Bein' Ian With Jordan - Corn Teeth W/ Yannis Pappas | Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep150

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

As always , Thanks for listening !  Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Property Owner new Stand up Special : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN_irAlyFQg Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/IAN  Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/jy7kvwno #CashAppPod As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Yannis Pappas Here : https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Property Owner new Stand up Special : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN_irAlyFQg https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” 

Hey everybody, IanFightAnswer.com for all my tour dates. Charlotte, North Carolina, June 5th to 7th, June 13th to 14th, Wilmington, North Carolina, Tacoma, Washington at the end of June, June 27th, 28th, June 29th, Spokane, Washington. Then I'm in Oklahoma City, Addison, Texas, Indianapolis, Chicago, Providence, Rhode Island, New Brunswick, New Jersey, Omaha, Tulsa, Houston, Edmonton, New Orleans, Washington, D.C., Minneapolis, Vancouver, San Diego, New Year's Eve, December 31st for two shows. EFIdance.com for all my dates.

Each show is different. Each set is different. Come to the early, come to the late. We're going to have fun no matter what. Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. She's playing Europe. Snag those tickets before they sell out. Let's make it a sellout summer, baby. Come and see us on the road. Bye-bye. Enjoy the show. When you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride

When you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being Ian Being Ian Let's find out what it's like to live a life being Ian, being Ian with Jordan. Yeah. Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of being Ian with Jordan. Jordan is sick on assignment puking in her house. She's got age. She's got age. She caught it. Finally,

we're together forever. Clean, tested recently. How good does that feel, bro? When you get out? Do you ever click your heels like Dorothy when you get out there? Dude, there's a spot in California called Cutting Edge Testing. Shout out Jenna, the lady at the front desk that now follows me on Instagram. Are you like Norm there? Cheers, you all good? Because I got addicted to it for a little while. I had to go to rehab for getting AIDS tests

because it felt the rush you get when you come out and you get a negative is so nice. You're lying. Of course I'm lying. Yeah. Shut up. I was like, what? Dude, I have a buddy who thought he had AIDS because he fingered a girl

and he constantly got AIDS. He had to drop out of college because he got so obsessed with the fact that he was going to die from AIDS. So those are deeper issues that kids got. Yeah. Yeah. But he's got good stories. That's the thing. You got issues. We all got issues, but it comes with good stories. You just got to get your roof check. Go to a therapist and get your roof checked.

Why did I think you were serious? Because you're a kid who's got some addictions and demons, and you thought it was possible. And I thought we were going to share. I thought we were going to have a moment. You're like, I'm fucked up too, dude. I can't stop going to the AIDS clinic and getting that negative.

What it used to be was you used to sit in a a white sterile room and you'd wait and you'd picture in your head every awful scenario you've ever been in and, you know, awful, awful terrible things you should have never done. Like going to a guy's house in the middle of the night and you have a knife because he said he'll be naked in the bed and the lights are off. So you bring a knife to save yourself in case he tries to rob you. But he's just a gay man named America. And that was a stormy night in Delaware in 2003.

No, it was Marcy Projects. Oh, my God. What the fuck are you doing in the Marcy Projects? Papa was hungry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and they just sit you there. And then it used to be they would do a mouth swab and you'd wait 20 minutes to find out if you have AIDS. And you're just sitting there like, oh, no. But now it's like, I mean, I know my status, I know the status of everyone I'm with.

It's just a precaution to like make sure I'm totally clean. I'm always safe, but I just do it. That's another form of safe sex to know your status. Let me just say this though. Bringing a knife to the Marcy Projects is futile. It's like showing up with brass knuckles. They got guns in the Marcy Projects. You show up in the Marcy Project with a knife

and you're like, get off me. It's like Indiana Jones. He just pulls out his gun, shoots you with the whip. Oh yeah. No, I mean, locking my bike up was also another weapon because I think they probably thought I was special. So nobody was like, we approached these guys retarded. So dude, I went in to the guy. He buzzed me, and I went in and I opened the door and I just started swinging it. I was going, hello, hello, I'm here. And he had the most comically deep voice ever.

I'd never met him and it was just this naked Jack Black guy, completely bald, looked like Robocop. And I go in the room and he goes, why don't you come in the room? And when I'm nervous, I talk a lot, And I get it go in the room and he goes, why don't you come in the room? And when I'm nervous I talk a lot so I was like, wow the decorations are nice Is that a fish ball I saw in the kitchen? Wow, but those are some good endorphins you got a nice little rush from that fear Felt good for 20 minutes. Yeah, and then I came home and was like, I got to, I got to,

I got to do that again. I'm going to find God. Just their perusing projects. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Project monthly. Yeah. The local periodical, I guess. I'm sure that's a fetish somewhere. What? Just going to the projects for sex.

Were you there for sex? I'm sorry. Or were you going for drugs? I was volunteering and I just wound up in a guy's house blowing them. You were doing social work? No, no, no, no. I was giving back to the community. Was that racist of me to assume that it was drugs or sex? He could have been going there for a book club.

No, a book club in the Marcy Projects? We know they can't read. Come on. I'm right there with you. You go down. I go down. We're safe in the confines of what I also thought was a project building when I showed up here. Well, this motherfucker parks and then I'm outside smoking and you're like, I finally found it. Like you listen to the noises of the Dominican baseball game down the street, like a cartoon

character like smelling the pie on the windowsill. But in my defense, I did walk past you three times, but your head was down. But in my defense, from a distance on the other side, you look like every single person in Williamsburg. So I couldn't tell if it was Ian or just another guy. Another guy who happens to live close to the Dominican baseball field.

That's me. When I was growing up and you came to an area like this and they saw you and you were white, they thought three things. This guy's either a Mormon. Yeah, he's a Mormon missionary, he's a cop, or he's a teacher. And that's what it was. It was a day where if you saw a white guy in this type of area, that was it. When I taught in Brownsville, I was the only white guy there because I was a teacher.

Yeah. So that was like, but I was, this was like 2006, 2007. When I met you, you didn't look like this. You were like Michael Douglas before the end of falling down in that movie. Now you're Michael Douglas. Same inner turmoil. movie. Now you're Michael. When your students see you now, they're probably going like, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Well, dude, the one day, the one day I went in, cause I didn't get my arms done.

I didn't start on my arms till like four, three, four years ago, but I was always covered in my legs. But when I was teaching, I'd have like a suit on everything. And then one day I went in, summer school was going on. I went in to like clear something out or like do paperwork or some shit. And I was walking down the hallway and kids were like, yo, Mr. Foddy, look at that ink. And I was like, oh, hey.

They didn't know I had, because I didn't tell them anything. Be careful. My kids were like, oh, yeah, yeah. It just means you're autistic now. I had, because I didn't tell him anything. Be careful. My kids were like, oh yeah, yeah. I was like, oh no. It just means you're autistic now. As I fumble the mic. Dude, I didn't let them know a fucking thing about me. They didn't know I was a comic.

They didn't know I had tattoos. They didn't know where I was from. It was just like, I'm your teacher, and outside of this, don't fucking talk to me. Right, right. That could have probably helped you relate to them, though. What do you mean? You know, you were teaching in Brownsville. I taught in Brownsville.

I taught at Boys and Girls High in Bed-Stuy, which is voted top five worst schools in the country. That was my favorite school I taught at. And the first time a girl was like scratching her weave. I thought she was having mental problems. I didn't know that she was just like, Oh, and they pat it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To like itch it. I thought she was like, I was like, I went up and I was like, is everything okay?

Yeah, the black woman pat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the beginning of like a good, you know, good black white kind of come together movie. Teacher does comedy on the side. Student sells his mixed tape on the side. You know what I mean? We come together. You become his mentor. You learn to rap. He teaches you to rap. You teach him how to tell jokes. I did teach the school, the last school I ever taught at Bronx Prep in the South Bronx. I years later, right before the pandemic, I did an after school program where I taught inner city kids stand up with like two other comics. And the school we were placed at was at the school I taught at last. Was that kind of cool? Full circle.

Yeah, yeah, that's yeah. It was very therapeutic for the kids. Dude, it was great. It was, dude. Oh my God. When we had like open mic day, dude, oh my God. When we had like open mic day, man, they, this one kid straight up was Chris rockin it.

Just like, let me tell you about chicken tendons. It was the best, dude. It was awesome. There was a kid who's stage name was Chicken Nugget. Chicken Nugget. He was 11 and he already embodied every aspect of a black comic. It's amazing. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. They do. They come with those names. Oh yeah. Oh God. Did you come up on the like hood circuit or? Yeah. Yeah. I came up in

black rooms. Donald Rawlings took me on the road at the beginning. Wow. And I did all his rooms. He used to have a room in Polk Nock, called Polk Nock is in Fort Greene, I used to do. Not Fort Greene, I'm sorry, Bed-Stuy. Polk Nock? It was called Polk Nock-us. Mike Epps got knocked out there. What? Yeah.

How? I don't know, something happened and some guy just knocked him out cold. Holy shit. Yeah, it was some, it was a story back then. And I don't know what it was about. But yeah, it was just when you come up in the black rooms and you have more than a two, you have a two syllable name and you're white, there's a zero chance you're going to get your name pronounced correctly. Not happening. So I was like, give it up for yee. Give it up for yee. Oh, I was Mr. Ian.

Give it up for Mr. Ian, y'all. I was Mr. Ian. Every show, that should have been my stage name. I should have just embodied Mr. Ian. Now, now, Clance. It was crazy. Dude, I did some like fish fry uptown in, no, it was in the South Bronx. It was this

like big Dominican like hookah place and the MC was doing half the, I was up first, the MC was doing half the show in Spanish and then they got into a dance competition and then he got into a dance competition with the bouncer and he had already done 35 minutes. And he goes, all right, I'll be back. I'll be back. But first we're going to have some guy come up here. Everybody missed you, Ian. And I ruined their fun. It was fucking dead. And dude, this is like 2016. So some guy was like, what you think about Trump? And I was like, oh, I like him. I hate him. Whatever you think I think. Please don't hurt me.

Yeah, yeah. Terrible. Yeah. Those rooms that really can scare you. Yeah, but they also make you like so much better. Yeah, yeah. Like I always wanted because they make you perform. You have to perform there. Yes. You can't just sit up on the wall and be like, so. And it gives you confidence. Like you can't be self deprecating because they'll like sniff it out.

Yeah. You got to be fucking bombastic. Because half the punch lines, I say, if you think about it, you're like, what are you talking about? But it's just so like over the top. You're like, yeah, I love everything you say. But I always thought it'd be funny to like, like when like all the woke stuff like started happening in like 2015, 2016, and everyone was like, we need diversity.

I always wanted to bring a bunch of like blue hair, like writers for Slate to like one of those rooms and be like, here's your diversity and have someone on stage named like JJ DeGlove, man. Being like, I saw training with Adam's apple stick out further than they did. And they'd be like, oh no. Yeah, yeah.

That would be a funny show. Oh, yeah. Brooklyn alt comics take them to those rooms and then take the black comics from there and put them in the Brooklyn alt rooms in that era and just turn the cameras on. Wild. That was wild. Yeah, wild. Yeah, that was wild. Wild. Yeah. Dude, P.D., you know P.D. Diabro?

Yeah. He brought me up to Harlem one time. It's from Miami, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He brought me up to Harlem to do a bar show once, and I'm up there, and dude, I am fucking killing,

and I'm fucking vamping, and I'm fucking, yeah, woo, shucking and jiving. Kitchen people from the kitchen are coming out, they're fucking loving it, everybody. And then I was like so confident, I was like, so I was dating a girl and she got a dick, blah blah, and they were like, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Boy, like hated me immediately. Hated it. Yeah, yeah. No, they do not go for the gay stuff. They just don't.

Which is funny, because they spend all their time in a barbershop getting touched by other men. So you think they'd be a little okay with it. Yeah, they're not okay with that. They just, that's where they draw the line. They draw the line right there. Yeah, I've seen that happen many times in comedy shows. Oh yeah. Where the gay guy comes up and it's just like, uh, uh, uh, uh. Cause they're, they're, they're Jesus people. Yeah. Yeah. They're Jesus people. It's religion

and they're part of their culture. Yeah. You know, they do gay stuff on the down low, which makes it probably all the more hotter. Do you ever think, because you're so open, do you ever think about maybe if you... I kept my mouth shut about it. It would be hotter? Well, I used to do that. Yeah. Was it hotter? I used to do it in secret. Yeah. I used to cruise all the time in the city. Was it hotter? I mean, it was scary because one night we got surrounded by a bunch of guys that were like, get out of here. Oh, I believe that. Apparently you're not allowed to say anymore on YouTube.

Like that, even if you're saying it in like, immediate demonetization. So, oh, okay, sorry. Anyway, even if I'm the one saying it, which is crazy. Yeah, oh yeah. It's insane. That's insane. But anyway, yeah, it was scary. It was hotter.

It was hotter in high school when the stakes were like so high and nobody knew me and this other guy were like gay. But then as an adult, it was just like really sad. But then when you were just open about it, it was not sad anymore. Yeah, but it's it's really like it's it's weird because there's a difference. Like if I was gay, it would be a complete lifestyle change. I would be with a man. I would be lifestyle change. I would be with a man. I would be dating men.

I would be living a gay lifestyle. But coming out as bisexual, it's like, hey, I just want to let you guys know, no matter what, I'm going to come. It's like, okay, who cares, dude? Shut up. Why are you telling us? You know, so it's very like, I don't know. It's kind of a weird place to be.

I like that. That's a good way to define being bisexual. Just like no matter what, I'm coming. Yeah. There's a possibility that you will come in all company. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also I have standards. People think that I will just like fuck anything. Or like a lot of people hear that and they get grossed out because like, ew like man it i'm like no i like shaved like i like feminine men right like i want you to be shaved like a dolphin i don't like you like them presenting as men or you want them to present as women no i like like twinks like i like like effeminate men right right you know like the trans woman i like very effeminate and very like. Trans women can be very beautiful. Oh, yeah. You could.

I mean, some of them are more beautiful than women. I know. And they don't like to hear that. And here in it. Yeah, women don't like to hear that. Or trans women don't like to hear that. Women don't like to hear that. And back, I think, in in like Rome and Greece and stuff like that, and antiquity, socially it was deemed totally cool

as long as the guy was the dom, as long as the guy was the top. Yeah. So it was frowned upon if he was- Looks like I'm cool. Yeah, so- 99% of the time. Yeah.

Some days are I too cool, brother. So 99% of the time, some days where I do cool brother. I'm sure it was that way too. I'm sure back then it was that way too. You know? Yeah. You know, you feel it, you feel, you feel, you want to try something a little different. It's weird that like trans women are more passable now than ever. And it's like totally like in, in the zeitgeistable now than ever. And it's like totally like in the zeitgeist more now than ever. And I feel like there's more pushback against it now than like guys that have to be like, you know,

that's a man, right? It's like, so what? Like why, why do you? Yeah, I do know. That's kind of why I like it. So who fucking cares? There's some, some of them you look at and they go, that's a man, you know, and I? And I go, like, not really anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not, if you're looking at like a trans woman

that is like hot and beautiful and you go, that's a man, you go in like, okay, maybe it used to be at one point, but that is not anymore. Yeah, and all the medicine they're on, like they're fucking dicks, like a clit of a weightlifter. Yeah. It's like, so what? Yeah. Who cares? They're taking so much estrogen, They're not technically men anymore.

Yeah. And like science could do it. Does a man really take that much medicine? Yeah. I mean, is it that surprising to you? We can go to the moon. We got AI. Science can turn a dude into a girl and a girl into a dude. Just, it's just what they can do now. Yeah. Just what they can do.

and a girl into a dude, just, it's just what they can do now. Yeah. Just what they can do. Yeah. But it's funny because it's so medically and technologically advanced. But I remember like back when I was around that scene and everything. Just had to be a guy in a wig back then, the old days. Those were like the cassette tapes. Yeah. Yeah. Beta Max. Guy put on a wig like, all right, I'm fooled.

Now this is like fucking Blu Ray. Nobody knows the difference. Yeah. Yeah. Beta Max. Guy put on a wig like, all right, I'm fooled. Now this is like fucking Blu-ray. Nobody knows the difference. It's incredible. We're living in the best time ever to be alive. But it's like the, the, it, it was never like such a flash point issue is what I'm trying to save. Like back in the day, it was like, everybody kind of existed and there wasn't like, I was afraid that people weren't going to like me if I told them like, oh, I'm into trans or whatever. But then nobody even really cared. But now I feel like there's more because everything has been

pushed, I guess out in the public eye that there's more pushback on it. Whereas before, when people were just existing and they were like, yeah, no, I'm a tranny. Like this is what I am. Nobody was like, all right, you're a trainer. Okay, cool. Just stay over there. And then now it's like almost like force fed down people's throats. And there's like more hatred of it than ever. I feel from my point of view of my relation to that community and everything. I don't know. Maybe I'm talking on my ass. No, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I think, yeah, maybe I don't know. maybe I'm talking on my ass. No, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I think, yeah, maybe I don't know.

It's just, I think it's the see-saw of change. It goes from like progress and then the people come in and they go all the way the opposite and then there's like a middle ground that emerges. I think if you're like a hateful guy online and you're like giving me or like anyone else shit that's involved in that community and like likes trans women or trans men and you have to go out of your way to be like, you know, that's a man, right? Your opinion is invalid because you, you've been with men and you should have to be able to look at your internet search history.

I think that's a good law. I think that that's because it's always, you're always going to find the opposite. Their page will be just fucking slathered with the grossest. That's just how it goes. Yeah. That's why when you find the guys who like to get their nuts stepped on and stuff like that, they're always CEOs. And oh, yeah, because it's oh, you're always looking for the opposite. It's so when someone projects one thing outward, you know, sexually, it's another thing. Yeah.

Opposite like the most confident and straight thing you can do is be like, you know, I don't care whatever. Yeah. But the ones that are like, hey, hey, just so you know, sexually it's another thing. Yeah, opposite. Like the most confident and straight thing you could do is be like, no, I don't care, whatever. But the ones that are like, hey, hey, just so you know, you're, this is, it's like, dude, you are fucking getting tied up in latex, you little queer. That would death protest too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was dating a porn star and she told me that she has a client that she sees every month. Which porn star, male, female, or trans a client that she sees every month. Which porn star? Male, female or trans? Female. Female. Yeah. You got a large dating pool.

Yeah. It's like really. I love to swim. Yeah. You know, some guys are like, fucking girls just won't date me, man. What is it? You're just like, well then try dudes. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Give it a shot. But she was, she has a client who she sees every month and I didn't ask her who it was. I wanted to respect her. Do you mind if I slow you down here? So she's a trans woman or woman? Woman. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Porn star woman. And she has a client meaning. So she does like sex work on the side. Oh wow. So there's a guy very prominent in Hollywood. I didn't ask who it was. I did ask once and she said no and I said I'm not

going to pry. But she said she will go to his house and he lives in the Hollywood Hills, massively, massively successful, powerful and her and another girl will shit in his mouth for an hour and 48 hours beforehand, he will get her just everything she wants her Uber eats. And that's like his thing. And he's a massively powerful man. And it's like, she was like, if you knew, you would not believe this. And so I didn't know George Clooney was into that stuff. Yeah. I didn't know. Can you imagine?

Yeah. And he's a straight guy, right? Yeah, straight. See, that's the thing. It's like, why are people so freaked out about gay stuff when there's like these fetishes of... Yeah. Why aren't there like shit in the mouthophobia?

Yeah. Why aren't there like marches against guys who get... There are the people that need shame. There are the people that need some hatred to be like, hey, shit in the mouth, cool it. You're freaking everyone out. What are you, one of them fucking shit in the mouthers? Hey, we call you corn teeth. How are they just skating along without any backlash or hate? Because I guess they don't tell anyone. Right. You know, but then these like little communities build up and everything.

Like, did you hear about Glenn Greenwald? Oh, yeah, bro. Yeah, that's wild. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's especially, you know, we joked about this on history, hyenas. Me and Chris joked about it, but that's the thing, though. If you're in the shame and it gets you off, yeah. Maybe you put the tape out there to just think he did that. I don't know if he did it or not, but that it came out.

I know he's fucking rock hard. I mean, it's like every day because of posh, he's like going and reading every comment of people calling him crazy. And he's like, oh, he's like nutting over and over again because that's what he's into. Yeah, it's been humiliating.

Do you think it was that or do you think it was the the fact that he was so because didn't he come out on a show and recently was like Israel's an apocalyptic cult? They are evil and what's happening is terrible, which is true. It is very Masadi. But yeah.

And then a week later this comes out. Yeah. But I think if that was, you know, he said in his, uh, in his letter, he was like about the videos. I love the way it started. So about those videos, I hadn't heard about it. And up on my Twitter feed feed it goes about last night. Let's check in with Glenn G.

So anyway, about those videos. So that's a thing. He said he was like he hinted that he kind of it almost like he kind of knew who it was because he was like, it's a political smear. Right. I think if it was if he thought it was the Mossad, he would have said it. He would have said it. Cause that's not really political. That issue is not really political.

But why do you think he came out at this time? Do you think it had to do with anything he said? I don't know. Is he selling a book or anything? I don't know. Cause that James Comey shit was like, I remember we were talking about that, and it was like, remember the James Comey? Oh, with the rocks?

With the rocks. Yeah, 86, 45. And you go, why is a 65 year old man, first of all, on social media? And playing with seashells? Yeah, and then he's like, oh, I knew it was a political message, I didn't know what it meant, I took it down.

And you're going like, why would he post that? Somebody's gotta have one friend or whatever, or you run that by someone, go, what does this mean? And then I was like, is he selling something? And then we went to his Twitter and his book just came out. So it's just like, I think that's kind of what people do now. Well, you know who was really big on that? Rose McGowan.

Did she do something like that? Bro, when everything came out about her in like 2015, like a month later, she had a book fly off the show. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty like weird timing. Yeah, I think everyone's kind of aware that like, It doesn't matter what eyes are on it, as long as eyes are on it. Yeah, because the internet has become sort of

the way people. But that's so soulless and evil and terrible in and of itself. But it's just as soulless as traditional legacy commercials, no, pitching you fucking McDonald's. No, I think this is way more evil because there's deeper things and things that are more at stake than the regular legacy media of just like a paid commercial.

But they were like pitching you shit that's going to kill you. Sugar to kids, cigarettes to adults that worked on you big. And me too, I got nicotine in there. You don't think that exploiting a movement or exploiting groups of people to get your product across is more evil. Well, maybe. Yeah. I guess you are selling like food that's killing you. Well, look, I guess this is more just direct to consumer than shame is definitely out the window. So, yeah, I mean, I think either consciously. Oh, that reminds me. Everybody watch my special. Hey, everybody. Wild Abbey and Freeze being re-released

on 800 pound gorilla. Sorry, it's a promo thing. I mean, I think everyone is aware now that the internet's been around that the way you get the click is by some sort of car crash. You know, you say something crazy. I mean, social media, you know, algorithms are built on engagement reactions and bad

takes and crazy things are the easiest things to react to. So everyone's kind of aware of that, whether they're conscious of it or not. You know, we've all been conditioned to like it's car, it's car crash. It's the rubber neck effect. We're all pulling over and what the fuck? Well, that's what scares me. Look at Jussie Smollett. He, he got caught doing it.

Right. But you can't think, is he an outlier or is he more of an example of an entire zeitgeist of people doing some variation of that where they're yelling fire for attention? I don't think he's an outlier at all. I don't think he's an outlier. Did you hear about the guy recently that the Indian actor who voiced the neighbor or whatever on King of the Hill, did you hear about this guy? I didn't hear about this. He died.

He got shot by his neighbor and his boyfriend was like, he was killed in a homophobic murder. This is terrible. And then everyone's like, oh my God, we need to condemn this homophobia and blah, blah, blah. And now it's coming out that he was known for marching up and down the street with a pitchfork. He was in an altercation with someone and someone showed up with a gun and there was like yelling. And then he died. And his boyfriend immediately was like, this is because we're gay and people are with us kissing. And then it's like, wow, you forgot the pitchfork. Yeah, you forgot the truth.

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so it doesn't cost an arm and a leg to talk to someone. It's very important, it's very helpful and these are certified therapists. You're not getting your info from TikTok. They're not going to tell you everybody's a narcissist. They're not going to tell you that everybody has, you know, histrionic personality disorder and it's not you, it's them and this is abuse and this and that what your childhood. No, they're going to get to the roots of the problem and they're going to help you figure it out thousands of people are already using RULA to get affordable high quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance visit RULA.com slash ian ian to get started support the show and let them know we sent you that's RULA rula.com slash ian you deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. Yeah. So I just think maybe, yeah, cause James Comey, I mean, it was weird that I said,

what's, is he selling something right now? Cause it was so weird to me that he, that he would tweet that. Yeah. That he would just out of the blue, 69 47, like what 86, 46, 86, 47, 69. Yeah. What you want to do is get out there and you really wanna fucking go, you wanna go face the dick with Trump. Sorry, I got my codes mixed up. One's killing, one's sucking, suck. It was just an odd thing.

And then like right the tweet below is his book. It's like, yeah, I mean, he's totally out of the conversation in the public. He's selling this book. He wants the book to do well. I mean, how better to get attention and your name back out there? What sniveling weird fucking intern did he have that was like, this is the idea? Yeah, I mean, it's otherwise it just doesn't make sense that he would just out of the blue. Yeah. And and who the fuck is going to put that on the beach? Yeah. I mean, it's otherwise it just doesn't make sense that he would just out of the blue. Yeah. And who the fuck is going to put that on the beach? Yeah. I mean, who's going to, you know, either he did it and took a photo of, I mean, who's

going to who's going to do 8647? Was it like seashells? It was seashells. Who's going to, you know, who's doing that? It's just the oddest thing. And then I mean, he has a book on recently that's for sales. Are you going? You know, sales gone up? Oh, I don't probably. Who knows? I wonder if sales have gone up since he's assassinated the president.

Well, because the book is all about that too, right? The thing with Trump and everything like that. So it just seemed very convenient to me. Yeah. I don't know. Are people doing that? I think so. Probably. What scares me is with AI, like, have you been watching the videos coming out with

AI? Have you been watching the ones that are like, we're AI. This isn't real. We're AI. And it's like, dude, do you see the one that you're supposed to send your parents and grandparents? It's like, grandma, I'm not locked up by terrorists and I don't need money. I'm AI. And it's stuff directed towards old people so that I don't need money. I'm AI. And it's stuff directed towards old people so that they don't get scammed. That is so fucking, yeah. It's creepy. Yeah, we're entering into a very interesting time

that you can't really, there's no frame of reference for it. Well, it's like, You can't go, oh, they handled this great in the 1800s when it happened. Like, this is like crazy what's happening, yeah. Yeah, well, we're also at a time when critical thinking is an all-time low. IQs are like lower than ever.

People are- Here, here. Here. In these borders, yeah. Well, yeah, but we're like what matters most. For a little while. But also we're the most susceptible to misinformation. So if a fucking troll farm builds up something, sends it to to us, we're going to be like, can you believe this? And then everyone's going to the dominoes are going to fall from us, I think. I mean, China is going up. We're coming down. We're just, you know, isn't doesn't it almost feel like we're it's the end of our dominance and we're kind of throwing a temper tantrum right before we take the silver medal. You know? Well, it feels like we're like passing the baton, but kind of like that high school girl that hit the girl with the baton.

That's a perfect analogy, actually. It's actually a perfect analogy. That's exactly what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. It's the baton is being passed, but we're hitting China with the baton.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not willing, but we're passing it, but just in our own way. Yeah, I mean, you just, I mean, you look at the education numbers and you look at theirs, you look at ours, you know, we know which way this is going. Oh yeah.

Yeah, they do everything for the glory of China in the future, and we do everything for our own numbers. Everyone's like, what are the numbers on what I did? That's how we all just, future and we do everything for our own numbers. Yeah. Everyone's like, what are the numbers on what I did? That's how we all just, there's no like common American culture. Our grandparents all came here to loot. They're like, we came from wherever they're coming to get money. They're like, Oh, we heard the streets are paved

with gold. They came and started business, trying to get as much money as they can. There's no, you know, they're all psychopaths that left their families from wherever they were like, fuck you, I'm going to get money. Yeah. And that's just who we are. We worship money. I mean, I think, you know, if you want to compare things to history, I like to always look at the bright side. And I feel like migrants and, you know, Venezuelans

and all these like gangs coming over are like the new age Vikings. They're like, hey, let's go rape and pillage in America and they'll pay us for it. It's like if you and your boys were living in a third world country, wouldn't you be like, dude, let's fucking go to America. You get away with everything. It's great. I mean, good for them. They figured it out.

Yeah. I mean, that was an I. My next door neighbor is a he's a military guy. He's he's he's Coast Guard. He's NYPD. And he was working on that microcrime. It was really because, yeah, they were assigned to it. So he had to go up upstate and just like deal with them. And he's like, you have you you have no idea what's going on.

He's like, they're just, there's nobody has any plan. Nobody knows what to do. Just money is being thrown out. He's like, they're all being paid for, be put up at these hotels. They're getting all this assistance like for foods. So they get their like stipends or whatever it is. And they go to subway and they

just hang out at the subway all day and then they come back. He's like, they're all in the lobby of the hotel. They're just like, and then he's like, and then we're getting paid to overtime. We're getting paid. So the taxpayers are paying for them and paying for us and nobody has a plan to do anything. They were just like this waiting, holding pattern. So it was almost like you needed someone in some way, like Trump, to just be like, we gotta get him out. I mean, because it's like, what are you gonna do?

Well, yeah, Tom, what's the guy's name? Tom Holgeron Holleran, the guy who's in charge of the border now, the borders are, the new guy. He's like that kind of big fat guy that's like, he's like the no nonsense sheriff. Whole grim or something. Whole grim or something.

Whole grim or green, yeah. He was like, well, they put him in the hotels because if they're in the hotels, they can't be tracked and then taken care of and be turned around at the border. So they're basically like taken in, undocumented and sent to these cities and then they stay in the hotels and then all that money's pumped into that. And if it was by the law at the border, you don't have the proper paperwork. It's like, okay, well you go into an ICE detention center. Cause someone was like, well, why didn't you put him in ICE detention centers instead of, but you put him in the Roosevelt hotel. And

he's like, well, because then they can stay in the country on document for months and months and months and months at a time instead of being turned around right away. And then in Ireland, Ireland is fucking insane. This woman was doing like on the street reporting. She talked to this guy from Nigeria. She was like, so tell me, why are you here?

And he goes, oppression, I'm getting persecuted. And they go, well, what's the persecution goes? Gay. I'm gay. And she goes, you're gay. And he goes, gay, bisexual. Yes. And she goes, so do you like it here? He goes, yes. Government gives me money. I have a place to stay. I send the money back to my wife and kids. She goes, wife and kids. He goes, I'm a bisexual. I'm bisexual. I'm a bisexual. I'm bisexual. I'm a bisexual man. It was so funny to see this. I mean, probably most of them probably were just here trying to get better lives and stuff, but still it was funny that they were there was just no plan. It was just allowed to happen

and then yeah, then then then we were just all paying for it. Yeah, we were supposed to just all totally be cool with it. Yeah. Well, the whole reason it started to be like, hey, wait a minute, is when they started shipping them to important people's houses. Yeah, that's like, wait a second. When buses a migrant showed up on Martha's Vineyard, everyone was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, really funny. I mean, it was really, yeah, because they're like, so fucking let's send this and they're like, okay, well then you take them. Yeah. And they're like, well, we didn't say that part. Yeah. I just saw a video of this kid interviewing like black kids on the street and this fucking kid comes up, he's wearing a mask.

Fuck, I gotta find the video. But he was like, you're not allowed to be here. You should leave them alone. This is indigenous stolen land. He's like, yeah, well, you're on stolen land. He goes, and I shouldn't be here either. We both deserve to be robbed of everything. And a kid comes out the group and goes, give me your phone. And the kid's like, what? He's like, give me your fucking phone right now. And he goes, I use it for mutual aid. No. And then all these little kids come and go, give me $30. And the kids like, help, help. It was just so ridiculous how insane it is.

People have lost their fucking minds. Yeah. They've lost a grip of a reality. It's like everyone you got this idealism, but idealism is not reality. Yeah. You know? Well, have you played Canada? I mean, they flat out are like, Oh, we hate Indians. Oh my God.

Really? Oh yeah. Because they got a lot there. Yeah. Well, they, they fucking Trudeau shipped in so many so that they could all vote for his party. And then he got ousted and now they're like, uh-oh. Yeah.

What do we do? I did not know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have like a huge immigration problem up there and everybody is like too in on it. Yeah. Of how bad it is. Like that's like the second thing they'll say to you.

Like, hey, thanks for coming to Ottawa. Excited for the show. How about these fucking Indians? You're like, oh God. Yeah. I agree, but hey, cool. Yeah. Well, you know what it is? A lot of these first world countries have a birth rate problems. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody's having kids. So I mean, you look at Japan now. I mean, like, you know, when you get Ireland, the birth rate has exploded and it's only 4% Irish, it's 96% like Egyptian, Nigerian, Sudanese. It's crazy.

That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, you can understand that there's gonna be backlash. I mean, it's just how it goes. Yeah, but what's the answer? Like, how do you fix it? There's no, it's like no fixing. There's no answers to any of these problems.

There's only like trade-offs. Like they just really are. Cause these aren't like, you know, these aren't math equations. It's not like two plus two equals four. And you're like solution. It's like somebody's going to be upset. I don't know what you do,

but you got to figure something out. I don't know. Will you talk about this in your new special? Yeah. Ooh, nice segue. Yeah. Yeah. It's on YouTube right now. Go watch it called Property Owner. Property Owner out on YouTube. But how did you find building that material with playing it in obviously like you're talking about divisive stuff and you're talking to one group of people in the crowd that's like, yeah. And then the

other group's like, hey, wait, like how did you amend it so that it was just palatable to everyone? I think I did. My last special was kind of the same. Mom, love, I kind of did the same thing where I made fun of both sides. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's kind of a comics job, try to bring people together and show like, hey, see the other side. Yeah. Because we, it's become like they're crazy. It's like, but you don't, how much experience do you have in their shoes? Because then like, so the property owner, that's the theme is kind of like,

I'm a city kid, grew up in the city, liberal, grew up as liberal as you can, and then went and experienced. And then when you live in their shoes, you go, oh, these things just make sense. Anyone, they're cultural. They're just as much cultural.

And the culture is based, like culture always largely is, on the environment, right? You go to Miami and you're dressed all black. They're like, what are you doing? We're in Miami. It's like, it's hot down here. Put on some sequin, open your shirt up, put a chain on. And in New York, everyone's black and bundle. It's fucking cold and, you know, it's hot down here, put on some sequin, open your shirt up, put a chain on. And in New York, everyone's black and it's fucking cold and, you know, it's urban and

there's no beaches. Yeah. So the cultures are in some part based on the environment and, and then people form their beliefs based on that, you know? So it's like, nobody ever thinks about that. So everyone's just yelling at the other person, like, with this moral indignation without taking a second to think about that maybe these things work there, but not here, and they're different,

and different doesn't mean bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't necessarily mean bad. Yeah. So, yeah, I moved to the country and I learned some things. They're like, you don't really hear when you're just yelling about guns and stuff like that. Like, I'm for, I, I once said, like I'm pro gun and gun control, right? Cause like, that's what it should be. That's what most people used to be. Even Ronald Reagan, when

you was talking about how you need gun control and I had a joke, uh, you know, about like, you should have a gun, but like, it's crazy that the people in the country who need to worry about it the least, the crime, are the most paranoid. You know, people in the city, we get fucking mugged all the time. And it's ironic that people in the city are like, guns are bad. You're like, you're the one that needs one.

Protect yourself. I just started to learn how to box a Sergio because I can't have a gun. Yeah, you gotta defend yourself. But then people in the country are like, you need fucking 15 AR-15s. You're like, for what? Yeah. For what?

Is China going to invade your living room? Dude, you live. They're not going to, you know, that's not how it works. They come, they take the capital of the state and then they got the whole state. They don't go, oh, we forgot about 14 rednecks holed up in a Walmart back there. But they got, they'd also, if you think the government and a foreign entity is really coming, do you think your arsenal is going to stop fucking people programmed to kill with drone strikes and everything?

It's like futile. Yeah. But I firmly believe everybody should be allowed to have, I think everybody should be allowed a handgun and a shotgun. Yeah. The thing is people go, it's a mental health issue. It's like, yeah, it's a mental health issue. It's like, yeah, it's a mental health issue. Fine, that's the point.

You don't want mentally ill people to get guns. So it's like, it's just a, you guys are saying the same thing. You're going, it's a mental health issue. You're going, it's a gun issue. It's like, it's both. It's the gun in the hand of the mentally ill piece. You know what I mean? It's like, they're both, they're not mutually exclusive.

You know? Sometimes there's been times where a gun itself killed somebody. You ever hear those stories where kids playing with a gun, he drops it and it fucking fires. You're like, where was the bad guy then? Yeah. I mean, that's rare. But I mean, it is a tool used to kill people. Yeah. So it's both. But people just go mental health or so that's what happens when people don't like live in the shoes of the other side or have experience. Like nobody has any fucking experience anymore. They're just yelling on the Internet about issues and they have no fucking experience. They're talking about foreign policy. They never worked at the State Department. What's the exact same thing as a kid whose dad owned a construction company and then

that kid becomes the project manager. He's never worked on site, never picked up a hammer and then he goes to the job site and he's like, oh, you're doing this all wrong. You're not doing this. It's like, no, man, there are things that you need to experience to know like, well, you can't put it to spec here because of this situation here. And if you would work the job, you'd understand that. But you're just looking at it from this point of view and you're never going to fucking

get it. But then that guy's the one with all the fucking power. And then the guy on the job gets in trout, you know, it's like, nobody knows the exact experience of the other person, but we're all lying like we do. Right. And it's insane. Right. Everyone on the internet is just like, you know, just yelling. Well, and God forbid you go, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It's like

you have to know or else you're like terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just, I mean, that's just so I think it came from that. Just my experience, my honest experience of experiencing living in the country, coming from the city and seeing some of these things and going like, they're not as crazy as you guys think. And here's why. And then when you hear the reasons, you're going like, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Like, yeah, like, you know, where I live, there's like predatory animals that you have to be careful of.

You know, the cops aren't everywhere. So it's like, these are points that I make for why people in the country are like, want their guns. It makes total sense. And if any of these people who are like, left-wing or live in the city move out there, they're going to find themselves thinking the same things. Yeah, not so as like, shoot a gun, you'll probably like it. You'll probably like it. But you're going to go like, we should probably get one of these things because fucking, you call the cops, it's not like they come in three minutes.

That's how it is here too. Yeah, yeah. The cops takes forever to come in the city as well. Yeah, yeah. But I mean out there it's like forever. Living in the middle of nowhere? Yeah. So you got shot when you were younger,

did that affect your idea of gun control? It did, I mean not as much as growing up in the city and just growing up with sort of more of a left family you know but yeah I mean it did I mean I like I said I'm I understand the nuance and I think both are good I think owning a gun is good and I think you know controlling what people can have is good I don't think people should have you know military-grade weapons or, you know, weapons that are unreasonable. You know, you have to, you have to, you know, it's like every, every government control is because someone did something bad.

Like, should we just get rid of TSA? Is that infringing on everyone's rights? You know, it's like, chances are nothing's gonna happen. I think we should change TSA. Yeah, but I mean just security at the airport. Right, right. You know what I mean? It's like things like that happen because we always, if you live in a society, you have to slow, the slowest people always fuck it up.

Yeah. But what are you gonna do? Throw them all in the river? Yeah, maybe. I mean, that's what the Spartans did. I think that's a solution. They were like, this one's weak, boom. This one's stupid, boom. But if you think that's a solution. They were like, this one's weak. Boom. This one's stupid.

Boom. But if you're evolved and you have a heart or whatever, you got to take care of them. So you're always searching for some sort of balance, homeostasis. That's what nature always wants is balance. And so you got to do a little control, a little freedom, and then vacillate according to the times. But it's funny, cause even saying, look, guns are fine, but I don't think everyone

should have a military grade weapon. You're still gonna get people that are like, oh, fuck you, you fucking liberal fucking cuck pussy. And then, what? No, I'm on your side. It's just, let's cool it. And then someone will still get shot or something, what happens, they'll go see? Or somebody will take their car and ram it into a bunch of people and say, let's cool it. And then someone will still get shot or something will happen, they'll go see.

Or somebody will take their car and ram it into a bunch of people and say like, let's ban cars. And you're like, you can't talk to these people. I mean, cars most are used for driving. We can't get rid of them. And it's about mitigation. It's not about like, you're not gonna get rid

of like the guns, that's extreme. Or even if you did, yeah, people will find a way to get them and they'll still do crime and bad things will happen because that's reality. This is God's beautiful planet. And it's just, it's not that great. It's balanced. It's good and bad here. Bad things happen and they will happen. You just want to mitigate. Well, bad things always happen. You can't stop bad things from happening, but it seems like we're like not even prepared to deal with them when they do. Like anyone that hasn't, I feel like we have more access to information now more than ever, which should let you know

that like the world is a cruel place. It's bad. Things are terrible. But then it's like when actual bad things happen, people like freak the fuck out to the point of like, Harry, shouldn't you know that this was gonna happen? Well, people just get right to yelling at each other when something bad happens. They get right to tying it to whatever their cause is, and they just are owning each other.

Something happens, they don't even care about the person. Yeah, they own, you gotta own them. Yeah, you gotta own. So if like some. Something happens, they don't even care about the person. Yeah, they own. You gotta own them. Yeah, you gotta own them. So if like some school shooting happens, immediately, if they find out the person was mentally ill, people on the right are going, fucking see? And if the person ends up using an AR-15, they go, fucking see? Nobody cares about the victims or the... Yeah, I know. Meanwhile, I'm in the middle just praying the guy's not white. We can't take another one, guys. Come on. It's a bad look for us, brother.

And nobody's looking for a solution. They're just looking to own the other side. That's all everyone's looking to do. They're just trying to dunk on each other. My favorite is like during like, because we have to have news all the time. You have to have 20 fucking news trucks at the sight of something and everyone has to speculate. Nobody can just shut up and go, look, we don't have anything else to say. But when they start going off on like that van there, could that have been the van that the killer parked to end up getting their arsenal ready to go into the school and shoot and kill unarmed children? Is that the van? And then it turns out like a car moves. It's just some guys painter van and like, that's not the van over here.

They just have to keep fucking talking no matter what. And they're just shutting the fuck up and letting it play out. Yeah. It's fucking insane. Yeah. God, Ted Kaczynski was right. Yeah.

This is all terrible. We're just in like horrible, shocking things now. It just, it's like, we're, it's almost like, you know, when you, you get so much of something, you need more, right? Like your tolerance builds up. We've kind of gotten that way with entertainment. We have so much of it. Our tolerance has got way more, faster, quicker. Now true crime. But yet still no one will watch anything on Peacock. No, they just won't. They won't. But now people, like everyone's in a true crime, which is we're just all watching girls get

murdered and we're loving it. Netflix, the scheduling and programming for Netflix is bought out for the next four years of true crime documentaries. We're going to run out of content. Pretty soon we're going to need guys to go kill chicks to create more murders just to to go kill chicks to create more murders just to just to meet the fucking demand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like we're running low. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's a precious mineral. We're not doing comedy anymore. Yeah. Pivoting to murder. I'm going to get a Netflix.

Our economy is based on murder. I mean, everyone's fighting over uranium and all these minerals. It's like, fuck it. Who's doing the most murder? We need content. But it's crazy because people still get in the cars of strangers every single night when they call Uber and like put themselves in terrible positions. Thank God for those people giving us the entertainment we need. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Like this. Yeah. I mean, we just we need stupid people. We need murderers. Yeah. Because we need to be entertained. Well, that's my go to in hotel rooms is forensic files. It's so good. It's so addictive. It captivates. I like it because it is, it is a beginning, middle, and end. Something happened. Let's speculate what it was.

We figured out who it was and we use science to find it. And the guy's voice is very therapeutic, but you know, let me tell you, I've started to bring a Bluetooth speaker with me on the road because banging a girl to forensic files is not a good look. It really gets in the way when you're trying to make love with a girl you've met in Detroit and in the background here and then they found a boy's head in the man's belly. Yeah. Like, oh God.

It's not R&B, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a wild time. I mean, you know, we're overstimulated. Yeah. Overstimulated and fucking jacked up and pretty soon. We're gonna be useless Ten years AI is coming in. It's gonna be weird. Do you want to know the saddest fucking thing? I played a stand-up live in Phoenix I get picked up by the driver and we're driving from the airport to the hotel and he goes Ian Ian

Look out the window. Tell me what you see. Like, all right. I look and it's like 45 driverless cars, those Neo, whatever's and he goes 45. I counted them. I go, wow, that's crazy. He goes, yeah, they're going to take my job soon. And I was like, Oh God, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. It's crazy. Just mapping out which one is gonna take his job. I heard already in Hollywood, like when they're making stuff, they just have AI write the script, and then they hire a couple writers for cheaper

to just come in and like tweak it and humanize it a little bit. And that's all they're gonna do. Have you seen like Google, what is it, VEO? Or you may know that, what is it? It's nuts. You can just prompt and make an actual movie. Yes. With actors. Yep. And they were doing accents and everything. The whole, you can't even

tell it's fake. And I mean, this is just the beginning of it. So when it keeps getting better, I mean, it's just going to look like an actual, you won't be able to tell the difference between a real movie and one that was made by AI. And they're gonna do it, because it's so much cheaper. For a movie, it's news stories. Actual, it's gonna turn, like, things on the internet are gonna turn into a LARP of something that wasn't even real, never even existed, and then actual humans are gonna show up

and fight and kill each other over something that isn't real. It's happening. It's probably, that's probably, maybe that'll be our only purpose. I mean in advertising already, it used to be you needed a creative director and an art director, I mean you need a creative director, you need a copywriter and you need an art director. Now you just type in the scene that you want. They take an AI actor, hot chick, that used to be a

model you'd have to pay. AI just makes this beautiful woman that looks 100% real and they just create the app. Well, dude, I gotta get fucking married. I can't be on these dating apps falling in love with some chick that I'm like, wow, she really likes me and she's not even real. Yeah, you gotta get. I'm fucked and I'm going bald. I gotta find someone now.

Your hair's held on to the same spot for years. It has not moved back. Yeah. I don't think it's going anywhere I fingers crossed your lips of God's ears. You can't get hair tits. Shout out the other. No, I'm not he got tips No, but he calls him hair tits and I just always call them hair tits from now on. Oh Hair plugs you see the videos of the guys in the turkey airport Turkey airport? They're all just sitting there with head injuries. It's crazy. It's crazy. But they've kind of like fixed it. Like you can grow hair back.

It's like AI. It was shitty at first and now it's like whoa this is real. It's just like you guys got a full head of hair now. I'm not doing it. You're not doing it? No. You wouldn't even just pull it up? Nope. Yours wouldn't even be that much. Just pull it right out? I'm going gray. I'm going bald. I'm going winky. You're not even, yeah, this is not even bald. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. You got a full head of hair. What about now? It's still even slight. It's all right. Yeah, but you could patch that up easy if

you wanted. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let me tell you, if things don't work out with a gal, that's the first thing they love to throw on my face. So are you for- Can't believe I got dumped by a bald guy. they love to throw on my face. So I can't believe I got dumped by a bald guy, a balding bisexual old guy. Are you going for marriage female or male or like what do you, is it going person? You're just going to go with the person. I would like to, but I was talking to my cousin and she was like, dude, just live your life. You're enjoying yourself. Don't settle down right now. I, I would like to go the route of like settle down and have a family, but I also know me and I know I'm, I get distracted so easily and I don't think that I'd be the best

long-term partner father right now. So I'm not doing that, but that's the goal. That's what I would like to do. You know, when did you settle down? How old are you? 48. Damn. God damn good. Jesus Christ. Well, we've been together 11 years and then we got married six years ago.

That's cool. Six, six or seven years ago. Oh. So it comes with pros and cons. Yeah. it's a, it comes with pros and cons. It's a job. It's pros and cons, but I think at a certain point, it's a good thing. It's a good thing for what we do, especially otherwise.

I mean, I have that anchor and foundation is just so nice and wonderful. Something to come back to. Yeah, I got these cats and one of them fucking scratched my face today. It's like, I'm getting no love. You know, that's awesome, man. I think that's great.

Yeah. I'd like to do it, but I think right now I'm at a point where I, you know, maybe it's an excuse, but I'm on the road all the time and it's like finding a foundation right now is like very tough. No, that's why I think it's challenging for what we do. It's very hard. I think it's very, very hard. And you have to choose. It's hard to do both. It really is.

If you want to do it right, if you want to be like a present father, you're going to compromise. And it's just- And I'm not willing to compromise. Yeah. So that's fine. I mean, I think it's like, yeah, I think it's like, whatever. Is there one way to live? I don't think so. No. And everything's got pros and cons. I've never, I've never, I've never experienced one thing that was all pros. There's always a check that comes. I have. You pay before

or the check comes after, but you pay. Already? Yeah. I've experienced something that's all pros and I had to pay with it with a check. Hookers. Hookers. No, you're right. You're right. There's not, it's not all one or the other. And that's something, it's so funny because I'm such a fucking hypocrite. I preach all the time. I'm like, it's about balance. It's not one or the other. We gotta get rid of these extremes. And then I

like live in black and white thinking. I have to have a family and settle down or I have to be this. And it's like, so what is that Sandler movie where he's like, uh, coming to the gray area, it's comfortable over here. He has a line about living in the gray. Fuck. What movies that? I don't know. Figure it out at home. But yeah. Oh yeah. The redoing happy Gilmore too.

What do you think of that? It's going to be great. Like fucking old guys still out there. Yeah. That's a good thing about a golf movie is like you can, you can do, I mean, they're still athlete. Technically you can play the sport at 60. Are you a golf guy? No, I'm a drive guy. I can drive it. Yeah. 198 last weekend in Alpharetta. Not bad. Were you always into it? No, no, I just hit it as hard as I can. Yeah. I actually, I, the furthest just hit it as hard as I can.

Actually, the furthest I hit it was Happy Gilmore style. Running up and just whacking it. But I have no direction or anything. It's such a frustrating game. But yeah, no, I'm not into it. I like your cigarette menorah. Thank you. I just noticed that.

Isn't that cool? Yeah, that's very cool. Thank you. I have to play something for you before we go. I should have had it queued up, but I'm going to keep talking. But it's from, we did a road gig years ago. Do you remember with Bobby Kelly, Chris Scopo in Rhode Island? Yeah. And it's where I learned from you to carry a bag of, to use stage shoes and keep them clean. Oh yeah, that's what I do.

Because you gave me shit because my shoes were like dirty. Like, dude, you're going on stage, you're gonna look good. And I was like, oh fuck, that's stupid. And then I thought about it and dude, I don't know if you saw when we walked in, I have like seven pairs of the same Air Maxes. Yeah, I know that that's- And one of them are like my stage shoes that I put in a bag because you

you would like a crown royal bag. Yeah. These Air Jordans are because those are I know those are your those are you. Yeah. You always have those. Yeah. Yeah. I have street shoes and I have fucking goddamn stage shoes.

Yeah. Because of that gig. And I also know we got in trouble with Bobby because, uh, we were giggling, eating like snooze or something. And he was like, when you're on stage, you shut your mouth and wait, you tend to talk to it. I was like, but we just wanted nicotine. Okay. Ready? This was on the way up. I don't know if you remember this shit, but, uh, this is from September 22nd, 2017. And this is Yana said it and it's true. Never forget. It's one of the greats.

Yeah, that's right. One of the unknown greats. You heard it here first. You said I'm one of the greats, one the unknown greats and I remember being like hold on to that You say one little thing. I didn't even mean it. You can clearly see in the video we were joking around about something. I don't remember what it was. It probably even had nothing to do with comedy.

You probably farted and I was like, Ian's one of the greats. I know how that is though. Once in a while, you just need to hear a nice thing. Just need to hear a nice thing. You know, that's why I tell my wife just once in a while, a nice thing would be nice. Just a nice, there's just no nice things. It's always like, did you do this? Can you do that? Did you do this? Why didn't you do that? I know it's cliche, but it's so true. It's just like once in a a while, it's going, hey, you're great. It just feels so fucking good.

Cause it's true, we're all great. Why not? Who's judging? Well, it feels good to be appreciated and to make it feel like the work you're doing is not for nothing. And you're doing great. So I was right.

Yeah. And you too. I was great. You too. No, but you were always like, like when you, I remember I saw you, I think I probably saw you the first earlier on, like maybe a bar show, but then I know definitely at Greenwich. Dude, I used to sneak into Greenwich and watch you from the back. Like I always thought you were just so fucking funny and like a fucking Greek

Brooklyn, Bill Hicks in the way that you would like make these like commentaries and make it so fucking funny. Like I don't know if you still do it, but you had this bit about going to sushi with your friends and putting the phone down and that being like a timer. That was on my Comedy Central half hour. Dude, I just remember watching that. I'm like, fuck. Like it was just, and then one night, I don't know if you remember, but you like, people were being like shitty and you were like, I'm not getting off. And every time you guys talk, I'm taking more time back.

So you just like, I was like, yeah, fuck that. Woo, credit for life. Like yeah. No, but I remember seeing you going like, oh, like this guy's getting big. Cause you yourself had such a presence and were like really funny. And I was like. I remember seeing you going like, oh, like this guy's getting big because you're so had such a presence and were like really funny. You're very sweet.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I've always enjoyed your comedy and everything you have to say. And I'm so excited you got a new special out. And history hanging as his back is huge. So many people were so pumped about that.

Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. It seems like things are great, man. Things are good. Family's healthy. I mean, you know, just grateful things right now. Things are good. That's awesome. Family's healthy. I mean, you know, just grateful. Things are right now.

Things are good. Live in the moment. Live in the moment. Live deep in the moment. Balls deep in the moment. Balls deep in the moment. Balls deep in the moment. That's right.

The future hasn't happened. The past is over. And also the future never happens. You ever think about it? You're always in the present. You move into the future in the present. There is no future. It's always the present. Well, you know why they call it the present, right? Because it's a gift.

Because it's a gift. That's right. Are you touring a new hour? Are you going out on the road? Yes. Yeah, I got dates. Where can people see you? What do you want them to check out? Yeah, go to my website, Yanis Papis, comedy.com. I think there's a bunch of dates up there. I'll be on the road every other weekend in this summer. Providence. Where else am I? I don't even remember. But maybe I'll pull it up. But we don't have time. Pull it up! Pull it up! Make an edit it quick. Do it! Why not? Let the people know. They gotta go see you. Edit this part out. Keep it in. We're real.

We're real. Present in the moment. This is what the moment is. I am so fucking disorganized. It's not always perfect and it's not always great. But the moment is R-E-A-L. Okay. Providence, January 11th and 12th, Tampa, August 15th, 16th, Bakersfield, California, Toronto, Tulsa, Bozeman, Montana, and Stanford,

Connecticut. Watch my special property owner and history hyenas, the podcast with me and Chris. Yes. It's wonderful. So glad you came in. Thank you. You can find me on the road, ianfidance.com. This weekend, I am in Charlotte, North Carolina, then Wilmington, North Carolina,

um, June 27th to 28th Tacoma, Washington, 29th Spokane. Then I'm in Oklahoma city, Addison, Minneapolis, Chicago. Come on out. I got a ton of dates. Ianfidance.com for all my dates through 2025, patreon.com slash B and E and pod for bonus episodes, early episodes. You know the deal and punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. She just recorded her special. She's out on the

road running all new. Check it out and we'll see you next week. We love you. Thanks for tuning in. Bye bye. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what you say anymore