Behind the Bastards - The Survivor: A Magazine For Nerdy Terrorists
Episode Date: March 26, 2020Robert is joined by Katy Stoll and Cody Johnston for a reading of Kurt Saxon's Survivor Magazine.Footnotes:The Survivor PDF Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee... omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And now for today's Roblox Winter Weather Alert,
iHeartland on Roblox has been walloped by a winter snowstorm.
It is a winter wonderland.
You can now ice skate at State Farm Park.
In State Farm Neighborhood, you can compete in snowball fights,
grab a hot cocoa and cookies, and more.
There's also special events from your favorite artists
and podcasters all month, along with scavenger hunts,
exclusive content, and unique items.
So enjoy the festive winter weather at iHeartland on Roblox.
Head to iHeartRadio.com slash iHeartland today.
I'm Mo Raca, and I'm back with season three
of my podcast, Mobituaries.
I've dug up even more stories about the people and things
that fascinate me.
From the fruit that once scandalized.
The shape of the banana made it taboo.
To the band that played second banana to the Beatles.
They were lucky to come in second,
and the truth is they only came in second for about two months.
Listen to Mobituaries on the iHeart radio app,
Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm weird, you're weird, we're all weird about money.
I'm Paco De Leon.
I'd like to proudly present to you a brand new podcast
called Weird Finance, a show to help us all feel
a little less weird about money,
one conversation at a time.
So if you want to feel a little less weird about money,
and you also want to hear people have honest
and real conversations, tune in to Weird Finance.
Available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you get podcasts.
What's got a headache, Mike Hode?
Katie, ah, shit.
I do.
Katie has a headache.
This is behind the baskets.
Podcast about bad people.
I promise it's not a corona headache.
It's just a normal stress headache.
Yeah, you say that, but you've got that look in your eyes
like the guy in the zombie movie who's hiding the bite.
That's literally all of us right now, actually.
Yeah, you think you're special.
Back off, boys.
Don't look too closely at my headache.
So this is our first corona recorded quarantine episode
of Behind the Bastards, the quarantine bastards.
And I figured we should do something a little special
for it, y'all.
So, oh, I just had my first sip of coffee for the day.
That's nice.
That's lovely.
Robert, why did you not drink that
before you started recording We Have a Rule?
Because we're professionals.
Gotta be fast.
Speed is everything.
Now, let's very slowly discuss this old prepper magazine
from 1976.
Oh, yeah.
That's what we're reading today?
Yeah, I was given this, mailed this by a fan,
and I don't think they sent it weeks ago.
So this was just a coincidence
that it timed out well with the coronavirus,
but it's called The Survivor by Kurt Saxon.
Now, Kurt Saxon was a fringe survivalist lunatic
who wrote a book called The Poor Man's James Bond
and a number of other guides
to making improvised weapons and stuff like that.
He's one of those, here's how to kill people
with objects around you type dudes.
Here's how to be a fake James Bond, excellent.
It's more like, here's how to booby trap
everything that you own and kill people if you have.
So it's more like a bad MacGyver.
Yeah, here's how to be like a drunk lonely MacGyver
in the woods.
So like a light terrorist.
Yes, like a light terrorist.
It seems like what we're talking about here.
We got a lot of time on our hands.
I don't know if this is a responsible thing
to put out in the world, but we are.
So I want you to look at, I want you to look
at the beautiful copy of this.
It is about, it's enormous.
It's about twice the size of a normal piece of paper.
The book is, it's hand bound.
Whoever made this clearly did it in like their garage.
And the front has an illustration
that I can only describe as unhinged.
It really is very lovingly made.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like a very, it's a warped fairy tale.
Yeah.
It's a fat zine.
Yeah, there's like.
I like Katie's description, made with love.
It is definitely made with love.
It shows a man who looks like a young,
who's the guy from Greece?
Greece guy.
Zuko!
It's Johnny T.
John Travolta, your Tommy Travolty.
Yeah, he looks like young John Travolta at the hairy chest.
I'm a phenomenon.
I hate this.
He's clearly forging something.
And he's forging something, what I love about this picture
is that he's like clearly working on an active hot forge
right next to his daughter,
who's immediately on the left of the forge
playing with a doll as like sparks go flying.
It's great.
Well, you could do that and be a good parent.
He can, of course he can.
They live in some sort of home-built house.
There's, what I have to assume is a bomb-making
chemistry set, either that or methamphetamine
in the right-hand corner.
And then his very quiet, perspective-warped wife
standing in the background
operating some sort of rudimentary lathe.
Yeah, looking on.
Yeah, she's got her apron on, I think.
You're damn right she has an apron on.
Your daughter getting her face burned off.
I have a feeling Kurt Saxon does not like it
when women don't wear aprons.
I understand where you get that feeling from.
Well, he's not gonna shell out for her to buy another dress
if she ruins it being stupid.
Here's the thing about prepping,
because I do it myself.
Unfortunately, you often wind up taking advice
from lunatics who are light terrorists,
because they also know how to do a lot of really useful shit
because they've been living alone in the mountains
for 35 years, and they picked up some skills.
So I'm interested in the ratio,
I'm going to predict right now
that this magazine will be a mix
of incredibly useful survival tips and absolute madness.
And I'm really interested
as to what that ratio is going to be.
Right, and how they relate to each other,
because I imagine a lot of the useful things
will be like, hey, did you know this?
And here's what you do with it.
You do a lot of crossover there.
Well, page one has what I would,
I guess we would call an editorial survival
is looking out for number one.
And I guess I should read a little bit from that
to give you, give us an idea of the tenor of this piece.
Alarmists all around the country are promising disaster,
such as super inflation, famine, foreign invasion,
the triumph of communism slash fascism.
That classic, you guys remember
when the communal fascists were rolling in
that red-brown alliance.
I guess the dangers of that one thing.
Nuclear war, et cetera.
Unfortunately.
Well, it's essentially the same thing.
So I don't have too much of an issue with that slash.
Lump them in together.
Unfortunately, they may all be right,
even though their timing is wrong, semi-colon, we hope.
Not exactly where I would use a semi-colon, but yeah.
You have only to compare this year's food prices
over last year's.
This year's rise in crime over last year's.
These things affect you directly.
It's like prices going up, that's the thing.
All right, sorry.
It is a little bit comforting to read the tone
of certain imminent doom in this magazine
and then be like, oh, this was 50 years ago.
We kept on limping forward.
Just wait, buddy, just wait.
Maybe we'll get through this.
Yeah, there are two main reasons for this
which no political system can help.
One is that the age of exploration and development
and the industrial revolution is over.
And the other is that the good crop weather
worldwide is also over, maybe for centuries.
You guys remember how we weren't able to,
we can't grow crops anymore?
Yeah, the crop weather stopped.
I'd almost forgotten with everything that's going on,
but yeah, that's part of the problem.
We don't have any crops.
I mean, we actually do have a major problem with that
because the Trump administration is not letting
Mexican workers in on visas this year to harvest crops.
That's going to be an issue, but oh, Kurt Saxon.
This guy couldn't have known that.
How dare you make this relevant, Robert?
How dare you?
We're trying to escape here into the world of awful bastards.
Not remember the bastard reality that we live in.
Why don't we escape into hearing what Kurt Saxon has to say
about the age of exploration and development?
Oh, yes, please.
It began around 1500 and ended around 1950.
From the beginning of that period,
the earth was explored, mapped, annexed,
developed and exploited.
With you so far, Kurt, its resources, animal, vegetable,
and mineral were looted with little or no thought
for future generations.
Still on board?
As national industries grew to take advantage
of the imporing bounty from the hinterlands,
living standards rose, enabling more people to survive
and in turn to reproduce their kind.
Human locusts spread over the earth,
born only to exploit, rape, and destroy their own environment.
Have more babies so we can clear more land.
Have more babies so we can mine more colon metals.
Have more babies so we can keep the factories running.
Have more babies so we can take more territory
from the hated enemy.
That's right.
We've got a built-in workforce, the babies.
The babies.
More babies.
I wanted, as you were reading that, I was like,
I hope there's a third, have more babies, and you did it.
And then there was a fourth one.
A lot of babies having suggestions here.
I mean, Robert, I guess it's better
than the usual dead baby talk on this point.
It is, it is, although I think that he would argue
that like Lana Del Rey, these babies were born to die.
Yeah, I also think we're only on the first page.
We are only on the first page, so.
There's more time for dead babies.
This opinion column is continued on page two,
but before we get to it, we have a couple
of really useful little guides just on page one.
How to cut bottles with electricity
from a 1919 Popular Mechanics article,
how to make a stationary windmill
from a 1913 Popular Mechanics article,
and how to irrigate with tomato cans.
That's all cool.
A stationary windmill?
Yeah, stationary windmill.
So it doesn't move with the wind, it just is like a statue.
No.
I figured it wasn't that.
I think it, yeah, no.
A windmill that can be made stationary.
It doesn't roll down the hill, I guess.
I don't know why he's specified that a windmill
is stationary, I've never seen one that like.
My windmill is not portable.
My windmill stays where it is.
Oh, it runs regardless of the direction of the wind.
That's probably what they're saying, Cody.
Mills of this kind can be built of larger size.
Yeah, that seems right.
And some localities have been used for pumping water.
And cutting a bottle with electricity, you know?
No, actually, that's like a useful thing
for if you've got like a bunch of big glass bottles
and you need to make cups because the society is collapsed,
but you still need a good cup.
And you've got extra electricity hanging around.
Well, if you know how to make your own windmills.
Right, right.
If you're reading the survivor volume one,
I think you're ready for this.
I mean, honestly though, they jump right into the heavy hitters
in volume one, I'm surprised.
This isn't even like a remedial guide.
Oh boy.
There's so many pages to this.
This is so big.
I'm not going to go through the entirety of his column,
but I do want to read the section where he starts
about arming yourself and escaping society.
That seems like a good word.
That's the most important step, right?
I mean, raise your hand if you're not considering
arming yourself and escaping society for the mountains.
Yeah, that's right.
Everybody.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So, you may want to get a few acres
and live cut off from everyone.
This is fine if you're well-armed
and a professional woodcrafter already.
However, this is too great a change for most people.
The inexperienced dreamers simply cannot survive alone.
Regardless of your choice, town, commune, or small farm,
you must choose an area about 100 miles
from any major population center.
It must also be several miles off from any major highway.
Refugees streaming out of New York or Los Angeles
will clog the main highways and strip every home
from miles, each side of their route,
like irresistible plagues of locusts.
I'm guessing he's imagining those crowds
as being a certain color.
You probably don't have to use much of your imagination.
No, no, plagues of locusts.
I've seen the cover of this book you're reading.
He does say that he's going to focus on survival
without savagery, so that's good.
Oh, Jesus.
No matter how much you might think you can steal yourself
against pitiful refugees,
you must plan to live as far off
their perspective routes as possible.
Yeah.
There we go.
Did he say pitiful?
Pitiful, yeah.
Pitiful refugees.
Pitiful refugees.
So next we have a guide to making a mousetrap,
a guide to make popcorn cakes, so that's nice.
How to make a houseboat.
Odie, that's for you.
Dang right.
Wait, how to make a houseboat?
How to make a houseboat.
Let's get into that.
This is a short article.
This is a very short guide to making a houseboat.
That's so shit.
He's taken a lot of different guides
from popular mechanics, and this is about a page.
There's four paragraphs on how to make a houseboat.
I didn't realize it was that simple.
In a very small time.
Why aren't we all making houseboats?
There's so much coast to California.
You guys could be living in houseboats right now.
Free rent?
We are dropping the ball.
And if you make that stationary waterwheel thing,
then you'll have power.
Exactly.
Oh, we're gonna live very, very dangerous kings.
Well, and I have to say, what's a better value
for the funders of some more news
than living in homemade houseboats
and generating your own power with a wheel?
Honestly, I couldn't think of a second thing.
I'm sure the next page will provide some more for us, but.
What page are we on again?
I'll make blowtorch.
What was that, Katie?
All right.
It's like, what page are we on?
We are on page three.
Oh my God.
Okay, we already know how to make a houseboat.
Oh my God, right next to how to make a houseboat.
Medicines like granddad used to make,
which is an advertisement for another 200 page book
by Kurt Saxon.
Oh my God.
Well, that's smart.
Yeah, I mean, you know, you wanna make the sign
of medicines that your grandpa used to make.
Oh my God.
So it's $10, which is $19.76, $10.
Kurt's charging you quite a bit for granddad's medicines.
It's like a thousand dollars.
Yeah.
Self-published too, like.
But like, if you're learning really valuable intel,
I could shell out thousand bucks
to learn how to make a houseboat.
I know that's different.
You don't have to.
You've got the free four paragraph guide right here, Katie.
Yeah.
Can we talk about this entry
that says a homemade blowtorch?
Oh, absolutely.
Wait, where is that?
That seems useful.
It's from Popular Mechanics, 1915.
Wow.
Popular Mechanics has really changed.
This requires no air and no pump.
How does it, how do you have a blowtorch?
I don't know how you blow without air.
Yeah, or a pump.
But I guess there's a way.
Well, yeah.
I mean, instead of forcing a small stream of gasoline
into a heated burner, it converts the gasoline into gas
in the chamber and blows a small jet of it
through a very small hole into the combustion chamber.
So you just make it a flamethrower.
There we go.
It's just that simple.
Thank you, Kurt.
And this is why we're all looking for things to do
while quarantined.
Make your own blowtorch following the guide,
this dangerously unhinged individual
self-published in his garage in 1976.
Yeah, come on.
And maybe do not follow that advice we just gave you.
Follow all of it, every piece of it.
Follow all of it.
Yeah.
Get out of here, you're on musk.
I do want to read a paragraph
from Medicine's Grandadius to make
because it's made me aware of something.
So this is not, this is not medicines
that Kurt Saxon's granddad used to make.
He included all of the medical preparations
from Dick's Encyclopedia of Practical Receipts
and Processes, 1872, and the complete text
of the Medical Student's Manual of Chemistry
from 1889.
So he's just taking old books and republishing them
with a little bit of work and then selling them
for a huge amount of money.
Yeah, it seems like all this is just like,
he got a bunch of popular mechanics.
I mean, there's an element of that that's cool
because there's a bunch of shit in here
from the 1800s that is just guides to life
that random people on the frontier figured out.
But also, Kurt, you're not coming up with this stuff.
Yeah, no, he's a news aggregating website, basically.
Yeah, I do want to see what sort of...
He's a Buzzfeed, if you will.
Yeah, he's Buzzfeed.
He's like prepper Buzzfeed from the 70s.
The sections from Dick's cover such medical preparations
as bitters, aromatic vinegar, smelling salts,
factitious mineral waters.
Facetious?
No, factitious is not one of those work.
Sophie, would you look up factitious mineral waters
to see if that's a thing or if this is nonsense
old people medicine?
Maybe they used to refer to mineral waters as factitious
because people used to think they were fake.
I don't know.
This all sounds like stuff Grandpa Simpson would prescribe.
Fluid extracts, medicinal essences,
medicated syrups, oxymel, elixirs,
medicated waters, medicinal solutions,
lotions, liniments, pills, ointments,
salves, serates, poltises, plasters,
garbles, caustics, rubifacients,
balsams, tonics, anodynes, diaphoretics,
diuretics, electuaries, fomentations,
alternatives.
What are these things?
I'm going to be honest.
If you're trying to sell me medicine, you lost me at elixirs.
I'm not going to buy your stuff.
Update, there's really nothing except I found one thing
that's titled drugs in our drinking water
and I don't think it's related.
I think this person just made up a thing.
Awesome.
It's a long time ago.
Next page, how to make up a candy floss outfit.
What is a candy floss outfit?
No, it's how to make floss.
It's how to make a not candy floss.
I thought you meant like a costume.
No, we would call it, what's that shit?
They sell at the carnivals.
Yeah, it's a cotton candy.
Cotton candy.
It's how to make a cotton candy machine.
That's neat.
I would go for that.
I love this like an outfit.
I love their old terminology for that stuff.
Yeah, look at this outfit.
Yeah, you got some.
It was an outfit.
Yeah, so on that page we have how to make up a candy floss
outfit, catching insects with a vacuum cleaner
and homemade blowtorch.
And then right next to that.
I don't think that we need a big long description
of how to catch a bug with a vacuum cleaner.
No, that actually seems pretty simple.
Yeah, the title is the explanation.
I don't know, I think he's filling.
You know what's amazing?
He gives us, he dedicates exactly as much paid space
to making a houseboat as he does to catching insects
with a vacuum cleaner.
Well, now we know both.
And then on the same page, another ad for another Kurt
Saxon book, keeping score on our modern profits.
Psychic researcher and Bible expert levels on people
who give the occult world a bad name.
Do you think that he's publishing books just to promote
his other books?
I think so.
I think that this is all, he's got his whole media network.
Like this guy is kind of like a low tech Alex Jones
who has like his own, but actually some of this is
really useful.
Right.
Yeah, like I imagine I might wind up digging this up
to find out how to make a homemade blowtorch
if things get a lot worse.
I knew you were going to say blowtorch.
Hey Robert, do you know what else is really useful?
The products and services that support this podcast?
Yes.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, they do.
I love that.
Got him so proud.
We're going to go to products and after we get back,
we're going to talk about how to keep score
on our modern profits.
So I think we should all be excited about this.
I'm stuck.
Always.
During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected
that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial
justice demonstrations.
And you know what?
They were right.
I'm Trevor Aronson and I'm hosting a new podcast series,
Alphabet Boys.
As the FBI sometimes you got to grab the little guy
to go after the big guy.
Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation.
In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing
how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver.
At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar-smoking
man who drives a silver hearse.
And inside his hearse was like a lot of guns.
He's a shark.
And not in the good and bad ass way.
He's a nasty shark.
He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time,
and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen.
Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeart Radio App,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
In the summer of 1999, a young woman in South Carolina
disappeared in the middle of the night.
Her name was Brooke Henson.
Seven years passed.
She was presumed dead.
And then a tip came in that would turn the entire investigation
on its head.
He said, I think I found your girl.
She's alive.
She's in New York.
And I said, really?
According to this tip, Brooke was now a student
at Columbia University.
But the small town detective on the case
in South Carolina, he didn't believe it.
So he kept poking around.
I said, I'm calling about a girl you might know named Brooke Henson.
And he said, I wondered when you were going to call.
When my son brought her home, I knew she was troubled.
The detective ultimately became convinced
that she was a master of deception, a spy.
But who was this woman really?
Listen to deep cover on the iHeart radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Standing at 8 feet 2 inches tall,
Charles Byrne was the tallest man in the world.
In fact, it earned him the nickname the Irish Giant.
And when Charles arrived in London in 1782,
he caused quite a stir.
But by May the following year, death came calling for Charles
in the form of tuberculosis.
And while most people were ready to mourn his passing,
one man was plotting with gleeful excitement
for a chance to dissect the Irish Giant's remains.
This January, Grim and Mild Presents
will shift focus from the great wide world around us
to the universe inside us all.
In a journey that will span thousands of years
and countless borders, we plan to unpack
the dark and twisted history of healing medicine.
So wash your hands, set out your tools, and prep for surgery.
Grim and Mild Presents Bedside Manors is available now.
Find Grim and Mild Presents wherever you listen to podcasts.
Learn more at grimandmild.com.
And we're back.
We're back.
We're talking about living in the mountains
and forming a militia.
Here we are.
A militia in which we would all be kernels.
Everyone is a kernel in my militia.
Can I give a quick anecdote?
Absolutely.
I'd never said the word kernel out loud
until I started auditioning for projects
and I was reading something
and I had to say the word kernel,
but I just read it and said,
colonel, and that's my anecdote.
I immediately knew my mistake.
You can cut this out.
It's done.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Kurt Saxon has shared his emotional vulnerabilities with us.
We should share ours with the listeners.
Exactly.
Thanks, guys.
Thanks for receiving me.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for opening up.
Thank you for sharing.
You really heard.
I mistook a wrench for channel locks once several years ago
and I felt very silly and all of the people
who knew what they were doing with tools around me
made a lot of fun of me.
So everybody makes dumb mistakes.
I'm so sorry that you experienced that, Robert.
I'm so sorry.
I feel you.
I feel your pain.
Yeah, they were all woodsmen and I wanted to be cool around them,
but then I didn't know what channel locks were
because I was a fool and I'm so sorry.
I still don't know what a channel lock is.
I'm embarrassed.
I only have a vague idea, to be honest.
Cody, do you want to share a shameful and vulnerable moment
or should we read about what Kurt Saxon has to say on modern profits?
I've never been embarrassed once in my entire life.
That makes sense.
That actually makes complete sense.
Modern profits promoted by trashy tabloids claim to know the future.
Aside from predicting natural disasters,
they are very heavy on sweetness and light.
Everything is going to turn out all right.
God tells them so.
Too many people believe frauds like Jean Dixon.
They don't prepare for rough times ahead
because Jean says great things are in store for humanity.
The fact that these things seldom come off as prophesied
is forgotten as new prophecies come out.
The author is the only one to collect and record
four years of prophecies of the most popular modern profits.
With their miserable scores, it is amazing
that any of them stay in the limelight.
If you are hooked on the modern profits
or there's someone who is, you owe it to yourself to read this.
Oh, I think he's actually like busting,
talking about what Liar's psychics are.
Yeah.
He really hates this Jean Dixon woman.
Yeah, okay.
Well, there we go.
I don't know.
I went to one psychic that told me in a past life
I've saved a lot of Jewish people during the Holocaust
and I tend to believe that that's true.
That is a nice thing to believe.
I feel like.
That is a nice thing to be told about oneself.
Can I share one other psychic story that might convince you?
This is the time.
Do you think you will?
Yes.
So my good friend Nellie, who loves Hawaii,
goes every year, okay.
In her adult life, she has seen six different psychics
who have all said that she used to be the ruler
of the South Pacific Island.
Oh, that's cool.
Do what you will with that.
That is a creepy coincidence.
Either that or a lot of different psychics in Hawaii
tell tourists to come in that they used to rule
a South Pacific Island.
Well, she didn't go all of her psychics were in Hawaii.
She lives in California.
I'm also going to throw it out there that most people like Hawaii.
Yeah.
I'm not saying wrong.
Well, but most people don't go every year of their life.
Sure.
Sure.
Sure.
While we're talking about California,
I feel like I should note that the address for Kurt Saxon's business
is in Eureka, California, which I used to live next to
and nothing has ever made more sense to me in my entire life.
No, that does make a lot of sense.
God.
Wait, have we done the fun thing where we just search words yet?
Can we do that with the digital copywriter?
I kind of want to know who Gene Dixon is,
but no, I don't think we can search words since that's a scan.
Yeah.
We'll include the link.
You can read this all online.
It's in a PDF.
Oh, God.
Touring in the auto, the Land Cruiser.
It's a guide to building your own RV.
And it is much longer than a guide to building a houseboat,
which I feel like does it?
Oh, no, there's a little guide to making a barrel boat too.
That's good.
That's good.
Wait, Robert, go to page 32.
Go to page 32.
Oh, but the poor man's James Bond is on the next page.
Okay, do that first.
Do that first.
You guys, take a look at the illustration for the cover
of the poor man's James Bond.
Cody, I'm going to need you to describe that for me.
What makes him poor, the fact that he's got eyeglasses on?
Yeah, I don't know.
The cover of the poor man's James Bond
features like a dude who looks like a nerdy engineer
with big Coke bottle glasses
and like almost like a very nerdy 70s comb part.
And he's sitting with a shotgun that is easily two feet taller than him
and appears to have some like a home-built foregrip on it.
And then there's a beautiful young woman sitting in his lap with a beer
and he has an entire handle of whiskey
and is surrounded by piles of shotgun shells and explosives.
Nice.
Yeah, this all scans.
This scans real well.
I'm going to read the text.
The poor man's James Bond is the undisputed leader
in the field of books on improvised weaponry
and do-it-yourself mayhem.
It gives full and simple instructions for making tear gas, explosives,
firearms, silencers, poisons, zip guns, grenades,
knockout drops, flamethrowers, and a wide variety of weapons.
It also tells you how to buy most of the needed chemicals
from your grocery and garden store.
Includes fireworks and explosives like granddad used to make.
He really likes, his granddad seems like a trooper.
This book has hundreds of formulas and processes
for making fireworks, blasting compounds, gunpowder, nitro, gun cotton, etc.
The material was gleaned from formularies written from 1872 to 1907.
Plus, George W. Weingart's classic on fireworks, pyro-techny.
This is the simplest and most comprehensive book
on actually making fireworks.
It is heavily illustrated in how to make Roman candles, shell cases, fuses,
colored fires, explosives, powders, rockets, mortars, firecrackers, torpedoes, etc.
Plus the complete texts of explosives, matches, and fireworks
from Joseph Riley, 1938.
So, yeah, it's more co-olating all these old guides
to just help people make tear gas and grenades.
Oh, Kurt Saxon.
Thank you, Kurt.
Could you really quickly read the very first sentence of that again?
The poor man's James Bond is the undisputed leader
in the field of books on improv.
There we go.
Okay.
I really wish it was books on improv.
And it was just like a page on yes-ending and stuff.
And how to pretend to...
We all thought Del Close is the grandfather of improv.
But no, no, no, no.
It's the poor man's James Bond.
This is like a whole book on how to do an improv version of James Bond at UCB.
Basically, yeah.
Not a popular tome.
And I have my gun.
And on the same page...
Truth and vomiting.
Here we go.
A guide to making a thresher.
A guide to making a handmade drill press.
How to raise cucumber on a trellis.
Oh, yeah.
How to make tear gas.
How to make...
I mean, he's covering all the bases.
I don't see the problem.
Maybe cucumber is part of the tear gas recipe.
I don't know.
Wow, this is interesting.
There's a guide on the next page on how to make alkaline water drinkable
because in the past they knew that alkaline water was a bad thing to drink
and you needed to filter it right.
And now we just sell it for $40 a gallon.
Now we're like, this cures cancer.
Yeah.
That's cool.
All right, Sophie, what was the page you wanted me on?
So it's probably not going to be the same page.
So just look for how to make see-through mirrors.
Yeah, I think it's past the enterprise.
Okay, so past the poor man's armorer.
How to make a basic crossbow plus arrow sling.
How to make an arrow catapult, a simple but lethal toy.
And improving the 11-shot shotgun.
I bet it's 12.
Is it 12?
Is it go up to 12?
Yeah, I think it goes up to 12.
Yes, Katie, it's simple.
It's clearly a child using the arrow thrower.
He seems like a great parent.
That is a simple but lethal toy.
The coming age of steam, your basic steam engine.
So that's good.
God, there's so much in here.
Black powder.
How to make boomerangs.
That's good.
All right.
Could I turn my houseboat into a steam engine?
Is there an entry about that solid question?
Katie, the question is, can you afford not to turn your houseboat into a steam engine?
I don't know that I can't.
Not in times like these.
There's a hole.
Oh, where do I get a train truck?
Where do you get it?
That's a good question.
You probably make it.
He teaches us how to make imitation gold and silver.
Yeah.
It's like a page and a half on it.
What were you looking at?
Oh, yeah, that's what you're about to say, Cody.
I was going past the past or the future is our past with a big picture of the USS Enterprise
or the Starship Enterprise.
Oh, my God.
Where's the page 13 for me?
13.
It's got the enterprise on it.
You can't miss it.
I'm way past that.
It is before how to make imitation gold and silver.
Yeah.
I haven't run into that one yet.
Maybe our books are different.
Maybe you have a special copy.
It might be slightly different.
Oh, here we go.
Oh, no.
Here it is.
It's published before burglar proofing your home the poor man's way and simple protection
against muggers.
We're going to have to come back to that because I'm going to guess it's murdering them.
That's a good guess.
Oh, my God.
Our future lies in the past.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Barring a nuclear war with the soon to be starving Russians, America's irreversible
collapse should be apparent to anyone by 1980.
By then it will be too late for city dwellers to go back to the land.
All they will find is will be armies, will be armed survivors treating them like improvident,
ignorant refugees.
They will be.
You guys remember when that happened in 1980, right?
Obviously.
I'm thinking about it now.
You were reading it and it painted a picture of a memory.
Jesus Christ.
The world cities will perish, but there need not be another dark ages.
Instead, we can go from our survival homesteads onto the stars.
It's just that easy.
You build a good enough steam engine you can get to space.
I imagine that by volume three.
Watch that houseboat right up.
He's got to have a how to build a spaceship at some point in here, right?
Because otherwise he's definitely skipping a few steps.
We might learn that.
We'd better.
We're learning how to make fake gold.
We'd better.
Guys, there is a letters suggestion and the first sentence lets me know it's going
to be special.
Dear Mr. Saxon, congratulations on issue one.
I got my copy yesterday.
As soon as I rob a whino of six bucks, I'll send you the money for a year subscription.
If they ever ban books, if they ever ban books, which they eventually will do, yours will
be the first.
That's something to be proud of.
Seems free enterprise is a dangerous thing.
It's available for free online.
Free online.
We're reading.
We're all reading it right now.
It says Rob a whino like that's printed.
Yeah.
It says Rob a whino.
Yes.
Take six dollars from a whino.
Yeah.
I mean, fuck a whino though.
Fuck a whino though.
I'm not going to shame you for your wine.
No, we're all drunks today.
We're all drinking wine today.
Yeah.
Wait, so the person wrote a letter about the publication that they got.
Yeah.
I'm guessing this is another edition of it.
That's why our pages are wrong.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to guess that's why.
The only complaint I have is of the poor man's James Bond.
You didn't have a section on establishing a new identity.
A few paragraphs would have done.
This is the popular rage.
Visit a graveyard.
Take along a pencil and paper.
You won't need any flowers because you're not going to pay respects to the dead, but
a wreath will provide a good cover as you move from grave to grave.
The best identity is of a kid born about the same time as you, but died about a year later.
The younger the better because there will only be two records, the birth and the death.
Copy down about three names, recording date of birth and complete name and name of parents
have listed.
Then go down to the local courthouse and ask for a copy of the birth and death certificates
of the deceased.
The birth certificate will enable you to get a social security card, driver's license,
et cetera.
The death certificate gives cause of death and related items.
A new identification is a necessary survival object since it gives a person the benefit
of two people.
Finally, you can get a PO box for receiving through the mail, certain things which you
wouldn't want delivered to the front porch.
Well, we nailed it.
I was looking through volume two to see if that advice was heated and he was like, okay,
in volume two, I'll do a whole section on stealing an identity, but they seem to have
laid it out pretty well.
Also in regards to how we're going to skip another dark age and go straight from our
homesteads to the stars, in volume two, there's a several page spread titled Preview of Life
in Coming Dark Age, so he gave up that dream pretty quickly.
I mean, thank God he's got that information.
I'd like to imagine he spent all of his time reading old popular science and learning how
to make blow torches and he just knew nothing about space and assumed it was like traveling
to the town over.
And then he read a book and was like, oh, no, I thought he said to build a really tall
ladder.
Oh, no.
This is so much harder than building a houseboat.
This is going to take at least eight paragraphs.
I don't have that kind of time to take a few more volumes, buddy.
Oh, man.
Oh, good, good Christ in heaven.
This book is amazing.
Yeah, I want to find there is a review of the movie Taxi Driver in here.
What?
Of course there is.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what year did it come out again?
I found Sophie's.
I found Sophie's thing first.
We will find the Taxi Driver review.
How to make...
What year did it...
Hmm?
Taxi Driver?
I would say what year did this come out again?
76.
Okay.
It's much later than I thought.
How to make see-through mirrors.
The FBI used the see-through mirror in the house on 97th Street.
I guess that's a movie.
Most guys who learn to make these mirrors claim they want them for surveillance of America's
enemies, like the FBI and CIA.
When you learn to make such a spy mirror, you will probably run right out and buy a motel
in a roll of film.
I don't care what kind of sticky you are as long as you send me some of the prints.
No.
Also, by see-through mirror, he means a window, right?
Yeah.
Like an interrogation window thing.
That was really worth the wait.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's just joking about how you should use it to take pictures of people in their
hotels.
Uh-huh.
Joke.
This accent is a good dude.
I think he's a really good dude.
I think he eats the cake.
Cancel.
Yeah.
Cancel.
Hashtag cancel this survivalist from the 1970s, who is certainly dead from inhaling
his own food.
He's definitely still out there, man.
He's still surviving.
He's in space by now, right?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So, Sophie is telling me that it is time for another ad break, and after that ad break,
we're going to start talking about what Kurt Saxon thought of the movie Taxi Driver.
Please.
Please.
I'm going to...
I can't wait.
Oh, my goodness.
I...
What an easy thing to guess.
Yes, I love shooting centers.
Needs to be longer.
During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the
racial justice demonstrations.
And you know what?
They were right.
I'm Trevor Aronson, and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys.
As the FBI sometimes, you got to grab the little guy to go after the big guy.
Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation.
In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters
in Denver.
At the center of this story is a raspy-voiced, cigar-smoking man who drives a silver hearse.
And inside his hearse was like a lot of guns.
He's a shark.
And not in the good and bad ass way, he's a nasty shark.
He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying
to get it to happen.
Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your
podcasts.
In the summer of 1999, a young woman in South Carolina disappeared in the middle of the
night.
Her name was Brooke Henson.
Seven years passed.
She was presumed dead, and then a tip came in that would turn the entire investigation
on its head.
He said, I think I found your girl.
She's alive.
She's in New York.
And I said, really?
According to this tip, Brooke was now a student at Columbia University.
But the small town detective on the case in South Carolina, he didn't believe it.
So he kept poking around.
I said, I'm calling about a girl you might know named Brooke Henson.
And he said, I wondered when you were going to call.
When my son brought her home, I knew she was troubled.
The detective ultimately became convinced that she was a master of deception, a spy.
But who was this woman really?
Listen to deep cover on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Standing at 8 feet 2 inches tall, Charles Byrne was the tallest man in the world.
In fact, it earned him the nickname the Irish Giant.
And when Charles arrived in London in 1782, he caused quite a stir.
But by May the following year, death came calling for Charles in the form of tuberculosis.
And while most people were ready to mourn his passing, one man was plotting with gleeful
excitement for a chance to dissect the Irish Giant's remains.
This January, Grim and Mild Presents will shift focus from the great wide world around
us to the universe inside us all in a journey that will span thousands of years and countless
borders we plan to unpack the dark and twisted history of healing medicine.
So wash your hands, set out your tools, and prep for surgery.
Grim and Mild Presents Bedside Manors is available now.
Find Grim and Mild Presents wherever you listen to podcasts.
Learn more at grimandmild.com slash presents.
We're back and we are still talking Kurt Saxon.
Now we're going to get to that taxi driver review, but while I was running towards it,
I found, in addition to some guides on making your own ammunition, which I am going to bookmark,
what I think is another op-ed by Kurt Saxon.
This is a long magazine, so he has a few.
Extra, and there's a little cute little picture of a news boy, say an extra.
Kurt Saxon warns, when politicians ban guns, bombers will ban politicians.
I feel like this might double as his review of taxi drivers.
It's a timely, it's timely though.
Many of your number, and possibly dear politician, I should say is how it starts.
Many of your number, and possibly yourself, have been raising alarms against the private
ownership of handguns.
Propaganda cite pitiful examples, such as the four-year-old boy who shoots himself and
the six-year-old who shoots his sister.
Actually, a man who lets his children get it as guns deserves to have his line die out.
Jesus Christ, Kurt.
Really bold stance.
Oh, here we go.
And then there are the minorities, brawling their way through the ghettos and barrios
on a Saturday night, shooting each other in quarrels over their females and dopes.
Oh.
Yep.
Okay.
There we go.
He got all the words right, too.
He said females.
Females.
Is this the America that the Republicans want to bring us back to, where you can talk like
this?
I think it is.
Katie, it's interesting that you say that, because I have my questions about Kurt.
And I wonder if, because there's this chunk of the right, what I will call the dangerous
right, who went all in for Trump because it was all about racism.
And then there's the chunk who are fundamentally anti-authoritarian.
And even though they are super racist often, although not always, we're like, no, Trump
is bad because he's an authoritarian and I hate the government.
You don't understand.
I don't care if he's, like, hates the people I hate.
I hate the government most.
And I kind of think Kurt Saxon would be in that.
I hate the government more than anything else, realm, but I really don't know.
It's hard to say.
He also seems to have some racism, sexism.
Oh, tons of it.
Tons of it.
Yeah.
So it's a matter of, yeah, which one sort of wins out.
It is hard to tell this guy.
He's one where I'm like, I don't know if he would have ever supported a presidential candidate,
but maybe.
Right, right.
Yeah.
If anyone, it would be Trump of all people.
If anyone, it would be Trump.
Yeah.
Or like whoever's next, I guess.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's about all that I think we need to read.
Oh, wait.
No.
He talks about Serhan Serhan.
We got to talk about that.
It may be the real, so he's still like threatening politicians.
It may be a real belief among those of you who are most sheltered that guns can be banned
and that lying, then lying politicians won't be shot by disappointed constituents.
Not so and worse than not so.
First guns can be banned by law, but then private illicit gun factories will flourish.
And worse than guns, there are, their alternatives will make any public appearance by a liberal
politico a great show for a TV audience as he and anyone else on the platform is blown
to bits by a casually thrown bomb.
Bombs are easy to make.
Components are cheap and easier to get than our guns.
Moreover, the chances for escape by the bomber due to the panic and confusion are much greater
than had he used a gun.
Make guns hard to get to any degree and the dissident will choose bombs and even be glad
you helped him make that choice.
If Serhan had thrown an easily made black powder bomb at Bobby Kennedy, he would be partying
with his accomplice now.
If Brimmer had thrown a bomb at Wallace, he too would probably be free and Wallace would
now be edging toward the presidency.
Books on bomb making and improvised weaponry such as my own poor man James Bond are sold
all over the country and numbers directly proportionate to the growing threat of gun
confiscation.
In fact, all books on guerrilla warfare and military science are gaining interest.
So he's literally saying, if you pass gun control, people will kill you with bombs and
I am going to provide them with the guides to do it.
And the fact that-
Sounds like a terrorist threat.
Yeah, it does a little bit, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, we really got into the terrorism part of this little publication.
We sure did, right after how we're going to get to the stars by homesteading.
From homestead to stars.
I really quickly, I have to read this.
So you mentioned improving the 11 shot shotgun earlier.
Yeah, I do want to know how you would improve the 11 shot shotgun.
That seems perfect.
What's better than 11?
What's better than 11?
I don't know.
I'm sure it'll tell us, but I think that the very first sentence of this section is a
perfect microcosm of this entire thing, and so improving the 11 shot shotgun.
They all laughed when I demonstrated my notorious 11 shot shotgun, and then it goes on.
They all laughed at my homemade shotgun, but then I had a shotgun.
And then he explains how to improve it, and I'm sure it's some good advice, but...
I bet he knows how to improve a shotgun.
Oh, yeah.
So it's about making the grip sweat proof.
Oh, okay, because you're going to be shooting so many people, right, you're going to get
sweaty.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
I like practicality.
So, Atlan is his publishing company.
Atlan's first, and maybe last, movie review, taxi driver.
In my third issue, James Allen asked for a description of the device the taxi driver
used to snap the gun out of his sleeve and onto his hand.
I watched the making of his device carefully, and I'm still uncertain how he did it.
Anyway, he had an arrangement built of odds and ends, and it had a track going down his
arm on which the gun carriage was on rollers.
When he snapped his arm to the firing position, the carriage would rattle considerably and
the gun would slide into his hands.
It was noisy, and it reminded of putting a coin in a Coke machine and waiting for it
to finally finish its grumbling and shoot the bottle out.
Any police officer I know is faster on the draw, and I think such a device would only
give the wearer a false sense of security.
Travis, the taxi driver, is an ex-Marine in Vietnam vet.
He can't sleep, and whether he is haunted by war memories or intestinal parasites picked
up in New York or Vietnam is not made clear.
Anyway, Travis applies for night taxi duty in New York City.
So the first third of this review is just him arguing with a specific point of a gun
delivery device that Travis Bickel builds for himself.
So that's interesting.
I don't know if he knows how to write reviews.
No, he doesn't.
It gets into it here a little bit.
Travis develops a protective interest in Iris, a 12 and a half-year-old hooker played by
Jody Foster.
She's hardly a turn-on since anyone would identify with her role as the cute little
con artist playing alongside Christopher Connolly in the TV series Paper.
She's not hot because of her role in a TV series, not because she's 12 and a half.
I like how he is saying, he takes on the role of protector.
That's one way to describe how he does it.
Anyway.
In taxidermy.
Oh, buddy.
I love, yeah, all of these, and it's the same thing with, like, I'm having a lot of
a degree of interest in some of the 3D printing gun stuff, but the organization that started
really doing it, Defense Distributed, it was headed by this capitalist, anarcho-capitalist
I think is how he identified, dude Cody Wilson, who turned out to be a pedophile.
Like all of these fringe people turned out to be, like, the Adam Waffen guy, one of the
big Adam Waffen guys they just arrested, it came out weeks after the arrest that, like,
oh yeah, and they found child porn on his computer also.
These guys are always fucking pedophiles.
And that's how a pedophile writes a movie review.
No one else is like, Jodie Foster's not hot in this movie when she's 12.
No one else thinks of that.
Kurt does.
Kurt and the guy who shot Reagan, except for he had the opposite conclusion.
We don't make enough of that that the guy who shot Reagan was trying to impress a teenager.
We really don't.
We really don't.
Anyway.
We certainly can if you want.
The upshot of the movie is that Travis raids the house Iris works in and kills everyone
but her while stage hands stand off camera sloshing buckets of orange paint on everyone.
Travis survives and gets his name in the papers as a hero.
Iris goes back to school in Pittsburgh.
Don't be upset that I've told you the plot, if you've seen the movie you'll thank me for
showing you that it had a plot in the first place.
The message I got from taxi drivers is that most New Yorkers are not fit to survive.
Travis shows that casually gunning down New Yorkers is a public service.
Good target practice and has its rewards.
It's a kind of recruiting film for vigilantes, but it probably won't inspire much zeal and
good folk to go there and help.
The Peace Corps fever has largely died out in our land.
Go see it, but leave the old folks at home.
Kurt, baby, you got the movie all wrong.
I think he missed some points.
I want him to write reviews for every movie that's ever been made.
Yeah, I want his review of the English patient.
With the man who went up a hill and came down a mountain.
Yeah, it's just going to be like four paragraphs of him complaining that there are no 12 and
a half year olds and the ones there are are not hot enough.
Kurt.
Kurt Saxon.
Where are the old men bombs?
12-year-old appreciator.
Where's the buckets of blood?
Yeah, it really makes me wonder about what kind of patient are we talking about here?
The cover of this now.
Yes.
Yes, it does, Cody.
Kurt.
Now, and of course, now there's yet another column by Kurt Saxon and this one actually
does strike home as a result of the current situation we're in.
You can't change the channel.
A while back, I saw a funny and tragic cartoon in a magazine.
It showed a car pulled over to the side of the road.
A harried and exhausted mother was inside, flanked by some miserable children who plainly
didn't like the situation at all.
The father was outside, trying to pump up a flat tire.
Well, hard at work to save their vacation, the father was saying, but kids, this is real.
This is life.
We can't change the channel.
The cartoon showed the absurdity of the children's confusion between reality and TV.
I got a charge out of it because it paralleled the American adult's confusion between real
world conditions and pure entertainment.
So he's talking about how like, yeah, I don't know, that's something that I've heard people
express variations of on Twitter as a result of this whole situation is like it's a bad
movie that you can't turn off.
We put on some sort of low-rent Netflix contagion series and it just keeps auto-playing.
Yeah, yeah, there's no escaping the surreality that we're in.
Why can't I?
Yeah, the remote control is broken.
And it's right next to...
I'm gonna change.
And of course, it's right next to a guide on how to make the super still, which includes
this paragraph.
For the real poop on alcohol for its own sake.
For the real...
What?
For the real...
Wait, say that one more...
Read that sentence one more time.
For the real poop on alcohol for its own sake, get granddad's wonderful book of chemistry.
Ometry starts on page 129.
Oh my God, I so want to get granddad's wonderful book of chemistry.
You don't want the real poop on alcohol?
He's trying to keep it light.
He needs his terrorist manual to not have words like shit in them.
No, I mean the real...
That was a term people did use back then for like scoop, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, the scoop.
Here's the real shit.
Use scoop.
Use the word scoop.
But people did not use... how did poop become synonymous with scoop back then?
I don't know, it was like an old timey thing.
I remember old...
A scoop of poop?
Bloom County cartoons from around the same period of time using that phrase.
Bloom County.
I don't know.
Alright.
Bloom County's a great combat.
Oh, here we go.
There's yet another book about how to make your own alcohol, which I get now that we're
all in quarantine.
More drinks and booze like granddad used to make by Kurt Saxon.
Eight dollars.
Eight dollars.
If you're tired of paying a dollar for a nickel's worth of booze, you ought to make your own.
Anyone can do it and millions do.
Once you learn to make it for yourself, you can make it to sell.
Most people know you cannot, Kurt.
You absolutely cannot legally do that.
That is bootlicking.
I don't think that's a concern it is.
I don't think that's a concern of his either, Cody.
Oh my God, he's got a guide to making champagne.
It's not champagne unless it's just sparkling wine.
If you're not making it in the champagne region of France, Kurt Saxon.
Okay.
He's disarming the letterbomb.
He teaches you how to disarm letterbombs.
I know.
On the same page as granddad's guide to booze and various times of the year, probably during
full moons, letterbombers go into their act too cowardly to confront.
You just were making guides to bombs, Kurt Saxon.
You don't get to call letterbombers cowardly.
I don't want to be defending letterbombers here, Kurt.
Hey Robert, let's be fair.
He wrote that other article during a full moon.
Jesus Christ.
As there is status among criminals, there is also status among political fanatics and
those who use violence to register protests.
Among any prison population, the lowest group includes child molesters and all those who
use helpless children to work out their pathetic fantasies.
The letterbomber has the same status.
You can't get any lower.
In fact, I see a similarity.
I wouldn't say that all child molesters are letterbombers, but all letterbombers would
have the same degree of social inadequacy.
Kurt buddy.
Kurt.
Kurt.
Kurt.
Again, you just told us how to make bombs.
You have repeatedly been telling us how to make bombs throughout this episode.
This episode is about how to make bombs, Kurt.
The parts of this that are not about going to space or taxi driver are about bomb or
liquor are about bomb making.
Skipping to space.
Yeah, really, really wanting to figure out where the space guide comes in this.
Oh, this is wholesome.
How to lay out a sundial.
That's nice.
Yeah, that's potentially useful.
Stake your claim.
It's like some of this stuff deserves to be in a different book.
He's just mixing his branding a lot.
Yeah, it's this mix of like, here's useful old timey survival tools I culled from our
ancestors wisdom.
And then here's how to make a bomb homemade liquor and Jody Foster wasn't hot enough
in taxi driver.
God.
To Katie's point, it does seem like if we're equating this to 2020, it's somebody where
you find out who they are in real life that has like a very popular social media page and
you're like, wait, what?
Yeah.
Very mixed, very mixed content here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Depending on the day or I guess depending on the moon phase.
Sure, yeah.
Politics and politicians.
Yeah, we have a politics and politicians and I think we're getting, this might answer our
question as to what Kurt Saxon would have done in 2016 if he hadn't, I'm just going to
guess here, killed himself in a distilling accident.
Solid guess.
I mean, it could have been his houseboat could have sunk.
Yeah, his houseboat could have sunk.
Or his steam engine could have gone off the rails.
His steam powered spaceship might not have made it up into the atmosphere.
Or maybe he's that guy that died launching himself in his homemade rocket recently.
I'm going to bet you Kurt Saxon was a real big influence on that fella.
The liberal is so insecure in his real value that he must reduce the value of all so that
he looks better by comparison, hence the idealistic social programs that fail along with the roads
that go nowhere and the dams that break in the publicly subsidized industries which loot
the wage earners.
It doesn't really matter if the dummy is ignorant or actually stupid, whether he calls himself
a liberal, conservative or a moderate.
They are all political pigs wanting only to get up to the public trough and stay there.
They all plead ignorance in one way or another.
They all need the support of the American people as if that support will somehow put
the stamp of validity on their incompetent efforts towards a better life for all.
That's why they all say, even if you don't vote for me, vote.
They know your vote is a vote for their own way of life.
It ensures that if they lose this election, they'll still have a goal to shoot for next
time.
It's a vote to keep those places at the public trough available for creeps who have nothing
to sell but themselves.
And since they have nothing to sell but themselves, the accent is on personality and agreeableness.
They parade out their unusually pretty wives and homely children and read speeches written
by others.
Most such speeches are written by Madison Avenue types whose works sound like commercials
written for kiddie shows.
Vote for Captain Monster.
More sugar to the spoonful.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, the first sentence, I mean, really, really lost me.
I don't...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Survivalists don't involve themselves in national politics at all.
They don't want to be dependent on either big business or labor unions.
The Tweedledee or Tweedledum of our political system.
They know that as part of an intelligent minority, their votes will be canceled several to one
by the ignorant.
So yeah, I don't think he would have voted, but you're right.
If he was going to vote, Trump would have been the guy to get him on there.
Yeah, I think he...
Seems like...
Yeah, he would have been...
I don't think he would have voted, but I think he would have been pretty into the idea
of Trump.
I think the first person he ever voted for would have been Donald Trump.
Yeah.
If at all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I also kind of think he might have been the...
The very first things Alex Jones said about Trump's campaign before he got on board was
that Trump was mobbed up and this was all a conspiracy to infiltrate and take over the
liberty movements and the dissident right.
And I think Kurt Saxon might have started like that and stayed on that course, but I
really don't know.
But what I do know is that we have another letter section and I found one that is just
amazing.
This is our Borlia from California.
Dear Kurt, I have made two batches of your acrolein tear gas as described in the poor
man's James Bond and neither has retained its potency.
Am I doing something wrong?
It's fantastic stuff when it's fresh.
Oh yeah.
But he doesn't...
But they don't know because they've never made it, right?
He's saying he's made it and he has tested it and it's fantastic stuff.
Yeah.
It just loses a bit of oomph after a little bit.
Well of course.
Nothing...
Nothing...
Look, if you want...
Nothing lasts forever.
Perfect tear gas like...
A little...
I've never heard Kurt say oomph before.
Oh yeah.
Oomph.
Oh yeah.
Saved it.
Saved it for this.
Saved it for the tear gas part.
Oh my God.
And then yeah, like how to cane chairs.
It's just like Ron Swanson plus terrorism.
Yeah.
That's actually a really good touchstone for this.
Yeah.
If Ron Swanson was a terrorist.
And Alex Jones.
Yeah.
If that show wasn't so twee, it'd be like, all right, let's get real.
Yeah.
Let's get real.
Ron dies in a shootout with the ATF because he's been manufacturing illegal sawed off
shotguns and giving them to the Aryan nations.
Yeah.
And he's been giving advice on how to improve his 11 shot shotgun because they all laughed.
They all laughed.
What a very different shot.
Yeah.
We got boomerangs on how to make them.
Survival ammunition by Clyde Barrow.
So that's probably great.
Anyone preparing for survival in these uncertain times should be sure that he will have adequate
ammunition for any guns he might own.
Okay.
That's fair.
Oh, I was wanting something crazy to be in here, but this is just a pretty basic guide
to reloading ammo.
Good for you, Clyde Barrow.
I'm sure you won't murder anybody.
Yeah.
No.
Survival ammunition and how to make boomerangs is on the same page as how to make cane chairs.
It's just a...
It's incredible.
It's such constant whiplash.
Oh my God.
Survivalist whiplash.
Oh, and here's a column called Now Who's Stupid Dad by Mark Rittenhower.
No, my God.
This is my favorite part so far.
Yeah.
Wait, you have to say it right, Robert.
Now Who's Stupid Dad.
This is like the subtext of the entire thing.
The whole thing.
Ever since I'd first brought up the subject of survival, my father had scornfully rejected
anything I had to say.
He was one of those, it canton won't happen here attitude.
He reminded me of the brass in the U.S. High Command prior to Pearl Harbor, December 7th,
1941.
That evening I sat, as I sat reading my latest issue of the survivor in my room, my younger
brother Jeff, who is a carbon copy of the old man, stuck his head through the door.
Whatcha doing?
He demanded.
Get out, Himmler.
I barked.
His name's Himmler or is that his nickname?
No, no.
He's calling him Heinrich Himmler, his little brother.
He stuck out his tongue at me.
Don't have to.
Laying aside the paper, I got up and went for him, turning, he fled for the stairs, closing
the door, I locked it and then sat down and resumed reading.
Presently I heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and my father's voice demanded, are you reading
that idiotic paper again, cluttering up your mind with that survival rubbish?
I didn't reply.
Answer me, he demanded.
Open that door this instant, came a second demand.
Again, I paid no attention, muttering about worthless whelps and other things, he stomped
away and went back downstairs.
He, the runt and my mother, would all agree how impudent, disrespectful and no good I was
and how I ought to be punished.
Jesus Christ.
So this is just like a kid, a small child reading the survivor.
Okay, what actually happens to this?
Jesus, that kid calling his little brother Himmler and imp and laying.
It doesn't seem like a very healthy family.
Oh, the power goes out in their town and he has an AMFM radio and flashlights and so
he's able to find out what's happening.
And his dad is grateful.
Oh, yep, yep.
This goes on for pages and pages.
I think we get the idea.
Yeah, we sure do.
Oh my God.
Okay, well.
How to be a disaster profiteer.
Also interpreting baby talk.
Planning to profit from a disaster will give you an edge over those who simply plan to
survive it.
Thanks Kurt.
Thank you, Kurt Saxon.
How to price gouge, unbelievable.
Yeah, this, this, he's a good guy.
Oh, here's another letter section.
Let's see if we can find another guy who's absolutely committing horrible crimes.
I really enjoyed your book, The Poor Man's James Bond in your poison section.
You should list a different source of nicotine sulfate.
Blackleaf 40 has been outlawed for two years.
Just to your book, my mother and grandmother consider me in need of counseling your psychiatric
help.
So far, I have used your hydrochloric slash aluminum smoke bomb in the local walk-in movie
twice in the school gym once.
I also got detention on the second day of school for igniting some stuff in class.
Thanks a lot, JL Missouri.
He only got detention.
You're welcome, says Kurt.
Yeah, he does.
Hey, your book on poison, some of the stuff in your poison book is illegal.
So you need to update your poison book about the poison.
Also, my grandma thinks I'm crazy because I've set off bombs in school.
Wow.
Yes, Kurt.
It's plural.
This was special.
This has been very special, and I think we all learned a lot from Kurt Saxon.
We've learned about ourselves.
We've learned about Kurt.
We've learned about Taxi Driver.
Yeah.
Taxi Driver.
We've learned what Kurt Saxon thinks about certain 12 and a half year olds.
A lot of information here from Kurt Saxon.
Not a lot of good times.
Surprising information.
No.
No.
I wouldn't say accurate information either.
Not all of it.
Not all of it.
I mean, that houseboat guide looks bulletproof.
Yeah.
How to make a monorail sled.
How to make a miniature stage.
Amazing.
That houseboat is also a floating tomb.
Speaking of floating tombs, do you want to plug your social media?
The floating tomb of our drowning society?
Very appropriate.
Amazing.
I'm Katie Stoll on all the social medias.
Katie with a Y, that is.
We've got other shows.
We co-host a show with Robert called Worst Year Ever.
You should check that out if you don't and we also have our own podcast, Even More News.
You should check that out if you don't.
Cody, you want to say the other things?
Absolutely.
We also have a YouTube show called Some More News and me personally has twitter.com and
that is Dr. Mr. Cody with a DR and M-I-S-T-E-R and a C-O-D-Y.
We speak good on mics.
Good stuff.
We do.
I'm so proud.
We do good English speak on mics.com.
Also before Robert does his plugs, Jamie Loftus says hi to everyone.
Hello, Jamie Loftus.
Hi, Jamie.
Hi, Jamie.
Also, Robert has a new show.
It's called The Women's War.
Look out for it.
Our trailer launched when this comes out last week.
So that's out episode one, March 25th.
It's very exciting.
It is very exciting.
You can follow Robert at IWriteOK on Twitter.
You can follow us on Twitter and Instagram at BastardsPod.
You can wash your hands.
You can avoid the coronavirus by staying indoors and reading through back issues of the survivalist
and learning how you too can make tear gas that works really well initially but quickly
loses its potency.
Then go to space.
Use your time wisely, folks.
That's all we ask.
Yeah, I can't think of anything better to do in quarantine than experiment with making
your own tear gas.
Get on that.
Get on it.
It's all available online for free.
It has not been banned as Kurt may have thought it would be.
There were definitely legal issues with some of his books that I think contributed to Paladin
Press shutting down.
We will do a whole episode on Paladin Press because it's amazing.
The art of making life like Mary and her bodies.
This is some good stuff.
Also, if you're looking for some peaceful content, I post a photo of Anderson every single
day on my Twitter.
She sure does.
Y underscore Sophie underscore Y.
Not uncommonly more than one, so.
There are.
True.
True.
Many, many, many photos of Anderson.
Yeah, sometimes hundreds.
There's like 50 only other living entity in my room, guys.
There's like 40 pages on how to make puppets and puppet shows.
We're done.
We're done.
We're done.
I know we're done.
That is what we're ending on.
How exciting.
On the new podcast, The Turning Room of Mirrors, we look beneath the delicate veneer of American
ballet and the culture formed by its most influential figure, George Balangene.
He used to say, what are you looking at, dear?
You can't see you.
Only I can see you.
What you're doing is larger than yourself, almost like a religion.
Like he was a god.
Listen to The Turning Room of Mirrors on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
I'm Mo Raca and I'm back with season three of my podcast, Mobituaries.
I've dug up even more stories about the people and things that fascinate me from the fruit
that once scandalized the shape of the banana made it taboo to the band that played second
banana to the Beatles.
They were lucky to come in second and the truth is they only came in second for about
two months.
Listen to Mobituaries on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm weird.
You're weird.
We're all weird about money.
I'm Paco De Leon.
I'd like to proudly present to you a brand new podcast called Weird Finance, a show to
help us all feel a little less weird about money, one conversation at a time.
So if you want to feel a little less weird about money and you also want to hear people
have honest and real conversations, tune in to Weird Finance, available on the iHeart
radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get podcasts.