquests by proxy in his little room. He always offered flowers, even when he was penniless, and we used to go out and admire the ballet dancers.

Sounds again normal. No, that's yeah, that's all pretty normal. Has this hot friend wingman for him, like, yeah, yeah, that's all standard. Yeah. I like that. And this is a guy you'd expect Emil Maurice would have bad shit to say about Hitler. But like, there's nothing about that I don't believe. That sounds like a million guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing. But ultimately, there's nothing special about Hitler whatsoever. Like it's like, there's. That's the conclusion you're drawn to. Now the last destination on our tour to Hitler's love life is of course his relationship with Eva Brown or Braun. Eva was, as I stated, 17 when they met.

She had been educated in a convent like Mimi reader and worked at Heinrich Hoffman, his photographer's shop, you know, he she was working there when Hitler met her in 1929. Now this is during the same year that Gellie and Hitler were supposedly in the midst of the greatest romance of his life. So they were living together in a relationship at this point when he meets and invites Eva Brown out to the opera. He probably started fucking her on the side while he was still with his niece and then at one point fooling around with Mimi.

So there's a point in time when Hitler's like fooling around with three ladies, one of whom lives with him and not telling any of them about this. I mean, that's also standard. Standard rich guy. Yeah. That's standard rich guy. Exactly. None of this is weird.

Yeah. Yeah. You're in the power that you've craved for so long so you're going to like, you know. Fuck a bunch of ladies. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And like the Eva Brown's two suicide attempts, one of them coincides with like when Mimi

would have come over and like Gellie would have killed herself and one of them coincides with another potential person that we think Hitler might have been fucking around with. So it's very possible that Eva Brown's early suicide attempts in 32 and 35 were because she was a teenager hooking up with an angry man in his 40s who played mind games with her and fucked around on the sly. Yeah. No, I mean, not all about that tracks. Tracks.

Tracks so much better than sexual serial killer. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Now Eva Brown makes, is someone who I never really had makes sense to me as a historical character before, but she makes so much sense if you think of her as a sensitive, artistic young woman dating a really, really abusive dude that she's in love with. Yeah.

So Kempa, another Hitler chauffeur called her the unhappiest woman in Germany. I really like Eva Brown as portrayed by the offer Jane Tine. Now Jane is a romance writer, mostly romantic historical fiction from what I can tell, but she's also written some serious historic essays and the one of hers that I read was pretty good. I like the way she presents Eva because as a general rule, brilliant as they are, most of the great Hitler biographers are male and kind of suck at getting into Eva Brown's head even a little bit.

Yeah. And then from Jane, kind of describing Eva Brown a little differently than I'd heard her describe before, quote, from Eva's letters, we learned that her parents disapproved and that Hitler would frequently ignore her in public, merely passing her an envelope of money until the end of the, at the end of the evening when she was finally allotted a room in the Berlin Chancellery, she was forced to use a back entrance in case anyone saw her. Hitler and his henchmen tried their hardest to keep Eva out of the spotlight and forbade

any picture of her to be published because they were keen to project the idea that he was married to Germany. And Eva herself ensured the opposite for posterity. She was an early adopter of cinefilm and made endless home movies. Today she would have been constantly on Facebook, Instagramming her meals and taking selfies at the Berghof. One of her more astonishing ambitions was to star one day in a biopic of her life with the man she always called Wolf.

So yeah, she's, sounds like a pretty normal teenager, dating a famous guy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I also like what Jane has to say about the Hitler is weird at sex myths because I think what she says rings true with an awful lot of the other research I've read. Quote, it is impossible to peer behind the bedroom door, but suggestions that Hitler was sexually avoid because of his obsession with hygiene is contradicted by observers of the time who suggest that Hitler and Eva did share a bed as a couple. They had interconnecting bedrooms at the Berghof and Hitler's ballet.

Heinz Linge attests that they would go to bed together. While Hitler's maid, Pauline Kohler, wrote that Hitler is not strongly sexed, Eva Brown's correspondence reveals nothing unusual, certainly not on the lines of fully clothed sex. Except that once war had broken out, Hitler wasn't able to get interested. She used to show her friends a 1938 photograph of Neville Chamberlain on a sofa in Hitler's Munich flat saying, if only he knew what goings on that sofa has seen. We fucked on the sofa and then the Prime Minister of England said on it. That sounds like a normal teenager.

So if you're still on the fence, if you're still on team, Hitler was a kind of demonic sexual force rather than just a gross shitty dude who wound up in power through cunning and luck in the cowardice of arrogant men. Well, I'd like to read one more Hitler story. Mimi Reeder came back to Hitler after their 1931 liaison. This was in 1934 when Hitler was in power. Gehle had been dead for three years, her room had been turned into a shrine, and Hitler was unofficially with Eva Brown.

Now, Eva doesn't live with him at this point because of course he's got to appear married to Germany. That old ball and chain. That old ball and chain. Germany. This gave Der Führer the ability to invite Mimi in when she knocked on his door. I'm going to quote from explaining Hitler's write up of Mimi's recollections. Quote, once again the relationship came to life.

Once again he asked her to stay with him as his lover. She insists she will not be part of an illicit relationship. She wanted to be married and to have children. Suddenly Hitler had a fit of rage. He shouted, why do you women only think of having children? He kept shouting. It was around 3 a.m. that he could not take care of a woman. He shouted that he had a big mission to fulfill.

They argued for two more hours than they departed. Never to see each other again. Whew! Yeah. Dodged several bullets, Mimi. You really did. Yeah. It's also so crazy because that's like, okay, you're going after women that are raised in

convents, motherfucker. The only purpose for sex in the Catholic Church is procreation and then you're mad at them. You're taught all the same shit. Oh, God. Yeah. I think what, like, maybe Hitler was in the poop and pee and maybe he liked sex with clothes on. Yeah.

Maybe not. At the end of the day, the overwhelming picture I'm left with of Hitler is that he was the same, like every woman has dated a shitty guy just like Hitler. They just didn't wind up in charge of the country. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's like a selfish, fucking idiot dude that needs to go to therapy. He's selfish.

He's famous and he's going to take as much advantage of that as he can. Yeah. He's a habitual liar because he's fucking Hitler and he's emotionally abusive and he screams when he doesn't get his way. Yeah. Like, he's a gaslighting piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

He's a, yeah, Hitler turns out piece of shit. Hitler turns out piece of shit, but not like, of course he's a bad person, but he's not, like what's scarier to me about this is that like there's nothing special about him. Yeah. He's just classic piece of shit. Yeah. Normal piece of shit. Yeah.

It's nothing out of the ordinary. And that means, like the good thing that means is that like we as human beings will never deal with supernatural evil settling down upon the world and forcing a nightmare regime on us. Yeah. But it also means that there's millions of guys like this walking around who if they ever got into power have that kind of potential. Oh, exactly.

So this is the blueprint for those kind of guys. Yeah. Yeah. So when you look at the fucking evolution of incel culture on the internet, they're really into Nazis. Yeah. And they're really into ISIS too. They love them both.

No, yeah. They love the murder and the hatred and like the ability to do violence on like a world you feel is wrong to you and they all have issues with women and none of them fuck. Yeah. And none of them like ask why a woman might not be into them immediately. They all have that reaction when like a buddy is like, maybe just learned to dance or whatever. I will not learn to dance. I will not learn to dance.

That's the fucking Hitler. I want people to like think about when they imagine what kind of man could do the things he did. Yeah. The kind of guy whose friend is like, well, maybe learn to dance and that girl who likes dancing will be interested in you and he just starts screaming. Yeah. Like there's as if I could improve.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I'm already a perfect being. I am a perfect being. Me 14 year old horny Hitler is. Oh God. Yeah.

No, that's fucking Hitler. I mean, fucking Hitler. He's the worst. I mean, but he's not is the thing. Exactly. Yeah, he's not. He's like. He's perfectly average.

Yeah. He's he's a perfectly average shitty person who wound up in a position of power and did the kind of things that like comparing him to a serial killer is wrong. Comparing him to one of these in cell kids who goes on a mass shooting rampage or drives a van into a sorority house or whatever to kill. That's who to compare him to. Yeah. That's much more accurate.

And he I think that that is one way to look at sort of the Holocaust is that like it was a reaction of like anger at not winning this war and wanting to do as much damage as you could. And there's like an attitude of that about like the destruction of Berlin and like the reason he didn't pull out of Berlin or the reason he didn't surrender and just shoot himself that way and spare the city and people as he was like, no, if we're going to lose all of us are going to die. Yeah.

Fuck Germany. Taking everybody with me. Yeah. You didn't play hard enough for me. Yeah, some of the shit he would say is that like if Germany doesn't win, we deserve to be destroyed. Yeah. Yeah.

Like he's just a shitty, angry little prick with a temper who, you know, if I mean, fuck it, man, like to get really dark on you, maybe in a society where young men like that go on mass shooting sprees, they're less likely to become Hitler. Like I don't know if that's like good or whatever, but like it doesn't have that option and just becomes Hitler. Yeah. Like we're in dark territory here, but I do think he's that kind of guy. Yeah.

So like it's being raised to think that you were special and then having the, having that lie. Yeah. Cause nobody's special. There's a million people on the planet. No, nobody's special. There's a lot of people out there, Hitler. Yeah.

Well, and like that's, that's the big thing about so many of these incel guys is like they're raised to think that they are like the princes of their own little kingdoms. Lot of mama's boys. Lot of mama's boys. Roosh V that pickup artists live in in his mom's basement. Oh yeah. They're talking about how the Jews are behind everything, like it just keeps happening. Well, and then they're mad at, they desperately need a woman, but they're mad at a woman

because they think a woman sees them as weak because they need them to feel special. Yeah. Like the idea that like a relationship would have given take and that you both have things to teach each other. Yeah. Like he doesn't want to be taught anything. No. No, no, no, no.

He just wants pure allegiance. Yeah. Which is why he goes after 16 year olds. Yeah. Probably why his dad went after 16 year olds. Yeah. Absolutely. It's a power trip.

It's a power trip. Yeah. You don't want an equal of any kind. No. Fucking coward. That's terrifying. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Just a real piece of shit. So if you've ever wondered what happens if you give one of those incels on Reddit, the most powerful military force in continental Europe, it was World War II. Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah.

No, exactly. They'll just keep pushing. Yeah. Yeah. So teach your sons to dance. Teach your sons to dance and that's the only thing we've learned today. Yeah. Teach your sons to dance.

You can dance if you want to. Yeah. Make sure if you vote for someone they don't date teenagers. At the very least. At the very least. At the very least. Yeah. Make sure they're not dating teenagers.

Yeah. Because that's how you get hitlers. Yeah. That's how you get hitlers. Don't let them fuck their niece. Yeah. Yeah. Don't let them contact with a woman of your age without being filled with rage.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you capable of having a conversation with a woman without screaming? Yeah. Exactly. So are you capable of seeing your dog misbehave without beating it and choking it and scaring a teenager? Yep.

Hitler. God. Just kind of mad those German shepherds didn't finish the job early. Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean it was a goat that supposedly bit off his dick. Yeah. I wish that goat had just slid his throat. I wish that goat ate the whole Hitler.

Yeah. Exactly. Chew that tin can up. Spit him out. Oh, how different the world would be if we just had like a weird, did you know that back in like the 1909 a goat ate a boy? What if like in the future the only animals that can time travel are goats? So we did try to kill Hitler.

Yeah. But he only bit his dick off. The goat only just got part of his dick. Yeah. And we actually just really made it worse than it was in the first place. Yeah. It would have been fine otherwise. He would have just went on to become a, I don't know, like a sub in a dungeon.

I feel like that's the thing Hitler might have been happy with. Yeah, absolutely. He'd really gotten in touch with his demons. Yeah, for sure. He just wanted to be whipped. That's why he carried a whip with him everywhere. Yeah. Somebody whip me.

Admitting that takes some courage though. It does. It does. I mean, it still does in 2019. You know, like it's the more open people can be about the kinks and stuff like that. The, and the more open sexually the world can be more accepting than I think the less... That's why I say this every day. I say it a lot to my roommates, to police officers during traffic stops.

More dominatrixes is the only thing that will protect us from more Hitlers. Truly. Absolutely. That's, I think, the note we're going to end on. Brandy. You're going to plug your pluggables. Yeah. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at brandazzle.

My website is brandyposey.com, Brandy with an IE, Posey with an EY. I have an album available wherever you listen to albums. It's called Opinion Cave. It's very funny. Feel free to buy it. And then I have a podcast called Lady to Lady. It's me, Barbara Gray, and Tess Barker. And then we have a fourth guest on every week.

Past guests have included people like Karen Kogareff or French Stewart or Margaret Cho. It's a really, really fun podcast. And then I have a monthly show here in Los Angeles on the second Saturday of every month called Picture This. And that's a show that I've hosted for six years where we pair up comedians with animators. They'll live animate your jokes behind you during your set. It's like you riffing within your own bits and we get like really insane artists to come do the show all the time.

Like we've had Pendleton Ward from Adventure Time, Craig Bartlett, the creator of Hey Arnold has been on recently. And then we have people from amazing shows like Bojack Horseman and Big Mouth and Mr. Pickles. And it's a real, real great fun time. That's the second Saturday. And that's some music. And that's my alarm that's set at 4.30 for no good reason.

Oh boy. But yeah, those are my plugs. Come see me at all the shit guys. Well, if you currently know a young man who you're worried is going down a hitlery path, tune him into those shows, maybe open up his mind a little bit, listen to some progressive comedy. Get him some dance lessons. Tell him to listen to my podcast.

Have a couple of men, hear a couple of men laugh at themselves and realize that it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Get him out there and just get him a hug. Or hire a goat to bite his dick off. Either way, you know, it's up to you to fight the hitlers in your life. We all encounter a couple of hitlers out there.

Hey, you time traveling goats listening out there. Finish the job next time. Finish the job and retroactively render this episode pointless. I am Robert Evans. You can find us online at BehindTheBastards.com. You can find me on Twitter at iWriteOK. The book called A Brief History of Vice, where I do drugs, which a hitler had done more of when he was young and not when he was old.

He might have also come to some better conclusions about his ego. I'm the ad bastard pod on Twitter and Instagram by a t-shirt, Behind the Bastards, T-Public, fuck Hitler. I love 40% of you. Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse look like a lot of guns.

But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Find Alphabet Boys on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian-trained astronaut? That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space? Well, I ought to know.

Because I'm Lance Bass. And I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the Earth for 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if I told you that much of the forensic science you see on shows like CSI isn't based

on actual science, and the wrongly convicted pay a horrific price? Two death sentences in a life without parole. My youngest? I was incarcerated two days after her first birthday. Listen to CSI on trial on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.