Bein' Ian With Jordan - Delaware Christmas W/Cousin Sheri & Patrick Holbert | Bein' Ian with Jordan #184

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

Hilarious comedian and cinematographer/production wizard behind Ian Do Patrick Holbert & Delaware Den favorite Cousin Sherri come hang with Ian to talk about the thing on Ian's...thing..., having your first child 3 months after the lockdowns started, & Cousin Sherri's origin story. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Get 10 free meals + a free Zwilling knife at http://HelloFresh.com/ska10FM Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Sheri! https://instagram.com/sheribaby11 Follow Patrick! https://instagram.com/itspatrickholbert Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in And life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live alive Being in Being in With Jordan

You got cigarettes on you? Yes Oh hell yeah That's the most Delaware thing I've ever Oh yeah Take a seat, take a seat, take a seat Oh yeah That's the Delaware Christmas

My mom gets me cartons a cigarettes I almost threw some siggs in that Your birthday bag the other day But I was like, you know what I can't support this No Why? Well my kid

My kid is she's upset by smoking because my dad. Oh, did she hate me that she sold me smoking? No, she didn't hate you. No, she didn't hate it from her. I tried to hide it from her. No, she loved you. Oh, yeah, we got along with great.

She might have said she, so, so Ian came, Ian met my in-laws and, uh, okay. We had to do a little potty break before we picked her up and we drove back. I didn't just meet his in-laws like for dinner. I, we brought his daughter up to Connecticut, dropped him off at the in-laws so we could do the gig. And also so he could formally be Uncle Ian to my child now. Yes.

Yeah, he's the best uncle. He's the best cousin. But anyway, you went to the bathroom, then her and I had to go to the bathroom. And when we were in there, she goes, was Ian smoking cigarettes in here? And I was like, no, no, he probably had one in the car. Maybe it's on his jacket a little bit. And it's a tiny, I mean, there's a tiny bathroom. So she's just so aware of it because of my dad, like we're, you know.

My dad. No, he's a little. getting there though oh I'm sorry no no it's okay uh no so she's just so much more aware of it yeah and so and you y'all are the last of a you say in your act the last of a dying breed i think it's coming back uh yeah you're like one of like four people that she knows who smoke yeah you know well it's funny because when i was little man i kept trying to get my dad to quit and i would take his cartons i'd throw him out i cut out like hypnotizing stuff in the paper and then he's He would quit and he would be such a crab and so moody that my mom and I would go out and buy him cigarettes so that he could he could like not be so mean and like chill out because he would get like so short tempered without the cigarettes.

Yeah and he would he would smoke too and he was one of these guys. He's my uncle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. He would talk like just with a cigarette. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like he was skilled with it too. Like you know. Yeah. I was like, oh my God. Yeah.

I remember that vividly. Very sexy with it, calm. Last weekend in Denver, when I was taxidermy rat, they let me smoke. And I was, I had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth cutting up the rat. It's very old school. Yeah, John stuff. And by the way, for the record, I love smoking. I love making out with women who smoke.

Oh, yeah. It takes me back. It takes me back. It's like got something. Did you ever smoke? No, just some weed. I would drunkenly, I would puff on cigarettes to be funny, but I could never. Do you vape?

I'm asthmatic. I'm asthmatic. Oh. Okay. So you don't vapor, do anything like that. I just vape, albuterol. Hey. Hey, sometimes I get you a little zooted.

Weed. No, but like, no, I'm not a pussy. That's what I'm saying. No, I'm not a pussy. Yeah, like smoking sticks, it's literal fire. That's pretty cool. I mean, it is tobacco.

Yeah. We should do a job in a tobacco field. That would be interesting. I would love to, like, go to a tobacco farm, see it, roll, pick it, roll it, pull, pick it, roll it. dry it, make it, you know. That lady, is it Leon Morgan? She's like an older Southern comic.

Yeah, Leanne Morgan, yeah. She grew up on tobacco farms. Maybe she knows somebody. Oh, wow. That'd be cool. She's funny. I think she's really funny. Those are big broad, like hardy leaves, right?

Huge. Yeah, they're huge. Yeah, my grandfather would take me up to the fields in Lancaster and we would pour over in the side of the road, steal a bunch of tobacco, dry it out in his house, and then like wrap it up and everything. Yeah. But, and then when I was old enough, I would go in the garage to sneak it and smoke it.

Yeah, my grandfather had merits. Woo! And Winstons. And I would take them, smoke them. Yeah. Winston was big in our family. Winston. I'll treat myself to Winston every once in a while.

And that was a Benson and Hedges smoker. Oh, that was the cool guys, though. She kept them in the freezer. Okay. Yep. I keep them in the freezer. My dad was camel non-filtered for years. Wow.

Now he's marbled lights. Ooh, they got those camels now that have the... Camel crush. Yeah. And you crush it and it goes in your mouth. The bisexual cigarette. Yeah, they are bisexual cigarettes. Yeah, I'm a crush.

Like take the filter and you crush it. You can either smoke it regular. Yeah. Or you can crush it and make it a menthol. You get a little extra zooted. Yeah. And they are, you're right, they are like little gentsy hot. They're a cigarette.

They're bisexual cigarettes. It goes both ways. You just reminded me in your bit about, do you like talking bits on here? Yeah, whatever. Your bit about menthols, I think I want to hear even more detail about what exactly is going on with a menthol cigarette? First off, you're not black. You, what?

You don't, black people smoke Newport, menthol. I'm not black? That's what I'm saying. So you don't smoke menthol, this is what I'm saying. But he's from Wilmington. I feel I am. I mean, we are black people inside. I know.

We come from Delaware. I know. We're black people inside. Like, you kind of skirt past, you're like, you're, it pieces of, little piece of glass, like, I want to hear, like, microscopic pieces of fiberglass are intentionally pulled into the lung which then cause a little bit of abrasion on the alveolite

like get really technical with what's going on with that. And you can get a deeper pull and a harder feel on it and it really just makes you feel a lot. Yeah, mint chocolate chip maybe. Yeah, it's like DMT right? Like when you smoke DMT you're supposed to see what happens

before you die and when you smoke a menthol, it makes you feel like you're going to die but you get through it and you feel amazing. It's DMT on Christmas morning. Yeah, you just got to keep going. I used to smoke Newport 100s just to fit in with all the, yeah. Well, that's like, dude, when I was in rehab and detox and shit, it was like,

that's all they had. They used to pass, we used to go out to the pen and it was outside with these benches and, and, um, fences. And people would come and they would pass, uh, boxes of cigarettes over the top in like a bucket. And then you would just reach in and grab the cigarettes you wanted. Yeah, yeah. And then my... Did you pay for it?

Like, was there an honor system? No, it's free cigarettes at the detox. Because, you know, you're at your lowest. It's like, you know, how much lower can you get? But, dude, one guy passed a bundle of heroin to the guy in my room. And I woke up, I was having a wet dream and a hallucination. In the same time, I saw all these big pink mice. And then the only person that could pull me.

me out of the room was a stripper that was at the detox but it felt so real and she's like you have to come in this room and fuck me and in my hallucination we were running away from the pink mice but I was like fucking her while I was running and I woke up came all over my detox scrubs I look over and my roommate is shooting heroin into his foot oh my god I was like good god so your dream and hallucination was just from whatever pharmaceuticals you were being prescribed not you well he's also going through withdrawal too they got me on a ton of librae them and they had me in the bubble for a minute which is where you got to sleep

in front of the nurses station so if you seize out they can like stop they can save you save you you you know and i found out people had bets on when i was going to seize out because i was like shaking like drinking my soup and i'd like spill it on myself yeah fucking assholes the nurses used to do that too because i've been in rehab i don't 13 times or something like that but yeah they used to they used to do they used to do bets on that too like i'd shoot her up with thorazine do we have to shoot her up with thorazine because she's going to go crazy. She's going to piss her pants. Like, I found out later that they would do bets.

You got to keep it interesting, I guess. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I would. Somehow. I would. Why not? Dude, I, I, uh, why I told myself, I said, I'll never go to rehab again. So I was one and done with inpatient.

Mm. Did quite a few outpatient in detox days. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, I remember at one detox, they, um, uh, fuck, what was I about to say? A Kirkwood detox. Kirkwood. Yep, yep.

God damn. My friend Jill, man, she came. She brought me some magazine slippers. And, you know, God rest her soul, she since passed. But she was so sweet to bring me a bunch of stuff. But I remember being there and, you know, they make you like get naked and they spray you with the shit. So like if you have lice or whatever. And I was holding my dick.

And I'm like, I just got out of the hospital and I'm like covering up. And this one was like, Mr. Ian, What you got in your hand? I go, my penis. And she goes, you think I ain't never seen a thing before? Come on. Let it out. I was like, all right.

We got to wash them balls and I scrot them now, boy. Let's go. Come on. We're not scared of no scrotum around here in Delaware. No, sir. Yeah, rehab was crazy. I met a lot of bi-chicks, actually. I had a lot of sex with women in rehab, actually.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I would be in rehab and they would get out, and then they call me from the pay phone. That too. When are you going to get out, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, I'm the shit. Yeah, or we would meet an AA or NA meeting. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. What do they say? The odds, the goods are odd, but your odds are good. I've never heard that, but I like that. Meeting people in recovery. Well, I met some chick, and we, like, when she left, we, like, kiss goodbye. She wore my Phillies hats, so everyone knows she was, like, mine. She was, like, the baddest chick in the rehab.

And then she went to a halfway house. up in Wilkesburg. And we could only talk in the phone for 10 minutes a day and we'd write letters. And I'm like, this is the best relationship ever. Yep.

This is incredible. And now I go out to visitor and it was like, what are we doing? Letter writing, letter writing, lust and love and obsession. Yeah.

It makes it so much more. Six pages long I would write. Oh my God. Yeah. Wait, you need like a lifetime movie about bisexual hookups and read that. I mean.

You don't know Sherry? Sherry is, I mean, I have six different movies in me. Uh-huh. Yeah. What do you want to do? like coming out in the 90s committing crimes, sex with straight women, sex with men,

whatever you want. Rehab. I like this rehab one because it's... This is messed up. And I was talking to my therapist about this the other day. The reason why I started using heroin was because I thought I would meet girls in rehab. It was your dating.

So I'm like... That's why I am in SLA right now. Shout out Sex and Lovers Anonymous because my ultimate addiction at the core is sex and love. I'm gonna give you credit, not drugs. For like having the like, the like, wherewithal to be like, where's the best place to meet women?

Rehab. How do I get to rehab? Hair. Exactly. That is a wild line of thinking. 14 year old thinking like, oh, there's no bisexuals in 1996. Let me do heroin and I'll go to rehab. And I did.

I met a girl in an outpatient. Shout out crossroads rehab. You were like, Cupid. Shoot me with your needle. Cross rose and a quote. Oh, holy shit. Alberta, shut out, out, Alberta. Oh, my God.

And I went to Pace, too. You ever go to Pace? Yeah, I went to Pace. Oh, my God. Dude, Pace got me. You at the crossroads. You won't be lonely. Yeah, the crossroad.

Pace got me into rehab because I showed up there and I was shaking. And I was like, can I just get a letter to give my boss to get my job back? Right. And I'm like, baby, what was the last time you drank? I was like, I don't know, like 7 a.m. And this is like noon. And they were like, you're shaking. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm getting the flu.

Yeah, right. They're like, hold your arm out. I'm like, uh-huh. Yeah, right. And they're like, all right, we're going to send you somewhere. You, you, you just, just pack a bag for a little while, but just stay the night. And I was like, okay. And then by the time I got there, I was a fucking mess.

And, uh, I stopped off to, like, drink on the way. Because I, and then I brought, like, condoms and stuff because I was like, maybe I'll meet something here. You never know. He's like, my cousin Sherry gets laid at rehab. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Why not?

Yeah. I mean, I had sex with two of my, uh, counselors in inpatient rehab as a teenager too. Yeah. What? Yep. Long term. No.

With all that. That is a violation, Sherry. Yeah, but see, the thing is she was only 22 or 23 and I was like 16. That's not still okay. It's crazy. Well, Jerry. I know. Every training I've done for like recovery coaching type stuff.

She goes, she was hot though. Yeah, she was. She was hot. She was. It always comes up. What to do if you fall in love with your client? It's counter transference and transference. Yeah.

Yeah, I've learned all of that. Well, dude, it's so hard not to because you feel so sick. You want love. You want attention. It's like, oh, we're not supposed to. You know, and it's like, that's why in the program, they're like, men with the men, women with the women, stay out of relationships. But to do that with a counselor, holy fuck.

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. That's on them. I mean, that's like, obviously it takes two to tango, but the professional should. Yeah, one impatient and then one, she was my methadone counselor. You got in game, dude. To get laid like that in that setting, with someone in charge, that's a level, dude, bro. Yeah, and you know, we had one-on-one once a week for an hour and during that hour.

No, no, no. Are you for real? I swear. This is a movie. It was in Meadowwood. We can't do it in a long-term, impatient in Meadowwood on Kirkwood. On Kirkwood Highway. Never stayed, but been many times to give.

I lived there for 10 months. I lived in that. months I lived in that place. Oh my God. Do you, do you, are there still like aftershocks of all this? Like, um, like I'm wondering like, are there debt? Like, do you, are you, do you have like medical debt from? I was under age. I was, this was all under 18. So I was under my father's insurance. It's all state. Blue Shield. Yeah. And Medicaid would pick it up if they didn't get it. It's like, it's like you don't. I, I, I'm pretty sure it's like, uh, the state pays for it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The, the inpatient rehab. No.

That's like through insurance and shit. Yeah, my dad would pay for it. And in hindsight, what they, they try to make you stay as long as possible so they can keep getting it. I mean, it's a whole fucking business, dude. It is. It's like a fucking racket. Industrial complex, yeah. But, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like, if you're not ready, you're not ready, going a million times.

Yeah, you know, never deny someone like trying to get help. But it's like the real meat of it is you got to go to a fucking room and work. one-on-one with something. That's true. Someone, you know. That's true. And you've got to want it for yourself, too, regardless of what the law or your parents are telling you.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. And the only thing that honestly worked for me at the end of the day, and I'm still friends with them until this day is like AA. Yeah, yeah. To be honest. Like, I'm still, I go to every Christmas Eve, I go to my old sponsor's house for Christmas Eve.

Yeah. Not the banger. No, no, she looks like Monica Lewinsky. Oh, what year? I like that. Yeah, I kind of like that. Yeah, no. I went to the best N.A. meeting last night.

Holy fuck. N.A.? Yeah, dude. They're crazy. N.A. is fucking nuts. I might make it my home group. It was fucking awesome. We're at the clubhouse over here?

No, this was up, uh, Kipp's Bay. Oh, wow. It was great. I loved it. I didn't know you went to N.A. I thought you only went to A.A. I go to A.A., but N.A. I've been to, and I've loved how they,

talk about addiction and not just alcohol and they're toxic motherfuckers too oh yeah but dude the love in there and like the the the speaking and the and the getting into it oh yeah and dude this woman's sharing and she's she's like da da da da da da da da da this guy goes hello yeah it was just like they cross share too they heckle and they crawl share i love it too yeah i'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs i'll race you i'm i i'm i in fire dance hey how are you and even Each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs.

YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, to. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Damn. They're tougher crowds too, for if you do comedy at one of their kids. conventions if you accidentally say you're sober they'll like give you side eye well dude one of the

best comics ever mike de stepano yeah was he's dead right yeah rest in peace yeah rest in peace he was the silhouette at the old stand yes and they still have his silhouette but he is in my opinion one of the best man incredible storyteller he's a story about him and his wife his chick the harley yeah going on the harley one last ride yeah because he died of AIDS and Dude, his albums are incredible, and I just love how authentically he lived his life and just how open he was about recovery. But he was like a hardcore drug addict. And he came up doing comedy in the rooms and everything. And he's just such an incredible comic.

If you get a chance, go out and listen to his albums. He's amazing. I listen to them in the car. And I'm like, that's an inspiration to be able to, I mean, I've been in comedy almost four years now. So to be able to write like that, that's one day I hope to be able to write all of that in that way. in that way. You guys know Mick DeFlo? Yeah.

You know Mick. He's from Philly area. Yeah. He knew Mike and I would bring Mick to recovery shows that I put together. And every time the money wasn't right, it was just like, I got him to give us 500 bucks. We'll just split it, whatever. And he would always say Mike DeStefano had the best system. He said, I'll do whatever you guys want, put on a great show for you and your people.

You just got to give us five. bucks per head. Like you guys can charge whatever you want to charge. We just need five bucks per head to make it make sense. Yeah. And Nick was like we always, we always did well with that model. Right. So I appreciate that where people know like it is a service you can do for people in recovery.

Like even if you're in recovery, but like, you also got to like, this is our job, you know, so like you got to make it make sense. Yeah, you got to make some money, baby. Yeah. But Mick's great. That mullah. Exactly. But yeah, I don't know, it was great.

I, yeah, I think I'm going to go back. I really, really enjoyed it. It was like the energy and the love in there. And then, and then like, it was, I'm obviously, I don't want to. And the hot chicks. Don't lie. No, no, no, no. No, it was, dude, I love it because it was like all older people.

Like, those are the meetings I came up on is going to, like, just like the last stop in Kensington. The meetings in the city. Wilmington with like old because that's how I drank like an old drug addict like old wine oh the the people like my age and stuff usually have like a lot of the drama and I'm like a different person at these places I'm very like I'm very like I'm very like I'm the same way at meetings as I am when I'm at a gun rangers no fun serious respect yeah reserved reserved yes I'm there for a reason you know and I I just I can't get on with a lot of like younger people in the recovery realm because a lot of other stuff

gets involved and you're just like oh i start judging them too you know i like oh i got clean because i smoked too much weed i'm like get off are you seriously you're using heroin in my tongue because i had no veins left man like what are you talking about you're getting clean from weed i used to shoot heroin in my tongue it's so funny how far things have come because i remember i was in one Stinn, it was outpatient or in, I forget, but this girl, beautiful girl, but she was in there for Adderall. And everybody was like, no, whatever. And then it's like, you know, now it's become like a huge problem. But she, everybody like, I rolled at her like, yeah, call me when it's fucking meth.

Or cocaine with that good old cook or crack. But also the weed thing now, like I've met a lot of people who bottomed out on weed during the pandemic because the weed changed so much. Oh, the weed is so much stronger. The concentrated, like, pen, vape pen and everything. People were just, like, going psychotic. Yeah, I got psychosis. It's called canniboid-induced psychosis. That's what I had.

I had psychosis, and I get super mean. And I'm just like, I just start making fun of everyone. And, like, I see their worst insecurities, and I just start making fun of them. And that's all projected from my own. Yeah. Well, maybe we could give you a little bit. That sounds fun. I know.

I don't know. I lost a lot of friends that way. She's very superpowers. I was the same way. I'm mainly a sober drunk, but yeah, I drank a lot and that's exactly, you're describing me exactly. I would be so cutting and cruel. Yep.

Because if I could make 20 people laugh at one person, I did the math in my head where I was like, well, fuck it, fuck it, it's worth it. I'm going to get a huge laugh if I cut that person down. It took me years to understand that. So shit. Took me a long time to realize that's what I was doing. That's what someone said at the meeting. They were like, took me years to figure it out.

And every time I smoked that rock, I rob people and end up in jail. Exactly. I just wound up in jail going, how to get here? Now I know I'm picked up that rock. Yeah, ready rock, baby. Ready rock, baby. Dude, I remember it was always so fun because I don't know, like, there's such black joy that's exhibited in a church environment. It's so true.

You've never been to a black funeral. Go to a black church. Oh, my God. Black church? Yes. The mustard seed clubhouse in Chicago, I went to a Sunday morning meeting there. And it had full black church vibes. They had this thing where they didn't want cursing in the meeting,

which at first I judged, but they would ring a bell. Yeah, no cussing. It was like a funny thing. It was like a bit. You know, it was like being on a talk show or something. And then they had a dictionary person.

If somebody didn't know a word, like any word at all, like you'd be reading the literature. And if somebody said the word metaphor, somebody would shout, word. And they would say, okay. That's what the black Israelites. The dictionary person would look up the word and read.

Brother Bernard, read for me. Ecclesions, anesthesiase, 749. That's so funny. It's so much more interesting and fun and lively. And I felt so much like love and joy. And like even the doom and gloom was like empathized by people in the room. But I remember I used to go to this one down in Wilmington. And it's like, dude, it's infectious.

By the end of the meeting, you wouldn't give a mm-hmm. Uh-huh. That's right. Yep. You started talking to have the black scent. You're like, amen, sis up. There's one white guy joined in and everyone's like, heard that. That's right.

Mm-hmm. I know that. And this one white, this one white guy goes, talk about it. Everyone's like, what? Talk about it. Yeah. What? Shut the fuck up.

Indeed. Yeah, yeah. Right of Rooney. Black church bands too. Yeah. Fucking rip. Like my Instagram algorithm is all drummers and half of them are black drummers. You know it's so funny.

Black church drummers and choirs and singers are so cool and full of so much soul. And then you go to a megachurch with the band. Yeah. And it's the lamest shit you've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. It's just some like pastor's son behind the drum kit and they have like the plexiglass around it for some reason. It's nickel.

It's nickel back. Yeah. Yeah. Looking at like, you know, James. It's nickel back. And then the black church is Kirk Franklin. Yeah. Oh, God is an awesome God.

God is good all the time. All the time. All the time. God is good. All the time. I love black AA and NA meetings. Oh, God, so much soul. Yeah.

Warmth. I love black people, just not in traffic, in close spaces, subways late at night. They shouldn't be armed or have access to, you know, equal rights. God damn. I told them the other day. I haven't said the N-Words since 2011. Wow. And that's before Black Lives Matter.

And that's before Black Lives Matter. People can change. Good for you. I really haven't, you know. That's so funny. Are you talking military time? Yeah. No, but sometimes I do want to say it, you know, in like traffic or whatever.

Like fighting, arguing with someone. But it's just not in me anymore to do it. Good for you. You know. People can change. I have changed. Don't shy. We don't wish to regret the past nor shut the door on it.

That's right. That's right. That's right. I don't know if one of the promises is to never say the N word again, but, you know. Well, I think it says we don't have to if we don't want to. Exactly. You learn and you know better. I will say we have been doing this episode for a while and it was a Patreon and at some point we need to roll in the public.

Okay. Which now I think we already should have and I think I'll just tell James to chop it. Like when you get here, I think we'll turn that into public. All right. But we could cut that part out or leave it if you want. The N-word? Yeah. I don't care.

Yeah. I mean, that is a strong start. That's a true story. Like, and every time I say that on stage and there's black people in the room, they laugh. Yeah. Well, because they know it's authentic. Yeah. They're like, there's a leash, real.

There's an Instagram account of this black guy. And I think Tulsa, Oklahoma, and he goes up to people like Walmart. He's like, you ever say the N-word? And it's always like dirty white people. And a lot of them are like, yeah. And then he's like, how you say? And he's like, you know, like, what's up? Man, no, no, no.

And he's like, all right. And then some people would be like, I said it to hurt my nephew, and I was wrong. And it's so funny because overwhelming in the comments, black people are like, they're right of the cookout. Exactly. Go to them for changing. Blah, blah, blah.

And then it's always like dippy white people are the like name and shame. Exactly. What was the video? We were, we just watched something in the car the other day with a guy yelling at somebody. I mean, I don't know if bringing up a video is a good idea

because I don't know that you want to put it in there or whatever. Well, I was going to bring up a video. There's like this weird thing on Instagram and shit where like this, I went to in this rabbit hole where this woman like

showed a video of her coming out of a church and she was like, 14 years ago I went on a business trip to come home to find out my husband who was cheating on me with a man. Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, And then the next video, I sent this to my group chat and with Dan St.

Tremaine in it. And I was like, happy to see Dan is making reels again. And it was some, it was some gay man in a hotel. And he was like, it's snowing out today. So I'm not going to go outside. I'll just stay in and take my AIDS medication. And it's like, dude, people like, we have to make content for like our job and like all this shit, whatever, whatever. I wish we didn't have to do it.

But regular people that like exploit their lives. for content, like letting people know, like, my husband cheated on me with a man. Or like, I'm taking my AIDS meds today. It's like, dude, you don't have to do this. That's true. What is happening? That is true.

And neither one had like a punchline or a bigger point to it. No. Let me destroy my husband's life. Yeah, yeah. And every one of this guy's videos is, I'm taking my AIDS medication. And it's like, dude, you're just publicly doing what you're supposed to do. Right.

Well, or I guess the counterpoint, the argument would be that by just putting it out there in a like totally non-editorialized way of just like this is what I'm doing actually does destigmatize what being an AIDS person. I guess, sure, sure. I will say I hear that. I respect that. But once you unleash something onto the internet, you can lose control of the narrative. Like a wildfire. That's true. Group chat now.

Dude. Yeah. But at least I had the decent. to keep it in a group chat and not fucking comment or like whatever. I'm going to, dude, and people tear this guy up. Maybe I should go on TikTok. I took my methadone today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And just take it as I'm taking my methadone. It is cold but beautiful outside. So I'm going to stay indoors and take my HIV medication. All right. He looks like he has. Is it HIV? Okay, Not days

Good to go Hope you guys stay warm Have a good day That's so weird Dude well That's that's weird I don't know if he's I don't know if he's taking prep

Or like Madison Or A ZT to like Yeah does he have AZT That's different Or is it like Everybody Every fucking guy takes prep That has sex

I guess I wonder if it's like a He's it's like base He's like dude Dude dude People come and they go Sir You're glowing Godspeed

soldier and then someone posed a gift of an elephant and says address me yeah exactly look at me look at me I have AIDS I mean he's probably meeting lots of potential

buddies that way right maybe it's just I guess yeah paused up with the fellas exactly well good for him you know and AIDS is what not really around anymore because of prep so I mean you know it's making a comeback is it

But you can be on prep. It's like birth control. If you miss a dose, your chances of, because when you're on prep, you are positive undetectable. It means you have such a small viral load that it is an impossibility to spread HIV. But if you miss a day, your viral load increases the same as if you miss your birth control pill, you increase your chances of being able to get pregnant. So what's happening is, yes, a lot of people are on prep. great, but they're forgetting to take it. They're not taking it at the same time,

which is increasing their viral load and chance to spread it. And because someone hears I'm on prep, okay, great, I can't get AIDS, no condom, you know? No, but that, yeah, that's not true. Scary. But there is an increase in HIV in a large part of the country because people are getting so flagrant with it, you know?

What do you know about monkey pox? I know that when monkey pox came out, I stopped any sort of contact with men in any regard. Yeah. When that- Did you really? You were like, fuck that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. When that popped off, I was like, I'm not fucking trying anything. Every time I've been with a man, I've always worn a condom, whatever. I haven't had sex with the guy in like years. Have you heard of, uh,

two months ago? Bug chasers? You ever hear bug chasers? Bug chasers, yeah. Dude, there's a documentary on bug chasers. What's the deal with that? So it's a turn on to think.

It's a fetish. It's a kink. It's a kink. What is it Russian-Rul? I guess. I mean... So bug chasers are men who actively seek out getting HIV and AIDS

because they view it as a lifelong connection to someone. They view it as being part of a community. They view it as I might as well get it done and over with and then that way I can live condom-free pleasure all the time with this community of people or people view it as getting pregnant. And there's a documentary on it Like the breeders

You know the people with a breeding kink There's a crossover Right So there's a documentary Twisted That I saw years ago That it's just so morbidly funny Because it talks

The opening thing is like Yeah I I found my community Next shot someone being like Yeah Yeah I am a bug chaser And I have no shame And then there's a shot of a guy

Crying and he goes I just wish Someone told me this is a bad idea. Brother. I didn't have butt sex. Did you have to be told getting AIDS intentionally was a bad idea? What is happening? They told me in fifth grade in elementary school.

Yeah. I thought I had AIDS just because I was gay. I really did. I was like, oh, I like girls and I heard gay was AIDS. And I was like, oh, I have AIDS. I listened to a thing. In eighth grade, I thought I had AIDS. I will never forget being in first grade and this kid.

had just popped his cock in my mouth at a sleepover. And then another kid. Another first grader? Yeah, yeah. Literal first grade? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In first grade, it was sleepover. And he, because I have that joke about it, but I'm like, you know, he did make me suck

his dick. And he was like, this is what my brother likes. And I was like, ugh. And then that, like, wig me out. And I mean, another kid would go into the bathroom stall in grade school and, like, rub each other. And I, first of all, felt so much shame. Like, I was, like, disappointing God.

And I already was like, I'm going to hell, I'm going to hell. And I'm in, like, first and second grade. And then I heard something on the radio about AIDS that gay people get. And I'll never forget listening to it on the radio, being in my bed, and just sobbing, crying. Yeah, same. And I'm like, I'm like, seven. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to die. I have AIDS.

And it was like so like, oh, God, what have I done? I did the same thing. Yeah, I was like, oh, God, I ate pussy. And now I have AIDS. I didn't know you had to have butt sex. That is so buttplexed. We just rub their wieners together. That's so young, though, that somebody did that.

Like, if you were the first grader and it was like a third or fourth or fifth grader, then it'd be like, all right. But it's crazy that that that kid had an older brother. And the brother was influenced. An older brother influenced him. And then he was like, oh, that feels good on my peen, pin. Let me do it to him and him and him. Vampirism.

Like, it's like passed through. That's how it happens. Oh, yeah. No, he sucked all my penis. And that now I've been. under this spell forever. I know, God damn it. Yeah, yeah.

You got that bug. Yeah. You definitely got bit by that. I know, no. I now I'm a gay vampire forever. I can't escape. I'm like, please release me from this spell. I know.

Please make me straight, God. Please. Life would be so much easier. Y'all's anxieties with AIDS as young gay kids, like, it does make you think about how, like, there is a responsibility with, like, the crazy shit you see on billboards. Like you see these things like Jesus. Gay, call Jesus. Yeah.

Or go to hell or whatever. And like people talk about why do we have to like do all this stuff to, I don't know what you're pointing at. I was raising my hand to say something after you or don't making your point. So people are like, why do we have to. Jesus? The guy out there. Why do we have to normalize all this stuff? Like you know how like the Wright hates like drag brunch and all that stuff?

They're like, why do we have to normalize this stuff for young kids? And it's like, this is why. Like there are so many young kids who do feel different that need to see like. That's like the extreme swing. I think what needs to happen is parents need to parent and have these conversations to their kids. Thank you. It's not up to the school. It's not up to drag brunch.

It's up to the parents having frank discussions with their children. Yep. But I get what to your point of seeing a billboard or whatever, it's like, dude, you never know what a kid or when a kid will have this seep into their head and have it. tinker around in their mind forever, what they'll remember, what they'll forget, you know. And like, I know, like, you know, thinking you of AIDS at such a young age, I can only imagine the hysteria and what the idea of COVID has done to children in terms of the fanaticism of that,

because at least AIDS had the government's dealing with it. The Reagan administration had the decency to act like it didn't exist. Right, exactly. Pieces of shit. Which Fauci actually was on like the AIDS committee for Reagan, which is crazy. But, you know, like you have to think, like, that should affect us in like a fucked up way. And eventually it went away. But I think it played a good part because I've always had protective safe sac.

I was so scared. Yeah, I was so scared. I used dental dam. I would use like plastic wrap. That's a bit great. H-back suit? Yeah, I know it did. Huh? In an h-back suit and in the other room.

I mean, yeah. She's eating pussy like Walter White to make a mess. I did. I had no idea. I didn't know. But, you know, I can't imagine what children must be thinking and feeling about disease and virus and everything with COVID, especially with like, like, you can't tell that someone has AIDS. You can't look at someone and go, oh, I'm judging them because they have AIDS. And I know because when I was in fifth grade, I asked my mom for money to give a guy a church because I thought he had AIDS. went up and said, this is for you.

He said, why? I said, because you're homeless and you have AIDS. And he said, I am not homeless and I don't have AIDS. And he did not take the money. You're just a skinny construction worker. I learned. Yeah, yeah, for Wilmington. It's just like a skinny guy with tattered up jeans.

I was like, you poor age man. He's like, I just got off the job, kid. Yeah, exactly. But it's like you don't know the markings of that. But then with, with COVID, I can only imagine kids that have been trained to be like, they're not wearing a mask. They're bad. Yes.

They're wearing a mask. They're bad. And then the judgment that goes along with that, you know, like, it's already coming out with so many stories of how, like, there's just a despondent generation of unsociable children. Oh, it's so sad. That's why I do. I give you,

I give my friend's parents credit. And again, like, I'm just speaking from the parents I know with their kids. But it seems that people that I know ancillarily in my life have done a real good job of, like, socializing their kids and this, at the other.

But then I talked to crowds. at night after shows and everything, teachers, and they're like, we're living in a doomsday nightmare of children unable to exist with each other. They don't know how to socialize or talk. My wife is the eighth grade teacher, and she said that, like, they don't. They literally don't know how to socialize. They don't know how, they don't dance anymore at school dances.

They're always on their phones or it's performative. Like, they'll be dancing, and then they'll be like, one second, let me video record this, and they'll stop dancing just for the content. Like, it's insane. Yeah, I mean. Have you picked up on that? Some might say TikTok is its own pandemic. That too.

These kids are infected. And it's all fake. It's bullshit. Now I agree as to why the producer should never talk. Yeah. But no, we got lucky because she, I think kids who are like a year older than my kid were stuck inside right when you're supposed to learn how to be around people. She, when she was too. How old was she? Do you mind talking about this?

No, no, no. She was born June of 2020, so three months into lockdown. Whoa. She was born. So those first couple years, it's all about your kid and the parents. And it actually helped us because we could just be, oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when it was time for her to meet a lot of other people, we were allowed to be outside.

And she, we met people, like, that's the thing, too, city versus suburban life where, like, suburban life, you can just stay in your little house. Yeah, a little neighborhood. But now she just met a shitload of people from the get, and now she's a very social kid. Right, right. Dude, there was not even a study, but a story that, and forgive me for not having all the details, even the town, but there was like a line of demarcation in this Texas town where one high school was completely shut down. All the kids had to go home, do online learning, completely ended every aspect of their high school life,

and butted up to that school was another school that stayed open, kept everything going on, kids were showing up to school, and the amount of suicides exponentially skyrocketed from the school where the kids had to go home. They were isolated and just staying at home and not having any community and any friends. Everything's online.

That's fascinating. And I, you know, like, I think this will be studied forever, you know, like how it was handled or mishandled or like, what could have been done differently. Well, to be studied. but it would also be like argued and used and weaponized. Right.

Because it's the sad thing is, and I've seen it online. I try to stay out of the conversations in real life, but I can't open re-comments and stuff on people's posts. But like the argument and the inability to let it go of people that were like not getting, you know, the shot and everything, to this day they're still like bitter about everything.

Like, you didn't listen to me, blah, I said. And it's like, yeah, I know, man, like, we, everybody fucked up. Maybe you, you were right. But can we let it go, like, and just, like, move forward and not have to, like, constantly bring this up.

But everybody is kind of loosening up on the fact. And I said it from the rip, like, dude, it is going to be, the worst part of this is not going to be the death fallout of the actual virus. It's going to be the societal consequences of shutting an entire world down. Yeah. And disrupting daily life. Yeah. You know.

Yeah, people's brains got broken as everybody says. Totally. I guess my thing is like, I can't get over the all or nothing thing of like people choose aside and then it's like you either wear a mask and you're responsible with your neighbors and you care about other people or your fucking selfish asshole and you should die or whatever. And I have family members. I remember like reposting stuff like about it being totally fake and totally invented.

And I'm like, I'm walking past tractor. freezer trucks full of corpses in my neighbor We were hearing helicopters bringing bodies above us Like being in New York during that time

was fucking Yeah, Elmer's my The methadone clinic I'd go to In the hospital They were putting corpses In like the cafeteria Fridges

That's how bad it was It was bad So like It was It's like It's like It's like deny that it was bad But like the

The like Overcorrection And shutting down Of everything Was obviously like so And what if it's cry wolf What if something happens

That is work? And everyone's like, no, I'm not going to listen to the government. I think there's just too many of us. Oh, it'll never ever happen again. No one's ever going to be like, yeah, this is a good. It'll always be like revolt. Well, another pandemic will happen though, right? Sure.

And people won't listen. They're like, I'm not taking that shot. Exactly. And they're not going to be like, I'm staying home. And we're all going to be zombies. Do you guys boost up? And no judgment if you don't. I got the Johnson and Johnson one time and that's it.

I don't give all fuck. Yeah. Because I got boosted again like two weeks ago. You fucking. Pussy. Are you for real? I got my, you got my, you got my, you got my fucking. You got a fan.

You're fired. And I went to fire. I went into. You have, we're queer. Oh my God. Are you serious? But here's my. Bitch made.

Bitch made. I'm just kidding. Bitch alarm. I like Patrick. But I've never felt better. I've never felt stronger. Oh, I bet. It's in your head.

That's a placebo, bro. Yeah, it's a placebo, you pussy. No, I went to the Walgreens on Knicker Avenue. Oh, that's not safe. And they put me in a window. Nickabaca. Yeah.

No, they hit you with fentanyl. Yeah. Exactly. They could have been putting anything in the arm. This guy wasn't wearing gloves. Oh, course. Probably like this dumb fucking white kid from the Midwest. One of the COVID shot here.

The pharmacist there is a African man. He's got the accent and everything. I don't know which country he's from. But I just figure he knows he knows about pandemics and viruses. Sure. Sure. But, yeah, I don't know. I'm going to keep boosting.

I like it. I'm going to keep boosting, and by that, I mean, stealing things and then selling them. Yes. Car Stereos. Is there still an aftermarket car stereo market? No. Like, is anybody stealing? It's all catalytic converters.

It's catalyct converter, yeah. Yeah, I'll say this. I got so sick this year. I've never gotten a flu shot, and I asked the doctor. I was like, should I get a flu shot? And he's like, you are so, like, good to. to go. You do not have to get a flu shot to like forever.

You're so germed up. You don't need to get any more. I should have a doctor. Your tolerance is high. He was like, I'm uncomfortable. No, you have AIDS. So he was saying, but he was saying you've inoculated yourself from being so sick. Yeah.

His tolerance is so high now. So many people are getting sick now. And I'm like, dude, bring it. Yeah. I've gotten everything this year. Yeah. Your immune system is. Yeah.

Well, I got the flu shot. And are you going to judge me for that? What's the other shot you got? I got. The COVID shot. The booster. The booster. In his busy, bussy, bussy pluster.

Jesus Christ. Did him on the same day, too. Oh, I also did Hep C, I think. They have that? I didn't know they had a vaccine for that. Oh, in a T-Dap. I got the T-Dap again. You'll just take anything they give you, huh?

You fucking, you vaccine cock. I got more microchips in Circuit City coursing through my body right now. True, man. I got free Wi-Fi in the center of my skull. Turn the TV on with your brain. Dealing your DNA. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, look, do whatever the fuck you want. I don't know. My mom got the shingles shot because she came up to visit. Yeah. And she got so stressed, she got shingles. But the last time she came up, it was great. Just give her some of your Valtrex. It's the same virus.

I don't take Valtrex. I'm clean. Well, I got bottles and bottles of that. You've got Valtrecks? Oh, yeah. Did you have herpes? You have herpes? You have herpes?

Yeah, I had no idea. Whose P's are these? I'm a carrier for HPV, but I don't have it. Yeah, yeah. So I just give it to what. Wait, how are you a carrier, but you don't have it? Because I never got symptoms, we got anything. Yeah, I think I had it and I just never went away.

And then the girls were like, I have HPV. I have something on my penis. Let's see. Is it cauliflower like? No, it's, I jerked off really hard without any lube. Okay, yeah. It's a rug burn. It's a wrong way.

And I've been trying to get rid of it. And I've just been like putting Neosport on it. I was going to say Vaseline. It's like rug burn. It's like, but I've stopped jerking off. So it's like gone away. But for a minute, I was like, God damn it, what have I done? You should dip it in paraffin wax and then put a condom on and then go to sleep.

What's paraffin wax? I don't know what that is. It's like people do with their hands. It's like ultimate like moisturizing. Oh, like what people do it with their feet and socks? Yeah, do that. It's so funny. Like an eczema wrap.

It's my little peener on a fucking wrapped in the spas day. Just leave it for two to three weeks. No, dude. When it happened like a month ago, I panicked and put Neosporne and Band-Aids on it. And then I went on a flight. And I was like, oh, I hope. They don't see it in the x-ray machine. It definitely saw something on top of it.

I know, I know. One time, well, this is a Patreon. I'll tell this on a Patreon. No, no, I'm saying. This is a story. I just would not be comfortable. I'm going to be comfortable. I get a piece so bad.

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Oh, no. Cousin Sherry. Yeah, man. We're back together. I haven't seen you since New Jersey. That was so much fun. Shout out my cousin Ian for giving me, was it, four guest spots? Yeah, we were working.

Yeah. We were working the road. Yeah, it was fun. I think I did like two out of four decent. No, you destroyed every single time. You think so? Yeah. I don't know.

They loved you. I loved you. I love you. You're really funny. I finally got a full picture of the world Ian comes from. Oh, yeah. We were talking about you actually in Denver. We were driving around and we were talking about the cousin relationship and how special of a relationship that is.

Oh, yeah. And I didn't realize that you two had literally known, like, been close his entire life. Yeah, I've known him since he was. born. Yeah, so you're older than Ian. Yeah, I'm older. I'm 40. I'll be 44. Oh, so I'm turning 45. When's your birthday? March 26. I'm March 20th. No, I'm a Pisces though.

Yeah, yeah, you're Aries. Yeah, I'm an Aries. Yeah, I'm a Pisces Aries. Both my siblings are Ares. Yeah, we're dickheads. So what, how would you describe Ian as like a 10 year old when he was 10? He was a wild child. Him and I always used to, like, steal the show and we always put on like, act. and plays and we would play Ghostbusters. We would like role play and play Ghostbusters.

We would play Teenage Mutant into Turtles. Did you ever take it too far? Did you guys ever hit each other or fight each other? No, no, no. Ian and I never physically got into fighting, but we would pick all my brother and beat him up. And we would like lock him in the corner or lock him. Ian had like a swing set in his backyard with like a shed.

And we would lock my brother in the shed or lock my brother behind the shed. Older brother or smaller brother? He's younger than both of us. he's younger than you, older than me. Oh, is he? Because my cousin and I would gang up on my older brother, who was much larger than me. Yeah. And we would, we would, like, fight him.

And he was larger, too, but we just, you know, we did what we did. I was telling Sherry, we were talking about the cousins and how special a relationship that is. Yeah, yeah. It was fun. We had a lot of fun. Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a swing set in a shed in my backyard, and my cousin, Shane was so.

like a little unpredictable. You never knew what crazy shit he was going to do. And one time he was like swinging so high. He was like, I'm going to do a full loop. Oh, yeah. And he tried to do it. And he flew straight up and then broke his arm. Oh, dude, I remember the first time.

That's great. The first time I ever remember bleeding was with Sherry. Yeah, we were on the steps. Yeah, yeah, we were on the steps and sleeping bags. And then I... Inside the house. Inside the house. Yeah, we did that too.

And then I went down and I sliced my head on like the wooden banister. And I remember getting up and I fell my head and I go, why is my head crying? Yeah, why is your head wet? And then I looked in the mirror and blood was gushing out. And that's when I started to like yelp and cry. Yeah, and then his mom and I think his mom and dad came over and my mom and dad rushed over

and they were like, he'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. He probably needed like six stitches. But they were, you know, they were partying. Exactly. They probably just spit on it and kept it moving. There are people like Miley Cyrus, I think Sam. Kenison, they have head injuries as children.

Roseanne. Roseanne, that's who I'm thinking of. Not Sam. Head injuries lead to these sort of, you know, interesting personalities. I've had a lot of head injuries too. Maybe having a head injury and then getting to have to give head really. Yeah, exactly.

The guy I am today. Thanks. You owe your whole career to that staircase and the guy who put his dick in that boy. You're welcome because I'm the one who pushed them down the stairs. So you're welcome for that. We did the same thing. We had these, you know, those huge teddy bears from the county fair? We had a huge one of those, and we would sit on that thing and just fucking ride it down the stairs.

Like, it was a sled. It was crazy. We were always doing shit like that. I mean, yeah. I don't know how our parents, like, and that's the thing, too. Like, I don't know if that change has changed. Like, I had a big family with a lot of cousins. We'd all hang out at one person's house.

It was always his house, and it was always like a big meetup. All of us would just be running around. And they didn't really watch. us either. Yeah, they're like smoking cigarette. Yep. In the dining room. In the kitchen. dining room. Yeah, they're playing games. And then you're just raising hell. Yep. Running outside.

Yeah. I remember we, I helped my dad put like my play set to play four things together in the backyard. I had like a little fire pole. I remember that. Yeah. And swings and a tire swing. And I remember we got done and my my grandfather, my poppy came over to help us. And it was me and my poppy and my dad.

My dad went inside. And I remember. I remember I was using a swing for it. And I specifically remember me telling my grandfather like, come on, go, go. Faster, harder. And I'll never forget. He goes, you really want to go? And I go, yeah. And I'll never forget.

He took and he ran and went under me. And I'll never forget. I flew. And my mom was watching from the kitchen window and ran out and was yelling at my grandfather. And I just remember being like, do it again, do it again, do it again. Yeah. Yeah. We call those underdogs.

Yes. Yeah. You beat them when you come out. Yeah, I got an underdog. Yeah. Shout out Gail. Aunt Gail, I love you very much. Did she have anxiety?

Like, do you think she was like, she didn't trust that? John would always override it and be like, he's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He'll be all right. He'll be all right. Your mom tells a story about how before I was born, my dad was always like, I'm not going to let him play with toy guns.

He's not going to have toy weapons. Right, right. You know, I really want to blah, blah, blah. And then she said she came over one day and I had a toy mace. I was just so waiting. But it's medieval. It was just like, well, dude, the whole concept of Eindoo is that I would bug my parents to do what they were doing so much. And I would just say Eindu to like let me do it to the point where they just had to give in.

And that video of me going, Ian do. Ian do. My dad was sawing a piece of wood. And I just kept saying Eindu to the point where he gave. and gave me a fucking song. Yeah, he did. And I was like four or three, and I'm just begging and annoying to the point where he's like,

fine, take a sharp object. Just shot the fuck on. Exactly. Just saw right next to me. Who cares? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares? That was John, though. He was the alpha male, man. Yeah. He was... But he was sensitive. He did. Yeah, he had a really sensitive side. He wrote poems and literature.

Had a journal. He had a bunch of journals from whatever. Yeah, your dad would tell me how you would go over the house and you'd have, like, all these notebooks, it's like poems and journals. And people could read him. He didn't care. You ever think he wrote bits? Stand-up bits?

Yeah, just like anything that he thought was funny or amusing, though? No. He was funny. He was very funny. He had like a dark sense of humor. He was very witty and charming, sarcastic funny. Dark, yeah, he was dark funny. Do you ever think he's observing what's happening for you?

Oh, of course. Oh, yeah, he didn't. I believe this wholeheartedly. My Uncle John did not let Ian Knight hang out during our teenage years because he knew we'd probably both be dead. We'd probably both be OD'd in the Home Depot parking lot. Totally. Yeah.

And he brought us back together at a time. As adults, when he was like, okay. When we got our shit together. Yeah. Ian's sober. The way we hung out was like whatever she did, I'd have done. Yeah. And once she started banging dope, I'd have been like, all right.

Let's go. Yeah. And I always had to be the extreme. So I'd have probably been like, I could do more than you. I put it in my neck. Yeah. I'm like, okay, let's try the neck. Yeah.

And where was your brother when you started partying and stuff? Was he around? Playing Doom on the computer. Like he took a different path? He wasn't like a path where he don't move. Yeah, yeah, he's just a quiet guy. Yeah, yeah. He's a quiet guy.

He's into cars and stuff. Intervert, quiet. Interesting, yeah. But I firmly believe my dad brought us back together once we had our shit together to like have us reconveneem when we really like needed each other. And so we've like, Because when my dad died, we didn't, my mom took me away from everyone in his family. Like just, and for better or worse, it was just self-preservation and protection because

anytime she was around someone that had a connection to my dad, she would just get incredibly sad. Yeah, my dad would always bring it up and want to show videos of them and all that. It was too upsetting for her. I don't blame her. Go off and like get really, she called it being weird, but really I was just trying to process grief. You're grieving. You're grieving. I would get really upset and, like, angry.

And she would be like, you're being weird. Stop being weird. Yeah. So she doesn't want to bring me around anyone. Yeah. And then for her, it would be upsetting. Totally understandable. Oh, for sure.

I get it. It is what it is. But I didn't see my dad's side of the family after he died for, like, maybe like 18 years. Oh, wow. 20, you know, 15, 18 years maybe. And so I think also, like subconsciously, not subconsciously, but serendipers. Seriously, that was for the best because, like I said, like she and I would have been terror twins. I had to find my own path.

And also, like, when I was down and doing my dirty shit, I didn't want anyone that knew him to see me like that. Right, yeah. So I kind of had to go through my thing on my own. Right. And when I went through, like, getting sober and all my, like, rehab and stuff, I really, like, extricated myself from the life of everyone around me. because I didn't want to put anyone like through that. And God bless my friends for like sticking by me and like still being in my life. But I very much like disappeared from a lot of people's lives.

And I had to do it. But then I think like my dad brought us back to be together in a time when we could like really need it and use it. Yeah. I firmly believe that. Have you met anybody that knew him well that has said you remind me of him in any kind of way? I mean. He, yeah. He is a lot like John.

Like, do you look like your dad? Yes. A lot. I like your beard, by the way. It looks great. I like the mustache too. With the beard, you really look like John.

He really looks like his dad right now. That's interesting. Yeah. But my dad did, he had reading glasses. He didn't have glasses. But I've been like blind since I was like six great. But he probably needed glasses but didn't wear him maybe.

I don't know. Is he tatted? No, he had one tattoo. Yeah. What was it? It was a butterfly in a rose on his hip. Oh. Him and my uncle cabin.

So he was also gay? What? Fuck you. Take another vaccine, you fucking pussy. He's sensitive guy. But, yeah, no, he, I very much, here, I'll show you a picture. You'll fucking shit yourself. You wore wife beaters a lot, too.

But, yeah, I mean, like, everyone that knew him says I'm, like, a spitting image. I mean, I wasn't allowed to. Ian's also tough, like, he'll tough. Like, if he has to punch you in the face, he will. But he also is very sensitive to it. You know what I mean? I mean, look, like, there was a period of time when I was growing up sometimes. my mom would just like look at me and cry because I look so much.

And your feet are just like his too. She didn't like that. I couldn't wear, I couldn't be bare foot in the house because she'd cry looking at my feet. Yeah. Yeah, that's really kind of fucked like. Oh, wow. That's crazy.

Yeah. Is he? Yeah, that is you. With those pictures of your longer hair, I really see the. Oh, for sure. Yeah, wow. Looks like his mom a little bit too. He's a looker.

He's very. Oh, he was a ladies man, dude. My mom said all the moms in the carpool lane would always be like, and how's John? Blah, blah. And he was a drummer. My dad and his dad were in a band. And he was in the tapes of them playing together.

Yeah, he was a drummer. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was wild. Yeah, but I found all my dad's book of poetry, and he kept a journal from, like, around. I found his journals when he was around, like, 24 to 25. And I found his journal when he was getting sober and when he met my mom.

Wow. He kept, he met my mom in December in 1980. And in November of 1980, he kept writing on the date December. And he kept crossing out running November. And then he wrote, I don't know why I keep writing December. I think something special is going to happen in this upcoming month. And then he met my mom. And the journal entries kind of stopped.

And then he would say, I met my moon woman who I see in the night sky. And you were born at December. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was talking about my mom. That's crazy. Wow. See, the way his dad died, too, was, I don't know if you know the story about how he died. I don't think so. But it was so tragic.

And it's unlike anything you've ever really heard of. It's like in like a, it would be like a horror movie or like, you know, I don't know how to describe it. But that also bonded us together as well, just because I don't know if it's wrong to say this, but like it's different if someone had a heart attack as a way, as opposed to like how his dad died. It was so unexpected. It was so shocking. So.

This deserves another smoke. So violent, you know. I don't know if Ian's ever like disclosed on how he died, but how he died was really fucked up. Like really, really fucked up. So that also bonded everybody together as well too. But also like completely tore everything apart because it was such an inexplicable loss.

I just remember when it happened Everybody came to the house and nobody talked And it was just like Everybody was like completely Just like shook Very much You know First time I saw my dad cry

It was when his dad died Very first time And I assume these are younger parents Like it sounds like Oh yeah 26 27 When you were born When you were born

Yeah my dad had just turned 37 He had just He was 10 days after he turned 37, he died. And he died at work in an accident. And yeah, it was, he, he returned a train yard. And there was like an accident. And he got crushed by a freight train. And that was, like, very brutal to, like, wrap my head around.

But at the same time, it was very much, like, you know, because it was so gruesome and, like, horrid. I was never told like the specific details of it until his best friend at work this woman Lori Who found him and then she took his chain and gave it to me She ended up living with us in like 2012 and then one night she told us specifically like what happened and I finally Found out how it happened in 2012 and he died in 93 and And then my mom and I never really talked about that day until I'll never forget.

It was like Christmas Day 2019. And the passage of time is a beautiful thing because we talked about it in a way that we cried and we hugged and we laughed. And, you know, laughter has been so important. And, you know, I firmly believe that he's still dancing around somewhere, you know, for better or worse. As much as I've, like, struggled my whole life to, like, want him here in the physical. I have to believe that he's here in the spiritual and there was a moment actually man I found it the other day and let me and then and then we'll switch topics because this is getting a little no I like it I think it's you know I like talking about John I haven't talked about him in a while I know I know I've been like two two years or so since we've gone in depth about but um there was oh okay so um it's just so weird man like you know my mom's still talking about it's been like you know my mom's still talking about but um over and everything and I pray to him every day and I um I was down in Austin and I did Rogan with the tell and the tell has become like you know I've said it like a million times probably

but he's become like you know a very wonderful figure in my life and um he's very much become kind of like a father figure in a way and I'm so lucky for that but uh I was down in Austin I did Rogan with with Dave and I was up at five in the morning in Austin I couldn't sleep and I went outside and the birds are chirping and my dad and I always shared nature and like we'd go to the beach together and we'd go camping and so nature was like such a big part of our connection and I'm outside and I found these like trees in in the downtown Austin and these birds are chirping and I just started looking up at the sky I just started talking to my dad and I just started saying thank you. I'm like, thank you, thank you for staying with us. Thank you for taking

care of mom. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for somehow giving me this life still, even though you're not here. And I just started crying and like smiling. And I wasn't crying through sadness. I was crying through joy that I've been able to, you know, kind of go through this and face it. It doesn't, you know, tear me down like a weight like I'm just sinking anymore. I can recognize and let it pass through me, you know, and the next day, I called my mom and we're talking and I go, oh, mom, I talked to dad last night. He said everything's going to be okay. And she goes, no, you didn't. I go, yeah, why? And she goes, because I talked to dad last night. I go, oh, yeah? And she goes, yeah, I couldn't sleep. I was up at 5 a.m. And I started talking to him and I started rummaging through

things. And I found a poem he wrote us. And dude, the poem is, and she said she went outside and started talking to the sky 5 a.m. I'm in Austin, right. And the poem is, I'll follow you, you'll follow me, together we will always be. I'll leave my love in your care. I'll take a seed to plant up there and watch it grow. So even while we're apart, we'll have something to share. And it was just so crazy that we're both looking at the night sky talking to this guy who's

been dead for 30 years and he's still there and he's still talking back and in this dead man's text he's talking about planting a seed up there and it was just such a moment of like man whether it's real or not i got to believe that it is and i got to keep it with me because that why would i fight it and say that's not real you know i believe it's real and and and for for i say it a bunch but thorns and roses i'm i'm lucky to have the roses too but Yeah. It's true. That's amazing.

Yeah, it's crazy. And the cool part of that is I tried to tell Rogan and he didn't listen. He's like, he's like, well, you know, Bro, birds. You believe in conspiracies? How about this, brother? You should have been like, listen to how my dad died.

He got squished by a train. That's pretty manly, right, Rogan? How about that, Rogan? My dad got swished by a train. Motherfucker what? He was a guy who put the two pins together, and he was in the middle and he got squished. That that ain't manly suck my dick,

Rogan. that's what you should have told him not the poem shit then he would have been like oh yeah your dad got swoosh by train that's fucking awesome no he's like birds

dude birds are like satellites from aliens birds aren't real right right yeah you were talking to the government I thought you were gonna say hey mom I talked to dad last and he said everything's gonna be alright

and she's like oh my god I talked to him too and he said we're fucked yeah that's so funny yeah she said you got a bag dad said back a bag and go to New Mexico they're coming oh shit Get out of here.

But little stuff like that, I think is so important. Like I went back, I always go back home on his anniversary. And I, you know, my mom and I were up. We got up at the time that he passed, you know, and we're outside drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette. And we're talking. And all of a sudden, this rabbit came and hopped up, like three feet in front of us. And my mom grabs me and she, like, can't breathe.

I'm like, what's wrong? She's like, the first date your dad and I ever went on. we had to pull over because rabbits were crossing the road and we saw these rabbits. And rabbits always remind me of John. And dude, the rabbit came up. We said hi to dad. He went away.

And then right before we went inside, he marched across a lawn again. It's like, man, I don't know, but having, I firmly believe in spirits. And if you have a strong enough connection with someone, they don't go and they stay. You just have to be open to it and see it. and be grateful for it.

And I see those things now, and I see it with gratitude rather than like, and you're living in grace. Pain, loss and sadness. Or skepticism. Also, like, I got to pee up in the room. You ever hear people in the rooms call God GOD the Great Outdoors?

No. That's a good one. I like that one. Oh, I like that. I do feel, I do feel like a much bigger power. I like saying, is it odd or is it God? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Hell yeah.

Dude, I was talking. I'll tell one more story, but my dad and I used to do guys weekend at the beach. I didn't expect the conversation of flow this way. I'm sorry. No, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry if you're saying things you would perform. No, no, no, no.

But my dad and I would go to the beach. Guys, we get at the beach and just be us. And whenever we leave my mom would go. And one last thing, don't talk to any babes. And so the last time we did guys weekend, at the beach. We were to red light and I opened the glove box and her lipstick was in the glove box. So we put lipstick on our mouths and we started kissing ourselves. And my mom was painting the living room and I kicked the door up. I go, Mom, we couldn't keep the babes off of us.

And she like fell off the ladder crying. But my dad and I on the last day, we would always. I mean, that's a great bit that your dad, he wrote that bit. Your dad was a comic. Yeah. That's very funny. He, uh, he would always take me, we'd get, I'd get him a pounds orange juice you get a coffee we go the same part of the beach and watch a sunrise and uh good god years ago i brought my ex or i've talked about um when when we just shacked up together and you know she was like the one and everything and i brought her down to the beach i would go to and one morning i woke up and i saw the sunrise and i felt such a connection to him and i was like oh my god this is amazing and i was like crying and i was talking to him and it was like so beautiful and i told

I was like, I need to bring you to this spot in the morning. You have to see the sunrise over the sea. This was so important to me, blah, blah, blah. Well, dude, the night before that we were supposed to do it the next day. That night, we couldn't sleep. She's like not wanting to get up. I get her up and she's like, do we have to? I'm like, yes, yes, we have to.

And then I bring her there, dude. It's cloudy. The sun's not coming out. It starts to rain. I have a picture of us and she looks so miserable. And I'm just like, we'd be. dating for like a fucking two months. I'm like, you gotta see the spot

where I did, Jen. I would go and it was like, dude, you got to chill. Not everything needs to be shared with everyone else. Or John was like, I'm gonna give you a cloudy day because fuck this bitch. You're not supposed to be with her. This hell ain't for you, baby. No, no, no. I'm kidding.

I'm an asshole. But, yeah. I'm sure she's a great girl. Yeah. Oh, man. She's great. Yeah, that's tough when something's so special to you and it's just hard to It's just like recreating the moment. Like you ever do like a riff on stage and it's great and you try to recreate?

It's inauthentic. It's not real. The joke doesn't work again. For the moment. Some things are just meant to live in that space and then you move home. Or between you and that one other person and not like transmitted to a new party. That's true too. Yeah.

But, you know, I mean, I think we've covered it all this episode. I had fun. I always love bug chaser. Well, you should say. Having sex with my counselors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Terry statutory rape tales. Patrick being a government cuck.

I don't think we've really covered it. Exactly. One thing you didn't say, I don't know if you said it on this episode, but you have a new TV show that you've been working so hard on. And that people should watch. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. Subscribe.

Two episodes just dropped. Every episodes come out every other Tuesday. Produced by YMH. Patrick is my man with the plan behind the camera. Shout out Red Stalley Media for editing. And yeah, yeah, it's great, too. One, did I tell you it? You know, Subway Takes?

Yeah. I'm going to do Subway Take My Job where I interview Kareem. That's great. Oh, that's cool. That's going to be fun. We got to get you a suit. We got to get you a oversized suit. Yeah.

Oh, and also. Boxy sopranos. Also, I got to talk to you about another thing. We're going to get done. But give your guys this. You have a great special out. Yeah, I got a special on Amazon. I'm on Instagram.

What's this special called? It's called Qualification. Yes. And yeah, I'll be doing a bunch of shows with Ian this year. Yes. Nice. Please come see us. Yeah.

Hell of you. Sherry. Pimp Daddy podcast. It's not doing so great, but you know what? We're having fun and hopefully it will do well one day. And Ian gives me guest spots sometimes when he's in town and hopefully he'll give me more. Yes. And that's it.

And see Sherry. listen to her podcast. Ian Duh, odd guy doing odd jobs. Out now. I Animal 69 on Instagram at Ian Doo Show on Instagram and IanFidance.com

for all my dates. I'm going all over. Check it out. We'll put up the flyer. Patreon.com slash be in Eam pod for a bonus episode, early episode, game episodes. And punchup.

That live slash Jordan Jensen to see her on the road. Get tickets to her, bust it up to her. See her in the new movie. is this thing on out in theaters now and uh we'll see you next time love you guys bye