Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep125: Doubting Thomas W/ Luke Mones & Laura Peek

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast  - Support the show and try BlueChew for free, just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Luke Mones: https://www.instagram.com/lukemones/ More Here : https://lukemones.komi.io @LukeMones  Follow Laura Peek: https://www.instagram.com/laurapeekcomedy/ More Here : https://laurapeek.komi.io Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/ Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms!

Hey everybody, December 31st, me and a special JJ Guest are headlining Rhode Island, Providence, Comedy Connection, New Year's Eve, two shows, my 40th birthday, gonna be amazing. Buy tickets now before it sells out. The live podcast on December 30th is sold out, so make sure you go to punchup.live slash Ian Finance or punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for her dates and come and see us in Providence, Rhode Island if you couldn't get tickets to the live pod come December 31st New Year's Eve two shows my 40th birthday Me and my wonderful BFF for a wonderful

BFF big friggin time I might be there Luke Bones for a wonderful BF big friggin time. I might be there. Luke Bones explains why he might be there. See you there. ["Wild Ride"] Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night.

It's a wild ride when you're being in. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Be an Ian, be an Ian

With Jordan We can drop her off at Steph's We can drop her off at the Alpoorway Steph's Look, here's what we need to do No, she's on the east side So this place is in Burbank. Oh my god. We're not gonna make it back for her show. It's in your yard No, we can't go to 45 minutes away. I made it. It's it's a half hour. I made a reservation It's one of the oldest steakhouse. It's across from the the Warner Brothers lot. It's where Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack hung out

It's really nice. The smokehouse You were gonna say Musso and Franks? I haven't been there. I really want to go there. What is that? The Smokehouse is like pretty far from... Yeah, but if I drive, we'll be fine. And also... Is there anywhere to drive fast?

We're gonna know what we want to order. Is there anywhere to go somewhere closer? Let's go to the Magic Castle. Magic Castle? I can get us into the Magic Castle. No, you cannot. Absolutely, I can. Or Musso in Franks. Musso in Franks is good.

Musso in Franks is like a very historic place, never been there, but people rave. Do you wanna go? It's really good. Should we go there instead? You need a reservation? I walked in. You walked in?

I'm just trying to make things more difficult. I'll ask Bishop. Who's Bishop? Bishop is her guy. He's my man. It's her friend. Who? Hey Bishop? Do you have a boyfriend? Hey Bishop. Bishop is her guy. He's my man. It's her friend. Who? Hey Bishop, do you have a boyfriend? Hey Bishop. It's her Siri. Do you, can you pull up the number for, what's it called?

Musso and Franks. Musso and Franks in Los Angeles. I'm looking it up right now. This isn't the... It's you, it's... Oh, I was messing around. Is that actually your? Yeah, it's her AI buddy. Dude, there's nothing available today. I don't know. He's in church. Tell me everything you know about Luke Monez, the comedian. Oh no! There's nothing open.

Luke Monez is a comedian and writer, known for his stand-up comedy and performances on various platforms. He's recognized for his humorous takes on everyday life and unique comedic style. He also has a strong presence on social media where he shares his comedy content. This is the most basic, you could be like... Hey, can you tell me about the relationship between Ian Fydance and Jordan Jensen?

Are you recording? Ian Fydance and Jordan Jensen are both comedians who share a friendship and have appeared on podcasts and shows together. Their comedic chemistry and banter often come through in their collaborative work. I wrote that. They seem to have a supportive and friendly professional relationship. Wait, what was the last one?

How do you know that, Bishop? I know about Ian Fydance and Jordan Jensen because they're public figures in the comedy world They've been on various podcasts to why the fish and so they share Bishop case in their content. I speak to we Mousseau and Frank's there's no reservations. We're going to the smokehouse. I'm driving We'll get there. We will look up what we want to order before we get there sit down order Bing Bam Boom We'll be done. What time's your first spot 1030 will be fine. We'll be there by 830 You might be right. Thank you. You might be right. Thank you. Thank you It's it's gonna take way longer than first of all you're a doubting Thomas. He doesn't like to be positive

That's the thing can I tell you negative Nancy. Can I tell you something? Tell me something. Here's my issue. Yeah. It's my first night as a paid regular at the Comedy Store. Right. Thanks. And I don't want to be late. You won't be late. If I am late. You can. Do what to me? I get to have that misfit shirt that you found in your old house. Fuck yeah, I hope I'm late. That thing's worth it. That thing's worth it. That thing's worth it.

I think it's special to him. He really does believe that this is going to happen. Everybody saw, it's on camera. You really got to get... Welcome to Beanie and with Jordan. Hi everybody, this is Jordan Jensen. I am Eden Fieden. We are so happy to be here.

I said Eden, but I'm really... That's an expensiveensen. I am Eden Finance. We are so happy to be here. I said Eden, but I'm really I'm the expensive shirt. I know, I know. Oh my God, that's hot. Good for you. I am so grateful for our guest today, Luke Moniz, Laura Peek, amazing friends, amazing comics, amazing people.

First list on the topic, dreams, do you have them? He's funny, he figured it out. He figured it out, we've been saying, what's he gonna figure it out? Dreams, do you have them. He's funny, he figured it out. He figured it out, we've been saying, what's he gonna figure it out? He dreams he has them. Man, he cracked the code. I bet I didn't bet on him. I love LA.

Do you really? I do. I like being out here. I love to hear people from New York come in and say that. You and Jordan have both said it. I used to hate it, I really enjoy it out here. But then you got successful and now it's different, you know? That's true.

Yeah. We went to Cantor's last night and somebody started singing a happy birthday and we really joined in in an enthusiastic way. It felt nice and I also went to Cantor's tonight. Are you serious? I just came from Cantor's. What'd you have? Ordered the same thing.

And you're true. Half a brisket matzo ball soup. Wait, wait, wait. You can't have half a brisket and steakhouse. I was about to say, I can. He has an amazing metabolism, and what people at home may not realize is he doesn't exercise that much, but he is an amazing athlete.

See, that's great. He is one of the most, I would love to get a full workup of his blood work and everything, just because his, he's been punishing his body for almost 40 years. It is almost 40. It's 40. Punishing.

Drugs. I'm so happy we're spending my 40th birthday together. Isn't that nice? We gotta do something cool. Our own bowling day of with a bunch of friends. Absolutely, I think this is gonna work. Is this crosstalk if we're just having two podcasts? No, it's great.

What people don't understand is that cigarettes keep you thin. Okay? That's what I'm saying. If I quit smoking, I would gain 75 pounds. Yeah. That's true, but then you'd get it off. How many do you smoke a day? I'm nowhere near you.

It depends. I would say my maximum. Hey, you're my hero. You're who I look up to in the smoking sphere. Oh, also Jordan, I got rid of that. I don't have it anymore. I forgot it. All right, let's begin the podcast.

Go ahead. Maroja, you were saying? Four cigarettes in. I smoke about, my max is probably 15. That pisses me off. Oh my God! Is that a lot? Yeah, that's way too much a day.

No, that's so little. That's not even a pack, man. That's not good. That's not even a pack. That's my maximum. I don't start smoking a cigarette. That's crazy. Do you have a cigarette right when you wake up?

Yeah. Yeah. Do don't start smoking. Do you have a cigarette right when you wake up? Yeah. Do you? Hell no. I don't smoke a cigarette until 6 p.m. But then I make up for lost time. Yeah, you do. That's fine. 6 p.m. is fine.

And I smoke more in LA because I'm driving around. Breaking the law, breaking the law. Smoking in a rental car. What was the song that I thought you wanted to be brought up to last night? Are you manually switching the cameras? You're not? Is it AI? Oh, it'll be done in post? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. I was gonna say what a nightmare job for you. Yeah, really? Cuz we talk a lot

I thought you were going back and forth. No, no. Is that Bishop? I'm making sure things are in focus Bishop. I miss Bishop already. Welcome back to In Focus. I've become obsessed. Now who's this Bishop you speak of? In focus. In focus. Bishop already. Welcome back to In Focus. I've become obsessed. Now who's this bishop you speak of? Bishop is, TJ Miller introduced me to his, I forget his name, Barb Talk or something. Yeah, of course. His.

I went to high school with Barb Talk. Sorry. Welcome back to Barb Talk, everybody. Hello, we're live from Canton. I'm Bob, this is Bob. This is Bob. Welcome. Hello It's a fun podcast. We're having to you know, everybody's just you know, we're getting together and I feel like welcome First of all, I was saying we could call it like the aesthetic going on. Sorry me too Well, I keep looking at this thing and be like, oh my god, I'm looking at product in New York. Call me

Shout out that's so nice drawing of me and Jordan and Glenn Sampson and Coyote. Hair looks so good. What happened? I keep looking at- I think my hair might be getting dangerously cult long. It's gorgeous. Dude, I think you're like, each day you're getting hotter. It's crazy.

I've been buying expensive face products. What are you using? Goop. Goop stuff. We walked by Goop Kitchen today. She makes kitchen stuff? Oh, I thought you were naming Chinese restaurants. I don't sanction that joke.

That's not my type of joke. I do not make that kind of joke. Oh, you said Goop. This is a family-friendly side of the podcast over here. You divide this line. Yeah, this is its split, see? This is the comedian. This is the comedy side over here.

Shout out to Comedy Store for letting us hang here. This is now officially the full title of the podcast. Beating with Jordan in the Comedy Store. I mean, that's crazy if that was the title of the podcast. Beating with Jordan West Coast. Have y'all done this before out here? No, we've only done live apps. This is, dude, you guys setting up the couches,

it makes it feel like home. This is so cool. I doubted that. We're glad to have you here. Yeah, thanks. Jordan yelled at me. When he put the couch there, I was like, don't do that for us, don't lift things. I said couch.

They suggested. I did suggest. Was there a table in here before? Yeah. Table and chairs. Oh, and chairs. I would like one chair just to sit in the middle of the room. I will, and Coyote, you sit on it.

She is here. Oh, that'd be really nice though. Oh! I do, it is nice with the couch. You guys should have is like this all the time Yeah, this is a cool setup. I hate the table. The table is like basic Some shows like to have the table with you saw Josh with his computer and shit It's like oh, I guess if they're comping computer boo boo boo here boo boo boo in your lap. Yeah, I like it in my lap I like to have feel the sperms die. Yeah Yeah, I like it in my lap. I like to feel the sperms die. Yeah, I like the hot, another world heat.

I've had a cell phone under my lap since I was like 15 every time I drive. I really think the guys are done. Wait, are you sitting on it? Yeah, I would always keep it right here. Can I tell you right now? You have your phone sitting under your balls. If we had you squeeze some of your swimmers into a cup, they would just be clear. I'm just saying what it is. There would be no white at all.

I think they'd be green. I think they'd be green. It's just past piss. This is a family friendly show everybody. We represent the company store. Oh yeah, yeah. Same with vasectomy. Vasectomies come clear.

Yep. Yeah, because a lot of trans girls don't have balls. But you need the white, that's what gives you the protein. And that's what gives you the glisten when it's on your noggin. Do you think, are vasectomy is really reversible? They say they are, but I'm not taking that chance. I just don't I cannot imagine that that's like fully true.

I know that fact weirds me out a lot. Ian got chemically castrated by the state of Delaware. And I'll never forget it. You bastards. Delaware last state to have public shame and punishment. Really? Loggings?

Yeah. I told the man the other day at a show because he kept standing up and screaming, I love you, standing up in the middle of the show. And I said that he should be. I named every single medieval torture that Foucault writes about in his in his discipline and punish. Is it Foucault writes about in his discipline and punish.

Is it Foucault? I don't know who you're talking about. Folk, Folk-a-lot. Hey, fuck you! I think it's Foucault. Writes about, is it Foucault? Wait. Yes, it is, it is.

Like, tart and feather. Is it the one that invented gender science or gender queer studies? Let's keep, let's- That guy's a pedophile. Let's keep, let me just- What I said that he should be quartered by forces. I said that rat cage on his chest, that rat should eat through until he gets to his heart.

Tartan feathered. You know the bull thing where they put you... I love this. There's a metal bull. The iron bull, they open it, you sit in it, and they light a fire underneath. Yes. And they have a hole in the bull's nose that when it heats up, it makes the sound of like a like a bull and you disintegrate and die in the belly of the bull.

That's awesome. Oh, yeah, it is Foucault. Good job, Jordan. Wait, Foucault. Foucault. Foucault. Is that Foucault? How do you say it? No, Foucault. She's correct. And that guy and that guy is is a pedophile because he invented queer theory.

Oh, the shift from torture to prison. I'm interested. Pretty sure. That's true. So let me just ask Bishop. Bishop, what did Foucault have to say about this? What do you think he invented? We mentioned it suits you right now. Bishop, listen to my friend? We mentioned it suits you. Hi, Bishop. Listen to my friend.

He has a question. Hey, Michael, a pedophile is Michael Foucault, a pedophile who wrote queer theory. Oh, was a French philosopher known for his work on social

theories, including those related to power, sexuality, and identity. Okay. However, there is no credible evidence or basis to label him as a pedophile. Wrong! Wrong! See, this is what's fucked up about this stuff. Wait, he's yelling. We will now take that as truth and it's not truth. That's, Bishop, you're lying.

Ask him to say more about the assertion that he was a pedophile. My friend Ian Like that he's a pedophile because he wrote we're here queer theory which Must justify some sort of act of sexuality towards it talks about sexual awakenings and children and how Being attracted to minors as a part of you know, is that true? Is that Foucault who said that dude? Look it up Is that true? Is that Foucault who said that? Dude, look it up. Yeah, we already heard that, asshole. Shh.

He says again. Because a lot of... No, I don't want to get into it. A lot of queer people use Foucault as a like tent pole of their existence and so there's this push. Oh I know what you're talking about. I saw that documentary. Yeah, but that's

still just, I hear you. But it's still, well I don't like when people say that's like when people say like you know, uh, Hegel was a Nazi because he said that the, whatever. Or Nietzsche was a Nazi because he said that the whatever that like or Nietzsche was a Nazi because he said that, you know, He said a bunch of shit that you can use to justify that stuff. Yeah.

Well, okay. Then if he's not a catapult and people have twisted him into his words. It's what I miss. Listen, so the Delaware public punishment thing, was it like you wear a sandwich board that says like, I'm a thief or what? No, I think it was like a flogging pole. Yeah, I want to know what the extent of it. Down in I think Newcastle, yeah.

And they were the last to outlaw it, but what year was that? Do you know? I think like 1958. That's crazy. If you look that up. That's crazy. Delaware, when did Delaware outlaw public shaming? Delaware was the first state in the Union. Is that correct, Ian?

Tell us about that. The first state in the Union, the first state to irritate, the first state to irrigate, the first state to masturbate. At any rate, this is great. Oliviate. Oliviate.

Oliviate. This is great. You said that to us. If there was us four times two, that'd be eight. What happened today? When people were... I'd like to start the show. I'd like to begin the show.

There's no beginning the show. Yeah. Was it always like this? Yes, it's always like this. What's the matter with you? What do you go to the West Coast? Do you get neuralized? Yes.

Do you get neuralized again? Do you get neuralized? Tell us. Into the water. Tell us. Tell us right now. You get neuralized again? Do you get neuralized? Tell us. In the water. Tell us. Tell us right now. You got neuralized. Have you seen Mission Impossible 3 when Carrie Russell has the bomb put in her head

and she's like, Mission Impossible, what are we talking about? Making my wife come? No, we're not doing stuff like that though. What? Well, we don't, we're not doing that today. Okay. Okay.

1972. 72! Whoa! That was off. A whipping today. Okay. Okay. I was... It's 1972. 72! I was off! The whipping post. A whipping post. The last use of the whipping post was 52. Okay.

So I was close. They took the whipping post out of public display in 72. But it was still done. I don't like when they take things out of display. Leave it. You need to leave it to understand history. Yes. To see where we came from.

Put a plaque that says, this is bad. This is bad. But the statues. Put a plaque. Put a plaque. At least someone's given a job. Put a plaque to show the scale. See, this is how big this is.

We're using a black guy for scale. Yeah. Look how nervous Luke is. The statues. I'm not nervous. The statues were put up, a lot of them were put up like during Jim Crow. Like they weren't actual.

As a celebration. Exactly, they weren't actually Confederate like, hey, it's the Confederacy, let's make a statue. It was like way later Crow like they weren't actually exactly they weren't actually Confederate like hey it's the Confederacy let's make a statue it was like way later to like well some of it was to like rub it in their face that's not history oh you're saying take it down because it's a symbol of celebratory I'm not saying take it down one way I'm just trying to say it's like a parade thing it's like a yeah it was like we love Snoopy Actually spider-man

Spider-man and we are fighting the war of Northern aggression. I was bit by a slave spider. Jesus Christ. Is that true though? They weren't like, they were commemorating them way later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this idea. Some of them. Some of them.

Go ahead. I mean, look, we can argue. Let's. All we want, but I'm correct and he's not. Well, no, I like, so in Prague, in Prague, they have all the graffiti from when communism fell and then above that is, you know, modern, like they painted over it, but they left their graffiti to show where they came from, how terrible it was, but also to see the uprising of younger people putting their foot down to this horrific thing.

But don't you see how that's different than the Confederacy? I think what Jordan just said is great that the statue should be there, but there should be a big fucking plaque that's like, this was terrible. Look how far we've come. Or people could tear them down themselves. That's what they did. Oh, cool. That's fine. What?

Well, I thought they petitioned the government to take them. Yes, or I think if people spray paint over it, I think leave the spray paint. They did that with Nathan Bedford Forrest in Nashville. Do you remember that statue? I think leave the fucking spray paint. Show that people are against the horrific pass that we've had and that people are better now.

Imagine summering. The one in Nashville was vandalized. First of all, it was the most hilarious looking scourge thick pass that we've had and that people are better now. Imagine someone. The one in Nashville was vandal, first of all it was the most hilarious looking statue you've ever seen in your entire life. He had this like most insane like brass beady eyes, but it got vandalized and people just left it there. And it was great.

I have a counter idea. Have you guys seen? Take all the statues that are racist, take a, make a giant Calvin peeing on them. Statue that's a little bit bigger. That's a good idea. It's like 50 feet tall. 50 feet.

You know Ida Calvin peeing on Osama Bin Laden that I put on my Toyota Camry when I was a volunteer firefighter in high school. What was your thing you were gonna say? Justice will be served in the best. No, I was saying, have you guys seen the Dwayne Wade statue? Have you guys seen the statue of the Miami Heat? He looks like uh, he looks like uh, can you pull that up? Yeah, it looks like Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, exactly

Have you noticed that? It's a major. Have you seen it? The NBA player Dwayne Wade played for the Miami Heat and they built him a statue And it looks tell me it doesn't look like Kelsey Grammer. Well, go to the one that's him next to the statue. Oh God Oh God. Oh no. It's so bad. Oh no. It's so bad. It looks like a South Park character.

It really does. It really does. But he like, they're like, ah. I mean, it's a really crazy. There was a painting they did of Tom Segura when we were on tour and they put it on one of the walls of the arenas and he's like, they're like, see, and we're standing next to it and we're all dying

because it was a full, it was literally him if he was in the Taliban. I mean, it was like a full picture. we're standing next to it and we're all dying because it was a full, it was literally him if he was in the Taliban. I mean, it was like a full, it was Tom Saguaro as a terrorist. Dude, when Chris Cotton died, God rest his soul, outside the Raven Lounge, where we all started in Philly,

they did a Chris Cotton mural. And it is the most racist thing I've ever seen. I mean, it's just a baby girl. She's shaking. Did you rip? No, she was doing cartoon dog chase. Oh, it sounded like I was like Chris Cotter. She slapped her little ears against her head.

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Thanks, can you help her? No, she doesn't like fake dog farts. She's like a first Hit here Does even know you guys are doing this yeah What do you think we're cheating on Ethan? No, we're getting the memory card and sending it to him. I thought you were like, we're making memories. We are making memories. Every day is a memory you've made. Am I right or wrong?

You're so wise. That doesn't even make sense. Every day is a memory you've made? That definitely makes sense. I believe in that. Every day is a memory you've made. Every day, every memory is a chunk of a past day every Put on the back of the shirt

Every memory is a day that you lived Somebody sees that imagine that's like remember those shirts that were like if my what if you can read this my then the bitch fell off Understood That's for a biker to wear? I know. I want it so bad. If I can speak Delaware like that is like Rehoboth boardwalk shirts. Absolutely. I had I got one at Hot Topic for the first day of sixth grade that said,

don't make me fetch my flying monkeys. And I didn't realize it was amazing. Somebody came up to me like during that day, I'm like, hey man, what are you, is that like a Wizard of Oz joke? And I was like... You didn't clock it as a Wizard of Oz joke? I was like, no, it's like a funny punk thing.

And he was like, no dude, that's Wizard of Oz. And I was like, oh shit. I had really bad OCD, so I had my school picture taken with a shirt that said, I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do. How old were you? Cause everybody knew I had OCD. Oh God. I was a sophomore year. You were one to do. How old were you? Oh, God.

I was 30. You were one of those. We thought it was so funny. That's so funny. Oh, yeah. It was cool. Oh, did you also have the shirt that was like, can't sleep, clowns, leave me.

Can we get those? Can we wear those? I would love to have them. If you wear them, I'll wear them. I would wear them on stage. I would too. The little tribal tattoo. You remember?

I'm gonna order a pack for both of us. And those shirts that were like, they looked like they were this large and they would stretch out and they had like nipples all over them. You remember that? Wait, wait, wait. You really had a shirt that said, don't sleep out, come to eat. Oh my God, yes.

You remember that? Oh my God, yes. Remember Magic Star? I definitely had that, that stop looking at my shirt shirt. Oh, dude. The trombone player, the trombone player in my ska band

had a shirt that he wore to church that said, That's a crazy sentence, on the front, it said there's two people fucking on the back of my shirt and on the back it said, just kidding, believe in Jesus. Oh my God, it said fucking in the church. And I remember I saw it, I was like, who is this idiot wearing, and it turned out to be Mark. Mark Normand?

No. Was it Mark Normand in my ska band? Hey, I love ska. Love ska. And it turned out to be Mark. Mark Norman? No. Was Mark Norman in my ska band? Hey, I love ska. Love ska. Pick it up. Hey, hey, I love ska. I had a shirt, I cried because my mom wouldn't let me get

a camouflage sleeveless shirt that said boy scouting on it. And then I got it, it was from Dillard's. I got it and I just gotten boobs and all the letters were like really off. Yeah. And so the O was like really big and I wore it once and I got me put up into fucking oblivion and then I never put it on again.

I had shirts, but I was so fat that it would stretch out the you know, like Hello Kitty, but it would be like across my whole Hello Kitty. That it would be like across my whole head. Hello Kitty. That's what Ian says when he walks into the brothel. Oh, ladies. Hello Kitty. Meow meow.

Here's some Alex. Luke. What? What the hell was that? Wait, how am I grossing you out? Luke, stop! Is it okay? Just pulling it apart. Drawing the line in a cat act out is so funny.

Kitty meow meow, he's like, you're like, oh! Luke, no! That's not that kind of show! I can't believe I got that reaction out of you. That's like historic. That's unbelievable. That's not what we do out of you. That's like historic. That's unbelievable. That's not what we do here, Luke. That's not what we do here.

That's not what we pride ourselves on. Snout's Joe's all about. No, that's not, that's not. Will you look behind that couch and see if the dog is content? Let me touch the dog. We are a little butt-sticking now. Oh, she's hiding behind the curtain.

Is she laying down, though? No, no, no, she's under the couch. Yeah, she's laying down. Is she content? I'm touching. That's such a funny thing, right? I can't tell if she's content. I feel her., no, she's under the couch. Yeah, she's laying down. Is she content? I'm touching. That's such a funny thing. I can't tell if she's content.

I feel her. Alright, stop making that face. Hold on a second. Don't put your finger in my dog's ass. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. It looked like you were going to. It looked like you were trying to. Hello Kitty.

Hello Kitty. So you two have significant partners who care about you. What's that like? What's that like being loved and loving? Yeah, lonely den here. Lonely den West Coast. No. Den of sadness.

No. No. It's a happy den. I do feel like the color scheme is like, this could be evil, you know? Ooh. You know what I mean? This could be, yeah. Evil West Coast inversion. Inversion, I'll be evil Jordan, you be evil Ian.

Yes, evil Ian. No, no. Ha ha ha. Yes. That's good. Scale wheel, scale wheel, scale wheel. I'm gonna be LA Jordan, I'll talk LA. Okay, yeah, give us something.

Not that I'm trying to say that I have any issue with any other race besides white. I mean, I think that every race is exactly equal, but there is a man who lives outside my house. It's not that he's black, but he is not not white, and he's not any other ethnicity besides black. And the only reason I bring that up is because it's important to draw attention to his race

because he's an underprivileged man who lives outside my house. I think he chooses to live outside my house. My house is his house. He's not homeless. He has a house. It's my house. How's that? That was great. You nailed it. I'll be, I'll be West Coast. I'll be West Coast Ian. Man, I have a new hat line. Good. I would say this is potentially, this is the worst, this is the... I started a brand. You guys have the worst... This is the worst bit in the history of the show. What?

What just happened? West Coast Ian. No, let me do another one. Let me do another West Coast Jordan. Wait, let me do West Coast Ian. I want... I'm just chilling. I mean, again, I think this is...

No, that's not... What would West Coast Ian be? For like a chiller version? You're almost just already West Coast, unfortunately. You are... I do have a... I'm a good balance between New York and West Coast vibe. Yeah.

You guys wanna hear New York flora? Oh no, this is West Coast, ready? I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm just tired. Listen, I am not gonna be out until 10 p.m. because I am sleepies, okay? I am a little annoyed that that's the first thing

I said to Jordan tonight. When I'm on the West Coast, I don't eat pussy. I read its aura. What did I say? I said LA makes me sleepy. It makes me tired. It makes me tired. Do you want to hear what I just said? No, it wasn't good. Yeah, it was.

It went into my... What did I say? You said that you don't eat a pussy, you read its aura. Because that's West Coast Ian. No, they don't read auras. They do ayahuasca. I don't suck dick. I do ayahuasca. You know what's very West Coast? Ayahuasca is like this. They're like, I did ayahuasca. You know what's very West Coast?

Ayahuasca is like this. They're like, I did Ayahuasca and I realized the problem with humanity is it's really judgmental. I had a great Ayahuasca. She was a little bit fat, but that was fine. That's LA. That is. Where they are simultaneously saying they're enlightened while also being like- A little chubby for my face.

This is LA. I was throwing up and shitting at the same time, but she was a little big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to Arawan. That's me in LA. I is L.A. I was throwing up and shitting at the same time, but she was a little big. Yeah. I'm gonna go to Erawan. That's me. I went there. You know what they call it? Erawan, right? There's an. Why? Because I want to go there. Ian, your mic is cutting in and out. I'm sorry. Oh, well, look who has transformed into Ethan our producer Wherever we go And rip the mic apart I think you just pulled it out. Okay. Yeah, he gets too excited. I know you say the can you tee me up?

Can you say the read the aura pussy eating thing again when I'm in LA? I don't need pussy. I just read it's aura Rita aura the singer I think I need to go Take Any money she has to be. I don't want to. She's like a little vampire. She's hip. Oh. Um, okay. Be an Indian with Laura. The podcast is now yours. It's like Willy Wonka.

If we say it one more time, I get it. It belongs to you. I get the money. I get the IP. I get it all. Glass elevator. There she is. Glass elevator.

I'm talking about the Willy Wonka, you know, given the, we're talking, I feel like this is, we gotta start over. Luke. Luke's showing off. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm elevator. I'm talking about the Willy Wonka, you know, given the, we're talking, I feel like this

is, we gotta start over. I'm so unhappy with this. My Rita Ora thing bombed. That was all I had. That was a whole lot of fun. What do we usually do on the podcast? I feel like I can't even be natural without our couch and things and stuff. I know.

Well, we do a ketchup first. Okay. Yes. I'll catch up. Ketchup. And then I'll catch up. I'll be ketchup. You be mustard. No, don't. You're getting dumber as the day goes on. That's not true, because today a lot of people were telling me I was intelligent. No, that's not true.

It called you smart today. On this day. On this day. Where you've been saying things like, or a mustard. Yeah. Weird day. Or a mustard. I think she went to my high school. Laura, just stay conscious, okay? Cause they're slipping into a weird deep end. I can't wait to eat steak. Do you guys need to come?

What's going on with this? I haven't come since Saturday. I'm doing SR, so I'm good. What's SR? Seamen retention. Are you? Me too. I don't think I've ever laid mine out. I jerked SR. So I'm good. What's SR? Seamen retention. Are you? Me too. Oh Yeah, I don't think I've ever let mine out I jerked off for the first time in weeks

She's doing semen retention. She swallows it and she doesn't get rid of it That's not what that means I've kept down all of the semen I've ever had That's not what that means That's really good Oh it's in there all right Okay, what did you do in Saturday what happened you didn't jerk off what is happening Working to decolonize my law

Oh my god, is that the I stole it from a bookshop in Decolonize and they want to sell it and it's like I thought you hated capitalism idiots So I stole it cuz that's what they would have wanted. It's about not pooping on your lawn biodiversity is key. Anyway, have you heard about people who are getting their cats, their outdoor cats made into indoor cats because the cats are fucking up the bird population. Everybody's freaking out about it. No. Yeah. Now indoor cats are becoming ensnared.

The freedom of an outdoor cat to go back would be horrifying. We had an outdoor cat at my mom's house. It was the best. He would go around the neighborhood. Everybody would feed him. And then at night he'd come home I don't like this. What did you do this weekend? We had an outdoor cat and he would go out during the day and then I had a threesome this

Is it bad to tell you that I heard I had a threesome this weekend. Oh yeah, he did actually. Did he really? Wait, oh my God. Don't touch the remote. Is it bad to tell you that I heard about your threesome? Really? Who told you? Is that bad to say? From who? Zach was opening for you. Yeah.

Townsend. Was he in it? No. Who was in it? Me and two girls. Hot? That's fun. Gooey girls?

Picture? I got a picture. You do? He's got videos. Show us a picture. Is he really? Right now. Shut up. Did you say gooey girls? Gooey girls? Picture? I got a picture. You do? He's got videos. Show us a picture. Really? Right now. Shut up.

Did you say gooey girls? Yeah, you know. What does that mean? What are gooey girls? No, they're pretty girls. Sticky icky? Pretty girls, cool girls, hung out, real fun, real nice. Let's shift gears.

Let's do, let's talk about the threesome. Let's do 90s stern, talk about threesome. Okay, go ahead. You be stern. Oh, Ian, I understand you recently. God look at you. God look at him. Ian, why don't you on the Sibian and take your clothes off. Oh my god I heard you just had Carmen Electra. What was that like?

Oh my god I understand you had Heather Locklear. What was that like? Does he say stuff like that? Oh my god look at you. You're beautiful. Let me take your shirt off. Why don't you have the Sibian? Oh my god. I heard you, you're beautiful. Let me take your shirt off. Why don't you have this, Evian? Oh my God. I heard you had two gooey-s. Wait, so you heard it? Yeah, I heard that. So did he.

He was in the, he was in the Shared-A-Condo. No, he was like, I think he literally heard it. He did not hear it. Why didn't you invite him, rude? Oh, he has a girlfriend. I heard you did that. Yeah, he's kind of seeing someone. He went back early.

Ian, I heard you and Zach Townsend shared a condo and things went down. Dude, I had the best time with Zach. He's gonna open up his motherfuckers. Did you do penetration ain't only with them? No, I did not penetrate them, I ain't only. Only mouthy and vaginally? Only mouthy and vaginally.

Did they wear condoms? You did? Did they kiss? Did they do things to each other? Did they, they knew, they were friends? Mm-hmm. They knew each other? Did they ask you after the show?

They came up or they texted? Came up. They said did meet and greet? No no no yeah yeah and hey let's we're going here if you want to hang out. Can I say something? Why'd you go? Why'd you go to that? Because I was with Wes and Nathaniel and Zach. Celebrities. And we were like let's go to let's keep hanging out. Yeah let's go. And they were at a place literally across the street. We're like, all right, let's go. You bailed on hanging out with Nathaniel Waitliff. No, we all hung out together. We all hung out together. No, you're creating a story in your mind.

I would have a reason with him. I know. Okay. I'll make it happen. Can I ask a question? And can I have immunity from hurting your feelings? I can't believe you hung out with him. I've been listening to him for three days straight.

He's the best. He loves you. Does he? He loves us, yeah. But does he like me more than you? No. Probably. Probably. But he wouldn't say it. If he did, I wouldn't give you the saddest hash. I listen to him all the time. Is he huge? Is he very famous? He's great. He's the best. He's playing MSG. We're going. Oh, okay. He's MSG, baby.

And he wants to do the podcast. He's the best. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So he came to the hang? No. After the show, me and the fellas were hanging. Where was the show? They both live there. Denver Comedy Works. Best Club. Thanks for helping me sell it out.

Thank you for coming out, everybody. Amazing weekend. That's not your camera. Um, I'm just kidding. Zach is the funniest. We had so much fun together. But afterwards, me and the fellas, we went. We were hanging out and these girls were like, hey, we're going to this champagne bar across the street if you wanna come. And I was like, let's just go there.

So we all went and hung out and then the night went on and then it just kind of, you know. And those girls were there. Yeah. And they were tasteful, so you're like, we'll go where they're going. They were very nice, sweet, really fun, good girls. You're having a good time. Yeah. That's great. And we did it, we did it Thursday. sweet, really fun, good gals, you know?

And we did it Thursday and then again Saturday. You had multiple threesomes this weekend? That just made me like, I feel like I hear my son or something. You know when you take mushrooms and your ears start to like well up? That's what I just got. I feel like I was going to cry. That's insane. It makes me so angry. Why? Because people don't throw themselves at women That's insane. I think you're about to cry. It makes me so angry. Why?

Because people don't throw themselves at women like this, is that what you're saying? Or would you be interested in that? Because when you called and said you'd been going to meetings, I thought they were SLA meetings. No. And then you went, no, I had a threesome.

Can I just say, which is still huge. I went to a really fun meeting. And very important and good, but. Oh dude, no, I've been going to meetings and calling my sponsor. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow noon. It's like been revitalizing me. I've been feeling on fire.

It's been amazing. And I'm really feeling good. No jerking off? No, I haven't. You taking a break or something? I just have been so tired and busy having that time and I haven't really had the desire. No pornography either.

No. But did you break things off with the girl? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. For this reason. Yes, yes. I've been off porn for a minute.

It's good. I hate porn. I do not like porn. See, you're sexually anorexic. Yes. You're gonna get something knocked loose. You're Ariana Grande down there. Your bones and all down there.

Yeah. Ariana Grande with her eyebrows like this? Yeah, what is up with her? She's so thin. I don't even want to fuck her anymore. Do you think she knows that I don't want to fuck her anymore? If she hears this, she'll... Hey, APB. I don't want to fuck Ariana Grande.

Somebody put up the bat signal. This is how dumb I went. I went, those aren't her initials. APB. Ariana Grande. I had the worst, the most... initials. Ariana Brande. I had the worst, the most it's not your fault. I had the most embarrassing thing ever happened where this guy basically was like, hey, I've been hearing that you want to get Sam

Harris on Harris on our. Spawns and is like, how does the top of the New Year sound? So I call my mom, who's like obsessed with Sam Harris and we're like freaking out, screaming. I'm like, I'm looking at the and then I look at the thing and I go, wait a minute, because I'm obsessed with Sam Harris and we're like freaking out, screaming. I'm like, I'm looking at the, and then I look at the thing and I go, wait a minute, because I'm obsessed with Sam Harris. I know his middle name is not Nelson. Oh no. And I go, Sam Nelson Harris, Google it. He's the lead singer of X Ambassadors.

Which is so insane that we wrote an email being like, she's obsessed with the idea of free will. She thinks that fucking- She's obsessed with the idea of free will she thinks that fucking The moral landscape is gonna like solve global issues And ex ambassadors lead singers like yeti dumb down and I was like what I mean loves your mind It was so awful Who the fuck is the ex ambassador a band from Ithaca. Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Wait, that's like the funniest I've ever heard. Hahahaha! Oh my god. Whose fault was that? Like who initially got them? I hit up the guy who, this guy was basically, this is so fucked up. This guy sent me a whole script and was like,

Oh, they're a cover band from Ithaca! Once I tell you... Shouser the Hull! And you're too late! Free will! Ain't that great? Make no move! Cause I'm a philosopher!

On a steel horse! Oh, yeah! Won't it out won't it won't it I'm so dead or alive he just sits down, handsless chaps oh yeah yeah yeah yeah imagine if I had gotten all the way to

LA like imagine if I had flown to him or whatever to shoot it and he walked in and it was the fucking retard I'm glad you wouldn't even recognize That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard by the way Wait did you cancel? No What are you doing?

I knew it, I knew it Dude I knew you were gonna do it Are you really gonna have- that's great No, of course not Oh you're not gonna have the guy on? No way Have Axe Ambasers on and think he's Sam Harris

Throughout the episode That's a great bit That's really funny. Just only talk to him about insane philosophy. Let's have him on the Pompini of Jordan. Yeah, I think it'd be good to have him on. Sam Harris here, that would be so cool. I don't know if I can be present for it

because I'll be so irate. Because I'll be like, what is wrong with you? Why would you think that email would be for you? You share a name with a famous guy. And that'll be the best. Wait, that's so funny. Yeah, I was devastated. Does he live in LA?

Sam? Nelson. I don't know where he lives. Nelson, Nelson! Nelson! You got an email from sam.nelson.harris.com I did, I did, that's exactly the email. That's exactly the email.

That's exactly the email. Mama, Sam Harris coming on. No, I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. That's exactly You're like mom it wasn't the guy she goes I know I love It's the Filipino guy who replaced the guy in Journey. William Hung? No, you know how Journey, the guy in Journey left and the Filipino guy replaced him? Everybody involved. Shut up. Your schadenfreude problem is a huge issue. I love you.

You enjoying people's pain, it gets over the top and it makes you look like you kill the animals. What? Yeah, that's how I feel about it. It just took a serious turn. I see it on his face. No. We're gonna get something deep. I will. It always has. I get the giggles. You go too hard. You go too hard. No. It's too far. You did go way too far. You were singing songs with... They laughed appropriately. You go too much. No singing. You're real. Rewind it. Rewind it. You go too nuts. I can't.

You get too nuts. It's all the time. If I say something bad happens to me, you over-celebrate. You over-celebrate it. I can't be a cackle. That's fine. I just want you to know that that's on my resentment list. Being Jordan with the resentment.

Is now the time to go through your resentment? No, I'm just telling you it's on it. You get over-excited. You get over-excited in the 10th step. You get, oh, I haven't gotten there, bitch. Yeah, well, fuck it. You're, wow, you're ahead of your class. I'm just saying, I resent that. Alright, you want me to get my resentments out?

No, I truly do. Well, good, because I got them in the car. It'd take five hours bringing them in. So you guys are both doing steps, but you're not allowed to talk about it because it's anonymous? Or you can't? They can talk about their own steps. Or can you? You can talk about your own steps. Here's an idea, forget the steps just stop doing bad stuff. Yeah wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be nice to be normal you privileged fuck? I'm just kidding no we're proud of both of you and thanks for being here. I love you. I don't enjoy when bad things happen to you.

You go too hard. I just find it funny. Every time. It's too long. It's too long. You go too long enjoying the pain, my pain. Ask the audience. Audience, go off in the comments.

Tell me if he goes a little too long. It happens often. We can move on from that now. Where you've done something embarrassing and he's eating it up too much. Oh, he eats it up so much. I'm a hungry boy. So much. The boy likes his slop.

I like slop. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's fine. I just want you to know that's a character trait about you. I think it'd be great for the podcast if you guys had a baby. Whoa.

If that happened to you and I knew that your idol was going to do the podcast and then bailed, I'd be like, oh my god Who do we kill? Because it's my other podcast probably Whatever it is, I think you were gonna have Dan's they got okay somebody that I don't also love if you were gonna have fucking bad brains No, I love them too. If you were gonna have on Bill Murray, I was just gonna say Bill Murray. And you email the wrong Bill Murray, I'd be like, oh, honey, that fucking sucks.

We'll get him on though, you'll get him. I would never start a song and begin a symphony. That was messed up. That was messed up. But it was a funny riff. Wasn't funny. No, no, it was messed up. Funny riff, don't turn your back on me.

It was really messed up. When we were sitting there the whole time, you saw us, we were sitting there going, Ian, no. Yeah. funny Actually started crying No, I went for the country coyote was whimpering in between our legs Yeah, yeah, you know when they win a dog is over a grave and it's like died Of Jordan I love you Look at me I am a champion of yours. I love you. I scream you from the mountaintops I get so excited for you But I also get a giggle out of when things go wrong for not just you but for anyone. One time me and my friends were dressed up for Halloween and my friend was a Hamburglar and he kept saying how the

sash really pulls the outfit together and right when he said it the elevator's door opened the sash off and it went down the elevator shaft and I couldn't help but be like, ah! It's like just this is thinking to me! It's fine, it's just your amount of doing it. But I do it to everyone, not just you. In a length of time. I will shorten the time, but know that it means nothing, but I just like giggles. You know when you can do that?

Black table. What's that? Black table of comics. You can run around the room and go crazy every time something bad happens, because they love that. The other day, Derek Gaines did it to me where he did a full 900 sprints in the conference.

They see a weight trainer and they go, are you going to have to lift the dumbbells and you're going to have to get the giggles? That's an appropriate time. When you're at the black table at the cellar because they have they're totally they love that. I am a sensitive white girl and I don't. You know, when basketball teams practice when they do suicides They just turn on like cat Williams or something

What they were making fun of before they were it was a whole I mean it was just doing He loves it They put on booty tag. They're all like, ah! Look at him, look at him, look at him! Luke! Luke! Luke! Woo! Network TV Luke! Why, because I'm talking about black people? No, not you, not you.

No, it's me. I'll react to anything you say. Anything. I'll react to anything she says I love you, and I don't mean to hurt West Coast for people on my side, and I'm sorry to hurt you It never happens on the East Coast. I am on your side so much. I know I get it And I just say how I've no I don't take that back I'm not gonna relent just because you're overdoing it now with saying nice things. I feel how I feel That's how you're allowed to feel how you feel

Me and you keep raising our heads. I'm going to do a bag flip. I feel how I feel. You're allowed to feel how you feel. And that is totally fine. That's totally fine. I feel that you are entitled to your feelings. And I am entitled to mine. And that's what I think. And that's what I think and that's how I feel. And I think that you think. So I'm gonna respect my own boundaries. And I feel.

And I'm glad that you put up boundaries because it helps me to respect. I'm glad that you respect my feelings because when you respect me, that makes me respect more. And I like respect. And I love you and I'm glad we had this talk. This is actually hurting my back. I pulled my back out at the threes of the other day.

It hurts. Did they see it? It hurts. No, I played it off. I played it off. What'd you do? I played it off. I said I came in the condom and they said,

show me how much. I go, no, I'm old. And I went to the bathroom and took a Tylenol. Oh my God. Don't tell anyone. They said, show me how much. Yeah, they't tell anyone. They said show me how much. Yeah, they loved it. Dirty.

Show me how much. That was the 12th step, what y'all just said. Now let me, because you said that's disgusting, I wanted to go back to this. Seamen. Well just, what is it, what's happening? So they like you. What?

Wait, what is so funny? I guess I'm just saying, because we have two women. These girls that fuck you at the same time. Why are the Giggle brothers pipin' up? They like him because of the tattoos, he's on stage, he has the mic, he's sexy. I'm trying to think, because what happened to them? Oh my God. Luke.

That's mean. No, I agree with this. What's the fucking matter with you? It's a joke. I think what's wrong with them that they think that having a threesome with a standup comedian, I don't understand. Why would you want to go and get your parts sticky

on a guy you're not going to love forever? Wait, wait, wait, sorry. Will you describe what gooey is? Huh? I would describe a gooey girl as like, who's gooey? Small, Puerto Rican, big tits, fat ass. I wish it was gooey. Gimme, gimme goo goo.

Goo goo, god god. It's like thin eyebrows that are drawn on. God, okay, okay, he's in it. He loves that more than anything it seems. No, I was just joking around. Clearly you're a good guy. I don't understand why a woman would go and get wet stuff on their body if they weren't going to do it for love.

Or from Ian. Because you're sexually anorexic and you have an unhealthy relationship with sex. What's a healthy relationship? There's a good balance. A healthy relationship is having a consenting experience with another adult high-fiving afterwards to go on Good Game. Good Game. See you later. Because bowling alley was closed.

Right? It was closed. Why not watch a movie? Because I didn't have cable in the room. Or play Egyptian Ratscrew. We... Great game. I love my new house.

I love Egyptian Ratscrew. What's your new house? I bought a little brick cabin. I can't wait to see your house. Where? Upstate. I would love to sit and play card games with someone for the rest of my life. That's not in the card games right now.

So why not play card games with those two girls? Egyptian Rats Crew is a three person game. Because I'm not having two strangers over to fucking play card games. Why not? I would think you're insane. Yeah. I would think you're insane. If two girls came over and they're-

Oh, so it's more normal to suck on each other's naked I think if I think they're kissing me and blocking me out Sorry, if they're kissing me and saying all this stuff and we get back to my room So you guys you guys made jokes about blowing me at the same time But what if we play go fish I would fall in love with you. I would stay forever If I was like can I blow you and I would stay forever. Ah, you really would. You really would. I would. If I was like, can I blow you? And I went over there and he was like, dude, I think you're so beautiful. But like, what are we going to do that for?

Let's talk. What are your feelings? And I would love to do that. But in that moment, it's a lot better to get your tits off my two chicks at the same time. I just don't know what it's like to have a penis. Very well. Very, very well.

Very, very well. Very much. That'll be all. I want to play card games and talk all night long. I would like to just get you in a room and just say you need to just have a conversation with this woman and have a cup of coffee and ask her about her day. Do we think he's not doing that? I did! Do you think you're getting to know

these women a little bit? What was the conversation like? Do you think afterwards I'm just like be gone or no? We hung out in bed in a pizza and talked all night. Like what the fuck man? Pizza? Pizza. Ordered a pizza to the place in Avery's house.

Pizza in bed? Yeah. I like that. That's a little slumber party. We watched music videos. That's the thing. Music videos. I'm a fucking sex!

Can I tell you what bothers me about sex? Go! Stinky. It smelled good. There's no way it smelled good. You did the butt stuff. No I didn't do the butt stuff. You put your face in their butt.

Obviously yes. But there was no stinky smells. It was all nice and fine. And then the pizza. And then pizza. It does sound like a good night. Yeah. It does sound like a good night. And they stayed over the first night. Boxing? What if we fought? Fist fight? I'd fist fight. I'd rassle ya. What's gonna end in sex? We, they spent the night, walked them to the car in the morning, coffee, whatever,

and then the... They spent the night? And then the last night, I'm not gonna kick someone out. No, I know. And then the next night, one of them had to work early in the morning, so I walked to the car and gave them both a kiss goodbye and had them text me and they got home. This is what I'd like to call a tryst.

You had an affair with these women. Lover's tryst. It sounds romantic to me. It does sound like a tryst. It was fine. It sounds romantic to me. to call a tryst. You had an affair with these women. It sounds romantic to me. It does sound like a tryst. It sounds romantic to me. And it's like- It's a tryst. It's a tryst. It's a tryst.

Call it a tryst. It's a tryst. I'm looking up the day camp. Let's call it a tryst. It's a tryst. It was. Well, we should roll into Patreon. It was a lover's getaway.

Listen, can I hit your vape? Wow. Sorry. Yeah. Oh, okay. Let's roll into Patreon. Thank you guys for tuning in. Wait. OK, we have to have a conclusion. That's why they got to tune into the Patreon to see the conclusion. Patreon.com slash B&E and pod Laura P.

If you don't subscribe to the Patreon and you like this podcast, you are crazy. Yeah, you're fucking. I mean, are you insane? The Patreon. It's the best patreon going on It is the best patreon because we'd say really fucked up stuff and we love each other Hold on to me. What do you got Luke? That's all the time everybody. Thank you What do you got? Oh little Matt Damon on the Jimmy Kimmel situation, you know Go

Thank you. Yeah, go he plugs Matt Damon and then he brings my David out and then he and then he says that. I don't know what you mean. I don't know what that means either. Go. I know exactly what you mean. Really? Thank you, yeah. Go. He plugs Matt Damon and then he brings Matt Damon out and then he says that's all the time we have for today. Oh, okay, go. My name is Luke and I always freeze up with this.

Can you go first? Yes. Sorry. My name is Luke. Oh, shit. Shit, fuck. Oh, shit. Shit.

Fuck. Oh, shit. Shit. My name Shit! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit! My name is Laura, follow me on Instagram, my last name's peak, like peekaboo, P-E-E-K. I'm gonna be headlining in Minneapolis at the end of December, come hang out.

And Laura just did a killer tonight show set. So happy for you, so proud of you. Luke, I will also be in Minneapolis in January. What? Caps... Caps... Caps City, Austin. I'm doing a show in January. What? Cap City, Austin. I'm doing a show in LA. Come to it.

It's on my Punch Up Live Luke Moniz. I'm on Punch Up. Amazing. Live podcast December 30th, Rhode Island. Sold out, but the next night you have a chance to see me and a special guest do stand up, you don't want to miss it two shows bring it in the new year and my 40th birthday Rhode Island comedy connection Ian

Fidance comm for my dates my special while happy and free punch up dot live slash Ian Fidance for my mailing list see when I'm in your town I'm going all over I'm on the road every week until May I'm playing everywhere so come on out it's a good time thank you for everyone that sees me on the road every weekend till May. I'm playing everywhere, so come on out. It's a good time. Thank you for everyone that sees me on the road. And check out the Patreon if you haven't joined already. What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?

It is pretty, yeah. And I'm not even like playing. Yeah, and why don't you go check out Jordan? She's going all over the place too. I mean, if you don't see this little chicken on the road, you're a fucking hen. You're a silly rooster. Come on chicken. Tell me you're going. You think we should go to

Bao steakhouse? I'm so hungry. Smokehouse is the spot. We're leaving in... we are so good for this place. I'm driving. Yeah, you'll be good. You won't eat for this place. I'm driving. Yeah, you'll be good. You won't eat for that long. You don't sit down. Coyote will stay here. I mean, it's like she could just stay down here, right? I mean.

I don't think so. In that green room area. Sure. I don't think so. No, Lee, there was a lot of down there. When somebody comes in and they go, we gotta open the doors for fire safety. Game night. Game night. Game night. We gotta let all the dogs out. Oh, Lee, there was a lot of doubt in there. When somebody comes in and they go, we gotta open the doors for fire safety. They're dogs.

Game night. Game night. We gotta let all the dogs out. It's the baa, what if the baa men come? Where the fuck are we? Yeah! Punch up life! Oh my god.

I did that comedy special set in 2019. Thank you, we love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.