Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 096: Summer's Eve W/ Harland Williams

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s - Support the show and get free dessert for life at https://www.hellofresh.com/SKASWEET PODCAST MERCH HERE ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan- podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s WATCH RIP HERE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tub6tSNi2Ho&t=2s Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Harland Williams Here : https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams/ https://linktr.ee/harlandwilliams   @HarlandHighwayPodcast  https://www.patreon.com/harlandwilliams https://www.harlandwilliams.com Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Hello, punchup.live slash Ian Finance for all my dates. Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for all our... Come laugh till you piss. Don't piss here. Piss it on the road and see his live! Bye! I'm coming all over! Oh god, that's horrifying.

Oh no, that's me when I look nice! That horrifying memory. That's so f***ing horrible. He looks like you're with a whore and you're having a bad time. Looks like he has a good time. Dude, he's in stop to date! and you're half-asleep. Looks like he has a good sleep. Dude, he's in stuff today! Be an Ian. Coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride.

When you're being Ian, being Ian. Life is shit but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian life being Ian Being Ian with Jordan Are we good? Yeah, oh of course, let's get this thing started Hi everybody, Welcome back to a episode of being Ian with Jordan. I'm Ian. I'm Jordan. And I'm so excited for today. Crazy, crazy guest. This is the coolest thing in the world to have the wonderful, the fantastic Harlan Williams with us. Wow. I'm honored. Thank

you. You know what's really weird? You know how you watched a movie so many times as a kid? Yeah. And it penetrates your brain? I couldn't figure out why you were so penetrated in my brain. Whoa. Like you were in there, in there.

Like how deep? Deep in my vagina. Your brain's in your brain? Yes. It is? That's where I keep it. Was I like all the way in or just like three quarters? Cervix. Cervix bumping, knocking on the devil's door.

Whoa. And it was from. Oh, Dylan on line three. It was from your dead face in Whole Nine Yards. Oh, right. Your dead face. Yeah. Because I watched that movie so many yards. Oh, right. Your dead face. Yeah. Because I watched that movie so many times.

Oh, wow. My whole life. And when I was young, I think I folk fixated on your dead face. Dead face. Yeah. Why, why that? Why did you? I was a morbid child.

Yeah. But I remember that so well. And I was like, why is he in there dead? Like, why is he in there dead? And then I figured it out. Wow. I could tell you a good story about that dead scene if you want, but I don't know you guys. I don't want to take it in the wrong direction.

Let's sit at your feet and listen to a story from Papa. Yes. Well, so that's in that movie, the whole nine yards, Bruce Willis shoots me. He kills me. I'm looking up at Amanda Peets. I was gonna say teats, but it's Amanda Peets breasts in the window.

Amanda Peets teats. Willis comes in. Say it 10 times fast. I wish I could, but a breast genie would appear. But in the scene, she distracts me. I look up, she's hanging her naked breasts out the window. While I'm distracted, Bruce Willis shoots me. So then the scene is Michael Clarke Duncan comes,

scoops me up, they're at a house in the suburbs, a fairly big house, and Michael Clarke Duncan from the Green Mile carries my, I'm a pretty big guy. I'm like six two two, like two, ten. And he's like carrying me in his arms like almost effortlessly. It was kind of wild. How big is he? Oh, he was he was huge. He's six, seven. Yeah. He's a big boy. No, he's probably probably. Yeah, maybe it's 6'6", but he was just wide like a truck. And you know, remember the green Milo?

Yeah. Just massive arms. Safe, you feel that? Yeah, I felt, I actually cuddled with him. Yes. And he was lactating too, so I got a little sip. So the scene called for him to carry me into the house with Bruce and Amanda and the whole gang was there. And, uh, he drops me on the floor in the foyer. Yeah.

And, um, so we did a take and the director was this British guy, Jonathan from the UK and, uh, sort of a very, more of a straight lay serious kind of tense guy. And this just, the story is about the star power of Bruce is what it is. So we dropped the body and we, we caught and Bruce goes, looks around and he goes, Jonathan, all the lights are on,

like the hall light and the foyer was all lit up. And John's yes, that's right, Bruce. And Bruce is like, this is in front of the whole cast and crew and Bruce said, well, we're carrying a body in, you know, they'd want to hide it. They wouldn't, they wouldn't want to do all this. It was a nighttime shot.

They don't want to do with all the lights on and everything. And Jonathan was like, no, it's okay, Bruce, it's just fine. Let's do it again. And John and Bruce was no, wait a minute. You know, and then it sort of started to get a little tense. Wow. And so they started kind of going back and forth and then, you know, there's all these little doors off of the foyer, like offices and bedrooms.

And Bruce just was. Jonathan, can I see you in these rooms for a second? And we're all just standing there like Michael, everybody. And they go in for about five minutes and then they come out, door closes, and Jonathan is, all right, turn off all the lights. Just like that. Oh my God. Oh my God.

And it was like, it was just, but Bruce wasn't a dick about it. He was right. Like it needed to be, you know, it was a, they're carrying a murdered body around, but it was just amazing to see Bruce just take control. I never imagined him to be a guy with notes like that. Yeah, Bruce was very astute and very like,

he took everything, he was so much fun, but he was very serious and very, like it all mattered to him, you know? And that was a detail that I didn't even think of or nobody else did, but he didn't need to pick it out, but he did, he wanted it to be right. And he was right. What was the television show he was on? Was it the Honeymooners? Wasn't it Honey, Honeydew? Mountain Dew? Honey, who? Bruce Willis. Honey, I'm 19 years old.

Honey Pot. The Honey... Honeymooners with Jackie Gleeson. No, no, it was moonlight. Moonlighting. Yes. Moonlighting. Moonlighting. Moonlighting? Yeah. Well, he was like a soap.

He was like a television star. And so when he jumped to die hard, everybody was like, you're not going to make it. Yeah. This is terrible. No one's going to watch this. So sexually attracted to him. They didn't want him to the point that they took his image off the poster.

Yeah. They were so sure that he was going to be bank office. So they just thought, well, let's put action like a helicopter and buildings versus this guy that nobody likes or isn't a star. And boy, were they wrong. That's crazy. Yeah. Diehard for Diehard. That's crazy. For Die Hard?

For Die Hard, yeah. Wow. And then that was like the action movie that made him a complete star. He was like this blue collar, rough and tumble little guy. Yeah. Yeah. And it sort of set the bar for action movies after that

because it was sort of a modern, like into the 80s, like it was kind of a new era of action. Yeah, and the kind of, it was almost the birth of the quippy lines, you know, like kippy kaya. It sort of became the birthplace for I'll Be Back, and movies started doing that after that. And then Arnold Schwarzenegger in true lies. When he kills a guy on a missile, he goes, you're fired.

Yeah. And mission impossible. They have a bunch of catchphrases. Yeah. And I think it all came started with diehard. I think. What would your catchphrase be if you killed a bad guy in a movie? I hope you like a raspberry turnovers cause you're about to go to the big bakery in the sky. That sounds great. What would yours be? It's a long one but it works.

Mine would be I'm really sorry, I'm sorry about this. I'm really sorry about that. That was a really mean thing that I just did to you. And would you send a gift basket right after? No, I think I'd be too scared. I think I would kill somebody. I thought about this too much. And then I would go, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. No, this isn't real life. This isn't a movie. But it is to her though, Guy. Yeah, she wants to kill. Yeah. You want to? I think I would say sorry.

And then I would put, I definitely do the thing where you put some object on their eyes. Yeah. I think that's so neat. Yeah, I'd put like pennies or I'd put Lego. Oh, nice. One Lego on each. Yeah. And then when they rolled them over in the grave, their eyes would like snap shut.

They'd pull their face. So I put poker chips on there and then I'd be the poker chip killer. Wow. Yeah. And then they go, did you do it? And I go, no. They go, he's got a good poker face. Wow. What about Pringles? Pringles will be good because you could stack them. Oh, yeah. Pringle eyes. And you just can't have one.

So you got to put a bunch of sour cream and onion. The killer is just kicking away rats. You're like, oh, that's my thing. That's my thing. Or if you're in the South barbecue eyes, you could you could like season it to wherever you do the killing. Japan's sushi eyes. If that's if that's what Pringle made.

Sushi is a good one. That's really Japan sushi eyes. If that's what Pringle made. Sushi's a good one. That's really, really good. Sushi on the eyes. The takeout killer. Ooh. Take him out. I took him out. Yeah.

Whoa. Whoa. And when I killed him, I go, you better leave a tip. Wow. And there ain't gonna be no cremation cause you're going raw. Oh yeah. With sushi.

Uh-huh. You can't cremate him cause that's cooking him almost, right? Yeah. I like what you think. Andushi can't cremate them because that's cooking them almost. Right. Yeah. And then and then if I and then if I cremated them, I go, you're tempura because you're fried. Yeah. Unbelievable. Or you could just kill them and then just put a tiny bit of rice on them,

like with a bow and go, now you're sashimi bitch. Wow. You know? Or, no, you could go, you could go sashimi in hell. Wow. Yeah, I was trying to think of something like that. Shashim you in hell. Shashame on you.

Shashame on you, motherfucker. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, welcome to the pod. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really high brow. You, go ahead. You high brow. Are you? Bill? Do you have, please?

I have, he. So she. Me. I thought so. I knew it. Are you? Can I? If you don't.

For sure? So she. It's not me. You. Well then let me go first, please go ahead. Are you plugging something? Are you doing? Plugging. Plugging, are you doing a round of pods for any?

No, no, I'm just doing pods. Nice. I mean the only thing I ever really plug is my podcast, the Harland Highway. But thank you. Yeah, but. The Harland Highway has something to do with cars.

No, it's just when I came up with the name, it just felt like it bounced off of my name, Harland Highway. And it's a journey. It's you're taking you on a little ride. It's just kooky catchy marketing. That's what I do. I don't know if you know this,

but I came up with a lot of famous jingles. Did you? Yeah, Pepperidge Farm remembers, remember that one? Pepperidge Farm remembers, that was mine. Yeah, I came up with that. No you didn't. Yeah, Pop Pop Fizz Fizz, what a relief it is, Alka Seltzer, mine.

Wait, what's going on? How did you know? No. What does that look like getting into that business? It's almost like when you rhyme, when your mind's always rhyming, when your mind's always jingling. Yeah, you couldn't even get out of rhyme just then when you were trying to,

when your mind is in rhymes. Dancing the words around. I did the one for Summer's Eve, the douche. That one was a fun one. What's that one? Ride the horse to Smeltown. No it's not. Yeah.

No it's not. Remember the girl. That is, you don't know Summer's Eve? Yeah. It's a douche product. She's on the beach with her horse and she's riding on the way, like in the sand. You wrote a jingle that they used that was ride the horse to smell down.

Yeah. Yeah. I was as surprised as you are. That's unbelievable. Unbelievable. That's my newest one for Dairy Queen. Is he telling the truth? Summer's Eve. Yeah. Look it up. Is he telling the truth? We got the meats. How about that one? That's Arby's.

Yep. Yeah. You wrote that? Yeah. And I got How about that one? That's Arby's. Yeah. Yeah. You wrote that? Yeah. And I got Ving Rhames because we did a movie together. We did. So I got him in and he's the he does the voice. You've heard him voice it. Yeah. Arby's. We've got the meats.

I can't do his voice. Why is it comic writing jingles? It's just a side hustle. It is a side hustle. I thought it was a musician side hustle. Yeah, but do you remember every artist is multi-talented. What? What is it? Do you think he's fucking with me? Ride the horse to smell That's a real thing. You think that's a real thing? R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r- with me is I can feel the earth shaking and I look and Ian is shivering with joy. He's shivering.

He's like, but dude, I knew that was a lie. And then when he goes, uh, yeah, Arby's, you got the man. And Ving Rhames, I go, it does sound like Ving Rhames voice. It's not. He's a lot. It actually is Ving Rhames. No, it's not. It has to be. He does. We've got the meats. No. But did you write that jingle? That's Ving Rhames from Cold Fiction. Yeah. Check to ask your producer, Cal, can you look that up? Cal. Cal, look it up.

Ving Rhames. Because we got the meats. I should know I got him in on that gig. He's not a jingle man. He's more of a jangle fella. Why can't I lie like that? You'll see who did the voice. Ride the horse to smelt that.

I was like, no way. Well, you got to sort of whisper it. It's not you don't say, yeah, I thought I was to smell. And then summer's eve picture, the summer's eve douche fading in. And then a mother and her the summer's Eve douche fading in. I did already picture it. And then a mother and her daughter on a white horse and then a cross dissolves. That's inappropriate. Well no, because daughters douche too.

They don't. They learn from their mother. A stinky mother as a stinky kid. Oh, because it comes out. Oh. Jeez. Did you find it? Can you verify?

Bing Rames does the Arby's voice. But did he write it? Did Bing Rames get that job from Harlan Williams? That's going to be some dark web like deep dive stuff. I need to dive more into Google for a second then. I kind of give that one out so you don't have to do it. Like your guy doesn't have to research. You can focus on the show, but I throw out stuff that would take too long to research.

Here's why you got me to believe you. Cause there's a comic named Mike Denny who has like one leg or something. I don't know where he is now, but he's Danny or I hop Mike. Well, she said one leg. I mean, no pun intended. Make that leap before I got here. I rode the horse to Smeltown. Was it Denny or IHOP? Yeah, we rode the Pepto Bismol one. Whatever that one is. He's like a rap producer now.

He used to live up the street. Were you thinking of Denny's as in Denny's Restaurant and IHOP comparison as well? Right when you said Denny's. How did you do that? Because you said one leg. I know, but it was so fast. But the next iteration, the logical step forward, and I don't mean to say step forward,

but I did, would be IHOP, because when you only have one leg, you hop. I know, but you had to make this. Did you hear about the girl with one leg? you hop. I know, but you had to make this. Did you hear about the girl with one leg? What? Her name was Eileen. And we don't have to laugh. You don't have to laugh.

We don't, a lot of times we don't laugh at him. You get it? I got it. Oh, okay. Big league. Just checking. Yeah, Eileen. What else could you call them now that we're going down the list?

Winnipeg. Oh, Peg. Yeah. Falls a lot. Falls a lot. Captain Nublins. If there's two missing legs. Yeah.

Oh, wood leg peg. You took peg for me. Yeah. Oh, wood like peg. You are you took peg for me. Yeah. Crutch shell. For Michelle. Did you say crush shell? Crutch, crutch shell. Let's think of more. Cerebral fallsy. Whoa, there you go. I like that one the most.

That's great. That's really good. Thanks, guys. It also sounds like a small northern lumber town, too. Cerebral fallsy. A sleepy town. We're going fishing for the weekend and cerebral palsy and kayaking. And yeah, yeah, it's like we're a spin off a twin peak. That's right. That's exactly what it feels like.

Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. When you when you were the hitchhiker and there's something about Mary, did you make up those jingles? Yes. Stop it. Yeah. Stop. They did let you. Oh yeah, they told me to. How'd you get hooked up with the Fairly brothers? Through Jim Carrey. Really?

Yeah, I was doing standup a lot with Jim. In Canada? No, and I just moved to Hollywood from Canada. I didn't know Jim until I moved to LA. Really? So how'd you get hooked up with Jim Carrey? Well, when I first came to LA, I was working at a comedy club called the Laugh Factory on sunset.

And Jim was doing in living color at the time. And he would go and do spots at the, at the Laugh Factory, you know, just cause he was still doing standup at the time. And I was just making my entry into that. I'd just moved to LA and started doing spots there. And Jim saw me and loved what I was doing. And so he told the Fairleys to come and see me one night. And so they came to see me and then Jim was like,

hey, let's have Harlan Reed for Dumb and Dumber. And then I did Dumb and Dumber. And then after Dumb and Dumber, they just phoned me and said, hey, we want you to be in something about Mary. I didn't have to, they just called me. Oh my God. Yeah, it was really an honor. That's crazy.

That's so cool. Yeah, it was really. That's what we're waiting for every day. It was really exciting. That's amazing. Those are like two of the most memorable roles in the Fairly Brothers films. Thank you, yeah, yeah.

I'm astounded how they've resonated over the years where people really enjoy them. You can quote them on stage, everybody knows them. Yeah, it's amazing. There's movies like this so quickly. My favorite part is you can see, and this is the way I saw it, I don't know if it was real. I quoted it last night, the come here.

I quoted it last night. Oh, there's something about Mary, yeah. Yes, that's crazy. When you're in the car and you go, step into my office, and he goes, why? And you go, because you something about Mary. Yes. That's cool. When you're in the car and you go step into my office, he goes, why? Cause you're fucking fired. You can see Ben still are laughing. Oh, really? From, from the angle. Yeah. Oh wow. You know, Ben, we did about six or seven takes. Like the fairly said, do it again, do it again.

And the same thing or you kept making stuff. Every take I do something new. Yeah. And, and, and to Ben's credit, I couldn't have done all that rifting without him staying in it and he only broke a couple of times and I didn't want him to break. Yeah. It's always a compliment when you can make another funny person break. Yeah.

Cause it's like, Oh, they think I'm funny, but, but I knew for it to work. He'd have to stay in it. And he did. And he was so great to bounce off of because it it felt very real in that moment. And if you watch the scene, it it feels very real because he's just like, what do you mean? You're like, he just he plays it so good. And it just gave me the ability to to just play with him. And the scene felt very real because of that. Yeah. Yeah, I watched that in bloopers

where you can see the person break and then they're immediately like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah. And it's because it's like, but everybody loves it, but then you can tell that they're like, no, but this is so funny that I don't wanna break. So they keep it going. Yeah, a lot of time it ruins a great take.

Like, and especially when you're improvising, once you do it, you can't get it back. And when you improvise a take and someone breaks you, it's rare you want to redo the improvisation because now it's lost. It's, it's, it's snap. It's not as authentic, right? Have you ever gotten pissed or have you seen any anger towards a breaker? That was with me? Yeah.

Like have you ever been like you're breaking too much? No, I feel like I remember, I've been with some actors that maybe necessarily weren't great at improvising. And instead of like Ben is as a master class in he knew his character was somber and real. Yeah. And my guy was an insane serial killer. So he knew he was disciplined enough to stay in his zone

and let the madman talk. And sometimes when you improvise with people that aren't as seasoned or don't have as great instincts as Ben does, his comedy, you know, timing and his seasoning is impeccable, but sometimes you'll get someone that goes, Oh, this guy's improving and being wacky. I've got to step up and match that or meet it. And it steps on that. They don't have the wherewithal or the

patience to go my character isn't supposed to be wacky and crazy that character is so I've had a few moments when the other actor as I think it's just an insecurity where they go oh I've got a that person's getting this moment I've got to join it and it doesn't suit their character in that moment right right so you always got to join it and it doesn't suit their character in that moment. Right, right. So you always got to service the movie and the character versus servicing your own. I just got to be a ham, you know? Yeah. How do you stay grounded in reality when you have to be a crazy person?

You know, like... Yeah, I think it's, you know, with that character, I actually just, just immersed my mind in, I am crazy. I am this guy. He, he lives, he's, he's this mad serial killer. So he just lives in this persona. And I didn't have to, I didn't have to find anything. I just, I just did a switch and went, this, this is my reality. This is who this guy is.

And so at that point it became easy, you know, but it was fun to live there. I've often scare you that you'll get off stage and stab somebody. Well, sorry. Off stage. Oh, you mean when I'm doing stand up? No, no. I mean, offset. Offset. No, no, it's you just turn it off. Turn it off. Yeah. Turn it on when you go in. Yeah.

And then off. Here, off. Yeah. Turn it on when you go in. Yeah. And then off. That's the fun. Why don't we try it? Why don't you um turn on Your- Not being scary. Let's do a scene. You're a nice person. Okay. And you're not mean. Oh Okay. How are you today? Shut up. Wow How are you today? Shut up. Wow. Wow. Too real too soon. Someone get the summer's Eve.

Wow. Shut up, she says immediately. Boom. Looking over at your face. Very funny. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. Shut up, she says immediately. Boom. You're looking over at your face. Very frightening. Like truck stop frighten. Thank you. Yeah. Do you have children?

No. Really? Yeah. Are you happy? I'm mixed. I've always imagined a child and I've always, I said to someone the other day, the one thing I've never had in my life,

which I'd love to experience is my own child running up to me and throwing their arms around me and saying, I love you daddy. You know, like that means. There's other stuff you haven't had. A black legless woman saying that you're her daddy or her mommy. Right.

But that would mean anything to me. Oh, OK, gotcha. The prospect of a child, you know, exuding that unconditional love and something that I manufactured that I made with a partner. Just that's something I still have a shot at it. I'm not out of the woods yet, but. Do you have a young bride? I don't.

I'm, I don't have anybody at the moment. Wow. You got to go fishing in the mill ponds, in the minnow ponds, in the puddles, the tadpoles. You got to fuck a tadpole. You got to put your rod in the water. Yeah, I know. You know, I'm always, I always get the feelers out, but I just, you know,

my problem is my sperm cells are the size of tadpoles. When it comes out, my balls are about seven pounds each. And I mean, the tadpoles come out, I have to put lily pads on my sexual partner. So when the tadpoles come out, they have a place to rest before they go into douche town. Oh, they got to take a nap because they're large. They're tired. They're surroundings. Sometimes if they stay too long, they sprout legs and then they hop right up. Right. God. Yeah. That's a huge issue. So, do you have kids?

No. You want them? I don't. I have a dog. That's, yeah, but that's... I think it might be the same. No. I think it might be similar.

I don't think so. I've had dogs. I see them play with their kids at the park and it's the same as me. We sound the same. You don't share chemicals with the dog. When you have a child, there's like a chemical change forever. If I love my dog this much, if I had a kid and it's more, then I have to do that.

That's how I feel. I think a kid would, yeah, I think it's just organic. You would feel more love for that kid more than anything ever. Cause you made it. You made that. The idea of saying I never want kids really scares me. The idea of saying I do want kids doesn't scare me. Yeah. And it used to be the other way around. Do you know what I mean?

It feels it felt confining for a while to say I wanted kids. And now it feels reversed. Well, I say you get some willy pads because. Oh, yeah. Load up. Well, I'm also. Load her up with some tadpoles there, Arlen. We might be a perfect mix because I am a barren wasteland. And I've had a lot of tadpoles blown up that river and nothing sticks.

My guy tried. No, I haven't. Well, I'm not trying to mosquitoes. Oh, wow. Yeah. They all turn down in that swamp. Yeah. You should get a tattoo of a bug light over your. That's a great idea. Vagina. Yeah. Bug light. One of those purple ones. Do you ever have sex outdoors? Do you ever do public sex?

I had an experience. I've, this blew my mind. I'm in New York here and I found a lady friend. We snuck up into the, um, statue of Liberty and we had sex in her mouth. Like I laid her head on a mole on a wisdom tooth actually, cause I like smart women. while I was what she's being I'm looking out Lady Liberty's eye and I feel like a giant just orgasming all over the whole city it was like this is like Pacific Rim job about this on your mom's house podcast right did yeah I don't know I

think this is the first time I've ever told anyone this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. On my mom's house. Yeah. What is with Tom Segura and Christina P. Why are you pointing at me? Oh, OK. Remember, didn't I see you there? Yeah. Did I talk about this? Yeah, right. Yeah. That's not a gullible thing.

Well, it's not a gullible thing to. Oh, you want me to be convinced that he really did it. Did you do it? Did you have sex in the Statue of Liberty's mouth? Well, you can go up there. Yeah, I did. I did. On a wisdom tooth. Well, I laid her head on the wisdom tooth. You and then and then I looked out Lady Liberty's eye.

You're lying now. I stood on her tongue and I looked out. I have a tongue. She does. Have you been up there? No. Better get up there. Start pounding. All right. But I have to go on the tongue. You have to do exactly what you did. You could put his head on the wisdom tooth because he's probably going to be a

dummy. I want him to go on the canine. Yeah. Oh, that'd be nice. Why? Cause you only date dogs. Wow. Sometimes I'll, I'll put, it's the only teeth I won't brush.

Like I'll purposely eat a steak and get grizzled jammed between my wisdom teeth. And I'm like, you're so smart, you get it out, right? Like I'll brush the other teeth, but I'll make the wisdom teeth prove their brain power. You know what's sad? My grandfather's face. What? Does he had three strokes?

He looks like a melted wax figure at Madame Fussard's. Is that what you're asking me? Or was it something else? Are you allowed to have strokes if you're a canoe instructor, by the way? I'm just asking. Are you allowed? You mentioned having a stroke while you're stroking.

What are you doing? Wow. Newton from Hercules. You could play this harmonica. Wait. Okay. What are we forget what we're laughing at? And your godfather's face. And then slowly asking me if that's what I was talking about, if it was something else.

OK. I was just guessing. Shot in the dark. I was going to say it's sad that we don't keep our wisdom teeth anymore. We get them tugged out because we become a stupid species. Did you know that? No. The smaller your brain is, they have to take your wisdom teeth out.

Did you have them pulled? No, mine are still in there. Huge. Did you? You did? If you still have them, you would say, oh, yes, I absolutely did. Yes, they're still in there. Mine fit. Wow.

Got to keep them. What about you? No, that's an old wives tale. What? It's true, the dumber you are, that's why they're called wisdom teeth. Nuh-uh. Because if they fit in your head, you would be a better man. You think you're going to make me the gullible one now?

That's the truth. Google it. Nuh-uh. No, don't. Bet? I knew you were going to bet. No, I don't want to bet. Oh, you're betting?

I'm making it up. I knew it! But I do think a bigger head means a smaller head. I'm making it up. I knew you were going to bet. No, I don't want to bet. Oh, you're betting? I'm making it up. I knew it! But I do think a bigger head means a smarter person. And you have a little tiny head. Oh, boy!

Winky. Dinky little. Look at that. How dare you! I'm going to lean over. You! I'm not sure. Over easy.

Over hard to make that connection. Anyway. We're really glad you're here. Yeah, man, this is a blast. You like this pod? It's kind of weird. I love it. I love talking to you guys. We never know what's going to happen down here.

We don't have any windows and the oxygen starts to feel a bit thin. Oh, like a root cellar. Yeah. And then we're right in my wheelhouse because my dad, my parents used to put me in a root cellar when I was a kid. To keep you good. When you're in trouble. Yeah. We had one of those houses, like a country house where you had a root cellar and my parents used to put me

down there and make me play with gourds. Do you know what gourds are? They're like pumpkins with herpes. Yeah. And I'd have to have to go down in the root cellar and I'd have to play with gourds for about two hours and then, you know, get whatever. And then they'd let me back up. Maybe it's not good that you have kids. Maybe this is God's blessing. Well, that was them, not me. I would never put it. He didn't choose to play with the gourd.

I didn't want to go down in the root cellar and play with the gourd. How do you play with a gourd? Would you like it? They're just, they're very oddly shaped. I call them nature's butt plugs. If you were to pull them up online, they're, they're really nature's sex toys. Yes. And so as a young boy, let's just say when you play with gourds,

it's maybe you could rephrase and say a young prepubescent boy exploring in the root cellar. You play with gourds, you're going to explore. Right. Dora the Gourd Explorer or whatever you want to say it. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. It's up to us. It's up to us. Splash it around. Do you? Are you insinuating that you went down there and played with your own penis? No, no. Have you seen a gourd?

Yes, but I've also seen your penis. When did you see it? We don't tell you. You don't talk about that. You've seen it. Yeah. What was it like? Describe it to us. I want to know. Dora the Gourd Explorer.

Wow. What do girls think of my weenus? What do they think of his hog? Yeah. I just told you. What? It's a gourd and a root cellar. Wow. And only little boys play with it.

Wow, whoa, easy Nacho. Dial it back and shut the drive-through window. Have you been in a movie with your... Wow. By the way, that's another public place. I've done it in drive through windows. Really? Oh my God. So about three weeks ago, I'm at an Arby's. It's one of these 24 hour ones. It's like me and the little lady friend or little rambunctious. There's this moment you order your food, you know, you're like, I'm sorry. You pull off, they slide the thing open.

There's that moment when they turn to go and retrieve your order. It's only about something we've timed out. It's about 30 to maybe 45 second window of opportunity. And so what we do is we slap her in there, like stick her, stick the front of her through, and so her rumpus is hanging out. You do it doggy style. You gotta aim up kind of though. Well you're standing, you stand on your driver's seat.

She's there. Where's your head? You're out the window. You're, you're, you're. Through the sunroof? She's through the drive-through window. Oh, you got two windows. You're out one, she's out the other.

She's got the front of her body in the drive-through window. Her rumpus is sticking out. You got your driver's door open, you're standing on the edge of your driver's seat, you're doing it, and just as fun as this sounds, I accidentally, we used the, was Arby's, we used the horsey sauce as lubricant.

Yeah. Holy Stingray Mansion, if that's even a place. Wow, just don't make that mistake. And those curly fries too, by the way, they fit right in the eye of the cyclops, the bald cyclops. I had a thing coming out of the hole and it looked like I had a horn,

like an overgrown cow horn. Yeah, like that. It was like a horn, like an overgrown cow. Oh, your penis. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. It was like sticking right out and curling back. Like if a penis could skate. That was the one.

Unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you get in trouble with the Arby's? No, cause you got that window, right? And by the time they turn around, here's your order. You're back in. Yeah.

You're sweating. You're paying. Arby's wasn't the only one order. You're back in, yeah, you're sweating, you're panting. I bet Arby's wasn't the only one that had the meats. Well, hello, Dr. Detroit. Yeah. I love it. Wow. By the way, someone told me once that when a woman

has a bath, she's just drowning a roast beef sandwich. That's true, yeah. What? Well, if you don't drown it. Have you ever heard that phrase? You have to drown it once a week, or it'll come again to you. Yeah.

Like when a woman's in a bath, this area's underwater, someone once said, it's like that's the drowning of roast beef or a corned beef sandwich. Corn, in my case. Well ring the bell, I'm hungry for dinner. You are?

Uh huh. Draw the bath. Yeah. Wow. Draw the bath. Wow. I'm the Cornish Game Man, I'm gonna for dinner. You are? Draw the bath. Yeah. Draw the bath. I'm playing the Cornish game man. I'm going to eat it. Ouch. Hi.

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a great race. I said it backwards in the race. Yeah. Yeah. If you play that forward, you'll find out the meal I like. I did like the chicken curry. It's very good. Yes. Do you want some? I'll give I'll cook some.

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My God Almighty, goodbye, enjoy the show. Every time Ian poops on the toilet, he drowns his own testicles. Oh, you got hangers? You got hangers. Wow. Got a heavy sack. Really? Mm hmm.

You ever flush and they get stuck and you almost get sucked in? I got to call the super. Wow. Superintendent's got to come. You snake them out. Oh, my God. Could wash your balls while dipping in flushing, I realize now. Yeah, it's a good move.

Yeah, that's true. Why don't I go try? Whoa, there he goes. You ever poop in a toilet and then you flush, but you kind of are secretly. You know how sometimes the water splashes back? Are you ever sometimes secretly wishing it does kind of splash so that you have some water to wipe your butthole with? Oh, I don't know about that.

Me neither. That's more your territory. I don't. I do wish. Do you? I do wish. Really that. Me neither. That's more your territory. I do wish. Do you? I do wish. Really? I do wish. It's like a bidet.

Yeah. Sometimes I'll waddle over to the sink, put it on the paper towel and then pat myself. Wow. Do you pat or do you pull? What do you do? A little bit of both. Yeah. I basically saw her.

I grind like a like a like a like a, you know, Dewalt Dremel. Oh, how do you know tools? I was a contractor. You were? How many of you killed? I don't want to know, buddy. Contract killer. Do you know much about carpentry?

Yeah, Dewalt and Black and Decker and yeah. Black and Decker. We used to call that the homeowner special. Really why? Ryobes. Because it's like a cheap tool that homeowners get. Oh it is? They're not good.

I used to be a carpenter too. Oh wow. The best one is. She had her own business though. Milwaukee Makita are my top right now. Makita yeah. I like DeWalt. DeWalt and the 9.

Huskervana. Huh about Huskervana? Huh? Huskervana, you like them? No. No. Who are them? That's like a Swedish, they do chainsaws. I thought that was a combo.

Oh, like Festool? Husker-Doo and Nirvana. No, no, Huskervana is like a Norwegian-like, they do chainsaws and stuff. What'd you guys build? That's fascinating. I built houses. I did remodeling.

I also did remodeling. Bathrooms. She could like frame out a house. I could do that if I was like a helper. Although you should have seen me tackle an address or the other day from West Elm. The problem is if you know Carpenter, you fucked those things up

because you refused to follow the directions and then you ended up fucking them up. You did? I didn't, it was fine, but I had somebody else there being like, no, that, and I was like, please leave me alone, and I would have fucked it up if I had one.

Wow, I'm impressed. That's like cool. My mom is a contractor and my dad was too. Wow. Yeah. How long did you do it for? Long enough to end up like this. Yeah, 15 years, 10 years.

Wow. Yeah, it was fun. I miss it. Now? Yeah, 15 years, 10 years. Wow. Yeah, it's fun. I miss it. And my hands are soft and I feel like a pussy. We should build something together. We could. And now I'm back. Don't you think that'd be fun? I miss it. Fucking tool belt here, nails here, hammer, 16 inches on center.

You measure with the hammer. I suck now, though. You do have to. It is not like riding a bike. Me too. And the TV is well cool suck now, though. You do have to. It is not like riding a bike. You don't have a TV as well. Listen, you don't have a level. What's fault was that? I know a level.

I try to be on the level. I think it looks great. I think it looks good. Oh, she put your TV up crooked. Yeah, do you see? I need it. It's not Arlen. It's not crooked if you go like this. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You just got to you just got to look at it like a dog that you ask a question. Building. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just got it. You just got to look at it like a dog that you ask a question. Building houses way easier than mounting a TV. A hundred percent building a house. You just throw you pour a foundation. That's your foundation. Then you have the square. You, you put the, you put the posts up, you put it all together and it's your guy. It's like, it's like you're describing a marriage. This is somebody else's got a foundation. You put the posts up. You keep it square.

If it's not square, you smack it in the side of the face a bunch with a hammer. Until it cooks. Make it go centered. Whoa. Did you like actually build homes from the ground up? Like the whole thing? Yeah.

Well, she used to build them from the top down. Oh, wow. But then she got in trouble with Osha. Wow. That's what a woman builder does. Wow, back, yeah, that's impressive. The only thing I can't do is like furniture cabinets. Okay.

Or like I don't wire a house or plumb. You just do the framing. The framing, the drywall, the roofing. I love drywall. The masonry. Wasn't drywall great? I hate it drywall. I love it.

Mudding it up, oh my God, Standing it. It's just like meditative. Feathering it out with a 12 inch blade. Oh my God. Doing a perfect circle. When do you need a circle? Whenever. I like parging, which is where you like basically stucco house with concrete. That's good. Rubbing that on there. You know who like parging?

The three bears. Parging. Oh, rubbing that on there. You know who like parging the three bears? Parging. Oh, nice. Nice. I got it. Yeah. Where do you live? I live in Los Angeles. What part? Exact address. 8625 Melrose Boulevard, right over at KFC. Really? On the roof. Yeah. Nice.

Yeah, I smell great. Illegal. Yeah. To live there. No, no. Legal? Legal. I've worked something out with the owner. Nice. I work a shift and. That's great. At the KFC. That's awesome. Yeah. Do you get discounts on buckets of chicken? I don't eat the chicken. I just eat the skin. And I don't think anyone eats the chicken. Uh-huh. I think of it when you. I think it's all skin. And I don't think anyone needs this. The chicken. I think of it when you all skin. Yeah. You bite a thing of chicken. You just rip the skin off like a hyena on the Discovery Channel. Right. You just leave the meat.

Yeah, I just I just order buckets of skin now. That's good. Efficient. Save a chicken. Eat the skin. Eat that skin. That's a shirt. That's a bumper sticker. Yeah. What about rotisserie chicken skin? What do we? That's good, too. Oh, what about chicken nugget skin? Come on. Don't judge me. I'm sorry. Riddled with poverty. I can't help it. I make bad financial decisions.

Oh, somebody named Ian finance. It's fine. Dance. The D stands for. The D stands for don't call me. Don't call me finance. I don't love the chicken McNuggets. I'm very suspect of what the boot shaped nugget. Yeah, just the meat like I get it that it's me, but it looks like a sponge. Yeah, sometimes it has bubbles in it's meat, but it's compressed. It looks like a sponge. Yeah, sometimes it has bubbles in it.

Oh, but it's delicious. Yeah, every now and then. I got to be honest, I'll eat it maybe once every 10 years off. Yeah. Mcnuggets. It's rare. I'll treat myself to a I love a McDonald's hamburger. Yeah. McDonald's cheeseburger.

Double cheeseburger. Yeah. I'll go to Chipotle. That's the furthest, the closest I'll get to fast food. That's the fur that the closest I get to fast food. I can't do it. Oh, well, come. I don't know. I just grew up in a very hippie, eat three almonds a week kind of town.

Oh, no. Although, no, I had a lot of I had a dad that was white trash and a mom that was hippie. Dad would let me eat happy meals, but I got type two diabetes as a young girl. You still have it? No, got rid of it. You can get rid of it. You can get rid of it if you stop eating for two years. But you have to really not eat.

Really? Yeah. What? Wow. Lowers your blood sugar and everything? I don't know. I just went anorexic in high school and then I just didn't have type two diabetes

and everybody was like amazing. And I was like, my eyes were falling out and then they were like, we're proud of you. I had this scare of my life with a diabetes guy once. What happened? I, I love cactus. Eating it or touching it. Like, like planning it and having gardens.

I have cactus all around my home. I love, I love cactus. And so there was a place out near Joshua tree. Yes. Um, in California and they had a cactus ranch, a cactus farm is huge. It was like giant place and you could go and select your own cactus. They had just about every type of cactus you can imagine. What a dream. Yeah.

So I would go out in my pickup truck. I'd pick up like 10, 20, 30 cactus, bring them home and plan them. And, um, one year I went out in my, I have a Dodge pickup truck, I'd pick up like 10, 20, 30 cactus, bring them home and plan them. And one year I went out in my Dodge pickup truck, Ram, and there's a thing called a, what's it called? It's called a golden something. It's sort of those short round cactuses. They look like balls almost. Golden barrel, they're called.

Golden barrel cactus. They're beautiful. And I go out to this place in my truck, it's about two and a half hours from LA in the middle of nowhere. And I pull in and it's this huge place. There's no one else there, but me. It's in the morning. And the guy comes walking out, who works as a little office building. And this guy comes comes walking out and he sort of looks like Charles Manson. He was a beard, sort of hippie-ish.

And I said, Hey dude, I want to pick up some cactus. And you know, I walk around for like half an hour and then I find what I want. I go get them and say, Hey, I found these golden barrels. They're about this big, roundish. He had a whole pile of them. And I said, I said, Hey, I'll take them all. So we get a little cart and he goes, okay, let's count them. Like, okay.

So, you know, one, you know, they're not easy to pick up because they're also, it's like one, two, three, keep going. 17, 18. Right. I said, great. Let's go take them out to the truck. You know, there's still no one there. The only one there, this guy.

And we pulled down the back door, getting ready to go. He goes, we better count them. And I go, well, we just count them. There's 18. He goes, you got to count them. And I go, okay. Just to make sure. Two, three, close the hatch and go, okay. Okay. Can we go pay for him? He goes, well, we got to count them.

Oh no. And I go, dude, like we can. So he gets in the truck. He counts them again. One, two, three. And I go, okay, let's go in the thing. Climbs off the truck. He goes, we got to count them.

Oh no. And I'm just going, and then he, I, I start getting mad. I'm the only one there. I'm saying, dude, we've counted them three times. Like there's 18, like let's go. And he just goes like this. He just goes to me. I'm like, what the, and then he just starts like doing it.

And I'm thinking, Holy shit. The guy's like on a, like an acid trip, heroin or something. There's still no one around. And I'm like, dude, like now I'm mad, but I'm getting like freaked out, like, cause he looks like Manson and we're out in the middle. I go, dude, what are you, are you okay, dude?

And he just starts like going like this and he starts to collapse. And I grab him as he's about to hit the ground. So I'm holding this guy. Who's in a diabetic seizure. Yeah, I drag him to the office and I put him in a chair and now he's out. He's just like this. And I'm like, I didn't know what was happening.

And I go, I got to call 911. I see the phone on the counter. I just as I'm about to pick it up, it rings. And I wanted to clear the line. So I just went, hello. And this lady goes, who's this? And I go, I'm a customer. I'm here.

I'm trying to call 911. And she goes, where's Donnie? And I go, who's that? She goes, that's my son. He works there. I said, you're his mother. She goes, yeah. And he goes, I go, he's passed out.

I think he's dying. I think he's had a heart attack or something. She goes, no, no, no, he's a diabetic. There's an orange crush in the, in the cooler. Feed it to him. Whoa. So now I'm like, I'm like my heart's racing. At first, I thought he was a heroin guy. Then I thought he was Manson. Then I thought, and you know, 18 this 18 that. So I get the

orange crush. I literally have to push his head back like, pour it down and sort of about three quarters of the way through through. He starts responding. And so I'm just sort of pouring it. And bottle feeding it like a baby. Like a baby. But as I can. And then he starts. And this is I'm not even making this up. He like he goes like this. He like sort of collapses. He goes like this. He goes. That's 18 then. No way.

I just read, dude, no way. I'm not even lying. After all that, I've had a heart attack. Oh, my God. That was the first thing out of his mouth. I wanted to kill him. Oh, my God. That's how committed the laborer is to their jobs.

They just do something so much that even in death, they're like, we must get the profit from the thing and put the things in the thing. Jesus Christ. And I just stared, I went, no. And then you said no. And then the ambulance came and I said, yeah, this can they go? Yeah, he does it every three weeks. And they were mad. They're like, we hate this guy.

And I just I literally went through this like cavalcade of emotions. You should have said no, 10. And then you would have gotten eight for free. I should have. I I was I I met a guy and he was I was very attracted to him. We ended up dating for two years. But we came back to my room and I was like and he was like, God, my head hurts. And I felt his head and I was like, oh, there's like a fucking huge lump on your head.

Let's put ice on it. And then we would like, he was like, you know, fuck that. And we like would start hooking up. And then he would be like, I would see him kind of look at me and be like, I think I left the kiln on, because he was a ceramic guy. He'd be like, I think I have the kiln on,

I have to check it. And I kind of looked, he would like look around and I was like, okay. And then he would go to, he would go to leave, come back two seconds later and be like, Hey, what's up? And the same thing kept happening. So like every seven minutes, he kept being like, I think I left the kiln on and he would look confused, leave the door, come back. And then finally I was like, Hey, do you have, cause I knew, cause he had this like Sharpie, he was doing something with a Sharpie at some point. And I was like, can I use your Sharpie?

And I took it from him and then he did the cycle again. And I was like, hey, can I use your Sharpie? And he was like, oh yeah. And I was like, oh, you like have like an amnesia thing. Cause I thought he was fucking with me. But then when I saw him organically go for the, and it was, he had gotten into a fight and gotten his head run into the ground and was having concussion. And he was like every seven minutes having a

concussion sex, right? Concussion. I felt bad. I was like, I think I raped you. Dude, it was like nine times because he kept getting horny. Like he kept being like, Oh, you're forgetting that he came. I was part of the pattern. He kept being like, let's fuck. And I'd being like, Oh, you were forgetting that he came. You were part of the pattern. I was part of the pattern. He kept being like, let's fuck. And I'd be like, Oh my God. OK. You must have had a night of your life.

It was insane. Looks like I'm turning on your kiln. And then when I found out he had a concussion, I like the next day was like, I'm really sick. He was like, it's totally fine. I will have sex with you again. I was like, Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

I was very worried that he was going to be like, who the fuck? Right in the Patrick Swayze. I know. He Patrick'd all over my Swayze. He ghosted you. And he was a over my Swayze. Ghosted. Yes. And he was a ghost because he didn't call you back. Did he? No, but people did call us ghost for a long time because of that movie, because he was a ceramicist.

Yeah. Well, I saw a guy I was a kid at the beach. I was with my dad and this guy was doing flips and then like doing back flips and cartwheels. And I go, dad, look, that guy's doing gymnastics. And he'd do a flip and then he'd lay on the ground like this and get up into a flip. And my dad ran up and gave him, put coke in his mouth, like you said, with the orange crush. And the guy came back. Did he say 18? Yeah. Yeah. Why was he doing flips? Because his body was convulsing. Yeah, it was scary, right?

I had never had any experience with it. It looked like he was possessed by a demon. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I also, I dated a different guy who saw a guy driving like this and his head was looking up. Oh, that's so scary.

And he looked over and he was like, oh my God, that's the scariest thing I've ever seen. And then the car swerved and went up and crashed and he ran over and the guy was Having a grand mall seizure or something not a grant. Not that one, but the grand what a grandma seizure He was going home to make soup a grand mall seizure How they call it? No, that's the one that kills you he was having the other one In that crazy. It's so scary to see somebody looking up with her. That's so scary. Oh, yeah

It seems like it's out of a horn. Yeah. Yeah, it was him and Duncan saw it was crazy Yeah, and they talked about forever and I was like, I don't want to hear about this anymore It's really scary that your body can just get up. So what happens when you're diabetic you go into shock because you don't have enough sugar Your blood sugar's low. Why is type two diabetes the opposite where you can't break down sugar? I wish I knew.

That's really weird. I wish I knew. Was that guy skinny or fat? He was just average, probably like your build. Like handsome. Handsome, like just same, same like maybe. Same dimensions but. That's so scary.

Oh yeah, my cousin was going for a run. He was running a marathon or something. And my mom met him at the end. This was like fairly recently. Did he shoot himself? And no, he was going, he was like, ah, I should have done then. I had some of that.

And mom was like, whoa, you're like tired. And he was like, I have said that. And then he passed out. He had a tumor this big in his fricking head. Got it taken out. Now he talks kind of loud. There's a famous video on YouTube of an L.A. like weather lady, right? Weather or just a news lady. Yeah. She's on location at like Dodgers. Frim from.

Yeah, she just loses it and starts like talking in tongues and she's having a like a stroke or something. It's really scary. Yeah. Oh, it's scary. Years ago when I was a carpenter, in the morning we saw a slug in the ground and we were talking about eating it and my buddy was like, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you eat that slug. This is so fucked up. You're so fucked up. Alright.

You'll do anything for money. And I bit it and I threw the other half out and then I just spit it out. Right. And exactly 24 hours later I was we were remodeling a bathroom and I was right by the basement stairs and I just remember I was talking in gibberish and I was like, how about, how about, and I just fell and thank God I fell into the door frame and not down the door stairs, passed out woke up in an ambulance and I'm like, Oh, I, uh, I've just been working hard lately. I think I'm exhausted. And then my coworker told them I bit a slug and they were like, you could add a parasitic

thing that slugs are, uh, they can kill you. Yeah. I don't know. The story of a kid that did that like recently and died like a young, like a teenager. Yeah. Thank God I spit it out. Cause if I swallowed it to be like, you owe me a hundred bucks, it would have fucking killed me.

Some kid did it on a dare not too long ago and it killed them. Yeah. What. Yeah. What? Shout out Brian Fouracre. I still don't think you gave me that money. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask is if you got your money because that's a $500 ride in the ambulance. I know.

We didn't have Uber back then. I got into an Uber. My friend walked up to me, blood pouring out of his mouth, said, I need an ambulance. I said, that's crazy. It's too much money because I whatever. I'm an idiot. I said, that's crazy. It's too much money. Cause I, whatever. I'm an idiot. I call a cab, Jake from shout out. Got all the cab.

We get in the cab, blood pouring out of his mouth. Get to the hospital. They're like, yes. Let him guess what he had. Blood porn out of his mouth. Yeah. Something he ingested obviously. No.

Oh, old school. Old school. Old school. Long time ago thing. Ye olde. Scurvy? Close. Close. Rickets. Almost.

Try again. Polio? Close. You are. When you say, I'll say. Close. Ta da. Tuberculous.

Oh yeah. Oh wow. Tuberculosis. And then I got there and they immediately were like, was anybody around him when he had the blood in his mouth? And I was like, I just rode in a cab with him. And they were like, whore and- You're like that Hasidic family that rode with the other Hasidic guy that had COVID

in New Rochelle, the first case in New York. Yeah. Creepy, man. So what you get for being a good friend. Yeah, right? Never ride in a car with anyone. But now if someone with tuberculosis comes near me, I get it really quick. Well good thing you're not going to be in the Middle Ages.

Well, no, a lot of homeless people in New York have it. Really? Yeah, a lot of them. When you hear them, you gotta get away. You gotta get out of there. You know, when you hear them do that. Did you say lucky she's not going to be in the Middle Ages? Gotta get away. You gotta get out of here. You know, can you hear him do that? Did you say lucky she's not going to be in the middle ages?

I would do so well in the middle ages because I'm very. Wow. How old are you now? You're already middle ages. Oh, way to go. You're already middle ages. Wait, no, if you're unhygienic back then, you would die. So are you. Yeah. You're old. You old bitch.

Oh, power drop. Wow. Did this work? Wait, if you were in the middle ages, being on a hygienic would kill you. Right. No, they couldn't you die from poor hygiene? People always say they don't want to go back to the Middle Ages because it's they poop in their pants and stuff. Because it's gross and dirty.

Huh? Why would they poop in their pants? Just because it's the Middle Ages. Yeah. It was a different time. They weren't all in the head. No, no, no. That's why there were those big, big dresses. No, big dresses so that you could poop right in there. Oh, I just found out the pocket was invented in the 1600s. What? Can you believe it? They were going around for centuries upon millennium. Just no pockets. centuries upon millennium, just no pockets. I'm gonna carry all my stuff. There's a comet who has a bit about, his grandfather invented the belt that went around books.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. And he has a great joke about it, about like why is, like, people are like, oh, he's smart, and I'm like, no, the bag is smart. The belt is the dumbest shit ever. I forget who that was, you don't know who that is? I think you have tuberculosis.

I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's a tuberculosis talk. That was what that was? Fuck, fuck. I don't think a comic ever did a joke about that. They did, they did. But the belt bag, the bag was invented very late. The belt bag and the bag belt.

Much later than the pocket. But the belt was invented before the bag. The bag should have been around as the pocket was around. But the bag was before the pocket. But the belt was there before the bag. The bag should have been around as the bag was before the pocket. The pocket was after the belt, before the belt, below the belt. That's rude. Try and keep the gloves up. Jim Carrey. So glad you could be here.

Oh, are you kidding? I think I ate a little bit too much of the whipped cream. Oh, do you feel sick? Just, yeah, I just, you know. Did you enjoy the chocolate milk? Dude, I loved it. Yeah? It was amazing.

Did you make it? Uh-huh. Dude, it was delicious. Really? Thank you. I went, so I asked if Harlan liked coffee and he said, no, but I like chocolate milk. No hot chocolate.

No hot chocolate if No hot chocolate. If anybody's still into that sort of thing. Or if that's even allowed anymore. He said, and I go, I'll make it happen. So I went to a deli. They're like, no, the most important part is that you put it in a Christmas. Yeah. Christmas. Did you buy that cup today?

No, no, no, no. I've had that. I love it. But I went and the one deli, the one bodega didn't have it. So I went up to another and I found the mix. And then I got the milk. Wait a minute. And I was so excited. Here's a question. You did a great job. Oh, thanks. Freddy got fingered. Yeah. Did that take place in Ithaca?

Ithaca, New York? Yes. No, we shot that in Vancouver, Canada. But the college was called. Ithaca College, it was Ithaca University Road Trip. Oh, yeah. OK, got it. That one, I don't know. You're confusing him with Tom Green.

No, I know. I was in Freddie got fingered. I thought Freddie got figured was everybody's always like, oh, Freddie got fingered when I say I'm from Ithaca. That's probably road trip then. They're making the leap from. I don't know. Tom Green was in road trip. He was, he's the guy leading college talk.

Probably. Yeah. Maybe that's it. I just want to know if it takes place in Ithaca. Ithaca is like the finger Lake area north of New York, right? Yeah. That's where I'm from. A lot of violin lessons and things like that

going on up there. Yeah, yes. Yeah. There are. The Suzuki Method. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Beachy actually.

Do you say violin lessons? Wow. I don't know how he grabbed that so fast, to be honest with you. That's a cello though. What the fuck? Idiot, idiot, idiot in front of Harlan. Violin. Idiot. It is in front of Harland. Why are we here?

It is? Everybody knows. Oh. Well, it looks a lot like a cello to me. Where are you from? Toronto. Really? Yeah.

That makes so much sense. It does? Yes. The best comics are from Toronto and the nicest people and tall. Oh, wow. Thank you. Always tall, nice, and hats that are your shape that you have on. Oh, thanks.

Wow. That makes so much sense. I love Toronto comics. Graham Kay, Pat Bercher, Steph Tolive, three of my faves. Okay, yeah. They're great. Nate McIntosh. Nate Mc, no, that's Canada. Toronto's in Canada.

But he's not from Toronto. I'm saying specifically Toronto. Oh, yeah. Thank you, yeah, no. Why is that? I used to drive from Buffalo in my shitty little truck because I started comedy there for three months. specifically Toronto. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, no. Why is that? I used to drive from Buffalo in my shitty little truck because I started comedy there for three months.

I would be blackout drunk, not driving, but in Buffalo doing sets that I would get off stage and people would be like, that story you told I think might have been rape. And I'm like, you know, and then I went to Toronto to try and clean up my act a little bit. Yeah. Couldn't even cut my, couldn't even cut my fricking teeth up there because everybody was so cerebral and good at it. Yeah, it's a different mindset up there.

It's totally different. When I was in Toronto doing my shows and in Canada in general touring, then I moved to LA and I had to retune my, redefine my whole act and my whole. In what way? It was really amazing. Like I do jokes in Canada

that would literally just tear the roof off. Yeah. And I'd bring, not all of them, but a lot of them. And I'd do the same ones in the US and crickets. Cause they were weird. Well, they were just, I don't know what it was, but they were just, yeah, they were maybe- They were too literal or what?

They were maybe a little more cerebral or a little, I don't know. I really, but the sensibility was just different. And in Canada, it was like, boom, instant. And then in the States, it was like just a different sensibility. So I really had to make some adjustments and fine tuning, still keeping it true to what I do,

but I had to, I spent a good year, my first year, kinda trying to figure it out. Like it was a real labyrinth of finding material and tone and sensibility and making it all, it was a real repackaging thing. When I first got there and did some of my early jokes, I just went, I thought it was going to fail because I couldn't believe that these killer jokes were getting next to nothing. Did they make their way back around or was it that? No.

No. We never did the jokes again. No, they just, I had to cut them loose. Do you like them better? No, they just, I had to cut them loose. Do you like them better? I love them because when they worked, they worked where they were. But. Where is it? Alty? Is it like more alt-y? No, it was real simple jokes. Like, I remember one of them, my favorite, it was destroying Ken.

It's like, I went to the store the other day. I stole a Snickers bar. I went to the store the other day. I stole a Snickers bar. I went home, called Crime Stoppers, I made 100 bucks. You know, like it was real simple. Because America loves somebody being like, I actually stole a Snickers bar. Here's exactly how the day went down. You know what I mean?

There's no like, you have to really say what's going on or else. Unless the alt, you're in the alt scene, but there is like a real, like I don't think Midge Hedberg would work now. What? Yeah. I believe this. You are crazy. I really think this is true.

What are you talking about? Because the whole wave of like, oh, I guess, no, Dave is still like this, but like the whole Louie wave where it's like, this is really my life and my fucked up thoughts. Yeah. Really created like the. But don't you think that that, this is really my life and my fucked up thoughts, really created like the- But don't you think that that would make Hedberg shine? Yeah, maybe, totally. I'm just saying that is the American sensibility is very much like we want like gross reality TV.

We want like honest, it's not honest, it's never honest, but we want an insight into your fucked up brain as opposed to like, here's a funny idea I have, which I love. Here's a funny idea. I have, and I can't explain it. It was just, I delivered it the same way. I, everything was the same and I was mortified when it didn't cause I thought, wow, these jokes just destroying can't,

when I come down there, it's just going to be like, they didn't hit. I was like, did you ever think like I'm gonna move back? No, it wasn't like that, cause I knew that I had enough of a, I had enough in me that I could adjust. And it was actually quite a fun challenge because now I went, oh, I thought it was gonna come down here

locked and loaded. And I realized half the chamber's empty and now I've got to, I've got some work to do. I've got to figure this out. I've got to define what it is and I've got to, with my own style, my own presentation, I've got to find my way and gray shape my way into this culture and these people and this sensibility. So it was sort of fun and adventurous, but it was scary because when I moved from Canada, it's like one of those things, you put everything in the trailer and go.

Why do, I had gotten into debate recently, why do Canadians wanna move to the US? Just for the opportunity. For work and the opportunity, right? For the opportunity, just that there's- Everything. Television and film, more clubs, touring. More clubs, yeah, there's just room to grow like and especially in the 80s.

When when me and Norm McDonald, me and Norm came up together. Really? There's the. And oh, yeah, we would tour together. We were buddies and no way. But but you none of these comics in Toronto even had an agent to do a commercial for toothpaste. Like in Canada, there was just no industry. And so the only way to do it...

What is that? No Jews? There was just... I don't know. I don't know if there was Jews or... Less Jews in Canada, for sure. I don't even know. I don't either. But it was just... It was just there was no...

There was no infrastructure for, you were just doing standup to make people laugh on a weekend, and that was the end of it. There was, there was nowhere you could go to get representation. You could just get a little money, but not much. Yeah. So you had to be like balls to the wall,

incredibly good to then be a Canadian comic and work your way into jingles. Bingo. Wait, and then you packed up all your stuff. You came here. How old were you? I was 30. No, I was 20, 20, 28. And you just packed it all up.

And you and Norm moved together? No, Norm moved a year ahead of me. And then I moved a year after him. And then Jim Carrey moved down when I, he moved before I even met him. Jim was gone. Jim left when he was a teenager. I think he left when he was 19. And there's only one club in Toronto. So we all came out of that same club and then Howie Mandel went down.

So Howie and Jim were gone before me and Norm even got to meet them. Yeah. And then, and then, and then we were sort of the next wave that came in and, and it was still, it was a wasteland. But so that's why Howie and, and Norm, or Jim moved down. Cause there was no outlet for them in Canada as talented as Jim. And even in the local papers in Toronto, they would write about Jim. They'd go, this guy, you know, they'd do full two page stories on him and him making his faces, but there was nowhere for him to go. And so he got out and, and so that's what you did.

Now there's more of a, an infrastructure up there, but it's still sort of Canadian. It's not as, it's not as massive as the US, but at least you can make some Canadian headway now. So when he got to America, did he pop immediately? Or Jim Carrey? Pretty quick. Yeah, he was such an anomaly.

He was such a ball of energy that he started making strides pretty quickly. And then once they paved the way, it's easier for other Canadians to come because you know each other. Not really. I mean, I didn't, like I said, I didn't know Jim or Howie and, and they were the only, really the only two that came down, excuse me, and really like kind of made some noise. And then. So what'd you do? You just moved here and hit mics or something? Yeah. I just moved to LA and started like going up and, and

yeah, it was just starting over, you know? Really? So you met like American, you didn't have a pack of Canadians. You were just like, hi, I'm brand new. Norm was the only guy I knew like as a comic. So me and him hung out all the time, but in LA, in LA. Yeah. But, but Norm, when Norm moved down, he was sort of a bit of an entity. He was, he, he was sort of on the radar. I came down completely cold. Like I came down, nobody know who I was. Yeah. Wow.

It was scary, but it was fun. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a fun, I feel like I moved to right at the right time. Cause I was happy to still do open mics because I wasn't that, I can't imagine being king in the castle and then moving to no man's land. Yeah. That's crazy. I wasn't the king of the castle. I was just a working comic. I was doing well, but I just knew.

But even doing well, doing well to open mics is. Yeah. Yeah. I was sort of, me and Norm were sort of at the top of the pack in Canada at the time. And we could have had a career just going around the country on a treadmill, like cities every year, but we both wanted more for ourselves. So we both got out and. Yeah. Off we went. Yeah. Man. And did you stay in touch with Norm throughout the years?

Norm, we're, we're really good friends. And then we had a bit of a falling, not a bit. We had a falling out and kind of didn't talk for maybe the last 20 years. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah. So I bumped into him once or twice, like, uh, but, uh, we were super tight, like really close and then something happened. And then we, um, we just, we, you know, never any animosity and always love in my heart for Norm. We were really close, really good friends.

He went through cancer in the eighties. Most people don't know this, but he had stomach cancer in the eighties. So I was with them all the time going through that with him and helping them and being a friend with him. And, and then, um, he moved down and he healed up, moved to LA, and then we were hanging out, being buddies for two or three years, and then we kinda went our separate ways, but just always loving my heart for the guy.

We have great memories, great friendship, and I really miss him. It's sad that he's gone, and yeah, great, hilarious guy. Yeah, what a hole that left. I feel like everybody felt it when he did it. It was crazy. Yeah, it was like when John Candy died when I first moved to LA.

I'd only been down there. Did you know those guys, the CCTV guys? I know, I've met and done stuff with a bunch of them, but never with John. I never met John because he died almost, I think the year I moved down. And he was the one guy where I really, he just felt it like in Hollywood. Like it just, I think more than any other celebrity that's died for some reason, he was just such a lovable guy.

You can just feel it in the air and the community. It was amazing. Yeah, we had a comic pass away recently that was everybody's friend. And it was like, it was like a, it spread through, like you would see people for a week and you would just not even say hello and you would just be like, I know, and hug each other. It was like.

Who was it, do you mind me asking? Kenny DeForest. Oh, I don't think I knew him. He was like, he. It's a Chicago comic. Chicago, LA. Came up in St. Louis. Yeah, New York. LA, moved back to New York. I. Chicago comic. Chicago, LA. Yeah, New York. LA, moved back to New York.

I mean, somebody said it. Somebody was like, everybody was friends with Kenny. Everybody was friends with Kenny, and everybody wanted to be best friends with Kenny, but nobody was best friends with Kenny. So he just was like, he was just everywhere. And then when he died, all of us were like, no way. Like the feeling, it was really like,

it's really beautiful though too, because there's so much of a sense of like, pie grabbing comedy fighting for spots at this club, and then something like that happens, and we're just all like, whoa, I'm so happy that you all are alive and we have each other. Like hold on tight. Yeah, it reaffirms your existence.

Yeah, that you're together, and really like, there's like love there, as opposed to just like colleagues fighting for the same bite. Yeah, that you're together and really like, there's like love there as opposed to just like, colleagues fighting for the same bite. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, it's sad when, we're joy makers, so it's sad when comedians die, it leaves a hole.

Yeah. We, I call us door to door joy salesmen, because we travel around and laughter is joy and we bring joy to people. And so when a comedian dies, especially one that's really well known or in the community or on the global stage, you feel it, you know?

And the whole reason why you're a comedian is because you have a unique, you have a unique joy that you give. That's right. So then when that's gone, you're like, oh, I have such a specific understanding of what is missing. Is that the presence?

Yeah, like you mentioned Mitch Hedberg. Like he had such a specific type of style and comedy that you feel it. And Gilbert Godfrey and all of them. Every comic has their own style of joy, if you will. And that door closes. But that's the beauty of what we do being on film and recorded, we live in perpetuity that way.

So you can keep it coming. So there's that on the other end of it. There's a thumbprint you can always have dusted off in red. Yeah. And I think with AI and the digital future that we have, I think you're going to see so many, if not all of these comics,

whether big or small or anyone that left a comedic footprint, I think you're going to see them have a rebirth in the hologram era or, You think? Or brain implants or coming out of your TV. Oh yeah. I think the future with new material. Wait, do you mind telling that thing that you told us at Rogan's club that you were telling him about the guy that put you into AI? Oh yeah. Whoa. Yeah. So, well, this is an example of AI writing material for me, but. Yeah, do you think AI would write material for like prior?

Or would it just be AI reciting old prior? I think it'll write for them. They did that with the guy who died, Hitchens. Christopher Hitchens died, and AI made a reaction to him to some, I forget what it is, some religious, maybe it was Jordan Peterson. Yeah. And it was like an entire speech and like his friends were being like, this sounds just like him. This is Will Sasso on his, his AI podcast. They did a whole George Carlin special in AI. Oh, that's right. And it was sort of wonky and off, but it was sort of there too.

So we're at this precipice where AI is sort of, it's in its infancy, it's in the fledgling years of AI, but if it's already doing that, and to the story you wanted me to tell, Howie Mandel's involved in sort of this hologram business where he's got- He's at airports. Yeah. In a hologram business where, you know, he's got. He's at airports. Yeah.

In a hologram at airports. Sometimes in airports, Howie Mandel will be like, hi everybody, I'm Howie Mandel. Yeah. That's awesome. Make sure to wash your hands on your flight. Yeah. All right.

And he has this hologram at his warehouse, his studio, and I was there visiting with him recently, and he said, I wanna introduce you to this AI robot. It was a hologram of a female robot. And- Vavavroom. Yeah.

And it's about, you know, this high, and he goes, yeah. And he walked up to it, and he goes, AI, this is Harlan Williams. Do a comedy routine. Harlan give the AI a topic. And I just thought, well, this is going to be stupid. It'll be like knock, knock jokes.

So I just said, I don't know, potato salad. And within about 30 seconds, the AI robot just kind of clicked in and sort of in my cadence, my mannerisms, riffed off about five potato salad jokes and three of them I would put in my act. No. Yeah. They were, I was like... What were they? Do you remember?

Oh my God. I don't remember. I think one was kind of like potato salad's kind of like relationships. It's mushy, but it's fine. I don't remember. But I was just like... And it gives you't remember. But but I was just like, here's your diary. And I was just taken aback because I was expecting like a one out of 10. And it was a six and a half out of 10.

That's fucked up. And this is brand new. It didn't know me. It in it calculated in a matter of three seconds. It did that scare you. It it impressed me. And it of, it didn't scare me. I was more impressed really because it sort of found a little bit of my nuance, my quirkiness, my pacing, my tone, the value of my voice.

And I just thought it would be like, I'm Harlan Williams, knock, knock, who's there? And that it captured all that and it wrote five jokes in my quirky style. I was like, what? Did it come off like your standup or like you in Rocketman? It was sort of a little bit of a mishmash. That's what I mean.

It isn't defined perfectly, but I realized like I record all my sets on my phone. I have about 2,000 recordings of me doing stand up, whether it's a spot or a headlining thing. And I fully believe that one day someone's gonna take these recordings and there will be a live hologram or a robot or a chip implant where people will be able to hear these sets and see them and.

Or even just be able to be like, make, you know, have go into AI and be like, can you please read me the communist manifesto? But explain it as Ian Fieden's and it'll be like, hey, guys, I just think, you know, like you could just have that. You could just be like, hey, man, you're going to have to give, give away your apartment, shave your armpits and shut this book. Learn how to work, man. But that's what I mean.

I think guys like Norm and John Candy and Gilbert Godfrey, I think they're gone and that hole exists, but I think AI is going to find a way to bring them back. It won't be the pure authenticity of having them, but I also go in my head, won't be the pure authenticity of having them. But I also go in my head, won't it? Yeah. Like it's so it's getting so good and so refined that there might come a time where a simulation is so good.

It's almost better than what they were. And, and for people who weren't born into the generation of a norm or a John Candy, then they're not going to miss it. They're just going to embrace this new thing. I love this character. You know, so there's a lot of neat, new beginnings that are going to happen for people that have passed. And even though we miss them because we got to be organically around them.

Yeah. People who were never around them are going to embrace them as much as you'd embrace, you know, the creation of a comic book character. Yeah. You know, so it's interesting to see what lies ahead for standup. Wow. Yeah.

We have to wrap, I have to. Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Finally. I have to douche by the way. You gotta douche? You gotta find the- Do you have any summer the way. You got a douche? You got to find the- Do you have any summer's Eve? I got a horse.

Oh, can I ride it? Yeah, where are you gonna ride it to? Smeltown. Yeah. Daddy's got to ride. You probably have a douche. You have sex with men sometimes. All right.

Wow, what an ending. Is that the ending? We don't ride it to. No, that's his asshole. We don't ride it to Snelltown. We ride it to Flavortown. No, no, let me do it again. Leisure town.

No, no, no. Sin City. Flavortown is what I say my vagina says because it looks like Guy Fieri because I got a bad wax job. Oh no. Yeah. Where'd you get it done, Madame Trussard? bad wax job. Oh no. Yeah. And also it's really, that's right. Oh

God. Yep. And she calls it Guy Fieri because it loves burgers and it's pretty obnoxious. Just eats everything. Anything. I'll leave it or anything you give to it. Do they do waxing at two sods? No, they make wax figures. Can you imagine laying down and getting a wax job? Well, staying in the needles. People are looking at Beyonce. The rock, it's just standing there where you're getting waxed. Yeah, that's not the place to get waxed. No.

But it is, it's a wax museum. It's a place to get waxed. It's not the place to get waxed. If you wanna get waxed, you go there. If you're looking to get waxed. Can't go there. Anyway, I'm in Jordan Jensen. Dot where am I? Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates.

Punch up dot live slash Ian finance for all mine. Check out her special death junk. Check out my wild, happy and free on the podcast page and your new podcast. All right, Jordan Jensen. It's great. Thanks. Yeah. I got I got I got new apps coming out on the floor peak. Wow. And that's next week. Harlan, tell us everything. Just check out the Harlan Highway podcast on YouTube and keep your eyes

open for my new movie Wing Wingman, coming out. Don't know when yet, but hopefully soon. Nice. I'm so excited to listen to Harlan Highway. That's gonna be my hologram of you leaving here right now. I'm gonna watch Rocketman again. Oh, thank you, man. You wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.

One of my favorites, yeah, thank you. Was that, yeah? Oh yeah, loved it, loved it, yeah. So did Ian. I could talk the whole show about that. Oh my God! Next time, next time. Have fun kid, fun's my Chinese neighbor's middle name.

Right, yeah. I wrote that line. Really? Yeah, I rewrote the whole script twice. Yeah, Disney. No way. You wrote that line? That line's so good.

Yeah, I wrote that line, yep. Wait, you rewrote that script? I rewrote the whole script twice. Yeah, Disney let me do it. So I took every scene in the movie and just went, how do I make this funnier in my voice? Really? Yeah. People don't know that. I didn't get credited for it. They actually fired the first writers.

I got them hired back on, because it was their first movie. The guy who went on to do that show on HBO, Chernobyl. Great show. And the new one, the zombie one that he does with the fungus growing everywhere. Oh, Lassie was. Yeah, he wrote the original script for Rocketman.

No way. I can tell you all kinds. Oh, fuck. Wow. Oh, God, I want to know everything. That's amazing. Oh, my God. No, I don't want to keep you hostage.

We'll do it next time. Amazing. Oh, man, I am so happy that you were here, man. You're the best. Thank you, Harlan. Yeah, check it out, Harlan Highway, and that's it. Yeah. See you guys next time. Bye. She really gone? Should we go watch? Let's go. Let's go. I'm going to put this up to the door so I can listen. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.