Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep120: Not Even (Special Election Episode) w/ Brendan Sagalow

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

As always , Thanks for listening! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s BRENDAN SAGALOW: THIN LIPS (FULL STAND UP COMEDY SPECIAL) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpA3u7ZctsY Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast  - Support the show and get 10% off the VacuGlide or Autoblow Ultra. Just use promo code SKA at https://www.autoblow.com Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Brendan Sagalow Here : https://www.instagram.com/brendansagalow/ BRENDAN SAGALOW: THIN LIPS (FULL STAND UP COMEDY SPECIAL) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpA3u7ZctsY https://brendansagalow.com Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/ 

Hi everybody. Come check us out on the road. I'm in Tampa, Florida, and then I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, November 15th to 16th, the 17th, Hilarities, Cleveland, Ohio, following Weekend, Toronto, Denver Comedy Works, December 5th through 7th, December 8th, Hollywood Improv, and I'm going to be in Baltimore. And we are doing a live podcast December 30th comedy connection Providence Rhode Island. Then December 31st two shows with Ian Fiedance and a special jest. I'm all over the place. I'm breaking in Alabama, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, sure not.

Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Carolina. Listen, punch up. I am in so many of those places. Punch up dot live, Punch up dot live. Jordan Jensen.

I'm coming to Europe. I'm coming to freaking Nashville. I'm coming to Charlotte. We're going to you. We're going to them. I'm going to. Enjoy the show. Telling jokes and having smokes,

riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride when you're being Ian? Being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian. Being Ian. With Jordan.

I had no luck. I don't wish it all that much. There's just so many things. Nothing's right. I'm torn. I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm ashamed.

I'm naked on the floor. Got this a week ago healed already It won't heal the inside stuff though, you know what I mean It doesn't heal. Oh, I saw your clip of you guys doing Jack Nicholson impression Oh and there isn't there wasn't like a time that I wanted to jump right into the fucking screen and give it my best shot Let's hear it What were you guys saying? Welcome us to the show as Jack Nicholson

Welcome to the show Hold on you I need like a thing to say Brutal what do you think you're so can you not look up containers? Because I told you I went to the container store. Well, now you got me thinking. Yeah. Well, hey, don't worry. Well, now you got me. Welcome back to another episode of Be A Ian with Jordan. You're not blowing this because you're sick. Election special. I'm wearing my election shirt. Shout out COA final boss 378 vote by mail.

Shout out one, two, three, four, five. Check out UPS delivery confirmation number two, four, five, nine, seven, one, three, J. Hey, do your Jack Nicholson and show by reading your mug. Okay, shout out Jase Avery for the mug. Don't talk to me until I've had an entire cup full of cum. Now show the video. Shout out cum. Shout out cum. We got a big shout out to cum.

Show the TV audience at home. Oh, I read it. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. Until I've had an entire cup. Oh, I read it. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me until I've had an entire cup of come. Yeah. Hear me, sweetheart.

Wow. I didn't like that last part that you threw a lot. Wow. It is. Yeah. Oh, really? I had an audition today. For what?

Oh, fuck. I have one due tomorrow. Oh, God. No, Sagalow can't. Neither can Jordan. No, no, I it's just I have to react. I have to go. That's that's the auditions you're getting. It's for Applebee's. What was yours?

Is it for Applebee's? Are you for Applebee's, too? What is it? Are we competing? Mine's some TV show where it's a comedian who plays a bi- who's like bisexual. Everybody's stealing my life. She's a girl. Hey. Okay. She's bisexual. What's the show?

What is it called? Or did you send him fucking NDA over there? I don't know what it's called. And I was so fucked up on antibiotics that I opened the Zoom and I was like, hello? Oh, it was on Zoom? Yeah. Wait, why do they do that? What's the plot of the show?

I have no idea, bro. It's a comic who's bisexual. We'll continue. I don't know, she, would you be the lead or just some? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, you can't, you can't, you can't carry a show?

No, I cannot. She can't even carry a tune. Mine can't you can't you can't carry a show. No, I cannot. She can't even say this one. Mine was better. What did you say? Besides this one. And he said she can't even carry a tune. Mine just was better. Yeah, because I was I didn't want to dig deep on it. Did you now admit it for this role you audition for?

I like this cheap. I did like it. It doesn't look cheap. Why? Why? There really is a disgusting. Well, I didn't even notice the Marlboro cigarettes, but I was going to say there is like an epidemic of fucking comics wearing chains. And you know, I yeah, you know, what do you guys silver one? My stepbrother made this shout out. Big shout out.

I need to I need to get a silver one get that fucking thing off of there That's a hearing for a cholo. I also I love cholo. Where'd you get this? What's a cholo call a table with three legs? Not even Who's carrying the show now, bitch? I don't even get it. You know what I am? I'm a rad dad. Hell yeah. There's this like part.

Anyone have an Advil for my back? It hurts for carrying this. Can we do the part? Can you do your lines? You get into the zoom, you're like Hi, cause you're all sick. I remember I was reading off the screen. Was it a first round or second round? Okay, so, you know, just do the lines. Yeah. Oh.

Look, don't tell me not to come in a cup before I've had my car. Not even. Not even. Not even. I don't get it. I mean, I. Cholo's talk like that. They go, not even a joker. Oh, I didn't even know that.

I don't know. I didn't know that that not even is like three legs does exist a table with three legs What do you call it? Hey, man, what do you call a cow with three legs ground beef? What do you call a cow with no legs ground beef? I'm gonna call the fucking police. I'm going to swat you guys. I'm going to swat us. I'll swat you.

God, stop coughing, Sikki. She's sick. I'm so sick. I've been in bed all day. Well, except for the audition. I woke up out of bed and I was like, and they were like, do you want to postpone? And I was like, no, I don't care what happens to me.

Why didn't you just postpone? I don't know, because I was like, and they're like, do you want to postpone? I was like, no, I don't care what happens to me. Why didn't you just postpone? I don't know. Because I was all fucked up. What is the email? Let's read some of the lines. Oh, I don't want to do that. I totally get not wanting to do that. Yeah. Thank you so much. Just out of like, I don't know what privacy. Not even just like I don't even want to.

Not even. That's the name of the episode. I think we all knew that. I think that all clicked for all three of us. God, what's this stuff? Deodorant. You can have it. stuff? Deodorant. You want it? You can have it.

Jack Black deodorant. Speaking of clicking. Jack Black deodorant. Dude, you're tired being in bed all day. Do you know how long I spent voting at different voting places today? Oh my God. I voted, it was really nice.

Coyote came with me, we walked there, I was sick. Of course you did. Hobbled there. She got a little sticker. And then you took your little pictures, and you put it on your little stories. Her picture. Yeah. I voted the I voted sticker is a lot like the Ash Wednesday. Ash is because because politics is a new religion, man.

Oh, what do you think of that? I think it needs a joke in between those two things. And the second thing is more of a setup. Yeah, I think politics is a new religion. Do you mean it needs a punch line? It needs a punch line. It needs a punch line. We've discussed this.

My punch lines don't work on paper, but they work in on the stage. No, they don't work on. You go, buh buh buh buh buh. That guy. And if they don't laugh at that, it feels crazy. Yeah. The audience is a little I follow that rhythm.

They love it. They love my little seals. Rhythm. Here comes a punch line and it's not good on paper, but it makes you laugh. See, you are laughing. And it's fun and people like me. I know you and Marcelo Hernandez have a lot in common. Right.

Emmett. Because the way I'm dancing and doing the thing and we do a little spin and everybody loves to wean. You're still, it'll always be my favorite comic since that time you use the microphone thing as a metal detector. What did you do? He bombed. I think I saw this. You smacked your head on the table. What did she say? This is a crowd I hate this comedian detector

down for the count. Yeah, that was hilarious. To dirty basey. Of a crowd that did not like you. Fuck them. We're going so crazy. We're going in on what? Dead Dad stuff. You were like taking. Yes, you were taking huge strings.

I was like, oh, we're going in full meltdown mode. This thing is going to be a little bit of a livin. Yeah, I know. But I didn't know what he was going to say. I thought he was just keeping this guy's face. I hate this pretty detector. Yeah. I can't wait. But it's on dead. So I'm finally appreciated. Oh, well, you keep smoking. You won't know it then. Oh yeah. Yeah, who cares after. I'll be a ghost. Woo woo woo woo woo. No, you can't keep living after you're dead, that's the rules.

No, my spirit will stick around. How do you know? When I die, you'll feel me. You been there? Trust me, I've begged for the dead back. I've said please, give me anything. No, I mean, yo, there's a guy. He's saying ghost though.

There's a guy with an Instagram where he takes. How do you know? I saw this thing. Although did you hear there's one guy there's a guy with no Graham where he takes you know, I saw this thing There's one in the cellar There's this there's a ghost in the cellar two people. I got chills when I heard this to People who worked there said that they both were like, hey man, you can't be down here this late. Whoa, you man in a top hat Well, you can't be down here this late and then what what else was he wearing? I don't know. Was he wearing like a t-shirt? No idea.

Very good question. And at one point, Liz got mad at somebody apparently because one of the lights broke in the in the lounge. And then she was like, who the fuck broke the lamp? Like one of those weird chandeliers went back. Watch the cameras. It went up and then shattered down. No way.

Yes. Yes. Really? Yeah. Holy shit. We get ghost detecting equipment. No, no, I scaled. Dude, what are they going to do to you? There's an Instagram account ghost about a you're asking for it. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. Turn the lights off. How do I undo that? And let's say sorry. Sorry, Mr. Ghost. Yeah. What if they come get you? I've been trying to get this out for five minutes There's an Instagram account with a Mexican guy who has a ghost detector and when the ghost shows up because not even

A fool where you at shake that fat ass of you in the room fool Goes Elizabeth where you at Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth where you went? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think we're gonna walk up and fucking Glenn's limbs are gonna be everywhere and no Glenn's gonna tear coyote apart Why don't you just call coyote down because it's Glenn Danzig and he wants a school You know, it's such an underrated song

You know, it's such an underrated song I think walk among us is the best album Minds legacy of brutality I eat some catnip now. I ain't no goddamn isn't that graves in that No. There's a dancing in there. What? What's dancing? It's like one of the first animals. When did this come out? Dude, it's got hybrid moments, some kind of hate, angel fuck, who killed Marilyn, where are eagles dare show, Halloween, American Nightmare, I mean come the fuck on man. What's that head in her mouth? What happened?

Was she trapped? Can you go get Glenn? Is Glenn okay? What was she doing? You're just chilling. I want you. Why is she so stoked? Coyote, yeah!

Well, she was playing with her. My favorite album by the Misfits. She was playing with the mouse toy and then Glenn was on the tree. No, she's going out of her own. She's such a good dog. Glenn's such a good dog. Oh, come here. Glenn's such a good guy.

What do you think about, who do you predict is going to take America What what if it was Glenn versus Coyote the live update right now. I hope hold on the cartoon cough. I've ever Ethan even imagine Coyote being in a Trump's America. Why? Because she's trans. Yeah. I can live in Trump's America, but Kamala Kamala is for wolf wolf. Trump is for America. Trump has those endorsements as Trump is for them. No, no. It says, yeah, that's that's that was a puppet. Yeah.

as the vote for her as the yeah that's that's that was uh stop it yeah that was that's kind of weird that commercial is hilarious kamala's for they them trump is for you it's definitely yeah yeah it's awful hey what's the update sure that they show when there's when they show like the old man they're like kamala wants. What is that? Open it. I'm sure they're probably might be yours. Empty just like your soul. I don't use that kind. These are yours, Ethan.

Are they sexes? Yeah. You do that stuff. Yeah, I use you really do this kind of stuff man Yeah, hey, man, you're better than that. Do you have one? I say I Welcome to my mind here's making noises. I'm irritating you. Well, it's annoying. Welcome to my mind. I'm not whining. You're making noises I'm not making. You whined earlier.

Yeah, you whined. You were doing that earlier. Okay, but can I have one? There it is. I got it for you. All right, Trump is at 178 and Harris is at 99. Oh. No.

You need 270 to win. Oh, is that real? I don't want. Oh, see, even you. You don't even know which one you want to win. No, I I think you do know which one. Why didn't vote? I think you do know. I voted by mail. The bomb. It's not even a matter of like Kamala.

It's not. It's a matter of just like, oh, the most annoying. I just don't want the fucking I know of the next four years of everything. Right. Hyperbolic. Everything he does is worse than the last. Right. Everyone overreacting. If that's how fucking Elon Musk jumped when he when he didn't win. Imagine when he does.

Oh, my God. Musk is going to jump up and down like a fucking. And what does he say? I'm not wearing Make America Great, I'm goth? Oh, he goes, I'm goth. I am wearing goth America Great again. That man is a F-A-G-G-O-T, dude. He takes D-I-C-K-N-W-T-T-A-L-L-D-A-Y. Slow down!

Sorry. Hold on, let me get a pen. He takes. I can understand what you're saying, by the way. Yeah, because the words kinda sound like they spell. Like Jordan Jensen, J-O-R-D-A-N, that's the way you spell Jordan. Whoa. J-E-N-S-E-N, that's the way you spell Jensen.

I-A-N-F-I-D-A-N-C-E, that spells finance. E, you can do it with Brandon. B-R-E-N-D-A-N, that's the way you spell Brandon. do it with Brandon B, R, E and D. I would rather mine be kind of like I want to like reinvent that song, you know, like take it to the next level. How would that sound? Because that's just maybe darker, more like more emo or B, maybe kind of like SoundCloud rap and D.A.N.

As a G L.O.W. Sag low spelled it wrong. I accidentally said Fy Dance to the audience the other day. Some person worked in Fy Dance and I was like, you work in Fy Dance? And then I was like, get away from me. I appear out of nowhere. Hello? I appear out of nowhere. Yeah. Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what he said. Say it two more times.

It came and went. It's good. I think I think it did really well. I mean, it's still going up, but it's definitely it'll hit a little bit of a wall and promoting sucks ass. That's not going to happen with our fans. You better go frickin watch it again. Go watch it. Yeah. Sure. And then watch Jordan's death junk and then watch my wild, happy and free.

I have to watch. Yeah. If you're on YouTube, you know, I love YouTube's. Just watch YouTube all fucking day. Dude, I've been getting into some dark. YouTube blazes really tell us. I wish I could hear anything, but my ears are so clogged with cum. Nice. Well, why did you put all that cum I gave you in your ear? Do you want to know what I read in your tits? What? You're not going to like this.

I think I got sick. And you know how sometimes I think it's funny to let Coyote look in my nose. OK, I think that gave me a sign is infection. Oh, God, I'm not proud of what I'm saying, but I just want to be honest with you. Well, I appreciate your honesty. Thank you. Oh, Samson is conjunctivitis. I did take one of the vet yesterday. I got a drop. I dropped in his eyes twice a day.

He's got junk in his eye. Divitis. Yeah, he's got junk in his cunt. He's got junk in his eye and it divides. Is it? Yeah, he's got junk in his cunt. He's got junk in his eye and it divides us He's only got junk in one eye so it's not even You got greedy. Oh, that's like that was like that Breaking Bad episode when they robbed the train and then killed the kid when you go, they did it. Oh, do a thing in Seattle where I was like,

how easy is it to write a Rodney Dangerfield joke? Like you just come up with something shitty and you try to have. So I was here. I was thinking like, oh, I tell you, I was a mistake when the doctor pulled me out. He went, oops. You know, there's one more thing that comes after that in his. Is that a real joke yet? No, but there's always one more. It's like my wife said that I'm a big fat ugly said that I said, well, I said I want

a second opinion. The doctor said, you have stupid ugly pig. My wife told me I'd never we would never have sex again. I said, again? Yeah, my wife and I, my wife and I are we said we'd only have we'd only smoke cigarettes after sex. I quit and she's up to two packs a day. That is one of his jokes. I know she's up to two bucks a day. I'm saying write your own just on the spot, like say like my mother thought I was ugly. And then that's the writing from now. You come up with a punch line, right?

There you go. OK. My mother said I was ugly. She put me up for adoption. They gave me back. My mother, she put me up for adoption. They gave me back. Oh, you're just repeating my. Yeah, I'm doing it in a better version of his voice.

I can do all of it because my eyes go different directions like his did. Yeah. Cover your mouth and spit came out. Like you do this. You talk about your mouth and spit came out like you do this. You talk about being sick and then you just disrespectfully cough. You're not sick. Then where's the complaining coming from? I'm not sick. You're wiping your hand on me.

I'm not. God, I wanted you to touch me for so long. I just have Scientology night. I just have a sinus infection. Your brain is being eaten by worms. There's a ringing in my ear because I can't hear that. That is funny to call people who who like follow Scientology be like, yeah, that guy just has a sinus infection. You know what I'm talking about?

Scientology. He's got a little bit of a sinus infection over there. Hey, my wife said I don't cook enough meals. Now you finish it. My wife told me don't cook enough meals Now you finish it My wife told me she hates my guts. She also told me shades my head in my body and my legs One it's easy that guy Overrated I still can't think of one. You know, I tell you, I'm losing my hair everywhere I look.

I can't find it. We're spitballing. Yeah, we're spitting on you to do this anymore. I really like doing it. It's fine. Hey, I tell you, I tell you, I wrote it today. That's modern. My wife said, I'm the I'm the most attractive man she ever slept with.

The guy before me was a dog. OK, that's funny. I just looked at the dog and made it up. Yeah. My my wife said that she's progressive. She only has sex with they and them. OK, that's close. That's close. My wife said she's too progressive for me to have sex with me. She said, I only ever have sex with them and them.

It and it and my wife said that would be one of his jokes. Actually, I think he would he would probably say something about his wife having sex with them or something like that. You know, I was reading the paper. Crime is up. And my wife won't have sex with me, which is the number one crime happening in my household. This is Rodney Dangerfield, just like having a bad day of like writing. He's like he's like, oh, that doesn't make any sense.

All right. My doctor said I've got the, my doctor said I've got the heart of an 80 year old man. And then I said, well, you got the eyes of an idiot. Yeah, that's good. I like that. What about I, I get a lot of respect. I tell you. The little tie, the little about I? I get a lot of respect. They tell you a little tie, little tie fix. I got I get a lot of respect.

I tell you, whenever I go to the grocery store, they always give me apples for free. I got a lot of respect. Everyone's real nice. I get a lot of respect. My wife, she told me she loved me. All right. My my kids said they're proud to have me as a father. I got lots of respect. Alright. Is Foghorn leghorn?

My wife told me she was faking it. I said in the bedroom, she said all the time. I don't know. Sometimes your left hand just doesn't do the trick. Stop! Make the switch to the VacuGlide by autoblow. Oh, another one of these? It's a male milking machine.

It gets people that have ED. It's really good time. You can easily control the speed and stroking, customize. No erection, no problem. VacuGlide will get you where you need to go. You've used it. I love it. I think you've got me so I'm starting to get a headache. Get 10% off the vacu glider the auto blow

ultra when you use promo code ska at auto blow.com. That's promo code ska for 10% off the vacu glider the auto blow ultra at autolow.com. Check out autoblome.com for more info. You know, you got to check out the Auto Blow and let me know how it works and how it feels because maybe then I'll use it. We turned ours into a gravity bone. OK, autoblow.com promo code Scott for 10 percent off. Bye. Is Foghorn Leghorn based off of Rodney Dangerfield? I said, I said no. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say no. Certainly not. He's off of people that owned slaves.

No, he's not. He sounds just like that. Well, I'll tell you, I'll say, I'll say maybe he's off. Maybe he's based off Bernie Mac. I'll tell you America. Bernie Mac's based off him. Foghorn Leghorn was first. I said, I said, I said, don't make me crack that whip.

I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said I said don't make me crack that whip I said I said insane to name a character foghorn leghorn

I lie mean I love it too. I use it in a joke, but why what joke? What's that talking about titties in the shower? Oh my What if I get congested by this from my so nauseous. I'm nauseous. What if I get congested by this from my cat? I'm so nauseous. If we were in Rock has Modern Life, you would be the turtle. You'd be Mrs. Heifer. No. You'd both be the fucking turtles.

We'd be Edna and Ed Bighead. Yeah. You'd be, I'm sorry. What? The f- the rhino? The fat rhino? Rocko. Or whatever the fuck. You'd be Rocko. sorry. What? The f- the rhino? The fat rhino? Rocko. Or whatever the fuck? You'd be Rocko. Well, Spocky.

You know, what was his dog's name? I don't know. Laundry day is a very dangerous day. Laundry day is a very dangerous day. Spunky. Spunky. Spunky! What was Doug's dog's name? The dog had a dog?

Doug had a dog. Dog had a dog. Spot? That is a spot on impression. That was good. Why does my eye hurt? Did you infect me? You know what impression I think I can do? Pork chop.

Pork chop. Yes. Pork chop is Doug's. Honk honk. Scootle. Honk honk. Oh, yes. Peter would go. Roger Klotz.

I'm Roger Klotz. Same voice actor as Doug. Really? He's a crazy person. Wow. That guy is crazy. Here's an impression. I? He's a crazy person. Wow. The guy is crazy. Here's an impression I can do.

I want Patty to taste my mayonnaise. If you listen to his impressions, the guy yells a bunch out at him and he's like, do a horn, he's like, hi, he's like, do a dog, he's like, brr, and he's like, do this, and then he goes, he goes, do a weasel, and he goes, weel, weel, weel, weel, weel, weel.

It gets really, really scary. He's like, I'm gonna interview, hi. Ah, here's an impression. I can do the falling rock in Mario and like the Mario movies. Oh, it's really good. Do you know it? No, you know, I didn't think any. What about when people what about kid picks for those of you who know?

Oh, kid picks. You know about it. I loved kid picks in the same school. What are kid picks? Oh, they're the things you fucking hide from the government. You better about it. I loved kid picks in the same school. What are kid picks? They're the things you fucking hide from the government you pedophile Now we're even Um kid picks was a uh And then i'll set you up Kid picks was like a a program on your computer that we used to play in school Where you can draw stuff and fire was animated and stuff like that and it was very cool.

Do you remember Linda Ellerby? And they used to go whoopsie and oh no yeah oh no that's good. Do you remember Linda Ellerby with Nick News? I remember Linda Ellerby. Mortal Kombat. Yes. Oh, no. Yeah. Kid picks was the shit. It was fucking awesome. You could. Did you ever do a thing where you blew up the picture and then a race part of it and became a different picture?

Remember that? And you could blow up a bomb down on a picture. Oh, yes. Yes. It was a beep beep beep. Yeah. This was in Carter 95. Did you guys have that? What is that bomb? Instacart? No, in Carter 95. It was like a desk with no I've been fucking Insta-oh-you-know-about what's insta pot well you go home. It's like you put super easy to cook with it

broth I'm like super broth. Okay love it. Chicken, broth, kale, carrots, sweet potato. You go, see ya. You set it for 16 minutes. You freaking come back. You got a freaking stew. Wow. 16 minutes, Ian.

It's done. Wow. You can do less than that. I have a crock pot or something. What's the difference between a crock pot and insipid? Crock pot does something long, too long. Oh, yeah, it's a little long, but it's like, no, what do I have? I think I got a crock pot, more like a crock of shit.

I can't cook to save my life. No, that's not good. That's not good. Can't think of anything. Rodney calling his comic friends. Does anybody do this? Oh, my wife, she hates me. Yes, Rodney, everyone's doing that. Let me finish.

It hates me so much. I asked her to come in the shower with me. She said, I already came. Now, this isn't good anymore you Stop, can you get the dog away from my legacy of brutality taking the mucinex? How are you feeling are you feeling whacked out? It's not hiccups Ian thinks a sinus infection is hiccups. I scare you. Hookah! Hum de de hum.

So what's the, what is the numbers now? Oh yeah, what are we at? Trump is at 188 and Harris is still at 99. What the fuck? What are the, are the swing states, have all the swing states been counted? So it looks like West Coast is still in process. Were there any swing states that Trump took that Kamala needed? Name a swing state. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Alright we need to control the phone. He's

there changing his phone. He's like holding a laptop down here. Pennsylvania voted blue. They're disgusting. Pennsylvania. So Trump lost Pennsylvania. Yes, it looks like. Trump lost Pennsylvania? Wow. Interesting.

It looks like they're leading right now. Oh, it's too early to decide. I bet the fucking kill Tony they got something to do with it. Because there's so many Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania. My mom sent me a text that said, it looks like blah, blah, blah, Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania are going back. And then she went, thanks, Tony. Leris.

Your mom said that? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. We have an amazing election coming up. It is getting crazy out there. Little one, if only you knew Have you ever seen a frickin cuter animal? Glenn Sampson, how about I shall forget you we should have the real election who's Samson verter?

Hi Samson Glenn or coyote coyote you have to meet her and see how snuggie. Yeah, you can just see my guys I know how cute they are Yeah, traditionally, I wouldn't think coyote is that cute. Yeah Now what's our next topics? Next time I'm like into like shit Zeus and shit You know what I mean? I like I like fluffy dogs No You don't think this is cute? Aww. No. She's so frickin' nice.

Look at this, Ian, look. I know. That's crazy. Nothing that I'm told. Should I go get my guy? Glenn. No, just like. Cat named Glenn.

Wouldn't be the first time Ian said, let me get my guy. Huh? Wouldn't be the first time Ian said, let me get my guy. Wouldn't be the first time you said, let me get my guy. Does anybody have any new sexual ex-sexual he doesn't like when people make fun of him being gay anymore. I don't care.

I think I've earned it. He has earned it. You look like a floating head. Okay, don't, don't. I loved you in that video game, Kirby. What? He has earned it. He's earned it. You look like a floating head. No. Okay, don't. No. I loved you in that video game, Kirby. Don't.

You don't need to insult me. He'll do this. Remember when I said earlier I carried the podcast, he hit me like nine times. You don't want to wake up the beast. No, that's not, it's not a beast. It's a little kid just, yeah, and then he's a beast. You want to wake up my inner child? You're a kid who grabs like a charger and just starts flinging it around the room and hitting people. You're like, God damn it.

You don't want to wake up the beast. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I actually don't mind that. What? Waking up the beast? Waking up the beast. Let's wake up the beast. Yeah, wake him up. Ooh.

Have you had sex recently? I am balls deep in SLA. What's that? I am like higher power, serenity prayer. What's that? SLA is sex and love addicts anonymous. Oh, nice, nice. If you thanks, I mean a

I love Recovery programs no no no yeah, you love sex Yeah, I just yeah, I don't I hate sex. I think sex is stupid and you're sexually anorexic, but I am a love addict Hmm. I always have some frickin plate spinning some frickin somebody I'm holding on to. There's something to be said. If you're a love addict, you're a dick addict. You're a dick addict.

Don't you have to leave? I do have to leave. I'll have to make amends to both of you when the time comes. Why? Because I did both of you wrong because of my addiction. Shut up. Especially Sagalow. Dude, let me tell you.

I wouldn't call it wrong Yeah, I wasn't I wrong when I got a when I got a wrong you have you you wronged yourself It could all be easy we could have been on we could have painted the town red It said you decided to paint it white with other people's come. What were you saying? No, I just want to say that. They did experience a lot of come. You specifically told him if he stopped drinking, you'd date him. And he did.

Best thing in my life, actually. Maybe I should start drinking again. No. If Trump wins, we drink. Uh, OK, OK. No. Oh, sorry. No, I'm ready to start drinking again. I don't have a problem. Shut up.

I I don't want to, but I don't. You dare. I won't. If I go to a different country, I think I'll get like a little. That's what I did. And let me tell you, it sucked. Really? I went to Rome and I was like, I'm just going to have a glass of wine because literally when in Rome, you're in Italy. Yeah. Literally, my face went hot. Literally in Italy, my face, my face was hot.

That's a fun thing to say. I fell in the middle of little Italy. Little do we know that we riddled some middlemen who didn't do diddly. Yes. Oh, wow. That was amazing. That was nice. Yeah. Skippity toilet. Ohio is anyway. What were you saying? You're you're in.

You were literally in Italy. I was literally in Italy and I tried to fiddle me, riddle me this. No, don't just. It has to mean something. Oh, I gotta go. What? What? No. I gotta leave. I have a spot. No, you don't.

No, you don't. I know. What time is it? It's 10 to 1. No, you gotta leave in like 10 minutes. Uh, literally, Italy, literally, figuratively speaking, you don't have to leave, the podcast is peaking. Take your time so that we can all rhyme, get to your spot, and it'll be a lot of fun.

If we hang out here, it's fun. That's what I'm talking about. See, you gotta focus more on the melody and the rhythm. That's how you become black, you know what I mean? Melody, Melanie, melanin is in my skin. That's because I'm black and it's who I've always been. And I'm black on the inside, not black on the out. And that's all right, because I like to shout black.

It's very monotone. Yeah. Go other places. Explore it. Yeah. What were you saying, though? You were saying something that was going to be just so much meat on that conversation. Oh, it was bad. Yeah. I drank and my face felt hot and I got really sleepy and I wasted an entire night feeling bad and guilty and like I shouldn't have done something when I could have just been enjoying my time in Italy. It felt bad. I wasn't giggly at all. I wasn't giggly literally in Italy.

There it is. You know, that might make me not drink then. I'm telling you, if I got drunk, literally in Italy, I would end up smoking crack with someone named Skimley. I relapsed in a one monotone. I got fucking hammered on St. Patrick's Day. I was telling Ian. That's right. It was so fun. You told me about it. It was so fun.

You like hanging out with strangers at the bar. Yeah, it was the first time I actually liked people in a very long time. I was like texting. I was saying selfies to people and I was going, look at us. I looked like my mom when she gets drunk. She's like, look at my son. My mom says that all the time when she gets drunk. She goes, my son.

Oh, my God, that's so cute. That's true. I was doing that until I didn't like it anymore. All the cars on Lyft are red, white and blue. I didn't know what it was and now I do nothing. I got to order it. So I got a water. I got a water.

I got to order it like order it. If you were playing, you would water it and then you would have to. What's the Eminem lyric about Diddy? He has so many. Which one? The one the recent one or like the one that's like I don't remember but I know that he said I'm the Marshall Mathers LP one. He was like I Fucked any chicken showbiz it'd be Jennifer Lopez and Puffy you notice and they go Sorry puff

I wouldn't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother right still. Still fuck her with no rubber and come inside her and have a son and a new brother at the same time and just say that it ain't mine. It's such a good line. Line. Such a good line. Hmm. Well, he said something about rap. Did I just go rap without the. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He was like, he didn't just spell rap. He didn't just spell rape without the E, did he? Yeah, that's good.

Oh, wow. That's like strike a chord, A minor. Yeah, yeah. I actually think it's a better line than that because everybody knew... People were tweeting Drake, like, way before that, like, Drake's favorite tune is A minor, but I think Eminem's line is a little bit smarter. It is a bit suspect that all the celebrities that endorse Kamala were close with Diddy.

Oh, rapper. Did he just spell rapper without a P? Did he just spell rapper without a P, Diddy? Yeah, that's what it was. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which makes it raper. Wait, he just spelled rapper without a P, Diddy? Yeah.

Yeah, and because the line before that was about rape or something like that. That's so good. It's such a good rapper and raper close. But did he? Yeah, that's good. He's a frickin. Oh, P. Diddy. Yes. P. Wow.

Without a P, that is skibbity. It was like he and it's a callback from the wrestling city. Diddy is like that. It's a callback to that line. It's like a callback reference to the that the real Slim Shady song. Or he didn't just say what I think, did he? Yeah. Yeah. Really? I mean, it's genius. He's a genius.

Yeah. You know, he's the best thing that's ever happened. I wish he didn't have a. I know. I wish he didn't have a black beard. It looks strange. It looks weird. The beard's weird. Does it look weird? I think it looks cool. I think he's got like that whole hiding his face thing. But also, I'm just there's literally I don't think there's anything

that I could do where I'm like, sucks. You know, I'm like, it's genius. It's all genius. I feel bad for people that did a time show that was 50 cent Eminem. Yeah. Who else was it? Lige, Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre, Mary J. Blige, Snoop Dogg, crazy. How'd they do that? Well, Jay-Z money, Jay-Z put

it together because he owns it or something, right? He owns the Super Bowl or something like that. Doesn't he? 50 doing sit ups. Yeah, he? 50 Cent was doing sit ups. Yeah, he was like he was like he fucking went down like in that video. And like in the video, he's like, oh, yeah, he's like fat. Like I couldn't do that. I'm like, oh, yeah, I was listening.

It's your birthday. We're going to party like, can I come down now? I'm going to drop on my head. I'm going to drop on my head. I'm going to drop on my head. I'm going to drop on my head. 50 Cent was really good, too. You know, Jay-Z didn't want 50 Cent on that, but Eminem said he wouldn't perform unless Jay-Z was in it.

Good for him. Why didn't he want him on it? I think they have beef. I always said beef. It's what's for dinner. All right, I got to go, but I hope happy. Watch Thin Lips. Watch my special Thin Lips and listen to my podcast, Sag Daddy to Pod. And where can they see you live?

Just are you really going to get a new couch? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll be fine. Yeah, if you want to help. Well, there's a cat. Yeah, let's just help me. Anything you can help me with, Ethan? Skateboarding. Yeah, I can teach you how to skate board. Or teach how to ollie.

Wouldn't be the first time my wife, my wife told me she wanted one with a tall back. I said, which couch? She went couch. All right. I love you. I love you. Love love you, bro. Good luck. Have fun. What are the polls? No, is this Sagalus? This is morning your loss.

Still at one night. Hey, when you leave, make sure Glenn doesn't run out. Thank you. Can I have a drink? Yeah. Still at one ninety eight. Trump, 99 Harris. Wow.

Wait, one ninety eight. Trump, he's beaten her by a hundred. What has been counted? Look on your phone. Who has been counted? How is state is counting? He's holding to bring his laptop down here. Oh, yeah. It's still charging upstairs.

Yeah, we need the laptop. Look it up on your phone. Just Google. I'm going to send this to you right now so you can see the map. Oh, Chibi, you're such a little. But now it looks like P.A.'s now leaning red. Whoa. Because they counted Philly first. Yeah, so now it's hit there. It's 49.9% Trump and then 49.2% Kamala.

Let me see. Crazy. It's almost exactly what it was in 2016. I wonder if every woman ever will start crying again. It's almost exactly what it was in 2016. Wow. I wonder if every woman ever will start crying again. Do you remember that in 2016 when like every girl took it personal? Well, it is personal because it is literally the devil

versus the most boring senator of all time, most boring politician of all time, so the only reason not to vote for her is because... I just think aligning your emotional state with a politician is... for me, it may be because I don't have things at stake. I just don't. I think it's foolish. But I'm also not a woman, so I can't speak to that. I mean, there's never been a female president. You know how embarrassing that is as a woman? So embarrassing. Never been a Jewish president. We've only had one Catholic president.

You know, there's no there's two genders. There's never women only started running. Eight years ago. It's still like time. Give us a good woman and we'll vote for her. We didn't. I mean, it's fine. She's better than that fucking retail. How did the fucking how did the Democrats not have anyone since 2016 locked and loaded to go that people could get excited about. We didn't even vote in a primary to have Kamala. They just put her up. And everybody hated her until fucking Biden said he wasn't running again. And then just magically everyone's like, yes, Kamala. It's like she was a unelectable, unlikeable candidate in 2020. And it's the Democrats' fault for doing nothing to propel anyone that the base could get excited about that isn't a polarizing figure. You know?

They thought you could get excited about her. Huh? They thought we could get excited about her. Well, give us someone that we can have a choice. I mean, she's got, it's three, it's 36 million versus 41 million. They thought that we could get excited about her. Well, give us someone that we can have a choice. It's three. It's thirty six million versus forty one million. It is close. And how come it's one ninety eight? Is that the popular vote?

That's yeah, that's just the votes total. Look, whoever wins, I hope it's by landslide, so there's no ambiguity. I know no side can be like, no, we're stolen. Like, look, just, it was stolen. Like look, just fucking one side win. I, if it's Trump, it's going to be so fucking annoying for the next four years to have every single thing be, you know, massive breaking new, you know. And also I don't want the fucking trans people in my life

to live in fear, you know? Like, that sucks. Okay, then why do you not do it? I didn't vote for Trump. You didn't vote. I didn't vote. That's stupid. I can't in good conscience vote.

That's crazy. For a party that is completely decimating Palestinians under the guise of, you know, helping Israel. It's about a democracy if it weren't in those areas in terms of pulling out Havoc. And those are the collar counties around Philadelphia. Can we take another look at that based on Donald's point here? No, so abortion isn't going to be outlawed. They're just basically bringing it to the states and it sucks. Really fucking sucks in states where women don't have access to reproductive health

care. That's fucking terrible. But they're not outlawing abortion. It's making it difficult. I know this sounds fucked up, but I never understand why they're not just like, like the swing states, whatever the majority of debt that they're in, like whatever that is, like small businesses, we will give you like, I never understand why they don't just bribe the swing states. Like, remember when Biden was like, we will pay off your student loans. We're like, all right. Well, Kamala is basically doing that by being like, well, I'm going to legalize weed.

Weed is going to be legal child tax credit. Yeah. Fucking Trump was like five thousand dollar tax credit. And everyone's like, legal. Child tax credit. Yeah fucking Trump was like $5,000 tax credit and everyone's like no that's terrible. It'll gut the economy and then Kamala was like $6,000 tax credit. Everyone's like yeah that's a good idea. Everybody's brain is fucking broken. Mine included. I'm an idiot. I mean don't listen to me. Here's the way that I- Actually I'm not an idiot. I'm intelligent. I'm smart. I play the fool, but I play it well. You're kind of an idiot. You're a fucking idiot. Yeah. Good argument. Thanks. Idiot. I'm just saying like it just seems like there's the

idea of like being like I'm going to throw the Molotov cocktail of Trump into the democratic system so that we like shake things up is so ridiculous because we we just know things need to be shaken up with a third person not fucking Trump not fucking right but people that's why people are voting for Trump is they're like the whole systems fuck so I'm gonna throw this guy in there to at least shake it up and it's transparent it's like it's not transparent Trump is literally only fought for himself as entire life. I was raised by a single mother. She had to be a mom and a dad. She was really transparent. You know? Yeah, I get it.

No, you're totally right. And the idea that Trump like draining the swamp, And the idea that Trump draining the swamp, it's just so gross that people can actually trust anyone in power that they have their best interests in mind when they only want to lie in their own pockets. My one buddy keeps saying, he's the only one that actually cares about America. And I'm like, I don't know. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's true. That's crazy. I mean, I do believe in America first, you know, but.

I don't believe in America first, that's crazy too to me. I think we should all band together and fucking start moving. I just think we should all. We don't have anyone to replace them, so we'd kind of be fucked. I think we should go to Bernie's house, grab him. Dude, how disappointing is it that after 2016,

he was like, yeah, I'm done. He's old. I know, but I really liked him. You remember when the bird flew on stage on his little podium, everyone was like, this is it. It's a sign. It's our guy. And then the DNC fucked him.

They buried him. The New York Times, fuck you. The New York Times, you made him lose. And the DNC fucked him. The DNC, you fucked him. And then when Hillary lost, she went on the media tour and was like, the election was stolen from me, but nobody talks about that.

They're all terrible. They're all corrupt. Maybe it's a cop out. Yeah. Maybe it's a cop out, you know, but I don't know. I also I didn't vote. People who are voting for Trump are voting for Trump because they feel like they've been missed. They've I mean it's all it's the people we know that are voting for Trump are doing it because like the good people we know is because that they think that it will lead to less military of fraternizing in other countries. Like they're like Trump, Fratch and a friend.

Fraternizing. Yeah. They're just over there having drinks. Yeah. They're like, you quit fucking around. Go to a soiree. Yeah. In Lebanon. And around. And that's you know, it's not like. It's like just because under Biden's presidency, the Ukraine war happened and people are like, see, that wouldn't happen with Trump. And it's like, no, what did happen with Trump is a horribly mismanaged pandemic.

Yeah, I mean that. Oh, God, I thought that was going to hit her in the head. You imagine just bleeding like the Andrew W.K. cover of his album. It's time to party. That's what we need. Andrew W.K. to save this country. Yes. Where you say we need Andrew W.K. W.K. Andrew W.K.

So bad. I feel so bad. Just cover your mouth when you cough. Just be decent about it. What's that? Oh, that's the ugly one. You don't like that? It's Tweety Bird. I do, but I hate that it's Tweety Bird. Why? It's fine.

I feel like I'm swimming underwater. Well, you plug your nose. I can't believe how nice everybody's butts were at the bath house. I wanna go where the guys are girls' butts. Girls. Really? Yeah.

Like hot girls? Yeah. We should go. They were all hot. We should go. Bye. Yes. The guys were just meatheads. Like hot girls. Yeah, we should go we should go Yes Guys are just me. Yes. Mmm. I can't believe people are allowed. Why are you all naked? Were they in thongs I Couldn't get boobs or a butt

Either I just got yeah, but you got you got what matters the most. Don't cough at me. Personality. You're right. Their looks are going to fade. Yeah. And your personality is always going to be crusty. You won the lottery when it came to personality, brains, looks. You're very attractive. I'd do something about the fingers, but you're a catch. Not right now. That's what people say. And then, and then I,

their girlfriends are the hottest women I've ever seen in my life. That's all my guy friends say. They say, you're the best. I would date you in a minute. You concentrate too much on looks and associate your value and worth based on looks. You only date the hottest girls ever. I can't help it. You never dated in a go. I can't help it.

What do you mean you can't help it? I can't help it. You sound like my mom. Then I date tens. Yeah, my mom is the same way. She's like, ew, wonderful person. I'm like, then why is your girlfriend brain dead with fat tits and she's like, well, I don't know.

I can't help it. I get hotties. With no substance. If you had like a cool girlfriend who is not insanely attractive. There's a gal I like that has looks and substance. Okay. You don't think what? Yes, I do think that she does. Yeah, right. You'll never like anyone that I did.

You'll never like anyone that I did. No one will be good enough. That may be true. Glad we finally said it. You have what's more important than good looks in a hot. Oh, you mean she was like helpful and supportive and wanted to like make it so that we didn't have to stop the podcast? Yeah. Like a faggot. Jesus Christ.

Have you ever thought about killing myself? Like a facelift? Gotta keep you humble No, not a facelift Something for your elbows Oh, I don't want to get into it there was a Hasidic woman in the fucking changing room and she had so many towels and she had so many towels. Trying to. Oh, she was in the she was in the changing room

and she had to change, but God wasn't allowed to see her skin, dude. So she had these, you know, the sonnets at those little towels. She had like 18 on her. And any time like an elbow would pop out, she would cover it. And I was like, do you think God is like in fucking heaven? Me like, oh, you do it. I see a shoulder. Is that a shoulder? Is that a shoulder? She was covered up every square inch.

It was so funny. She had one draped over her head. She had to like slip her wig on while the Dallas. It was I swear to God, she's ever talent. It was so funny. I was like, build a pillow for and calm down. You should have been like, God is speaking through me. Yeah, I don't have to do this. Yeah. Also, maybe just try like speed. Maybe just like quickly put on your clothes on really

fast instead of this move, which is like one little falling off. Like I was like, I think you're showing more skin by taking this one. It was crazy. Oh, she's a sleeping fox. Oh, a midnight fox. Oh my God. All right. We love you. Patreon.com slash B&E and Pod. Thank you guys for joining. Thank you for having fun with us. EandPodAnswer.com for all my dates, special, everything. Don't you dare listen to this episode and say it was lackluster. I am riddled with antibiotics and a sinus infection and we are, we are his election night. No one's saying that.

Oh. Dude, the last episode, someone was like, holy shit, they're really hitting their stride. Nice. These past couple EPs. We love you, bye bye. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.