Behind the Bastards - We Read Newt Gingrich's World War 2 Alternate History

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Robert sits down and explains former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich's alt-history novel to Molly Conger. If you've ever wondered what would happen if the Nazis invaded Tennessee well, here it is.S...ee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Call zone media. It's the podcast that it is on election day, but you won't hear this on election day. You know how the election has gone. You listening have information. You'll hear this in December. Yeah, yeah, probably in December. Which hopefully means the election is over by then.
Starting point is 00:00:25 But who knows? God willing. Yeah, God willing, the election is almost certainly over, which means, you know, find a way to communicate to the past and let us know so that we can gamble on it. That's that's what I'd like you to do. Anyway, speaking of gambling, you know who knows all of the words to the classic song, The Gambler,
Starting point is 00:00:50 our guest today, Molly Conger. Molly, do you know when to hold them? Oh, I know when to fold them. That's as much of that song as I know. When to run. Well done, well done. Oh my God. I think I only know that from Infowars.
Starting point is 00:01:06 I do love watching Alex Jones sing that and the highwayman poncho and lefty. You know he's just groovin'. Things are going well for Alex when he's doing that. That's the most jealous I ever am of him because we're not allowed to use, we have no licensing agreement with any company that owns songs.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Does he? Yeah, he must. Otherwise, he wouldn't be allowed to air them like that. I think there, because there are like, there are like, like, ways that you as a broadcaster can just like make a deal for access to, you know, they have X number of songs and we can use them for whatever. I think that exists. I think that's got to be what he does.
Starting point is 00:01:44 You were somewhat correct, but I, that doesn. I think that's gotta be what he does. You were somewhat correct, but that doesn't mean that Alex Jones has a deal with him. He could totally be grifting, because that's what you do. I think he'd have been sued before then about this. Maybe. You're so chipper today, Robert. Yep, I'm chipper.
Starting point is 00:02:00 I'm doing good. How many hours of sleep did you get, bud? I had like six last night. I tried to get to bed early, but I really couldn't get to sleep before like 3.30 in the morning. I don't know. Well, it's behind the bastards
Starting point is 00:02:15 and we're all trying not to obsess over the election. And I thought, you know, we all might be hoping that history goes a different way, depending on what happens today. So why not read a work of alternate history? You know, we love doing book episodes over here because it's, lets me rest a little bit. The trouble is finding a book.
Starting point is 00:02:39 You can't just use any book and it's sometimes hard to figure it out. And thank God, I got very lucky. Margaret Killjoy was over at my house recently, not bragging, although I am kind of bragging. You know some celebrities. I know some celebrities. I know a famous Killjoy, who's also a famous Margaret.
Starting point is 00:02:59 And she brought me a book that a fan had given her at an event because our fans are unhinged and have just decided sometimes we should hand one member of the team an absolutely terrible piece of literature to give to another member of the team. And the book that I have received is 1945 by Newt Gingrich. Molly? Wow, what if things had been different? What if things had been different?
Starting point is 00:03:26 What if things had been different? Do you know much about old Newt in this book? So I did not realize, and this is on me entirely. I know a little bit about old moon base Newt, but I did not realize he had written like 30 works of fiction. He has written a lot of fiction. Where does he find the time? I mean, he doesn't spend a lot of his political career
Starting point is 00:03:54 does not take up a lot of time. Because usually when you see like, oh, this politician has written a book, a memoir or whatever. And it's like, okay, well, like a campaign staffer wrote that that's for PR. No, this is his passion. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:07 He's writing these. Yeah, this is what he really wanted to do. And my God, I wish we had some sort of program in place where when we find some guy who has like an artistic dream, but also weird right-wing politics, we just kind of like swallow our pride and fund, like have a government agency buy up copies of their books so they feel like a success.
Starting point is 00:04:34 Anything to keep them from running for office. Right? Let Hitler paint. Yeah, what if, let Hitler paint, let Ben Shapiro make his dog shit TV show about fucking law students. And just like- So you're presenting sort of like a Truman show type experience where we encapsulate them safely.
Starting point is 00:04:49 We have to Truman show these people, right? Run a fake, you know that White House correspondence dinner that supposedly got Trump committed him to run for office. Hold a fake one of those where everybody just talks about how nice he is and how much they admire him. You know? Put him in a bubble. Yeah, we really have to put these people in bubbles. where everybody just talks about how nice he is and how much they admire him, you know? Like we- Put him in a bubble.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Yeah, we really have to put these people in bubbles. It's the kindest thing for all of us. Oh man. So yeah, we're going to be reading 1945. As you might guess, it is a World War II alternate history. No! Uh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:21 Of course, Sophie, what else could it be? What else could it be? And this is a particularly- You did tell me that, but, what else could it be? What else could it be? And this is a particularly- You did tell me that, but I did not process it. I was like, that's not what it is. Oh yeah, of course, of course. And it's a wild one, I'm gonna tell you that right now. So our author for today,
Starting point is 00:05:37 I'm gonna go through a little bit of a scripted portion here, is Newton Leroy Gingrich. Leroy? Leroy, yes. Leroy Gingrich. Leroy Gingrich. Yeah, you can't not do the Leroy Jenkins thing, which is just gonna be incomprehensible for anyone in our audience that's younger than their mid-30s.
Starting point is 00:05:57 You don't know who Leroy Jenkins was. You don't remember the old times. Pieces of shit. Sorry. Anyway, there's a post in the subreddit now saying that I'm an old man and all my references are old man references. And the thing that makes me angriest is they're like,
Starting point is 00:06:12 he never references the Simpsons from any episode later than the year 2000. And I'm sorry, I never reference a Simpsons episode from later than 1998, because that's when they stopped being good. You're not an old man. Thank you, Sophie. You're used.
Starting point is 00:06:27 But you called me an old man on the show. Yeah, that's because I'm allowed to. It's okay when I do it. They're not allowed to do that. You are used to them. To me, you are ancient. They haven't even seen Alien 4, these scrubs, these babies. None of them know what SeaQuest DSV was.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Molly, did you watch SeaQuest? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh my God, oh my God. Go get a learner's permit. Anyway. I think we're the same age. We might be. Mutantly like Ingrid.
Starting point is 00:06:58 But mentally. Hehehehehe. From audio up, the creators of Stephen King's Strawberry Spring comes The Unborn, a shocking true story. One woman, two lives and a secret she would kill to protect. She went crazy, shot and killed all her farm animals, slaughtered them in front of the kids, tried to burn their house down.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Listen to The Unborn on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Join iHeart Media Chairman and CEO Bob Pitman for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews the iconic and prolific Martha Stewart in front of a live audience in celebration of her 100th book. Did you ever think you were gonna wind up writing 100 books? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:31 You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. Listen to Math and Magic on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea Handler here. This week on The Dear Chelsea podcast, Riley Keough discusses the memoir she co-wrote with her mother, Lisa Marie Presley.
Starting point is 00:08:48 But it's also such a gift to be able to sit here and say as an adult woman, I had such a good mother. Yes. That is a gift. I know. She certainly was not like a, I don't know what a perfect mother is. Well, she wasn't a traditional mother. She wasn't a traditional mother.
Starting point is 00:09:03 I am so grateful to have had her as a mother. To have that kind of love. Fine. Dear Chelsea, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast.
Starting point is 00:09:22 A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Oh, chat this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Film Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or whatever you get your podcast girl.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Oh, I know that's right. Newton Leroy Gingrich was born two years before the title of his novel on June 17th, 1943. Newton's father was a career soldier, but Newton takes a different path. He's actually an art student. He gets like an MA in the mid-60s, and like any guy who could during the Vietnam War,
Starting point is 00:10:12 he gets a deferment from being drafted by arguing that he was a student and a young father. Remember that because there's gonna be a funny code to that a little bit later in this story. Well, we all know Newt's a family man. We all know Newt's a family man. We all know Newt's a family man. We all know Newt's a big not fighting in wars, but not a big not having wars guy.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Newton is elected to Congress in 1979 in an address to college Republicans before his election. He said, I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, and loyal, and faithful, and all those Boy Scout words. Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, they've done a terrible job,
Starting point is 00:10:52 a pathetic job. In my lifetime, in my lifetime, I was born in 1943, we have not had a competent national Republican leader, not ever. And it's very clear from that context that a competent leader is a mean one, right? Like that's what he's missing. Like Richard Nixon's just too nice.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Well politics really needs us more vitriol. Yeah, it needs more real assholes. I think that's interesting because it makes a case that I think is an important thing to understand if you're trying to like puzzle out why we are where we are now in American politics. And the basics of that case is well, because Republicans lost their minds when Nixon had to step down and everything they've done since then has been dedicated to stopping making sure that
Starting point is 00:11:36 no other Republican would ever have to leave office no matter what crimes they committed, right? And that's clearly- Well, there's no modern precedent. Yeah, no modern precedent for that. So in 1985, as a congressman, Newton told an interviewer, I think from the Washington Post, who asked about his deferment during Vietnam, quote, given everything I believe,
Starting point is 00:11:56 a large part of me thinks I should have gone over. Oh, if only, Newt. I do wish you had gone to fight in Vietnam. Now that same year, when President Reagan held a summit with Soviet premier Gorbachev, Newton called it quote, the most dangerous summit for the West since Adolf Hitler met with Chamberlain in 1938 at Munich.
Starting point is 00:12:19 And I love the idea like Gorbachev is a Hitler figure. This guy who wouldn't even shoot back during the protests that overthrew his government is like a Hitler, you know? Future Pizza Hut spokesman Gorbachev as a Hitler kind of figure. All right, Hitler, you would have loved Pizza Hut. That does tell you where our boy Newt is
Starting point is 00:12:45 on like the political alignment chart, right? He sees Ronald Reagan as a fucking Neville Chamberlain type. Now that same year, Gingrich made the news for comparing a house race that was in question in Indiana to the Holocaust. Here's a quote about it. In what way? I'm gonna read you the quote, Molly.
Starting point is 00:13:03 Here's a quote about it as relayed by an article the quote, Molly. Here's a quote about it as relayed by an article in Mother Jones. And it starts with newt here. We've talked a lot in recent weeks about the Holocaust, about the incredible period in which Nazi Germany killed millions of people and in particular, came close to wiping out European Jewry. If someone said to me two days ago,
Starting point is 00:13:21 talking frankly about the McIntyre affair in which Democrats refused to seat the winner of a house race until they'd conducted a recount and the efforts by the democratic leadership to not allow the people of Indiana to have their representative, but instead to impose upon them someone else. Something in which he quotes German poet, Martin Niemöller.
Starting point is 00:13:41 I have never quite until tonight been able to link it together. Niemöller, the great German theologian said at one point, when the German when the Nazis came for the Jews, I did nothing. And when the Nazis came for me, there was no one left. Right. I think, sorry, I think it's Niemöller. But this like so basically the Democrats are like, well, until we finish a recount, we're not going to sit this guy because there's questions about the election.
Starting point is 00:14:03 And fucking nude is like, this is the same as the Holocaust So at what at what point did millions of people die? Did they kill all the voters? Did they murder everybody it just kind of seems like they were doing a thing that legally is a part of the election Like having a recount waiting to see the elected leader until you do the recount Is that the same as killing millions of people in factories of death? There needs to be a swear jar for people who abuse the Neemuller poem.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Yeah, yeah. You need to put a dollar in the jar because that was not appropriate. I think anytime you reference it, you have to lose like, it should be like a Yakuza thing where you have to give up one of the joints of a finger. Right? And maybe that'll cause people to be like a lot more careful
Starting point is 00:14:44 about when they deploy that bad boy. I heard it in closing arguments at a trial last month, a trial for a man who is a white nationalist. His lawyer's argument was, you know, with this is free speech or trying him for his free speech. And it is closing arguments, you know, he refers to the Niemöller poem, except, you know, the poem starts,
Starting point is 00:15:03 first they came for the communists and I said nothing because I was not a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I said nothing because I was not a Jew. But he says he's going to quote the poem, but he says, first they came for one group. And then they came for another group. And it's like, what were the groups? What were the groups, Terry?
Starting point is 00:15:19 Anyone who goes for any group is a Nazi. What were the groups, Terry? Yeah. First they came for the Nazis, and I did not speak out because I was is a Nazi. What were the groups, Jerry? Yeah. First they came for the Nazis and I did not speak out because I was not a Nazi. Man, it's very funny. Okay, so let's get back into it. Newt served as the Republican speaker of the house
Starting point is 00:15:41 from 1995 to 99. Gingrich was the architect of the Republican victory in the 1994 congressional election, which legitimately set the stage for nearly everything the right has been able to accomplish since. Without the contract with America and his retaking of the house, it's possible we see, it's possible that we see no George W. Bush presidency, no right-wing Supreme Court today, and at least a lot less of a right wing drift on behalf of the Democrats who stumbled to fight him, right? This is a major move in US politics.
Starting point is 00:16:11 I don't think a lot of folks whose awareness of politics has sort of started since the Trump years know much about this, but you had slick Willy stop George H.W. Bush from getting a second term. It drove these people crazy. You have briefly the Democrats in control of government. And then in 94, Newt leads, I think they pick up 54 house seats. It's this massive sweeping victory
Starting point is 00:16:37 that comes with this thing called the Contract with America, which is basically Newt introducing what becomes kind of the NeoCon platform, right? And this is like a really, I mean, it's one of the most important moments in modern electoral history, right? Newt is one of the first conservatives to see a real promise in creating
Starting point is 00:16:59 a right-wing system of education to push conservative values. In 1993, he crafted a college course taught at Reinhart College called Renewing American Civilization. We're looking at this as like sort of a proto, what's that fucking guy who does the little kids TV bullshit? Oh, like the Prager University?
Starting point is 00:17:22 Prager University, right? This is a precursor to Prager University, right? I mean, he was on the Hillsdale track, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and it's eventually televised in a cable channel called Mind Extension University. I don't like that. Yeah, you gotta extend your mind. Now, obviously, he was a ferocious opponent of gay rights
Starting point is 00:17:39 and the degradation of American values in the modern era. He talked a lot about how people today, especially because of Democrats gaining such cultural dominance are just awful compared to the glorious greatest generation who really understood morality. He also cheated on his second wife with a staffer who became his third wife while he was advocating
Starting point is 00:18:03 for the impeachment of Bill Clinton over infidelity. Now, this should not have been surprising to anyone who knew that in 1989, in an interview with the Washington Post, he explained that he fought with his second wife, not because it mattered to him what they were fighting about, but because he had a habit of dominance
Starting point is 00:18:21 that had been stoked by his time in politics. He estimated to the post that his marriage had a 53 to 47% chance of making it. Oh man. Family values. 53, 47, I mean that's, I wouldn't bet on those odds. Fascinating odds to give your own marriage. Now, Newt has a long and fascinating history
Starting point is 00:18:48 and I do recommend reading that. There's a 2012 Mother Jones article with some of his best quotes that we'll link in the show notes. If you want a better understanding of the man though, that's a good way of getting it. But for our purposes today, we're going to be focusing on the novel, 1945, which-authored it is set in an alternate world where the US defeated Japan
Starting point is 00:19:11 But Hitler never declared war on the US and so we never got involved in a war with Germany The Nazis won their war with the Soviets. They took most of their European holdings and forced them to accept a peace They then boxed the Brits into a corner. A few years later, they carried out a surprise attack on the United States in order to kill our nuclear scientists and stop the completion of what in our universe we know as the Manhattan Project. Now, because of where this takes place,
Starting point is 00:19:39 I'll spoil it for you, Molly. This book centers around the Waffen SS invading East Tennessee. That's what this book is about. How'd they get all the way to Tennessee? They've got their wonder weapons. They've got these, Newt is again, he's like a history channel, history buff, right?
Starting point is 00:19:55 So a huge part of this book is like the Nazis building all of these wonder weapons that were mostly theoretical during the actual war, including this like massive, you know, bombing type plane that they had, they had kind of been talking about making that probably never would have worked out. Like it's all sorts of like nonsense sci-fi weapons, right?
Starting point is 00:20:16 And what did they want with Tennessee specifically? It's where the nuclear program was headed. That's not true. Well, actually I think it was initially before they moved to Los Alamos. I think they had, it was somewhere in like the Southeast before they moved to Los Alamos that they had like the early stages of the nuclear program.
Starting point is 00:20:33 And I think he's just kind of positing a much more primitive nuclear program. But I'm gonna pull up the book, Molly, because at this point you should see this bad boy. Look at this, Look at this. Look at that cover art. There we go. There we go. Beautiful cover art.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Look at the size of his name there. It looks like the book is called Newt Gingrich. Newt Gingrich, 1945. Yeah, like it's a book about a two-year-old Newt Gingrich. And it kind of has like a sci-fi feel to it. If you're a listener, you know, if you're not watching this on YouTube, I don't ever go to youtube.com.
Starting point is 00:21:09 I'm not watching this on YouTube. No, you should. The cover of the book is on the book's Wikipedia page and it has kind of a sci-fi vibe to it. Yeah. Now I want you to look at the back here. First off, Newt's smaller than I expected when you see him in a photo like this.
Starting point is 00:21:22 This is a picture of him with his co-author, William R. Forstian, and with Jim Bane, who is the owner of Bane Publishing. And we're gonna be talking a lot about Bane Publishing. I also- Is that related to Bane Capital or Bane the Batman villain? No, not at all.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Spelled differently. Not to either. Okay. Has not broken Batman's back. I do really like the Hitler on the back here. You can see him here. He just looks so happy. Okay, can you hold it up to me? Yeah, okay, wrong camera.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Wait, wait, one second. Wrong camera. Other camera. Ah, it's hard to figure out here. Toward, yeah, that way. Yeah, there we go. Wow! That's a good Hitler. Look at him, look at him.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Good choice. Luke Ingridge is six feet tall. How big are those other men? Oh wow, cause yeah, I thought he was actually tall. So these guys, so I think it's William Forshton is just kind of a fucking mountain of a man. Yeah, he's gotta be like six, three, six, four. It's a big guy.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Jim Bane, not a big guy. Also has the, and I say this with all love to pornographers. He has the smile of a pornographer, right? Like look at that. That's a man who's looking at you naked. Like there's no other way to describe the look on Jim Bain's face. Speaking of people who look at you naked,
Starting point is 00:22:42 our sponsors don't, they would never do that. They're gentlemen, you know, or gentle thems, because I think they probably don't identify as a binary gender, given that they are. Raytheon is non-binary. Raytheon is definitely non-binary, yes. Speaking of non-binary, here's more ads. In the quiet town of Avella, Pennsylvania, Speaking of non-binary, here's your emergency? My babies, please, my babies! One woman, two lives, and the truth more terrifying than anyone could imagine.
Starting point is 00:23:30 They had her as one of the suspects, but they could never prove it. You're going to go to jail if you don't come with us right now. Throughout this whole thing, I kept telling myself, nobody's that crazy. We'll uncover the chilling mystery that will leave you questioning everything. A story of the lengths we go to protect our darkest secrets. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going.
Starting point is 00:24:20 That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens.
Starting point is 00:24:39 So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea Handler here. the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Chelsea Handler here. This week on the Dear Chelsea podcast, Riley Keough discusses the memoir she co-wrote with her mother, Lisa Marie Presley. But it's also such a gift to be able to sit here and say as an adult woman, I had such a good mother. Yes. That is a gift. I know.
Starting point is 00:25:23 She certainly was not like a, I don't know what a perfect mother is She wasn't a traditional mother. She wasn't a traditional mother I am so grateful to have had her as I had that kind of love It felt like when you were on the plane ride coming home texting with your dad about whether or not she was alive still There was almost an acceptance from you that that was the way it was gonna be Instead of sometimes you know we resist and fight the reality that we're in. I think a lot of my lifetime has been acceptance. There's been a lot of things where I've just had to, like, there's nothing to do other
Starting point is 00:25:53 than surrender to what's happening. I just kept feeling like in the moment, like the only way out is through. I just felt like I had to feel it all and had to be present through it. Fine. Dear Chelsea, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Martha Stewart has been a household name for over four decades and still isn't done. Join iHeart Media Chairman and CEO Bob Pittman for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews this icon in front of a live audience to celebrate her 100th book, Martha, the Cookbook, 100 Favorite Recipes, with lessons and stories from My Kitchen.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Did you ever think you were going to wind up writing 100 books? Yeah. You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. This intimate and wide-ranging conversation between friends covers the pivotal decisions in Martha's career, the philosophy that has guided her, and the source of so much of her creative inspiration.
Starting point is 00:26:54 They actually looked at the July issue that I had prototyped and they said, this is fabulous. What would you do next July? And I said, well, living is a limitless subject matter. Listen to Math and Magic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul, and I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the BlackFatFilm Podcast, a podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Oh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Femme podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Alpha Podcast or whatever you get your podcast girl. Oh I know that's right. And we're back. So I wanna get into the book jacket of this MAMA jamma. Let's see what this is about. And you can tell right away on the inside, this was a 1995, 24 US dollars.
Starting point is 00:28:04 That is way of pricey. Way too much money to spend on Newt Gingrich's 1945. Holy shit. I feel like the 29.99 for that hardback today would be pushing it. Yeah, yeah, this is like maybe like a $15 book. Man, that's a lot. That's a lot.
Starting point is 00:28:20 So introducing Lieutenant Commander James Martell. He's the right man in the right place at a very bad time. The year is 1945. In Europe, the Third Reich reigns triumphant. The Soviet Union is a fragment of its former self and Britain has accepted a dictated armistice. In the Pacific, after a brief sharp war with Japan, America is the only significant military presence.
Starting point is 00:28:45 Now the world's two superpowers, ah-ee each other warily across an Atlantic Ocean that daily grows smaller. The big show is about to start. Who will win? The Americans with their formidable industrial base and superior logistical techniques or the Germans with their science fiction super weapons
Starting point is 00:29:02 that turn out not to be fictional after all Only one thing is certain if America is beaten this alternative Reich will last a thousand years Join speaker of the house newt gingrich and fellow historian William all are forced in in a world that save for Adolf Hitler's inexplicable hot folly and prematurely declaring war on the United States in 1941 would have been. Just revisiting the timeline here. So he's not writing this in his spare time, like in his retirement or between-
Starting point is 00:29:34 No, this is he's speaker of the house. This is a year after he like orchestrates a complete upending of US electoral politics. So shouldn't he be focusing on like the government? No, no. I think we can all agree this was a better use of his time than doing his job. I just find it very funny that he describes himself
Starting point is 00:29:54 and his co-author as fellow historians because as a spoiler, they are not. Neither of them are historians. Well, Forstian is a little bit of a historian, but he's like a historian who went immediately into writing alternate histories. He is a professor of history at Montreat College in North Carolina.
Starting point is 00:30:15 But that's not a real college. Yeah. Look, I'll give a partial to Forstian, right? Because again, he spends most of his career, like his big job is writing a bunch of articles for Boys Life Magazine, as well as young adult novels. And does that make you a real historian? I'm gonna put that on the cusp.
Starting point is 00:30:36 But fucking Newt Gingrich certainly is not a real historian. Forsgen's main publisher was Bane, who back in the early to mid 1990s was a major purveyor of pulp sci-fi and alternate history books. That changed as a result of 1945, which due to Gingrich's star power was expected to be a major hit.
Starting point is 00:30:57 You can tell that just by the look of this cover, right? Newt's name is massive. They're charging 24 fucking dollars for this thing. And yeah, it's a catastrophe, Molly. It's one of the greatest disasters in fucking alt history publishing. If you read online forums where alt history fans discuss this book,
Starting point is 00:31:16 the rumors credible ones are that Newt promised Bane he was going to devote a lot of time using his platform. Newt is a famous PR hound, right? He's constantly talking to the Washington Post. He's willing to say like shitty stuff about himself to them as we've kind of covered earlier, because his attitude is, I should always be in the post, right?
Starting point is 00:31:37 So Bane is like, well, old Newt, he knows how to get all the attention we need to move some real copies. Let's buy like a hundred000 copies of this fucking book. No book sells 100,000 copies. I know, it's so funny. And yeah, Newt fails to do the actual PR that he had promised to do.
Starting point is 00:31:56 And as a result, 1945 is one of the biggest flops in publishing history. According to the Washington Post, for every 100 copies of this book that were sent out by Bane, 81 were returned unsold, leaving the publisher with almost 100,000 copies sitting around their warehouse.
Starting point is 00:32:13 The scuttlebutt is that this was such a flop, it nearly killed Bane entirely. While I was doing my pre-search for this episode, I found a thread on a forum titled alternatehistory.com from 2007. Users speculated about why the sequel never came to pass. One user, BCO wrote, 1945 practically bankrupted Bane Books.
Starting point is 00:32:33 They assumed a prominent figure as Gingrich would lead to huge sales, printed up a lot of books, couldn't sell many of them. The idea of a sequel was out of the question. Another user, Amerigo Vespucci, replied with added context, to make matters worse, there was a falling out
Starting point is 00:32:48 between Jim Bane and Forstian over creative differences in the story. In part, Forstian wrote the story as a single volume, but in order to better capitalize on the name on the cover, Bane split it into two volumes. There were other differences as well, and Bane never really discussed the matter in public. It left a bad taste in his mouth.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Even with Bane's passing, I doubt we'll ever see the second volume. There'd be too many legal problems surrounding it. Your best bet might be to wait 20 years or so until Forstin is dead too. He is still alive. Enter a law school to become a crackerjack lawyer and publicist, and then start negotiations
Starting point is 00:33:21 to have the second volume released from his estate. I love the thought of a man who's that dedicated to a 1945 sequel. The New Yorker straights a 30 year plan to get that book. Does Hitler die? Hitler is still alive in the end of this book. That's what I'm saying, like in the sequel. How does it end for Hitler?
Starting point is 00:33:39 I think the way this book is supposed to explain things with Hitler is that like he's in a horrible plane crash in 41. And so he gets all fucked up and his people are able to like negotiate a peace with the USSR. And as a result, he kind of loses his mind. Like he's just like this damaged broken figure of a man in the book.
Starting point is 00:34:00 But he was so mentally normal before. Yeah, he was doing so great before. Because this is an alt history thing and because Newt is the kind of dude that he is, the main Nazi in this is a guy named Otto Skorzeny, who is a lot of people, he was a real guy. He was one of the fathers of like modern special forces tactics, like Skorzeny is a major figure
Starting point is 00:34:21 in the development of like that kind of shit. I did find in a, there's a fucking Orlando Sentinel book review that says that he died during an attack on Crete, which is not true. He lived until the seventies. He moved to Spain so that Franco would protect him. And he lived a fairly long life for a dude like him. But yeah, I wanted to start here
Starting point is 00:34:45 with one of the most, probably the most famous passage in this book, right? The opening scene, which features a high powered DC politician who happens to be, if I'm not mistaken, the speaker of the house. So this is Newt- We got a self insert, yes. This is Newt's self insert.
Starting point is 00:35:01 And remember, 1995, this is right around when Newt Gingrich is attacking Clinton and saying that he should be impeached. Because- Does he describe his self-insert character as like very handsome? He describes his self-insert character as having an affair while he, as the real speaker of the house, was in this moment having an affair.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Okay, we have some honesty. And specifically, the point of this chapter is his self-insert character hands over the secret to a Nazi spy who is the person he's having an affair with that the US is working on creating an atomic weapon. Like the inciting incident in this is his self-insert being compromised and giving up nuclear secrets in order to get laid.
Starting point is 00:35:46 And he is in the real world, the Speaker of the House. The Speaker of the House and having an affair with the staffer. That just doesn't sound trustworthy to me. It's amazing stuff. September 1st, 1945, Washington DC. Also, I don't know why they do this, but they spell prologue wrong.
Starting point is 00:36:03 That's not one of the ways to spell that. At the end of this, I've only ever seen it spelled with an E at the end of it. I don't understand why they're doing it this way. But darling, Germany and the United States are not at war. What harm is there if we share the occasional bit of gossip? Surely you don't think that I, a loyal Swede, the question trailed off in a lethal pout
Starting point is 00:36:25 as his beautiful and so very exotic mistress stretched languidly, mock innocent appeal in her eyes. Still, he mustn't let her see just how much she moved him. A relationship had to have some balance. He stretched in turn, reached out for his cigarettes, and gold-plated Ronson on the Art Deco nightstand with its Tiffany lamp. Since he wasn't sure what to say, he made a production out of lighting up his cigarettes and gold-plated Ronson on the Art Deco nightstand with its Tiffany lamp.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Since he wasn't sure what to say, he made a production out of lighting up and enjoying that first luxurious after-bout inhalation. What an unsexy way of talking about the aftermath of sex. Just to say, Prologue Noe is a declarative programming language designed for developing logic-based AI applications. I think that, okay, so this is, oh, maybe this is what open AI used to create their AI. Is it all based on Gingrich's 1945?
Starting point is 00:37:14 That's exactly what I'm saying, yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying. What a nightmare, what a hideous, hideous nightmare. So he's having after sex smokes with this lady who's very obviously a Nazi spy. Yeah, she's not even being kind of sly about it. She's like, what if we just, I mean, if you really love me,
Starting point is 00:37:31 you'd tell me national defense information. Yeah, yeah. Now here is Newt not at all talking about his actual marriage and actual infidelity. Playfully to drive home the potential loss, she bit his shoulder then kissed it better. Oh hell, I don't want to. I wish I could just divorce Miss Little Goody Two Shoes. I like this arrangement. She laughed softly.
Starting point is 00:37:52 Mistress to the Chief of Staff of the President of the United... Oh, sorry, the Chief of Staff. So it's not exactly him, right? It's just basically him. Nice title, don't you think? Such a book I could write. Mayhew shuddered at the thought. Don't even joke about it. But he could trust her to be discreet. He was sure he could trust her. More to cover his moment of doubt than for any other reason,
Starting point is 00:38:13 he harked back to her initial gambit. One thing we really don't have to worry about is a war between Germany and the United States. It just isn't in the cards. There's no way it could happen within the next year or so. And after that, we, take it from me, but nobody is going to dream of messing with the United States, not even Adolf Hitler.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I don't think there's going to be a war either, but you seem so sure. What is your big secret? You were so excited about it when you came in here and now you won't tell me. Suddenly the pouting sex kitten gave way to Diana the Huntress. Tell me, she hissed.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Mayhew looked at his delicious interrogator. For a moment, her intensity almost frightened him. Then he was overcome by it, by her. His had been a strict and starchy upbringing, and his marriage had not been born of love, but of political opportunity, though his wife didn't know that. So he capitulated.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Besides, he wanted to tell, what good were secrets if you couldn't share? Okay, I surrender. Lucky for you, she purred then laughed. Such games we have, she whispered in his ear. You play wonderfully, now tell. Having given in, characteristically he stalled. Sure, you're not looking for a story
Starting point is 00:39:16 for your Swedish newspaper? She just looked at him. He could tell she was tiring of the delay. And then he tells her that we're making a nuke. He must have missed the annual training that they give men in the government that like beautiful women do not want to talk politics with you with their tops off.
Starting point is 00:39:33 No, no. Beautiful women just aren't doing that. Yeah. No, they never would. I think that's very funny. I think there's so much off-putting language in this book. Like thinking of Newt Gingrich writing the word sex kitten gives me like physical shivers up and down my spine.
Starting point is 00:39:51 And it should do the same to you. But you know what doesn't make me shiver? How cute my dog is in the background of this video? Oh, Anderson is looking very good down there. That gives me a little shiver. That gives me a little shiver. But like a joy shiver, right? Yeah, joy shiver, you know, me, that gives me a little shiver. That gives me a little shiver. But like a joy shiver, right? Yeah, joy shiver, you know, sure, why not?
Starting point is 00:40:09 The products and services that support our pod. But do they support my dog? No, they're neutral. They're neutral, they're cat people. She left. The second you said no, she left. Yeah, wow. Stand your ground, Anderson.
Starting point is 00:40:27 Stand your ground. In the quiet town of Avella, Pennsylvania, Jared and Christy Akron seemed to have it all. A whirlwind romance, a new home and twins on the way. What no one knew was that Christy was hiding a secret. So shocking, it would tear their world apart. One woman, two lives and the truth more terrifying than anyone could imagine. They had her as one of the suspects but they could never prove it. You're going to go to jail if you don't come with us right now.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Throughout this whole thing I kept telling myself Nobody's that crazy Uncover the chilling mystery that will leave you questioning everything a story of the lengths we go to protect our darkest secrets She went bashing crazy shot and killed all her farm animals Slaughtered him in front of the kids tried to burn her house down Audio up presents the unborn on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going.
Starting point is 00:41:46 That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High.
Starting point is 00:42:15 It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea Handler here. This week on the Dear Chelsea podcast, Riley Keough discusses the memoir she co-wrote with her mother, Lisa Marie Presley.
Starting point is 00:42:39 But it's also such a gift to be able to sit here and say as an adult woman, I had such a good mother. Yes. That is a gift. be able to sit here and say as an adult woman, I had such a good mother. Yes. That is a gift. I know. She certainly was not like a, I don't know what a perfect mother is. Well, she wasn't a traditional mother. She wasn't a traditional mother.
Starting point is 00:42:53 I am so grateful to have had her as a mother. To have that kind of love. It felt like when you were on the plane ride coming home, texting with your dad about whether or not she was alive still, there was almost an acceptance from you that that was the way it was going to be instead of sometimes, you know, we resist and fight the reality that we're in. I think a lot of my lifetime has been acceptance. There's been a lot of things where I've just had to, like, there's nothing to do other
Starting point is 00:43:19 than surrender to what's happening. I just kept feeling like in the moment, like the only way out is through. I just felt like I had to feel it all and had to be present through it. Find Dear Chelsea on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Martha Stewart has been a household name for over four decades and still isn't done.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Join iHeart Media Chairman and CEO Bob Pitman for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews this icon in front of a live audience to celebrate her 100th book, Martha, the Cookbook, 100 Favorite Recipes with lessons and stories from my kitchen. Did you ever think you were going to wind up writing a hundred books? Yeah. You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. and stories from my kitchen. Did you ever think you were gonna wind up writing 100 books? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:06 You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. This intimate and wide ranging conversation between friends covers the pivotal decisions in Martha's career, the philosophy that has guided her, and the source of so much of her creative inspiration. They actually looked at the July issue that I had prototyped and they said, this is fabulous.
Starting point is 00:44:25 What would you do next July? And I said, well, living is a limitless subject matter. Listen to math and magic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity
Starting point is 00:44:49 are celebrated. Ooh, chat. This year, we have had some of our favorite people on, including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Film Podcast on the iHeartRadio app. Have a podcast or whatever you get your podcast, girl.
Starting point is 00:45:07 Ooh, I know that's right. And we're back. You can really tell this is election day. Yeah, I, yeah, we're really, we're half-assing our 1945 episode. So- I can't wait to find out what happens when she doesn't do anything with that secret. Yeah, well, she does and Hitler invades East Tennessee.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Which is funny because there is a guy who does love Hitler who has a compound in East Tennessee. There's a lot, Molly, there's more than one guy who loves Hitler and has a compound in East Tennessee. God. So there's a Gizmodo article I found called Newt Gingrich Should Go Back to Writing Science Fiction.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Yes, he should. That was kind of urging him to finish this book. It has some interesting stuff to say about this piece of fiction. In any case, whether 1945 is as historically dodgy as many have claimed, it contains several vital elements of total awesomeness. For one thing, the triumphant Nazi Germany
Starting point is 00:46:18 spends its time developing what the back cover describes as science fiction super weapons. You think I'm kidding? How about rockets that are remotely guided via television cameras or super jets with drop tanks to provide ground support plus super rockets and hydrogen powered submarines. Plus every villain-
Starting point is 00:46:34 You can't just put super in front of a real thing. You gotta stick super in front of it. Otherwise people won't know that it's better than the normal kind of thing. Every villain in this book is hideous and crazy. At some point, Scorzeny gets injured and loses an eye so he can get an eye patch or maybe some kind of cyborg eye. In this passage, our hero, the square jawed Jim Martell tries to shoot down Scorzeny's plane and fails.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Now, ammunition gone. He can only watch as the second and the third plane lifted off. Unlike the second plane, the third stayed low as the pilot pushed it in just enough left rudder to cause the plane to crab onto the edge of the grass strips that it passed by not 20 feet away from where Jim stood. Otto Squarzeny looked down, grinning demonically, and James Martell finally understood the meaning of hatred.
Starting point is 00:47:19 There's apparently like three or four times where a character learns the meaning of hatred, and that's because Newt Gingrich as an educator likes it when people expand their minds. For a little bit more coverage of some of the awkward lines in this book, I'm gonna turn to an Orlando Sentinel piece titled, As a writer, Gingrich makes a good politician.
Starting point is 00:47:39 Good title for a book review. 1945 is cluttered with awkward lines like, the exhaust vapors that swirled in through the car's open windows stank like hell itself. Then there's this, the scene brought to Martell's mind, the absurd image of a cobra tenderly protecting a baby. Much of the pre-pop- Why would-
Starting point is 00:47:58 What's bringing that to mind? Why would that bring that to mind? Have you ever seen that? Is that a thing you can picture because you've witnessed it? You know what this reminds me of. Yeah, you know what this reminds me of? A thing no one's ever seen. Yeah, it's very funny.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Much of the pre-publication hoopla surrounding 1945 involved its supposedly steamy sex scenes, some of which were exerted last year in the New York Times Magazine when the book was still in draft form. Gingrich vowed to tone down the sex. He succeeded, for example, in bed with his, yeah, I mean, we just read that passage,
Starting point is 00:48:35 but I love that there were leaks of this that were too horny and he had to change the final draft. There's also a lot of- Who was leaking these? It's gotta be Newt, right? Who else would leak these, right? He's just testing the water. How horny can we get?
Starting point is 00:48:52 A good amount of George H.W. Bush slander in this. Gingrich talks about, like has a character who knew him when he was a pilot, because George H.W. Bush fought in World War II, who says, if you needed someone to lead a group straight into enemy flack, he was your man, which is funny because he was in fact shot down during the war.
Starting point is 00:49:11 And he had to also edit those portions to be nicer to George H.W. Bush, which is cowardly new. Like you've blown up any sort of legitimacy your book had when you do stuff like that. Anyway, I wanna move to a passage midway through the book that's set in Winston Churchill's office because one of the things that happens, while the Germans invade East Tennessee,
Starting point is 00:49:33 Rommel conducts a landing in Scotland. Of course. They're moving down through Scotland. The desert fox is going to the moors. No one's better to conduct a war on the Scottish Moors than the Desert Fox. Just port the Africa Corps right on over. They'll appreciate the breeze.
Starting point is 00:49:54 So I wanna talk about this just because there's a little bit here that's kind of relevant to modern politics. Here's Winston Churchill talking. One of his aides says- Molly and I both made the same face, but we're like, oh no. He's talking to one of his aides, a guy named Andrew. For my part, I've ordered a secret alert
Starting point is 00:50:14 for the Royal Air Force starting at midnight. Also, the army will move on spring maneuver schedule up so as to increase troop strengths throughout England. I'm also going to make a speech before the House next week accusing Hitler of preparing to launch an attack against us. Winston, I wish you wouldn't do that. Why? Because the America First crowd will go to town on you.
Starting point is 00:50:33 That's why. They'd claim it was part of an ongoing plot to drag us into yet another European conflict. They'll say it was a repeat of what you and Roosevelt tried to do in 40 and 41. They'll say you're deliberately trying to provoke Hitler, that you came back to office intending to do just that, to finally drag us into a showdown with Germany. If you make that speech, I won't be able to back you up."
Starting point is 00:50:53 A cold, static, latent silence was the only response. Even Roosevelt didn't start to move openly until after the 40 elections, you know, Andrew continued after a moment's pause. You know that I agreed with him 100%. I could see the threat as far back as the denouement of Versailles and the move into the Rhineland. I knew then, and I know now, that the maniac son of a bitch would never stop on his own, and that nothing short of a full-scale war with the United States could stop him. We should have been in it back in 41. If it hadn't been for that damned accident, he'd have declared war on us after Pearl Harbor.
Starting point is 00:51:22 He all but told me that himself. In 41, we'd have won easily now He's ten times more dangerous. I just love that the America first guys are the bad guy at 1995 and fucking Gingrich is absolutely going to wind up on that side here. Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple other fun Moments in another chapter not long after this We go to Rommel talking with some of his people. And there's a line here that's very funny. Americans would be startled to discover the degree of camaraderie that existed,
Starting point is 00:51:52 not just between different ranks within the German officer corps, but between officers and rankers, that the practice had its roots in the mutinous conditions prevalent in the German military at the end of the great war, perhaps Germans could afford the informality because German society was so thoroughly status conscious. Whereas Americans, so unready to grant superiority to anybody, needed the outward manifestations of rank because otherwise they would lose track of who issued orders and who took them.
Starting point is 00:52:19 It's an interesting description of American culture. Oh, Newt. A strange read of Germans. I don't know that there was informality in the ranks. Yeah, informality in the German military. I think he's trying to talk about like Aufstregs-Taktik, which was this kind of anti, it was this kind of flattening of military hierarchies
Starting point is 00:52:41 in certain specific ways that came about as a result of like combat in World War I, where you were saying basically like unit leading officers should have a lot of freedom to like conduct advances and kind of carry out attacks in a way that sort of they see fit rather than having to follow orders to the letter from above, right? It was-
Starting point is 00:53:02 I just don't know that that translated into sort of the social culture of the German people. I don't know that I would say the German military was particularly informal between officers and civilians, especially since like the Prussian younger officer class was still a major part of the German military in this period. So what happens when they get to Tennessee?
Starting point is 00:53:18 Is it like a ground invasion? I think they, I mean, they come in from the air, right? Of course, yeah. And then, I mean, I can tell you what happens, which is that Sergeant Alvin York and a bunch of elderly veterans form a militia and stop the Nazis. Largely that's who saves the day.
Starting point is 00:53:36 Cause Newt's got to have his like pro second amendment stuff. So he like puts it in the mouth of like an elderly Sergeant York fighting off the boffin. So just the old men of Appalachia just like SS. So just like the old men of Appalachia just like band together. Yeah, the old men of Appalachia. Look. Okay, I can buy that. I can buy that.
Starting point is 00:53:50 I mean, the Waffen SS. I feel that. The Waffen SS proved in the actual World War II that they were not very good at fighting an insurgency. And I think that Appalachia is worse terrain to fight an insurgency than anywhere in Western Russia. So I'm gonna say, yeah, probably. Probably that would have gone bad for the Nazis. See, this could conceivably have been
Starting point is 00:54:12 an interesting alternate history. The Waffen SS trying to like fight their way town to town through Appalachia and just getting their shit wrecked. Well, the problem with this book, cause that isn't it. That's a book I would read, especially if someone- I would like that.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Someone less problematic, like Harry Turtledove had written the fucker. But that's not like, Newt and Forsgen kind of fall for a standard pitfall in writing fiction here, writing particularly like speculative past fiction, is you have this point that's the actual thing that you wanna get, that's actually interesting,
Starting point is 00:54:46 which is like an insurgent war in Appalachia between the Nazis and like elderly American World War I veterans. That's a fun premise, but you don't get to it until the very end of the book, right? By the end of the book, Hitler's, you know, geared up for a full-scale invasion and we're actually getting ready to have like,
Starting point is 00:55:04 you know, he set up for a full-scale invasion and we're actually getting ready to have like, he set up like a naval conflict between like US carrier groups and Nazi, like the German Navy. Like there's a lot of cool stuff that's happening by the end potentially, but it's not really a part of the story because he feels the need to like go back much further. Like you should always start a book
Starting point is 00:55:23 at the thing that's most interesting to you, right? You don't actually want to waste a lot of time building up to that, even if you're like, well, people are gonna wanna know how we got here. No, they're not, they don't give a shit. Start at whatever's most interesting. It's a rookie mistake. Maybe if Newt hadn't been so busy
Starting point is 00:55:39 being the speaker of the house, he'd have been able to get it right. So what you're saying is the sequel is probably a banger and we need to get it. I think the sequel is a banger. It was all apparently intended to be one book that's too long. But yeah, you know, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:55:54 We probably don't need to go through this whole thing, especially because it's the election. I do like that he named his protagonist Jim Martell, right? That's Barry Charles Martell. Yeah, it's a fine name. Yeah, it's a fine name. Is it, Sherlock means dad? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Also played by Christopher, what's his name? From the Lord of the Rings. I don't know. I think I'm good on this book. We hit 45 minutes, right? That's all we owe you on our off week. This is an off week. We're taking a breather.
Starting point is 00:56:33 We're trying not to focus too much on the news because nothing interesting is going to happen yet. You in the future know. So just scream at past Robert and Molly about what happened. And if I don't get any message from the future, I will assume that we all die this week. So please do send a message. This is it for the whole world.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Thank God. Thank goodness. Anyway, Molly, how do you feel about the alternate past? What's your favorite World War II counterfactual? Do you spend much time thinking about, like for example, what if the Germans hadn't invaded Russia but had focused all of their military might on North Africa, you know?
Starting point is 00:57:13 As a woman, Robert, I'm going to say no. I have never thought about that in my life. Oh, that's a shame. I spent a lot of time doing World War II counterfactuals. No, I could run get my partner. I think he probably could talk about this for hours. I think this is a thing that men like to think about. Oh yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:57:28 But no, I have never considered this. So are you more of a World War I counterfactual guy? Like what if Serbia had taken over the Austro-Hungarian Empire? What if by World War II, the great land power in Europe was the Serbian Empire? What if- I'm always asking myself like that.
Starting point is 00:57:49 Sophie, aren't you always asking about that? I'll tell you one thing. We never would have stopped putting cigarettes in movies. If Serbia is like a China-sized market for American television and film, cigarettes don't ever get cut out of Hollywood, you know? So that's good, that's my prediction. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Molly, do you have anything you wanna plug? Yeah, you should listen to my podcast, Weird Little Guys. Assuming no acts of terrorism happened this week, I won't have any new news to cover in there, but each week we- Hey, there have already been five bomb threats against polling locations in Georgia. They did pick up a guy the other day
Starting point is 00:58:32 with an armed bomb about to blow up the power grid in Nashville. So it does keep happening. I never went off guys. I'm not gonna say there will be no acts of terrorism. Yeah, well, you can tune into weird little guys to hear about these kind of weird little guys who do things like that.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Yeah, speaking of weird little guys, Newt Gingrich, probably a lot littler because he's extremely old now. So he's weird. Oh yeah, check out Newt's wife's Instagram. She Photoshopped her face to be completely smooth in every picture. It's incredible. Beautiful, beautiful.
Starting point is 00:59:05 And presumably if this book is true, she's plying in for nuclear secrets. Hey, you know what? The ambassador to the Vatican. She's not anymore. Wow, what a do nothing job. I know. Make me ambassador to the Vatican.
Starting point is 00:59:21 Cause you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get into those catacombs. I'm gonna steal some saints bones, you know? I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get into those catacombs. I'm gonna steal some saints bones, you know? I'm gonna have a whole necklace made out of the bones of saints. Dream bigger, I'm getting the chronoviser. Oh, oh wow. Yeah, the Pope's time machine.
Starting point is 00:59:35 Yeah, yeah, of course. Anyways, hopefully. The Pope has a time machine. Hopefully things are. I love the idea that the Pope has a time machine. Hopefully things are. I love the idea that the Pope has a time machine because my imagination is rather than doing like anything that would help the Catholic Church, he just repeatedly goes back in time
Starting point is 00:59:53 to like put a thumbnail on Martin Luther's chair. Like he's just constantly fucking with Martin Luther a little bit. I don't think the Chronovisor allows you to manipulate the past only to view it. Oh, well then I would go look at dinosaurs. The Chronovizor allows you to manipulate the past only to view it. So. Oh. Well then I would go look at dinosaurs. Obviously.
Starting point is 01:00:09 Obviously Robert. That's the only thing I would be interested in. I'm proud to say I wouldn't stop any historical crimes with a time machine. I'm doing nothing but dinosaur related stuff if I get access to a time machine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Anyway. That's what I'm doing. Go have sex with Newt Gingrich and get secrets from him. It's apparently easy. He doesn't have any secrets anymore. Yeah, well, there's only one way to learn. I hope the future everybody is okay. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:39 And you know, wear a rubber. You don't know where Newt's been. Jesus Christ. Newt doesn't know where Newt's been at this point. Behind the Bastards is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, CoolZoneMedia.com. Or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Behind the Bastards is now available on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:01:04 New episodes every Wednesday and Friday. Subscribe to our channel, youtube.com slash at Behind the Bastards. From audio up, the creators of Stephen King's Strawberry Spring comes The Unborn, a shocking true story. My babies, please, my babies. One woman, two lives and a secret she would kill to protect. She went crazy and shot and killed all her farm animals, slaughtered them in front of the kids, tried to burn her house down. Listen to The Unborn on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Starting point is 01:01:39 podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise
Starting point is 01:02:09 once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join iHeart Media Chairman and CEO, Bob Pitman, for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math & Magic Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews the iconic and prolific Martha Stewart in front of a live audience in celebration of her 100th book. Did you ever think you were gonna wind up writing a hundred books?
Starting point is 01:02:40 Yeah. You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. Listen to Math & Magic on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea Handler here. This week on the Dear Chelsea podcast, Riley Keough discusses the memoir she co-wrote with her mother, Lisa Marie Presley. But it's also such a gift to be able to sit here and say as an adult woman, I had such a good mother. Yes. That is a gift.
Starting point is 01:03:05 I know. You know, she certainly was not like a, I don't know what a perfect mother is. Well, she wasn't a traditional mother. She wasn't a traditional mother. I am so grateful to have had her as a mother. To have that kind of love. Fine.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Dear Chelsea, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone. It's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated.
Starting point is 01:03:36 Oh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angela Carras and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Fam podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Alpha Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts, girl. Ooh, I know that's right.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.