Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian Ep. 8 with Pat and Joe from Barstool "Angel Hands"

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

The Barstool boys from the "Out and About" pod swing through the Delaware Den to have some fun with Ian! They discuss DUI's, dating apps, and dangerous drunks. See more from Joey and Pat on the "Out and About" podcast! Want more Ian? Please sub to the Patreon at www.patreon.com/beinianpod  

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt Hey, Ian here. Just want to let you know he means giving it, not getting it.

Okay, thanks. Back to the song. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a lie. Being Ian, being Ian being Ian hey everybody it's your old pal Ian here I'm coming to you from the Delaware Den this is going out to all the doozies out there I'm on the road that's right come

out and see me October 2nd i'm headlining instead of live phoenix arizona october 5th san jose improv october 6th brea improv and october 7th hollywood improv it's going to be a blast ianfinance.com linktree.com ianfinance for tickets while i'm out there i'm going to be listening to the new whoopsies cat bite with mike park split wave breaker gonna listen to it the whole time on bad time records check it out but more importantly check me out and you know what smoke them if you got them come on out have a smoke and hear a joke all right thank you enjoy Bye-bye. that, please. She did on the car right here. Would you like to try? Go to PulseQueen.com. You have to purse your lips together like a trumpet. Oh, I've got lightheaded. How'd you learn this?

Many years. Hold on. Ready? Many years in the industry. That's her mating call. Yeah. Yeah. And a bunch of Hasidic Jews show up.

Oh! The maid comes down? Yeah. It's just a fight that's... Yeah. This is a Jewish shofar. It's a goat horn. Do you know how the Jewish men around this neighborhood like to flash lesbians?

What? I have a bunch of lesbian friends down in Brooklyn here. Is it called down in Brooklyn? Uh-huh. And apparently the Hasidic Jewish men love to flash them. Flash them what? How do they know that they're lesbians? Because they look like bull dykes.

Really? Yeah. It's mostly the dykey ones. I think it's the kind of fuck you that can show their dick to a woman, but it's not really a woman. Well, it's a very sexual culture. It is a woman, but it's like, you know.

The Hasidic are known for their sex appeal. Now you're Hasidic passing. Excuse you? You can pass. You're passable. You're passable. You're a passable queen. I wanted to do a show where I infiltrate the Hasidim and then start like a Jewish mafia

among them. Yeah. And then- The entertainment industry? Yes. They already have that tier. They are? Banking?

They are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I create a device that controls the weather, which is this thing right here. Oh. It's about to rain. Now, my foot is acting up. When a storm is coming, I can feel it on my hip and on my toe.

Really? I can feel that in my knee. Yeah. How did you hurt your foot? I don't know. I was sleeping. I'm taking a bunch of new medications, so I'm probably having a mixture between mixture. Prescribed or for fun.

A little of both. How much time do you have? Yeah. I can go through my full script, but maybe it's an interaction with some of my, my new medications or injections. What do you want? Pat and I will be doctors.

Well, I have, well, Pat injects me yesterday with testosterone. This is like, I get, I give him two injectables a week. I give him two injectables a week.

She injects me. You're on T. Yes. No. Yeah. Well, I went to the doctor and I injectables a week. I give him two injectables a week. She injects me. You're on T. Yes. No. Yeah, well, I went to the doctor, and I legally am a woman. You look like one of the lesbians at the Seeds Flash. Thank you. He goes out with a wig.

I remember when it was Leah Dialli. What's her name? Lena Dunham? No, no, no, no. Close, close. A wig at a Home Depot receipt. Hang it in his back pocket. She was in Orange is New Black, the real dyke-y one.

Yes. Oh, yes. She's a comedian. Yes, with the glasses. I get confused for her all the time. The black lady? Yes. No, she's white.

No. You can't assume they're race. What? We can't assume race now? We can assume. We'll get canceled. No, you can't assume gender. You can assume race.

No, wait. You could never assume race, right? We don't. Okay. We can assume race. No, wait. You could never assume race, right? We don't. Okay, we got a game called Guess the Race. Jordy, pop it up. Polynesian. This is great. You have the TV here, and then as we talk, you bring things up.

Yes. Marty, take notes. Hello. How great would it be to have this? We have a TV. Yeah, but we don't use it. The only time we use it is when we have a guest, and it's like guest the asshole or the vagina or whatever. Yeah, between you.

Joey and Pat, out and about. Yes. Bar, stool, sports. What do you think of this studio? I'm turned on. I like it a lot. It's perfect. It's decorated.

It will read well on camera. Is this Liquid Death? Yeah, kind of. I don't know it yet, but yeah. I love it. It's very 70s, like chill, like stoner vibe,

but not really. You have the music all over the walls, a lot of Asian paraphernalia. Yeah. You're a guy that doesn't make sense on paper, Ian,

which I can respect because I'm the same way. I'm like a faggot who loves Beyonce, but will also do boxing. Oh. Like nothing makes sense. I love that. You'm the same way. I'm like a faggot who loves Beyonce, but will also do boxing. Oh. Like, nothing makes sense. I love that.

I feel like you're the same. Yeah. I get told that I don't. You like that? Is that the mango flavor? This is really good. No, this is straight up sparkling. Oh, regular sparkling.

Yeah. They all have different flavors. Liquid death. Yeah. I get told that I can't be fit in a box because I have too big of a cock. That's true. That's true.

I've seen his cock before. It's heavy. Yes. I was telling, what's her name? I was telling Jesse Kirsten how big her cock was. Yes. You guys made a clip of that and put it out. Thank you.

You're welcome. Thank you. That was great. If you didn't know Ian, you can come down here and get a really good idea of what you're about to get into when meeting Ian here. I think it kind of sums everything up for you. You have great comedians of yesteryear. Yes. Comedians.

Comedians. You have some sports paraphernalia. You have, I mean, there's not enough. I don't really see, except for the Elvis. What would you add? I would add something a little faggoty in here. The Golden Girls. That's one. Is there poppers? You know what's so funny? I was going to go and get poppers for you guys today.

There's a place up the street that sells them. I need them. I'm using some old ones that look like honey from a gift bag right now. Fuck. That's why your nose cleared up. Yeah. Because you haven't been using them. I also haven't had to use poppers because I've been getting laid.

Really? Brag about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. Share about it. A hot, young 23-year-old. Get ready for a shofar share. Yeah.

Joey says he can't talk. He's like, every time he's like, we can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. The second he's on any microphone, the first thing he does. That's my favorite thing in the world. I start chirping like a hummingbird. No, I really want to respect his privacy. Here's a picture of his abs.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we can smoke down here, too. Oh, good, good, good. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait a second until my coffee goes through me. How many toilets do you have here? One there, one upstairs.

Okay, good. And the two litter boxes. Two litter boxes. So four. Good. Yeah. Sandra noticed. I saw her squatting in one earlier.

Yeah. She squeezed the blood clot out to the one closest. What is happening? It sounded like this. She had a blood clot? Yeah. Upstairs. It's in the box.

You know a woman at work left a blood clot on the floor. Farted a blood clot out onto the floor of the ladies room? No. She left it there. No. For posterity?

And he was the one who found out somehow. He would not believe what's on the ladies room floor. And like all the girls come over. And it says yeah it came out. I said yep. Go ahead. And like all the girls come over. And a tizzy came out. I said yep.

It's in there. Go ahead. And by the time we all got in there the cleaning lady was in there taking care of it. How did you know?

I could smell it. Are you a bear? So. Yeah. All the menstruation. The winds will shift. Yeah. And I noticed

so I heard from word of mouth someone told me so I went in to go see it and then I started spreading the word around the office by the time I gathered all the girls shift. And I noticed. So I heard from word of mouth someone told me. So I went in to go see it and then I started spreading the word around the office

by the time I gathered the girls to go around the office to investigate. And I think it was like a terror threat. Not a terror threat but it was like

marking their territory. So I'm assuming it was someone newer in the office. It was probably you. Someone newer in the office trying to

mark the territory and let them know that I'm dominant. This is my, I'm out for blood. So we found out who it was eventually. Let them know. Let them know.

Let them know. Now, did she know she popped a clot? Yes. Well, she stopped getting her period for a while because of the eating disorder. Yeah. But now that it's... Is that too serious? Is that a B&E and exclusive? That's a B&E and exclusive. We can cut that, right? Yeah. But now that it's released. Is that too serious? Is that a B&E and exclusive?

That's a B&E and exclusive. We can cut that, right? Yeah. No. This is live. We're live. We're live. But yeah, so the blood cut hit the ground and, you know, things changed in the office.

But you've been now at Barstool since when? February. Full-time February. And he came in. This is Black History Month. Really? Well, he requested that he get signed on to Black February and he came in This is Black History Month. Really? He requested that he get signed on to Black History Month. I always start talking Black History Month.

He actually requested it believe it or not and then he came on to do Out and About in like October and then just more and more and more and it's been a dream ever since. How long have you guys been friends? Since October. We really hit the ground running. You really did. He came on the show and then like five minutes in

I was like oh yeah I'm getting you a job here this has to this has to happen I go stick it out now there were ups and downs there were many ups and downs

he caught feelings he caught feelings and I was like I'm not this is a professional environment yeah but there's I don't blame him but it's like

you know get your things together but then he came messy and he was like you know crying and like trying to and filtrate my relationship with my boyfriend I was like an emotional clot it was your things together. But then he came messy and he was like, you know, crying and like trying to infiltrate my relationship with my boyfriend. I was like, oh, an emotional clot.

It was fucked up. But I'm glad he got over it. So you guys have only been for I thought that you guys were like sisters since the beginning. We're sister. We're kindred spirits. Yeah. Kindred spirits. Yeah.

It is funny. I just got his sense of humor immediately. Oh, yeah. I think he got. Well, I don't know if he got mine. I think there's not enough faggots in the industry that are as, you know,

as loosey-goosey. We let it fly. We let it fly as, like, taboo as us. You know, we like, you know, radical, we like Islam, radicalism, we like evangelicalism.

That used to be a ISIS flag. Yes. Oh. It was, yes. Actually? It's great. Yeah.

No, it used to be. Oh, it used to be. You had to take it Yes. Actually, it's great. Yeah. No, it used to be. Oh, it used to be. You had to take it down. Yeah, I had to. Well. We love the Taliban. We love evangelicals. January 6th. I come on January 6th. I'm pushing for a national holiday. I have a petition. Would you like to sign? I'd be honored. Yeah. Please.

Jordy. Sondra's not a citizen, so she can't sign. Sandra, what are you? Gender first here. Color, hair, skin, gender. She's that bitch. You're that bitch? That's your pronoun. Yes.

That and bitch. Where are you from? I'm from New York. Oh, I thought you were going to say Tel Aviv. No. She's not from Tel Aviv. She is actually a Kosovoian refugee. Really?

Yes. Yeah. I'm honored. Yeah. That's incredible. Here she is. I think you guys are way more. You've got to see her in her bikini.

She's hot. Really? Oh, my God. Can you change? Please? Come on. Hey, honey. Shake it around. On the cameras. What do you want in here? Oh, my God. Can you change? Please? Come on. Hey, honey, shake it around. On the cameras.

What are you doing in here? Hey, come on in here. Come to the Delaware Den for a second. What would you do if you got invited over on a date and he brought you down here? Would you be nervous? I think you could hang, though. Before you met us, would you be more nervous or less nervous? What if you came down here and I was playing ska?

Come and sit down. You love, I forgot, you love ska? What is it, ska? Ska. Ska music. Ska. Now, here's the thing. What if you came over for a date and I said, come to my den, we're going to hang out, choose

a record, and maybe you would like to play Korn. Maybe. Korn. I got multiples. Do you have Power Man 5000 as well? That's on the wish list. Okay. That's on the wish list.

And then I said we can play WWE 2K and I am a downloadable character. Would that make you just slip off these? I don't think she understood what we just said. No. Let's just speak English. Believe it or not. She's a mute, actually. Well, he had her tongue removed so she can pronounce her country's dialect correctly.

Well, that was right after we had you. What else did she take away from her? Well, the ability right after we had you. Right after we had you. What else did you take away from her? The ability to have pleasure. Did you show her our Christmas card? Our holiday card? Oh, please. I would love it. I just want to say, first of all, I did your guys' show.

Had a fucking blast. Got so much good feedback. People were really loving it. So much good feedback. People were really loving it. And I think you guys are way more relatable than any other like kind of like queer thing going on. Because so many people feel the way and talk like this in their friend circle. Yeah.

And I think that says it out loud. Yeah. Because you have to be woke for the Internet. Yeah. You know, exactly. You have to be woke for the Internet. And gay people. Hate everyone just as much as you do. No. Gay entertain internet. And gay people, gay entertainers, queer entertainers,

have it in their head that everything you do has to be educational. It's like the movie Fire Island. Why are you teaching me a fucking lesson about what gay... Show people fucking, show people doing drugs, show what it's really like to be gay on Fire Island. And that's like, we talk how we would on camera, we do yes yes i think more people should and enjoy and i blame the whole education through comedy thing on the daily show because that was john stewart because that was everyone's introduction to like um politics in like a funny way yeah and then it got to a point where it was like, no,

no, no, we're educating people. But then like, he'd always cop out and be like, we follow a cartoon show. You know, we're just,

we could fall back on the joke. Yes. Yes. Yes. But I feel like he did it well, like more so like, you got the same off the fucking Samantha bees. And like,

he didn't do it. Well, he is the gold standard. He is the way it should be but it inspired a generation of comics to go oh i think i should do that and they suck they stink and they and they don't have a writer's room full of 12 highly educated yeah you know highly experienced people and researchers john stewart who's an incredible comic and host and yeah they don't have researchers and everything.

And then they think their 10 minutes on stage is to like educate. And then that infiltrates entertainment. No, our live show, I injected him with tea and he mooned the crowd on his asshole. My asshole was that. Are you serious?

I thought it was front row. And I was like, you know, I'm not going to pull my just butt cheek out. I'm just going to do a full Monty so I pull everything down. But I forgot that I had skinny jeans on. So I had to pull them all the way down. And I had to, you know, they got stuck in my calves. I had to put them, I'm not going to pull my just butt cheek out. I'm just going to do a full Monty, so I pull everything down. But I forgot that I had skinny jeans on, so I had to pull them all the way down.

I had to, you know, they got stuck in my calves. I had to put them, I'm bending them down. I realized that my whole gaping asshole and balls are right in the audience's faces. You fruit cup 500 people? Yeah, including my father in the front row. That's what it's called. Right in front of my father in the front row. So I was like, yeah, that's what we do there.

And we, you know. You're not getting education, but you will get laughs. Yeah. Make sure you're not getting education, but you will get laughs. Yeah. Make sure you're not sitting in the splash zone this time. Yeah. So we have a live show coming up at Laugh Boston on October 4th. Yes. Link in bio, all of our stuff, me and Joey.

Joey Kamasta, Barstool Pat. Laugh Boston, great club. Is it good? We've never been. Is it good? I did it back in August. Amazing. Sold so well on a Thursday.

We're on Tuesday on Yom Kippur. Bro. Thank God there's no Jews in Boston. You want the horn? Bring the horn. Enjoy it. We got to learn how to play it right. Well, there is a YouTube tutorial.

What's the actual name of it? It's a shofar. It's a goat's horn. Yeah. That's a goat's antler. Yeah. It's a goat's antler Yeah It's a goat's antler Would you ever fuck a goat?

Again? Speaking of Here's our Christmas card Let me see this Oh yeah this is something I would say You guys are gonna crush That Boston

That's gonna be so fun It's our first sit down Comedy special Oh that's awesome I have gout I can't stand up Shut The fuck Up And you guys say holiday card Holiday card comedy special. Oh, that's awesome. I have gout. I can't stand up. Shut the fuck up.

And you're going to say holiday card. Dude, that is amazing. Do you think we're going to get canceled? Are you? No. You're going to be

celebrating. So he can't see our faces. I'm going to share it. Put it on the green screen. Yes! Green screen it. Can we just have it up? Yeah, have it up.

And I'll say this. Might I make a suggestion? Yes. Merry Christmas, classic Christmas font, and underneath in, like, Farsi. Yes. Underneath in Creole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll speak Pidgin.

Yes. If I'm south of Mason-Dixon, I'll go into Creole. Yes. Now you're going to wish him a Merry Christmas now, y'all. That's how you got to have the Christmas. You could do a great Christmas card down here. Oh, God, yeah. In a tidy white.

He's like stains on them and a Santa hat and a beard. High socks, 70s socks. Yeah, and just like fucking shit stains are on your underwear. What? Not shit stains, but like pee stains. He will get kinky. Not that way. I'm just reading the environment here and getting excited.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Kid! Now I'll just reading the environment here and getting excited. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Kid. I lay under the coffee table made of glass and you'll drop some heat right on my face. Yes. Yes. Oh, dude. We could do a glass shit Christmas holiday card.

In high school, I made Christmas cards of me doing the mangina, pubes out, and it said, have a hairy Christmas. Oh, that's good. I just posted my mangina on OnlyFans. You did. You have an hairy Christmas. Oh, that's good. I just posted my man giant on OnlyFans. You have an OnlyFans. Plug it. It's Joey underscore Kamasa on OnlyFans. It's juicy. What do you do on there?

I just do fun content. Goofy. I'm not obviously a very sexual person, but I do like to be sexualized. So I'll do like, you know, I'll show everything, but I do it in a funny way. I'll wear women's lingerie with a nut hanging out. Or, you know, like the man giant or me in a funny way. I'll wear women's lingerie with a nut hanging out. Or the mangina. Or me in a swimsuit. You know what I like about you.

Going down on my uncle. Just like different things that we have. The first thing he posts, he goes, I'm going to start off slow. We go, great idea, Joe. We go, what's the first thing you're going to post? He goes, how about this? And then he's coming on his own face. Did I show you this?

I showed you that. Let me see it. And then we go, don't post it up. He goes, oh, it's up. The first thing he did was post himself jizzing on his own face. Did I show you this? I showed you that. Let me see it. And then we go, don't post it up. He goes, oh, it's up. It was the first thing he did was post it up on his own face. But now it's behind a paywall, so you have to pay to get it. Yeah, you have to pay to get it or come to the live show where you show hole. Yeah.

Yeah. Shut the fuck up. I thought I showed you this. It's a gif of you coming on your forehead. On the green screen. Can you green screen this? It truly looks like you are getting gay ash Wednesday.

It comes down and drips. It drips on the forehead. I'm christening. This is what they should say. Right there. That's incredible. You posted that. Do you have people on there there I only have

A hundred followers now Only Yeah But it's only Ten dollars So it's only A thousand dollars a month But then you take

Half of it So it's like I'm making five hundred dollars A month It's just enough To like fuel my That's just enough For one late night

Seamless order Yeah That's just enough For a king splatter At three a.m. From Auntie Jo How'd you get peckish At night He gets peckish Around three a.m. He Auntie Jo. How did you get peckish at night?

He gets peckish around 3 a.m. He will get peckish. It is so funny to me how people make it OnlyFans. And in order to succeed on it, you have to post it on your social networks. And then everyone in your life sees it. No, I don't care. Well, yeah, no. But some people don't care.

And then when they don't make money off of it, they have to then get a real job. But then it's like you've already shown your naked body to everyone in your life. The girls post heavy when it's renew time, because you can see who auto-renews and who doesn't. So when the time of the month is coming up, shout out. That was a lot of periods. A lot of time.

They post some extra slutty stuff to get people on there. Yeah, I got to really up the ante this month. Well, I really... You can't up it more. That's why we came here. Okay. Yeah, do it. Let's have a live OnlyFans show right here.

And while you do that, I'll read Native American poetry from my book. Oh, look at the little book. American prayer books. Now, you're from the Slapahoe tribe, correct? Oh, look at the little book. Now, you're from the Slapahoe tribe, correct? They call me Chief Powerbottom. Whatever, oh, whenever the white man treats the Indian as they treat each other,

then we will have no more wars. We shall all be alike, brothers of one father and one mother, with one sky above us and one country around us and one government for all. And that was from the Nez Pierce Cheap. This is Daughter Feather, dear. Now, she's able to read this so she doesn't get taxed on her income here. We're on holy land. She's an early settler.

Well, can I tell you, I donate to a Native American fund and there's a school in North Dakota that I donate to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love Native American culture and like their idea of spirit and nature. She's a Finnish queen. Yeah, yeah. So I've had her size. She's an indigenous queen. I'm adopting a Native American boy and hopefully he'll come soon.

And I donate, right? So then they send me letters nonstop asking for more money. Oh, my God. But what they put on the envelope are things like, help. Please help. Ian, you're the only one that can help us. Oh, my God. We need water.

Please help. We need books to graduate. The Native Americans? Help. Yeah, but it's all like printed out in children's handwriting.

Oh God. It's the saddest thing ever. Not much. I gotta edit. I gotta, three figgies? Four figgies? No.

What, 25 bucks a month or something? Yes. How much do you give? Nothing. Well, there you go. Yeah.

We do hand jobs for the homeless. Okay, we're good. Yeah. We do hand jobs for the homeless. Angel hands, they call it. Angel hands. Angel hands across America. Well, it's hand jobs for the handicapped.

Like, I've been trying to get involved in that for many years. I've been watching porns like that. Like, sometimes I watch fucked up porn, and one of them is, like, crippled porn, where someone can't physically jerk themselves off, so an angel hand will come in and jerk them off. I would love to do hand jobs for the homeless. I'm sorry, homeless and handicapped. So if we could start that up.

I mean, that'd be great. Sandra, you're mentally handicapped. Would you? I'm so sorry. I'm just shitting on this immigrant. You won't be here long. Maybe I'll donate to you and you'll send me a fake letter asking for help. Imagine you go, here's the card.

It's Sandra. Yeah. Please, please help. And they, dude, they're like, if you send more money, we will send you a commemorative blanket. And I'm like, I've seen how this played out. What are you getting us back? One donation at a time? That's a smallpox joke.

Yes, there you go. Smallpox? He didn't know it. That's why I said it. I thought it was something rapey. The original monkey pot. No, that's the thing. We put smallpox on blankets and gave them blankets

and they all died out. Oh. You didn't know that? To who? To the Native Americans, yeah. Yeah. How cool. Now, was this before the Holocaust? What? Was it before? This is in like the fucking like 1600s. Yeah. Oh. This is when we came over

and wiped them out. Well, I think that'd be a more humane to do. I think that Hitler should have really thought about his resources and made monkeypox. Hitler should have been quilting. Yeah. He should have been quilting. Look at this. That is true. Well, that's the show.

Can I have a cigarette? You know what? Man, a run should light up. This is a thing. You want me to light it for you? Yeah. Yeah, that deserves smoke. Also, quick note.

I'm a very visual person. Marlboro Reds are so on brand for your whole aesthetic and vibe. That's the only cigarette you can smoke. Yeah. What's trashier than this? This is not so trashy. This is like American classic. I thought you'd have American spirits.

No. I do,'d have American spirits. No. I do, but I make them fight. I think, well, I used to smoke lights, and then I needed something heavier. What was your beer of choice when you drank? What was your beer of choice when you drank? Let me guess. Go. Bud Red?

Bud Heavy? Oh, a little Studweiser? You got it. Studweiser. You got it. I was going to say Bud Heavy. Bud Heavy. Oh, a little stud wiser? You got it. Stud wiser. You got it. I was going to say Bud Heavy. Bud Heavy. It makes sense.

The label is iconic. Bud Heavy. Yeah, it's very iconic American. Guess what my vodka choice was. Let me guess. Spiranoff. No. Absolute.

Lower. Lower shelf. Povinoff. Lower shelf. Lower shelf. Georgie. Oh, and the crystal. Lower shelf. Lower shelf. Georgie. Oh, and the plastic jug. The crystal palace.

The crystal and the jug. The plastic jug. In a plastic jug, $11.99, half gallon, and then like $4.99 for a pint of Irish Rose on the way to work. What's Irish Rose? You really did have a drinking problem. Yeah, it's like chemical. It's disgust.

Let's get some Irish Rose for Joey and see if he can take it. No, we don't have any here. It is gnarly. Is that, that's whiskey or vodka? Oh, it's like, it's truly like chemical mixture. Georgie is vodka. Georgie is vodka, yeah. But the other one is whiskey.

No, no, no. Oh, it's also vodka. Crystal Palace vodka. Yeah, my whiskey was, my whiskey was Canadian Club. I used to drink Canadian Club and chase it with apple juice and goldfish. What? There's something for you. We used to sit in Dan Williams' attic.

Shout out Dan Williams. While his mother was downstairs boozing with his father. God rest his soul. Oh, thank you. And we would drink shots at Canadian Club, have about 10 of them, hit the road, hop behind the wheel, and have yourself a night. What age was this? 13?

Probably 17, 18. I don't advocate it. Everyone should have a drinking problem. Here we go. Here we go. I already know what you're about to say. What? What?

Drinking and driving. Drinking and driving. Drinking and driving. Terrible. Oh, my God. We fun. That's how we got around to this back in the 90s. We had to drink and driving. Drinking and driving. Terrible. Oh, my God. We fun. That's how we got around back in the 90s. We had a nickel.

We had a nickel for every time I bumped off the guardrails on a thorough drive. I'd be a rich man. That's so scary to think how we used to drink in the 90s. It's terrifying. We would drink and drive like belligerent. Terrifying. Because that's how you got home from the club. Like, how else were you going home?

Shit face. Well, I grew up in. There was no Ubers or Cavs back then. I was. Where'd you guys grow up? New Jersey jersey yeah outside of boston so it not in a city with transportation this was before uber right yeah way before you're at the bar you got to get home somehow you stop drinking like you go before might as well risk it or you don't stop drinking no you don't you don't you sober up enough that you're not fucked up, but that's how we got around. We'd drive like fucking five down at all.

Or you wear your work clothes to the bar the night before work and you sleep in the car so that you wake up and just roll into work. Yeah, I've done that. Or you double bear a shotgun Marlboro Reds and do a couple key bumps to give you some life and then you get home all right. That'll sober you right up. Well, then you've got to snort some Ambience to get back

to sleep in your mom's house. We had Benadryl back then. Benadryl. Yes. That's how you got one down after a long night. Dude, DUIs. You? You? No, thank God. No. How many? Just one, but it really dinged me. Yeah. How so?

Well, I was sober for four months. I was living in an attic. Oh, this is a relapse, D-Y? I was living in an attic apartment in Wilmington, Delaware. Truly, wood panel walls, dark, dank. Like this, but this has so much more life and positivity. The other place was like a suicide den.

And I was sober, and I wanted to drink so bad. So the whole thing about recovery is like you call someone if you want to drink. So in my head I go, I'm going to call this guy. If he picks up, I'm not going to drink. And the guy was a Drizzly delivery guy. It was the owner of the bar. If he picks up, we're open. Come on down.

So I called him. Not only did he pick up, but I said, I want to drink. And he goes, do not drink. I drank in 91 after being sober, drunk driving, killed people in the car, went to jail. Do not drink. You got this. And I go, you're right, man. Thanks.

Hung up and go, okay, if the next guy doesn't pick up. So I called another guy. He didn't pick up. I go, it's a sign. So I was like, look, take it easy. Just go out real, real small. So I got a six pack and a pint and I'm drinking it. And then I go, oh my God, you're an alcoholic.

I go, no, you're not. Alcoholics drink alone. So go to the bar. So you're not alone. Yeah. So I went to the bar, drank, got kicked out, legitimately said, is my money not green and then got in the car got mcdonald's drove passed out in a four-lane highway in front of a police station my left foot out the window my right foot on the brake the cars had drive fish filet in the front seat

the cops yanking me out of the car and he he goes, what are you doing here? And I go, what are you doing in my apartment? In the car? In my car. Oh, my God. They walk me into the police station. I'm like in and out of a blackout. I come to puking in a trash can in a jail cell thinking. Officially turned.

I killed a family, and that's why I'm in jail. How old were you when this happened? I did what this guy did. Oh, man, 25, maybe? And then they were like, look, just have someone pick you up. You got court, this and that. Have someone pick you up. And I was like, take me to jail. I deserve it.

I really do. He gets emotional. Take me to jail. And they're like, buddy, we're not taking you to jail. You don't want to go to jail. So I had a friend pick me up at like 5 a.m. Jesus. And then I had a breathalyzer in my car for like nine months.

You did? For once you lied? I have a friend with those. That was like a plea bargain. Do you have to pay for that to get it installed? Yes. Oh, yeah, you do. Dude, you pay to get it installed.

You pay to get it calibrated. You pay to get it taken off. And if you blow on it, you get like one mulligan from the way they do it now. So my friend would blow on it. It'd be fine. And he'd be drinking. And he'd be like, oh, fuck. So you'd have to go blow in his car for him.

Yeah, do you want to blow in his car? And then send his ass on his way. And every 20 minutes. Yeah, I got you. Every 20 minutes it dates. So you got to do it while you drive, whatever. I got the best DUi lawyer in delaware i was working a real good job at the time ended up losing it later different story for a different

day and this guy sent me three pages of the evidence against me in like my trial and at the end he goes as the saying goes your history i'll see you in court and i was like oh my god talk about good thing to have framed on the wall if you could find that if i can find it that'd be amazing that would be incredible lost my license for how long i had to get it back um suspended license lost the license got it back uh breathalyzer i started open my i lost my license i think for like six months then i had the breathalyzer on for like nine months to a year. And so I had to ride a bicycle.

I was living in a halfway house. That's tough. A drunk on a bike? Oh, dude, no. I was sober riding a bicycle around Wilmington, Delaware. And one time I was going down a hill. The thing didn't have brakes. I'm going down the hill.

There's a fist fight in the middle of the street. And as I'm going, I go, no brakes, no brakes. And they partied the seas and let me go through. And then they were soon fighting. And I started open mics in the halfway house. So I would drive up, pick my buddy up in Philly. Be like, come on in the car. Hold on, hold on.

All right, let's go tell jokes. Like, it was something, man. My friend had one where he had to, he got a new job. And his boss is like, let's go out to lunch. And his boss is like, you drive. He's like, no, why don't you drive? He's like, why? You don't have a car?

He goes, no, I got a car. So he got in the car, and he tries to distract his boss. He goes, what's that over there? No. The boss looks. He goes, no. Caught him, obviously. But this is the same guy who, as he had the blower in his car,

drove drunk. We were at my friend's house. Jesus. They still have these things? This is a drunk story. He pulled a knife on everyone. What? Just like, we were like, take it easy.

Do you bleep here? Can you bleep his name? Whatever. We were like, take it easy. And he pulled the knife out. He's like, I'm leaving. We're like, we think that's a good idea. I just need someone to blow into my car.

So he blew into his car. He left, drove the car over his front yard, through his garage door. Police showed up. I got white trash stories for days. Police showed up. He wouldn't come out of his house. Avoided the DUI. By not coming out of his house.

Refused to come out of his house. They didn't have evidence that he was actually behind the wheel. If they don't see you behind the wheel, they can't enter your domicile. Wow. Very crazy. I didn't know that. Oh, my God. He's in jail now.

Is that the guy with the long hair? Do you want to give it or not? Yeah. Is this the guy with the long hair from yesterday? Long hair from... No, no, no, no, no. Oh. I was on a sex app yesterday.

Which one? Sniffies? Sniffies, yeah. I've heard of that. Oh. I was on a sex app yesterday, and he said... Which one? Sniffies? Sniffies, yeah. I've heard of that. What's Sniffies? Oh, don't show him. No, what is it? You've opened a can of worms.

This is Pandora's box for you. What is it? Sniffies.com, new sponsor of the show, is an anonymous sex app. Grindr has turned it into basically like a dating app, a nightmare, minefield, terrible app. Grindr has turned into basically like a dating app. A nightmare minefield. Terrible app. Sniffies is dick on demand on steroids. Yes. Like you wouldn't believe. Are there curious straight guys

looking to get away from their bitch wife? Bro, yes. And there's an open chat message board where you go, I'm at 36 and 8. And dude, go on Sniffies, make an account. That's a bad thing. Well, I'm at 36 and 8. Oh, my God. And, dude, go on Sniffy's, make an account. That's a bad thing you just did. Well, I had an account.

I'm not on it anymore if you want to use mine, but. Did you have to pay? No, free. Oh, he'll pay. If there's an upgraded version, he will pay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we'll get the premium. It straight up, like, your phone will explode like a Samsung.

S-N-I-F-F? I-E-S. Yeah? I-E-S. Yeah. I-E-S. How come you're hurting this? No, I'm not. Huh? It says Sniffy's delete profile.

That's the first thing. He already has one. He forgot he had one. Oh my God. No, it's Sniffy. Oh, it's a suggested search. Suggested search. This app is nutty.

Do you know about this the whole time? Yeah. I'm not going to. You don't need more apps. Is it an app? There you go. Ladder Yeah. I'm not going to. You don't need more apps. Is it an app? There you go. Ladder Explorer. Use anonymously or log in.

S-N-I-F-F-I-E-S.com. 2023? You're born. I'm a horny baby. I'm a little one. Dude, literally. So it has a map, and it has a circle with a profile picture and it'll be torsos dicks butts or regular guys i made the mistake of making my profile like my

instagram like hey what's up yeah there's a link on it and uh dude it's wild al i had to get off those apps because people would message and be like dude i love your comedy i heard you is this efi dance and i'd have to be like, dude, I love your comedy. I heard you here. Is this EFR dance? And I'd have to be like, thanks for taking me. Oh, wow. Okay, there you go. Yes, but no. I'm almost done. Say something, dude. Here's the thing. I would join these apps and get to the point of almost

meeting up and then delete the conversation. I would never meet up. I am so excited. Show Sandra. I'm so glad we opened this world for him. I would do the same, though, because you just go on the app to jerk off. Love to get service. I don't wear deodorant, and I have nice feet. Yeah, you have the idea of it, but doing it is like, oh.

No, I have done it. It says, love to get service. I don't wear deodorant, and I have nice feet. Oh, how did you know? Is that you? No. Am I on there? 34, 59.

Hold on. If you look at the map, I might show up. Okay, wait. It should you? No. Am I on there? 34, 5, 9. Hold on. If you look at the map, I might show up. Okay, wait. It should be right here. Describe the map, Joey. Look at that. Are you here? So it's a garage style pinch and zoom, and there are little icons of either dicks or

faces or assholes. What should I put mine as? And as you pinch in and zoom out, you can set location. I mean, look at this, guys. That's a nice ass. Whose hole is... Is that Sandra? Sandra. We call her Sanjaya. this, guys. That's a nice ass. Whose hole is... Is that Sandra? Sandra.

We call her Sanjaya. Sanjaya is looking for a green card. So then you literally do that. You message... I'm anonymous right now. I can just get my phone number and they're not going to block the phone number? Nope.

And then there's even a thing where... Oh, this is the... I just ordered 90 Viagra pills from India the other day. This is... Your heart's going to explode. This is the group chat. Let just ordered 90 Viagra pills from India the other day. This is your heart's going to explode. This is the group chat. Let me see. Literally, hosting a hot muscle. I don't even have a profile.

Hosting a hot muscle cum dump this weekend. He'll be ass up for tops. Hit me up if interested. Safe, clean, anonymous glory hole. Bronx, no drugs, great hygiene only. The Bronx. Eight miles away. Guys hosting 1.50.

So you can schedule a gangbang on the message board. Oh. Yeah. Oh, how thoughtful. I was wondering how everyone meets all these people. Bro, it is nutty. So who writes in the thing? It's based on location.

So this chat is like everyone in the area. Or it's just like the whole app. Oh, you have to pay. Look. No, no, no. Oh, shit. I got to cancel my thing. Yeah. Oh, shit. I got to cancel my thing. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. I did the free week trial. Six months for $7.99 a month. I'm going to do that one. He pays for like, what do you pay for? Bait or something? Bait or chat? Chatterbait.

Chatterbait. Pay for something. Chat your bait. Gooning website. What is gooning? Gooning is masturbating For hours and hours On edge without finishing

It's like edging But you make funny faces While you do that No I don't last that long I don't last that long So but yeah Gooners They're usually on meth though

So they're up for days And days at a time Do you know what I mean? Hosting a tea party Yeah Capital T Have you ever smoked tea? No I've thought about it They're up for days and days at a time. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Hosting a tea party. Yeah. Capital T. Have you ever smoked tea?

No. I've thought about it. I've been in a room when someone's doing it, and I'm like, I kind of want to hit that pipe. Do not. And then I go, no. That will lead you down a path that you cannot get back from. This was, I mean, days ago. Ian, what's your email address?

I'm all over it. What? I'm all over it now. What's your email address? Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. It's ifidance at creepybasement.com. What? What's your email address?

It's ifidance at creepybasement.com How great would it be if we just got a fella to come over and we're talking and Joey and him are just Can we do that on the pod? Try and get a guy here while we're Right now? Do it. Imagine Saunders phone buzzes Jordy's buzzes Jordy's buzzes.

Jordy's buzzes, yeah. I'm really excited about this. Who knew? I haven't seen him this happy in ages. I feel like it's Christmas. Yeah. I mean, dude, it's crazy how, and again, I don't, I have this like fantasy of meeting up and then I don't.

Yeah. You do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, by the time they actually said they're on their way, I'm so. I have this like fantasy of meeting up and then I don't. Yeah, you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because by the time they actually say they're on their way, I'm so horny that I'm actually on that thing that I'm going to finish before they even get here. What, are you going to wait 20 minutes to meet up with someone? I'm so worried about disease and now with monkeypox. I'm not doing it.

I'm not. Are you vaxxed? Which kind? Monkeypox. No. Are you? No. No.

I stopped fooling around. That's going to be, it's going to be, so did I. I haven't fooled around in a long time except for this new one. Who's this new one? Just some young thing I met. Very cute. How'd you meet? We met, I met him at a bar and I went up to him and basically said, yo, you got a fat

ass. That's what he actually said. No. And 45 minutes later, I ran a cab back to my house, and he's like all over me. She's a closet queen. Oh, straight. Yeah. Oh.

And the next morning, I get a FaceTime from Joey. He called. I go, I know what this is. The look on his face. He just does this. He picks up. He goes, well. He goes, your girl still got it.

He goes, your girl still got it. I go, is he there? He goes, no. He goes, I did feel got it. He goes, your girl still got it. I go, your girl still got it. No, he goes, I did feel a change in the wind. He goes, he explained what happened. He goes, we were talking, there was nothing. And then I felt a slight change in the wind. And then it picked up on that scent. Now she attacked that hog like a woodpecker looking for bees.

Looking for worms. Just the look on your face. Wow. I mean, it's what a find. I mean, this kid is. It's a diamond in the rough. Oh, my God. Are you guys a bunch?

Seeing each other a lot? We see each other, yeah. We hang out a lot. He's very nice. Do you think it's dating? No, no, no. No, no, no. I would like to, but I don't think he's ready for that.

He's in the closet. Yeah. Big time. 23. 23. Wow. That was me. He's got a cock that could cut diamond.

Really? Yeah. Big diamond cock. He's stunning. He's immaculate. He's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. Good for you. Put this on your lap.

Good for you. I don't have my pills, dear. I'm all my life. Good for you. Put this on your lap. Good for you. I don't have my pills, dear. I'm all set down. Good for you. He found Viagra and that like changed. He says he had more confidence than you ever had. Oh my God. Are you, how old are you?

42. Really? Yeah. Nuh-uh. You look great. Thank you. I thought you were like fucking 34. Thank you.

How old are you? 33. I thought you guys were seeing me. No. Look at you. Wow. Thank you. Well, that's Botox

I get it it's the fucking gal the gal is making you look great I are you having a hard time keeping it up I think it's more

it's more performance anxiety when I'm jerking off I don't have ED I'm just like I just get nervous you can't come no I can come but I just like

you know what I mean when I get performance anxiety yeah so I end up like getting it all in my head and I can't focus on. But I just like, you know, do you know what I mean? Like when I'm, I get performance anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. So I end up like getting all in my head and I can't focus on

what I focus on. That happens sometimes. That happens. And I have a hard time coming because of my medication. What's the medication? Antidepressants. Same.

I think Adderall makes it hard for me to come. Yeah. I looked it up. Anywho. And you're saying, sorry. And you're saying

Viagra helps with that. Yes. But what happens when you finish? Does it take a while to finish? No. So you finish, and then are you still hard? No, it goes away. And then it's like if you get aroused again,

then it starts hooking up again, like making out or rubbing each other, then it goes back to normal. For how many hours? You went three times the other day. I went three times in one night. I know everything about Joe. Wow. And how many hours?

Because I can do that naturally sometimes. It was like two in that night and then one in the morning. And you didn't get obtrusive boners or anything? Before I started things, yeah. All I had to get was randomly hard. Because everything was really heavy. Everything was really heavy. Like everything's like really heavy and then it's just like,

you're just like. Your dick feels heavy when you take it? Everything feels heavy. Your balls and dick feel like, like fulfilled. Like heavy and yummy. I think I'm getting old. Try it.

Maybe I should do this. Why, well I ordered some from India, 90 pills. That's scary. No, it was the same ones. I bought some from my, my father's friend. And it worked.

But also I went on the, I went on the dark web and I got it. The guy upsold them. He has them on speaker. He goes, he goes, he goes, he goes 60 upsold them. He has them on speaker. He goes, he goes, he goes, he goes,

60 pillars for $39. Joey goes, great. He goes, I have one more deal for you. One more deal. He goes, how about 80 pillars for 99?

He goes, I have one more extra special deal for you. So he's got like 300 Viagras coming to his house from fucking India. And then I said, I don't want to jinx, I don't want to jinx. I said,

you know, I want to have like all these pills and like not, then not, not hooking up for a year, not needing them. He was like, oh, I don't want to jinx us. I don't want to have all these pills and not end up hooking up for a year and not needing them. He was like, oh, I have confidence in you, my friend.

Of course. He goes, you sound like a very strong man. He's a very sexy man. He said, on the phone. Who is this guy?

We got to get him on the pod. He's been hitting it up. He's here right now. I'm afraid I got lightheaded. I'm afraid I was going to fuck my heart up. Well, you can't be doing other things. You can't do poppers with it.

Your heart will explode. That's a big thing. Your father texted you that. Your father told me. He's like, don't you do poppers with it. His green father. Why? Your dad's gay.

No. Or he just knows. He's a smart man. He has a very gay son. He's been doing research for a long time. He's been doing research for a long time. He's been doing research for about 43 years. So she knows the ins and outs. She knows the ins and outs.

We call her Myrna. She knows the ins and outs. She goes, don't you dare do poppies. It's deadly. Really? It is deadly because it's all about your blood pressure. Your blood pressure will drop. What about antidepressants, anxiety stuff with it?

I didn't really ask anyone. You didn't want to get a no. I didn't even think about that. I worry about old Nana sometimes. Yeah. The one pill that took her. I want to make sure she's here for the next contract renewal. After that, she can go.

Pop them up. Give me the promised land, baby. Two more years on that contract. Then old Nana can do whatever she wants. Oh, my God. I want you to take care of yourself, Joe. Yes. I do.

I'm sure people do. It's not in the cards for me, dear. What's not in the cards for you? Taking care of myself. No, you have gotten better. I think you have. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Are we doing an intervention? Bring them out. Sandra, you have a speech prepared. Joey. This is how you've made me feel. In the past three days, I watched you go from zero to 60. I do take a lot of things.

It kind of worries me sometimes, like all the injections I take. I take like four injections a month. Of what? Five. You take more than four a month. Five. Oh, yeah. I do cosentics for my psoriasis. Uh-huh. You don't do that anymore, though.

Yes, I do once a month. Where's your psoriasis? It's gone because I take cosentics. That's great. Yeah. I shoot that in my thighs, and then he shoots me in the ass once a week for my testosterone. Why are you on that? Because I have low T. I have the same testosterone of a 13-year-old girl. Why? I don't know. He's a faggot. He's three points away from being legally a female.

Yeah, I can't suppress her. Now, she will rise up. Yeah. So I have to take that and estrogen blockers. But you have so much hair. I don't know what it is. Isn't that T? It's an energy thing for you, I thought.

I guess so. So I take that. And then I take my Ozempix, which is my weight loss medication, which is very posh right now. All the fat celebrities are taking it. So I take that in my stomach once a week

and then, what was the other injection I was taking? That's it. That was it for right now. So four. I have a better grasp on his medication.

Yeah, right. And then I take my antidepressant every day. That's good. You need a hand. You know. What else? Xanax for anxiety and sleep. Not every night, though. Not every night. That's good. You need a handler. What else? Xanax for anxiety and sleep.

Not every night, though. Not every night. That's just when you're high on coke. Every night I take, yeah. What anxiety or what antidepressants? Antidepressant I take is Simalta. Oh. Yeah.

Simalta can help. That's the one with the little, like, bubbles that... Can I just say, every one of your medications is advertised on television. I'm just imagining you watching TV and being like, you know what? Let me shut this down. I need Cosentix. Yeah, yeah. It is every single one.

He sent one for heavy flow in the group chat. He goes, I think I have this. Are you self-diagnosing when it goes, ask your doctor about Cosentix? You're like, doctor. The Cosentix doctor was on. He goes... I think I have this. I'm a gay doctor. Are you self-diagnosing? And when he goes, ask your doctor about Cosmetics. The Cosmetics doctor was on. He goes, I can't do one milligram. He goes, we can do two. He goes, now we're cooking with gas. Yeah.

I said, let's really fucking up and up and up and up. He knocked us right out of the park. He's like, why don't we go up to two? I said, fuck it. You were a petri dish of fun. Yeah. And then what else did I take? I go to sleep.

I take every night. Yeah. What do I take? To go to sleep, I take... Every night? Yeah, what do I take? Trazodone. Trazodone. Trazodone? We used to call that the Trazodone Shuffle. What's that do? Because it knocks you out in rehab,

and it's just a bunch of people walking around. Yeah, that's what you get for rehab. You take that every night? I basically do now, because I want to save the snacks for holidays. Those are my Christmas pills. Now, I know this is a comedy podcast. Yes.

Well, Charlie, we got to get you a little more on natural, babe. Yeah. Do you exercise? Because that could be a natural way to exhaust yourself. Equinox gave me a free membership and I still don't go. Really? That is infuriating to me. Dude, you go on sniffies at Equinox,

you're going to be there for hours. Go work yourself to the steam room cruise. Yes. Go work out. Do a hug incline. 5% incline. Six miles an hour. You do that for an hour.

You sweat your ass off. You go suck someone off in the steam room. Okay. Next thing you know, you're off the trazodone. You're feeling better. Yep. You know, the diet's getting a little better. We're doing late night snacks.

I think we're on the up and up. Yes. We're off to something here. Yeah. And you're not going to need tea because you're going to feel like a fucking man. Yeah. to do late night snacks. I think we're on the up and up. We're off to something here. Yeah. And you're not going to need tea because you're going to feel like a fucking man. Yeah.

It's natural tea. Then I'm going to because I'm so confident I'm going to catch full blown AIDS by Christmas. I mean, you love meds. It'll help your med count.

There you go. A, AIDS is like a cold nowadays anyway. I know. Which is funny because a cold used to kill people with AIDS. But, um.

It did. It really did taken out by the comic cold you were bug chasing I believe you were will you pick

one of the gentlemen here oh yeah we're gonna play a game we played this this morning that's me my dick we have a segment we just send stuff

we talk about stuff that we sent in the group chat and we do that on the show and Joey has really dialed things up once he saw this was gonna be on the show so he sent this this morning.

It's about 15. You got to pick one, pick a gentleman here. There's 13 naked men, all very sexy. And one of them, one of them has full blown AIDS. No.

So you could, it's true. Is he positive, undetectable? No, it's full blown. Really? First of all, pick your boyfriend. And then,

is this from the group chat or is this on Sniffy? This is from our group chat that we did this morning. This is our work group chat. One through 13. So pick your boyfriend. Wait, is this from the group chat or is this on Sniffy? No, this is from our group chat. This is our work group chat. One through 13, so pick your boy. We all know, the three of us know the number who has the full-blown AIDS. One of them legit has full-blown AIDS? Yes.

I mean, I'm thinking. They're all hot, though. I'm thinking. Guess who I picked first of all. Oh. Pat picked seven of them. I picked. You picked eight of all. Oh. Pat picked seven of them. I picked, you picked eight. No.

Wow. I think I would pick four. Okay. Good choice. Nine. And 11 seems like we could like bro out and then really get into it. Okay. Bro out.

Well, four, nine, and 11. Would you like the reveal? Yeah. You dodged a bullet. Really? Yeah. It's actually number 10 who has full blown hands. Number 10, please walk in the room.

Oh, poor fat. 10 looks like Brent Corrigan. Yeah. Oh, TBT. You remember him? Yeah. Mine's number two. There was a movie on him, right?

Yeah. Didn't he? Wasn't he involved in a murder? I think he killed the guy. I don't know what you're talking about but guys if you want to just do what we're looking at

go on my Twitter. When the episode posts when this is up online it's going to be on my Twitter Joey Kamasta. Who'd you pick? When's this come out? I picked

in two weeks. 10, 6, 7 13 and 2 I think. No 2 you can't have he's mine. Sorry sir. Yes sir. Sorry sir.

10. I'm just a whole sir. You picked a guy with AIDS. Yeah. No, 2 you can't have. He's mine. Oh, sorry, sir. Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 10. I'm just a whole, sir. You picked guy with AIDS. Yeah. Wow. Would you? Guy with AIDS. Yes or no?

Would I if he didn't have AIDS? No, if he had it. If he had it. Um, yeah. Yeah. You? Do you want to pick one? If I was drunk enough and it was late. Really?

Are you homosexual? I'll roll the dice. Positive undetectable. You can't get it. That's the thing. It still scares me. Very. Very much scares me a little bit.

I did clean up before I came. Joey douched. You did deuce. Well, I didn't know what was going to happen here. Because there's a lot of sexual tension between us. You showed me your cock. And then we joke around about sucking dick. And I told Pat that I said, say that you have to get out of here early.

And I said, I'm going to stick around for a little bit and talk to Ian and see if I can make him. Wow. Make him. Make me what? Make him. That means like, you know, like get with him. Oh. I didn't know we were living in the 50s.

Yeah. I'll make him, she. Because also making is shitting. When people go, I have to make. Make in the litter box. Oh, my friend used that for their dog. Good make. Yeah.

I like using terms like that, like BM. BM is hilarious. I have to go make. I love BM. I say BM. Yeah, I have to go make. I have to go make. But everyone knows notoriously, Ian Finance only fucks black guys, so.

Not true. I've been with white guys, mostly blacks. But you prefer black. But I will say, nothing against you. I just, I can't do hair. Now he'll sugar his body. He'll sugar the whole thing down. An Italian man

with a beard was giving me a beager and he had just done poppers and I couldn't get it up and I said, this just isn't working. He goes, goes okay I leave now. And he just left. Oh my lord. Did he make you spaghetti after he left? Yeah. Oh my god. Play with my meatballs. He made him

spaghetti and did a brick wall in the backyard. Yeah. What's a brick wall? Bricklayers. It's a derogatory term for Italians. Really? I'm learning so much today. Bricklayer. They are. Wow. Is that a separate entrance? Yes.

To the outside. That goes right to the outside. Yeah. Why don't you bring us to the basement? Because I feel like upstairs is nicer. It is. That's kind of dingy. Yeah.

It's kind of hot. Storage area? That's your, what's the website called? Frisco's? Sniffy's. Sniffy's. That's your of hot. Storage area? That's your, what's the website called? Frisco's? Sniffy's? Sniffy's. That's your Sniffy's store. That's your Sniffy's entrance.

Frisco's. You need an arrow. Sniffy's, enter here. That sounds like a general store you get molested at. Frisco's. Kind of went down to Frisco's. Oh my God. Do you hang here?

Like, do you just hang out here? Yeah, we just had a movie night last night. We watched Jackie Brown. Pulp Fiction two weeks ago. I'd never seen Pulp Fiction. So this is more the living room. This is more like you hang out down here and, like, watch TV and hang out in this room. Yeah. I mean, I just got a PS5.

I'll work down there. I do, like, VOs down here. I do auditions down over there, like, self-tapes and stuff. This is great. Upstairs is, like, where the cat is, and that's kind of, like, tapes and stuff. This is great. Upstairs is like where the cat is and that's kind of like my area. Yeah, Samson. Are you doing films?

Are you doing movies now? You just introduced you to a movie or something? Yeah, I did a short film and I'm acting more. I love acting. I want to start acting. Dude, you'd be great. Thank you.

Remake of Fire Island. A real version of Fire Island? Yeah, a real version Of Fire Island A real version Of Fire Island Sponsored by Sniffies It's where nothing happens And everyone's just high Yeah

So wait Women's clothing Did you guys see The trailer for Bros Oh Story subject Really We're going to the premiere

No way We're going to the premiere I auditioned for A role in that I heard he was doing it I never I have no Any auditions I really wanted to have

a part in that movie though. What is it? It's about just like... It's Billy Eichner. It's Billy Eichner. He's basically starting a gay and lesbian museum. The Chicks in the Office just had him on yesterday and they had a screener so they watched the movie already so he told me a little bit about it. But it comes out at the end of the month here

and he's basically he falls in love with some other like unattainable. Yeah. Rom. Yeah. But it's supposed to be really good. Now we asked Billy Eichner to come on to our podcast and he said yes to five other podcasts at Barstool,

but he said no to ours. Typical faggotry. Why? Jealous, jealous, jealous. In his wheelhouse. He can't handle the smoke.

Yeah. Dan was like, Big Cat was like, well, you know, if he's trying't handle the smoke. Dan was like, Big Cat was like, well, you know, if he's trying to get a new audience, I was like, I don't know if it's a new audience.

I think he probably saw a little reel of the two of us. Oh, yeah. We're just two a little too much. He's a very PR, I mean, he's affiliated with NBC.

He's got all these, I get it, you know. I get it too. He's got a, don't forget your roots. Exactly. Don't forget your roots. Exactly. Don't forget your roots. Yeah.

So I'm going to flower bomb him on the red carpet. I was just going to say that. So what we're going to do on the red carpet is I'm going to come with a bucket of water and Joyce is going to sit on the face of the flower. We're going to tar and feather her on the red carpet. I was just going to say that. Now, they will be ostrich feathers, so she goes up with the theme of the night. How's an ostrich?

I'll come in from left field and meet to him. Yeah. While he's flower bombed. It'll be great. I'm going to talk to our girl where I can see if we can get a third ticket for you.

Oh my God. That'd be amazing. In a heartbeat. That'd be amazing. I just want to suck someone off at the after party. Absolutely. I'll get Andy in the bathroom.

Where is it and when is it? Do we know? It's, no, I can't tell the people where the premiere is. When does this come out? In two weeks.

Got it. Are you going to go into the footage after we leave? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We'll be in jail by then. Yeah. I'm going to make eye contact with Geordie when it happens.

Doesn't Geordie have a January 6th look to him? Yeah, a little bit. Nah, no, the beard is a little too friendly. Ah, yeah. If it was longer. Yeah, he looks more like Jebediah from the Pennsylvania Dutch region. He looks kind of more Amish than he does. He is from that area.

A friendly woodworker with a checkered past. Yeah. Wow. And he's missing a finger from a erroneous butt-busting accident. Something like a field plowing accident. A cattle accident. A butter churning

mishap. Yeah, this will come out in two weeks. I would love and be honored to go to the premiere with you guys. Let me see what I can do. That would be amazing. That would be so fun. I know. And I would love to do this again.

You guys are the best. Yes. And what would you like to plug one more time for everyone out there? We're going to be at Laugh Boston on October 4th. It's Tuesday, October 4th. It is Yom Kippur, but we will be celebrating on stage. You can go to LaughBoston.com for tickets. You can check out our podcast out and about on Barstool. Anywhere fine podcasts

are found. You can follow me at Joey Kamasta on all social platforms and Pat at ComeDump.com. I knew it. I go, wow, he's doing really good. I wonder what the punchline is going to be here. There it is. ComeDump.com.

Trish, where can we find you? Find me at Barstool Pat on all platforms. Pat.McAuliffe on TikTok. I'm TikToking now. Good for you. And Pat McAuliffe on OnlyFans. That's the big one. But our bio has the tickets to our live show.ans. That's the big one. But our bio

has the tickets to our live show. That's what we're going to do. We did Goon Fest in New York. It was a fucking blast. This one is going to be even better. And I will post that too. So if you should be following these guys, they're fucking hilarious. Your little bathroom dancing thing was amazing. That was awesome.

And I'll put that on my thing too. iAnimal69, Twitter, Twitch, Instagram, Patreon.com slash B&E and Pod. Appreciate the support. You guys are fucking killing it. We're having a blast hanging out in the Delaware den.

Before I go, I'd like to give you a little gift. There you go. Oh my I'm going on Friskles right now Look at his hair He's giggling You just cheated You cheated on the boy

Oh no That's it we're out of here Thanks guys see you next time. Bye-bye.