Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian Ep. 7 with Jordan Jensen "Pig at a Funeral"

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Ian and Jordan get silly talking about murder, family drama, and viking funerals. It just keeps getting crazier! The video is available at https://www.youtube.com/c/BeinIanPod and watching Ian almost die laughing is probably worth a peek! If you want to laugh with us some more, please check out www.patreon.com/beinianpod

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt Hey, Ian here. Just want to let you know he means giving it, not getting it.

Okay, thanks. Back to the song. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a lie. Being Ian, an Ian. Be an Ian with Jordan. I'm for dancing.

Cha-cha-cha-cha. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the first episode in the... It's getting a little high. Feels good. Oh man, what if we could drink, Ian? Jesus, Jordan. Sorry, you're right.

Let's just keep it rolling. Turn it off. Okay, well I gotta do my... Yo, can I ask you something? Ready? Ready? Hi, everybody. Welcome to the first episode of Being Ian with Jordan in the studio. How do people do it? What do people do?

No, no. No. There you go. No, they go. That's what they do. Oh, so annoying. Yeah. But what I don't hate is the studio.

I want to do a thing where, okay, the theme song just played. Shout out Lumineers. Thanks. But this is a cool, like that plays and then you got the music playing and it fades in. Hey, what's up? And oh, what? Do you want to go back old school the way it was upstairs and start out like this? Listen, the music is going to fade in and then it's going to be us talking.

The music isn't going to fade into just a different song. Yeah, it is. No. Yeah, it is. No, it has.

Cause this already came out. All right. You'll see how stupid it sounds when it's like, I don't even know the song. And then it'll go to the, another song because it's us like, all right, fine.

I don't care. And then you don't care. No, I don't have a say. So yeah, you do. This smells really toxic. Oh, my God.

What'd you put on there? Did you put rubbing alcohol? Oh, wow. It's hard to stop sniffing it. Jordan's going to relapse on a microphone handitizer spray. She's going to miss her spots because she's going to be huffing handitizer spray in my basement. I would love to miss my spots. It's so fucking hot. I know.

It's so hot. I'm so sick of talking about the breakup on stage. You know, I've been talking about just being really angry on stage and that's been helping a lot. Yeah, when I have a meltdown, that really helps. Yeah, the meltdowns really help. Yeah. You had a great meltdown the other night at Hilarity's.

It was so funny. Oh, thanks. When you were like, Ian was like, kids shouldn't be able to transition before the age of this and that. But at the same time, I'm like, who cares? And I get that I'm a hypocrite. So sure, I'm a hypocrite. But you know what?

I think I have it figured out. You can't transition if you believe in santa claus yeah that's it it was like everybody's like okay all right they were on board you know so what if i'm a hypocrite i might be a hypocrite well we just were in hilarities you're gonna smoke in here you're not gonna smell it can i is it gonna go out a window okay dude i don't want to be the girl who smells like cigarettes you're not gonna smell it can i is it gonna go out a window okay i have a window dude i don't want to be the girl who smells like cigarettes you're not gonna smell like cigarettes and also it's better than the girl that stinks like cow shit which everyone already

knows you for so did you grow up in ithaca um here's the thing i'm trying to do a joke about growing up in a barn but we didn't have any animals i say i grew up in a farm but we didn't have animals oh you did that the other night. That was really funny. Is that funny? Yeah, because wait, you grew up in a barn. So I tell people I grew up on a farm, but really there were no animals. Yes, because growing up in a barn makes you sound...

People ask questions. Yeah, like you're some podunk moron. Yeah, yeah, totally. That's great. I really laughed at that. Okay, cool. That was very funny. All right.

Yes. Now we're here in the studio and uh i'm really excited this is the first time you still have like tears in your eyes recording in tears of joy shut the fuck up jordan we're recording in the studio i converted my basement to the studio and i'm just so happy how cool is huh? I've had a lot of time on my hands. So I did some things. I did some DIY projects. I changed some things around in my life.

Some things have changed. Yeah. I mean, how cool is this? I made pasta. We just had a record playing. Look at this marble clock. I mean, you're excited, right? It's really pissing me off that you're not more excited.

I'm really excited. I just have been down here a bunch. I hung that TV off level. It's off level and we need to lower it. I think it's good where it is. I think you're biased because you did it. But it's good for a podcast if we ever have to pan to it. Everyone that's been panned to it with what camera? We're not if we ever have to pan to it. Everyone that's been

pan to it with what camera? We're not going to be able to pan to it. There are no cameras back here. Well, maybe someday there will be. Everyone that's been down here has said,

that's a high TV. Really? Yes. Shit. Yes. It can't get, it can't swivel down? No, you got to take it

out of the wall. All right, we'll take it out of the wall. God damn it. But I appreciate the effort. It was great. Is that filter making too much noise? No? Great.

What filter? It's an air filter. Air purifier. Oh, my dad installed one of those so he could smoke and keep his girlfriends around. Well, there you go. They all left him and he died. No, no, no. He had a wife when he died. I think she might have killed him, actually. What? We don't... Dude. Wait, what? Well, me and dad built a had a wife when he died. I think she might have killed him, actually. What? We don't... Dude.

Wait, what? Well, me and dad built a house together, and then he died. She kept the house, sold it, and then immediately moved to Georgia. And one of her ex-husbands from before my dad was also dead. And when I went up to her room, I saw Jack, my dad, next to Paul, her other ex-husband, and two urns labeled the same. No way. Way. Dude, this is, and two urns labeled the same. No way. Way.

Dude, this is an episode of Forensic Files. Right? Which makes sense as to why you hated that show, because under subconscious, you knew that your family was inspiration for the Forensic Files. She might have killed. The next day we came over there, all the stuff was sold. All the tools that I could have used when I was a contractor, sold. Everything sold.

Shut the fuck up. The house we built together sold are you serious right out and he wrote in the will like when micah dies jordan and jamie get this house and then she just sold it before obviously she died what year was this have you ever had this investigated no oh yeah because they said jordan do you want to get an autopsy on your father? And I said no. So it's my fault. Why would you say no? How did he die?

Because when your dad dies, the last thing you want is to imagine him being sliced open. Well, that's why you're going to be young when they die, so you don't know what's going on. Yeah. I win. Yeah, you do win. How old were you?

23. Eight. Nice. Wait, why did they. How old were you? 23. Eight. Nice. Wait, why'd they ask you and not anyone else? My sister, too, but we were both just, like, all too shook, you know? So we were like, no, don't cut him open. We know he was unhealthy. He smoked two packs a day.

Oh. Yeah. And, yeah. But he died in his sleep. Really? Yep. And you don't know how? I mean, he had in his sleep. Really? Yep. And you don't know how? I mean, he had a heart attack when he was 43.

He seemed, but he did, he also laid an entire, like, foundation that day. So we just thought it was just, you know, like a heart attack in his sleep. What if it was murder? Antifreeze. It could have been antifreeze. Have you talked to that woman since? I ran into her when i was on mushrooms once it was a nightmare at a fucking what's that famous barbecue place called famous dave's no they have them upstate and here mables no what's a famous barbecue place? Dinosaur barbecue.

Dinosaur barbecue. That's not famous. Well, it's famous if you live upstate. If you're in the Finger Lakes area, it's really famous. It's like Darien Lake. You know? If you're out there in the Finger Lakes area area you can retrace the steps of my murderous stepmother i ran into her on mushrooms it was fucked up i asked her for money when i went to

grad school because she got like four hundred thousand dollars for selling the house me and my dad built together and i was like if i could just have like a grand it would really help me go to grad school and she said no oh jordan that's i know. My buddy went to the place where she sold all the tools and bought some of them back and gave them to me. Isn't that sweet? Yeah. Yeah. But sad.

Yeah. Really sad. Well, I'm not too sentimental about stuff. I don't really like stuff that much, so it's almost. Yeah, neither do I. Yeah. I'm a pack rat. All that's in my room is band tees that you've given me.

That's really it. I got a couple. Oh, this is a band tee. Bad Time Records from... What else do I have in my room? ...Infornia. Hold on. You and your dad built a home together?

Mm-hmm. How long did that take? Four years. Oh, my God. Just you and him? Yeah, he would work on it, and then I would come home for summers and keep working so touching yeah it's awesome it's a great house giant circle windows oh my god yeah it's awesome all these secrets in it that we put in no yeah really yeah things that we hid in the walls no yeah totally jordan that's so nice i know but

it's not it's not ours anymore and and he left us the barn so now we just have this dilapidated piece of shit barn that we have these horrible section 8 tenants in but i went over the pandemic and remodeled some of that so that we could have more rich people in there but we're gonna sell it get a lake house be done with catfish farm that it's called catfish farm. It's called catfish farm? Oh, that's so cool. Do you think that guy would go fishing there? Yes.

That guy with the lamp? No, there's no fish there. There's nothing there. That's why it's so creepy. There's no catfish? There's no catfish. There's no animals. We had horses for a bit, but too poor.

You think that she killed him to get the money, and you guys never investigated? You were just like, hey, shit happens this way. We only thought about it. When he died, we were like, oh, we'll probably get some of the money from the house. We'll probably get the house. We didn't realize. And then when everything was sold immediately, the autopsy was denied.

It was all said and done. And we were both just like wait a minute did she kill him when i saw the urns next to each other that's when i was like oh shit dude would you ever exhume his body he's ashes oh yeah hit the road jack that's right you're not coming back he's not coming back dude i have his no more, no more, no more. Dude, I have his ashes. There's like bone shards in them. You know that? Isn't that weird? I took out my dad's bone ash shard and showed it to my mom in front of my stepdad to make him feel bad.

Nice. There's too much. Yeah, it's a lot. They need to just throw a bunch away and give you a little urn of it. There's a lot of human. A lot. You ever get a dog cremated it's like chunky why did you get a dog my mom got a dog cremated because we killed the dog or the

what put the dog down and you get him cremated and then you mix all the ashes together so you can be a family in the afterlife who'd you mix together My dad and the dog. You mix your dad and the dog and the grandfather? Splashed a little in there. Whoa. So they could be together. They're not together. It's bone shard. My dad wants his ashes spread in all these crazy places.

But I haven't. Like Jamaica and. We're not doing a Patreon where we spread my dad's ashes. We are doing a Patreon where we spread your dad's ashes across the globe. Oh, my God. That's the goal. At 700 Patreons, we're going to Jamaica. I can't believe that I knew exactly what you were thinking. We're going to Jamaica.

You're so sick. We're going to spray some ashes around spray them throw them around we drop off the ashes mom Jordan where do you want near the beach. We make pasta. Oh, God, it's windy. Oh, no, it's windy. They're flying everywhere. All right, we'll raise money to go to Jamaica. Yes!

That would be amazing. Oh, my God. And then we'll send all the Patreon subscribers. I dropped the urn. They're everywhere. No! My sister tried to release them into the lake

and they just kept sinking. The whole jug? Into these little boats. She put a bunch of ashes in these little boats and tried to set them off. Fucking Viking funeral? Yeah, she was trying to do

a mini Viking thing because he wanted a Viking funeral. And they kept sinking and she was crying. I was laughing. It was so funny the ashes were just dropping immediately to the bottom of the lake like they were not going and it was so funny it was chaos we were trying to light them on fire but they were wet obviously so they wouldn't

light on fire and she was freaking out it was so funny she got these like expensive little crafty canoes oh just a wreck just classic me and jamie jamie is being type a personality and just being like set them on fire like he would have and i was like dude they are sinking immediately they literally have rocks in them of dad's bones and i was like hysterically laughing she was like like, stop laughing! Stop! And I got out and my body was entirely covered with a thin layer of ash. I was like smoking a cigarette in the lake trying to light these things. It was bad. Your family needs to be studied.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. An anthropologist. By a historian. Yeah. Anthropologist. Anthropologist. Well, when my grandfather died,

we were putting things with his body to get him cremated with, and I left a note, and my mom left a picture, and I swear to God my grandma came out of her room holding a fucking portrait like a piece of drywall and my aunt was like my he's getting green man you're not starting a bonfire what the fuck are you doing she's like I just have to get rid of this and then my uncle said I'll never forget what my uncle said My uncle said What'd you do with this pain medicine? Oh my god

Yeah We're some trash We're white trash Woo Yeah Wow Yeah all of his weed He had pounds and pounds of weed

That they gave to this guy named Gideon I was pissed I was so pissed I was like yo Where's the pounds of weed he had in his desk? And she was like I gave it to Gideon And I saw Gideon at the funeral And I was like Fuck you. I was like, yo, where's the pounds of weed he had in his desk? And she was like, I gave it to Gideon. And I saw Gideon at the funeral and I was like, fuck you.

And he was like. I found so much Viagra. I had to, before the funeral, take these restraints he had around his bed for sex. Sex restraints. Oh, what? Yeah, it was crazy. So much shit in his house. I was just stuffing Viagra into my bra before guests showed up.

I wasn't hiding any of the weed. I was just hiding the, I don't know why. I was like, they better, I don't want anybody to think my dad's dick doesn't get hard. I think he'd be happy about it.

I also had this like pig roast when at his funeral and this this farmer who was like obsessed with me had this farm of pigs he was this creep and I was like kind of I didn't like tell him I'd fuck him if he gave me a free pig but I kind of like was like my dad just died and you know we'd love to have a pig and he brought this pig and he like took his shirt off the whole time of this funeral and was just this like glossy a man showed up to your dad's funeral shirtless with a pig this is your life what the fuck so i've got gideon's wearing a straw hat smoking weed you're sobbing and viagras are popping out of your titties i wasn't talking stepmom's hiding murder weapons around the funeral getting them to fucking sign a will like weekend at bernie but the whole time the whole time this pig was on fire which was so weird

it was a catfish farm because you guys were tricked into thinking it was normal and you got catfish and the farmer was trying to me the whole time and i was like dude my dad is dead please chill out and he stayed till the end of the funeral until one of my buddies had to be like she's not gonna fuck you you have to leave i brought the pig for nothing but also you don't want a pig on fire when you're like mourning a dead body it just smells like burning flesh come on bessie i ain't getting no tonight and we had way too much we had all this pork but nobody wants i didn't have any sides so it's just endless amounts of pork and this huge dead pig and you don't realize how

disturbing just like a giant dead pig is if you're at a funeral and you feel like you're mourning the pig. But then you're also eating it. I don't even... I don't even think I brought sauce. I don't even think I brought sauce. It hurts. It hurts.

My whole body hurts. Oh, my God. My whole body hurts. I didn't have like salt or anything. Shut the fuck up. Why did he take his shirt off? Why did he? Why are you caring about sauce? I didn't bring any sauce. So you're just eating smoked pork with nothing on it.

At a pig's funeral. It was a pig's funeral. It was a pig's funeral. My stomach hurts it was so crazy oh my god and there was this one guy ziffy yeah he was this old guy and he had he was my dad's weed dealer and he had a boner the whole time he would keep he kept he kept hugging me and my sister and at the end of the night we were like did you feel and she was like... Oh, God. Zippy and the pig farmer just shirtless wrestling over this dead man's young daughters.

Winner gets her beaver and the loser eats the pig. I don't know why he had his shirt off. I can't believe it. All the women were looking at the farmer. He was so hot. Where was the pig? Oh, my God. The pig was on the farm. The pig was on the farm.

You don't realize how crazy it is to just have a full pig on fire. It's not. It's really grim. It's like a grim thing to watch. I just thought it would be nice i don't think anybody hated it was so hillbilly there one of my cousins like at my dad's wedding had like try and hooked up with my sister and she was still mad about it and he was

there and there was all this weird tension. It was so freaky. The whole thing was so... And I had just started comedy so I was wearing this blazer and kept telling jokes. No you didn't. No you didn't No you didn't I tell jokes all the time

I was telling jokes all the time At the funeral The whole time The whole time people thought I was nuts People thought I was nuts I was really Oh god Why'd you wear a blazer

I don't know I don't know I've been wearing it blanket? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I've been wearing it on stage a lot. I don't know why I was wearing it. I looked like a real estate agent. I used to wear it all the time. Oh, my God. Oh.

And somebody gave me this letter that my dad wrote to his gay brother that was like, hey, I know you're gay. You don't have to keep it a secret anymore. And then at the end, my dad writes, but he goes, oh, by the way, sorry if you're not gay. And somebody gave me that at the funeral and I had it in my pocket and I would always do stand up and pull it out and almost read it on stage. Sorry if you're not gay, but you you gotta lay off the seers suckers dude you gotta chill out on the on the salmon pink shirts could you imagine the only one in your family with hygiene it was such a heartfelt letter just i love you so much you don't have to keep it a secret

and just like oh just disregard if you're not gay Yeah, yeah. It was such a heartfelt letter, just, I love you so much, you don't have to keep it a secret, and then just like, oh, just disregard if you're not gay. I'm sorry. Anyway, how was your dad's funeral? Mine was pretty run-of-the-mill. okay all right okay we have to breathe just try not to think about it. I love you so much. Oh my god.

You know. That's good. It was just smoke in people's eyes there was so much smoke in our eyes and it smelled like roasting flesh you really don't think about that oh it was such a horrible idea i didn't have any coleslaw or anything just who could eat so much just pork oh It was such a horrible idea. I didn't have any coleslaw or anything. Who could eat so much just pork? Oh. That guy hung around until it was dark too.

Oh. We really had to force him off the farm. I don't know what he thought was going to happen. Oh. Oh. Oh. I guess I am a hit, huh? I don't really think about it, but then I think about it, and I guess I'm a bit of a hillbilly. My cousin's trying to fuck my sister oh god oh my god

it's lansing it's like the most hick part of upstate new york it's brutal oh my god Were these the people who would wear, like, camo to weddings? They were, like, there were rugby dudes, old rugby dudes, and then there were

old contractors who, like, had no teeth and were on a little bit of meth. And then there were, like, hippies who had, like, jean vests on and, like, big spliffs and are like,

Jack would love to pass around this spliff. You know, it was like that. It was all that. I love how you just had the realization that you were a hillbilly. Yeah. Fucking redneck. Well, somebody, that dude that just broke up with me called me a hillbilly

when I told him I fucked my stepbrother. And I was like, I'm not a hillbilly. My moms are gay. But I guess there's some crossover between granola and pig roast. There's a little bit of a Venn diagram there that I fall inside of. But, you know, I'm pretty hungry. Where are the sandwiches at? I don't know what i was thinking i guess i thought the rugby guys would eat all this pork but you don't eat that much at funerals you don't go crazy i thought it'd be like

a party or something but oh it was so funny man ziffy just had a boner the whole time. It was crazy. Why did he have that? He kept rubbing it against my dad's widow. It was crazy. She was shit-faced. She was so drunk. My mom, who my dad hated, gave this like 15 minute long speech about my dad.

What did it say? Just roasted him. She just roasted his ass. Like a pig in a funeral. Yeah. Yeah, so, you know, it was a good time. Yeah, it was really, really crazy at the end when my buddies had to go up to that pig farmer and be like it's dark out the family is all that remains you have

to leave he was so surprised he really i think he really did think it was a trade i got a free pig out of it, though. Tell you what. What kind of fucking upstate backwoods dowry is that? I don't know. He was pretty hot, though. He was a hot farmer.

Dumb as a rock, though. Tell you what. We hooked up at a music festival and he flipped his truck when he was leaving. The pig farmer? Yeah. You ended up hooking up with him? No, this was before. We didn't fuck.

We just hooked up. But then he flipped his truck when he was leaving the festival and he calls me and he goes, what are we going to do? And I was like, we? I was like, I don't even know you dude and i hung up but he still gave me that pig he flipped his whole truck over it was crazy what are we gonna do lunacy oh i feel crazy Oh, I feel crazy. I feel like I'm in an acid trip.

Yeah, me too. And you weren't telling facts about your life. You were just saying the first thing that popped into your head. It's all true. It's so fucked up that all of that's true. We have to make enough money on Patreon to meet Zippy. Oh, Zippy. He's probably dead now.

And the pig farmer. And go back to Ithaca. Dude. Not to Ithaca, to Lansing. Ithaca is the lesbian hub. Then Lansing is the redneck. I mean, that's where you kids fuck cats. You know what I mean? I'm so sweaty.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. That was... you kids fuck cats you know i mean i'm so sweaty oh wow oh my god that was do you remember your dad's funeral cops had to come did they really what fights there were fights we'll get into it another time okay i'm not gonna top your yeah i guess it was just a normal funeral no shirtless guy with a picture i had to What kind of a fool am I? Yeah I guess it was just a normal funeral No shirtless guy with a pig tried to fuck me He really was trying to get it It was crazy

It was so crazy Following me around And I'd be like go take 10 to the pig dude Don't you gotta flip the pig Oh my god I don't think I ate one bite of that pig Don't you gotta flip the pig? Oh my god. I don't think I ate one bite of that pig. What did we do with it after?

Did we bury it? Did we make him leave it? He left it. I think he left the pig. I think he left in a huff. All right, man. There's nothing else we can say. Is that the pod? I think so.

How long have we been recording? 33. Whatever. Should we call recording? 33. Whatever. Should we call it? Yeah, I mean, you gotta go. What time is it? Do I have to go? It's 6.17.

What time do you have to leave? The show starts at 7. Where? I don't know. Let's see. This gay show. Oh, my God. I mean, that's a doozy to start out in the studio, huh? I mean, what an amazing thing to learn.

Yeah, I never talk about it on stage. I guess I should. I mean, I love it. How do you even begin? How do you even begin? I think how you do begin is you sniff microphone sanitizer and just yeah let the words roll out of your head loopy as hell dog i feel fucking crazy it's on orchard street it's on orchard street how far is that i just take the j to lancy you'll be fine

holy shit well dude we are to get money on the Patreon. Spread your dad's ashes. Rest in peace. In Jamaica. Yeah. And where else are you supposed to spread the ashes? He wanted Jamaica. Where else?

I don't remember. In the Atlantic. Is there like some dirt road with a puddle? Yeah, there is. There's a dirt road. There's a place called Pond Mitchell. We have to go back there. Where is that?

I don't know. I can't remember, but he used to take us there every summer. It was pretty fun. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. It wasn't my dad's wish to be spread. He didn't have a will. He was so young when he died. And it was like such a tragic accident that there was like no planning.

But he's just been sitting in an urn in my house in Delaware. Maybe that would be a nice cleansing thing to take his ashes to places he loved and spread them there. Yeah. He's just been sitting in an urn in my house in Delaware. Maybe that would be a nice cleansing thing to take his ashes to places he loved and spread them there. Yeah. You go to Bellevue State Park. How many ashes do you have? Do you have the big box? No, we have a big urn with a dogwood tree on it because that was his favorite tree. So, yeah, maybe that would be nice.

Spread his ashes around somewhere. Yeah. Where could we go? I sent some with my friend who is an Askin fisher woman. I'm literally just pawning them off on people who are going to the ocean. Oh, wow. Hell, we could go to Jacob Reese. Oh, that's great.

Is that it? Wait, scroll down. Moose River Road. I used to live on the place called River Road. Wow. Shit, maybe that is it. Is that it? That'd be crazy.

Let's go. Is this going to show up on the podcast when we're on? Picture of my dad just shows up. It should. Show them. Wow. Let's go to Mitchell Pond River. Yeah.

What's it called? Mitchell Goose Pond. What? Pond Mitchell. Pond Mitchell. Wow. And where's that? There it is.

Wow. Wow. That's nice. Yeah, I'd like to do it at Bellevue State Park in Delaware. That's a place we used to go. Oh, and at Rehoboth Beach. We used to go down there every year. We'd have guys weekend at the beach.

And we would go down. My mom wasn't allowed to go. We would get like a hotel where we'd stay in my granny's trailer. And we would just go down like a Saturday, Sunday. And one time we went down and my mom would always joke like, don't check out any babes while you're down there, you know. And so on the way back, we were in their Volvo. It was me and my dad.

And somehow we found like lipstick in the glove box. And I put lipstick on and he put it on. And we started kissing ourselves and like rubbing lipstick. And we walked in the house in the house and I go mom we couldn't keep the babes off us oh my mom was like painting inside out she fell off the ladder like laughing so hard like it was just so fun oh my god that's so cute yeah and we used to wake up every last day to watch a sunrise uh right in front of dolly's um candy stand and uh i i went back for the very first time since i did that with him this past august or september when olivia and i went to the beach and i woke up early i sat in the same spot and i watched the sunrise over the ocean i had this like transformative it truly felt like I was on like acid.

Really? It felt like I was on mushrooms. I have not felt that close to him or that in touch or like I just felt so bursting with like joy and love in like an accepting way that I'd never felt before. It was like, I've never felt that close to him. Where it kind of feels like you're like, you're not like without him. I've kind of feels like you're not without him.

I've had that feeling where you're like, oh shit, he's not gone. He is here. He is right here. It was. I mean, like I sat on that beach and I talked to him for the first time in forever. And it was the exact spot we used to go to. It was. I mean, the sunrise that day is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And he was with me. I firmly believe he was like right there with me and i was talking it was incredible it was amazing and i went back and i told olivia about it and you know we she was like so happy for me and everything and i was like you know it really mean a lot if you know you go with me tomorrow she's like sure of course you know so we stayed up super late and I woke up and she was very cranky. And we are walking there. I didn't look up. Will this,

will the sun, what time will the sun come out today? So I was like eyeballing it and guessing it was cloudy. It was not the same as the day before. She's there in a sweatshirt with her arms crossed. I'm frantically Googling, can you see the sun when it's cloudy? Oh, my God. And I'm like, it's going to come.

It's going to come. Where is the sun? That's what she said. In Delaware. Oh, she goes, where is the sun? Oh, my God. And I was like, it's coming. It's coming.

It's beautiful. This is nice. This is nice. This is nice. I'm like petting her. I tried to put on a song to make her happy. She goes, the music's loud. Turn it off. And I was like, oh, God.

Oh, no. This is what you get for trying to recreate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worst. Yeah. And then the sun finally came out. And it was like nice. And we had this beautiful five-second moment.

And then the sun went away again. She was like, I'm going back to bed. I was like, OK. Oh, my god. You woke her up at 5am and dragged her out to a place where you didn't know where it was? Oh my god. I thought that it would be

another amazing experience that I wanted to share with her. But I should have realized it was a singular experience that I have with myself and the doll. How would she care? She's not going to be like, oh I feel your dad? Because I wanted to share that with her because it was nice. Yeah, I know it wasn't a smart move.

I'm aware. Yeah. What can you do? This is where our mental illness comes into play with our codependency. We're like, I saw something. It doesn't mean anything unless somebody else witnesses it. See it. See me. Be my audience.

Show me I exist. Do I matter? Look at it. I saw it, but who the fuck am I? I don't matter at all you have to see it or else it doesn't matter give me meaning enough of the pod today

I do the same shit dude trying to recreate can you feel him can you feel my dead dad that you never met with this poor girl that's like I'm just enjoying her vacation oh fuck you're totally right i do that shit all the time it would be really meaningful if you had this experience with me that i had one time on my own that doesn't mean anything because you weren't there it's so

up god bless her yeah man that's a lot to put on what can she say no i didn't realize it until now i've brought multiple dudes my dad's farm and they're like this is dilapidated and sad i'm like just lay with me Lay with me. Just put your hand on this tree with me. Do you feel it? And I'm covered in poison ivy. And I have a syringe in my shoe. Is that a pig in the distance?

Yep, that's my dad. He's saying hello. Ah, yes. The pig. They wouldn't burn. Oh. The pig we buried. I think we had to bury this pig corpse.

It's like so fucked up. I think my sister was like, Jordan, what the fuck are you going to do with this pig? Ugh. Brutal. Just really brutal. Oh, fuck fuck i sweat through my shirt all right all right let's go eat food yeah let's go eat some sandwiches uh i love you dude thank you so much this is the first episode in the studio yeah Yeah. A Beanie and with Jordan. Are we releasing the other episode? Yeah. Yeah.

This will come out after the first couple. Oh, okay, okay. First episode in the studio. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Nice. Nice. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you say anymore