Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 091: Fairly Puffy W/ Dan Soder

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod  Ian Fidance | Wild Happy & Free | Full Stand Up Special: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s WATCH DAN'S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lik3hSyhrY Support the show and get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription at https://www.babbel.com/SKA Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Dan Soder Here: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ See Dan Live: https://www.dansoder.com/tour WATCH DAN'S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lik3hSyhrY Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Hey everybody Enjoy the episode but also go watch my special Ian finance wild happy and free right here on the podcast YouTube page then come see me live punch up dot live Slash Ian finance. I'm coming all over This god darn great country of ours, and I can't wait to see you there to see you there. Watch a special oh yeah and share it and like it and comment that helps. Weehee woohoo enjoy the show. Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night.

It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt So why ride When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian, being Ian with Jordan. Your tailbone. Come back to another episode of being Ian with Jordan. I am so excited to be here.

I fell asleep. She fell asleep. I fell asleep too. How good was that nap though? Dude, you know how good it was? Is I woke up and I was like, where's my dog? And then I looked and she was in, she never does this. She was in her crate like completely passing out.

Yeah, cause she saw you and went, oh fuck, mom was down for the big one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because we flew all this morning and we played. I did Kid Rock's comedy show last night. Oh, at a national comedy. Oh, in Tennessee. I saw that. It was so fun. Yeah. Are you glad you did it? Yeah. Yeah.

Did he stay side stage on the other green room? Going like this. That's how we play. I went down there for the for the first year they did that. It's like two years ago because Big Jay, Shane and all them were on it. I went down there for the first year they did that, it's like two years ago, because Big J, Shane and all them were on it, and we were doing Moon Tower, and I was like, oh, I'll go down and hang out,

because we, oh, we had to do Bonfire. And so we did Bonfire from the Sirius XM Studios in Nashville, but I went and hung out at the Kid Rock Show. And I was like, this is the best. Did you do it? No, the only thing better than doing comedy is hanging out. Yeah. At comedy. It's going to work. Beautiful.

When you don't have to do it. And then I did. I didn't show up. I did. Really? Is I wonder if it's because he got high. You'll actually know he does meth now. He's there early and he's hawking stuff. It was fun. It was fun.

Like I did Ari's show there at the Ryman like two nights later and it's a beautiful fucking. It's the most beautiful. You're on stage and you're going like this is where Dolly Parton and all them like. Yeah. This is the old Granoloppa. Elvis maybe? Yeah. What?

Yeah. I love Elvis. I know. I'm getting an Elvis tattoo. Listen. What kind of tattoo? Well, I think I love Elvis. I'm getting an Elvis tattoo. Listen, I think... What kind of tattoo? Well, I think I might get... Don't do this. E-L-V-I-S and then J-I-M-I for Elvis, Presley and Jimi Hendrix.

On the inside of your fingers. You gotta do outside. No, I'm not getting knuckle tattoos. You're gonna get little hands. But those are gonna wear. I like it. It looks like prison. I have a little smiley face here. It's worn out. Looks like I served time in Folsom County.

I like that. It looks like you got bit by a little rat. Let me see. Yeah, now that looks like you drew on yourself in homeroom. That doesn't look like prison. They took my Trapper Keeper away. I don't know what to do. Oh, that's what it looks like that you snagged your skin in your travel keeper.

Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah. With the pinch holes. Yes. Oh, what a pain. Oh yeah. What a fucking pain. Sometimes you do it on purpose and you know it.

Well, me and my... Oh! Me and my... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming and you're like, what the fuck, Dan? Me and my cousins got matching smiley face tattoos everywhere and And I went here and the guy's tattooing it. And he goes, I'm going to be honest, this is the first time I've ever tattooed this spot before.

And I was like, well, let's go. And it's, but I like it. It's faded. Did that hurt like a motherfucker? I'm covered so it doesn't. Now let me ask you a follow up question about Elvis. Does the pedophilia bother you? About?

Elvis. Oh, I thought you meant in general. I mean, what's your thoughts the pedophilia bother you? About Elvis. Oh, I thought you meant in general. I mean, what's your thoughts on pedophilia? On the record, yes! You go kid loving. Four or this? Does it bother you? That's the casual way of calling it. When you jerk off little kids, they see a smile.

And that makes them happy. You go look! You were going to be like the pedophilia of like, kids like smiley faces, so they're going to like this. So you're going to up the kid plus you get it. Kid loving, calling pedophilia kid loving. Kid loving. It's like a pedophile thing to say.

Yeah, you're going to go like, hey guys, relax, my friend's a pedophile, call it kid loving while he's here. He doesn't like the P word. The P word is really offensive. Have you seen the Drake and Josh, Drake, you Drake, you know, the Nickelodeon thing? Okay, but Drake came out with a music video. He was molested that bad. He was molested so bad.

Like, Gordon Elbin? We watched it on Skanks and, dude, I was like, we need to slow down. Like, this is too crazy. When you speak through music like that, when you think you're gonna get your point across through music, your brain is scrambled. But that's the problem is there's nothing vague about it. It's literally him. It says Drake on a little kid's director's chair. He goes into a trailer with a grown man.

It comes out, he's covered in blood in a doctor's thing. And then the camera pans and goes over a cream. And you're like, huh, wow, we're still on this cream. And it stays on the cream for like 15 seconds. Like coffee cream? What kind of cream? A topical cream. You Google it, anal pain cream.

There had to have been a moment where the director went, I think we should move on from the shot. And he went, hold it. There had to be. Like he was doing Apocalypse Now. He goes, no, no, no. Hold longer on the cream. I want to- Just because you said that, hold longer.

Hold it. It's, you need to, it's actually- I am going to watch it. I don't. The only thing I can think is that he, they paid for the music video. That's the only reason to hover that long. Yeah, no, it was absolutely paid for by him.

No, no, by- The cream? The cream. They go, can you put us in? Well, you think it was sponsored by the cream? That's actually crazy. If it came back to the boardroom. They're not gonna be like, for when you're raped.

Yeah, guys, nothing softens the blow of anal rape than this cream, which by the way, if you're gonna get down in the dirt, go for it. Drake's like, look, I haven't done music in a while, but I secured funding for this video. We're going to have to focus heavy on the cream. All right. Good news, bad news.

Crafty's going to be amazing. Bad news, we're going to have to hold on this anal cream for a while. Hold on the cream, hold on the cream, hold on the cream, and pan to a little child's asshole. Yeah, and blood. Blood in the cream, you go, that's the, I don't want that. It was blood right in the cream, it's so crazy.

If you think about it, blood and cream is the PB and J of pedophilia. It's true. That's true. Delicious? No, there's cum in there too, let's be honest. Well, the cream, what is it really? What is it? Blood, anal, cream, cum, that's the PB, J.

That's it. PB and J. Jizz, it's peanut butter and Jizz. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna watch that. I'm absolutely gonna. I'm not. That's a car ride home.

Did you watch the doc? The Nickelodeon doc? We explored it on the bonfire when reports came out that everything I heard from the doc we already knew. Okay, okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So it's like I had the case file and they were like, they did the movie based on it, and you go, I read the documents.

It really makes you watch and be like, damn, I did watch a lot of girls basically get cum on their face. Like it's so many cum shots. Wait, what? So foot stuff with all the foot stuff, you're like, damn, it was right with foot stuff. They just show how many little girls are like, oh,

and it's like a squirt down, like a young, whatever Britney Spears' sister is. Jamie Lynn Spears and like Ariana Grande. They really did a lot of it. You ever see Ariana Grande get a cum shot? Well, it's like her. You can see her trying to milk a potato, which looks like she's trying to jerk a dick.

No. Yeah, and she's a little kid. And the guy made her do that? Yeah. Oh yeah. And she's like, give me the juice, I want the juice. I need it. No.

I fucking need it. And the guy goes, I gotta go to my trailer. I fuck it. Jesus Christ, this is hot. And he goes. And he's, she's laying down in the bed pouring water down her throat. And she's like. Nuh-uh.

Yeah. Once you see it for what it is, you go, damn, dude, they were just indoctrinated. They just indoctrinated the whole generation. The thing, oh my God, your feet are so soft. And then everybody's feeling all the toes of it. Let's mush strawberries. Oh, yeah. It was basically the equivalent of.

You can't jerk off to it. That is not good. If you watch it now, but Ariana Grande, but you think about it now. You can't do that. OK. You can't do that. Let me just stop you right there. OK. You can't do that. Hey, I'm just here to ask questions. It reminds me of my favorite. Chris Laker. The same. Hey, I'm just here to ask questions. To be honest, she looks the same.

Chris Laker. Really? The same. Chris Laker had the greatest joke where he was like, you don't realize when you're 12 years old, how limited of a time you have to jerk off to 12 to 14 year old girls. And he's like,

cause you're just thinking about ladies when you're that age. It's one of my favorite jokes of all time. That's a great joke. And then you grow up and you go like, I can't go back. I gotta fucking, when you're 12 to 14, you're jokes of all time. And then you grow up and you go like, I can't go back. When you're 12 to 14, you're thinking of grown women. Stay right there. Stay right there. But yeah, that that documentary you're like.

But also it made sense because you're like, this is a Nickelodeon was an empire. And whatever there's an empire, there's always the document. There's a fat, ugly guy who gets power. There is pedophilia. He goes, can I just do my thing? Yeah. And they go, well, this is what got you there. It was his Northern Star.

That's what drove him to be. Was he like, hey, let's, now the foot thing will be funny. You'll get it in the edit. That's what it is. That's what he says. Really? Yeah, and they're like, this is weird.

And he's like, and they're like, okay. He was like a czar. Yeah, and he also, I this is weird and he's like and they're like, okay, he was like a Tsar yeah, and he also I mean like he's bad But the guy that actually raped them was the acting coach The acting coach was like the one that like Amanda Bynes. I don't know but her brain is so fried that she's got dog food for brain Yeah, they talked to her. They interview her in the she probably was like just Smoking a cigarette facing the window going, you don't want to open that can of worms. Really?

Probably. When they're like, Amanda, we're doing a documentary. And she goes, Did they not interview her? I don't think she's in it. Wow. I don't know. Look that up. What does she look like now?

I never. She gave a statement. She just pretty much said that she didn't, like she had no comment on the subject. No comment means holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. I can't speak because there's still a dick in my mouth. Or also might be a thing where she goes well you guys kind of fucking my whole thing up Like you might have something coming story. Yeah

Because if you have that you want to Let's face facts you want to profit off it. Yeah, so if someone else does the documentary you go I can't give you my sexy details. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I can't give you the and And if you do, you gotta go out and get more molesting stories for your thing. That's exactly it. It took bits. Can't give it away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, you're like- I gotta work on this new hour of getting molested. Yeah, yeah, crime stories are gonna go, I don't know, I'm gonna go back in time. I'm gonna get fucked by a neighbor. They build her up so much

that maybe they're planning on season two. There might be. I wouldn't be surprised. Amanda Bynes speaks. Yeah, the return of Bynes. Is she all fried out now? How do you know? You've looked at interviews? Oh, she's like.

Tattoos on her face. No way, get the fuck outta here. Amanda Bynes went, by the way, she did go fully insane and then came back and was like. But she probably went insane cause she had did compartmentalize all that shit that happened to her. Yeah, of course.

Ronan and I were talking about this yesterday on my podcast. It has to be the people that go crazy, the people around them never get in trouble. And those are the people that make those people go crazy. And it's like, why aren't you talking to Britney Spears' mom, her dad, her manager, all these people that did all this fucked up shit.

And I bet they go crazy by being like, hey, this stuff's happening. And the people around them go, no, it's not. Well, it's a gravy train. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, listen, that does suck. Oh my God, you got your feet sucked. I need you to go out and do the show.

Yeah. Because I'm about to get 45K for you. Yeah, it's like half a cigar, but times a million. Yeah. You know, that was the whole thing. I just said, or did you just agree? I agreed because I was trying to get off. No, no, have a cigar by Pink Floyd is about like them getting ragged. I thought it was Lewinsky, honestly.

Oh, no, no, no. Have a cigar is like how Pink Floyd, like at the height of their fame, their record labels, like you got to keep going. You got to keep going. You and they wanted to like take a break. But it was like basically like milking the cow till there's no more milk. Do they? That's this business. That's entertainment. Yeah. They go like, go, go, go, go, go. They're like, you're a horse. You're a racehorse. Yeah. And they're like, oh, but not with the things you want to do. They're always like, yeah keep touring.

Do you want to do an unscripted reality show where you play a dog? And I'm like, no. And they're like, we're gonna pitch you for it. Yeah, and they go, and you go, I don't really want to do that. And they go like, well it is like 70,000 an episode. And you go, woof.

Woof? So is that, I'm collared or do I have a heart? Am I standing or am I on four legs? Do I have, can I lift my leg when I piss? Artistic merit. How long do I have to be a dog? The rest of my life? Okay, I could do that.

I could squat. I could squat. I could squat, I can squat anyway. I am a dog, I am a dog, I already am a dog. Oh my God, I identify as the golden retriever. And then I'm nuts 10 years later and you're like, you know Dan was caught in the park fucking a tree. You know what I'm saying?

My penis is painted red. I'm like. Just being like. Good dog fuck act out. Oh yeah, we forgot to introduce our guest. Oh yeah, whatever. Dude, we're just rolling, fuck it. No name.

The great dance owner. That's so funny to be like, you do the dog fuck act out, and it's like, with a severe dance owner. Oh, that reminds me. Oh, dance owner! Oh my God. Oh, hey, hey, stop.

In case anybody was tricked by his perfect dog. That's not really a dog. That's Dan. I'm gonna fuck you up. That's a human man. You guys ready for me to fuck your shit up? That's a dude. It also would be funny if you,

that's how you find out iPodcast is by dog commands. We go, sit, stop it, it's Dance Rider. That's what we have to do with Jordan. Yeah, that is true. I broke my tailbone speaking of tails. How? I don't know, but it hurts so bad. Did you fall?

No. That's all I got. That's all I got. That's like the list. Did someone knee you in the tailbone by accident? No, that's how it happened when I was a child. That's happened to me when I was a child. Now let me ask you a question. You have to be like, what?

Does it heal or is it just possibly been floating around since that break? Because the coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx. So stupid. Does it heal back on I don't know you didn't break your tail she didn't a doctor didn't go you broke your

tailbone it hurts she just hurt her. I need to sit on a donut. Yeah, do you have a donut? You know what, use this. This pillow's good. That's good. That's a good pillow. I have more pillows. You want more pillows? Does that help? That's it. Now we're cooking with gas. Now we're cooking with gas. I can play with this knife.

Yes. Knives assemble. But how do you feel about Elvis and the pedophilia? Yeah, I'm gonna go with the pedophilia. I we're cooking with gas. I can play with his knife. Everything's going A-OK. Knives assemble. But how do you feel about Elvis and the pedophilia? Yeah, do you? I love Elvis. He's not a pedophile.

Yeah, he married Priscilla when she was 14. But he had permission! Sure, dude. It was a different time. He wasn't eight. These are all classic kid fucking excuses. No, it's kid loving. Imagine, think about a 14 year old.

We've established this. How old was Elvis? Look at Ethan. He was 24. They were more mature back then. No, they weren't. Elvis isn't a bad guy. Yes he is.

No he's not. He stole rock and roll from black people. No, he propped up rock and roll and it gave black people credit. I'm gonna tell you right now, you've seen any interview with Elvis, you can just see that the N-word fell out of his mouth all the time.

Really? Or he's like, well, I don't know. He's from Memphis. It was a different time. He was Elvis, oh, you know he's from Memphis. But I'm saying, do you look past it? Clearly, do you hear my arguments? They're falling apart.

I know, you are fucking getting, you're getting crushed. And you keep just coming in with like, Andy was racist, Andy stole it, I'm like, but he, ugh. But he did party with those pills. Yeah. And fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches are fucking unbelievable.

That's what he eats? That's how he got all fat. Just that? He like, his thing was he would munch pills and then he'd eat fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches. Why you gotta fry it? I don't know, but why not? Have you ever had it?

It's fucking good. Really? Yeah, it is. You've never had a fried banana? It's basically a plantain. Yeah, but I'm saying it's a fried banana and peanut butter sandwich. Yeah, get it going.

Get those taste receptors going. You know what my favorite? Dog out. It's time to dog out. I'm gonna fuck you up. Peanut butter and pickle sandwich. Favorite sandwich. Dude, someone said that to me the other day. Why is that people say that now? It was me. Now hold on now. Oh, I'm gonna fart. It's so funny. I'm the only person who's ever eaten that. Is it the- It's so- We were poor and that's all we had and now I'm addicted to it. Okay, but is it the, is it this, what kind of pickle? Like dill or sweet? It's gotta be a crispy pickle. Crispy dill.

Crispy fucking crispy pickle on a sandwich. And by the way, the thing about peanut butter is it doesn't get enough credit for how it meshes so well with everything. I think peanut butter's the best food ever. Dog testicles. Yeah, oh butter is the best food ever. Dog testicles. My testicles.

My testicles for my dog. The other day I was carrying something like protein and I had my dog and he goes, can I ask you something gross? And I was like, I guess. And he goes, is that peanut butter? And I was like, Oh no! It really pissed me off. Dude, you know what happened in the park the other day? Oh, because of the pussy thing.

Ready for this? Which does make more sense, because I think for a woman getting her pussy ate by a dog, it's easier, because a dog can't suck. A dog can lick, but a dog can't suck. So I think for a woman, you can find completion through a dog. No matter how many times you take them to Justin Silver's dog training, the dog will not learn how to suck. We're going to teach him how to suck.

Justin is so weird. I love it. He's like, if you want your dog to learn to go around your legs, under your legs, knock you over, pick you back up, and I'm like, I just want my dog to sit. Do you want your dog to learn high cues? I don't think that's possible. I don't even know high cues. But you were saying, what happened the other day?

Guy in the park, he has three huge dogs, big fat boys. And he's like, are you Jordan Jensen? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, I've seen your stuff, big fan. And I was like, oh, thanks, man. He goes, my friend said that he saw Jesus. And I was like, oh, all right. And he goes, I think we're all gonna start transcending our bodies soon. And I was like. What? I was like, huh, all right. And he goes, I think we're gonna start, I think we're all gonna start transcending our bodies soon.

And I was like, what? I was like, huh. Like Heaven's Gate shit? Really weird. And I was like, huh, I thought about transension when I was in college a little bit, but I think I just was too fat and wanted to not be fat anymore. Trying to make it, trying to get out of it.

And he goes, yeah, things are really gonna start changing now that it's after the eclipse. And I was like, I gotta go. It was the weirdest normal guy turn into weird guy. It was really bizarre. There is a chance that he goes home and he goes, I saw Jordan Jensen and fucked with her pretty good in the park.

That guy's, if that, if yes, dude. That's the best case scenario. That would be the love of my life. If he did that, that's my favorite thing. He goes, Jordan, hey, I met you in the park. I was just fucking with you. You wanna get a drink sometime? Oh, I would fuck him and his dogs immediately. Oh my God. Your dogs can watch, let's get favorite thing. He goes, Jordan, hey, I met you in the park. I was just fucking with you. You wanna get a drink sometime? Oh, I would fuck him and his dogs immediately.

Oh my God. Your dogs can watch. Let's get in there. And the protein was peanut butter. That happened to... That happened to me. So let's slap it on and see who they go for. On fucking, on the L, I had my bike

and I was coming back from Manhattan and this guy looked exactly like a fucking, uh, come town fan and he goes, Nick, Nick, are you Nick? And I was like, nah, man, I'm not fucking Nick. And, uh, he goes, okay. And he walks away and I was like, that motherfucker, he's probably fucking with me, like trying to be like a fucking whatever. So I get on my bike and I biked home and I realized people are different than me and that's okay.

Well, he was walking and I was gonna fuck with him. It like really stuck in my crawl. And so he got you mad. Yeah, and so he, I go, hey, hey, and I was gonna go, it's Nick. Give him the finger and like right away. But I had a bag on my handlebars and when I went hey Hey, the bag went in my front spoke

and I went nose over tail no way flew off my bike fell on the ground and he had to come over and pick me up and then he goes hey man I'm a fan I was just fucking with you and I had to have him help me up and I'm all cut up. And at the same time, I had a GoPro on my bike that was recording and it's all recorded. Wow, patreon.com slash B&E and Pod.

You have it? Put it on the Patreon. So funny if he would have picked you up, he goes, I'm actually a Stavi guy. And you go, what the fuck? What the fuck, man? Yeah, that is very funny that, I mean, first off, someone knowing who you are, great.

You going over your handlebars in front of that person, you're at the same level. You guys are- Oh, immediately, you're a fan of yourself. You are an automatic fan of yourself. He can never pay for a ticket to see you ever in his life. If you're that guy watching, free ticket. Good job. But haven't you ever blown up, dude, you're that guy watching, free ticket. Good job.

But haven't you ever blown up, dude, you ever blown up a bathroom and then gone on stage and knew that everybody knew that you were blowing up the bathroom and you're the person going on stage? That's my biggest fear. At a college gig once, and it was the most terrible experience because I tried to get out ahead of it, and I go, yeah, I was the guy in the bathroom.

Sorry, I shit, okay? Anyway, they just hated me. Really? On the last episode I said this, but it was about you. The scariest thing I've ever seen is I was at Tampa side splitters, god my ass. I thought you were gonna fart. Yeah, my god damn ass, dude.

I thought you were gonna fart. It really hurts. That would've been so great. It feels like I was on the monkey bars and I fell through. Oh, what did you do? I don't know. You gotta know.

I've been doing a lot of weights. Yeah, Oh, what did you do? I don't know. You gotta know. I've been doing a lot of weights. Yeah, probably. You might have pulled something that honestly, you know, it's crazy about it. You might have hurt something else and it goes up through that muscle. And that's why you're feeling it. That's where on your body. Like sometimes you've had like on my tailbone, like right on your body.

Yeah. Yeah. It might be like you pulled something in your lower back and it's pulling that muscle. That's right Yeah, yeah, probably stretch a couple days. You'll be good. Well elevate your feet Okay, side splitters side splitters. I come out of the bathroom. I told this on the last it's crazy He's here. I come out of the bathroom and I was like remember this you'll remember Do you remember that year? Oh, maybe I told on different pod. I came out of the bathroom and This girl was like,

that was that great set. And she was like, come goblin. Yeah, I said it here. Come, yeah. And she looked very young, short, you know, my nightmare. And then I was like, oh, and I kind of wanted to get away from her. So I looked and saw a poster of you and I was like,

oh, you should come next weekend and see my buddy Dan. And she was like, he's so hot. And I was like, yeah, I think he's, I think he's pretty, pretty betrothed though, and she goes, and then she goes, dude, I think about this every day, she goes, oh, he'll cheat, and I was like, what? And she goes, they all cheat.

And I was like, oh! And then did she evaporate? And I know, into her face I went, you are my nightmare, and then I walked away. That is a woman that looks forward to destroying families. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And I-

Those people are evil. I don't cheat. I love my fiance. I said that to her. Yeah. They're a good couple. Back off. I always, you know what's funny is when I first started going on the road when we were dating,

Katie was like, I'm a, you know, like you're on the road. I'm afraid you're going to cheat on me. And I go, no, because I would immediately come. I'm old enough, and this is me being old enough and wise enough cheat on me. And I go, no, because I would immediately come. I'm old enough. And this is me being old enough and wise enough to know I would come and go, I wish you were Katie. Yes. And I go, so honestly, it makes more sense to go beat off.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, then I'll FaceTime Katie. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no guilt. Yeah. Because now I don't drink.

I don't do the things that would make you go, I can get away with this. Yeah. And also I don't want to. I don't drink, I don't do the things that would make you go, I can get away with this. And also I don't want to. I don't really know the appeal. I love my fiance. I'm genuinely in a relationship where I like the person I'm with. Yeah!

This isn't like a... That's the best. This isn't like a relationship where I feel obligated. Everything I do is I'm like, no, I love hanging out with her. Like I love. That's awesome. Is she cool?

What does she look? She's the best dude. She's the best dude. Really? She is cool. She showed me, the other day she goes, have you seen this Jordan Jensen joke? And she showed me the one about Oliver,

the guy on the dating app. Oh yeah. And she's like, this is so good. We were both watching it like, God damn, she's big, Katie's big fan of yours. Is she like unapproachably hot though? No, she's great.

She's like hot, but she's cool. She's growing next door. She doesn't have big fake titties? No. You've never seen Katie? No. Oh, she's great. You guys should get along famously.

Wasn't she on Celebrity Jeopardy? Yeah, she almost won it. Yeah, yeah, she was killing it on that. She almost won it at Celebrity Jeopardy. It was fucking sick. She did awesome. She's good at that? Yeah, she beat one of the guys from Wings. That was pretty cool.

Wait, why was she on it if she's not a celebrity? She's a celebrity. She's a celebrity. She had a show on Fox Sports and ESPN. Katie Nolan. Kate Middleton. No, the princess. The princess?

She's from, hello, I'm her side dick from The King. Can I look her up? Yeah, you can look her up. What's her name? Katie Nolan. Dude, if you see her, you'll know her. Oh my God, Amanda Bynes, Jesus Christ. Is that the food? Yes., you can look her up. What's her name? Katie Nolan. Dude, if you see her, you'll know her. Oh my God, Amanda Bynes, Jesus Christ.

Yes. Amanda Bynes is nuts. Katie Nolan. Dude, you've seen her. She rules. Hey everybody, want an easy way to be a better person every day? Check out Babble.

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and only swipe on girls that have Spanish profiles. Babbel.com slash Skah. Thanks. Oh, she's so cute. And she is unapproachably hot. Well, I mean, I can touch her because I'm her fiance.

Oh, she's so cute. Yeah, but she rules. Yeah. Big fan. That's awesome. I love that. Literally, I'm not, by the way, this ain't Hollywood bullshit. She genuinely showed me that Oliver joke yesterday before I got in the shower.

That's awesome. Yeah. That's great. That dog's name, dog's name. We've been saying that. Oh, Oliver Jones. Dog's name, dog's name. But yeah, I'm 40, I don't want it. No, man, I got it.

I got the person that I'm gonna push. Now the worry is if she dies, I will spiral and you will have to pull me out of a fucking opium den. That's where I'm at. I'm not a side pussy. What am I, fucking 20? How old were you when you guys got together? We've been together four and a half years.

Oh, no. It was right before the pandemic. Yeah. Twenty nineteen. I remember we used to play Ghosts of Tsushima. Yeah, we would get on chat during the fucking pandemic. Yeah. And she's fucking great at Call of Duty. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. And she we play Rocket League every night. Did she smoke weed? Yeah.

Wow. Why are you off weed? That's what I wanted to ask. I just it's time, dude. I've been getting high since I was, I'm coming back in June. Oh. I'm just doing two months. I mean, that's cool.

Yeah. I just, I'm going to do it casually when I come back. I'm not going to do it. Were you going hard? Medicinally. Yeah. What were you running from? Death. Yeah.

Sadness. Death is, death sucks. Yeah. Just running from all the shit that I didn't deal with. Your own death or the death of others? No, my dad's and my sister's and my aunt's and the decay of my father's family and just, you know, all that fucking teenage bullshit. And I'm also really good at getting fucked up. Oh, really?

You're a good time. I'm really good at getting fucked up. Like I'm very, when I quit drinking, people were legitimately bummed out. When did you quit drinking? Eleven years ago. And so then I was just getting high as fuck since then. When did you quit drinking? 11 years ago. And so then I was just getting high as fuck since then. And when you get baked, you don't get scared? Oh, I get super scared.

OK. I tell Katie that. I go, I'm going to go get very scared. And I smoke a whole bat. And we call it scared. Really? Yeah, we say, let's go get scared. Oh.

I do binger bongers. I fucking do edibles. What's a binger bong? It's a bong. It's a fat bong hit. What? Does she get scared? She does little bits.

We do Katie size bites. Do you do? Do you do gravity bongs? I haven't been a walk in. I eat those for breakfast. Dude, it's so funny you said that because I just was on a podcast with Katie talking about quitting smoking weed. And I talked about doing gravity bong hits and I sent their producer this picture of me

when I was 16. Oh, that's some ass. Fucking ripping. Is that out of a litter box? God damn right it is. Ha ha, yeah! Good eye. Ian, Ian with the eagle eye.

Oh my God. But yeah, in my garage, by the way, what you can't see, and Ian, you'd appreciate this, is that frog ashtray right behind my head. It was a frog's mouth where the tongue, you could rest the cigarette on. I miss that ashtray. I used to do gravity bung heads.

I don't know what happens in your brain where something switches and all of a sudden goes from, like I remember I could smoke endless weed, blood every morning before school. Love it. Shout out Joey Owens. Coming to my house at seven. So I went to Cancun when I was 16,

because I had like a job so I could pay for it. And my friends and I went, I went with my friends older brother and his sister and my friend, and we went to Fat Tuesdays, which is in Cancun, and they had this thing called an attitude adjustment, which was like a drink you could buy, right?

We take it back to Aurora, pop a little rubber stopper in there, melt it, we turn it into a bong called the attitude adjustment. So Joey Owens would come over before first period, we'd do about four attitude beers. And then first period people were mad. Don't remember it. Geometry was tough.

Me and my friend would be down. I just remember specifically getting in trouble because we were laughing so hard that we had to put our foreheads down on the table, but we weren't using our arms, so our hands were just at our side and we were just shivering. It was so, one time we went to a fucking potluck

and I show up, we're so baked, and it's my mom's potluck, and she always had these lesbian potlucks. Nice. And we go in and we're like so high and we're so scared and we're like, dude, we're going to go in, we're going to get snacks, we're going to go up to your room. So many snacks.

Go in, just go in and get out. We get in, everybody's coming up to me and they're like, Jordan. And I'm like, what is going on? What is going on? And then Brianna's like in the corner with a whole wheel of cheese. She's like, and I'm like, you got to help me. Everybody's coming up to me. My mom was like, this is your potluck. I had this for your graduation. And I was cooked. And then it was like it was a graduation potluck. She had us all sit around a table and she goes, everybody go around and say one thing that you love about Jordan.

And I was literally like, I was like shaking, cold, gray. Oh, my God. Also couldn't stop eating. Brianna had abandoned me emotionally. I love it. She was just in food last week. Jesus Christ. We had off campus, I went to a really big high school, like 3,000 kids.

Oh my God. And it was open campus. So you could go get lunch anywhere. But you go home, my house, and smoke weed. Cause you could smoke weed at my house. So we, you know, we'd like go smoke blunts or whatever. Me and my friend Byron go and get fucking ripped. And we're in physics, fifth period physics together.

And we come in and there's all these Russians. I don't know, we had an international baccalaureate program so we had like a lot of foreign kids. And we had all these Russians. And this fucking kid Boris was wearing a goddamn Fedorov jersey. He was wearing a fucking Redwings Fedorov jersey. And Byron and I are ripped.

And we're just sitting in class trying to be incognito. And Boris is high. And we can tell Boris is high. And they're doing like the noises that tubes make. And they're like, you know, like showing like what makes. They're doing the physics of that. Oh, okay, okay.

And Boris is behind us going, oh, dude, we started laughing, and Byron has a very distinct laugh, he goes, hee hee hee hee, and he starts going, and I was like, dude, I'm like, ah, ah, he was like holding my head like an ice cream headache, I was like, ah,

and my teacher's like, it is not that funny, it is not that funny, and we were like, ah, ah! Dude, my favorite was, so we'd do Attitubers, and I had AP English second period. And one time, my mom, cause my mom would go to work before me, and it was just me and my mom.

So I was like, so I was like, oh, it's come over. I was like, Joey, oh yeah, let's get fucking big. And we're fucking, I'm like, dude, getting fucked up in the morning is the best. It is the best thing ever. So we're doing Attitude-ers. Oh my god, yes. Now it's the worst thing I can ever dream of.

I had a joke about that on my Comedy Central special, my half hour, which is true. It's like, you drink before school, and everyone's like, this guy fucking parties. And then at 29, you drink before work. And they're like, you need to talk. And you're like, yeah, big time. I'm going through a lot.

But Joey came over. And the Attitude, what, big time. I'm going through a lot. But Joey came over and like the attitude, what was great about it is it started the rubber stopper because it was in plastic and you know, like it started having movement to it. So you could almost play it like an instrument where you'd be like, and then you could push it in on the rubber part and it would get milky. So you could take a fucking real harsh bong hit.

And so we're fucking, I'm like, do fuck first period. Fuck first period, let's just get fucked up and smoke cigarettes and just stare at the ground. Like, get that kind of high, we're like, just silent in my garage, just smoking candle lights, like, I don't know. And so, Owens and I just get, and he works at a rehab center now, shout out Joey,

I love you, you're turning your life around. Hey, one day at a time, we all got it. But we're just fucking. He works at it. He works at it. He gets people out of it. Yeah, but he's sober. Yeah, he's sober.

Yeah, no, you're right, one day at a time. Yeah, thank you. These guys, all my friends I partied with, we're all fucking sober now. So, and I'll be back the week, don't worry. But we're taking Attitubers, and we're just like fucked up, and I was like, oh shit, I gotta go to fucking AP English. But my high school was overpopulated.

So we had mobile classrooms out front, like mobile. Oh, those trailers. Yeah, we had trailers. Oh, okay. And it was winter. And I just remember it was, it snowed and somehow snow makes noise, carry a lot more. And I'm fucking so high.

And I'm like, dude, I didn't read Dostoevsky and I gotta go in and fucking talk about this shit. And I'm so high driving to school and I like pull up and I'm like, fuck. And I remember walking up the ramp of the trailer to go and it's like wood and I have snow boots on. So it's like, boom, boom, boom. And I'm late.

And I'm like, boom, boom, boom. And I touch the door and I go, nah. And I turn around and I go, boom, boom, boom, and I'm late. And I'm like, boom, boom, boom. And I touch the door and I go, nah. And I turn around and I go, boom, boom, boom. And all my friends in my class were like, everyone watched you walk through the window up in bail. And I was just like, nah. I just went back to my car and smoked a cigarette and I was like, I'll go to third period.

And I was just chilling in my car listening to music. Like I'm fucking stoked. I have a good one. I have a good one. I have a good one. You have one? Uh huh. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, you, no.

I'll go first. Well, mine's sad. Mine's good. Mine's happy. Oh, good then sad. Good then sad? Good then sad. Okay, so one time me and Brianna,

my best, still my best friend, lives close by still. We got so fucked up. And we were at my mom, one of my moms had a salon next to my house. After hours, we're in there doing nails, ripped a blunt, doing nosies, shotgun nosies. Oh my God.

So real quick side story. Side story because I feel like we're kindred spirits. Did you ever body bag? What's a body bag? A body bag is you take like a little athletic bag and you take a blunt and you shock on yourself. So you put the blunt, reverse it, you know, so you push the smoke out. Right. And then you take the bag and you zip it up. Oh, my. And then you fucking blow the weed smoke and then you unzip it enough to take the blunt out and hand it off.

And then you just squeeze the bag until you breathe it. I don't know how efficient it was, but we were always trying new stuff. We were always trying to do it off the nose. Wait, what's that? Off the hand, sorry, where you lick your hand and then you blow it. We would do nosies off the hand,

which is where you turn the blunt around, blow it and you go off the hand. You should do a shotgun on the hand. Yeah, and then you do a line on it. Into your nose. Oh yeah. That was what we were trying to do. Yeah, I mean, a shotgun on the hand. Yes. And then you do a line of it. Into your nose. Oh, yeah. That was what we were trying to do. Yeah. I mean, shotguns were the shit. You guys do the strikeout.

What strikeout? Strikeout was when you took the rip of the blunt and then you chug a beer, do a shot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was a fucking fucking senior year. We were trying to go nine innings. Yeah. That was the fucking best. That's like a power hour where you do a shot of beer,

then every ten minutes you do a Texas power hour, which is a shot of beer once a minute, and then at the ten minute mark you do a shot of Jack, and you do that for an hour. And then you throw up. And if you don't throw up, you're fucked. If you don't throw up, you're Gary Soderson. That's what happens.

Oh, really? Oh, they just absorb? I was drinking like a goddamn nomVet when I was 17. I could fucking go. Your boy could go to a 15 round fight. Were you doing the handles where you bite off the thing that makes it come out slow? Remember doing that, biting off the plastic piece? Yeah, and then you...

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah. I grew up in Colorado, but I went to college in Arizona. So that goes from altitude. So I was superhuman when I went to college. Oh, that's right when I went to Colorado. I just walked through everybody. Dude, I'm fine in Colorado,

but my ex-boyfriend got so fucked up there that he could not, the only thing he could say was J-Bo. J-Bo. Which was his nickname for me. So I'd be like, are you okay? And he'd be like, J-Bo, J-Bo, J-Bo. And then we went in and we were staying at my aunt's house and he was like, what's going on?

And he was like, J-Bo. He would not say any other word. Love it. We were ripping gravity bongs upstairs. I've been here since 2007 and we were ripping gravity bongs upstairs and the only, we got one of those repeaters where the only thing he could say was hot dog bun.

Dude, I just told this story to Katie before I left. Hot dog bun. And he went, I grew up with, and if you were there in the kitchen that day, it was called the foo spa. One of my best friends, Michael Foo Jack, I'll up with, and if you were there in the kitchen that day, it was called the foo spa. One of my best friends, Michael food, Jack, I'll give his full legal name, upstanding citizen.

Shout out food, Jack. Probably one day at a time. Food, food, food, food, food. So we were doing gravity bong hits. The picture I showed you. We were doing those. After school fucking like three each, you know? Yeah. And he's in my kitchen. He's in my kitchen.

And he's standing there and he just goes. And then he collapsed. And then he went and threw up and we were like, what was that? And we just called it a foospaz. So it was a foospa. That's how you're like, dude, let's get foospa. And you just want to get so high that you were foospa's.

Anyways, back to your moms after hours of happy fun. So we're in there and we got too cooked. We got way too high. And then we go out and we're like, Brianna's like, dude, I can't find my coat. And I was like, this is going to sound crazy, but I also can't find my coat. And we were like, so then we high searched the entire salon

and we're like, this doesn't make sense. And we're like, I think somebody came in, stole the coats and left while we were in the back room. But we were like, we're too high, that's not true. So we scoured it and then we went up into my mom's room and my mom did not care how fucked up we were. She was like, she was like, what? And we were like, we're too high to call the cops,

but they stole like our phones, our jackets, our wallets are on it. And she was like, fuck you. And we were like, we're too high to call the cops, but they stole like our phones, our jackets, our wallets, our own and she was like, fuck you. And we were like, all right, so we have to do it. So we called the cops. Call the police? We had to, we were so poor, we needed our little flip phones. 9-1-1 or is the actual problem?

9-1-1. Jesus. 9-1-1. We were so high. Oh my God. There ain't no coming back from that one. We're like, okay, just whatever you do, just like try and keep it together. We're like eye dropping and it smells like weed.

And what happens is they show up and we're like keeping it together. One guy is interrogating us slash like flirting with us. Yeah, where he's like, so. Yeah. You guys are naughty little girls. So do you think your boyfriend took the coat? Yeah.

Did you guys watch Nickelodeon? And we're like. You ever milked a potato? Yeah. Did you guys watch Nickelodeon? You ever milked a potato? What do you think of this ass queen? Are you Drake or Josh? Are you a little bit of Drake or a little bit of Josh? You both Drake and Josh? That means bottom and top.

That's kid loving talk right there. He's like, I'm about to tell y'all. Hey, touch knives. Yeah, dude, touch knives. Touch knives. So then the cops come and one of us is talking to us and we're, all we, our mission is to not make eye contact because we know it's game over.

Yeah. And weed's illegal. Weed is illegal. It's still a drug. And we can't because we know it will happen. What state is this in? New York. New York.

Oh yeah, class one narcotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Giuliani days. Yes. Yeah. And then we Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is Giuliani days. Yes. Yeah. And then we go, and then one of the guys is doing this, like the cringiest search, like he's like, is there a crawl space?

And he's appearing out of nowhere and being like, I'll run up the ladder and then go see on the roof. And we're like, the roof! And he was like, I'll go around. Like it was like his first day. He was impressing you. He was being impressive, but so cringed. You know when you're high and you watch a movie

and you're like, this is so gay? Yeah. That was him. So we're like, we're already br a movie and you're like, this is so gay? That was him. So we're like, we're already brimming. Like we're like, dude, I'm gonna fucking lose it. And then we get outside, we're out in the snow and we're like, dude, we're in the clear. They're about to say goodbye to us, right? And the one guy goes, can you describe your coats?

He goes, I was like, they're both navy blue. They are like long. And then he was like, are they puffer coats? And we're like, what they're, what? And then me and Brianna got caught in a little vortex for a second where we were like, they're a little, they're a little too long. Yeah, and so then he turns and we're like about to break.

And then he turns and he goes into his Pocky dog and he goes, do Navy blue coats long. And then he turns away from me and he goes, fairly puffy. And we dropped, we dropped. I dropped to my knees and hit the snow. I remember and I'm covering my face and I'm laughing so hard and I'm like almost driving, I'm laughing and I remember being like,

if she's gonna be so mad and then I like look up and she's also down on the ground. And they were just standing there being like. Fairly puffy? Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy, dude that's so fucking great. Because he was like... Fairly puffy? Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy. Fairly puffy.

Dude, that's so fucking great. Because he was like hanging in suspension what he was possibly gonna say into the thing. He was like, ah, partially puffy? Yeah, we were like, what could he possibly... He like knocked it around, or he was like, ah, maybe... But he was still trying to be so cool, and he was just fairly puffy.

Where were the coats? So some guy came in, I remember this was crazy, she was raised by like drug addicts, my best friend, but they came in, they stole the, or a guy came in. I remember this was crazy. She was raised by like drug addicts, my best friend. But they came in, they stole the, or a guy came in, stole the coat, used it to call a church, a sex hotline. And then ditched them next to the salon. Used the coat to call? There was a phone in the coat.

And then ditched them right next to the house. And the cops found them and we got them back. And I remember them being like, do you want to press charges? And I was kind of like, sure. And she was like, no, no, we're not going to make him deal with the police. I was like, what are we, 15?

How do you know this? And then we didn't. Oh man, when young- Touch knives, Brianna. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? When young people know about stuff like that, you go, you've had a tough life.

Her dad got framed for acid and put away for 11 years. Wow. Her whole childhood. I mean, framed as in he was selling it, but the guy was like, can I buy some? And he was like, you mean he got set up? Set up. Yeah, that's not framed.

Framed is so funny. She goes, but he was doing it. And you go, I'm gonna follow that. Okay, okay, okay. He was framed. He was framed. Framed means anything. Framed for selling it to a normal guy. In reality Okay. He was framed. He was framed. Framed means innocent. Framed for selling it to a normal guy.

A cop. In reality, it was a cop. A cop. Yeah. He was a drug dealer and he got caught. He got stung. He got stung. He got stung.

Yeah. He got stung. Yeah. Set up. He was rightfully convicted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, I think he might not have been selling, but he just had it and they caught him for selling.

Okay. Like they were like, can I have someone use it? I would be interested to open the case file. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm interested to read over the statements made. Yeah, it's very crazy. And comb through it. Yeah.

Benefit of the doubt. I think he falls a Grateful Dead now, so I'm pretty sure. He's right where he's blown. Everyone falls to where they're supposed to be. What's your sad one? Oh. Oh, God. This episode should be called Fairly Puffy or Fouse.

Fouse, we used to go fishing out when we would do computer duster, you freeze your brain and then you would just go like we would do the seventh grade version, which was the joke game where you would you joke yourself and then pass out that pass out game. Yeah. We did that in my basement. We were doing Coke and dusters where you do a line of Coke and you do a dust or no, no, you do a duster. And then while you held it in, you did a line of Coke and we were all doing that. That is like the advanced, you were at like the Harvard of getting fucked up. You're doing Duster and Coke. How old were you?

Oh man, I don't know, like 22. Oh, okay. Go back a little bit. That was med school. You were in graduate school of getting fucked up. I thought you were like advanced. I thought you were Doogie Howser. No, no, I wasn't a kid, man. I didn't do, I didn't start getting like fucked up until 22.

Oh, that's your problem. Yeah. Well, no, 21, 22. You start late, you start fast. Yeah. We, granted, Jordan and I's developmental brains are cooked. Oh, yeah. I was telling you guys before the episode,

this is the longest I've gone since I was 15 without getting absolutely faked. Yeah. So I'm feeling. Dude, I got accidentally contact high the other day on Skanks. Oh yeah, cause they smoke. I'm feeling. Dude, I got accidentally contact high the other day on Skanks. Oh yeah, cause they smoke. Incredible.

I was like, why do I have any problems? I got rushed on stage. I know I was also panicking. I felt really good. I'm excited to come back in June. We're already planning the meal. Come back on the pod and we'll. What's the movie?

I don't know. I'm thinking it's gotta be bad, like a lifetime. Like a Steven Seagal. So you get high and then you go, what I'm thinking it's got to be bad, like a lifetime. I like a Steven Seagal. She get high and then you go, what the fuck is this? And you make jokes because that rules. That was. You got to get high and go to the dog park and make voices for every dog. I don't like Manhattan dog parks. We live in Manhattan. What are the Brooklyn one?

I mean, but getting fat myrtle on a train and then taking her out and then. You don't like the Manhattan ones? They suck. They're all concrete. They're like. Central Park? We go to the Manhattan ones. Where to suck. They're all concrete. They like Central Park. We go to the Madison Square Park and it sucks. It's just like a giant ass. It's just like a, there's a hump that she likes. I'll chase her up the hump.

She doesn't fuck around. She's very particular with dogs that she plays with. She's a little snooty fat bitch. What type of dog? She's a mutt. She's a super mutt. Really? She looks a little terrier. Okay. What type of dog? She's a mutt. She's a super mutt. Really? She looks a little terrier.

Okay. Mostly terrier. Mutt's a mutt too. Yeah. Crazy when people don't have mutts. Yeah. Who wouldn't want a casserole? Yeah.

It's a mixture of everything. So you're doing dusters and coke. You're doing dusters. Oh yeah, okay. Dusters and coke. Can I have a liquid death? Wait, so you never did duster? No, I never did coke.

I smoked coke once, but I never did coke. You know what? The last time I ever did Duster, I was teaching and I lived upstairs. Yeah. So I've been in this farm since 2007. It was parent teacher conferences. And on the way home from school to go home and get all like the notes and everything, I was like, you know what? Treat yourself. So I stopped off at a PC Richard's, he got a bunch of dusters. Oh my God. Did you buy a case?

Did you get a half rack of dusters? Oh my God. So it was like $7. So I came home, I did a ton of dusters. Also, you're the reason they don't sell that shit anymore. Yeah. I got a PlayStation just clumped up with dust that I need to get rid of.

And it's because of people like you, I can't buy fucking dusters. What does it feel like? Like whip it. Does it feel like whip it? Talk like this. Really? It's like whip it's times a million.

You will hallucinate more than you ever have in your entire life. I swear to God, I was in my bedroom one time doing duster, having a barbecue in my backyard with my best friends, full conversations. And I come out of it. My mom standing over me. Oh, my God. god, are you dead? Because I kept going, I think I'm like talking out loud. She's like, your father died and now you and it was terrible.

She could hear me in my room being like, damn. So anyway, I was doing a parent-teacher. That's not the sad story. No, no, no, no, no, no. That was just I was doing a parent-teacher student conference. Oh my God, that's not the sad story. No, no, no, no, no. That was just, that was an appetizer. Oh no. That was a little Amu's poosh.

That was an Amu's poosh of where I was going. Alone you were doing it? What? So the last time I did Duster was upstairs. I was sitting in on my couch and I just remember doing Duster. And then I woke up face down in a pile of my own vomit in my bedroom and my face is blue and I was freezing cold. And I don't know if I did or not, but I think I did die. And then I had tinnitus in my ear for

like nine to 12 months. Damn. You don't know if you die? And then for a while, I could not, dude, it was like, I would be like, you know when we all COVID brain? Yeah. And you would feel like you're going for a file and it's just not there in your head. It was that for like a year. Trying to write jokes after you got COVID.

Bro. You're like, I can't fucking do this. Terrible. But that's not the sad story. Oh, that's still not the sad story. Yeah, no. I would bet when you die and God goes through your highlight tape, he goes, you want to

see you die for a little bit. You've been here before. I bet you don't remember it. Oh, and he goes, you were here for like five minutes. I sent you back. Well, my buddy came back came to visit me the next day and I picked him up with a case of King Cobras and I was like, man, do I got a story for you? Yeah. And he I he ended up doing Duster and I was like, I'm off the stuff. But my friends used to have to hide it from me. I was like addicted to Duster. Damn. So what's the sad story? Broken your brain a little.

Oh, totally. Yeah. I've never been the same since. Really? Oh, totally. I used to be so fucking smart and intelligent. I am still, but it was on like a level of like, whoa, you're like a really smart guy. And like ever, it's like, you know, like Gary Busey was a great actor and then he got that head injury. Do you think you're happier now though?

Why, cause I'm stupid? Yeah. Yeah. That's a great question. Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you think it, because I watched that thing on the New York, I don't mean to laugh.

The New York Times, the New York Times, a man hung himself and he got sued for 28 million. But there is, the way they edited it was really fucked up where they're like, he hung himself, it's really fucked up. And then they go, he got minor brain damage in the next picture. He goes from like thug, like a badass fucking dude to this like happy, he's like, eh, you're like, okay.

There's joy in simplicity. Yeah. Where he goes, I love it. Yeah. You know what, dude? That fucking pink of that metal you're sticking on your head. Keep it simple, stupid, you know? So what's the sad one?

Oh, by the way, I'm still smart. I don't know if you're smarter at some point. I don't believe that. I went to NYU. You did? That is pretty good. Yeah. Is it?

It's pretty good. You got in. It's an incredible institution. You got good grades in high school. And by the way, let me tell you this right now. I had to work my ass off, though. I wasn't natural. I was like work hard smart.

But I believe that because you're not rich and the people that get into NYU that aren't rich are smart or good students. Did you do the duster at NYU? Well, I it was after. Okay. Yeah. So, but I did fail out for a semester and I had to take in completes because I stopped going to class. I just drank all for a semester and I had to take in completes because I stopped going to class. I just drank all the time and then I would go to class drunk and I get kicked out. And then I lied and was like, I was in rehab. I'm sorry. And I was like shaking and they were like, Oh my God, I just thought I was like sick, but it was like withdrawal. And then, uh, it, me and my friends would laugh about that. Like, ah, and then like two years later I was in rehab. Yeah, well, you know, natural progression.

But guess what? That's why I never get out of gigs with a lie. I'm never like, I have cramps. Two semesters of college in one semester, I worked at the gym, I worked at a restaurant, I student taught, and I got it all done on the level. Good for you. That's great. And then later,

Duster. Duster. And you got Dusty Rhodes. Then I got dusted. Yeah. you. That's great. And then later, Duster. Duster. And you got Dusty Rhodes. Then I got Dusty. Then I got Dusty. Then I got Dusty. You got, I wish you had a graphic a week ago, and then you got Dusty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're Dusty. Like when it says wasted on GTA, but it's like Dusty. You're Dusty. And it's just me with a bunch of kids' names and gold stars next to me if they do their homework. And I'm just like, that's how it is. Did you start dusting because you were in classrooms

with Duster? No, I started dusting because I was hanging out with my buddy Justin. And we couldn't find weed. And we were all at my house drinking. I do remember this, the weed desperation. I remember opening up other people's roaches and opening them up and putting them in joints and

smoking them. We called it penny pushing. You would take the cigarette lighter in the car and you'd find little things of weed in like the cup holder. You'd put it in the thing and push it with a penny and then suck it up. Oh, yeah. You know, we broke into my dad's house and he was naked and chased us with a bat, me and Brianna.

Damn, just because you want a weed? Was he on Duster? He had so much weed. He didn't know it was us, but he came down naked with a bat. Do you know how fun that is, running away from? That's the fun. That's a good spin.

That's the most fun game. That's a laughing while run. That's a, which is the best laugh. It's the best laugh. Yeah, you're like, I'm getting away with it. I, my last real gravity bong hit moment Which is the best laugh. It's the best laugh. Yeah, you're like, oh yeah, I don't know why I'm with it. My last real gravity bong hit moment was in college, and I lived with a weed dealer, and he was gone,

and I just went into his room. He didn't keep his door unlocked that day, and I was with a buddy, and I was like, dude, let's just do gravity bong hits in my bathroom. And we did like four each, and I was out was out of practice and he left and I was by myself and I was on the patio and I was like, I lived in Arizona so I thought I had like a prickly, you know, like one of those prickly things. I was like, I got a prickly in my shirt. I was like, I don't know, my fucking chest, my chest hurts. I was smoking a cigarette and I was like,

I was smoking a cigarette and I was like, look it chest hurts. And this was internet was 2003 and I went on WebMD and I typed in chest hurt arm numb and it's like heart attack and I went to the emergency room and got, I was like. You're one of the people who's done it. Yeah, I did it. And what happened? The funniest part was when I went in

Tucson is Tucson's grimy Tucson's a grimy ass city a lot of meth. Yeah, especially though three a lot of meth Yeah, we still but the lady that interviewed me the nurse She was like, are you on drugs? And I was like, yeah, weed. And she's like, do you do any coke? Because I said I was having a heart attack. Yeah. Right.

And she goes, and the way she kept being like. That's great. That made you calm down. She was like, I was like, what? And she kept going, are you on cocaine? And I was like, no. She was like, are you on methamphetamines? And I was like, no. She was like, are you on methamphetamines? And I was like, no.

I took gravity bong hits and her look of like, you fucking pussy. Like she was like, it was night shift and she was just like, dude, that's great. We got some real problems in the lobby. So what was it? It was just a panic attack? I blew a muscle in my sternum.

From coughing? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Cause I was like, and I fucking blew something. Oh yeah. I blew a muscle in my sternum from coughing. From coughing? Yeah! Oh! Yeah? Cause I was like, ugh! Yeah? And I fucking blew something.

Oh yeah. Oh my God. And you don't know, one time I fainted at the wheel cause I was so high and something was happening. I was like, I feel so much pain. There's something going on. And I passed out while driving. I fainted.

Holy shit. I was going like two miles and I was late at night. Passed out, woke up, called my mom. My mom like pulls me into her truck. I remember trying to climb into the truck and be like, I can't, and I had gotten my period. Really? It was just period.

Cause you can't identify what the pain is. You're like, I don't know what's going on. My mom dated this guy, Randy. Yes. Who we called clown hair. Cause he had like the cul-de-sac, but it was like, no, it was like all the way around. Thank you for saying no. Fuck you. Go ahead.

It was all the way around. I hope your tailbone snaps in half. It already has. Your cock-ics. And it was, so Randy was a pothead, and he went to Hawaii with my mom, and my mom was like, if you keep the house all right, it was my senior year, so we partied like a motherfucker.

She's like, if you keep the house all right, I'll give you some of Randy's weed. And it was like, good weed. Okay. And I was like, motherfucker. She's like, if you keep the house all right, I'll give you some of Randy's weed. And it was like, good weed. And I was like, dude. Not dad weed. Yeah, it was like good red hairs, light green, boulder shit. And I was like, all right, cool.

I'll fucking, yeah. And I remember I was going to watch the finals of the NCAA tournament and it was Arizona versus Duke, and my friend that was going to Duke was at my friend's house, and I was going to Arizona. So we were like, I was gonna get high, we were gonna watch the game, talk shit. She's like, do you want that Randy weed?

And he put it in my cellophane for my cigarettes. And so I was like, yeah. And I fucking open it up, and I'm like, dude, I'll do an attitude adjustment before I go over to Chad's. Fucking pack one, rip it by myself, pack, pack, and then I'm like, and I get in the car and I start driving down my street

and I swear to God it goes. And I just like pulled over. I parked my car and I walked in back in my mom's house and she's like, what are you doing here? And I go, man, that shit is fucking good. And someone came and picked me up. It took me a while. I was like, I'm fucked up.

My dad had the best dad weed. Now I want it, like the shake. But one time we had a party at his house out. It's like on a farm and my friends came and they all grow weed. Like they're all just had like the cushiest and they were like, Jack, come on, we'll get you high for once.

And I just remember my dad getting high and then looking at me, dropping his sunglasses down over and going for a walk and he walked around forever. So my mom let me smoke weed at my house as long as I didn't drive. Yeah, that's great. That was my mom's thing too. My mom was so long as you leave.

Yeah, even with the randy thing, but it had to be in the garage, could never be's thing too. My mom was so long as you leave. Yeah, even with the Randy thing, but it had to be in the garage, could never be in the house. My garage was the spot. My garage was the spot where like- We had the barn. Everybody knew if you came to my garage, you could get high. So there were times my mom pulled up.

My mom was like a professional, worked at a insurance company. So she'd come home shoulder padded up, high heels on or whatever with her briefcase. And there'd be like Marcus and Marcus and me smoking blunts. And they'd be like, what's up, Trish? Hey guys, Dan dinners at six thirty. And I was like my cousin Brian's house. Yeah, dude. So we always was that house. People would just show up. They're in the barn. My mom would be like, I'll write you one time.

I've told the story before, but it's so funny. We backed my mom in my car out of our garage. And we had a pony keg and we probably had a good 30 people drinking in my garage. And my mom would go to bed. She'd wake up at like four in the morning. So my mom would go to bed at like nine p.m. And so my mom was like, she comes downstairs. I think I had a pager still at the time. And she paged me, which meant like come inside,

we gotta talk. And I go inside and she's got a robe and she's like, it's getting loud out there. And I go, oh yeah, it's like me and the guys. Like my friend, six friends. And I just remember her going, it's getting real loud out there. And I go, I'm gonna tell them to shut up.

And I was fucked up. I was like fucked up. And I opened, her going, it's getting real loud out there. And I go, I'm gonna tell him to shut up. And I was fucked up. I was like fucked up. And I opened, she went upstairs. I made sure she went upstairs, like stood by the stairs until she went into her room. And I go up down, we had like a hallway into our garage and I opened the garage and I'm like, damn.

And it was packed with people with keg cups. I was like, oh, this is a full on party on a Thursday night, on a school night, just at my house. I was like, you, this is a full on party on a Thursday night on a school night. Just at my house. I was like, you guys got to go. This is kind of wild. But my mom was always like, you know, her and my dad used to party in San Francisco in the seventies. She let it be known. She let our pen jar in our kitchen. One time I was on the phone with somebody and I was like spinning the pen around and the whole jar came around and it said dope. And I asked her later, I go, what was that?

She goes, that was our dope jar. And so I used it as a pen jar and I was like, where is that? She's like, I sold it in a garage sale and you're like, no! That would have been my weed jar. Absolutely, shout out to dope jar. They were hippies so they didn't care

and they also just wanted me, they were like, just stay here. Just stay on the premises and you can drink as much as you want, do whatever you want. Same. So our house became, and people don't understand that. People go like, oh, it's so atrastic. No, it's safe.

Because people were like getting fucked up. But then it was the dreaded house. My other people's parents were pissed. My buddy's house in Glen Mills, we would all go in and the basement was like the spot. And they had a door that led to outside and that was always open. So kids, we didn't have to go through the house. Yeah. They knew and it was just enter exit. That's what ours was. Ours was a third car garage.

And so you would pick up the third garage and just cause that wasn't attached to the lifted up and be like, come on in. We'll get fucked up. We had the office we could go into and we had the barn if it was warm out. And dude, one time, so my mom builds, I get to it, finally mom builds this like community, right? So it's like five, it's called a five to one. So it's like five houses on a property.

Dude, she keeps building those. Well, now she's building another one. I keep seeing her Instagram and I'm like, is she building a compound? Yeah, yeah. What the fuck is Sue doing? It's like a sustainable community, right? That's awesome. So at one point we're like...

I look forward to watching the Netflix documentary when it goes sour. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then... It would be a good watch. At one point there already has been cheating amongst the houses with husbands.

Love it. Crazy. Love it. Yeah. And then we lost, I was like in the house and there was this dude that I was fucking, it was like this super hot farmer. Idiot.

The dumbest dude, so hot. Oh, is that the guy that showed up to your dad's funeral shirtless? No, that was another farmer, very close though. That one was, dude, that guy was crazy. But, and then we like lost, I like lost him at some point and I was like, maybe he left, he doesn't wanna fuck or something, I don't know.

And I was like, I don't know. And then later, later I'm looking out and I was like, maybe he left. He doesn't want to fuck or something. I don't know. And I was like, I don't know. And then later, later I'm looking out and I see, I hear my mom going, Jordan. And I thought that she sounded really mad and she never really got mad at me. And I was like, whoa, whoa, what's going on? And I come out and she's not mad. She's laughing hysterically.

And he's over in one of the other houses, foyer, wearing only underwear. And he keeps going, I'm going to clean it up. Ugh. And he's going to clean it up. And I thought, I was like keeps going, I'm gonna clean it up. And he's going, I'm gonna clean it up. And I was like, oh, I'm dead. And I look and my mom is like crying laughing. She could not keep it together. She was like, Jordan, do something about this retard.

And he's like, sorry, babe. But he's like in a cage, in like poor chariot. Just like, this is where my, this is my house. I live in your house. Well, dude, talk about your parents getting too high. So my mom was like, on your 18th birthday, we'll smoke. Yeah. And I was like, done.

There's a restaurant in Denver called McCormick's, which was like fancy. Yeah. It's probably now, if I looked at it, it'd probably be like mid, but like DOS, it was like, we're gonna go get oysters at McCormick's. Yeah. That was like the big deal. Ours is Harry's. Yeah. So for my 18thoss, it was like, we're gonna go get oysters at McCormick's. That was like the big deal. And so for my 18th.

Ours is Harry's. Yeah, so for my 18th birthday, I was like, Mom, let's get high and go to McCormick's and get oysters. And she's like, let's do it. Same thing, got her high, and she was like, this has been a while. I just remember her being doated. And we went down to McCormick's and she was like,

these are so good. You know when you're like, you're fucking pulled together, lady. You're more mature. And you're like, hey, stop, you gotta pay for this shit. And she's like, it's just so good. And you're like, come on, Trish. My dad would get me baked and pulled me

into the worst scenarios. And now later in life, I realized that he was, didn't want to do things alone because he was too high. Yeah, you're scared. I was like, why did I go to that business meeting? You know what I mean? And now I'm like, oh, because he was skilled. You're skilled.

And I remember him like leaning over and being like, can you pass me the ketchup? And I'm like, why are you talking so weird? Stop this. Well, we I that's the thing about your mom is hilarious, because when I was right before I went to detox one time my mom was like I'm coming over and I'm showing you what it looks like when you get no way my mom came to my one bedroom apartment and got fucking wrecked. What did she drink?

She's drinking straight vodka just like me. How are all your stories like ours, but so incredibly funny? It's like, it's like happy. She's, I remember, I remember being like, fine, you want to see it? Hit that gravity bomb. She's like, I'm doing it. By the way, your mom is like, I swear to God. Your mom is the cutest woman in the world. She's the best.

So for her going like, I'm doing this for you, Ian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, dude. And then we're sitting at my kitchen Ian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, dude. And then we're sitting at my kitchen table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm playing a fucking mixtape my dad made. And crying. We're both crying.

And finally, for the first time, we talk about my dad dying. And I'm like, we went through some shit, man. But that is, that's a bonding experience. Oh, yeah. And then the next morning I wake up, you wanna see Bad to the Bone? I'm like, Ian, this is what it looks like when angels cry.

And she's like fucking, she's fucking free-basing. I'm gonna rob the liquor store. She's doing fucking Duster. I'm gonna see your dad! And you're like, no, god damn it. God damn it. This is what it looks like when doves cry. Dude, the next morning she's puking in the toilet.

I'll go, just drink this. You'll feel better. Giving her what's left over of the vodka. I'm fucking slamming it. She's like, how do you do this? I go, well, you take one of these, you smoke one of these. But that's not even the fucking, the gravity bong story. This is whatever. We were in my buddy Justin's basement

and they're like, you've never done a gravity bong? And I'm like, no, let's go. So they're making it real fucking creamy for me. Yeah, get it fucking great. So I fucking do it and I'm sitting there laughing. We're having fun. And then the last thing I remember and everything else is told to me. The last thing I remember is I look at my buddy and I'm like, was he proud of me? I'm like, what? I'm like, I think my dad's proud of me. And they're like, not. Yeah, yeah, man're I go, I'm just so sad. And he goes, here, man, just keep drinking.

I go, yeah, you're right. And then the next thing I know, it's the morning. And I'm like, waking up, I'm alone in the basement. I go upstairs. My buddy's room is locked. And I'm like, yo, wake up. What the fuck? I was like, you want to do another G bong? And from the other side of the door, he's like, no, man, you got to go. And I'm like, what, what's wrong?

Takes a minute. He comes out and he goes, do you know what you did last night? I go, no. And he goes, you just started crying and you passed out. And then you tried to bite your fingers off and we had to sit on top of you. And then you, you promised that you were going to stop. You let you go and you you promised that you were going to stop. We let you go and you grabbed a knife and we had to take it out of your hand. Two of my friends, the biggest dude, sat on top of me. And they're like, I think we have to call 911. I was overpowering them. And then I just passed out.

And they refused to do drugs with me. I guess. Yeah, you cut two gales like. This is what it looks like. I'm Kevin Spacey in seven. They'll never be able to track my crimes. Ah, ah, ah. And in my mind, I remember, because I was like, man, I had a fucked up dream.

And in my mind, I had a dream that I was, that I killed everyone in my friend's house. Shut out. And he said that I kept going, is this real? Is this real? Because in my dream I was like, oh my God. You butchered everybody. I'm gonna be in jail.

You butchered everyone. Yeah, well you know what's fucking crazy, you say that, when I go visit my grandma and stop smoking weed for like a week, we talked about vivid dreams. I had a dream at my grandma's when I was sleeping that I shot a guy in the stomach and that I ran and it was so realistic. That when I woke up, I went, thank you, God.

Yeah, that's the best feeling. And I was like, that's the best thing. And I sat on the bed for like 15 minutes with my head in my hands like, dude, I've had those dreams. We wake up and you're like, oh, my. I do, but I'll have a dream that I wake up and I'm hideous, like I'm 400 pounds. I cut all my hair off and I'm like,

I just have to deal with it. And the whole dream is me being like, what have I done? And then I wake up and I'm like, oh, oh, I'll never meet me again. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, your body's so sexy. You're so pretty. You're such a sexy baby. It's crazy.

I'll just never forget being like, where are all my friends? And they're just in a room with their doors locked because they're afraid of me. That's so funny. I'm like, what's going on? And they're like, never do drugs. The second I heard someone go, you need to leave.

Like in a formal way, you'd be like, fuck. Dude, my senior year, I had a crush on this girl and she had a boyfriend. And we ended up like hanging out a lot. Like really. Yeah, fuck, dude, my senior year, I had a crush on this girl and she had a boyfriend. And we ended up like hanging out a lot like. Yeah, I was always that person. Yeah. And then we like, and then we like made out a bunch. And I never got there. And I was like, dude, this is love.

This is love. And it's this is Roman and Juliet. Then we can't be together. And then she told her boyfriend who I knew. And then it was like that blew everything up. And she was like, we can never talk again. We can do all this. Did I went home? I remember exactly what it was.

So I had a fake ID about a leader of absolute. Lamaal, do you 17? Yeah. Absolute Lamaal. Such nice, such nice. Did I took a pint glass? And I filled it full of vodka, turned it down, filled another pint glass full of vodka, took it down, smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, sitting in my driver's seat of my car in the garage,

listening to Dave Matthews band. Ah! Yeah. Ryan. Aw, Billy! I was like, oh, it's crashing to me! And then, Foo Jack, shout out, Foo Jack came over and talked to me for like two hours

and I was just like crying to him. But at one point I gained enough to realize that he was like, dude, what? And I was like, it was like that feeling where you go like, you need to leave. The next morning I woke up hungover and I called him, I'm like, dude, I'm sorry. And he's like, yeah, you were going through.

He's very like soft spoken. And he goes, yeah, you were going through it. And you're like, this is the gayest I've ever felt. I've never done gay stuff, but that felt real gay. I hate that. I did an interpretive dance in front of my ex when I was pregnant. What?

Yeah, we have to go, but tell that. I just don't want to. We got we're really drunk and I was in contact improv class and he was playing harmonica and I started doing this whole improvisational dance thinking that I was like changing his mind. Like he was going like this. I'm watching an artist blossom. You know, I was going to this, I'm watching an artist blossom. You know, I was going to leave until he started dancing. I didn't think that he was changing his mind.

Oh, never mind. What is this? And he wasn't changing his mind. What were the movements of the dance? You're like doing like, you know, interpretive dance. We're like, as he's blown harmonica through, he's like, and you're like, and he was really good at it. Oh, that's awesome. Here, Jordan. It was a lot and you're like. And he was really good at it. Oh, that's awesome. Here, Jordan, show us a little bit.

It was a lot of the big ball. Oh yeah, the breathing. Oh, the breath out. Oh, the breath out made my penis go in my body. Oh my God, the breath out. That same guy took a dab one time at a party, and I took a dab, and we were in Colorado in Boulder. And this is so fucked up.

But he, I could handle it because I'd been smoking a lot, lot. And he couldn't handle the altitude and he got too high to speak. That was his time. And then I went and I was like, I feel weird. I feel panicky. And I went into their bathroom.

It was a studio tapestry over the thing. And I shit like, I shit. Crazy? Like, oh my God. Like so fucked up. And then I come out and people are like, it like takes a second, then people are like. What is that?

What the fuck is that? And I said, I said, just don't say anything. It's Paul, he got too fucked up. That's so funny. And he fucked up. That's so funny. And he was like. That's so funny. That's so funny that he's so fucked up he can't even retort.

He had no idea, he still doesn't know, he'll only know if he watches this. That's so funny, he goes like this, he goes. I told everybody. What was his nickname for you again? J-Bo. He goes, J-Bo. J-Bo.

J-Bo. J-Bo. If you could interpret for him, he was going like, J-bo. But in his head, he was like, no, it can't be possible, because I was in here the entire time. I saw her, and he was like.

He was like, he was like Sherlock Holmes in his head, but outside he was going, J-bo. It's like the music video for One by Metallica with the guy who's in a physical imprisonment. I wish you'd help me. In his head. I wish you'd help me.

Johnny hits her gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, ta-da, ta-da. Darkness. He sees me in slow motion. I'm like, oh shit. J-Bo, J-Bo. His mind, his mind is stuck.

Absolute horror. That's so funny. It's his ass, it's his ass. I just could be like, shh, shh, shh. It's beautiful. It's the dab kind of. I love that. All right, we're gonna wrap up. All right. You're the fucking best, Dan. That was so fun like, shh, he was the dab god. I love that. All right, we're gonna wrap up.

All right. You're the fucking best, Dan. That was so fun. Whatever you wanna do. DanSoda.com, I'm gonna be on the road. Go check out Tour Dates. Watch my special on the road on YouTube. Soda the podcast, and yeah, we'll see you on the road.

Yes, and my special is out. E! Finance, wow! It's out, happy and free. And it's crushing. On the YouTube. People are freaking out. I can't see a thing. People are freaking out about it.

They're freaking the fuck out. Get in there, you gotta watch it. Get in there and find out what all the freaks about. I can't believe I did that. I do remember being like, I have an idea. Like I was like, how am I gonna get out? And I look, and the man I loved was like, bleh. You go, this is fucking idiot.

Yeah. That's great. That's a criminal mind. What do you wanna tell me? Punch up that live slash Jordan Jensen for all my tour dates. We have a live pod in Los Angeles. At.

May. The Comedy Store on. May.th. Hell yeah, you guys are doing the Netflix is a Joke? Netflix is a Joke, yeah. Get it. Are you doing it? No.

Come on. Come out. Everyone's there. Come on. I'm gonna go take all your money from other places. That's good. I was thinking about the siblings and just staying at the cellar making thousands of dollars.

That's probably, I'll be here. I'll be here wearing all your clothes when you're gone We love you It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.