Bein' Ian With Jordan - Brain Bleed W/Mike Feeney | Bein' Ian with Jordan #191

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

What is TECHNICALLY part 2 of a double-episode banger (part one available now at https://patreon.com/beinianpod), one of the Den faves Mike Feeney drops in to talk about Ian's recent trip (and fall) on the slopes, the best movies about being a comedian, & Ian calls his doctor to see if he's dying or not. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold w/ code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ -Connect with quality therapists & mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/ian #rulapod Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Feeney! https://instagram.com/iammikefeeney Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in And life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive. Being Ian. With Jordan. Do I have a brain bleed? Let's find out on this week's Patreon.

A brain bleed intracranial hemorrhage is a medical emergency requiring immediate 911 calls. Missed out on that. Key symptoms include a sudden severe thunder clap headache, often called the worst ever. Weakness, especially on one side. Stop right there. Have you ever had a thunder clap headache? No. All right.

So that's your problem. I did, my finger did feel numb at one point yesterday. But I think it's because my scarring is too tight. Yeah, no, it's, I see the indent from here. But I have been asking people if my finger is discolored. Is it a different color than the other hands, fingers? No. I just said hands instead of fingers.

Oh, fuck, dude. It was nice knowing you, buddy. Vomiting, no, seizures, no. Confusion, yes. Vision changes. In the hotel room, I did think I saw something behind me. slurred speech a little and loss of consciousness. When these people go to the comments and they're going to be like,

I'm a medical professional. I'm here to tell you you have every symptom of brain bleeding. Difficulty speaking, slurred speech or trouble understanding others blurred or loss. Inability to keep reading. Mental sat and confusion. Lethargy. Declosed. Declosed.

Declosed. Declosed. Or in severe cases, coma. I am feeling lethargic. I do have decreased alertness, and I am kind of slurring my things. Yeah. You have some symptoms, but I think you're okay. You don't feel pressure in your head, do you?

But this is saying that the brain bleed, just the pressure to carry the show. It is saying that the brain bleed happens. You can't wait for what? I can't wait. What can you wait for? wait for the other shoe to drop on this fucking, you'll see. What do you mean? You'll see.

What other shoe? Stay tuned, gang. The other shoe, great song by fucked up. Shout out Damien, you're the best. What are you talking about the other shoe? What, the comments? You got to stop living in the comments, man. I didn't say anything about the comments, but you keep bringing them up.

You just did just now. I wasn't talking about the comments. I'm so dizzy. Wait, irrational fear turning on friends. Those are more symptoms on. Why are you bringing up that TV show? What? Dude, there's a theory that friends exist because of the Seattle.

Alan Dirkowish? What for what? Did you catch my brain bleed? Yeah, Dirksh, Dirkwish. No, I've been drinking. Okay, so, um, uh, reality bites was a movie. Wait, reality bites. Ben Stiller.

No, no, no, no, no. Um. Uh-oh. Stiller, Ben. If you're listening and wondering what this dead air is, This is Ian. Just kind of typing and doing research. Producers here.

He could easily call out what he wants. Matt Dillon Grunge movie. Matt Dillon. Underrated. Doesn't get the respect he deserves. Singles. Singles. That's the name of the movie.

Okay. So the 1992 romantic comedy directed by Cameron Crow set in the Seattle Grunge scene followed the interconnected lives of a group of friends navigating love and adult. in the same apartment building. So the theory is that that movie was basically a take on the grunge scene at the time. Members of Pearl Jam were in that movie and they wanted to turn it into a TV show, but it didn't go.

So they decided to flip it and move it to New York with a bunch of singles navigating love and relationships in the same apartment building. And they wanted to get Pearl Jam to do the... intro song, but they couldn't. So they got a knock off grunge band called the Rembrands to do I'll be there for you.

And so Friends was basically singles was a template for Friends and singles was based off of the grunge movement. It's one of the dumbest series I've ever heard and I'll tell you why. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard and I'll tell you why. It's a... You've never heard your special? It's unbelievably.

Sorry. That's fun. Why are you rubbing your eye? Another symptom. Itchy is. The thing about the brain bleed, it says that the symptoms come on fast. Until they don't. Natasha Richardson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened. That was like something more than that. No. But I, dude, honestly,

I was up yesterday at 8.30 all throughout the day, slept for maybe 10 minutes nap, fucking worked out, run around, but, blah, and then last night, I slept for maybe 20 minutes,

and then I slept for maybe 30 on the plane. I think I'm just sleep deprived. I have, haven't been home. I've been moving around a bunch. Yeah. I think that's why I'm a little like, you know. Yeah, or not, but I'll tell you about the friends thing. And here's why it's my arm feels hurdy. Hurtie. Hurtie. The friend's thing is done because that's such a basic plot of like young singles trying to figure it out. We remember that's nothing like Perl's influence. So sorry to burst your bubble mic. So Cameron Crow was offered to turn this into a show.

was a part of it. Yes, go ahead. Camera Crow was offered to turn singles into a show, and he declined it, so NBC went along with the concept anyway and created friends. Wow, thank God you guys both cut me off a bunch of times because I was going to go on a whole long rant about that,

so thank you for saving me. Go ahead. I'm waiting for the other shooter drop. No, no, you'll find that out later. Go ahead, go. I want to hear it. I want to hear it. What?

I want to hear it. Hear what? My theory that now would discuss is proved, but I had, I was. I would have to hear what? I would have sold it. I would have sold it like a prosecutor trying to fucking. I would have put someone to, I would have sent you guys to the chair, okay?

With my defense. That sounds strong. Come on, Johnny Cocker. Let's hear it. It's over. The glove, the glove didn't fit. So, um, but that is crazy, though. I also think that show sucked and I never liked that show.

Never liked it. Never liked friends. Never got it. I understand there's a market. There's also people who like the Big Bang theory. I just don't. And it's fine. And it's just different, you know?

Tell me your theory. Of what? Please? The theory of everything? No, the theory of what you were going to say. About what? About friends and grunge. Well, no, because now I've been disproven.

I know I've lost all conviction anymore. I'm interested in hearing it, though. I need to believe it, and I don't. But what were you going to say? Why do you wear your wedding, wedding, why do you wear your wedding ring on your Otis Redding wing? Index finger. That were half of fun.

This should have been the episode. What is that ring on your finger? This is, why do you wear a... First of all, First off, first off, don't you dare start questioning people wearing rings on their hands. But my rings are cool. They're not. Your ring looks like you fucking...

This is not a fashion choice like you're making, which has no meaning. This is an aura ring. What? It tells you all the sleep scores. So I know when I have bleeding on the brain. I know when I sleep well. I know if I'm getting sick, it knows before you do. That looks like the wedding ring, a guy who fucking gets married in the military and then joins

icewear. It looks like it comes with a shirt that's like these colors don't run. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head.

I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by WyombeenFydance Comedy produced by YMH. I gotta rip a fart too, bro. Let it lose, toot, toot.

I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Okay, I guess. I'll give you the laugh, but I don't fully get it. But I think, yeah, that's what this, that's what this does.

So it tracks all your shit. An aura ring? Tracks all your, tracks your health, your sleep, your fucking, your oxygen levels. No, no, you have hours left to live. But I think, like, it would know,

if you had an aura ring, you'd be like, oh, your body temperature is a degree and a half hotter than it normally is. And it shows up on your phone? Shows up all the data. It's crazy. Yeah, Palantir's collecting all that info.

That's fine. What are they going to do with it, dude? Fucking make it. Let them have it. Make an AI Feeney. Fine. There already is one. I am it, by the way.

The real Feeney died years ago. He died a guest digital back on Irish Goodbye episode 300. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The Paul is Dead theory, but with Feeney. Yeah. The whole time I'm like, great idea, Ian. Oh, my God.

You don't have bleeding on the brain, but I will say. Feney did die. I knew you were just an anthropomorphic piece of broccoli ever since then. Yeah, no one's ever seen my family in the same room as me. You ever notice that? Isn't that strange? What was your theory? My theory of this aura ring is that it's actually pretty dope, though.

It does help. It does help. And here's the thing. Where do you learn from it? I learned. My sleep has gotten significantly better since it because it tells you. Well, the more, why did you yell like that? Do you say, ow or how?

How? Oh, because, how? Because, hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? How do you sleep at night? I remember. Read me your ring, read me, your ring. So it'll tell me all of like the things it notice it in your sleep.

The ring of life rests upon the finger of Feeney. Giving answers man has searched for since the dawn of time. Great eagle so are high. Used to look at sky and moon and earth for. answers. Now, ring gives secrets of the underworld. Buddy, this even tells me, like, is my sleep last night. It tells me how, like, all the times I was in REM sleep, deep sleep, when I was awake. Why am I peeing so much?

The ring's not going to tell you that, but the ring will tell you. Is that the brain bleed? The past two nights I've been waking up, when I did sleep the other night, I woke up every hour to piss. Frequent urination, you've said was one of the symptoms, but it's not, you know, it tells. What are you sireing about? I hope I fucking die. Because he's about to lose

because he's about to lose his meal ticket out now with this. I'm about to have a kid coming. I hope I die and you regret that sigh forever. Now he's got to have, that's a good, it was a good rhyme, first part. But now he's, yeah, then he'll have to, now he's going to have to see if rest in peace, Jordan Jensen needs a fucking producer. It's going to be a whole thing now, you know.

He's going to have to change ships. How funny it would be is how the irony of Jordan surviving and you dying and her podcast is RIP Jordan Jensen. That's so funny because I've tried to watch it and I cannot survive through an episode. Anyway, folks. Have you... Or vomited.

No. Have you have sudden... No, but I did see like blurry things in my room last night. Speaking, understanding, reading, or writing, that's not different than any other time. Loss of consciousness. or confusion. Confused a little.

Yeah. But you have lack of sleep. I'm very, very tired. That's it. That's all it is. And you drink a lot of water? Huh? No.

You drink a lot of water? You drink a lot of liquid. I have been drinking a lot of water, yes. You're pissing. Yeah. You're tired and you're pissing. Are you... I was looking at more symptoms.

It's not... Doctor. Should I call my friend who's a doctor? Doctor. Give me the news. I got a... That's the guy you always... Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to call Bill. You got to tell him he's on the Patriot. Dr. Bill? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. The fucking sigh he must let out when he sees your caller ID. I was going to call him earlier in the car.

I was going to call him just to say hi, but instead of calling him because I need something. Your call has been forward into voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not a... What a fucking asshole. He's got a family. How dare he? Dude, I can't believe it's Sunday. Yeah

It's so weird Yesterday or Friday had a good Saturday feel to it Did you find that? Friday felt like Saturday I was in Kansas City Did it feel like Saturday? You can't remember that far back Oh

Shit You're tired bro Yeah I didn't hit my head that hard Hard enough You'd be surprised how How light Natasha. All week he's going to be texting me.

Like, oh, I'm my brain. Should I text my friend and be like, did it look like I hit my head hard? Well, did anyone around you go, ooh? Like that? Oh, yeah. Did you lose consciousness when you hit your head? I don't know.

Did you? Dude, I literally, I, I slipped and fell, like, and slid and then got, like, right up. I, like, twist. I, like, fell and then got, like, up. I, like, contorted my body to, like, like, I slid, and then I, kind of. kind of like got up.

I said that three times. Yeah, you said it three times and a row the exact same way each time. No, I didn't hear a ringing. Or like that little like, you know, when you get like a concussion. Ooh, that's gnarly. I know.

And look how sunburn I got. Actually, it's like better, but man. Oh, yeah, these triceps are very sudden burn. Yeah. Look, look at tries. Yeah, pretty good. You're not lifting weights anymore? I am.

I started working down again. Oh, yeah. You boxing? No. No. You were into boxing the last time I saw you. It was, yeah, and then my fucking shoulder acted up again, and then I just kept getting sick.

And Jordan told you you can't do it if she does it. Yeah, you were here for that episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you were at that, you were also at that other, like, CrossFity gym with a bunch of other guys that you were like, we're all working out together. It's so fun. Oh, it was great, yeah, my workout classes.

And what happened? You got hurt? I stopped going because the classes are at 10 a.m. And I just couldn't get up in time to go, even though it was, like, down the street. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, and then it became much, much more fun to not exercise.

Yeah, that's the tough part about it. But now with his brain bleed, I might. Throw caution to the wind. Hey. With his family. What are you doing? Watching my three children as my wife flies to Turks and Caicos. Whoa.

He's on the podcast, you know, you're on the podcast. I don't really have time for much right now, so if you got something you need, give it to me quick. That's why I'm calling. I went skiing the other day, and I fell. My head really hard. And I hit my head, and I got ice rash, like road rash on my arm and knee. But I'm starting to kind of slur my words and, like, feel lethargic.

Do you think I have a brain bleed? Oh, and I'm peeing nonstop. Like, not waking. up every hour to piss, pissing all the time. Do you think I have a brain bleed? I have no idea, man. It's impossible to tell you. What the fuck?

You're a doctor. If you have real problems right now, you should go to the hospital. Dude, you always say that. I don't know. I don't know what my real problems are. I don't know if they're real or they're like made up. That's why you're the doctor. If you're really peeing every hour.

Yeah. And you're really slurring your words. Yeah. Yeah. I would go to the hospital, man. I don't know what else to tell you. There's nothing else anybody can do for you in the meantime, but you don't sound like you're slurring your words.

I know, and I think that I'll go. You're an idiot, dude. Stop going skiing shirtless. Without a helmet. You're not athletic. What? You're out of shape. You smoke cigarettes.

Like, just, you know, stop pretending you can do athletic things. I can, and I do. I am so athletically better than you. You're incredibly incapable, and you constantly hurt yourselves trying to do athletic things because you think that you're way more athletic than you are. Should you be with your family right now? The doctor.

He's such a bad dad. Shouldn't you be with your family? Yes, that's why I'm just telling you like it is, and I will say goodbye. Have a great day. Hey, do you think I have a brain bleed? Wow. Is that Dr. Bill or the truth?

doctor. I mean, my God, that was it. Yeah. He's been best friends since we're 15. That's so funny. Yeah. He is the fucking shit, man. God, we've been through so much together. But I'll tell you this, he, that always happens. I'm always like, something happened to my body.

What do I do? And he's like, if you're really in pain, go to the hospital. I'm like, no, I want an answer and a cure. Yeah. Give it to me. What you want is that you're fine. Don't worry about it. I texted him one night in the middle of the night.

I was like, hey, what do you think of this diet pill? I just saw a commercial for it. You think it'll help me lose my belly? He was like, stop eating like a fucking pig and you'll lose a weight. I was like, doctors orders. Love that. Yeah.

I like that. Shoot you straight. Well, I'm a little worried about this ski. Not great out of his bedside manner, but very, very, he's like a good, he's like a, he's like a, he's like a, he really calls you out on your bullshit. He was at my intervention with my mom. That's a guy you want there. He's going to fucking.

Him and my mom. Oh, wow. No one else. Yeah, I was busy. But I, uh, 2009 no one else wow Phoebe's fishery

just a bunch it's like a it's like a semi circle of chairs and they still set up all like 10 chairs and it's just the two of them is that that's fun at a fishery can you have

can you go back to that place or you're like now it's like every time you go there you're like great am I gonna get ambushed no no I wasn't a problem I mean I did coke in the bathroom but nobody saw me

that's um dude I am worried about this this uh rat this ice rash. Oh, my arm's hurting. You should put, put, like, you know. I've been doing hydrogen peroxide. I've been doing neosporn.

I'm letting it air out. But it's got a little white there. But I, one time, me and Bill and a couple friends were playing baseball, and name is Little League Field. And we were, like, 20, 22, 23 or something. And I dove to catch a ball. And I, like, slid. And it kind of scraped my arm up.

And I don't think I cleaned it out right away. And I got this huge fucking bump. And Bill's dad's a doctor. at their beach house he fucking sliced it open and like squeezed all the pus at I'm afraid this is going to get that way again should I call them and get it so weird enough I had the almost the exact same thing where I dove for a ball in the infield and I got that dirt and I cut it all up and I just kind of like you know washed it out or whatever and then I was a couple days later I was at a bar and I was talking to my friend I was like man this is just like so hot

and itchy and he just looked at it and he was like that's the most infected thing I've ever seen in my life and I did like the does this look infected from fucking Some 41. Yeah, I was like, does this look infected? They were like, go to a hospital now. Will you touch this? Does this feel hot? Yeah. It's a little hot.

It's warmer than the other part of your arm, but it's not like hot, but it is warmer than the other part of your arm. But it also could because it's sunburn. I wish FaceTime had feel on it. Don't, don't. Let him be with his family. You can hear his young children around, and he's obviously going through some sort of marital crisis with her going to Turks and Kate because we didn't have time to get into

that. But there was some heavy resentment on that on that. line delivered but um dude they're their marriage and they're like kid life and her i think it's like so dude they're always outside with the kids love that give them screen time they like it's it's really really cool to see they're they're really fantastic good for parents and i love going down there i'm uncle i into the kids and everything where he lives in in delaware miami yeah matter of fact i i got him and our other like lifelong friend pat i got us all tickets to see blink 182 in Hollywood, Florida.

And when I went down, I got to Bill's house early, and they set up one of the kids' rooms, like the guest room for me, and they put like an air mattress, and I fell asleep. And his wife, she's so sweet Corinne. She goes to wake me up, and I was facing the wall, and she was like, Ian, and I spun, and I grabbed her hand.

I was like, who are you? And she was like, whatever demons you have inside of you, they are real. I was like, oh, sorry. And right below the surface. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a knife to her throat? I'll gut you pig

You're like oh sorry This isn't infected No It's got that white stuff on there Just keep putting peroxide on it and monitor it You know Isn't too much peroxide bad I've never heard that

Don't leave Bill alone dude That poor guy you could hear his young children In the background if you knew how fucking Much that They love me He'll FaceTime me just so I can talk to them He's fine Yeah I know

Is too much peroxide on a cut bad I can't Imagine being my friend The amount of I'm so happy that I'm not a doctor You know what I got? These little squeegee things on my glasses I like them

Yeah it's a very Crokeys They're called And I am gonna croakie from this brain This might be a regular episode I'm telling you this has been There's been more laughs than this episode Than in the other one by a fucking wide margin

Yeah, I think you'll be, you know, you'll be all right or you won't, but either way, you got to, you're going to, you'll go. If I die up in a cabin with my babe in the woods, I'll be happy. And the people would be like, they'd talk about that at your eulogy. You're not going to be one of those guys who lives to 80. You know what I mean? Everybody, you know that. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to go out fast and, you know, burnout, not fade away.

Live fast, die. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what you're doing. You're burning the candle at both ends, a cigarette at both ends. And I think, you know, there'll be some pretty huge health repercussions down the line. But I think for right now, it's more worrisome is the death chasing you and stalking you at every turn. So that could be a fucking brain bleed.

Yeah, that could be it. And now I've got to drive to the mountains? It's actually a good place. You ever see those videos? Like perfect bleed out spot. And then they show like a really beautiful view. And it's like in like a video game, if you're going to bleed out in a movie. There is a song by the band Earth from the Bees Made Honey.

None of that seems real. Earth is the singer guitarist Earth is a guy, Dylan, the guy that bought Kirk Cobain his gun that he killed himself with. Oh. And there's a song that they have on their album when the Bees Made Honey that is a song I would want to play if I were to be consumed by ice and frozen to death. Like the feeling of like, you know, apparently before you die,

if you're frozen in death, you feel warm. Like when you've been, accepted that you can't get out. Your breathing starts to slow. You start to feel warm. Sure. And the song fucking plays. And it's just such a perfect.

Oh, Bill says, um, just won't heal if you keep putting peroxide on it. Proxide at first to kill bacteria. Then let it heal. Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

I was right. Mike was wrong. Thank you. It's not at all. You said to keep putting peroxide on it. I said, yeah, but not, not soaking in it. You nailed it on the pod, by the way. Holy shit.

Don't give him a review while we're recording the podcast. Also, a lot of people like your voice on the podcast. Say third mic, question mark. It's kind of fun. Boy, we really had some momentum there for a moment. What are you doing? What are you doing? You're having a full conversation.

I'm just living like that. Dude, I'll tell you. You're dying. Otherwise, I would really not be okay with this. When I die in the woods this week, dude, I'm off for two weeks and I'm so fucking excited. You're going to be off forever, so you'll be good, pal. How was your last stand-up show before you died?

Was it good? Or do you have more before you go up? Great. Sold out. Kansas City Funny Bone. What are you doing then? What are you thinking? I'm thinking when I die in the mountains,

I'm going to want my babe to bring my body back to my apartment, put me on the couch, and let the cats eat me. Dude, you should do one of those. If you're seeing this, I'm already dead videos. Like of Will, maybe to, maybe. be to Samson or to your girl or to the fans. Just do one of those. If you're watching this, I'm already dead.

I would like you to donate money to your local cat shelter in my name. I would also like you to donate any money or time to any neurology brain centers because some of us just didn't make it there in time. Watch my travel show, Ian do. Still doing plus Eiffinance.com I still love the views. Check out my great episode of Cozwanted.

Yeah, no, drop my body off at my house so my cats can eat me because I truly would want to be eaten by my cats so we could finally be one. Oh, that's kind of poetic. Yeah. It would be horrifying for whoever has to clean that up. Dude, I really think,

fucking when we die, our bodies should be used somehow. I think a way to bring people together as a final form of grief and processing is when you die, you get roasted and then your family and friends sit and eat you communally through a meal. Oh, like spit roast. I thought you meant like made fun of. Ian's a fucking, yeah, yeah, a dead roast. No, I think, and then that way you get to truly be with the person one last time. Okay. And you have them inside you.

I do quite. What about just, what about just doing the, instead of like roasting them and eating them like a. in a cannibalistic psychotic way, like you're saying. What if instead you just do more of like a cremation and then you just sprinkle that into like a smoothie or something? We drink you up. Some people smoke it, you know what I mean? Because eating the body is for sustenance.

But it's not, though. You think you're going to provide sustenance? You're like when you see one of those horses on the side of the road that's like missing half of their stomach, there's like a lot of infections. It's like you'll get malaria or something like that. Your innards are at best green, at worst, jet black. Like the ink that fills your name.

Yeah. The blood that's in your veins. Thursday. How long can we? Shout out Jeff. Shout out Jeff. Yeah. Yeah.

We became friends because I saw him at a show that I was there. And then we were there because of you too. Sent you that selfie. Good guy. Great guy. Such a good, such a good band. He's a solid dude. He's sober.

He's a great author, man. I really want to get him on the pod. I think we'd have a lot of fun. but holy shit dude jet black new year understanding in a car by the way they sounds they sound better than ever some last year silverstein and they were like he i was supposed to go on tour with them he's great i was going to open for them and then we were going to do a uh vip um panel like question and answer what's it called question and answer yeah panel panel yeah i was going to lead it and then uh it just didn't work out with like timing and everything um but that would have been really fun that would have been

cool. There's another, oh, oh, I'm in a movie coming out, April 14th. Oh, wait, okay, good. It's a horror movie. Nice. I shot it two years ago. I just have like a small part. Um, but it's getting released on Blu-ray. It's coming out in theaters. Blue-ray? Yeah. They still release things on Blu-ray? Yeah. That's pretty cool. It's coming out in theaters, April 14th, premiering at Alamo Draft House in Manhattan. And I'm going to be doing a panel. It's a movie called. Um, citywide fever. Okay. Yeah.

Josh Heaps directed. Very fun. Uh, yeah, I'm stoked. See that movie they're shooting at the cellar? Another one? Yeah. No. Yeah.

Oh, I can say this because it's like public domain at this point. So I'm not like spoiling anything or whatever. They're shooting a movie with, uh, it's Stephen Merchant and Cameron Diaz. Yeah. Tell me what you think about this logline. Tell me the realistic expectations of how well this movie is going to perform. Hey, boys and goyles, ghouls and germs. Need a little help in the bedroom?

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Rula is a wonderful network of over 15,000 therapists. If you don't like your first match, switching therapist is easy. Sometimes finding a therapist is tough. You got to stick with it. You got to figure it out. Don't give up. It's like that picture of the guy digging for diamonds. And then the next slide, he turns away and he was like one more swipe of the

pickax from a diamond, don't turn away. You're close to get into the diamonds and get to the diamonds with Rula. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable high quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance. Visit rula.com slash Ian to get started. RulA.com slash IAN to get started. After you sign up, you'll be asked how you heard about them. Support the show and tell them be and Ian with Jordan sent you. That's Rulah.com slash IA.A.com. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. A workaholic businessman, Stephen Merchant, who is, you know, just working for everything at some law firm or whatever, is in need of a fake work wife, a wife situation for some sort of work event. And he hires struggling stand-up comedian Cameron Diaz, who is a struggle.

like open mic or but does it because she could use the health insurance from the payment of it. So she's like just a 52 year old. So again the seller is an open mic performance space. I don't know if maybe that's the part of the movie where she gets past there or whatever the hell, but it's like... Are they using comics

in the movie? This is going to be the second seller comic movie I'm not in? Yeah, yeah, maybe one or two. They were filming they're all, like shut down the whole... Get out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like and this is like, this is already variety and stuff. So I'm not like talking out of school

and this. But yeah, I saw her too, by the way, still looks fantastic. I'll tell you this. She's so she's held up. It is hard.

It's going to be hard to believe a 52 year old eightless actress since the 90s is going to can you believably play a struggling open mic comedian.

I'll tell you this. Stephen Merchant, hilarious. Cameron Diaz, great comedic actress. Very good. I will give this the benefit. There's something about Mary.

Of course. Change my life forever. Yeah. I will say she wasn't in shallow hell That was Gwenith Paltrow I will give this movie the benefit of the doubt It made that is kind of like a corny whatever But I think that they're so funny

Well there are those all those really great stand-up comedy movies That have been made over the years like Splash Or no what's the one with Tom Hanks Punchline? Yeah Splash is when he marries Daryl Hammondon What's the

Is it Daryl? Barry Sobel helped write Punchline Oh my God Yeah yeah I just saw his headshot At the comedy store

The other day And I was like Oh that's still there huh But he's Creep Yeah Sorry for But

But That said Yeah I think that that movie You know It's also hard to like Make another They're just really It's hard to make

A stand up movie Or show For that matter I've never seen it A good one I've never Seam Punchline. Oh, I haven't either.

But like the King of Comedy, but that's not really about stand-up. It's just like, yeah, yeah. It's like, that's less of a stand-up movie. Joker. Again, not really a stand-up. Even like you, I would say the best argument you could make for a stand-up comedy movie, but I would argue it's actually not a stand-up comedy movie is funny people. But I also think Adam Sandler...

The whole driving force of that is not comedy at all. It's actually not even close. It's how they get into the... It's exactly. It's the vehicle. It's the vehicle. They could use that. Yeah, and you can't go anywhere without a vehicle.

He could be. So you're saying that that movie has nothing to do with comedy. That's intrinsically wrong. I'm saying it's not a stand-up comedy movie. I'm saying if he was a musician. It's called funny people. If he was a musician, that could be the exact same movie. In that exact, a big famous musician who's fallen off,

who's now trying to get with a young guy to kind of help. Which, by the way, that trope has been done a million times. It was like the young up-and-coming person fuels the old, this was the show Hacks is about too. but you're like it's like all this like oh this is now giving me a second life and a second career now I appreciate a second life of what like having him having a second shot at standup and yeah because it's a movie about stand up but it also could be about music it could be about anything but it's it could be it's not like like crashing was about stand up you know what I mean like the I'm dying up here

about stand up like those are like stand up you're saying stand up is a nucleus of the atom of the film I'm saying a movie I about stand up comedians it's it's very hard to pull off because you can't but funny but funny but people was about stand-up comedians and then it's centered focused on two but they have people performing stand-up in the movie is that where rarely came from yes yeah but rarely what do you mean rarely that's if you add up the amount of stage time that they're showing them on stage it's like that would be so boring the only show that's pulled it off has actually been Seinfeld and Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs because i have stand-up peppered throughout the episodes you put Santa mixed in there you haven't

seen it no no no no no I was told to avoid it, I guess, at all costs, or else by Jordan? Huh. Only now realizing how strange it sounds out of fun, you think she would support that, too. But I did share it when it came out. I gave it a real, yeah, sure, I did. I threw a story up. I threw a story up.

Of course. Throwing lies up. I threw a story up for sure. Throw the lies up No, I put stand-up in each episode Oh nice Yeah in the beginning And then the middle and the end

And that's like a Louie thing It's like an Ian thing Or is I guess a Seinfeld thing Because that's actually That's actually exactly Seinfeld That's a perfect example That I mean that's about Well it's not about stand-up

It's about a stand-up It's about a stand-up Yes just but I'm saying There's no real things that work About the art of comedy Right Oh Comedian

Comedian was that's a documentary. It's not a movie. Again, I guess crashing could be, but the problem with crashing is like that show, it's hard to be believable because we know how it's made. So it's like they see they go from being an open mic comic to walking past a seller. Like, someone didn't show up. Hey, new kid, you want a spot? You know, it's like, I think we're just too close into how it's made and stuff.

You'd either have to have a show where the first four seasons are them toiling and obscurity for years as an, as a failing open mic or it's like you have to, it's like or you start them famous. Like a horror movie. You have to have the person go into the room where the killer is. Like, even though everything logically is telling you, don't go in that room, it's like you have to to push the story. But how many movies or TV shows about stand-up have had this thing where they're just like a person who has no interest in ever doing stand-up, some tragedy or divorce or some bad things happening in their life, then all of a sudden they're like,

you've got to go up and they go, what's the difference? I ain't got a care in the world anyway. Might as well give it a shot. And then goes up there and just goes. That is my exact stand-up award. So I'm getting... When I was living in a half of my house. Yeah, yeah, and I was going to fucking kill myself.

But then you go on stage, and then you go on stage and do the marvelous Miss Maisel that is this thing on. All of those movies we just go, so I'm getting to divorce. And then all of a sudden you just start riffing the most prolific riffs anyone's ever heard. And then next thing you know, they're like, congratulations. You're a full time. Welcome to Stand Up Comedy Incorporated. And I'm Butterly got up at Helium. And I went first on this open mic.

And I was like, I live with a. like her and he tells me stories but he loves my dog so he'll be like oh man i'll beat the shit out this guy he'll be my lucy girl what a little baby come here lucy you did that for how long that bit you're still doing it three minutes you close it oh how long am i repertoire no no i'm saying like how did it do do bomb mercilessly dude we we did good and we got off stage and then a couple comics like hey we're going on open mic after this you guys should come like wow then we got like plugged into the

scene and then so your first time doing comedy ever was with Butterley doing first wow that's wild yeah helium February 1st 2011 dang wow yeah I remember running a I think it was 2000 late 2009 or 2010 I was running a weekly

show and Union Square like a bar show with this other comedy started a first time I did it was in college in 2007 but then I would do it in 2008, but this is my whole point is like, I would do bringers in 2008, and I would do them once a month. And I remembered when I had this weekly show, and either 2009 and 2010,

I remember being like, I'm getting up once a week. Like, there isn't a chance that I could possibly be working harder than this. Like, I was like, dude, I was like convinced. I'm like, once a week, because I was going from doing it once a month. And then I was like, I'm doing it once a week.

Like, what else is there? You know, like, I remember going to an open mic with Chris Estefano doing like, Uber lounge sort of a thing in fucking Queens or Brooklyn, wherever that was. And we did the open mic and then afterwards, I was like, all right, what do we do? We're going to drink. We're going to go home. What are we doing?

He's like, I'm going to go hit another open mic. I was like, another one, but we did it. That's it. You can't do more work today. Like I literally was so confused. I didn't even understand. What was that storytelling show you used to have? Was it like a story of coffee shop or some shit?

Oh, that was a quick thing. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, we did that for like, probably like four or five shows. I had on the offensive for a long time at the creek. On the offensive, yeah. That was like you make fun of the video. What was your storytelling show? Yeah, I would just tell like it was like a theme.

I remember that show The Dump at the Creek? Oh, yeah, Jake, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a great. Yeah, that was fun. It was really helpful to me. I got to work out a lot of, a lot of stories. Yeah.

But yeah, no, I did a storytelling show at a coffee shop. And then they were like, the coffee shops closed at six for the day. The show was at seven. and then people were like buying drinks and beers and coffees and everything like that and then after like the third show which by the way there was like 50 people in this tiny little coffee shop that only sat 50 people

and then they go yeah people aren't like buying like enough stuff like we want them to buy more first of your clothes so zero these people would have spent you would have spent you made zero money during this time and I go secondly I go they're like we want them to get like more I'm like you can't have people have two or three coffees in one in an hour Like it's just like, it's not, they don't, you're a coffee shot, you know, like, it doesn't make, but it's that classic thing of like the venue and they just are kind of like, well,

I think we're going to do our own comedy program and then just never tried one other time and failed again. These people, these venue owners, they really get, they really think they know what they're doing. Mm-hmm. No? All right. I just disassociated while I was staring at you. I saw 100 yards through you. We lost momentum again, James.

It's been happening. Oh, my God. What a fun episode, though, huh gang? Oh, my God. This is why you subscribe or watch for free, depending upon which this is. Has this shifted away from regular again and gone back to Patreon now? What should we do? Wait, wait, wait.

Let's slice the first half of this with the second half of the... I think that's great. That's the move. But here's what we did. I saw what happened. We both got... I personally got too physically comfortable because I was like this and I was like getting sleepy. And I saw you had your feet up and you started slouching.

Oh, yeah. We both got too physically comfortable. full brain bleed. I'm in full like, yeah. Yeah, your eyes are rolling in the back of your head. I know, I know. I, dude,

I was going to drive straight up to fucking Hudson Valley after this, but I think I'm going to take a little naparoonie. Yeah, what is this? Don't do a bit. Just tell me what this is. No, no, there's a sock that you wear.

It's like a Chinese medicine thing where you wear a sock and it paints, It maps out certain things in your foot. Like, ear pain, headache, long. It's an aura ring? And then you, yeah. And then you use, and then you use this to, like, push in that part of your foot because the foot holds a lot of power. It does have the most nerve endings of any part of your body.

Even the penis? Especially the penis. Penis is actually not very sensitive. It's like the tip and then the balls and the shaft is very least sensitive thing. Sometimes I, like, jerk it off the shaft, just like, without even getting to head doesn't even move. Interesting. Yeah.

How does the guy feel about it? Folks. There's a way you tune in. Tune in, tune out. Kill yourself. What was that tune in, turnout, dropout. Tune in, turnout, tune in.

Tumoric? Turnout, drop out. Tune in to drop out. Tune in to turn out. It was like a 60s. phrase yeah good more silence we'll fill it in pussy oh you will turn on tune in dropout that's what it was turn on tune in dropout the book by timothy leary leary who was a CIA operative anyway yeah i'm so sick of all that

shit dude i think i'm just going to detach from all that throw my phone in a river just go be with my family. Just everything is like the thing. Like we talked about with the Titanic was sunk by it's like it's just, it's just too much. Yeah. It's just too much, you know? Next, they're going to say we didn't go to the moon. Oh, dude, I've said this before.

I thought Godfrey was the dumbest motherfucker because he doesn't believe that we went to the moon. And then I saw him do like 15 minutes on how we didn't go to the moon. And I was like, I really don't think we went to the moon. he's that fucking good. Yeah, he's a very, he's a very charismatic,

very believable person. One of the true intellectuals of our time is what somebody said, named Godfrey. Can you translate that to not bitter? Godfrey? I love Godfrey. He's actually very,

him and I had a, he's one of the best laughers in the, like when you get him to laugh, he has such a big booming, cathartic laugh. It really makes you feel fantastic. I had it, I got to,

made him laugh where he got up and walked around the room laugh it's like what are you kidding me the heroin the best feeling in the world it's like they're on a track yeah yeah it's like that's could he use some of that in this show you know what i mean instead of the e and hmm you know but um that's great yeah that there it is don't look me up and down to say something hurtful i saw you just fucking did this you man you scanned you fucking terminator scanned yeah no i just can't keep my eyes still uh uh Do you wear sneakers on stage? Always.

I used to be sneakers on stage. I used to have grape 90s air maxes, 95s. Love them. And then I stopped. And then I was doing Doc Martins. And now I do Timberlands. And this weekend I didn't really give a fuck. So I, you know, I have a head injury.

So I just remember my check-a-board slip points. Yeah, no, I have these or I do Jordan. Jordan 3 is usually my normal bag. I love those. They're very comfortable. Jordan 3, I think that's the time she's coming over. Imagine she walks in. She goes, I'm ready to pod.

We go, thank God. So fucking funny. Yeah. But, no, no, she's not coming. Don't stick around for that, folks. But I think, do you think Jordan listens to all these episodes just to, like, quietly get ammo? No.

Do you think she presents that? Do you ever do episodes where you're not on it and she's on it with guests? It's happened like twice. Did you listen to those episodes? No. I don't listen to anything I do. But you weren't on that way. The only thing I ever, the only thing I do watch is the travel show.

Because I. You didn't get to see the final cut of it? The travel show? Yeah. No, no. I have to watch it because I make the edit notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like I, but I don't edit this so I don't watch it.

Right. I could, I, I've listened to myself on podcast like fucking a long time ago and I just, I can't. Well, you can. Do you do it? Do you listen to watch yourself? Never. Never. But I will say I do remember like, I remember the feeling of how it went.

So when I leave here, I'm going to remember how it felt. You know what I'm saying? How what film? This podcast. I don't need to like get validation from the podcast, people being like either this was good, this was bad. It's like, I want to remember, you know. In time with my buddy, we had a good time.

We learned about his, you know, his fatal injury. And we have real peaks and valleys of both, I think, heartfelt conversations, disassociations, whatever that just was. Isn't that what life's about? And comedy. Yeah. Some good laughs too, by the way, I think throughout this. It feels like a good, we're putting a nice bow on this, you know?

Mm-hmm. Should we do another 50 minutes? What time are we at? 45. Look at that. On the button. That's like when you're doing a hell gig that they give you a, on they give you a, you are really fading, buddy.

You gotta get a coffee or something, dude. I don't like how glassy your eyes are. You're like this. Dude, I really feel like I'm gonna like. I think you need, yeah, I think you need sleep and just make sure, you know. Or is the thing where you're not supposed to sleep. Concussions, you're not supposed to sleep, right?

Yeah, which could cause it. You're not supposed to sleep right afterwards. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. You need like a six hour rest, I think. I dude on Thursday you know yeah I hit my head but I drove out from Vale Colorado to Denver to get to the airport I left at 2 a.m. I could not fall asleep. I I think maybe I fell asleep at like 115 woke up at 1.45 the next day I barely slept on

the flight to Kansas City got to Kansas City maybe took like an hour or two nap and then that night I woke up every hour to piss and I was getting excited about going to the cabin and then yesterday I was up at eight and I already shared my experience I think I'm just sleep deprived probably yeah but that's why I want to leave and go to the cabin so I can get up there and just go to sleep yeah low energy Ian's is it's jarring it's concerning frankly think yeah you don't like it tell me that concerning's not actually the right way you say that it's supposed to be disconcerting. You only use concerning when you go like,

I want to talk to you concerning James versus being like, oh, that's your, you have bleeding on the brain that's very disconcerting. It's a different, so they say, it's a common use mis- It's one of those words that they've actually said has been misused so much that it's just now accepted as the wrong thing.

Oh, yeah. So one is used as a... In regards to. And then the other is used. use as like an adjective. An emotional, yeah. No, no. In regards to, like, I talk to you in regards to this versus like, I'm worried about that

thing or that thing worries me. So what would that be? Is that, hold on. A noun is a person place or thing. Uh-huh. Adverb usually ends an L-Y. Adjective is a describing characteristic. Adjective.

So if you were to say, I want to talk to James concerning your brain bleed. Yes. That would be. a I just no shot that you can keep any of this part in

I think this is what I have a degree in secondary English head from NYU I think James left like I don't even know what's this I feel like I'm dreaming

is because it feels like a dream would concerning be not an adverb a well it's a conjunction conjunction conjunction

what's your what is it James What's the question? Concerning. Concerning? Look it up. Concerning is a... If I were to say, I need to talk to Mike concerning his recent revelations about his sexuality.

That's an adverb. That's an adverb. Right? Concerning. Would I find your behavior to be quite disconcerning? Concerning functions as a preposition, meaning regarding or about... Look what Jesus thinks about this. No, no, no. He's also a adjective.

Hungry. So you're, you just used it as a preposition. Concerting, regarding respecting, touching, and referencing. As an adjective, it's used as worrying, troubling, alarming, unsettling, disquieting. Preposition. But you were, I said one adjective and I was off on preposition. Yes, yes. Now, what is the preposition?

That's a good question. I met the guy that makes these puppets. I think it's Skankfest, I think, is met him. Very good. That's not a preposition. A preposition is part of speech that connects nouns, pronouns, or phrases to other words within a sentence, indicating relationships such as time, location, direction, or spatial arrangement. Okay.

Fuck. Did you have Homack in high school? No. I never did Woodshop. None of those things. I wish I had Holmack and Woodshop because I feel like I would have retained that knowledge more than learning about fucking preposition. I did have a friend who was like, who had a Dremack. He was into dremels and he had a dremel

And he would do woodworking things like that That guy was And then I... It was cool. It was all right. But it was cool to use power tools, you know? I mean, that was cool about it. He was, what he was making, who gives a fuck about that.

That smell of like wood though when you're like burnt, you know, you put like the hot fucking drill gun or whatever through it And like makes that wood burning smell very good. I like that. Yeah. It's a gasoline smell. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. The look that you're giving me is...

Can you do that to camera? What you're doing? He's literally like this. He's like this. It's fucking dude. You know what you look like? You look like that fucking meme of Shrek when he's like... Yeah.

That's what you fucking look like. That's what you fucking look like. It's fucking awful. Oh, man. Good help. What are you doing after this? Do you want to babysit me so I don't die? No, no.

James. you pay James for that. I am going to be with my actual baby, who I will sit with and play video. How old is he now? Three. It's a toddler. Wow.

Not a baby anymore, I know. Whoa. We just took the fuck. He was in a crib this whole time, and we finally took the little gate off so he can get in and out of his bed, and then you have those little moments when you were apparently like,

who was the last time he was ever in a crib? You know, like you get those moments like that. Yeah. Can't tell if I have a brain bleeder if you're just boring. I'm back You're back Low energy Ian sucks I gotta tell you

I hate low That's what's been going wrong I was playing possum I was playing possum The leg isn't even bouncing That's how you know your shot The leg's not bouncing I have to piss again

I think Yeah Well But if I'm this way about me What would I be like If I had a kid Like if I'm like, oh, did I get a brain bleed? I fell.

How do you not have this? Then you'd be Albert Brooks and finding Nemo. You'd be worried about, you'd be worried about, we'd probably be a little overprotective. Or Renan Hersberg in regular life. Probably. But I think that you, I think that your entire perspective would change and you would stop being so focused on yourself in a good way. And I think that's what everybody does. No, no, I'm saying my anxiety and my.

Did I is this in fact? If I'm this like, about me, I would put that on the kid and be like, is he all right? Does he need this? Does he, why does he make that noise? Is everything okay? Yeah. In the beginning, in the first couple months you might do that. But then afterwards, I think you realize how much that would actually fuck them up and program with them with anxiety.

And maybe you realize once you have a kid, oh, fuck, all of this shit that I've been worrying about is because I didn't really have real problems. And now I have a real problem just to make sure this kid's alive and has a good life. What are you? Is it burping into the mic now? What is this? Did I? Directly. Just that.

I didn't even realize. Brain bleed. Just kidding. I did. I was being rude on purpose. All right. Everybody, thank you. We love you.

Tell them where they can find you, Feeney. Mike Feeney.com. At I am Mike Feeney on social media. Check out the podcast. Co-host wanted with Mike Feeney. It's on YouTube.com slash you guessed it. Mike Feeney Comedy. And come see me.

Punchup. Live slash Mike Feeney. And tell you in your goodbyes. Tell him what you loved about. Let's do a little eulogy for Ian in the comments. Everything you loved about him, what you'll miss about him. And if this really is the end, you know, you had a good run. Tell me what you like about it. Yeah, let's do a Huck Finn style.

Little like you go to attend your own funeral. And it'll be in the comments. You know what Ian? This one I always loved about you. Got me through some tough times. You got a great taste in me. music. I loved your tattoos.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm a cat person too. You made me not feel weird about myself. I'm by, you know, all these little things that they could have about about you, you know? They'll be like, I'm also injury prone. I lied to myself about being athletic. So these are comments people are leaving in the description. And why are you relating this to Huck Finn?

Because one of their username is n-gir-jim. Jesus. All right, folks. E-finance. for all my dates. Harper, Connecticut, April 10 to 11th, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, April 23rd to 25th.

Long Beach, New York, April 29th, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey. I'll tell you what, you just sold five more tickets in Point Pleasant. May 6th, Hollywood Improv, Netflix is a joke fest. Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs out every other Tuesday with YMH.

We're having a blast. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for digging. at patreon.com slash beanie and pod and punchup.com slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. We'll see you next time. Love you. Bye-bye.