Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 087: Secret World W/ Shapel Lacey
Episode Date: March 27, 2024As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.b...e/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l Support the show & get 55% off your Babbel subscription at https://www.babbel.com/SKA Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : http://www.ianfidance.com/calendar Follow Shapel Lacey Here : https://www.instagram.com/shapellacey/ See More Shapel Here : https://www.shapellacey.com @LesserKnownCharacters Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/
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One, two, three, shoot.
Hey everybody, we got dates on the road.
He said, hello, IanFightDance.com for all my dates, April 5th and 6th, Creek in the
Cave Austin, April 19th, 20th, Chicago Zanies, May 5th, Hollywood Improv Lab for Netflix
is a Joke Festival. Come on out. That's
IanFidance.com for all the tickets. Yes. More dates are being added. I got a lot of fun
stuff coming up too. Yes. Oh, and my special Ian Finance, wild, happy and free on the podcast
YouTube page, youtube.com slash be an IanPod. What do you got?
I, this, you, this will be out past then. Appleton, Wisconsin, March 28th to the 30th.
Levittown, April 12th to 13th.
Portland, Oregon, April 25th to 27th.
Denver, Colorado.
My favorite May 1st to the force.
Los Angeles for the Netflix.
The joke to the force.
Los Angeles for Netflix is a joke.
May 5th, May 5th.
Please come to that.
Houston, Texas, May 24th, I got New York.
I got Poughkeepsie, I got Des Moines,
I got Manchester, Dallas.
Timonium.
San Fran.
It's outside of Baltimore.
San Fran, if you didn't want to come to Rooster,
tell you feathers, but you want to go to San Fran,
come out.
Columbus, Toledo, Dayton, Batavia, Nashville, Charlotte.
So the other thing is, if you want to look,
punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for stuff.
Also Death Chunk is now on YouTube for you to watch for free.
It's sick, shot by Duncan O'Shea.
He did a great job.
It's a chunk on death.
If you're morbid, get into it.
If you're not, watch it
because you need some darkness in your life.
And if you need some lightness, keep watching the show.
Yeah. Bye. Ian. Coffee, ice, no matter what.
Now you know he likes it in the butt.
So why ride when you're being Ian, being Ian?
Life is shit but you're positive.
Let's find out what it's like to live a life being Ian, being Ian with Jordan.
Meow.
Meow.
Have you been blowing it without me?
Yes.
Bad, you do a bad job?
I do a great job.
Why, did you taste them or something?
Well, I just. No. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, back and we're so excited. She's made up for lost time with.
All the B.O.
I went to my first personal trainer today where we
I boxed and I did all these things. She's so hot.
Really? She's exquisite.
Is she accepting clients?
Is she accepting clients?
Is she accepting any customers?
Is she like a new customer?
Is she like someone to punch above their weight class?
And now I smell so bad.
That bad. It is gasoline.
I smell you smell like gasoline and like some sort of lawn.
Yeah. Like a bad lawn.
Oh, a bad lawn. Yeah.
Like like a lawn that's been in water.
Here's what happened. I ran with like irrigation lawn. Yes. There it lawn. Yeah. Like, like a lawn that's been in water. Because here's what happened.
I ran with the puppy.
Like irrigation lawn.
Yes.
There it is.
Yes.
And on that welcome-
It's a Monsantoed.
Oh, it's, it's-
I am Monsantoed.
I mean, there's a toad in there.
There's a toad in there.
And the boxing gloves smell like bellybutton.
Speaking-
Oh, wow.
Wait, but then what happened was you said, you said, what's that smell?
And then you smell about so I just got so hungry.
I've got candy. No, I can't.
She can't do that. Don't do that to her. Unless you have meat sticks.
We can put some meat on the candy. Okay.
So well, let's introduce our guest. I am so excited.
Oh, I didn't know how it started. I didn't know it was like a proper intro.
It doesn't have to be.
Do whatever you want.
Fine.
Why don't you tell that story and then introduce him.
That smell?
The song behind that song.
So we were going, ooh, that smell.
Smell of us around you.
Leonard Skinner, that smell, first single off the album
Street Survivors, which came out prior to them
dying in a plane crash.
And the song is about how they're stinky
when they go around people because of the lifestyle
they were living, correct?
I think so.
I thought it was a different story than that though.
What'd you think?
I thought it was something like they saw
some like crazy accident or
something and it was like involved like dead bodies and they could smell the bodies.
No, no, no. It's whiskey bottles, brand new cars, oak tree in my way.
Okay, all right. I was wrong. Your story is right.
No, that's okay. But they had such a reputation for being, you know, bruisers and whiskey
guys and partiers that they would have a stench wherever they went because they had, you know, bruisers and whiskey guys and partiers that they would have
a stench wherever they went because they had, you know, drugs and everything. But the back album was
Eminent Alleyway and a fire was behind them. And the three guys engulfed in the flames were the three
guys that died in the plane accident when Leonard Skinner died with the accident that I just repeated.
Is there one guy who's not?
Huh?
Is there one guy not?
Yeah, the ones that weren't on fire in the-
Survived.
Survived.
Yeah.
But doesn't that seem really scary and spooky?
I know, that's why they took the album away
and reissued it without anyone on fire.
You think they should have kept it?
Yeah.
Well, I think the people in their life were like-
Yeah, well, I think one of the wives was like, didn't like it like, because yeah, Mr. So they pulled it all back. They already sold
a bunch. So those originals with the three on fire were probably money. Yeah. Wow. Crazy. That's
amazing. And before the flight took off, they were like, so the lead singer Ronnie Van Zandt
was kind of like a tyrant in a way.
You know this shit.
I love Leonard's skin.
Yeah, no, no, I know the story too.
And you know it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yet they were like, hey, the plane is kind of fucked up.
And he was like, we gotta get to the next town.
You wanna make money
or you wanna sit around here doing nothing?
They're like, fine.
They get on the plane.
Everybody walks on.
They all died.
Yeah.
And anyway, he died was pretty bad. Tell him. Like so basically he flew out of the plane and fell right
into a tree. Skewered, skewered, skewered. On his, in his chair. In his chair. What skewered though?
No skewered. Smashed. Smash, smash., like Smashburger. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.
Flew out of the plane.
In his chair, strapped in.
Whack.
What did you watch this on?
I watched it on something.
Did you watch it on Looney Tunes?
Is this for real?
Yeah, yeah.
And then when the quarter came around,
they go, I taught I taught PuddyTab.
It's like, no, that's a dead man.
You know what I realized that I was thinking about?
Remember this guy in Looney Tunes?
Are you a Looney Tunes person?
I'm rarely familiar.
I wasn't much of a cartoon kid.
Die Hard Looney Tunes guy hit me.
Okay, ready?
You know this guy?
Going down, sir.
Yes.
That is based off of Truman Capote.
I'm making this up, but I'm pretty sure it is.
If you listen to Truman Capote, he always says,
see, I don't even know any of says, what are you doing, sir?
Do you have somebody to be, sir?
You know a lot of those, the little cartoon guys
were based off stuff going on at that time.
Yes, yes, that's why I think it's Truman Capote.
And some Mooney Tune episodes are so dark.
Like the tortoise and the hare episode,
at the end it ends with three mafia guys killing themselves
and they go, well I guess we bet on the wrong horse.
And they kill themselves.
It's like, that's all folks.
It's amazing.
Dude, old school Looney Tunes is the best.
So why was Homie trying to get the wabbit?
Homer Fudd, why was he trying to get the wabbit
all the time?
Because what else are you gonna do?
There's no story behind that?
Nope.
All right.
Well, that is a good point.
Like, Pepe Lapew is just rapey.
Yes.
He was a go-getter.
They say Rooster, homie, is racist.
Fog one leg one?
I said, oh, oh, oh.
I said, I said, I said, I said.
Jokes.
I said, I said, that's not your water fountain.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said, I said, I said.
Yeah, he says that.
Doesn't he? No. No, okay. He says, that'd be so crazy. Yeah, no, right, that'd, I said. He says that. Doesn't he? No.
No, I'm kidding.
That'd be so crazy if he said that.
I think that was more wishful thinking on my part.
I said, I said, I said, I said, separate but equal.
I said, I said, I said, I said.
He sounds like that, right?
He goes, I said, I said, it's a joke, son.
Ain't you got no sense of humor?
But they try to claim him as racist.
I don't know.
No, I think that the guy chasing down the rabbit would be racist.
The short bald white dude.
Oh, Elmer, yeah.
That's Elmer Fudd, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I go with the wabbit.
I thought that was Elmer Fudd.
Yosemite Sam.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, I think that the guy chasing down the rabbit would be racist. The short bald white dude.
That's Elmer Fudd, right?
Yeah.
I go with the wabbit.
I thought it was all wabbit.
Yosemite Sam rips.
Yosemite Sam.
Larmine!
They're actually so, you don't have to do any act out.
You don't have to do any act out.
You have the mustache.
You are Yosemite Sam.
Yeah, right, I know right.
Yeah.
He's got this mustache.
Let me draw it for you.
Imagine if my hair was covered, my lip was covered in too much hair, You are
Wire in this scene represents a mustache. Oh if you're a looney tune, who would you be bugs?
Because I'm racist What the rooster Be foghorn leg horny
You owe me a dick suck
You'd be Pepe Le Pew. No.
Yes.
Pepe Le Pew, everybody thinks he's a rapist.
Give me a kiss.
He was just in love.
In old true love story.
This is why you'd be Pepe Le Pew.
You hear yourself get-
Wasn't he like hitting on everything though?
Well just one.
Or just one, who's after one girl?
Yeah.
Yeah, the one cat, remember?
Oh, was it a cat?
He was a skunk and she was a cat.
Oh, got it.
And she was like, get away from your skunk.
And he's like, get away from your skunk.
That represented interracial love.
Yeah, that's interracial, yeah.
So maybe they were progressive.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, maybe that rooster wasn't so bad.
Yeah.
I said I wasn't.
I said, I said, I was just singing it in a song.
I said, I said.
I was in my car.
The window was rolled up.
I said, I said it was
Goldinger.
I said it was with a soft A.
Ice Cube said it.
I swear, I just mouthed that part.
I said, I said, my friend Todd said I could say it.
Everybody, the one, the only, the fucking man,
the fucking dude of dudes, the left coast king. Left coast king?
Chappelle Lacey.
What's left coast king?
Is it frustrating being a comedian
and having Chappelle as a name?
You get asked this every day.
No. No?
No.
You don't get asked it or it's not annoying?
It's not annoying.
Either way, like, you know, no one in comedy.
It's like Chappelle's here and they're like, what?
And then you show up and like, you know, actually, my first
time when I first got passed at the comedy store,
I can't remember who was bringing me up.
They were like, I'm bringing up Chappelle, right.
And then all of a sudden, people just got excited.
And this dude and I was standing there waiting to go up and this
dude grabs me by my arm.
I'll go. I was like, dog, I'm not him.
Oh, my God. This is Asian man, so I think he just assumed. He was like, oh my God.
I was like, nah, dog, it's a different one.
But like, anytime like someone fucks up and does that,
like, it's easy for me to follow.
It's not like hard to like, but like, no, you know,
I hear more about it like outside of comedy
than I do in comedy.
Like it's only when I have to give my name
or somewhere like Starbucks, you know what I mean?
Like shit like that.
I got into an Uber and we were just not saying who it was,
but the Uber driver was like,
oh, you're going to the punchline, who's playing?
And the feature was like Jordan Jensen,
just not saying it was me.
And he was like, is that a black man?
And he was, he was not black.
What is like Jordan Jensen?
Yeah, I know.
Hey boy, I said Jordan Jensen.
And all three of us in the car at the same time went, yes.
That's great.
Boy, you ain't heard of Jordan Jensen.
It was crazy because he wasn't black.
I was like, that's insane.
We got back and Harry, my friend Harry was there
and he was like, that was a crazy thing to ask.
That was nuts.
That is crazy.
People think that a lot.
Is he black?
Yeah, people think that.
When I was a contractor, I'd be like,
Jordan Johnson, I'd show up and they'd be like,
oh, I thought you were gonna be,
and I'd be like, you can say it.
You did construction?
A black man, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I did it for a summer in A.C.
Like, that's where I'm from, Arizona.
It's the worst place to do construction in the summer.
Dude, I hate Arizona.
Working outside in Arizona. You hate Arizona? I'm sorry. Damp do construction. I could not imagine working outside in Arizona.
I'm sorry.
I hate Phoenix.
I mean, it's so hot there that they have to have mists.
Sprinklers.
Sprinklers for your glasses.
For your face.
Yeah, your glasses are just fucking wet.
And by the time it gets to you, it's evaporated.
So you're almost like,
Oh my gosh.
It's gone.
Yeah.
It's not a local hit.
I hate being booked there.
First of all, I hate performing back home a lot.
I hate it so much because my friends and family
suck when it comes to that.
I'm like, why are you fucking talking to me
while I'm on stage?
Bro, that happened with my cousin in Philly.
Shout out Michelle.
I had to go, Michelle?
No, no shout out to these motherfuckers.
I go, Michelle, if you say one more thing, I will read out your
phone number.
And she goes, no, you won't.
I go 302-695.
And she goes, I am sorry.
That's really good.
Yeah.
It's just like annoying, especially like when you're saying shit and, you know, especially
if you're telling us something of your life and then your friends are like, that's not
how it is.
And I go, bitch.
Like, wow.
You know, yeah, there's times I just want to jump in the fucking
crowd and sock a motherfucker.
See, that's, man, I don't like Phoenix.
I don't like that.
Wait, wait, wait, so you guys, well yeah, let's go on
while you guys hate Phoenix.
And I'm cool with it.
I'm not one of those people like,
you can't make fun of my fucking town.
You know, I don't give a fuck.
The thing that they do with the cactuses,
I did have a good opening line about it, where you guys take the cactuses and you take the two by fours and hook them to the cactuses when they're already dead just to keep them preserved.
Yeah.
And I was calling all of them Joe Biden.
You didn't hear about the jumping cactus?
That's fun.
What's that?
What's a jumping cactus?
It's like, so we have these things called jumping cactus.
And basically, if you get pretty close to it,
it like fucking, yes, and it's a bitch.
That's the one that's my least favorite.
Slipped, slipped down a hill, went up into the air,
totally Yosemite Sandtile, fell onto a cactus,
went back up from the cactus and then almost landed
on a homeless man that was just under him like this
This was in Arizona?
No, no, this was in Austin
It was incredible
And then bounced
And you got to say, boy I'll sit down
And you were filming, you were like, yeah
I'll send it to Ethan to put on the thing
How about the gun?
You gotta be
Uh
He's choking You gotta be I was like, oh boy. Because I'm like, oh boy. I think I went like, oh boy.
I think I did that.
I was like, oh.
I was like.
Wait, did you get any thorns in you?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's a bitch to get out.
You literally had to sit.
Had a thorn in my side the size of a Cadillac.
You had to sit in like a bath and like,
cause like that's how they listen up.
No, you have to put on a dress and sing Nirvana
at Josh Adomyer's God damn comedy jam.
Oh, is that what you had to do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry about that, brother.
That's crazy.
One time I got leeches in my butthole.
You did?
Yeah, I slid.
Damn, they said, let me suck that ass.
What are you, fucking throwing it around
or is it bubonic plague?
I slid, fuck.
Were you like a pond or something?
Yeah, I was at a waterfall and I was naked
and I had a lot of acid.
And I slid down the waterfall and I got up
and my friend was like, Jordan,
and I was laughing so hard and I just bent over a rock
and tried to pluck them off my butthole.
But I was so fucked up.
You didn't feel it?
No, no, no.
Yeah, was there blood? I couldn't see. No, I don't think so. Oh yeah, you can't see. They? No, no, no. Yeah, was there blood?
I couldn't see.
No, I don't think so.
Oh yeah, you can't see it.
They're just little ones, yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, have you seen Stand By Me?
When they're like in the pond and then
he has the leech on like his dick?
No. All right, I'll try again.
I haven't seen it.
I'll try again.
Stand By Me.
Hey, these are all hits.
I've been told to see Stand By Me.
Yeah, that's with Jerry O'Connell and River Phoenix.
River Phoenix.
Great band, River Phoenix TX. Phoenix. Great band. River Phoenix TX.
Phoenix TX, yeah. Phoenix TX. So you're deep in the hardcore scene? Yeah. Yeah. See Left Coast,
you know that's a reference to MXPX, right? Oh, I didn't know that was. They call themselves
Left Coast Rock because they're from Bremerton, Washington. Yeah, Bremerton, Washington. Yeah.
Dude, they came out to my show at Laugh Seattle saw that. At LAF Seattle and I had my intro song,
Party at My House Be There, it was pretty cool.
How crazy is this, sometimes these cats
just be showing up to the shows,
and it's like, bro, I've known about you
since I was like a kid.
I know, I know, it's fucking dope.
That's like crazy shit, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's bonkers.
Yeah, dude, Chappelle's in a great hardcore band.
What you doing in your pocket there?
I'm freezing.
Oh, got it, I was like.
You look like Halloween.
Okay.
You look like Halloween. You look like Halloween.
Look, they have these wraps for boxing.
Oh.
Aren't these cool?
You love the place.
Where do you box at?
Is it overthrow?
Yeah.
Lower East Side?
Yeah.
Sergio Chacon, that's his gym.
Wow.
Yeah.
I'm going with Hot Sydney.
I think I might get a couple of my friends to do,
I might try Muay Thai.
Okay.
Everybody's doing it.
Does Attell do Muay Thai?
No.
I've heard that he does with knives.
Years ago, no.
Somebody was like,
I saw David Tell in a Muay Thai class with knives.
What?
And it stuck with me. Really?
And now every time I see him, I'm like.
That's such an insane rumor.
You can't even picture it,
cause I'm literally trying to picture it.
I know, I actually can.
How low he gets.
He used to do kettlebell exercise.
He used to have a kettlebell guy.
No, this was in a class.
Really?
They were like, I know a couple of people
who are in a class with David Tell
and he uses daggers.
I was like.
Yo, everybody's going for this mixed martial arts shit, man.
Yeah.
Like my best friend back home,
like we met, like we've been friends for like 20 years, it was like cheerleading and shit, we cheered together.
And like, my homie like super flabby.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me?
Yeah, he used to be a cheerleader.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to be a cheerleader,
like 12 years.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Like legit good.
You can pick me up.
It was fucking, yeah.
Wow.
Toss you.
No, you can spin him in the air.
Yeah, he's good.
Whoa, I saw that, that was push through. What Wow. Toss you. No, you can spin him in the air. Wow, I saw that.
That was pushed through.
What I said, I said.
Get your punkin' ass away from me.
I said, I said.
I said, it's not Halloween.
I ain't a trick and ain't no treat.
No, yeah, I did cheerleading and shit.
It's so good.
In what, in high school and college?
High school, college, yeah.
Both?
You were good?
Really good.
You wore a little skirt?
World champ.
You wore a little outfit?
No, I don't wear, I mean, it's like pants and glitter
and all that shit.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's amazing.
How'd you get into that?
A girl I had a crush on.
Was doing it?
Yeah.
So you're like, I'll do it. But it made sense. Me? A girl I had a crush on. Was doing it? Yeah.
So you're like, I'll.
But it made sense, me doing cheerleading
actually made a lot of sense.
Cause I taught myself how to do like back flips
and all that shit when I was like five.
Skateboarder?
Yes.
How you know me?
Your vans are curled up so you can see the white.
I mean, you're dickies.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you can see the white line,
I do that as a poser, but it's always,
I always fall to see the white. I've never heard someone admit to posing.
Oh, right. Skateboard poser. Big time. Big time. I'm a scowdy.
Everybody's a poser until you're not like you have to pose when you really think about it.
We're all posers. Pretty much you you you in order to get into a new thing. And once you start really liking
something, you're like a poser because you don't know about it. And then eventually you just like,
kind of like transition into being that. But eventually at the beginning, you are like, dude,
I remember I was in, I was in seventh grade. I wore an operation Ivy shirt and I had long
underwear underneath the spike brace. I was like, yes, and this girl goes, you really are like Tim Armstrong.
And I go, guy that went to the moon?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know, Tim Armstrong is the lead singer of Operation Eye.
I know, I saw that autograph.
Yeah, and Rancid.
And I thought he was fucking Neil Armstrong.
Guy that went to the moon?
I had a patch that said, punk's not dead.
And a real punk at my school came up to me and was like
Whoever said punk is dead and I was like
Friend I used to have an anarchy wallet and I'm on the phone with the front of the girl and she's like
So what do you like against and I go?
I remember specifically taking my money out of the wallet.
This sucks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We put it away.
Cause it's funny about like the anarchy shit growing up.
You're like, yeah, anarchy.
But meanwhile, you have no idea why.
Yeah.
And then I remember one time listening to your mom telling you to go to bed.
You're like, yes, mother.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
No, that wouldn't happen with me.
No, we me. Oh.
Me neither.
No, we don't.
Stop!
Boondockadoondock.
Where is my mind?
Yeah, you know, and I've dressed the exact same way
since I was like 15.
Like all I wear is band t-shirts.
Like I love, like my whole, like everything about me
is more bands than like anything, any other brand.
Yeah. Like, I mean, yeah
The h2o beanie. It's a military gun shot out of you. Yeah, and then fucking I have an inside out shirt on like so it's like
So it's like like my whole shit is just that
People could probably call me a poser for that right? Right. I just fucking that's just what I love
Yeah, why because you listen and you aren't in it. What did you say? Because you listen to the band and not in it as a poser
Why? Because you listen and you aren't in it?
What did you say?
Because you listen to the band and not in it as a poser?
Huh?
Why would you be a poser for wearing it?
I don't know, because it's like,
because I feel like there's layers to poser, right?
Like, go ahead.
I have a question.
Comment, more so.
Yeah.
I feel like people think that if you wear, what?
That I didn't see.
What happened? I didn't see? I was waiting for this.
I didn't see you. And then he goes like this.
He goes, he's looking at me and he goes, yeah.
And I turn and I'm like, why is he saying that?
And I turn and you're like.
Oh wow, I gotta get these.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get away with the power of music.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it honestly is over here.
That gasoline.
Oh, it is over here.
Dude, my dog also, I have a puppy and she is a puppy fart.
Yeah.
She just farts all the time and together we are a monster.
Oh, gosh.
The other day she jumped,
yesterday she jumped up on my friend Nellie and went,
and I was like, oh my, you are my baby.
Oh gosh.
And she's just a little wuff.
That gasoline.
Gasolina, I'm gonna go to gasolina.
No, I feel like people view,
like if you are a part of a scene,
you're not supposed to rep it
because then that is like a gauche.
Like you never wear a band shirt to see the band.
We don't wear comedy t-shirts.
We don't wear comedy t-shirts.
But I don't know, I love bands.
I've always worn band tees.
I'ma just fucking rock it. Me too.
And I want someone to see me wear this and go,
oh hey, and I go outside of my own head.
And I'm like, I've been becoming friends.
And I want love.
And I want you talking.
Maybe we can become friends because of my shirt.
Yo, and like I've been becoming friends
with a lot of these cats from the hardcore world.
And cats that I geek out over.
Yeah, me too.
And I still love the fact that I can geek out over them
and be friends with them.
But I'm always going to like, the foundation of it
is like, I'm a geek for them.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I know.
It was embarrassing.
We were with Justice from Angel Dust.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Love Justice.
And it's so fucked up.
Shout out to Justice.
Shout out to that.
But my favorite song right now is Neverending Game
where he mixes it with Panda Bear.
Yeah.
And he was like, and Ian was like,
everybody name your top five favorite songs.
And I was like, and I like looked and it was him.
And I was like,
Oh yeah.
Miss Fitz.
Yeah, yeah.
I couldn't say it.
I was like, this is so dorky.
Literally you and I with Toby,
one of our top five favorite bands
and Trapped Under Ice was both under there for us.
We're sitting next to Justice and I had to be like,
Metallica.
Metallica.
Not every lyric you've ever written
was written just for me, Justice.
It's so fucked up.
We're my best friends in a band and I'll be playing it.
I idolize him.
I idolize him.
I think he's fucking amazing.
He's so hot.
You know what I'm saying?
He's so hot.
I don't think I'd go that far, but.
He's so hot.
I'll let you have him.
I won't let you have him.
He's a little gruff nugget.
You know what I mean?
Gruff nugget.
Gruff nugget.
You love a gruff nugget.
You just wanna dip him in the ketchup and bite him.
What did he say about Coyote?
He was like, you ever kick the shit out of that dog?
And I was like, we get rough.
And he's like, good.
And I was like, I will fuck you right now.
Dude, can I tell you what happened at the park today?
I'm furious about it.
Yeah.
Just keep your arm down.
Okay.
I go to the park, Coyote, love of my life,
cutest puppy in the entire world.
Agreed, agreed.
Runs, I let her off leash at the park.
You go free, okay?
She runs up to a chihuahua,
this far away, this far away,
and the chihuahua starts pulling on that leash.
Rarrr!
Like that, going bloody murder.
Rarrr!
And the woman is pulling her dog back.
Who is a chihuahua?
Just pick it up, pull it.
And Coyote's going near it like this.
Like she's being like, hey, what's up?
And but not, but keeping a boundary.
Then the woman starts kicking at Coyote.
Coyote's like, what are you doing?
And then I finally round the corner and she's like,
you need to get control over your dog.
And I was like, she's a puppy.
She just came up to sniff, say hello.
And she was like, it is not off leash hours.
And I was like, Coyote, come on, this woman's a huge cunt.
And she was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
And then, oh my God, it got me so mad.
She's air kicking as if she's kicking away a pit bull's mouth.
And my tiny puppy's like, you don't have to, whoa, you know?
Oh, I could have fucking.
Have you ever been in a fight?
Yeah, a lot.
Okay, all right.
I would have, I almost, dude, there was one point,
you're okay, you're okay, I know.
I think something kicked up in your excitement.
I literally thought something.
Suddenly I empathized with that woman.
I literally thought something flew at him.
Something did, brother.
I think you should get in deep and then you'll be sensitized.
There's something about it that's a little like sriracha.
Yeah, I feel bad because I'm at a bit of a distance with you.
So now...
Give it a second, Chappelle.
I'm learning how to play. His eyes just start bleeding. I feel like it's the clockwork orange. My eyes are just.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
You know what's rare?
I have I'm I'm setting it up for Tuesday so I come after there here every time.
So I'm going to be stinky every time.
Do you want to repeat it to where it makes sense?
I will.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time.
I'm going to be stinky every time. I'm going to be stinky every time. I'm going to be stinky every time. I'm going to be stinky every time. I'm setting it up for Tuesday, so I come after there every time,
so I'm gonna be stinky every time I go.
Do you want to repeat it to where it makes sense?
I will be coming from.
I know, yeah, I was trying to follow,
I was like, you wanna run that, you wanna rewind?
I'll be coming from the trainer to the podcast most weeks.
Yes, that's great for us.
Yeah.
When was your last fight?
Real quick, you at home, you want to help the podcast get us gas masks
And 95 master welcome
We know you wear a gas mask we know you've been in the band for like 20 something years if you want to donate
I was just watching old slipknot videos Nard war
I fucking love I can I will lay in bed at night and watch in years if you want to donate. I was just watching old slipknot videos, Nardwar interviewing slipknot. I don't think you understand.
I fucking love, I will lay in bed at night
and watch slipknot videos from like the 90s,
because I got into them right when they came out
when I was like 12.
Yeah.
And I fucking was just all, like that whole shit,
I was like, who are these guys?
Yeah.
And I love that they were mysterious.
I hate the fact that I know what they look like now,
because I love the fact that you didn't and they like now because I love the fact that you did it.
And they were just brutal.
We never knew what Daft Punk looks like, right?
We never found out.
Is he still alive?
No, the two guys.
There's two guys.
There's two guys.
And remember how they separated was making
that last music video where they just walked down
a long desert and then just walk apart.
Really good.
Yeah, because they ended.
They ended.
Someone was, I think it was Kanye West.
He was saying those guys know music so well
that it's almost like boring to them
because they knew how to make it so like,
they just know how to-
I think there are two autistic nerds.
I think they are so autistic.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
I think it's just a strong level of-
Them remixed with Panda Bear,
that's a lot of autism and it's so good.
A lot of autism.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Do you know? Are you even thought about something? Are you even thought about something? Everybody will be dancing and we're doing it right? that's a lot of autism and it's so good. A lot of autism. Yeah. You know what I mean?
You know, are you in thought about something?
Everybody will be dancing and we're doing it right?
Wait, I walked over to your question, your answer.
Was last time you've been in a fight?
I get in screaming matches very often.
No, I'm talking about like,
fss, fss, fss.
Had to be, it was like-
Arizona, just kidding.
It was likely, well, there was that one guy that,
there was the one guy at an airport recently
where I was being held back.
Yeah.
And there was that, but that wasn't,
there wasn't contact because we were at the airport,
so TSA was holding us apart.
But probably my sister, my sister tried to fight me
when she was really drunk and she's a physical trainer.
She's ripped.
Oh, she is?
Yeah.
But I got her.
Oh, you got her.
Because I'm bigger than her.
So I had her up against the wall.
Older or younger sister?
Older.
Okay.
So she used to kick the shit out of me
all the time growing up.
And then one day she tried to come at me
when I was an adult and I was like, yo, and I pinned her.
Bitch, I got this now.
And my mom comes out of her room and she goes,
this needs to happen, but do it downstairs
where there isn't drywall.
And I was like, listen!
Anytime she does anything, she does it.
She does it, she does it, she does it.
She raises.
My favorite clip that's ever been clipped on the podcast
is when you smell the thing.
That water.
And you go, that's what it is!
It is what that is right now.
It is to that point
whole
I'm trying to think the last time I didn't oh, yeah
Have you been doing babble? No. Yes.
I have.
You have.
No.
I'm not.
You are?
I am.
What?
Babble.
Chinese?
What have you been doing?
Japanese.
Really?
No.
I speak Japanese to my dog.
I go, I got to see more.
Lo siento por favor.
Do me a lo siento por favor and shut up and
caete la boca. Padre, padre, no estás, es que lo scientificado
se tu nombre, vengo tu irino, I can say tu volantal.
Vengo who's irino? That's bilingual is the new English.
Okay. Babbel.com, B-A-B-B-E-L, their 10 minute lessons will get you speaking your new language in
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I'm using it, as you can tell by our banter.
I wish I'd used it in Italy.
Why?
Because if you order a latte, they look at you like an idiot and give you a cup of milk.
You have to order a cafe latte, a cafe macchiato.
If you say macchiato, what do they give you?
A tiny bit of milk.
That's bullshit.
I know.
That's why you need Babbel.
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War for war.
Gracias.
I got, I haven't gotten into fist fighting years, but I got in a physical altercation in the street.
You've told a couple of my boyfriends off
pretty physically.
Oh, I have, yes.
There you go, fuck yeah, brother.
Yeah, that's right.
He's like, hey, really glad that you're here.
I'll kick the ever loving shit out of you
if you ever talk to Jordan like that again.
Yeah.
It's good. Hey, but happy you're here.
You always do that. You always end up like,
but let's have fun, buddy.
And they're like, eh, eh.
That's that constructive criticism.
Yes. That's what they call that.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude, a friend of mine in Vegas,
he and I, he was in the middle of like a weed-induced psychosis,
and he was like wiged out. Yeah. He threw water in my face and I got up and I grabbed
wait, who is it? I told you about it before. Old friend. Old, old. And I grabbed his arms
and put them like in my arms. Oh, look at that strength. Wow. Yanked him towards me.
And I was like, look, look, man, you're like a brother to me.
And so I'm not going to do anything.
But if you do that again, I'm going to fucking kill you.
And he just started like his eyes rolled up with tears.
It was like, there's just so many people against me.
This is fucking gnarly.
Was he trained in a military way?
So his fights were different. Wild.
Had he been in the military? No. People in the Navy flip out like that and all of a a military way? So his fights were different. Wild.
Had he been in the military?
No.
People in the Navy flip out like that
and all of a sudden go fucking.
Well it's like PTSD, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, he and I are fine now,
but we didn't talk for a while,
and when we said goodbye,
it was like the saddest thing in the world,
because we were like, hey,
I guess we were never really as close as we thought we were,
and that's what happens in life, best of luck. And then we like said goodbye to each other. I guess we were never really as close as we thought we were.
And that's what happens in life.
Best of luck.
And then we like say goodbye to each other.
It was like really fucking sad.
Why?
Because you, but I'm happy to, to say today we are buddies again and we just needed time
and separation.
Yeah.
Your fights were real different.
This one fucking guy.
Damn.
Well, I get a good one too. I fucking swung my bike lock at a
guy in the street. This guy, this guy, he came up to me.
I called him an asshole because he was going down the wrong way
on a bike path and he circled around.
He goes, asshole, I am asshole.
You are an asshole.
And he smacked my coffee out of my hand.
So I just went,
like smoke or spit like that. Right.
You get rid of the coffee.
Oh, dude.
In slow motion, like,
and then I biked away like,
and then he came up with his phone and was like,
you spit in my face.
You're crazy.
And I go, you want to see fucking crazy?
And I took my bike lock and I started swinging around. I was like, you want to see fucking crazy? And I took my bike lock and I started swinging around.
I was like, you want to be fucking tough?
I'll show you tough.
And he goes, no, no, I'm putting it away.
And I go, good.
And then I got on my bike and all these people are watching
and I bike to my one, welcome to New York.
And I'm like.
What?
Just eating on his bike.
It felt so nice.
Shirtless.
Yeah, right?
Damn.
All right, that's a good fight story.
What about you?
Shit, do you high?
Oh, someone wanted to be the one that throws the girl
and I said, no, I'm throwing the girl.
I'm the cheerleader.
No, I know, I actually know I shoved someone
at a Wu-Tang concert.
Yes!
Yeah, that was like, oh wait.
Yes.
That was the last time I like, it was a big dude too.
Really?
Yeah.
Why would we in their right mind would ever fuck with you?
A lot of people don't actually.
Yeah.
You know, like, but also like,
I think the thing with like fighting is that like,
if you get in a lot of fights,
that's cause you put the energy out there.
And I don't necessarily put the energy out there.
So that's why, like when I say people don't fuck with me,
it's not cause I'm like, oh, they're like terrified
or whatever.
Actually, where was I?
I was in Virginia, Richmond, doing this club.
And there was these young cats there, like 21.
They didn't know who I was.
I think they were just coming.
They just wanted to go out and drink.
They wanted to do it at a comedy show.
And this was like a year ago, right?
And these motherfuckers were like,
they were just being annoying.
They were like, cheersing each other,
while I'm on stage.
Right?
And so the crowd was just like,
okay, we're trying to pay attention.
The security was, the club's not even there,
don't even exist anymore.
Sandman?
Yup.
So Raggedy motherfucker.
Yo, fuck Sandman, dude.
That guy was crazy.
On God, yo.
So this-
Oh, I hate that guy.
But it is a good song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This motherfucker. It's a great song. That guy was crazy. On God, yo. Oh, I hate that guy. But it is a good song. Yeah, yeah.
This motherfucker.
That's a great song.
That guy sucks.
So they had like the bucket of beer.
So I took their beer and I took the bucket of beer and put it on stage and said, you
can't have it till I'm done.
And they started laughing.
They were like, all right, we get it, we get it, we get it.
And it was like four of them.
And then all of a sudden one of them just like, just started doing this to me.
Right?
And he was holding it.
He wouldn't put his hand down.
And I looked at him and I said, bro, are you flipping me off?
He was like, yeah.
I said, dog, I will kick your fucking chest in.
Yeah!
Right?
Let's go!
Then he goes, oh!
Let's go!
He goes, oh, beat your ass.
And I was like, fucking get up here, right?
Because they were sitting,
they were front row.
Like he had, they had every opportunity.
It was like four of them or whatever.
Eventually they got kicked out or whatever.
But like, you know, but basically they had,
I found out they were like freshly 21.
You know what I mean?
Like, but it took that much for security
to like even do anything for them to like fucking come up,
you know, and like do some shit.
But also I had to like play a Jedi.
So this is how I got him kicked out.
You ready?
So here's the, here comes the rooster.
Yes!
So here comes the rooster!
So anyway, so he said, I'll beat your ass.
And I was like, Chappelle, you can't,
I was like, you can't beat this little kid up.
Like he's 21, like they're little, like him and his homies,
they obviously don't want the smoke
because if they wanted it, they would have came up here.
So him and I just yelling back and forth
and the crowds like just watching.
And then I was like, bros, you call me a nigger, right?
And then the crowd like crowd went fucking erupted.
They started booing him.
There was a dude that was about to rush him, right?
Or like some dude from the audience that was about to rush him. His wife had to calm him down,
and then security grabs them and kicks them out, right?
Wait, did he really? Oh, here it is.
So then they get kicked out, right? And then I look at the crowd, I was like,
is everyone okay? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, good. Because he never called
me a nigger. But I was like, I had to get him out. You know what I mean?
That's great. That's the best. And I was like, that was the only way I could do it.
And then him and his homies got in a fight outside
of the club.
They got in a fight outside because they're like,
why'd you call him that?
And he was like, I never did.
They're never friends again.
Wow, the white guilt is the only way to get any results.
That's so fucked up.
Permission for me to try that
next week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the guys just like, what?
The crowds loving me, there's no interactions
in the band. I'm just like, so anyway,
did you call me?
You could say you could point to another
black guy and be like, did you just call
him that? And then they'll get kicked out.
Yeah, and then you get to say the word.
You know what that kind of is like?
That's kind of like when I was in high school at the beach,
I used to take french fries and throw them at people
and then the seagulls would attack them.
It's kind of like the same thing.
Yeah.
I used to throw soda at girls at ski club,
throw the soda at them.
Ski club?
Yeah, ski club.
And then they go like this.
They go, did you just?
And I go, what?
And they go, did you throw soda at us?
And then I go, what did you just say?
And then I would beat that ever loving show.
You start fights. Oh, take my ski.
Just bashing. Yeah. Yeah.
What ski club? Ski club is exactly what it is.
Didn't want to take care of you.
So they sent you away to a club. Really?
You'd. Yeah.
And it was like a shitty ski resort, like Greek peak at half an hour away
from where I grew up. Where you grew up?
Ithaca.
Shout out to Ithaca.
Of state New York.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking Ithaca is like something
like never ending story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like it sounds like, it sounds something like from like,
oh, what sci-fi channel is Ithaca on?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, right, doesn't it sound like that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is it not that?
No.
It's real.
I grew up there. It's real.
I'm still not believing it.
My family is there.
She's like, boy, I said I grew up there.
I said it's real.
It's like a Greek name, Ithaca.
It is, you're right.
I fucked up.
That was my fault.
You're right, it is.
All right, once you said the Greek name, then I get it.
Are you Greek?
No.
Let's just name that. I think it's Greek. But, once you said the Greek name, then I get it. Are you Greek? No. All right.
Let's just name that.
I think it's Greek.
But then why are all the lakes like Canandaigua
and all Native American?
Why is there Greek?
Because we took over.
We take everything.
We take.
We take.
We take.
We take.
Hey, not me.
Not you.
I didn't take shit.
No.
Give it time.
Give it time.
I know one of the generations after me,
then all of a sudden like, what, yo, what?
That's crazy to think about.
You take Netflix specials and stuff.
We do?
Yeah.
Man, man gave me shit.
Well, not you, but you know,
those minority slots are filling up fast.
Filling up real quick.
Yeah.
What did the, some, I might-
How did that sound anti-Semitantic and racist at the same time?
Because I'm really good at what I do.
Instead of saying minority, you said minority?
Danish.
Danish, OK.
And Italian.
I knew that.
Right?
What did she say?
Minority?
Yeah, like, yeah.
Minority?
All the Jews speak with that ball.
Minority.
Minority?
Minority?
I'm like, damn, two birds with one stone.
That's good racism right there.
Wait, has there been a lot of minority specials?
What?
Yes.
Really?
Yes.
There's famous people and minorities and Chinese women.
Who are they?
What?
Who? Chinese women?
What do you mean?
Akazaka Tofu or whatever her name is.
Who?
Okonami.
Or am I origami? Origami. Or in my origami! I can swallow my pride I can choke on the rides But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I turn on my pipe Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing One up on my tender heart in a blender
One that's been around to a beautiful open door
One that's been around to a beautiful open door One that's been around to a beautiful
open door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open
door One that's been around to a beautiful open door One that's been around to a beautiful open door One that's been around to a beautiful open door One that's been around to a beautiful open door One that's been around to a beautiful open I'm a like a wicker cabin. Stark white and oh so frail. Gosh.
That was a real white time.
Dude.
Right?
I would mow my dad's lawn on a John Deere
and listen to that song.
And can you get whiter than that?
Are we same age?
How old is you?
32.
32?
Okay, we're not.
How old are you?
I'm 37.
39.
45.
35.
Old.
Y'all, I one time mowed.
I can't wait till you're 40.
I mowed, why?
When's your birthday, August?
You're gonna take to it.
December 31st.
Okay.
I mowed corn, K-O backwards R-N,
into my mom's front lawn, took a picture,
sent it to Hipparator Magazine to be in the corn fan club,
and all I got back was a fuckin' smack in the mouth
from my mom. Really? Damn.
Ruining her lawn.
Yo, you ever seen Korn live?
Bro, the Deftones and Korn never seen live
and I've always wanted to, always.
I tell you what, even if you saw Korn right now,
it is the same band that you like saw like in the 90s.
Those motherfuckers, they get down
as if they're still in their fucking 20s.
It's like crazy.
I've seen them twice and it's just like,
the performance is insane.
I had a folder with printed out corn lyrics
that I would just read.
I thought you were about to say with Prince,
but go ahead.
Huh?
Prince, like.
Fingerprints?
No, Prince Nelson Rogers.
Prince Rogers Nelson.
From The Simpsons? Purple Rain. Purple Rain. Prince Rogers Nelson. From the Simpsons?
Purple Rain.
Purple Rain.
Yeah.
Oh.
Woo.
Woo.
My brain just got scrambled.
I was in the middle of that Prince Nelson.
Prince Rogers Nelson.
Prince.
My Fowls and the Simpsons.
Prince Agent. I remember having folders and putting stuff in them
and being like, this is my folder.
Yes!
My grandmom found it, tore it up, made me see a priest.
Because the lyrics were so bad.
Isn't that crazy?
How they thought we were like, satanic?
Oh, because you were writing it.
They thought you were saying it.
Yeah.
Being like, I want to kill the things.
Yeah, yeah.
And it was like, I want to kill the things.
Yeah.
I would have done that too. Not the priest, but a therapist for sure. Yeah, yeah, and it was like Marilyn Manson lyrics. Yeah, yeah.
I would have done that too.
Not the priest, but a therapist for sure.
And also, did your parents let you guys fuck with Manson?
Or I don't know if you guys fucked with Marilyn.
I liked Manson.
I was allowed to do anything.
I was allowed to have sex at five.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Damn.
I was free.
I was a feral child, let you run free.
Free!
Free falling!
Onto a dick as a five year old.
That's a five year old jumping from a tree.
Yeah.
Damn.
That's crazy.
I was allowed to do whatever.
My mom would buy us alcohol so that we wouldn't hey mister.
Hey mister.
That's wild.
Oh yeah, we would do the hey mister.
But doing the hey mister was like the best, dude.
That's like getting strangers to buy you cigarettes and alcohol was like so fun.
Dude, old English, we'd always hold a hey mister for old English.
Old English, we would do the 211. So we would do garage hop.
Yeah, steal cigarettes.
Uh-uh.
It's where you drive around and when someone's garage door is open,
one of you runs inside, steals their beer from their fridge.
And then you drink it on the way to the next house.
I didn't live in a community of beer fridge people. That's all I always was. Yeah, that was your community. inside steals their beer from their fridge and then you drink it on the way to the next house.
I didn't live in a community of beer fridge people.
That's all I always was.
Yeah, that was your community.
Remember the people that had the fridge in the garage that had just like Diet Coke?
It was just stacked with stuff.
Yeah.
I never had that.
We'd smash their mailbox to teach them a lesson.
So we'd go to rob them of their booze, didn't have booze, we'd smash their mailbox and
then move on to a different house.
The shit we would do as kids.
Oh my God.
I know, right?
I flung dog shit at a house once.
Did you ever do shit like that in Arizona?
Yeah, I mean, we did water ballooning.
Yeah, we did three man slingshot.
Yeah, so we would do like,
but we would do it like, so our homie,
we had one of my homie's brother,
he was old enough to like drive and we were like,
I think we were all like still junior high.
And so he would drive us around in the van.
We just load up with water balloons
and anybody walking on the side of the street,
we just pull up and fucking.
Yeah.
Like that was our shit.
Yeah.
We love doing that.
I know.
Damn, that was, hey, let's do it right now.
Bro, it's the most fun.
You wanna do it?
I'll do it.
Right.
I got egged once.
Oh, I got egged too, but I was like,
this is karma and I deserve it.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I understand this. I understand what this is. Like when my house got TP'd, I was like, yeah, I got egg too, but I was like, this is karma and I deserve it. I understand this.
I understand what this is.
Like when my house got TP'd, I was like, yeah, I deserved it. I had it coming. For sure I
had it coming.
That's why I think you need to do bad stuff as a kid so that then later you're not like
so appalled when bad things happen because you go, oh, this is just karma. This is what
happens.
Yeah. Oh, at one time my homie pissed in a water balloon and threw it at my face.
Yeah. I was thinking about this. I was like, there is more to, water ballooning's too sweet.
How did you get pissed in a water balloon?
Penis.
Penis.
Wait, he wrapped it around his penis?
He put his penis up to the snout?
Yeah, up to the snout, yeah.
Thank you Jordan for helping him understand
the most simple way to get pee in a water
room.
It's actually like probably easier than the fucking faucet.
Because I would try and my piss stream would make the water balloon go and then fly off.
Hold tight.
Yeah, hold tight.
I need to make sure that that part is like right where the fucking hole is.
Just I was putting it on my balls. It's not like he was putting his dick fully
in the water balloon, because it's like,
it's a water balloon.
Oh, so you're not supposed to get hard first.
Okay, all right.
We would pump my friend's butthole up
with air from a bike pump,
and then we would light his farts on fire.
What?
Yeah, we would, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
He's in a very successful band now.
And then we would far and we would torch it really quick.
And it would. It was awesome.
They weren't that big forms.
They were little forms, but they were enough for us.
And it was like, I have a bike pump right now.
You guys, I would get water balloon, but we can fart it up.
We can fart. Yeah, it was great.
Did you know, like, huh, I ain't never going to Ithaca.
It's crazy that he allowed us to put the nozzle
into his asshole now that I think about it.
Like, yo.
We did so much fucked up shit, me and that crew of boys.
It was great.
It was so many prints.
And the winner goes to-
Yeah, really. Yeah, I ain't never did nothing like that.
Well, my friends...
I lived in the principles of it.
I woke up one time to two of my friends next to me, face down, ass up, sucking air into
their ass and pushing it out and trying to light it on fire.
Queef girl, we had queef girl.
We didn't use a bike pump.
We found a bike pump.
So y'all was doing ass stuff.
Yeah.
Not... oh, so much. I guess you could say. I was like, don't try to... I guess you could say. I was one in my basement. So y'all was doing ass stuff. Yeah. Not, oh, so much.
I guess you could say.
I was like, don't try to,
I was like, what did you just say?
But the thing is, I am the one that wound up
continually doing ass stuff.
Yeah, I know, right?
And then they never did it again.
You're like, where'd you guys stop?
Isn't it funny how life works out?
We're not doing this anymore?
Yeah.
I remember filming my friend pooping once.
I'm just doing ass stuff, gay alone.
I'm like, my friends are gonna love this.
Yeah, right, yeah.
Can't wait to tell the boys.
Do you remember that time we were doing the ass stuff
with these kids?
Well, I never stopped.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and now I pay people to let me do the two of them.
You're single, yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
You?
Yeah, single, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. Are you dating at all? Nah. No? Looking, single. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Are you dating at all?
Nah.
Looking?
No.
Looking for love?
Looking for love.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
In all the wrong places.
Me, not necessarily like looking.
My last relationship was like one and only, I've only been in one relationship ever.
I was at 31.
We were together for like four years.
What did you do until then?
What did I do until then? Just fucking exist.
Did you sex? You have sex?
Yeah, I did. Yeah.
Did you have sex? Just making sure.
I like that. That was the thought. That's a fair thought.
Did you guys go to blow air in your own ass world?
Yeah. You know what? So for me, like I'm like a love, I'm a lover boy. And so I had like a lot
of one night stands.
Simpy?
Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got love love. And I had like a bunch of one night stands. Simpy? Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got love, love.
And I had like a bunch of one night stands
and a lot of the one night stands,
like I'd be like, yo, so like, is this a thing?
Yeah.
And all of them be like, no.
Yeah.
I'm like, all right.
You know, and I kind of just let go.
So like, that's what I've always been into.
Oh, you're a sweetie pie cutie cakes.
I knew this about you.
Big time.
Wait, so you would sleep with a woman and then they would be like, oh, because you, because you said it, it was no.
And a lot of women I've hooked up with is like, cause like, been in like cheerleading.
This girl's I've known from like cheerleading.
Oh, right, right. You thought that cheerleading, you thought that would help you get pussy, but really the football.
No, actually, no, actually, no, it wasn't even that I thought that would would like help me get because I wasn't I wasn't looking at like,
like I want to get pussy, so I need to join cheerleading. I was just like, I want to fall in love.
So I need to do cheerleading. Oh, that's how I thought.
That's a bad way to go about it.
Really bad. The football team, maybe.
But cheerleading, she just turns and you're right there in an outfit.
Yeah. So so interesting enough is like, yes, this is my last relationship.
I like became like, like almost like a monk and I just haven't done anything
for like two years.
Like I just kind of like,
cause you know, that was my first relationship ever.
And those emotions were like so heavy.
So I've never like loved someone like that.
And then I was like, once we like broke up
and we didn't break up on like anything toxic.
It was just like, you know,
she wanted to work on things for herself or whatever, blah, blah, blah.
So it wasn't like we hated each other
or nothing like that.
Do you guys still talk?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't do bad blood.
Yeah.
No, I don't do that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so yeah, with that being said,
I was just like, I have to clear out these emotions.
Because obviously, I didn't think we were getting back
together or anything.
Yeah, yeah.
So to clear out those emotions, I feel like I had to pretty much do nothing.
You know, I'm a weirdo.
Asturbation?
Okay, just checking.
No.
Have you not?
What's this?
That's a cool picture.
Have you not had sex and tears?
Yeah, no.
Wow, nice.
That's good for the spirit.
Like I said, I went almost like monk.
That's good. Yeah. I try I said, I went like almost like monk. That's good.
Yeah.
I try to be emotionally in tune with myself.
Yeah.
Pretty deeply.
But also you don't want to become what's called
a emotional anorexic, which is where you stop it
for so long that it becomes normal.
You do.
Already, baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you ever go on the app?
Said I feel like making, what?
What I ever, no I'm not an app person.
It sucks.
No I don't do that.
You do that?
I did it twice.
Oh, you're in a relationship now?
I am seeing somebody, yes.
Did you tell him? Again? Again. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm 11. Wow. Is there someone interesting? On and off for two years.
Okay, oh, got it, got it.
You've been in that situation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you do that go back shit.
Yeah, I do that go back shit.
That's that go back shit.
I get it.
But different, different.
I bet.
Yeah.
Oh, I bet.
Yo, those people are wild to me. The go back people. Oh, I bet. Yo, those people are wild to me.
The go back people.
Oh, I'll never leave.
You'll say it's over and then you'll be like,
let's get back together.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
I'm right behind you.
Okay.
I'm actually behind you right now.
I am a lover.
Oh, so you love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See?
Yeah.
If your ex was like, I'm done working on myself,
let's get back together.
Yeah, I would slowly do it.
Right, right, right.
It'd have to be like a slow thing.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
I agree, slow.
Like, that's the first second.
Oh, so you're the immediately go back.
Yeah, I was.
I tried not to.
I was like, no.
And then by morning, I was like, all right,
just, you know, just wash your dick off or something.
Just wash your dick this time.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, totally.
Well, I hope you find happiness.
I support you.
We will talk about it.
Hey, or we could not.
Hey, yo, that's the real friend.
Or you could just do it and let me not hear anything.
The true friend will be like,
oh, we ain't gotta talk about it.
Yep, yep, yep.
Well, it's been a lot of times.
Do you wanna get married?
No.
Why you love like this?
I love love, I wanna get married.
Yeah, I was like, yeah.
I love love too.
I wanna get married.
I wanna get married outside.
I wanna live with someone.
Like in the movie with. See, I love that too. I wanna get married. I wanna live with someone. I wanna get married outside, like in the movie.
See, I love that shit.
What's the movie where she's a prostitute?
She's like a woman.
She's all that.
Oh.
Who's beautiful woman, pretty woman.
Pretty woman.
Pretty woman.
Pretty woman.
She's like a woman, but she's a whore, so she's not.
Yeah.
She's kinda like a woman, but we can't call her that because she's gross. I fucked that up big time. Oh yeah, she's like a woman, but she's a horse or she's not. Yeah. She's kind of like a woman, but we can't call her that
because she's gross.
I fucked that up big time.
I was like, yeah.
Oh, yeah, she's like a woman.
Oh, I think it's a slur bitch.
Yeah, I think.
Yeah, yeah, I want to get married like that.
Yeah, see, that's what I want.
You want to get married?
Hell, yeah.
Do you want children?
I don't want to do no fucking fuck around shit.
You want kids?
Yeah, I'll do that.
Wow.
Yeah, I'm cool with that.
We cool with that.
I don't want kids. Yeah, because you know what. Wow. Yeah, I'm cool with that. We cool with that. I don't want kids.
Yeah, because you know what I like?
Because what we do with comedy and touring and all that shit,
that was my favorite thing about being in a relationship,
is going home to someone.
Yeah.
I love that shit.
That's the hardest part of getting off the road.
That's when I have the hardest time,
is when I come home to nothing.
Puppy, kitty.
I know, right?
Yeah, the cat, cool. But the cat doesn't eat my ass.
The puppy did really satisfy a lot.
She snuggles hard.
Okay, good, I'm glad you said the puppy
really did satisfy a lot.
She licks my ass.
Because I thought it was gonna be,
the puppy does lick my ass.
Do you know what she did the other day?
What?
It got to be, my hands are so cold.
They're chilly.
It got to be 1 p.m. That's how that's the latest
I'm willing to sleep in if I stay up all night and
Or else you just have to force it cuz you're ruining your day sure and then I feel her like
Taking my finger in her mouth and pulling it and I was like, what are you doing?
It's not it's one like she always sleeps into one with me. I was like, what's your problem?
Oh, yeah, and then I looked and the puppy sees how I and then I looked and I hadn't set the alarm and it was three and she was pulling
me being like, bitch, are you dead? Oh, isn't that awesome? That's so nice. Why doesn't
do that? He's like, I will die with you. And he just rolls up under my neck. The neck.
That's what Coyote does because they like the pulse. Dude, he my guy, I lay down and
he just gets here and then he goes. Yeah. And just around my neck. And I'm like, he, my guy, I lay down and he just gets here and then he goes, and just around my neck.
And I'm like, well, I'm stuck here, I can't leave.
I know, it's hard to get a bed.
I sleep till one if I stay up till four, yeah.
Yeah, I can remember the last time I stayed up till four.
Oh, every night.
Yo, as soon as I'm done with- You're in LA.
As soon as I'm done with my last set-
I put a movie on it for you.
Yeah, dude, at four is-
I mean, as soon as I'm done with my last set, I go straight home.
We do too.
Oh, you do too?
Oh, but you're just up.
Like this.
Or we go like this, pretending to sleep.
I am sleeping currently.
Here's an idea for a movie,
and if I write it all down, it'll get made tomorrow.
I'm like at 6 a.m. to like 7, wake up.
That's when I, that's closer to my day.
And what do you do?
A lot of times I'll either like just clean up my room
then I'll get ready for the day.
Then I have an office that I go to.
God, that's awesome.
I work on shit all day.
Oh, bite me so I catch what you have.
Yeah.
Thank you.
It's LA.
I'm like that in LA.
I do really well when I go over there.
That's so funny.
When I'm in Los Angeles, I'm up in the morning. I'm here. I'm doing this.
That's because of the time difference, Ian. It's because the time. So at 4 a.m. in LA,
our 4 a.m. is 1. So you're passing out at 1. I know I do the same thing. We pass out at 1.
So you thought you was killing it. You're like, look at me.
Yeah, I do the same thing.
And I'm like, this is amazing.
This is how people should live.
But also the weather too.
Yeah.
It helps me get up.
Oh really?
Oh, okay.
I guess, yeah, the weather difference.
It's the time difference.
It is.
Because we have good weather sometimes too.
But I've always been that way.
Like if I, like when I worked valet,
I was like, give me the first shift.
Okay.
Last night I was in bed.
I didn't have any spots. I was like, tonight me the first shift. Okay. Last night I was in bed, I didn't have any spots.
I was like, tonight is my night.
Yeah.
I get in bed at 10 PM, 11 PM, stayed up till four.
Damn.
Yep.
How good is it to feel sometimes when you're just like,
I have no spots tonight?
It's the best.
It's unbelievable.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm a human.
It's so good.
I'm thinking about taking a night off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm thinking about taking Tuesdays off
so that we can record.
I'll do that. Really? Yeah. That's great. Let's do it. And then we could imagine if right now
I just went home and stayed up till six AM. Yeah. Great. Oh, I'm at the cellar tonight.
I'm hungry. Yeah. Yeah. I've only had two apples. My hands are cold. I can't judge. I've only had two apples. My hands are cold. I'm losing. I can't judge. I've only had bottle caps, Reese's, peanut butter eggs.
Who eats bottle caps?
That's...
The fact that you fuck with, I fucking hate candy.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dude, I hate it.
And then I get in these modes where I'm like,
all I want to do is eat candy and I'll get up,
I'll eat a handful and I'll lay back down, falsely wake up,
eat a handful of different candy. Yeah, that's how I am with the vape. And then that'll eat a handful and I'll lay back down, fall asleep, wake up, eat a handful of different candy.
And then that'll be a cycle of me.
It's all like the super, super, super sweet stuff.
Like, I mean, like my favorite is like
the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
Like I like that.
You want some, I got some.
No, no, no, I eat them like rarely though.
I don't do it like often.
But like, I like that.
I like Swedish fish.
No, I'm all set.
I don't like stuff to get stuck in my teeth.
I like that. All set. Really? All set on sweet t't like stuff that gets stuck in my teeth. I like that.
I like to store it.
Really?
I'll set on sweet tarts, I'll set on nerds.
I got sweet tarts.
I'll set on fucking gullies.
I love the nerd balls, the delicacy.
Oh, the clusters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I belong to a hardcore music Philadelphia message board in high school and college called
Centerfuse.
Shout out.
Message boards.
Bro, one girl put a nerd's rope up her pussy
and then that picture like spread like wildfire.
That's awesome.
And I, I'm picturing it right now and it was.
That's really bad for her pH.
It was really bad for my eyes.
Was it bad?
Yeah.
It was horrible looking.
I never really.
It looked like a boss in a final level.
You guys make me feel conservative.
Huh?
You guys make me feel conservative.
Why?
Not like the fucking political thing,
but like just conservative to like the, you know,
just kind of like-
Really?
Yeah, cause I didn't see shit like that as a kid.
You couldn't even imagine the things I've seen, Chappelle.
Yeah.
I was like a lone wolf.
So I think that's why I couldn't really,
that's probably why I didn't see like a lot.
When you're alone, you can do a lot more
cause there's no one there to judge you.
Yeah.
Are you an only child?
No, I'm not.
What do you have, sister?
I got like, nah.
So my family life is crazy.
So I grew up with my biological mom and my stepfather,
and then I was adopted into a white family in my teens,
and then reconnected with my biological father
like seven years ago.
So like the household I grew up in.
Are you close now?
Who?
You and your dad?
All of them, I'm cool with all of them.
Even my abusive stepfather, yeah.
Wait, stepfather is white abusive?
No, my stepfather is black and Mexican.
Oh, okay.
Wait, mom and stepfather?
But the whites were good, right?
Whites were, hey, white is right, white is right.
I'll say it, I'll say it, I'll say it.
I did not say that.
I didn't say that.
I was not throwing my voice.
I know the way you looked at the camera, like, hey.
You've said everything but that.
You might as well.
So I'm a lot, like, I have, like.
Mom and, mom and stepdad, he's abusive.
Yeah, he was.
He was.
Ain't no more.
I know.
Try it on me now.
I do the same thing where I'm like, yeah, he's a bitch.
Who cares?
You still were abusive as you're helping this out.
So then you went to white family
and then biological dad, not stepdad, reached out to you.
No, I reached out to him after my brother died.
You found him?
No, I knew he always existed.
He did 17 years in prison.
Did your brother stay with you in the adoption?
No, no, no, it was just me.
The brother stayed with the stepdad in the mom?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why did you get adopted by him, not him?
So like, because my stepdad kicked me out.
You were older? Younger. Younger? Yeah. The older Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you get adopted by him? Not him? So like my, cause my stepdad kicked me out.
You were older.
Younger.
Younger.
Yeah.
The older one was more.
He was two. We were two years apart.
So why'd they kick you out?
Why'd they kick me out?
Yeah.
Cause I'm hardcore.
No, I, you know, I was like, uh,
but you're a sweetie pie lover.
I am a sweetie pie lover,
but I also like question a lot of things and you know,
like I question everything, but I also like question a lot of things. And you know, I question everything, everything.
And so I think with my stepdad and I, yeah, like I just kind of, you know, through the
world of punk rock music, I just kind of figured out how to like, like Minor Threat was
like, and Black Flag was like the thing that like those lyrics were like, oh, you don't
have to take this shit. Yeah.
So that's how I so that's how I like, you know, would outsmart him.
You know what I mean?
And I remember one time, like anytime he was like,
getting ready to like come at me, I used to do this thing.
This is what made him stop hitting me,
is I fucking smashed my head into the wall.
I go do it.
And then he was like, yo.
That is awesome.
Yeah.
Cause I would just hear like black flag in my head.
And I'd just be like.
That's, hey Arnold, don't hit me.
I'll hit me.
I'm crazy.
Yeah.
Because I just had that, because I love Rollins.
Rollins is like my idol.
So like when I watch these black flag videos of him
just going crazy.
I'm like, yeah, that's what you got to do.
Show them that you're not fucking scared.
So like, yeah, I just fucking boom. Hit my head Show them that you're not fucking scared. And so like, yeah, I just fucking, boom,
hit my head into the wall and said, fucking try it.
And that was when he stopped hitting me.
Hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'm hard right now.
And we're cool.
Oh, God.
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
But here's the thing though,
me and my stepdad were so cool.
Like, I love that dude to death.
You got to realize, so like, I give my stepfather, like,
a lot of like, you know,
benefit of the doubt in a sense,
because I'm not saying it's okay what he did,
but he's been in my life since I was born.
So when I was born, our birthdays are only
a few weeks apart, he just had turned 17.
Does that make sense?
So he's like, you know.
So he was 16 longer than he was 17 when I was born.
Right, so that's something that only can come with time in terms of the benefit of the down the understanding
I get it like you were you were a kid you never you never had to like
You never got to be a kid when you really think about how old is your mom when she had you shit? How old is my mom?
How old was she maybe they were three years apart, I think.
She was three years older than him.
Yeah.
And then, and they didn't have kids together.
They do, yes they do, yes.
After me, yeah, after me they had kids together.
And you're close with the white family.
Yep, I'm close with everybody.
Wow, and your dad.
Wow, that's awesome.
Yeah, I don't do the bad blood shit.
That's boring.
Yeah.
That's annoying.
Fucking whack, you know?
Yeah, when people were like, I don't trust anyone,
blah, I'm like, it's so whack.
Shut up, you lie ass.
I'm like, you don't trust someone.
Yeah.
It takes a man to fucking trust and love and forgive
and like understand, you know?
It'd be like cold as what? the hardest thing in the world. What?
Well, that's what I'm finding in all this therapy
is that the trust that it's,
it is so much easier for me to be like, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it's so much harder for me to be like, eh, you know, it's like,
it's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
But like, that's why I like a lot of like, like, okay,
so like early on it was like Minor Threat, Bad Brains,
Black Flag, that like, that was like, you know,
like those lyrics were embedded in my brain.
And then when I got older, it was the TUI that pretty much like,
that's why I love Justice so much in his lyrics.
And that helped me like understand my like,
like being a lone wolf and like what what that was, like what,
like what those situations were of me kind of being like that lone wolf.
Yeah. And like what I was like going through.
So like, like Black Flag and all this stuff was like
teaching like, this is what you do,
this is what you're gonna do.
And then T.U.Y. helped me understand like,
you know, this is what that was in a sense.
That's how I, and I'm not saying like,
that's how he wrote those lyrics.
But that's how I interpret those lyrics.
Right, but it's amazing what a barometer justice has been
for people growing up and going through things.
And meanwhile, we're only like a few years apart. You know what I mean? Like a yearometer justice has been for people growing up and going through things. Yeah, and meanwhile, we're only like a few years apart.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Like a year apart or something like that.
So like, that's like the cool thing about it is that like,
you know, you never know like,
he probably doesn't even know this.
I don't even know if I've ever really told him,
but like, yeah, you never know sometimes when someone like,
you know, through their art and what they do and like,
he's probably just writing these lyrics
and like what they mean to him and shit like that.
But it's like, for me, yeah,
that's why I connect with it so heavily.
Totally.
If I'm upset, oh, TUI's on.
Yeah.
For sure, 1000%.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
That's like the, it just helps me,
I don't know, it just helps me a lot.
Yeah, it's lyric driven. Very lyric driven. it's intentional lyrics. There's so many hardcore bands
I'm like, I love this sound but if you listen to the lyrics like this is a little
Truth for years
Yeah, it is true yeah
Yeah, you know what I mean? Like yeah, like here that like what I mean? Like, that breakdown part, if you see God telling
that I'm still alive, gave up all those prayers
that he couldn't provide.
You know, like, answers the questions I've been having
since birth, been searching for the truth for years.
I can't find peace on this earth.
You know what I mean?
And that hit so, so.
It's so fucking true.
Yeah, so that specific part right there,
you know, cause I got into TUI later,
you know, like in my, like early thirties or whatever,
like probably like four or five years ago.
So with that being said, like that was,
it was, I gravitated to it so strongly cause I was like,
oh, this is the answers to like,
what the fuck that shit I was going through.
And it's just like, helped me kind of navigate through there.
But that specific lyric right there, you know,
and see God, that's just like, yeah, I was like,
yeah, I've been trying to understand what the fuck it was
that I went through, like of having, like, okay.
So put it this way, I don't,
and I don't mean this in like a disrespectful way
to like my family, my, you family, all my parents and shit,
but I've never felt like a son.
And I still don't know what that feels like.
I don't know what it's like to feel like
a child of some sort.
Sorry, I'm getting emotional.
Yeah.
Sorry.
That's good, bro.
That's what makes it so amazing,
is that it brings that out in us.
Sorry about that. No, you're good, man. Is that it brings that out in us. Sorry about that.
No, you're good, man.
I know it's like a fuck.
I also, yeah, there's a simple.
Don't ever apologize.
Yeah, so pretty much like that's why like
a lot of that shit means like,
Let it rip.
We've done it.
It's all been done.
Oh, you have?
Yeah. Yeah, dude. Are you kidding me?
Jim Norton, powerhouse of comedy, cried on our podcast.
Oh, really?
It was the most beautiful thing ever.
Dude, as hard it is, as hard it is for you to get through this right now,
it's harder for me to not want to hug you.
Hug you and stuff.
Grab you and hug you.
I mean, like, you know, it's just, you know, that's just life or whatever.
But but like, it's not like and like when I'm crying about it,
it's not like I'm like sad.
It's just like, you know, it's just like, oh, shit, like, that's just what my life is.
But like, I don't know.
I don't walk around with like a sad life, even though I went through like crazy shit.
Like, it's because that's kind of like just fucking, you know, it's like, hey,
like there's there's a line I heard in Tombstone,
great movie, which is like my like top favorite movie.
Yeah. And the line, Wyatt Earp, Kurt Russell's character
was talking about Kimmer's character, Doc Holliday, and Wyatt Earp said,
I just want a normal life.
And Doc Holliday said, there's no such thing as normal life.
It's just life.
So that's how that's how I've been able to process a lot of this shit.
You know what I mean?
So that's how it's fucking, that's how I feel like
I've been able to walk through life smoother because of it.
Yeah.
Having like a, yeah, my life is my life
and there is no alternate reality.
Yeah, it's just like, there's no alternate reality.
It's like, hey, everyone's got something
fucking extremely fucking weird.
And it comes down to also being like,
you are who you are right now because of all these things.
And it's intense and it's crazy,
but it means so much about you.
You know what I mean?
It takes a long time to get to the point
where you're like, that shit, I wished it hadn't happened.
And then in like recovery, they talk about it a lot,
where a lot of them say like, I'm a grateful alcoholic.
And I was like, what does that mean?
And then what they're saying is like,
I'm grateful that I'm alcoholic
because it brought me to here.
So it's like, you know, like, it's like,
I'm glad all of this horrible shit happened
because it made me, it brought me to exactly this moment
in time that I'm happy to be in.
That's so crazy you say that.
So I started teaching anger management
at a recovery center, like back in like December.
And you know, there was this person that was in there
that was giving their like story
and they were talking about like their 20s
and just how bad it was.
And I think the person just had turned 30
or whatever, just talking about like, you know, all these like bad things. And I said to person just had turned 30, or whatever, just talking about all these bad things.
And I said to them, I said,
I was like, I give you a challenge?
And they were like, yeah, anything, anything.
And I was like, I challenge you
to just write about your 20s.
I was like, write about all the good things you've done
and the good things that have happened to you.
And then write about the bad things you've done
and the bad things that have happened to you. And then write about the bad things you've done and the bad things that have happened to you.
And I was like, you'll find clarity within those 20s
and it won't hurt you as much.
Yeah.
So that was like a challenge that I gave them.
That's really good.
Yeah.
So like to bank off what you just said,
it's kind of like, you know,
you had knowing and like understanding like those times.
But even, you know, you had said with, with, you know,
your stepfather, like you get it now and you understand it's
like going through this, the only true thing that fixes
anything is time.
And that's the hardest thing to hear because you want it on
your time, you want it on this time, I need it now.
And then the only thing is this time that just moves slow as it always has and ever will.
And it's just a matter of being okay with it while that time moves forward. And it's wild that music
and something that someone created that was so specific to their life can just match up and help
you in your timeline as you move forward. And it was just cool that music is able to still do that
for me, like, you know, discovering.
And it never stops.
Yeah, and I think the fact that I didn't have TUI early on
and then the fact that it was like the perfect,
like, I think everything, like, matched out perfect.
Like, you know, finding Black Flag at, like, 13,
like, it was like that matched perfect.
And then finding TUI in my early 30s,
like, it just like, it all made sense.
It's like, oh, you'll need this right now.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, like, even though they've been around
since like, oh, eight or seven or whatever,
but it's like, here's what you're gonna need right now.
Like that's how I feel with music.
There's a biblical thing where it's like,
God only gives you what you can handle
or something like that.
And I think I probably would have handled
TUI differently if like pre anger management
and all this stuff that I was like,
all these lessons that I was like learning.
I had this moment where I was,
that happened last week where I was,
during the pandemic, I had gone through a breakup
and I was like listening to,
I think it was either Magnetic Zero,
it was a Growler song.
And I was listening to it during the pandemic
and I was like biking all the time and I felt so good
and so like in my body and free.
I had no nothing holding me down.
And then I was on the train the other day
and I just was like, oh yeah, I used to be obsessed with this.
And I played it and it like brought it all back. And I was like, oh yeah, I used to be obsessed with this and I played it and it like brought it all back and made me, and I was like, oh yeah,
I'm like that same person.
Like that makes that-
Yeah, crazy?
Yeah, it's so cool.
It's crazy what that shit does.
Yeah.
It's like fucking out of this world.
And I kept it, like I kept that feeling
for like a while after and then I was just like, oh yeah,
that's the song that will pull me back to this.
Yeah.
Which is so cool to have access to.
It's fucking wild.
Or when we saw it, I mean, when we saw a turnstile,
I had also been listening to that music so much during,
during this one particularly hard part of my life
that then when we saw them live, it was like,
it's just that intense feeling of seeing somebody live
after they've gotten you through something
and you're like, or Nick Cave I saw one time
and I started sobbing. I hear he does that to people. I hear Nick Cave is like the you're like, or Nick Cave I saw one time and I started sobbing.
I hear he does that to people.
I hear Nick Cave is like the one that like,
he's gonna make you feel everything when he performs.
Everyone on our podcast, Mine and Joel's podcast,
Lesson on Characters, every time we do that, yeah.
People bring up Nick Cave a lot,
as far as like what he pulls out of them.
I sobbed at his show, yeah, just because I was like,
you're right there, and you changed me back there.
Back in my life, you did this thing, and now we are here.
It was so bizarre.
It was like, how bizarre.
How bizarre.
How bizarre.
How bizarre.
How bizarre.
How bizarre.
My mom always says that.
If I say the word bizarre, she goes, how bizarre.
And it goes, my mom says that, but with say the word bizarre, she goes, how bizarre. And goes, the word.
My mom says that, but with Macarena.
Really?
No, I'm kidding.
I was like, damn, I should do it like that?
Every time I say Macarena, for some reason,
she just breaks into song.
It's crazy.
My mom just goes,
I'm like, mom, stop.
Trying to tell you my friend died.
What are we at?
Didn't you say the mark of random?
Hour 11, nice.
No, dude, how cool is it getting to know Justice
and having him write all those lyrics?
He probably has no idea how I truly feel about what he does.
But that's like, dude, I had the lyrics to Pride
on my wall when I was in high school by Mad Ball.
And that like, taught me how to be a man because I didn't have a dad.
You know, like, so it's like these lyrics from these people have taught, I know me and so many
people like how to live and how to have values and how to not turn your back on your friends and like
stand up and do all these things. It like, it almost, not that,
I don't look at people with pity,
but I look at people like, man,
I'm so fortunate to have a life where this music
basically taught me how to be a human.
How could you exist without a thing
that you feel so tethered to
in the entirety of your life?
Yeah, like they just fucking,
sometimes you just need a lyric that just hits you
and you're like, fuck, there it is. Yeah. Like that's what I need. Yeah. Like it they just fucking, sometimes you just need a lyric that just hits you and you're like, fuck, there it is.
Yeah.
Like that's what I need.
Yeah.
Like it's just fucking, that was what it was.
And for me in sixth grade,
it was authority by biohazard from Mataleo
where the chorus was fuck the rules,
fuck, fuck the rules, come on.
And I would put it on when I would do my homework.
Yeah.
As an act of rebellion.
Mine was fall back down.
Fall back down, what was that?
If I fall back down, you're gonna have me back down again.
I remember just being the same that fall down.
We found a guy from the moon.
That guy, oh yeah, I love that.
Yeah, I listen to that all the time
and I'd be like, yeah, these people that I've never met have got me if I fall.
Yeah, exactly.
It's crazy.
But that's the beauty of like, sorry,
that's the beauty of like shows.
Like I would go to so many shows by myself
because it was just like this world
that was just so underground, but not really underground.
Because when you get there, it's like fucking massive,
but then you go to school the next day
and like no one knows what the fuck
night you just had.
And you got bruises and no one knows it.
And you just have like I just seen some shit.
Yeah. And I'm like, I just saw the circle jerks just fucking
ripping from 500 people.
Yeah. Fucking all fucked each other up.
You know what I mean? Like that's like.
And meanwhile, I go to school next day.
Like, you know, what'd you do last night?
I'm like, I don't know if you really understand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it allows you to walk around
with a certain level of confidence.
You're like, I have a secret world.
Totally.
Yeah, because you have this secret world.
Yeah, a secret world.
That's gonna be the name of the episode.
Yeah, that's how cool are we that we've had access
to this secret world our entire life.
I love the secret world.
That's so awesome.
All the CDs, the mixed CDs.
Secrets of the underworld.
Yeah, secrets of the underworld.
But also that's what's cool.
You might have autism for music.
Without a doubt.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
It's wild how much it puts people away from me.
Don't do us this quote right now.
No, I won't.
OK.
I was like, you said it.
How much it puts people away from you.
Yeah.
No, I'm just being sincere.
I was like, watch it.
I was like, here we go.
Yeah, no song lyric there. It's just crazy how all putting it is to people.
Wait, what time is it?
8 o'clock.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Why?
What do you got chosen?
The show is at 7.30.
Oh, good.
Where is it?
The winery locks?
Oh, City Winery?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, right.
It'll start late anyway.
Oh, will?
Probably not many people.
Might be canceled. City Winery? Yeah. Oh, yeah, all right. Well, you can- It'll start late anyway.
Oh, will?
Probably not many people.
Might be canceled.
City Winery?
No, I'm kidding.
It's a good one.
I was trying to make them feel better.
Hold on, wait, edit this part out.
Let me just see if you said,
hey man, just checking on you.
Well, I guess you could say-
Always, always getting that DM.
Hey, just wondering where you're at.
And I'm like, I'm in bed, fully naked.
I haven't gotten that message yet.
You finding out in real time, I guess we could say,
it's reality unfolds.
Oh my god.
See what he did there?
I know.
Doesn't the panic set in when that happens?
You feel like you're trapped under ice?
All right, what do you got to plug?
What I got to plug?
Nothing up my ass.
I'll tell you that much.
Dang! What about a bike pump? We'll stick down here. What about a water plug? Nothing up my ass. I tell you that much. What about a bike pump? What about a water pump?
We'll stick down here.
No.
What?
Oh, people have done that already?
No, no. I mean, yes. You're the first person to do it.
Oh, got it, got it, got it. Just at Chappelle Lacey on everything, listen to my podcast
with my homie Joel Jimenez at Lesser Known Characters. And yeah, just see me on the road,
you know?
See me and Chappelle at the Hollywood Improv Lab May 5th.
Yes, May 5th.
New York City is not where it is.
Los Angeles is where that is.
When does this come out?
What is happening to me?
Where did you say?
What did you say?
Where did I say?
Where in the world did you say?
It's Carmen Sandiego.
Where did you say?
New York, no, LA is where it is.
I don't know when this is coming out.
Two weeks.
This week?
Next week.
Oh, next week, I am, Governor's, Long Island,
doing that show, really fun,
lot of good place for me to do a bunch of crowd work
because the people are crazy, please come out to that,
PunchUpLive.com, go watch the Death Chunk,
that's now up on YouTube. A 20 minute chunk I did
about, you guessed it, death. Oh, wow. Eamfydance.com. April 5th and 6th, Creek in the Cave, Austin,
May 5th, Hollywood Improv, and 19th and 20th, April, Chicago Zanies. Come on out. Patreon.com
slash beanie and pod. We love you. Thanks for tuning in andes come on out, uh, patreon.com slash B and E and pod. Uh,
we love you. Thanks for tuning in and we'll see you next week. Everybody. Boom. Everybody
playing instrument. One. Oh. Oh.
She fell.
She fell into the loop.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I was like this.
I was like, what the fuck?
I thought I was waiting for it to make.
Bye bye.
Oh, my god.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.