Behind the Bastards - Part Two: The Surprising Evil of 1950s Men's Adventure Magazines

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Big Bobbo E-Money and Magpie the Killjoy read a magazine for racist pedophiles.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In 2017, Libby Caswell was found dead in a motel room in Independence, Missouri. We have a term called JDRR, which means just don't look right. On season two of my podcast, What Happened To? I take a closer look at Libby Caswell's life and death. Libby's case keeps me awake at night. What happened to her is unknown. That's something that I need to know. Listen to What Happened to Libby Caswell

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or wherever you get your podcast. Ah! Ah! Wow. There's some for person. That's nice. I thought that was, I thought that went well. I thought that was good.

I think, you know what? I think we should leave this incredibly lucrative world of podcasting behind and start a traveling barbershop quartet. And more or less recreate O Brother War out there with me is the Clooney, of course. I think that's obvious. If I get to play a washboard bass, I'm all right. Yeah, absolutely, why not? I don't remember much about that movie.

No, I don't know if there's a washboard bass and then they're not. No, I remember there's dapper dam Dan Harecreme, which I don't think would work as well as... It makes me a greaser. I think he is technically a greaser, you're right, Margaret. I as well as. But it makes him a greaser. I think he is technically a greaser. You're right, Margaret. I think, I think Klune Tang and then movie is a greaser.

It explains why he's stabbed all those people just because they tried to give him a food, classic Clooney. That was on the set of ER though. So are we ready for part two of our exploration into it's Mins adventure magazines? Yeah, I'm sure it's Min's Adventure magazine. Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna stay nice and get nicer. That's absolutely the case. So to start us off today, our next Min's Adventure magazine

is the Noble Exotic Adventures. And boy, howdy, it has a special cover. If what's your guess for the exotic adventures cover? Island, like brown-skinned women wearing, not much clothing. No, it's racism. Um, but, but yeah, you kind of guessed that. So we'll give you, we'll give you half. Okay. Sophie, will you show her exotic adventures? Oh, yeah. That is a very racist drawing of a shake.

Like, I forgot that all of the women who are sexualized and endangered have to be white in this genre. Yes. Well, not entirely, but largely, yes. Okay. Largely. There is actually naked photos spread of a Japanese woman in this article. Oh, I'm not saying that makes it better.

It's been talking me wrong. I'm just saying they're not all. It's the way it's yeah. So articles in exotic adventures. Like, should we describe this cover? Yeah, we should express. So there's a very, I would say like second Indiana Jones movie, level racist like caricature of like a shake looking dude with a beard who seems to be both holding a python of some sort and a one of those like curved bladed like like like slithery bladed knives that he's got as he's ripping the jet the shirt off of a an otherwise naked ish white woman whose hands are bound above her.

While behind them a slightly bloody adventure-looking dude is about to throw a knife into his back. Yeah. That guy's white, yes. Also, that curvy style of dagger is a Celtic thing. I might also be an Indian thing. There's actually a lot of cultural overlap. But like the flame-bladed dagger was a completely

a Celtic thing. Yeah. So I do believe there's a number of cult, but anyway, yeah, you got like a, yeah, I said shake, but you're probably right. He's probably supposed to be, oh, I don't know. I don't think he's supposed to be irate. Seeker. Yeah, I think he's just supposed to be not a white guy.

I don't know. Yeah. They're trying to signify that. And his eyes are like vacant and evil. It is not an absolute. Absolutely. Absolutely. Very racist drawing. In terms of what we see on the cover, the South American strip T's mill, the sexiest

girl in Japan. That's the one I was telling you about. France's nude model ball and the special, the sex orgies of Sarawak. It really says sex three times on the cover. There's a lot in this one. They're really, and this is the porniest of the ones that we're gonna be covering in these episodes. This is just a straight up porn magazine.

I did warn you both ahead of time. We're going, you the listener, this will be no different from listening to anything else because you can't hear naked pictures, but there will be naked pictures in this. I did provide a warning ahead of time. to anything else because you can't hear naked pictures, but there will be naked pictures in this. I did provide a warning ahead of time. So the first ad on this is for the least shady product service so far, an amazing pocket

radio that fits in the palm of your hand. The only thing I'm using here is that the argument, the advertisement brags it works indefinitely, which is an odd way to frame it. Is it plugs in? No, I think it's one of those hand crank radio type deals. Oh, okay. Yeah. Then we get our table of contents,

which does feature quite a bit of soft core pornography. I mean, that's just, that's a lot of naked people for a table of contents. I'll give it to them. Yeah, so we get some, we get a heads up as to some of the fantastic stories we're going to also, it's worth noting the editor of exotic adventures is George Wallace. I don't think the same one was the segregation governor,

but maybe, perhaps, articles in this magazine include the first and only love of Rami, a safari of death, the sexiest girl in Japan. I was a 10-gear smuggler, modern Matahari, Safari of death, the sexiest girl in Japan. I was a 10-gears smuggler, modern Mata Hari, the sex orgice of Sarawak, attacked by monster crabs. Margaret, we are going through that entire story. It's magnificent.

That's what happens when you have a little black book. Yeah. You have a little black book. Yes, you go through too deep into that little black book Black book. Yeah. You're a real fellow. It's a bad crap. You go through too deep into that little black book and you get attacked by the monster crabs. What a glorious magazine. So our first story is the first and only love of Rami.

And I found myself interested in it because I miss and I think I read wrong the premise. I thought it said that it was about a man who becomes a sex slave, which I was like, oh, that's an interesting reversal of the normal story. It's not, it's a normal story about a man who falls in love with a sex life anyway. Okay.

Yeah, so the story is framed as this is like an article written by a journalist who like had always wanted to visit Kashmir because of these golden age of adventure stories. He'd read about this mystical land. And so he successfully cons an editor into paying for him to fly over there and do some fact findings. So he has to, he has to work a couple of days. And then he's, you know, he gets his payment and he's able to sort of like hang out in Kashmir for a while. Now, the first fun fact about this is that like after he, yeah, he after he finishes his job,

he decides to stay on for a few days. And he notes that he'd been paid up for the article that he'd been like researching for and quote, I had money in pocket, a some time thing with any writer. Now, this is like accurate to how life as a freelance writer is, but it's also very funny to me because like he is making that note in a time when you could casually get an editor

to fly you to Kashmir for like three days work. Yeah, like. It's also like having that be your character is like writing the movie about the screenwriter because I'm assuming these are all fiction even though they pretend other than that. Yes, yes, I don't think this is a real story. Yeah.

But I do think this guy probably got paid more for this article than a lot of like, I don't know, war correspondent skit paid for deep dives, unlike fighting in Ukraine and shit. So anyway, our protagonist checks into the only hotel in the city that he's in. He orders a gin and tonic immediately, which is pretty on brand for our field. After the room service brings his drink up, we get this line. I'd noticed on the, the platter, a small printed card, plainly left for my perusal.

It said, with Frank honesty, Bok Nellu, we have the girls. What it lacked in grammar, it made up in succinctness, always a virtue in advertising. I was at first amused and then curious, was Keshe-Miri prostitution any different from that of the rest of the world? Why not find out, I thought.

And so having had a second. And then a third genitonic, and eating my supper, I strolled down the main street in the general direction of the business establishment of Baknellu. So I do love that he's like, I'm gonna do a journalism on how prostitution's different in Kashmir.

This guy was ready for vice news. He was writing for him before they were born. Yeah, vice burst from the head of this fucking writer. And like a sleigh of viseous. Yeah. Yeah. So he gets to this brothel and the Bach Nellu, the operator of the brothel, asks him what his pleasure will be.

To be honest, I confess, I am a journalist. My interest is mostly mere curiosity. His face fell a little, and so I added, however, I would not want to take up your time without recompensing you for it. So our hero insists, it's kind of unclear what he actually wants to do. He insists he doesn't want to buy anything,

but he just wants to see the girl. So the writer brings some of his women out, our hero comments on very critically on their breasts, and then he makes them give him a lap dance, which he eventually begs off, because he doesn't actually have any intention of paying for sex. Bucknellu frowned,

you like something special, he said, I can arrange for a showing, a boy, a girl, two girls, whatever you desire, 10 rubies, very inexpensive. No, really, Mr. Nello, I said, I can arrange for a showing, a boy, a girl, two girls, whatever you desire, ten rupees, very inexpensive. No, really, Mr. Nello, I said, I'm just not interested. His frowned deepened, and then in a moment, it vanished. Ah, he said, I have someone very special, something that is very rare among us. But perhaps you will be interested in this, although I warn you, the price is 400 rupees. Guys, that a white girl?

No, no, no, no, not, it's not a white girl. Girl is appropriate though. That was a lot of money by Cashmere's standard, something like $100 in Cashmere. A laborer lives comfortably on $50 a year. My curiosity was peaked. What did he have with $100? All right, Mr. Nailoo, let's see her. He clapped his hands again, and from behind the curtain, a young girl,

hardly more than 16 appeared. Now, I will admit, when I started that, I assumed the whole offering children for sex thing that came up earlier was to make it clear that this is like a bad guy, this was like the villain of our story. I guess he technically is, but our hero has no problem with being offered a teenage girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is not the thing that is going to be an issue for our hero in this story. Mr. Nailu tells us that her name is Rami and that he's just purchased her from a village nearby. She is exquisite. She is also a virgin. And this is where our hero has an issue because he does not believe that this girl is a virgin and thus would not be worth the hundred dollars that is being charged for her.

Sure. Yeah. He tells Mr. Nailu, and again, this is our hero. He tells Mr. Nailu that this claim that the sex slave is a virgin is quote, the oldest pitch in the book. Mr. Nailu promises to return the money he's paid if it's not true. Then we get this revealing paragraph. Again, I backed off. I wouldn't have much chance to get the money he's paid if it's not true. Then we get this revealing paragraph.

Again, I backed off. I wouldn't have much chance to get my money back. At the first sign of trouble, Mr. Nailu would scream for the local gin d'arms and have me removed. I'd seen that game too often. Mr. Nailu, no thanks. And that's what we get before the magazine tells us to move on to page 51 for the rest of the story

because print magazines are just a horrible, horrible user unfunfriendly product. In fact, when I turned to page 51, there's like a half page of text surrounded by the middle parts of two other stories, and then I'm told to move on to page 64. Anyway, not going to keep meaning of this. I hate this shit. Yes. Anyway, here's the next lines of the story as the author tries to turn Mr. Nailu down.

The flesh merchant shrugged. I cannot convince you. All right then, would you care to look at Remy? She is truly a wonder. The price for that is less, 50 rupees. That sounded more reasonable. I could afford to risk $10 to see something as charming as Mr. Nailu made her sound.

I gave him the money and he just stood towards the girl. Now, I'm not going to relate to you how this author describes the naked body of a child, safe to say that he uses the phrase the first flush of womanhood in a way that I think should be punishable by violence. Speaking of things that should be punished by violence, after being overcome with this child's beauty and seeing her stare at him with unabashed eyes, his first words to Mr. Nailu are, you are right, your Rami is exquisite, but I cannot believe that she is a furchan. So I

don't know what to say to that. It's pretty bad. Our protagonist leaves the establishment after tipping Mr. Nailu and other $10. I don't know why he has received very little, certainly not enough for a story. He's mostly just awgled and naked child. Well, that's enough for this story. I guess it's enough for it. No, no, it's not Margaret. No, we're building to that. So he decides to head back to his hotel for more gin. He sees someone following him, but he decides he doesn't care all that much.

So he gets back to the hotel, the person tailing him, you know, he figures is just a harmless weirdo. He gets drunk with a guy he describes as a Bushman before going up to bed. Where he finds, I know, it's pretty bad. Where he finds waiting in his room, Rami, she's snuck out of the brothel and she has come a calling to him. So at first, he's like, madly in love with him. It's not quite that.

I'm not going to say it's better than that, Margaret. I'm not going to say it's better than that, Margaret. I'm not going to say it's better than that. At first off, he's outraged because he thinks that she's been snuck there by Baknello and he's going to try to charge him for it and fake that, anyway, whatever. This is some sort of scam, right? But then she disrupts his thoughts by saying, do you want me? He is still initially outraged at this because he doesn't believe she's a virgin and thus doesn't think she's worth the price set on her head. She insists that she is a virgin in a profoundly uncomfortable sequence. She nodded vehemently, oh yes, sir, I am a virgin.

I have never slept with men. I looked at her frowning. This is so. Oh yes, it is so. I come from a poor family. There are not so many men in my village. I was engaged to a boy, but he got killed in a rock slide. Then later, my family was poor. They could not keep all the children and besides, they knew that I would always be poor if I stayed in the village. So they sold me to Mr. Nailu. He could pay well

since I was a virgin. And then I could work for him and save my money and perhaps make things better for my family. So I guess the upside of this scene is that like, I don't know, is this like a slave or just sex child prostitution? I don't know if that's a distinction that's worth laboring over. Either way, pretty gross. Yeah. Anyway, here is where we get the big reveal of the whole piece. Rami feels her family was cheated by Mr. Nailu, who paid much less for her, compared to like the value

that he views her as having for this white guy. So she wants to have sex with our hero for free to get back at her pimp. Now, obviously, he says, yes, there's no real detail given here, thankfully. The most interesting part is that he throws an align about feeling bad, that she has condemned herself to a life of white slavery. Which, I mean, she's not, I don't, anyway, whatever. Does that just mean, is that like the way that Western people refer to sex slavery at this point? It's like all white. That's the feeling I get, because he does describe her as like a cashmere girl.

Yeah. Okay. So, okay. So the story ends happily. And after having sex, he asks for her family's address so he can pay them the money that Mr. Nailu didn't pay them. I don't think there's a particularly good moral lesson there. I think that's pretty gross, but that's the story. That's, I think it does like, that's a fantasy.

Like the fact that like that is a fantasy that they thought would be the men buying this magazine and like normal American comic shops would identify with is fascinating. Again, that's not a real story that happened. Yeah. It's just a story that a bunch of gross dudes in the 60s wish had happened.

If it had been written in the 80s, she would have gone home with him and they would have gotten married. them and they would have gotten married. Yeah, they would have gotten married and it would have been uncomfortable still, but we wouldn't have realized until like the mid 90s. Yeah. Yeah. If I'm remembering, I'm thinking back to some of the things that George Lucas said about

Mary and Raven wouldn't the first Indiana Jones movie, which like Lucas clearly grew up reading these stories, right? It's one of those like, oh, well, that does make that make a little bit more sense. It was probably poisoning his brain from a very early age. Yeah. So that's interesting. I don't know.

A little journey into the mind of a 60s guy. So returning to our Smut magazine, the next story after the start of that child molestation adventure is a story about some rich guy's wife murdering him via safari. I like that one a lot better. Yeah, that one's. Is she the bad guy or is she like, I think, yeah, she's the bad guy, of course. Yes. Then we get the sexiest girl in Japan, which has the header text.

Strange as it may seem, the sexiest girl in Japan doesn't live there anymore. When an American producer saw the exotic dolly, he whisked her off to the States as a promising showgale. I don't know. She's not in Japan, but whatever. You don't need to be, I guess, expect much accuracy here. So there's porn that follows. And then immediately after that, we get back to our

adventure stories. There's a crude drawing of a naval vessel in the text. I was a 10-gears smuggler, which I thought was going to be much more up my alley here. This is another piece of middle-aged guy wish fulfillment. And it's really clear. It makes very clear what we talked, open the series, talking about that like these are largely for dudes who like served but didn't see any action. Yeah. Because our hero and this is a guy who he goes over and he fights in Europe through World War II and then after V.E. Day, he decides to like stay in England doing odd jobs, some on this side of the law and some on the other.

He's like this, you know, veteran Nazi fighter who becomes, but like a sexy criminal, right? Yeah, yeah. He's got a switchblade comb. He pulls out every now and then. Absolutely. Vixen's his hair. He acquires a boat probably in something cool, like a game of dice. He's a Han Solo character, right?

Yeah, yeah. And think about like these as partial inspirations for some of Lucas's later. Yeah. Like he's, that's the kind of guy he is. He did the castle run and not so many nautical miles. Yeah, however many or whatever the wrong term for nautical miles is because yeah. So he gets this boat and he decides like, well, why not make spare cash smuggling stuff out of 10 years, which is a pretty cool lifestyle choice. Yeah, I would argue in the 1950s. What Jimmy Buffett thinks he was doing.

Yeah, exactly. James Buffett. Sorry. Yeah. So, all right, being so. Yeah. Now, I will say, I wish this was a better story. I love the premise.

This is one of those ones. It's so badly written that I cut you. There's paragraphs in it that feel like chat GPT. And I think it may just be because like this guy was trying to pump up word count, right? He's getting paid by the word. And so he's really overriding this motherfucker. But let me, let me read this to you.

And you'll see what I mean. All right. Tanjiere is a free port. Ships of any nation can unload any kind of cargo at all there without paying duty or undergoing inspection. A highly organized smuggling trade operates out of Tanjiere. Therefore, ferrying goods from the free port to the nations along the Mediterranean coast.

The smuggling ring specializes in such desired items as gyms, coffee, watches, drugs, currency, antibiotic drugs, and gold, as well as American cigarettes, which are heavily duty-duty in Europe, and which so many Europeans became addicted to, thanks to the presence of GIs during the 40s. Okay, wait, I have a theory. He's got a middle name in his author name. Oh, that's a great question. What do we got here?

Shit. What's that? I can scroll back up to the table of contents. Okay. Because there's like the, the sign. Don't goorman. No. Oh, all right.

All right. There's like the like longstanding joke that the reason that all like science fiction authors or whatever use their middle name also on the cover is that they get of like short stories you get paid per word. It's like a free 10 cents. An extra 10 cents. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but he's definitely overriding. I also, I feel confident that no reader in 19 fit, at this is sorry, this is published in 1957. I don't believe there's a single reader in 1957 that needed it explained to them why Europeans wanted American cigarettes. That's simply an unnecessary sentence. But I am equally confident the hero who wrote the story was again being paid by the word. So Godspeed, brother.

Right. You know, everyone in this story is an adult, so this guy's fine with me. Yeah. Totally. Anyway, the story is what you'd expect. He gets hired to run cargo and he'll get paid generously, but he's also got to transport this beautiful rich crime bosses like girlfriend who falls in love. You know, you get the, you're aware of the thrust of this story.

It is kind of Star Wars, the more I think about it. Actually, there's elements of that there. You really do, like definitely, I don't know of this story, It is kind of Star Wars, the more I think about it. Actually, there's elements of that there. You really do, like, definitely, I don't know of this story, but Lucas was reading magazines like this as a kid obsessively. I don't think there's any real doubt about that. Now, you have a solid understanding at this point what to expect from this magazine. So, I'm going to follow this up with a full reading of the only story in here that has real literary merit, attacked by monster crabs. Yes.

Look at this crab art. That's a good naked lady attacked by monster crabs drawing. And anatomically, the crabs look exceptional. Those are good claws. Look at the detail. That's art. That's all they've got. That's art.

Yeah, it's beautiful. This is really something special by Dave Callahan. So the pull text of the story, can you think of a more horrible way to die than to be torn to shreds by a horn of monster crabs? I can't because it almost happened to me. I can't actually, Dave Callahan, that does seem like a pretty bad way to die.

And I am now fully on board. And this is, dare I say, a work equal to those of Melville or Liguin or dare I say it, William Shatton or author of Tech War. Just a true classic of the genre here. It opens with starts with an iconic horror story opening line. This is the place Pamela said, we'll be all alone here. Nobody ever comes here, but me.

Perfect. Completely set the mood in the first two sentences. Oh, Callahan, you bastard, you did it. Now, those of you who are averse in literary theory will know that a statement like that by a character means that they're going to die from a deadly crab attack. Now, our heroes have just taken a motorboat to an inlet in British Honduras, north of Belize.

Pamela and the author, Dave Callahan, are both looking forward to relaxing. Dave is especially excited for, along afternoon of love with this busty daughter of a British diplomat, but he writes, I wasn't prepared for the nightmare events that would take place that afternoon. Now, one thing I will say for Dave, is that his female lead here is very definitely an adult and is also insinuated to be sexually active

and in control of her very interesting love life. So, because he's not fetishizing a child, I'm going to read his lustful description here because it's kind of funny. It's pretty funny. Hand in hand, we climbed up the beach flank. It was a warm, muggy day. Pamela was wearing a man's white shirt whose buttons rarely managed to hold back the magnificent thrust of her bosom and a pair of khaki trousers that clung tightly to her hips and thighs.

Overhead, the hot sun was burning its way through the thick clouds. I spread a blanket for the two of us. There were two bottles of local rum in the boat, for refreshments, and we had forgotten them. I'll go back to the boat and get them, I said. When I reached for the boat, I scooped up the bottles and looked up beach. Pamela was peeling off her blouse. She had nothing on underneath.

I awgled her gently swaying breasts appreciatively as I approached. She had buttoned the trousers, kicked them off and stood lovely and nude before me. Now, she says she wants to go for a swim. She's like, come on, take your clothes off. Let's get in the water together. In one of those crisp British accents

that sounded so out of place in this primitive Central American country. So 1957, baby. And then because it is 1957, baby. Yeah. And then because it is 1957, he responds, you go ahead and get your feet wet while I'm opening the bottle. I want a nip of rum before I get the water. You do also get a lot of context by the fact that they are they are spending an afternoon

on a beach and they bring two full handles of rum. That's quite a quantity to swim on and then drive a boat back on. I mean, every character in any one of these stories is a hardcore alcoholic. I feel like that's less worth mentioning in fiction from the 50s. But yeah, so our character uses his trusty pocket knife, which you will not hear from again to open a bottle of rum and drink what would kill a small pony. Then he starts to take off his pants and head out in after Pamela when we get a glorious line. David, David, help!

The crabs, the crabs! I shaded my eyes and looked down beach for her. She was almost completely hidden around the cove. All I could see of her was her body from the breasts upward. She was leaping around wildly in the shallow water some 30 feet off shore Grabbing the unopened bottle of rum to use as a weapon. I sprinted towards the water. What's happening? I yelled What's the trouble the crab she shrieked the monster crabs? Perfect perfect pros a masterpiece

No, no, I want to I want to teach an English class just about this story. Like, some professors do with Moby Dick. When we just every day, we go through the Monster Crab story again. See, I actually feel like there's like something to be said about. You learn all of these rules about how to write well. And then you look at what sells best, and it does not follow those rules. And like, what has read the most? Does not of these rules about how to write well. And then you look at what sells best, and it does not follow those rules. And like what has read the most does not follow these rules.

And there's like something to be said for that. That is like a tension that all writers must cope with. It is, it is. And that's why more writers need to write about monster crabs. I think that's a very, very clear lesson that I have learned. Absolutely. Absolutely. Half stumbling over myself and my hurry,

I reached the edge of the shore. There was Pamela, off shore and water, no higher than her lovely knees. And monster crabs, a foot across were leaping out of the water, gnashing their ugly pinches at her nude form. The water seemed to boil with their hideous forms. There must have been hundreds of the crabs

swarming up from their slumbers in the mud. Hahaha. And you know, this is like based on a true story where he like, I've had this like, where you have like a nice date and then something slightly weird happens and then you're like, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't it be wild if he was like this? By answer some shit and it's like, yeah,

what if the ants had been foot long monster crabs? Yeah. But, you know, I love this story, Margaret. I, you know, all these weirdo right wing culture warriors talking about like how our society's gotten away from its first principles. And I understand that now, because I want to live inside this moment,

this glorious frozen instant, where a man's a man, woman's a woman, and a boiling hive of woman, and a boiling hive of crabs is a boiling hive of crabs. That's right. You know, perfect, perfect story. Yeah. It is.

It's also very funny that he instantly goes to the rum bottle for a weapon. Even though it's a pocket knife. He's got a knife on him, but he whips out that rum bottle. Very fifties, guys, smart. Like, woke modern youths could never. They'd have only a can of white cloth to defend them from the crabs. Or they would have been swimming sober. Yeah, they would have been swimming sober and thus doomed.

Yeah. It is interesting because he's drunk, but she is swimming sober and spoilers, she is doomed. So you're right, Margaret. I think that's exactly how the story would end. If these were Ginzy kids, Ginzy kids who could never fight off a crab in the waters off Belize. But you know who could fight off a boiling hive of crabs? Is it the people who pay us to put their advertisements into our shows?

Arguably, Margaret. Arguably, Margaret, arguably. Now they just take a handful of Reagan coins and just throw them. Yeah, huck them at the crabs, ninja star like, like our feminists. Show them an ninja stars. Yeah, take this, you crabs, set of a bitch. Done.

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It's all online, it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Find your Bright Spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash behind today to get 10% off your free month. That's better help, help.com slash behind. In 2017, Libby Caswell was found dead in a motel room in Independence, Missouri. We have a term called JDR, which means just don't look right.

My name is Melissa Jeltson. I've spent the last year talking to Libby's friends and family, uncovering details of her life and the secrets that may have endangered it. I knew she was doing something, but she wouldn't admit it to me at first. Join me on a journey to uncover what really happened to Libby Caswell. Everyone deserves no detruth, and if there was something that was not right and someone should be held accountable.

I think the law is set up to punish families in the situation. Livy's case stands out in my mind and keeps me awake at night. What happened to her is unknown. It's something that I need to know. Listen to what happened to Libby Caswell on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When Tracy Rekel Burns was two years old, her baby brother died.

I was told that Matthew died in an accident. And no one really talked about it. Her parents told police, she had killed him. Medical records fit that I killed my baby brother. I'm Nancy Glass. Join me for burden of guilt. The new podcast that tells the true and incredible story of a toddler who is framed for murder

and how she grew into an adult determined to get justice and protect her family. While we had prosecuted some cold cases, this was the coldest, this was frigid. But how does a two-year-old get blamed for murder? She said, we wanted a new life. You just don't know what it's like when you'll do anything for somebody. Listen to Byrdon of Guild on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. So, back to the crabs. She was screaming in other light mindless panic.

I could see a bloody gash along one arm. Another just below a jouncing breast. She was doing a wild dance, a death dance, and the water around her was stained with red. Oh god. I had, yeah, they're gonna murder her. The crabs are going to kill this lady. Now Margaret, when he described her jouncing,

I did not know that was a word. I thought like that he just make up a word to describe... Is it like jiggly bouncy? Yeah, it's to jolt or bounce. So you win this round 50s author. I learned a word from this story. It was not in my vocabulary, prior to it. All right, daddy, oh.

Okay, daddy, oh. That's what she's doing. That's one victory for doing down. That's what she's going down. That's what she's going down. That's what she's going down. And I heard the sound the crabs made, the dull, ominous, clack, clack sound of heavy pinchers cracking together. Pamela was trying to beat the monsters off with her hands, but they were slashing her

mercilessly on hip and thigh and arm and belly and buttock and every other part of her body they could reach. Raising my bottle high as a club. I waited out into the water, conscious that my unprotected nakedness was terribly vulnerable to the attack of the cramps. I didn't care. I had to stick. Yeah.

He's not only a stick. So this is the point at which the author of this story makes his first structural mistake, which is that he breaks this fascinating narrative to take us back in time to explain how he and Pamela met, which is not a question on anyone's mind reading this crap-fight story. I could not care less about these people's backstory. I just want a naked man fighting crabs with a rumble.

That's all I need. That's all I need. He's crazy. He's battle cry. Now, he explains that he was in the country on legal business, and her family had fled there from Belgium before the war. They had a standard kind of romcom, honestly, proto-romcom. Like, they literally bump into each other while turning a corner, which I was like, oh, okay, interesting. It's a normal, like, again, it's a middle aged guy fantasy.

She's immediately in to him for reasons that are never discussed. She takes him back to her dad's mansion and they get housed on rum. Then she, you know, she strips and stuff. I don't know. I will say it's not off-putting after the last one, because like she's very clearly an adult who's in control as opposed to, you know, a such a child's slave.

So I'll give this off their credit. Anyway, she invites him. He's going to murder her pornographically for the purpose of the crab. They're going to murder her pornographically. Yes, yes. Anyway. yeah. So she invites him out to the beach. And finally, after a torturous diversion,

we're back to the crabs. Oh, good. Pamela's beautiful face was a hideous mask of sheer terror and pain as I waited towards her, slipping and sliding on the slimy mud. Evil claws flicked up from the water around her, drawing blood in every touch.

And she was cut off from the shore by a solid mass of the crabs. The drifting tides, and since slicks of blood up and down the shore, as more crabs were on their way to join the attack, I was 30 feet from her. 2015, my breath was coming in ragged burst as I tried to run through the shallow water. I slipped and fell headlong, the rum bottle dropped, and because it was the closest thing to a weapon I had, I knelt and groped in the choppy surf until I found it again. I'm coming, Pam, I yelled, hurry, kill them, they're tearing me apart. Now fuck.

I like that in the middle though you kind of turned into doing your bench of your opponent. I did a little bit, sorry, it's impossible not to. I will admit when I started this story, because so many of the stories I read for this that you didn't hear are like Great titles and then very disappointing. I expected the crabs to mostly be a visual threat Maybe they'd nick Pamela a little bit, but no, this is a brutal murder Like it is a horrible crab death

Pamela was surrounded by crabs now they had almost been completely to the bone of her left arm. Blood-spurred in terrible gouts from the wound. This is HP Lovecraft writing under another name. Yeah, yeah, it's a horny HP Lovecraft writing his weird crab fetish. Yeah. This is absolutely the author's baffling kink that they died never openly telling another soul about. No, absolutely. They tried to tell their wife and their wife soul about. No, absolutely.

They tried to tell their wife and their wife left them. No, no, their wife was gone within minutes, took the car. Yeah. And he was like, could you walk sideways to the car? She's like, no. Yeah, could you walk sideways? No. Yeah, spent the rest of his life going out to the aquarium

every weekend and wearing loose fitting pants I tried to help her smashing my bottle against them to stun them tossing them as far as I could But it was helpless a naked man and a naked woman armed with only a glass bottle between them Could not defend themselves against a seething ocean of monster crabs I felt them nipping at my calves, my thighs, my loins. A crab was crawling up Pamela's body. She screamed as its pinchers. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada.

A lot of breast biting from the crabs here that we don't necessarily need to get into. So he eventually pulls her out of there, right? Or yeah, after like a difficult fight with the crabs, he gets his hand bitten to the bone, so he nearly loses a hand for his troubles. But he manages to drag Pamela out. And we get a pretty unsettling description of her mutilated body that I will not repeat here,

because I do think the writer was working for through a fetish in this article. Yeah, anyway, she dies from the crabs. Yeah. Does she get any like last words? No, she's dead. She's dead by the time it gets her back to shore. Yeah. Anyway, she dies from the craps. Yeah. Does she get any like last words? No, she's dead. She's dead by the time it gets her back to shore. Okay.

I don't know if the craps actually killed her. If she bled out, if she like drowns in the surf, it's not really, it doesn't really matter. Pamela's dad, he, after he gets back, there's like a scene with like our hero and this, this young woman's father, where it's just made clear that her dad doesn't care about what happened to her. And then our hero returns home forever scarred. When I recovered from my experience,

I finished up my business in Belize and flew back to the States. That was three years ago. I haven't been able to go near saltwater since. And I lay awake at night, thinking of the long-limbed redhead with a calendar girl body. He gave herself to me one night in British Honduras

and who met a death of unimaginable grisliness the next day. I mean, what a strange tale. Okay, but why? If this was true and is not, but yeah, that I would spend the rest of my life. Yeah, I mean, yes, of course you would. That would be, you would never leave that moment. Or my house.

No, that is the kind of PTSD that you would never recover from. No. Grab murder. Fortunately you'd write one article about it in my mansion. Yeah, you do get a single article in a men's adventure magazine. I'm just so glad I know this very real story. Yeah. Very real.

I think this is changed my life for the better. For one thing, I'm going to bring a weapon to the beach better than a bottle any time I go. You never know. You would crab. You're right. You're right. You're right.

He had a knife. It was a pocket knife. Honestly, if I was there like a stick or a rock, it's probably going to be a better bet against a bunch of fucking crabs. You're not going to just like pull out a handguns or shoot an ocean. Well, I would in fact pull out a handgun and start firing at the ocean. I was thinking of Robert as he's doing exactly that. Now, let's be fair here.

If there's not crabs, I'm still shooting that ocean. That's the only limit keeps the ocean. That's why it's all that gun control in the East Coast is why they get hurricanes. That's lower to gun control, right? Yeah. And, you know, that's why it's all that gun control in the East Coast is why they get hurricanes. So that's where it a gun control, right? Yeah. And, you know, that's why we need, anyway, shoot at a hurricane, folks. It's the only thing that can save you from climate change. Let's move on to our next magazine.

So it's called Climate Change Denier magazine for 1940. It's just a picture of a handgun and the weather system. Yeah. I don't like this one. Be prepared for everything, but real things. Yes. The name of the magazine. For example, an attack of killer crabs.

Oh God. Wait, hold on. But the name and the picture of what you've just shown me. Don't read the magazine. Oh, it's glorious. This is from December of 69, I do want to say. And yeah, you want to describe this one for our listeners, Margaret. Yeah, sure.

There's three white women in lingerie, pointing a knife, but also sexually, or like caressing a man's shoulders, who's on a bed and there's like nothing in the background, it's sort of an empty room. And it's called man's combat. And the reason that I'm upset is that these are clearly women in combat. And this is a racer.

Unless actually they could be transmasculine and not expressing that visually in a clear way. And that is totally up to them. Also it has headlines exposed swinging sex in women's prison. The Nazis turned them into prostitutes and paid plenty for it exclamation mark. Oh god, I just got to the fucking... The title that goes with the cover art, yes. Yeah, the hippies raped him and then they told him how much it was going to cost exclamation

mark. Now, I want to be clear here, we will be going into the story. The hippies do not rape him at any point. Like this is pure, this is an old man having consensual sex with a bunch of hippies. Like don't, don't get that wrong. Like the title is not accurate. What the kids are studying in college this year, S E, exclamation mark, which is just a current right wing talking point.

And then of course, I was the love slave of the gaysha. Yeah. The Japanese gaysha girls almost killed him with affection. Perfect. Thanks. What a great magazine. You don't love man's combat. No, Robert, I don't love man's combat. No, Robert, I don't love man's

I almost I do also want to note one of the girls who's the one who's holding the knife on him has big coke bottle glasses so you know that she's like a kind of a mod girl, you know, right? 1969, baby, right? Yeah. Yeah. So nerd. Great cover, great cover. We'll turn to this magazine now. I almost closed with a different issue of a different series, but it was titled Four Men Only. And I thought I might be violating some sort of, I didn't want to get a curse, right? From like me and Sophie wouldn't be able to hear it. Yeah, it would just be blank space. Hugh Hefner's mummy might come for me in the night. for me in the night. So this transfer of the men's combat magazine, it cuts out half of the first page of advertisements.

I think because somebody cut out one of the ads for some purpose, but it looks like it was an ad for a muscle supplement scheme, which does fit entirely with the kind of publications that these are. Oh, yeah. Yeah, how to gain up to 50 pounds of mighty muscles? How to develop 16 to 18 and a half inch big arms, powerful enough to land a knock out blow fast? Oh my god, nothing changes.

How to build a 45 to 52 inch heroic chest, housing tireless lungs for endurance and work sports, or for attracting girls all caps How to mold a broad muscle packed back and wonder wide Superman shoulders tapering to a slim punch proof weights Wait to scribe that way Punch proof described that way. Punch proof.

First off, folks, a slim waist is never a punch proof. If you want a punch proof guy, go, go look at a power lifter. Look at one of those guys who can deadlift 750 pounds. Like, look at that guy's belly. That's a punch proof waist. You can hit that guy's belly all day long and you're not gonna make any progress. Yeah. But whatever, fascinating, fascinating period of time. So that never ended. Now I am absolutely certain that this product,

whatever supplement this guy is selling to help people put on muscle has killed people. But it's probably beaten in deadliness by the next ad, which is a home study course to become an electrician. And the reason why I say it's deadly is there's a little cartoon at the top with two men talking to each other and one man says, the amine I can learn to be a skilled electrician by studying at home in spare time? Yes, the other says. And earn while you learn, thanks to advanced shop method draining. Now, hell yeah. I don't think people should be doing professional electrical

work until they've been licensed and bonded. But that's my attitude on being an electrician. Why do you hate DIY? To stand in a puddle? Yeah. Yeah, stand in a puddle barefoot and just start open wires. Yeah, that actually helps disperse the electricity. That's right. That's right. For area. You may not know that, but yeah, you want to be barefoot and ideally standing in Yeah, that actually helps disperse the electricity. That's right. That's right. That's right. You may not know that, but yeah, you want to be barefoot and ideally standing in water if you're doing any kind of work with electricity. You don't pay for the extra for those cock boots? No, no, those just keep the electricity in and endanger you.

You can find more tips like this in Robert and Margaret's guide to surviving dangerous situations for people we hate. You know, here's another free tip. Got a grease fire? Water that son of a bitch. There's no as much water as you can dump on that grease fire. Really? It's the opposite of fire. Uh-huh.

Obviously, right? If that's how you want to deal with a grease fire, but only if we hate you. Mm-hmm. Only if we hate you. If we do not hate you, do not take this advice or buy this book. Yeah. So we should go to ads at this point,

including ads for my and Margaret's exciting new book, how to survive dangerous circumstances if you're a person that we don't like very much. That's right, which we'll be giving out for free at CPAC next year. that we don't like very much. That's right, which we'll be giving out for free at CPAC next year. In 2017, Libby Caswell was found dead in a motel room

in Independence, Missouri. We have a term called JDRLR, which means just don't look right. My name is Melissa Jeltson. I've spent the last year talking to Libby's friends and family, uncovering details of her life and the secrets that may have endangered it. I knew she was doing something, but she wouldn't admit it to me at first.

Join me on a journey to uncover what really happened to Libby Caswell. Everyone deserves no detruth, and if there was something that was not right, then someone should be held accountable. I think the law is set up to punish families in the situation. Libby's case stands out in my mind and keeps me awake at night. What happened to her is unknown. It's something that I need to know. Listen to what happened to Libby Caswell

on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When Tracy Rekel Burns was two years old, her baby brother died. I was told that Matthew died in an accident. And no one really talked about it. Her parents told police she had killed him. Medical records fed that I killed my baby brother.

I'm Nancy Glass. Join me for burden of guilt. The new podcast that tells the true and incredible story of a toddler who was framed for murder and how she grew into an adult determined to get justice and protect her family. While we had prosecuted some cold cases, this was the coldest, this was frigid.

But how does a two-year-old get blamed for murder? She said, we wanted a new life. You just don't know what it's like when you'll do anything for somebody. Listen to Byrdon of Guilt on the iHeart radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, I'm Chelsea Peretti. Do you feel chronic existential dread but love talking about delicious snacks? Call me! My podcast is relaunching! Subscribe and treat yourself to sound effects like this. And this!

And this! Have you ever been attacked by a bear? Yeah! Yes! And moments like this! I have an applause for sleeping from the space here. No! And my whole leg from my knee down in my foot burnt until it's squalled with a big bubble.

And this, kale chips are delicious. They're too oily when I go. They shouldn't be soft at all. They should be really crispy. That's why I said every single time. You are yelling at me. And this Do you want to go to the Clipper game with me tonight? Do you have 25 references of mutual friends that can tell me that you're not a murderer? Um, and this. Hold on. I got to open some peanut butter pretzels. Listen to Call Chelsea Paradeon will Ferrell's big money players network on the iHeart radio app. We're back! So man's combat next provides us with its its table of contents page which gives us some

summaries for each of the stories. There's sex orgies on campus. They don't give some kids degrees in what they're studying every night. Women's prisons, the chicks behind the bars, quickly learn how to make out without men. Yeah, they're great. Incredible. The Nazis died smiling. The Huns turned them into high priced prostitutes,

but the girls made them pay too much in the end. Oh, this is two separate things. I thought the Nazis died smiling because the Huns turned them into... No, no, the Germans make these... Well, we'll get into this. Yeah, but anyway, I was the love slave of the Gaysha. This is by Lieutenant G. E. LaVelle, US Navy.

They whipped him tortured him and almost loved him to death. Murph the surf, the golden boy of crime. They convicted him of murder and sentenced him to a life in prison. Will he beat this rap too? The Budwaar Battle of Washington, D.C. The Russian thought she was smitten with his charms, but she was after the secrets in his briefcase. And then of course, the hippies raped me and made me pay. They didn't have much, as much trouble talking him into it as expected.

Get, okay, whatever. I'm not gonna get into man's combat for its improper use of terms like that. Also, the very next page after this is straight up soft core pornography, several pages of it. So, we're not gonna get into that. We're gonna very next page after this is straight up soft core pornography. Several pages of it. So we're not going to get into that. We're going to get into a story next. But after that soft core pornography, there's two pages of ads. And these provide a searing look into the male psyche circa

1969. A better one than I've gotten before. It is basically the same as the male psyche circa 2023. So we've got shape up, muscle up, shop, build muscles, gain weight, lose weight, everything you need to muscle up and make out. That's the first ad, which is for, I guess, a series of videos on how to get muscles and make out with girls. Then the second ad is for this killer karate crusher,

all three Ks. I don't like that. Get you pulverizing hand power. Don't understand. I think it's just a rock to hit people with. The end of the skinny body. This is a, yeah, gain 14 pounds and 14 days. That's not healthy. Yeah, that seems like a sustainable rate of gain. Here for masculine virility, create a new exciting, fun-going you. The slim guard, I think it's literally selling like a fucking shatner. What do you call those things?

You use it to tighten it around your belly? You mean like body shaping stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I think it's a body shaping deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, had died at 41 from heart attacks. No clue. Probably the woke agenda. Probably the woke agenda. Next we get the monthly news segment, Hot Flashes for Men, which starts with a paragraph long blurb about a bunch of former wax who are suing the military because they got accused of being lesbians and thus suffered harms to their careers in reputations. Now what's a whack? A whack is women's or auxiliary core, I think. It was basically like, if you were a woman

and wanted to serve in the military in World War II, obviously our military was not gender integrated then, but the whack, how women could serve and contribute to the war effort as part of the actual defense department. So it was, yeah, it was a military service kind of deal. And this is a story about like, it's really just a blurb about these women

who like got accused of being lesbians and like lost their careers, but there was never any evidentiary hearing at all. And so they were like suing the government over that. That's actually kind of interesting. Yeah. The story is just kind of like, again, this is hot flashes for men.

I think literally the only reason this is included is because they get to use the word lesbian. Like these ladies might have kissed. Yeah. Yeah. And they were excited by that. After that, we get this fascinating section. If you have a taste for pornography

and haven't been getting enough of the real thing, why not organize a chapter of citizens for decent literature in your neighborhood? The CDL is a highly respectable group which has appointed itself the guardians of public morals vested with the responsibility of protecting all of us from our baser selves. In doing so, the various CDL chapters must first view the objectionable materials, whether the smut and the former printed literature, stag films, or whatever. These meetings are often heavily attended and even more attended by heavy breathing, flushed faces, and a high degree of brilliant prudishness.

Yeah. That's funny. I can think of very few things I want to do less than be in a room full of 1957 dudes and watching whatever a stag film is. Also, just, there's so many layers. Yeah, there's a lot going on in that one. They're admitting that most anti-porn crusaders

are just porn addicts. Well, yeah, I mean, this is a porn addict. I'm stuck, right? So I'm warehouse full of all the pornography. It'd been like confiscated. I mean, in fairness to them, I think they are like purposefully doing this. Yeah, yeah, no total. This is they're making fun of like the people who you don't like.

Although, for a little while, I thought they were just earnestly selling anti-porn ads in their poor magazine, which also kind of rules just as a way to be like, whatever, we're getting money. So enough of that crap. We're going to start with the story, the Nazi's died smiling, which has an incredible title art piece, right? That's, this is, this one's a banger. You get a great drawing of a Nazi. He's like in the door frame with a woman in lingerie, he's like leading him into the room,

there's like a naked lady in bed. He like missing an eye or something? What's that? Well, he's like a Prussian officer. So he's got like what, what do you call those like a monocle, right? Oh. Yeah, he's got, well, he's like a Prussian officer. So he's got like, what do you call those like a monocle, right? Oh, yeah, he's a knife. And then behind the door is like another woman in lingerie, but with a fucking stiletto knife.

She looks fucking cool. She's, she's gonna stab the shit out of this Nazi. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, pretty dope, I say. Yeah, and this is based on true stories. There are absolutely women in the resistance. Yes. Oh, yeah. Come with me into the woods.

Totally not going to murder you. Also, just love the normal proportions they've given these women's bodies. Yes, very normal French peasant girls. Yeah. Yeah. So, after a brief summary of why Nazis are bad, we get told that the German invasion of France during the German invasion of France and SS unit with their general took over a nunnery.

They massacred all of the older women and then they raped all of the nuns. Now, the author of this takes great pains to tell us in a telecise text that every girl had been a virgin before son up, every girl had been ravaged many times. So that's unpleasant. There's a lot of unpleasantness. But then the girls who survived the night decide what if we become fake prostitutes in order to entrap and murder Nazis?

Okay, okay. Which is pretty cool. This starts with them like they decide to like hold a party for these Nazis who are occupying the nunnery and they feed them arsenic and murder them all. Okay. Which is fine.

And then yeah, you get this kind of, you know, pretty fun story about traumatized nuns in snaring Nazi officers and brutally murdering them. As you know that there are some real events like this, some actual women who like would entice Nazi officers into their beds, often acting as prostitutes and then murder them as part of organized resistance plots. Yeah. Specifically, though, and this is the thing that's messed up about this, this story is based

on a real tragic story, the tale of the blessed martyrs of Noah Grodek. Okay. I think kind of based on it, because this is one of the better known stories about like Nazis killing a bunch of nuns, right? And I know this story started in France, but other aspects of it are kind of similar. And the gist of it is that in 1943, the Gestapo were like mass occurring a bunch of civilians, specifically a lot of Jewish civilians in this Polish town, you know, Noah Grodek. And a bunch of a group of the nuns basically

like come forward to the Gestapo in public and are like, take and murder us instead of murdering these people. And because they do it in public, it like the Gestapo temporarily has to cancel a bunch of deportations and stop because like, it, they looked really bad in front of the whole town. And it's like a dangerous situation for them. They do eventually punish the nuns by like coming and grabbing them and murdering them all. I think they kill 11 nuns, something like that. All of whom are like not sainted,

but another thing that the Catholic Church does to say, you were pretty rad. Oh, I don't, I think I would know it, but I don't. Yeah. So it's like an actual tragic story. I mean, also heroic story of these ones who like gave their lives to try to protect a bunch of, you know, people from being murdered by the Nazis. Yeah. I think they've kind of taken part of that because it involves

nuns and turned it into a fetish story. So, you know, men's adventure stories. Hooray. Hooray. Next we get a horny college story, and then a bunch of dimpled pinup tails. The story of a sexy surf bum murderer. And then swing and sex and women's prisons. Yeah. Oh, I was gonna say about the surf murderer because they've got the hatchet wielding hitchhiker guy,

Kai, the hitchhiker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did like Kai. Up until it became clear that he was also a murderer. Well, I hold that it is possible that his story about what happened was true and that he was defending himself from. I think it's entirely possible.

I think it's a time-leaf baller, John. Anyway. Yeah. It's an unfortunate tale. Yeah. And completely unrelated, sorry. It's one unfortunate tale. Yeah, and completely unrelated. Sorry. It's one of those situations where he was a hero in a situation in which an axe was the

best tool to use. And then he was in another situation in which it might not have been, but a right or I could have been, but it was not publicly acceptable. Yeah, it's hard to tell. Yeah, yeah, difficult tale. This is not that story. Although we can try and go back and talk about the sexy surf bum. If you want to. No, it's all right. and go back and talk about the sexy surf bum. If you want, if you've got some time.

I just got excited about kind of sexy surf bum murder. Anyway, swing and sex in women's prison is the next one. And then after that, it's S-E-X, the love slave of the gaysha, which has some of the, one of the first pieces of like straight up like bondage art I've seen in one of these. So that's interesting. It's like a man tied to four corners of a bed. Oh, interesting. Yeah, there you go.

There's a lot of male submissiveness in this, right? This is a lot of women as the active agent of trickery and assault and it's interesting. And I think one of the things about that is because obviously they are servicing a group of men who are attracted to that, who find who fantasize about that, but also don't feel like they can fantasize. So the fantasy has to be, I have been put in a situation which I legitimately don't have

a choice, right? As opposed to like, you wouldn't, these probably are not meant for people who actually like, do this kind of play. It's meant for people who actually like do this kind of play. It's meant for people who like, you know, need an excuse to feel like, well, you know, this is a situation in which, oh, you know, he, he, he just had no other option. The hippies tied him down. And you know, what else could he do? But submit.

It's, yeah, it is interesting. And speaking of which, let's get to that hippie's story. Excellent. Because this one has quite an opener, Margaret. Of all the stories we've seen, this is probably most honest about its intended audience, which is sad horny white guys who live in suburbia and are bored as hell. Uh huh. I'm a married man with three children and I own a small hardware store in a town in Massachusetts. I belong to the rotary club, the Chamber of Commerce,

and I'm a deacon in my church. I'm a really solid citizen. Ask anyone who knows me. It's all a front though. Deep down on the same man I was 20 years ago when I drank too much, slept with every girl I could get into bed and some of the things I did with and to the women I had weren't very pretty. Then I met Emily, cleaned up the mess of my life, went to church with her regularly and tried not to get caught augulling the women in the congregation. And then subsequently went into business. 20 years and three children later, I'm gonna have to as dole of character as you're apt to find on any rotary or C of C luncheon. Inside though, I haven't changed.

There's a motel I drive to about twice a month where I know a fairly pretty young prostitute will be waiting. I take fantastic pains not to be caught and so far I've been lucky. There have been a few women I've met in my store who let me know they'd be delighted to have a little extra marital fun, but I avoided going all the way with them. It seems safe enough, but each time I back down at the last minute. So, you can see who this is being marketed towards, right?

And there's even that thing about, like, will I used to be a wild man? Because, like, yeah, you want to feel like, oh, I was just these, this wife and kids that took me out of my wild years where I was cool. Yeah. The arrow to the knee, proverbially speaking. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. His was Emily.

So, now look, my heart does go out to this guy because he is clearly unable to communicate with his wife. Yeah. And probably in everyone else in his wife, which is probably, I think accurately describes a kind of guy who's hard exploded after two years of, you know, too many years of chainsmoking cigarettes and being filled with resentment, right? That's like, that's like a decent chunk of that generation. That was their Vietnam. Also Vietnam. So he spent several paragraphs giving us descriptions of all the things he

liked seeing on younger women And then we unfortunately find out what young means in this context My teenage daughter's friends are another source of temptation now That's a sentence that should never be written. I mean, there's that American beauty Whatever Still you can you can find very recent movies fantasizing about this. Yeah. Whatever. Yes, you can still, you can find every recent movies fantasizing about this. Yeah. Yeah.

This guy's a creep. He puts a, speaking of American beauty, I put a concrete pool in my backyard a year ago and all the kids hang out back there. I mean, some of them really do hang out the way they make bathing. I don't want to read this line, Margaret, but it's it is kind of too revealing to not read. All right. The way they make bathing suits today, it's a wonder there isn't a mass rape daily at the public beaches.

Um, so what if we put all men like this onto an island? Yeah, yeah, speaking of your book escape from itself Island. Yeah, what a what a dark dive. This is like a what you might call it. What's that book? The one that they made apocalypse now based off of hard darkness hard at darkness very hard at darkness moment for us here Margaret Yeah So the basic the gist of the story is that like he notices these hot hippie chicks out in front of the store and then eventually while he's locking up after work, they've broken into his car and they're like sitting in there. And yes, they do, they do call him daddy-o several times.

Hell yeah, that's important. He tries to get them to leave, but they basically ask him to like take them to a motel. And then once they get there, they like take his keys. So he like follows them into the room to get his keys back. And then they like hold them at knife point. And like, there's a light scene where they like threaten him a little bit, but it's it's it's clearly enjoying it. And then, you know, they all have sex with him. And then he becomes their pimped. And it's a happy ending. And until they until they get arrested for I think robbing a bank, um, wait, we're in the police't a police, they get busted in a police raid.

And then they send them a letter from jail being like, thanks for all of the pimping. Oh my God. So it's like they're like the weather underground basically. They're like, kind of. Yeah, I think it was more they got arrested for being sex workers. Oh, well, they said they were robbing a bank. I thought that that was me being wrong. I think that was, I think it was a,, I had to read through a lot of these stories.

Yeah, no, I'm sure they all blur together. Yeah. They certainly do. So, Margaret, that's most of what I've got for you this week. Yeah. I do want to end with one last title, with one last cover page of a magazine. Perhaps we should have gotten to, but boy, maybe next time. Maybe next time.

So much time in the day, you know. It's called rage for men and the cover art. The cover art is two very English explorers with like white pith helmets and they're fighting off. Would look like rabid dogs. It's called fangs at my throat. They have such horrified looks on their face.

They're doggies. They're white people, but they're red. They are like, because they're British, right? They've been drinking. They've been mainlining they're British, right? So they've been drinking, they've been mainlining nothing but gin and tonics for 73 years. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. And then the, some of the other things that says on there is, is a woman making you impotent? Yeah. It's your fault, I can't get it up. Which is right above the courtesan who ran for president. Are

women coming in to destroy your life? Try rage. Yes, they have been trying that fairly effectively, unfortunately, for a very long time. Elvis Presley defends rock and roll. Sure, that's a fascinating interview. Yeah. And then of course, fangs at my throat, which is the cover story of these British men being beaten or murdered by dogs. That is the one upside of all of this, is that the dogs are going to win. Yeah. I do think the dogs are going to win. They've got that one dude by the throat. So, I think they're pretty good about their chances. Yeah. Well, Magpie, do you understand, you know, the older generation, you know, older generation of writers and editors of in cells any better now?

Sadly, yes. That is the price of the show. That is the price of the show. I think I don't understand them. The nothing ever changesness of it is the like, really? Is a woman or it, and it's like pointing out, it's all the stuff that you're like, because I mostly read feminism from this period, right? And so I read all this feminism, and some of the things that they're like saying that the men are doing, I'm like, were they really?

Are you like exaggerating or like what? And they're like reading, and you're men are doing, I'm like, were they really, are you like exaggerating or like, and they're like reading, and you're like, no, no, it's, they are blaming women for making them impotent and can't actually have honest fantasies about being submissive to women so they must create like elaborate systems around it and like, yeah, it and like. Yeah, it is the, it's not a,

yeah, it's a portal into a damaged psyche. It is a portal, it is a portal, like the healthiest and least problematic article here from like a sex and gender point of view, is the story about a woman being murdered by crabs. Yeah, which is not great, but yeah. Yeah, which is not great, but yeah, it's not great. Yeah, you know, it is, it is by far the least problematic thing we've discussed in these, in these opposites. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Okay, wait, please cut this out. Could I read the first page of insulin? Yeah, sure, why not? I'm going to go grab a copy. Oh, we never left. I don't know why I'm doing my returning back thing. It's because we had an idea, Margaret. We had a great idea because this is this is your Christmas present, your your bizarre three-lapsarian

orthodox Rosa Crucion crypto cryptosology. I don't know. Yeah, something like that. I don't know. I don't know enough Christianity to make a better joke about your obscure Christmas. You wouldn't read it from your novel that people should buy. Yeah. Well, okay, because we're talking about pulp fiction. So I'm going to read the first, that's right. First page, first couple paragraphs of Escape from Insul Island. Excellent. Yeah, let's do it. Let's right. First page, first couple paragraphs of Escape from Insol Island. Excellent. Yeah, let's do it. Let's entice them.

A much better story than the stories we've read today. Although, maybe. Nobody does get eaten by crabs. I know. I give the crab story that. I know. There's people who would try to feed people to crabs in this, but they're, they come later.

Absolutely. Yeah. They don't call me man killer Jones for nothing. They call me man killer Jones because I tell people that's my name and I kind of throw a fit if anyone calls me anything else. Honestly, I have a feeling most people call me Shirley behind my back or mix Jones if they're feeling formal. It doesn't bother me too much what people call me because I'm never around to hear it.

I'm always too busy infiltrating and exfiltrating the deadliest places on earth. War and disaster would be my middle name if I hadn't already legally changed my middle name to danger. I only feel alive when I'm surrounded by the dead, the dying, and the people who don't know they're about to find themselves in those categories. I only feel alive in the hottest of hot spots. Spots like in Cele Island, which inched over the horizon to greet us as the sun rose behind us. Excellent. Very exciting.

So check out Escape from InSell Island. It's a wonderful story. And Margaret, is it possible? And I'm completely come out of left field here. No idea if this is the case. Really just inventing shit and then and putting you on the spot for it. Is it possible that there's some sort of story based podcast like a short fiction show that's going to be launching in a place where people can listen to it and hear

fun stories about, you know, collapse and survival and endurance and all that good stuff. Should we call it the Cool Zone Book Club? And I was thinking we could. It could come out starting October 8th of this year and it could be an every Sunday addition to the it could happen here feed. So it's already in the feed that you already listened to. That's an incredible pitch. Yes, yes, it could be. Well, everyone, you've got that to look forward to. Short stories and longer stories as well coming every weekend to the it could happen here feed in order to basically derive a sneaky way of paying people for fiction again,

which gets harder and harder every year. So somebody ought to try. And also because I think it's like the itch that these stories, from these old magazines even, like it's a specific itch, you know? And I think that that's also one that, because the market is so hard to, it's so gone, we want to encourage people to be writing these stories because we want to hear them.

Yeah, I love short stories. I grew up reading a lot of like, you know, Lovecraft and Hasimov and all those, I mean, they were mostly men, but that's not a problem with the concept of a short story. But I think that it's like journalism, which we also try to find ways to pay people for here at Cool Zone. It's gotten like thinner and thinner on the ground, actual places like public. And there are some really great magazines still out there where you can read much higher grade short stories than these men's adventure magazines from the 50s

and 60s. And all of the editors keeping those places alive are heroic and great. And that's why you are going to be joining them soon and doing that, but in podcast form. Hooray. So yeah, check it out. And there'll be more information about it on it. Sundays. Yes. They could happen here. Yes. It could happen here. Sundays on it could happen here. Well folks, that's gonna probably do it for all of us here. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

Bye. Go to hell. I love you. Behind the bastards is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more from Cool Zone Media, visit our website CoolZoneMedia.com or check us out on the IHART radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. In 2017, Libby Caswell was found dead in a motel room in Independence, Missouri. We have a term called JDRLR which means just don't look right. On season two of my podcast, What Happened To?

I take a closer look at Libby Caswell's life and death. Libby's case keeps me awake at night. What happened to her is unknown. That's something that I need to know. Listen to What Happened to Libby Caswell on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. When Tracy Rekel Burns was two years old, her baby brother died.

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