Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bad Hombres W/Uncle Lazer | Bein' Ian with Jordan #196

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Comedian and star of other forms of entertainment Uncle Lazer joins us in the Den to talk about his infamous podcast appearance, what doors that opened for him, and he regales us with stories of his favorite...meetups on the road. Plus, the man plays a mean harmonica. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ -Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code FIENDCLUB at http://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Follow Unc! https://instagram.com/uncle_lazer Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Riding bites all through the night. It's a wild ride. When you be in Ian, coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, life is shit, but you're positive.

Let's find out what it's like to live alive. Being Ian with Jordan. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Being Ian with Jordan. I'm Jordan. This is Ian. And we are excited to have our guest today. Major laser.

Major laser, Uncle Cousin Laser, Uncle Laser, the one the only. Domexas with Texas. That's right, dude. The Texas, Lexus, Lexus, Texas. I'm trying to rhyme. This is our third podcast of the day, and I'm trying to rhyme. I can't rhyme right now. Thanks for saving me for last, dude.

Best for last. Don't cover up that wiener. Let it shine. You have a giant weiner? It's not, not, you know. He's got, he's got. He's got a good hog. Pace for shit and cuddle's good, you know.

I saw it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you did see it, huh? Yeah. On the internet? Yeah. Yeah, we all saw it.

All right. Well, yeah, no, it's not bad. You know, it's not great. It's not great. It's not bad, you know? But it's, hey, but it's there. You know what I'm saying? Why did you get your dick sucked on the internet?

Well, it just kind of happened. There's this, uh, boy. What's not like you like? Well, my, little, me. Land it. My little midget friend. Yeah, you paid somebody. It's not like you tripped and fell on your cock when her mouth.

No, it was like a whole process. My little midget friend from French Canada, he's like a porn star kind of thing. And he went on this podcast and he got to like do a scene with Bonnie Blue, the woman that does, you know, had fucked a thousand dudes in a day or whatever. And like a bunch of other porn stars and like the guy invited me to do the podcast for them. And I'm like, look, man, I'm not a porn star, but I have an only fan of this shit. I've done some blowjob trivia shit on there. So if you want me to do it, I don't mind. Question.

What's blowjob trivia? I'm, like, getting overwhelmed. So, sorry, blowjob trivia. I have some friends out in Vegas. They made a bunch of money on OF during COVID, and they're like, yo, you should do it if we could make it fun. I didn't want to do just, like, show my wiener on the end. I didn't want to do that.

But, I mean, I'll do something cool. So we come up with this concept, blow job trivia. And basically, it's me and him in a race against time. His wife's blowing him and their other porn star friends blowing me. And essentially you have to answer American History trivia questions, and when you get them right, they keep going. But when you get them wrong, they stop. And so, like, you get soft again. And it's just a race against time.

Question. Soft again. How do you get hard in the first place with all that stuff going on? It's a lot. But you just got to, you know, it's like anything. If you do it, you got to focus, you know, you're really going to be task-oriented, goal-oriented. Wait, is the most, is the, are you hard and you have to make yourself soft or are you soft? You have to make something.

No, but I mean, like, like, like he just alluded to, the whole production and the people around, and it going on in the stress of the questions because you realize you didn't retain shit from high school. So then you look like a fucking jackass on set, you know, and so when they stop, you go, it's kind of a human nature thing. So do you use Blu-chew?

promo code Scott for 15% off? Yeah, promo code. Do you use? Promocco laser 15% on it. No, dude, Scott! Scott! No, no, Scott! Do you use performance-enhancing drugs or you owe natural? I just own natural. You got it like that. Yeah, well, I used to. I'm getting older now.

It's starting not. It's starting out. I'm 35. Start not to kick the same way anymore. Some days they're better than others. Remember when you're 18, you just woke up and you just put shit through the wall? Yeah. Yeah, it's not like that anymore. I also did that in my 20s, too.

Glory holes. No longer. Been about a decade. Nice. Nice. I don't know. I think it's all diet. I think you can stay hard.

What were you going to say? What were you going to say my dad? Please tell me what you were going to say Because you rebooted mid-sentence and I know you and I know you're about to say my dad Please continue Please please continue about how your dad could get hard because he had a good diet No I saw it I called it I just said I've heard stories of that my dad was my dad be staying hard Was he healthy? No

Wow So how'd your dad stay hard if he wasn't healthy? Follow up question how did you? you know. They would tell me. They'd be like, your dad is hard all the time. Who's they?

All the women. But I did find a lot of Viagra. Oh, that'll do it every time. That's why. Yeah, that's why. Yeah. Yeah. And if that was a while back

when Viagra was new on the street, yeah. Can you imagine like the first time a woman got fucked with a guy that took Viagra for the first time? I found Viagra in my grandfather's car. Yeah.

Before he died. He died at 82. I was like, good for you, Poppy. Yeah. I don't know what the hell you're doing. with it, but good for you. Is that a Morgan Whalen shirt? No, this is just, I was on this

exotic ranch in Texas, and this is a blacktop branch. That'd be cool if he now has merch called God's Country. Does that say God's Country? Yeah. Remember because he went on SNL? Oh, and he was like taking me back to God's. Yeah, I forgot about that.

I love him. You like Morgan? Really? I never thought you would have said that. And he said he sucked? Who did you see Live? And you said sucked. I saw Tyler's 's life, who I fucking love.

but the production that they had him in front of was really gnarly. So you love Tyler's Children? Dude, can I tell you a funny child? Can I tell you a funny child? Can I tell you a funny child? Yeah. So in July, there was this big flood in the central part of Texas around Austin and stuff. A bunch of little girls died, a church group and stuff.

You just talked about that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And so they did, they did, uh, this big ass, they did this big ass, uh, they did this big ass benefit concert at Whitewater Amphitheater. And, uh, Robert O'Keen was putting it on. He's like a Texas legend. and they had like all these big names show up, Texas country guys, Entire Tudor Chilers was supposed to come out and play a couple songs.

But I was right, remember like he doesn't play feathered Indians anymore because he's like woke now and I'm like, listen, God damn it. He's not woke and sober. Yeah, sober. It's same shit. That's the same shit. Everybody needs advice, okay? And so.

Not us. We smoke. I fuck a lot. A lot of sex. But dude, I'm waiting on him. Everybody's waiting. He comes side stage and stuff like that. And he's wearing a blue jean jacket.

like how I got on. And I'm like, it's July or August. I'm like, man, hey. It's like, a hundred-some degrees. And I like, I was like, fuck it. This is for me. Nobody's around. I just tapped him on his shoulder.

And I was like, hey, man, got a lot riding on this. Said, I didn't talk to them. I didn't talk to the natives. They're cool with it. Play the hits. I said play the hits. You did not. I played it right there.

He looked at me, put his wedge back in it didn't look at me the rest of the time. I didn't care, man. Don't change it up when you fucking get there. All right? Remember what got you there. God damn it. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't know what either you were talking about, but I'm in.

Were you putting on this event? No, I was just there. They were like, hey, you know, you do your influence thing, common, we love your shit, come out, give you free, step back. You walked up to Tyler Childers and you said, play the hits. I said, hey, man. Not the hymns. I said, a lot of, lot writing on this. Hey, I talked to them native fellas.

They said, hey. You said that? Yeah, I fucking said that. No cameras around, no, no. I just like, hey, man, we missed the old shit, the good shit. Well, that's what I didn't want to say about the performance, but. Right? That's what I'm saying.

I just, yeah. I've seen him back when he still would fucking eat Xanax and bananas on stage and had the voice of a fucking angel. I hate when they change. Well, the other thing is with the change also got weird, like the weird background that he had was all this like, it was almost like, have you ever seen like the Who Live where they just are basically playing Tommy behind them on a screen

because they're like too old to function? It was kind of like that where it was like, bro, I don't want to watch a bunch of LEDs doing weird, like, dancing skeletons. I want to watch you with your guitar. Yeah, the purity of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, it almost was like with his new sober thing, which, great, please be sober.

He also has been like, well, now I have to josh it up in kind of cringe ways. So I do think he needs to either, like, scrap everything and be like, I'm sober and I'm going to play acoustically my new songs, or he should just play the old shit. But also, it is, I get being like, I, you know, like, if you're, like,

religious and you're like, I, I've met these things out of addiction. But it also is like, you, I mean, this is like Taylor's Oldest Time. It is just like, you have to do the thing. I mean, because you have to do the thing so you can do the thing you love. There's still people that find, like, you know, a benefit from hearing them songs that he created in that addiction fuel time. And so when you hold them back like that because you're woke now, that the fucking feathered in shit ain't got nothing to do with being fucking sober.

It's got correct terminology. It's feathered. It's a beautiful fucking song. It's not demeaning in the slightest. It's a beautiful love song, God damn it. What is this? Dude, come on the emo cruise next year, dude. We'll be playing the hits, man.

Tyler. He's a very, very good country singer. He's amazing. He simply saved country music. He single-handle. Him and Sturgle-Simson single-handle-old. I love Sturgeoning. Found him.

Did you know that? He produced his first album. Yes. Yeah, I'm a big, I love that shit, man. What's so bad about feathered Indians? But I have a problem where I also like What's his face? Who?

Morgan? No, no, no. I like the one that you'll hate me for liking. Who? What is his name? Brian, Zach Bryant. Yeah, he's a great songwriter. He's a phenomenal songwriter.

I mean, it was one of the best live performances. He's a great... I felt so bad seeing Chiltern and then seeing Zach Brian. Yeah. I like Zach Brian's song. I do too. Dude, what is so bad about feathered Indians? Nothing. It's nothing bad.

He wrote it when he was fucked up. It says... He wrote it when he said. Looking and I see the smoke signals in the night, I will die taking the fight to the feathered Indians. Die, die, die, die. Scalp, scalp, kill, kill, kill. I mean, it was a different time. I sent that to my ex and then he sent it.

And then I saw on his Spotify that he had added it to a playlist to a different girl. Ooh. Now, I'll tell you who needs to change. I'll tell you who. That's dirty. I show you music. I introduce you to do music and then on one of our breakups, you send it to a different girl to woo them. That's worse than him giving you BV, in my opinion, honestly.

You see what I'm saying? God damn, that but trail. I know. I know. I send you a song that reminds me of our love and then you use it to woo another woman. Yeah, yeah. That's a bad, bad ombre move. Isn't that bad ombre?

Now, speaking of bad ombres, this is the Tim McGraw song, Indian Outlaw. I'm an Indian out long. Have jerky and chuck-toll. My baby, she's a chippel wall. She's a one of a kind. It's a great time. All my friends call me Bearclaw. That song is so funny.

Dude, that song's so good. It's so good. But it's all a lie. It's all a lie. Have you seen the music video for that? It's outrageous. It's so insane. Okay, so you got your dick suck.

That's crazy that you said that to Tyler Childers, and I'm really proud of you for saying. Good. You got to say, hey, man, voice for the people. Them little girls are counting on that. Yeah. Did he? No, he didn't.

He didn't. He played the hymns. Fuck. I wish he played the hers. Hey, yes. What? Yeah. Do you have dip in right now?

Yeah. And you're vaping. Yeah. Cool. I was going to ask you to play the harmonica, but we can do that later. I can do it with a deep in. No. You can?

Yeah. Can you teach me how to play? Well, that's for another podcast, probably. But you need a better harmonica. Where are you from? I'm from Texas. I'm from like a South of Houston. Dude, do you know how you bring it on him?

Zero. He used to work in the oil field. All right. All right. Now you play and we'll make up a song. Oh, like a blues beat? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Okay. Houch, feeling like a little slouch, Can't sing about the Indian touch with Jordan. Wish I hadn't said anything. I feel like I left over in pretty scarred. How big was that wiener? He was speaking it was why? Stayed hard on ice.

It was hard all the time. I heard about it all the damn. I don't know. She's all the way of that dickling. He had a hog, and hog. Her dad had a hole. Oh, great.

So why did you get your dick sucked? I was just kind of there. I mean, he was just like, so he's like, yeah, man, I got somebody for you, and I show up, and I show up, and there's like this. Now, granted, listen, this is a 28-year-old woman. She's the ninth biggest porn star in the world. But her stick is, she kind of looks 14.

Okay? So I walk in, and I think it's something. somebody's personal assistant question she looks younger than that probably whatever look yeah pull her up yeah tell you take you again but dude I get there and I'm like hey I think she's like assistant or something and then she's like hey

I'm I'm Cocoa I'm porn star and I said we'll just bring your kid to work what is this I say y'all fucking with me I said come on but she gave me a bump of cocaine and we went in there and we did a good podcast there and then he's like hey man she was saying she'll fuck you if you want to fuck on camera I'm like I don't want to fuck somebody's child I don't want to do that You know, and they're like, well, she'll blow you.

That makes you if you're more comfortable. And I go, well, shit, let me see her ID, you know. Yeah, yeah. And so I held her ID and she's 28, so. 28, but she looks like a child. Yeah. Ninth biggest porn star in the world. That says a lot about society.

Yep. That is weird. Can you just Google it, please? I don't know her name. I screenshot it. Coco Lovelock. You're looking for his reactions. Oh.

That's not cool. But, hey, doesn't she look like the Babbadook? A little bit, a little bit like the Babbadook. Yeah, 28, bro. That's really weird. Hey, man, I'm telling you. What's her name? Ready?

Coco Lovelock. When you get your dick sucked on a pod, and then you realize you got your dick sucked on a pod. Dude, make that a meme tag made it in. Dude, dude, yeah, yeah. I mean, I get to give you credit. I would never do that. And I, getting hard on command.

like that is crazy behavior. Come on, man. Oh, yeah, that's really scary. Who's that? What is that thing? Oh, this is spooky stuff. I know. He's got a rat.

Hell yeah. Was that her? No. That's her as a child. But she still is one. Wait. But now you hook up with porn stars on the pod all the time.

Yeah, they come on my pod. Ever since that. Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa. On your podcast, you fuck? Well, like, after the actual podcast for, like, Patreon are the only fans portion of it. Not every single time. If they want to, they want to have not.

I don't really care. It doesn't. Mom, he came here because he said he was going to do that after the show. I guess I can't hold the camera while you guys. No, dude, we need your dad. Yeah, yeah. We'll call my dad. Tell your dad over, dude.

We got to have a say on. Coyote's little paws go like this. Yeah. So you fuck on your, you don't have a partner? I'm starting to see somebody a little more now And they don't mind this? Well, that's become a little less fresh. So, yeah.

Yeah, so we're kind of, yeah. Like I said, like, there's like little understanding. We don't know. Emo's not dead cruise and he brought his gown. We had a good time. Wait, and she's not into it. I mean, she fucks women, too, you know. Do you all do it together?

We haven't, but we've talked about it. Yeah. But she doesn't want you fucking Randos anymore. Yeah, but I'm just honest. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll tell, like, hey, this was going to, if she's like, now, and we have a discussion about it. We communicate.

I mean, I'm not a fucking piece of shit. So what will happen is you have a porn star and you talk to are you an interviewer. Yeah. And then afterwards for Patreon, would you probably make a good amount of money on? I just started. The OnlyFans have been making a pretty good amount of money on. Because I used to just do like the Patreon when it was like shit like that for the OnlyFans. But now I started to realize I should need to do for every episode I do have just like 15, 20 minutes of Patreon up there.

So now it's growing pretty good now. Not I'm consistently upladen. But yeah, the porn shit really fucking fires off. I had a girl Can you just fuck your girlfriend on that? Well, I mean, so this is like, yeah, I could But I don't want to be a porn star You know what I'm saying?

I'm not trying to just make content Oh, oh, sir But if a porn star comes Oh, if that was, I mean But you kind of are. What are you talking about, man? What are you talking about? You are fucking on camera

And people are paying for it. That makes you a porn star, man And the crazy is I stay hard the entire time. What a treat. Some would call it special. The scientists don't understand me And neither do I. Bluechoo.com slash you.

Bluechru.com slash Uncle Lasier. Scott! Scah! Scah! Scas! The promo code! Scott! Scott! Yeah, I mean, I guess, man. But like I said, it's... For every, like, 10 podcasts or 20 podcasts, who maybe one has that? You know, maybe.

That's why you got to subscribe. You never know which one of the big. No, no, no. This is how I feel about comedians who post themselves on Onlyfans. What? You got to... You're a comedian or you're a porn star.

You're not both. You got to choose. Yeah, but don't we all have to wear multiple hats? What is that... What hat do you wear? What hat do you wear? What other hat do you wear besides Goofy motherfucker? What? Where was that coming wrong?

I'm just saying, me too. Jesus Christ. What hat do we possibly wear? You evil bitch? No, that's a compliment. Goofy's good. Yeah, I know, but you said it as a pejorative. I'm saying you easily could have gone down this road and you did not.

Yeah, I know. Right. I know. Because you maintain. But I'm saying, you know, you act, you're right. You're a podcast. You're a comedian. No, you can't porn.

You. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fydance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do.

An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it lose. Toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Well, Kim Kardashian porn and then became one of the richest bitches in the entire world.

So, I mean, is it really that bad? It's taboo to some cultures. For sure. But everybody fucking. I might be a Republican. I mean, look, everybody, look, I'm not Republican. I'm not, I'm lesbian. Okay.

So, I mean, listen, we all think it. We all masturbate. We all fucking sleep. We all shit. We all eat. I don't masturbate. And I also don't shit. You don't?

You don't masturbate no more? Never. Really? I have sex with human. men good for you god damn jensen i'll be damned that guy matt that goofy bastard masturbates no doubt in my mind you know it's funny he don't do i have done it probably less than 15 times since december and now the only time i whack off yeah is to my chick or video she sends me i've looked at porn less than five times since the new year i am so proud of it yeah and

Again, I don't need... I don't need... I don't use Blue Chew anymore. When I'm with my chick, I don't use it. But if we fucked on camera, I'd have to... It's just too many extenuating circumstances. The way that we're so dogmatic about, like, addiction and doing bad things, do you think it is just, like, the straight off, the straight edge, like...

No, I think it's a thing where every other thing I'm slowly eliminating and finding happiness in it. Yeah. So I'm going to... to keep going down that route because it relates to using things as an, I have an addictive personality. I can get addicted to stuff and lie and tell myself, I'm not. Yeah, when I had that vibrator that had the suction thing on it, I did not leave. Yeah, you were sucking it up all the time.

To push tentacle? Yeah. I can't deal with that thing. Oh, yeah. I've had to throw it out the window. And I just think of decensitoggy because you're never going to find that on somebody. I can't tell if you're doing something on purpose or trying to actually talk it in your mouth. Look how far is John.

Kiss how many of you? Oh, ma'am. You know what's insensitizing. You're getting your pussy in by a fucking mouthful of a cud. Yeah, I'm telling you. Nothing sobers you up quicker. So, wait, when you were doing this dick-suck trivia,

were there any questions that really stumped you that you, like, you lost it to? Yeah, when we started getting, like, economical rise of, like, just trade routes and shit and, like, geographical, like, locations of, like, the Nile and shit and like where certain pyramids are at. I was like, what the fuck? You weren't just like, who gives the shit? Next question.

I was like, I can't think. I'm getting that. Who gives a shit? Fuck you. I don't know what the 19th Bill of Rights is. I'd like to phone a friend. Honey, what do you think? No, we could do that.

We could phone and they can answer. Really? Yeah. Well, if they're the one suck of the cock, something tells me I don't think they'd know the answers. No, they didn't. Whose little program is this? I just made up the concept on air.

Oh, you made it on air. Like for the sketch or for the scene or whatever. Yeah, you wish that was a sketch. Yeah, no, I've got my dick sucks on camera doing trivia. I was just a sketch. Listen, yeah, we wrote a script out. Listen, I'm never going to do anything with distaste. He's like getting head.

He's like, I got a sketch idea. Ask me questions. Yeah. But I didn't want it to be like, you know, distasteful or derogatory in any sense. And honestly, when I watch it back, it's a perfect balance between, like, you can watch it with your friends and laugh. And you can also watch it with your friends and jerk to it. So, I mean, I think we accomplished what we were trying to, you know. Nothing makes you in a jerk off.

It took me 14 minutes, but I did wins. Wow. Really? Yeah. Are you a smart guy? Yeah. I look like shapes and colors, but I know numbers and I'm pretty intelligent. Laser is interesting because there is a show that you put on, but it is rooted in who you are.

It's just turned up to 11, right? On stage, it's 11. But I still walk around. I mean, I walk around with them goddamn, I don't really ain't wearing no goddamn cut off shirt ears because it's fucking cold outside. Other than that. No, but under it all, he's a, he's a. sweet, like, level-headed fella. Like, you would think, that's one of my, I boxed him at Skank Fest.

He punched me in my kidney and I got pregnant, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was pretty brutal. What does he say about all the porn stuff? He laughs. He used to do that. He laughs. Yeah, he laughs at it.

Yeah, he and I've had really good conversations. He's been a good buddy of mine for a long time. Don't you wish he had his cock while you're doing it? God damn. Can you imagine? But then, yeah, then I'd just be throwing it all kind of all over the place. I know, you know what I'm just. It's almost like your tiny cock kind of rains you in.

Yeah. Well, it's really, it's, I grew up by that power plant, so I got that little vein in the middle. It looks like Voldemort shit that he left on Harry Potter's head. It's like a ribbed condom, you know what I'm saying? And it has its upsides, you know, you know, it does. It's not heavy. That's not heavy. Yeah.

You don't have to tote it around. I don't have to get a loin cloth to tote it anywhere. Yeah. Sometimes I don't even know it's there. Hell, sometimes I look down and go, whose wiener's at? Who put this baby wiener on me? Strow to the girls that it's inside. They're like, what is this?

What even is this? Is there a dick in me? Coyote, cover your little ears. You ever see a dog this cute? That is a very, very handsome dog. Pretty good dog, right? Pretty good dog. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Don't fuck her. No idea for a podcast. This dog licks your ass. Have you a gay sex? No. Come on.

No, no, no. I don't find men attractive. Yeah. I mean, I'll tell you, I'll tell you when they're, like, if you're attractive, young man, but I'm a goddamn boy, you're good-looking. But I just, the male body, the whole anatomy, I got a winner too, and that motherfucker's ugly. You know, I never seen a winner and be like, oh, shit, I won't put that in my mouth, you know. Really?

You haven't looked hard enough, brother. No, no, no. I don't think there's a- A couple websites I could through you. No, I'm good. There's good ones. I'm busy. Yeah.

You know. So then your podcast is mostly interviews, though. Yeah, so I kind of want to, it's kind of thing of it like a modern-day Howard Stern. Like, I'll, like, have, like, the sex porn star shit on there. I'll do comedians, movies. You know, like musicians and shit. So a kid could watch it. Some episodes.

The episodes with porn stuff would put like the over 18 thing. You know what I'm saying? But did they do porn stuff on the pot or only on the Patreon? I mean, they'll show their tities or something. Oh, nice. Or kiss.

Yeah, every one of you think this thing? Two of them will kiss? Yeah, no kiss put their tities out or some shit like that. And look not all the time. I've had porn stars come on there that didn't show any skin. And I don't, I say, hey, we want to get a fuck ton of clips. We take your tities out. We'll cut it up and make it look real nice.

If you don't, that's all in you. It's just have a conversation. the blowjob in the fucking beforehand or does sometimes it come out organically and you're like this is fine with the 12 year old no it didn't that I mean that was he's like hey I got this person that was set up most of the time you talk

yeah you don't just go in there the thing with the 12 year old happened when he went on and she was like go go go go got put put yeah Jesus Christ gosh gosh she's a 28 year old that's a 28 year old woman I mean once they let the 7 year old out of the shipping container she was willing to just do

anything it took to have fresh air Yeah, they have a way, what is that, a wayfar? Wayfair fucking box in there or something. She comes out. Oh, horrible. Wow. So then is your girl a porn lady? Nope. Oh, no.

She just likes sex. Yeah, she runs an entertainment company. Nice. Yeah. Legally, I can't say anything more than that. Great, great, great, great, great. And then, would you ever do this? No.

What would it? It's just really weirding you out, huh? I have a huge, I can pull my winger out on your podcast if you'd like. I can pull my winger out on a podcast if you'd like. I have a huge, I don't mind an Ari Shafir Wiener show. Could you pull it out and just helicopter? Right now, I am on Adderall and it looks even smaller than what it used to.

I'd rather not be honest with you. You're on Adderall and weed and dip? Yeah, baby, like I said, I got vices. Yeah. You know, a few. You say everyone needs a vice. Capital V. I like to wear, I like to wear multiple hats.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm going on. We know that. We know that about your hats. Yeah. Now, you ask me what I want? How much would it take for you to get a blow job on? Nothing.

No. No. You do it for free? You're worried about like, okay, let me ask you this. Ready? This man. Just gonna get you.

Louis C.K. What about him? You respect him? Wants to blow you. I mean, do you do it on a podcast? He wants to put me. He's your favorite comedian.

Cruz Farley, but he's not a typical stand-up, but yeah. Okay, alive. Working comedian that you like. Oh, shit. Nate Bargatsky. Okay, perfect.

Yeah. Nate Bargatsi. Yeah. Is. You said Bargotsky. I'm not. Nate Bargotsi. You always said Nick Gargoy.

Listen, Nate. Nathaniel Garnarski. The toddler that you fucked. Big Nate. Listen, there's a three-year-old on your podcast. Yes or no? Nate Bargotsi. Nate Bargotsi is scrolling online and he's on Twitter.

And he sees you with your dissociated face getting head from that woman. Yeah. And it says comedian laser. Is there a little bit of shame that comes up? Why? Why shame? I'm not telling you. I'm just asking.

No, not at all. Look, I mean, if you're going to do something, be proud, like, if I would have had second thoughts, I mean, I think, like, okay, how's this going to look? But it's not like, we're consenting adults, you know what I'm saying? Like, I know what the real, the headline kind of looks, how it plays, but fuck, dude, it's clickbait. It's rage bait. Like, you put yourself out there. Now, listen, at the end of it, I got to make my way, okay? If some other man who's higher in my field of progression, distaste on doing it, well, just, listen, just because you, just because you don't get there that way, don't mean you can't get there.

You know what I'm saying? I'm going to figure out my own ride. I'm asking this. God, that makes you want to just be on a football field. Yeah, man. It's quite a speech. I'm, yeah, it's like a white lady talking to a really dumb black football player. You got to make your own way.

Jordan, but look at me. Look, if there's anybody going to get their dick sucked on a podcast, look how far my lip is sticking out and how lengthy my hair is. You see what I'm saying? Like if you, oh, laser got his dick sucks on a podcast, oh, maybe he's other comics that would ruin, but look at me. That's not, that's kind of right in my wheelhouse. Yeah, but he's, he is forging his own path. No, let me say what I'm coming from. Me and Ian both don't.

Harmonica when I start speaking. Christ, sir. Me and Ian both are people that you could look at? You'd be like, oh, are you really surprised Jordan Ian did this fucked up thing? And it's like we have, we both have bipolar disorder. We both get manic and then we do things that we have to walk back in the past. So I'm wondering if when you did this, you were like, I thought it out. It's well kept.

Yeah, I did. I did think it out? I think that's a great thing. But, I mean, did I have like concerns and something? Did you get high at one point and go, oh, God. When Lewis Gomez re-shared the shit, like they made the clip from Legion on there about me getting my dick-sugging-old podcast,

and Dan Sodor's like, why would he do this? And then Lewis goes, because it's Uncle Laser, you know? That's what I'm just kind of like, yeah, like, it'd be one thing if it was like a real child or something like that, you know, like some fuck shit. Would be more than just one thing?

It'd be a couple things. It would be a different act all together. That's what I'm saying. Listen, if I fuck the kid, that would be bad. Yeah, that's where I'm going to draw the line. You know, like, yeah, but it's like, do you, like, if there's anyone to do it, it's him. And that's his thing, and that's what he's going forward and doing. And it's like, if he's owning it and everything, it'd be one thing if he was like, I don't want to talk about this.

Yeah, that'd be weird. It's like, dude. I get owning it. I'm just wondering if you've had any moments of, like. I mean, sure, they're, I mean, there's. I mean, you have a mother? I do. But she's, she had a landing strip when she got birth to me.

That's why I got this haircut. You know what I'm saying? Like, what are we doing? I mean, so, like, my mom worked at Fritoe. You know, my mom used, that first time I ever did cocaine. I've never heard it pronounce that way. And that's, you know, 30 years. Frito Le.

What's it called? Frito Leigh. Frito Leigh. Fritole. Freedolee. Yeah, that's what I said. Frito Leigh. Comic that just got passed up the cellar.

Fridolee. Well, yeah, I mean, I did cocaine with my mom for the first time when I was 14 because I was failing homeack. I mean, like me and my mom are homies. She fucked all of my mom. Metallica, you know. No. Yeah, dude.

What? Yeah, she built Ford Tough. Wait, what? How'd she fuck all on Metallica? Huh? She used to party. Like, she was like, she was like Penny Lane, but like for that scene in the fucking girl.

Man, huh, in the late 80s, early 90s? That's so cool. Yeah. Wait, all at one time? I don't think all at one time. It's my mother we're talking about here. God damn it. Oh, sorry.

Sorry. I forgot. She had a landing strip when you were born. Sorry. She worked at Frito Lay, okay? Well, yeah. Jordan to answer the question, yeah, there have been moments where I'm like, fuck. But it's just like, look, I was going to do it.

But it's just like, it's all about perception, how you perceive the fact of what's really going on. Like, if I know deep down inside, I can sleep at night because I, like, fuck it. Like, them people ain't going to buy tickets to my fucking show anyways, you know? So fuck them. Why am I worried about what they're thinking? Yeah. I just, because it's so exposing, I would be, and I'm such a, like, private body person, I would be like. Yeah, but you're like such an exposing everything else person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. People have asked me this about stand-up. They're like, dude, is it fucked up? You have a Netflix special where you talk about wanting to fuck your dad? Like a lot? And I'm like, no, because I've already said this shit a thousand times. So you can, you condens you to it. Yeah.

Right. And you're probably conditioned to. The way he is with this cock is how you are with your, uh, personal life. You know, dude, maybe I am a fucking porn star. You are a porn star. You can be a funny porn star. Yeah. You are a porn star.

Yeah, fuck it. Let's just put it. Do you ever do penis stuff when you, when you go on stage? No. That's different. No, I tell you. I feel like fucked up stories that happened to me and shit like that, but I don't really know nothing like that.

Interesting. Have you ever thought about putting out? I think it might be the right way. Or else you just fall into this category. You have to differentiate yourself. You can't just be another. I can get you to look. You can't tell funny stories and be the Theo Vaughn.

You're the sex Theo Vaughan. There's no more rock stars left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? There's no more Motley crews. There's no fucking up hotel rooms. There's no nothing left. And it's like, well, that's rude.

Don't do that. Don't fuck up hotel. Put a deposit now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fuck up hotel rooms. I would do you? What do you do? What do you do?

I would throw a goddamn flat screen out the window. I'll yank it off its fucking bridges. No, you won't. I know. No, you won't. Don't you dare. Yeah, dude. Me and Coyote wrecks the house.

Free to lay, we'll have to clean that up. We got that free to lay money now. Wait, what do you mean you fight? Take a minute. What do you mean? Me and Coyote, tear up hotel rooms. We get snacks. She gets snacks.

We both, we throw balls and toys around, and we have a little party. I always clean it up. before I leave. No, I leave a huge amount of money. You just let her shit in there and right. But she's a puppy for sure. Yeah. Oucha.

So many zins. So many rappers. So many, like, tags and clothes. You should try it on my thing instead of the zen. It's way better for you. What, Lucy breaker? They're called, it's camel snuss. It's a pouch, but it's snus instead.

I thought it was snoots. Snoots. That's what they are snoots. Snoots. I've been doing when I was a contractor. Because remember it was like the first one that came out. Yeah. And then this shit tastes like it gives me indigestion.

Crazy. You can put it in your mouth and not get, like, sick. Oh, my God. This reminds me of when I was a contractor. You can have it if you like. I got plenty of them. What a gift. You get them at fucking shell stations.

They don't have them up here in New York. Let me try one. Oh, you have that weird shit where y'all sell like everything like just regular flavor. I haven't had one in forever. Let me try. I don't think you should do it, man. Yeah, yeah. You might start getting the hiccups.

Oh, I haven't had the hiccups before. Do I swallow it? Do you think this is better for you? How? You think of the better? Those are nicotine salts. No, do I swallow the juice? That's chemically compound made in a lap somewhere.

This is more, this is actual natural nicotine. You know what I'm saying? With no tobacco. With no tobacco. You can swallow the... This is what I used to... This is crazy. It's reminding me of building houses.

It's good. Come on my podcast sometime. I got plenty. I was vaping and... Oh, and suck your... No, I'm kidding. Oh, to suck your cock? Don't say it like that.

It's weird. Everybody was saying the opposite. They're like, dude, I'm telling you she looked like she was 55. Like she was 34. Yeah, dude, laser got his dick sucked by him. By the truck driver from Pee Wee Herman. Got his dicks like by a large barge. Oh, man.

Scared the crap out of me as a kid. Really scared me. I also cried when Peewee lost his bike. Yeah. So. sad for him. Is this bothering you? Yeah.

I know. Where's a sock? It's in here. Oh, okay. It's a micro sock. An ankle sock. You should just wear normal socks. I think you should not sock shaming.

Shame him, not me. Continue with you, shame. So you're a degenerate. Yes, my own. I do got some shit on Netflix coming out, though. What? The Kevin Hart Funny AF. Are you doing that?

Yeah, I'm wondering. So is Caitlin. Yep. Yeah. The competition? Yeah. Yeah. The competition?

Yeah. But when is that? It airs like next week. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You already shot it? Wait, wait. You're supposed to swallow the juice? No, you're not supposed to.

Well, you can swallow the juice, yeah. Don't swallow the pouch, though. You can. Saw the pouch. Just swallow the pouch. All right. If you're looking to cut back on stimulants, but still wanted a little treat, check out ultra pouches.

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Whoa. That's cool. much better than chewing it and getting blueing it with ingredients like oxytocin to enhance the brain body connection oh my god you know when you put your head up to a cat and he head butts you and he releases things from his glands of pheromones it releases oxytocin inside of your brain well why don't you head butt your dick with a cat's head in a form of a pill blue chew get that oxytocin out take one to be ready for action as little as 50 minutes blue chew send this to me i want to try this okay because I take your blue chew and it makes my tongue blue and it works sometimes it doesn't and then I'm like oh god I gotta take more what's going on but I want to try this new kind of blue chew because I would really like to see it dissolve under my tongue and get euphoric with oxytocin oxytocin and then get feel feel it feel it have someone feel my oxytocin inside of them it's time to check out bluechew gold make life easier by getting harder discover your options at bluechew dot com we've got a special deal for be

and Ian with Jordan fans, get 10% off your first month of Blue Choo Gold with code SCA. That's promo code SCA. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. 10% off your first month of Blue Choo Gold with promo code ska. What are you doing snowboarding? I'm going to eating. Austria, the Swiss Alps. We take a snowboarding trip every year.

And me and my, I'm like my brother and shit. We go out there. There's more of you? Yeah. Do they look like you? What's his name? Uncle. Duke Ryan.

N-uh. Yeah, we're in a band for a little. What's your real name? Huh? Well, you know, you got to tell me the Sonic. I can't just be giving out my name. Really? Oh, yeah, I got to get an ocean mountain blue water and a coney before I can just even let you know.

Duke Ryan is your brother's name. Yeah. Is your name as cool? Uncle Eza. No, you're real name? Oh, yeah, it actually is. It is? It is.

I honestly could have used a name. His name is Duke Ryan for real. Yeah, well, that's his stage name. Your brother's a guy. He's a stage person? He's a musician, lead singer. Oh, he was. Of what?

Now he's a shit-in farmer. But, uh... A what? A shit-in farmer. He just farms now. What's a shit in? I mean, you know, just a farmer, you know... Like a dirt farmer.

Yeah, like a dirt farm. Manure, such. This woman got mad at me for saying retard on stage the other day. Really? I say it all the time. No, I know. Me too. Yeah, but you can't.

And I was like... And I was like... I have a whole joke about my mind can say it when we can't. Anyway, and I was talking to her and she like kind of shamed me a little with her face and I was like, oh, are you like, she looked really rich? And I was like, are you from the Upper West Side? And she was like, actually, I live on a farm.

And then later in the set, I was like, what do you farm? And she was like, uh, nothing. And I was like, what do you mean? And she was like, I ride horses. And I was like, bitch, you fucking. You don't farm. I was like, the farm I came on. We fucking drowned cats and silos, okay?

Like, fuck you. It was so mad. Nine ways of skin a cat. I know them all. Yeah. Yeah. No, I got, woman got mad for me saying, retarded the other night and I'm like, man,

With all due respect, I rode the short bus when I went to school Because it was easier on gas I live so far out in the country They sent the short one I was retarded You okay? Are you okay? Is it kicking your ass?

I really don't like the R word No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all right? What are you doing it? Spit it out if you don't want it. Put it in the big one, the little one, I mean, the gross one. You all right? There it is.

There she is. These are so good. I love them. What's the matter with you, people? Why is you? This is my favorite. Cigrates make me feel bad. This is how I feel about that.

The different, the opposite. I'm the opposite. You feel bad? I feel bad. The vaping with it in, I did that with the Zins, and it got crazy. Yeah, it does get a little wild. It gets wild. Do you, like, wake up and look for that thing?

I hate it. It's so awful. I hate it, like, a fucking pacifier. Yes, I say that all. And, like, we don't know the long-term effects, but the fucking accessibility to it, the leisure. It's like, mother-fuck. That's why cigarettes are better. Dude,

falling asleep within your hand like I got, dude. With a little baby grip. Bro, it can be good. It can't be good for it. It's disgusting. And if my daddy knew I was smoking goddamn

watermelon sour eyes. I know I think about that all the time. He'd be rolling over his day if he were dead. But he's not. Oh, so he does know. Yeah, he knows. If my daddy knew it, he does know.

He does know. Yeah, cigarettes are better. Those are more addictive. Cigarettes are better. They're better for you. They're a conversational. piece, and at the end of the day, we know the long-term effects.

Makes it cool. Yeah. Take a look at this. Doesn't this make you want to give up porn? No, it makes me want to do more, so I can afford a real nice French Bulldog, because I miss mine very much. I love French Bulldogs, but I couldn't get one

because I wanted to get one named Brutus, remember? Yes. But they don't travel well. No. She's a little mutt, and it's the best thing you could ever do is get a mutt. Oh, yeah. My ex-coffin took off with my little re-year-old. Reba McIntyre, and I haven't seen her in like six months.

And then she'll just drop me pictures sometimes just to be a cun about it of her and the dog hanging out. Damn. It's real nice. Damn. I think Pete Lee travels with a Frenchie. That's like his little guard dog. A little guard dog Frenchie. I like that.

Okay, so. And how come I know about you getting your dick sucks? Because that was not on Patreon. because that one they posted like a reel on Twitter or X or whatever you know you can get away

with a lot more shit right there the guy that put the podcast on Pillow Ryan Powell yeah and so they posted it from there and then I guess Lou has seen it and they made the mention about it

and then it kind of blew up from there were you talking while she was talking your day yeah I'm carrying on a conversation with the host of the podcast oh my God that is so incredibly gay yeah I mean We're homosexual.

Maybe. You know, but we're talking comedy and, you know, old field and everything. I actually think it would be less gay than if he was sucking your dick. Now.

Imagine how gay. You're not only, are you looking at a man, but you are having a conversation with them. Yeah. That's like, that's like, yeah,

it's the gayest thing I've ever heard. It's the gayest thing I've ever heard. Wait, what is? Getting your dick sucked while having a full conversation with a man. Uh-huh. Couldn't, that's more homosexual than a guy

sucking your dick. Because at least if a guy is sucking your dick, You're not talking to them. You're wrong. Yeah, you're wrong here. I'm right. The gayest part of that whole interaction was his assistant guy that helps run the podcast. He's actually gay.

He handed me a towel once I finished. No, not gay. The gayest thing is if you're getting your dick sucked by a guy and then you ask another guy, can you open this jar? Hey, clip that. That's good. The gayest thing is you come and go, Ew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it off. Get it off. Now leave. Oh. No, I think that it's incredibly gay. If I'm making, if somebody is going down on me and I'm making eye contact and holding a conversation with a woman, that's gay. Have you ever been banging and you pick up the phone and you talk to a friend?

You know what's gay? Do you want to see the blowjob trivia one? I can pull it up on my only fans if you want. The blowjob trivia? Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to see it? No, you do.

I don't want to sit next to you while watching. No, I was going to hand you the phone. Can I? Oh, that's fine. Is that cool? Yeah, I wasn't going to like get comfortable. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, look at this.

No, no. It's gay. Yeah. Having the intent of being gay, it's not gay if you have a conversation with someone while someone sucks your cock. Yeah. If I touch his dick right now for a laugh, that's not gay. If I touch his dick because I'm like, God, it'd be so hot to touch his dick.

You are not, you are not being logical right now. I am being totally logical. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. Yeah. We are talking like this. Yeah.

And you are getting your dick sucked. Yeah. And I am the, I am in your focal. And you are listening to my voice and we are engaged. If I had to listen to your voice So I was getting my dick sucked, I would go soft. Exactly. Guess who didn't go soft?

That homo. Yeah, but that's not gay. That's just talking. I just wanted to see if I could do it. Well, you did it. I know. Maybe that means. Because I'm pretty fucking gay.

Yeah. Full circle. I think so. I think it's gay. You don't think so? You're so wrong. It's not gay. It's not gay at all.

If anything, it's the least gay thing. If I went over and kissed him as a joke, that would be funny. That doesn't make it gay. If I went over and kissed him to continue gay? We're not going to kiss today. No, no, but as a joke, if we kissed right now. If I pulled his pants down and sucked his cock, that wouldn't be gay. No.

That's what friends do. In fact, let's do it. It'd be a fun joke. If I pulled his cock out, sucked his dick, and then started texting him a lot. If I made a reservation at the restaurant around the corner at first 730 with. Lasers, not gay. Not gay. If we have sex afterwards. Not gay.

If I become a lazaholic and I follow them around the country and try to just be. Really? You have groupies? Oh, yeah. What do you think? No. Yeah. What do you think that one was going to do?

Both. Really? I get some weird shit. That's gay. What do I do? I had a guy asked me if he could like have a video of me stepping on grapes that he'd give me a thousand dollars. Barefoot is stepping on breaks.

The Italian? I didn't. Well, you're making me the wine and they gave the money. I didn't investigate. I get that message a lot. Why didn't you do that? Because that's how they get you. That's where it starts. That's where it starts.

And the next thing you know, you're putting jolly ranchers up your asshole. When you're broke, you don't make quota. It's not where it starts getting paid. It's a slippery slope there, Jordan. Okay. It's called the climb. It seems like the end of the slope is getting ahead from a 14-year-old. It's now.

It's Molly Cyrus. It's the climb, dude. Where are you worried you're going to end up exactly where you are? Say, it's full circle. Like I said, starting to be. You've ever seen the Lion King? Just like that. That's crazy.

Your uncle's also trying to kill you. And you know, and guess what, Scar? Gay. Gay. Yeah. That's what they say. Yeah. So was Jafar, I think.

Yeah, Jafar was gay. So was the little guy to like Gaston. I like the way you laugh, dude. I like when you laugh like that. It makes me feel good. Oh. Was it right? answer.

It sounds like sling blade. Dude, that snooos was... Is it still whooping your ass? I love it, dude. It's great. It just takes up too much room in my mouth. My stomach is being ill.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I think you sucked the juice out too much. Yeah. Yeah, if you suck it too much. Pause. You guys remember being in like high school and making out so much you got stomach eggs?

Did you ever do that? Was that mono? That was mono. That was mono. The fucking definition of mono. I just remember making out for hours. and getting the worst stomach ache. That's because a bunch of hair from the doll you were kissing from your belly.

It was, I was eating a pillow. I was consuming a pillow. Yeah. No. I didn't really make out in high school until later. I just remember that, like, going a full movie making out, and then afterwards being like, my stomach hurts. And it was like, I think I ate their bacteria to a point.

You know what I mean? You're touching. I have a foreign entity. The shit stuck in the back of their teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're tonsils.

Oh. Ugh. So what are your, what are they, what did you call them, laser rights? Laser rights. No, lazaholics. They're just, you know, some women, you know, I mean, look, you know. What do they do? I just get asked weird shit.

Like one time I killed Tony, I got asked, a woman with her husband, comes right up to me. And she goes, we're big fans, he's fans. If he wasn't here right now, I'd be sucking your dick. Whoa. And he's standing right there and he just looks and he goes, yeah, man, she would. People say that to me, too. Yeah, I mean, I bet you get all kind of haul past shit. My husband.

Oh, yeah. Paul past shit. All the time. Yeah. All the time. What are we supposed to respond to that? I fucking hate that. You might like it.

I hate that. I'll tell you this. One time this woman in a wheelchair came up to me and said she was terminal and she got permission from her husband to suck my dick. That is literally mean. And then she, I like joked it off. And then her sister came out to me and was like, if you don't get your dick sucked by her, she said I could suck your dick and talk to her and tell her about it.

And I was like, that's me. Why is that mean? It'd be like if you don't want to, if you don't want to get a cripple to suck your dick, I'll do it and just tell, she can live vicariously through me. Yeah, and I was like,

look, I'm not your make-a-wish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll do it. A-cum's a cum. Let's see if you can suck yourself to feeling better, honey.

Yeah, no, that did not happen. No, thank you, no, thank you. No. I hate when people say that when they're like, just so you know, you're both of our hall past.

I'm like, I feel incredibly unsafe. Yeah. I hate this. Get the fuck away from me. Well, I think it's because we talk about sex, people feel that they can come up and do that to us. And it is, I laugh it off and I have that, um, cribilage as a dude, but it is jarring sometimes what people think they can get away with.

Just say I have a crush on you. We think you're so hot. Yeah. Don't say like, we've decided that we, if we could fuck one person outside of marriage, it would It don't. Hey man, listen, listen,

you don't, you miss every shot that you don't take. That's what I'm saying. I bet they think this might work. This might work. You know,

I know I'm not your father, but maybe you'll fuck me. You know, maybe that's what they feel. That would get me. Hey, we actually have your dad's dick in the car. Yeah,

I don't think, yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it as a woman. You're standing alone. You're doing a meet and greet, and they're just like, you're our hallpat.

It makes me violent. I get violent. I mean, it's, It's weird, but at the end of the day, dude, it's flattering. They're flattered with you. Not to me. But I get it.

I mean, hey, don't fucking do that no more. She don't like that silly shit, God damn it. Yeah. Just compliment the, if you want to be sexual in some way, just be like, we think you're really beautiful. Be respectful. Yeah, just be like, when we're respectful. Or slip and no.

When we both finish, we think of you. Or whatever, dude. Whoa. Yeah. Like that. Don't include men in y'all's household. I don't mind the things that people say. Like, sometimes they say we, I don't mind people are like I was going

to kill myself and now I'm not because like I I don't mind intense shit like that but I don't like when they're like we have discussed fucking you that makes me like you know what I've discussed just beating the shit out of you both right now yeah it makes me violent and guess what it's a quick discussion yeah you're so good at that show yeah thanks sometimes you say that shit out loud though it's crazy oh my know that guy hit your special taping where you're like I'm gonna come back here with a sandwich and you better be ready for lunch or something He says like full 1950s things to people That are like riddles that people have to be like

I like that I like that I don't know what you did say What did you say? I forget You better pack a lunch because we're going to be here Here all day Yeah yeah Yeah

But for every weird like Little fucking sexual excursion that you get for those things You also get the ones that are like I got a woman the other day in Albuquerque After the show come up to the merch booth And she said she drove five hours Get me out of here She drove five hours

see me and I was he drove five hours to see me and I was there are you staying out of here? What are you doing? She's like no I got to take my kid to school the morning. I'm driving five hours back and I was like you drove 10 hours just to see me? She said yeah and I said why and she said well my dad was down in the hospital of cancer three months ago we'd watch her videos and laugh. It's the last time that I've seen Joy on his face. She goes, I wouldn't miss this for the world.

So for the fucking 200 of the weird sex ones, those make you feel like I, you know. I know I had a guy with a tube coming out of his head and said this is the last comedy show I'm ever going to see. Oh man. And I was like. Oh, too bad. get out of my shit. Yeah, I think he's Tubey?

Yeah, there's always that, totally. But it doesn't mean that I don't get to throw hands if you're going to fucking start talking about me in a degrading way. No, for fuck. I mean... I get fucking... When people get up on my shit. I want to fight at all time.

So when drunk women start grabbing at me... Oh, yeah? Oh, it's game over. Yeah, I had one woman grab my hand and just crush it so hard and not let go. And I just, like, I totally... beat the shit out of someone after your show? I beat the fuck out of this boy in Scottsdale.

Really? At the club. They don't let me beat the shit out of people. They hold me back. What happened? So fucking, so I get off stage, it's the last Saturday show.

So it's the last show of the weekend, right? And so there's this girl that comes up and she's fucked, she's so beautiful. And she wants me to sign her titty, so I don't mind that one bit, you know? And so I signed her titty. She's like, yo, we want to go to the after party with you. Is that cool?

And I said, yeah, let me go get paid. I said, hang out by the bar right here. and we'll come out here. So her and her friend said there, and I went and got my check one. I came back. There's a dude and a wife beat her calling her a bitch, a slut, a cunt,

and a whore hollering at her. And I was like, look, man. What if you was just mentioning George calling him? Yeah. He's like, do you want to know my favorite bit? Yeah. I asked her friend.

I said, is that her boyfriend? Because if that's her boyfriend, that's one thing. I'm not Captain Sableho. I'm not coming in there. You know what I'm saying? I'm not dying over pussy. And fucking, she's like,

no, we don't know that guy. He just, he just, he just came up and offered a buy us a drink and we politely declined and I go hey motherfucker yeah and I get in his ass and I'm right here he goes what do you gonna do about it and I go and I bit him on the fucking nose what bit him and we we incent and they they break us up right and like wait hold on do the little wiggle you did when you fit the I bit that motherfucker with like torque you know what I'm saying oh wow what you do with the blood in your mouth and I spit it out like and so they separate us and

And the security and she comes with me. She's like, yo, look, look. We don't know that guy. You barely know me. You just performed here for fucking a weekend. Let's just go to my car. Let's go. And I go, you know what?

Because this point I'm hot, but I'm like, that's probably, this I just did shows here. Probably shouldn't do this, you know? And so she takes me out the side. We walked, me and her friends were walking back to her car. And the security still got him at the front or so I thought. Then I heard, fuck you, fuck you. I'll fucking kill you.

And this dude is running at me in a dead fucking sprint. And I've been in enough fights to know. Like one of the black guys from Get Out? I know. I was just thinking that. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Dude, you're running at full speed. We're not talking anymore.

We're fighting, you know? So I kind of move from, like, away from the side of the girls to, like, square up. And I think he just V-lined me. He V-lines past them and knocks them the fuck down to get to me. And when he does that, I just slump. And when I say, like, slomp, I fucking swung and missed. Completely left open mist. And he fucking tried to take my legs.

And I go, that was fucking stupid. because I wrestled. So I fucking took that goddamn fish hook, right? His nose is illegal. You're not supposed to do that, but I didn't give a fuck. And I sprawled and used that hook in his nose, and I use his weight to counterbalance him.

And, dude, I put him on the ground, and I put him on the ground, and I put my fucking elbow in his throat. And I was like, and I punched him too because I was from missing. But I was like, listen, motherfucker. Yeah. I said, you're fucking this up for me is what you're doing

because you think this world will be doing right now, down here whooping your fucking ass. I said, you're fucking. Oh, I want to be down there eating her ass. You're fucking my pussy up. boy, you're fucking my push. I said, listen. I said, I'm going to let you up.

And when I let you up, if you try any more fuck shit, I said, I'll kill you. I said, get in your car, apologize, go home. Say, go home. It's that simple. And he, like, you can feel when a man lets go, I've been enough fights, you know, we're like, okay, we're square here. And swear to God, this isn't a joke. This is how this exactly fucking went down.

He looks up at me. He goes, I'm sorry, man. You had a really good set tonight. Oh, my God. swear to God Wait And I went and I fucked The shit out of that

I've been fucked like that since grade school Since father friendly hands And the boys taught me how to sing at the altar You know what I'm talking about? Wow What a tree I mean I'm talking What a tree?

Turns out fucking chivalry Gets women just fucking Did they both fuck you? Huh? All three of them women Three? No, it was just one It was just one

But she was the finest woman I've ever Draws a picture I'll show you I'll show you a picture. I'll show you the picture. She goes, we're not going back to half party. We're going to my house to party. Just you and me.

Whoa. We went in there, we got, we took a bubble bath together with one of them fucking bombs. You drop a lush. A dutch. A lush. Love a lus. A fucking lavender lush. Yeah.

My God, dude. I took that little fucking little baby duck thing out there. I'm just fucking cornholeing around. What a treat. Oh, my God. You fucked her with a duck? You duck. Quack.

Yeah. Hold on. What's going on? You don't. Now, object's permanent with the noses in the ducks. Hey, dude, now get it. Hey, see, but now you're starting to see,

getting my dick sucked on a podcast, right in my wheelhouse. Did she stick a duck in a woman? She told me. She told me. She told you. I said, look, the chickens have come home to roost. You've made Ian kind of go quiet.

You like that? It's crazy. I feel like you've shut me up and you've revved her up. You don't think's going on. It's actually my day off, too. You know, is it. A duck? Wait, what hole?

How big was a duck, man? It was cylinder. It was cylinder shaped. It was like the Oscar Meyer hot dog winner, but in duck form. It was quite the... It was quite the utensil. Quite the utensil. I like what Jordan laughs like that.

It makes me feel good. Hell yeah, brother. I'm knowing what questions to ask. I'm like, did you fuck the ladies? Ian Long's house. How big was the duck? Fuck, man. Short-circiting.

That's crazy. Okay. Oh, man, fuck me with the duck. That's just crazy that that woman, I guarantee you the next day she was like, did I tell her kind of fuck me with the duck? I really got too into it. She goes, make that pussy fart.

Oh, my God. No. Stop doing that with your mouth, dude. Hey, hey. I said, do what? She goes, make this pussy fart. And they make my ass quack. I text my mom, I'm like, come get me.

Come pick me up. Come pick me up. Wow. That's crazy. Oh, bless you. I don't have the, I don't have, I don't get, sex getting crazy. There's always a part of me that's like, I break, I break character. And I'm just like, where should I put my backpack?

You know what I mean? I certainly break character of a, if a, if a fucking duck was involved. I think we break character every day. time. I think that there is a moment where I'm always the fourth wall is going to come down. I'd be like, you don't actually want me to put the duck in you though, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Where are you like that? Yeah. I'm having a hard time knowing which way to put the duck in. The head or the ass? I'd just be like, duck, duck, do we go watch cartoons. I mean, look, it was a strange to ask, but, you know, at that point, you know, I was just like, we're here. One time a girl asked me to tie her up and I was drunk and I was trying to do the knots

and I couldn't. She goes, hurry up, tie the knot. I go, I'm not a fucking Boy Scout. She goes, while you're acting like a fucking arson, and I was like, you're doing something for you.

Yeah, I think you do need to be domed. No, I don't like it. I don't agree. I think you want to be a doming. I know, but you've expressed interest in the doming. When? I just can tell. No.

It always does it for you when you get yelled at when you get put in your place. Ooh, that's not a bad observation. Yeah. I got mixed up with the dominatrix. in Canada and Vancouver. Right when Ozzy died, I was taking it pretty hard. Oh, you had to do whatever you had to do.

She put me upside down in the closet and jerk me off to Mr. Crowley. You know what I'm talking about, dude? Wait, wait, like a bat. She turned you upside down. She put me like on this little holster thing she brought in the closet. There was a pitch to it, though. There was an angle to it? Yeah, like, you know, the thing that stretches your back out?

Kind of like that. I could do that. She flipped you upside down. Jerked me off. jerked you off eye level. Jerk me off like a bat. Like a bat. Like a sleeping bat.

You know how a bat gets hurt. Oh, yeah. I was trying to think like a what? And you said a bat and I was like, oh, that makes sense. You know how bats jerk off? Yeah. It was like that. Just, that's good.

And Ozzy would like any bat. You could cover my wiener with my wings. They felt, you know, full, you know, full circle. Yeah. RAP, Ozzy. So awful. Wow. Lived a lot longer than I thought he was going to.

for being quite fair. I thought he was going to live forever. There's such a good clip that I saw of him the other day of Kelly being such a little cunt to him. And he goes, I love you. I love you. She goes, shut up. Oh, I love that so much.

It made me feel so good. I like when he yells at those dogs, when he's just like, where's these fucking cops? Who stole my beer? Like, he's just like. Who stole my beer thing? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that shit fucking gets out of the time. Who took my beers? You, oldie? Who is the person that would drink your beers? Ozzy, you? And he's like, ugh. It's the best.

Why would I drink my own beer, Shevin? Why would you, Ozzy? She's scary now, though. Same with Kelly and hers. Dude, what is up with their faces? Dude, they're just doing too much

work to it, man. Sometimes you just got a... Like, Cameron Diaz said something. She goes, I want a face that looks like mine. Yeah, yeah. Like age gracefully, you know? Like a little preservation here and there.

But, like, when you're going full-on fucking transformation, it's like, you look like you got stung by a bunch of bees, He's all that collagen. I think a little bit of preservation leads to a lot of bit of preservation. That's a thing you got to. But that's addiction. That's addiction.

Yeah, because you can't start. You just got to let it. You got to be like Elsa and Frozen and let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Frosty was let it snow. Yeah.

Two things that 12-year-old watched before she blew you. Why she looks so young and people really like that? So creepy and weird. The ninth highest rated porn store or like viewed was on porn hub. Who is above her? I mean, the classics, the Jim of James, you know, the people with lineage. You know what I'm saying? Been on the internet forever.

So, yeah, I mean, it's weird. It's a weird construct. But, I mean, look, it's not how you get there. Just get there. Make a bunch of fucking money doing this one thing, whatever. Yeah. I'm against it. Yeah.

What? Him doing it or just in general? You know how I am with porn? I'm so weird about porn. You're very puritanical. I am. You are very, like, right-wing religious without the religion. I feel like if this was the early 90s,

you would be against cussing on albums. You would be like, put a parental advisory. Yeah. No, I like cussing. I like anything that's like punk. I just don't really like... Sex? No, I don't like women getting paid to have sex.

I get that... It's consensual. I know, but I don't think that... that it being masked as this thing that they want to do is very good. But are they autonomous that can make their own decisions? I mean, they could just not get money at all, and that would suck even more, probably. You know what I'm saying?

But, I mean, look, you should, like, have a way in and a way out. Because if you, I mean, some of these women, they just like it doing it like that. It's super hyperactive, like, sexual energy that it's hard to explain even when you're around it. Because, like, I like, I like sex as much as the next guy. But, like, some of these women, I'm just like, what the fuck? Like. I think it's just as a woman, my empathy is, it just makes me super like,

it gives me this rescue mentality where I'm like, we got to get her out of there. Like a fucking sheltered dog? Yeah. I'm like, we got to get it. We got to get her out of there. We got to get her a job working at a desk. But she would probably hate that. She probably sure, but it's my own, like, rescue women mentality that I have where I'm like.

Yeah, but doesn't that then play it out as if that woman doesn't have a time of me or any ability to choose? 100% toxic of me. The dog looks like it's sleeping fine, though. Isn't that? Yeah. We went to the park. He's tuckered. Tucker.

What if a woman's doing it to save money and think ahead, doing what she is to do to build herself a better life? I just want that woman to leverage her vagina to just marry, like, a really wealthy man and only have to have sex with one guy, and then she can live at home and raise children. I don't want her to have sex. But she'd be miserable mentally. She'd probably hate that. I know what I'm saying? The constructs and the confines are just doing it. It's taboo to you.

And I understand you want to rescue the dogs. But these women, they make, you know, these viable, logical choices of what they're doing. It's not like they're forced at gunpoint. I mean, there's some women on. How sex work industry does work, probably. But, I mean, at least they get, she's getting, she's making more money than all of us put together. Just when I watch a woman sucking a cock in any video, it does make me want to stab the guy a thousand times. Oh, then I can't show you the fucking Onlyfans video at all.

I've seen it. Or you can put your money where your mouth is. Stop him. No, nice near my baby. Yes, yes, true, true. No, yeah, totally. When I see the video of, I mean, there's videos of, I have, like, videos that I have taken where I'm having sex,

and I'm like, oh, you poor thing. Even though in it, I love doing it. Oh, really? Yeah, it's just like, there's a, there is like a tribal part of me that when I see a woman sucking a cock, I'm like, come here, let's fucking beat the shit out of this guy and go. What? And it's hard for me to...

About lesbian porn. What if it's a lesbian doing it with a woman? Go for it. Safe. Hmm. A man with a woman with her mouth quieted by their cock makes me violent. Because of my own life. You know what I mean?

We're not different, you and I. Really? We're not so different, you and I. Really? Explain what you mean. Now some things are left. Yeah. Some things are just left unsaid

Yeah I'm gonna get back to the duck Yeah let's go Yeah I knew we were gonna circle back around to it That's they migrate They circle Yeah Oh man

Yeah Yeah you got to You gotta rescue them all And it's not good to do And I get it and there's autonomy And we've had women on here That I've talked to about this Yeah

I mean we have women on here We have you know we had like I have this problem. Like we had the lead singer of Scowl and she had this like amazing makeup job done and I was like there was a part of me that basically I was like, who's making you do that? Why are you doing that?

And she's like, it's my self-expression. I was like, who's making you do that? You know, like I have a hard time. Like when women are doing things. You think that comes from like some kind of sexual trauma in a past life? You believe in past lives or anything like that? Currently.

What about her full life? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Shall we work visit? My bad. I was looking a little too far back. Yeah, yeah. My bad.

Yeah. Current life. Yeah, maybe that's where that stems from. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally. So it's like there's... I thought you were like a shield maiden and like, you know, Viking era.

Maybe something happened about that. I was for sure. You have fucking very dominant shieldman. That is such a specific pole that is hitting so close. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

No, I've never resonated more with the character than Breanne of Tarth or that woman in Titaine who fucked a car. Oh, yeah. Oh, you should see Lagatha from Vikings. You'd fucking love her. Yeah, I like that. Oh, my God. Yeah, I do.

There is like a justice thing that I have and a violent thing. Justice and violence, and I fight justice with violence, and it's not welcome in this world. But I do it all the time. You're Batman. I'm Batman. But more hostile. And he likes to get jerked off like a bat man.

Upside down, man. Yeah. Yeah. Alfred. Swing me. Some men just want to watch the, world, Ben. Yeah, some men just want to watch the world, Ben.

Yeah. Right before he comes, he goes, and here we go. I don't know if upside down and do it for me. My friend the other day was brought into a full sex dungeon. How? She fucked a guy and he was like... No, I was quoting that tired children song. How?

Oh, gotcha. Damn, that's a hell like she's callback. I like that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, she got, she fucked this guy and he was, she was like... Take me to your dungeon? He was like, can I show you some?

And she saw it and he was like are you interested and she was like hell yeah Oh what happened in the dungeon she shared her location with many of us that's yeah, that's fucking solid and then she meet this fella our wedding And what they do in the dungeon? They had sex Oh crawling go get this do that chains Oh, whole fucking experience yeah Yeah, yeah tied up speaking to dungeons at the Renaissance festival there's this dungeon called Nottingham Palace. It's one of the camps that they set up outside of the festival.

Where? And it's in Houston. It's the biggest Renaissance festival world. It's five. You go? I've been there nine times. I still never seen the whole park. I do not peg you for a Renaissance guy.

So y'all keep doing this thing where you make these assumptions, man. I see that. As soon as you assume and you just... I just can't picture you wearing a cloak and having a wizard staff and going up to someone like, I've got... I've got... I've got a mall man. Give me about a pound of meat and a big talus.

Viking leather armor all the way down to kill the whole nine yards. Wolf boots. I got a fucking coyote that I put around my neck. Hey, hey, hey. Sorry, he's a wolf. Never mind, sorry. But dude, they got this

place down there. They got these clans that come in, not Ku Klux. They come in like three months in advance of the festival and they build their fucking campsite. So there's this pirate clan.

They build a fucking Spanish galleon into the ground, bow and stern, 300 fucking foot long. And in the middle of it, they have a 40-foot high museum quality T-Rex fossil statue. And you're just walking around the forest,

mushrooms all this cool shit. They have this place called Nottingham Palace and people volunteer to get up on the ex, butt-ass naked, and they have a whipmaster, spank him with a whip. You do it? They do naked jenga. They do everything. The fact that y'all have never been really baffles the fuck-up. Tonight's right outside of Houston and Todd Mission.

There's a documentary about it. He went to a Renaissance. He wore Austin-Bor- No, this one is... I was Austin Powers because I got lost in my time machine, baby, yeah. But did y'all camp and stay the night? No. We were there for three hours.

Oh, no, no. This is a whole weekend experience. They do it for six weekends. I do that with a folk country festival, but I would not do that with the Renaissance Festival. Why? You see, you're doing this thing, man, where you're missing out on all the cool shit

by just fucking not saying yes. You know what you're doing right now? You're playing the hymns, not the hits, is what you're fucking doing. I don't agree. I've been to many a Renaissance festival, seen the joust thing, jumped over the broom,

got married to my friend. You know what I mean? Jumping over the broom. You ever been six hits of acid deep trying to tear apart a fucking turkey leg? Have you ever lived? I've eaten the turkey leg. I've eaten the turkey leg.

I can't eat turkey legs on acid, though, and that's crazy that you can. That's crazy. You're not supposed to. Truly psychiatric. I had to go take a shit in the handicapped bathroom stall. That's really scary. Wait, why can't you eat turkey leg on acid? There's one thing the acid does not like it is meat.

And it's food. Yeah. It's food in general. But meat is really scary on acid. Yeah, you start turning into what you're eating. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? The amount of times I've done acid and been a vegetarian for a month afterwards so many times.

Because it just, you're like, I might as well be eating my own hand. This is insane. Yeah, it's wild. It's crazy. The ligaments, you're like. And I literally, I was shitting in that thing. I remember that handicapped chair boy walked. He fucking rolled in and was getting pissed that I was in there.

And I'm fucking, I'm talking the wood is breathing on the stall. I'm going through it. And I got out and I kicked that motherfucker in the chest, like Sparta King took off running. And then I found out, I found out a week later, I was actually at the elementary school across the street. And I kicked a seven-year-old kid right in the fuck. I'm kidding. You're lying. I'm lying.

That was funny, though. Have you ever had the, where you think you need to? this shit on acid, but you don't? Yeah, and you just sit in the bathroom and just fucking try to... I had an ex who got a hemorrhoid from doing that. Or a hernia, a hernia. Really? Yeah.

So you do acid. See, we're not that different, you and I. Now it's mushrooms. I don't do acid anymore. I just, I will eat some mushroom. I'll go take a hero dose every once a month. Usually, I do not like being around people that are fucked up, but her own mushrooms is so fun.

Dude, mushrooms are such a vibe. Because she does say yes. Yeah. It makes you the best version of yourself, I believe. I believe mushrooms are the best version. have gotten off alcohol. Dude, there's so much shit with psilocybin that they, they could explore deeper that unlock key components of, like,

your brain, like your brain, like, the way your brain, like, thanks with its nervous system. Like, dude, I do, and, like, I know people that do it too much. Because anything, like, I've blasted off on DMT, you know, and it's cool, but you're supposed to do that a handful of times, if not even that. Like, I got a buddy that done it so much, those little fucking creature beings that you see, when you blast off, they're like, hey, man,

you ain't supposed to be here anymore. Stop doing that. Really? Yeah, they're like, you can't. You're not loo. They're like chill, bro. Yeah. You know?

And so like, Mushrooms, like, I like to do it once a month, once every two months, a hero dose in the woods with somebody I trust or by myself and go get right with the Lord, you know, whatever that may be. You did mushrooms on the cruise

and then you didn't show up to that fun excursion when you'd play on the next day. Yeah, because I was running around. I took too much. I performed on. That was, dude, that was like top. Let me tell you some.

Let me tell you some. And I didn't time it properly. Top three best sets I've ever had in my motherfucking life. Yeah, but did you have to say it? I would. No, I didn't say it. I just fucking stayed in it.

And the crowdworking portion of it was just bow, bow, bow, bow. It was just like I was there with everybody. That's what you think, but you were at in elementary school punching a child. That was acid. Acid is a difference. You got to dedicate a day to acid. That ain't something you take down on the river with your friends. The last time I did an acid, it lasted like a fucking week.

It felt like just the residual just fucking. And acid you could do so much of it where you can't come back. I know people who have fried themselves. I know people taking a fuck. ton of mushrooms and at least got back to normal. See, that scares me to do that and then never be the same person. Same. Me too.

Well, they manufacture acid and mushrooms. Mushrooms, it truly helps you get over everything. It helped me get to the pandemic. It helps me. That's so crazy because mushrooms always made me wig the fuck out and acid made me be like, yeah, everything's. How long ago was this? I love it.

I'm coming up on 11 years sober. See, so mushrooms have changed probably since then, too. The research was still. So I've been like it's everything's change it's a lot it's a lot there's a lot more Some squiggly guys you know when you get those like some weird guy gives you like a pre-packaged thing of mushrooms and they're like that's tiny little squiggly ones I never had that before I like the chocolates I like the chocolates I like the chocolates I like the chocolates or the gummies or just I like when it's just a hippie and he gives you a weird fat thing and you like eat the cap but it's so big that it's almost like diluted by its size yeah yeah yeah the giant toes yeah those are great those are fucking great but it's almost like diluted by its size yeah like I don't like the weird yeah yeah those are fucking great but But when you get a squiggly one from a fucking Bushwick witch You got to pick your spots

That's what life's about You know Yeah Yeah It's a good way to add in the episode I like it I gotta eat Yeah I'm so sharp

Thank you guys for tuning in Laser What do you want them to get their eyes on Uh just Uncle Laser I'll punch up All my dates are there The drunk uncles podcast Just got a new studio

We're cranking those out all the time Like a bat Like a bat upside down The Netflix show thing with Kevin Hart will be out That'll be cool And yeah, just tour dates and shit Doing stuff with Kim Cogden down in Florida In July for Morgan

Morgan that'll be dope Yeah, just Uncle Laser Don't look at the first page That'll be my wiener But if you scroll down on the second That'll be me Make sure to get your cat spaded and neutered Shout out Bob Barker

Um Netflix is a joke fest May 7th with Sam Murrill Rachel Feinstein and Joe List Get tickets for that show for the love of God. It's going to be very awesome. I'm excited to perform it with them.

And then, huh? At the United Theater in L.A. It's big. We must sell it. Please buy tickets. And then also I have a bunch of tour dates that are announced on punchup. dot live slash Jordan Johnson.

Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. New episodes every other Tuesday. I am going to Hartford, Connecticut, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Long Beach, New York, Point Pleasant, New Jersey. May 6th. Netflix is a joke.

Festival, Hollywood Improv. Let's sell that out. Ianfinance.com for tickets. And I'm in Albany, Cleveland, Ohio, Detroit, Michigan, Syracuse, Appleton. I'm going all over, and I'll see you on the road. We love you, Patreon.com slash be and E&Pot. Thank you for coming out. Thanks for having me.

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