Bein' Ian With Jordan - Dan Gets A Haircut W/DSG | Bein' Ian with Jordan #192

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

Daddy Dan is back in the Den to talk about his fresh new look and mispronounce more names, Ian's got a movie coming out in April, & the boys talk about their favorite fictional universes. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/SKA Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow DSG! https://instagram.com/danst.germain Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in Life is shit which you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being Ian With Jordan You look like One of the more dangerous

You look like one of the Pikey brothers From the movie Snatch Oh dude What is that Thing under your nose Oh you got it Oh now it's on your finger Oh is there blood on your hand

What is happening? Wait wait wait wait What is happening? Wait wait I've been seen you in two months And you look like you just escaped A mental ward What the fuck?

You look at Look like you were mad to cut your hair. But instead of shaving your head, you're like, I have to cut it into a mullet. The aliens won't get through my head if I haven't shortened the front, long in the back. Where did you come from? Did you quit comedy and become an orderly and old photo? Mr. Raymond, your medicine, ready? I understand I'm dressed like a nurse right now.

Oh, my God. And I got this hole in my pants. It's getting worse. Oh, I think I'm lumpy. Wait, you got a lump? No, no, my balls are hanging out. Yeah. Should I check?

And how come your mustache is cut so perfectly above your left? I'm supposed to play jelly roll on Tuesdays, so you got me just for some subway sketch with Marcus Monroe. Yeah, it should be fun. Hopefully we can still do it. So wait, were you acting today? What is this? Why are you in medical scrubs? Okay.

The reason, this is fake blood. I was doing homeless pimp. I was doing two sketches, homeless plimp. One required fake blood. Yep. Shout on homeless plimp, as Dan just said. Michael Evan, homeless plimp. And then the second thing, I had to, it's going to be out,

but I played Stephen Hawking's nurse talking about the Epstein Island stories. But I had to wear, we had to go to the hospital and I had to wear this. And then I got a, afterwards I got the haircut like jelly roll because I had time. And now I'm here. And I got four shows tonight. I'm back, baby. Yeah, Dan is back. And we're back.

We'll do another episode of Beat Ian with Jordan. Jordan is, who knows, but we are here. We are here hanging, banging, banging, slanging, having fun. Is everything all right? What's going on? Yeah, things are fun. She just got off her bus to her and then went in communicato, you know. That sounds about, uh, sounds about right.

Yeah, you know, not like us. We work and we work and we keep going. Yeah. You just said that while you pulled out a pastry? A pastry, yeah. A brownie. Where did my vape go? Oh, what happened?

Oh, thank gosh. My red, white and blue. No way. Really? My rainbow sherbert. You know they have games in those now. You can play games in vapes. It's really bothering me how much they cut above your lip.

It's really, because you don't have a lip. It's really creepy. It looks like you're wearing someone's face. Does it? Yeah. No, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

It's like they tried to give you a lip and then halfway through it realized you don't have. one and they were like well we've gone too far oh boy your wife must love you son i just gave him the jelly roll picture and i told him to do it my wife's not happy oh i can only imagine she is not happy with this oh because she wants a huge mustache she wants a lot of fur she wants normal hair oh she wants a lot of fur she wants a lot of fur she does not she does not want the the shaved down mullet stuff you know but you know this is my fucking, I'm the white jerseky baby. So you just did this for a sketch?

Yeah, but I can, it's an easy one to fix. Mm-hmm. You know, so. Yeah. You look like you're about to beat me to death. You like, the way you're staring at me right now looks like you have a secret that you know that I was like doing bad business deals about you or something. Yeah.

Okay. Here, that's enough. Glad you're in the scrubs because you're going to go back to the hospital, buddy. Did I tell you I almost gotten to, I never fucking. getting to fights. I never get into fights, and I almost got to a fist fight on Sunday night. No way.

Where? What happened? Let us know. Frederick Maryland, guys. Fill everyone in on what's been going on with Dan. Well, I have cancer. It's not looking good. No, I was in Frederick Merrill.

And I was doing this room that I love doing cellar door, Ryan Nesser. Have you ever done it? Frederick? We should do it. It's a really fun. And it's a great meal, too. So if you're ever in there. But this guy...

Go over the comedy. Stay for the meal. Stay for the meal. This guy came with his girlfriend. And it was one of those things where he was like a liberal, older white guy between me and my dad's age. Gag, Gag, Gap, Gawfey, Strong.

Yeah. And he was out with his girlfriend, but I think it was like one of the first days. She was a black lady. So like he had to do the fucking... Time for me to impress you with how fucking woke I am. Oh, no. Like one of those.

And what happened? Well, the guy was so drunk. You didn't listen to my set. And then I told him to shut the fuck up because he kept talking. And then he started calling me an ice agent. And that flipped me out because I didn't even gotten a haircut yet. Yeah, yeah. No, but I had just done 15 minutes of political stuff.

So he had listened to my... Against. Not against, but just, like, clearly you could tell that I wasn't weaning that way. And so that made that... So then I stopped, I was like, you haven't listened to one fucking joke half yet. And he's like, he's like, fuck you, you're in ice. And then she stepped up and I said, let me tell you something, woman.

I wouldn't fucking hit a woman, all right? But I will beat him twice as fucking... hard, okay? And then I started You really did that? I did. I did I did. And then I got on my, I put my hands together because he started going and saying, so I said, I pray to the Lord that you hit me right now so I'm

able to beat you to death in front of all of these people. And I was like, and you better be, and if you're waiting out there too. And then she stepped up again. I said, lady, I can't hit you, but I will fucking cripple him now. Daniel. Because you did this. Oh my God. And then like he started talking again. I said, motherfucker, my, no, motherfucker. My mom died

three years ago and I've just been looking for a face to take it out on. And, you know, that was it. Wow. Good for you. Now, was my show Friday canceled because of low attendance? Yes. Could that have done something to do with the Sunday?

Yes. Would you have followed through? With him? Yeah, yeah. If he stepped you, would you would. Oh, if he touched me. And go, get some. Yeah, I would have fucked him out pretty bad.

I don't think I'm like the toughest guy in the world. I could beat you up, but like not, you know. many people. He's scrappy though, guys. He's scrappy. He's scrappy. You just stumbled over all those analogies. I had to talk slower before it came out wrong.

Where you tonight? Are you anywhere tonight? Are you hanging out? Dude, I'm off and I couldn't be happier. Do you want to come with me into the stand, hanging out? What time? I'm there all night right after this.

My friend's band is playing down the street at 11, so a bunch of friends are coming over and we're going to walk to the gig. But it's at 11. Well, I've got, I mean, all I'm doing is, at the stand and then I go back to Jersey. Well, I was going to go to the gym after this, then go to the grocery store,

I guess. Get some food, meal prep, because I'm in town for a little. And, you know, um... How long are you in town for? I'm not on the road again until April 11th. That's great for you. I'm so excited. That's a month.

I just went to the woods for like four or five days. Where the woods? Like upstate New York? Upstate, Hudson Valley. Oh, beautiful. Amazing. Shout out West. Beautiful. Cabin went with my gal.

What a great time. You have a gal. It's like a gal gal now. You and I haven't talked in a while. I know you. I never, here's the thing I hear from you. You are, uh, you know,

I don't even know. I'll get every, I'll get text every once in a while from Dan that goes, we're really in it with Iran. And then that's it. The thing about me and Ian, when we don't talk for a while, things are either drastically better or drastically worse.

And things like things are better. It things are better when we are. not close. No, that's amazing. So who's this girlfriend? Oh, we can talk about it later. Okay. All right.

Well, I'm excited. I get to hear, you know, about this mystery. Yeah. Why didn't say it was a woman? A mystery they? It's a woman. Okay. Anyway.

That's how much of a question you, Mark, you are sexually, that I just wanted to be supportive. with whatever you picked. Did I tell you in grade school? I was only allowed to ask two questions a day because I was so... I 100% believe that. But did you know that... 100% believe that?

That another kid was relegated to two questions a day, and he was black, and his parents said that the school was being racist. So they brought a lawyer into school, and they were in the principal's office. And you guys blew each other in the back room. That was the other black kid. I was like, oh, only two questions. Okay, here's the first one. When will you finish?

Second. Where will it be? So I, he was only allowed to ask two questions. Show and do tell. They called him down to the principal's office. His family's in there with a lawyer. There's another lawyer. The headmaster, like, principals there.

And they call me down. I walk in. There's all these people in this office. And they go, Ian, we, we just brought you. We want to ask you, how many questions are you allowed to ask a day? And I go, two. and they go, okay, thank you. And I left.

And then they just, like, didn't have a case. Because it turns out they weren't racist. They were basically like, no, no, no. Your son's annoying. You were the sacrificial white. Yeah. You were the stat white. Yeah.

Why was he not allowed to talk? I can only understand why you weren't allowed. You were probably asking all the dumb shit. I was, no, no, no. I just asked a bunch of questions and that he would ask questions that were like annoying. I was annoying too But we were only allowed to ask two questions And then me and him got in a fight one day at recess

Yeah well he would make Are you looking for your vape again? No, yeah I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs I'll race you I'm Ian Fythans Hey how are you And each week I'm in different towns across the country Doing stand-up comedy

And to keep me from rotting in my bed Or putting a gun to my head I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got to rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there.

How long have you been working here? He would, um, he really made fun of me bad. And this construction worker at the house was like, you know what you got to do? Next time he makes funny you, you run up and punch him in the back of the head. and was like oh okay so he made fun of me like it's a john donnelly special by the way oh because he got sponge at the back of the head no he could that was his move when he was he was getting a fight once and like the guy was like hey fuck you and he hit him in the back they ever were fighting earlier in the night they were separated and then sean saw up they were getting ushered out at the same time and then

shawlsous hilarious hitting him on the way out yeah this construction worker was like you know you got to do you got to take up for yourself i was like yeah he goes punch him in the back of the when he's walking away. And I was like, okay. So I was just like in sixth grade and I just ran up and fucking socked him. And then I ran immediately behind the gym teacher. I was like, help me. Why was he pissed?

Yeah, he got sucker punched. Yeah. How did that end? Do you guys just... Dude, we ended up having to go to the principal's office and then we went on a school trip and we squashed it and became friends for like... You know, when the two kids... The two kids you can't read.

put aside their differences. There's some real beautiful things that can happen. Do you ever fight with someone and then you guys become friends? Yeah, I probably have. Yeah, a little bit. I remember one guy I was like picking on and he beat me up. You were picking on a kid. It was the first time I was giving it to someone else.

And then he got the life hero movie. So the first time I went heel, it didn't work out. but you know serves me right what'd you pick on him for uh his parents died in 9-11 I just took it no I think being short I forget what it was hey that's our 9-11 that's our 9-11 being short is hour 9-11 oh this is

wouldn't this be a cool tattoo no man you have enough you got a new one right what did you get like a phoenix what did you get on your back oh I got a leaper holding a woman you showed it on the I showed it on the pod? Dude, you should show it Red Dragon style right now. Why, what's that?

You know, Red Dragon, the movie, where he takes it, he gets naked, and the serial killer shows his whole tattoo, and he goes, do you see? Do you see? And then he kills. Well, not completely naked, but let's see this fucking... I've seen it in pictures that you've sent me. And then I'm like, fucking Tehran. Wow.

God damn. It's cool, man. It's cool. Oh my God, like, do it again. I think I see this Virgin Mary. Do you see? Do you see? Do you see? Do you see? It was a great book.

Thomas Harris, guys, Red Dragon, aka Man Hunter. They've made two movies and a TV show. Two, one great movie, one good movie and then a really great TV show. Do you think you'll ever get a tattoo? Yeah, I think I was going to get my dead dog's name on my fucking... Quixie, what's the name? Falky, thank you for listening. I appreciate it.

How was your parrot doing? Wait, Falki, really? Falki died, the older one. Valki. Falki. Perfect strangers? No, he's Bronson Pinchot stole. Wait, what was it?

Is he going to be on the show? This is his name. You should get Bronson Pinchot. Dream guest. Dream guest. And Curtis Leela. Curtis Gila must be very obtainable to get here. He's got to be able to do the pod.

Dude, there's no way you can't. I think I could get him for this pod. I mean, you could just be like, sir, we're doing blood work at this basement today. And he'd be like, okay, whatever you say, nurse. Oh, well, just use the cat angle. All right, no, cats. Oh, I love cats. Dude, when I was in Denver, I went to a cat cafe.

Oh, and they all came up to me and were just like... Is it a code or? Oh, no, it's a, what cafe where there's cats everywhere? Yeah, you've never... What are you doing? It's a new trick I've learned How to dominate conversation Guess what?

We're going to talk about what I want Of conversation Dude, that kid He's an asset They say he's getting funded by Teal Why? Peter Tealton, nobody knows This doesn't really have any political opinions

What do you mean? He was the one of that he got Why would he be an asset? I have no fucking idea But you just said they said he's an asset They said yes, there's a Who's they and why do you think? Well, the internet is they

and Peter Thiel has a lot of connections to that guy and people are wondering why. Right, but what's your opinion? Why do you think you would be an asset? I really don't know. An asset for what? I don't know because I do think Nick Fuentes is an asset. I 100% think that guy's an asset.

So what? For what? Nick Flindes, I think is CIA. Or I think Nick Fuentes is CIA. Yeah, I think he's or he got to pass. I have two reasons. One was right after January 6th, he basically had all those people.

read their name IDs on them. They all got fucking killer harsh sentences. He got nothing. He told people to go in there, but he didn't go in himself. And then this past, there was the whole issue with him and clavicular and what was the guy? The other, the black dude who was just in the Manusphere, Myron Gaines and a few other, and Justin Waller and fucking Tate. They had that whole Heil Hitler thing. and Nick was like getting all those guys to say hi Hitler and sneako's channel got dinged

fucking um clavicular got ding clavicular's been in nothing but like these crazy like people been like he's been getting taken to the police precinct like all the time like he just like was firing a dead out like for stuff that nobody would get arrested for he was firing a what again he was just shooting at a dead alligator the other day but um but my point is is that like flintas also should have been a should have seen some consequences there so those are two situations to row where everyone but flentes got consequences also fwentes all of a sudden became very pro Venezuela you know no he's not he was he was neocon he was pro toppling venezuela that's like the most neocon wincey graham fucking thing ever so once has got everything

taken away what first he did but then you know but that's also that's that's That's also a deep state tactic. You know, like, hey, we're going to take the shit away. Now you want some stuff back. You know, it's nothing. I'm not saying anything that particularly new, you know, like, but, you know, I mean, a lot of people were assets, whatever the fuck that means. Like who?

I mean, there's tons of people that have, have, like, for instance, like the big thing now is people are talking about Chappelle Rhone being possibly. Chapel. Chapel. Oh, Chapel? Oh, man. was it was like when Ian Laro was here and I said something stupid Oh you're like Fitty Fitty this is Fitty all over again

Chap Chappelle Rone Chappie Rone H-O-T-R-A-N-Y But yeah so why would Chaparone Well no it's just one of these things where she was you know She went to the fucking private elite art school That Epstein used to pick girls from and Dalton No, this was a summer camp. He had a bunch of different programs.

But you know the famous, the famous photo of Jolaine and Epstein at the cabin that's at the summer camp, apparently that Chappelle Rhone used to go to. Chapel. Chappelle Rhone. Chappelle Rhone. When you say asset, what do you mean? Like, if she were to be an asset, an asset for what? What is she?

You know, like an FBI informant, but because like, you know, like, well, that's the rumor about Jay-Z, right? Is that like, okay. Right, but you keep jumping from one thing to another to another without giving concrete. Well, all I'm saying is that she's connected to that world. And I mean, if you really want to go down, if you really want to go down the fucking crazy. Yeah, I do want to go down. The crazy highway. Okay, there is some belief that there is some, you know, satanic symbology and the occult within all these

pop groups. And it's not necessarily from her, but from their handlers. Now, I don't know if that's true with her, but I'm saying that she's not, she's not like, she didn't come out of nowhere. You know, it's just like Taylor Swift didn't come out of nowhere. Yes, she did. Her father was a VP of Merrill Lynch. Had records, like, had albums out.

You didn't hear what I just said. You just said, her father was a VP of Merrill Lynch. So what? I mean, so that means that she has access in a way that's like, that's beyond money to record out exactly well that's part of right but that but that doesn't mean that she's a government what do you think happens for these people with money they get like this is why build a bird group bohemian grove uh you know even the g8 summit you know like like when you have a bunch of people who are rich get together they just start talking about you know because they're able to pull the strings they're able to network and it it's it doesn't necessarily have to be as insidious as people say although i do think that there are probably an underground group of Satan I do think that's true. Taylor Swift came out of nowhere, man.

She came out to nowhere. Her dad is a VP of Merrill Lynch. It's like, yeah. And so he probably like got her recording studio time. And then like had the ability to not have her in school and put her here and there. Maybe like that her asset help fund her music career. Fentes is an asset. And I'm just saying that like all of these people are swing because it's like,

hey, guess what? Well, that one's easily explainable. Well, Chablerone, again, go back to Chabbarone. What would she be an asset for? Like what? I don't know. Maybe I misspoke on the asset part there. But she's connected.

But she is connected to what? She's connected to the fact that like these are where all the elites fucking hang out, dude. Like it's like what's all send our kids to the, what's in the most talented people in the world like to the summer camp? Like Metzker talks about it. He does a way better job of it than I do. But everything from like, you know, MK Ultra to Project Monom. which product monarch they talked about like the CIA infiltration of of possibly you know young pop acts and and you know how at that time everyone had a butterfly tattoo like the girl there's a tramp stamp the lower like girl lower that's like it's project monarch it's it's you're changing into something like it's i think you got to go back to the hospital oh my god so you're saying tramp stamps were a mark of project monarch

I'm not saying that all of the time. It doesn't necessarily, it's not like an official thing, but you start something and then it keeps going, you know? Right, but if you're not on life of its own. But, but if, okay, so then. I like Chappelle Rhone, by the way. Chapel, chapel. Her name is chapel. Okay.

Chappie. Chaps, chepstick. So if she were to be an ass out. You're really chapping my ass right now. Is that why she is, like, in the news all the time, like people seem to really be going at. after her and like it seems like there's a fucking axe on her back. Yep.

For any little thing she does. You have both because, you know, like, even with this thing, it seems, well, that stuff, she just was really mean on the red carpet. So people like just tearing a woman down, you know, like, that's always going to be there too. But she is apparently, she's kind of a difficult on, she's a painly ass. But a lot of people are. She was just really nice to Abby from Love on the Spectrum. What do you think of that?

I mean, I stand corrected. Yeah, good. I'm glad. Are you, is this the girl that you're dating? Chapel. Is it chappy Rhone? Yeah. Are you dating Chappie Rhone?

She's H-T-O-G-O-G-O. Wait, H-T-T-O-G-O. That was her, too? H-O-T-T-O-G-O. Yeah, yeah. How's it go? H-O-T-T-O-G-O. to go, yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that was her. I like her other songs better, I think. What are her other songs? It's the pink pony club. How come everyone says, how come everyone says, oh, Taylor Swift's an asset? Chapel Rones an asset. Why did this not happen in the late 90s? Why was no one going Natalie and Brulie is an asset?

Well, I mean, what, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's go back to the fucking British invasion, motherfucker, 1960s. You know, you have the- You think the Beatles were an asset. Well, not an asset, but they're part of us. There's a rumor that they were part of a sci-op. What was the SIE up?

Well, you make Britain relevant again. After the 50s, you have the Suez Canal and the disaster of their imperial empire fading. How do you get them back in the scene again? Well, you push their biggest pop groups. Or you don't think that there was a group of four boys from Liverpool who just had it. No, no.

And they had the star it factor. I think they had it. But the idea of pushing them, right, that creates a more romantic view of Britain than probably was there 10 years earlier. So what's the difference between making it and pushing them? Like that's like I don't understand what you're saying. Sometimes it can be done together. I mean, they can be, I mean, it's, it's, you know, one doesn't even have to know about the other.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So. How come you never have conspiracies that, like, help you? That's actually a great point. You know. I wish I did. Like it.

Like, no, no, Dan, building seven didn't fall. They were planning a surprise party. All right, well, let's move on. Although I did. I know half the audience hates it. I did watch a video the other night about Shanksville, Pennsylvania, and about how. Shanksville? Yeah.

Is it like, uh, Schwanksville? Shanksville? No, Shanks or Shanks? Shanks. Shanks? Shanks. Shanks. Shanks? Shanks. Shanks sounds very, uh, you know, shanky.

In, flight 93. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, I think that... Just disappeared. Yeah, I mean, you know, people have believe, you know, that was like the Malaysian one. People think that it went through a portal like that plane. You don't think that they just shot it down?

Were we talking about flight nine? Are we talking about 9-11 now or the Malaysian thing? I assume that they probably shot it down, but I don't know. Well, I'll tell you that. Let's Roll story used to make me cry for years. It's a great story. And the movie United 93 is really good, too. Would you be a let's roll guy?

I'm really bad on flights. Really? I don't know. I'd probably be like, oh, Akbar, listen to him. Sit the fuck down, you a fucking hero. That'd be so funny. Let's just die of peace. If there's these guys hijacking a plane and they're like,

we're going to take down the cockpit, we just need one more guy. Sir, and you're like, I'm scared. I have anxiety. The plane's too small. We're going to go down if we don't get your help. But we'll go down anyway. I'd rather just not cause a rucket. Please let me enjoy my Nutella.

Well, I bet you're pretty happy about this old TSA stuff. You don't have to fly now. Well, I don't have to fly because my booking career isn't going to. right now, but I do have, I have a festival at the end of the summer and then I'm, of course, I'm doing Skank Fest, but all my one-nighters around here, it's, I think like, uh, the joke world guys are having like some sort of Florida festival. Oh, wow, cool. Um, but, um, but, um, dude, I, I, I didn't, my next road gig is April 11th, the 12th, Hartford Connecticut, Hartford, Funnybone, but it's driving. No, I've been there. And then after that, I'm doing moon tower, but I don't fly out until the 16th.

That's until May, right? Or that's April. So I'm grounded for a while. You got a month. I'm stoked. Yeah, what are you going to do for this? I'm so excited. I saw a movie. You used to go see Project Hail Mary. That was fun.

What's that? Ron Gosling in space with an alien trying to save the world. I think I'll just watch her over and over. Hey, spring is here. Spring is sprung. And you're going to want to have some fun. You don't need a new wardrobe. You just need the right pieces.

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For free shipping and 365-day return. Quince.com slash ska. Enjoy the rest of the show, my babies. That movie was great, but it's, and it's very prophetic that movie. I know. How deep have you gotten with this Chatsy BT? I have never used it, and I never will use it.

I've never used AI, never used Chatchy BT. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Won't do it. Nope, won't do it. And I hate anyone that does. You use it, right? No, I've used it. I've used it twice.

One time I used it just to, I just wanted to see how it worked. And the other time I wanted to, I started asking it questions to see if it had any consciousness. Just, you know, stuff that you would ask a person during a therapy session. How did that feel? It assured me that it wasn't. It assured me that it wasn't, but it assured me it wasn't in a way that someone with consciousness would assure me it wasn't. You know, what does the fuck It happened?

You got that raised? What is that? The ink? Yeah. Is the Skid Rejecting your shitty art? With a what? With a weather change. Sometimes the ink raises.

I didn't know that. Oh, a hurricane coming. Oh. Oh, the two titty is on this motorback. I got on my farm. The wolf's tongue is taking out. We got to get the crops ready. Oh, I feel it.

Ging, gung, gung, gung. Itches. Ying, gung, gung, gung. Have you gotten this girl's name tattoo on you yet? I have an appointment next week. That's it. Oh my God. Holy shit.

Oh, my God. I'm kidding, Dan. Oh, okay. Jesus Christ. You know, I'm trying to, like, we just went down to conspiracyville. I'm trying to ground it more. I know. I know.

Do you have Sarah's name tattooed on you? Uh, no, but I have her mom's tattoo. No, I'm joking. Dude, you should get a classic, like, prison style, Sarah, like Johnny Depp's Winona forever. I just get so nervous it's going to like. Why? I don't know. then we're going to divorce immediately after.

Yeah, but then you'll have that memory forever. But, you know, Undertaker, the wrestler, he got his ex-wife, Sarah over it, and then he had to redo it on his neck. And it says, Sarasational. Saran. It's Saran wrap. I'm really into.

Save my life a couple times. Save my life a couple times. So, yeah, but, you know, things are good, man. It's good to see you again. Good to see you. you. You know? Yeah.

I like your web series, funny. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm having fun with it. Yeah, my wife likes it. Oh, I have to check. I have to watch the final, another edit for the episode coming out next week with Haywire. Are you guys going to do some others or just kind of waiting?

I mean, we have so many in the can. It comes out every other week. So we have like fucking eight more episodes filmed. Yeah, they're becoming a thing over there. Yeah, and I'm going to do something with AEW. I'm so stoked. We're talking to them right now. Seriously?

Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. I know some guys over there. Yeah, like one day I'm going to work with the crew building sets and everything. The next day I'm going to do in-ring stuff and then work on get me to cut a promo. Well, I know a few guys over there. So if you go.

Yeah. Maybe I'll go with you and just say hi to some people. That'd be great. Yeah. I mean, if you want me to. I don't know. Look at this guy. The guy who runs it may hate me.

So that's the only problem. Why? Because I had a wrestling podcast and we were snarky, you know. Dan, why would you be that way? is the worst Ian totally is he is the example of guy who like

like you know the guy who opens the shit talking window and then you come back and you're like yeah you were right and you're like no I'm friends with that guy you're like fuck you what happened in between the last two shit talking sessions

where you guys broke with that with a girl where like you're really into each other you break up and then everyone's you're like shit talking and then you get back together and everyone has to act like you were never like Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's just my, my, my, I remember one time my friend, Nick from college, still probably my best male friend now.

What? But he, I was back with my ex and we were like, we embracing each other in my room after being broken up for three weeks. And he just opened the door. She looks at him. He just goes, what the fuck? And she walked off and he just goes, you guys are going to be broken up again. in like two weeks.

Oh my God. Were you? Yeah. Totally right. He's the same guy who like, I was thinking about killing myself and I was in my bathtub and I had a knife against my wrist and he walked into the bathroom and he looked at me and he just goes, you still take baths?

What are you six? You're just holding a toaster? Wow. Here, show us. Hold the knife. Show us what you were doing. Was it? Oh, it wasn't.

It wasn't like for real. I don't know why. You weren't going down the block. You were going across the street. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. You.

He came in and I was like naked. Probably just like. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Too excited. I haven't been on the show. I haven't been on the show for a little bit.

I'm excited. This guy's so raised. Yeah. What's the next tattoo you're going to get? I'm going to finish my back. I'm going to get my chest done. You didn't get a Jesus head on my chest You should get titties on your titties

What? It's just an idea Get out of here Get out of here Oh my God Dude the place we went There's this really great general store Down at the bottom of the mountain

And I got three sandwiches Yesterday before I left So that I could eat them for the next Like four or five days Delicious You live in a fucking city A great sandwiches These nothing like these

nothing like these What kind of sandwiches are these? Oh my God, I don't even know. It's called a, called a, uh, Chapel Rhone. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, dude, I just went to the frame. Elvis Presley.

Asset. No. You're a total ass. He was, you are. Nixon asset. He tried to get the Beatles deported. For what? For being fucking British.

No, anti-war shit. It was all during that time. Um, I just got a, uh, an original February 1993 issue of the advocate with Kurt Cobain on the cover with his most in-depth interview he ever gave. I just got it off eBay and I brought it to the frame store to get it framed. One thing you'll never hear from any Kurt interview is Kurt Cobain interview is the part in the middle of the interview where you just hear.

Kurt, what are you doing in there? Courtney, I'm almost Come on, what the fuck! Anyway, what do you think about that? I don't really know enough about that. Do you think she had anything to do with it? We talked about this last week. It's like, I want to, no, no, no.

I want to live in a world where she doesn't, but, you know, it makes sense that she would, but it is so hurtful to think about because why would his wife want to hurt him? He was such a good father. You weren't married to him. Oh, yeah. It's true.

No, he was a good dad. Yeah, it was really sad. It was super sad. Yeah. But, you know, if she didn't, who did? Who would want him dead? Because it certainly wasn't a suicide. David Grohl?

No, I have no idea. That guy, that guy's been, he's getting, he's doing like, like, he's intensive therapy, you know, because he got caught, having a kid at a wetlock so he's like you know going to therapy three times a day now do you think dave grull from 91 would kick the shit out of dave grroll in 2026 or do you think he's still the cool same cool what do you mean like physically no just like you're you're different i never i like david girl like because i i i was on i wrote on a show that he was on he was super sweet to deal with an awesome to deal with but i was never as big of a food fighters fan as a nirvana fan

And not even like people I know people who like swear by the food fighters Dude my hero Boom Or you know how it goes It sounds exactly like scentless Apprentice off of uh in utero Oh okay

Anyway good album Great album Your top Your top three bands I'm not more of a music guy as you But top three bands I mean the bands that are not What do I think are the three better

But the three bands that I like listen to a lot. Waylon Jennings. No, those are singer songwriting. You're saying like bands. Yeah, sure. So I would say hold steady, Wilco. Wow, hold steady.

Oh my God. Woo! You like them? Sequestered in Memphis. That's a crazy story. That song is a crazy story. Dude, they mastered the speak instead of singing. Yeah, I think they're better than when Lou Reed did it.

You know? I think Lou Reed's best work was with Metallica. Yeah, but I don't know with that third band. I'm not sure who I would put. I mean, you can't really say like Springsteen of the East Street band because that's not, it's like one guy, right? That's a band. A Killers, maybe?

No way. Really? You're a Killers fan? You don't like the killers? I've never met anyone who's like my top third band. of all time the killers. I don't know about to I like them all I make my wife call me Mr. Brightside. Well, that wouldn't make any sense.

But yeah, I, uh, I, we, we were bummed because we were about to see him last year. And, uh, we bailed. We just, I just stayed in to play Ninja Turtles and order pizza, which was great. I just saw Ninja Turtles too in theaters. The Secret of the Us. Oh my God. Dude, that was my fucking movie when I was a kid. Go Ninja, go ninja go.

I was just rewatching the fucking. tow car and razor scenes Yeah Incredible Yeah it was great It was great it was great Kevin Nash was super shredder at the end Diesel

Really? Yeah he was super shrewder Oh cool Yeah yeah yeah yeah That's cool But that was awesome to see him Super Shredder I used to have that action figure

It was an awesome action You know what I rewatched recently That I thought it was so beautiful and touching Razor Ramon on I think like Sally Jesse Rockwell Or Springer When he hugged the little girl with AIDS Yeah he was a

Oh my God, that made me cry when I watched that. Especially because almost every other Scott Hall video is the most depressing thing you've ever seen in your life. Really? So, yeah, he's been through a lot. So it's a lot like him drunk trying to get to the ring and shit. I'm going to be so sad when he dies. He died five years ago. Why? I know it.

I think Michael Jackson's bunkies dead, too. Do you think Michael Jackson did it? I don't. I lean towards yes. Nope. But I don't know. culture has their pedophile. You know, that's what I always say.

Every culture, black people have Michael Jackson, Jewish guys have Woody Allen. Who do white people have? No one. We've never done anything wrong. Trump. I guess. Every culture is their favorite pedophile.

What about Chinese people? Allegedly, guys. What about Spanish people? I don't know, man. I didn't have this whole fucking prepared. Well, then don't say things that you can't prepare to defend. Well, you know, we're just chatting. It's a chat show.

You really, you really just. throw stuff out there and expect me to be a passive listener or not someone that calls you on your shit. Can you not fucking criticize me while showing me a blade? Uh-huh. At the same time, it's very intimidating. Yeah, I know. I'm an intimidating guy.

You're not an intimidating guy. What? You're an uncomfortable guy, but that's not the same thing as an intimidating guy. I make you so uncomfortable, it's intimidating. What fiddler on the roof voice are you doing? I've never seen the movie Zorro. Have you seen Zorro?

Nope. Catherine Zita Jones gets her little undergarment snip. No, no. He almost see her boobs. Really? Really? She's a lot. Do you remember when Michael Douglas said he got pussy?

He got cancer because he ate her pussy? Oh my God. If that's the case, I got stage four. Hey, hey. I got stage four with a bunch of twos and threes, am I right? Hey now. All right. Dad, what is your favorite way to eat pussy?

What I like to do is I like to put a little bit of an A1 sauce on it And go br-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-oh man I'm intensely. That is funny, I just imagine red fox-eating pussy would be very funny God-dair! Stupid. Who do you think, who would be the funniest celebrity to watch Eat Pussy? Rip Taylor.

Gross, gross, gross, gross. Ew. What is that over there? Oh, it just doesn't stop folding. It's like you're unfurling a blanket. It's like origami, but my soul's getting cut instead of my finger. is it's called a what why is it hiding

you mean I have to go in there she's like why are you shoving my foot up your ass it's all I got it's all I got but it's good to see you again buddy good to see you

what else is new with you man man man oh man I was just on the road so heavy and I I'm off until April I feel like I'm like spring break it feels amazing I feel so like content I don't feel like I like have to run around or I'm like losing ground

not like traveling that's great for you man it feels so good you should fucking when's the next time you have to do a spot tomorrow I have two tomorrow two Sunday and then I don't have any for a couple cellar near comedy clothes Yeah. I might go to Vermont this weekend or I might stay here.

I might go down and see my mom. I don't know. Wait, oh, is this? Okay. Oh, I know this girl is now. Yeah. Okay. It's either Ben or Jerry guys.

We don't know. Trick, it's Bernie. No, no. You see, I haven't seen it yet. I wish we could play clips on this, but apparently there's like, there's a video of like Bernie Sanders talking to one of the, Like not Grock, but the other one.

Grog. The other AI one. What, Claude? It's like him talking to Claude. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's like, he's like, Claude,

what, what do you feel are the negative consequences of us moving towards AI? And they're like, having someone asked that is such a great idea. Thank you, Bernie. That's why you're so important. He's like, I actually am enjoying Claude.

And they're Claude is a wonderful tool. That's the big problem with Chad GBT. is that like, you start up when you realize how many of your friends are terrible hangs because you're like,

this is way better than like 90% of my friend hangs. But that's what a friend hang is, not being perfect. Exactly. You know? Dude, being up in the woods

for fucking five days and not like, like, dude. Getting all those packages ready for all those senators. Dude, we were playing board games and chess and fucking puzzles

and not like on the phone or like, look at this or bupah you know there was like a little bit of phone time but it was so nice not being on my phone and like leaving it in the cabin and then like oh god the problem with you and me is like we disappear off our phones when things are either going really well or very poorly yeah yeah so our friends and family have to play the is i hope he's good or how things bad he says he's with someone in the woods i think he's alone But that's probably, I mean, if Sarah, you know, God forbid anything I've heard, I would be in the woods in a second.

Yeah. I'm in the woods now. Why don't you guys go to the woods together? We do. We live somewhere in the woods now. In Jersey? Can't say. But we live somewhere in the woods now.

I do not live in Connecticut anymore and I don't live in New York City anymore. But you live in North Jersey. Sometimes North Jersey, sometimes Massachusetts. That sounds like some, like old. Like I have a. Tom Waits song. I got family on the other side of the Back of the day, people would do that.

They would just literally have a family on the other side of the tracks. It was so easy to have a second family. Now you couldn't do it. Now you couldn't do it unless you're super rich. Yeah. Are you going to have kids? I don't think it's in the cards for us,

but no, I thought about it. You don't want any, right? Did you have a vasectomy or no? I was going to have a vasectomy and then my chronic epidididimitis acted up and I couldn't get it and I saw that it's a sign from God that I shouldn't do it.

Right. I thought having HIV would be your sign not to... Are we allowed to talk about... Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Fucking, you know, whatever. The kid's going to be born by the time he finished a sentence.

Oh, my God. Thanks, buddy. I got to stop. Scratch in my arm. Well, why don't you just get some aloe, bro? I do. I need some alo. Oh, you know what it is, too?

I got real sunburn when I was skiing because I didn't wear a shirt. And then now, because the mountain was so hot. And now my skin. Why? Stop saying it like that. What? You just go, I didn't wear a shirt because the mountain was so hot. Up there?

What is going on? This is very awful. Zizzizz-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-Z-Vo? I don't know what. I sat in like a Dr. Seas character doing an Asian accent. Forget it. I'm leaving myself alone. Okay.

I'm not going to scratch anymore. You know, your body's a temple. Well, like the temple of doom. Oh, come on. I'm here all night, folks. He won't leave. You cheat, Dr. Jones. You cheat.

I have something to tell you when I forget. That's rippening. I've been calling for five days. Well, this is the first time I've been on B&E in in 2026. Nuh. Yep. That's not true. That's first time.

Is that for real? Yeah, I was out of like fucking 11 times last year. Oh my God. This is my first time. You're going to have to fill that tank up with water. I just flip the thing. No, no, no. The tank does not fill.

So there's a. Because there's a leak in the bottom of the thing. There's a big. No, you've got to keep replenishing the water to make the logs go down. I will bet you You want to bet? You'll bet me what? I'll bet you

I bet you 20 bucks it stops doing that in the next minute. Okay. All right, let's put the timer on. Wait, what did you do to the toilet?

Doesn't matter? I just bet you $20. Just put his little pecker in there. I bet you $20 a dozen and I bet you the way it stops is you have to fill that tank with water because it does not fill to the water line sometimes. It's about done.

It's almost done. hear that hiss we used to Graber school think that was the souls of the dead cats the janitors killed uh oh really yeah yeah we had one janitor

as a guy of the rep as a cat killer did he really kill a cat that's what they said sorry I didn't know this was like fucking 35 years ago I was like 30 I was five years old guarantee it'll start again I said it was stop

what did you do to it to make it It's a classic fix So you jiggle a handle Because the seal at the bottom You've learned this toilet For like 10 years And he's already closer to it He's closer to the episode

I got to fucking He's closer to this toilet than you'll ever be What does that say? Don't tell me that It may start again You know I can't handle Why does this Why does this color scheme

Make me want to get it tattooed on me so bad It just It's such a classic Halloween Like doesn't this elicit such a good feeling in you. Do you not have a pumpkin tattoo? Uh-uh.

A jack-lator tattoo? But like, but the black cat on the, on the castle, on the house with the, you know what I mean? Yeah. So you want to turn your house, you want to turn your body into a haunted house? Yeah, I call it pulling a St. Germain. Every time. Fuck. Oh, my God.

That is the best. That is the best gift You set the studio up Like I'm fucking Like I'm Daniel Stern and home alone You know God God that felt good to see

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah That was annoying that Daniel Stern

Got that Cross charge I was like Do we need to know About this one Wait He got a prostitute Yeah

I was in the pot It was all over the place When I was like a couple months ago Uh-uh Yeah, you could Google that right now. I'm not. That's, that's, that's just,

that's just in the news. He was dismissed, but part of me is like, do we need to know this about the guy? Daniel Stern Prostitute. Oh, I hit X. Hold on. Daniel Stern Prostitute. There you go.

Solicitation case dismissed. Yeah, which is, that's what happens to all of those cases. But like, you know, like, dude, let the guy have a fucking prostitute. I'm like, dude, we're, Are you kidding me? Epstein files where, like, they're, you know, they're fucking eating Ashkosh kebab.

Cabas cobs to Cobb. The kind of be da-ba-ba-ba-b-b-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib. Get her done. Anyway, my point being, you know, a guy gets caught with a press, you know, as far as a list of things that you could be caught doing, especially in 2026. This seems pretty low on the damnation list. This really pisses me off. Yeah, I don't like that one. It's like, do you remember what Fred Willard had that thing where he was jerking off in a porn theater and he got, I'm like, dude, it's a porn theater.

Like, it's like, it's not like he was doing it during, you know, Elio or some shit. Like, who goes to a porn part? Who goes to a porn theater just to appreciate the movie? Some people love cinema. Some of us love film. Yes, I'm going to a 5 p.m. showing of slippery when wet. Yes. I'm going to the city to take in some cinema.

The movie, you ask? Gimme, give me cock, yum. It's Cassavetes's earlier. Work. Oh, dude, I'm in a movie coming out. Oh, really? What's the movie? April 5th.

It's called Citywide Fever. It hits theaters April 15th nationwide. Oh, nice. It's at all the Alamo draft houses in the country, and then they're leading the other distribution. But the reviews are in. It says leading the, it says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, very strange characters.

Hold on. Its humor comes from both its cinnophilia, not unlike a Luke Mollett film, Lucas Mollap film, and it's very strange characters that pass through the story. Leading the charge with regards to the latter is Comtown regular Ian Fydance as a rideshare driver who chain smokes while ad-libbing one of the grossest monologues you'll hear all year.

So this was a real stretch. for you. Filled with a plethora of fun side characters, Ian Fidance takes over the movie at one point with an absolutely deranged, hilarious monologue. If the outtakes of that are included in the Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray coming next month, I might pick it up just for that.

It's a smorgasbord of a film that may be messy, but had me smiling the whole time. A strong reminder that it's generally better to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So he cut out all the parts where they were complimenting other people. that worked on the movie poster it's a great movie poster are you the knife it's a horror movie yeah shout out josh heaps do you get or no two summers ago no i play a uh i pay i play like a cab

driver who like halfway through she realizes like i was stalking her to like take her to this terrible like place and uh i start talking normal and then i just go off in this like derange monologue and they let me like improvise it and everything and So we just drove around upstate New York for like an hour. And he just like let me rip and like talk. And it was, it was awesome. And then he'd be like, here, say this part again, but keep going after that. And it was awesome.

It was so fun. So I'm excited. We're doing a lot. It's premiering April 15th, downtown Brooklyn, Alamo Draft House. And then I'm going to be a part of the panel afterwards for Q&A. That's awesome, dude. Yeah, thanks. Congrats.

I know you wanted to be in a movie for a long time now. Thanks. And not just that documentary on Lupus that you were in 15 years ago. I've learned to look at that as a win. Yeah, well, we all did. Yeah. Me and the other guys who are talking shit about you. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha.

He-he. That's how we did it. Marielander vase. If you could stay in one fictional universe. Ghostbusters. Really? That's the answer. out of all the fictional universes.

What other ones are there? I mean, there's a ton. Ghostbusters, you're just going back to 1980s in New York. God, give it to me. Or the rings? No. Hang in the Shire? No.

Weird mushrooms and fucking pipes and dancing around with all your friends. Ghostbusters. I'm a blue collar scientist, busts and ghosts in New York City. I'm the talk of the town. I end up with Dana Barrett. James, what about you? Halo. That's a stupid answer, too, because you're going to be like a Marine

against aliens. I'm in the universe. I didn't say it's an interesting place. There's aliens. But you guys, wouldn't you want to go to a place that's like just like, fucking fun and games the whole time? No. If I'm in,

if I'm a ghost buster in 1984, New York, I get to live in New York all throughout the rest of time. And then I get to warn everyone about 9-11 while also being a ghostbuster. Are you kidding? That's like the best. Yeah, but no one's going to believe you about 9-11.

And I get to still. get things at Tower Records. Union Square Tower Records. Kim's video. What do you know about that? I caught the tail end of it, no three. And you get to meet Giuliani when he only had sex with one cousin. Yes. And I get to say

Elliot Spitzer, don't go with that prostitute. She made out like a fucking king, right? She got married. Oh, dude, you know who I saw the other night on Instagram? Oh, Ashley DePree. She was hot. No, she was first off, she was super hot, but she made off like a queen, right?

She's like... Probably. Yeah, she's doing great. You know who showed up at some... At Flappers Club, California, Misty Storm or Stormy Daniels. Oh, wow. Bro.

Let me show you this picture. Wait, when was this? Were you guys friends? Rough. No. How did she know your act? I saw it on Instagram and I screenshot it. Oh, this is when I just...

Well, she was... Oh, come on. I didn't need to fucking see that shit. Sorry. Jesus. Christ. A gal really makes me shoot. I know, but it's like, don't, I want to hear it.

Now I'm fucking, do you like this? That one's better. There's a couple. There's some salacious photos. That one's good. Holy shit. Some of those photos. Jesus.

Don't look at this, you fucking creep. You were the one who had it open to me. You just told the thing you just made me look at. It's me. Oh, shut up, Dan. I could fucking, I'm going to fucking. about you and Gisabelle. J-I-Z-Z-A-Bel.

Are we looking at her phones now? Is that what this is? No, I'm trying to find Misty Daniels or Stormy, Stormy Mitt. What's her name? Stormy Daniels. Stormy Daniels. Yeah, where is it? Where is it?

I don't know. What do you think of that? Oh. Not as small of penis as you think he's going to have, though. We'll say that. You know? That's right, brother. Oh, dude, look.

Yeah, she's been through some, uh, Poor stormy. Oh, come on. She's been through some... Our president. She's been through some storms. This is... This is who...

Wow. Her name... Dude? Stormy. Daniel. Do you remember that time, George Cooney, Mark Wahlberg,

and Jansi Riley died on her? So... They were... All right. That was great. Anyway. But, you know, like,

You'd ever fuck the president. He did. She did. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, but that was the whole fucking, uh... I used to watch Stormy Daniels back of the day. Really? Yeah.

The only porn star I've been watching. Dude, I, I said this on the pot. It's true. I've only really looked at porn probably no more than eight times this whole year. Well, you're also like in a new relationship where you're fucking all the time. Yeah, but it's long distance. Oh. So we have FaceTime dates.

We face them do stuff. And you go, And then you go, what's my new joke? And she's like, oh my God, it's gross. Either one is gross. Hit your head again. Kazumi.

You know Kazumi? Oh, yeah, I love Kazumi. Oh, she's great. She's a good on podcast, too. She's fun. She's fun. She's good on podcast. She's dating that one guy who's like a great...

What? She's a boyfriend? No. I think it's a Ramone, something. Ramon? Yeah, he's like a really good... Rebus? He's a really good.

He's really, he's like a, he's a pretty famous porn star. Um, but he's a, I could not do that job. Yeah, you don't, I'd look at the camera too much. What? Yeah, it's not, it's fine. It's just not, it's not a porn cock. It's good for, it's a good, uh, yeah, no, it's not a porn cock. Well, I mean, what do you think?

I, I, I said it was fine, you know, you know, he's got a nice penis. It's fine. But it's just not a porn cock. It's a whole different thing. It's a whole different thing. No, no, yeah, you're right. I don't, I have a good, I have a good, I have a good, I have a good, I have a good, piece, but it's not

I have a porn taint. Nobody knows. It's sleek. Sleak. You could do a slip and slide across it. It's so weird. Dan is such a hairy ass and hairy balls, but this taint is like a dolphin. Because when I see it, I got...

Because there's a hole in the middle. It shoots water out. And a transvestre I keeps trying to steal it. Finkel's ironhorn. Ironhorn is Finkel. Did you understand that when you were a kid? Do you understand what? That Eynhorn, Lois Eynhorn was a ban?

I don't know what that even means, what you just said. From Ace Ventura. Oh, I didn't, no, I did not understand. When I saw it, it did not understand it. And now I do, but I did not understand that. I thought when they showed her butt and she had to tuck back and he goes, say hello to Mr. Vinky. I thought that those are hemorrhoids. Me too. That's what I thought.

That's what my mom told me. That's what I thought when I was a kid. man that really set the trans movement back that moved me that moved me it moved you that moved me it moved me you talk so fast sometimes that words come out I do talk like Jeffrey Russian shine too much who's that he Jeffrey he was what he won an Oscar for he was like a

a really tortured penis hold on y'all what Somebody's fucking auditioning for Byron Allen. Have you done comics on Lease yet or now? Oh, yeah, my episode already came out. Oh, man. Can you get me in?

Yeah, yeah. You should do it. I, uh... Dude, I went for a joke off the cuff and he... Don't do that. He was like, you're here from New York, and I go, yeah, and that fitchiegg's bigger than my apartment. And everyone was like, ah, uh, I was like, uh, first joke, terrible. Um, I think, uh, he's a little.

Yeah, I was glad that there's still a show that comedians can get on. You know? Yeah. Oh, dude. Also, a little bit of news. I am shooting a late night set. What? Let's go!

Do you have a date in a show? It is premiering, well, apparently we're shooting it in May. Who is this? It's coming out on Colbert. Oh, nice. Congratulations. 27. Guys, that's been the show.

Thank you for tuning in. Dan, why don't you giving the plugs? You know, just, you know, I'm just trying to win hearts and minds over here. No, follow me on Instagram, man. I got to bring my Dan St. Jermaine on Instagram. So follow me on that. I'm going to be writing for, I think I'm going to be writing for the rest of Kevin Hart. I can talk about that.

And, yeah, I'm still working on that show. And Burbs Bros. Brows, me and Sean Donnelly's. podcast. We just had Nick Bryan on who found Epstein's little black book. So very different vibe than this. Although

Ian does have some of the qualities of a trafficking victim. Because I don't like being stuck in traffic. Ian Finance.com for all my dates. April 10th and 11th, Hartford, Connecticut, 23rd to 25th, Calgary, Alberta, Canada at the laugh shop.

and then Long Beach, New York, April 29th, May 1st and 2nd Point Pleasant Beach in New Jersey. May 6, Los Angeles, California. Netflix is a joke festival. I'm headlining the Hollywood Improv. And then I'm going to be in Albany. I'm going all over at IanfriDance.com. Also, you're going to want to check out. We're going to shut the fuck up, Dan.

Are we? You're doing the fast? Oh, that'll be so great. That's what we're doing the roast. Oh, that'll be so fun. We'll hang out. Fucking some emotional ups and downs on that. Let's do it.

it yeah we'll go back to mel's oh i love a mel's ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs i youtube dot com slash your lips are so wet and i like it i youtube dot com slash ean finance comedy out with the ym h network um i and do show on instagram and um i have a improvised special coming out in may on my youtube i and also punch up step on live session for all hard dates we will see you next time patreon.com slash be and pod we love you bye bye