Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep103: Scissor Bros | The Lost Episode W/ Jeremiah Watkins & SteeBee WeeBee

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

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Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit, but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live alive being Ian

Being Ian with Jordan Hey everybody welcome to a special episode of Being Ian with Jordan live no not live. We are live, but this is recorded in Tampa side st. Pete's We're at coastal creative at the Sunshine Comedy Fest in their podcast studio that they have set up. They have a really cool space here. They supplied all of the equipment. It's really awesome. They gave me these guys. They gave her a dog. Let's start the pod. Here's a big bit. Great. Go. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a blowing in the shofar. It's an eight hour video, eight hours nonstop powerful sound of shofar blowing. Is that what it's supposed to sound like? Because I am mad at it. And so are all the Hasidics. I know. And we're so excited for our guests today.

It has been a long time coming. We are so fucking happy. Jeremiah Watkins, Stevie Weeby, the true Scissor Bros. Thanks for having us man. Yeah man. Finally got this out on the East Coast baby. Yes! And we unknowingly wore the same outfit. Put it up there, let them know. And you're both bi. Yes! Are you bi? No I'm not. Dude, don have a girlfriend. I know he's not by a boy. No. She's an attractive woman But we never see her yeah And I just want to go on record. He's not by he's fully gay I'm not gay everyone knows you're gay. It's okay to be gay. I'm not though

No, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I go on record. He's not by he's fully gay I'm not gay everyone knows you're gay. It's okay to be I'm not though then kiss me right now, and if you're not gay It's a joke. It's a joke He's sick you're seeing in the head. He's sick in the throat, and he just coughed. I'm sick in the boat That's taking a mo. That's what I call my banana Other than kissing you what else will prove it? Like instead of going like this, person who thinks it's this. Rock fingers?

Yeah. So it's a big pussy? Yeah, that's when you eat out of fad chick. Yeah. It's whiter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're not gay, kiss me as a joke. What's going on with you?

This is the second podcast you've... Who'd I try to kiss? What are you doing right now? What if, not on the lips? No, but like I guess you've who'd I try to kiss? What if no what about not on the lips, but your butthole The Lord's yes Deal yeah, do you want to? Are you good you would you like to eat it? I'm not gonna eat your I don't want you to eat at all

But a kiss have you had sexual loves with a man? Pretty pretty easy question Philippines it could have been a man, but it could have been a woman and a lady boy. Yeah. Yeah. Say no more. It's totally fine. Did you see its little penis? That doesn't mean so that's a hard. When I tried hard, yes, literally.

When I tried to grab down there, the person said, no, you have the money. No. Yeah. Like block me. No, you have the money. No. And did you get the money? Yeah. But then did you turn it off as a massage? And what are you going to do when the massage is heavy? I'm going to pay anybody. I think she broke my defenses down.

What did you bring? What happened? God, we got I don't know why I'm talking. We don't know. I don't want to put this out there. OK, who cares? OK, I it was the massage was nice. And so and I noticed voice was a little deeper when the person a little deep Well hello Stevie would you like a happy Yes, and makeup was wearing that down and Perchance we could shave our faces together. She had eyelashes above her

I swear to God if you saw this person you would definitely say this is a pretty woman but then but then I got a massage and Something happened in my mind where I switched and you felt free and I said, you know what? Why not? Yeah, and I just said, can you finish me off an erection? Yeah I'll do this! I'll do that! Which is gayer! Which is gayer! That's gay! Hey guys, is that gay? Is that my story gay?

No! No! Wait, are you kidding me? Ian just blew a guy on the way over here. You're not gay. We had to get a ride somewhere. Yeah, thank you so much for that by the way. You're welcome. Oh, you haven't ever ordered an Uber at Grr-eck before? Talk about an Uber Eats! Hey! No, but with Eats it's an Eats

and not an Uber XL. It's an Uber S but with Eats and Eats it's not an Uber XL. It's an Uber Suck. Ask me if it was a good blowjob though. Was it a good blowjob? Fantastic. Really? Yeah, because he has a penis. No, and that's not why! Can I tell you?

Yeah, but be nice, be nice about it. I'm saying, as someone who has sucked peepee, I'm not good at it. And you'd think a guy would know. And they usually don't. They they do. But I don't. You're a masculine gay guy, though. Yeah. Yeah.

So I suck it. And I'm like, you're like, this is kind of gay. While you're sucking, he just has a mustache. Where do we go into the game, brother? Is that your point? Do you jizz? Jizz on three. One, two, three. I got places to be, brother. Can you hurry this thing up?

I gotta get back to my iron rig. Listen, I was just working in the metal shop downtown. I gotta get back. The metal shop. Hurry up. I gotta go through my tackle box. I gotta get knee surgery. Everything that you're saying to be masculine is not masculine.

I have to organize my tackle box. I need to take out my spools. Listen, I got to get back to my sewing kit immediately. It is urgent. Come on, everybody knows I'm Mr. Seamstress. So is that why you say that you're by to everybody? Is that why everybody? I'm not why I've never said that. It's just become a thing.

It's become a thing where people people because we like joke around about it on scissor bros, but I'm not I like people Do they really think I'm gay every time? Yeah Jordan had never met you and she's like, when are we gonna get that gay guy? Yeah, the by guy. I said bye Yeah, the gay the by Korean guy. I said no. She just said gay by guy. Yeah, we knew it knew it was you yeah if I had said bye we wouldn't have known it would have seemed Yeah, Ian would have been like right here if I had said gay. Yeah Yeah, well you know what yeah, there's worse. You know I'm not but there's worse things in life. That's the first step No, that's not

It's it's rationalizing And I did it for years What you did welcome to the stage is a grief make friends with it. No Experience that I do it and then I know what I like man. What do you like vagina cock? You just keep dubbing over any time Hard vagina, do you like my dog's? Because it kind of looks like a penis. Dude, don't do that with the animal too. By the way, that's-

No, if you're not gay, figure this girl dog right now. Oh my. No. Stevie. She's not old enough. She's not old enough. That's animal abuse. Yeah, but he's in LA Comic.

I'm not doing it, dude. Can I tell you something? On your doggy vagina, that's pubes. That was a good one. That was a good one. Yeah, so with disguise- Just like me. She's got some lips. She's got pubes. I don't know why you ask these questions. I don't know you definitely have to censor some of this stuff though. What? Dog says for YouTube

Oh We're not gonna get wait, but also yeah, we're on rumble look at her. Oh you're all rumble You're all rumble. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh We're not gonna get wait, but also yeah, we're on rumble Look at her. Oh, you're a rumble shot Rumble yeah That was a joke. Oh, yeah, I want to move to rumble should we you do royal rumble because you'll be completely free

You'll be completely free. Yeah, yeah, because then we'll be this free. Yeah Oh you're free to add it that you are you are Yeah I think that is my worry when I let the dog into the back of the seat with you I am worried that there's gonna be sexual something sexual with her Why I didn't want to say that out loud, but I realized as we're talking about it. Are you that's a real thing? I don't know relax really get oh cuz you think I'd like touch her ass like a bit. Yeah Oh, isn't this funny?

bombing bomb Yeah, I did one time years ago walking go watch this and I stuck a piece of bubble gum on a dog's asshole As a joke to make my friends laugh Yeah, I mean I had but it wasn't a friend doll yeah, it was a stranger Oh, that's like that poor dog was just happy maybe an Upper West Side dog just living the good life and they get to do what if it farted and it turned into a balloon and a floated away yeah and then I gave it a gift of lamb yeah be awesome yeah see that's cool mm-hmm I don't know I don't think putting

one time my pit bull bit this woman's dog and somebody drove by went a finger in her ass oh my she drove by went a finger in her She drove by and just said that he said that and some overzealous person did it to my dog Did it to the pitbull and she immediately let go and she was like jeez alright everybody calm down When I get a finger in my ass I bite harder Geez, Louie you like a finger in your asshole? No, I like it. Knock on the door. Don't go inside.

That's what it's like. We all like that. Like a ring cam here. Just like on the porch. But you don't want to fully. And then when they touch it, I go bing bong. Okay. So what if someone did that?

But then sorry, I know that's your family name. And then you turn around and they're smelling their finger. What? You have to to see it. Oh, so you can go further. I just found out Rosebud's baby has a fart eliminator. You stick a thing in the baby's butt and it I want that. What it opens it up. Yeah.

I don't know what it does. I need that. Yes, me too. Could you imagine how much better our lives would be if we could release our farts before we go out into public and light it on fire. Hello, dude. If you are a fart destroyer, things sponsor the fog. Yeah. If you're a fart scientist, you are a fart destroyer things Yeah, if you're a fart scientist We should all fart before the podcast ends yes, hey do you know how to suck air in your ass and make yourself fart No, but I went to a guy in my high school did that

He tells the story of the ladyboy again How many ladyboys have you been to? And we dated I can roll with the punches guys I'm having a great time. Go ahead I'm really sorry for interrupting you. No no no it's fine. One time you relieved the heart from a man. What did you do? No no no there's this guy. One time he gave CPR to a guy. It's fine. One time you relieved the heart of a man. What did you do? No? No? There's a sky you gave CPR to his butt No, he was just able to suck He was able to suck air to his butthole and then he would fart all night. We laughed at it. That's the best

I had that kid too And he said my mouth not my mouth, and he said let's pretend the airplane crash. This is my oxygen mask me first before my child This heard terrible by the way you can't hear this at all here comes a Malaysian It's gonna go missing in your butt Yes Yeah, that was funny yeah, that's good for you man. Yeah, but that was funny. Yeah. Yeah.

That's good for you, man. Yeah, man. When are you gonna see your boyfriend again? Yeah. Oh no, if this pod ends up just being this. This is all of Ian's life. This is the best thing you would understand. He won't let it go.

Usually, you have one nipple sticking out. Dude. Dude. Just one nipple, bro. That's an edit. Dude, what is going on with that thing? Dude. Just one nipple, bro. That's an edit. Dude, what is going on with that thing? Suck it up! Fart.

Yeah, that makes you hard, queer. Does this podcast usually go like this? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's yeah, Stevie. Yeah Usually I'm the one who's beaten down to admit they're gay from another legs. Yeah, I don't mind that at all ready Here's my joke. Yeah, usually I'm the one on the podcast who's beaten down to admit. They're gay from another man Yeah, well, he heard it the first time. Oh, I thought.

I didn't remember. I didn't remember either. So I'm happy that today you're the new. It's Smear the Queer. Do you remember that game? Oh, you didn't know it's Smear the Queer? Oh, is that a real game? Is that a real game?

We used to play it as kids. Dude, you didn't know? No, you just made that up. That's a real thing, man? That's a real thing? What is it? Smear the Queer. You can't do that nowadays, though. You never did that as a kid? No, not nowadays. I was the queer.'s a real thing, man? That's a real thing? What is it? What we see? You can't do that nowadays, though.

You never did that as a kid? No, not nowadays. I was the queer. You're from Delaware, right? Dude. Yeah, what? Also had another name, right? What else was Smear the Queer called?

It was called like Rumble Ruski, I think? Yeah. Or something? No. Don't say it. Hurt the child permanently and leave a core memory that you gave him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, grab the and leave a core memory that you get

And grab the football so all your friends tackle you I got chased by girls on rollerblades. You said I was gay Really? Yeah, they were chasing me and then my sister beat the shit out of me. My sister? My sister my sister saw she tried to get my sister kill you every kick What's the point of the game smear the queers basically you play with your friends You kick the ball whoever grabs it everyone has to tackle them knock the ball out of their hand Grab the ball and you tackle that person the goal is to like run around The goals are having the ball the longest but it's most home like homoerotic game ever because you're like I have the ball and everyone's like get them

and then you get all your guy friends to touch you and I don't want to get rid of the ball and then whoever I don't want to stop this whoever gets the ball is then the queer yeah and then they're like yeah yeah looks like I caught it yeah yeah it was wild well game I just play a game where you'd play tag and

then the only way you can get untagged is you had to give somebody a kiss Just that sounds like a weird babysitter game. Nobody else No, I made it up on the family reunion and I was like a bully so I was like everybody new rules This is house rules over Like me I didn't hit you for kisses That is exactly what I did.

You were really a bully? Yeah, big bully. You couldn't tell? She's fucking Dr. Evil over here with this cute little dog. My dog's gonna be a bully too. You think so? So is that bringing you joy in your life right now? Yeah, totally.

You love it. She's the best. You know that know that band sans swig a suga bog No, I'm saying the name wrong. I always fuck it up. But shout out to Evan there But they got they do a thing at their shows. Yeah, they're they're like a death metal band. They're fucking great And they throw a football out during one song and whoever holds on to it last gets free merch and it's it like a hardcore show so everybody is fucking going nuts. So it's violent. So you grab the ball and it's just fucking beat down fast and it's awesome. Raul or Ricardo or whatever his name is. Raul one or Raul two. Richard said he went to a hip-hop show where there was he was like, it was my first mosh pit That's like cool. I was like suicide boys

Or it's Tyler the creator and I was like they were hitting each other and he's like no just it was like a just push I got push this I was like, yes I would make sense of a bunch of hip-hop people just started throwing fists The cops would just come in and just mow all the down They feel fist in the mosh pit? In our mosh pits, they, yeah, they swing. Or elbows, they throw elbows. No, no, you throw arms, you throw fists. Show them.

You do crowd killing, you do stage diving. You do donkey kicks. You do spin kicks, you do donkey kicks. What about just straight on UFC, like? No, that's mean. Some people do, that's called crowd killing. Oh, that's a crowd killer. And you go

Boom. Oh wow, and you just gotta watch out. So what are the no-nos? No high knees? No face No face no face no balls. It's mostly Down you just hit them like on their shoulders. Wow, you know, it's It's oh she farted. Can I smell it the dog? The dog or you oh No that log of shit you left behind the fucking me Yeah, Jordan the dog pooped in the studio and Jordan's like I can't believe this happened. It's like it's a puppy In a new space usually and and there's a pee patch. She goes we talked about this earlier. Yeah, that's like People food like I gave her a lot of the chicken

No no no Jordan it deactivate child mode adult mode right now, okay, it is bad You won't get I'll turn the car around! No, I know, but I know it's bad to give people food. You do know, but you keep doing it. And it's gonna fuck up her digestion. See, this is- Let's talk about the flamingo. Oh my god!

The gift. I was there. I was there last night. Give us context. Here's the context. Yes. She goes to Dominican Republic on a trip that she invited me to and then uninvited me. And while she was there, I had already bought the plane ticket. Are you- have you already paid off that flight? No way.

We're not talking about this. No, no, no, no. I need closure on this. Are you still paying off that flight? It will be paid off by the end of the year. Yes. Alright. Yes. I'm so glad I asked that question anyway You deserve this for what you put in her body Yes, you're giving her Chipotle It was worse than Chipotle there's a bit in there right there

Always be nice to you bro, and you can call my friend buying Proposal dude because I've thought about this the whole time if I kiss your butthole, can you edit out the ladyboy shit? You why are you not okay with the ladyboy shit? I don't know it bothers me because you have homophobic I don't know. Can I say a lot of people? Disgusting I keep it same sex I Okay people like us need to be open about I'm okay with it you're right Are okay with it? I'm okay with it, and you need to accept yourself Yeah, and understand it does not define you also you got a massage from a ladyboy, which is like you're supporting the Thai economy Here's emphasis on the ik on me ready. Yeah, okay? Oh?

Oh, what is it? What do you do? Dude they're forming a gay Voltron. Watch out. With our powers behind, no balls will left Andre. So Jordan went to Dominican Republic, invited me, uninvited me, bought a plane ticket. Thank God I got a New Year's Eve gig and it totally worked out fine. God is good all the time. What? Most of the time. No, God is good all the time. Oh, okay, sorry.

Going in the ocean at fucking 5 a.m. was like transforming. You went in at 5 a.m.? Yeah, multiple times. Amazing. I went in there and I go, I am leaving all the negative energy I've been feeling in the Gulf of Mexico Mexico I pray to the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to absolve me of my sins and my my negative thoughts I laid in the water and I got up and I got out and I felt so fresh and

Rejuvenated and then you woke up with all these scabies on your legs. I do invite or does rough We're gonna do it tonight. I'm not going in Florida water. I'll do it with you. Yeah, go ahead Let's go We'll do it. I want time got it. Will you come on the beach? Yeah, of course. Oh my god, dude Like man or am or you got to do it when you wake up? Dude it's so fun. I'm telling you it is it's the best You feel good you come out on the beach you don't feel cold. You go, wow, I can't believe I don't feel cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am quite itchy. The nuclear waste.

I think the sand crab got in my pee hole. So. Jordan's in the Dominican Republic. OK, this is the flamingo story. Yes. OK. And we're FaceTiming. So fun. Ha ha. She sends me a video of a flamingo eating out of her hand my mom's her mom's hand My mom is really aggressive with animals

It was hilarious and her and this flamingo were yeah We're fighting and it was really funny because the flamingo would take food out of my mom's hand and then bite her bite The shit out of her my mom would be like fuck you and then they would start boxing It was really good and we kept saying how cute the flamingo was, that when it eats out of your hand, it bends and puts its beak, eats, right? She kept saying, I love the flamingo, look at my flamingo.

I never said I love the flamingo. You said you love the flamingo. You kept showing us. Matter of fact, Ethan asked for the flamingo footage put on the podcast. I sent it. Okay, yes, good. Turns out it was just a video of me eating cereal.

Ram it, Toucan Sam. So, we're walking last night. I see a flamingo sticking out of some bush. And I walk by and go, oh my god, Jordan would love this. It's a flamingo. So I stole it, brought it for you. And I was so excited to give it to you as a gift because I know it made you happy It didn't make me happy because one you stole something out of somebody's yard that might have made a child happy It wasn't a yard. It was a fucking like a restaurant store restaurant So now what we're gonna take it on the plane get no we could for the studio But the girl at the front was like can I have your flamingo the name of my like some running club?

I'm on is is the pink flamingos. So what do you know we can gift it to her? God is good all day. You've been like I got a present for you. It's a surprise. It's really good When do you want me to give it to you? Where do you want me to give it to you? It is a stolen yard toy Give it to you. Where do you want me to give it to you? It is a stolen yard toy So that's a flamingo story is does it yeah, okay keep it going I look under Surface of the flamingo stop stealing things for people it's not dude you stole it He stole these shoes for Rosebud Baker's where you stole that no That's a joke you can steal meat from Whole Foods if you're poor

That's what I told micro scene really yes all right, okay? You don't think you should steal from a coffee shop that charges nine dollars for like a fucking call Oh, you guys are similar in that regard he steals napkins from Starbucks is fine giant conglomerates fine. Yes. Yeah, dude This was fair game giant conglomerate It attached to a beach store with overpriced things. No, that's a mom and pop. It's definitely a privately owned. Yeah Anyway, guess what? I'm gonna go back You're gonna buy the flamingo no Flamingos a different anyhow if you long gate the second word of something it makes it into a list I blow my nose

And then you just end the list, but it becomes a less of you. Yeah, I'll do it off camera. I love my friends I blow my nose. I love my friends. You know what I mean? This sick corner like I'm sweating yeah, I think we're all getting sick man. Yeah now I'm paranoid cuz like man I'm gonna get sick. What are these? Yeah? Anyway, can I just yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Are you still doing the flamingo story? Yeah? I am are you still gay? No, I Keep thinking that guy's my ex-boyfriend. It's crazy. I must look like oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry

I took your I like his look though. What do you like? He's got a good look right? Yeah, you got like an Elliott Smith thing going on. Yeah to me Okay, yeah, but you're a narcissist and you cheated on me. So The guy is farting wave it to but like fastball it Okay, holy shit Jeffrey come in Jeffrey Gury and everybody. We don't have a chair. Can you just sit on my lap and we'll just share the microphone? He said, yeah, immediately. Yeah.

Come on. Just in case. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, good. Now we both have our little puppies.

Yes. Great. This is so wonderful. I've never seen a dummy ventriloquist another dummy before. To sit on Ian Fadance's lap. It's so great. Fadance's. Fadance.

I'm Fadance. Fie-dance. It's actually Fie-dance. Have you been having fun, Jeffrey? I've been having the best time. Really? A big show like this, you don't have another chair. You can't get a fucking chair. Dad, can we have your stool?

For a big show like this. You don't want my chair. Here we go. A stool. Is that a school or a stool specimen? Thank you Yeah, you look cool on the stool. Yeah, you do you do yeah, yeah, it's really cool the one leg up yeah Yeah, totally a little collaps class you should be a stool comic So Jeffrey Jeffrey is a complete legend. Do you guys know him? Oh, yeah, Jeffrey Gureen, of course, how you're not comedy matters TV with Jeffrey Gureen

Can you tell my favorite joke that you told in the car the other night? Oh, come on. It's the best. What? You don't have to. You don't have to. Is it the N word? Is it Troy Bond? No, Jordan. No. What? It's a it's a it's a joke. It's a racial joke.

But I asked permission from the audience before I did it. I was the opening act at the Martin Luther King Comedy Festival, and I said to the audience, are you guys into racial humor? And they said yes, and I was the only white guy on the show. So I did the jokes, they went over great, and then I got off stage and I went back on the stage and I said, I really need to thank the audience. I said, for being so cool to allow me to do that kind of material because I look at comedy as a healing force And it brings everybody together and I got a standing ovation. Oh Oh in Atlanta a woman yelled out shoot him

The rest of the audience loved it one woman one woman in the back The other people they walked me to my car Because only the land hold woman threatened to shoot me. I had to be escorted to escort. She demanded. She called for other people to shoot me. What are the jokes? Are they like, are you being like, I want the badass turkey or something like that? It's not bad. It is so innocuous and fun.

It's fun. It's playful. No, but I don't do it anymore. Look, I have a Chinese girlfriend for many years. Oh, congratulations, yeah. And I do very positive jokes. I say... Dude, thank you.

No, I say Chinese people are the smartest people in the world. He has a Chinese boyfriend. I'm not Chinese, but that's... I give you more respect. Thank you. Well, thank you no no I'm glad your people are the smartest he has a Chinese boyfriend but I give you more respect thank you for dating Asian Asian woman everybody likes dating Asian women they have tiny vaginas no no no I'm not saying it's a fetish but God bless you for doing that for him it is did you Jeffrey he is gay I said Chinese people are the smartest people. They have to be because they figured out how to fucking speak Chinese.

It's impossible. You can't you can't. I could have if I was Chinese. No. In China even little kids speak Chinese. Yeah. Genius. Right. Right. If that's your language.

But also if you're born anywhere and you speak that language it doesn't make you a genius. It just makes you a citizen of that area Yeah, I mean yeah, so they do them do the black one it's so fun Do do do a Chinese voice Please I don't do black boys. I don't do anything else. Oh, do you do a Chinese voice? No, I wish I could. Please. No, no, no, no. Do it for your, do your wife. Do your wife. I think I have her on my phone. Yes.

Her ang- her- her- her English is very bad. You almost said her anger is very bad. Oh no, I thought I heard him say her- I know she doesn't. She's Chinese. She goes, her ang- English is very bad. No, I thought he said her ingrish is very bad. I was like, easy dude, easy. Easy. She doesn't she's Chinese No, I thought he said her ingress is very bad She would say hollible, but I don't say

She says that You have sex and she goes, oh, yeah. But you know what? Again, comedy is so good. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Bring people together, which is why I love Russell Peters so much. He has such a multicultural audience. I call the messiah of comedy. If you've ever been to one of his shows like he was at Madison Square Garden.

So he got me seats. I'm sitting there next to a woman in traditional dress and a lot of his stuff is very raunchy and she was hysterical laughing. I was so surprised so I went backstage afternoon he's like Jeff I want you to meet my mom and it was his mother. Oh my god that's amazing. It was so cool because well she liked all his material you know. Was she dressed? What was the dress? What is he? traditional Indian Okay, well quit whipping it in your face you're freaking me out something you're a boom operator on a podcast

I didn't expect her to be dressed that way You and like that kind of humor, right? You tend to think of people being conservative when they're dressed that way and that was not the case. And so I think Russell is amazing. I saw him at City Winery recently, same thing. Very multicultural crowd. All people come out to see him. He imitates every accent. Nobody's insulted. You know, when I was on SiriusXM, Yanis Papis came on. Yeah, we want to hear your Chinese accent. I don't do a Chinese. I don't do any accents. You want an accent though? Come on, man. Explain something.

Why can't you do an accent if you're... it gives authenticity to the story. You got some. How about Japanese? Yeah, do a Japanese. Hajimemashite. Jeffery desu. Dozo yurushiku. Are you Japanese? No, I'm Korean. That's the second time you've mistaken his identity. Yeah, so No, I went to Japan

His boyfriends no Pakistan no Philippines Filipino Filipino no was it Philippines? Yeah. Oh, yes boyfriends in the Philippines He's in the Philippines Hi He's in the Philippines. I think he said he's tied up. Seriously. Dude, if my girlfriend sees this... You just said he's tied up or tied up? I'm done! He's a very sweet boy. I got with the ladyboy. So, um...

Okay, thank you. Anyway, I'm done. Thanks for listening, man! I just was so... I don't know what else to say. I was so vulnerable with you just now! You've never met him. I know, but I just told you I think I got with the ladyboy. I was so vulnerable with you just now. You've never met him. I know, but I just told you, I think I got with the ladyboy. He was being vulnerable, Jeffrey.

But I was focusing on you. Okay, I'm sorry, Jeff. I'm so sorry. It's okay, I forgive you, Jeff. I didn't know my mother would do it. It's very hard to, it's very hard to. Okay, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Moving forward?

It's fine, Jeff. Oh! Oh! Will you tell him it's okay to be himself? Of course, that's the beauty of comedy. Why would you have to do that? Do you want to do a Chinese accent? No, I don't. But I want to hear him do one.

No. Well, it's not. Can we actually get in trouble for doing accents? Yeah. Are you serious? It's different now. You can't do that. You can't do it.

Confirmation from the source. That's all we do. I know what you can't do. Yeah, you actually still can. Yeah, it's this whole stuff, you can't do that now, you can't do it. Confirmation from the source right here. Yeah, you actually still can, yeah, it's actually still a problem, yeah. Wait, come another person, can I do that? Yeah, that's fine. Can I do? Keep going.

What's up, bitch? That's fine. Okay. Yeah, keep going. You should be able to do these things. Oh, I'm a hickory. But you know what? That's fine. If you include everyone, then you're excluding no one.

And isn't it better to include than exclude? Comedy Matters TV. And that's a little something that Jeffrey talks about in his new book. Yes. Can we promote it? Make him laugh. Tell us about it, Jeffrey. It's not a new book.

It's the book on the history of the comic strip. Chris Rock wrote the introduction to it. And it took me four years to do this book. Can I hold it so I can display it on the... Can I display it to the camera? I was fascinated by how many big stars came out of that club. Jeffrey, is this the first time a gay man has held your book? Will you stop it?

Hey! Hot potato! Hot potato! held your book. Will you stop? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, are so bizarre you can't well it's chain richie tinkin unfortunately passed away about a year and a half ago richie tinkin is the guy who discovered eddie murphy managed him for the first 11 years of his career discovered chris rock in 1985 managed collin quinn adam sandler on and on and he created it was the third comedy club in existence there there was never comedy clubs before 1963 until anywhere. But anywhere. But Friedman opened the improv in 63 on 44th Times Square. Rest is all right. And what's going on with it now? What's up with what's the improv is long gone.

Catch a rising star was the second club that opened in 72. Rick Newman, who just passed away this year, a day apart from Richard Belzer, who was always his opening act. It was really so bizarre. Belzer was in France. Rick Newman lived in LA. They died a day apart, which is so crazy. Wait, Ray Newman was Belzer's opening act?

No, Belzer was Rick Newman's opening act. And Belzer died a day before him? Yeah. Oh, we got Richard Lewis back here. Dude. That's wild. Everybody's in my book. So go pick that up. Go down the list. I sat with Seinfeld, Billy Crystal Richard Lewis back here. You got Appetow. That's everybody's in my book.

So I sat with Seinfeld, Billy Crystal, Jim Gaffigan, everybody who is really right here. So we Suzy Essman, Lisa Lampanelli. I sat with everybody to the first three comics that I interviewed were at the Just for Laughs Festival, George Wallace, Paul Prevenza, and Larry Miller. But everybody else came and sat with me. Paul Prevenza's Green Room, Paul Prevenza was such an amazing show. Wasn't it great?

God, it was the best. I watch those old clips all the time. Is Rodney Dangerfield in there? Rodney Dangerfield was the first big star I ever wrote for. He's not in the book. Oh, wow. Why did you put him in the book? I guess you don't give him respect. Oh, Dave. Oh, it's Atell the book. Okay. Whoa, there's pictures. Why did you put them in the book? Look at Dave, there's Dave, Dave. I guess you don't give them respect.

There's Dave. Oh, Dave. Oh, it's a tell. Hi, dad. Oh, he looks great. Yeah, there's lots of fun pictures in the book. Oh, Jeffrey, this is so nice. It took four years to do this,

but three years to do all the interviews. And five to promote it. No, and a year to do the editing because I had 500 pages. And like, how do you delete stories do you delete stories from Seinfeld? Did you think about making two? Or like an outtake book of like extras? I thought of doing a new edition.

An audio book because I have all the audio tapes from all of them. Oh, yeah. Oh, you should release that stuff. And people would probably like it. But Richie passed away. And as you said, the management is different at the club. So it's hard to get that going I would like to do it I think people would love it to hear all these guys tell their stories themselves it took about three

months to get Seinfeld because he's so busy you know he wanted to do it but that was his first club he was the MC for three nights a week he said he was making 75 bucks a week which was huge money in those days and on weekends he got paid 50 bucks so he had an apartment bucks a week, which was huge money in those days and on weekends. He got paid 50 bucks So he had an apartment nearby and his first roommate was George Wallace And they lived together for many years when Jerry went to LA Paul Provenza Started rooming with George Wallace. Is it true that George from Seinfeld is based off George Wallace? So they say so they say I don't know that for sure.

I can't figure out. I thought he was based kind of off Larry David. I know. I know. But I've heard black comics have always told me it's based off George Wallace. And then white comics always told me it's based off Larry David.

I don't know if you know the story. In 1985, when Chris Rock was discovered, Eddie Murphy was the biggest star in the world. So he came into the club one night. And everybody was thrilled when Eddie would come in and he said are there any black comics that I can see and believe it or not in those days there were very few black comics. George Wallace was the main comic the only one around was Chris Rock and he was 19 years old never performed before a big crowd before he

was doing late night late night went on started like one two in the morning he performed for six drunks. He had no experience. And Eddie was his idol and he was so excited to know that Eddie was in the club. They didn't want Eddie to leave. So they decided to put Chris on stage. It was a Friday night, 250 people in the audience. Chris goes up and he crushed. He told me he didn't think he did that well, but he did so well that he said he heard Eddie laughing off to the side because you know Eddie had a very distinctive laugh Exactly and so Eddie was waiting for him when he got off stage they sat together and he gave him his number and Chris said

To me he was already talking like I was gonna be a big star He's telling me I'm gonna buy my mother a house And he was telling him all the things that Eddie had a feeling that he was going to do really well. So he gave him his phone number. A few days later, Chris is walking in the street and he runs into Lewis Ferranda. You know Lewis, who ran Carolines for 30 years. But in those days, Lewis was a bartender at Catch a Rising Star. That's when I first met him because I was living on that block. And Lewis said to him him I heard Eddie Murphy really likes you he goes yeah man he gave me his number and he's like well did you

call him he says no I'm too nervous to call him he's like schmuck if Eddie Murphy gives you his number fucking call the guy so he called him and Eddie invited him to come to the movies with him with his whole entourage his mother was part of his entourage and he went to see a movie with Spike Lee. And he said to me, to show you how long ago was, Spike Lee was out in the street selling t-shirts. Whoa! And he said, so then Eddie invited him to come to LA

to do reshoots for the movie Golden Child. And I said, did you go? He goes, yeah. He goes, I had never been on a plane before. I borrowed clothes for my brothers, because there's like seven brothers. He said, we were so poor I had never been on a plane before I borrowed clothes for my brothers cuz there's like seven brothers He said we were so poor. We lived in Bed-Stuy. We never even had a shrimp cocktail My father used to buy one shrimp and cut it into seven pieces I'll never forget that he said that to me and then he said to me

So he goes out to LA and they put him in this beautiful hotel and Richie said he he he notices He's not eating. He said, what's up? He goes, I can't afford $15 for a hamburger. He goes, man, it's on Eddie, it's on Paramount, don't worry about it. So, he did so well that that's when Eddie created the part for him in Beverly Hills Cop 2 as the valet,

and that's what kickstarted Chris's career. So when Chris was leaving, isn't this a great start I whenever I'm around a famous person, I'm never gonna eat so then that way they'll be like So when Chris was leaving LA and Richie Tinken took him to the airport and Chris said to Richie don't forget me man And Richie said I'll never forget you and he called the club and he said to Richie, don't forget me man and Richie said I'll never forget you and he called the club and he said from now on put Chris Rock on on the early show, not at two in the morning.

And that's what made his career and that's why he was so grateful that he wrote this amazing forward to this book. Besides his interview that's in here, he wrote a very special forward to the book. Chris did? Chris did. Oh that's amazing. So I have a whole special forward to the book Chris did Chris did Amazing yeah, so I have a whole book of all these stories. I love that One reminds me the book I killed which is a bunch of road stories by like all our hero comics. It's really interesting Yeah, well, who are you gonna say? I forget who wrote I think I think Rich Scheidner wrote it. Yes. Yeah. Yes He did. Yeah, I became a fucking historian of comedy. Yeah

I didn't know that Chris used to be super poor which makes sense because the the first interaction I had with him I was he came into the comedy club and I had never seen him or met him before and I was eating somebody else's fries And he sat down next to me and I was like These um, these aren't my fries and he was like that's okay. And then he started eating them and I was like, oh nice, okay, we're both raccoons, this is great. He's also very shy. I'll tell you, I was at Gotham Comedy Club one night and I was downstairs with DL Hughley

who's a very dear friend of mine. And somebody said, Chris is upstairs. And DL said, tell him to come down. And he never came down. And people said that he didn't want to impose on DL Hughley that he thought what if you really hated him was like well I'm just a nice guy but that was the story that he's very he's a very gentle person which is what so crazy when Will Smith had that thing with him

oh yeah why he reacted the way he did because he's just a nice guy well you're a very nice and gentle guy. Well, thank you And we appreciate you coming in. Well, I this is amazing Jeffrey a big applause Oh, thanks, thanks The topics were very unusual and very wild. Yes. Thank you How do they get your book? Pardon me? How do they get your book?

Oh, on Amazon. Okay, let's say it again. I'm doing a book signing here. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's your book signing. Oh, amazing. Yeah. So I'm doing stories.

Well, we'll be sure to stop in the line and say hi. Thank you for doing this, man. Thank you. Really appreciate it. It was great to see you. Yes. Thank you. Jeffrey appreciate it. It's every. Yes. That's true. Thank you. Girl. Jeffrey Garian.

Get out of here, Dan. Don't come over here unless you bring your guitar. What if Dan plays a guitar and we sing a song and then we wrap up? Yeah, we could do that. Yeah. Whatever you want. Whatever Jordan wants. It's down for whatever. Me and Jeremiah. Yeah, he's going through.

What's wrong? First podcast we do together, he spits in my mouth. Yeah. Second podcast we do together, he barfs in his house. True. True. Third podcast we do together, I cry on the couch. True. Fourth podcast together. I cry on the couch true

Fourth podcast together your dog shits in front of them. It has to rhyme said couch mouth house Fourth podcast you are being a grouch whoa I want it. I want to be respectful and let him plug his book and stuff so silent the last 20 minutes. Sorry I know that was a long walk to get to Amazon I want to be freaking respectful dude and Jordan keeps looking at me like you're not gonna say anything

And I'm like no I want him to tell I wrapped it up No, we, I was listening. I was listening. No, we were giving him respect. Yeah, of course. I would, I would, because I- You know what? I'm gonna sit like Stevie. I'm talking about, he said, Chewie sing the song, and Jeremiah went, yeah, we could do

that. That's what I said grouch about. Okay, so, sorry. Dan, you are- You didn't like his response to that. Can I do a new take? Yes, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ask him again, ask him again. Do it again, do it again. Go ahead, Ian. Oh, what if we get Dan to get his guitar we sing songs. I'm sitting like Stevie I said what if we get the end guitar and we sing their songs Yes, I must prefer this Steve Dan idiot boy little nervous man get in here with your always wearing sweatshirts even in the summer Why and always wearing tank top yes, we're saying tops in the winter Jeffries about wasn't he a good surprise

Wasn't that nice surprise yeah, I hope Dan. I like him both. Wasn't that nice surprise. Yeah. I hope you sell us tons of books. I won for two on my surprises today. Yeah, you're doing good. Okay. Oh yeah. Come on, sit on my lap. What's his name? Jeffree what? Gury. Dan Bass. But the other guy was Jeffree Gury?

Yes. Okay. You want to do a song about him? Steve. Steve, drop it. No, I was gonna drop yes, okay, you'll do something about him Steve Steve drop it No, I was okay should we practice my alarmist song no no no no let's make a fun song, okay? Alright you didn't tune the guitar before you came in is that you're doing great. This is a tuning hour oh Indian style that's a Yes yes it's not it's crisscross applesauce or a genocide stance but what about YouTube Jeremiah I'm looking out for you guys your freaking channel dude oh crap I'm just saying what are we gonna get couple of. What did we bleep? What are we talking about fingering the dog's pussy and stuff?

Frick I'm freaking looking out for you guys Sorry, so I'm not in a better mood Excited seeing the song right now. I was down to do the song. I haven't never been against doing the song Yes, oh No, cuz you're sick. Okay. I'm not sick. Let's run this get away I haven't never been against doing the song. Do you want to spit in my mouth again? Yes! No, because you're sick. I'm not sick. Let's do a dog song. I wouldn't include any Flemint.

Let's do a Coyote. If you want to spit in my mouth, that would make you feel better. You're the only comedian in the history of comedy that I let do this. Because you're a clean boy. He's very clean. There was a reason for it the first time Don't look all gift horse in the Man let him let them do his thing. No really don't it'll scare you yeah, yeah

Jeremiah spit We're gonna throw up again if I sit in her mouth on the horse house horse go No, we're gonna throw up again if I sit in her mouth on the horse house horse go Oh, she's upset. Oh, she's inquisitive Hey, let me spin your butthole if Jeremiah spits in her mouth you can spit my butthole Oh, that's happening. That's just that's happening man's happening now see that that gives me a reason to spit Now you woke up we woke up the monster Awoke the crack is fucking away

Asshole now you wake up you spit all right pull down your pants. I'll spit in your spit do it Just do it Shut the fuck up I'm gonna do it. I don't care off my shoes for this. Holy crap! He's going to spit your asshole. I'm gonna do it. I don't care. I'm gonna do it. Rock, paper, scissor for who spits first. If I win, Jeremiah spits in your mouth. Jeremiah, just spit in my mouth. Go. But you gotta pull your pants down like raw.

Can you be cool? Raw butthole. Cause last time you weren't cool. It was really good. This is gonna go viral viral dude. You'll see Do you have to stop? I'm so don't be nervous Wait I do puke I do puke I do puke.

Okay. Oh my God. I'm. Ha ha ha. Jeremiah, please be cool. Please be cool. Ha ha ha. Dude, you're kidding me. Get lower, get lower.

Get lower, I might. Oh no, his nose might hit you. Jeremiah, don't be crazy. Don't be crazy. Be a good guy. Honestly, yo, if you, hold on. If you spit a Hawker in her and like go against the word of a little spit,

I will get angry at you. I salivate a lot. I'm not hawking. I promise you I did not hawk. Okay, okay. Not like last time. He didn't hawk. Okay, I'm looking out for you.

Dan? Don't do a hawk. I want you to know that last time this happened, I peeped immediately on the floor. Okay, do we need a waste basket or no? Yes. All right, ready? Yeah. Yeah. Ready?

Lower. You're gonna open it more. Here, I'll hold it here. Dude, dude. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Hey, hey, hey! It wasn't a hawker. It wasn't a hawker. It was. Oh my God. Hey, hey, guys. Hey! Hey! It wasn't a hawker! I told you! It wasn't a hawker! Dude, it was! Oh my god. Hey, hey, hey, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

Seriously, guys. Release! This is his time now. Release him! Release him! It wasn't a hawker, I promise you. Are you alright? Yeah.

It was a promise. He's spinning in your butt now, dude. He's spinning in your butt. That was a huge hawk. A hawk is this. But that was a disco ball guy again.

It wasn't. Was it a hawk? See? Confirm. Alright, alright. Alright dude! Alright! Make hold on. Make sure you guys... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh my hand All right, what if it gets on my this is a game Dude, if you hawk a loogie, I went easy on him. He's not hawking a loogie. Wait, wait, wait, what does that mean though?

He's turkey. Just a little bit. He tried to wail on my arm and I had to like restrain him. I know he hurt. I had to restrain him. It'd be funny if you gave it a lick. What the frick? It's fine.

Put your hands on the chair. Don't get it over your head. I'm not. I'm not. Put your hands on the chair. You like my kiss? Stop. What are you doing?

I want the pretty girl outside to see me and get jealous. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, In the hole That guy like honestly looked like really upset I am respected in my industry. I This is on can't do I pimples I don't feel comfortable Ian Ian you have to bend over spreading them Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. over No, no, can we do it from the side Here's the thing if we do over on the side you'll see the spit if not, it's just the back of your head Wow What's up, dude? There's something weird happening. I just need to... Ian, why do you want your butt out so long? The longer you delay it... Spin my hand!

Stop! It's spinning! Stop! It's spinning! You gotta actually... You gotta get closer. Okay, okay. Go down on it.

You can't do nothing on it. Turn your hat backwards. Dude, pull him down. Turn your hat backwards. Hat backwards, hat backwards. Oh my God. Dude. You've been dreaming about this.

I know, I know, just. What? Just pull him down. Go, go, go. Okay. Stop, man. I can go. Oh!

Oh my. Dude, dude. Dude, that went in there. That went in there. That went in there. And it went back. Oh All right Thanks for tuning in guys YouTube comm slash Jeremiah Watkins. Youtube.com Stevie Weeby and I'm Al Pore Eternal. StevieWeebyBandcamp.com.

Check it out if you can. Thanks for tuning in. See me live on tour. We love you! Bye! I'm sorry.