Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 015: "Slap Hog City" W/ Ali Macofsky

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

On the road in Las Vegas, Ian and Jordan sit down and laugh with the very funny Ali Macofsky! They talk Skankfest, vaginas, and Young Ethans killer bod. For more madness, please sub to the Patreon at www.patreon.com/beinianpod Also, follow these maniacs at: Ali Macofsky- @notalimac Jordan Jensen- @jordanjensenlolstop Ian Fidance- @ianimal69   Thanks!!

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt Hey, Ian here. Just want to let you know he means giving it, not getting it.

Okay, thanks. Back to the song. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian, being Ian. And life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a lie. Being Ian, being lie. Being Ian. Being Ian. With Jordan. That is a Chilean death rattle.

What is that? That's not a shofar. I feel like that's mocking Jewish. This isn't a shofar, is it? Oh my god. Grab your mic. Okay. Allie, this is kind of basically what it is. It really goes off the rails quick.

Thank you for agreeing to do this. Yeah, thank you so much. I almost was going to cancel. Yeah, we felt that. Yeah, I felt it through text. I just, I really wanted to keep playing. Roulette. Yeah.

But you were losing. No. So in a way, we saved you. I just, I really wanted to keep playing. Roulette. Yeah. But you were losing. No. So in a way, we saved you. I wasn't losing. How much were you up? I was up like 150. So, not a lot. Congrats. Not a lot, thanks. I want to go back. Well, that's, the teeth of gambling has bit into you hard. Have you gambled before? Yeah, I love

gambling. Well, there you go. What roulette is you just put it on the color of the number and then you win or lose? Yeah, and you can really split it across the board and maximize your chances of winning, but then when you split it, then you're not really getting that much back. And then what I do when I play roulette is I put it on a thing and then in my head I go, put it on red. And I go, no, no, no, black. And then it hits red and I go, I knew I should have put it on red. And then everyone looks at me because you don't remember the times that you win from what you put it on because you know you know i mean yeah i lose i get so mad when i lose money

gambling i know micah bruce he went to the queens one and i lost a good 80 bucks on really immediately just immediately it just feels like you're handing them money yeah yeah yeah hey how are you doing today here's a hundred dollars100 and have a good one. Well, dude, one time, so I never knew how to play blackjack until this year. And my buddy, thank you, so like my lifelong best friend, he's like grandfathered into my life. You know those people in your life that like? Yeah, friends, we got it. Friends.

Oh, my God. Jesus. No! The kind of friends that when your friends, your friends, lifelong friends, but if you met them now, you'd be like, get away from me. Oh, yeah, yeah, we got to keep going. Oh, my God. Jesus. No! The kind of friends that when your friends, lifelong friends, but if you met them now, you'd be like, get away from me. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking dick.

I don't know how to navigate that. Yeah, it's just, you keep them. You just slowly bail. They're the best. I love them. They're the best. They're my guys. They're the ones who show up when you need them.

But I mean, this guy kept getting motorcycles, and he was on unemployment, and his wife was like, I'm going to leave you. And he's like, I just need one more motorcycle. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So this is when I was drinking and we were up all night doing computer duster.

We were drinking. And then I woke up, started swigging vodka. And I was like, I'm calling out of work. And he's like, all right, I'll call out of work.

We go, well, what are we going to do? He goes, let's go to the casino. I'm really good at blackjack. We're going to win a ton of money. And then we'll buy a bushel of crabs.

We got some Percocet. Wow. We'll go and we'll have a night. And we're like, let's do it. Firstly, we get there and he goes, oh, I forgot my card. Can I borrow money? Nice. No.

Okay, great. Yeah. So I go. I give him money. He sits down. I sit down. I'm figuring out what to do. And I'm not even exaggerating in under 30 seconds. I feel I'm out of money. Um, here, let me tell you what

to do. And I'm like, you were supposed to win and I'm up playing on my own. And then he starts to go hit, hit. And I listen. Cause he's Mr. Blackjack. I lose all my money. And then we go, all right, whatever. Let's just get to grabs a new Percocet. And we did it anyway. Wow. I think that's how it goes. That's like the whole thing of gambling. It's like you're up and you're like, oh, my God, I have so much money now.

And I can just keep playing. And then the more you play, the more you keep losing. You got to know when to fold them. It's weird when you don't hold them. I met Lev last night who also bought a motorcycle that's like 1,200cc, minus 250. Oh, do you know that guy, Lev? I do. Yeah, have you seen his motorcycle?

You know, it's so fun. No, I haven't. But when I was in New York, he was talking all about it. And he saw me last night. And when I saw him in New York, I wasn't wearing any makeup when I was in New York because it's like, what's the point? He sees me last night and he's like, whoa.

I didn't recognize you. I was like, okay. Like, what? Say it. Say it, Lev. Say it, Lev, who's gained 400 pounds. You should have been like, I didn't recognize you, Shamu.

What's up? How do you bounce on your hog, you hog? 6 a.m. playing poker. Here, here, hold on, hold on. Here's the joke. You ever see a hog ride a hog? It's Lev. Nice.

He's fat. The motorcycle doesn't go. You know, it's just extreme because he was so hot before. Yeah, that's what you were saying. I don't remember. No, he was. He was so hot before. Yeah, that's what he was saying. I don't remember. No, he was. He was like a mean. He seemed mean.

He was like 20 years old and was hot and was like, here's why women are bitches. I'm going to read from the Patrice book of blah, blah, blah. But God bless him. But then what happened? He's a nice guy. Why did he get fat? COVID.

Yeah, so many people. The weirdest one was Daniel Simonson put on some weight, and I saw him, and I was like, oh. And he was like, I've gained some weight. And then he immediately lost it, but it was like, this is the last person he should have weight. Dude, I had a dream about him like a week or two ago. No dreams on the pod.

No dreams on the pod. What? I hate when people tell us their dreams. Well, this is a good one. Okay. I had a dream that this- We were in outer space and- And he kept being like, wow, your dick is so big.

That rocks. That's a great dream. That actually is pretty- Oh, okay, okay. No, the dream was the seller was in a basement bar somewhere and I was supposed to MC and I showed up late and he- Sorry. Sorry.

All right. Now I'm realizing it's a bad story. Yeah, anything that is... Here's what happened. He took me aside and was like... It didn't happen. Here's what happened in the dream, but he took me aside and was like,

you're not very professional. I'm disappointed in you. And I woke up feeling so bad and I thought he was mad at me. Did you text him? No. We can cut that out. You know how there's,

are there ever people that you just want to observe having sex? Yeah. Dude, are you about to say Daniel? This is a whole thing at the cellar. People were roasting me because I was like, I want to know,

I would fuck Daniel just because I want to see what it's like. Yeah, there's plenty of people who I'm like, I just want to know what they're like in the bedroom. Ari Shaffir, big time for me. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to see what it's like. Yeah, there's plenty of people who I'm like, I just want to know what they're like. Ari Shaffir, big time for me. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to know. Why? Because I think it might be great. I think it might be good. Yeah? Yeah, I think it might. That doesn't intrigue me.

No? No. All right, who else you got? I feel like we're having girl talk. We should lay on our bellies on the bed and kick our legs up and have this conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'll go next next who else would i want to

see bone i don't think i've thought of anyone i've wanted to watch have sex that are so fucked up when we did a podcast the other day and he was like name hardcore bands and my mind went entirely blank and i was like do you ever have that happen people like what music do you like and you're like uh sounds sounds noises my mind is blank most of the time anytime someone asks me a question i forget that i'm it's fucked up i truly i'm like something super traumatic must have happened because my recollection of things just completely out the window oh like you got molested so hard your brain doesn't work at some point yeah someone dick me Yeah, someone dick me down. I think it's just depression. I think it's just everything comes in and you're like, I don't care.

I think I don't take in experiences in a positive way or any way. It's just like I'm doing this and so it doesn't stand out. I'm being forced to do it. It can be something that I really want to do and I'm like, this is just me struggling through life for another minute. Just getting by. Yeah, this is just survival. And then later people are like, what happened? And I'm like, I blacked out my entire existence. struggling through life for another minute. Just getting by. Yeah, this is just survival. Yeah. And then later people are like, what happened?

And I'm like, I blacked out my entire existence. Yeah. Because it's all bad. Even if it's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to watch Rachel Feinstein have sex. Because she always does voices.

And she talks about how like afterwards. Jessica Kirsten. Oh, yeah. That would be a good one. Well, no. Rachel talks about how like in bed she'll throw change at her husband and be like, there, don't ask for anything else. Now get out of here, toots. And I'm like, that's fun.

Yeah, that's fun. I had a guy, while I was fucking him, did a perfect impression of my landlord. Like, so perfect that I was like, get out of me. Was it your landlord? It was my landlord, yeah. Was your landlord a Hasidic? He was doing a really good impression.

No, it was just this like guy who was like a local hero at our where we went to college oh it was a weird like mountain man yeah it was crazy so how did he sound i don't remember it was like hey jordan uh i'm gonna need the rent pretty soon here it was like that and he like switched into it and i was like it was so accurate it was so good i used to. I used to do a voice where I would dirty talk as if I was my girlfriend at the time in an Irish accent. So I'd be like, oh, I didn't come all the way here for you to not jizz inside of me.

You better give me that nice jizz, boy. Come on now. Why is nothing I'm saying landing? What is this curse? But that is bestowed to me? What is happening? Nothing I'm saying is working. I just still have a grudge against the dream thing. You two are just using your period powers to combine and sync up to hate me.

No, I like you. I've heard you have sex. Oh, yeah. I love this audience. Now I want heard you have sex Oh yeah I love this like audience I wanna like Now I like wanna start Having sex to be viewed Now I wanna be

I'm like do you guys Wanna see me have sex Like are you interested What that would look like I videotaped sex once What Yeah Really

Me too Should I play it Yeah No I videotaped it And then I would Caption it And put it on Instagram

It's a clip. It's in Reels format. Is it? It's aligned, right? Did you have to set up a tripod? No, she took the phone and held it. Oh. And then dropped it.

Oh, no. I mean put it up. We put it up on a bookshelf. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, so you used production. Did you watch it back and think, oh, that was nice. I actually went to watch it back, and he tackled me to the ground

and stole my phone and deleted it because he was so worried about me. What a chick. I know, I know. I thought so, too. What a girl. Isn't that wild? What a girly man. I think he was worried.

He was, like, paranoid that I was going to, like, save it or send it or do something with it. Like, that was his worst nightmare. So? Shouldn't you be worried about that? Yeah, I'd be scared of that. Did he have a little wiener? What was he scared about? No, no, no. Great wiener.

Just like he's a paranoid. You know how I date conspiracy theorists who stay off the internet and stuff? He put tape over all the cameras. Where do you find these guys? In the woods, truly. These are just like hicks. They're libertarians. I heard there's a lot of those here.

A lot of libertarians. In Vegas? At Skanky. I don't know what that means, here A lot of libertaries In Vegas? At Skanky Oh yeah, they're idiots I don't know what that means, to be honest What, libertarians? Yeah That everybody, it's just every man for himself

And you just, you There's no social benefits, no programs The government doesn't help anybody No welfare, no nothing I don't like that I mean it would be I like kumbayasha I'm the type of person who's like i

just want world peace yeah yeah why can't we all just get along and help each other i don't think we would we can have world peace because i think it would be i mean i think there needs to be some population that's being crushed at all times in order for there to be some sort of ladder to climb for us not to lose our minds but that could just be i used to like be a communist like a full commie i saw the funniest fucking tweet today somebody said uh they were like uh indigenous their tweet was like indigenous culture matters indigenous ways are important and then the next like picture in the tweet was uh from bbc news africa killing of five bald men in in Mozambique is linked to a superstitious belief that bald men have gold in their head. Whoa. Whoa.

Wait, why does it have, how does it link to indigenous people? How did it go from that to that? Because that's like tribes of indigenous people are killing bald men because they think they have gold in their head. That rules. We should spread that rumor. That's a good one. So many have gold in their head. That rules. We should spread that rumor.

That's a good one. So many people here would be gone. I know. Fucking Geordie. Oh, my God. Geordie will get hacked out with that bald head. How do you guys all know each other? Who's this crew?

I like this. Okay. Okay. Oh, hey. Cute. I love that. Oh, wow. Thanks for giving us your room it's a nice room yeah real nice room well what do you think about skank fest so far oh my god am i loving it it's pretty crazy no actually am i loving it i don't know yet i feel contaminated for sure um no i love it it's so fun

it's just like everyone i love like especially like, especially, like, I love places like Vegas or Florida or, like, Skankfest where everyone's just, like, the grossest version of themselves. And they're so happy. Well, I started to get rethought about it. And he was, like, all this minimalist influencer, like, Instagram sexy stuff is, you know, taking over the world. So he was, like, we were talking about how it's nice to have the, like, gaudy are all the like jack of hearts with like gillis's face on it and shit where it's just like the most nylon synthetic i saw a woman tax people have i saw a woman last night in a bridal dress getting tattooed alone yeah yeah that's what you want that's what yeah that's what i came here so we might as well see it yeah i saw a plastic a plastic mom with, like, a gross family,

those people we saw today. Yeah. And then walking here, we saw a man that we both thought didn't have a head. That was great. We both were like, oh. How do you not? His head was dropped. Oh, I love that.

Holy shit, it was scary. Yeah, and I went, Ian, and he went, he didn't have a head. And I was like, thank God, thank God. It was crazy. Everybody here, it is a slap hog city. This is a form of ugly I didn't know existed. Like, it's a different type of white. I was talking about that on stage, where it's a level of fat where there's,

it's like a fat that's like hard fat. Like, you can't, like, grab anything, but it's just, like, slappy. It's like just spanky people. I have a theory that when they outlawed smoking, that's when everyone's bodies started going to shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone was so in shape when smoking was legal. I saw a tweet about that where it was like 1940, you know, smoking's bad, and then it showed years later no smoking,

and it was like whales on the page. Because people, instead of smoking, they just do sugar and big drinks now. Well, and cigarettes curb your appetite. See, that's what people say, and I'm like, but I've never gotten skinnier from smoking cigarettes. I can eat through Adderall. Same. I eat on Coke, yeah. I was so pissed when I got prescribed Adderall in like eighth grade or something.

They were like, eat normally, you're not going to be hungry, but just like eat normally. I just became more focused on food. Yeah, well, I ate normally, and then I was like, fucked. It didn't curb my appetite because I was just used to eating on a schedule. I never ate on Adderall. I think we probably had ADHD more than you did. Well, that seems crazy.

Yeah, you're right. It just makes me normal. It makes me more regular. Yeah, I'm trying to decide if I want to go back on Adderall or not. I'm on it all the time. You are? Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like it gets you too like... Yipped up? No, not yipped up. I feel like I'm too

in the zone where I don't enjoy, I don't allow myself joy. I kind of like that. But I'm also like, do I now? I'm not on it, so I don't know. I am on it because, yeah, I just am all over the, I can't focus on anything without it. And I'm on it...

Yeah, but Jordan gets off of her antidepressants and then something happens. She goes, yeah, this will make it better. And then a day later, she's like, I can tell the difference from the value or whatever. And I'm like, what? That's psychosomatic. It takes a while to get into your bloodstream.

No, no, no, no, no. Not if you have... It doesn't work like Advil. No, for people with bipolar, it takes a couple weeks, but for people with PMDD, it's immediate. Oh, do you have PMDD? I don't even know what that stands for. Post-menstrual traumatic...

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, post-menstrual... Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder. Yeah. What does that mean? It's everything. Like, you become insane. Take it away, fuck fuck oh you become insane before you get your period you gain a whole bunch of weight like a huge amount of water weight before you get like dysphoric everything like suicidal suicidal like a

disassociative yeah i don't think i fully have that but i definitely get fucked up before my period yeah you ever have like panic before like if i'm gonna go on stage right before my period. Do you ever have like panic before like if I'm going to go on stage right before my period that's the only time I'll like panic about stage which is insane. No. I just get like very sad. Very very very sad. When I hear about this stuff with like women and their periods and PMDD and everything it's like

the only thing I can think of like when I hear that is like oh my god wow it's true. Trans women are women. Yeah. It is a problem. Don't clip that. If you do, just crop me out. I know you know the joke is coming, but some people might not, so don't say it.

They all know. They all know. Why? Because the way you look down and you start doing this thing and then there's a little smirk in the corner of your mouth and you're getting ready, you're pumped about it, and you're like, this one's going to hit hard, motherfucker. And here it is.

You're all geared up. You're fucking clicking the fucking, your little thing on your back is just. No, it is true. It is aggravating to have the, yeah, to want to kill yourself every month and then have somebody be like, oh, I am a woman. And I've done it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not wrong to say that or bad to say that. The only thing that I can think is that would I, you know, would I rather be somebody who's thought they were in a different body my entire life? No. That's terrifying and horrible too. Yes, yes, yes. I'm not taking that away from anyone, but I'm just saying it's disingenuous to be like,

hey, sister, I know what you're going through, you know? Your body is murdering itself and you want to kill yourself, but you can't get out of bed. And I'm like, I'm right there with you, Tuts. You want to share face razors? Let's do it, brother. That's the last thing to transition. I'll tell you this much.

I'm right there with you, Tuts. It's so funny. I heard that. Yeah. Oh, God. My fucking pussy's burning. Huh, sweetie? Hey, gals. You ever get a sweaty beaver?

I do know some trans women who do seem like they were. Did you see that joke coming? No, I didn't see it coming. But we have to dial it back a little bit here, okay? Dial what back? We have to dial back our non-PC. We don't want to implicate her. This is what we do.

I'm scared. Oh, it's Skank Fest. I did get it. And the N in Skank Fest stands for... I did get a message from someone who was like, why are you doing that? Why are you doing the festival?

If it's for money, I can understand. Who? Who? I'm not saying. Is it someone we know? I don't know if you know this person, but they messaged a few people. Why would Bobby Lee say that to you? What a fucking dickhead. It was a woman, obviously. Really?

I don't know who it was. Yeah, of course. But yeah, it was so funny too because like. If it's a trans woman and you just went. I don't know. We are true. We are. Mask off. Why? Because it's white supremacist i yeah yeah i guess but have you gotten a whiff of that at all from this ever and that's what's so funny like we're

so fucking dumb blair went up the other night and she was like she made some joke about like not wanting to date a republican and she was like oh this is the wrong audience for that and everyone in the audience was like no yeah yeah and i was like i wish that that a Republican and she was like, oh, this is the wrong audience for that. And everyone in the audience was like, no. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I wish that that person could see and be like, oh, oh. Yeah. And see that it's like a ton of like Mexican people and like women and all different types

of people that don't even care about any of that. I did a show the other night that was like three women. Oh, dude. My show the other night was packed with women. Oh, really? Oh, this was like an Aaron Berg show. Does that make sense? Well, there you go. This was like Legends of Comedy. It was great. Oh, dude, my show the other day was packed with women. Oh, really? Oh, this was like an Aaron Berg show. Oh, well, there you go. This was like Legends of Comedy.

It was great. Oh, man. There were women at the dark show. Yeah. All right, well. It was just Blair. No, no, in the crowd. Oh, in the crowd.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, people don't understand. They're so fucking stupid, and they think that this is like like, just some, like... It's also funny because I think it's just because of the demographic. Like, when you look at the fan, like, I feel like there's this, like, liberal bubble,

or, like, there's, like, these people who are so liberal that they have this idea of what liberal people should look like, and then they see this audience, and they're like, there's no way they can be liberal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, no, not everyone's, like, hot and wears birkenstocks yeah like you're just in la where does this breed come from i know that it's like the food court at a mall but like yeah what is it dude all these people listen to bye guys some guy came up to me today and was jacked and was like i just gotta thank you you

being open about being bisexual helped me come to terms with the fact that it's okay for me to be a gay male escort. Yeah, dude. It's okay to be my mother. Thank you. But that's the thing. All these guys with like goiters and like eyes hanging off the side of their head and they're like dirty fingernailed bike mechanics that live in trailers are like, dude, I'm bisexual, too.

Thank you. You made me feel normal. You know, it's like these are all the fucking freaks of the world that come together and just want to laugh and have a good time. And it's fucking amazing. And then all these fucking losers like that person in the message, you live in this world where it's like, exactly. Well, you don't look like how I think you should look. So you can't believe the thing that that i'm and it's so dumb what i think is funny is how they track the like they'll follow our lie like it's like oh you and ian have a podcast and then you

you do come down so you know and they like fought like a marvel universe but then the reality of just all of us having nervous breakdowns together when we're alone you know what i mean yeah like they think we're just like going out and doing cool shit all the time and like all right we've just filmed sketches all day when a lot of it is us just like hanging out and being like i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna have a i think my heart's gonna stop i'm pretty sure my heart's gonna stop right now oh last night in the middle of the night i woke up and thought i was dying why i was choking on bile and i just started puking up bile why i think i have acidux. Well, that's why my voice is gone. You can't eat the shit that you eat. You can't do it.

I'm trying. What did you eat last night? Well, I haven't been eating burgers, so when I go to fast food, no, I get fried chicken. That's... It's chicken. Chicken is better. It's fried and bread and fries for you. It's steps. It's a process. Oh my god, it's a

step back. No, get a burger, but like just eat the meat. Like, you know, take off one piece of bun. I thought fast food burgers were bad for you it's steps it's a process no get a burger but like just eat the meat like you know cut take off one piece of burgers are bad for you so i've been getting chicken grilled chicken like ethan did take the bun off yeah look at ethan's physique oh my god oh why so i can be a skinny wiener yeah i would kill a three-year-old i would love to look like even and be a woman i would fucking hurt a child. I'd wear a toddler as a snowshoe and hike through Alaska if I could look like Ethan. Do you have that thing where you can't tell if you want to be someone? Fuck them?

Yeah, 100%. Wait, what? Like when I see Ethan and I have a boyfriend who I love, but people like Ethan, I'm like, I can't tell if I want to dress you or if I want to you know have sex with you yeah I've had boyfriends that are like gnarly skinny musician guys and I'm like oh I just wanted my gal tells me she wishes that she was my mom so I could be her little boy that's fucked up that's a little fucked up that's a little I thought that's what you guys are talking about. Well, you also are kind of like a little kid, so I can get it. Yeah. Like, I want to dress you and put you in things.

I have that feeling about Michael sometimes. Yeah, there you go. I'm like, oh my god, this is what a happy son feels like, but I don't fuck him. And then I say things like, mommy. That really gets me going. Have you ever slept with a guy who's like, um, sucking on your titties, but the way that they were doing it felt

very, like like baby mommy. Yeah, totally. I don't know what you mean. Show me. Come on, guys. I just started sucking your titties. Yeah, 100%. And I don't really have tits,

so it's always like, all right, this has to be a mommy thing. What do you mean you don't always have tits? Yeah, I didn't mean to say that. I don't really have tits. Oh, I was like, what do you have, a tit day and a bad day? There are. Well, before my period, they get pretty good. Yeah, I didn't mean to say that. I don't really have tits. Oh, I was like, what do you have, a tit day and a bad day?

There are. Well, before my period, they get pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. But then the rest of it, they're like, yeah. Did you see the naked roast? No, but I want to go tonight. Oh, it's again? Yeah, there's another one tonight.

They need to set it up. Zach put a rat trap on his penis. They need to have stadium seating. Yeah, what are they doing? Because I'm a little guy, in the back I can't see. It sucks. Those guys doing the naked roast are also little guys.

Yeah, those were little guys. Yeah. It's always, every time I've gone to a naked roast, tiniest, tiniest, tiniest little penis, biggest stomach.

Yup, big fupas. No jokes, no funny. Yup, flat ass. I've been a little funny. No. Yeah, I'm like, is there someone with just an average wiener

that can just, yeah. Give me a small wiener I don't know, ladies. No. Yeah, I'm like, is there someone with just an average wiener that can just... Yeah. Give me a small wiener. I don't know, ladies. No, no, no. Not small. I wish I had a penis. That would be so fun.

It would be fun. Yeah, it would. It's fun. I want to do that stretching thing. It would be nice to have sex with somebody without having them enter you. You know what I mean? I want to be entered. That would be fun.

I want to stab. Yeah, we know you want to be entered that'd be fun i want to know you want to be entered um the other day i was watching porn and jerking off and saying things like me wow wow you're opening up new chambers yeah i think i might get pegged really this weekend no yeah i think you're moving into have you you not? I feel like you would always. Never been pegged. Oh, that's such a surprise. Isn't that. But that's all.

Wouldn't you peg me for something else? Good one. Good one. Good one. Well, I don't like stuff on my ass. Not even like a little pinky? I like it touched. I like to knock on the door, but don't go inside.

Oh, okay. I like full anal. You do? Yeah, yeah, I do. Thanks. Totally. If I trust the person, yeah, 100%. It's great. It's the best. Have you done it? I tried. I had an

attempt. You have to be empty. You have to have shit like a lot. Tanks gotta be on empty. And then you need a lot of coconut oil. And it needs to be a Yankee standard. I just don't think I care enough at this point in my life to, like, try new things.

I also, I don't really have orgasms from sex. From sex or in general, really, and so I don't, I don't want to also have another part entered me for me not to have.

What if this is the thing that unlocks it? I don't think it is. Yeah, you'd probably know. If you get a finger in there and you're like, okay, hell yeah. Well, wait, hold on. It's just whatever. Do you ever cum?

No, not right now. You can't make yourself cum? I can't tell if I am or not. And then when I say that, everyone's like, well, you're not. And I'm like, maybe I am, but people have it up too much. No. Oh. Yeah.

I think I, yeah. I feel like sex with you is just like you going like, yeah, I mean, it's good, I guess. I feel like it's you watching TV over their shoulder. You're like. Yeah. I think I, yeah. I feel like sex with you is just like you going like, yeah, I mean, it's good, I guess. I feel like it's you watching TV over their shoulder. You're like. Yeah. I feel like you're channel serving. And then when you go like, hmm, he's like, is that good? You're like, oh, no, I like that show.

That was great. The nice thing is that my boyfriend's mentioned this. He's like, oh, I like when, like, I like when you're like, I don't know not like a kink but it's like he likes it like if I'm like scrolling on the phone he's like yeah I really want to like

like have sex with you but you're not paying attention to me but then I'm like fucking you so good that you have to pay attention and I'm like okay can I watch like SVU then

like will you be fine with that because I can tune out and just when you're voting wait what what it doesn't make sense I'm male you're doing something else and you're voting. Wait, what? What? It doesn't make sense. I'm male and I'm pregnant.

You're doing something else and you're not paying attention. So you're voting and then I fuck you so good, you're like, oh, I'll vote later. What? I like the sex where you wake up in the morning and they're kind of already having sex with you. And you're like, oh, hello. Yeah, rape. Yeah, rape. I love rape.

I do. Never mind. That's the best. Say it. You can say it space it's a safe space my high school my high school boyfriend i like i kind of wanted to get him but not to be like this guy's a fucking rapist but i did want to see if he would enter me i was like is my pussy that good that he will try and stick it in if I'm like rubbing my ass against him pretending to be asleep. And, um, every man I've ever had sex with. Yeah. Yeah.

I have a hard time with it. I'm afraid. Oh really? That I'm going to get in trouble. Oh my God. Even when I've been told explicitly like fuck me while I'm asleep in the morning. I'm like, wait, that's like how sex starts with me. I feel like I pass out in somebody's bed and I'm like, we're just buds. And then in the morning my butt starts doing that. I'm pretending cute. Wait, that's like how sex starts with me. I feel like I pass out in somebody's bed, and I'm like, we're just buds.

And then in the morning, my butt starts doing that. I'm pretending to be asleep. And then they like, and then I back up, and then we're dating for a year and a half. What? That's truly, I swear to God, that's like. That's entrapment, brother. Directly accurate. It's like me and a buddy, and I'm like, we can swear here in a bed.

Who cares? And then the butt back up, yeah. And it goes beep, beep, beep, beep. There's got to be some like, I always try and connect things to my childhood and I don't think it's productive in any way. It's not. I'm always trying to be like, this was from my parents' divorce or like this is when my dad had an affair. I had super sexual parents, like not with us but with other people yeah yes yeah okay it fucks you up it fucks you up i've seen both i've heard them both fuck a million times

yeah and they look like hot young girls both of them yes yeah okay we gotta talk about this yeah i'm listening it really does get your hand out of here. That feels more rapey than somebody raping me. It's a prop joke. It's a physical joke. All right, go ahead. Talk. Your parents fucked? That's cool that both of them did. Yeah, yeah, a lot.

At least it's nice, because it was only my dad who was the real horn dog. My dad had like a naked, a picture of two people fucking above his bed. Oh my God. Yeah, it was crazy. Where are you from? Ithaca. Oh. Upstate. So he was like a kind of a hippie

yes you really are fucking woods people yeah yeah yeah yeah she was a stove girl i was a stove girl she always smelled like a stove yeah wow yeah my dad came to my show the other night and he literally that is not what i thought you were gonna say okay keep going what do you think she was she's if my dad came in my and i was did you think she was going to say? My dad came to my show the other night and he was flirting with my host. My friend who was hosting. After the show, he goes, I'm single, by the way. Then she called me after the show.

She was like, hey, your dad was flirting with me. Has your dad ever banged one of your friends? Not that I know of. I hope not. I don't think so. He had banged one of my sister's friends really yeah and we would go to diners and i would be like they would start acting weird to us and i'd be like what's up and he's like i had sex with her stop and we had to switch diners a million times yeah no way totally is he's dead now but he was very hot okay do you feel like him being dead helps with the issues?

Well. Which one? It helps with the issue of me talking about it. Okay. So I would never talk about it before. But I've always been like when my parents are like, give me a kiss goodbye, I would always be like. And I always thought it was very gross. Yeah, there was a point in high school where I started side hugging. Side hugging, yes.

Yeah, because I was like, I hear what you say about women. Yes.'t I don't feel I don't like this that's what they do to us they need to not do that my dad was very much like a yeah he would constantly objectify women that would walk by us and stuff yeah and I'd be like I don't feel comfortable getting hot yes as a girl yes yeah that's fucked up oh my god I can't yeah but she loves anal and you don't so what's the disconnect I don't know. Maybe that's. He would be like, hey, kiddo. And I'd be like, yo. Yeah, yeah, yes.

Oh, my God. Yes. It's the worst. And it's annoying because my dad rocks. I love my dad so much. But I'm like, you are such a misogynist. Yes. Yeah.

My dad wrote like a novel. And in it, there was like a whole thing about how men are the sun and women are the moon. Like men are supposed to shine bright and women are like the counterbalance men are the sun and women are the moon like men are supposed to shine bright and women are like the counterbalance who are like steady and calm and i was like what the you know you have like a manic child who's like oil painting with blood in a corner you know i mean do you have siblings yeah yeah i have a very sexual older sister who's like a very very promiscuous girl just the two of you yeah yeah. I thought she was married now. She's engaged, but she was... I pulled her out of...

I pulled... Nothing? All right. I pulled her out of the back of my truck at a music festival once. Oh, nice. And then I pulled a guy out. Because she was having sex.

And then I pulled another man out. Oh, that rough. Whoa. Have you ever done that? That's great. Had sex in a car? No, like two and- Double team? No, no, no, no.

I've had a threesome before. Okay. Guy-girl? Yeah, yeah, guy-girl. That was guy-guy-girl. Nice. Oh, cool. Which hole did you take?

Well- Do you have to call shotgun? Well, the first- Hey, going in. I got dibs front door. I are. This does feel good. Yeah, yeah.

Can you guys just follow me? Yeah. It helps a lot. I know. Thank you guys. It really does. No, the first one was my best friend's brother. We were all drunk at the beach and it was his girlfriend and she was blowing him and

I ate her ass. And then I asked permission if I could fuck her and she said ask Jimmy I was like Jimmy can I and he goes no and I go well I'll just sit here and jerk off that happened and we got on video and I watched I watched the video and it's truly like watching footage from natural born killers it is horrific it's just like weird zooms and cut shots. Oh, God, it was terrible. But I was so blackout drunk. We went to a family dinner afterwards and I just put my head in the food. But I was like, I ate her ass like it was my last

meal in prison. Post gangbang family dinner. And then in D.C. I cucked a guy and his chick. I was like the bull. And he watched me fuck his chick. Yeah, because she was hot. And I was like,

tell him how small his dick is. I really want to cuck. I want to watch people have sex. Was it off the whole time? I think I just turned it off i also is it on now i also during that when i got done i um ended up like they started to like have sex and have it be passion and stuff but i went to the bathroom and i didn't know they were going to do that so then i got out of the bathroom and my clothes okay i wanted it to be passion and stuff but I went to the bathroom and I didn't know they were going to do that so then

I got out of the bathroom and my clothes I wanted it to be passion and stuff they were passionate so I got out of the bathroom and all my clothes are scattered I didn't have my glasses on so I had to army crawl because I didn't want to interrupt them that's why I don't like threesomes

you just have to walk home I had to crawl out of the room. And then I realized I left my underwear in there and I had to go back for them. And then I was like, oh, well, I'll see you later. The guy was like, do you need an Uber? And I was like, I'll take care of it. See, that's the difference in LA. Like, you don't walk home after.

I remember I matched with a couple on Tinder and we met up beforehand to see if we would be a good fit. And then we seemed to be a good fit. And then we seemed to be a good fit. So then I like got a ride with them to their place. But then it just felt like an Uber because I'm sitting in the backseat just like looking for the final destination. Oh, while they transport you? That's crazy. And then it was my first threesome and I didn't know what to expect. And I get very like prude and awkward.

And so all of a sudden they start making out and I didn't know what to expect and I get very like prude and awkward and so all of a sudden they start making out and I'm just sitting there and I felt like I was in high school again where I'm like is anyone gonna make out with me yeah that's how I felt in the threesome I had where I felt like I wanted to keep everybody engaged like I wanted to be like okay now you now oh do you feel left it felt like twister yeah yeah that's what I did I I was I was trying to do a joke where I'm like it feels like building Ikea furniture where at first you're like, oh, I think we're going to need another hand. And then I show up and I'm like, there's too many parts.

I don't know where anything goes. People just need to be told. They're little workers that need jobs. So I led and I was like, why don't you two go start kissing in the bedroom and then I'll come in. And I did that. And then I. Now I'm getting horny.

Yeah. And then I'll come in. And I did that. And then I'm getting horny. Yeah. And then I, I, I, they were having sex and I was like, all right, now it's my turn. I grabbed her and I started fucking her. I was like, you watch. Yeah. Yeah. You have to have a leader. Yeah.

And I told her I had a bunch of tattoos and she was laying on the bed, sucking my dick like this. And, and she, sorry, sorry, sorry. And she... Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry. The fuck, man? I'm so sorry. It's just, I just, you know,

just maybe it was seeing your face sucking your own dick or something. Was she a Spider-Man sucking your dick? Oh, yeah. You know what's funny about that? The Mary Jane? First half of the podcast was, I always like to think what it's like

watching other people have sex. And then I'm like, yeah, she was blowing me. You go, what? We're talking about specific people. Just you with your happy face, just looking down at her like, you're doing a good job. You're just being supportive.

I put on a different face. Yeah, you just scoffed. I put on a different face. It's the Halloween mask. She saw I had a ton of tattoos. She popped my dick out of her mouth. And she goes, you saw I had a ton of tattoos. She popped my dick out of her mouth and she goes,

you really do have a lot of tattoos. Yeah, that's how dissociating we are that we're literally just looking around at other things in the room. Just trying to pass time.

Yeah, totally. Oh boy. I get it. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm a lot. It's jarring. Have you ever been fucking a dude and then you're like all right i'm gonna like look up at his face and i'm and you're hoping it's gonna like be an attractive face

and then you look up and you and you can see him see you be like oh no no no we look we look away again we close the eyes back yeah yeah and i'm like fucking cool it down deshawn yeah yeah yeah that happened time where i was like truly having sex with the most repulsive people And I'm like, fucking cool it down, Deshawn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened. There was a period of time where I was like truly having sex with the most repulsive people. Yeah. And. Do you get off as like a hot chick, like hooking up with a guy? Yeah.

Do you get off as a hot chick hooking up with a guy who you were like out of his league? Because then that's like, wow, look at the good I do. I had a friend like that. I think a little bit back in the day. Yeah. But not really. It was more. She would, like, get off on how hot she was and how, like, she was doing him a favor.

Oh, no, not at all. I've never been that confident. It was more like, it was always like I'd find, like, the saddest people, like, people who are degenerates. And I'd be like, I'll nurse you back to health with my discharge pussy. Yeah. And my super soaked BV plus. Yeah, I'll nurse you back to health with my discharge pussy. And my super soaked BV puss. I'll give you the PDA. Wait, you have a BV puss?

Constantly. Oh my god, are you kidding me? It's a stinker? Sometimes. My friend just texted me and she goes, remember when we were kids and you were peeing and she goes, did you ever smell your underwear? And I guess I said to her, if you weren't in here right now, my face would be buried in my underwear. That's all we do when we pee

is we just smell the underwear. Oh, yeah. Ew, what? See, mine doesn't smell. Do you have a scent, like a signature scent? Yeah, yeah, Nichols. Nichols. Old Nichols over here.

See, mine smells like the ocean. Oh, wow, that's great. But not good. I like that because I like oysters. Oh, yeah. I remember you saying that on stage and me being like, this is an ocean.

Well, guys' balls smell like bags of chips. No, they smell way worse than, yeah. Cum has its own smell. It's really a signature. I never smell cum. It's like green tea a little bit. It's a lot better than fucking nickels. Nickels.

What are you, the fucking Bank of America between your pants? She's a fucking Coinstar machine. It's something. It's like a high acid level or something. Yeah, I saw some video. I'm so glad we're friends and I couldn't be paid enough to have sex with either of you. I used to have a joke where a guy was like, you taste a little bit like metal. And then he left and I did the dip and lick.

And I was like nickels yeah oh gross pussy is so gross it's not gross it just is if you had to give it something it's that it's like iron yeah that might be the taste though i don't know about the smell i do remember when i got covid when i got my smell back everything smelled like pussy oh interesting it was bad. It was rank pussy. Everything. It was making me faint and pass out.

It was brutal. Right now, I'm having like a Clockwork Orange video montage of all the gross pussies I've ever been around. I'm just like, this chick, that chick. I do. I will say I have, I hate most things about myself, but I do like my vagina and it is frustrating. Most girls do.

Oh, really? They like their own vagina? Yeah. They love their own vaginas. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. I've been complimented, though.

That's good. Yeah. It is good, but it's like a secret. I like, when I'm into someone, I like a little musk. Oh, wow. I go to the gym, and then I'll, you know, wear like a feed bag afterwards. But you don't, oh. And you're getting all grossed out by us.

That's not hot. You don't like period sex. Picture me wearing someone like a COVID mask. CDC says I got to wear you all the time. What do you think about cunnilingus, pro? What do you mean? I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, this is too much.

Too long, too much. Oh, dude, my favorite. I just start feeling bad for the guy. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, this is too much. Too long, too much. Oh, dude, my favorite. I just start feeling bad for the guy. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, it's not gonna happen. My favorite is having her stand over me and sit on my face and arch her back.

And then I insert my tongue into her ass, but my nostrils are out so I can breathe. Oh, my God. I don't know how it's working. I told you we were all like friends. Yeah, yeah, we are, we are, we are. I'm saying, I just, yeah. Or like my mouth and her vagina, like a sleep apnea mask. Just breathe in the Lord's air.

I wish more men would say don't come to women. I'm trying to spread that. Like if you're trying to make a woman come, be like, don't you dare come. And I'm like, what? No problem. Yeah, yeah, totally. Because when they want you to come, you can't come. Easy breezy.

What about you bitches when you're like, don't come? And I'm like, well, then it's going to last forever. I say that so they do come. Do you say don't come? Yeah, but that's because I know that they're going to. Well, with all your spinning plates, if we tell you not to come, we'll be there for another fucking until the next cicada. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't come. Why didn't the fucking goof chirp laugh at that? That was funny. Where were your giggles there, guys? Who's making a cicada reference right now? Huh, you fucking dicks. I was wearing my artist pass on my pants, and when I went to go pee, it was in the toilet.

Ew. I've done that with vapes. Have you done that with vapes? Tuck it into the gym shorts or something and then sit down. I flushed so many jewels down the toilet. It sucks. It sucks. Brutal. Buy a freshie. One time I accidentally dropped a jewel pod

in a beverage thinking that it was the empty one and I picked it up and I put it in and then it was like fucked up. Did you ever see the x-ray of the guy that the Juul pot exploded out the back of his head? What? It's not happening with cigarettes. It's true. I wish that I could go back to cigarettes.

I wish I could undo that I ever vaped and go back to cigarettes. I just had one in the casino, and it was so good. Yeah, they're great. They're the best. I'd smoke one now. I can't. Chris. Hmm.

All right. Speaking of pussies, I'm looking at three of them right here. Nice. Are you guys going to gamble? Ow. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

We got tattoos today. What? Yeah. What'd you get? I got a little moth skull. All four of us did. Yeah. It looks like the Silence of the Lambs.

Yeah. What'd you get? I got a little skull guy here smoking. And then here I got a rat smoking a cigarette with a Mickey, dressed as Mickey Mouse. Nice. That's good. That's good. I'll show you.

Do you have any tattoos? Yeah. What do you got? I have a really bad one on my ankle. It's a globe because I wanted to remember to travel. Oh my God. Yeah. That's rough. I wish you could travel back in time and not get that.

Oh, yeah. I see them on your body. And then I have this one, prayer hands. That's great. Oh, I love that. It's really stupid. And then I have a bunch of other stupid ones. I have a smiley face on my butt.

Oh, that's cool. I like that. Right? You have a smiley face on your butt? Where? On the cheek? On the cheek, yeah. I like that. Right? You have a smiley face on your butt? Mm-hmm. Where? On the cheek? On the cheek, yeah. Or like up.

No, like when I'm wearing a bathing suit, you can see it. Oh, that's cute. That's great. I, oh my God. But the guy did a bad job, so it's like really thick. Yeah, it's like too, it's like bold. Nothing gets my Delaware boner running like a fucking tattoo on a butt. Yeah.

Or like, oh my God, a thigh tattoo of like a rosary or like yeah you do you are like a you love who was like straight up who dude a chick who's jiggly with uh neon green fishnets and like a tattoo of a rosary around her ankle onto her foot oh my god you're in the right place, buddy. I know. It's great. We passed a horrendous woman up on the escalator, and she goes, he was like, if she was 40 pounds lighter, she'd be so hot.

And I was like, what's happening in your mind where you're, like, running Matrix, like, on this woman? But I'm behaving myself. I'm with a gal. I'm not doing nothing bad. Two hotties got in the elevator, and I farted to keep them away from me. You did, and we were also in the elevator and I farted to keep them away from me. He did. And we were also in the elevator. Are you

dating anyone? No. Okay. Single for life. So are you She just got out of a thing. Are you on the hunt? No. Nope. I'm going to die alone. You should pick up a skanky. No. Why not? Come on. No. I like this. I like being alone. This is your spot. None of these guys

have standards. Come on No I like this I like being alone No this is your spot None of these guys Have standards I didn't want to High five that

On record Thank you so much Well who's your guy You know Oh he's great Yeah Is he great He's fantastic

Is he a comedian He's a cutie He's fun He's smart Tinder Nice Yeah pandemic Tinder Wow

Standards lowered Hope Gone Yeah So you met him on Tinder Tinder. Nice. Yeah, pandemic Tinder. Wow. Standards lowered. Hope gone. Yeah. So you met him on Tinder. What does he do? I've gotten him into the podcast game. He's a podcast producer, right?

Yeah, he does all that stuff. Do you think you'll ever move to New York? Yeah, we're literally like, we're making it happen. Yes, good. Get out of LA. It's a fucking shithole. You know what's funny? Yeah. Not that you're the reason, but kind of.

I was so nervous to follow you at Adam's show. You did so good. I was like, I haven't had that feeling in L.A. in so long. I'm like, I need to be nervous to perform. You also did great at that show. That was a fun show. I like it. My God, she's the best joker.

She said, sorry about my voice. I have fat it's so good that's gold i lost i told like eight of my buddies about it that's great sorry about my voice i have fat parents it's so obscure and great yeah you're fucking great dude come to new york why did you move to l.a to begin with i'm from like long beach when i started comedy I was so naive I was like this is the only place you can do it oh yeah yeah and then when I started doing open mic so I was like oh where are you from and they're like Seattle like I started doing comedy in Seattle I was like there's comedy in Seattle like I just had no idea oh you moved to New York to start no no in LA okay but I was like doing open mics and someone was like yeah I started in Seattle

then I moved to LA and I was like, what do you mean you started in Seattle? Like comedy only happens in LA. You did live in New York though. No. Oh, I've just seen you from visiting. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Oh, wow.

You visit a lot. Yeah. Just move. And everybody loves you. Fucking, you gotta be in New York, dude. Thanks. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

That's awesome. I'm thinking like December or January. December. Do it. Pull the trigger. Is that crazy to do it in the fucking winter? No, that's when I moved. Okay.

It's totally fine. And I think that's good prices-wise. Where do you live? What area do you live in? I live in Ditmas. Oh, dude. Whoa. She lives in a mansion.

Yeah, it's sick. There's like a neighborhood that I used to landscape in for these big houses. It's crazy. And then do you just drive everywhere? I have a motorcycle Oh that's nice Yes but there's also a train that goes right to the cellar Oh okay

Yeah How long does that take on the train? If the B is running it's like 35 minutes If it's Q to the D then it's like 45 Okay Yeah Okay It's great

Getting anywhere else in Brooklyn sucks But I'm at the age where I don't want to ever go to Williamsburg ever again Okay Oh except for DCU yes Thank you I kind I don't want to ever go to Williamsburg ever again. What the fuck? Oh, except for DCU, yes. Thank you. I kind of got the motorcycle to literally get to your house. I know, right?

Yeah, it works out great. Yeah. Dude, we, yeah, it's the best. Get a motorcycle, get a bicycle, get to New York, do what you got to do. You'll fucking love it. Yeah. And your guy will fucking find a job. I'm whoring myself out.

I did the most embarrassing thing. Go on. Fucking find a job. I'm whoring myself out. I did the most embarrassing thing. Go on. No, it's like I messaged like a moving company and I was like, I'm an influencer. Nice. It was so gross.

No, that's good. My first scene was like, okay, I'll move you. Yeah. So they're going to move me. They are? Yeah. And you'll like, you know, throw a post up on stupid video nice yeah that rules you should start doing that say that you lied you know what i mean that you did

that yeah are you a blue check yeah dude do people listen to blue checks i'm not a blue dumb i don't know how to get blue check how do you get blue check be like us now um go on the plebeian bed i'll go on the bed i I'll go on the bed. No, but dude, yeah, people like reach out and they're like, oh, we'd like to give you something. I'm getting belts. I'm getting belts. Oh, yeah. She's getting belts. You got a belt deal?

Well, this guy, he was like, I'm so sick of seeing your pants. I'm getting a big belt. And then I went on their website and like found the most expensive one and liked it. And they're like, you want us to send the one that you like? And I was like, yeah. Can I see it? Is it cool? It's really cool. Nice. That's great. But I i've had a couple people but it's just i never want

their shit you know what i mean it's always like vibrators and i'm like i hate oh that's cool is that the turnstile background no i don't harry said that oh shit okay this isn't good for podcasting um what time is it i have to go to the tank. Do you have a tank? I had a tank yesterday. The tank sucks? It kind of sucks. They're all sleeping. Yeah, it's a holding cell for other shows. People are just like, I'm going to wait until I can see Tim Dillon.

What's a death squad? I'm doing that one. Oh, what time is that? Nine. That'll be fun. Oh, you'll have a blast. Why? What is it?

It's just a fun show. Oh, cool. Yeah, it'll just be fun. Good ground, yeah. That's not at the tank. No, I have tank and then death squad. I don't know. Yo, how cool is Skank it? It's just a fun show. Oh, cool. Yeah, it'll just be fun. Good ground, yeah. That's not at the tank. No, I have tank and then desk one. I don't know. Yo, how cool is Skank Fest? It rocks.

It's so great. Every year I'm like, I'm not going to do it. Dude, I did not. And then I remember the last year and I'm like, wait, but it was so fun. Bro, I could not leave my hotel room when I got here because I was like, it's going to suck. No one's, it's going to be too much. And then I just was like, dude, get out of your comfort zone and go.

And it's been so fun. Yeah, it is good. You know? I was all bummed about it. And then on the plane, Joe List was on the plane. And I was like, okay, we're going to, yeah, yeah, it was really nice. As soon as you see that one person who just, like, gives you comfort, you're like, okay. Yeah.

Joe texted me. He goes, I'm on the weirdest seat on the plane. And I was like, I can't even begin to imagine what that is. And then we're all in a line getting on the plane and i just people part for a second and he's just crotch height sitting up like in the entrance of the plane so that people have to like pass and be like hello hello and he was like and i was like that is the craziest place it's a handicap spot Dude, our flight ruled. It was me, DeRosa, Ralph, Shane, Matt, and Godfrey. Imagine if it went down. Oh, God.

A tragedy. Tragedy. I'd move to New York so fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get me in at the cellar. He'd get so many spots. And, dude, we all waited for each other, and then we went and got coffee, and we all rode to the thing. It's, like, so fun.

It's like a summer camp. Yeah. Shout out to Lewis and all them for doing this, man. Like, I don't know how they fucking do it, but every year they put it together. Somehow it gets done, and it's the fucking best. Yeah, Bobby was like, it should live in Vegas. It should be. And I was like, yeah.

Yeah, this is the perfect place for it. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And we all got tattooed. What are you shaking your head for? We all hate Vegas. Yeah,

we all hate Vegas. But Skankfest matches. Vegas sucks, but Skankfest belongs here. Yeah. Dude, you know what I've been doing? I've been going up to people

that are clearly not associated with Skankfest and I've been going, Skankfest! Yeah, yeah. So I did it to like a wedding party. Yeah,

like nice looking, dressed up people. Like groups of women. Yeah. It's great. Yeah, Yeah, yeah. It sounded like a wedding party. Yeah, like nice looking, dressed up people. Like groups of women. Yeah. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. All right. So let's wrap up.

Allie, what do you want everyone to know? What course is moving to New York? Hey, Jordan. No, truly nothing. You can just follow me on Instagram Not Allie Mac And then Go see me live If I happen to be

In your city Please Smells like Jordan's pussy That's it There is a vaginal Kind of texture There is There is

There is There's sometimes Where I'm like Oh this is so good And then sometimes Where I'm like This is the most repulsive shit Yeah

It has a cum lining Yeah Yeah There's a viscosity And it has It has like an aftertaste to it, too. Yeah, it is. It has like a cum. Yeah. Sometimes I like it when the pussy stays in my mustache, though.

It feels like your mouth is being like deleted somehow. You know what I mean? Like the pixels are being eliminated, and you're like, how is it wet and also dry? How is it wet and also dry? Well, Jordan, where are you going to be? Oh, shit. Okay, I'm going to be in des moines at the beginning of november when are you in des moines in like uh this week like next week are you going to the funny bone no i don't want to talk okay okay um i'm gonna be at

the funny bone and then i'll be at riot something in houston and at cap City in Austin in November. Those are all November dates. Please come on. Boom. November 17th, 18th, and 19th. Philly punchline. Delaware, Jersey, Philly. Show up and show the fuck out. We're going to have some fun.

December 8th, Pittsburgh Improv. And December 2nd and 3rd, Saratoga Comedy Works. Come on out. IanFightance.com. BeanieIn YouTube slash BeanieInPod subscribe thank you

and Patreon.com slash BeanieInPod join the Patreon join the Patreon join the Patreon come and see us live we're gonna put dates together

and we're having a fucking blast thank you guys for the support thanks for digging the show Jordan blow it there it is see you next time a fucking blast. Thank you guys for the support. Thanks for digging the show. Jordan, blow it. There it is. See you next time. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you say anymore