Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian Ep. 3 with AYG and Tom Cassidy "Airplane Chicken"

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Some of Ian's oldest friends Kippy, Foley and Tommy bust Ians balls for an hour and its a hoot! They discuss the apartment, Tommy's wedding, and road gigs. For more, please subscribe to the Patreon at www.patreon.com/beinianpod

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt Hey, Ian here. Just want to let you know he means giving it, not getting it.

Okay, thanks. Back to the song. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to have a limited run. Hey, can we get another chair over here for that rash on Foley's head? I think we're going to ice him this whole time, right? Ice his head.

All right, look at that. There we go. Now we're cooking. Now we're cooking. Hey, get some out of the refrigerator that's in the living room. That'll be great. Tommy, anything to add? This place is great.

You can take a shower and make dinner all in the same fucking motion. This is crazy. This place sucks. The bars on the windows are a nice touch, too. Man, thanks for having me here over here in this fucking shitty chair. The big man's taking up five spots. I'm taking up one spot. Is this thing a pullout? What's happening?

This is a chaise lounge and Tom is on a... This thing definitely came off the street too. Came from a Raymoor and Flanagan bitch. Yeah, right. And I tried to get him to give me a deal and I told Olivia I said, go outside. I'll take care of it because I love a haggle and Flanagan, bitch. Yeah, right. And I tried to get him to give me a deal. People got Raymoor still paying it off. And I told Olivia, I said, go outside.

I'll take care of it. Because I love a haggle. Flanagan grabbed my ass. And the guy would not budge. Let me speak to Mr. Raymoor Flanagan, baby. Is he here right now? Is Bob here? Yeah, you got more of a Bob's discount furniture. You are stuttering.

All right. Is this how you treat? Thanks for tuning in, stuttering. All right. Is this how you treat? Thanks for tuning in, everybody. What, Tom? Is this how you treat your guests? What, letting them shit all over me for fun? Yeah. That's what the show is.

Well, we came to the right place. He is on the edge. No, I know because he's pushing me over. Hey, why don't you play some music on the CD player? Oh, yeah. I forgot to start the show. Hold on. Welcome to B&E. Can I forgot to start the show. Hold on. Welcome to B&E.

Hey, can we watch The Sopranos? Yes. That's the start of the show. Okay, great. Blowing the shofar. Make sure that CD line makes it, though. Dude, you got a printer in the living room. I know.

This is crazy. Where else am I going to put it? Do you have a printer? No, you don't. I do. I'm not a Kinko's. A printer. FedEx Express. What is so bad you have a printer? No, you don't. I do. I'm not a Kinko's. A printer. FedEx Express.

What is so bad about having a printer? One-stop shop for all your shipping needs. Do you know how much that thing comes in handy? Who's doing hard copy? I get scripts. Print out pictures of naked dudes. I get naked dude prints for free. Does it have a fax machine?

Check out of the couch. It's a gift from me to you. Does it have a fax machine? No, Foley. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a ridiculous question. You think I got a landline? I'm staring at a VCR right now.

It's not a VCR. It's a Pioneer. POS. It's got a radio. It's got. Oh. Yeah. It's my stereo system.

Got a subwoofer, two speakers. Do you know something? Everything here was gifted. Sounds like stolen. Yep. speakers. Do you know something? Everything here was gifted. Sounds like stolen. Yep. Everything. Except for the couch, the table, everything else. You can't beat it.

What does that mean exactly? No, you can beat it. I'm taking a look around. It can be beat. This is a nice apartment, by the way. Okay. This is nice. As the cop drives by.

Away to the school kids. Real yelling. Yeah, your girlfriend's about to be home. Tommy! That was math class. This is a nice spot. With their homework on the Patreon. Oh yeah, sign up for the Patreon, that's right.

What is it? Patreon.com slash B and Ian. What do you mean when you say it's gifted? The people who moved out of this apartment just left it here. Yes. Okay. That's not really a game with a car. Well, the TV was gifted from a friend, given

they were going to throw it out. They might have thrown it out. I might have taken it off the curb. I will say, I like the setup. Okay. I installed these. These didn't come with I will say, I like the setup. Okay. I installed these. These didn't come with me. Yeah, I feel like I'm at a PetSmart.

I know. There's a cat under the couch right now. Oh, my God. Very scared. The cat's in the room. They won't come out when people are here. They're scared. They're scared.

That's one thing. Just for the listener out there, there is a huge wheel. This is on a... There's a huge wheel behind us. We're filming this? Yeah. What do you think? Is this dummy cams? I don't know. Yeah, it's a huge wheel. There's a huge wheel behind us. We're filming this? Yeah. What do you think? Is this dummy cams?

I don't know. Yeah, it's a cat wheel. They exercise on it. It looks like something ISIS trains on. That's literally what that looks like, dude. Monkey bars in the desert. You drive it to coma, right? Sal's landscaping.

Just to pull the curtain back. Remember the 50 cow mounted tomorrow. The curtain. First of all, it's a dirty mattress cover. Just to pull the curtain back. I'm having the 50 Cal mounted tomorrow. What curtain? First of all, it's a dirty mattress cover. It's not a curtain. Which is in the other room. To pull the dirty curtain back. Just to pull the bed sheet back.

There's a poop stain on that bed sheet. It's not a poop stain. It's self-tanner. We couldn't get it out. That's why we got a new comforter. Yeah. To pull the comforter back, there is a camera in the bathroom. Yeah.

Ian's taking the door. This barrel shot, catch me down one. That camera's in the bathroom. Yeah. Ian's taking the door. This barrel shot catch me down one. This camera's in the bathroom. Yes. It's going to look cool. I had to take the door off the hinges because it doesn't open all the way

because it goes in the entertainment center which by the way I love the old wood. It's very nice. Olivia wants to get new stuff. I say no. Yeah.

I'm on Olivia's side. I haven't met this broad yet but she sounds like she's got some good ideas. She wants to get new that nice table. I say it's nice the way it is. sounds like she's got some good ideas. She wants to get new that, nice table. I say it's nice the way it is. Wait till somebody moves out,

and we'll take care of stuff. By the way. I got a guy moving in the basement. Carl? No, I was just down. That basement is prime for a guy named Carl. Oh, man. Dude, that bathroom's like something out of an Irish pub.

First time I've ever seen ice in a toilet. Yeah, Jesus. The hand dryer was nice, though. Yeah, you sprung for the Vornado. For the accelerator. Next time you go to pee, grab me a couple of condoms down there, will you? Some breath mints. By the way, your squatty potty is way too close to your television.

That is wild. Do you put the door back on? Yeah, no, I leave it open. Dick, yes, I leave it open. Well, if there's nothing back there, don't blame me. Because we're filming. Okay. It's when you guys leave and everyone wraps up, I'm putting the door back on the hinges,

moving the cat wheel. Okay. You know? Where's the cat wheel normally? It's right here. Right there. Where that desk is. Two feet from where it is now.

Yeah. The other side of the table. It's not like you put it in the west wing of the apartment. Yeah. The other side of the table. It's not like you put it in the west wing of the apartment. Yes or no, the basement's nice. Yeah. It's a finished basement.

Carl's going to love it. It's like a place you could drain dead bodies. It's all tile and cold down there. It's like a Gemini lounge downstairs. It's tile because that's the way it came. You know, that's like a studio apartment. Sure. It's good.

I know. Yeah, it's nice. I don't have a cellar in my apartment. There you go. There you go. We don't have the room from Saul. Would you like to play a game? You'd have to put a radiator down there to chain people to. Would you like to play a game? You'd have to put a radiator down there to chain people to. Would you like to pay your rent?

Now, how many people has Carl killed? Do you know this guy, Carl? No, but he sounds whack. Do I know him? I don't know anybody named Carl. Do you know what Carl does for work? He pays Ian in riddles. He is a...

One fish, two fish, you look Jewish. He is a... We're cooking over here, boys. This is fun. Good thing we're in the kitchen already. The sandwiches are coming soon. Sandwiches. Good thing we're in the kitchen already. The sandwiches are coming soon.

Sandwiches. Good thing we're in the kitchen. Holy hell. Carl is a... Anybody want a beer? I just reached off camera. That would have been great. Anybody want a beer and need to brush their teeth or anything like that?

There's a camera in the freezer if anybody's interested. It's the freezer cam. Shut up. Put that fridge cam. That'd be cool. I did. The freezer cam. It's just all.

So we got to de-ice the freezer cam. I did want to put a GoPro on the cat. I have a cat cam. That's pretty good. That's really fun. Right? Right fun I'm so on board with it We're going to do it next time

The whole episode is under the couch It's a little dark down here Get out of here Tommy You got to get the cat up here and GoPro him That would be fantastic Well no one's got to be here for it. He only does it when no one's around.

So your cat's as cool as you are. Okay. He's nervous. It's scary. Yeah, so are you, dude. I don't know if you've picked up on your vibes, but you're not a cool cucumber right now. I'm a fun guy.

Ian's cats are also psychopaths. They share the same meds. Met them in the halfway house. Like father, like son. You know, Carl. Is Carl a cat? Carl is a lab rat. He gets paid to get medical testing done on him throughout the year.

It's like a bad sitcom, dude. Dude. The monk-a-pot on his downstairs. When he moves in, we're going to have a segment called Basement Carl. What's Carl cooking? It's probably someone's head. He's a good guy. He's all right.

I've known him for years. He was a comic in Vermont. You just can't get near him during a thunderstorm. He freaks out. Him and the cat are under the couch. Dude, you're living above the Manchurian candidate? What the fuck, man? You're going to put the wrong CD on.

It's going to fucking click him into gear. He's going to go into hyperdrive. Hey, Ian, I was supposed to start this radiation trial this week, but it got pushed back. I'm blue, dabu TV goes nuts. Ian, it's Carl. Y'all, the silverware's sticking to me. Come in.

There's a skillet on us. The cat's hissing at him. He's on the phone with the hospital. Hey, I think it works. Does this place have a dishwasher? Yeah, our hands. What do you think the cats are for? We may put a washer and dryer downstairs.

I'm sure Carl's going to love that. Carl will love whatever I do. He's lucky to live here. Oh, man. You're probably banging on his bedroom door on the 31st. Don't forget. If you have it on you, I'll take it today. He's moving in a couple days early.

You know I'm pro-rehab. You moved in on a 27. Come on, he is. You owe me $12 for me. How are you guys splitting the utilities? He's paying for all of them, I'm sure. I cover utilities.

Oh, that's pretty good. And he just overcharges. Flat fee of $14,000 a month. That's fair. That's fair. It's a cool spot. Did you get a security deposit? What did you do, first and last?

No, I trust him. Really? First year, last year. He's a friend of mine. He's a comic. Oh, okay. Hey, he's a comic. I met him in Vermont.

He was here for a while. Then he moved back to Indiana for the pandemic. The heat was on. He shot up the entry. He let things blow over a bit. He was in Guadalupe for a while. How did he go from Vermont to Indiana? Because he's from Indiana.

Okay. He went there during the pandemic, and then he started, you know, going hiking and then getting involved in these medical testing things. And then he thought, how can I get more rock bottom? I'm moving to Ian's cellar. Hey, Ian, you got a crawl space I could move into? Can we get a camera down there? It is a nice spot.

Oh, this is temporary, by the way. We're going to start filming the podcast down there. I'm glad we got in here beforehand. Although, I like it up here. That place has the heebie-jeebies. I like it up here. It comes with a Ouija board. Carl, wake up.

We're recording. Hey, Carl, who's in the leash? I get to use this place whenever I want. Carl, and hook that IV. We got to come in. What do you think will be a better podcast? Carl, you's in the lease? I get to use this place whenever I want. Carl, and hook that IV. We got to come in. What do you think will be a better podcast? Carl, you're my co-host. I am going to have a segment, Basement Carl.

Cooking with Carl. I'm sure he'll appreciate that. What are you cooking? What? Oh, what do you like? You like this space? Or you think downstairs would be better? You saw downstairs.

Ian, this whole apartment stinks. You are a fucking asshole. Have we not made that clear? Here's a little... We're kidding around about it stinking for jokes. It does fucking asshole. Have we not made that clear? We're kidding around about it stinking for jokes. It does not stink. This is a good place. Oh yeah, we were making jokes. What the fuck is

wrong with this place? Hey, listener, I was making jokes earlier. Right now, it's a little, you know. Come on. Give Foley a break. His forehead has his period right now. Oh man, leave that in. Give that a break. Cycling. Make that the clip, will you?

You just made the rent go up. I just forgot to hit the applause sign. I didn't know what to do. It's a nice apartment. I don't like the first floor, though. It's weird. Why? Because you can see right out and people can see right in.

I like that. The curtains are shut most of the time. The windows are also filthy. Well, you can't clean them between the fucking bars. Yeah, cleaning windows. Ooh, that's a tough one. Yeah, you can't clean them between the fucking bars. Yeah, cleaning windows between... Ooh, that's a tough one. Yeah, you can't reach between the bars to clean. Yeah, that usually happens with razor wire.

Well, you gotta have bars. The neighborhood's rough. It's like a psych ward in here. I live in between the acidic area and the... It's the first time I've seen the bars on the inside of the apartment. Why am I handcuffed to the couch? You like the disco ball? Yeah, that's the nicest thing.

We used to have a strobe light, but I was told to move it downstairs. Carl? No, Olivia. Man, imagine Carl just down there blasting the strobe light by himself. Oh, yeah. Just doing this. All hopped up on some ketamine study. His head shrinking.

This is a nice spot. No. No. His's head shrinking. This is a nice spot. No. No. It's head shrinking. Jesus Christ. You know, I was going to give you guys something. Yeah, you have like three of our bathroom keys, four fucking Christmas presents you haven't given us yet, an Easter basket.

Every time I see you, I got gifts for you. I don't have those. Can you take your shoes off my blanket. Thank you. Your shoes are on. These are slippers. You can't even wear them outside. They're outside indoor slippers.

You can put your. That makes no sense. Shut up. It's okay. It's fine. I'm good. No, no, no. Take your shoes off and put them up there.

No, I'm good. Do it. I'm comfortable. I was thinking about getting slippers for the guests. That's fun. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, that's all right. Yeah. I like it. Let's slip into a good time. I don't want to be you. That's fun. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, that's all right.

I like it. Let's slip into a good time. I don't want to be used. That's pretty good. How about get out of your living room first before you start giving out wrap gifts? I like the living room feel. It's fun. Would they be reusable slippers, though? Yeah, I don't want to be using slippers that, like, you know.

No, thanks. You're only in them for an hour. They're just hospital slippers? Yes, they are. We all wear gowns. Little booties. We all wear gowns, take medication out of tiny cups. It's fun. Up, here comes the sandwiches.

Alright, well, thanks for having us. You guys talk amongst yourselves. It'd be great if you just had the cameras running. You just sit here and eat like Kramer. I think we should eat. They're here. They're good. I'm not hungry.

What? You're going to like... Please tell me that was your buzzer. No, no, that was a guy hitting his phone. Sounds like a Chernobyl alarm. Let me tell you... Oh, God. Fucking...

Once his name is locked out. Talk amongst yourselves. What are we doing here? This is like a fun house, dude. Ian's stuck in a mirror room. Yeah, it is a fun place to be. Ian's stuck in a mirror room. Yeah, it is a fun place to be. Now, here at B&E.

B&E. I honestly, the place is called Anthony and Sons Panini Shop. It's amazing. I would love for you to eat on camera and give me a reaction of how you feel about the food. I'm looking for sponsors. Oh, my God. It's not even out yet. Think it ahead. You want the sandwich now?

I'm okay, thank you. That table lifts up, by the way. Oh, wow. It's broken to expose a skeleton. That's where Carl lives. It is broken on the right side. You have to kind of jimmy. Wait, it lifts up so you can like eat from it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything in here is very hand-me-down, very. I mean, those aren't supposed to be used for that. Whatever that TV is crookedly on, those are something different, right? But it works. It feels like home, doesn't it? Not my home. Feels like my Uncle Eddie's house.

But he was down on his luck. After the accident. See, that's, okay, look, that's what's going to be great about this podcast. You know, you donate to the Patreon to get cool new furniture. What do you think? Huh?

That's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. This whole thing's a hustle so you can furnish your apartment. Get a thousand patrons, I'll get a new bed. I am going to have a patron goal of kicking Carl out to pay for the space. You wake him up in the middle and I can wait. Hey, we hit Patreon.

You fucking dirtbag and you're out of here. Yeah, how would you... You know how fucking good you got it, you piece of shit. Oh, it's going to be great. And then a bonus thing will be watching Carl pack up. I'm in, no. Yeah. Hey.

It's great. Tommy. Sounds like a good TikTok. How would you record down there? Subscribe for part two. How would you record down there if Carl lives down there? Hey, Carl, got to record. See ya.

How much are you charging Carl a month? I'm not talking about that on camera, but I will talk about this. It's more than you would think. It's more than it should be. Yeah. I will tell you this. He's getting a deal. No, he's not.

Yes, he is. Look at the real estate in I will tell you this. He's getting a deal. No, he's not. Yes, he is. Look at the real estate in the area. Look at what he's getting down there. The real estate in the area. He's getting a D-E-A-L deal. And I'll tell you this much. He works Mondays, so he's not even going to be there.

And he said it was cool. Is it more than $1,200 a month? Tom, I will neither confirm nor deny. Tom, we don't get into finances here. I'm being easy. Yeah. Save it for the financial district. Alright, Ian's cooking.

Ian's warming up 38 minutes into the podcast. Jesus. Hey, Kobe. Ian doesn't like talking about money. What's that? You don't like talking about money. You don't like the numbers out there. He plays it close to the chest. I don't ask me anything. I respect that. Well, once the page gets cooking, I'll fucking blow that in everyone's face like the numbers out there. It plays it close to the chest. I don't ask me anything. I respect that.

Well, once the page gets cooking, I'll fucking blow that in everyone's face like you wouldn't believe. Mm-hmm. No, I'll hide it. Yeah, me too. $37,844. A month? Yeah. It's going up $20 since the last time I checked it.

We're doing all right. Patreon.com. Social. All your garbage. And Beanie. By the way Because you fucking You know

Baller Express over here This fucking guy You know Foley would have Paid for the chicken wings Oh yeah Fucking McGillicuddy's in Jersey We take Tommy on the road And then Ian does as well

And Tommy really compares Yeah Tommy's Tommy's On mom and dad It's a real prince and the pauper Scenario with the two of us Tommy's in first class eating caviar with us. Meanwhile, you're making him drive your car.

Tommy, did you bring your siphon? Gas is expensive. Tommy, you got your funnel on you? I'm going to hide in the trunk because of tolls. I got a couple of blow-up dolls we can get in the car full. We'll be there 20 minutes early. But you got to pay for the tolls. You bring the duct tape to cover the license plates

so we can blow through E-ZPass. Ian, do you have an E-ZPass? Yeah. You take it out of the car every night? Yeah, it's his girlfriend's parents' E-ZPass. No, it's not, dickhead. It was. It sure is.

Now it's mine. It's her car, my E-ZPass. Okay. Okay. You take yours out of the car? No, I just figured you would. No. But people have been tying up their Cadillac converters.

People have been stealing them. Yeah. Make a lot of money off those. Especially in Brooklyn. Ian actually paid me in a Cadillac converter. Cadillac. It's from your car, but still. You're welcome.

How are you going to get home without it? You're being paid in exposure Oh God, did Toby tell you about the gig we did? No We talked about it on the last podcast He did tell us that you reached out to him And said, hey, do you want to come with me and do this show? And his first response was, hey, you know I can't drive

Yeah, I said I'd drive I wasn't asking him to drive. Which was very genuine. That's why I said, I was like, well, he definitely wants you to come. Of course. Because usually his angle is something. No, that's the old Ian. That was cheap Ian.

That was two months ago Ian. That was last episode. I've changed since then. Carl has shown me the way. I drive with me and Tom. I never asked him for a car. No, yeah, Ian's got a lot of problems. That's not one of them. Yeah, thank you. I don't think you have any problems, buddy. You're my friend. Thank you. You're the best, pal. We love you. I drive with me and Tom. I never asked him for a car. Ian's got a lot of problems. That's not one of them. Yeah, thank you.

I don't have any problems, buddy. You're my friend. You're the best, pal. We love you. I love you. This place is a dump, but that's just me. Jokes. No, the last time I had an opener with a car, I think it was Rubinoff years ago at a casino gig, which,

by the way, these Russians I used to work for told me, you're doing a casino get a bunch of uh get a bunch of casino cards and then we'll buy them off you for like 200 bucks each i was like great i didn't know how to get my id and information for each one on those casino cards that other people would use what's a casino card yeah like a rewards membership card and then they were going to sell them to people. They're like, do some scheme. I don't know, some sneaky Russian scheme.

I got really pissed off. So you can never go back to the Bellagio? What are you telling us? No, it was, what was those gigs that we used to do at the place that looked like Batman Forever? The Performing Arts Center? Arts Quest? Remember you did it with Keith? Oh, Steel Stacks.

Yes. Music Fest. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, Music Fest, Steel Stacks. Me and Sam drove down. Batman. All right, that all makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't it look like Batman Forever? Yeah, they shot Transformers there. Really? Little known fact. Yeah, pretty cool. In the slot machine area. Would you ever do that, though?

What? Give your info to get a kickback on some casino cards? Casinos, no. We just did a big bet in Atlantic City, and they were like, you want to sign up for cards? We're like, absolutely. I don't like giving my shit to anybody, but back in the day in Philly, they used to do the Sig guy would come to the bar,

and you'd give him your ID. Yes. And you would get two free packs of typically- Oh, remember that Camel Crush? Yes, Camel Crush. And then the Marlboro gal would come through and you'd get

I'm a Marlboro Lights kind of guy so they would give you two packs of Marlboro Lights. Yep, I remember that. That was the only time I really get in like anybody that didn't smoke

I'm like, give me your ID give me your ID I'd roll out with like fucking 15 packs of ironies. At the casino you give them your info for the casino card they give you a scooter.

Is that why I saw you yeah him driving around moving inside He'd be like a little rascal? Yeah, give you a scooter. Is that why I saw you video him driving around with a scooter? He'd be like a little rascal? Yeah, a rascal scooter. All right. But they have them rigged

so that you can only go real slow. It kind of sucks, but it is fun rolling around in one. You know, kept being like, can you take the governor

off this? No, we don't know what you're talking about. Now a word from our sponsors. Anthony's Paninis Legit You gotta try You know what

These episodes brought to you by Carl's Medical Studies When we roll over to Patreon episode You are trying it Wait you bamboozled us into a Patreon episode too? I didn't tell you No I do the first 10 minutes for free

And the rest of the episodes on Patreon. That is a good idea. Before... Oh, yeah. I have gifts. Okay. Do we all get a cat wheel? You get nothing.

Is it a map to the nearest subway? What? Are you expecting something in return? No. Okay. I don't give... I'm just... I didn't get the Patreon.

Listen, stop pretending like you don't stink and we don't know it. So cut the charade. All right? You stink. This place stinks. This place has the layout of a trailer. You are at. This is a nice place.

It is a good spot. I'm currently in three different rooms of your apartment right now. I'm in the dining room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room. Yeah. And you know I'm not wrong. There's lines of demarcation. The 87th parallel. You could easily be boarding dogs in here.

This has got real dog border vibes in here. I could make money on that in the basement when does this thing come out I'm surprised the whole floor is an astro turf to be honest with you all wee wee pets where are the dogs I don't have dogs you see them barking in the room that's Carl

he's on dog medication he's doing an outpost study don't look at him in the eye. Not one flea or tick on him, though. I'll tell you that. Here's your bath. Oh, thank you. Oh, that was the good one, too.

This is from a listener. He made a keep it moving. That's really cool. I like that. Thanks. I'm going to carry this around. Appreciate that. Yep.

And also, I got something else for you. Kippy, a lighter cover for you no lighter real classy i thought you smoked i do you don't get a light you don't get a lighter you could have sprung for the dollar nine you want a lighter no this is okay i got lighters i'm not going to use this to be any to be honest with you well then i'll take it because i'll yeah that was idea. And then I got this one for Foley. It says, sexy grandma. Was that fun? Yeah, thank you very much.

These were used for sure. Yeah, they're not new. I'm going to enjoy this when I leave it on your coffee table as I exit this place. Hey, make sure you remind me to take this with me. You guys were saying how you liked my lighter cover, so I thought I'd get you. I've never said that either, man. What's this fake news narrative you're speaking? I can't imagine them saying that.

I can't imagine them saying that. We called you a weirdo for having it. I thought, I mean, this thing has a bear and turquoise, and everyone would be like, sweet lighter cover. Everyone likes it. People go, oh, that's nice. A lot of people would be grateful for these. Sure.

Thank you very much. I'm just not one of them. The thought's very nice. I got lighters. The gift sucks, but the thought was nice. I would argue the thought's not great either. Give me that lighter, Foley. Mine?

Give me that lighter. I'll put it in this and show you that it fucking rules. Give me it. You just talked to the guy here. It doesn't even fit. You put it in wrong. This one doesn't fit either. There.

Rock and roll. Oh, thanks, Ian. If you get a Bic lighter, it works. Okay? Here, you got mine. I got yours. This is like giving a kid something without batteries. Yeah, you make them earn it.

Cut that. This, you make them earn it. Cut that. This, you will like this. Okay. You'll never lose a lighter. I got big lighters in a drawer. He's never going to use that, dude. You don't think that's nice? I can't wait for a couple weeks

when Jordan sparks up a cigarette with it. It's like when What's-His-Name gave Tony that jacket and ended up on the cleaning lady's Oh, Richie Friel. That's what you sound like right now. It's a lighter cover, T. It covers your lighters. So it don't slip out of your hands. You know, when you want to carry a big chunk of metal in your pocket.

I want to fucking a big chunk of metal in your pocket. I want to fucking scrap this thing. Boil it down, get the turquoise out of it. Make my mom a set of earrings. This thing stinks. You know who likes turquoise is Cassidy. He's a big turquoise guy. You can use it when you smoke weed.

No, thank you. What are you putting this business out there for, too? Guy's a cop turquoise guy You can use it when you smoke weed No thank you What are you putting his business out there for too? Because he doesn't smoke cigarettes Like us, the cool guys You really wouldn't use it? You've known me a long time, right? It'd be one thing if I had lighter covers Can I tell you I am so bad at giving gifts I do a podcast with Sam

I can tell I do a podcast with Sam Roberts I can tell. I do a podcast with Sam Roberts. I go over there. I wear my bucket hat. He's got a kid. We get along. We tell each other little jokes. You know, play, play, play.

Fun, fun, fun. Ian, look at what I drew. Boop, boop, boop. Right? It's his birthday. Hey, buddy, here's a lighter cover. For when you're toking up. Dude.

Sorry, get his kid a pair of turquoise earrings. It was his birthday. I stressed over getting him a gift. This would be really nice. Oh, you know, it's his birthday coming up. I'm over there every week. Sure. I go.

I get him a bucket hat, a polo bucket hat from Macy's. I give it to him. He immediately starts sobbing and runs to his mom. It's like, do I have to take this? Now I look like I don't go to E and... Yeah, you don't get kids clothes. Get anything. Yeah, a toy.

I thought he... We don't get from the dollar store. They'll blow it as long as... I didn't know what kind of toy you were wearing. You can wear this when you're working undercover. What's he going to do with that? I got you a trapper keeper for school. He's five years old.

He's not Justin Timberlake in 1999. What are you doing? Hey, you like Limp Bizkit, don't you? He got over it. And he won't stop wearing it. Here you go, little buddy. Enjoy your police scanner. He won't stop wearing it.

He won't stop wearing it. And the sister cried because she wanted one, too. So they had to get her a bucket hat. In the end, it was good. But, man, nothing feels worse than making a child cry after a gift you give them. Do I have breath? No, I don't. You're full of shit.

Hold on. Hey. Are you here? So far, he's gotten up. He's gotten up. He's taken his own. I gotta go. We're recording. He told us to be here at 4 o'clock

then he hits us up and says for the watchers in the bathroom he's gotten up twice write down the James Brown cam wasn't that him who was it Olivia no I know who was on the phone

who was at the what who was in the toilet cams? It wasn't James Brown? Who? Chuck Berry was in the toilet cams. Ah. I'm sorry.

Continue with your bad story. All I'm saying is it's a thought that counts. Mm-hmm. Just out of curiosity, what is the podcast exactly about? Is it just free-form? You're being mean, and I got to be honest with you, this is pretty low-nose and no one is. Yes. What is the podcast exactly about? Is it this? This. It's just freeform. You're being Ian. And I got to be honest with you, this is pretty low-nose and no one is. Yeah, to be honest with you.

This is very being Ian. Is it not? This is it. This is it. This is it. This is the pod. We're having fun. Mm-hmm.

Showing you what it's like. Being Ian. Being Ian. You know, I got the Lumineers to do a theme song. That's pretty cool. Pretty cool. That actually is pretty cool. Well, it's going to be the outro

because it's kind of depressing. You want to hear it? No. It's a really good song. That is a crazy... Somehow, Ian knows the lead singer of the Lumineers and the guy actually likes Ian.

They're like actual friends. I heard he got him a lighter cover once. I could give it to him. There you go. Re-gift it. All right, do you want to hear it? Sure. All right, ready? want to hear it? Sure. All right, ready?

Hold on. Did the whole band do this? No, just him. So he just put something together for you. Yeah, ready? I'm sure I'll hear it when I listen to the episode. Q, I roll. Telling jokes and having smokes.

Riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride. That's good. Oh, my God. That should be the intro, dude. That's the intro. Yeah, 100%. That's the intro, dude. You're nuts. That's the outro. I'm getting a ska band.

That should definitely be the intro. I'm getting a ska band to do the same lyrics. I wrote those lyrics, by the way. He wrote the... Which one of us has to fuck you in the ass, by the way? See, here's the thing. The line was supposed to be, you know he likes eating butt, but he wrote doing it in the butt,

which I think sounds like I like doing it in the butt, but a lot of people that listen think it means I like getting it in the butt. What are the re-record options i imagine limited yeah i'm not gonna be like i've got notes because now if you want b and e and this is very ian yeah that should be monetarily that's probably worth like fifty thousand dollars you think the lumineers hey man yeah wow what do you think? Yeah What do you think of the bathroom?

There's no door on it Yeah, it's in the kitchen Yes Oh, for the cats Yeah, that's not going to happen for a little while No, please do it right now Please That's what this needs Please do it right now. Please. That's what this needs.

Please do it right now. 10 pounds of chicken. We have to boil the chicken for the cats because the cat has digestive problems right now. I'm just saying. Yeah.

All right, boil the chicken. Whatever. Oh, thanks. Anyway, that's going to be the outro, and the intro is going to be like a pepped up version by a Scott band.

I think that's the intro, man. The lead singer of the Lumineers do a song for you. You're going to put it at the end? Yeah, that's dumb. Hey, Ian. Ska's over, man. No, it's not. Let it go. Are you going to get Wormbath to play? What did you say? Are you going to get

Wormbath to play the intro? Wormbath? What the hell is that? I say you don't think it's too slow? No. Oh, man. The guy from the Lumineers did it. It sounds like Illumineers. It's Illumineers.

What an idiot. All right. All right. All right. But that is very Ian. Yeah. Like I said, that is, I'm sure what that guy makes for a studio session is probably through the roof. Sometimes I don't even think he knows he's recording a podcast.

I think he also doesn't realize that his girlfriend just left him and is not coming back. Well, where are we going to boil the chicken? I've never heard a more Ian sentence. I've got 10 pounds of chicken to boil. While we're recording, you can't boil it. Bring one of the cats with her. I've never heard of boiled chicken. You boil the chicken of chicken to boil. While we're recording, you can't boil it. Did your girlfriend bring one of the cats with her? Who boils?

I've never heard of boiled chicken. You boil the chicken because it's bland protein for them. Because they get upset stomach. The cat ate a plastic. Is it chicken breasts? Yeah, it's like breast tenders. The cat ate plastic, had diarrhea. We thought he was going to have to get surgery.

Ended up passing it. The next day, we woke up to the sound of him eating more plastic. So we got to put him on a bland diet. Trying to kill himself. Not another episode of Beanie. I can't take it. Poor bastard's got to eat fucking boiled chicken for the rest of his life. It's good.

Have you ever had boiled chicken? I will never. We shred it up. What's the name of the chicken at your wedding again? We're changing the name of it. What is it? What is it? Airplane chicken. No. Yes. We shred it up. What's the name of the chicken at your wedding again? We're changing the name of it. What is it? Airplane chicken. No. It wasn't airplane. It's airline. It was called airline. Are you doing

bits on your thing? No, it's literally called airline chicken. Ew, dude. It's a good chicken. I had it. It's the name of the chicken. One of the producers backing me up. I feel like it sounded like I was getting some sort of backup. It comes with peanuts and pretzels.

Hey, can I have the whole can of Diet Coke? Somebody chipped the lock on the TWA warehouse. Is there a button I press to get the stewardess to clear the plate? It's one of the three options. It's served in a cup. It's airline chicken boat meatballs. This is your captain speaking. You may now dig in.

We have choice of sides. We have Cheez-Its or butterscotch cookies. Tommy stinks too, folks. Hairline chicken. I feel so powerless in this fucking chair. I actually Googled it in Tommy's defense. It is a very popular style of chicken. If you're poor.

Or if you have cats with sensitive stomachs. What's a style chicken? Which just served to the people in coach anyway. You have your table lined up in coach in first class? Yeah, you're in coach. Ian's in the cargo hold. Oh, I got a speech. I'm going rogue.

Ian's giving a speech? Absolutely not. He's not going anywhere near a microphone. Oh, I'm grabbing the mic. Oh, man. No. Tommy.

You're not. You with a cordless mic having a mild breakdown. I don't really like that. And now it's your turn to time my inner react. Hey, everybody. I'm sweating.

When I met Tommy, I was living in a halfway house. Thank you. Hey, can I bring Carl? Carl, where are you at? Come on up here, everybody. When I met Tommy, I was living in a halfway house. Thank you. Hey, can I bring Carl? Where are you at? Come on up here, Carl. I was breaking and Ian entering, and now I'm being Ian. Breaking and Ian entering.

Carl, where are you at? Oh, my God. Carl's working the spotlight. What are you doing? Oh, I'm giving a Steve Buscemi best man speech. Thank you. Play the guitar. Self-taught.

Thank you very much. You are Buscemi from the wedding. You intentionally get off the wagon just for my wedding? Oh, man. Yeah, get off the wagon and onto the airline, chicken. I just heard Tommy's dad halfway through the wedding. Who let these cats in here? Do we got to check our bags?

Don't feed it! It's an airline cat. Do we got to check our bags before we go to the dance floor? So we're out of overheads. You believe that? They're charging me for a carry-on. Your in-wedding movie will be... Roger Rabbit.

All the servers are stewardesses. They're pushing a cart. You want coffee, tea, or water? They're pulling their mask down to talk to you. The only thing they drink is tomato juice. Oh, or water. They're pulling their mask down to talk to you. The only thing they drink is tomato juice. Oh, my God. Airline chicken. Foley still needs two chairs.

I'm sure Ian's going to get two entrees, though, for sure. That's your move at a wedding, right? How would you even be able to pull that off? You saw what happened at Robbie and Casey's wedding. You got multiple entrees. Was I at your table? We were sitting next to each other. It was really fun.

I wasn't at that table. I was with the married people. Yeah, it was like me versus... We were at the dateless table. Fucking nerds at table nine. No, we were at New York Comedy Club table, and then they had a table called Road Hacks, which was hilarious. Yeah, that was awesome. That was and then they had a table called Road Hacks, which was hilarious.

Yeah, that was awesome. That was great. I think I was at Road Hacks. No, you were opening for them. That was a good piece of business. Hachi machi. Boil the chicken. That's your first t-shirt.

Who's going to boil the chicken? Boil the chicken! Dude, you stink on so many levels. So that's, what else is on the agenda? When you boil the chicken, you shred it. And I do a little one for you. You're eating the chicken for sure. I'm eating the chicken.

Are we doing fan mail? What's up next? What's going on? Just out of curiosity. Scandals and animals. Don't bring Hans in here. Dogs eat cats. What is the plan for the rest of the evening after you guys boil the chicken together?

I want to know the plan for the rest of the episode. This is it. What are you trying to do? Do you have spots tonight? No, I took off. I'm going to a concert up the street. Oh, okay. I'm going to see Turnstile. Danny's coming. Is your lady going with you? Yeah. off. I'm going to a concert up the street. Oh, okay. Going to see Turnstile.

Danny's coming. Is your lady going with you? Yeah. Okay. It's going to be fun, man. So after you boil the chicken, you guys are going to go take in a show? Going to sneak any into the show? I got a fanny pack.

If they search you, just say you forgot the chicken was in your pocket. How do you know I had a book bag full of chicken? I apologize. Why? I thought it was BYOC. Are you really on your phone? I got a text from my wife. I'm making sure she's okay, that's all.

Well, all right. Since this neighborhood's so shitty and all. This neighborhood is not shitty. Making sure Carl didn't get her. You know there's a baseball field across the street? All the Puerto Ricans play. It's really fun. They have uniforms, softball.

I used to get loaded. Yeah, it's baseball. I got it. I used to get loaded and play dominoes with them In the park And watch games So fun Not for them

Oh shit Dios mio Ian's back Hey hey hey Los yentos Mi amigos Chupacabra Jubacabra

That's pretty good Woo Anything Tommy? Nope. Just hanging. Yeah, so we're going to turnstile. Going to be fun. I'm bringing a fanny pack to put a glasses holder in so I take my glasses off and I can

mosh. Can we see with your glasses off? Man, for the listeners, that was a mistake. What? You got to see Ian get in a pool. Ian jumps in a pool and comes up, and he's four different characters at the same time. The hair falls out. The eyes are all fucked up.

His nose is bigger. It's wild, dude. I've never seen anything so crazy in my life. I'm Ian. He jumped in the pool. Who the fuck is this old guy? And I was hanging on to Foley for dear life, thinking I was going to get stung by the little underwater bugs.

At Barton Springs in Austin? Yeah. That was fun. Did you guys have fun at the new Moon Tower? What? At the JFL Moon Tower. Next question, please. Oh, boy.

Just the hang was better at the first one. Who wrote you that? Your publicist? The hang was way better at the first one. Yeah. We did go back to Barton Springs, dip in the water. Dude, honestly, I think truly my favorite part of Moon Tower was walking back the last night. You guys are on mushrooms.

In the 7-Eleven. I wasn't on mushrooms. No, no, no. I could count him as two people. That was good. That was all right. I'm a professional comic. You're called by the house comic We were It's called saving

We had so much fun That walk back The laughter and tears We had people in 7-Eleven laughing Yeah it was a wild night It was so fun Good times Yeah

Not this time You weren't there Aw buddy Yeah it was just a bigger We had a bigger group of close friends that first time. There was like 10 of us. I know, yeah. Everybody was all hanging and stuff.

Oh, that's important. Thank you, yeah. Thanks for bringing that up. Okay. Thanks for having us. This screeching halt. What time we at? And there's a Patreon after this? Yeah.

We're going to cut it in like 10, and then we'll do the Patreon. Because we've got to eat, too. We need to eat the sandwich. Who does? You. I don't. He didn't. I got you a sandwich.

No one's even ordered a sandwich. Did you? No. No. None of us ordered sandwiches. Oh, I ordered a sandwich. Oh, my God. Oh, that's right.

The sandwiches for me was a boiled chicken panini. Can you guys come back in 20 minutes? I'd like to have a little headspace. I thought you ordered the sandwich. I was so excited for you to eat the sandwich and give an endorsement for Anthony and Sons. Anthony and Sons. 163 gram. Try the panini.

Tell him Ene say it. Here's the thing. Can we pull back the curtain a little bit? Pull it back. What? Yeah, it's back. What are you talking about? Yeah, everything's exposed. And also. Here's the thing. Can we pull back the curtain a little bit? Pull it back. What? Yeah, it's back. What are you talking about? Yeah, everything's exposed.

And also, it's a blanket. How did you convince these guys to come over here and film this? What are you, a dick? Man, shout out to Bean Ian. Bean Ian's are. I'm a fan now. Let's start this over again. This guy can't keep it cool.

Where was the political? Ah, we've been working together for a while. What are you, a jerk off? Just completely full of under-questioning. You piece of shit. Ian, why don't we pull back the curtain? I told him I was famous. David, tell him I do the show. Ian do you mind if we pull back the curtain? I told him I was famous. David, tell him I do the show.

Ian, do you mind if we pull back the curtain? Sure, ask me anything you want. I'll fucking kill you. That's it, Carl,

get him. So you guys take Tommy on the road. So where are you boys going up next, huh? Oh, shit.

Holy shit. What was the last... It's going to be a truth or dare question. It's great. It's great. We love Tommy. Tommy's great. Tommy's fantastic.

He has a nice time. He does a great job on the fucking... He kills every fucking show. And it's great to have an old pal on the hang instead of using a local bozo. Yes. You know what I mean? Agreed. He kills.

He's a great hang. He's quiet. He's there when he needs to be. Doesn't say a word. Gets in the car. Ba-ba-ba. He's easy. I also appreciate when you guys, like, pay me, you don't take money back.

Ooh. Oh. Let's pull back that curtain. I think I know this tale. You piece of shit. I've also heard rumblings of this while we were waiting on a plane. The deal was. I think the funniest deal was Tommy was supposed to get paid. So, no, Ian said, Ian gives me, we were going to, was it Stress Factory?

Stress Factory. So, Ian gives me $200 up top, and he's like, hey, I'm going to try to get more money for you. I was like, cool, that's nice of you. You don't have to do that. Seems okay. Wait, did you pay him before the show? Paid him before the show. First mistake.

That'd be a red flag. No, that'd be a red flag on you. Initially, they gave me a very low number that they were paying me. So I paid him more up top. Hold on. Kevin's stepping on a dead cat right now. He is under the couch. So scared.

Are you sure I'm not sitting on him? He ain't happy. No. Well, he is kind of like cassette and Sopranos. He was under me for warmth. He killed a dog. What was he, barking? You killed an animal? Folks, if you haven't watched the Sopranos,

check out my other podcast, Sopranos Free Football. What is this, Ian's 19th podcast? What'd you get done with C&E and take a look at Sopranos. Thanks for not watching B&E and everybody Okay

They said They gave me a low number that they were giving him Miscommunication I gave him 200 From the jump Sure That's very nice Go ahead tell the rest

I always give at least I didn't know there was prepayment involved I always give I don't even prepay I didn't know I did that either I always give at least 100 more on top of what the club pays for an opener. But not in this case.

Yes. He did. I just thought it was funny that he gave me $200 and then the club gave me $200 and then he made me give him $100 back. Which is just funny because he went out of his way to be like, I'm going to try to get you more money. Now that's being Ian right there. But too much money. But if it's too much, I'm going to try to get you more money. Now that's being mean right there. But too much money.

If it's too much money, you're going to get money. I'm going to take money back. Look. Would you make on that show? What did you get? Was it for a weekend or a one nighter? One nighter. Two shows. Two.

So you paid Tommy a hundred bucks a show. Out of my pocket. That's true. Out of his pocket. Out of my pocket. He prepaid Tommy 100 bucks a show out of his pocket. Yes.

And then they gave him 300. No, they gave me 200. 200 total. So Tommy's got $400. Yes. Right. I may have said, look, I'll cover dinner. You're getting a free ride.

I'll take the hundo back. So I gave him 50 extra. You didn't might have said that. That's what you said. So you took 100 back and then you guys went out to eat and then who paid for dinner? Me. Oh, and yeah, I bilked him for everything I could on that dinner. Yeah.

Yeah. And I bought dinner the last time we went to fucking bum fuck somewhere. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. We split it. Did we? Yeah. And you pretended like it was my birthday and they sang a birthday song.

Oh, my God. No, you didn't. We split that. Hey, well, it's his cake. You ate it. I got everyone to sing a happy birthday. Hey, it's my buddy's anniversary. Do you do any free dessert or free entrees?

All these drunk people. Happy birthday, man. Was it free? Was the dessert free? Yes. No, no. Yeah, they do that at every Fridays. No, I pay for the dessert.

Look. Yes. And listen. When more people sign up for the Patreon, I'll take care of you. Like I already do. You sound like the poor family in the neighborhood. Once my dad gets his new job, we're going to move out of here. Once that slip and fall is settled, everybody's eating.

I give you $200 a show. But I take $50 back. For tax purposes, obviously. I took care of Toby. Tell you that? You should. Yes care of Toby. Tell you that? You should. Yes, of course. But I add on from my pocket.

I take a cut to give extra. Nothing bad. It's good. No, that's the right. You're doing the right thing. You're doing the right thing. Yes. Great guy.

Yes. Great guy. Great podcast. Thank you. Great friend. We love you. Wow. We're just giving you a hard time.

I love it. That's what friends do. That's what my Great friend. We love you. Wow. We're just giving you a hard time. I love it. That's what friends do. That's what my best friend punched me one time. Tommy slapped me in the face last year. You seem like a great guy. My girlfriend left me. My producers want to quit. She left, but I got the chicken.

When I slapped you in the face, what did you say after that? Was it out of anger or fun? No, he asked me to. Yeah. Make it look real. But after I slapped you, do you remember what you said? Not a clue. I didn't cum.

Do it again. Literally, that is what he said except for without the cum part. He was like, do it again. I was like, no, I don't need it. Do it again. Why did you have him slap you? He was sad. I had to try to wake him up.

It was like a wake-up slap. Yeah. Like, snap out of sad. I had to try to wake him up. It was like a wake-up slap. Yeah. Like, snap out of it. Slap. Like that kind of thing. But then he was like, do it again. And I was like, I can't do it again. Now step on my testicles.

Roll me up in a carpet and stand on me. Put these high heels on me. Step in my ass. I got some lipstick for you. Do me a favor. Put the high heels on. You're a my ass on my heels. I got some lipstick for you. Do me a favor. Put the high heels on. You're a size nine bump.

I happen to have two pair. They were gifted to me. Oh my God. All right. What do you guys got to plug?

When's this coming out? This is coming out, Danny. July. July. Jesus Christ. It's February.

What is this? The fall schedule? July. July. Jesus, they It's February. What is this, the fall schedule? July. July. Jesus, they turned Infinity to Warns. God damn it, that would have been good. Right in time for Sweep Sweep. I was going to say they turned Infinity...

They turned Infinity Wars around quicker than that. Hey, maybe by the time this comes out, you'll get it. Cut that. Jordan! Cut that. I have been worried that I have some type of neurological thing. Thyroid problem. Neurological thyroid problem. Maybe it's the four pizzas.

What's a metabolism? Maybe it's because your brain is also getting fat. I got an old fat head. I got a Fitbit for my head. I'm getting fat. I got an old fat head. I got a Fitbit for my head. I think I have something neurological because I miss words every once in a while now.

Yeah. That's happened to me too. It's old age. It's old age. It's just what happens. It could be an extra chromosome. Can you say intramural? That's a hard one to say. Intramural.

Intramural. Hey. Ian's intramural investigation. I'm looking at that shit above your head That we haven't made fun of And it's pissing me off Little Buddy It's not little

That is a lot Whatever It's a little rug burn That's a whole fucking carpet Looks like your third eye's angry Carpet burn Instead of a rug Anyway

Intramural What you got coming up? You laugh like You laugh like Rick from Pawn Stars Who's that? No nothing Really? Everybody.

What, did we hit the cooler? Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Open a window. The fucking... Tommy's leaning in. I'm catching whatever he has. I can't do anything over here.

Tommy gave us monkey pox. Don't do anything topical. This is coming out for five months. We're going to have to bleep that To the new To the new variant Welcome back Welcome back to B and Ian's Christmas episode

I'm your host Santee Ian We're bringing in 2024 today Do me a favor Pretend like it's really cold out, Chad Alright, fine Don't plug anything. What do you got?

With what? Plugs. I think he's talking to you. Who's your hair guy? Okay. What are you talking about? Alright, alright, alright. July.

The second the gun gets pointed back at you, you collapse. Dude, last night I'm at the bottom of the stairs I remember Yamaniki said You had the hairline of a rattlesnake One of the funniest things I've ever Shut up You had the hairline of a rattlesnake

Yeah Dude I got hurt She was wearing one of those Pink sparkly Like Girl hats And I was like It's finally nice to meet someone

That buys a hat at Penn Station Is that a tumbleweed I just saw in the bathroom Girl hats. And I was like, it's finally nice to meet someone that buys a hat at Penn Station. Is that a tumbleweed I just saw in the bathroom? No, it's a cat. She is so fucking funny. Holy hell. I got to get her here. You know what she did?

When I got my cat almost three years ago, she sent me a care package full of cat stuff from Chewy. Isn't that sweet? That's very nice. Yeah, it was really, really nice. I threw it all out, but it was really nice. I resold it online. I told you Shipper was lost. So I actually got a second free box out of him. Which I then sold

on Facebook Marketplace. You keep one, you sell one. One for me, one for them. Thank you, Mr. Bejosh. Tommy, any plugs? Cassidy Bejosh. Oh, fuck. Tommy, any plugs? Cassidy Comedy, top nine pod, baby. Thanks for having me.

What an episode. What a life. So happy to be here. Tommy just gets up and leaves. Get ready for the Patreon. July, I think I'm going to see my cousins. It's fucking May. What? I don't know. I got a doctor's appointment. I know that. Hoping to see my cousins. It's fucking May. What? I don't know.

I got a doctor's appointment. I know that. Hoping to catch the fireworks. July 21st and 22nd. Hilarities. Hoping to catch the fireworks. Hoping to get a little beach time. Hoping to catch the fireworks. All right.

Thank you. Bye. alright thank you bye