Bein' Ian With Jordan - Bein' Ian With Jordan Episode 098: Future Trippin'

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Support the show and get 10% off the best hummer ever. Head to https://www.autoblow.com and use code SKA PODCAST MERCH HERE ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://youtu.be/MoBkkw66NWY?si=ffcJnn9HuluWrW4l WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s WATCH RIP HERE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tub6tSNi2Ho&t=2s Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree: https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being Ian, being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live a life Being Ian, being Ian With Jordan

Meow! Headlock! Headlock! Headlock! Headlock! Oh, yes, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. Hi. Are we recor- Hello. What's that?

Come on. Hello. Look at that butt hole. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Welcome back to another episode of Be an Ian with Jordan. I am Ian. This is and we are happy to stop for what singing Eve six. Huh? Why don't you start with that little boogie guy hanging out that knows. Patreon.com slash be an E and pod join the page solo episodes bonus every week. We're both coming all over on tour. I'm coming all over. I'm coming over to this basement. If there's dogs here because she's hot. What? Punch up dot live slash Ian Vida for all my dates. Eugene, Oregon, Rochester, New York.

Fuck. Where else? Where are you going? We're going all over. Come on. My. I'm about to say with my mouth, I'm going to be in this moiness, but you miss that Manchester, Connecticut, Dallas, Texas, Braya, California, Timothee, and Maryland, Maryland. That is Baltimore for college San Fran, Austin, Columbus, Ohio, Petersburg, Ohio and Ohio twice. It was scary. Dayton, Ohio, Las Vegas, Batavia, Nashville, and Charlotte. I'm going to sing mine. I like ready.

Fly Eugene, Oregon, Rochester, New York, Naples, Florida, Fort Collins, Colorado, Boston, Mass, Columbus, Oh, Cincinnati, oh, San Antonio. Shout out, Joe Frontel, Winnipe Shout out Joe Frontel. Winnipeg. Oh, yeah. Reading off your post. Cleveland, Ohio, Detroit, Michigan, Las Vegas, Tulsa, Connecticut, Tampa, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Denver,

Comedy Works and Los Angeles. That kind of rhymed. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, doody-doo, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Indiana, Nebraska, Nevada. You don't know this? No.

Do you know it? What? New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota. Let's try to rhyme our words. Ready? My head's bigger than yours. By a lot. Mario and Luigi.

Hold on. Wait, say it again. Your head is bigger than mine by a lot. Your head is bigger than mine by a lot. If you die, your skin begins to rot. And if I don't, that will be a blood clot. And you should see a doctor about that. 123 mind about 123 porcup, porcupine and bridge. One, two, three, raccoon, raccoon and road. One, two, three, woods, woods and dead. One, two, three, forensic files. No, a legitimate, that was joke time.

Legitimate mind. One, two, three, hat, hat and corn. Three, new metal, new metal merch. One, two, three, Ozfest, Ozfest and t-shirt. One, two, three, $19.97. Shrestha's T-shirt one two three 1997 97 and $20 one two three inflation All right, I do my mother okay hold on one two three liquid death

Cribbage liquid death one two three, what the fuck is cribbage? What the fuck is a cribbage? You're going with your first feelings. Go, one, two, three, dog. World peace. You know what I got at the airport? A deck of cards. You know what I do in the morning? I play solitaire With real cards. You don't wake up in the morning

I'm up right now. I was up early today. What time? You know fucking- Have you been going to the gym? No, but I've been riding my bike and refarting. If you want to fart it, you can. I farted action game today. Um, Zach is going to train me when he gets back from tour. I'm going to do individual training with Zach two days. Hello. And then one day Muay Thai and then you and I are going to box. That's hop keto. No, that's Taekwondo. No, that's what's the kind that they do in the park? Tai Chi. What is Muay Thai? No, Muay Thai is like a hardcore kickboxing. But I'll tell you this much, you and I are going to fight. What do you think of that? Wings? The wings? Mm-hmm. The lips of an angel, I really would hear your voice. Say my name, it sounds so sweet.

Coming from the lips of an angel. Watch my name, says, makes me weep. Yo, the best part of that song is when they go, coming from the lips of an angel. Say wearing my pants. They like the pod. No, they don't. Yeah.

Hinder. They don't. It's a good picture. Dude, you know what pisses me off? Huh? Scabs. Cause you can't pick them. And if you eat them, people judge you, but they taste good.

Scabs that break a union contract. Or as we call them. Palestinians. What? This little face got scared. No Jordan. Whose tits are those? That's what I was going to talk to you about.

What? Isn't that fucked up? That's on Instagram. Look, look at her little pussy. That's not her pussy, that's underpants. No, that's a pussy. No it's not. Yeah it is dude.

Where's her clitoris? Dude, it's hidden because it's an innie. Deep innie. You have an innie. Mine's in there, but if it was open like that, you'd be able to see it, I think. Let me see that. Look, here's what's happening. Let me see it again.

Let me show you real quick. What's happening on Instagram? That's a cutie. Here's a tip. Here's what's happening on Instagram. What is it? They found out and explain it into the camera. Well, I need to show eyeballs.

No, explain it with your words. I will hit back. Okay, dude, look at this. Ready? Yes, but itits you showing me Breasts. What was that? See their pussies coming. Let me see it again. Let me see it again Let's see pussy Whoa, see pussy see so they're flashing posts but getting away with it. Yep

What's wrong with that? That's her pussy. What's wrong with that? That's her pussy. But what's wrong with that? It's on Instagram. So what? So what is we're getting fucking... Oh, I saw a vagina in that one. Dude, it is an evil six-pack world we're living in. Wait, why is it evil?

Has it been jerking off in it? No. You jerked off under your phone? No. You came all over your phone. You had to wipe your phone. Let me finish the fucking thought before you jump onto a thing you have in your brain!

Instagram is clamping down on content from comics and regular people on stuff that the algorithm deems offensive. And that's why every fucking, are you still laughing at your own thing? Are you living in hell? Stop with my hat, dog! So, that's why every comic self-censors and they make sure you don't say sex, you say segs on a fucking couch. And I hate that. and they make sure you don't say sex you say sags on a fucking couch and I hate that. But what's allowed and is millions of fucking views is these girls that wear skirts and they go and it shows their pussy for one second so

you go to watch a video over and over and pause it. You had a jizzle. I did to make sure it's a real pussy. And that's allowed algorithm. But then I make a joke, dress as Santa Claus, where on stage and it tells goes, are you a climate denying Santa? And I go, yeah. And I put everyone on the naughty list that got the vaccine.

Ho ho ho. Oh, cause you said the word vaccine. And then that gets dinged for misinformation. Suck my fucking dick. Why do we care if a woman's pussy is on the Internet? It's all over porn sites. Because it's that's allowed. But you can't say bad words. That's so fucked.

It's fucked. Allow the pussy, but allow the word. Allow it all or don't allow anything allow anything podcast. Fuck you, Ethan. Get away with the Joe Far you piece. Stop safety. It's not yours. I mean, can you can you just affirm what I said is correct? I feel all the? About what? That's funny. Cause on the page, you're on, you're like, I feel dissociated all the time. And I'm like, yes, whatever. Listen, listen, listen. I'll listen and help.

And then now I say, do that, do that with your hands. Do that with your hands. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's good. There it is.

Do the other side. Do the other side. Do the other side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to, I went to a Do the other side. Do the other side. Do the other side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to I went to a massage the other day and accidentally passed out. And I woke up and was like, terrified. I've done that. I get drool on my mustache. I'm not going back to the place I went.

Why? Because they didn't do a good rub and tug. They didn't tug you the way you like to be rubbed. No, they I got an hour and a half massage. They only did an hour and then stopped at 50 minutes to fucking tug it out. That's the worst. And the tug wasn't even that great. I couldn't even get hard for the tug. It was a half hard tug. Still got there. I wonder if penis is...ew. What? Your little chub pumped it out like this. Yeah. Yeah. They're really good at what they do. I'm not going back. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I went to a massage with a nice man. And did he rub and tug you?

Oh, they don't rub. Did he fill and spill? You know, I used to go to a massage place and eat the girl's pussy. I loved her. I asked her on a date and then I went back and she didn't work there anymore. Who was she?

Her name was Valentina. She was Brazilian. She was hot. Not so hot. Ate her vagina. Dude, it was like a mouth. What was it with someone else's. Where was the vagina?

I didn't put it on a sock puppet. Oh, I'm eating your pussy. Was it placed upon you? It was really hot. Was it rested on there? She was massaging me. She put it on there like she was putting a plate, a cup on a saucer? Yes.

And then she said... Would you like the Grey Poupon? Edit that out. No, it was this place called Wood Spa on like Lex 53rd and Lex, I think something like that. Don't say that. Shout out. She's not still in this country. But I went and she was massaging me.

I could kind of tell that there was like a whatever. And... A what? Like a vibe. How can you tell a vibe by somebody's hands that they wish were doing something else? Because she was... Slapping your booty and going, ooh!

She was making comments about my body. And then she'd like, like, reach down and massage and kind of like touch my ass and like moan a little and then I put my hand on her leg and she gave me like verbal confirmation that I was okay and then we just started kind of fooling around and you just say for the podcast and then she signed a form that said everything I was doing was super copacetic and kosher and we started like making out and everything and. And then she told me that she gets turned on like touching people and massaging.

And I was like, does anyone ever massage you? And she was like, no, but I've always wanted that. I was like, well, I will. And then I just started, she went on the table and I started massaging her. And then one thing led to another and I hate her pussy. So you're just a little crab man.

So hold on, let me ask the judges. Hold on, let me ask the jury. Yes, we all think you're just a small crab. I went back every Monday for like three weeks. You know what? You fucked everything up. What? With your overzealousness. What?

You get so overeager, like the Taco Bell. I get so excited. You seem so cool at first and then you get so excited. Showing it. What do you mean? That is so, you have to hit it and then you had to go with it. We didn't have sex. Yeah, but you just have to disappear into the night.

Come back a month later. You're back fucking the next week. You need to slow your roll. You need to realize. She would have married you if you had given it a month. She had a boyfriend. She would have. I think she told me.

That's what she said when I asked her how far sushi down the street. You how far she'd done the street. You said let's go down the street. And get dinner. Well, my tongue's been in her ass three weeks in a row. I thought we might as well, you know. Is that not? It's not supposed to go in there.

It's not supposed to go in there. It's not supposed to go in there. It's not supposed to go in there, but it does. So weird that we have tongues coming out of our stupid skulls. Isn't it weird that when you like someone you stick your tongue inside of their mouth? No other animals do that. Did one person in this room fart? You did, didn't you? Something is brewing.

It's my dog is farting. Did you just smell your breath? Yeah, I just wanted to see if it was a farting breath. The dog is probably farting. I have a dog. Dude, stop tearing up the floor, dog! Let her tear up the floor. This carpet is awful. No, it's not. It's a nice carpet. Stop!

You raise a hand to my child! You- hey! Let me show you what the massage was like. Don't touch her butthole. Don't. No, stop. Stop. We're going to get electrocuted. Don't judge me. I am. Oh, then don't watch the page around where the dog's tongue was inside your mouth. You play coy on the public, but on the page you're on, you were a fucking animal. You know that? Liquor mouth like you did the last time. Huh? Miss Chast. Miss fucking Angel. Isn't that it? Chast? I don't know. I don't know what it sounds like.

All right. So you're a tiny crab man. I'm Miss Chast. Welcome back to tiny crab man and the Chast. I just don't get why you have to be so disgusting. Cartoon dog noise. What are you talking about so disgusting? This was the old me. This isn't the me now. Coyote, if you were a person, would you ever date in finance? Yes. Rough. Yes. Literally just went like this.

No, if the camera's on her, you would've seen her go, why is I would? Why don't you lay down and take a little nap? You don't gotta be a cop. Look at her. She's a cop, dude. What is? What is she thinking? Chicken, turkey, small bits of turkey.

I want small bits of turkey in my mouth. That's you. You both are the same. She's a dog being like, I would like small scraps of meat. I would like you to ball them up and put them into my lips and you were just I would like pussy lips in my lips I would like pussy I would like come I would like a woman to come I would like woman to come and say I appreciate you uh-huh is that so bad?

what's mine? yours is snacks and forehead kisses snacks and forehead kisses I want chocolate and forehead kiss Snacks and kisses stacks and kisses, please tell me that you hate me stacks and kisses stacks It gives is be mean and I like you more Ignore me and I'll be horny Ignored me and I'll be horny That's me you're tiny little crab man, and I'm that big Yeah Little crab man and the crab. I'm not a tiny little crab man

What is a crab man? You are a crab. What is a crab man? That's you. Please, please, please. And they're like, you don't need to do both crap. I don't have two vaginas. And you go, I'm going to have to. But just in case another vagina falls into the other crab.

And you're a little bird. They don't make that noise. They don't make that noise. They don't make that noise. They tweet, you stupid idiot. I'm not a bird. Yeah, you are. I'm an Easter Island rock. You're a little bird with broken wings.

Yes. And you keep flying back to the hornet's nest. No matter what, you're going to get stung. I don't think back to the hornet's nest. No matter what you're going to get stung. I don't think birds go to hornets nest. They're actually pretty savvy. Birds go to hornets nest. Remember the European bees that we saw at the cabin? You were so scared. I was very scared and it made me want to wound and squeam. You were screaming.

I might have been scared of a horse that can paralyze you, but you were scared of a bee. That could sting me and I would go into anaphylactic shock. Are you allergic? No, but I used to tell people I was so they wouldn't think I was a pussy if you're scared of bees. You're a pussy.

You're like, I'm a horse girl. And then you're on a horse and you're like, this is too much for me. I'm not a horse girl, turns out out I used to be when I was younger Times are changing the worst. I love riding horses. I just don't like when there's a Crap I don't like when there's a little tiny crab man behind me pinching me Pee, could this be a pussy dude Dude, I fucking galloped on that thing.

Dude, you are a fucking horse girl, dude. I am a horse man. You are a horse girl. I figured that horse out in a fucking heartbeat. Dude, you, you are, it's okay, she can have it. Destroy it, child. Dude, I was fucking making a nay, I was pulling back, we were, hi-yah!

Oh! You should fucking ride through the tundra. I should. I should. Our orders dropped off. Oh, wonderful. I bet I could have a bow and arrow, too, on it. We should go back.

You're so stupid, you'd get on a horse and shoot a gun. Scared a horse. So the cowboys used to do. And the horses were cool back then. They knew what was up. You gotta shoot a gun, scared a horse. So the cowboys used to do. And the horses were cool back then, they knew what was up. You gotta shoot a gun, so fun. I shot a gun in Nebraska. Not with me. I was really good.

Yeah, it's fun, man. Really fun. We gotta go back to the cabin, do you wanna go? Papa, can you hear me? Do you wanna go? Yeah, can you hear me? Do you wanna go? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. I think we should go to LA for, go to my butt with the mic. Mark Norman. Wait, wait, it might be a poop. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. yeah. And another thing. And I'm. OK, so listen. Yes, that looks really good.

Yeah, we're going gonna start a band. If I feel like this, I'm going to be depressed in a day and a half. What do you feel like talking out? Like fighting? No, you shouldn't fight. You're a lover, not a fighter. I'm gonna start a band. I think you are gonna start a band.

Who's in it? I am. Can they be involved? It can be the singer. Who is it? I don't want to say it just yet. Who's in it? I am. Can they be involved? It can be the singer. Who is it?

I don't wanna say it just yet. But it's people from bands? Yes. What are you gonna do in it? I'm gonna be the singer. Okay, then you have to quit smoking. You don't have to tell me what to do. I will never listen to you when you tell me to do that.

So you can just stop and get that thing away from the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Fine, smoke until you die and I'll steal all your that thing away from the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Fine, smoke until you die and I'll steal all your stuff right out from under you. Have it. Because I have a fricking key. No! Yeah.

Oh, not a fricking key. I'll let myself in, I'll take all your records, guess what I'll do with them. Better play them and listen to them and enjoy them. I will put... Oh! Oh, I will. Hold you to not let the dog knock things over. Come on.

Listen, because you're smoking cigarettes. Nothing is ever my fault. All right, band names. Let's go. What do you think? Nothing is ever my fault. All right, band names. Let's go. What do you think? Both worlds and worlds is the C. Crab man. Crab man.

No. Band names. Overtake. Overtake is good. Overtaker. Two worlds. No, stop. Both sides.

No, stop doing an intro to a movie. And sides is the Z. In a stop doing an intro to a movie. In sides is a the Z. In a world where there are two of them. Two sides. No, why do you want two? It's kind of like, you have two sides to me. Then call it coast to coast.

Huh? I do have a list of bad names. Call it. Call it. Fate. Call it luck. Call it karma. My next special. Ian Fidance stories and rants. It's mine. Jordan gave me that name. Call it fate. Call it luck. Call it memo. Just have overtake. Call it. Oh, smoke break. Chapter and verse. That's good. Acid reflux. As above so below. Institutional rot. Yes. Right. What would your band be called? Complain and the whineys. The never fix it.

Party in the stinkers. Blink when things are getting internalized. Shit thumb. They be called shit thumb because sometimes when I shit, I get shit on my thumb. I thought about that at the airport yesterday. I don't know when it happened, but I've crossed the threshold of somehow shitting on my ass. Ew! Onto your ass? Onto my ass. I don't know what's happening. Is it like, BLEH! You need help. I do.

I do. It's blowing out from all sides like a fricking loose valve. Yeah. Really. I don't know what's happening. Is it like this? Like that? No, it's just like.

Does it make a sound? I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it.

I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I'm going to have to test it. I don't know what is it like this? No, it's just like does it make a sound? Yeah, it has to. In order to blow out like that. Yeah, I got to get to the mechanic. I got to go to the body shop. But whole cancer. You get a butt bag.

That'd be terrible. Butt bag, bad name. I like institutional wrongs. Colon cleanse. Dude, you and I should get- Echo chamber. Colonoscopies on the podcast. For the pageant, have you ever gotten one?

They shove a tube up your ass, you should just like shit in it. I think that's why you have a problem, maybe. No, you eat like what? What? What? What? What? What? What? Are you getting probiotics? You taking a probiotic? You taking a probiotic? Maybe I had a beef jerky stick for breakfast

and also choco mill. Stop it. You did not eat chocolate. And then I also had pizza, sausage, hot dog, Detroit. You are a fat crab man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha down saying Ian is a gooey gum drop. I'm a gooey gum drop. Your heart will stop, dude. You know why? Because your arteries are stiff from cigarettes. You need least need to keep the other stuff pliable. That's why we're eating fucking good. Do you know how long it took me to order you a sweet green salad? I was getting nervous.

I want sweet. No, I want to eat. No, I want to eat. I want the goddess green guys. No. No. I want to need I want the goddess green guys out I got real Want the bag slime give me the bag slime I think the slime from the bottom of the bag. That's you. Woo! Oh god. I have so much to do!

Yeah. What's in her eye? Oh, that's a goo guy. Don't wipe the goo guy on the couch! Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy.

Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy.

Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Oh, that's a goo guy. Don't wipe the goo guy on the couch. That fucking you feel better, dude. You feel better without that goo in your head. Oh, I just want to put pieces of your face in my pocket and put you together like a puzzle later. Yes, I want to take you to the airport and put you on my luggage.

And TSA makes me take you out. She has a little jester eyes. Oh, okay. Leave her alone. Okay. You can come up. Tell her to come up. Come on. Come on up. Thatep, cheep. Shimmer, sham. Crocky, Crocky. Ka-ya-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka. Cheep, cheep. Mingma. Opo. Opo. Ha-ha-ha. Sima-sam-sam.

Sima-sim. Mariachi band. Mariachi band. Hey. Louisville, Kentucky. Oh, hold on. Pfft. Hey, Louisville, Kentucky. Hold on. Scuba, sepulatora.

Come on. Come on. It is. Come on, just do slowly. Dude, here's here's what's pissing me off my fucking cat He comes out. Oh We've been whistling and meowing at each other by the way, and I think it's working, but he's I'll show you I have a video of it of us communicating Was he already going? I was whistling and he started talking back. I'll show you. And then he comes up to me and goes and then rolls

on his back. And then when I go up to touch, he goes and then wants me to follow him into my bedroom. And I'm like, no, man, just hang out here with you. But I want him to just be a dog. Get a dog. No, look what they do. Sleep with little babies on your jacket. Mm hmm. Ethan, I know you don't like this, but I have to show you. I would swallow my pride and I would choke on the. What are you about to do?

What are you doing? She's peeing on your thing. Shut the fuck up. Are you serious? You're kidding me. No, she's not. Yeah. Dude, Jordan. Are you fucking kidding me right now?

She said she beat right on your shirt. Dude, shut the fuck up. That girl, Papa's got she probably go out on the way. No, she didn't. Oh, yeah. No, she popped a squat, but she didn't make anything come out. And if she did, I was going to slap her mother. I was going to fucking slap the shit out of you.

Check the jacket. She spotted. It was right here. Oh, just smells like piss. Just smells like your jacket. Hey, everybody. Hey everybody, Ian and Jordan here to tell you that the AutoBlow is the blowjob machine. Yeah, that's right. It's AI takes data from hundreds of hours of blowjob videos. I didn't know that.

It syncs up with a free video porn library. This sounds evil, but it's great. It's crazy. Yeah, I know it is. Cause I use it. Yeah. Now it's time for your personal endorsement. My hard cock in here. It sucks me off. It sucks the come right out of my dick. When I put my cock in this thing, it goes up and down until my dick has cum come out of it. Pukes, squirts, spits, dribbles, spews, slurps, crabs. It'll make you crab your goo. Dude, this this sounds like the founder conducted a vulva beauty pageant and 3D scan the world's most attractive vulvas for the device.

That's sick. That is research has gone into this. Dude, also, I like that it's called the auto blow. Like there's no bullshit. That's sick. That is research has gone into this. Wild. Dude, also I like that it's called the auto blow. Like there's no bullshit. It's not called like Angelica or something. It's just auto. It automatically blows you.

You stick your dick in here and it's gonna, well, it's gonna blow you. You know what you're getting when you stick your dick in the hole. Dude, we turned it on and both me and Ethan were like, cause it's like, you should buy this. It's things upgrade to Slayer.

Head to autoblow.com and use code SKA to snag 10% off your order. That's autoblow.com. Code scoff or 10% off. So go on out and get your dick sucked on us. I know his face is crazy. Oh, we just talked. Oh my God. You're such an idiot.

No, we're talking Talk to me again. This is exactly what you do with women. He finally gets off the counter and do what you want, and now you're whistling into his face. Dude, he meows all the time. He wants something. No, he doesn't. He and I talked. I was whistling and he was responding.

Yeah. If you go upstairs and whistle at him now and he meows and it's a thing that he does, then I'll believe it. But that just seemed like a meow time and you were having a whistle time at the same time. Whistle time and meow time at the same time. Don't you think I interrupted his meow time with my whistle time? No, no, no, no, no. I think we both agreed upon our way of communicating with their whistles and meows.

No. Yes. He said, and you said, he said, don't choke my dog. That's also what you do with women. We're learning things. I know, I know. You hold on to tightly and you snap that. This is what you do with guys.

Why don't you love me? That felt right. Hug me. Why won't you give me love? Okay, cool. HUEH! Are you over me? Or something? What do you want from me?

What are you doing? I've been in this basement for two hours. We've recorded one episode. I'm hungry. That's all I...I'm dissociated right now. And you're stabbing me. Yeah. How do you want me to react? I'm hungry, that's all I think. I'm dissociated right now. And you're stabbing me. Yeah, how do you want me to react? Oh my God, I have a hard time being around things

that are so cute. You're stabbing Jordan, smelling butt holes, how am I supposed to react? I'm just a little crab man. You are a crab man. And you're a... Listen. Wiggly mongoose.

We gotta get the animal out of here. Listen. Wiggly mongoose. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm too hard. Yeah, it's my favorite picture. And I had to get the cat taken away because I squeeze it too hard. Yeah, they took the cat away. We have a problem. I like I love loving. If you dare ever say that I am Lenny ever again. You are Lenny. Lenny killed her. Good girl. Yeah, see, look.

Oh, my God. It's scary. You look like a cowardly lion. Stop with the phone. Tell us. Good girl. You're good. Tell a secret. Hold on. Here's here's me and the cat. My God. You're so fucking weird. I'm so the same person.

You are the same? That is so scary. When I love something, I just wanna squeeze it. I'm gonna find more tits. Oh no, penis. Straight penis shot. Penis shot straight to the dome. It was crazy.

Oh no, who is that? Is that come on her butt? Who is that? Wait,. Oh no, who is that? Is that cum on her butt? Who is that? Wait, turn that away. Who is that? A gal. Which? In my old apartment.

What? A game on her butt and then she said, take a picture? Uh-huh. I'm so lowly. It's all right to tell me what you think about me. I won't try to argue. There's a picture of a girl with cum on her... Here, grab it. I bet if I looked through your phone I'd see some shit.

Go ahead. I've seen a video of you sucking a guy's cock. That is deep. That was deep. That's my favorite folder. That's one of the first pictures I've favorited. You're such a retard looking to your photos like that one. I like that one. That one I like. You fucking idiot. Just butt with cum. Good. I'm harding pictures of my niece to send to my sister just so she sees, you know what I mean? So it organizes them. You're like, yeah, this goes to no one.

But I like that. Five stars. Yeah, five stars. You fucking idiot. This is your face when you saw that. The dog on. Let me look through your favorite photos. No, I see my hidden photos. Wait, this is not a patron. Listen, here's the reality.

Here's the reality. Come on, bring it down for me. I've been struggling. Yes, yes, yes. My apartment has become a camera studio. I have equipment everywhere. I can't keep up with my apartment, the cleanliness. Same. I'm a protein powder chaos zone. And now I understand you.

Yes, thank you. Instead of pointing daggers, you're understanding. Today I got so sweaty at the gym and I was gonna shower, but I just couldn't do it, so I just hiked my pants up over my sweat. I danced around pulling my pins over my body that was slightly swollen. My trainer walked in while I had no underwear on and I said, look at my scar. She said, I don't want to.

So yeah, I get it. When you're in mania mode, you really can't do it, but your mania goes up and down and mine goes two weeks off, a month off, two weeks on, a month off. Yours is just day after day, I'm more confused. Thank you for finally understanding where I'm coming from. Your depression is like five seconds long and boy do I love it. Yeah but when it is I can't leave my apartment. Oh yeah. I missed three sets last week because I

could not leave my apartment and I could not get up. Literally. Just fucking sucks. Yeah. What do you do? I just go back to sleep. Yeah, the sleeping. Dude, it's so fucked up when you realize you've been sleeping for so long.

I know, and then I was. And then you're manic and you don't sleep at all. It sucks. What do we do? I don't believe in the term bipolar. It's something else. It's something else It's something else it is it I was looking it up it is like medically diagnosed is something else You got a bad case of the legma are you going to get your chest or anything tattooed? Shut up. Shut up. Listen, we're talking about it, but what's happening in our brains, the serotonin spikes.

I just know that I feel no matter how good. So when the only way I can describe my alcoholism is that I have a body that has an allergic reaction alcohol. When I start drinking, I can't stop. But I have a brain that tells me I don't. So my brain used to tell me over and over, you can drink, you can drink, it'll be different. You can drink. You can drink if you want. You can leave your body behind. That's been a constant thing with my, in terms of like my depression and self-worth is no matter how much I know something, my brain convinces me otherwise. No matter how much I know, intrinsically things are good, people love me, things are going great. I'm seeing tangible evidence of moving forward

and wonderful things happen. My brain tells me, no one wants you around, you suck. It'd be better if you weren't here. Fat, all the time fat. Fat crab. Fat crab man. Pussy hound. All right.

Little dick, big balls. Pussy hound. All right. Little dick. Big balls. No. Oh. Anyway. Smelly.

Smells like pee. I'm not going to be vulnerable right now. Because I was trying and. Dinky boy. I'm not even gonna comment on- I'm not even gonna comment on- Those poop right out your ass on your butt cheeks. Poop on your own body. I just have to wake up every day and treat it as a new day and get up and really really work at Let's show your own butt cheeks, whatever you gotta do.

show your own butt cheeks. I mean, you got to do. You are going to die alone. Any form of love you get, you will figure out a way to make it. You know, that's what you got to do. I want to get out of the old grinder. I got to grind some shit off my own person. You have a diseased mind. I agree with you I agree about the convincing yourself that things are bad, but you start to see things are bad.

It starts to really look that way. And then you get all this confirmation bias. No, that's the thing. I don't see that things are bad because I'm not looking for the bad. I'm constantly looking for the positive and the good in everything and anything, but yet my brain tells me that I am bad and that I am not wanted and I am better off just staying inside and sleeping. And then when I finally like, like dude, my head tells me, convinces me to like not shower and not brush my teeth and like all this negative stuff and and

it's just little things I need to do in terms of a rhythm and a routine. When I do have those thoughts go back to bed I just got to fight it and be a fucking adult about it and just fucking get up and push through it instead of just like oh I'm a baby everything is bad. It's like yeah everything is bad everything does suck so fucking what? Like is bad. Everything does suck. So fucking what? Like, get up. You got a great life. Things are good. Fucking push through. And I think I give in to the fucking baby side of it of like, no, you you just go, it's OK. No, stop. I think I coddle myself too much.

But then the other hand, I think I'm like extremely hard on myself. Once you get going, it's hard to get off the ice slope. Cause you're cruising and you're like, I think I'm fine, I think I'm fine. And then something happens. Somebody says something shitty, you find out something shitty, you get dogged on the internet, you feel fat, you eat something horrible, you know?

And then you're like, well, fuck it. Ooh, ah, ah, ah. And then you're just fucking sliding and it's hard to get out of that winter in it. It might my I guess if you were to call it a trigger, my trigger would be coming home alone, coming off the road to no one. And then we're like going to the cellar and then being like, all right, I'm going home and I just go home.

And I'm like, if for every tangible thing I have, I convince myself I have nothing because I don't have a partner at home. Okay, so you feel that going home alone means that you're worthless. Yeah, you're not meeting up with anyone. I have no one to come home to or I have no one to share myself with. Okay, so you know what Alan would say?

What? Sounds like you're really lonely and you wanna find somebody. I do. Yeah. But I don't want to put in the effort and hard work. But I want to be a crab man all day long and crabs live alone in a little tiny hole. They come out every now and then to pinch some pussy and then they go back into their holes. And if I go into the hole there's another crab mama in there that I'm not gonna be a crab daddy. I'll be a crab baby. No, I don't want to uh,

if I'm with someone I make a plan to see them later and then I'm like, you know what, I just feel like not doing anything. I don't want to have to cancel on someone. You know what? I don't want to do it. I was supposed to come home Sunday and then Friday I decided, you know what? Fuck it. I'm staying until Monday. And then I don't want to have to clear that with someone. What sounds like your future tripping because you're kind of jumping to conclusion. My word. How am I here and also there? Because you are looking into the future and going, I'm going to go home. You're looking at your old relationships where if you just went on a date with somebody, Ian, it would propel your happiness through a week. If you just were like, I'm going to begin dating. I went on a date the other night.

How was it? It was fine. Was it bad? No sex, we kissed. But was it bad? No, it was great. She was super smart and interesting, but I can't help but be on a date and be like,

are we just gonna move in together? What's gonna happen? I can't help but be on a date and be like, are we just gonna move in together? What's gonna happen? I can't take it slow. Enjoy the moment. I did the same thing. It's tough. Yeah, that's totally, it is totally tough. Here comes the hard part.

That would be my band name. The hard part. That'd be more of a song for me. Here comes the hard part. Hard part. That'd be more of a song for me. Here comes the hard part. That was Eminem's part. I've already written a bunch of song lyrics. Relax. No.

Okay. What? Fine. I'll start reading. No. Like I want to soothe and be soothed, but at the same time I want an exit strategy if I feel like I'm, uh, it's too much. That's how everybody feels. That's why you go slow into a relationship. Everybody feels like that. They're like, I don't want that. I don't want all these horrible things. But then you slow... I know, but I'm also a very

sexual being and the person that I want to be with I want to like go slow and everything. But then I also want to be like, sorry I gotta put my goo somewhere. But it means nothing about you. Where are you putting your goo? Somewhere. You can go on dates with people and go goo other crab babies. You can go crab around and go on dates with people and go goo other crab babies. You can go crab around and go on dates.

Mm-hmm. You just, you know, just meet people. And if you get off the road and you're like, I feel lonely, go like this. I'm gonna go home, pick out a movie in your head. This is what I do. Oh, that's gonna be nice. I'm gonna get that sweet treat because I'll be alone.

And then... Chocolate? And then I'm gonna get that sweet treat because I'll be alone and then And then i'm gonna lay in my bed and you picture it and you make it nice nice And then it makes it feel like it's something you want to do Yeah, that helps Uh-huh, what am I gonna do to get home when I get home that makes me feel better? You know what I mean? Yeah, I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm gonna go home and it's gonna be dark and my apartment's

going to be slightly messy and there's gonna be stuff on the counter and then I'll go in and I'll be like, this is my plan, this is always what I do. If I'm gonna run and I need to make the time pass, I just plan, I'll get home, I'll do my dishes, that'll feel good, I'll watch this movie, I'll play that movie while I lift some weights, and then you get home and you're like,

you can't wait to do your fun time, because you planned it. So if you're going to future trip, use it to your advantage. That's interesting. Future trip, I imagine. Oh, that's good, baby. That was good advice, thank you.

You're welcome, it's just what I do. Because then I get so overwhelmed, and then I'm like, what is it going to be like? So if I prepare what it's going to be like in my head, it's less scary Yeah, it's the downtime of coming home having that downtime because during the day and everything I'm so like go go go But even so last week I missed so many things because I just slept From the time the Sun was coming up I'd go to sleep and then when the sun was down, I'd wake up. When you lay in bed at night and you're falling asleep, try planning your next day.

That's what I do. I'm going to wake up. I'm going to go to the park. I'm going to do this exercise. I start looking at stuff on my phone to figure it out. I'm like, oh, there's a boxing class this time. Sign up for that. And then I'm like, I'm going to make a turkey sandwich for lunch. I'm going to I plan everything out the next day so that the next day happens. And I'm excited make a turkey sandwich for lunch. I plan everything out the next day so that the next day happens and I'm excited to do it. Because me and you are afraid of the unknown.

We're like, it's gonna be empty, it'll be hollow, there's nobody gonna be there. But if you set it up for yourself, I'll even be like, I'm gonna wear this shirt tomorrow. I get excited about shirts. Yeah. But I also wanna find someone that'll be like, I wanna make us a turkey sandwich.

Thank you for making me the sandwich. Yeah, but that's not where we're at right now. Where are we at? Right? Focusing on yourself a little bit. Yeah, focusing on tonight. Tonight you go to bed and you plan out your next day. You love doing that.

Yeah. No, it's like 5%, yes, the chemistry in my brain is fucked up. 95% me. I recognize that. And I fall into that pattern of like, I thought I said 5% 95. Did I say 95 95? No, I said 5% me 95% me. No, 5% my brain chemistry, 95% me being like, you know? But I mean, yeah, no, thank you. Yes, you're right. And I hear that and I know that it's like, am I going to do that? I don't know. What are you going to do tomorrow? Let's say the same thing that I did when I was drinking. I'd be like, I'm going to quit. I'm going to do this and I get up.

Here's what I'm going to do tomorrow. What day is it? Wednesday. I'm going to wake up. Harry's going to come over. What time? Eleven. You're going to fart? Yeah. Oh, my God. That was. Oh,

oh, dreamers are chewing. Oh my God. That was a dream. It was a chew chew. And I'm going to wake up. Harry's going to come over. I'm going to. I'm going to. What time are you going to wake up? 10 a.m. I'm going to walk. Sorry, you're right.

Got to slow down. I'm going to go over to my espresso machine. I'm going to make an espresso. Then before I make the espresso, I'm you're right, gotta slow down. I'm gonna go over to my espresso machine. I'm gonna make an espresso. Then, before I make the espresso, I'm gonna hit my hot kettle on. Then I'm gonna take a quarter cup, not a quarter cup, that's a lie, half cup of oatmeal.

I'm gonna put in a quarter cup of protein powder, a shit ton of blueberries, maybe cut up some strawberries, go crazy. Likely not, because I have an apple, the apple's better than the oatmeal. And then I'm gonna mash it up like this, and then I'm gonna eat it, and it's my gruel, and I love to have it every day.

And then I'll make my espresso, and then I'll steam my almond milk, and I'll put it in, and then I'm going to eat it. And it's my gruel. And I love to have it every day. And then I'll make my espresso and then I'll steam my almond milk and I'll put it in and then Harry come over. Hi, Harry. And then me and him will talk and then we'll set up the cameras. Then Maddie Litwack will come over. We'll talk about him being an Orthodox Jew. Then I'll go to the gym where I'll do a training session. That'll put me about 4 p.m. I'll probably be really hungry.

And then I'll eat again. And then, you know, that will be. Then what? Then dog park. Dog to the park. Then Jones. Now you go. Don't put your phone in your hand.

I'm looking at my calendar. Don't look at your night time. Look at your daytime. What are you going to do in the day? You're doing Real Ass podcast tomorrow? That's great. So your day is going to be so fun. You're going to wake up. Whoops. I mean, yeah.

No, I it's it's at noon, so I should wake up. Here's my ideal. What I'd like to do. Oh my God. This would be a dream. Wake up, get coffee, a little bit of bacon and egg from baby blues. Perfect. You can do that. Sit in my lawn chair. You can do that. Amazing. And then guess what? That puts us at eleven fifteen. Time to go to real last. Ride my bike. No, why? Because we're being practical.

Tomorrow you're going to wake up. You're going to go get coffee. You're saying ride his bike to relax. Oh, ride your bike. Perfect. Listen to the new soul search. I'm getting tattooed by Daniel to thirty. Perfect timing. And then. When I'm done tattooed by Daniel at 2 30 perfect timing and then

When I'm done that maybe four Thirty five go back to my apartment doing Dan St. Germain and Sean Donnelly's podcast tomorrow and then Seven at your place and then I have a set at the seller at 1040 perfect. It's all mapped out And at that big fork gap at seven. Yeah. Well, maybe you come and meet up with me. Oh, you want to?

No. I'll do. Yeah, I do, I do, I do. I'll be in the city till four. Huh? Papa, can you hear me? Here's what's realistically gonna happen. Stay up until nine. No. Papa, can you hear me? Here's what's realistically going to happen. Stay up until nine.

No. Wake up at 1140. No. Get yelled at for being late to realize podcast. I'm not going to stay up till nine. My bottom line is three a.m. Bottom is getting blown out. My bottom line is three a.m.

I'm not a quip. My bottom line is 3 a.m. I'm not a quip. My bottom line is 3 a.m. Which means I have to be in bed by 11. Which means I have to be in bed by 11? You have nothing going on tonight. But I want to play video games. That's okay. You can play video games. I'm in year season 2027 in MLB the show. My character.

Do you play video games till 9am? Ian, that is disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. Time flies. No. When you're Spider-Man. You can't do that. Ian, you can't do that. That is disgusting.

You will go to bed at midnight. Okay. And then you know what you'll do? What are you going to listen to when you're falling asleep? Not music. I've been listening to music. What kind? Spiral. I think you should listen to something that will distract you. Like why communists are bad. Why children shouldn't be trans. But then I'll stay jerking off and thinking of killing them. I hate communists so much. Okay, listen to that. God, I love America.

Listen to a biography of America. I could listen to America biography. Yeah. I listened to Sam Harris. My Lord and Savior. I have credits on Audible. Maybe I'll listen to Ben Franklin's autobiography. I love Ben Franklin. If you love him, then you should know stuff about him and you don't.

So you should listen to something. I know that he invented the car key. Are you stupid? Are you some sort of stupid guy? You're a stupid man. He invented lightning. No, we. That's Tesla.

He said the early bird gets. Pussy. That's Tesla. He said the early bird gets pussy. Early bird gets that air. Did you fart? No. You farted. No I think that's your residual. I'm just hanging in your cheeks. That's what you're gonna do. Pinky swear. Dude, 3 a.m. you'll be in bed. That's so easy. Will you help? I'll be asleep because I'm an adult. Give me your phone. I'll set a damn alarm. I think the big one is having a cutoff for coffee.

Can't drink coffee past 7 p. Fuck you Ethan. That'll help you with your sleep. That's why you're staying up so late. That's true. I know I do. Yeah. When I have a late set I just drink a coffee like 10. Me too. You do the same day. And you drink like the Red Eyes too. It's not just like a regular. I've been doing good without the Red Eyes at night. Just say I want one shot. Yeah, no, you're right. And now what are you gonna do? Or do tea, like a tea at night. About your situation.

Dude, yo. Cause if I'm a crab man. Call me a crab because I'm a man. You're like a hell-bitch little mermaid. I'm gonna fucking focus on myself and fucking keep my mouth shut. Wow, the ideal woman. I'm gonna live my own fucking life.

I'm just so hostile. Yes. What am I gonna do about my situation? I'm gonna fucking go to my house. I'm gonna, fucking go to my house. I'm going to. I don't. Mm hmm. Magnesium. You go to sleep.

Magnesium would help you. It helps me poop and helps me sleep. It's incredible. Magnesium sponsor us. Magnesium. Hey, magnesium. Reach out to the fucking podcast oh worshipping volcanoes on instagram

getting a dragon here um yeah also i just want to say i may be coming off a bit like I'm helpless. I know I'm not helpless. I know that I can do these things. I just get caught up in not doing that. And it's like a loop. But I recognize that I have a very good life and that I should be very happy and grateful. And I am, I just get caught in a thing in my head and convince myself that things are terrible and then I hyper-focus on things in the past and future trip about things in the future. And I feel like a hypocrite

because I feel like I preach so much positivity and love and like, this is, you got to take care of yourself. I know. And it makes me feel like a hypocrite piece of shit that I like. I'm always telling people to be like positive and grateful. And then in my own life,

I like feel so much self-hatred. And then that fucks me up because I can't leave my house because I feel like I'm a fucking hypocrite. You're not a hypocrite You're a person. You're a recovery guy Yeah, recovery guys are all about peace and love and loving each other and then when they are home alone, they hurt their own feelings Yeah, that's also why it's like you are like that because you you know you know, have the opposite feeling. So you know what people can feel like. So you empathize. And so then you know, it sucks.

I feel like your whole life would be better if you had a kid. It's not an option. What? Because you're so your favorite thing is to make other people happy. Yeah. If you look a kid. Yeah. But you'd throw it away if it pooped. Yeah. It's all very hard. I feel the same way.

It's all a dichotomy. It's all the feeling. It's all the feeling of one second being like, why do we give a fuck about anything? And then the next second being like, I care about everything and everybody matters and everybody. Yeah, there's just there's a million

different people living inside there and you have to just find core Ian and be like, dude, I don't know where you went, but I'll fucking, I'll help you out. What do you like? I mean, a lot of it has to do with like, yeah, routine and exercise. It's so fucking important to me and I get out of it so easily. And the exercise thing is, Oh God, the difference it makes is so huge, but the will it takes

to get there when you're not doing it seems Insurmountable. If you didn't go to bed at 9 a.m You you always if you wake up early you have a whole day you need I know but can I tell you what I future trip about at night? Dude, honestly, I panic when it's time for me to go home at night Because I'm like, oh my God, what am I gonna do with all this free time? What am I gonna do just sitting at home with nothing to do?

Okay, I can work on this, I can do that, but what if I just sit there and do nothing? What the fuck is gonna happen? And then I sit there panicking about what to do and then I panic about what am I gonna do before I have to be somewhere tomorrow? Just exist? How am I going to do that? And then I freak myself out about just like sitting there. Plan your day.

Yeah. Plan your day. It freaks me out. If you plan your day, I know it's scary. If you plan your day instead of freaking out and plan things that you like to do, you will fall asleep faster because you'll be planning. It's actually a very good trick. You gotta do ones on these arms. What are you doing over there more?

I wanna finish this. Look at this bald baby. What should we do over here? I have the same thing. Leopard. It's your time. You should do a leopard. A leopard with, instead of spots, lip prints. Know what I mean?

Oh yeah. I was thinking about getting a No! With vampire teeth. Here! What? Give me a gun, see what happens. Good.

What are you gonna do? I'm gonna swallow my pride and joke in the rain but then like the rain gonna leave me empty inside That's what I'm gonna turn it inside. I'm Turn faith into I have what's called a TV and TV tonight, no, I have a TV and I love movies and I have the attention span for movies. I love movies.

So I'm gonna get in bed like this. Stump, stump, stump. Okay, drink my magnesium, that makes me sleepy. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. Snug with my pup pup. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. And then I'm gonna put on a movie that's three hours long. Passion of the Christ.

Anyone, I love all of them. I don't love all of them. There's so many to choose from. It just sounds like you're going into a lot of these, um, these situations expecting the worst. So it's like whenever you're thinking about going home, you're already expecting the worst that you're going to have this terrible time. You're doing the same thing about the dating thing. So it's just like, let it, you know, don't put too much pressure on

situations try to figure out how to Coexist or like exist alone a little bit. Yeah And you have tonight to reset everything tonight. You're not doing anything tonight You know what you should do tire yourself out. You want to go for a bike ride? maybe That's a good idea too Like, you know kind of switching up your schedule a little bit too. Like maybe like at night whenever you're starting to feel that, you know, kind of restlessness,

get on your bike, do a little workout. Do your workout at night so then maybe it'll help you go to sleep too. Yeah. Yep. Uh huh. You're going to be okay. You are okay. Everything is okay.

Things are good. Tonight is the night that you're going to reset it. Yeah. You are okay. Everything is okay. Things are good. Tonight is the night that you're gonna reset it. Yeah. Things are great. That's the thing. Everything is great. Just march your ass through it. Everything is fantastic. If you stay up till 9am,

that is fucking fucked up. I know. And you just feel better whenever you're working towards something too. Like whenever you feel like you're working on yourself and on yourself, you will feel better. You do that whenever you start doing the whole, going to gym and all that kind of stuff, you do feel better about everything.

Journaling, I need to journal more. Yeah, same. Also, once this band gets off the ground, everything's gonna be different. That's a podcast. All right, Love you guys. What? Say back. Ah, ah, ah. Oh, wow. Bye bye. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore.