Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian W/ Jordan Episode 13: "Dystopian Nightmare" W/ Mike Recine and Adam Friedland

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Today we release a Patreon classic to the masses. Mike Recine and Adam Freidland stop by...with a baby. Things get out of hand pretty quickly.  For more please subscribe to the Patreon- www.patreon.com/beinianpod Follow these folks at: Jordan Jensen- @jordanjensenlolstop Mike Recine- @mikerecinecomedy Adam Freidland- @adamfreidland

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt Hey, Ian here. Just want to let you know he means giving it, not getting it.

Okay, thanks. Back to the song. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a lie. Being Ian, being Ian. With Jordan. Shout out Curious Elixir. Amazing. Can I have a sip of that?

It's not a mocktail. It's a booze-free cocktail. I like number five. I had the drip sticks. Listen to this, Ian. It's gingery, that thing. I had the drip sticks. Ready?

I roasted them on my Instagram in a funny way. They said, fuck you, we're not going to pay you because you roasted us. But the clip did really well, so I just left it up. Then a man came inside of me, and I was like, what the hell is wrong with you? And he was like, do you have any of those things you did an advertisement

for? And I had one left. Because I threw the whole box away, and I used the drip stick. It's to wipe out a man's cum out of your vagina Wait so you That deserved a blowing of the shofar You legitimately used That's good

Right that's good I kind of want one actually I know I cracked a liquid death I'll drink both We'll do it in the next episode because we can't get up Stay tuned for the next episode How many episodes are we doing? Two

A regular and a Patreon You make money for that? Yeah Sorry Hey man, I got you sandwiches You're wearing slippers I let you bring your baby I'm sorry, I don't have a million bucks yet.

No, it's fine. I'm not come town. I'm come town adjacent, but I ain't. This is being Ian and Jordan. No, I forgot. I forgot about the sandwich. Yeah. Yeah.

That's all I can offer right now. Come town's doing great right now. Sandwiches and slippers. Sandwiches from Joey Rose's, which consensus? Good. Very good. I'll get a crustier bread. Okay, fair.

But the sandwich, the content is fantastic. Fair. Fucking Racine. Are we getting paid? No, I just Okay, hold on. You get to hold the shofar since you're being the Jew. I didn't know what you were doing two episodes. I didn't know we were doing two episodes. Once we start making a lot of money, I will be able to compensate

you, but until then, this is coming out of my pocket. I told my girlfriend I go to dinner with her. All right, we'll bring her a sandwich. So wait, when you say come do the podcast, you assume it's

you assume it's one episode. Yeah, you assume. You don't have to do the Patreon. We can do Patreon together. I'll do the Patreon. I'll do the Patreon. Don't do the Patreon. No, you know.

No, you have to tell people about it. If somebody says, if you say, will you do the Patreon No you have to tell people If somebody says If you say we do the podcast you assume it's one hour Yo Ben what's good Do you know how many podcasts I do where I'm doing it And then they go wanna stick around for the Patreon Yeah you didn't say that You said you're sticking around for the Patreon

The most annoying thing is The most annoying is when you do a podcast And they go oh cool so this will be up on Patreon in like two weeks. And you showed up just for the Patreon episode. Oh, yeah. But that's not what you're doing. Thank you. No.

And I'm trying to be fair. No, no, no. It's fun. You get sandwiches and slippers. The sandwiches are fantastic and I really appreciate the slippers. Crying babies over here. Screaming. I know, really.

Like father, like gender to be determined um i know i i'll say we i have all night here so great i'm raising him as a gay man who you're i agreed to do fucking refat show when he was like you're gonna do half hour i was like then you're gonna pay me a lot of money and he's like oh you can do whatever yeah what oh it's in like ridgewood right what, but what are you I don't want to perform for four hipsters half an hour. In a record store. In a record. Kill me. I like that

guy a lot. He's great. Shout out Rufus. He's great. Can you do it? Come on. I gotta watch episodes and pick out clips. We're launching on Monday, August 8th.

I have full vagina sweat. Nice. Oh, yeah, you're a motorcyclist now. I'm a motorcyclist. I just drove here to Bedford. I don't like the thought of you on that. I'm scared. Can I tell you, you were supposed to be here earlier and you weren't, and you texted me,

I'm riding the motorcycle, and I got so scared that you hurt yourself. That's so sweet. It really worries me. I almost got hit by a massive truck, and I got so scared that you hurt yourself. That's so sweet. It really worries me. I almost got hit by a massive truck, but I didn't. Mm-hmm. We made friends, me and the Coca-Cola truck driver. It was actually pretty sick. Dude, I was blasting down Fifth Avenue the other day,

listening to Incendiary. Nice. Made in New York, baby. This black dude shirtless on a skateboard goes, Incendiary! Can I get a number two? That's awesome. Bonded.

Yeah, them and like Kulu. Make sure you don't hit the camera. Did you know I was on Jim and Sam today? I was on Jim and Sam today. Did you know Greg Stone is into hardcore? Hold on. This is chaos. Have you seen your ass?

There's a fucking baby around wires. Because he was talking in the microphone. This is chaos. Where's Ian going now? Oh, my God. I did Jim and Sam. I did Jim and Sam. It was a dream come true to be on the radio. I'd never done it before. It's so fun. I did Jim and Sam. I did Jim and Sam. It was a dream come true to be on the radio.

I'd never done it before. It's so fun. I did Jim and Sam. I feel like a Howard. I did Jim and Sam last week with a tell. I did the Anthony Cumia show a few times. Yeah, pretty cool. Not to brag or anything.

I sent my mom the clip. Not to suck my own dick. I sent my mom the clip, she said instead of saying hysterical she said historical. Totally historical. What a lady. What a woman. Turn the microphone off when he puts it up to his

mouth and starts talking. Yeah, do you want to not have your kid eat the microphone? Well, it's a tough world out there. It is. You gotta, you gotta, child cares. We don't always have groceries in the house. Yeah. We're poor. I have, this is my first meal in a week.

We are. Don't laugh at him. He's got a child. His life means more than ours. It does. What do you think I paid for daycare last month? What? It was $1,900.

Shut up. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Sorry. Oh,care last month? What? It was $1,900. Shut up. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Oh, for a month? Yeah. All right. I thought you meant for a week. That would be great.

$1,900 a month for daycare. Where are you sitting with that kid? Harvard Daycare? It is crazy. It's $18 an hour. Wow. Just get a comic to watch him. Yeah, what are you doing?

Well, they're not going to for less. But daycare is like $25 an hour for babysitters. They charge about $25 an hour. Yeah. Hey, up. No, no. I'll replace this microphone cover. Can I hold him?

Yeah. He doesn't want to be held by you. He doesn't want to be held by you. That's gross. He doesn't want the monster. He doesn't want to be up with you. That's correct. He doesn't want to. Yes, he does. He doesn't want the monster. He doesn't want the monster.

He doesn't want to come over to Ugly Island. He's also soaking wet. The ugly couch. You want to come to the huggo couch? Don't put me on this. You want to come to the mutant table? All right, I'm leaving too. Like Christine tried to trick me into having a kid the other day.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You said it was... I said it'd be a good idea. I said you could do it. You said... Oh, I thought you meant that he's like, let me bust inside.

That's a big difference. Oh, wow. No, he was saying you should do it. Don't do that at the... Oh, my God, it's a taser. Oh, my God, it's a taser. What the fuck are you doing?

Put that away. What is that? It's a taser. You just aimed it at my kid? No, no. I was trying to use it. This podcast is a disaster. Wait, wait.

How does that thing work? You have to put it against the target? The person that you're... I got him in Ohio. I got a bunch of weapons. And you got it back on the plane? What's that? Or you drove?

No, a guy drove it to me. Wow. No, I didn't mean to... I was trying to see if it worked. Stop. Stop. What if we give him some keys? Are you going to do some jackass style shit with this baby?

Adam, can we tase you on the podcast? Yeah, who can we tase? Jordy? I have a career. Ian, it would be you. If we put on Encanto, he'll shut up. Do it to your tongue. What?

Do people... Do you know there's a video of a woman getting tased on her own vagina? That made my vagina twinge a little. Jordy, pop that up. Please. Do people... You have a child. Mike is saying the F word. What?

What F word? You said... Friends and family and fun for everybody. Yeah, I think it's alright for now. That wasn't the worst word I said today. In front of him. I wonder what his first word is going to be. I was reading the New York Post and I let

one of those slide. You were reading the crime section? Yeah. No, I did because I saw this video of this Asian woman getting kicked in the head. Oh, dude. And so you did a slur against Asian women? No, not the people doing it.

Get her. Get that. Who is... Well. The ones... No. The ones doing it. I don't think that that word is ever acceptable.

Get that. Don't use that word, Mike. What? What Mike said? No, you're right. You don't even know what the word was. He said it's nighttime. You don't know what the word was.

And it wasn't in English. He called him a caprone. Did you see the video of the Asian woman walking and a guy with a box cutter just ran up behind her and slashed her and ran away? What is it about like old Asian women that everyone's targeting them? Oh, everyone? Well, you don't want to. What do you mean? It's just the homeless people are.

Well, yeah. It's just the homeless people. I mean, Nick Mullen does a bit about it that pretty much answers the mystery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that bit. But they're like, it's white supremacy. Yeah, people are trying to say that. And it's just like, yeah, it's a homeless person that thinks that they're in Vietnam still probably.

No one is going to be mad at me that I said that. What's that? Did he get a great bit? You need to. Well, you don't want to say someone else's bit. Oh, yeah. No, type in woman. No, you can say other people's bits.

You just got to quote them. No, go on YouTube. It's on YouTube. And also, why are you using Bing? Jordan. What? This podcast is insane. Is it traveling?

I mean, we're setting things on fire. You're spilling stuff. The baby's not. I mean, we got tasers. We have weapons around the child. I mean, Mike's ass is in front of the camera for a whole five minutes. This is just...

Swamp badge. There, look. Finally out of the hospital. Alright, woman tases her cooch. This is why. No, no, no. Woman tases her cooch. If this was on TikTok, it would be taken down. Within like five minutes. You can't show pussy on YouTube. Woman. Within like five minutes. Yeah.

Tazer's a cooch. You can't show pussy on YouTube. I say Dyke on YouTube. No, no. She's wearing clothing. TikTok and they take it down. Yeah. It's not fair.

Wow. So now everyone knows your email? No, he can't put this up on the screen yet. Yeah. Oh, wow. Whatchamacallit Oh so wait Let's go back to it

What was the name It was Awkward Essentials The like Weirdo Feminist Like sex thing That sponsored that show And it's literally

It looks like a lollipop With a sponge on it That you're supposed to Shove up your I did shove in my vagina And pull out cum Did it work And squeegee.

No, it just shoved it up further. It just was your cum, though. I think I'm barren. Wait, but that's a product that they're selling. I'm pretty sure I'm barren. I'm not kidding. It's like a squeegee that just. Yeah, it's the dumbest thing ever.

And it's couched in like empowerment and everything. Do you remember those dinosaurs that you put in the tub? Yeah. It looks like that? Yeah, with a stick in it. The sperm that really want to get in that egg are still going to get there. Even the stick is hollow to save on plastic costs.

The stick is a plastic straw. It's tiny. It's like a stirrer for coffee. It's insane. And it's this big old great big fat lady who's like, we're using these tools. Keep it in your purse for when you get jizzed in on the go. And it's like, what kind of life do you think people are living?

That's why monkeypox is blowing up. Anyway, go to the video. I really like reactionary Ian. Yeah, your politics has gone crazy. You're super like... If you read Ian's tweets from like four years ago, you were really trying to figure out what your politics has gone crazy. You're super like... If you read Ian's tweets from like four years ago, you were really trying to figure out what your politics were. Yeah.

Where you were like taking kind of both sides of every single issue, but not really ever making a point. That's kind of where you're at. He said on stage at Hilarities, he said, and maybe I'm a hypocrite. And maybe I am a hypocrite. He was like, I don't have it. Because he literally argued one thing and then the opposite thing and then stopped for a minute and went, sure.

You have a beautiful mind. Look, the devil and God are raging inside me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, badass, dude. I know that album. Right? Brand new. Incredible album.

Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, well, you know what? Here's the deal. I've been living in New York longer than any of you guys. And this city's done a number of things Yeah, well, you know what? Here's the deal. I've been living in New York longer than any of you guys, and this city's done enough. How long have you been here? 2003.

Oh, right after the towers. Oh, no, we don't play with fire. This town will turn you Republican. Thank you. Even though I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, you're not, but you're close.

You're inching in that direction. No, I like guns, but I don't like the people that are gun nuts. Yeah. I like trans, but I'm not part of that whole, you know, crazy thing. What crazy thing? What's the crazy thing? Look, we get a clip that we're about to watch. Let's watch this woman just taser her pussy.

Let's hear this woman taser her pussy. What are we, Chapo Trap House? Look, this isn't that kind of show, okay? You know, it's medium with Jordan and a baby. Are you old enough to watch this video? Why are they letting you watch this video? How can you have a three camera 4k setup and not log into youtube it's like restricted content yeah so so why they know there's a baby he's got his settings on on 12 years old your settings

it's probably on your side but then you can't but then he can't go into chat you got to call your mom and ask if you have her permission to change your setting. Jordan, call your mom. I bet your little thing is on like, I'm a baby child. I'm just 11 years old. I don't know anything. Oh, God, Jordan, this is a disaster. Well, it's not like they can see it anyway.

The show is you and Jordan. You and the teens are all demonstrate. That's the show? I like that. Wow. Are you editing this? Wow, this is crazy. The show's going to be edited, right?

Yes. You're going to have a lot of... Yeah. Yeah, I think it'll be fine. It has to be heavily edited. Sometimes when you podcast, you put too much pressure on yourself to be funny, but people just... People just want to see the chaos.

They just put this on so they don't kill themselves. They just put it on while they're cleaning their house or whatever. And Ian and Jordan is just fun. Hanging out, right? Jamaica pasta. Yeah.

Which one do we call it? So does the dipstick work for your cum? It's called a dripstick. And no, because you'd have to have a massive vagina that you stick it in and swivel it around. How big is it? Thank you. Is the sponge the size of a fist?

It's the size of a tampon. But how are you supposed to... You know what I mean? Once you push it in, you've pumped it up. Did they test it on animals? Yeah, exactly. But I had gone through such a fiasco with this company.

They tested on Lizzo. Oh, I heard some Lizzo controversy with stealing Cece's song. You know the song that Cece has that I've been singing for days? She sings, Finally! It happened to me.

Cece Peniston. C&C Music Factory? No, no, her name is Cece Peniston. Straight up, yeah. She sounds like a countdown generated name. Does this sound like this? She's a famous musician. Her last name is Peniston.

Oh, like the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at my gay son. Yeah. Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny. DJ. Woo. I don't like it. What's the big deal?

Yeah. Do the piggy. Do the piggy. All of a sudden he puts on a harness and wants 10 guys to come at him. No, he's going to be, are you bogey? That's what gay pigs do. All right, man. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. How are you going to talk to this boy that way? We were riffing. That's Mike's, that's Mike's, uh, lively, or what is it called? Oh, wow. It is similar. What is that?

Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Okay. I don't know. Isn't that just how music is? Everybody kind of borrows people's stuff.

Much like comedy, too. Yeah. We borrow each other's. I've never had an original thought. Whitney Houston. Can you not play? No, I'm talking to her. She stole, Cece stole from Whitney Houston.

Same song. So Cece stole from Whitney Houston and Lizzo stole from Cece. Well, you know, the stone stole from Whitney Houston and Lizzo stole from CeCe. Well, you know, the stone stole from black blues musicians. Nothing is original anymore. You're going to borrow from stuff. Just give the people the credit that you took from.

That's what I said. Yo, what are you doing, Jordan? No, I said on YouTube. On YouTube. Stop it. Wow, Bing has some wasps up What is that Benny? What is that? That's where you came from. That's where you came from

You know what he'll do when he when he breastfeeds he'll like down for the breastfeed He'll make eye contact with you and I wanted to bite my toe. It's really funny Rose So like bite it and my toe. It's really funny. Rose. He'll bite it and it hurts. That's disgusting. Put the slipper back on. Wait, you let your kid bite your toe? Yeah.

Because it hurts really bad and it's funny. It's like Tom Brady letting his kid kiss him on the lips. No, it's nothing like that. No, it's not. However you want to raise him. Get your feet. Let him bite the toe. Let's see. No, I don't want to see that. I don't want to see it. Put it feet. No, I don't want to see that. I don't want to see it.

Put it away. No, no. It's awful. No, it's so, this is scary. We're going to get canceled. Benny. Don't bite that toe. Oh, it's so gross.

It's so gross. No? No. Get it away from the child. Stop. All right. Look at him. All right.

It's awful. That's how you build a kid's immune system. Oh, my right. Look at him. All right. It's awful. That's how you build a kid's immune system. Oh, my God. You stick your toe in his mouth. Right? I hate all of that. I hate every part of that. Oh, crap.

Don't bite Jordan. No. Bite her. Bite her. No, never touch me. He'll suck on the one breast. Do you sing to your son ever? All the time, every day.

What do you sing like? And the cat set the cradle and the sail of a spell. Do you do that kind of song? No, a lot of country music. He is in heaven. And the cat set the cradle and the sail of a spell. You fell out of the window. And you landed on the ground.

No, you don't like that, right? It's a rainy man. Sucking on my titties if you wanted to. I'm fucking gay. Oh, you're coughing? Oh, he likes that, girls. So what's he do when he sucks? He does like girls.

Huh? What's he do when he breastfeeds? He's tapping you. I forget what it's called, but it's like an instinctual thing. Wow, look at him floating. He'll suck on one breast and then with his hand he'll kind of like squeeze the other one.

You know what's amazing about you? That's what we do. You know what's amazing about human beings? I don't know if you thought of this since you saw him as a newborn. Yeah. You saw him as a newborn. Yeah, I saw him like pretty young.

Yeah. Like you, like a horse can walk. Yeah, I saw him pretty young. A horse can walk within five minutes. They're just ready to go. Humans are pathetic. And they stay up in there for a long ass time. And they can't do shit.

I mean, this kid can't do shit. We dominate the horse. What do you mean? So the horse wins coming out and walking. But we, humans, aren't pathetic. They are pathetic. What do you mean? So the horse wins coming out and walking. But 18 years later. Humans aren't pathetic. They are pathetic. 18 years later?

They're the only animal that can't hold their head up. I mean, not the only. Yeah, the only. They can't hold their head up when they're born. What do we care? Yeah, but I guarantee a seven or eight-year-old could dominate a horse. This kid over here is a moron. No, he can't.

He can't dominate a horse. I mean, for a seven-year-old, you have to keep away from a horse. Compared to what? Compared to other 15-month-olds? No, he can't. He can't dominate a horse. I mean, for a seven-year-old, you have to keep away from a horse. Compared to other 15-month-olds? No, no. He's a brilliant, he's a genius for his age. Just compared to other people? Compared to other people.

It's Colin Tyrell. It takes you so long to become an adult. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. That's probably a very, like, boring observation, but you don't see it. He's going to be compared to other animals, right?

Also, how fast does he grow? He grows pretty fast, right? He grows pretty fast, yeah. That must be amazing. Who are you talking to? Is it a guy? Is that a guy? What are you doing? Is that a guy? No, just call him. You know, you're smiling like, oh, it's because he's a guy.

Jordan, I'm doing it. Jordan, you were just like, I'm single. You're like, oh, she's going to throw it all around town. Jordan, you were just like... I'm not. I'm celibate. I haven't even... Hey, I haven't even jerked off. I haven't jerked off since we talked about it. Dude, she's single because she got her heart broken.

Look at her. Some guy that she really cared about dumped her. We had a heart-to-heart. Okay, well, Mike Christine said he's really worried about money and it's a huge issue. So what? Damn it.

No, I made it up. I made $600 this week. I'm good. Right? Did Daddy make $600? Daddy made $600. We're good. We're okay.

Yeah. We're going to bring you to Whole Foods so I can steal. I taught him how to steal. What do you do? You just buy a couple things at the checkout, but then you don't pay for the most expensive things?

Deb steals a lot more than me. Yeah, she'll just put it. You just put it in the bottom of the stroller. Oh, stroller. She said when my friend was paralyzed, I stacked her chair with shit. Obviously, you're going to have to arrest my child, Dobby. It was his idea.

What happens when you get arrested and you're like with your baby? I know. They let you go. No, they don't. They're not going to take the baby. No, the baby becomes a ward of the state. Absolutely. Yeah, but only if he doesn't.

If we're stealing her whole food. She's going to have to go to juvenile hall. I texted Debbie the other day. I was like, I got caught shoplifting and the CPS is coming to take the baby. Like, I was like blatant. I blatantly made it like a joke. And she called me. She was like, oh, my God.

What? That's a terrible joke. Yeah, I get it. That's funny. But, yeah, I made it pretty obvious. I would do it. But, yeah. If I had a wife and kid.

Have you seen those videos of people pranking, like, their spouses over and over? And the one guy, they have a balcony. And the one guy takes a dummy and acts like it's a kid. And the wife starts sobbing and convulsing. The child fella died. He's like, oh, baby, you got pranked. That's the most evil thing in the world. That's evil, yeah.

What do you think the first hidden camera was? Go ahead. Well, the guy put a blanket over his baby carrier and just threw it down the stairs. Or he, like, pretended to trip. Right. Threw it down the stairs, yeah. That's so... Yeah.

That's what they do on Jackass. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We have the baby on the bike, right? It would be kind of funny to just, like, push the baby stroller into traffic and just see what happens. Oh, like at the beginning of Ghostbusters 2? Oh, really? Is that what happens? Damn, we can't beginning of Ghostbusters 2? Oh, really? Is that what happens?

There are no... We can't see this video of this woman tasing her cooch. Go to your settings and take it off little kid baby mode. YouTube kids. The video was taken down, Ian.

No, no, no. Jordan, you're on video. Why are you clicking on the kids bop version of Woman Tastes Kooch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids bop cover. Why is this Michelle Obama's mochi? Mochi and what was it?

Woman strips to her knickers. No, no, no, Benny. Benny, no. Hi, cutie. Hey, baby. Yeah, she's in England. No, no, no. Go on. Go on.

Go on. Oh. Well, it looks like that woman's pussy is out of business. Am I right, fellas? Bite my tongue. I bet her pussy won't try to shoplift again.

That woman's pussy is closed for the season. It's pretty cool, you guys. Clean up aisle, that woman's pussy. There you go. Oh, my gosh What is possessing them Why are they wearing The same shirts

Oh my god This is evil Should we do this On the Patreon Yeah No no no no no No She's smacking her vagina first Just to give her a taste No, no, no, no, no. No.

She's smacking her vagina first just to give her a taste. Jordan, you're a girl. Was this what sleepovers were like? A hundred percent, actually. A hundred percent. One girl was always trying to queef. How was your sleepover, honey? Oh, you know, we just, we watched Mary-Kate and Ashley take Paris. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, no. All right, Jordan, you're up. That's how Jordan's voice changed. Yeah. That's what we're going to have to do to Jordan every time she wants to fuck a comic. We took a vow of celibacy. I just don't fuck comics.

I'm not going to fuck any more comics. I can't imagine a comic has ever given a good dicking to a single woman ever. Yeah, it's high. I fuck a lot of comics. Not a lot, but a lot of the people I have had sex with. Jordan's a Nikki Glaser of Bushwick. It's just what I'm around. I just do a lot of comedy. I'm a hustler.

Get up there. Really? Get up there. You, it's just what I'm around. I just do a lot of comedy. I'm a hustler. Get up there. Really? Get up there. You got it. Nice. Thanks. Get up there. Come on.

Oh, no, no, sorry. I got a text. I don't care. Sorry. So what else is going on? I was trying to find the tase. Try not saying what you want to call it one more time for this whole pod. Look at that tattoo.

Oh, do you like my new tattoo, guys? Akira Latanzio. Yeah, you're going through a breakup, too. You keep tattooing every part of your body now. I know. You got a spider's web and a butterfly on your knee? Look at this. That.

And then it says, too tough to die. Oh, ridiculous. Shut up, Adam. It's going to be funny to read that when you're dead. Would you ever get a tattoo, Adam? Me? Yeah. Absolutely not.

Why? Because you wouldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery? No, because it's pathetic. I have no respect. I have no respect. I have no respect for any tattoos. I've never seen a tattoo and been like, I respect that. Why was, wait, what was that argument we got into at the cellar where you were like,

no, no, no. What? Remember? We were talking about music or something and Adam was like, no, but stylistically they're not that good. Do you remember you were telling me about your friend's band and I was like, can you stop being Jewish for one minute?

I don't remember what you were talking about. Really? Oh, was it Less Than Jake? You were going to go see Less Than Jake? Yes. Oh, I just didn't want to say Bowling for Soup or something. It was so bad. You just nailed it by not going. And then Marcus Monroe was like, you saw Bowling for Soup? I got COVID the next day anyway. What?

I got COVID literally the next day. Really? Yeah, after that. Oh, wow. I don't know how you guys didn't get COVID. We probably had it. Yeah, maybe. We felt bad. But I'll tell you this much. I was so excited to see the Aquabats, Les and Jake, Bowling for Soup, and that show couldn't have sucked shit more. It was the worst show I've ever seen.

It was so bad. It bummed me out. It bummed me out for weeks. Les and Jake was all right, but, dude, they brought these two kids on stage. It's for babies, though. The Aquabats was my first concert ever without my parents, but it literally is for babies. They wear, like, superhero costumes. Yeah, but Les and Jake, but it's literally it's for babies. They were like superhero costumes.

Yeah, but listen, Jake, I did not like Bowling for Soup. I was 13. They were like. It was bad. It was bad. It was really bad. But. What's their song?

Stacey's Mom? No, that's. No, 19, 19, 1984. That guy died of COVID, right? Yeah. Downs and Wayne. Downs and Wayne guy. Really?

Yeah. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Died up from a made up thing. Anyway. Yeah. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Died up from a made up thing. Anyway. Yeah, how does that happen? So

no, you can't say that. Honestly, can I give you some advice? What? If you put your shit on YouTube, you can't say anything about the vaccine. You can't say anything about COVID. But that was a joke. Everything gets no, everything gets struck and striked. Really? Everything gets stricken. I gets struck, uh, striked. Really?

Everything gets stricken. I don't think stricken down is right. Struck? Struck. Struck. Everything gets struck down. Everything gets struck. Oh, yeah, you're not supposed to cuss within the first how many minutes?

I don't know about the cussing, but I know Tim Dillon said, like, oh, just drink water or something, and then he took down his entire episode. Really? And that's clearly a joke. Dude. So that's clearly a joke. Dude. So that's just a little show business. I mean, hey, 1984 just ain't the year I was born in, brother. Yeah, so Nick and I, that's why with our show, our new pivot,

we're going center left, mainstream lib. Yeah. So what does that mean? We're going to do like, you know, like the Orange man is bad um we're k-hive kamala we're gonna do like dancing like ellen and stuff yeah like dance to the couch and stuff women's power suits yeah yeah that kind of thing i love it yeah we're gonna like we're gonna you know we just i we just had dance odor on yesterday and i was like oh so you were you were recently, you know, we just had Dan Soder on yesterday, and I was like, oh, so you were recently engaged. You know, you say stuff like that because like a talk show, that kind of stuff.

Did he get engaged? He got engaged. I think he's engaged. Really? That's good. You heard it here first, folks. Beanie in with Jordan. Did I make that up?

I wish my wife made some money. I don't know. I wish my wife was Katie Nolan and made a little fucking money. Sorry. Hear that, Benny? Sorry, that slipped. You are going to live on the street. Yes, you are.

I love how eventually we could compile podcast footage that will be played in court at Ray Seat's murder trial. If you and Deb die, I'll take him in. Really? Yeah, I'll let him in. Really? Yeah. I'll let my dog raise him. Okay. Yeah. Let I see. Sign the contract. Let's get that. Yeah. I'll raise him. I'll circumcise.

I'll circumcise myself like my father did with me and his father with him. You want to circumcise him? Here's this. Is that a mustache comb? Nope. It's also a knife. What? Oh. Oh, yeah. I think that's fair. You want to circumcise him? No. Who's this? Oh, is that a mustache comb? Nope. It's also a knife.

What? Oh, my God, Benny. Why do you have the stupidest products in the world? Because it's dangerous out there, Adam. Hey, let's rob this guy. He's only got a mustache comb.

Looks clean. Looks like the greatest yet, DeAndre. See, I was doing an Italian criminal. And then you said DeAndre. DeAndre. How about DeAndre?

He's Greek. DeAndre Dean. That's a nice little. Have you ever gotten mugged? I've gotten jumped. Almost. Yeah. Where?

Back in Philly. Oh, so you're saying that this city is the bad one. I feel like Philly is still crazy. It's still kind of bad, right? Philly is still crazy. Out of control. On pace to be murder since the early 90s. I went last month or something.

I thought everything was nicer. What part of Philly did you go to? I forgot where i was maybe west philly or something but yeah it was just like it was it was still wild it was still it felt like unruly you know my sister lives in like the super gentrified uh part well like fishtown fishtown yeah yeah but um yeah it just still feels like they're kind of slapping on like uh you know they're slapping some paint over. Oh, yeah.

Well, I mean, dude, there's a great documentary on PBS called Philly D.A. Yeah. It's about their D.A. Larry Krasner. Yeah, I know that guy. Basically ran on and it shows his running, him winning, and then the complete decline of the city based on his policies. Yeah. Of like his bail reform. This is at dailywire.com. The Daily Wire exclusive.

Who made it? PBS. I think, you know what? It probably is time. A lot of black leaders. Glenn Lowry, by the way. I'm going to be on a panel with him at the cellar. You start the documentary and it's like, hi, I'm Candace Owens.

Hi, I'm Candace Owens. And Philly is a fucking shithole. And we invented slavery. Actually, black people were the ones doing slavery. Who do you think sold them? Yeah. I love that argument. Actually, why did black people use

the water fountains that were designated for them? Interesting question. Why don't you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and sit in the front of the bus? But Larry Krasner also forgave nonviolent drug offenders that didn't deserve to be rotting for 20 or 30 sentences. He got rid of the, okay. So he did some good thing. No,

he did not. Larry Krasner. There was a guy that shot. I think it is time. And you know what? I think it is time for us to start going a little conservative. We're at that point in our lives. No,

no. I think with the judicial system, it feels like everyone's going conservative these days. do you know the bail reform system in the country? What that is right now? You're going live, but everybody's live. No, no. I feel like everyone's going conservative these days. Hey, do you know the bail reform system in the country, what that is right now? You're going lib, but everybody's lib. No, no. I feel like most people I know is like people have taken steps to the right, especially post-Bernie.

Yeah. You know? What happened to being coastal liberal elites? Like who, though? I mean, like people that I know that live in New York and stuff. It's like cool now. Yeah. I don't care about being cool. To be ed. Yeah. I don't care about being cool.

To be edgelord. I don't care about edgelord or being cool. I think there is a complete issue with the bail reform going on. A friend of mine was assaulted two weeks ago. A guy came up, grabbed her. She winced. He slapped her, spit in her mouth. She went to the police, and they were like,

well, he didn't leave a mark, so we wouldn't be able to charge him with assault. And if he were to be locked up, he would be released anyway with a death ticket because of the bail reform. What are you talking about? What? Who got spit on? Chill out. Well.

Yes, exactly. I don't understand what's going on right now. So what are you saying? That we should throw people, throw away the key? He didn't spit in some girl's mouth. Whoa! And he's telling the whole world that she was assaulted when we all know what really happened.

Well, what pissed me off is I said, hey, homeless guy, that's my job. Wait, so what? You two immediately went on your phones. Can we not talk about prison reform? Well, you brought it up. I didn't bring it up. You said that there was a documentary with Larry Krasner.

I was like, oh, I thought that he was like, oh, you shouldn't go to jail for 40 years for weed. Immediately, within three days of him becoming the DA in Philly. It became Sodom and Gomorrah. He fired over 100 people from the previous DA office. Yeah, they always do that, though. No, they don't. What happens is... They don't always do that?

Also, with under the age of 18, when you get arrested or anything, your case gets kicked up to family court instead of actually dealing with a court of law. And then when you turn 18, everything gets expunged. Yeah, but it's like that everywhere. Right, but teenagers know, oh, I'm not going to have long-term consequences of this, so I'm going to act crazy and get in trouble and just not have to deal with it later.

So you're saying that it's like Oliver Twist. There's like a Jewish man that's directing an army of child criminals to do their bidding. Yes. Like a Fagin. And what happens in Oliver Twist? I don't remember.

He finds a family or something? And that's what it's about. We all need family. Fagin. Oh, okay. Is that in Philly or in New York

that you're talking about? Philly. But also, Larry Krasner was George Soros funded. What do you mean? George Soros donates to all the liberal candidates. Yeah, and why do you think every liberal city is turning into Sodom and Gomorrah? Because some old guy wants to do? Rich liberals are trying to...

You don't have your microphone. We're on a podcast. What is this? I'm sitting terribly. What is what? I keep forgetting we're getting filmed. I've been playing with a tape thing. I know. It's kind of fun. It feels like we're just

hanging out, right? Yeah, it'd be better if I didn't have to hold a microphone. I know. Is there any way we can do something about that? I think if we had headphones on, we'd be able Is there any way we can do something about that? No, it's just, it's fine. It's fine. I think if we had headphones on, we'd be able to hear each other and what it's going to sound like, which would make a difference because right now it's so willy nilly.

Ah. You know what I mean? Interesting. So we're just talking over each other. Me and Ian are trying to out each other for who's the biggest whore. Yeah. Ben is freaking out. What?

Oh. You're saying he's a whore? I'm saying he shouldn't be calling me a whore That's all I'm saying What did you do? Why are you being a little bit of a whore? What did you do? Yeah, he's been whoring around

Why? What did you do? Nothing What did you do? Actually, thank God for monkey pox Because it's making me not be a whore Yeah Because I am not engaging in any sort of gross activity with a man.

That's great because AIDS wasn't stopping you. You're like, thank God for monkeypox, which what is like chickenpox of the asshole? Like, what is it? It's gnarly, dude. Have you looked it up? I mean, I looked it up. Have you seen the pictures of it? And it said 99 said 99 gay guys it's so funny to be the one person this is so funny yeah to be like i swear to fucking god i'm not kidding i swear to god like a heroin addict in the 80s

yeah like the fucking like the dallas bars clubyers Club. The guy was clearly just a gay guy. And he's like, I'm actually a fucking cowboy. And I got it from intravenous drugs. I got it from intravenous drugs. I'm a cowboy, man. I'm the straight cunt. Not like from village people.

Well, Mike DiStefano These are my friends. The sailor, the construction worker. The native American. We're all manly guys who work for a living. And the hairy cop. And we're riddled with monkey pups. Come here, Ben. It's because we work blue collar jobs.

Let's not hang the baby. I love the premise of that band was like, what are jobs, people? Indian. You know, we're just fellas. Professional Indian. I'm an Indian. What kind of jobs do guys have? You had this on purpose.

We're a couple of working men. We're a couple of working men. We're a couple of working men. Let's sing a song about where we go every day after work. The YMCA. Christian. What is it? YMCA. Yeah, Christian Association.

Young Man. What was their other song? In the Navy, right? In the Navy. It's all at the gate. At the highway rest stop. It's just all locations. You can have gay sex. At the airport bathroom.

I remember in like seventh or eighth grade when me and my friends found out about the village people. It was just the funniest thing in the entire world to us. We literally over how funny it was. I wonder if the village people was about like Greenwich Village. Yes. over how funny it was. I wonder if the village people was about like Greenwich Village, like the West Village.

Yeah, that's what it was. Clearly. Oh, look at that. Yeah, clearly. You answered your own question. The place that you

went for the pride parade this year. Is that really what it is? Yeah, the village. I mean, I guess. I don't know for sure. Yeah, can we Google that?

Yeah, let's pull up Wikipedia Village. You know. I'm going to Google it. We're a couple of blue collar boys. We're working construction and working each other's ass. You know who's a better gay band? What were their other songs, though? The Pet Shop Boys.

They ruled. Oh, they were great. They ruled. Yeah, that song's amazing. So good. That song's amazing. Oh, wow. Origin, Greenwich Village, New York City, USA.

I was right. That was so hard. Because I remember being a kid and some other kid was like, did you know the village people are gay?

Like it was a big thing. It was a big deal. I remember that. They're gay? Yeah. Macho man in the Navy.

Oh, macho man. That's great. They have an album called Cruisin'. Their albums are yeah, Cruisin', Macho Man. That's cool. They have an album called Cruisin'. Their albums are, yeah, Cruisin', Macho Man. That's cool. They have a B-side called Unprotected Anal Sex with a Man. Yeah.

Getting HIV is one of their... There we go. All right, thank you. I think I'm just realizing the village people are gay men. You just realized that? Shut up. I think I didn't know. I'm pretty sure I didn't know.

How? Look at this 9-11 last responder. That was like the funniest thing in like middle school. Yeah, finding out that they were gay. The song you listen to at a sporting event is why they're gay men. I went to the alternative community.

Well, you know the other one. What's it called? I forgot. Number two or something. The Gary Glitter. That guy's a pedophile called? I forgot. Number two or something. Gary Glitter. That guy's a pedophile. Yeah, yeah.

Rock and roll number. It's called rock and roll. Oh, that was the song in the Joker. Yeah. That was an interesting. That guy is a legitimate pedophile. A huge pedo. Wasn't he a pedo with Jimmy Savile? Yeah, maybe.

Jim will fix it. Did you see that documentary? That was wild. What do you mean with him? They were pedophiles together? No. Louis Theroux made two. One with him before he found out he was a pedophile and one after.

No, I think this was on Netflix. Maybe it was Louis Theroux. I don't know. He's the best, dude. I love his documentary. Did you ever see his documentary on the black Israelites? Yeah, it's the best. It is incredible. It's Weird Weekends. We was kings. Those guys? It's the

absolute best where he's asking them who's black and they're like, oh, Beethoven, he black. Oh, dude, can you pop that up? It's the best. My friend sent me a thing being like, did you know Beethoven is black? This is like a white, woke girl from Ithaca The dog? You know that dog is actually an African American Mormons who are visiting

New York City And they'll start Louis Thoreau L-O-I-S L-O-U-I-S. And then T-H. Yeah. Thoreau.

Take out me. It's not a me. Black Israelites. We can't do four person. Yeah. Yeah. Do Louis Thoreau Black Israelites. No, I think it's just...

Speaking of which... Should we call my mom? Gail? Yeah. To get a sixth person? Yeah. Okay, all right, all right. Grab my hand.

You got it. You got it. Let's do it. This is the best. Oh, you're getting it. Good job. Good job. Good job. He looks like Kevin Iso.

This is going to be the new way you swipe into the subway system. These guys are having so much fun. Black. Wow. It's what they look like. That rules. That rules. Can somebody clip that up Actually if you look at Abraham Lincoln's face

Can we Can someone clip that up to where They put each of our names in there Black Undoubtedly black Adam Friedland I don't know yet I haven't quite figured that out I gotta talk to him a little bit longer

It looks black, but white. It looks black, but white. I'm an Italian. To me, that's black. Dude, the greatest thing

in the world is, do you remember that Nick Sandman thing? Yeah. The Covington High School in Kentucky, that whole thing. That was the greatest thing.

Him and the Native American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, the greatest thing was it, what started that was the Black Israelites. Yeah, yeah. And they showed extended footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the Black Israelites. Oh, dude, it was amazing. They, yeah, yeah. No, no, the greatest thing was it, what started that was the black Israelites. Yeah, yeah. And they showed extended footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the black Israelites. Oh, dude, it was amazing. They were like,

look at this white, blue-eyed Jekyll and this dumb Indian man. How you gonna lose your land to the white man? Nobody knew about it. I know, it's racism. You put that to child. I know it's racism It's sad

It's sad What's wrong You're being a baby You're being a baby dude Can you stop being a gay little baby Can you stop being Ben Maybe if your parents

Dressed you like a man You wouldn't be acting like a man. Maybe if you weren't wearing a one-piece bikini. Maybe because he's soaking wet from head to toe. His entire body is soaked.

He just dumped a liquid death on him and was like, suck my toe! Mike, have you taken him to like a doctor? Like a fountain that kids run through? He loves that. Kids love that. A doctor. Have you taken him to a doctor?

All right, that's the episode. That was fun. All right. That's it. That's the episode. That was fun. All right. All right. Let's close it. I'll put him in the stroller. No, please.

It's not. I love it, man. I love it. It's great. Thank you for tuning in. Wow. That flew by, guys. Yeah, it was fun.

That was so fun. Was it? Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Love it. Yeah, it was fun. That was so fun. Was it?

Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Love it. Tune in next week for another episode of Beanie and George. Hey, we're going to get out of here. We're going to go eat a Joey Roses and a Curious Elixir. Woo! And we're going to throw away the awkward essentials. When I used that drip stick, it was like I could hear the Curb Your Enthusiasm music playing.

It was so fucked up. We'll see you next time.