Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 045: Moontower W/ Bobby Kelly , Joe List, Luke Mones , & Laura Peek

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen! Hey, everybody! Thank you so much. Do I sit here? Yeah, sit here. Sit here, yeah. Sit here. I don't know if I do. No, all right.

Well, why don't you blow the shofar and we'll start. I can't. Yeah, you can. Yeah! Yeah! It's the official start to the live Bein' Ian with Jordan podcast. I'm Ian Fidance, and I couldn't be happier to sit here.

I just burped. Next to the host of the most, my rider, sometimes she makes me want to die. The love of my life, my sister wife, Jordan Jensen. What up? What up? Did you hear us just screaming back there? Yeah, did you hear us go, Ethan, what the fuck?

He was supposed to make the announcement after the little pre-recorded thing, and then we just heard them faintly go back into ska music. And then we heard him go, okay, check, check. I think I'm ready for my part. And that's why we keep him behind the camera. How about it for producer Ethan and his announcement?

I know he was so nervous. Oh, dude, and someone's wearing a Reign Supreme shirt. Philly hardcore. I fucking love it. Yes. He's the Jay Pepito. The lead singer of that band is marrying our friend Christine. Really?

Yeah. Wait. And he's in the band End. Christine the redhead? The redhead. Who looks like Shiv? Shiv? From Succession?

Sure. I've never seen Succession. You haven't seen Shiv and Shiv's Big Ass Part 2 and 3? Does he have a big ass? Shiv season one and then Shiv Big Ass, part two and three. Does he have a big ass? Shiv season one, and then Shiv Big Ass season two. Really? Shiv's Huge Ass. Who is this guy? Succession starring Shiv's

Huge Ass. Who is this guy? Shiv is a woman. Oh. Boo. I'm out. Basically, can you turn my mic up, and Ian's down? Is my... You're too loud. You are too loud. Am I too loud?

Yeah. Okay, take it easy, dickhead. Is this one... Oh. Is this one better? Or am I still laughing? You're just a man, so your voice carries more because you deserve more money and wealth and happiness. Yeah. Basically, Succession, they have this woman come on, and the season one, you're like, this is regular.

She's, like, a little bit chubby, but in a good way. I like it. And then season one, you're like, this is regular. She's a little bit chubby, but in a good way. I like it. And then season two, they're like, we're going to... They're like, we're going to drop the camera right up her ass this whole season. I don't know why. I don't know what ratings came in where they were like, oh, we need to do less of her face

and more of her baby ass. But that's what happened. Really? Yeah, it's really interesting. It's like, remember Joaquin Phoenix in Joker? When they just show his nose the whole time and his weird bird shoulders? That was the whole movie? I saw the movie four times in theaters. Yeah, so you

saw his nose 900 times. I related. Did you really? Well, you know, the mental health system in the city is crumbling. Yeah, I was going to school to be a social worker, and I was a comedian at the time that movie came out, so that was pretty crazy. And then I quit social work because the social worker in that was black.

Oh. I was doing comedy, and I also stabbed a cardi in the neck with a screwdriver. You did what? Mine didn't get as big a laugh as your racist joke. Your voice is insane. I'm losing it. You're like a didgeridoo.

I can't wait till we... That's my mating call. I can't wait till we come back next year and we're doing the pod and I'm like, thank you guys for coming. This is a really great thing. I bought a carton of cigarettes today for $91. You made it have a little Spanish accent

just there. You're doing a good thing. Thank you, Magami. Look at this tiny little guy. Oh, that's a cute little guy. Isn't he a cute guy? Hey, wait. Do you need help moving that? Because if so, I can give you a little hand. Thank you so much.

Would it be great if I was fucking someone from behind and they were like, spank me, daddy. And I was like, okay. You got me good with that last night. What would you do if you were... No, no, I didn't mean he spanked me. He got me good with that. What would you do if we were in a movie theater

and I was like, first of all, I was like, did I tell you I just caught a fish? It was this big? No, it was this big? No, it was this big. And then the tiny hand was right here? And then I went, hey, hey. Look at me, hey. What's going on up there?

I think I would be like, how much did Ian pay you to get the fuck off of me? How much did Ian pay you to milk me? Dude. I've been having... This tiny hand has been... Oh, look at that. It goes up. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Pixar.

Pixar lamp. Oh, it's animated. Oh, boy. This is kind of like a little guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Here, hold on. Can I do it? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I love little things. That's good. Dude, I... Look at that. I've been smoking cigarettes like this the whole time. I want to fire up a butt so fucking badly. Where'd you get that little lamp?

I got it. I don't know, but I found it in my fanny pack. Oh, yeah. It has been in your fanny pack for a while. Yeah, for like years. I go through the TV for gum, and I'm just like, oh! I have gum. Oh, let's play guess what's in that fanny.

Oh, Lucy Breakers. This is our sponsor. If you guys want to smoke and you can't, use these. I'm going to try it now, too. I've never, well, I've lied on the ad reads and said I love them. Don't do an ad read on the live pod. That's the one thing we don't have to do. It'll help them pay us more money.

Anyway, we've had a good time at this festival so far. Oh, I'm going to use the Lucy Breaker gum. How much do you think, I don't know how much nicotine it has, so I'm going to eat four. This one has a little... I'm going to eat a Marlboro Red equivalent. Mmm.

Mmm. This is a loogie burger, man. Stop, stop. No, no. Give us more money. You're going to throw up. Oh, man. I can't open this.

I'm going to eat the whole thing. Is that the lid? Stop, Ian. You're going to puke. You want some? Yeah. I don't know, ma'am. Oh, dude, this is... Stop, Ian! You're gonna puke! You want some? I don't know, ma'am. Oh, dude, this is... Can we get a spittoon?

Dude, talk about spittoon. What happened? Jeremiah. Spit in my mouth. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. We had Jeremiah Wat mouth. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. We had Jeremiah Watkins run this show

where he's like, people are going to yell stuff out at you and you just make it up. What I didn't know is that you weren't allowed to do any material. I didn't know that. So somebody would yell something out. Yeah, I didn't read the directions.

What was the name of the show? It was No Material Monday or whatever. No. It was... What was it? It wasn't like a hood show. Chocolate Sundays. Whatever.

Basically, I crushed, but I just did my bits. I was like, oh, I got a bit about that. I did a bit about that. It's called stand up on the spot. Where on the spot, you make it up. Right? Yeah, she didn't know. I had no idea.

I was like, oh, I have a bit for everything that people are yelling Yeah, she didn't know. I had no idea. Yeah. I was like, oh, I have a bit for everything that people are yelling out. This is so lucky. I had demolished. She crushed. People legit thought she was an idiot savant with comedy. Yeah. They were like, is this the new Hicks?

It was crazy. Like, it was crazy. I was getting texts like, dude, Jordan, what? She's on a new level. I was signing autographs. She's a fucking liar. You know what's funny? That night, my ex came up to me and was like, want to hang out? And I was like, nah, because I felt so good about myself. what she's on a new level i was signing autographs she's a fucking liar you know what's funny that

night my ex came up to me and was like want to hang out and i was like nah because i felt so good about myself and then and then the next day and then the next day jeremiah tells me the truth and i felt so bad that i in my kitchen and i laughed so hard because jeremiah just the face he made was like we were were like, I'm sorry, we couldn't save your son. Like, it was just, like, he just saw his son drown in a pool

and it was, I loved it. It was, he was so sad and you were fucking, and I felt so embarrassed so I let him hawk, or I spit,

and Ian was so mean to me. Ian was like, you're an idiot, ha ha ha. I didn't say you're an idiot. Yeah, you said you're an idiot. I never said you're an idiot. You're a stupid woman. I hate you. You said your brain

isn't there. I was just saying what we're all thinking. You're only worthwhile because of your boobs and hole. That's what you said. And barely. And you said even your hole is pretty gross. So you're basically not even a woman. So you don't even matter. You said all of this. Looks like Snoopy's mouth. You said my

vagina looks like Snoop Dogg. It's a first snizzle. I'm crying. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. That's so embarrassing. He's just running at my vagina. Snoop Dogg.

Snoop Dogg. And then, so then I spit in Ian's mouth because he felt so bad for being so mean. Well, I said, what can I do to make it up to you? But then I missed his mouth and basically hit the side of his face. Yeah. And then I said, I still don't feel better, so I made Jeremiah Watkins, who had a Watkins of spit in his mouth, turns out, spit a massive loogie into my mouth, thinking I can handle this.

I've had rough sex. I like sex. I've had, you know, saliva swapping. I vomited immediately. Immediately. I felt good about it. It was great. You handled my spit fine.

I got a hard on. You did get a hard on because I was wrestling your mouth. She stood on top of me and it was like my world was changing. I know. You're trying to do the snoop dog. A whole new world. Jeremiah was like, what is this? I know. You're trying to do the Snoop Dogg. It was a whole new world. You did,

and then Jeremiah, I was like, this will be fine, and then what came into my mouth was, oh, dude. It was frothy, a frothy water balloon.

It was fucked up. I think I'm gonna get sick. I think you have to spit out that gum. Spit out the gum. Yeah, you have to spit out the gum. You're grossing people out.

Oh, no! All right, Ben, I'm good. Do we have a first guest? Bobby! We got Bobby Kelly! Okay, let's bring out Bobby. Spit it out! Bobby Kelly!

You can say it wherever you want. Push that away. Yeah. Bobby, you're the best. Bobby Kelly! You can say it wherever you want. Push that away. Bobby, you're the best. Thanks for doing this, man. What the fuck did you just do? I'm seeing stars. He chewed a bunch of these nicotine gums.

And when I say a bunch, I mean nine. How many went in there? Two, four, six, eight. Why? Because they're the sponsor for our show and we gotta get them to sign up for more ad reads. Dude, you're fucking sweating on the top of your head. I know, man. I might have to take my new shirt off I bought today.

Can I? This bitch. I fucking, we went to Allen's Boots today. Amazing. Can I This bitch I fucking We went to Alan's Boots today Amazing I got this And everyone said Ian That's a good purchase And Jordan said I don't like it

It's bad It's like Made of a tent Yeah You need a hand Getting out I like the shirt And the reason

Why it's good Is cause it sucks Yeah What You're peacocking Dude Yeah yeah Nobody should I like the shirt. The reason why it's good is because it sucks. Yeah. What? You're peacocking, dude. Yeah, yeah. Nobody should buy that shirt unless you own a taco truck in Mexico.

But I like Native American things. Yeah, but it's not like woven. It's not like a good material that's woven. It's a print of Native American. Yeah, it's like sweat proof. Do you want a real woman to fucking make this shirt with beads? Yes. If you're going to wear the print, it looks like a Pocahontas comforter

that we all had in the 90s. You guys remember that? I love that. Remember filling that thing with pee? What? Nothing. I was nothing. Dude, you know, you know,

you know, I donate every month to a Native American middle school and it's called St. Libre in North Dakota and they keep trying to send me a commemorative blanket. Just a kid. I get letters that are like, Ian, we need your help.

Oh my God. In like fake handwriting and you think it's from a child. Why is it fake handwriting? Well, you can tell it's a printer but they make it look, kids, old people, they're trying to get old people

to fall for it. That's a racket. You should stop donating to them. That's a scam. I felt like we scammed them, so it's at least I could do it. Take your shirt off. You are dripping sweat. What's going on? What's going on is I just ate 50 milligrams of fucking nicotine because we're not allowed to smoke indoors anymore

because we used to be a proper country. Is there anything in here? I think I needed a fucking nap before I did this podcast. because we used to be a proper country. I think I needed a fucking nap before I did this podcast. I think I fucked up. My blood sugar isn't where it's supposed to be to deal with Ian. Didn't you call me a special person today? You are a special person.

That's why I love you. You're very special. There's nobody like you. Didn't we find out that we're the retard podcast? How did we find that out? Oh, because all these people keep messaging or coming up to me, and they're like, thank you for scanning up. Normalizing mental illness.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks for scanning up for neurodivergence like me. And they're having a hard time speaking because they're wearing a helmet. And I'm like, oh, god damn it. Is this us? I guess you should make that shirt merch for your podcast. Retard pod?

Place hand here and then have a little line. Hit this line many times with thumb. Touch your thumb to this line a lot. It'll say scratch and sniff with an arrow to the crotch. Yeah, try and bite your ear. Remember that, sure?

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Don't take offense. Oh, here we go. I'm offended. What? Not you. Oh, okay, yes, please.

What, what, what? Do you shower? I know that's... You just went a little Sebastian Maniscalco. Do you shower? Do you get in the water? That's Christopher Walken.

With the soap and the fucking water. That's Christopher Walken, by the way. I don't know. Yes, I shan soda. I showered and I shaved today. It was, I said don't take fucking offense. I just wanted to know.

How am I supposed to not take offense when a grown man looks at me and goes, I'm going to ask you something. You fucking pig, do you shower? I never said pig. That's what I took. I said don't take offense. I just wondered if you shower.

Yes. Because you have the look that you might not shower every day. Well, I don't. Okay, then that's all I wanted to fucking know. And whenever I wear a hat, that's the days I don't shower. Do you shower every day? You seem like every time you shit, you shower.

You're shit to shower? I take like five showers a day. You take such long shits. I have a problem. What's going on in there when you go in there like that? All I do is drink coffee and smoke cigarettes. No, but it's not. So it's all coming out that whole time?

No, not the whole time, but it... It's a really long... Some of it comes out, and then I have to squeeze the rest of it out. And then I do a thing where when I wipe and stand up, I have to pee again. Oh, do you stand up when you wipe? No. This is a split. I do like a again. Oh, do you stand up when you wipe? No.

This is a split. Do like a leg. Clap if you wipe your ass while standing. Me neither. Thank God. Yeah, right. I'm so glad nobody fucking raised their hand. Jordan looks like she takes her clothes off

to take a shit. Yeah, that's regular. Is it? Yeah. No. Jordan looks like she takes a shit and just doesn't wipe. Gets up and does...

Excuse me. I have debilitating OCD. Okay? That's takes a shit and just doesn't wipe. Gets up and does. Excuse me. I have dehabilitating OCD. Okay. That's not a word. Dehabilitating. Dehabilitating. It is now. I fucking love it.

I have dehabilitated my asshole to a point where it is a bloody massacre. Okay. And I will, if I bring my, if I bring it up and there's anything but on it, but blood and the color white. Oh, stop. You should date Ari Shafir. The pure, pure color of white. Oh, stop. bring my if I bring it up and there's anything but on it but blood and the color white oh stop you should date Ari Shafir pure pure color of white oh stop here shits every time he shits at my house he pops one of his hemorrhoids for some reason oh my god yeah and it's a it looks like but it's blood it's like Jewish lamb's blood it's like blood from the heart like there's no... It's like still blue.

It's fucking rough. Whenever Jordan's at my house, she goes in the bathroom, she goes, I need to push blood out of my body. Dude, yeah, I always get my period. Once a month at least. I'm so glad. Nelly's house, our producer, this little girl who's running around,

my stomach is comfortable because I grew up with her. So every time I walk into her tiny apartment, I immediately have to shit. And I shit once a week producer, this little girl who's running around, my stomach is comfortable because I grew up with her. So every time I walk into her tiny apartment, I immediately have to shit. And I shit once a week. And this poor girl, I just blow her shit up once a week. It's so mean. I walk in and she's like, I have something to tell you. And I'm like, first things first.

And lock myself in her bathroom. I can't shit unless everything is safe. I dumped an agent once. What? My first agent in New York. I went to her house. I thought you said Asian. I dumped an Asian once. What? My first agent in New York. I went to her house. I thought you said Asian. I dumped an Asian once.

She dropping bombs. I've done that too. She used to go, you made me laugh. My head's hurt. I was like, I'm out. What? It's singular, not plural.

My agent, I went to her house one day. She lived in the village. And I went to the bathroom and there was a fucking two and a half foot log in the toilet. She lived alone.

I was like, I gotta go. I'll never get over this. I can still see it today. And it was, it went from like dark to light to dark.

It looked like Italian ice cream. I think she died. I think she might have. Oh my God. You dropped your agent and then so you were like, hey, I don't want to be your client anymore and then she went to the bathroom

and saw her huge shit and just had to reckon with the fact that that's why you dropped her. It was for her massive multicolored shit. That's so brutal. One time I went back to a girl's house and her dog, we were making out and her dog shit in her bedroom. I go, aren't you going to clean that up? She goes, I'll get it later.

And it was such a turn off that I couldn't get hard, so she tried to give me a hand job, and she was bad at it. She just held onto my penis like you hold onto your grandmother's hand in hospice. It was just so limp and sad, and I was like,

this isn't going to work. She's holding it like she holds dog shit. That's how you pick up dog shit. She held my hand like this. I got a massage from a 75-year-old who had arthritis. What? Yeah, she had to rub my back with her knuckles.

That sounds good. I would like that. It was good. It was in Hollywood. It was hot. There's a place, 99 Clinton Street, right by Joey Rose's, where they give you handjobs afterwards.

Didn't get them. You can't not... Fuck you, dude. There's no way you get a massage. She goes, you want me to jerk you off? And you went, I'm good. I did, and she kissed me on the cheek and said, you are my boyfriend. So then I went back and treated her like my girlfriend.

Didn't the cellar dudes all send a lady... Wasn't there some Cambodian lady that all of you got so many jerk-offs from that she was able to afford to buy a house where she came from? Are you mentally ill? Yes, she is. She thinks that that's reality. I told you that.

Who told me that? Who fucking told you that? Sherrod. Yeah, fuck him. No. That never happened? No. He was like, we bought a house with handjobs?

No. She bought a house. Yeah. That's a different type of field of dream. We get paid $25 a set. You know how many handjobs? No. She bought a house. Yeah. No. That's a different type of field of dreams. We get paid $25 a set. You know how many handjobs that is? That's what he said,

that he still gets pictures from her from this house she bought. No. Sherrod is a liar. Penis money. No. Is he a liar?

He said... He's 100% a liar. He said he was wearing a condom at the moment. He's the most well-known liar. Oops. I've seen him lie when he's like,

I'm going to get off stage, and then he does another 25 minutes. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. A handjob house. A house that a handjob built. Yeah, I thought there was a handjob house. I'm very gullible.

I mean, overall, all the times I've done that, I've probably spent a house. Do you know how many trans girls I put fucking vaginas on? I don't even know where that came from. What the fuck is that? What do you mean you put vaginas? Well, I gave them money for sex, and they fixed their body up.

I'm sorry, what the fuck are you talking about? He pays for sex from trans people, and they buy... And they made enough money off of me that they could get gender affirming surgery. It's free to get the surgery. Yes. You paid for them

to get a vagina. Yeah, well, some of them. Why? Did you ever get to use Why would you pay for the fun part to be gone? Well, they can do

what they want with the money. Do you... Can I ask you a question? If you go with a trans girl, do you go down on her too? Do you please her? Oh, yeah. Oh, you do? You suck her dick yeah wow yeah now are you good are you good or they have

to give you lessons i don't know what it is but i have always made trip you're gay i have always made trans women come and i cannot make a guy come to save my life. I am down there tinkering away like a cobbler and I'm like trying to figure and it just doesn't work. And I'm like, come on, Jose. Pick it up. I remember the time you opened it for me in Connecticut. I didn't know you were bi. I didn't know you. I thought it was kind of a joke or whatever. It is a joke. He's gay.

He goes, hey, just drop... I go, you want to go back to the hotel? He goes, no, drop me off at a pool hall. I'm like, what is it? The fucking 80s? Oh, my God. Went to a pool hall. He had a pool hall that he found. I dropped him off at a pool at like 1230 at night.

And it was just all Asian guys in there. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm like, you're playing pool? He's like, no, I'm gonna go

suck somebody's dick. No, I have no idea how to play pool. Yeah. You just wander around in there? Yeah,

it's called cruising. What do you do? You pull up to an Asian guy? No, it just so happened they were all Asian that night.

Oh, okay. So what happened? How do you cruise? You walk in. You walk around. You don't have to show us walking. We know what I'm saying. We get the walking part. Yeah, we got that. Well, you put one walk in. You walk around. You don't have to show us walking. We know what I'm saying. We get the walking part.

We got that. You put one foot in front of the other. Everything else, please. Everything else. We don't know how you get into a bush and suck a dick. How do you get there? Well, you go to Penn Station at 2 in the morning and sit in a fucking urinal and just wait. Really?

After Dan St. Germain's bachelor party at Madison Square Garden. Anyway. Tell me how to cruise. You go into the pool hall. No, you walk around in a gay area and you make eye contact. Oh, eye contact. Show me, show me.

Like, I'm a dude, I play in a pool. All right, all right, all right. Hey. What's up, dude? How you doing? Whoa, I'm hard. That was good. Wow.

Did you see that? But it did nothing for me. Wow. My dick is fully erect. I'm gay now, dude. There it is. We converted another. You just walk up.

Did you see his eyes twinkle? They twinkled at Bobby. They kind of did. Yeah, they did twinkle. They glistened. I thought you sucked my dick. Yeah! Oh, 100%.

All right. That was the smallest little hey, but I saw butterflies. That's what it is. Butterflies. Like a Frank Lisa trapper keeper. You know what I mean? Or whatever it's called. 100%. That was the smallest little hay, but I saw butterflies. Like a Frank Lisa trapper keeper. You know what I mean?

Or whatever it's called. Lisa Frank. Frank Lisa! That was the name of my trans girlfriend. Yep, yep, yep. Wow. I'm going to try cruising. No.

Women can't because it'll end up in rape. How would you cruise? If I was in the thing, what would you do to me? You need a little hand or something? No, I cruise by literally being like, you're a stupid piece of shit. And if you're like, you're a piece of shit back, I'm like, we're fucking, let's go.

Here we are. Yeah, I cruise. It's a hazing more than a cruising. It's a lot of suffering involved. It's a lot of friendship, and then one day you're like, I think you might have a vagina. And I'm like, I do actually. You're like, could I do something with that?

I'm like, yeah, totally. It's been here all the time. Yeah, I've got to dust her off. I've got to get a little. Just don't go in the asshole. It's filled with blood. You don't use that voice, do you? The vagina's also full of blood all the time. Oh, God.

What? You don't like bloody holes? 100% no. I'll say it. 100% I don't. The other night at the Fab Black, I was pushing blood out, looking at the audience and going, I'm pushing blood out as I look at you. And these girls were like, hell yeah. They were into it. It was awesome.

I'm gonna throw up. You ever do that? You ever girls were like, hell yeah. They were into it. It was awesome. I'm going to throw up. You ever do that? You ever just push that fucking tampon out like it's a baby? Sorry. I'm going to fucking... Yeah, dude. She sits on my couch. I hope with pants on.

I'm a free bleeder. I am. You have to throw out your pillows. Yeah. That's so gross. Now let's get back to me. What a fucking dick. I learned about the little cup thing for periods. Oh my pillows. That's so gross. Now let's get back to me sucking dick. I learned about the little cup thing for periods.

Oh my God, that thing. I got it stuck one time. I didn't know how to take it out. I didn't know you were supposed to... Read the directions? Yeah, read the directions. I almost tied it to a door and slammed it. It's crazy. I couldn't get it out.

The cup fairy had to come and take it. Dude, I was going to get Nelly to take it out. And once you take it out, it's like full of blood, and it's so tempting to just take a little sip. Oh! Oh! All right, we're going to bring Joe's list on. Like it's a wine?

Yes, dude! It's like a dark red, and it's all up. Oh! It makes you, and you're holding it like a little slipper. It's got an oaky finish, more of a Beaujolais. Yeah, a little bit of fish. A little bit of fresh fish. Will you make me a painting with it?

Oh yes, oh yes, and it will age well. It'll start red and turn black as time goes on. It'll age like a portrait of myself getting older. Hey everybody, it's your old pal Ian here and I am coming to you from a hotel room in Dallas, Texas. But I want to talk to you today about Displate. Today's episode is brought to you by Displate

and there's nothing worse than having your house be a hallmark live, laugh, love museum with five o'clock somewhere. It's wine 30. Boo. Hiss. No. You want to get a display. Check it out.

It's a high quality metal print that comes in millions of cool designs. We have one in the studio with the Marlboro design and a hot lady. And sometimes I look at it and I go oh that's my life i don't do that anyway uh they're easy to hang and swap out anytime it comes with a magnet uh with every display purchase as i said we have one in the studio and it's uh really cool we bring it on the live show when we go on the road we take it with us and it brings a little bit of the studio a little part of our home with us wherever we go anyway no matter what you're into there's a display for you they got uh dc comics art from fallout moto gp tons of tons of tons of stuff so click the link in the description to see some of our favorite displays and get our special discount. That's right. Yep. Get one or two Displates at 20% off

and 34% off when you buy three or more. Discounts will be automatically applied to your cart. And how do you get the discount? Use code SKA. That's right. Use code SKA when you visit Displate.com to get the discount. That's Displate, D-I-S-P-L-A-T-E dot com code ska. Or click the link in our show notes. Give yourself or someone you love

unique art with display. Yee-hee. Hey, gang. Regular nicotine pouches are boring. Oh, God. Snooze time.

Tonk shoe. Honk shoe. Wee-wee-wee-wee-we shoe. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. That was me taking a nap and dreaming because how boring the other nicotine pouches are. Because they lack excitement. They're dry. They're weak.

But you need to get Lucy Breakers. That's right, because each pouch has a fun flavor capsule inside that bursts open like a snap, crackle, pop. Remember those fruit snacks that gush from your childhood gushers i don't know why they just didn't say gushers uh it's basically that but with nicotine which i love because i love candy and nicotine la la la they have great flavors like apple ice mint and. You can pick your nicotine strength too. I fly every single weekend. And guess what?

You're not allowed to do the thing I love to do, which is smoke cigarettes on the flight. And I'm not going to quit, but I need that nicotine when I'm on a six-hour flight. So guess what I do? Pop a couple Lucy Breakers. And I get the nicotine I need. That's right.

If you're looking for a fun way to shake up your team, Lucy Breakers has you covered. Visit lucy.co. Use promo code SCA to get 20% off your first order, and shipping is always free. That's lucy.co, promo code SCA, to receive 20% off and always get free, free, free shipping. Here comes a fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is addictive chemical. Okay. Should we bring? Yeah. Yeah. We got Joe List. We love Joe List.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. What a lot. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Get that one too. Yes. Go ahead. Chop one right in half. No, please, please. Don't hurt. Fuck, you just tried to move the chair out from under me? No, I tried to help you, paranoid fuck.

What up, guys? Thanks for coming, Joe. Oh, you have a horn? Yeah, it's a shofar. It's a horn. Yeah. Hi, guys, what are we talking? Talking blood, talking assholes. Are you a period blood, sex are we talking? Talking blood, talking assholes

Are you a period blood sex kind of guy? Are you a bloody sex kind of guy? I will have bloody sex It's not like my thing In the shower or outside the shower or both? Just regular on the bed In the dumpster I almost divorced my wife

because she left a little poop skid on the toilet. I'll fucking dump her. You say poop skid or poop skin? Yeah, the little nugget. You know when you shit and there's a little skiff mark at the end where it flushes? Check twice.

I don't want to... It's called graffiti. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know you do it. We had a toilet or Sarah's old apartment. My wife's old apartment. Sometimes shit would come back.

The plumbing was fucked up. She would take shit. A half an hour later, I'm going to go pee. There was a nugget of shit there. What if she was lying? What do you mean? She didn't flush.

It would be one little biscuit. It wasn't a full Yeah, she didn't flush. No, because it would be like one little biscuit. It wasn't like a full... The biscuit always comes back. That's not a plumbing problem. That's just what the biscuit does. What? That's the lucky poop biscuit. You guys agree?

It is lucky. Dude, it's... You flush and the little nugget at the end comes back up? He just doesn't make his way all the way down. That's not a problem. But if your poop floats, that means you have cancer. No. I'm kidding. That's not a problem. But if your poop floats, that means you have cancer. No. I'm kidding. That's not real.

This fucking girl was like, oh my god, my shit floats. I'm dying. Dude, I remember the first time I shit in the lake and it floated. You know if someone else's hand is smaller than your face that you have cancer? Classic. You can't be slowly putting it on while you do the bit. You have to put it on under the table.

You can't be slowly being like, did you know the bit. You have to put it on under the table. You can't be slowly being like, did you know here's a joke about a hand I'm going to do? You know if that becomes your thing and you have to buy thousands of those and travel with it? Oh, God, I'd love it. I'd just hand it out like the hand fairy. That's your Sufi? I could have handed it to you, Bobby.

That was a good idea. Give him a hand. Give him a smaller hand. Hey, you know what, man? Come on, fuck you. I hate this thing. That thing's got to go. It's the best thing I've ever gotten in my entire life.

I don't know what's in here. Oh, you have an open hand. It's another nic thing I've ever gotten in my entire life. There's nothing in it. I don't know what's in here. Oh, I gotta open it. Oh, you haven't opened it yet. It's another nicotine pouch from Lucy Breakers. I can't wait to try it. Dude, you're shaking. What are you doing? Yeah. I've had so much coffee today. You have to stop. I'll do it. You ask these boys

questions and I'll open it. I know. We went to breakfast and you got a coffee with a full coffee. Yeah, I know. She was like, who got the coffee? And Ian has like 16 ounces of coffee, and he's like, that's me. And I'm like, this is, you're unwell. And we also got the wolf omelet, and when she asked me, I said, I'll take the wolf.

Don't repeat that joke that bombed three times at breakfast. What? They like it. They like what I just said. Ooh, they're zingers. Yeah. These are little Edward zingers. I know.

Do you want one? Little Leonard Skinners. Here, I'll pop it into your mouth. Here, hold on. Why don't you use those as a tampon? They won't work. I'd have to use the whole container. Here.

No. Stop it, Ian. All right, sorry. Oh, boy. Anyway, the Diva Cub. Oh, good. I got it in my own mouth A tricky beast

Stop don't chew it you put it in your gum That's the whole point it's a Lucy breaker You break it open and the nicotine comes out No you're not supposed to bite it Yes you are it's called a Lucy breaker You dippy bitch Look place pouch on the lip Pop the breaker

Keep it in your mouth for 20 minutes. Toss it after you're done. Oh, it's bad. Oh. Oh, that's bad. It's good. I like it. The nicotine's really coursing through.

Oh, my God. That tastes like shit. Don't, they're our sponsor. Sorry, Lucy Breakers. Are they really a sponsor? Yeah. I love them. Thank you.

Thank you, Joe. I got three in my ass right now. Yeah. Can I try one? Yeah. Yeah, please. Can I try it without you putting it in the hand? All right, go ahead.

So what do you do? Break it. Ugh. Pop it. Sorry. You're the one who's like, yeah, you fucking asshole. My asshole looks like the hallway in The Shining.

Anyway, what you're doing is gross. That's what it looks like. You bite it, and then you just keep it in your lip. Okay. You're a cigar guy. You don't mind that? No, I don't mind it.

It's minty. Okay, I'll try again. And this is mint flavored. Yes. What's it called again? Lucy Breaker. Lucy Breaker. Promo code Ska. You just got Bobby addicted to fucking nicotine gum. Real nice. Lucy.co. Yeah.

Promo code. Bobby's gonna be like, dude, you gotta get a couple breakers in your mouth. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Whoa, what the fuck is this? Hey! Oh! I want photos of your shit. You have a chicken? What do you have? You have the shit?

Give her the God mic. I told you. It's bad. What the fuck is that? It's good. See, it's because you don't smoke. I fucking smoke cigars. Yeah.

You don't inhale. This is for inhalers. Are you going to barf? There's a video of this old guy and he walks in on a party and he's like, oh, you kids, get off my get out of my fucking house. And then this one big black guy who's like trans woman man

goes and he goes, hey, chill out, daddy. And the guy goes, what the fuck is that? That's what Bobby just did. Stop, man. What the fuck is happening? You're ruining our sponsors. If you puke, puke into that tiny little hand. Is that fucking tobacco gum too?

That's tobacco gum. Fuck, son. Did you get any regular gum? Yes. I actually have gum on me. This will feel better. Seriously, I got mint gum on me. Oh, God. That was a good one. Classic. The old pocket finger on me. Oh, God.

That was a good one. Classic. The old pocket finger always works. I sold it. I'm in the screen. I have orbit. Oh, this guy's got gum. Look at it. Real gum.

Do you need Advil? Wow, look at this haircut. Wow, dude. It's fucking Hasselhoff just gave me gum. Look at this handsome motherfucker. Look at that shit. Hey, let me cruise you. Are you solving crimes around fucking Austin?

Hopefully someone does. You're a good looking dude, man. Do you guys know about the serial killer on the loose currently? What? There's a serial killer in Chicago too. Yeah, he's in the front row right here. Yeah. No, there's one.

They're killing people on Rainy Street. They're killing dudes. Yeah. Dude, 25 to 30. Dark complexion. Yeah. Oh, I'm good. You're safe. You're killing dudes. Yeah, dude 25 to 30. Dark complexion. Yeah. Oh, I'm good. You're safe.

You're in danger. Yeah, they're killing chicks that look like dudes. You're fucked. Is this funny? I want hosts to stop asking. No. Okay.

Go ahead, go ahead. I want hosts to stop asking what my pronouns are because she hurts my feelings. That's funny. That's good. Every host is like, what are your pronouns? I don't want to.

And I'm like, I need to go to Sephora. I need to buy more makeup. Are they asking other comics their pronouns or are you the only one? They're asking me when I have my, yeah. The Lord of Dogtown, that's what they're asking, okay? Are you kidding me? Well, you do look like Joey Ramone with those glasses.

I know. I know. I know. I think you look good. I think you look good. Thank you so much. This is the best you've looked all weekend. Yeah.

Yeah. I look pretty good on stage. She looked good yesterday. Thank you so much. You're unconventionally good looking. Thank you. I don't like that. I don't like that. I am embracing. We are uncon Thank you. I don't like that.

I am embracing. We are unconventionally handsome. You're a handsome woman. Like a horse? Yeah. Yeah. I could take it like a horse. I'm going to saddle you up. But I don't want to be insane.

Yeehaw. You're not unconventionally. Yeah, you're unconventionally. People who are like us, they have to be the same. Yeehaw! You're not unconventional. Yeah, you're unconventional. People who like us, they have to be sapio. They have to be perverts, is what they are. Yeah, no, they have to have something. What's that mean? What the fuck is that?

It means you're attracted to intelligence. But it's not intelligence you'd be attracted to. It's a specific, some weird thing that they find in us. Yeah, they had to have gotten kicked in the head as a kid. Yeah, you have to like shitty shirts. Every comment, every DM is like, hey, I know this is fucking crazy and I'm retarded for it and it's probably because I have brain injuries,

but you're kind of attractive. Every single one. It's wordy, but it's funny. We went to the July 4th thing and this guy DM'd me and he goes, hey, I saw you all dressed up for the 4th of July premiere. I've never seen her dress on a horse. He goes I know you're trying to, I know you

aren't trying at all ever but I know that secretly you're attractive and I was like I try every day you piece of shit. Every day. It took four hours for me to get ready for that thing. Yeah but you're You've been Joey Ramone? Yeah. I look like Joey Ramone. And when she talks, I want to be sedated.

I got these breakup plans. Yes. There it is. You don't have to want. It just happens. Bobby, you actually have to get out of here because you're doing the Big J Show. Oh, yeah. I got to go.

Yeah, your car is picking you up in three minutes. All right, man. Well, thanks for having me on. Dude, Bobby, you're the fucking best. Thank you so much, man. I love you, man. Your podcast was the first one I ever did, and you've always been so kind and loving to me,

and it means the world. You're the king. Thank you. I love you guys. I'm so glad. Thanks for having me on. See you guys later. Wait, why are more people leaving?

What the fuck is happening? Oh, fuck you. Whatever. You guys are the real ones. We made an announcement. Hey, there's a bigger show happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby's got to go. Yeah, you guys are the real ones. We made an announcement. Hey, there's a bigger show happening. Bobby's got to go too. Anyway, Joe, do you want to move over

and we'll bring on our next guest? I love the Ramones. The KKK took my baby away. Let's beat on the brand. Beat on the brand with a baseball bat. Oh, why don't you intro our next guest? Who is it? But first, let's trash Bobby.

What the fuck? Oh, our next guest. Bobby used to go breakdance on some cardboard. Well, there's plenty of it out there. No, I love you very much. I respect you and I revere you very much as a person. Thanks. Our next guest,

we started comedy in Nashville together. I was leaving. She was coming. She's a rising star. She opens for Taylor Tomlinson all the time and all these other people. She's a regular at the comedy store in Los Angeles. Put your hands together right now for Laura

fucking Peek. Fucking Peek. Get up here. Wait, there's no microphone. Laura Peek. How we doing team? You got the nicest tits of these festivals. How do you feel? I feel like people are looking at them.

You know what I mean? Those puppies are barking. The shirt's too short. That covers it up good. Last night was a... Wait, did I have my tits out last night? No. They were out. They were not. What? My tits were not out last night. Did you guys take photos last night also?

At the pool. Of course my tits were out at the pool. We didn pool. At the pool my tits were out. Of course my tits were out at the pool. We didn't know they were out. We just saw our friends go, Laura Peek was at the pool. Call me next time. I think I might have seen

Laura at the pool. I might have taken a peek. Laura gonna make me peek. Anytime a comic is like, Jordan, you're a woman coming up onto this this I get so mad I bring Laura up. I'm like Laura you got big fan Also, I find you both conventionally good-looking can I say that Laura thank you

Videos of you last night Oh, thank you so much. She's a hot, hot woman. So there's videos of that, but not the pool? Nobody. When I tell you that nobody snapped a picture of my tits, unless they did it in there. Don't look at my phone. It's in a group chat somewhere that I don't know about.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a show. Ian, did you say earlier that you can't make men cum? Mm-hmm. What? It's so easy to do. It's a lot harder than you'd think.

I mean... Well, you're an attractive woman. I'm a balding gay man. Is it a mustache? What do you want? But if they're fucking you, they like that. Yeah, but I make women cum from vaginas and their dicks, and then guys, I don't know if they're looking at my bald spot or what.

Wait, a female trans person with a dick will come, but a male trans person won't? No, no, no, I've never been with a male trans guy. Ew, gross. Yeah, that is gross. Right? That is really gross to think about. They think all guys are covered in hair.

It's like, what? And it's like we don't all walk around with our shirts off, and none of us really dress all the time like a little magician. A very little magician. So little. I'm always so little. With a little Hello Kitty fedora. What are we doing, ladies?

I mean, sirs? Yeah, no, I can't make a guy cum. Does it just take a long time or is he legit not cumming? No, I mean, I guess I'm with some fellas that have some issues. Maybe there's more booze or they're on antidepressants. I'm on antidepressants. Me too. Can you come?

I can't come. For the love of God. It takes a while. Well, I kind of like that it takes longer. I have to earn it. If you're masturbating, you're like, all right, well, let's get down to business. Who's got the time? You know what I hate?

When your vagina does the clenching thing when you come on your own, when you're alone. It's like when you take a dog out of water and they keep kicking. That's what it reminds me of. I've been thinking about this so much recently. Do you know what it's doing? The clenching? It's cl when you take a dog out of water and they keep kicking. That's what it reminds me of. I've been thinking about this so much recently. Do you know what it's doing? It's clenching. It's swallowing cum. What?

Yeah, we like the clench. No, we like the clench. I don't even know the clench. You guys, your little dick is going like this. And vomiting. And yours is going. And are you like. Like a mucket? Like a dumb mucket. Your little dick is going like this. And vomiting like Jeremiah Hawkins. And are you like, yummy, yummy, yummy?

Like a mucket? Like a dumb mucket? Yes, because sex was meant to be between a man and a woman. A man's ass doesn't clench. And Lord knows I've tried. Wait, your wife's vagina doesn't clench when you come into it? Maybe it clented. The clench that stole Christmas. Hello, folks.

I will be right back. I guess it does. What clench when you come into it? Maybe it clenched. The clench that stole Christmas. Hello, folks. I will be right back. I guess it does. What clench? I come and then I leave. No, when she comes. When she's coming. Oh, she comes. You don't know anything about that.

You don't know anything about that. No, she comes big time. Are you crazy? All kinds of coming. I've definitely felt her come. Wild, yeah. I mean, sure, there's a vibrator and a horseshoe and a photo of my dad involved,

but she cums, believe me. But I don't know about this clench. Oh, we're getting the light. Do we have to wrap up? What? What is the light? Huh? You wrap up.

Who are you? We have to wrap up? You wrap up this big... Oh, the next guest. What? Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Oh, this guy.

Oh, this guy is a huge grizzly bear. This guy is full of cum. He rides a tiny bicycle. He's a tree of a man. He is a tree of a man. We realized today that he was an animated Disney tree. We didn't know that until today. Yeah, yeah.

This man is a lurching. He's got owls living in his wicker branches. Elves live inside. No, no. He just comes out now. I don't think there's another microphone. Put your hands together. He's bringing a wireless. He's our best friend. He's so

funny. We love him so much. Dude, he's so fucking funny. Luke. He crushed at a show that was hell last night and this boy crushed. What show he has crushed? It was a show of all shows. It was the worst show I've ever done. Which one? The one at Higby's? Yeah. Two gay guys and then two horrible southern men.

Oh, I ended my set with, well, I'll see you in hell. And then Luke had to follow me. No, not Higby's. Not Higby's. The other one we went to after. Oh, I heard that song. Oh, it was rough. All right, let's bring them out.

Luke Moniz, everybody. Luke Moniz. Luke. Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Monaz, everybody. Luke Monaz. Luke. Yeah. Woo. I didn't want to get canceled, so he's wearing a disguise. I look like the Unabomber.

Speaking of bombing, all right. Are you wearing a Duff beer hat? I am. Who are you? Thank you. Where'd you get that hat? I got it at Universal. Springfield? Sorry. I got it at Universal Springfield? Sorry

I got it at Universal Studios Did you wear that hat to hide yourself on the pod? I just thought it would be It does look like a disguise First of all I came out

Look at that face I think it would be funny if I wore sunglasses and a hat and immediately I woke up and George was like Well someone doesn't want to get cancelled Yeah we were talking about

trannies and his wife can't come. No, no, no. What? No, no. Oh, the tranny word. Trans. That's what I call trains. Luke, do you know about the vagina clenching when it comes?

I've heard of it. Please say yes. I love that earlier, I just was backstage and I heard Ian, He said it totally wrong. He was like, I'm sorry, I can't make you cum. I'm on antidepressants. I've never heard anyone give that excuse before. I'm pretty sure he completely messed that up.

I can't make you cum. Ian, man. He's like, I'm not sad enough to make you come. Yeah, exactly. I have to just say, I feel like Ian, have you told the mango story on the podcast before? I don't think so. Let's hear the mango story. Let's hear the mango story.

So basically, I used to have a show in New York, a weekly show that was right by Ian's apartment. I used to have a show in New York, a weekly show that was right by Ian's apartment. And one time in the back of the show, while Ian was on stage, I just saw, I would say, a 7'1 blind man. Egyptian. During Ian's set laughing and pounding his cane on the floor during Ian's set. I'd never seen this man before in my life. And he just came in during Ian's run around. Hey, let me in! Or whatever.

And the guy's like, And I went, Ian, who's that seven foot tall blind man? He goes, oh, that's my buddy Mangoes. You're shooting little tiny pistols. He was a blind man that lived next door to me

he called the other day don't you still talk to him I think we called him on the pod no that was a different friend oh okay different blind so I found this I did acid with this guy who was a blind Egyptian that lived next to me

and he told me that when you're blind how you know people are who's talking to you, they have to introduce themselves or like have some sort of... Mango, meet Ian. Well, we talked and we both agreed that we love mangoes. So I said, I'm going to call you Mangoes. So when he was outside smoking, I would walk up and go, hey, Mangoes. And he'd go, hi, Ian. And then that's how he got the nickname Mangos.

And his other brothers were Egyptian or some sort of Muslim. And every time they saw he and I together, they would be singing drunk down the street, like singing an Arabic song. And then they'd see me and spit and get immediately angry. Oh, because you called them Mangos? No, because

they're Jewish. And then I got freaked out because he said me and my cousins have to leave. We're leaving by Friday. And they didn't have any furniture. I didn't see any fucking things on the wall. And I'm like, oh my god.

These guys are suicide bombers. Why would they decorate the apartment if they're going to blow themselves up? I was just talking about the big guy in the back of the car. I didn't know anything about this part. So was he a suicide bomber? Yeah, he did 9-11.

Yeah, fucking crazy. It's a crazy story. No, no, they haven't bombed yet. But I don't know where they went. They said they were going to a remote part of Pennsylvania. And I was like, this is fucking crazy. Shanksville? Shanksville.

Did they identify it as a remote part of Pennsylvania? That's what he said. Most of PA is remote. That's scary. That means they weren't given a destination because they don't need to know it because they're going to blow it. During the pandemic,

me and Sergio Jacone drove to Elmira, Pennsylvania so he could buy a boa constrictor in a parking lot. You and Sergio? Why do you want a boa constrictor? He bought a Burmese python. It does feel like if you're going to buy a python in Pennsylvania, you're the guy to come along. Yeah.

Don't you feel like Ian just has this whimsical experience of the horrible world that we all live in? I feel like if I put on his glasses, I would see cartoon birds. Yeah, yeah. It's a great way to live. Like Snow White.

It's just Muppets. I went to Pennsylvania to buy a snake. It is really weird. You can endure a level of darkness that is really scary. I'll see you the next day, and you'll be like, oh, I had sex with a person in a closet full of asbestos.

It was amazing. It is weird. You know what I mean? Or like the other night, we were walking, and somehow you tripped on a manhole, jumped into the air, fell onto a cactus, flew back up into the air, almost killed a homeless man, and then just went back, skipping into steps,

still recording an Instagram video, and just kept walking. That's called the austin shuffle show this everybody amazing amazing yeah well when you've lived through unfathomable sadness and loss at a young age you really kind of learn to see the bright side of life or else you'll kill yourself loss at a young age, you really kind of learn to see the bright side of life or else you'll kill yourself.

Right? That guy's suffering. Yeah, that guy's got a disgusting pee-covered couch with just crumbs in it that meant vaccine living inside that couch. Could all of you guys walk me to my next show? I'm terrified of you.

Oh, this motherfucker. We're five minute walk away and he goes, can you get me an Uber? I'm scared to walk. That's not what happened. In Vegas, you also were like that. That's not what happened. Yeah, it is. No, what happened is you said, we got Bobby a car. Do you want to ride with him? And I said, sure. And then you said, it's a five

minute walk. And I was like, no, I'll go with him because I'm scared. Weren't you mugged here or something? You were scared in Vegas too. Yes, accosted. And the city... Not mugged. Yeah, accosted is different.

Well, mugged is different, but no. I've accosted six people today. Yeah, I get accosted every day of my life. Yeah, when you came out. I'm accosting Laura all day. Your titties are huge. What's up? Look at those cans, for God's sake.

Hold on. A man is trying to speak. Go ahead, Jordan. Could you two move your seats back a little bit just so I can... Just get slightly behind me. No, yeah. Two guys and a third on a bike got in my... It was crazier here a couple years ago.

And then they were like, motherfucker, you fucking followed us. And then I went, I'm lost. And then I jogged away. and as I was jogging away, two hipsters in skinny jeans and fedoras were holding hands and walking directly from where I just ran. And I'm like, am I a big pussy?

But they were quite aggressive. We're getting another light. Sacrificial. Questions. I feel like we don't talk about how insane it is out here do you guys have any questions for us? any advice or anything you want to know?

don't give us advice you ask for advice and we give it to you anyone? oh boy nobody cares we were supposed to announce it at the beginning I could have been thinking this whole time expedite your brains go Oh, we were supposed to announce it at the beginning. Oh, yeah. I could have been thinking this whole time. You're right.

All right, expedite your brains. Go. All right, we got time in the class. Do you know that song's exactly 30 seconds long and Merv Griffin himself wrote it? Really? I did not know that. Oh, my God. Do you guys remember Mike Denny?

Yes. The bear? No. What? He had a bear joke. Oh, dude, Mike Denny. Did you know he came up with the Pepto Bismol jingle? What was it?

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, diarrhea. Hey. Yes. He came up with that like 10 years ago. Isn't that insane? That's the smartest jiggle I've ever heard in my life. It's so effective.

And it ends in diarrhea. This is a story for only us. Did they pay him to do it yeah really yeah because he's a comedian they stole it that's what it sounded like have you seen the social network i'm taking the pepto-bismol thing you didn't invent the pepto-bismol thing when i first moved to new york i thought he was a big star. And I was like, what's it like living in New York? And he was like, I live in a hallway.

I live in somebody's hallway. A stranger's hallway. He lived down the street from me. It was like seven guys. Yeah. You thought Mike Denny was successful? I did, yeah. He was like the host at the bar matches. Yeah. We're like in the molten core of the baseball. They like it. The nerds always like

this shit. Well, dude, Mike Denny now is like a big time producer for Swiss Beats or some sort of rap group. Really? Oh, good. Are you lying? This didn't expand the world for them at all. I don't know if it's Swiss Beats. Maybe like some other rapper's name. If that guy's still alive, I feel good.

Yeah, he's doing great. Wow. Last time I saw him, he had like an arm and a leg and a cast. He was just outside the knit, just dripping nicotine sweat and stuff like you were a minute ago. Any questions? Up, up, up in the back. Don't ask who Mike Denny is. We can't get into it. Oh, Luke's going to get us.

Oh, we'll be there in one second. Yes. This guy who's hiding from the paparazzi is going to ask you a question. You're covering the camera, Luke. Yeah. Luke, you lurching moron. God damn. He goes, who cares? All right. Thank you. paparazzi is gonna ask you a question you're covering the camera Luke yeah Hi, is that a quick question for the ladies? Do you have any advice or insight on being a female in a male-dominated job? I am a female dominating the males in my job. What job field are you in?

I'm a flair bartender. Oh! I'm the only female flair bartender in Vegas currently. What's a flair bartender? You're the only female bartender in Vegas? Flair bartender. What's a flair bartender? You're the only female bartender in Vegas? Flair bartender. What's a flair bartender? I like juggle bottles

and do like trip-on. Oh, shit. That's so cool. Check this out. Watch this. I didn't know women could do that. Oh, God. Dude, could you come up here

and juggle these? Yeah, come down. Can you juggle these for us? Whoa. Yeah. I'm just going to get more recognition than I will. And guess what

this is how it works a man gives women opportunities that was incredible a man just saved a woman that was crazy come on can you do it let me try

nasty water this is how it works men give women opportunities to come on juggle for us Let me try. This is how it works. Men give women opportunities to get, come on, juggle for us. Can you juggle? You must be doing okay. Yeah. Oh my God.

You're very attractive. Her question about being in a male-dominated field, she walks down, Jesus Christ. Hey, Tots, turn around. Show the camera. She's from the back also. My God. Thank you. Okay. I love

shit titties. My God. I love I love your serious question, but you are more angry. I'm just angry. Like do some shit. You don't bitch. Here's another. This is exciting. I don't know what it's like to be a woman.

You should ask Laura. Do you need a hand? Fuck off. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do you need a hand? Whoa. Oh, my God. Wow, wow.

Oh, it's so smooth. Whoa. Holy shit. Oh, my God. God, I have to work twice as hard as her. Not anymore. That was great! Incredible. The only...

Alright, well, you might have that job because you're so hot. I'm just kidding, I'm kidding! The hippie, hippie shade! That was great. That was fantastic. That was unbelievable. Wow. Were you at the thing last night, the jam?

I pointed three of my buddies to your boobs last night. Oh, my God. I know. I was like, look at those amazing boobs. I did that. Men aren't the problem. Yeah. No, it's not.

It is me. It's me. It's me. Oh, it's all women. It's all women. And you bitches have gaslight us into thinking we're the problem. See? See?

I'll hate a woman for being hot faster than I'll hate any man. It's really upsetting. Oh, dude, if one of my friends is dating a hot woman, I'm like, you're a pedophile. She can be 40, and I'm like, you fuck babies. You fuck tiny little babies, don't you? What's your name? What's your name? Lindsay.

Lindsay. You're the best. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you. That was amazing. Now go sit back there where you belong, coach.

Yeah. Nobody answered the question. Yeah. You just have to drop your voice a little bit when you're talking to men

and that makes it easier. You drop it down. This is not what my voice sounds like but this is what it sounds like. I smoke every day so I can get really down deep in there. Also, just fuck people you need to fuck in order to get to the places you need to be.

She's right. She's not wrong. She's not wrong. Right? Do you want to be a recurring guest on a podcast? Look at Luke sitting on the floor. I feel like I'm just in the audience. You've become one of them.

I've been back here for 14 minutes. I've never seen you look small in my entire life. You look teeny up there. Okay, but the truth about a male-dominated workplace. Here we go. Come on. Go ahead. Let's hear it.

Tell them you have what I did when I started comedy in Nashville because all the male comics were hitting on me. I said that I had a fiancé in the military. were hitting on me. I said that I had a boyfriend or a fiance in the military. Oh my God, I love that. I know. I didn't know you did that. I told everybody I have a fiance in the military and they would never, they stopped fucking with me immediately. Because it was like not only

are you taken that that kind of puts a burlap sack over your head but then the guy could come back and you know what I mean? Yeah. Make them scared. In my field though like everyone's super close like we're good friends. Lie. And they exclude you? Build a lie.

So I dated one of my managers for like two and a half years. Don't do that. Whore. Shame. Shame. Shame. No I'm just kidding.

So what is the main issue do you think? Is that they're harassing you? No I mean it's not really an issue. It's just as far as opportunities that I get, it's only because I'm a female, which some of them absolutely, which is fine, but it's just a totally different experience.

I can't believe you're aware that they only get stuff because they're female. That's really intuitive. How did you know that? Yeah, see, women are the problem. It's really awkward. I don't think that. I was wondering for you guys, I did an open mic? Yeah, see, women are the problem. I don't think so. I was wondering for you guys.

I did an open mic night on Monday here, and the whole night it was guy after guy coming up to me, and I heard rumors about how the community is. I don't know how you guys deal with it. You either need to gain like 55 pounds or get engaged. Are any guys here in the military engaged? Are any guys here in the military? Are any guys here in the military?

I can't even get a text back. My engagement's pretty perfect. If you want to send me your number, I'll text you right away. Well, this certainly got sad. Hey, does anyone else want to bum us out? Oh, here we go.

So Chrissy Chaos was talking about him eating Jerry Seinfeld. Eating. Oh, yeah. What's your take on the story, Joe? Oh, did Chris tell that story? Yeah. Eating? Yeah.

You didn't hear it? I didn't hear Chris. I don't listen to Chris's podcast. Yeah, we do not listen. Yeah, I don't know what's happening. But the quick version is we were at Colin Quinn's any of his stuff. I don't know what's happening. But the quick version is we were at Colin Quinn's premiere of his show.

Jerry Seinfeld was there. I was talking to Chris DiStefano. Jerry knows Chris. And when he walked by, he said, hi, Chris. And then they shook hands and then Jerry left and I went,

let me smell that hand. Mmm, Jerry. I love Jerry. And then Mike Cannon was there and he goes, he's right there. Oh my God. And then I just turned my head and I just hear like,

what's the deal with this guy? He watched me do it. And I was like, he didn't see it. And my kid was like, he 100% watched you. Wow. He did not have to tell you that. He did not have to say that. That's the best story.

Initially I thought he said eating Jerry Seinfeld, but Joe really was almost eating Jerry Seinfeld. What were you saying? What was the word? He said meeting. I heard the person somewhat like that. He said Jerry did the classic. Oh, God.

Comedians in cars. Let's just pile on to Joe. Comedians in cars getting restraining orders. All right, we got to go, yeah? We have one more question. One more question. Somebody raised their hand down there. Oh, yes.

Let's go. Calm down, Ian. I was hoping you would ask a question. My number is 302. Oh, sorry. This one is for Jordan. Yes. What were you planning to do with your social work degree

before you decided to drop it? I was going to be a therapist because I needed to fix myself. Turns out that's not how that goes. I'm a therapist with a social worker. Help me. That's awesome. Please, hook up with Jordan. She is, oh boy.

I cannot imagine Jordan being my therapist. It would be tough love. You know, when I was a kid, my stepfather, she'd be like, hurry up and push your blood out of my puss!

It's a lot of man up. Yeah, there's a lot of that. I've been watching a lot of therapist porn. You into that, MSW? What's up? Oh, look that up. It's the best.

I've never seen therapist porn. I think I would like that. Oh, my God. She's like, I think that what the two of you two need is to kiss.

And you're like, yeah, they need to kiss. It's good. It's really good. I'm going to watch some bartender porn tonight. That's the show. Thank you guys so much for coming out to the live podcast at Moontown. You guys are the best. We really love you and your support.

Thank you so much. Join the Patreon. Bye, guys. We'll see you next time.