Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 039: Stand Up On The Spit W/ Jeremiah Watkins

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Watch Jeremiah’s Special DADDY HERE : https://youtu.be/Tg__EXw0b3s As always Thanks for listening! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content ! https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code SKA - Support the show & take 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com promo code SKA -Get 55% off your Babbel subscription at https://www.babbel.com/SKA  Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/upcoming-shows Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : http://www.ianfidance.com/calendar  Follow Jeremiah Watkins : https://instagram.com/jeremiahstandup  Watch Jeremiah’s Special DADDY HERE : https://youtu.be/Tg__EXw0b3s Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

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Welcome to Stand Up On The Spit. Here's a suggestion. Wash your mouth out. Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt

It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a lie. Being Ian, being Ian. With Jordan. With Jordan.

Staying in the zone. Ethan, you knew those were bits. Stop, Jordan. You said I did perfect. Good. Yeah. Are you recording? You didn't say you weren't supposed to do that.

Huh? Welcome to another episode of B&E and who are you? Jordan. With Jordan. And we, I am so excited. There have been some stunning developments here in the Delaware Den. Down here in the great Williamsburg, Brooklyn. That's all I'm going to tell you else about.

I'm so sorry. All right, our studio. I'm so sorry. All the way from Canada with this Canadian tuxedo. All right, our studio. I'm so sorry. All the way from Canada with this Canadian tuxedo, Denim Dan Watkins. Hey, Denim Dan Watkins sitting with my truest friend and my most dishonest friend right here.

I'm being in with Jordan. Let's get into it. I'm getting hot right now. You guys are hot off the presses. Hot off the presses. Can you not scream at the top of your lungs? What's I scream? Yeah, it's crazy. Yep.

Hot off the presses of an incredible stand-up on the spot. As you all know, it's the improvised. It's literally in the name. Okay, I have so many questions right now. Okay, hold on. That's why people are sick. Okay, you set it up. You set it up. you set it up.

Jeremiah, stand up on the spot. The show where people yell suggestions and comics do what? Create stand up on the spot off of those suggestions. Correct. Now, do they do bits they've done before or is it all off the top of their dome? No material allowed. Oh my God, it's no material allowed.

That makes it a fun, unique show. Yeah. And you see comics shine. And also, we record it and we put it online. And most of the time, comedians don't want their material out there. So it's kind of a workaround of that. Oh, no, no. And so you had someone on the show last night.

I had this amazing comic named Jordan Jensen. I wasn't on the show. It feels so bad. You look great. Did you get skin, son? Did you get skin? There's skin around your bones Are you doing something different? You're doing something different

You got some skin today I feel so guilty Okay, legitimate though Legitimate So Jordan, when I walked in And we started talking about it She said, wait Well, I was doing bits when people were yelling stuff out.

I'm like, what do you mean? Are you dicking with me right now? I can't tell because you're a very stoic face that she was looking at me with. Yeah, it's just her face. Everything that anybody yelled out, I was like, oh, perfect. Have a bit. Have a bit for that. Everything?

Literally everything I had a bit for. Literally. I thought it was like a miracle. I'm telling you, somebody would yell something out, and I'd be like, oh, great, yeah, a bit. Here's a bit for it. Jordan was murdering. Literally, one of the highlights

of the night murdering and I'm sitting back there you thought that was off the dome that's the point of the show

you bitchy woman was any of the stuff that you and I did on stage rift it had to have been. What was it? Oh, good.

Oh, was it, Ethan? Yes. Well, we got part of the show. What were some of the things that were yelled at? Oh, no, bits. They were bits. Everything was bits. Even with him?

No, no, no. Oh, one, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to send you your set. This is what I do for all the comics. I send the comics their set for basically approval of before. You can't even put it up. It's illegal.

Well, it's like against the laws. You can't put up a set where somebody doesn't obey the laws, right? What is it? We are on such vibrating on different frequencies right now. I can't even handle what's even happening right now. Try to not talk. See how long you can go. If you put it up.

What the fuck? Just try. Just see what happens. I'm not the one in the hot seat. If you put it up. You're in the hot seat. It's against the. Hot seat.

If you toot right now, it'll set the couch on fire. If you. Stop. All right. Put it up. It's against the laws of the show what oh yeah you're cutting me off before i could even finish my thought thank you and welcome to the podcast jeremiah well as i was saying before i i post anything always i always send the full set to the comics to make sure that they are 100% comfortable with whatever goes out.

Now, if you did material the whole time, then I don't even know what to freaking say right now because that's literally never happened when we've done these. I want to do it now that I know that that's the rule. That sounds fun. Let's do it right now. Ready? No.

Stand up on the spot. Wait. Bridges. This Stand up on the spot. Wait. Bridges. This is my message to Jordan. Oh, God. Hey, Jordan. I didn't know. I'm doing stand up on the spot on Tuesday, April 4th, 1015 p.m. at New York Comedy Club doing a pod recording for my YouTube channel.

No material. Just riffing off audience suggestions. And then I join you on stage and riff with you. Would love to have you on if you're available. I remind you, before you went on last night and your producer. That's not true. Before I went on, you didn't remind me, but before I went on, I thought I was just doing material.

I thought it was a normal show. And Ethan's in the middle part, and he goes, they're just going to yell stuff out. And then you just riff on that. And I was like, oh, perfect. I'm very good at that. Because my entire set in my stand-up is, yeah, I go to a crowd work thing and then I do a bit.

That's how my entire set is. So I was like, perfect. I have a bit for literally any suggestion anybody makes. I'll have something. Oh, okay. Let's do it right now. Here's the bit. Here's the suggestion. Following the directions. Let's do it right now. Here's the bit. Here's the suggestion.

Following the directions. I have a bit for that. I mean, if you wanted me to, I could. Let's hear it. That I've been to jail and all that. I would do a jail bit if you said that. I have a bit for everything. Here's the suggestion.

Even if I'm talking to friends. Ruining Jeremiah's show. Well, okay. Now there's a new thing. That's a brand new thing. Now that's some new material I can talk about. Man, but that sounds so fun to do. Can I do another one?

I literally looked you in the eye and said, no bits. And you went, that sounds fun. No, I said, so I'm not going to do a set. And you're like, no. you didn't say no bits i did i love i love how this podcast is just turning into an m night shamalon twist where if you watch enough you find out that the call is coming from inside the jordan i've been the problem the whole time yeah no i immediately was like oh this is great people shout things out and then people do their bits i thought that's what everybody was doing in what world i thought it was like

a hell slot like people yell things out and then you just do the thing that it relates to that i thought that's what mark was doing i thought that's what i saw you hear a suggestion and then the thing is, it paints you in a corner, so you have to be funny on the spot. You can't just rely on your jokes. You have to turn nothing into something. But I was turning nothing into something. Into bits.

But I have a bit for everything. No, no, no. But what he's saying is, like, it's not pre-written material at all. So, like, if you've done the material on stage before it defeats the purpose of the show. I see that now. I know that now. I have to explain this to you

really slowly because five people have explained to you already and you're like oh that sounds like a fun show. Oh that sounds like a great thing. I'd love to sign up for that. Can I do that the next time? Oh you only come to New York a few times a year? Yeah, let me hop on the next one.

I recognize. What the frick? You just got tracked. That's why people... That's why people were freaking out after the show. I mean, there was like

a line of people wanting to talk to me and I was like, this is amazing. Stolen valor. That's stolen valor. Stolen valor. You are the George Santos of comedy. I feel soor. That's Stolen Valor. You are the George Santos

of comedy. I feel so guilty. I thought that's what everybody was doing. And then Ethan, you were like, well, that was great. What you did is pulling it back to your bits. And I was like, oh, perfect. Okay. I did good. I said you did well controlling the crowd.

Jeremiah, the way You said I did really good. The way I really didn't know. I'm really sorry. controlling the crowd jeremiah jeremiah the way you said i did really good the way i'm really i really didn't know i'm really sorry the way i didn't realize that if i had ever said anything on stage i couldn't say it out loud when jeremiah found out like bits that are going on the special they weren't like bits that i do hinge no that the tinder one isn't going on special. Oh, maybe it is. I had no idea. The way Jeremiah looked when you told him was as if I was like,

hey, man, I'll babysit your newborn. And then he came to pick him up, and I was like, oh, sorry, man, I thought he was a shoe. Just like was wearing him on my foot. I didn't know I was supposed to babysit him if he hadn't stopped me in the hallway I would have gone up and just gone into a set I did had no idea what the show was I read your thing it was like of course I'll do whatever Jeremiah says that sounds so fun I was expecting it to just be a normal set and I didn't even know what on the spot stood for oh i think we said it in the group text too i don't i'm not in that group text our group text with the podcast oh this is this is how i walked in to the to the podcast today i go hey ian your girl destroyed last night

Girl, destroyed last night. Uh-huh. I'd really like to show people that I could destroy without bits. Well, you had your chance. I did. I know. I wish I could rewind time. That sounds so fun.

Yeah. I wish I did. Don't you say that sounds so fun. It really is. I'm really sorry. That's why I booked you on the show, because you are a phenomenal comedian. That sounds so fun. It really is irking me right now. That's why I booked you on the show, because you are a phenomenal comedian, and I thought that you would flourish by abiding to the rules. Flourish? Let's think about it.

It's flourish. Flourish. Flourish? Yeah. What? Flourish? Flourish. Flourish?

I understand. You're a bit flourish. Okay, the Home Depot? Home Depot? You know what would solve this? I don't mean to put, you know, we're talking about stand-up on the spot, but I'm about to put you on the spot. Why doesn't she do stand-up on the spot at Moon Tower?

Oh, that's already booked. That's been long booked. You're fucked. Home Depot was, I riffed on that, that I used to steal from Home Depot. I've heard you do that. See, this is why I'm going to send you the set. We're going to salvage. It's going to be a shorter set, for sure.

Yeah. Hey, I'm Jordan. Let's bring Jeremiah back here. Oh, we're the other ones. Jordan, I'll send you the set. Obviously, you know, it's shocking. I got kicked off Tinder. What's happening right now to me.

But we'll figure it out. People ask for things to be taken out all the time. Really? Yeah, of course. Like what? When they're not funny. I mean, it happens a lot. I mean, I take stuff out of my set

because I'm setting up the show, and sometimes the audience is not even buying into the concept until towards the end of my set. So sometimes I got to snip the first couple minutes off of my set because i'm just trying to get them going and get them into buying in the the concept for the rest of the show so the rest of the comedians can succeed and does the crowd get it like when you explain it do they understand what it is wait so mark norman you don't have to repeat it mark norman was up there and people are yelling random shit shit shit out and he's saying things that he's never said before. Mark Norman is very hard for you to use as an analogy.

He's literally one of the best comics to ever do the show. So you watching. What? You're in there too, dude. Good. Thank you. I'm just saying. When you're saying.

So, yeah, Mark was improvising and it's he was improvising. He's never said those things out loud. I don't know. I'm not hooking people up to a lie detector test. That's my question. The cruise thing, that's a story I've told, but it's not one of my bits. You know what I mean? The story about me on the cruise, somebody said cruise, and I was like, oh, here's a story about me. I'm sure I've said it on stage, but I don't think I've, you know what I mean? The story about me on the cruise. Somebody said cruise and I was like, oh, here's a story about me. I'm sure I've said it on stage.

But I don't think I've... You know what I mean? You're the only comic to have ever stolen bits from yourself. I've just said everything that's ever happened to me on stage. That's what my stand up is. I think... You know what I mean? So when that guy was like cruise

I was like, oh yeah, I remember this time on a cruise that's happened that I've told people about. Well, no, no, no. People can... I think... Well, okay. I think... I don't know. It's hard. I think also now we're getting so dissective into it. Dissective? Yeah.

That's not a word. Dissective? Flourish? Yeah. Flourish. My brain is mush right now, Ian. It's all stirred up. It's all stirred up. Stirred? It's stirred.

It's stirred. It's stirred up. What did the one Scandinavian person yell out that I couldn't understand? That's my tattoo that you just smacked me. Oh, sorry. Just don't touch me. Oh, sorry. What was the Scandinavian thing that I couldn't hear?

The thing. Does that actually hurt? The taser? Yeah. You want to get tased? I don't know. You can tase yourself. Tase yourself. What was the Scandinavian thing that I couldn't hear? The thing. Does that actually hurt? The taser? Yeah. You want to get tased? I don't know. You can tase yourself. Tase yourself.

You tase me if you want. Will I tase my pants if I... No. No. I do it all the time. I got jeans upstairs. You should let Jeremiah tase you for last night. No, no, no.

Would that squash it? No, no, no. Here's what I'm going to do. Dude, nobody is more squashed than me Nobody feels worse about themselves than me Jordan I could not feel worse I

Everybody thought I did well You will And I didn't know the And I didn't know the things Everything was a lie Yeah Yeah Nobody feels worse about this than me

I will obsess about this all night And not be able to sleep That's what's gonna happen Jordan And I will want to kill myself. No, no. Jordan. And then maybe I will.

Jordan. And my letter will say to Ian. What are you, a trans teen fucking using suicide as a way for you to. I feel so guilty. I'm trying to think, though. Maybe some of them, maybe I'm over-exaggerating. I think you're over living in reality. There's no way that you did bits for every single one of those things.

There's no way. Yeah. There's no way. I have to remember every single one of those things. There's no way. Yeah. There's no way. I have to remember what they were. I'm going to send you the site. Oh, yeah, that's a bit. That's her closer. That's a bit.

Oh, my goodness. That's definitely a bit. I really thought that was the whole point. Go ahead and tase me. I really thought that was the point. Go ahead and tase me. I really thought that was the point. Go ahead and tase me. And I was like, this is a great show. He's asking. Go ahead and tase me.

At least make the man happy once. Come on. Oh, my God. Really get it in there. I can't. Just do it. Yeah. Oh, watch my special daddy on YouTube. Oh, wow. Ow. That's like a snake bite. do it yeah I don't think you can put it up I'll send you I'll send you that's I could not be happier. It's called stand up on the spot.

That's kind of serious. Yeah. It does hurt. It's wild, right? I really, really would have had a good time if I had known that. I'll tase myself since you all tased yourselves. Yeah? Yeah.

I've done... How long do you think I can hold it on me? Not long. Your arm is going to jerk away. Your reflexes will jerk off. It's all a video of a guy dying, getting electrocuted. Oh, hot. And his face goes red because all the blood went to his head.

And all the blood went to my boner. Kind of looked like this. That was good. That was a good one. That was on there a bit. Yeah. I feel good. I feel so bad.

Okay. Feel better. Stop! Give it to me. We're going to do a reset. It's going to work out. Let's do it right now. It's going to be fine.

Let's do it right now. It's going to be fine. Hey, guys. Welcome to Stand Up On The Spot. I'm Jeremiah Watkins. And this is a special show. It's been my baby. How long have I had this show around?

Over 12 years. Over 12 years. Over 12 years, yeah. No! I have some of the best comics in the country come on, and they get it immediately. So we're going to take a suggestion from the crowd, and like the title of the show, you are doing stand-up on the spot.

You hear a suggestion, you just come up with bits on the spot. Pre-done bits? No, no, no. Made-up bits on the spot. Can wedone bits? No, no, no. Made-up bits on the spot. Can we get a suggestion from the crowd? Can I? Oh, that non-binary right there.

Alien orgies. Alien orgies. I immediately in my head go to the story about me having a threesome. Okay, well then A to C it. Don't go A to B. Go A to C. I would love to do that. Oh, alien orgies. The thing that when I did have a threesome,

I was playing the X-Files theme song out loud. Alien Orgy, I hooked up with two Mexicans once. Hello. That's the show. I believe that's called an Alien Orgy. I wish that I had done that. That would have been great. How do you think he feels?

Then you can even get new bits out of it. Oh my goodness. This is literally what every comic says after they're done with the show. They're like, I got a new bit out of it. I like,

thank you for like, you're giving me a platform to workshop new material. I had no idea. And then it turns into new bits. This is what I thought. And there's comics who've done the show

that basically they do the show, they'll release it online as like a sliver of the bit that it starts out on stand up on the spot they hone it they work on it and then it ends up in their special like a year or two later it's amazing i've taken bits i've made up on the spot from your show and put and worked on them and put them into my act yes i've done the show multiple times that would be so fun i thought it was they're going to yell things out, and then you tell jokes about it. That demeanor is killing me.

I'm really sorry. That sounds so... I'm really sorry. I thought it was this. This is what, two seconds before, he was like, the people are going to yell stuff out, and then you just joke on that. And I was like, oh, great. Okay, and then I'm watching Chris O'Connor.

I'm like, okay, I think that's a bit when he's talking about his roommates. And I'm like, okay, so you just do things as they relate. And if you don't have anything, you riff on it, but you can just grab whatever you have. And I was like, oh, yeah, I have everything. This is perfect. That's what I was thinking. I was like, oh, great that you yelled that. I got the perfect thing for that.

That's what I was thinking. Alien orgies. Wow. Go. That audience was like, Jordan is an improv messiah. Yeah. An improv messiah. It's like she has written punchlines

To everything we say To everything we say I have to like do a public apology I feel like This is it No no I'm telling you Talk to the camera I should be indicted with Trump This is the it

Jordan This is it I'm telling you I will send you the full set You'll go through it And give me time codes and be like, this is the only things you can keep.

And the set is probably going to be about four minutes long. About four seconds. Because all together it was probably, I want to say, a 16 to 18 minute set with your set and then when I join you on stage. We'll probably get a few minutes realistically out of it. And when you joined him on stage,

was any of that a bit? Yeah. Yeah, so that was a bit. I just thought it was so lucky that people were saying things that I had bits for. I really didn't understand. I want to redo it. I'll send you the link. I'll send you the link.

I'll send you the link. I'm so sorry. Here's a chance to improvise. You're really showing the world what a bad person you are, just so you know. Me? Yeah. Everybody watching is seeing it. How am I the bad person?

You know what? I agree with your last statement. How am I the bad person? They'll see. You see. Here's your little woman voodoo. Everything twists around someone else. It's not my fault.

I'm not a woman. I'm fine. Here's an improv trick. Damn, that was bad. I'll do knock-knock jokes from this, and we make up the punchlines. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Ready? Sounds like a nightmare. Here, ready? Sounds like a living nightmare. No, it's Ready? Sounds like a nightmare. Here, ready? Sounds like a living nightmare. No, it's not the show from last night. What is a pronoun? Something that'll get you in a lot of trouble these days. No, the answer is

a noun that gets paid. It's fun. Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because she cheated at stand-up on the spot. Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because she cheated at stand-up on the spot. Oink, oink, bitch! I'm so sorry.

Jordan, I'm so sorry. It was right there. It was right there. I'm so sorry. I was going to say, because a pig had sex with an octopus. That's a good guess. The survey says he had just come out of the pen.

That's fun. If he had stopped us, please. Why did the elephant have a bad vacation? Because they went to stand up on the spot and found out it was all a lie. Because the elephant found bodies in his trunk.

He forgot to pack his trunk. Oh, okay. There you go. Close. I'm really spiraling. Why did the monkey eat so many bananas? I think I should kill myself publicly. Oh, my.

I think I should hang myself at New York Comedy Club. Oh, my. Man, I really was crushing, too. I was like, this is crazy. I was like, these people are into this. Why do pandas like old movies? So nobody does anything. How do you even have.

Because they're in black and white. Don't you do enough stand up that everything connects to a story? I have a story for everything. Even if I don't. Well, that's the thing. Knock, knock. You can choose. You can choose.

Who's there? To connect anything. To any suggestion. Any who. Right, right. You can choose to do that. Anything you can do, I can do better. Great.

I'm trying to think of... For example, somebody yelled out Trump last night. I have a bit about Trump. Right, right, right. I would have done a bit about Trump. I know you would have. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But that's not the show. Oh, God, I wish I had known. I should have read your message again. Or listened when he said it. It was a long time ago. Or when he explained it. And then I just thought you were putting on a show, and I was like, this is just a great lineup.

Oh. That's why the show's so good, because it is spontaneous. It's magic. I get it now. Yeah. It's okay. We've covered it now at this point. Well, I will say.

We got it. All magicians do tricks they've done before. And a great magician makes you think they're doing it for the first time. You are a great magician. Because you're a liar. Publicly. That's just my entire way of doing comedy is tricking the audience into thinking that I've never said that before. You can trick them, but you can't trick yourself.

Yeah. So you have a special out. What was that? Yeah, yeah. It's called Daddy. Oh, that would have been so fun. When they said cat called, if I had just done a new thing, I would have loved that. Did you do the thing about Hasidics? Yes.

That would have been fun. I have new ideas about it that I would have come up with. Dude, Ian, I don't, so I don't know Jordan's material as well as you do, obviously. It's great. So I'm sitting in the back watching being like, this is magic. Yeah. Abracadabra. Just ridiculous how good this is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're great. In a proper setting. It is because you watch Norman and you're like, oh, these are all material. He's phenomenal.

He speaks in punchlines. He's great. I think I probably might have bombed. What do you mean? If I had followed the rules, I probably would have ate a fat... Oh, it's challenging. I would have eaten a fat dick. If I had followed the rules, I probably would have ate a fat... Well, it's challenging. I would have eaten a fat dick.

The daddy long leg hook under. Let's get a suggestion. Try it out. Oh, my goodness. It doesn't work without a live audience. Yeah. They've tried to make me do it. What are these guys in on here?

I'm a mean person? Why am I mean? The amount of times that I've been asked to do Stand Up On The Spot on morning radio, and I've literally looked at them and been like, no, that's not happening. No, it doesn't work out of context. Some people can't perform under pressure. I literally, like, whatever, dude.

Okay. I'm not putting up with any... I'm Ian. Yeah. No, it's about her, not me She's turning me on you, Ian No Everybody's turned on you

What? You're just mean You're just a mean bully guy Everybody knows I feel bad about it Yeah, it's called Mean Ian with Jordan Hello You're just a shitty dude That was a good stand up on the spot.

Oh, thank you so much. Oh, great. Ugh. I quit this podcast. No. Rip that bottom off of that. Come on, let's go start Rat Tales.

I could do Rat Tales. One of the worst names I've ever heard. Rat Tales? Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you're not doing that. No, we're not changing the worst names I've ever heard. Rat tails? Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you're not doing that. No, we're not changing the name.

I like rat tails. No. We're changing the name to B&M. I saw that clip and I'm like. No. We're together forever. Oh, absolutely not. Do you touch me?

Absolutely not. Are you? I hate you. Why? I hate you. Why? Because you just witnessed me go through a horribly mortifying reality and you're just being a bully about it. True. No, I'm you. Why? I hate you. Why? Because you just witnessed me go through a horribly mortifying reality, and you're just being a bully about it.

True? I'm not. I'm making good fun podcast. No, you're shitty. No. You're a shitty dude. No. He should be mad, and he's putting balm on my wounds.

You're my best friend pissing on my orifice. I'm pissing on it. Yeah, i would never do that if it's with your position upstairs my clip only got 20 views and i'm gonna kill myself because my clip didn't get many views. And I'm up there lying. I'm just lying. Well, it's because the algorithm is wrong. What time did you post it? It might be the time of day.

Maybe it's a day. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm up there trying to be so nice. I'm like, what clip did you post? You're like, one of me singing. I'm like, asshole did you post you're like one of me singing I'm like asshole

piece of shit let it out you're like everybody you whip out your phone start recording me I'm mortified I'm like oh my god I wasn't supposed to do material you're like you have glowing red eyes you have glowing red fucked up

eyes you whip out a camera like TMZ. You cut between me and Jeremiah who are both devastated at the reality and you're just loving it. I'm an agent of chaos. I'm the Joker. You're an asshole.

You're an insecure asshole. I'm very secure. You're not secure. Most of the time. I'm a happy. I'm a happy, happy. We're having fun. And I was the catalyst.

Yeah. We are not having fun. You suck. I hate you. Wow. That's the truth. Yeah. How's it feel now?

How's it feel now? It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good, does it? No. Yeah. Yeah. So you're special. You're from Kansas City Yeah buddy Yeah

Where'd you record it? Madison, Wisconsin Comedy on State Comedy on State Yeah Great club Yeah Great club

One of the best One of the best I'm there in June Oh so fun dude 10th, 11th, 12th One of the best green rooms too Yeah It's crazy.

It's fucked up. I just heard. They have putt-putt in the green room. We got a pool table. Yeah. I just heard New York Comedy Club Stanford has a great green room. Oh, okay. With a flat screen, video games, pool.

Nothing. Just looking at you. Made me in pain. Okay. When you look at Ian cackling, what goes through your head? When you see him turn red, do you like from him leaning and smiling? It makes me feel like I can never trust anybody

and I want to live in a vault. That's what it makes me feel. It makes me feel like even your friends are your enemies. That's what it makes me feel. Oh my God. My friends are my enemies or your friends are your enemies? Your friends are your enemies that's what it makes you feel like oh my god my friends are my enemies or your friends are your your friends are your enemies your are your friends look at me look at me in the eyes look at her dude you are no no no don't say it don't let's bring everyone together with some native american poetry okay oh? Oh, ye people, be ye healed.

Whoa. Life anew I bring unto ye. Oh, ye people, be ye healed. There's no way a Native American ever said ye. Life anew I bring unto ye. Through the Father over all do I thus. Life anew I bring unto ye. They can't even say wise.

That's from Good Eagle. They said he, not ye. Ye. Say ye in a... Ye. Maybe it's ye. Yeah, it's ye. Oh, ye people, be ye healed. Life anew yay maybe it's yeah it's yay people be yay healed life it's be it's

not be ye yeah it's flourished but is that i opened a page and it talked about healing which is what we all need to do on this podcast yeah it's a lot of negative energy you are a ghoul you are a ghoul and a goblin and you are a schadenfreude in body let's let's let's cleanse with some oh i don't have i cannot believe that you weren't supposed to do material i was just i'm really sorry please this. This is like. Can I just say one thing? You're great. Can I just say one thing? The serendipity I thought that I was participating in, like I was like, this is so crazy how each one I have a perfectly written bit for.

That's what I was thinking. Look at his little face. And I was wondering how other people, if they didn't have a perfectly written bit for it i was like what did they do if that didn't happen to them what would that be like and turns out that's the whole thing so you I thought everybody was riffing. Drink the wax? You are an agent of chaos. Drink it.

Come on. You did bring it up to your lips like a snifter. Yeah, I mean, you know. Well, we're learning about another language. I'm going to teach you how to speak honey chow. Now, do they have honey chow on Babbel? Are you recording, Ethan? You better keep all this in.

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You're going to love it. Okay, bye. So you have a special coming out. It's out now. It's 69 because of your nose. There it is. No, it's better 69 because of his nose. That's what I said. He doesn't like it.

He's a no-nose and bubble guy. Oh, wow. 69 is my favorite. Me too. You have so much in common. Hey, are you guys besties? No. We were.

Oh, cool. Yeah, we were. Welcome back to Being Ian with Jordan and whoever this guy is. it's hard to be mad at me he sees that i'm very ashamed she's more pure than you are yeah you're evil this was the other way i would be balming you all over i'd be like it's okay i totally get it you misunderstood you didn't know I'm sorry I would not be standing on your grave Cackling while drool slides off the side of my face As I

Like fucking Lecter That's the second half of the podcast episode Where I'm kind Oh cool After the ads. When the ads run, it's a restart.

Reset. How long are you in New York? Just for the week. What'd you come here for? Stop. Stop it. Did you really? Did you come all the way here for that? Wow. Should we... First to end up on the spot and to promote my special daddy. Wow. Should we? Yeah.

First to end up on the spot and to promote my special daddy. Available now. Is that the name of it or is that you telling us? What if I never tell those bits again? My special daddy. You wish, Anne. Oh, daddy, the shirt you're wearing? Yep.

Is for the special? This one connects the dots real quick. He literally wears it, says it, does things that are the thing he's doing. Yeah. Pretty literal guy. Yeah. I act out a lot of things. Yeah. We'll out a lot of things. Yeah. We'll get past it.

We'll get past it. I'm not going to get past it for a long time. No, get past it. Oh, you should see me tonight, what I do to myself. Wait, what are you going to do to yourself tonight? Can we put on the Patreon? Small incisions. No.

All over my body. Jesus Christ. Mentally. Mentally. I will slice myself Mental hellraiser That's right You're fine

You're a faggot You're a stupid faggot Fuck you Dude Dude I'm so glad I was here For this podcast to end This is great I'm so glad I was here for this podcast to end. This is great. I'm never coming back here.

What? I got you a key. I don't have it. I haven't made it yet, but I'm going to get you a key. Hey, all jokes, kayfabe. Do you know what kayfabe is? What is that? Kayfabe is in wrestling where you play like a role or whatever

you lean into the heel yeah yeah there's a heel and a face the face is like good guy heel is bad guy all kayfabe aside behind the scenes you're you're great kayfabe yes okay it's like theater i was doing theater i was intentionally How was the movie that you were in? How'd that go? Great. Yeah? I was kayfabing. Or as you would say, kayfagging.

You're always kayfagging. No, look, man. You never take a break from kayfagging. I have a problem. I know! I liked it being the little scorch guy. I'm sorry! What do you want me to do being the little scorch guy. I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?

Just go home, guys. It's fine. It was fun stuff. How was the movie you were in? How'd it go? Yeah, man. How was that movie you were in? Why don't you do us all a favor and get a head start on your little cutting expedition?

Okay, I will. I'll leave it at that. Some guy cut his throat one time at an open mic, sliced his throat, and the last thing he said to the mic was he went, sorry for the mess, and everybody was like, what? And then he sliced his throat. Isn't that crazy? I think about that all the time. Oh, yeah.

That's a real thing that happened. Nuh-uh. It did happen. No, no. The guy died. Where was it? It's an infamous case. Nuh-uh. It did happen. No, no, the guy died. Where was it? It's an infamous case. They talked about it, like, on the bonfire.

That's how I heard about it, like, a couple years ago. No. Yeah, it's a real case. What city? I knew it because she was the cousin, or he was the cousin of my friend Madeline. It was somewhere on the East Coast, right? I don't know. Really?

He said, sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess were his last words. Like the whole open mic was about how he hated his family, and then he went, sorry for the mess, and people were like, oh, and then he sliced his throat. And he died. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry for the mess is always what I text men after I open up a relationship that should be closed, and it goes to chaos, and then I go, sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess is always what I text men after I open up a relationship that should be closed and it goes to chaos and then I go, sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. Dude. Nuh-uh. That really happened? Yeah.

Oh my God. Wow. And since it was an open mic and every open mic comic is like, oh, did someone go on after him? Oh, shit. Like, I still want to do my time. Yeah. You were there videotaping it.

Yeah. First time a female comic got wet from another male comic's material. Hello. Probably the first time that got killed. Hey. Stand on the spot, baby. Anyway, I have lesbian moms. One of them looks like Rambo.

The other... I don't want to kill my little... No, you're great. Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth. Yeah, how was that movie, you bitch? Yeah, what's the movie? It was fantastic.

Oh, good. It's great. You're great. You're so funny, and you have such a good ability. I admire comics that have done stuff before, and it comes out as if they've done it's the first time ever and you're incredible at that why are you wearing a suit at your stand up on the spot because i just came from steve king's funeral yeah oh right yeah yeah and

everybody shit on me and was like he's in a suit because he thinks capitalists wear suits or whatever that's so funny oh that that clip took off, dude. Oh, yeah. And the funny part is everybody hated me because I was like a capitalist, and they were all communists, and they go, I'm not a stand-up, I'm a landlord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I was wearing the suit. Just like piss all of them off.

But that was off the top of my head. Which is why I wasn't that great. You can definitely tell, yeah. Oh. Sorry. You know when that all happens, you go, the bit's not even that good. I go, yeah, because it's not a real bit. It came out of my head. And I told you that so many

times ago. That's not a real bit. The show is you get a suggestion and you just go off the top of your head. Yeah. You're fine. He doesn't care. He's got bigger fish to fry. Yeah.

Right? You're doing it down in Moon Tower. Doing it in Moon Tower? Who's doing it on Moon Tower? Big Jay, Ralph Barbosa, Ian Bagg, Andrew Dismukes, and Punky Johnson. Who's Ian Bagg again? Oh, you should look him up. Yeah?

He's one of the best crowd work comics. Really? One of the best. Ooh. He's phenomenal. And I really want a mulligan on this boy. When's the next time you're in LA? I do it every second Tuesday of the month at the Comedy Store.

Wow. Yeah. Okay, cool. I'll fly out just for them all again. Let's go out and we can do podcasts together. Yeah, come do Scissor Bros. Yeah. You two come on Scissor Bros.

Oh, that'd be so fun. Yeah. That'd be great. What's Scissor Bros? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I'm cleansing the negativity. I get it. Totally.

This podcast is really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stevie Weeby. My boy, my sister, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

I have seen clips of that. Yeah. It's fun. You'd enjoy it. I did a podcast yesterday. I had no idea what the name of it was. That's nice. Which one?

Take your shoes off. It was called the Joe of it was. That's nice. Which one? Take Your Shoes Off? It was called The Joe Rogan Experience. And I was like, what is this exactly? Where am I? I'm really like this. I didn't know I was, I didn't know about JFL

until I was up for JFL. I had no idea what it was. She knows nothing. Yeah, I know nothing. Yeah. Selectively. It's a real circus. I mean,

if you can live like that, that's great. Barely. Huh? Barely? Oh. But that's why we love her. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah.

You ignorant. I am ignorant. I'm very ignorant. Go out to L.A. I'm in L.A. first week in June. We'll go out together. Do stand up on the spot. Okay.

There it is. Mulligan. And it'll be a fun thing to tape and talk about. Yep. There we go. Perfect. Problem solved. Yeah.

So you did Rick last on this podcast and you didn't know what it was? I didn't know what it was. Did you have fun with it? Yeah, so fun. He's the best. He's great. Shout out to the Glassman Boppers that are in the comments.

Really? Glassman Boppers? They're like his fans. Why are they called? Do they have their own name? The Goblins. The Taiso Goblins. Do we have names for our fans? The Rats. The Sewer Kings. The Fun Friends. I don't think we have names yet.

I think it comes organically. We should. Oh, that's funny. I wish you were dead. What are your fans called? Scissor siblings. The pay attentioners and the listeners. Yeah.

Scissor siblings? Scissor siblings. They understand the rules. They're like our scissor family. We're our scissor brothers. They're our scissor siblings. Why is it called scissor siblings. They don't understand the rules. They're like our scissor family. We're our scissor brothers. They're our scissor siblings. Why is it called Scissor Bros? Well, the short of the long is...

Long and the short. Hello. My grandfather had a barbershop called the Long and Short of It. Did he really? Yeah. That's a good name. Right? Yeah.

Poppy. Stevie Weeby and I trimmed each other's pubes, and instead of forming a blood pact, we formed a pube pact, and that's one of the reasons we're scissor bros. Why'd you need to trim each other's? Because we wanted to be unified. Oh, gotcha. Do you want to do that?

No. I have trimmers upstairs. Yeah, you guys could become, I mean, if you come on scissor bros, you got to do it on there. What if we do butt bros and we put our buttholes together? Ew. I don't want to get gay. Do you want to do

pubes? I don't really have many pubes. Kind of just like a wispy. I haven't shaved in three years. Wow. Really? Last time I shaved was at the cellar. Really? Like in the bathroom? Because you were going to fuck somebody? And you quickly shaved in the bathroom?

I went to a razor across the street at 7-Eleven. Which one? Went to the bathroom down at the VU and just shaved it up. You haven't shaved in three years? Since 2021. So you have a full-on bush. Yep. And I'm a hypocrite because I don't like bush on women.

Or men. Weird. Or butthole hair. But people like it on you. That bushy? Manly. Interesting. I'll shave her right now.

On the pod. Shave what? To make you feel better. Which one? My pubes. I don't want to see your pubes. I don't really like when people shave their pubes. Wait till Scissor Bros.

Yeah. What's something we could do to pause? Steve will love it, dude. Steve will love it. If he gets to trim your pubes on Scissor Bros, Yeah. What's something we could do to pause? Steve will love it, dude. Steve will love it. If he gets to trim your pubes on Scissor Bros, he'll freaking love it, dude. I don't want him anywhere near me with scissors. Why? You trimmed with scissors each other's pubes?

Yeah. And then what'd you do to them? Did you bury them? No, we put them together in a Ziploc bag. And we became Scissor Bros. The pubes molded together as one. Did you do this before the podcast began? It was like part of the evolution.

They didn't make the podcast for like six years after that. We also had another. That's what I'm wondering. And it comes from one of the early episodes of he saw scissors at my house. That he's like, I have those same exact scissors. And I was like, oh, we're Scissor Brothers. And it was like an offhanded joke. And then it became a thing where people started calling us scissor brothers

off of that. And then we trimmed each other's pubes and made the pube pack. That was the evolution of it. Give us a suggestion for something we should do to bond to each other. Oh, to bond with each other? Blood? Spit on our hands and shake.

No, gross. Why did you give the shocker symbol? Yeah. Did I? You know, shake and... Oh, you're holding your cigarette. Sorry. It looked like you're, you know, shaking.

You want to shocker each other? No, how about I burn you with a cigarette? You want to do that? And then you don't do it back. Will that make you feel better? Yeah. You're going to burn him with a cigarette? No. You're going to burn him with a cigarette? No

That'd be crazy I knew that you wouldn't Think of something to do Because we'd asked for a suggestion Oh something Sorry Something that you two should Bond over for a suggestion. Oh, something, sorry. Sorry, something that you two should bond over. Do you have any cheese

or anything like that? Wait, why do you? He just looked at your face and immediately thought cheese. I get it. I get it. Oh, fuck you. You got any sort of little, I don't know, some sort of fuck you. You got any sort of little, I don't know, some sort of carrot you can... You got any sort of...

Just something you could kind of just munch on, like a piece of trash. Anything like that. What do we do with cheese? I don't know. Lady and the Trampet, but, you know. What if we chew food and put it in each other's mouths? We could blow the same dude. Jeremiah?

That would bond us. That would bond us. Jeremiah. And that would be an apology for last night. Ow! Oh, sorry. What do you think? I'll call my wife.

Hi. I have an indecent proposal There's no money involved It's just Two of my friends Blowing me on a podcast What are your thoughts? Yeah Who?

Justice I would Fucking kick you in the throat For that dog Yeah me too The guy Justice Do you No no I would fucking kick you in the throat for that. Yeah, me too. The guy. Justice.

Do you know? No. What's a real bond or thing that we can do? Spit my mouth. You would let her spit in your mouth. Can I spit in yours? No. Can I spit in you?

No. Are you going to do it? are you going to do it? Are you going to do it? Are you going to freaking do it? Open your mouth. Open your mouth, dude. Will you forgive me? Yes, if you let me spit in your mouth right now, I will forgive you. I got to see this.

In the mouth. In the mouth. Okay. Get closer. I will. Because you're going to loogie. No, no. It's not a loogie.

It's not a loogie. It's gum. It's gum. I mean, it's not gum, but you know mean it's not gum open up open up the camera do you do you acknowledge that you've been a really big dick i acknowledge that i've been this is how you do the angle you a jerk but i've been doing it in the name of funny it's not in the name of funny it's you it's sheer joy at my own humiliation. You have some sort of dirt booger on your nostril.

Well, that's going to be in the spit, so get ready. Do you acknowledge that my humiliation... Did you change your oil with your nose? What is that? Do you change my what?

Your oil on your nose. Oh, it's from the motorcycle. Ian, sit forward and you lean back like this while she's behind you. Do you acknowledge that when I am in pain, that brought you joy? Yes.

And that you want the downfall of me rather than to bring me up? I will not acknowledge that. I do not want your downfall. You do. I want nothing but good things for you. You want pain for me. But I like being an ornery guy because it brings out good reactions in you. There was nobody watching but you cackling in my face.

Weren't we all watching? Just shut up and spit in my mouth. And let you forgive me? Alright, Scorsese. You sit forward, look You sit like this, Ian She's behind you, behind your back And then, thank you

Yes Alright, I don't like this This is scary I'm about to spit in both your mouths Just to show you how it's done Do you forgive me? Okay Don't get it on my glasses Just to show you how it's done I farted in the mic. Are we bonded? Are we best friends?

My turn. No! No! Never in a million years. Okay. Oh, dude. No Never in a million years Oh Okay Oh dude It's I mean It was gross

It was really bad It was I mean it was It was really bad It hit the side of his face And it dribbled down I feel a lot better you feel cleansed though right

so it was worth it it was worth it why didn't either of you tell me last night Webb you know my jokes why didn't you say anything It's like it's still On my mouth Were you watching like oh my god I can't believe she's cheating

What do you mean judging Cause you and Stevie have done stuff like that right Dude gross stuff yeah Haven't you drank his cum No Didn't you guys cum together? No. What'd you guys do?

Didn't you do something? Didn't he light you on fire? Huh? You lit me on fire. Oh, yeah, I did. You came on. You lit me, my arm on fire. I did, yeah.

And that wasn't even the challenge. Oh, yeah. But didn't you guys do something? Oh, didn't he put, like, hot sauce up your ass? Yeah. Yeah. Hot sauce enema. There it is.

Yeah. That was brutal. Yeah. That was probably the. With a syringe? With a turkey thing. Yeah, yeah. He did that?

He shot a little in my butt. Oh, my God. With hot sauce. It's probably the worst challenge i've ever done like because it caused instant damage i won't i won't put any it's bad it was bad wait what do you mean instant damage instant hemorrhoids and it and it gave me my butthole was like inflamed for like two weeks i won't do anything like that again it was bad what do you mean inflamed dude like like red and like what do you mean inflamed? Dude, like red and like.

What do you mean? Like have you ever had the worst spicy food and then you shit? Yeah. And he went the other direction. Dude, it was horrible. Yeah. No, that was one of the worst punishments. That you bought stock in which hazel that week?

What was it a punishment for? I forget what the actual challenge was because it was so jarring what that punishment was. Oh, my punishment was... That was the punishment for the challenge. Eating spit in the name of friendship. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, he deserved that. Solid Sizzle Bros punishment that just happened right now.

What is the punishment? I don't get it. What happened? There's punishments for... We do challenges every week, and then there's like a punishment. It doesn't have to be crazy, but some of the punishments are more gnarly than others. I like that. Yeah.

I don't. I want a punishment. No, no, I didn't do anything bad. Yeah. You need a punishment. That's fine. Ow! Sorry.

How many? I keep forgetting you have a tattoo. I just got... What is it of? A big tiger. Dragon. Ooh. Dude, it seriously was like.

Oh, the hang time on it was gross. It was like a tidal wave in slow motion. Dude, it was so gross. Oh, was there a hang time? That's why I gagged. Was there a hang time? Oh, I gagged. I literally, I saw it.

I was like. Right away., right away. Just right away. And you got a little in my mouth, and then the rest was like on the side of my face. You were wavering. You were wavering in Wolplin. Because you were standing over me with a wad of spit. Yeah, I get it.

I wouldn't have done it if I were you. But that's how much your friendship means. Does the ghost always move behind you? No. Stop it. Stop it. I'm not even kidding. Look at playback. The the ghost always move behind you? No. Stop it, stop it, stop it. I'm not even kidding. Look at playback.

The ghost was just moving while you guys were- Yes. Are you serious? You'll have to watch playback later, but it was just freaking me out. Did you know people, like, before I moved in, the people moved out because there was, like, a murder here? The ghost has wind behind it, you idiot. You stupid bitch.

I was pranking him. Oh, you didn't know there was a window? Sorry. I'm really sorry. Why are you calling me an idiot? I'm really sorry. I don't know. I've never been to this freaking basement before.

There's a massive cutout in the wall, Jeremiah. What do you think that goes to? Why? Is there an open window right there? Yes. Okay, then. How would your powers of deduction not immediately be like, oh, giant hole in the wall, thing covering it, air blowing.

Your first reaction was ghost from Ghostbusters is alive. Okay. This is you projecting because you were such an idiot for stand up on the spot. Yes. Yes. I didn't know. What I just did, what I just freaking did, what I just freaking did was called

Kayfabing, what he said I was playing into. Oh, we're on a podcast. You think I think that a freaking ghost is haunting from a freaking Ghostbusters thing? No, Jordan, okay. Sorry that I'm trying to be entertaining on your podcast so the numbers are good. I'm Jeremiah Watkins. Everybody knows about my stand-up, but surely I don't have to reiterate to anybody

What the rules are because it's so fake I did though Here's the thing I'm cool with you taking accountability But you not taking accountability That no You didn't reiterate You didn't?

Did you spit on my cheek? I pinky promise you didn't reiterate There was no reiteration. Ethan knows. I was only told by Ethan at that place and in the DM. And the text. And Ian and in the DM. Not Ian and in the DM.

I told you. Ouchie. Sorry. When that communism clip came out. I thought it was a riff. We all riff. I thought you were just riffing on a show. That's what the show is.

It's a riff show on suggestions. I thought you were doing a set and somebody. I told you that it was his show and you riff suggestions and you go, that sounds fun. I go, you should do it. No. I swear. No. I thought you were doing a set and you were riffing with a crowd worker.

No. I spit in her mouth. I don't even understand how that happens. It's the only way. If somebody says communism, why would you attack them? Why wouldn't you do a riff on it? But you attack them making it look like crowd work. You know what I mean?

Because that's what I do. I'm a little stinker guy. Right, so I thought it was crowd work, not a suggestion. I turned crowd work, a suggestion into crowd work, into a bit. It's called a multi-tooled athlete. I never thought that what you were doing. That you could do what I do. No, I never thought that you were doing a special show where people,

I would never think that from that bit even. It looks like somebody said communism, and you got mad at them because they were like an annoying crowd crowd-worky heckler. And that's what I told you it was. You did not. Yes, I did. I just thought it was... Is that a window?

That's... Honestly, like kayfabe aside... What's kayfabe mean? You're joking. Just kidding. Spitting her mouth. You got to let them because everything that happened. Will you?

Come on. Yep. Come on, Jeremiah. Are you serious? Jeremiah, get in there. Just do it. Get in there. Just do it.

And then all will be forgiven, Jeremiah. And then all will be forgiven. You got to forgive her after this. Come on. Is this really happening? Yeah. This is the only way I'll be able to sleep tonight it's serious do you want her to not sleep no I want now you're being a dick I didn't know all right here we go

oh god oh god it's okay is he smoke do you smoke cigarettes no okay I'm just gonna keep my eyes closed oh yeah didn't you have tonsil stones anyway go ahead no you got that gingivitis cleared up right oh my god that was a bomb that was a bomb that was the biggest spit plot I've ever seen. Oh, God almighty. Holy smokes, folks. Oh. Welcome to Stand Up on the Spit. Here's a suggestion. Wash your mouth out.

Yeah, buddy. There was no kayfabe on that one, folks. That was about as real as it gets. Oh, my goodness. Blow the shofar. Oh. Dude, it looked like a globe I cannot believe that just happened Dude You were like a camel with your ability

To get spit together That was It was It was Hamill with your ability to get spit together. That was. It was. It was. Oh, I think I'm going to get. That's my special daddy on YouTube, man. You know what, Jordan?

I love you. You're my best friend in your family. I'm going to get him back for you. Dude, I will freak out. An ode to Rick Glassman. Edit spitting in his mouth. Jordan, did that go under your tongue? That's daddy on YouTube. Daddy on YouTube.

Watch it now. And leave something about stand up on the spit or on the spot or Jordan or something in the comments so I know that you came from there. I'm crying, dude. Dude, that was a luger. No phlegm, though. That was no phlegm. No, sorry. That was no phlegm.

No phlegm. That was just spit. I promise you it was that. And that goes to show what kind of a kind man Jeremiah is. Yeah. Because he could have really hulked a big one. I could have done one of those. She, oh, God. This poor girl.

Film it for Patreon. Yeah. Oh, all day, you little paid piggies out there. Patreon.com slash B&E and bod. Sub to the Patreon to see this little gal puke oh oh i'm getting sick thinking about oh god i'm getting sick too oh that was narnar dude oh that was narnar binks dude dude you got it well i didn't want to get any. It was this size. No, shut up.

It was this size and just. Dude. Oh, dude. It was like the size of a half dollar. It was the size of a Sacagawea coin. It had a life-size president's head on it. Was that Eisenhower that just went in Jordan's mouth? I mean, I've heard of bombs over Baghdad, but I mean, this was...

This was water balloon over... I don't know why I've always been able to do that. What, spitting in girls' mouths? I've always been able to do it. I know. I know why you call it daddy. Hello. Out on YouTube.

Daddy. Spit in my mouth, daddy. Dude. I mean, you're a trooper. Yeah. It did look like... Okay, listen. I mean, you're a trooper. Yeah. It did look like. Okay, listen. I'm telling you.

No, it looked like a wave on like a polluted beach. Please don't puke on the nice carpet. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're good at that.

Thank you. You all right? Yeah. I mean. Every time I recovered, I would be like, okay, fine. You're just like, what is it? Maybe we had like made out. And then I would listen and hear Ian go, it was like sad. It was a size of a Chinese spy balloon. Oh, my goodness.

Wow. I feel good. I feel better. Do you really? I really do Do you feel better? I kind of do Okay great

Great great great Great Yes Yeah yeah yeah Yes I love it We're crossing bridges Building

Building Things You're an honorary Scissor sibling I'll tell you that much Okay That was wild That's how bad I feel

For the stand up on the spot thing That's how I would let you the stand up on the spot thing. That's how. I would let you do that three more times. What? I would. Lay down. No.

I'm telling you that for any redemption. Oh my goodness. In the history of the show, has anybody done what I did? No. Wow. No. You're special. You're unique. And you're wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. That's intense. Yeah. Yeah. No. You're special. You're unique and you're wonderful.

Yeah. Yeah. That's intense. Yeah. Wait, the stand up on the spot or the spit? Both. Oh, both. Really?

Nobody's done material ever? No, no. It'll happen where somebody will sneak in a bit, but then they're like, hey, I'm sorry. I went for the laugh on that one. I did a bit. Yeah, but no one's ever themselves with spit trim it out you know what i mean but no no nobody's nobody's done this no nobody's ever on or killed themselves with a loogie right okay that makes me feel better because they knew the

rules and i didn't and they still did it so it is tempting even if you did know but i didn't know yeah oh you're great anything you want to talk? Okay. Besides my toilet? Because you just puked. Besides your mouth and my spit? Is he still in the back? No, he didn't get in the back. He got it under his arm. It's not gross that it's about your spit.

It's the magnitude. There was a lot. It was like you were saving it. I went for it. There was a lot. And I was expecting what I could literally. Oh! Oh!

It looks like some sort of spider's cocoon. Oh! Oh my god! Oh my god! Dude. That truly looked like a caterpillar's cocoon. Oh, my God.

That looked like one of Spider-Man's webs coming out. All right, that's the show. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. We love you. Patreon.com slash Beanie and Pod. You's the show. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. We love you. Patreon.com slash Beanie and Pod. You're the best. To all our spits and spit suckers out there,

that's the name of our fans. We love you. Bye-bye. Yeah, what are you plugging? Daddy. Watch Daddy. And stand up on the spot. It's a series online that you improvise off audience suggestions.

This has been the best advertising for sitting on the spot. Here we go, brother. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you say anymore