Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 065: Legal Dwarf W/ Kyle Dunnigan (Halloween Special)

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian

Being Ian And life is ride When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit But you're positive Let's find out what it's like To live a life Being Ian Being Ian With Jordan

It's all about soul It's all about soul It's all about Let me know if either of you can ever see my tits Oh, I kind of saw them earlier I was like, hey, good work Whoa, booby juice, booby juice, booby juice I think we should call it Let's go

Sound the alarm Welcome back to another episode Sound the alarm. Welcome back to another episode of Bein' Ian with Jordan. The whole episode is going to be this. I didn't tell you guys, but the whole episode is going to be a hunk of hunk of Bein' Ian. We might be drunk and he was Austin Powers. And he also thinks Austin Powers moves in a way that he doesn't move. How is that? It's not.

Doesn't Austin Powers, our guest today, Kyle Dunnigan. Oh, what's happening here? That's me in front of the king. The king, he did this a lot. I mean, the king did that. He did it when he was on stage, when he was off stage. Let's be Elvis off stage. Give me some Percocet, mama.

We have to have a disclaimer. We need a disclaimer. When Tom Segura was on the podcast, I knew who he was, but I wasn't very well acquainted with his comedy. And Ian, the whole podcast was like this. Yeah. This is how it's going to be like this, because this is my idol. And he raised me in comedy. i listen to his voice every night that's i mean that is who hammer the skeleton

mama come on there oh no what are you nuts this day yeah yeah he has a great podcast i'll tell you it's uh oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god spider did you see that prank that really masculine of you. Yeah, yeah. The way you reacted. I know. For a guy in a turtleneck, that was amazing. No, I have a dichotomy of masculine and very effeminate in both things. But that was, you didn't jump at all.

Yeah, like I will. It was great. You were ready to fight. I'm very not afraid of a spider. Also the Bondi Hoka's, what's up? Good choice. Yeah, this, the way I'm sitting is effeminate. Effeminate? Effeminate.

Sometimes I'll do this. Oh. Can't cross some legs because I'm a big man cock and ball. Let's take these off. Oh no. Oh my god. Yeah, they come with a cyber.

You didn't know? I'm a bed bug juice. Yeah, They come with a cyber. You didn't know? I'm a bed bug juice. Yeah. She's got bed bugs. I don't have bed bugs. I do not have bed bugs. She's got a lot of bugs, mama. I had bed bugs a while back and I got attacked.

I get attacked by bugs. You did. It was really bad. And I have crippling OCD. It was a nightmare. Do you really like wash hands and tap things OCD? I'm not. It's more like a cross-contamination of personalities. Like if somebody with a bad personality, like

hits a cigarette I'm smoking, then I think I'm going to turn into that person. It's a little weird. Okay. But you're not counting numbers. You're not a numbers OCD. Um, well like yesterday I was like, I should take that way. That's the way I should take. And I went, was to ian's and i went this way and then i got halfway down this block i was like no i need to go that back so it's yeah okay but sometimes it's worse around my period which we're okay we're coming up to right now but i'm on a lot of prozac which helps a lot okay good the period just i should know this by now but like it's leading up to it. That's emotional. Or when you have it right when you have it, it's leading up to it. That's hell.

That's when it's like you feel like everybody's out to get you. Everybody hates you. You're under attack. And then period. You get it. Women should be the president. I think we can. I agree.

I agree. You can't have every month like everyone's trying to get me. Yeah. You have the president doing that, right? I think that every woman, including the president, should have that. President of a country, of a company, of a fucking 4-H club. I think it's good because what if the president is like her baby?

Because that's what we have. That's what our feelings are, right? Is that we're being like, get away from my baby. I might have a baby. And then, so if she was like the United States of my baby, don't touch my baby. Yeah, they'd act rationally. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Have you ever found a mother who's never acted irrationally about their baby? The King's accent is gone by the way. It's all right now. Thank you for making me bring it back now. Come on. Let's get back to the fact of the matter.

Folks. Austin powers does dance like this, right? No, he, and it wasn't that you were just dancing. Back to the matter, folks. Austin Powers does dance like this, right? No. And it wasn't that you were just dancing. You would walk into every space doing that. I don't think I remember that. It was like a palsy.

Your buckle's coming undone there, Kenny. Oh, shit. Oh, it's been coming undone. Just take that off. It doesn't even match. It's just the way I see it now. Come on now. We have a proton pack.

Yeah. Okay, here's what's funny. On our podcast, we're dogm We have a proton pack. Yeah. Okay, here's what's funny. On our podcast, we're dogmatically ourselves all the time. Yes. Too much to a point where people are like,

turn this off. And Kyle is never himself. Never myself. He's always in costume and he forgot a costume and look at us. I don't know who I am. Ian was so upset today.

He was PMSing. He always PMSs when I PMS. I'm one day out and look how good I've been. We haven't fought once. Usually we fight, cry when I'm PMSing. He always PMSs when I PMS. I'm one day out and look how good I've been. We haven't fought once. Usually we fight cry when I'm PMSing. I have bad PMDD. Not only does she have PMS brother, but she has PMDD.

Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder brother. It's a hunk of hunk of burned shit. That's amazing that you know the name of it. That's great. That's great. He has it in his phone when I get my period. We're not in a relationship. I'm pregnant because you made me not be having your period because you're not acting the same. So you might be. She has been

getting a hunk of hunk of dump and love in her butt, brother. I can't stop saying hunk of hunk of. What are you looking for? No, my costume is Adam Sandler's costume. Yeah, do you remember it? Which one? I'm crazy ashtray

guy. Yes. Yes. Yeah, but no. Oh, my God. How do you slack your face perfectly like he does? Is that a bird? It's a plane. It's super glue man. It's super glue man.

I can stick to anything. Wow. Wow. Wow. Do the skeleton guy. Look at me. I have a skeleton guy. Oh, look at me. I have a skeleton girlfriend. Isn't that crazy?

What? Wow. Adam, can I tell you my favorite movie of yours is Jack and Jill? I'm not doing Adam anymore. Oh, damn it. I've got to get the word to him that I've seen that movie in theaters twice. I love it. Do you really like it? I've never seen it in theaters twice. I love it. Do you really like it?

I've never seen it. Dude, re-watch it. Watch it. It is such a classically good slapstick comedy. Really? It is so funny. Yes. Yes.

I am such a diehard Sandman purist. Pay attention to it. Okay, do I talk in the voice? Your sunglasses are resting above yours, so it looks like your eyes are talking to Kyle like this. Like, you're like, dude, it is the best movie. It's really weird. Do I talk like Elvis for the rest of the podcast? No, but you have to take the sunglasses off.

I'm crazy liquid death man. Isn't that the crazy? Yeah, I know. Please, please don't kill me, Mr. Liquid Death. We put deep Fake My Face. You're better at doing him than you are yourself. No, I'm really uncomfortable being myself. My whole life, I've just been like trying to do something else.

Wow. Yeah, you did the Slap My Body guy. That was my favorite thing in the whole world. Oh, oh, all these bodies. Oh, the rap guy. Do you still communicate with those two? Who was the other guy? David Hunsberger.

Not a lot. Really? I haven't talked to him in a while. Yeah. Tig did the career that I wanted to do. Just crush hard and then just pump out two kids, disappear, show up in a couple movies now and then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little TV show. Good career. Good going. She knows how to

organize her life. She always was good at that even before. Really? Some say that her life. She always was good at that, even before. Some say that's manipulate. Oh, wow. I was like, how am I? I have no help. She always had help. I always thought she was more of a raccoon disheveled person.

That's just her haircut. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I know doesn't look good by feeling it. It looks great. I think you should take it off, brother. Take it off, man. Come on, let's see some of them hickeys you got there, brother.

Come on now. Yeah. I had my swastika tattoo. I almost gave myself a hickey because I got that bug, the bug insect, you remove the repellent. I mean, you remove the bite, and I mean you remove the bite and I sucked it to my neck and I pulled it and I was like oh no no I know exactly

what this is going to look like and I released it but I did it under my chin huge hickey I had a girl who just kept biting me and then just so you know he was up and fist bumping just when you said I have a girl just so you know I just want you to know that

I felt the weight switch and you went I had a girl and he was already okay you had a girl who bit you she bit me once and I was like took it like a man you know I was like alright whatever and then did it again and these are bites

that are leaving marks that you know are breaking down all the layers. And then the second one, I went, ow, it's not manly, but I need to. That's fine. I think I was fine. And then she goes, sorry, I've been told I do that. Oh, oh, the case of the borders. She's walking on the border of the line.

Not care. No. And then not care. No. And then she did it again. I went, how? Like, tried to laugh it off. Like, I'm still a man. Yeah. But really, I wanted to cry.

I didn't. It's the worst. It's pinchy. It's not hot. You can grip. Gripping is good. Gripping's fine. Gripping's fine.

You can a little, like, bite a little bit. What if before they bite you, what if before they bite you in the neck, they go like a vampire. I'm more into that, though. I think I'm more into that. Then you know you're doing a bit like that's not passion. That's someone who's really like, I'm going to

fight this person. I have had somebody with a large penis go out and I was like, what? And I and he was like, you're you are doing your nails. And I was like, oh, wow. Into his penis? That's how she gives a hand job, brother. We weren't even in sex mode. We were just watching a movie.

I'm just, what? What? What? Oh, sorry. But I will say there is like a bracing thing that happens sometimes. But that's why I think it's offensive if you have a normal penis and people are like, okay, you're bearing down you're bearing down right now I was like on his back

I dug it and he was like oh and I was like oh shit sorry yeah maybe let's chill on the sex you're hurting me with your giant penis I thought I liked that's what you were doing I got it now you were like slow it down I didn't even know it in my head until he was like ow and I was like oh yeah ow for me as well, sir.

Oh, so you were like on a roller coaster. Yeah. Scared, like. Yes, yes, yes. And then when he was like, ow, I was like, you know what? Ditto. I wouldn't even have thought of that. But ditto, my God.

Ditto would have been a good thing to say right there. What I'm trying to say is I got a tight little push. The moral of the story. The moral of the story is you got a tight little kitty, brother. If somebody told me when I was obsessively listening to kyle they flash forward to me dressed up as beetlejuice going i have a tight pussy sitting next to him i would i would run into traffic i think about that all the time like a flash of my life in the future shown to me as a child would just be so confusing yeah so many times i know i know i this

is what this happened in a little while back. I was on my motorcycle and Louie was there and I opened, I opened for Louie and he goes, Chris, um, Chris Rock and Chappelle come over here. This is Jordan. So I'm sitting on my motorcycle with a triangle of these three. And I literally had to be like, Hey, you guys, I'm dissociating really bad. I'm go and they're like okay bye but it was like so because i was having that moment where i was like this can't be real i died in my sleep last night and this is happening you looked cool though i bet i looked so i look so cool that i had to drive away from that image of myself and go home and fart would it be great if she if she

just toppled the motorcycle over and those three icons had to lift the bike off of her. I did drop my motorcycle the other day outside the cellar. What? I just didn't put the kickstand down and I just, and then this guy runs over and pulls it off me and then Sam Morrell is over there and he's like, nice one. I'm like, okay, friend.

Thank you for not pulling. You should have come over. I know you should have come over. Dude, I got one. I'm bad friend guy. I'm bad friend man. Oh, it looks like you shit yourself and you're on a date.

I, the other night I was kind of on a date and me and the girl were walking and I had my bike and we were like giggle flirting and we were like, and I at when I, when we both rubbed into each other, I went, I didn't steer my bike my bike hit another

bike both bikes fell down and when I went to reach to pick it up I think a Pepto-Bismol fell out of my pocket oh my god that's the worst thing to fall it was a not cool the best was when we're when we're at the cellar and Ian is like he's wearing like this huge jacket with all these pockets and he's looking for something. And the things he's pulling out are like, he pulls out two things of Tums, Pepto Bismol. He pulls out, he pulled out like some other grandpa, like bag of tissues or something. And then he pulls out, just when I was like, oh my God, you are an ancient man. He pulls out a book that's like how trans people are hurting America. Not that, but like that.

It was something like that. And I was like, what has become of you? No, it was a book about the, what we're not going to get into, everybody. It sounds like what's in my fanny pack. That's a nice fanny pack. This is actually, I got this because it's too filled, but it's like, it forms to your body.

It's more of a man, like a murse. It's like a man purse. And then this is here. Whoa. That's so nice. What is it? What company is it? I wear a fanny pack the way it was meant to be worn, around the waist. Not around. No, this is better because you're here. No. You don't want the

thing that looks out here. No. You look like a raver. No, I look like a fucking American. No, no no no no don't take the tag off we're taking it back yeah oh my god jordan we spent so much money on these halloween decorations and i kept the tag on all of them so we could get our money okay but i like we literally spent like five hundred dollars four hundred dollars and also it would have been 500, but I pocketed a lot of stuff on all of this stuff just for today. Okay. So we're taking most of it back.

How much coffee is in you? I had a lot because I stayed up late having sugar. You look so suspicious taking all of it back. I mean, you can take one thing or two things back. We're taking the skeleton. Boom. Boom. That's big money right there.

Yep. Yep. Taking a skeleton. Boom. Boom. That's big money right there. Yep. Yep. Taking a spider. Boom. Yep. Taking back a bat. Boom. What else did we take? Oh, the light. This is ours. Yeah, this is our

guy. Well, we've moved on to another conversation. Ian's cat took a bite out of him. We don't need a list of the things. You're going to take it all back. That's great. What do we have on this podcast? We have a theme today or is there something? Oh, by your face.

No, that is saying no. What a funny joke. No, we always dress like this and look like this. Okay. There's no theme. It's pretty much. Oh, you mean like, is there a shtick? Do we have a game we're playing? No, but we can play a game. Me and you, I have a game that you'd love. It's pretty much. Oh, you mean like, is there a shtick? Do we have a game we're playing?

No, but we can play a game. Me and you, I have a game that you'd love. It's called Next. Remember that game on MTV? You be the boy, I be the girl. And every time I say next, you have to switch characters. Let's flip that. Okay.

I like that move, brother. Oh, it's so hard. Oh, it's so hard. Yeah. I just made you see. Never mind. Forget it. Forget hard. Oh, it's so hard. Yeah. I just made you sing. Never mind. Forget it. Forget it.

Forget it. You're literally, you just were like, could you just do carriages for us while we watch you on land? That's all I wanted. This is a dream I've always had. That's all I do. I used to play it with my friend where we'd be stuck in her twin bed sleeping and we'd just go face to face and I'd just be like,

hey, I'm Richard. And she'd go next and I'd be like, oh, and we would switch back and forth forever. Great practice, right? It's actually an improv game called Next. Oh, really? Oh, New Choice it's called. That's right. Then you go like, here at this hamburger

place, we need you to make these hamburgers under a minute. And the audience goes, New Choice. This is a vial of deadly bees. You have to eat the bees. And they go, new choice. And then you play out the whole scene. Wow.

Until people go like, I'm bored, new choice. And then you go do a different thing. Improv is fun to do. It's not fun to watch. I love improv. It's more fun to do than watch. Oh my God, you're like fully autistic today. It's really fun. Well, I feel

like improv ruins improv for people because people see improv and they see really bad improv and they go all improv sucks. It's like, no, you're just what? That's like going to an open mic and being like, stand-up comedy is the worst. It's like, well, yeah, you picked a shit night to go. Well, what's those guys' names?

Schnickety and Snicknog? Schnickety and Snicknog. You know, the guys who did it on Netflix? No. The two guys who did improv? You don't know Schnickety? Did they edit it, though? Because then it's not improv. When you improv and they edit the show, that's no longer improv. Wouldn't you agree? I would agree.

Because that's just edited to a thing. How do you feel about people editing their specials heavily? I'm going to do that. Are you making a special? I just shot at the Mothership Joe Rogan's Club. How do you feel about people editing their specials heavily? I'm going to do that. Are you making a special? I just shot at the Mothership Joe Rogan's Club. How do you feel about it? You have to be nice. I'll say what I feel.

No, I'll be totally honest. I think it's an amazingly set up club. I think right now there's a lot of tourists going. I didn't promote the shows really because they just sell out. so i didn't feel like i think i should have should have to get like your audience there but it actually turned out i taped five shows so i got enough you know yeah oh wow but um i music and the board i did some music yeah i actually really liked doing huh. Looping? I didn't loop. Although I think I might bring that back. I did that a long time ago.

Yeah. And it was this thing that went viral. And then Reggie Watts started doing it. And then I was like, oh, he kind of cornered that. And then people would write under my video, you stole this from Reggie Watts. No, you're the guy. We'll upload date.

Let me tell you something, brother. Someone that knows something about stealing, he stole it from you, brother. stole it from you brother no he definitely did the thing that you like doing that was a jk music everybody i sang a few songs and i'm now i'm all over the place because now i'm like going to nashville to record some songs i'm writing and then i'm like i gotta focus i was gonna do something else i was gonna do a podcast and i was like i should make a a craig movie and i was like i gotta do i gotta make a keep my uh youtube going with some youtube shows and i'm like i gotta no i gotta edit that and so it's um i i i'm paralyzed yeah with indecision well what do you do what do? What do you focus on? Because I give everything 1.8% of my focus. And then so...

I think you fix your circadian rhythm and wake up with the sunrise and fall asleep with the moon at darkness. I mean, you might be right. I would get more done. That's what they say. But for stand-ups, there is... Don't you ever wake up in the morning

and you're like, now that I'm up early, I have eight hours to dick around. Yeah. i have crippling panic if i wake up too early and i don't have something to do for a couple hours i'm like what do i do i don't know i don't know yeah just be but then if i wake up at two like today jumped on the bike came here we're ready i got dressed in two seconds so there is something good about waking up late because it gets you right into gear because you feel ashamed of yourself oh yeah because you have a little spring in your step but I'll tell you this stand up

it doesn't quite hit it doesn't quite hit like hit me right like Bill Burr or Mark Maron these monologists yes you know I don't really like writing a monologue from me I just don't think

about writing those i'd like to create scenes and you don't have like the the the uh societal isn't it crazy how we wear underwear i don't feel like people need to hear what i have to say at all so i i do like characters and then yes stand-up doesn't quite fit it's like sketches more my thing but you get to make money you got to do the this the stand-up doesn't quite fit it's like sketches more i think but you get to make money you got to do the this the stand-up thing so i'm always trying to square peg a round hole why don't you just do characters on your when you tour i do a little bit but it's just you need a podcast it's a kyle dunnigan podcast well yeah that does That's another thing of it where you got to crank out stuff every week because I stopped.

I worked very hard and did a lot of sketch stuff, but it takes a long time to do sketch. To make even a minute can be a hundred hours. It's crazy. You watch SNL, they got people rag on the show, but that's the best sketch writers scoured across the country.

And it's still not great and they're working 23 out of 24 hours a day for seven days all yeah week and there's a rosebud's baby came out with a little sketchboard yeah yeah so you go oh then there's two maybe two good sketches a week they take two weeks off every two weeks it's a whole summer off that's just the nature of it so the algorithm doesn't give a shit oh so if you're a sketch guy like me you just and you need a break it's just like they send you a letter just fuck you yeah youtube and instagram what do they do oh because if you take a break and you go back in you're fucked with the algorithm right like everything i post now i'm like i feel like i'm

starting over again and i gotta do a podcast this a podcast. This feels like sketch and we're just hanging out. I know, I got to find, yeah. A couple times a week and then we're just forced to do it because it's a weekly thing because I have severe, we both have ADD. Yes. May I say something? Yes. You got a question? Oh, I got more of a statement there, brother.

Oh, you've got a burning question. I got a burning question. The cat cane really goes. It does. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's a little disturbing that it is not with the outfit and that it is your daily weapon,

toy, crutch. This is crazy. Okay. Keep going. Thank you very much. You said that you do like a million different things. An eighth of like work.

What are these, giblets? Like on a turkey? Sorry. It's a scarf. Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a scarf. That's what you give to the ladies in the front row.

Yep. They go nuts. This looks like something that happens on a bird. You know what I mean? Yeah. Basically, what I was saying was that you said that you give an eighth of your energy towards things and you're so good at what you did I do I can't imagine

if you gave a quarter that's very nice of you to say I just I don't know what to focus on because I feel like I want to do one more thing and then I can retire but which is it like a movie or like podcast I can just do I probably just do that

it's not hard just do that. It's not hard. What do you want to do when you retire? Birdwatch? I'm like into charity. Really? Well, I'm like a fake it till you make it

kind of guy and like I fake that I'm into charity. Like the secret charity like I tell people I do it because then it'll happen. happen wait so you don't do charity no but I like I the secret it like I talk about that I do it I tell everyone I do you know but it's like you know the secret you just imagine you're doing charity then like it just kind of happens. Yeah. I mean like it hasn't yet. That's really good. Everybody, you're like, I donate millions of dollars every year

to broken children. All I do is like help kids. I like that. So you lie. No, it's the secret, dude. So you want to Google the secret

and lie. Before you talk to me, understand like what I'm talking about. I have sex with many different races. There you go. Were you a one one race lady yeah latino white just the whites that feels so racist i know that's what i'm saying brother like i'm trust me i'm i'm picking up the slack over here brother yeah he's got it he's got what

i'm don't worry i'll spread it around enough for all of us. Someone's interested. Okay. You know what's a dark thought I have is like you think about yourself and this is me but most of your

existence on this planet for thousands of years will be this. Yeah. You just like And then they all look the same. Just us three

we're having a good time but for millennia we'll just be still like this guy going Yeah. And we'll all look the same. It'll be really hard to decipher. Yeah. Like oh Jordan's hips are slightly wider.

Yeah. I think you start a podcast with yourself have guests on like I'm thinking like a podcast with yourself, have guests on. I'm thinking like a between two ferns kind of thing where you're a, you know what I mean? Between two scales. You between two skeletons.

You don't have to abbreviate scales. Do you know what a scale is? Skeleton? No, a scale is like a term for like an old burned out, shot out New Yorker. Oh, an in scale. Like, nice.

What about this? I'm going to say something profound that I thought of yesterday. Yes, I'm ready. Honestly, I thought this is profound, but I don't know if it is. And you guys will let me know.

Okay. I've adjusted to hear profoundness. So please tell. Oh, good. Okay. I'm in profound. And I know you're Elvis,

but also be serious. Elvis, like Elvis taking seriously. You got it. I like that. Okay. Yes. So is it an accident that the first species on this planet to really understand that they're

mortal and they're going to die is the first species that laughs. I think you just blew my fucking mind there, brother. Is that profound or is that stupid? I don't think it's stupid, but I do think other animals have.

Not really. You are sorely mistaken, mama. They kind of know they're going to die, too. They're kind of knowing and kind of starting to laugh. It goes with the whole thing. And then when you really, really understand it... Right. Then you have to let out

tiny little screams. Yeah, then you're doing, you know, sketches and podcasts. That's very... Let me tell you something. The animals don't laugh. They make laughing noises. But they don't, if they see another animal fall down the stairs and they're carrying like a tray of food,

they're not having that response. Well, there's some kind of, a little bit of a laugh out of a chimpanzee, a little bit. They're kind of, but they're also sort of aware that something very horrible is coming. You know, know they do have like we're on a roller coaster but their laughter isn't like a a i was saying they don't quite respond we're we're really well some people don't actually but in general we're we're really aware we push it down and then like you know good and evil or light and dark like that like laughter

comes out of the understanding of that there's a guy daniel dennett i think daniel dennett who wrote a book about how everything we do is in response to that we're gonna die i hundred i never read it but i totally agree with you should you should look at it it's so good and it's like everything we do every romantic relationship every where it's like the things that we all equate to like biology and stuff he's like no it's because we know i and we rarely talk about that we're gonna die but it's we're obsessed with it and there's some evidence i mean the the cultures that that accept death more like they bring the body out and they play with it for a week and they're like they're less stressed out and they don't elevate people like the Kardashians. We make these people like this is going to live forever.

These icons, these movie stars, because we're trying to make something immortal that looks like us. And in other countries, they just are more relaxed as they're just accepting it, pushing it away. What is it? What you resist persists.

Would they say Elvis? Who takes it out and plays with dead bodies? I mean, there's a lot of cultures who do that. They just take it out and put it on a bike. They just play with it for a week. They carry them around. They have little villages.

They put them in the air. They're dead for a while. They do. Because they're just like they're accepting of it. And there's a way. It's a form of mourning, brother. That's right. It is. It's a way of mourning, brother. That's right. It is. It's a way of accepting what once was, never will, shall be. And they play with it and they go, we're going to let this exist and happen.

It's a rotting corpse? I was kind of making a point there, but I'll let you continue the conversation. Here's a fun fact about Elvis. Yes, come on now. Tell me about myself, brother. When you walk into Graceland When you walk in the door Yeah You are standing right underneath where Elvis died No His bathroom was right above the front

This was him Oh, when you walk into his house You're right underneath where he passed You know how he died, right? Where he passed a shit and passed his life He did not pass a shit Oh, he didn't pass That was a problem

That was a problem He was constipated because he was on Oxycontin Maybe you will die like Elvis because you're in there for some time. I poop a lot, brother. For a long time. Got a lot of things wrong with my belly. I could fix that for you in two weeks. It's just your diet.

Yeah, it is your diet. Tell me now. It's your diet and all the drugs. No drugs. Drug-free. Eight years, brother. No booze. No drugs. Just sweets, cigarettes years, brother. No booze, no drugs, just sweets, cigarettes, and old poontangs. And just some poontang from women and men. Here's your diet.

And it's very simple. Only eat things that seem to taste disgusting to you. Don't put anything in there. If you put something in your mouth and you feel any joy, spit it out. And you will poop really well. Yeah. Athletic greens.

I'd rather eat good stuff that tastes good than have regular poops. That's why you're in the bathroom all the time. Good. Because I like pleasure. I mean, you're the one marshmallow guy. You know about that? No. What's that?

With the kids? The kids. What? The kids. The marshmallow. What is the one marshmallow? Wow. We should play that game with the kids the kids the kids what the kids the marshmallow what is the one marshmallow wow we should play that game with ian right now i mean we don't even have to it would be seconds it's a tell me the 70s they actually did studies on on kids that were kind of mean but they they really were enlightening they would bring a kid

a marshmallow they go hey here's a marshmallow. I have a kid loves marshmallows. Yeah. They go, you can have it now, but you only get one. If you wait, we'll give you two marshmallows. And the kids who just ate the marshmallow right away, it turned out to be fucking losers.

Like, because everything in life is, if you hold off, you get a better thing, you know, with the other was like, don't eat, you know, resist your pleasure stuff. thing. You know, with the other was like, don't eat, you know, resist your pleasure stuff.

Right. Isn't that how it is? But how long, how long between the first marshmallow and more marshmallows do they have to wait? Like a fucking week? No, he's already upset for them.

Yeah. I mean, it's a good question, but it's just a kid's brain. They said, I don't really think that deep. They'll be like, okay, I'll wait. I want to, and I'll just have a little bit of, but how long of a wait, but it's just a kid's brain. They don't really think that deep. They'll be like, okay, I'll

wait. I want to, and I'll just have a little bit of... Yeah, but how long of a wait? But it's a kid experiment. It's a good question, but they did it on kids, so they don't really think as deep as you. Well, let's call up some fucking kids! Ian, they went like this. They went, we're going to bring more marshmallows. We'll be back. That's what I think happened.

And then they left. And literally within seconds, one of them is like... You know what study you'll like? Don't point at me. Sorry. I'm really sorry. You know what? I have... Hey, do you need to read this to deal with her?

Wow, what is supposed to go in there? The handbook for the recently deceased? I'm recently deceased, guys. Enough of that bit. More! More! Explain the marshmallow experiment as Adam Sandler. So you get one marshmallow. Delicious and nutritious marshmallow.

You're better at being him than he is. You're doing it better, Adam Sandler, than Adam Sandler does. Thank you. There's one study where these two monkeys, one of them gets grapes and one of them they both get grapes. Oh, I love a grape monkey because they love grapes. They love them. And then he goes,

give me your rock back. Give me the rock and I'll give you the grape. So the monkey's like, here's a rock. No, no, no, no. They say this out loud. Just, I'm going to talk to you. Okay, so then he's like, so the monkey's like, here's the rock. Thank you for the grape. And then one monkey starts getting cucumber slices. And this is how Franz DeWall, I think figured out that there was something that basically

primates have a sense of fairness, which is crazy. Cause then this monkey would take the cucumbers and whip it at the lady giving the rock because he saw that his buddy was getting grapes so he would not eat in order to be like you're a bitch and a whore give me the grape and he'd go over to the other monkey who's like and be like yeah you should watch that study it's so funny interesting isn't that wild so he's literally it's not that first he tried throwing the rock and when that didn't work he took the the food that he had which means he'll have zero to get the grape. Because he was like, you're a bitch. He's getting a grape and I know it. And he's taunting him.

He's like, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. I fucking love grapes. They love them. That's how you get a monkey to just murder. Yeah.

If you can teach them, like, if you kill that, I'll give you a grape. They would do it. Oh, they love eating a grape with their little hands. Raccoons, too, love a grape. Do they? Oh, they love it. There's this video of a raccoon with all these grapes, and the owner keeps trying to take one,

and the raccoon's like, what are you? Whoa. And they have it voiced over, so he's like, hey, man, Jesus, get off of me. It's really good. It's really, really good. I tell you, no matter what I make, I watch this, and I'm like, I'll never make something that's funny.

It's this raccoon voiceover grape video or whatever the video is. Yeah, the voiceovers are of animals. It's hard to beat those. One time I went on a date with a guy and I really, he just was a huge goober. But we put on Animal Planet and he started doing voiceovers for all the animals. And I was laughing so hard that I was like, I'm going to have sex with you. That's good. The other night.

Well, that doesn't happen with men, by the way. Yeah. Like I've never been with a woman that I wasn't attracted to. And then she started doing a funny bit. Yeah. I'm going to fuck this girl. Isn't that unfair? The only time I can do it is if I'm on a friend date.

Like if I'm just friends with somebody. And then I do a bit that's like about sex. Because then they accidentally like they're like, oh, I forgot you have sex parts. And I'm like, yes, I do. Funny pussy jokes. That is the way that is. That is the way. And as you, you subtly, I had a friend, kind of a pervy guy, but he thought about this

stuff and he went on the phone. He'd be like, uh, he'd run water. He wouldn't be taking a tub. He'd be like, oh, I'm running water. I'm taking a, uh, uh, going to the tub soon. So she just would imagine he would get her to imagine him naked. This guy was a sociopath. But he had all these things like that. He read the game. Neil Strauss is the game.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you describing a friend of yours as a sociopath and describing the same behavior you just described? Well, I'm not doing mind manipulation. I'm being like, hey, you have a penis and I have a vagina. Funny bit. What if they touch? That's funny. That's hilarious. See, I'm less subtle. I go

knock, knock. Who's there to suck my dick? You do not. You go, do you want to come over and just watch a movie and cuddle? Maybe possibly. But I do just want to cuddle. I didn't want to have sex. I had a girl over to cuddle time. You are really. And we didn't, I had a lot of

espresso mama. And not enough sleep. But you're talking about like, so me and this girl, we watched The King of Comedy, right? And at the end, it was like time to put on another movie. And instead of putting on Animal Planet and being like funny, funny, fun time, I was like, let's watch this.

And it was a documentary on the Oklahoma City bombing. Nice. And she was not into it. And she was talking. I kept being like, no, no, no, no. You got to listen to what McVeigh did. Actually, Ruby Ridge was a lead up to Oklahoma City. I'm a bad movie combo sex person.

I always want to finish the movie. Oh, really? Yeah, I want to see what's going on. I'm a bad movie combo sex person. I always want to finish the movie. Oh, really? Yeah, I want to see what's going on. I'll be like, oh, that's kind of hot, though, and a woman's just not interested at all.

She's like watching a movie. Yeah, I'm on a huge amount of Prozac, so sex is really just a silly little thing. It's a silly little game. It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Finger and hers like starting a lawnmower that won't kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, clean it up, clean it up. Clean it up. Clean's cute. Finger and hers like starting a lawnmower that won't kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, hey, hey, hey. Clean it up. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Yeah. What is that? The most interesting transition for me is like when you're dating, you don't know somebody, and then you're like, hey, let's go to a museum or whatever. Like, there's wine tasting. You're doing all this shit. You never know. And then you gotta go,

oh, just come over and we'll watch a movie. You just go right to it, I think. Just come over. It's such an awkward... The best thing is you work together. You're doing a report and the boss is like, you guys work on this report

and you go to Cleveland. It kind of happens. You're like a stranger on an app and then you're like where how many siblings do you have oh yeah it's like if i get asked that question i talk about that on stage the how many siblings do you have that i would rather rip my eyeballs out i would rather rape i'd rather have rape there's something about how many siblings you have that's aggressive and And I've never asked that. Okay. You never ask enough questions.

I bet. I bet you don't ask a woman enough. I think you're wrong. Oh man. Yeah. Look at him recognizing something about you all very wrong. I asked too many questions. They tell me to stop.

That's my favorite Elvis song. There's like a line where you're interviewing them. But also, like, he didn't ask me any questions to like, I felt like I was being interviewed. You got to really read that needle. I went out with this girl once and I go, you pick a restaurant you like. So she was like, oh, there's italian place i always wanted to try it's the most expensive restaurant in all of los angeles she didn't tell me that i just found out when i got there yeah and then she was like oh i'll have this and this and try a bit of this

and um we're there for an hour and a half and i and i go oh she hasn't asked me one question about me not one an hour and a half of talking. And then I got interested in how long this could go. And then she. What is she doing? Just. No, she was like. Talking about herself.

Me, me, me, me, me, me. Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Am I right? I swear to God, it's a real thing. So then she goes, oh, my favorite city, full wide world is Portland. And I was in Portland like four days earlier. I'm like, if I bring up, I was in Portland

and she has no follow-up, then this woman is fucking out. She's insane. And I go, oh my God, I was just in Portland four days ago. And she goes, they have a mall there that- Wow. Check, $280. Oh, wow. They have a mall there that... Check. $280.

Oh! Wow. I would kick her in the head with my blue suede shoes. I would be like, let's split it. Let's split. I think I'd be like, throw your card down. I just... But thank you so much for the interview.

Yeah, there's that delicate line. Was she hot, though? She was... You know what? She got less hot as the thing wore on. That's a hard thing to do. Get less hot. I think that women

are also getting empowered to a degree that they don't, this is going to sound fucked up. Break it down for us, Beetle. Well, I was talking to Tyler Fisher about this. Come on, break it down, Beetlejuice. And I just feel like women, they used to be coveted because they would provide you with a child, right? And they'd be like, don't worry, I'll raise it in my belly and then I'll have it. It'll be great. And we'll have a relationship and I'll be the.

And now it's like just some woman who's literally your equal. She is, but she still wants the worshipfulness that a mother would get. Right. So she's like, so she's like, I'm a woman. So I deserve to speak the entire time. And I did it. And it's like, well, you're just literally an equal now. Now we're on the same level. We're both just hustling hustling yeah some people haven't made that transition it's it's interesting yeah what are you talking about okay let me explain it again yeah okay back in the back back when you'd meet me and i'd be like there's a possibility that i'll rear your child yeah like

that's amazing and i'll be able to put my dick inside you and you'll raise my child you'll be faithful it'll be nice we'll have a family and now it's like, now I'm showing up to dinner with you. I don't want any kids. I'm a, I'm a, I'm business, but I still want you to worship me because I'm a woman. Right. And it's like, well, you kind of got worshiped because you were the womb. And it's, it isn't, it's, it's just this cult. There's some cultures that aren't like that, but it is come comes back to partners. And you used to be like, I got to get us food, and I got to go out there, and it's dangerous. You needed the guy to go

get the buffalo, and she was like, I'm going to take care of this thing and raise the baby, and then you both were barely surviving. For most of history, that's how it's been. And up until recently, then it's like, Now you got guys wearing turtlenecks with fanny packs around their shoulders, and you'd... Please sittlenecks with fanny packs around their shoulders.

Please sit down. He's wearing glitter. That was Elvis. It's really nice. I like it a lot. Is it Lululemon? It looks like that. You know what I mean? Microfiber. You know what's funny? A buddy of mine just showed me his fanny pack and he keeps a gun in it.

I could easily put a gun. I probably will get a gun at some point. So listen, just to sum up, my brother is married to someone from another country. I mean, she got here when she was younger, you know, but the traditions of that culture makes more sense. Like she appreciated that he worked all fucking day. You know? And she would when he worked nights, she would

get up and make him a sandwich. And people, like women in America, like what? But no, he loves her for that and she loves him and they're taking care of each other. And this country's lost that. Because we're a broken culture, a degraded society and we worship

the wrong things stop screaming i'm just saying marriage should be between a man and a woman i don't think we were i think that it's fine to have a culture where things have leveled out and everything's androgynous but you can't expect like like there are a lot of women who are like and he needs to buy me this and buy me dinner and it's like no you guys are literally on the same and they're the same ones that'll talk shit on like sex workers or chicks like that here's the thing I will

buy the meals in the beginning because I think women do have to they spend more money on like nails and all that stuff period stuff it's just attractive to pick up the check too you know what happened i was at a poker game with like a guy i was super in love with and then he gets a phone call from a girl that he was dating we weren't together we'd broken

up years ago and and she's crying and she's like my bike got stolen the wheels got stolen and i watched him like light up he wasn't that into girl, but I watched him like go into man mode and he ran out the door to rescue her. And I was like, wow, there is like- I got a fake injuries now. No, but there was like a feeling where I was like, I would never do that. If somebody stole my bike, I'd be like, you bitch.

And I'd figure it out. I would never call somebody crying and being like, this happened. And I was like, and that is such a aphrodisiac. You know what I mean? To need, except for with you, he saved a girl the other day. Caught the ick.

Oh, sorry. It works both ways. I liked that. I liked having you be needed for sure. Yeah, of course. That's a thing. Everybody wants to be needed. Sorry to interrupt the king. Please, please, by all means.

But I don't know where I heard this, but they say it's good in the beginning to man or woman to have the other person do you a favor because it makes them feel good and also makes them go like i must like this person i'm i'm at kinko's making a copy of or whatever yes neurolinguistic programming oh oh can you uh break down for the king? I spent a lot of time singing, not too much time learning. It's in the secret or in the Neil Strauss thing where you embed

imprinting. You basically imprint. You can like... I think you're talking about good old-fashioned manipulation. NLP is manipulation. It's very bad. But that's the bathtub guy. But that's the same thing with being like I'm going to have him do me a favor so that I imprint that he is like helping me in his life. That's NLP. It's like you're programming somebody to.

Here's where I think it's OK to do that. If you like somebody and they just don't seem to like you at all. You know what I mean? You've tried to be nice. Yeah. You said, hey, you think you look pretty or whatever you did. And then, and they're just not getting it. Then you could be like, in small favor, like, can you hold this while I

do, you know, I gotta go do, can you just hold this? A small rock. I saw something by the way, I'll tell you who it is after. But I don't know if they want me to publicly say it. Oh, we can bleep it. But anyway. Yes.

So we're at this table. Yes. And you and Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't a famous person. But this girl. How would we know? Oh, we know.

OK. OK. OK. Can we ble we know? Oh, we know. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can we believe it? Yeah. So we go to, uh, the,

uh, comic comedy, like roast of some, someone, Oh, Charlie Sheehan. And it was, uh,

me and, and we're on at this table and looks, you know, very much like a lesbian. Yes. And so there was a very attractive woman at the table and looks very much like a lesbian. And so there was a very attractive woman at the table. And you could just tell this woman was like,

this lesbian is going to be so into me. She just had this like, oh. So takes her chair. The girl's here. And she goes, like really loudly, just put her back to this person. And I watched this because I've seen her do this many times. And she was so the chair.

No, just like people like go towards her and need approval from her. Like it was a little thing she would do. And it was a little things that, so I, and I've seen it, I seen it before. So I just watched,

I was like, Oh, this is good. Cause I just saw the girl be like, that's not possible. I'm really hot. Right. How?, so I just watched it. I was like, oh, this is good. I just saw the girl be like, that's not possible. I'm really hot, right? Wow. So then I just, this girl's like, and then she goes, hi, I have to go to the restroom.

Can you just watch my purse? No one needed to watch the purse. It's like a very. Oh, they're NLPing each other back and forth. Well, yeah, she was trying to get her to do her favor or whatever, watch the purse. And he goes, no. Wow.

And they dated for two years. Oh, my God. No way. Really? The girl couldn't. This is LA. The girl couldn't, like, handle. Like, I need to pull from this person.

That's amazing. They really dated for two years? Yeah. Whoa. They always are. They always are, right? My mom does that. She always turns hot straight girls. It? Yeah. Whoa. They always are. They always are, right? My mom does that. She always turns hot straight girls.

It's crazy. Oh. She's very similar. Okay. Yeah, probably why I was obsessed with her growing up. Yeah, yeah. But she, yeah, she always does that. A woman will come in and she'll be like, I don't have time to talk to you.

And they're like, what? Wait, wait, what? And then they become obsessed with her. And my mom is so mean to them that they become more obsessed. And now they're coming to me being like, how do I get close to your mother? And I'm like, well,

it would help if baby, baby bear had some cookies made for baby bears. Happy mama. Yeah. That's the thing. Baby bear PS five. I think men rarely. When there's someone who's there is really attractive.

They get, they don't get that much from men being honest and like ignoring them. I guess that's attractive or you need approval. Cause you're like, this is an honest person. That's what it is. A lot of pretty, but like this person's really like not trying to fuck me and I need their

approval. All this stuff confuses me and I don't like it. That just like people, if you like them and You're a fool, Elvis. I'd rather be a smiling fool than a frowning cynic. Yo, Elvis, you dated a 13-year-old girl? Times were different back then, brother. Did he date a 13-year-old girl?

Speaking of Jerry Seinfeld, my God. Lisa Marie was 13 when they When they met But they ended up together for a long time Until she was 14 and a half Elvis was a good man I mean google me on this But How old was Lisa Marie Presley

When Elvis met her But he was like her one and his one and only Right Wow I thought he had a wife when he met her. No. He had like a girlfriend before, at least Marie. She was in grade school.

13 is pretty, if you've ever talked to a 13-year-old, it's kind of hard. Yeah, it's pretty fucking weird. It's kind of weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Elvis probably doesn't strike me as quite an intellectual. How old was she then? Oh.

How old was he? How old was she when they met? I don't believe this. I think you're spreading some disinformation about the king over here now.

Well, I knew my stepbrother when I was 11 and then we had sex later when I was 18. Priscilla was 14 years old when she first met the singer. And how old was Elvis? Come on, you're a wizard. I'm reading a lot right now. No, but we were in the same house when I was like 10, 11, and then we had sex way later. The King's got a question.

Where do you take a dog when it needs to get a haircut? Are you telling a joke? Is this a joke? Where do you take a dog when it needs to get a haircut, brother? I've never seen him like this. I'm sorry. She was 14 years old when they met. He was 24.

Always saying I was groomed. What? She was 14 and he was 24. 14, 24. That's pretty bad. That's pretty bad. That is inexcusable for anyone there. I think it's excusable. I mean, they knew each other. They grew up in the same house together. You know, they saw

she saw him grow. Oh, sorry, sorry. Anyway. Back to the book about dead people. I broke it. Kyle, you do impressions. Do an impression of me leaving this earth. Let me see if I can do an impression of you.

Let me see. Is this my impression of you? You're nailing it. I feel like I've had sex with my brother a few times. It's not good. Don't be offended. That's not good. It's not.

I don't have a nasal voice. I have a raspy, tarry voice. Yes, my guitar is upstairs. I feel like I should have played some songs. It's bad, Jordan. That's why you shouldn't be offended. If it was good, then you could be like, what the fuck? It's pretty bad.

I got a motorcycle and I fucked my brother. What kind of life am I living here? That's not good. You don't sound like that at all. Do him. I don't know how Ian even talks That's not how I talk man Hey man listen

It would really mean a lot if you could grab me a coffee I know you have your hands full with all of my shit This is an argument we got in a month ago And she keeps bringing it up Not cool It would really mean a lot It would really mean a lot if you could fly to the moon and back.

It would really mean a lot. That would mean a lot to me. If you could sleep over in my house and keep me company for the next eight nights. I talk like a legal dwarf. That's what he's saying.

That's a legal dwarf. I know that. Hey, get me a coffee. I know that. Legal dwarf? Can that be the name of the episode Legal dwarf is so funny

I met a woman in the audience And she goes I was like how tall are you And she was like four or whatever And I was like is that legally a dwarf And she was like technically And I was like oh yes So 100% legal dwarf is what you are Oh my god

I picked her up. Did she think her voice was going to add a couple inches? I had someone in the audience. You do something, you try it, and then you go, oh, I never think I could try this. But I did a thing where my legs are really tiny, and I could do a TED Talk about a guy who was in a motorcycle. I start crossing my legs like this.

Wow. And I'm like, well, when I turn the corner and I just felt a weird feeling from the audience. I was like, oh, that bit doesn't work. It's too realistic. That looks realistic. Well, what it was was in row three. You know, it's like, yeah, those crowds, you can't see them, but they can see each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. The captain. I can't see them, but they can see each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. The captain. I can't, yeah. But I was the victim. Yeah. In my bed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's true. Yeah. I've had that happen. I've had one girl where I was like, I was like, so you have a brother. I fuck my brother. Where's your brother?

And she was like, hey. And I was like, no, where is he? And she was like, he's dead. I've had that happen. I've had that happen like nine times. You forget people die. I always forget people die. It's crazy.

I had one guy, I was mocking him. You're all gonna die. That'd be a good promo. That would be a good promo. That's great. You're welcome. Thank you so much.

We can't keep him? How much is this? How much do you think? Look at the tag it's on the front How much is that? He has no penis You don't have a penis when you die It just gets eaten away

He has an asshole I'm doing anal work God we're disgusting We're a disgusting group That's not disgusting I'm doing anal work. God, we're disgusting. We're a disgusting group. That's not disgusting. No, everything disgusting is gone. Yeah.

Yeah. We are disgusting. Yes. No, nothing's disgusting. Living a life without consciousness. I want to talk about consciousness. I know we've traversed many topics that have nothing to do with each other. That's kind of the show.

I want to move towards consciousness. You nailed the show. We talked about buttholes and all this other stuff. Delicious. Do you believe in free will? Are you a no free will guy? I don't.

It's such an unpopular thing. But we definitely don't have free will. I'm the same. You are both wrong. Yes, yes, yes. You're wrong. Yes. Take a couple of these facts into consideration.

All right, come on. Let's fact it up. Come on. Now Elvis is gone and Ian is in the building. I knew he'd be a no free will guy. Come on. All right, come on. Number one.

Number one it up. You have to understand there's certain things that you don't want to believe with every fiber of your being. People don't want to believe that we just die and don't exist. So that's why most people believe we go to heaven. Even though there's so much proof we don't do that. You could have amnesia and you forget who you are

but suddenly you die and all the blood's gone and you remember your whole fucking family. But most would believe heaven because you want to believe it. Now, I would say even a more fervent belief that you need to have is that you have free will. So you have to start this conversation understanding that you want to believe it so fucking bad

that you've got to just calm down and think about the facts of this situation. Fact me up. Fact me up. Fact number one. Fact me up. the facts of this situation. Fact me up. Fact me up. Fact number one. Fact me up. Shut up, Beatle. Fact me up.

Okay. Are you here with us now? Elvis has left the building. We're not going to be emotional. He's upset. We're not going to be emotional. Number one. Yes.

You don't think your thoughts. That's something you can observe right now. They pop into your head I'm thinking my thought right now and I'm narrating it to you next fact that I will dispel you're not choosing it don't think of an elephant right now

I'm choosing an elephant do not picture an elephant I'm not picturing an elephant I'm picturing a fucking donkey because I'm looking at two fucking jackets he's very upset he wants to believe it's so bad it's crazy

his whole world is crumbling. Like, he just took DMT. His whole world, like, it's all pixelating and falling in front of his face because he knows. No, no, I just have glitter on my glasses. Oh, it is glitter.

If I lived every day that you lived, I would be exactly where you are being you. Yeah, there's no judgment. It's very... No, no, no. There is free will because I could beat both of you over the fucking head right now with this wooden

khaki and I choose not to. I could very much. I just made a choice. Here's where you're getting confused. I love you. You're assuming your thoughts come from you deciding something but they don't.

That's the end of the argument right there. They just don't. they come from your subconscious. You will notice them. You didn't even take time to see how it works, but you will know. I mean, we can do a little experiment. I would love that. Um, name.

Okay. Choose the best three movies of all time Sam Harris in my opinion or like what I think the best three movies of all time are my opinion

that I choose not what I think would be in like the criterion top three. Yeah. Okay. And this just knows how Go ahead. Ghostbusters. Okay. A league of their own.

Good fellas. Okay. Good choices. This is a Sam Harris experiment. So if I get it wrong let me know because I actually don't really know it that well. I know. I don a Sam Harris experiment. If I get it wrong, let me know because I actually don't really know it that well. I know. I don't know it that well either. Oh, but I thought your subconscious knew it for you.

Why do people get so different? Every time I get this argument, it's like they burn their house down. You guys are dumb, but it's a bit. It's a thing where people get really religious and you go if you weren't if you were more sure of yourself, you wouldn't get upset. He isn't sure of himself. That's why he's so upset.

No, no. It's why religious people get so upset. This is like a bit. You whacked me hard. Whack me hard. I don't want to whack you hard. I have control. A penis.

Okay, so why didn't you choose Chinatown? Because I've never seen it. Okay. So it didn't pop into your head. Correct. So you didn't have the choice to choose Chinatown because it never popped into your head. I could have chosen it if... You couldn't.

If the line of questioning was... No, the way I asked you, you couldn't have chosen Chinatown because it didn't pop into your head. These movies just popped into your head that you, that you thought of. Right. But it put me in the lane of thinking your top three,

not what the top three of all time, someone else on the list would be. Does that make sense? If you had said, I asked you what are the right. And that's why I said, clarify, is it my choice or what I think?

Jordan, there's gonna be a lot of of mental gymnastics is what happens. Let's go to a different experiment. Go ahead. Name the, just pick three random capitals. Hmm. Not a test. Well, I don't know three.

Oh, okay. All right, that's a good thing. Okay, hold on, hold on. Ready? Dover. Dover? Capital Delaware. Is that right?

I have no idea. Who knows Delaware? I think we're down a rabbit hole here. The point is you're supposed to notice that these things pop into your head. You don't think your thoughts. So they're popping into your head. They're popping into your head because of experiences

you had. Maybe you saw something about Dover or whatever. And the only two things that get you to have things pop into your consciousness, maybe you saw something about Dover, but whatever. And the only two things that get you to have things pop into your consciousness, which you think is making decisions is your brain chemistry and your experiences. That's the only thing, both of which you didn't choose. You didn't choose your parents, you didn't choose your experiences, you didn't choose your brain chemistry. And it's the only thing when you you ask me, like, what else is there?

There is nothing else. So we have, if we were to program a computer with neural nets and all this, there'd be absolutely no difference. That's why I'm convinced computers, once we get these robots to have a very complicated neural network, they're going to have consciousness.

Because the only difference is biological matter and silicon matter. And there's really nothing magical, even though people want to have like this magical thing. It's an illusion of it. They did an experiment where they could track brain chemistry and they'd figure out a guy raising his left hand and his right hand. This was an experiment. And they would track and be able to see when they made the decision to lift the left hand, his brain would do this thing and right hand, his brain would do this other thing. So then they knew what left hand, right hand, then they would ask him to keep doing it. And they would know what hand the person was going to choose before the person knows it. And the reason is because their subconscious decided it already. And what happens is that your consciousness, what you talk about as your

conscious self free will making decisions is just receiving the thing and then making up a story. So here's another experiment they did where, and there's the difference is like four seconds. It's not like even close. There's other experiment where they have people who have half brains. So they have one brain is just gone. And it's a way they can do it in experiment where they'll cover this eye and show this eye like a teddy bear. So this side of its brain doesn't know, never saw. And you say, what's over there? It goes, I don't know. Then you show them pictures of a hundred different things and that you go pick out the picture you like. They'll always pick the teddy bear or whatever you show them. And then you go, why'd you pick that? And they'll make up a story going when I was a kid, I had a teddy bear, but

they think you make up shit in order to make it. So you made a decision. It's a fucked up thing, but it's, these are experiments that they've done. These are not, you know, foo-foo places. Wait, let me, this is how it helped me to understand. Let me try. I think I figured out why that girl spent the whole date just talking about herself. Let me try. Wait, I also

have to amend, Beckett is the death guy, Daniel Dennett is the guy who believes what, probably what he believes, which, Daniel Dennett is the guy who believes what probably what he believes, which Daniel Dennett is like, look, I make choices, whether I want the comb or the thing. That's who I am is making this choice. So there is such a thing as a self, but here's a, here's how I think about it.

Say I'm auditioning for a thing, right? I did everything I needed to do to prepare for the audition. The Tonight Show. Okay. The Tonight Show. Okay. We've reviewed your tape. Oh, we're not rolling? No. And. The Tonight Show. Okay. We've reviewed your tape. Oh, we're not rolling?

No. And then I do it. And then I, this is how I think of free will. And then you're like, fuck, I should have, I should have done this differently. I would have gotten the part

if I did this. There is, because there is no dimension, there is no reality that you can go back and alter. You are a culmination of all of the things that led you up

to where you are now. So there is no, like you couldn't have done it differently because you did not do it differently. You know what I mean? That's why the free will thing is so cool because you can eliminate regret. That's right.

And also judging other people it eliminates and also beating yourself up. It's, it's. But you have the free will to make that choice. No, you're, you, you the free will to make that choice. No, you're, you, you don't.

Everything is a choice. If you, you're, you're subconscious is making these, it's, it's doing a balancing act and, and calculating way beyond what you consciously can. It pain,

pleasure principle. Like you don't touch. I had the free will to touch that hot stove. Right. You don't because, because you're, you've learned that that's like pain and you go,

no, that's no good. But you could still make the choice. But even if you did it, you would have done it no matter what. Everything that led you to that moment led you to that moment. So you would have done it.

Say you're standing hot stove, cold thing. And I go touch one. And you're like, uh, uh, uh, this is my choice.

This is my choice. And you burn yourself. No matter what scenario in the future happens, you always would have hit that because everything that led you to that point led you to that point. So you have micro choices. Sure. You can read a book to educate yourself. But even that, like your subconscious told you to read the book. But that's such a bleak way of looking at it. That's why people fight it. But I don't think it's bleak because it alleviates,

like Jordan was saying, regret judging other people. It's a very freeing thing. You're making decisions, but your subconscious is making decisions. Your consciousness is just fielding. I mean, you get emotional and you realize what the thought was that popped into your head. That's not, you know, then you go, oh, I made a choice to do this or I made a choice. But then you have a choice what to do with that emotion. You have the illusion of choice.

It still comes. If you notice, it still pops into your head from your subconscious. Even like I'm going to have chicken Parmesan or chicken, you know, fettuccine. You go, hmm, I could have this or that. And then you almost like it's a, it's a mystery. You go chicken fettuccine. And then you have to backtrack like the doll and go, that's why I picked it. You already picked it. Your subconscious already did all the calculating for you. It's a,

it's a disturbing thing. I don't live my life like that because it's, it's impossible. It's impossible. And it makes you feel like really weird, but I do believe that's what's happening. Yeah. And also you can, like, my mom has a tattoo of a tiger with a little monkey on it backwards reading a book because her whole thing is like you can you can slowly arch the narrative of your life by by if I go fettuccine last time I chose fettuccine because or if you go I'm going to be nice to somebody over and over. I'm always going to make that choice. Then you your subconscious is going to you're like growing yourself but it is isn't that true well the thing is it's a tricky thing about it even things of like i'm gonna write down like it's good to imagine yourself doing something successful you can always agree on that you know because then you don't feel uncomfortable if it starts to happen like i imagine myself here that's a good general thing to think and And, um, and then I'm going to

write it down, like imagine success. You're still like, like whether you go home and write that down right now, it you're, you're subconscious. Like, yeah, do it. You're not, you're, you're just fielding something. You're more like, um, receiving things as a conscious person than deciding things. It's already being done by your subconscious. Right. But, but to that, I would say if that is, if you resign yourself to that subconscious of, well, this is the way it's going to be. And that's what it is. Once you become aware of that, you then have a choice, the free will, what to do with that feeling. You can either live in that feeling and resign yourself to this and go, well, it's just what it was meant to be. You're still not understanding the loop.

You're still trying to make your conscious self be the decider. And it's not, even in that scenario. Well, I'm deciding. No. Yes. That's the thing.

I'm deciding to not agree with you. But whatever happens, yeah, whatever happens, how you take in this information, what, where it goes and what happens is all at the mercy of everything you've experienced before your genetics and your brain chemistry right so whatever happens might no matter what you say now

it's going to turn it into what it will be right here's the thing you're just gonna watch no one will ever accept this like it's too unpopular you're safe yeah you you everybody feels how you feel everybody hates i knew he would feel how I feel. Yes. Yes. We win. Fine. I'd rather you win with your bleakness and I'll die a fucking loser living the way I choose to live. Look at the two calm people and the two extremely.

You're dressed like a fucking bug and you don't even know what your deal is. But you're very defensive. I'm a quick death boy. Oh no. We already had some. It is nice if you fuck up a set and you get off stage and you go, no matter what happened, that was going to happen. That is just how the course of history. That's choosing to accept. It's choosing to accept that.

Or you're choosing to. I don't know how to do this. You are, but not your conscious self isn't choosing. You're arguing that your conscious self is choosing that. And we're saying, no, it's not. And all you have to do is notice and you'll see. Just notice how thoughts appear in your head. You don't think your thoughts, they appear.

Right. But you can, you can choose your actions. You go back and you think you decide. It's like the teddy bear that you will always go back. Oh, that you can choose your actions. No, you go back and you think you decide. It's like the teddy bear. You will always go back and go, that's why I did that. What I'm saying is you can't choose your thoughts. Your thoughts appear, but what you do with those thoughts is then a choice. Of your subconscious.

Subconscious is already decided. You're just riding your life. That's what you're doing. You are a vessel that is riding all of the experiences that will come and happen to you. Enjoy yourself. you're just riding your life. That's what you're doing. You're just a participant. You are a vessel that is riding all of the experiences that will come and happen to you. Enjoy yourself. Yeah, enjoy yourself. Yeah.

You will. And I choose to enjoy myself. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at how you're dressed. I'm choosing. What'd you say? Look at how you're dressed.

Yeah, and I'm enjoying this. What sucks is this conversation doesn't bum me out i actually i know but it bums people out and i feel bad about that they hate it and they they want it i don't hate it i like it but when you find people i like someone choosing to challenge me my feature has this it believes us too and he'll even do a thing when i start to be like what i was saying before where i'm like but you can guide it he's like no no no and he'll be like he really is way more in the side you're talking about where it's which is nice yeah but it also is when you are find yourself in bed and you're eating candy and you're it's I think it's not miserable it might it might lend itself a little bit more to analysis and pessimism it's

also probably because we're depressed people choosing to be pessimistic no it's uh it's i find it freeing and i find it comforting and uh it brings you into the moment more because you're that's good you're saying you're riding this and you're not beating yourself up like why did i that's how that had to go and you're not people are mean to you you go they have there's a storm in their brain they're not you know you talk to people you'd agree with that warming and they're just and uh you don't take things as personally your life is just more uh relaxed like you're sort of i i agree with that i even do this but i when i talk about it but i go back do you ever go into like weeks where you can do it i've had like i'm like an hour and i'm back. Yeah. But it's nice when I've had it,

I've had it when I was auditioning for the seller and I was in Mexico, I wasn't getting up. And then I came back and I was so free will heavy from listening to it that I was like, I think we're saying the same thing. We're just speaking it in different languages. Here's the difference. Because I agree with you,

but what you're saying is the self-conscious of it is, this is what it is and this and that I'm looking as viewing that as a choice to accept. Here's a way to crystallize the difference between what we're saying and what you will never not believe. And that's okay. And you guys are pro-life. You're evil.

Wrong. We are pro-life. You're living. You're having an illusion that, that you, you have free will and you're choosing things and we're saying your subconscious is it is you but it's your subconscious it's not that self that you're thinking of that's making these choices but as subconscious it still is me it is still not you conscious that's what dan daniel dennett is being, he fights Sam Harris on it where he's like,

who I am is my subconscious then. So there is a self. And that's totally fine if you want to, you feel like you identify with that. But there is a thing like, there is like if when I get really angry or I get upset and I'm like, why did I do that? I'm not a person who does that.

I can envision myself not being a person. I could be like, it is not up to me how what happens but i reject that because then you can just live in a way where you're not scared of and it's not the case see that doesn't happen people think that they're just gonna disagree with both of you both came upon this at a certain point in our lives yes and our lives are no different i mean we haven't become psychopaths. Your lives are completely different. That's what people are worried about. They're worried that they're going to just lay down and not do anything. You've been calculating this pain, pleasure from your subconscious your whole

life. It doesn't change. You just notice it. You're just noticing, oh, that is how it's going down. You still do the things you want to do and not want to do. Right. Yes. And I agree with the noticing. I'm just saying that there then becomes a choice within the notice to then behave the way that you've continually behaved or to make a change to then adjust the different outcomes. Unfortunately, sir, that's still from your subconscious. You never change this pattern, which is your subconscious throws the ideas at you. You feel them and then you make up a story of why you picked that or did that. And sometimes you go later, you go, you go like, why did I do that? Like, it'll it, a lot of times it lines up, you know? Yeah. I chose that. And I did that. And that's that. But just think

of your life when you're like, why did I fucking bring up nine 11 at their birthday? And it's because you're not doing all the things you can't be. You can't be, we would short circuit if we were doing all the things consciously. It's a mixture. No. Pop off in the chat. Let us know in the comments. Everybody will be against what we're saying. Everybody hates it because they worry that they're going to go like this.

People worry, okay, then why wouldn't I just lay? And how would I make any decision to do anything and I'll just lay here? I'm agreeing with you guys more than I am disagreeing. But the basic But you're, but you're the basic principle you're not accepting, which is that brainwave thing. How, how are they able to pick every time exactly what hand that guy was going to

raise before he raised it? Because he, the guy was like, I'm deciding this now got the decision four seconds ago from his subconscious. But thoughts aren't just linear in terms of like, raise hand, don't raise hand.

It's like, there's so many different things. They all can be, but to narrow it down, to make that as a blanket explanation of all different thoughts, because they could predict hand. That's just an example from, from one experiment,

but you could have it in a different way. Here's an experiment. You can have, who can get turned on faster by a different way. If you want, you can have... Who can get turned on faster by me stripping? If you want... Yup, yup. Was it always meant for you to like it? Or is it a decision you're making?

Uh-oh, we've broken you. This can make you feel better. You can introduce... You can be spiritual and have no free will. How about that? You can have a spiritual... You can feel that the have no free will. How about that? What? You can have a spiritual, you can feel that the thing that's moving your subconscious

has some relationship to like a higher power. That helps with the whole free will thing. If that makes you feel better. What are we talking about? I don't even know what we're talking about. The problem with this conversation is it does unbuckle reality and it becomes uncomfortable for everybody. And it's the best. It's my favorite thing.

Yeah. And then we go back to we'll go back to our illusion. But then it makes you weird about everything you're saying because you're like, am I choosing it? I'm not choosing it. I used to have horrible OCD about this and I tripped on acid. That's like the way you were. Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, no. I used to have

about what I said yesterday, the revelation. Yeah. About your unraveling when you just take a small example of a thing of like, hey, I want to go to the movies with you. And then you like overthink it to death. Yeah, yeah, totally. Instead of just allowing and choosing to allow. That's why I know about this because I've struggled so much with it. It's unwell thinking.

Right, but that's what this helps, where you're like, this is how it's going to be. You can't torture your way. Let's explain to him what we talked about. Oh, this is how I am. This is how I am in relationships. Ask if you want to see a movie. You want to see a movie? I feel like, you're asking me, it's like five right now.

The movie's at eight, and I feel like we never make plans together, and you're just making the plan now because neither of us happen to have spots and it's just convenient for you to hang out with me now. We never make plans and it's not because you really care about me. You're just like, what do I do with my time? I guess I'll hang out with my girlfriend because she's here right now. Oh, we're dating?

I thought this was a new thing. I was just explaining this how I feel with you. That's how she is in a relationship. I take the free will thing and I go I am I am where I am I either I'm gonna go to the movie or not realistically I'm gonna end up going to the movie let's cut all of the punishment but that would that would offend you if his last minute plans you don't like it wouldn't it's just I find it I will do a thing where I find the way that the person hates me in every that's you know what I mean like if they're like hand me the coffee I'm

like you right literally if I was like, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, she'd be like, well, why are you conjuring me now? What, so you just have to say my name three times for me to exist? Yeah, did you even think of me before you said it, or you just said it because you have it? Because I'm a party trick. Am I a party trick to you? Is that what I am? Oh, I see.

I'm wearing the costume, so now that you're... It's very much... That's kind of a new care, like a PMS Juice or whatever. Nice. It's like a, Beetlejuice's wife who's just hormonal. Is it hormones?

No, no, it's obsessive. No, that's her all the time. It's looping. I loop. Or I'll be like, just go to the movie. You know that he's just asking you to go to the movie and then I'll be like,

but what if he's just admitted it a bit? That's why I got into No Free Will because I was always like, I was like, I don't understand who's making these decisions. Am I making them? Jordan's making them. Yeah. If I'm making them, then what if I just choose to stab myself in the leg? What if I, because I was a contractor, I was like, what if I take the nail gun?

I could do that. So then I started having panic attacks while I'm doing carpentry because all of these possibilities. And then I started taking acid which did actually help a lot and then I got into Sam Harrison no free will stuff and I was like oh I'm just a culmination of shit and I'm probably going to keep myself safe because I've made it this far so I probably won't do that even if I

have a panic I'll probably faint before I pull the trigger but still he asked if you wanted to go to the movies and you still have not said yes or no yeah I'll go let's go great I want to see that Leonardo DiCaprio movie I read the whole book it's so good it's so good i highly recommend the book i can't read this book i'm a slow reader and it's you and me both i'll tell you by the way i just put a button on the uh have you noticed as soon as sam harris like the free will thing came out, people like fucking hate him.

That's the thing that's scary about introducing. This is the most upsetting thing. People call me sociopaths. Like a few days later, I talk about the no free will. They'll be like, you're a sociopath. And I'm like,

I mean, it's the most like a religion. Literally shitting his pants, clawing his eyeballs out next to us. Look at Ethan. Ethan's chill as hell, dude. I mean, he's literally shitting his pants, clawing his eyeballs out next to us. Look at Ethan. Ethan's chill as hell, dude. Yeah, well, he's a wizard. He's all right.

It's a close look to religion when you go, oh, I think something else. And they go, I was on a plane with this lady. And she's like, hand me a pamphlet about Jesus Christ. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. And she's like, yeah, and this. And then she asked me what I did for a living. And I was like, I'm a comedian. And then she started telling me I was wasting my life and then i was like okay now i'm

done being nice and i wasn't even mean but i was just asking her questions that were riling her like what like what you know just like i go well if pick your three favorite movies name three capitals quick yeah yeah i don't know who said this but but someone said this and it's like oh yeah that's a really upsetting thing to say to someone who's like what pleasing jesus just if you if we were on the other side of the world you'd be handing me pamphlets about muhammad and then their brain it's that cognitive dissonance where they know it's true yeah but they're like no they can't believe it and then they're just they fucking hate you. That's like the same thing with free will. It's like their brain

goes, I can't accept this. Fuck you. But I'm not saying fuck you to both you guys. But your energy is. No, but that's you putting that on me because I'm obviously playing a part and like playing this up, but like it's uncomfortable. Again, you're putting your own

uncomfortableness on this. Both of us at the same time? Yes. He could fucking stab me right now and you'd be like, see, we both like stabbing. Yeah. No, but I knew he... I called the free will thing. Can we acknowledge that? That I was like, he's going to be a free will guy and he was? Sure. You can just tell. You get a read.

Yeah. It's a lonely... We're a lonely group. You both seem miserable. My mom, my best friend. Are you a miserable person i'll tell you this there it is i'll be totally honest i'm not no i've never had i've just been lucky brain chemistry wise i don't get too dark but i'll tell you this before free will and like thinking that noticing that and after this very there isn't really a difference it's not like it changed something where i was like oh now i'm dark because i don't believe in i feel like i found out about it because i always kind of knew it like when i read it i wasn't like whoa i kind of was like

yeah that does make sense there's no way that i could have that much information and choose between i'm like a i'm like an aggressive optimist I guess and and I guess in terms of the free will thing from my past experiences and what has happened to me in my life I've had no choice as a defense mechanism to survive but to be aggressively optimist about things as a way for me to survive and traverse the world that i was born into so that is my i guess unraveling of why am i so like angrily optimistic about things and and like that if you want to go back to the subconscious we are a you know reflection of our past and our culmination of this at the other yeah i think I think there's a better way to,

um, uh, just say what I said. I'll go ahead. Well, no, no, I'll go ahead.

No, no, I agree with you. Don't say what I said, but in a better way. Look how mad you're mad. I was going to say something totally different. Sorry.

I'm trying to make them laugh at home. Oh, I know. Sorry. This is like the least funny podcast. No, it's the best. This is my favorite.

I'm loving this too. Well best this is my favorite i'm loving this too well this is my favorite not just fart jokes yeah listen well what i was gonna say which had nothing to do with you getting what you thought i was gonna say yes is i think they're gonna be a better way of phrasing free will i think that is just too upsetting to people i think a better way is to say you make these decisions subconsciously. So it was a, you have no free will. It sounds really harsh,

but we do calculate, you know, so much. I mean, your, your heart and your, there's a lot of going on in your body, intelligence that you're not conscious of.

And, uh, your brain is doing a lot of work, you know, back here, you know what I mean? And then this guy is doing a lot of work back here. You know what I mean? And then this guy is just thinks he controls everything

and he's just like pulling. It's just a control panel. He's like, yay. That goes to my question. Did you make the decision right then to cross your legs? You know what I mean? Yes, I did. Did you ever watch a video yourself?

Because I wanted to be comfortable in my space. Right, but imagine if everything was a lever you were pulling. Right now, moving your shoe, looking at Ethan just in that moment. That would be chaos. Once you get into a flow state of it where you're like, I am just rolling with it and witnessing what happens, it feels incredible. It feels good, and I think you'd like it.

What I'm saying is, so then does that, cause I've, I've had this question. I, I was in a, of all podcasts that we have, the one philosophy one, we are dressed like this is, I love that. So funny. That is hilarious. I have always wanted it. It was being Jordan with Ian. This is exactly what it would be. This is great. Really the most ironic conclusion is what happens. Or the most Anyway, that's what this is. It's great. I mean, you're literally trying to

pontificate while dressed as Elvis. Now, I think it's because we had the skeleton here reminding us the finitude of our existence. I mean, death and Halloween. It does make sense. Totally. And the conclusions we're coming to are pretty spooky scary.

Now, when you talk about the idea of subconscious and you're not even making this decision. In the past, I dated someone with incredibly bad borderline personality disorder.

It wasn't me. It was not her. And she discussed me. Uh, just kidding. Jokes. Huh? I love you.

Um, but I said, I discussed you. I did discuss you. A thing that, a thing that I struggled with when she would behave in like a, a massively hurtful and truly like evil way was I would go, is she making these decisions to like these snap decisions to turn things around on me and say these things and to hurt me? Or is

it so embedded in her subconscious that her wiring is so broken that she only knows how to hurt? Does that make sense? Yes. Like the argument you just had about the movies was very much could be related to the way she would behave. Yeah, I have serious borderline tendencies. The daggers would really come out with it and then not just

like, well, you always do this and this and that. It would come out with these other like insults. It would just like, just very hurtful things. And in my head I would go, is but but what i'm saying is a way i got over it was the the recognition like oh my god it's not something she was doing personal to me it's she has basically like coffee was poured on her motherboard when she was developing and her brain is broken and that's why and so i should look at her not with condemnation, but with compassion.

Like, yes, she hurt me and these things are terrible, but oh my God, this poor person has to suffer this way where she's not even aware of the, um, you know, hurtful and deceitful ways in which she's acting.

And that goes back to the free will. You know who you are. You just need to expand that out to everything. Right. Because then you can walk away from things knowing that it isn't a choice. Right. But again, like with with I'm I'm eight years sober and I'm heavily involved in recovery and everything. And so a big part of that is, you know, recognizing your, you know, faults and they call character defects.

But also in looking at other people and going, oh, I shouldn't be upset at this person. They're a sick person. How can I help them rather than hate them? Does that make sense? Yes. So if you look at people, like I wanted to hate this person, but once I recognized like,

oh, it was borderline and not her as a person, that helped me break free and move forward. Yes. So what I'm saying is that analogous. If you do a third lap right now, I will fucking You are laughing, Doug. Can I be honest? I'm not used to people listening to me for this

long. And so the fact that you were I just kept talking to be like, oh my God, I really got him. Okay, keep going. Wow. I was really excited. I was like, if this doesn't culminate in something different than how it began, I don't know what we're doing. No, no, we know what you're saying. She didn't decide who she was and that helps you to understand that.

Yes. Yes. It's like crazy how much time of my life I've spent like that. Okay. I wasn't listening the whole time. I don't know. You need to say it again. Just say it one more time.

She can't blame. The way you acted with the date thing is the way she would act. It reminded me of that. And so 90. We're at 90 minutes. Oh my God. Plug. What do you got to plug? This is my favorite podcast we've ever had This is great

I can't wait to tell my mom and Kyle I'm a no free will guy There's only 4 or 5 of us in the world It's true My mom is the queen She's a cult leader of no free will My mother would not be on board with this. I'm pretty sure. My mom is a cult leader.

You guys are disappointing your mothers. You're screaming. It wasn't my choice to scream. That's true. I can't help it. I'm a screamer. How's that feel? Your sarcasm was not your choice. Yes. You being a smug bitch.

It's just the way I was born, baby. I mean, you know. I'm wondering how this is going to be received. Because we started off very goofy. It's not their choice. It's not their choice. We took a real turn. Well, I had one.

We put one on the Patreon with me and my mom having philosophy talk. People hated it. People hated it. That's because you guys didn't make it funny. We cut this off and made that serious one the Patreon one. We put one on the Patreon with me and my mom having philosophy talk. People hated it. That's because you guys didn't make it funny. Make that serious one the Patreon one. If you want to go there. Let them all have it. People need to hear how wrong you guys are. Stop screaming, please. My God.

It wasn't my choice. He's never going to let that go. I'm killing you a thousand times. It won't be my choice either. It'll be a culmination of my. Can I just say real quick, one thing that I really hated about being an alcoholic is a disease concept and people would act real shittily and go, it's not my fault. I have a disease.

It's a disease of addiction. It's not my fault. And I hate that thinking because that takes a blame away from themselves and puts it on something else. So I think I associate with what you guys are saying as no personal responsibility. And I'm a big personal responsibility

guy. Yeah, no, those things can get conflated. They're totally different. I think that is a major problem. People just think, oh, I didn't do anything. But they would have done that no matter what. Yeah, that person is going to be that person no matter what. You're going to die the way that you would have done that no matter what. No. Yeah. That person is going to be that person no matter what.

You're going to die the way that you're going to die no matter what. No. It's not even determinism. The trajectory will change. You couldn't map it out. But that person was going to be that annoying person and they went into the culmination of your subconscious to make you not that person. You don't have to agree with me. I don't think I am.

I'm going to say this. There's no room for pride. Like I did this, which also people hate. No, but it's also like there's no room for shame. You have to understand that too. And it doesn't mean you don't try to get better or better your life. You're still taking in information. You're subconsciously taking it in, learning.

It's not like you're not learning and you're not growing growing as a person because you're like i have no free will you you can't help but do that you're just going towards pain pleasure principles and the calculating is happening at a rate you can't even begin to understand and then it pops in your and then you take credit for the decision yeah that's what's happening it's not like the it's not determinism where it's like i know where you'll be in 10 years. Your whole life is laid out. You are educating your subconscious as you go, which is beautiful, and you get to witness that, but it's not

up to you. That's not true. Well, talk to me to end the show. What do you think of that for free will? Do you have plugs? No plugs. What would you like people to watch? Pop, pop, pop. Plug it. Whitney Kimmel's podcast. Just kidding. I did her pop, pop bop, bop.

Do you know that's an A chord? Bop, bop, bop. Anyway, kylezleinigan.com Check it out for more discussions you'll hate. Yay. Jordan, what do you got? I got shows coming in November. The places

I'm coming to are, Ian, do you do plugs and I'll get ready? IanFidance.com for tickets. I got a lot of fun stuff coming up. November 3rd, Amityville Music Hall, Long Island. Come on out. Let's go. November 5th, Austin, Texas,

a creek in the cave. Gonna be fun. Also, Philly, Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Tampa. IanFighted.com for tickets. I animal six side patreon.com slash medium pot. If you so choose to do it, I have to plug before you finish. Okay.

November 3rd. I'm at the stand. I'm at what I'm in Utah in November, Burlington, Vermont, December, Rochester, December, Syracuse, December, Albany, December. I love you. Oh, we want to thank you foruse, December, Albany, December. I love you. Uh-huh. We want to thank you for choosing us to hang out with on this Halloween

mama. So take us out with some hunk of hunk of burning love. I've been wanting to do this the whole podcast, but I guess it wasn't in my free will to do it till the end. Oh, yeah. It's helping me. It's helping me deal with the fact that this is where my life has led me

It's not my choice Everything you've done has led you to here Don't you wish you had free will you dumb bitch No We'll see you next time.