Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep136: The Goof Troop
Episode Date: March 5, 2025As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP... SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code FIENDCLUB at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/FIENDCLUB Get 15% off your Autoblow order with the code SKA15 at https://www.autoblow.com Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/
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Fayetteville, Arkansas. Oh, look at this dog. Hi, cutie little ears back girl. Fayetteville,
Arkansas, March 6th. Cary, North Carolina, Raleigh Improv, March 7th and 8th. Wise Guys, Vegas,
March 14th, 15th. Kansas City, Funny Bone. Wise Guys, Salt Lake City, Moonowers, Stand Up Live, Phoenix, Arizona, Huntsville, Alabama, Philly. I'm
going all over. I'm coming all over and I want you to be there. eandfightance.com. Jordan Jensen
is all over as well. Go see her live. It's the best. Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen
for all her dates and we'll see you on the road. We love you. Bye bye.
and we'll see you on the road. We love you, bye bye.
Telling jokes and having smokes,
riding bikes all through the night.
It's a wild ride when you're being Ian.
Coffee ice no matter what.
Now you know he likes it in the butt.
It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian
Life is shit but you're positive, let's find out what it's like to live a life
Being Ian, being Ian
With Jordan
Being Ian with Jordan.
But I did have to get.
A fitting for a photo shoot and.
I'm trans.
What I was like, I can't wear any of this.
And she was like, you look beautiful. And I was like, dude, I'm like about to faint
because the tight clothes and I was like, you look beautiful. And I was like, dude, I'm like about to faint. Cause the tight clothes and the, I was like, it wasn't even body hate. It was like,
Oh, they're like putting you in cute outfits. And you hate it.
It felt like, remember when you would go shopping with your parents before middle school and they
would be like, just try this on for me. And you put it on, they'd be like, I love it. And you would
know so much that you hated it. And you're like like starting to be like just let me get out of this yeah
because it's not and it was what type of clothing really and you hated it I don't
think that makes you trans it was so not enjoy walk by the men's rack and I was
and then I'm talking to my mom about it and I'm freaking out and I'm like,
you know what sucks?
Is like, if a guy goes in that room, what do they get?
Button down, jeans, boots, like sick ass shit.
Woman, it's literally just, what can we paste on your body?
That's just your body, just with a little bit of fabric.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm like, just put me in weird shit
but don't have it be, don't have the thing be my body.
What?
Like if you put on women's clothes,
typically it's tight, which is just like
the main focus point is my body.
If you put on men's clothes, the focus point is the clothes.
I wear tight clothes.
Right, but like if you were gonna do a photo shoot,
a fancy one,
they would be like a suit and the suit would be really cool and sleek, like a car.
Or probably like tight. Oh, yeah, it would be tight.
Well, I just want a man's body.
The boobs are humiliating.
Why yours in general?
In general, they're humiliating.
Why? What's wrong with them?
Take them out. Show what you're humiliating. Why what's wrong with them? Take them out?
Make them talk
Milkers They're a symbol of what's to be milked what eat?
Cuz their whole purpose is to be milled. That's why you know what that that is why eating disorders happen
Why I want to get so skinny that you don't have you aren't that feminine
No, yeah, no you're wrong Why? Because you want to get so skinny that you don't have, you aren't that feminine.
No.
Yeah.
No, you're wrong.
Yeah.
Eating disorders exist because you feel that you are fat and ugly.
I don't think, I think there's many reasons why someone could have.
Yeah, I don't think you could just.
I think that could be one of the reasons for sure.
I think that's a big reason for a lot of people I know.
Wait, is this a Patreon or a regular?
Regular.
Oh.
Hey.
What?
I don't know.
Coyote was just playing on her back
with the ball above her head.
I mean, maybe some people's-
This is so funny.
She'll see this.
She'll see this.
I'm sorry, you were very sweet when we met you.
I just have to talk about this.
I was in the hotel room and I was in the hotel lobby see this. She'll see this. I'm sorry. You were very sweet when we met you. I just have to talk about this.
I was in the hotel room and I was in the hotel lobby and Jake goes, Jake goes, um, we gotta get out of here. There's a B and E and fan. And as, and as he says that I turn and there's a woman who's
just like, hi. And I was like, ah, she was like, she was like, how are you doing? Is that Coyote?
How's she been doing since getting spayed? And I was like, how do you know that? And she was like,
by the way, I'm really proud of you for that.
And I was like, thanks, thanks, thanks. And her boyfriend just standing there with a camera and just like,
and she was like, I don't want to bother you for a picture. And I was like, let's just do it because he's, it was so funny.
It was just exactly what you'd think a BNN fan is.
Just somebody who's like, I have your social security memorized, I put it together through puzzles.
They're good people.
They love the show.
But it's very parasocial, as we've asked for.
Yeah, but every podcast is parasocial.
We just attract weirdos.
No, I don't think that Santino's talking about
his wife all the time.
Well, I would say, I think that yes and no.
So it's like, you know,
that you're so open and honest about your personal lives.
Yeah, the personal life. Yes, and people relate to y'all more than, I think, some others, you know, that yes and no. So it's like, you know, that y'all are so open and honest about your personal lives. Yes.
People relate to y'all more than I think some others, you know, that kind of thing.
So I think, yeah,
like all podcasts are parasocial because it's a way for it's a friendship
simulator for people to think that they're like in on a hang.
And it just so turns out you and I are very open and vulnerable.
So that attracts that type of people.
And we're also authentically ourselves and we're pretty fucking weird.
So it attracts weirdos and that goes on down the line for every other podcast.
Like there's massive parasocial relationships with podcasts and it just so
turns out that ours are, um,
they like knitting.
I wonder if we should do a raffle for the auto blow.
That's a good idea. Whoa. Okay.
What do they have? What episode is this? Like 130, 136 or so.
It's like our 136 episode. You finally came up with an idea.
What do I, what do they have to do?
What's a raffle?
Oh, they submit their name
and then we pick it out of a bucket.
Yeah.
Join the Patreon.
All Patreon subscribers are gonna get put into a bucket
on this Patreon episode that you won't be here for.
Okay.
Well, I can't do that so quick.
I have to write that. That's today. can't do that so quick. You're right.
I have to write that.
That's today.
You're exactly right about that.
You're exactly right about that.
On the Patreon, we're gonna do a raffle.
On a regular episode, we'll raffle it off
to Patreon next episode.
Let's do raffles all the time!
Yeah!
Patreon.com slash BNEMPOD.
Join up.
The bonus episodes are incredible.
Some would say that we have the best picture I'm
running because it's so fun.
Crazy that you just responded. Crazy that I talked to you so much like a dog that I
just said ball and you went yes. And I was talking to the dog. You picked it up so fast.
Well in my defense it was right on my foot and I listened to you like a dog.
What did you just?
She doesn't like that.
Yeah, you threw a fucking dildo mouth at her.
I would think she would love that.
It's probably is a good feel, a good mouth feel.
Coyote gets cuter every day.
It's great.
Look at her little shuffle.
Come on, man.
How does this happen?
Coyote, come here, show the people.
Get this frickin'oyote? Come here show the people
Other animals get cute too stick kidney not squeak. Yeah, I apologize
Which we call it. Come. Oh, look at her face. Oh, my God.
She's so my little spinny lady.
I love when animals spin and they lay there and they go,
she's like, give me the ball, bitch.
Um, dude, I hadn't been home in like 13 days
and the past two nights I was in Portland, Maine. Shout out Portland, Oregon. Shout out to the people that came out for the shows out and about put that away. And then I was
in LA for the week and dude, I came home and the cats have just been like making up for
lost time. I will be cute and lay upside down and our noses will touch when we sleep.
Um, Sherry came over to watch it.
Sherry baby.
Yeah. Queen Sherry came over. She's the best.
Um, and took care of the guys while they were gone,
or while I was gone, and I had been having a hard time
acclimating to society ever since I got back.
Yeah, sleeping till 9pm.
I know.
What's with that?
I don't know, I was just exhausted,
and I forgot to take my meds for two days
because of the travel.
I don't know, but I fell asleep at like 4 a.m.
and then I missed every single thing I had to do
during the day and I woke up at 9 p.m.
And it was gnarly.
I had a meeting about the special, the set.
It's going to be crazy.
And it's a Gramercy. Yes, it's going to be crazy. And it's a Gramercy?
Yes, it's going to be weird and spooky scaly.
So how have you been having trouble acclimating?
Like depression or like jet lag?
I mean.
Oh, I love jet lag and, um, uh, it was just so much insane travel.
I didn't.
Oh, I missed therapy today, so that's good.
Forgot I canceled.
It was like, look, I can't, I can't sit and talk.
This is a therapy episode. Be honest.
And you're like, I wonder why the fans are parasocial.
How have you been having trouble acclimating?
Nobody lays down in therapy. What?
Do you?
Yes.
No, don't do it.
Yes.
Don't do that.
Yeah.
Let me lie down.
Help, help, help.
Get him.
Kill him.
This is a new one by the way.
Do you want to try it?
No.
I'm not putting that thing on me.
I'll put the little fucker on me, but that thing is so scary.
That thing's scary.
You scared her.
Um, kill him, kill him, kill him.
Get him, get him.
It's like I get the damn ball is what I get.
No, I get him, get him, get him, attack.
Dude, listen to listen to my listen to how insane the beginning of this run was.
I had an I had an 815 from LaGuardia to Portland, Maine.
This was on a Friday, right?
And that got delayed.
Is that coffee?
Yes.
For today?
Yes.
What do we say?
Give it.
Give it.
With?
To me.
Cherry. On? On top. You're welcome. I said you're welcome.
Okay, so you live? So I had an 815, this was two Fridays ago, right? I had an 815 to Portland, Maine, that got delayed, delayed, delayed to 3 15. Right. The 3 15 got canceled. I had a 7 PM show and we had to push that back to 9 30. Right. So then I got a five
o'clock to go to Boston to get in at six 30 rent a car, drive to Portland, Maine to make
the gig. The five o'clock from LaGuardia got delayed
an hour and a half.
I then had to go from LaGuardia to JFK
and take a 530, get in at seven, rent a car.
It took an hour.
Rent a car?
Yes, cause I flew into Boston
because there were no flights to fucking Portland.
So then I get to Boston, get the car.
This is Valentine's day, speed all the way to Portland,
Maine, park, walk up and walk on stage.
Everybody that came to the seven o'clock stayed.
Every time it was sold out, it was nine.
The second show started at nine thirty.
I got on around ten.
Everybody stayed.
They were fucking electric and amazing.
It was the coolest fucking thing.
Brendan Ayer was in town.
So he did a show at seven for everyone
and they stayed for that.
And then stayed for my 9.30.
It was like the coolest fucking thing.
That's awesome.
It was amazing.
It was a sold out weekend.
It was so fun.
I was so scared.
I was going to miss it.
Portland, Maine, Empire Comedy Club.
You should play it. It's fucking awesome. But then the following week, Oh, oh yeah. And
then that was Friday. And then Sunday I had to fly from Portland, Maine. I had to fly
from Portland, Maine to New York to then go to LA. I had a 6.30 PM Sunday to go to LA. I had an 8.15
Portland, Maine to New York, right? Because there's no direct from Portland, Maine to Los Angeles.
So then there was such a bad snowstorm that the Saturday, the 8.15 AM got canceled and they,
there were other flights available, but I wasn't chancing it. So I bought a 6 a.m. ticket from Boston to Los Angeles at
midnight from Portland, Maine. I drove to Boston during a snowstorm. It's an hour and a half drive.
It took me four and a half hours. I was the only one on the road driving fucking 30 miles an hour,
me and the snowplows. I made it to the airport and I fucking made it to LA.
And immediately when I got off the flight in LA, I went to a Goodwill to buy a dress because I was
singing Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana at the goddamn Comedy Jam at the Comedy Store. I made it
to the gig and I wore a dress on stage and I spin kicked Josh out of my ears during Nirvana.
No, he's fine. He's strong. But then you wore the dress on skanks also?
Yes.
Here?
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm a dress man now.
I like that.
Yeah, because that fucking Leonardo bitch.
Fuck you!
Yeah!
You dumb whore!
Oh, that fucking happened!
Oh, you fucking...
I will fucking wreck you, you fucking bubble-shaped bitch with alopecia!
I will take your freaking... Dude fricking balding Albanian bitch
No, you just Christ listen. I don't you can be racist all you want
But you can't just freaking come after other comics you fucking pussy bitch come to up to us
Come on the podcast and tell Ian that you know, I invited her on the podcast and she goes
Oh my god, I don't have time to go on your
podcast.
I'm too busy doing popular podcasts like Alex Jones and Roseanne.
You're not even a fucking real comic because you know what real comics want to do?
Perform in real clubs, okay?
They don't just say the most fucked up racist thing they do so they get canceled off the
road because you're too much of a pussy to be an actual standup and actually say things
that are civilized so that you get to actually perform. If I fucking went on stage and every time I started taking somebody's ear and putting
a frickin dick in it or something or frickin stabbing somebody a thousand times with a
knife, I wouldn't be able to perform. And that would make me not a comic. That would
just make me a fucking lunatic. A circus freak. You're a frickin lunatic, man. Don't
say shit so you can't frickin, you're just trying's why I said and don't come after Ian he's my best one of my best friends and
You can't frickin come after people
Time you get you see edited the clip and took out all these laughs and immediately
Started being like well, this is a guy that told you to take the facts
That that part where you stopped on Ian's face,
that was funny.
Which part?
Where she was like, this man.
And it caused, and you were like this,
you were like this.
It was such a like ridiculous, like he's a bad guy.
You're taking the most vulnerable, sensitive human being
who fricking is crying all the time.
He's fricking, he's fr cra- begging for- begging for love.
Oh, sorry. And you're frickin' trashing him.
He's beloved by the comedy community.
He fuckin' makes people- my mom is the harshest critic ever.
She's the smartest lady.
She saw him and said that he crushed.
He is very good at comedy and she fuckin' hates everybody, dude.
And, you know, by the way, she looked you up.
She said you're incredibly unfunny and very unhinged. Who? Mom looked up Leonardo. Oh, oh, dude. And, you know, by the way, she looked you up. She said you're incredibly unfunny and very unhinged.
Mom looked up Leonardo.
Oh, oh, yeah.
I thought you asked me.
Also, it's just it's not, you know, it's we're also,
we're in a fucking community, man.
Go after fucking actors, go after fucking politicians.
Don't go after fellow comics.
You know, we're all fucking doing our best out here,
struggling for the same fucking meal.
You fucking bitch.
Thank you. Yeah, that was going on come into our face come to our
face come to our face come on the podcast I don't give a shit I think I
suck but don't fucking put words in my mouth and edit a thing to make me look
some type of way and throw your bullshit on me fuck you also try being actually
creative not just yeah try having a punchline
that's not fucking gays, blacks, or Jews,
you fucking unfunny, hack clown bitch.
And that's all the time we're devoting to this.
Okay, but you wanna know what happened?
What?
So.
Oh yeah, so I wore a dress to be like,
yeah, I'm a woke, comic-
No, we're not talking about that anymore.
Oh yeah, you're right.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is good.
That's what I thought you were doing when I saw it.
Yeah. I was in, I's what I thought you were doing. I saw it. Yeah.
I was in I went to this awful place in Missouri called Bark something where it's a giant dog park
with not what you think. Right. That's what I said.
I was like, that would be amazing.
We we let the dog in.
It's it's poor dogs.
It's hellscape. It's frickin it's dirty.
You know what I mean? It's like dogs, dogs are barking.
What are you doing?
I'm sad for the dogs.
Yeah, me too.
A woman immediately holding her little Lhasa Opsu
being like, eee, he got bit, he got bit.
Freaking out.
I'm like, oh, is he okay?
The dog is literally like this.
Okay. I'm like, she's sobbing.
I'm like, Coyote immediately gets, I'm not talking to you.
She immediately gets cornered by dogs. I'm like, all right, this is whack I'm not talking to you. She immediately gets cornered by dogs.
I'm like, all right, this is whack.
So I go to get Carter and Jake and I go into the restaurant and I'm like, hey, boys, let's
get out of here.
This place is whack.
And they're like, this guy goes, you're going to bring your fucking dog in here.
And I was like, yeah, she's service.
She's got to kind of go everywhere I go.
And he goes, and I go, what do people do actually if they have service animals here?
And he goes, they don't.
And I went just to clarify. I was like, oh, what? I said that. And he goes, what do people do actually, if they have service animals here? And he goes, they don't. And I went just to clarify, I was like, oh, well, I said that.
And he goes, what, what, what?
In my face. And I was like,
and then I went to punch his beer out of his hand and Jake like what?
Like this, Jake went like, hey, let it go, man.
And I was like, do you want to come outside?
Do you want to come outside? Can we go outside?
And he was like, he was like, no.
And I was like, I think we should take a step outside.
Yeah. Step outside. Just me and you. Let's talk. And he's like, bye bye. And I was like, yeah was like, no. And I was like, I think we should take a step outside. We should step outside. Just me and you.
Let's have a talk.
And he's like, bye, bye.
And I was like, yeah, that's what I thought.
Cause you're a little dick, pussy piece of shit.
Who's going to fucking say some shit and can't falter on it.
And then we get outside and Jake's like, did you just say,
do you want to take this outside?
And I was like, I was like, yeah.
It feels good.
Doesn't it?
It does, but it also is very like, come on, but am I,
I would kick it from here to Houston.
Oh yeah, no, I immediately go into like old school,
old timey, like I've been in a confrontation before.
You go full old timey.
Oh, I'm like, oh, you're yellow, aren't you?
What did you say about the guy who fucked up your special,
the owner of the cutting room where you were like,
I'm gonna mark his number down, send it to Louisiana and see if it comes back on time. I was like,
what are these? You had a million. You were like, you were like, what was it? You were
like, I'm going to, I'm going to mean you were going to end up in the papers, buddy.
And I'm going to be,
Oh, Hey pal, I'll take your left shoe off and make it so you ain't never going to put
it on a right one.
It's things like that though.
I legit, no, we were joking about that, but I legit said, you better pack a lunch pal
because we'll be here all day.
That's what you said.
Pack a lunch is so funny because you're almost being caretaking.
You're almost like, you better bring an extra lunch.
Well, I'm basically saying I'm not going to get knocked out so you can, we're going to
be here all day, which is admitting that I know can't fight
You're just gonna be hitting me. Yeah
But really funny to be like hey, you better call your wife and tell her you're gonna be late because we're gonna be a while here
Call your babysitter cuz there ain't no way you're getting home in time
Call you call your babysitter cuz I actually think it'd be really fucked up if you just kind of left her hanging
She has your kids. This isn't about your kids
Yeah, I was super mad and
then I thought about it and stewed on it. I just don't like when people talk. If you said that to
a man, they would hit you. If you went, what, what, what to a man's face, they would punch you.
The men that are being produced today would not because they're all pussies. And then they all go
and say things like, she's on her back. People can't see it. And they do things like, uh, go ahead, hit me. I'll sue.
God, that fucking infuriates me. It was a full pint. Do you know how hard that was not to hit it?
A what? A full pint, full to the brim. Beer. And he was taking a sip. He went, who, what, what?
And then took a sip. And I was like, and Jake at the perfect time goes, leave it alone, man. And
I was like, okay. Cause I realized they would be, but that would have been so, would have felt so good.
Here, let's reenact it. Ready? No, no, no. Keep it closed.
I'm closing it. Idiots. You fucking goof troop. Of course I'm closing it. You fool.
Ben Franklin looking ass fuck with them.
Hey, Joe Meyers, getting a time machine.
Go back to the 70s. It was a Bob Dylan cock out that mouth.
It was like this. And I want to break. Oh, God.
Yeah, you went fricking.
What a fucking I give it a fricking.
I would have fricking a fuck.
Oh, I'm like I'm like ain. I would have. A fucker. Oh, I'm like I'm like a cobra.
I would have.
I would have.
I would have if I had my wits about me, I would have.
I would have.
I would have.
I'd have been the scorpion at here and then the tail going to get you.
I look over here.
Yeah, we're going to hit.
Woo. Anyway, so what else happened? Wait, let me think of anything happened to me. I did the Wilbur. Look over here. Slap! Yeah. We were gone. Heya. Woo!
Anyway, so what else happened?
Wait, let me think if anything happened to me.
I did the Wilbur.
Thank you so much.
Oh, that's right.
Thank you for getting my friend Collin in.
Oh my god, it was so insane.
That's great.
Coming down the Wilbur, it's like this.
You're standing up.
No.
Balcony, balcony.
It feels like they're falling on you and you're like,
ah, ah, it's all, it's built for laughs. It's just like, it feels like you could orchestra and just be like, ah, yeah, it's all it's built for laughs.
It's just like it feels like you could orchestra and just be like, do they follow you along
with the light? Yeah. But they had big lights behind spotlight. And it was amazing. It was
so crazy because I went and hung out with Santino when he was there the night before
me. And so I saw it from that direction.
But once you're on stage, they're just like,
it's like a, imagine like a cove, a tall cove,
and you're at the bottom and they're all up.
It's so sick.
What is a cove?
Like a cave dug out.
Like imagine.
Like an underground cave.
Imagine you're standing at the bottom of a waterfall, but instead of water, it's laughter.
Yeah, that's amazing.
The best room ever.
Great.
I know it's not even a room.
It's a theater.
It's a it's a it's 1200 seats.
Perfect.
Amazing.
You loved it.
I love are you going to film something there?
I asked and they said no.
I asked a while ago and they're like no we're not
filming specials right now and I was like you know what
you wait till I come and you're gonna like me.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
No I'm doing the Gramercy but I'm gonna try and make it
as close as possible.
So the Wilbur, that's all you're gonna do?
Yeah.
No. Let me wear.
I want.
You wear these.
You're the doc, I'm the doctor.
Wear these.
No, they're on your face all day.
Yours?
Yours.
Your face is on all day.
I ended up putting a key on a kite.
Weirdly further apart.
They are so far apart. How is that?
You're the only person. Oh, my God.
You're the only person I've ever met with a loose eye.
It's loose, dude. I got to rein it in.
You can come on over. Come on over there.
Get on that side. Hold on. Hold on.
Roll it. Rope it that way, dude. It's gotta go that way. You know what I really figured out? I think it's
because they're off center. Like, like my face isn't symmetrical and I have a lazy eye.
Oh yeah, that too.
My face is fucked up and it's also a lazy eye.
I was there. Yeah, it was bad. You didn't see.
I saw. I lied to you. I saw.
You did?
Yeah, a lot of people saw.
Did you really see?
No. I was in and out.
It was bad. It wasn't bad. I thought about it. It wasn't bad.
It wasn't bad. It was the end of the night.
I told you that when I went up at the end at the comedy store, mine sucked too and we
didn't even put it out because it was shitty.
So like at the end of the night, it's tough.
That's great.
At the end of the night, I know you're itching to tell me the bit and I'm not going to give
that to you, but now that I know that kind of hurt you, I will allow you to give me the bit.
What's the bit?
Stop that.
I had to write down, you know, why don't we do this?
Put your phone over there and let your one eye look at it.
And then the other eye stays here.
All right.
I have to write down, um, you know, when you leave a therapist's office, how
weird it is, do you feel weird about it every time? can we actually talk about that? Do you feel weird about it?
You feel like we hug do we say well? I haven't been in person there since the fucking pin them can I have a sin?
By the way, by the way. I'm gonna hold through my tongue
because I had a panic attack and intrusive thoughts.
Bombing on Stand Up On The Spot.
You went late.
They added Norman.
You followed him.
It was a long show.
Don't be upset about it.
It's okay.
Thanks.
I was so bad though.
It was, I knew I was-
No, I'm sure you weren't.
No, I just was in the worst mood.
You were weird. Coyote, get the ball. It was I know I was sure you weren't. No, I just was in the worst mood. You were weird. I get the ball. It was weird. I'd never seen you with this
energy before. You were like not timid, like you weren't allowing yourself
permission to say anything. It was it was odd. I'd never seen that posture of you
before. I don't know what that was. Well, here's what happened. You bit through
your tongue. You had food poisoning. Why? You shit yourself.
And then I was like, shaky.
Don't you ever have those days where you're like, of course,
where you're like, I don't know what it was.
You know, I had a day like that yesterday.
I got up at 9 p.m.
And then the show was at 1030.
I went first, but I persevered and crushed.
But I get it. Yeah.
I had a great beginning of the day. It's just the end of the day. I started getting
so freaked out. It was the end of the day. You kept getting
bumped. It was like 1230. I had a big fight with a guy.
It's totally fine. What did you guys fight about? I had been, I'd done so much.
What'd you guys fight about? I forgot what we fight about.
What about? Oh, he wouldn't tell you he loved you.
I think. Or was that today?
I just some abandonment thing. And then. I thought about it. Oh, he wouldn't tell you he loved you? Or was that today?
I just summed abandonment thing.
And then.
Why don't you work on that instead of a relationship?
I've been working on that for years.
You can work on it as well.
Coyote, find the ball.
Stop asking for it, ball.
Don't look at me.
I don't have it.
But you want her to look at you
because she has such pretty eyes.
Don't you tell me anything Look at her butt such pretty eyes. Don't you tell me anything
and look at her butthole.
Ew.
It's not beautiful.
Clean that butthole up, you.
She held her own so much.
I let her out at a big dog park today.
All the dogs flood to her
because she's little and she's prey.
And she fricking hackles up.
Got this motherfucker out there.
Got that motherfucker out there.
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Okay, let's keep doing therapy, please.
Okay, well let's go to you therapy.
No, no, no, no.
What happened with you and the guy?
It was something like, do you want to come over?
No, I don't.
It was something like that.
And I was just like, ah, and I was like up to there.
And I had done the table read, I hadn't eaten enough.
That was a big thing.
I hadn't eaten anything.
And I was at, and I was having a panic attack the whole time,
so I was so shaky.
I got to my house, I blew up the toilet,
and then I just left my house and I was like out back.
And then I did two sets,
which were actually really fun at the cellar.
And stand up on the spot, dude.
I'll tell you something, I'm gonna be honest with you. Those audiences audiences in your comedy club. We don't, we don't mesh, dude. It never has meshed. They're very like when I'm weird. Like last night I did say something that I was like, okay, that actually is funny. And they were like not having it. Oh, when you were like, I killed a horse. No, not that. That wasn't good. There was like a couple things. Can I say this? Sometimes I get in my head of,
I always do this at this place and I do poorly at that place because I always
tell myself that. But I will say when I take bullet at, in that room,
it is never good. I don't know what it is, but I love those rooms.
New York comedy club is my favorite fucking club. I love Stanford. I love up, up. That's so funny my favorite fucking club in the city. I love Stanford. I love Up Up.
That's so funny, because I never have had fun in Stanford.
That one though, that East Forth one, oh my god.
It's always like people who are like,
or they're like.
That's what happens when I go bullin'.
I'm not a good bullet act.
Ah!
But I also, to be honest, it was just, I was super,
you're exhausted, dude. It fucking happens, man. You know,
I was so tired. I think that, um, and you got like a fight. How
come can, can I say sushi was bad? Can I say, well, you got
gas station sushi. No, I got it from me. I will say, I think
that union market sushi would be safe. Think about Union Market.
Yeah, but think about this.
It's been sitting there.
You need to only eat raw fish when it's cut up
in front of you and you eat it immediately.
Can we make that compromise?
Fair.
Fair.
We should do our Chinatown thing and find,
I wanna find sea urchin.
Love it.
Oh, if you wanna do sushi, we need to find sea urchin love it. Oh if you want to do
sushi we need to do amakasi from Phil he's a buddy of mine he has all these
it's called sushi by scratch it is the best it's 18 courses of individual
hand made sushi. Oh yeah I've done that I love those. No you haven't done it with Phil. But I've done it with Philip. Yeah, I'll do that whenever you want.
Let's fucking go.
Are you here this weekend?
No, I leave tomorrow.
Where you go?
Appleton, Wisconsin.
Oh, and I'm doing a thing on the road where if you have a job, you-
You still pee in the inserts at Skankfest.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I told you that. Yeah. Years ago this happened. Two years ago you were
and I split the money with you. Anything else you want to bring up?
Good.
You can win the auto blow.
I'm doing this thing where when I come to your town DM me if you have an interesting
job and you're taking me to it.
I just did a thing at High Roller in Portland, Maine.
These guys taught me how to make lobster rolls and how to cook at this lobster restaurant.
It was super fun.
It takes an hour and a half, two hours.
And I'm doing a road travel companion
piece. We're not putting the episodes
out yet. Oh, that's Emma's hat.
Yeah. Wow.
Anyway, if I'm coming to your town,
look at my schedule. If you have an
interesting job, come and teach it to
me and then we'll film
it and it'll be a really good time.
It's called Ian Do.
Oh, that's really cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm actually looking to do it,
get out of the camera.
I'm looking to do it in Appleton, Wisconsin.
If you're like an iron worker or something,
that'll be like fun.
There's a lot of stuff down here. I'm going to put my feet up here.
I don't know.
Even whenever I get the ball, she is not satisfied.
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And tell your friends.
And if you are a co-host of the podcast, share the Patreon with a fresh link.
I found something.
What?
Dude, what is happening?
Uh huh.
Coyote, where's your fucking ball? What? Dude, what is happening?
Uh huh. Coyote, where's your fucking ball?
It's trash. It's trash.
Yeah, you already put that together. A while ago.
Oh, oh boy.
What?
What? What happened?
What? What's going on?
What? What's going on what what were you talking about?
I was saying if you're a co-host of this podcast
And you're listening at home post the patreon with like a fresh link. Oh, yeah, you guys gotta do that
Doing that you guys are freaking not carrying your weight
fuckers, it's almost like you're not even a freaking part of this thing. Pack a lunch. Hey, how come you can't say to your
guy, look, I don't care if you want to hang out with me or not. I understand you need
your time, but when you say no, can you follow it up with affirmations? That helps. I would just like to be affirmed. I've said that many times.
And he doesn't do it. So you think taking them to therapy is going to fix it? I didn't go. He took me.
Well, that's nice. What's the goal here?
Marriage.
With him.
Child.
With him.
House.
With him.
Pinky fence.
With him.
Ram.
Pick up.
Neighbors.
Not living in Delaware.
I'm not living in Delaware.
I'm looking at a house up in Ithaca.
That's really fucked up to say.
That's the most fucked up thing you could ever say to me.
Oh, could you imagine if I was your neighbor?
But like Wilson, Wilson from Home Improvement.
That's a TV show, by the way.
That's will somebody kill this guy?
Will somebody just this guy?
Will somebody just hang out with me?
Um, I want to hear more about how you've been maladapted.
Coyote find the ball ball ball.
I would love to tell you.
How have you been? How have you been maladapted?
I haven't been maladaptive.
I was just, you know, when you're on the West coast for a while and you come back East and
it just takes you a minute to get acclimated.
And now I'm leaving again tomorrow.
So it's in my mind, I've been kind of like, well, what's the fucking point?
And I'm just leaving again.
And then I'm getting to town Sunday.
So I'll have more time.
But the next week I'm in Fayetteville, Arkansas
Which I'm fucking stoked about Walton Arts Center theater. It's almost sold out. So get those ticky ticky ticky tickies
Oh you found it
But
My mom is coming in two weeks to visit for a couple days
Yeah, I'm excited. You're a car?
A car.
She's driving a car?
Yeah.
Driving up.
Yeah.
I bought a car.
What kind?
CRV.
Close.
Tiguan.
Volkswagen.
Nice.
It's sick.
Black.
We should do another pod car pod. That was really fun.
We should go to my house, honestly.
Yeah, that'd be amazing.
Um, what you would call it.
Yeah, so it's like whatever, you know, I'm not mad at myself for it.
I need to catch up on rest.
So it's all good, you know.
But you've been sleeping a lot.
Are you depressed?
Have you been having sex, sexual relations with women or men?
I did this past weekend.
I had a gal come to Portland, Oregon.
I'm going to request that in my office, you don't call women gals.
What would you like me to call them?
I would like you to call them.
Me ladies.
No, I would like you to not infantize them or characterize them.
I'd like you to say I had sex with a woman
That's not in my request. It's my eyes
It's not I would request we concentrate on the subject of Dan and not get distracted by ball
Yeah, I
Like saying gal I like saying lady. I like saying woman. I like I. So what was not
well what was this woman's first and last name? Dude she was pretty cool. Really? How did you meet
her? The show? No. How do you think? Strip club? No. Okay. We sort of she started DMing me. Right. And she came, Justin came this weekend and he had a gal
in town and then this gal came and we had a blast. Hung out, went around town, we went to an oddity
museum. Very fun. They took us to a strip club. They wanted to go to a strip club. So we went. It was great. Portland strip clubs are crazy.
Portland strip clubs are like nothing I've ever been to. The girls wanted to go.
But yeah, it was fun.
Do you see yourself entering a long-term relationship with this woman?
No, I think I'm polyamorous.
I think that that's a big decision that you should consider doing.
Interesting.
I think that that is-
Go further, doctor.
Uh, well, I think that a big part of your constitution is kind of a free love, uh, I
can fuck whoever, man, woman.
As long as there's honest and open communication.
I also think, I'm gonna go ahead and say this,
big issue with polyamory, ready for this?
The people that represent it.
No, yes.
Yeah, because they all look like.
Peter Ravello, shout out, has the best bit on polyamory.
What is it?
Where it's never the people you want it to be,
it's always like a milady and her squire.
Right.
I have a bit like that.
No, it's never like the ones you want,
you see in the moving pictures,
and it's always bebop and rock steady
from the Ninja Turtles,
and they're like, step into our ooze.
That's good.
Okay, so.
Wow.
Here's what I think.
What? So, wow, here's what I think. What part I thought it was going to be.
Oh, I thought it was going to be.
Is it part? Yes. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Get out there!
That's fun. I, I,
Yesterday was bad.
Was it Splish Splash you needed to take a bath?
Before I had diarrhea from food poisoning.
You know what, you ever do this?
Classic.
You walk into the bathroom to shit
because you're about to have diarrhea.
And you're like this?
No, you fart a little right before you shit.
You pull your pants down, then you sit down.
Where are you?
In the fart.
Right in the fart.
Never.
That has never happened.
Oh my God.
I don't trust the fart because it's going to be a poop.
This wasn't even a choice.
We should write a kid's book.
The farts that was a poop.
Dude, Jake killed me the other day.
We were having hissing farts and he was like, are for it to be like Harry
Potter.
Um, so, Oh, polyamory.
Okay.
The problem I always think of you about this because years ago you turned me on into being
in open relationships.
Yeah.
And then you ended up hating it.
No, no, no.
I just actually wasn't happy with the person.
There is a Jordan that isn't an anxiously attached person
who totally gets polyamory.
There's a Jordan that I knew that was like free and like.
No, no, don't say I've like changed.
That's the worst thing you can say to a person.
I'm not saying that.
I think you've evolved.
When was I free?
When has you've never even known me to be free?
No, no, no.
Initially, when you were in two open relationships and you still had some of
that Nashville stink on you where you were like, I was with this guy and this.
And it was never like once in Nashville.
I didn't date anybody.
I was completely single.
Second of all, I went when I was in an open relationship,
it's cause I was dating Jack and I wasn't.
Let's not, I don't wanna use names.
Call him Captain Fatcock.
Use Fatcock.
And I wasn't sure about the relationship.
So I was like, let's be open,
which basically means fishing around
to find something you like.
I could have sworn you had you had like an ex boyfriend in Nashville who was
coming to see you and stay with you.
Is he from Nashville or is that from Ithaca?
That was from Alfred.
College.
Well, Batman.
That was from college, but there was, I've never been a free love.
I was monogamous.
And then the one time with Jack, I was very like, Oh yeah, I totally get this. He was very communicative. I was very communicative. It made me feel really good. Mm-hmm
You just didn't like it. Well, eventually I just was like I got into he fucked one person and I was like no no
No, no, no, no, right, right. You know what I mean? It's all good in theory, but I was don't ask don't tell do not tell me
I cannot know I'm a little like that.
I'm like, don't ask, don't tell about the experience,
but do tell about what's going on to let you know.
And I like the idea of an octopus where there's one base,
me and you,
and then there's other tentacles,
and the tentacles can fall off and grow back,
but the base of the octopus is this thing together.
Well, that's ironic because actually the symbol
for polyamorous people, they love to get octopus tattoos.
No, really?
Well, those hideous, you know how women,
those fat women with big tits
always get like an octopus tattoo?
I always thought it was Nightmare Before Christmas.
True. But also there's an octopus. There's a level up that's octopus and like,
you know, like remember the octopus phase owl, owl and octopus phase.
Girls with septum piercings, octopus tattoo. Big time.
Yeah, like on the chest.
On the chest. It was always on the chest. I was going to say the chest,
but I thought I was just thinking about one girl.
Well, I had fun with this tentacle. Can I say something?
And I do kind of have like a little octopus.
Can I say something? Yeah.
Who's your octopus?
Wait a minute.
No. He's a tentacle.
Gail.
I told you about her, but you were more interested in ball.
Oh, the girl you just fucked is mean.
No, no, no.
That's tentacle.
You got to find the ball in order for people to throw it with your tiny little.
Candy Claire, the Booker for New York Comedy Club.
That's awesome.
Dude, I have no idea what that name is.
Which one is she?
Which one?
That's because of her name.
My body's trying to say the name.
But which one is she?
Just give me the chapter that she came from, the epoch. Cause her name, my body's trying to say the name. But which one is she? What?
Just give me the chapter that she came from the epoch.
Austin.
Do you know?
I've told you.
Oh, Ethan has a little life update.
Isn't this like, weren't you talking about her with Jason about, wasn't she
like a baker or something like that?
Yes. I don't know shit.
I don't even know your name.
Listen. Oh, beautiful.
Trans. Sorry.
She got with trans.
So do I. So do I. So do I.
So do I. So do I.
Wait, there's you've never said anything about her.
I have, but you didn't listen.
I do know, I do know, I do know.
I just didn't know it was...
Oh, nice.
Hot.
So you have the main octopus and then you have tentacles.
Is she okay with Polly?
Yeah, yeah.
Because I've been like completely communicative.
Okay, here's the other thing I was going to say about Polly.
Communicating sucks so bad.
What do you mean?
Like having overly emotional conversations where you're like,
and I love that, and that's your freaking bread and butter, dude.
You freak, you lather that, you freaking, that's your jam.
Someone told me I do
You take the cream cheese, oh you say no cream cheese not good enough I need jelly jelly
The cream cheese on all three
Me neither, but all the time jelly cream cheese and butter Wow all the time Yeah, you love lots of stacks of gooey gooey gumdrops
cream cheese and butter.
All the time. Yeah. You love lots of stacks of gooey, gooey gumdrops.
And I can totally imagine you being in an audience, not that you're a comedian,
but you know, when you're in there and there's like, well,
you know how there's the audience member who's always like, I'm Polly.
And he's always a mustache little guy. Oh yeah. Oh no.
They always love cats. They fricking Polly dudes.
Fucking love cats. But I don't want to call it Polly.
That's my magic trick on stage.
Because it's like Dave Matthews band.
The music's good, but the fans suck.
Music good?
It was in 95.
I love Ethan doing business with the dog.
You need to be quiet on set.
Ball, ball.
Coyote, you're always fucking up podcasts.
Yeah, I don't know what she's. Coyote, you're always fucking up podcasts. You're repeating stuff to us.
It's almost like you shouldn't bring her.
She's feening for something, but I don't know what it is.
You don't want me to bring my baby?
No, I want Glenn down here too.
He's been such, him and Samson have been such good dudes.
Oh my God.
They're the best.
When are you getting a Coyote tattoo?
I would get the word.
Yeah, totally. That's a cool word to get.
We should do a Te-Te-Te-Te-Patra.
Dude, a classic New York script of Coyote with like this, like this kind of script by Rich.
That'd be incredible. Yeah, no, I mean, here's the thing. I like the idea of kind of floating around and then
going back to one person. Do you like my bangs?
Yeah, they're great. Not like that. That. There you go. Yeah, that's good.
You look very like environmental lawyer from 92 right now. I like that. Do I look like, um, the woman who talks to elephants?
Jane Goodall. Yeah. Wow. Put that high back.
You know what? It's like a magic eight ball.
When I had, when I had the threesome, there were two magic eight balls at the condo and one
of them was like, will I blow Ian a night?
And shook it and she's like, it's not working.
And I jumped from the counter and I go, there's another one!
There's so many eight balls in that place.
Will she blow Ian?
And I was like, but how come possible?
Oh, are you talking about the threesome where you said,
just like that?
No, I didn't say it like that.
I said-
Just like that.
No, I forget what I said.
But ever since that episode, I've-
Wait, can we talk about Ethan's life update?
No.
You can say what it is.
I don't really wanna go into it.
Ethan's single, so hop in them DMs.
Big breakup. You stuck to it. We were supposed to get dinner. We didn't do it.
Jordan made a plan and canceled.
She didn't cancel. I didn't cancel.
You're a little canceler.
I didn't cancel. What's your name? Leonardo?
We just didn't. Yeah, I just didn't follow up.
I was just kind of in a. How do you feel?
I mean, it's still kind of processing it, you know, kind of still in shock.
I guess like you would say like a grieving in a sense.
Are there tendrils of...
Let her get whatever the fuck she's getting, dude.
I think she's trying to get the...
She wants to produce the show.
What does she want?
This little cheese thing that she could swallow.
Throw it out!
Oh, no, she won't swallow it.
Let her fuck with anything.
Throw it out!
Dude, her favorite toy is the tiny head. Throw it out! No, no, she won't swallow it. Let her fuck with anything. Throw it out. Dude, her favorite toy is a tiny ant.
Throw it out.
No, no, no, she won't eat anything.
Should I go get Glen?
No, you should just deal with the fact
that Coyote is adorable
and you don't get to see her very much.
I love seeing her.
She is the most adorable.
God, she's so cool. Her body shape is incredible.
Very taut, very nice.
The TSA lady goes,
goes, excuse me, and I thought I was in trouble,
and she goes, what kind of dog is that?
And I was like, she's a mutt, and she goes,
she's the most chill I've ever seen a dog
go through security.
That's so nice.
She doesn't even wear a harness
and leave through security.
She waits, and then she go.
That's nice.
Yeah, it's awesome.
I wonder what Glenn would be like in security. Samson would be like this. No. She waits and then she go. That's nice. Yeah, it's awesome.
I wonder what Glenn would be like in security. Samson would be like this.
No.
And Glenn would be like,
I'm gonna move my ears like an antenna.
Yeah.
My question is,
are we gonna die in a plane crash?
Oh.
What was the smoke one?
Smoke.
There was a new one where there was a bunch of smoke
in the fuselage.
I haven't seen that one.
I saw the one that they like nearly missed.
Landed upside down.
I saw that one and then the one with the.
Oh, and then recently Southwest, right?
Yeah, it was like where they like,
they touched the ground, they saw like a private jet coming.
So then it went back up.
That was crazy.
Here's my question.
Dude, why is this happening?
Can I ask you something?
You can ask.
I think we should ask Bishop this question.
No, no Bishop.
Okay, my question is, Bishop, Bishop, you can hear me. My question is, is it true that there has been an increase in calamities regarding the
plane system, or is the media showing all of it now?
There's an increase, I believe.
Because I asked the plane mechanic and he was like, no, it's just like. The media is picking up on it? Yeah, picking up on all of them now. There's an increase, I believe, because I asked a plane mechanic and he was like, no, it's just like the media is picking up. Yeah. Picking up on all of them. Interesting.
I don't know. I feel like every time there's a big plane crash, it's like pretty well documented.
Have you seen the video? It's like you hear you see somebody sitting in their seat and then you
hear somebody go, do not spit on people, do not spit on people. And then all of a sudden this
black woman is being dragged through and she's like being
dragged by your foot and she's like, she's very calm.
It's the best video.
Did you see the video I sent you and the guy was like leaving a voicemail and he's like,
Hey, I just want to let you know, I just got back from the hospital and I tested positive
for Indian COVID.
Oh yes, we all heard that.
And they said that it would be lasting for 14 days.
I think they used the one more fish guy for the White Lotus.
I'm going to say that right now.
Oh, I got to poop.
Are you watching White Lotus?
No, I haven't seen the news.
It's great, but the problem is the Australian.
Come on ladies, come on ladies.
What bad fish.
I think they hired him to do the intro song. It's great, but the problem is the Australian ladies come on ladies
Well, you know that guy became famous and then the fame brought upon him ended up getting him like
deported and he got in trouble and then there was a
Like petition to bring him back
Because he was like so beloved. Is that fun? Yeah
Details I was just to with the aviation thing. So this says,
according to recent reports, while the total number of aviation incidents in 2025 might be
slightly lower than the previous year, there has been a noticeable increase in the severity of
crashes, severity of crashes, resulting in a higher number of fatalities compared to 2024.
Interesting. There appears to be a rise in the impact of aviation.
I wonder what the cause is, because at the same time,
everyone's like, well, Trump is cutting aviation,
FAA budgets, blah, blah.
But at the same time, it's like,
could those cuts immediately directly impact
the people flying?
All I know is the pilots used to be men,
and now they are small boys.
They are boys, man. They're kids, man. I want a salt and pepper beard or an older lady, but a little boy? No, you should not be flying the plane. You should be sitting on my lap.
No women plane flights. Here's why. Just put us in politics. We'll take care of everybody.
We'll make sure everybody's fed. We want it comes to fricking little buttons and pushing
shit. Give it to the men. They're good at it. Give it to old white or why video games.
What about AI? Isn't that the whole point of this? We got driverless cars when we're
going to get flyless children and don't give it to women for the love of God. We're not
good at driving. I mean, it's just true. We're not very good.
I'm good at driving cause I'm a man.
But.
I'm good at driving cause I'm a man.
Don't say the same thing I say after I say it.
I won't say the same thing you said after you say it.
But.
But.
No more baby pilots.
No more baby pilots.
It is jarring when it is a fresh faced child. It's often. Getting behind the wheel
of a plane. They're freaking handing out the little pins to little kids. They're freaking
little kids. And they're like, hey little kid, why don't you fly the plane? The kid's
like, let's go to Tulsa. Would you rather have like a 70 year old pilot? Yes. I mean,
what, they're going to like have a heart attack while they're flying. No. That's like way
more of a... Pilots need to be old men and so do therapists.
Enough of these young and agreed.
Oh, I need I need George Clooney behind the wheel.
100% Yeah.
You need to be attractive, chiseled.
You can be black. I'll even allow you to be black.
I will allow it once every.
Oh, my God, it's almost the end of February.
Thank God.
Right?
Like I was, ow, my back.
That was the Lord's smile.
That was the Lord.
I'm sorry Martin Luther.
That's like when I talked about a dead baby on stage and the lights all shut down.
Really?
Wow.
Oh yeah, I should get to get.
Where's your first one? Oh, I moved it to eight o'clock.
I got an eight o'clock in New York Comedy Club
and then I got a nine o'clock
at Williamsburg Comedy Club.
Well, we're at an hour,
if you wanna switch over to Patreon.
We can get a Patreon while you're here.
See on the Patreon where we're gonna talk about
really fucked up stuff. And then wonder why you're here. See on the Patreon where we're gonna talk about really fucked up stuff.
And then wonder why you're parasocial.
What?
Yeah, I'll tell my secrets too.
Patreon.com slash BNE and Bob.
We're gonna hear about Young Ethan's breakup.
The amount of you that come up to me
at fucking meet and greets asking me about Ethan,
if you aren't on the fucking Patreon
to hear about this breakup.
Yeah, and where are they at?
My DMs. It's making me faint.
They never get my DMs.
What the hell is that?
Some girl posted. She goes, I need to know the man in the red shirt. That clip of when the guy
entered the apartment. I got a knife and I tagged you. I did see that and she did follow me. So
you weren't here. It was me, Feeny and Sagalow and some guy maintenance guy came in the apartment
and I grabbed a knife to go confront him. You would have gotten wet. I never would think you could should confront. I had a
my cleaning lady show up while I was still in bed and she came in, oh sorry, and I
said, yeah. And she left. That's different. Cleaning lady in a home is different. Oh my
god. This guy was a, let's get Glenn down here.
Do you want to interview the pets
and make up stories for them?
Feel her head on your.
I do, and I like it.
Are we gonna get a pet psychic on?
That's right, Phoebe, I was supposed to call you back
and I didn't, let's call her right now.
Call her right now, on the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash B&E and pod, we love you.
Oh my God, I'm so excited. Hey, where can E and pod. We love you.
I'm so excited.
Hey, where can people see you live?
Dude, I'm going everywhere.
By the way, I'm really sorry about canceling Europe.
I'm moving it to October.
All your tickets are going to be moved or refunded.
It's going to be a blast.
We're going to have a way better time.
I'm going to be way more prepared.
I'm going to be fucking doing weird shit because I'll be over the specials.
So I'm going to be doing new and old and you haven't seen the specials. So
it'll be so fun. And it was going to be way better and way more shows and, and better.
And um, uh, uh, yeah. But then coming up, I got, I got a lot of stuff for the next month.
So just go to punch up live slash Jordan Jensen, punch up dot live, punch.
Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen.
I'm going all over.
I'm on the road.
When does this come?
Almost every weekend until the end of 2025.
Dead Crow, I added Dead Crow.
I added Dead Crow. Dead Crow, Wilmington.
Yes.
I love it.
I love that place. Yes, yes.
Go to Dead Crow.
Oh, I added Indianapolis helium or Indiana helium.
I got a bunch of stuff.
I'm on the road every weekend till I have like three weekends off till 2026.
EMFodance.com.
It's got everything on there.
My punch up.
All right.
We got to switch.
Switch. ["It Doesn't Matter What You Say Anymore"]