Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 090: Misplaced Knights
Episode Date: April 17, 2024As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.co...m/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s IAN FIDANCE - WILD HAPPY & FREE -- FULL SPECIAL RELEASE SUNDAY APRIL 21ST 8PM : @BeinIanPod Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/
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Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night
It's a wild ride When you're being Ian
Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt
It's a wild ride When you're being Ian
Being Ian
Life is shit, but you're positive
Let's find out what it's like to live
alive Being Ian
Being Ian with Jordan
I
Gotta buy my safety Welcome back to another episode of be an Ian with Jordan. I am so excited
Jordan where's our sound maker?
It's a patreon sound I ate a lot of chicken just now
Well, what if it's really good and it's a regular.
Oh, no, no, no. I did say safety, so it's fine. Do you ever play safety? I still do
safety. You ever do safety? You never did safety. I did growing up a little bit.
But yeah, I have so much PTSD from safety. Thanks Justin. That now every time I fart,
I go safety because I used to get the shit beat out of me.
That is a gnarly fart. Yes!
That's a no keep em!
No! Jojo!
Jojo! No!
What's up?
You know what's
funny?
You know how Bugs Bunny goes out
What's up Doc?
Break off and go What's up Doc?
What's up, Doc?
You have AIDS.
Dude.
Going down, sir.
Sure, Looney Tunes is the best.
We should get a Looney Tunes tattoo.
I want the Misfits set too.
I was listening to them at Overthrow today and it was pumping me up.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Daniel Strauss R&D Rich Vi.
Rich just did mine on my own.
I want a beautiful one.
Oh, what like him in a coffin.
The Crimson Ghost in a coffin.
Yeah. That'd be cool.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, I was listening to Saturday Night.
God, that song is so, I know I'm crazy, but he rips.
Michael Graves.
I love him.
I love Danzig, but Graves is also sick.
Was dying on a Saturday night.
Dude, American Psycho is a fantastic song.
Whoa, American Psycho, whoa.
They're very, he's, the whole time,
the whole time the Misfits were running,
they were good, still good.
You can't beat dancing.
That Elvis snarl.
I know, but I'm saying Graves was a great
Replacement. Replacement.
For replacements? Yes, yes. Speaking of the replacements, saying Graves was a great replacement. Yes. For replacements.
Speaking of replacements, they're great too. Can't hardly wait.
I ate a chicken. Oh no.
Dude, I ever tell you I met Danzig? Yeah, with your mom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gail.
What happened?
Why'd it move over here?
That burp.
It like hovered and then changed correspondence. Now in the field we have burp. Thank you so much, Brian.
Okay, it's secret time.
No, this might be a public. Okay. It's all secret.
No, this might be a public. Okay.
It's all secret.
You know, it's cool.
So I had a moment the other day, it was pretty cool.
Sherry was here and Sherry is my uncle Clyde and Aunt Camille's daughter.
And Clyde was my dad's best friend, right?
And when my dad died in 93, I didn't see anyone on my dad's side of the family for like 20 years.
And me and Sherry were like best friends growing up at each other's house all the time every weekend.
Thank you. And I never saw her again. And then we reconnected whatever and we're getting like
really, really close. And Clyde and my dad were like best buds, you know. And the other day,
me and Sherry were down here and we were smoking and we were playing ZZ Top on the record player.
And I was like, yo, this is some Clyde and John.
Were you going to replace me with her?
No.
You thought about it?
No.
People like her better.
Jesus, George.
Sorry.
That's great.
Your dad's would have been down.
Your dad's, your dad's are dead.
Clyde's dead. Clyde's alive.
You were. But they would have been doing that.
They did do that. Yeah.
And then we did that.
But if I had been there with them, they would have like.
I'm pretty sure. I appreciate it. Did people like, competitive the knee?
Oh, that's fucking great.
Okay, wait.
But we can't talk about why you ended it with the...
Come on!
Who'd you have sex with?
No, I'm not sharing this public detail of my private life.
But we have to talk about sex.
No, we don't.
There's many other things we can discuss besides sex.
All right. I fucked it.
I OK, what do I have to tell you?
Appleton sucked. Boston, there was a convention for
video games. Very upsetting how many autistic people, a lot of autistic people.
I did a joke about autism. Yeah. And it has like fifteen thousand likes, a fucking
like five hundred shares all on Facebook and
thousands of comments arguing.
Yeah. Because it was that
stand up on the spot show and somebody suggested autism.
And I go, autism. I go, do you think I have it?
And then it's like, ha ha ha.
I go, just kidding. I don't.
I took a test. Asperger's. And there are so many people in the comments that are like,
that is autism. You do. Like, and then they're like, actually, you're not allowed to say
Asperger's because Asperger was a Nazi and you were co-op. No, we're not allowed to say it anymore because they technically got rid of Asperger's because
it's too much of a parallel crossover to autism spectrum disorder, right?
So that's kind of-
How about that guy at Love on a Spectrum who just gets with a Down syndrome girl?
Illegal.
Illegal.
What?
Jail.
Who?
This guy is like, he's like this level of autistic and he talks, that was actually so
fucking good.
He's like, um, and I really like you and I like your hair and I think you're really beautiful
and she's like, and then they went like this.
Thank you.
No, she goes like this, she goes, he goes, anyway, and I think you're really funny and
I think you're really funny and she's downsy dude, downsy, okay?
Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, but not okay.
And he's like, and I really like it.
He looks like a normal guy.
And then he goes, what do you like about me?
And she goes.
She goes, she goes into.
It's so good.
Hey, you can tell somebody is like, just say
the best.
And she's like, you know, that's the best.
It's I love it. Oh, myANDSOME. That's the best.
I love it.
Oh my God.
Have you ever seen the other sister with Giovanni Ribisi and Juliette Lewis?
Is it somebody playing a Down Syndrome person?
It'll make you cry.
What happened to the Down Syndrome Barbie that I was given?
Didn't I bring that here?
What happened to her?
Did I give it away?
You never brought it here.
No, I've never seen it in person.
I know, it's gone.
A girl gave it to me as a gift.
I can no longer find it.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, I'm upset about it.
If somebody could send me the Down Syndrome Barbie,
that would really mean a lot.
Especially the woman who sent it to me.
Rode me a nice car, she has a Down Syndrome child.
She said I normalized making fun of her daughter,
which I didn't feel great about, but.
Well, do God's work
God a chicken
There's gonna be candy there isn't there yeah
Did I tell you I told you what I did last year with Olivia right the guy from love on the spectrum. Yeah
So funny, I can't believe that was last year. I remember it where he just shot a blank. You shot into darkness
Well, you can these love on the spectrum people you could pay for a cameo make them say anything and I really did I know one of the love on the spectrum guys just made a video being like and I'm really happy that Shane Gillis is
Coming to town. He follows me which is is a good friend. Dude, when we did the podcast, we took a picture and Shane was wearing a shirt that James got him
and he like loved it and posted about it. The guy from Love on the Spectrum. Yeah.
I was talking to these autistic twins. This will be a great clip actually when I find it.
And I was like, can I ask you guys something about your autism? Because they were autistic. I was
like, is just every autistic person just desperately,
like I'm pretty sure what's going on is in the 1800s,
there was a time machine that was created
and all of these dingus nights were just sent here.
Like that's all, is that how you feel?
Like you're just a misplaced night?
And they were like this, yes.
And I was like, and I was like,
all you want is like a bow staff.
Like you just want a large sword.
And they're like, yes, yes.
Like you could see them being, and I was like, and you want a woman with like a large sword. And they're like, yes, yes. Like you could see them being, and I was like,
and you want a woman with like a corset.
And they're like, yes, a woman with a,
and I was like, that's all autism is,
is people from the 1800s accidentally sent here.
Cause they're, it's true.
Is this a bitch that I should do?
It's, think about every autistic person you've ever met.
They've never, if you fucking touch,
if they were here, they'd be like,
oh, is this a Gerber blade that is decorated
with the fine silk of your highness?
They're not bad people, but they're in their own time.
No one said they were bad.
Why are you even saying that?
Because I realize that's what bothers me about them
is they treat, because they're always like,
my lady, and I'm like, what are you doing?
I'm a woman, and then I'm like, what are you doing? I'm a woman.
And then I'm like, oh, you're just lost in time.
You poor things.
I mean, and these boys were chomping at the bit, dude.
They were like, when I was saying it, they were like, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he a shield behind them and you're like, oh, you fit.
Can we get Jordan a shield?
I'm not autistic.
I'm just rude.
I'm just really rude.
I'm just slightly narcissistic.
And yeah, truly give me a bar wench thing and I probably would be happier.
You looked hot when we went to Renaissance Fair.
I felt right.
Yeah. Not as right. Yeah.
Not as right as I did in the Beetlejuice.
You know, I forget his name, but he's building us a new thing.
You're Beetlejuice and I'm Elvis.
Great.
A new what?
Like, um, logo thing made out of wood.
He did it for bad friends.
Can you overdose on chicken? What? logo thing made out of wood. He did it for bad friends. He's going for us.
Can you overdose on chicken?
What?
Send her back to the 1800s.
Find a time she'd stop that.
Well, I was seeing if my trainer said it was okay.
To what, have chicken?
I ate a lot.
You're allowed to have chicken.
Think for yourself.
I ate a lot of chicken.
So chicken is good.
Chicken is good. Chicken is good.
Chicken's good.
Chicken good.
Jordan was sent back, they would definitely think
she was a witch, for sure.
We think she's a witch now.
I think I belong in the 70s.
Me too.
Yeah. Big time.
We fucked up.
They put us in the wrong place.
But you can live in the 70s now.
I know, we're doing great.
Live like you're living the 70s.
But I was just watching Four Seasons.
I flew a kite.
Have you seen the movie Four Seasons?
I've stayed at the Four Seasons.
And Louis said that he, I remind him of Carol Barnett.
Do you know who that is?
She's in Four Seasons and I realized that whole aesthetic.
Watch it. You're like, oh, I'm supposed to be there.
No, you're supposed to be right here with a 70s spirit.
Yeah.
No, cause these whores.
What about whores? What's your thing with whores? Who cares that there's whores? I don't like flat screen TVs
and things like that. Me neither. Isn't it weird? Do you remember, dude? Yeah. Bubble
TVs? No. Bubble screen? When people had big screen TVs and that was like, whoa. And now
everyone's got a big screen.
I know.
We had one that was a giant piece of furniture,
wouldn't please in the heavens name.
I can't.
Barf up chicken.
Did you fart?
Don't break it over here.
Don't break it.
Where'd I go?
Where'd I go?
Ian, you look fit.
Thank you.
Have you been doing things?
I've been working out, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
At the gym?
What?
Don't fart.
Moving around made me lose it.
Nice.
Sucked back up.
Yeah, it'll come back.
You know who burps a lot?
Who?
Baby Coyote.
She goes,
Oh.
Just like mommy.
No, I've been riding my bike, I hit the gym.
Dude, I hadn't been in the gym in a while.
And then the day I did rockin, I woke up at night,
I fucking blasted myself in the gym
and the cardio for like a half hour straight.
I was like, I need to lose weight in my chin.
I was in so much pain the next day.
I was like, maybe if I do everything now to make up for lost time, then I haven't been
working out.
Why don't you do what I'm doing?
What's that?
High protein, no sugar.
I've been having really bad stomach problems lately and I haven't been able to eat a lot.
Become in constant stomach pain.
You need to do more probiotics like yogurt.
Oh yeah, no, but you should actually just take a probiotic.
Yeah.
Want me to get you some acidophilus?
I'll bring you some, I have a bunch.
Can't stop-a-less.
You'll take it?
It'll really help your stomach.
You need to protect your biome.
I'll take this.
No, no, I need to drink that coffee.
That's the only coffee I've had today. No, I had one coffee in the morning. I've drastically decreased my coffee intake. I'm no longer doing coffee at night. I am, dude, you know what else
that I'm doing? I'm waking up early in the morning and just forcing myself to get up and get out.
And then you go to bed at night?
Well, I'm only sleeping in shifts. So I'm only sleeping in like three to four hour increments,
maybe. And for a while I was not sleeping. And so now I'm sleeping, waking up at six,
waking up between four and six, immediately doing work, getting my stuff done for later in the day.
I stay up until maybe 8.30,
then I go back to sleep until gym at 10.
I work out, eat my breakfast and lunch,
and then I come back, do work,
and then I take a one to two hour nap,
and then I go out for sets.
On a day that I don't have like-
Is there any way you could get yourself to sleep
for seven hours straight?
I can't. Why? I have been trying and I cannot. My body keeps waking me up every three to four hours.
Is it because it needs a cigarette? I mean a cigarette does help when I wake up.
Because I wake up sometimes and I go vape and I'm like oh you bitch. But I like it because it's waking me up. And I'm being productive.
But I am getting my sleep in shifts. Okay. But you're also interrupting your sleep cycle.
So it's like you're not going through a full sleep cycle. So yeah, you have to get to get
to ram ramming it up. I'm remming it up.
But I'm not sleeping eight hours straight.
I'll sleep eight hours in four hour increments.
Have you tried taking melatonin?
I don't like how it makes me feel when I wake up.
It makes me feel super groggy.
I think you have sleep apnea.
Oh, I got sleep something. It is. I think you have sleep apnea. Oh, I got sleep something.
It is.
I think you're probably not breathing
and you're waking yourself up.
I've been told that that's what's happening.
Yeah. Yeah.
Would you get a thing?
I mean, Segura has something that holds his face.
He had to get his teeth fixed.
He also has Invisalign.
I was like, I'm getting Invisalign.
He was like, and I was like I'm getting a visit line. He was like
And I was like, oh but
Don't tell me you could get it just on the bottom corn maze yet
It looks like children of the corn
It looks like children sticking their head out from behind corn
It looks like the movie The Village.
That was actually the worst horror movie ever made.
Was that the one? No, the happening.
That one was, do you know what happened in that one?
What was happening?
What was happening?
Mark Wahlberg, I thought was doing a bit the whole time.
I thought it was a funny movie.
Because the whole movie he was like, you guys, we just need to go do this thing right now. And I was like, it's really weird
how he's speaking in a little the entire movie. He won't stop. He won't break this character.
And I thought at the end he was going to get redemption. All of a sudden be this like time
to stop doing that and crush. And then at the end of the movie it ends and I'm like,
what the whole time? We're just in a really big dilemma right now, you guys.
We just, there's a lion.
There's a guy feeding himself a lion.
That's like crazy.
And it was nuts.
Like he wouldn't change.
It was crazy.
It was crazy.
I want to rewatch that movie just because it's so insane.
Yeah, let's do it.
What a horrible actor he is.
No offense.
He is, that was crazy.
Great in The Departed. No offense. I he is that was crazy great in the departed
He was surrounded by cushions, yeah, yeah, what what is a good movie with Mark Wahlberg or brothers
No, I'm an only child Ted
Dad he's good at humor
Boogie nights that was good Bo Boogie Nights, yes.
But him being serious is hilarious. He's really going like this all the time. It's like Jason
Bateman. He's just really, really worried. Don't compare him to Jason Bateman.
I know, I know, I know. But it's like him doing an impression of him. Jason Bateman is incredible.
He is. Have you ever seen the X? The EX or is it X? The EX with Jason Bateman and Amanda Pete.
Dude, that movie is so funny.
Amanda Pete rules.
She's so hot.
Whole nine yards with Amanda Pete.
Fucking Saving Silverman.
Oh my God.
What about identity?
I have a line in my set that's from Saving Silverman.
Quit breaking up the band, Yoko. That's from from Saving Silverman. Quit breaking up the band, Yoko.
That's from...
Saving Silverman.
The Wedding Singer.
No.
Oh, Wedding Singer goes,
take my Van Halen shirt off before you change the band
and they break up.
Okay, quit breaking up the band, Yoko.
That's a great movie.
I say that line when I say when people,
when women transition to be men.
What? Like whenever somebody's like, I'm non-binary or something, when I say when people, when women transition to be men.
What?
Like whenever somebody's like I'm non-binary or something,
I'm like, they're abandoning me,
and I'm like, quit breaking up the band, Yoko.
How is that abandoning you?
Because I'm a woman and they're leaving,
and now I'm just a dyke. But you hate women.
I want them to stay a woman so we are cool.
They're just like, I'm a man now, and I'm like, fuck you. Now there's two of us left.
But you hate, there's a ton of women left that you hate.
The whores.
Right.
So when one of my cool friends becomes non-binary, I say, quit breaking up the band, Yoko.
Yeah.
Well, your friend becomes non-binary, then they were never cool.
Nice.
Kidding.
I love when people refer to my dog as they them, because they don't know what she is.
People do that?
They're like, oh, how old are they?
Because they don't know what she is.
And I'm like, she is a they them.
She's cool.
I mean, she's androgynous.
Also, I get upset when people say she's a boy.
I'm like, just because she looks like a boy doesn't mean she is a boy.
She doesn't need to dress like a girl.
She doesn't have to dress like a girl to be a boy.
She doesn't have she is a boy.
She doesn't need to dress like a girl.
She doesn't have to dress like a girl to be a boy.
She doesn't have to wear pink.
She has a red harness.
Red is androgynous.
She's a girl.
She's utilitarian.
She's not a lesbian.
Leave her alone.
I don't think the non-binaires are the only ones abandoning you.
They either think she looks like a boy.
That's fucked up.
She doesn't.
She looks like a cute little girl.
She's a little girl. Oh you wanna hear something fucking amazing
about
like non-binaries and stuff, so
dude
Attell is the fucking best he is like
Truly, I love that man so much is the
he on on the last show of the weekend
is that he, on the last show of the weekend, Rogan and Egan, everybody was like in the balcony
watching, you know how he and I go back and forth on stage?
We had like such a great time with it,
everything was so fun, ba ba ba.
And he hits me with the thing and it gets a huge laugh
and then I hit back and it got like a bigger laugh
and he goes, thank you, good night.
And he let the show end on my laugh.
I had goosebumps.
He is your dad.
I was talking to somebody about it,
about how much I love him.
And I was like, he has taken care of Ian like a father
and is the best man.
He is so good.
Yeah.
He's so sweet. He's the best man. I love him so much. And
it was really, really fucking cool. So you know, Austin's this whole like edge lord or
whatever. And look, if you're saying stuff on stage, he's like, thank you. Good night.
Fucking bass. If you're saying stuff on stage, he, um, Austin's like so edgelord or whatever.
And you're allowed to be, you're allowed to do that. Do whatever you want on stage? He, um, Austin's like so edgy, lirty, whatever. And you're allowed to be,
you're allowed to do that. Do whatever you want on stage, whatever. That's totally fine.
I'm not going to ever tell someone what they can and can't say, but I will fucking roll
my eyes and be like, come on. You know what I mean? Like, so there was this guy who went
up who was doing guest spots and his, one of his jokes, like just fucking hack attack.
It was like, I'm Japanese. So of course I believe
in Godzilla and like wasn't in on the fact that it was hacky. He like was like a legit like,
this is a good, you know, and the crowd was like eating it up and dude, he was saying like
abhorrent shit, like literally like fuck these trannies, fuck these faggots in Seattle and Portland, this, that, and the
crowd is like, yeah, and I had to follow this. And he's literally saying the things that
I am. And so like, I didn't reveal who I am.
A faggot in Portland?
Yeah.
You are a bicycle faggot, which is basically a faggot in Portland. But you know, he's like saying these things that are a part of me and I didn't reveal
to the crowd like who I am off the jump.
So I like wanted to like earn it and also like they were in a sense of like laughing
at these words in a way of like, yeah, he's saying it, you know? And I fucking hate that.
And so-
Not in a playful laughter, like this is making me laugh.
Not that we're all in on the fact that that's-
Like spewing spit, like,
like being, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
And so-
Like when somebody falls and gets hurt.
So I was just doing jokes or whatever,
and they were getting kind of tepid response,
and I just flipped, and I was like, oh, is that not funny?
It's because I'm not up here yelling slurs and saying the word faggot, you stupid fucking
pigs.
And I just like went in on them and I was like, yeah, I was like, you know what I am?
I'm the fucking thing that you were all fucking laughing at.
So fuck you.
And I like lost it and I got him back and everything.
But like really like angered me.
And I told Attell, I was like, look, man, like, obviously I'll follow this guy, but it really angered me. And I told Attell, I was like, look man, obviously I'll follow this guy, but it just sucks because
he's saying these things and I'm rising above and I'm getting laughs, but revealing who
I am, it puts a weird, because they're in the mode of let's laugh at that and then when
I talk about who I am, they're not laughing with, they're laughing at.
And obviously I pick up on it and I call them out or whatever and he's like okay he's like all right so for the next show um I want to follow him
and I want you to go up and he goes I want you to bury him I'm like all right so I go up and I
fucking demolish and I'm saying who I am with like all this stuff so then when he goes and uses those words, I've humanized it and it's not
funny. It's off putting. He is stumbling, shaky, not getting laughs and then the towel
goes up and just crushes. And he had a couple of jokes about the guy at him. So, and afterwards
he was like, we did good. I was like, yeah, that's like, that was so cool. Like there
was a one, two punch. Yeah. Like dude, it felt like I was in like bloodsport and my like in the corner,
like my my like coach was like, murder him.
Yeah. You know, like when he goes, I want you to bury him.
I was like, yes. Yeah. Yes.
And then he goes up after you bury him and just gives him a wedgie.
Yeah. And another thing. Yeah.
And that was such a solid thing
because he could see that it was kind of like, you know.
And Attell doesn't really bring up the gay stuff.
No.
He brings up lonely, he brings up only child,
but he doesn't really roast you for being gay.
No, not at all.
And I really, really love that.
And he's always from day one, like accepted that part of me.
And that's never been a joke he's made about me, which I like really,
really means a lot.
When I told him about the carpentry thing, he was like, I mean, I was like,
Dave, I have to go inside now because he was just like, wait, but can you do this?
How do you do this? Do you know how to do that? But what do you put that?
What, where did you start? How did you,
and I was like, this is crazy that you're genuinely curious about this.
Oh yeah. It was awesome. Dude, The best thing in the world is we so
like we walk around, we smoke cigarettes and everything. And so in Austin we were sitting
on these two benches. This fucking girl comes by and she walks by and she stops and goes,
Oh my God, I saw first of all, we just came from the pool. Okay.
I was in the pool. Yeah. So he loves swimming. And so he loves swimming. That's like his favorite
thing. No, no, no. He's like a little dolphin in a pool. It's amazing. No way. No way. We go
swimming. It's great. He gets in. Oh yeah. No shirt? He gets in, no shirt, he's swimming around. Yeah.
But he immediately puts his clothes on
and his bathing suit is wet in his jeans.
Yeah.
So we're sunbathing and I'm in a bathing suit,
tank top and a towel,
and he's laying in his car hard shirt and jeans,
and he's sunbathing like this.
And like, we're like talking to each other
so that we leave and
We're sitting there, and I'm in a bathing suit shirtless on the street
He's him this girl walks by and she comes back and goes oh my god. I saw you guys last night
You were so funny a papa and it's like super sunny, and she's in the sun, and we're kind of in the shade
He goes. Oh, thank you here. Why don't you come in the shadow? It's it's it's sunny over there. Come into the shadows. She goes, No, no, I have to go to
work. And she leaves and he's like, What was her problem? What was her problem? You invited
a woman into the shadows. What's the matter with you? He's like shadow shade. It doesn't
matter. She really had an attitude. I'm like, do you see what this is?
And he had just got done blowing a balloon
to make like squeaky noises.
So he's got a balloon in his hand.
I've got x-ray vision glasses on.
I'm in a bathing suit.
He's wet, wearing his clothes.
He's going, coming to the shadows.
I'm like, what do you think?
She said, I have to go to work.
I have to go to work. I have to go to work.
No, no, I'm a person.
Come, the freaks are over here.
He said the shadows instead of shade
and it was sunny out and that's so weird.
Come into the shadows.
So good.
Everything you said, the tray thing.
Give me some space tray.
That was some of the hardest I've ever laughed.
The next day, Trey comes out as a pedophile.
What about, oh, I told you this.
Dude, he's just like, and that's what's helped, like, just get so much better is it being on stage with him he's given like he
always told me like first of all opening for him if you're not going new then I'm
not gonna have you open for me anymore he's like my crowds will laugh they're
they're the hardest laughters so you better try new stuff so that you can
grow like all right and then when he would bring me on stage with him he was
like just try just say and I'll make it funny. And then like, it gave me the ability to just try
something. And then eventually I'd find funny, but he would, he would bumping nice. Yeah. Like
at the cellar years ago. And so that like really, really helped, you know, and um, he, uh, I forget
where this story was going. I'll stop sucking his dick, but he's just the best.
It's a good dick to suck.
Yeah.
He's the best.
Yeah, he is.
Frothering at the mouth.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
The, the, you know,
Oh my God.
That's so good.
Can you say that?
Yeah.
So, so that was, I just told like nine people.
Yeah.
That's okay.
Go ahead.
So the, so the guy was, was Japanese on stage. There's something he's a savant. Yeah. That's crazy. Okay, go ahead. So the guy was Japanese on stage.
There's something, he's a savant.
There's something fucked up.
Oh, and it came out immediately.
Dave said something about pronouns and I'm like,
you look like your pronouns are-
Wait, wait, wait, you have to say the Asian comic.
Huh?
You have to-
I said he was Japanese.
Japanese named Yoshi.
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
Did you say Japanese?
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
So-
Yoshi.
Yeah, Yoshi.
And I'm like-
Japanese.
He said something about me or like something.
I go, well, your pronouns look like they're ooh and no.
And he goes, stop, don't give out Yoshi's address like immediately how does he do that that's
insane how does he do that it's sometimes he does things it's so
somebody else stand up maybe like you would look like you work in a parking
garage but also the ground floor of Macy's do what about when the guys
like holding him when he has you about like fingering yourself or something?
He was like, another day at Camp Lonely.
Yeah, he was like, I was like, yeah, I like this vibrator.
And he was like, well, enough stories from Camp Lonely.
I mean, he'll just fucking he'll be like, he'll say things that are so he's like, you
look like you fuck yourself with a root vegetable or something like it's.
One time he called me and he was on the road and he just started
firing jokes at me about like the weekend.
And he was like, and another thing and another thing and another,
and I'm just like dying laughing. And he goes, all right, that's all I got.
And he just hung up the phone.
He's incredible. He's incredible. Yeah.
I mean, when he said in the special, when he goes, what was the thing he said?
It was that was, oh yeah.
Just when he's like, no, no, I'm a Biden supporter, Hunter.
It's like, dude, you're just like, fuck you.
How did you, of course you, someone should say that.
That's insane that nobody has said that.
Yeah.
Crazy.
He's the best.
I'm so glad he's getting everyone's love in the special. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. He's the best. I'm so glad he's getting everyone's
love in the special. Yeah. It does also make me feel a lot better about aging.
Like Jesse Kiersten is about to put out a huge special. He put out a... It's just
nice that we're not ballet dancers who age out at 29. Yeah. 27. Yeah. Isn't that
beautiful? It gives you something to look forward to and you know that there's
always work to be done.
That's like the best.
And you know that you can be like a teller
where you just worked a seller for years.
You're like, whatever, I'll tour some.
And then you just put out a special
and he just is grinding away slowly.
Like you don't need to be just like,
you don't need to put out an hour every year.
You can fucking snooze on it for a while,
build an amazing hour, put it out
and people are like, dude, welcome back, brother. You know what I mean? But he's also prolific in the way that he's like,
you know, like his body of work is so prolific. People have been chomping at the bits for like
a special about him for so long. Yeah. You know, it's really cool though. But that's awesome that
you can just get people, you won't be forgotten. You know what I mean? They'll just chomp because you're that good. Yeah, whereas an actor if you don't see them for a year
You're like, I think they died. Yeah
Yeah, whereas like I think about Louie. I'm like, come on, dude. Get on back here
What are we doing here? You know all the time because every time you walk around and see like anything I'm like, oh Louie bit
That's a Louie bit, you know, it's good wild our comedy dads are Louie and David crazy it's really it's really fucked up
yeah it's crazy uh-huh yeah it's fucking crazy it's not they are the best yeah
man if they did something together I wonder if they ever communicate. I don't know.
Is Louis writing a movie?
Louis is painting.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, and making sculptures and hanging out.
That's cool.
I guess he was at the cellar the other night,
but I just missed him.
He was wearing a sailor's outfit, sailor cap on Easter.
Sailor's hat, like a stay-puff marshmallow man,
sailor's hat.
That's what I was thinking, but Mike Roland told me,
and I think it might've just been a little newsy cap,
but he said sailor hat.
Did I ever tell you about when me and Attelle went
and played laser tag?
Well, that's what somebody said,
is that you played laser tag.
That's what Carter said.
Did he play?
Yeah. Really?
Yeah.
Do we do shit like that all the time?
He'll run around?
Oh yeah. Wow, you are his son. Yeah. That's crazy. Do we do shit like that all the time? He'll run around? Oh, yeah. Wow.
You are his son. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. He bought you so much cake. Uh huh. Yeah. Dude,
you are his son. He, uh, yeah, we were playing laser tag and we were up in a, like, um, a tunnel
and I run by and he goes, come with me, I'm a field medic.
Dude, he rules. He rules.
It's the best, yeah.
Ugh.
Yeah, I want him to be around us at all times.
Yeah, well, we could have him on the pond.
Yeah. Yeah.
He must be fucking zoinked
from doing all these podcasts and stuff.
That's a lot of socializing.
Totally, yeah.
That's crazy. Yeah.
Is he bringing cats as well? Is there some? Yeah. So I did like the New York and Texas
rounds with him, which is great. And then Louie was out in LA with him for some, and
then he did a couple on his own. He said, uh, bad friends with Santino and Bobby was
like the best. Really? Yeah. He liked Santino's insanely quick. I mean Bobby is too, but Santino will just make anything
into a bit so fast.
It's crazy.
He's so good.
Want him to move to New York, I think he will.
I know.
You should.
I don't know, I like the idea of us all living where we live
and then just going every once in a while.
I kinda like that.
Just so far.
LA?
I like going to LA and having a car. I love having a car. I miss having a car. I miss mowing a lawn.
I miss...
I was thinking about renting a room. My friend might go to college there. Noah might get her PhD there.
And I was thinking about paying to just rent a room out and going there like once for like a week,
every month or something.
What?
Bringing my truck out there.
Huh?
Because she would just have a room for me
that I could stay in.
Oh, so she would rent a house.
Yeah, she would rent an apartment, a two bedroom.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I would just pay for it when I'm here.
So then I could just go crash there and do shows
and have a truck out there.
Yeah.
Cause I miss my truck.
My mom is pissed.
Fuck her.
You know, it's really crazy.
Let me talk to her.
I'll talk to her.
You and your mom, your mom and I DM.
We talk.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
She'll flip out at you.
She's scaly.
Oh, I don't give a shit.
I'm scared.
You do the same thing with Gail.
We both baby them.
You can't carry that around.
Well, guess what I do?
Is that a switchblade?
It's a fucking crazy town we're living in. I carry mine around yes really yes they're punching women won't get
mistake everyone but there
I love you. Well, maybe I'll need to protect one of them.
You know what's fucked up is I truly thought that like I'm like, I carry the knife to protect
the hot women.
It's a fucking hot.
You're the puncher.
Would anybody even be bad on Jordan was a puncher.
I just want to fight somebody.
I dude, when I saw the punching video, I was was like dude. Yo, what if you and I fought each other?
on camera patreon
What if we had Adam Ray be dr. Phil and he does a therapy session on the show with this
How does dr. Phil feel about him doing it? Dr. Phil? I've always wondered
Everybody likes it you think?
I bet he likes it. You think?
Well, publicly.
I believe that he actually did have Dr. Phil do like a video for him whenever he opened
up one of his shows with Dr. Phil.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, I agree.
I think that would be a great guest to have on.
It would be so fun.
Have like a therapy session.
He's in LA?
Yeah.
Yes.
Maybe.
Oh, yeah.
Have you asked Antino and Bobby yet? Yeah. Yes. Maybe I've thought.
Oh yeah.
Have you asked Santino and Bobby yet?
No.
I mean, I'll throw it, that'd be huge.
Yeah.
Possible, but.
Yeah, I'll hit a batom.
That'd be fun.
That'd be really fun.
Santino contributed with the resurrection.
Because I was like, do you ever have beef with Bobby? And he goes, yeah, but
he's my brother. And I was like, yeah, it was nice. Yeah. Yeah. We shot pool when he
was in town. We've seen Ricky's to Nicky. It's very funny. No, some movies and it's
like a nineties comedy. Did you see it? Yeah. I watched it. I liked it. I did enjoy it.
It was entertaining. It's really funny, man
And you know, it's funny. I saw I went to the premiere and this was like the coolest shit ever Peter Fairly was the
Director and he directed there's something about Mary Kingpin dumb and dumber like all those classic movies, right?
So I it was cool, man. I got to meet him and be like, hey
I just gotta let you know like in my mind's eye I'm seeing the seat
I sat in in sixth grade in the movie theater. When I saw there's something about
marrying to change my life. Wow. It made me want to get involved in comedy. And it was
the funniest thing I'd ever seen. And he was like very gracious and nice. And we sat and
talked for a while and he was like, you know, this movie we wanted to make 15 years ago
and it didn't work out. And then 10 years ago and it didn't work out. And I wanted to force it. We could have made it then. And then I realized, you know what, I got to make 15 years ago, and it didn't work out, and then 10 years ago, and it didn't work out, and I wanted to force it, and we could've made it then,
and then I realized, you know what?
I gotta take a step back and not force things,
and sometimes I have to let the universe be the universe,
and get out of the way, and let that take care of things,
and then be available when things come about,
and that's how this movie came about.
And Santino, like 10 years ago, or like five, 10 years ago,
met Fairly and was like,
hey, I'd do anything to be in this movie.
He's like, okay, well, we'll give you an audition.
Didn't work out, they didn't make the movie.
And then like a year or two ago,
they didn't even audition Santino.
They go, hey, we want you in this.
Wow.
And it's just like, if you take a step back
and let things work out the way they're supposed to work,
and this was kind of in the middle of, you know, and it was like, Hey man, you just got
to trust and sit back and everything will come back and be the way it's supposed to
be.
And, uh, it was like, really, like, I've really held that with me of like, cause I can get
my own way a lot.
And I I've, I'm realizing the more I talk about myself on stage, the
more I realized like, well, man, you really have some control on anger issues. But I'm
like in love with my anger. It like warms me.
Yes. I know what you mean. I get, I get really angry. And then the other day I was talking
to Alan and I was like, I just am like, I feel very hard on stage. And he was like, no, I watched you on,
I watched your death special.
You weren't hard.
And I was like, you don't think I was like hard?
And he's like, no, no, you were quick.
But not-
Does Serapis watches your comedy?
I gave it to him to watch.
Oh really?
Yeah, I love him.
He my papa.
He my papa.
And he was like, I don't think you're hard.
And then I was like,
and then lately I've been going up on stage
and I'm like, oh yeah, I was like, I don't think you're hard. And then I was like, and then lately I've been going up on stage and I'm like, oh,
yeah, I'm like.
I I'm.
The reason why I'm getting so angry with people on stage is because they've done
something to make me angry, you know what I mean?
But the whole the vitriol towards humanity is like reducing, you know what I mean?
But I was like beating myself up because I got so mad at that bitch.
And I was like, you know what?
I got mad because she made me mad
and that is okay, you know what I mean?
But I do think that there's something to be said about like
when you're forcing yourself to be angry
about something that you're not actually angry about,
that sucks, but if you're actually angry about something,
it's okay to be angry about it on stage.
If it's really what you're feeling.
Well, I think it's okay to be angry about it on stage. If it's really what you're feeling well, I think it's okay to be angry about a topic or a
Feel I always like to let the emotion lead me
Yeah, but to be angry and use that anger towards someone
I I don't I've done that in the past and I'm not good at it and I can alienate people so I try to like I
good at it and I can alienate people so I try to like I know I have an ability to pop off and I have to be understanding that like not everyone's inside my brain
to understand like oh he's right you know. What are you doing on stage you're
getting mad at people or at like? No I'm not. At topics. Or like I'm just like
really like trying to lead with an emotion and just follow that with the
feeling and the funny and so like dude
I've been going I've been doing this thing where I've been going on stage
I've been going okay try to go as long as you can without telling a single joke like prepared joke and
It's I've been having so much fucking fun. Yeah, I've been having the most fun on stage just
Coming up with it in the moment and speaking isn't that hard to do when you're sleepy though?
I always find it when I'm tired.
I'm like, bro.
Like the last show of the weekend, sometimes it can be a lot,
but I've just been really enjoying,
like even if I pause and I feel like,
oh, what do I say next?
I'll be like, I am feeling like I have nothing to say. And then I don't know.
But you are a pocket man. I mean, that is you are that is what you're best at.
Like, you know, like when we were in Florida and you ranted about a whole whatever had happened to
you the night before. Like that is like you are very good at stream of consciousness comedy
and talking about what is going on. And if you're not like in love with a joke, you're kind of like, why am I saying
this? Yeah. Which I totally get.
And I have to get rid of jokes if I'm like, I don't like even saying that.
Well, that's, that's what I want to, that, that, that's a perfect stream of
consciousness. I'm, I'm working on just being stream of conscious and like going
off on a tangent and then coming back to the original topic.
Just remember
Just feel but feel free to reuse like if you say something that crushes you can yeah Yeah, and then I'm going and like listening and being like, oh, okay that you're listening to your sets. Yeah, right
That's all I want. Yeah, because your stream of consciousness is I mean I've seen destroyer
I've seen sets that you've done that are like, this is next level shit.
And it was when you were like, I know and I want it to be that way all the time. You
know, like I want my next special to be completely stream of conscious. But if you listen to
your sense, then you'll manufacture. But if you listen to your sense, then you'll, you
know, like when you start feeling a vibe, when you start feeling a certain way, you'll be like, it'll it'll naturally pull up that thing that you've already said.
Yeah. You know what I mean? But it won't feel and it'll look organic, but it'll be something that you just like it's like vocabulary.
You just have vocabulary in there because you've listened to it before.
Yeah. But like, yeah. And that is, yeah, totally.
Your stream of consciousness is when it's sick.
And you're also gonna have, because you do that,
and I do it too, eat a dick sets.
Like there are sets where you're just like,
oh, I really tried to talk about something
that I wasn't ready to talk about.
But then you have to totally get good at being like,
I thought that would be fun.
You know?
But yeah, it is.
Well, I've told you this, that I like, I thought that would be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, it is. Well, I've told you this, that I like,
man, I've seen you, and I don't know if it's intentional
or not, but you've dug yourself into such a hole
at the beginning of your sets,
where I immediately need to be liked,
because then I feel I have the goodwill of the crowd
to then go to a deeper, darker, weirder place.
But you dig a hole and I'm like,
how the fuck is she gonna, and dude, by the end of the set,
everyone in the fucking room loves you
and they're eating out of the palm of your hand.
And I admire that so much.
To be able to like intentionally dig and claw out.
Like that's such a testament to being like a good comic in the way that like
fearless to do that.
Yeah. Fearless.
Well, it's fun to do because you're just like, it's fun to do because it gives you
like a a barometer on the room immediately.
Like if I'm just like something racist, not racist,
but like, or you two shouldn't be together,
or something where people are like yeesh,
or like that guy's autistic and they're like yeesh.
I'm like, oh, we're a yeesh?
Oh, are we a yeesh crowd?
And then I'm like, okay, all right, yeesh.
And then I can pull them out of it so that,
yeah, that does make me not dissociate
and not just like
stay in my interesting.
See that see I have to go stream of consciousness and insane and wherever it goes because that's
how I get to feel and I feel like you have to feel by doing that.
Like we each have these ways of like authenticity of like, yeah, I have to say exactly what's going on and then yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have to walk in and be like
I'm really worried about this lump in my vagina. Oh my god, you know, and then I will dig myself out of it, you know
But that's like charming in a way because if I go up and I'm like I'm riding my bike and my asshole is shaving on My taint they're like what and then I panic and I'm like, I'm riding my bike and my assholes shaving
on my taint, they're like, what? And then I panic and I'm like, I'll never recover from this.
But then you do it and you're like, all right, climbing out, you know?
So I have to make them like me first and then I dig my hole and then I get out of it.
You know? Yes. There's also a level of nihilism, I think as well, where it's like, I, yeah.
Yes, there's also a level of nihilism, I think as well, where it's like, yeah. And there's also like, I am going to, I, if need be, I will pull through the catalog and get out the thing that you faggots like.
You know what I mean? Like I'm like, okay, we're not going to talk about my chafed asshole. Fine. I know you'll like this. You little fucking piece.
And then I go, I thought you'd like that. You dumb pieces of fucking shit.
Or you double down. That's my favorite thing you do is like whenever you're like,
oh, you don't like that joke. Well, here's another one in the same thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's when I go to the dad well.
That's when I'm like, oh, you don't like this?
Well, get ready to hear about a man that was crushed by it. Yeah.
Here it comes.
And then the most beautiful art form of all time comes out where you hold up the
where you lose the audience so hard on Dad Dad stuff
that you pull out the fucking mic stand and go,
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
This is a, I hate this comic detector.
Dude, you beeped for so long.
You beeped for so long that me and Ethan were like,
he's gonna beep until he gets the light.
Like he's, he doesn't know what he's doing. Like he doesn't know why he's beeping. And then you went, beep beep going to beep until he gets the light. Like he's he doesn't know what he's doing.
Like he doesn't know why he's beeping.
And then you went beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
That's I hate this. And we were like, oh, the foreheads on the table.
We're looking at it like, oh, no, what's going on?
Oh, no, we were like, he's literally malfunctioning.
He's literally popped a fuse. He's short circuiting.
God, that was so funny.
And the thing was, this bottom of the mic stand
was in this man's face right there.
And he was just like this.
It was so, dude, I have a joke right now
where I'm trying to talk about in your twenties
when you have sex and you're not wet.
And like people get so weird about it and I'm doubling down on it so hard.
And I'm doing a joke about like because it was a thing when you were in your 20s
and you're a woman where you had this like pulsing baboon pussy when you got done
with sex and it hurt so bad and you'd be walking around like, ah, that was love.
I think that was love. Like it was so and people will be like, I don't really know
about this. And then I'll I'll keep digging until they're like
Oh, I do remember this that's the best when it's a clock and it's like funny funny funny not funny not funny
Oh my god, is this really ever gonna stop? Oh my god. What the fuck funny funny?
I've never found something more funny in my life
I love that and I have one right now that I'm doing about periods because I'm like this is gonna go on for a minute
But I'm going to get the audience to I'm gonna get every, because I'm like, this is gonna go on for a minute,
but I'm going to get the audience to,
I'm gonna get every man in here to understand
what it is like to be a woman,
for the week before the period,
then I talk about the week on the period,
and I'm finally pulling all bits together
from different things to make that really funny.
And then I do an act out of a man's life,
and anybody who's not on board then, that hits.
But it's like the most gratifying thing,
because I do genuinely think that I walk off stage
and they're like, is it really like that?
And the women are like, yes, it is!
Which is so sick because there's a minute where they're like,
bro, you're not gonna go through every week
of a woman's life, are you?
And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
And then I do a whole, it's so.
Oh, that's great.
Damn, I wish I was doing a show tonight, tomorrow.
Yeah, whatever, it's good to take time off.
It is good to take time off. It is good to take time off.
Whoa! It's 9.42!
Yeah.
That's great. We're gonna get to the...
Holiday party.
I was worried we were gonna get there too early.
Yeah. Well, do you guys wanna take the train?
Or do you wanna take a car?
I'm not going.
You're not? Rock, paper, scissor...
Oh, dude, I lost 20 bucks to someone on rock,
paper, scissors in the front row of the creek. Did you give it to him? I brought him on stage
and rock, paper, scissors. But I won 20 bucks on a bet on BattleBots backstage. What's BattleBots?
Oh yeah. I didn't tell you about BattleBots. But what's the bet? Do you mean to tell one it's all
BattleBots in Vegas? You know those robots that a fight to fight each other. Yeah. But what was the battle bots? Yeah. And dude,
if I have it on video, they talk smack to each other. And one guy's like, uh,
he was seen on America's got talent. But if you look at his robot, it's more like America's got no talent. And you just hear the telco. Whoa, it's a slam fest.
Did you tell Jordan about the Luke Monez
BattleBot story about him?
You asking if they're real or not?
Oh, my God. Well, I brought Luke and
Yamanika the next week and me and
Yamanika were getting up.
We're dancing in the aisles.
Come on, DeLion, get your body. Oh, it and Yamanika were getting up, we're dancing in the aisles. Like, come on, get your body.
Oh, it's Yamanika.
And Luke is there and we're, we're talking and he's like, this is set up.
This is fake.
It's predetermined.
It's like wrestling.
I'm like, Luke, are you an idiot?
It's fucking robots fighting each other.
He's like, no, they're on a track.
And I'm like, you're an idiot. So then, wait, is it robots?
They're little built robots.
They're like remote controlled robots.
They're remote controlled robots.
And dude, they brought one out called slot machine and it was just a giant slot machine.
And this robot just destroyed it, dude.
Wait, how big are they?
Six feet tall. Some of them are little to the grant. It's so cool
I want to see that size like the yeah air conditioner thing they fight. Yeah, they explode so you pop in the air
it's the best and
Wait, would I would you like be like I have the best battle bot this year like you're like
I'm I think mine is prepared ornaments. Do they have could one have like a drill or a Solzall? Yeah.
Wow.
A sword.
Like Derby?
Oh dude, you would love it.
I would love that because I love technology killing itself.
Yeah.
Like alarms, most play hitting.
Yeah.
They have like, you know, a router, you know how it has that divot.
They have one of those, but like this and it just spins around and it just fucking destroys.
Whoa.
It's so cool.
It's so cool. I want so cool. I wanna watch.
You battle bots is the best.
You should bet on battle bots.
Okay.
Do you wanna bet?
Yeah.
How?
I love gambling.
How do we do it?
I lost so much money in Vegas.
Dude, you gave us a dark time.
It was a bad time.
I kept calling Luke to check in.
But everything's fine.
How much?
How much you think?
$2,500.
No more.
Oh no, Ian Ly!
I just got a week and an Apple.
Oh, I made it back.
It's all right.
Did you?
In life working.
In life working, yes, but I did not make it back.
I made Segura lose some money when we were playing Blackjack and he, I don't think he would have.
Oh, dude, I brought a girl on a date.
I met her on Tinder in Vegas and I go, let's do you know how
to play blackjack? And she goes, no. And I go, I'll teach you. And it was me playing blackjack
with her sitting there and me going hit her stand. And then she'd be like hit. I'd be like, fine.
Damn it. All right, come on. Yeah. hit her. Yeah. I did the thing where I-
Using this poor, nice girl to like sit there so I don't gamble alone.
I did the thing where Segura was like, don't hit.
Because the, what's it called when the dealer-
Bust.
Bust.
And everybody would get money.
He was like, don't hit.
And I was like, no, I have a feeling.
And then I hit.
And then the, yeah.
And he was like, and he had given me the money.
I was like, I'm so sorry. Dude, sorry dude at one point trainer was there just giving me snacks
Oh, that's the best just literally being like go go bar. Yeah
Dude it at 530 in the morning. We're in the Mandalay Bay me and Dave. I'm gambling
I'm winning and every time he would come into my periphery
I would lose so it was just he and I were like one of the only ones there
and he's just a little man coming up going,
are you winning?
And I go, get away from me, stop!
And he would stand 10 feet away, smoking.
How about now?
Oh my God.
You lost 3K, wait.
I got it back.
On Blackjack?
Let me tell you something though.
My merging has never been better. So. Yeah, I'm it back. Blackjack. Let me tell you something, though, my
merging has never been better.
So, yeah, I'm not selling any
merchant. He keeps trying to send it
to places, but then I don't know what
to do. Does he send it to a location?
I sell it and then I can ship
the box back home.
Or what do I do?
I'm not bringing in the next game.
I'm not doing that.
Well, then I don't know what to tell
you.
I get your knuckles dirty.
I can't because I have a big rig now of the camera and I have Geppetto.
It's not her name, her name's Coyote.
Well you might be able to overnight it to the next spot that you're going.
You could do that.
Yeah. Just like take it to a UPS place or something and overnight it.
Get the club to print out a label, slap it on there and I'm done.
But I bring a duffel bag with me and whatever I don't sell,
I put in the bag, I bring it to the next gig
and calibrate my orders on what I need to have the amount
that I had going in the last gig.
I can't do that because I have too much stuff already.
What if you do like limited sent to the clubs
that you're going, so like send like 20 to each club
or whatever. How much should I send for one weekend? Let's talk about this all.
Wait, what were we saying? BattleBots. Luke Mone's story. Oh, here you tell it,
Ethan. Well, I wasn't there. Oh, so Luke is like, this is set up. It's fake, right? So we get a, uh, VIP
tour of the battle bots backstage. We get to meet the bots. Why? Well, because Bill
Dwyer, the guy who was the original host of battle bots on comedy central is now the host
of battle bots at the live event at the battle bot arena in Las Vegas. And he, when me and Atel went, they knew each other.
And so he came by the club, did a set,
and then we talked and he's like,
please come and be a guest at BattleBots under my name.
And I'm like, oh my God.
And so we got the VIP backstage introduction to the bots.
Wow. Oh yeah. And we got to meet the guys that were in charge to the bots. Wow.
Oh yeah.
And we got to meet the guys that were in charge of the bots.
I was just imagining you meeting the bots.
Hello, and then.
Oh yeah.
And we got to meet the guys.
I go up to something,
they gave like razor saw and I'm like, are you hurt?
Wait, but did you ask and Luke got?
I asked the guy, I go, hey, is this set up? My buddy over here thinks it's all fake.
And he goes, absolutely not.
He's a robot. And Luke hops in and goes, I never said that.
That's not true. I never know.
No, no.
Luke hops in as in Luke bends over.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Enters the conversation.
This large tree bends down with his branches.
Let me hug you. He is a tree.
A tree. Crazy.
Yeah. Just having Luke getting embarrassed over that
question was so embarrassing.
He threw me under the bus after I threw him under the bus.
He was like, that's not true.
I never said that.
He's making that up.
I know it's true.
I know it's real.
And I'm like, you're a liar.
He brought you to the side.
Yeah, yeah.
He took me aside.
I was like, why would you do that?
You're embarrassing me and him.
Don't you think that hurts his feelings?
Wouldn't he want to know the answer though?
It's the most important thing.
And then on top of him he goes, and you know he's lying, right?
Oh my god!
Dude, you're crazy.
That was so funny.
Let's wrap up and go to the
seller holiday party. How long are we?
Wow!
I love it.
Okay, fart?
Yes.
Oh!
Hahaha!
Was it hot?
It was hot and it was hot!
Braised carrots!
Oh! Oh, it's a whole stew.
It's chicken and carrot stew.
Don't!
Don't, you're going to bust it.
Oh, that was silent.
And you're going to want to get away.
Tune in next week.
We love you.
Bye bye. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.