Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 094: Front Street W/ Brendan Sagalow & Emma Rose

Episode Date: May 15, 2024


Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian, being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Being Ian, being Ian With Jordan
Starting point is 00:00:40 It's not me in bed Imagine if this was your rape whistle You're like buddy you stay away from me It's not me in bed. Imagine if this was your rape whistle. You're like, buddy, you stay away from me. I saw a girl the other day walk. That would make me spring into action. That would make me rape. That's my mating call. We are on the Patreon. Yeah. Great.
Starting point is 00:01:07 We are on the Patreon. Me, she did such a good idea. Good job putting these stickers on. Oh, this isn't a sticker. Yeah, it is. Oh, wow. Right. How are you liking your special feedback and everything like that? Thank you. I'm liking it. Yeah. Digging it. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Feels nice. Yeah. Oh, don't even care about that. Me neither. It's all about the art. What is that? I do feel a little less than with the views. I think it might be really good. Where are your views at right now? Like one between 120 and 130. Yeah, that's good. That's good, bro. But yeah, that's great, man. I need to be there's postpartum depression after you release a special and I'm feeling that. And I was talking to you about this earlier, but one of my jokes is getting absolutely torn alive on Twitter. Which one? The trans woman.
Starting point is 00:02:06 The trans joke I made. And Emma would publicly like to say as a trans woman. It's fucking funny. It's funny. It's fucking funny. Clip it, put it up online. The joke is? Well, the punchline is trans women are women because I can't find the clit on them either.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Yeah. That's hilarious. our women because I can't find the clit on them either. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I cleared the joke with you months ago. That would make me not like you more. Yeah. No, no, no. No. Honestly, anybody. My friends think it's funny. Thank you. Yes. Real people think it's fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Trans friends of mine have reached out. It's funny to trans people. Some people think whenever we can be like, oh, it's fucking funny. It's good. Trans friends of mine have reached out. It's funny. Some people, it's like whenever we can be like, oh, it's fucking funny. You know, like people will find something to be mad about anything. So I don't think it's real. Trans women are women because I can't find the cut on them either. Yeah, that's objectively funny. Yeah. And it literally hurts nobody.
Starting point is 00:03:02 It literally is. And they're and everyone's like, what is it? What and how this man is such a fool. We can't find out who am I? Who am I? And the who and the who? Well, it's because some that some people, I think, genuinely believe that they are like natural born women that have clits.
Starting point is 00:03:23 And I'm like, what? man, that's a penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the joke, the whole thesis of the joke is that the world is evolving, terms are changing, words have different meanings. And so as someone that loves women, trans women, men, I'm adapting, but at first it's a bit jarring to hear a woman call her ass a pussy.
Starting point is 00:03:45 To hear a woman call her... Do they do that? Yeah. Do you call your ass a pussy? Oh yeah, I say fuck my pussy. But then also I'll say fuck my ass in like five minutes and it's just, all right. You just roll with it. It's like Aloha.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Yeah. A gooda matata. Aloha. Yeah. Gunna Matata. Yeah. And then I go, I go or or someone will say, suck my girl dick. And I go, well, that's a bit of an oxymoron. But who am I to not make a woman come? Right. And then like my clit, I'm like, well, trans women are women because I can't
Starting point is 00:04:22 find the clit. I've ever seen clit, though. That's the one I think. No, another. I think Aloha is so funny. Yeah, that was great. That was fantastic. Thanks, guys. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:34 I think. But the fact that they're missing the point that it's supportive and it's about my experience learning and evolving. And it's almost like giving praise to a community of people that I have been involved with that are allowing me to grow. My transtrikes on my special are so much worse. Yeah, I know. I have one about The Matrix where I say... Oh, but that's not bad. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Wait, let's hear it. I can't remember it. Wow, it was my favorite joke. With the two Matrix women or not. Did I say that the makers of The Matrix are like, they're on the top 10 female directors list. And that's really obsessed me because if they had been women back in the 90s, when they pitched The Matrix, they would have been like, it's a movie about the dadada. What? And then they're like, I got an idea.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Wait, how would you? It's about. Wait. It's about the word. I don't know. But you go. What you something? How about you suck it's about, wait. It's about. What is the word? I don't know, but you go. How about you something. How about you suck on my matrix or something. Yeah, what is it? Cause the joke is if they were women back then,
Starting point is 00:05:34 they would have been sexually harassed by the men in the studio. Wait, what's the word for a fake world? Simulation, how about you simulate my dick in your mouth? That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. That is funny.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Yeah. But it was Harvey Weinstein. That was Harvey Weinstein's company. Well, Miramax? So if it had been two women going in. That's so funny. Thank you so much. That's a really good joke.
Starting point is 00:05:59 And nobody attacked me for that. I'm just getting frustrated. It's because no one saw it. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm getting... Hey. No one saw it. I'm just getting I'm just getting a whole my hand again. My hand again. It's a very popular. I I'm just getting frustrated that I'm getting death threats over a joke.
Starting point is 00:06:15 Are you getting like that's in the cool though? Insane, insane. Dude, all these all these trans people with 27 followers, which I don't think they're trans they're autistic men Obsessed with anime in dresses and they're like you he's a chaser The head taps they're the head taps Yeah, and then they go they go he he's just jealous hot girls like us wouldn't like him and I'm like lady you look like you anymore bag of spaghetti It doesn't belong to you anymore. You're right. You created something you put it out. It's theirs now doesn't belong to you Just move on create something different
Starting point is 00:06:59 You know, yeah, yeah Yeah, you could say whatever you want. This is America. OK. So crazy. You can say that. That's like the end word. If you're black, you'd say it as much as possible. I know. I know. Or some white guys. Like white guys get the pass. Like who? There's some white guys that you just look at and you're like, that guy grew up in that.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you're not going to tell that guy. Go to rehab or detox. You meet a lot of them in that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you're not going to tell that guy. Oh, go to rehab or detox. You mean a lot of them. Exactly. Exactly. Sam Jay gave me an N word pass and I always laugh. Yeah, I always laugh about.
Starting point is 00:07:34 No, it's you. I always laugh about using it on the street and getting stomped out by a group of black guys. And I'm trying to explain who Sam Jay is. And I'm like, she has a show called pause to explain who Sam Jay is and I'm like That's my joke that thinks funny I have a trance jokes pretty woke to what is it? Oh the bears is pretty It's pretty sensitive to the whole thing bathroom. Yeah, it's really funny I go well, you know how people are always like, I don't feel safe with transgender women in my public bathroom?
Starting point is 00:08:08 Yeah. The whole joke is like, who's been in a public bathroom and felt safe, you know? Yeah. Who's like walking into a public bathroom like, whoa! Yeah, yeah. Safety! You know?
Starting point is 00:08:19 Yeah. At least in a ladies' room, there's not fucking urinal tissue. I added a line to it where I go, if you do feel so unsafe unsafe in public bathrooms don't you want a muscular woman in there? Balls behind your leg and go go piss. I'll watch the door anybody Anybody comes in here. I'll fuck him in the ass My special coming out yeah That's such a good joke. Thanks bro, thank you. Oh I love that. That's awesome. It's on my special coming out.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah. Is it on there? Yeah I think I did it. What's the name of it? I'm calling it I think Thin Lips. I like it. It's a nice name. I couldn't think of a name.
Starting point is 00:08:55 And then everyone's like, when I showed it to some people they were like, you should call it Thin Lips. I was like, alright. Do you have a joke that says Thin Lips? Yeah I have a joke about how when I performed at Rikers, they were all calling me Thin Lips. I was like, all right. Do you have a joke that says Thinlips? Yeah, I have a joke about how when I performed at Rikers, they were all calling me Thinlips. Really? Yeah. Thinlips is good. Or the the. It's not set in stone. You can come up with a name right now.
Starting point is 00:09:12 The Queen one. Oh, I didn't do that joke on there. Can you believe that? Two shows. I didn't even do that joke. And somebody told me they're like, you didn't even do the Renaissance Queen joke. And I was like, oh, look at that. Oh, oh, call it Renaissance Queen. I mean, like, oh, look at that.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Call it Renaissance queen. That means it can be on the next one. Call it Renaissance queen. Now, hold exactly. Sorry. What would you name his comedy special, Emma? You've known him for two hours. Careful. Careful.
Starting point is 00:09:42 I don't know. Be sensitive. Put me on the spot. Put me on the spot. Stand up on the spot. Thin lips is good because there's so many people with thin lips out there. Right. You know what I mean? It's really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A call to the wild. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:54 It's I haven't that's my demographic. People that are like white, funny, white women. Yeah. Mine's going to be called bad woman. Oh, I think mine's going to be called maternal alpha. No, it's too crazy. Sensitive alpha. I always like stand-up names like stand-up special names that are like live and no I don't like that I don't like to me you know I just don't like that it's like takes kind of a part of the creative thing out of it I always like when it's something like like Bird does it really well where it's like,
Starting point is 00:10:26 you people are all the same. Like I really like shit like that. You know, Let It Go is like a really good name. Whatever, so when we start recording, I'll be a little bit more entertained. Your first album name I like, but it's hard to remember. I know. Not now more than ever.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Not now more than ever. I remember. Trust me, it's hard to remember for a lot of people. Yeah, like I'm going to talk being in with Jordan. People are like being being with Jordan. I do remember the first time I saw that I was and I see this word and it's all I heard. And it's so bad.
Starting point is 00:10:57 It does. It does. Yes, it does. It's a great name. And I just have I have I'm so bad at naming shit. I have no idea. I'm just my solo pod. I just say my so the Maros blows. They're so bad. They're bad at the names. My back. Chachi BT. Emma Rose blows. Oh, that's great.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Chachi BT. Yeah. I'll give you some like I'll see with like rhyming. I'm good at rhyming with cutesy stuff. Yeah. What's your what's your.oth and Nail with Jordan Jensen. That's good. Isn't that good? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all about psychology philosophy. Uh huh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Tooth and Nail.
Starting point is 00:11:34 I like that. Tooth and Nail. You could do it. Will you do it? Yeah. Yeah, you could do it. Oh, sick. Hell yeah. Tooth and Nail Records, a Christian music label that had MXPX, Living Sacrifice, Zayo, and a couple... Don't ever yell Zayo at me again. Zayo!
Starting point is 00:11:50 What, you don't know Zayo? I don't know, but you know the name. Zayo was a tough ass band. Was MXPX a Christian band? For me! They were, yeah. Whoa. Dude, it was cool, I played in Seattle,
Starting point is 00:12:00 and MXPX came to the show. That's fucking cool. And I had Party My House Be There as my intro song when I came out and I pointed at them. They were great. They were a great band. Yeah. Do you know MXPX? You want to see my uppercut? Okay. Give us six. One, two, three. It smells like something weird. That was fun. We should get pads. Fun for no one.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Fun for no one. What, as a podcast? No, it's a special name. That's a great name. Yeah. Fun for no one. What, as a podcast? No, it's a special name. That's a great name. Yeah. If it ever got if it ever got reviewed.
Starting point is 00:12:50 That's all I think about with like critics when you name something and they're like, fun for no one. I'll say this debut standup special by Brandon, by local nobody. I thought about that with bad woman. We're out there like bad, bad woman. More like just bad special. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you about the Hulu thing? You're like bad, bad woman, more like just bad. Bad special. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Did I tell you about the Hulu thing? You gonna do it on Hulu? We had a three hour dinner together. You and Hulu? Me and Hulu and they, and then they saw the hour and they said, love the hour, we love the hour. And the whole hour is about how I don't think women should have to be feminine.
Starting point is 00:13:22 And then they go- You went out to dinner with them first before they saw the hour? Yeah. And then they go. You went out to do with them first before they saw the hour. Yeah. And then they saw it and they're like, we love it. We're just looking for somebody with a more feminine audience. And I was like, you have a big feminine audience. I know.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Yes. And she's pushing the boundaries of what it is to be a woman. Stop yelling at me. And it's important. Oh, God. What? Nothing. This is a woman! Embrace it! Flex again, tugs! Stop screaming at me.
Starting point is 00:13:54 They are so off base on that. It pisses me off so much. Because there are so many girls out there that you have the power to be like hey, you don't have to act a certain way to be a woman. And I do have a huge female audience. And when you ask them in the room what they do, they're always like, I'm an electrician.
Starting point is 00:14:11 And they're always an awesome straight woman who's like, I work on cars. I'm an electrician. It's like Pike. Your whole demographic of women, like that is like a whole sector of women. But they don't want that. They want, they want. They want like the guy's got a fart or whatever the fuck. They want they want. They want like the guys got a fart or whatever. Yeah, they want like, like, put out a thing that they could talk about at brunch or at this bachelorette. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:32 Well, that is the people buying tickets and shit. About biting a man's dick off. Like what? You bought it. You bit a man's dick off. No, I just think it's interesting that it doesn't happen more. It's hard to bite my finger off. Not off, but it's surprising that... There's not a lot of biting.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Not a lot of biting. I don't mean on accident. I just mean the idea of, like, that you could do it and we don't do it. Right. You know, there is a lot of, like, risk of putting your penis in someone's mouth. That's what the whole bit is, yeah. And how crazy it is that you don't hear about it. Well, guess what, Toots? Try Glory Hole.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Huh? Yeah. On the other side, you're lucky if it's a is. Yeah. And how crazy it is. Yeah. Well, guess what, toots? Try glory hole. Yeah. On the other side, you're lucky if it's a mouth. Yeah. OK. So another name for an asshole, a glory hole. Another name for a special lucky if it's a mouth. I don't perform like that. I only chew on his day, chew on his balls and he fucked him with his balls and his asshole. Whoa. Wait, can you fucked him?
Starting point is 00:15:23 You're going to have to repeat his ass. Oh, yeah. He shoved each ball in his ass and I fucked him. And I was just like, it actually hurts because it's really tight. Yeah. But he likes to chew you to chew on his. Who is this? Even her talking about fucking somebody with her penis sounds more feminine than I've ever talked about sex.
Starting point is 00:15:41 And I pushed my penis into his ass and I was like, oh, it's actually like a little tight. With me I'm like, throw it in, boy. Carl, sit down the pipe. What? Just throw that rope on him, you fella. You wanna lay some tight pipe, brother? I got some rail you can sit on. Treat it like sheetrock and mud it up.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spackle me tight, brother. Yeah, find my seam. I put my penis in there with his balls and it was like, it's like a little too tight. I'm like, hand me your dick so I can suck on it. It's crazy that more people don't bite this stuff. That dick looks edible because I want to bite it. How come more people don't try this stuff. Yeah. Oh, that dude, that dude looks edible because I want to bite it. People don't try and eat it.
Starting point is 00:16:28 That's my question. Who? Why are we eating the dig? I mean, the stuff inside of it has to taste nice. I love it as a person. So uncomfortable. Tighter in my corner. As a porn star. How much of it is like fake moaning and stuff and how much of it is real? Thank God you asked. Yeah, honestly, a lot of it is an act's performance.
Starting point is 00:16:52 So I even if it is feeling good, I will make sure that it sounds even more. So especially when you're like, if we're outside, they're like, you speak up like this. And so I'm like moaning like, uh, uh, like it's like, like to make it sound like to the camera gets it. But. But what about when you're like in your personal life in like an apartment in Brooklyn? No, no, I don't think it's a church top of it. Well, I feel like sometimes I feel like I feel so weird when I'm quiet. Like what I'm saying, I'm a sad.
Starting point is 00:17:23 No, because then you're making love. No. You're quiet. I don't make any noise. When I'm quiet I'm breathing really hard. And just like, it just sounds like I'm dripping. Yeah, you have a deviated septum. I don't know if you know.
Starting point is 00:17:34 I guess I do, I do, I do, I do. I can't breathe. I'm like, is this bitch trying to whistle? What the fuck is happening? No. Whistle, why we work? Whistle while we work. Oh, my God. Actually, does your nose whistle? No, I was saying that I want to do a Snow White scene and I want to get an orgy with dwarfs.
Starting point is 00:17:54 And I want to get that. Let's call Brad Williams. He probably knows. I'm feeling a bit grumpy. Oh, it's what are the dwarfs names? Fatso and Sturgeon. feeling a bit grumpy. What are the dwarfs names? Fatso and Sturgeon. Grumpy, sleepy, comes early.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Sneezy, dopey, grumpy. Can't get hardy. Doc. Doc's the best one. He's like, I ain't going by your fucking. Yeah. Gay ass. Why names? I'm the only one here with a job. Bashful.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Oh, Bashful too. Yeah. I'm feeling a bit bashful. My favorite porn is therapist porn. I bet you fucking freak. You tell Alan that? Yeah. I've been a therapist. I've been a TSA agent. I've been a mechanic.
Starting point is 00:18:42 TSA agent. Put all dicks in my ass. And we shoved her in a suitcase. What? Belt off, pants off, dick in my pussy. Stop. You shoved so much in a suitcase. Yeah, cause it's a TSA agent.
Starting point is 00:19:00 They were trying to sneak in and I was like, oh you can't do this. And they were like, oh and they pulled a bug out. Nice. So, yeah. Or it's great. I don't know where they come up with the ideas, but I'm just like, I got a couple of ideas on the bench outside and then you just lay on a bed and then you jump in a shower. I'm like, none of these are next to each other.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Do they take care of you? Like, like on set, are they like craft tables? Nice other craft tables and stuff like Just like because you can't eat something and be bloated and then check has anybody ever like a boom My guy got like a boner or something. I'm like, sorry guys. I'll part of the job. Oh, I feel like Oh, I feel like a lot of times that they are not. Sorry, you're another boomer. I got it.
Starting point is 00:19:45 What? My take one, too, will do. I have laid on the ground and like was like waving my dick at crew and then just like, Emma, we can't. You know, that's against the rules. I was like, OK, fine. It's against the rules. Yeah, because you can't say consent and you can't be fucking.
Starting point is 00:20:01 You can't fuck crew members on the job, at least. Yeah. Whoa. Well, what? What are the food things that you all are eating on set? No, no, no. No wrong question. OK, you ask the question. OK, so you like like gummy bears. Also, like anything like your null bars. You want something with fiber or just like gelatin
Starting point is 00:20:27 because you don't want anything that's like. Coming out of your butt. I don't want any coffee. I don't drink coffee on bottom days. But I still eat breakfast. I eat a lot of fruit. But also I make sure I have a lot of like, sorry that was my phone. Bottom days. Another great name for a special. Bottom days. Bottom days is a great name for a podcast. Whoa
Starting point is 00:20:47 Is it hard to have like if someone's bad at improving like I assume that the whole thing is like, you know improv You're the fucking TSA agent. I'm the guy trying to get through we have to improv it. Oh, really? Yeah, we have my longest script was like 20 fucking pages. Jesus Christ What is that Aaron Sorkin? So there's a lot of porn that's not just like like adlib or like gonzo or just fucking so it's like some of them are Like I have to act I have to play a role Screaming at my summer fuzzy Kermit dad and then I had to cry and I go the fucks and that was the only one I'm like, I'm never doing this again. This is horrible
Starting point is 00:21:23 But there's other ones like they have huge sets and they're on set for like like those ones, like Vixen and stuff like you're probably on set for like 15 to 20 hours. Jesus. Freaking usually your normal day on set is eight hours. Oh, of fucking no. Is there a fake? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fake. Well, usually not the cum shot. Sometimes they can be cum shot. but I don't have balls.
Starting point is 00:21:47 So like when they want me to come, I'm like, you're not using fake cum. But I use it because all my fans know that I come clear. And I'm like, I'm not going to use fake. Yes, you got another great name for a special. I come clear. I come clear. I come come correct and I come clear. Yep. I'm taking all these down. Ballas wonder.
Starting point is 00:22:06 They're all going up in my head. The ball is wonder. Yeah. Yeah. She got her ball. She got a fucking huge. What's it called? You know, you don't work. You act to me. Yeah. She got her balls chopped off in Mexico and flush them down.
Starting point is 00:22:20 And Detroit, but I did flush them down. Oh, oh, my God. It feels good to get rid of them in the airport. No, in Detroit, but I did flush them down. Oh, oh my god. Did it feel good to get rid of them? Not really. No? But I'm happy that I don't have them. I do miss shooting loads, but you know, it's like whatever, you know, like your teens and your 20s, you shoot all your, that's like.
Starting point is 00:22:37 No way. I only just learned how to shoot ropes. When did you get breasts? Titties? Oh, I got titties in 20s. They're pronounced titty. Titties. They're called
Starting point is 00:22:47 I had I had like be cup tits like Naturally before I lost weight, but then I lost weight and they all went away. So I was like, oh my titties back How many CCS by 15? Do you know what that means? Yeah, what cubic centimeters? I'm guessing Really 250 is 550 because I'm using 250 in a joke, but 250 is small
Starting point is 00:23:22 50 small. Yeah, 550 is big. Yeah, I think I like triple D's. Okay 550. I'll change the joke Siri write that down My friend has a thousand in each, which is like, you know, Britney Cain, have you seen her? No. Bimbo, I love her. She's so funny. But yeah, her titties like the size of a watermelon. She's like five, two. I was like, oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:23:38 I got a lot of titties. That's the poor back. Yeah, her back. No, that poor thing. Did you BBL? No, I got my. So, no, I had silicone injections in a hotel room. In a hotel room. In a hotel room.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Yeah, that was scary. I remember one time the. So what she she puts after she's done is she puts cotton and super glue hooks the hole. So she doesn't, you only go. And then anyways, I was home, the thing came off early. And I'm like, what's so wet? And I'm like, oh my God, it's leaking out of my ass.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Is that real? That's the name of the special. It's leaking out of my ass. This is the name of the special. Bits over. Clay bones. I'm making that joke. Clay bones. Clay bones. Clay bones. Clay bones.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Clay bones. Clay bones. Why did you choose to get silicone in your ass in a hotel room? Hotel ass jobs. Hotel ass jobs. Motel hate this idea.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Hotel silicone? Silic silicone hotel. Silicone hotels. Very cool. It was leaking down my leg. And so I ran to the store and I had to get I had to get patriotic. I had to get super cool, but then I were out of super close. I use nail glue and I was literally putting it on.
Starting point is 00:25:02 We are not in the middle of the store. I look crazy, but it looks great. But wow. So and you do you were you scared? Oh, yeah, I thought I was going to die. It was a professional person, though. Oh, no, it was some girl from Mexico. Wow. I do like a legit go to a mafia doctor.
Starting point is 00:25:24 Look how skinny I am. What fat- am I gonna get a fat ass? Uh, no. So they can't make you have a fat ass if you go to a real doctor? No, you have to get- like it's the BBL, but I'm gonna get out next year and then I'm- that's why I've been working out so much. And like everyone's like, oh my god, like, I don't know, I'm a guy, you know, but I'm not eating enough.
Starting point is 00:25:42 So I have to eat like 3,000 calories a day. I don't know how I'm gonna do that. Yeah, it's hard. Talk to her. She's a diet person. But then I'm also getting fucked you know, I'm not eating enough to have to eat like three thousand calories a day. I don't know how I'm going to do that. Yeah, it's hard. Talk to her. She's a diet person. But then I'm also getting fucked every day. So you can't. It's what a paradox. You can't. That's why I can't because I'm trying to eat all the time.
Starting point is 00:25:57 It's like then you can be bloated and then I don't want to shit on anybody. So I can't use somebody else's fat. Brendan's here. anybody. So I can't use somebody else's fat. Brendan's here. Brandon, your haircut is really good. You can't do that. It is. Look at it. Sometimes it's bad.
Starting point is 00:26:14 But they're good. Brendan's here. Your hair's nice. Really good. You can't do that. Whoever you went to go to that person again. Anyway, Brandon, give her some of your fat. Well, you can. You can. Actually, you can give someone else. I'll give you some of my fat. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a That was good because there was a joke on him and there was also penis. Yeah, the penis joke. Yes. Oh, my God. People got really upset when I said I had a small penis. I was like, you know, it's cute. It's feminine.
Starting point is 00:26:50 I know balls. It's strong. It's pretty. I said it's small. I said it was five inches. And so they said five inches, not small. I'm like, I apologize. But who is that? The Twitter mafia. I don't know. This time it was like the YouTube mafia. It was kind of crazy.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Alphabet Warriors. So you have a five inch penis. I think it might have shrunk again. But I used to it used to be like six and a half. And then it shrunk. Why is it shrinking? Old age. Because so I don't get boners.
Starting point is 00:27:20 So you have to work out your willy and it stays the size. But if you don't you don't get hard, then it shrinks. You hear that, fellas? Keep jerking your stupid little. You heard it here, folks. You gotta play with your wiener all the time. Take that little fucking dick and play with it. And cum all the time.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Oh no, maybe not cum all the time. You heard us here once. Yeah. And also come a lot. Yeah. You hear that? I need you to come all the time. Rub it till it pukes. Yeah. I'm actually stealing that for a custom now. What? Rub it till it pukes. Yeah. T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Wait, what's a custom again? Oh, so when people they pay you to do things, also as a cumiliation. Honestly, that you would be fucking afraid of it. Yeah. You're really any people for money. They'd love it. But I don't have to touch them. No, no, it's video. All videos. Like, let's do it right now. You stupid gay.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Now we're a small Small penis humiliation do him now. That's a special man do him do him. He's got four inches hard What are you going to do? I don't give a shit. Do it. Do it. Make me feel bad. No, don't do it. I'll come. I will come.
Starting point is 00:28:56 I will come. Do you do like what is that the J.O. what is that? J.O.I. is a jail of instructions. I love I know I see I see I come eating instructions. I make you fucking come bitch. Why not? It's great. The jag of instruction is because men are like they're they they like to hear.
Starting point is 00:29:29 It's like when a girl's talking about it, they describe it. Well, it's like one of the easiest things to do. But I think it's very easy to fuck up as well. That's dude. That jerk off instructions are. I love a good jerk off instruction. And I love getting to hold on to your penis. Hold on to your penis. Tell them you're a willy boy.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Hey, you mind if I give you a little hand? Yeah, no, I've seen some jerk off instructions or some like role play where it's like step mommy and son and they so beat it over the head that it takes you out there like I bet you love fucking step mommy's pussy lips that are your step mommy's that your vagina. You need to make it more realistic. No, I like that. Be quiet.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Your dad is coming home. Exactly. Yeah. I like when they're good at it. Yeah. When they're like, oh my God, you can never tell your just never tell you hazing days. Oh, what's that the hazing days? You know like the like, you know fraternity acts and all that shit were like all the sorority girls get fucked I'm like, I don't know when everybody wanted to fuck their family because all of my should step step step. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:30:40 Huh, it's actually my stepbrother. That's so crazy, man. In real life. Oh, wow. And it's definitely what I'm into. Sure. I mean, it's so hot. It's so hot. It's so hot to do that. That's crazy. The thing that's hot is that you shouldn't do it and the sneaking around and the...
Starting point is 00:30:58 Are we gonna eat? Are we gonna eat? Well, it's also just... Yeah, let's go to dinner. What's hot about it is like they're not... Mom's wanna stand still. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hurry, wash your hands in my pussy.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Yeah. Those fingers in the basin clean those suckers off. You got a little bit of resin under your fingernails. Hang on, I'll clean it out. Gross. a little bit of resin under your fingernails. Hang on, I'll clean it out. Gross. Yeah, that's hot. Jerk off instructions the best. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:31:35 They are. They are. I like being called a. Also, one of my favorite new things. Tell us what. Wait, yeah, you tell us. Cheating Kings. Oh, my God. I don't know why I was so embarrassed doing it for my first time. Cheating king. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Homewrecker. Like it's like like like they love. What's cheating? Is it like it's all fake, though, right? It's all fake. Oh, you caught me. Oh, no, it's like where I do custom and I should. You should. I should talk there. I'm like, oh, you're nothing but a whore. Like, oh, you like you want to share your wife.
Starting point is 00:32:06 I want to fuck her without you. You're going to watch. You're not going to get any action. And they're just like, I want you to cheat on my wife with me. Or like I want you to cheat on me with my wife. So it's like cocky cheating. And I'm like, it's actually really nice. Really? Because it's like vengeance. Yeah. I just want to be called a good boy and be nurtured.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Yeah, I know. Is that too much? Where's the forehead kiss porn? I just want soft kisses on each other's faces. I just want to promise for forever. Oh, boy. That's impossible. It was certainly a different type of genre.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I just want somebody to say I'll never leave even if you tell me to go I won't. While they're inside you? See if I said that. If you said that. Let me hop on in. I know. I know that about you. You're stuck with me.
Starting point is 00:32:59 You like being stuck? Oh look who's. Don't. It's bad for you. Look. I know that about you. You're stuck with me. You like being stuck? Oh, look who's Look. Who looks. This is yours though, right?
Starting point is 00:33:12 I wish I had never started that. A blues guy. I don't get addicted to shit besides weed. Oh, dude, I got her. I got her. I got her zinz the other night and I didn't know the milligram and then she texted me and goes, I got fucked up on those things.
Starting point is 00:33:29 And he like podcast and I just stuck one in my mouth before. And I'm just like, what was the question? You look cool like that. It's not good. Can I suck on that? No, I was talking to him. No, but was talking to him It's not good for you to smoke cigarettes and the thing why not you gotta let people just live their life, okay, well
Starting point is 00:34:00 It's my thing So what you could say is I don't want you to smoke that It's my thing. I won't. Stop, I can hear your lungs collapsing. I can hear you. Stop, you're so fucked up. You smoked two packs and now we're huffing a vape. But that's bad for you. I've never heard him cough like that from cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Yeah, the cigarettes don't make me do that. That's bad chemical. Yeah, it's a really bad thing and I don't like what my friends think is because I feel like I'm dooming them. No, the cigarettes don't make me do that. That's bad. Yeah, it's a really bad thing. And I don't like you guys. I feel like I'm dooming them. Oh, no. I will consensus of the room. May I know? No. Jordan, all day. No, it's the only thing that's good.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I like I like so it's whenever I was in Europe is like this girl. She just had like this like, you know, box of tobacco and she would just roll tobacco like weed and smoke it. And I'm like, that's like a good way of nicotine. That's good. I feel like this, like, you know, box of tobacco and she would just roll tobacco, like weed and smoke it. And I'm like, that's like a good way of nicotine. That's good. Yeah, that's like clean. Yeah. If I had to roll it, it would take so much. I used to roll all through college and every piece of clothing I had had so much tobacco in the pot. Everything I owned was covered in tobacco. I used to roll with the roll.
Starting point is 00:34:59 What did you say, Jordan? Well, this tobacco does have a good smell to it. Just tobacco. Jordan, ultimate say. What did you say, Jordan? Well, tobacco does have a good smell. It's really just tobacco. Jordan, ultimate say? No way. No, no, Jordan, no?
Starting point is 00:35:14 Okay, I didn't want you to begin with. Let's move on. Hey everybody, it's Ian here and I wanna tell you about Fume. I'm in a hotel room in Los Angeles, California for the Netflix is a Joke Festival. Shout out, it's been fun. And it ain't over yet. And I really wish that I could...
Starting point is 00:35:39 Whatever you eat or smoke a butt, get some good good in me. But I'm in a hotel room and I can't want to be a heater, smoke a black, get some of that good good in me. But I'm in a hotel room and I can't. I have a craving, but I'm not gonna go out and smoke because I'm gonna use fume. Fume, fume, use fume instead. That's right, it's an award-winning device. Instead of vapor, it uses flavored air. Instead of harmful chemicals, it uses awesome flavors.
Starting point is 00:36:07 And instead of electronics, it's totally natural, brother. That's right. If you get the point, instead of being bad for you, fume is good. Bad for you, bad. Fume is good.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Makes replacing hand to mouth habit easy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm bad. Fume is good. Makes replacing hand to mouth habit easy. I bet. Anyway, listen, okay? You want to use a good habit by going to slash ska. That's right. slash ska and get the journey pack. Yep. Fume has given our listeners 10% off on the use code SKA to help make starting the good habit that much easier. Okay. That's slash SKA. T-R-Y-F-U-M dot com slash SKA code SKA. I don't know man. What other porn questions do I have? Yeah. Are you all right with us?
Starting point is 00:37:03 Oh yeah. Pick my brain. Pick my... Aw, that was nice to clarify. OK, and I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to you. You? You got some porn questions for me? Do you like big titty porn or little titty porn?
Starting point is 00:37:17 Big titty porn. I love big tits. I love a fat ass. I don't have either of those. Does anybody like big rib cage porn? You are just a fat ass. I don't have any of those. Does anybody like big rib cage? You are just a fat ass. What were you going to say? Does anyone like bones? Does anybody like...
Starting point is 00:37:35 Does anybody like clay bones? What about big upper lip? That's hot. It is hot. Thank you. Simpsons lip? Yeah, early Simpsons too. Does anyone like this? I know. You look like when they were on, what's that called? Keep saying ah. You try to have like a decent day.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Try to have a decent day and it gets ruined. A decent con day. Oh need some condoms. Ooh! You use condoms? No. You? What do you mean, good? I'm just wondering. Don't touch that. Why do you want to know? You feeling fresky?
Starting point is 00:38:17 No, I haven't used a condom in a long time. I'll pull out if I have to. You know what I'm saying? That's gross. What, to pull out? I just feel like, there's just scary shit. What, the no condom story? Yeah, who's wrong here? Oh, okay good.
Starting point is 00:38:34 Because I feel like I raped you. Let's use, Emma, Emma, be a judge. Tell it. You're not wrong. Who's wrong? So, if two people are about to have sex, who are the two people? And nobody says says they used to
Starting point is 00:38:48 Okay, you go first. I don't want to put your business out on front. We have to start You never heard putting someone's business out on front business out on front Street is a great special. Who were you? We had to do the show where we had to make advertisements for sex things. Oh, this is really funny. I forgot about that. I got There was a comes fun. We got dipstick It was on a dipstick and you the goal when you get cummed in you put it in your pussy and it sponges up The cum to take it out. I made fun of them on Instagram great great great post. They didn't pay me for it They're like fuck you. You made fun of our company. I'm pissed. I didn't get paid
Starting point is 00:39:43 I'm like I put this up on the main page. What the fuck? And I let it go. But at that time, your main page was like, who cares? You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't even worth it. It was during the pandemic. Nobody nobody cared. Yeah. Me and Brendan hook up. He comes inside my body and I was like, well, OK, now you're skipping a ton of shit. Is your problem. And then I had kept one of the squeegees.
Starting point is 00:40:03 I'll tell you what my problem was. Yeah, I Come too quick Your pussy was great That's my problem Here's my problem dating you for six months and only hitting once that's my problem. Put it out on front street. Woo! I told you my problem. I got the... Dating for six months and I only hit it once.
Starting point is 00:40:37 You were the king. No, but I was under the impression that... What? Okay. This is, you know, rough waters. I was under the impression that Okay This is you know Waters, but you know because you are right I had a hard hat in there a little man ready to know but usually people normal people They'll say to you during it you go you they'll go you can come in me or you usually say it before
Starting point is 00:41:03 You pull out to the guy to say where do you want me to come? Right. Because we're right. You can build up. Shocking. It was all that build up. It's fine. I totally I'm sure it's fine. But then we had to use one of those squeegee things, which was hilarious. And I was you're like, do you have any of those things left? Yeah. It was like. And then the current music. And I think I'm barren, too, because the amount of times that's happened. And I'm just kidding. No, wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:41:35 I'm just fucking around. Condon or did you say I'm going to come or did you just go and go? I just went. Well, that was that was that's that's well, we were all you know, it was I don't know. it's a different time Different time. I was I was young I was in my 20s I think I was was like 29. You don't know you don't care No, I was completely wrong on my side completely but I will say
Starting point is 00:42:01 Past and future women that I've had sex with always say like right when we're about to do it, they're like, you can come in, they'll usually say it. No, I never do. I assume you'll pull out. I don't think I've had a girl say, let me give you directions on where to come. A thousand pounds?
Starting point is 00:42:17 Yeah. What do you mean I'm pulling out? You got on top of it. I didn't hire an excavator. Yeah, I need a fucking. Sorry. I'm not even paid union wages. Sorry. I don't have to rig up a hoist. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I was like trying to build the pyramids. You say I'm about to come and then I get my large self off of you. Now that's where I that's where I fucked up. But that's just how you know.
Starting point is 00:42:52 I call in the boom lip. That's how attracted to you I was. You know, you say thank you. Sorry, I don't my CDL. I can't operate a crane. You say I would find it a compliment. Just saying I did because because I compliment, just saying. I did. I did find it a compliment. Because I just couldn't hold it in anymore.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Because of how attracted I was to you. And how long did it last? Oh, not long. But that's normal for me. Yeah. Look, there's a lot of stuff, people. There's a little, you know, we could do three hours on This is great!
Starting point is 00:43:27 I can't live all the time in the world Yeah, really, this is fantastic Yeah, I got nowhere to be, what are you gonna do? Incredible I wish I could have wikis Me too I wish I enjoyed having sex I have a hard time coming
Starting point is 00:43:43 I have a hard time getting into anything. I don't have either of those problems. And that's my problem. I come quick and I get into shit. 60 minutes? Chinese food here? No, you're just drawing it. Grass is always greener. You always want what you can't have. But also it's like my, especially hormones, my dick.
Starting point is 00:44:02 I just wanted to stay hard all the time. Like when I'm fucking you can't be a hot girl and have a hard dick. You can't have everything. Okay. Some of us have no tits, no ass and our woman and it's soft. You can have fat tits, fat ass, skinny little waist and hard cock. If you have all that, your cock's off. Great episode. of all that your cocks off. You have to put this episode out to be honest. This is so funny.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Great episode. God damn it. What if I had a big dig? Oh, my God, it would be game over. My girlfriend, my girlfriend has a big dig. Yeah, she's got a hog. You have a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah. Really?
Starting point is 00:44:41 Like a like a girlfriend. Say what you were going to say. Like a girlfriend. A biological you were going to say. A biological woman. Were you going to say? No, but didn't don't be open. You're open. Oh, oh, yeah. Well, I tell her my when I'm feeling around and then she tells me when she's feeling around and then I'm hard.
Starting point is 00:44:58 I'm like, OK, baby, I'm ready to fuck. Oh, so this will be fodder for later. Oh, yeah. Really? The mother and the father. Yeah The mudder and the fodder? The mudder and the fodder. Yeah. This is why Honest is has been like the most like respectful, honest, like just wholesome relationship because we're both whores.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Let me see what she looks like. Is she hot? Yeah, she's Cuban she's trans she's a latina pain in my ass in the best ways Agree This should be regular. Yeah Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, show me here what she really looks like. How'd you guys meet? Just kidding. We met before.
Starting point is 00:45:51 We actually have. We actually have. We share. We share next. So we share next. Remember seeing that this morning. So I thought she hated me. We filmed together. And then like we kind of like hung out a little bit. But last year during the Montreal the fact that happened was great.
Starting point is 00:46:14 It's very interesting that you could like be like. What are you guys talking about? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if she wants that out on front street. It's definitely interesting that you can like be like, oh, I thought she hated me and we had a scene together. So you fuck people that like you don't get along with and shit.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Yeah. Oh, no, no, I have no list. I have no list for sure where I'm like, absolutely not. And my director is like, what about this much money? I'm like, OK, fine. So, dude, I hate fuck somebody. Is it a person? Yeah. There's a couple people, but also it's just like,
Starting point is 00:46:50 mostly it's like, just girls who are just really dumb and that are gay for pay, I don't like gay for pay women, because if I'm eating your pussy, you need to get wet. Like if I'm eating you out and like, you're just not into it, and then as soon as like they say cut and Then you like like it just like start to know you don't wash yourself with fire Yeah, porn star be like, against God's plan! Against God's plan! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:25 Wash yourself with fire. Great, great. That's cool, yeah. Yeah, no, so you need some... I think I get every watch porn and, like, you just know that these two girls are just not into each other. No. Most of the time.
Starting point is 00:47:37 No. I'm not looking at their faces. I'm not looking at their feelings. The question was, so how much is it real? Right, right, right. It's like wrestling. How much of it actually feels good and how much of it is just like I'm checking out? There's a few times where I'm like, I don't want to be here. Oh good. But they're like, you don't even need to come.
Starting point is 00:48:05 And I'm like, I want to come. Oh, yeah. Even nothing comes out. Sometimes I'm like, I'm still going to get my nut because I'm, we've been fucking for an hour and now I'm going to like feel like, yeah. Yeah. But there's sometimes where I'm actually actually can shoot a load, which I'm like, yay. You ever do one of those videos where you're like getting massaged?
Starting point is 00:48:23 Oh yeah. Oh, I was I want to do one where I just chop, chop. Rub, rub, rub. I didn't hear you. That's why Ian was going quiet. We're talking about with porn, Ian's like. But I've also had, I've had a happy ending in real life though too. So those are, that one's really nice. Yeah. Join the club to it. Who hasn't?
Starting point is 00:48:57 I just got. Happy ending? Yeah. She didn't even have a happy beginning. I have never had a happy beginning. Or a happy middle. Me and you are opposite. No part of it's happy. You don't even have a happy beginning. I have never had a happy beginning. Or a happy middle. Me and you are opposite people.
Starting point is 00:49:05 You're a porn star and I am almost on a jihad against porn. Really? Yeah, totally. Whenever. I'm done watching it too. You know how they're, yeah. It is a lot. It is a lot.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Yeah, and I find. Do you know what that's like saying though? It's like saying I'm a, you own a distillery. And I'm like, I'm against alcohol. I am sober. like saying though, it's like saying I'm a you own a distillery and I'm like I Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I think that there's nothing wrong with being a porn star But I do think that porn makes relationships fucked. Oh why? Yeah, she just spoke at Santa Barbara Yeah, I just spoke at University of Santa Barbara for a film studies course and they had really good questions about like, oh, how has it changed? Like your emotions and like how you are as a person and also like socioeconomic like impacts of it on laws.
Starting point is 00:49:54 And it's like a very awesome conversation. But for better or for worse porn, I feel like if it was regulated earlier, we're going through like a really bad phase where it's like either one or the other. It's very polarizing. But it's like. People want to fucking nut. But also, I'm like, I mean, I've been watching for a long time, so. It's also going to be I mean, it's something that there's always going to be people filming people having sex on tape. So long as it's a possibility.
Starting point is 00:50:22 We've got stories in the 90s. I'm just like, can you tell me sort of the 90s? Has porn historically made people back then as porn-tarded as they are today? There's no conclusive evidence. Like there's some that shows they might have porn rot, there might not be, but there's no conclusive evidence where it shows like, yes, this is statistically different that it causes it so it's still in there Mmm, just why they're trying to figure it out But it's kind of like when people are like video games don't
Starting point is 00:50:52 Desensitize or influence anyone in a bad way and it's like yeah, we don't have like the study but you can Pretty much depends on who you are if you're somebody yeah totally separate in your mind like I'm watching porn and now I'm fucking my girlfriend and they're very different things. But a lot of people cannot separate. It's all about like planning and shit. Like you can be like, well, I'm not feeling attracted to my chick. So let me just stop watching porn for a couple of days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you don't need to quit. Also, I think a lot of times couples don't watch porn together.
Starting point is 00:51:20 And I think that's so important if you do want to have a healthy relationship with porn. I also had a vice show with Angela White where we were teaching people about Like they would call in with questions and some of them like hey My boyfriend watches a lot of porn and like I tell him that like it's okay Like I want to join he just doesn't want to let me join and I said like men have there are times where like I need This for me is like my safe space But also it's like you stuff to open up and have times for like your girlfriend or your boyfriend.
Starting point is 00:51:48 And so watching porn together, I think is very good. My favorite things is when couples and like married couples are just like, we just watch your porn or like this one. Oh, she's like, I mean, my husband love your content. I'm just like, oh, wow. Something that's like that is so warming to my heart. Yeah, that's nice. Bring them together. It's tearing. Yeah, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Bring them together. You're supposed to be tearing them apart. That's right. That's my experience. Really? Like watching porn with someone was like not good for you guys? No, she's talking about just being with someone. Oh, right?
Starting point is 00:52:17 I was watching porn with the lady I'm seeing now and in the middle of it the guy goes, this guy goes, he's like, they're like, and then he goes, I'm sitting on my phone. I'm seeing now and in the middle of it, the guy goes, this guy goes, he's like, they're like, uh, uh, uh, and then he goes, I'm sitting on my phone, I'm so uncomfortable. We just died laughing. That's great. No, I've never watched porn with a partner. Wait, who's at that? Some fucking old guy.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Oh. Some guy. Some guy who was getting fucked in a car. He's like, hold on. That's realistic, that would've made me come. Yeah, I'd be like, oh! Yeah on that's realistic that would have made me come yeah oh like this books though that's why I live reading porn rather than when I come I go for
Starting point is 00:53:01 I loved Penthouse Chronicles when people would write in. Those were so fucking hot. Oh, my God. Yeah. Be cool to make a coffee table. What book are those? Did you read porn? Read porn? You can't even read books. Read. What? Like Playboy and stuff?
Starting point is 00:53:19 Yeah. Well, yeah, when I was like, not just the pictures and stuff, no, not like 10 in my shit, like fiction or erotica. Harry Potter. Well, yeah when I was like No, no really no no none of that kind of stuff I see so at the best tip is for Men are you want to learn how to dirty talk more read smart books? Because you will be a master and she will score everywhere. Why? What's like, like, cause I talk a little dirty, you know, or whatever.
Starting point is 00:53:52 It's like, if you see, does she ever read like 90 books? No. Oh. Well like 50 shades of gray or something? Oh no, that's overrated, fuck that one. So anyway, like they, there's some books that you not even think that the smart book and then she's just reading porn
Starting point is 00:54:07 If you read those and you know what like You'll learn the things to say and it makes you so good cocks blood No, you don't like that. No, you see you see because they don't know how to dirty talk. It's filling up with blood. Clay bones. Clay bones. Clay bones. No. You guys don't say enough things. You're a wet pussy. You don't say enough things about us. What do you want us to say?
Starting point is 00:54:38 No, I do. And I try that. I like your beautiful, your hot. I love fucking you Different name You've heard a different name When I usually have sex it's like I wish you were a cartoon drawing and more
Starting point is 00:55:03 God, I wish, I wish I was, it's this. I wish you were a cartoon drawing of Mars. Have you ever had sex with women? Have you ever had sex with women? No. Yes. What? No. You licked a pussy once and it was cold. Oh! Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Well, it was like, if you'd like to sex with me every time. I hate women because they're... You could have just stopped and hate women. Because they're me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Would you ever have sex with a trans woman?
Starting point is 00:55:26 Yeah, more than a woman woman. Really? Really. Yeah. Well, what are you doing after Chinese women? Honestly, no. It's like a nice... With you just...
Starting point is 00:55:34 And Brendan just... I came! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be like, sorry, forgot to say, hey, anybody hungry for seconds? No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:55:42 No. I would just be like eating Chinese on a plate. Actually, it would be pretty fun. Do it. A whole foursome. With you eating Chinese food, that would be really fun. A lot of times when I'm there. I'm giving it all like, huh, Brendan?
Starting point is 00:56:01 Give it all like, huh, Brendan? Yeah, I've had a three, someone's with a girl and a guy and yeah, just didn't. Oh, no, that can be dangerous territory. Yeah. Why? To be because then also you got to worry like sometimes competition. Naturally, women don't want to speak their mind. And after some with their partner, because they're like, OK, no wonder women's movement. But then it's like, you know, that the energy is like, hey, girl, if you want me to do something else or like not touch your man, let me know.
Starting point is 00:56:32 Oh, yeah. It's like all these. Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, you're OK. Like Tucker. Tucker. Tucker. Tucker. Tucker's bugging. Tucker. People just they need to be good communicators. Good communicators. Great sex.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Yes. Yeah, but sometimes I find with men, if I'm like, I want this, then they're like, don't tell me what to do. Fuck that. No, you should be malleable and listen, because the ultimate goal is to make your partner feel better. Tell me so I can make you feel good because I get off on you feeling better. The plural you, the you stead. The familiar you.
Starting point is 00:57:14 Me too. Nosotros. Chinese, Spanish, not Chinese. Nosotros. I'm not Chinese Spanish. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese.
Starting point is 00:57:36 I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. I'm just trying to do whatever they want. Why don't you look? Why don't you lay in bed with each other and go what gets you all no? No, what can I do to help? That's crazy. I like that abandoned. Yes. Thank you. She's a fucking pro Well, we also have hours of consent talk before porn. So it's just like I'm not looking for consent I'm looking for cum scent
Starting point is 00:58:03 My stuff smells. I'm trying to get that scent of cum, you know what I'm saying? That's a good rap lyric. I ain't looking for consent. I'm looking for the Santa co. Oh my god. Calling Peter Puck a meter, coming to your Santa meter. There you go. But there'suck-a-me-da. Coming either Santa-me-da. Hey, there you go. But there's also a sexy way to do it. You know, like, you don't have to sit and be like, OK, so this is what I like.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Like, there are so good ways to have been like even with foreplay. And you're asking her like there is a part where you can go too much, of course, but just like finding something like if that's the if I'm eating someone's pussy and like they're not telling me like if they're not moaning, I'm like, OK, then we try something different. But then if they're still not moaning, I'm like, OK, I might just not hitting it. Right. I have some tranquilized mattresses. So I'm just like, oh, well, and they're usually tens.
Starting point is 00:58:58 Like really hot bitches that are like they never had to work for anything in their whole lives. Thank God I used to be ugly, so. Me too. Youst. Ha ha ha ha ha. Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo What was that Emma can you repeat for the class how's please Say it again. I see you look great when you come. How can you tell from the back? Thank you, I appreciate that, thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:48 It's a thing to be nervous about, how you look. I hope you don't do that. I don't know how to take this compliment. You care about that? What, how I look when I come? How you look when you come? I care about, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Well, it depends on if I'm on my back and you're not looking at me or if I'm like looking at you, then I care. Oh, true. Just like a man when I come, I just like the octaves just go very deep. But I'm like, yeah, yeah. I remember you were like, she said revert to factory settings. Like, oh, my God. He said revert to factory settings. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
Starting point is 01:00:30 Dude I'm gonna bust! Oh fuck yeah. Oh fuck yeah. Brother get ready! Is it okay if I come on my tits? My tits? My tits? My tits.
Starting point is 01:00:51 This is great. I guess I'm all the time. Yeah, this is fun. You're not worried about how you look when you come? No. No. I come pretty sexually. Sexly. I come pretty sexually sexy Well, yeah, that's a yeah, yeah, I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I go, wait, wait, wait. What does she look like when she comes?
Starting point is 01:01:30 She's not even looking at you. You never see me come. That's sad. Well, then I've seen you act. Just kidding. Just kidding. I did, I've never even tried. What do I look like?
Starting point is 01:01:50 Make the face. No, I feel okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I thought you were like this. That's what I imagined. I remember when the hats were falling on me and everything. Oh, that's right. Nice.
Starting point is 01:01:58 Because you know how I keep my hats on the bed frame on the top? I don't know anything about your room. All of them are just fucking decking me in the face. Yeah. Wow. Oh yeah, actually. But it was great.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Remember I injured you? You did, you injured my groin. Yeah. By how? I sprained my groin. Fucked her so hard she sprained her groin. Oh my God. All right, guys.
Starting point is 01:02:30 From my ass. You were throwing it back like that? Yeah. You throwing it back? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Ew. That's so gay. That's gay.
Starting point is 01:02:44 That's gayer than fuck getting fucked in the ass. That's so gay That's gay That is gayer than fucking getting fucked in the ass That's fucking gay I apologize Wow dude wow Fuck me Sorry I didn't sound like that You threw your little bubble butt back Oh my god
Starting point is 01:03:03 When she comes you look back like a fucking... You know, can't wait to see. Yeah! Oh my... I turned my head around like an owl. That was, who did that? Don't try and deflect from the gate, man. What do you want me to say? say this is vulnerable I'm aware all
Starting point is 01:03:25 right this is like public on front street this is fucking the front is to the front this is going on me good good good lover we know you're throwing it back Yeah, like we took turns like It's not about giving again. Oh my God! With his eyes looking so hoggingly. Oh please. We just turned like gentlemen. Yes, like gentlemen. Thank you. It was a gentleman's bet. Nothing is funnier about me and Brendan being like, okay you took a dickie and I was like, hats, you took a dick in your ass, hats are falling,
Starting point is 01:04:25 dicks in your ass, getting railed out, and then you threw it back and we're like, are you gay? Yeah, it definitely is making me look at you differently. Oh my God. How you gonna look now? They're so fucked up. Yeah, they are.
Starting point is 01:04:39 Plus, see, oh yeah, please. Oh no. You could literally be beating me to death and I'm still gonna be like, you threw it back, homo. Oh, yeah, please. Oh no! You could literally be beating me to death and I'm still gonna be like, you threw it back, homo! I don't care how tough you get. I don't care.
Starting point is 01:04:51 I don't care. I don't care. You talked about getting fucked before, haven't you? What? Yeah, but there's something different. No, not like this! Not in explicit detail! I'm rolling back, it's crazy.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Well, this is why it's so big to hit you with a big ass in a small way, so. Also, he's a big, big ass in a small way. So yeah, the betrayal that happened on his face when we went, we went, we went, you threw it back and he goes, yeah. And then he and Brendan looked at each other and he was like, oh,
Starting point is 01:05:15 no, I said the wrong thing. It was like that episode of the sentence when you hear Millhouse's heartbreak. It's Ralph Wiggin, but yeah. What did you think of the Simpsons? Because you looked at me.
Starting point is 01:05:32 You're bad. And so my OK, we got to eat Chinese. Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. Awesome. This will be public. So any thing you guys want to take back? Anything you want to take back Yeah, I know what I got. Watch my special.
Starting point is 01:06:13 It's wild, happy and free on this YouTube page. Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. Punch up dot live slash Ian finance for all mine. Ian has a special coming out. Yes. And a new podcast. Yeah, our funniest friend. We love you so much Sack Patty to pod. Yeah Yeah, yeah, Brendan cycle on everything. Thank you guys. Yes, and Emma The fitting garden calm or oh, it's Emma Rose on all socials. Yes The forbidden garden calm or oh it's Emma Rose on all socials. Wait, say it again. Oh,
Starting point is 01:06:45 Oh, alright. The Forbidding Garden. Okay. Alright, love you guys. Bye bye. See you next week. Oh!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.