Bein' Ian With Jordan - Earring Con-Fidance W/ Matt Ross & Brendan Sagalow | Bein' Ian with Jordan #220

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

Comedian & pal Matt Ross joins Ian & SAGDADDY to talk a lil comedy goss, best local touring haunts, & Ian's new piercing. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ https://BlueChew.com/ - For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/ska Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Matt! https://instagram.com/mattrosscomic Follow Brendan! https://instagram.com/brendansagalow Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor.

Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Telling jokes and having smokes. riding back all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what

Now you know He likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in And life is shit But you're positive Let's find out what it's like To live alive

Being in Dude the lonely Island was a legit I remember I lived in an old farmhouse in Delaware and I would just listen to the lonely island. Oh yeah. I remember those I remember like getting into the Lonely Island like before they got

on S&L and it was like a win for us like all my friends loved the Lonely Island and then they were like they got on SNL and we were like fuck yeah man our team. They were on they were around before S&L. Yeah they had a they had a sketch group called

the Lonely Island. I've never heard of a lonely Island hipster before. Like I went up before they got big. I'll tell you the same thing with Derek comedy. Also, I was really into Derek comedy before Gambino took off. I'll tell you something about Derek comedy. You were supposed to be the fourth guy. Brother.

When I was a freshman in college, 18, NYU, I auditioned for Camp on ijuana, the NYU improv team. And it was Donald Glover. Who were the other guys? What were their other names? Dominic Derrickus and DC Pearson. DC Pearson, yeah. And me and DC were auditioning. And Dominic and Donald were already in it.

And we went through this audition process. There was like 40 people auditioning. I had never really done improv before. I had started taking like a class. And it got down to me in DC and they picked DC for the team, right? And I was like so dejected and I was so upset. What if that's how Hitler, instead of it being art, you know how he got rejected from art? What if Hitler was like got rejected from an improv audition?

And that's why he. And he went after Jews because they're really good of comedy. No. And so then I was so sad, upset, rejection, rejection. And then they were like, hey, you didn't make the team. But like, do you want to come and like practice with us? Like, we liked you. We loved you.

It was really fun. Do you want to come and like practice, you know, a couple nights and, you know, just hang out? And I was so like hurt. I was like, no. And then I totally like, you could have been in their movie they made. Oh, I don't even know about that. But also I had another blunder freshman year when I moved to New York. I would go to midnight screenings of White Hot American Summer.

And they would have a costume contest. And I would dress up as Alan Shemper. And every time I would win. And I would make up new lines. everything and David Wayne and show Walter were like, hey, you're really funny. We're working on like a new thing. Do you want to come to like a pitch writing meeting? It's at NYU.

And I was like, all right. And then I would go and we would hang out and it was like really fun. And you worked the merch table? And we'd make each other. There's some like insulting thing going on. And it started up the street and I'm not here for it. I really don't want it. I do not want it.

Riff and add. Do not riff and paint. Okay. Because I got some fatty fat fat fat fat fat in the chamber. I could fucking shoot your way. That's okay, man. Start shooting. Start shooting.

Yeah? No. Good. Welcome to another episode of being Ian and friends. Jordan is on assignment when she's out of town. The kids are going to play around. Ian has a amazing and I love it. New earring confidence.

Yeah. I am 41 and I just got my first earring and I didn't get both. I got it old school. the one because I'm 40 fun. I now talk in rhymes. 40 fun. Yeah. And everybody wanted me to get two.

And I'm like, no. That's, I'm old school. 80s, 90s, one. I'm just surprised you didn't. Visibly queer. I also have a new rainbow bracelet. I'm just surprised you didn't get two.

That's the thing. I think because everyone was telling me to, I was like, no, I like the one. And I tried, I looked it with two and it just didn't feel right. Yeah. Wait, why? Everybody has two.

Why are you surprised you can get two? One makes sense to me. Like, like when I, when I was a kid, I wanted one earring. Like that was cool. Once it settles,

I'm getting a dangly cross. Like, I know we're going to get a dangly cross. You got a dangly cross. He's going to go Dominican. On the pod, be and Ian with, be and Ian and friends.

I'm so excited. Uh, the friend of friends, Brendan Sagalo. And a new friend of the pod, a wonderful God. Yeah. I like that.

Matt Ross. Hell yeah. Yeah. Where'd you to go? So did you go to Clare's or where did you go? Towing the line. I thought he. Is that toe in the line?

I'm asking a question. Ask a question. You can't, don't, uh, don't, uh, police my speech, okay? We have someone who lives in Austin here. Yeah. Okay. The last thing. You have a free speech warrior in your basement right now.

You better watch out. The last thing we need. Who knew free speech meant screaming annoyingly? Um, just kidding. What's sad? I couldn't hear you over the all you could eat buffet. Not you. I wasn't talking about you, must-ish. I wasn't talking about you.

All right. Sorry, long white tea to hide the weight. I am. Guys. All right. You want to get some military haircut? No, no, no, no. I just don't like seeing two nice people.

I actually don't mind. Like, I'm not hurt by that. Yeah. I like myself. I like me. My kids like me. My wife likes me. You know what?

You see me. You get. You see what you get on the real article. What is that? That's what he says. He says, I'm the real article. Yeah, he says,

because I'm the real article. Damn. Yeah. I'm the genuine article. I didn't know he said, you know what? I haven't seen plane trains and automobiles in like 15, 25 years. Dude, it's so good.

We, you brought it up, but you said, I look like I'm in the bird cage. Compliment because I like me. My wife likes me. My kids like me. My cats like me.

Watch along bird cage. Your producer, not so much. People that deal with me in my daily life. Jordan. My mom likes me because she's not around me. My kids like me because I don't have kids. Or a wife. Cats like me.

Because I feed them. They have no children like you. You go people like me in a little bits. A small dose. Small doses. Birdcage watch-along. We're going to do a birdcage watch-along on the Planes, trains, automobiles watch along.

Oh, man. If we're picking between the two, I don't know. I hope you brought your sleeping back then. You're going to be here all night. Oh, yeah. Dude, I literally, I'm not going to sleep over because I have a wife. But I'm... I have a race car bed.

Do you? I'm sleeping in a bed with my wife. What the... Fuck, dude. I don't want to ruin the vibe, but I haven't seen either of those movies. Oh, man. Why? I don't know.

He's young. I'm not that, y'all. I'm 32, but, yeah. He just turned 21. Fuck. You're a young boy. Well, are you a movie guy or a TV guy? Here's the thing.

I really. Don't sit next to the man. He invited the young boy to sit on, next to you on the couch in your basement. Come here. Check out this earring. This will be the queer couch and that'll be the straight guy couch. I like that. Are you queer? What's your queer journey?

Yeah. You're queer? Yeah. It's similar to yours. I don't think I, I'm, is down with dudes as you are. But I'm, I'm there. I walked to, you are never, have you never listened to me? All the shows that we've done together, you've never listened to my act.

I never heard you talk about that. So you're into the dolls and so. I do love the dolls. I love the dogs. I walk so you could run. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Oh, you like, the trans.

I like trans people, yeah. Trans people. Whoa. I didn't know any of that about. you. Yeah, because you don't have the way you sit makes sense. And I think. The fuck does that.

What? Just because I'm talked right now? Thank you. I want to. I'll sit like that too. I like something like that. It's nice. It does feel nice.

$100 might be you can fully cross your leg. My granddad sat like this. Ow, my balls. And I don't think my granddad liked the dolls. I really don't. I really like that you played with dolls. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My parents let me play with Barbies when I was younger and then just I phased out of it. But I played with Barbies because a girl I liked at barbie. I'm surprised I've never met a woman named Barbie. Like, it's such a popular tour. You've never met like a diverse, divorced, conservative woman.

Yeah. Maybe, does it come from Barbara? I think, I think it would come from Barb, yeah. Barb, Barbie. Yeah, I mean, it has to, right? Yeah.

Is that where the, is that where Barbie comes from? Is that a spin on the name Barbara? I think so. Is it? Fuck, man. What about Bambi? You ever meet a Bambi?

No. I don't think so. I have not. You know who I hate? Anyone that names their little teacup dog Bella. Never met a good person with a dog named Bella. Interesting. Never.

I don't really like the little teacup dogs, period. No. I hate having to pretend like they're cute. They are cute. How hot is Bella Thorne? I don't know who that is. I haven't heard anybody talk. Yeah.

Who is that? Who is that? I'm trying to get you guys into women again. She used to be. We are. We are. We are. We are.

We are. Protect the dolls. Yeah. Hey. Wait. What? Bell Thorne was a Disney girl. Oh.

Belmontna. Remember her? Mm-hmm. Anil queen. She was in a porno called my ass is haunted. Oh. Whoa. Yeah.

Shout out. Watch along. Patreon. I'll stick around for that one. I'll stick around for that picture. The crotch along is where that is, that is actually. that is actually. a hilarious idea for a Patreon and call it a crotch along

where you and your buddy watch porn together and jerk off under blankets. I mean, I am kicking it old school with the earring. I'll kick it eighth grade style. Yeah, well, you pull your dick out. I'll kick you out of this place, sir. Okay. Guess what? Late breaking news, Dolly Parton died.

No. Just found out. Are you doing like a... I swear to God. Are you doing like... Look, look. Like when... This is a bit.

No. Just found out. No way. This isn't like one of those videos where you tell your dad, like Bon Jovi died and he freaks out. Oh, no. Good God Almighty. What an angel.

What an angel. Yeah. Jolene. That's crazy. Joling. One of the brothers at the grade school I went to always talked about Tali Barton's boobs. He was like, did she have nice boobs?

I would never get married unless it was to Dolly. That was, well, yeah, that's like, I mean, it wasn't her thing, but it's one of her things is that she. Well, she's also a talented artist, blah, blah, blah, blah, but she has huge fake tape. I don't know that. Her thing was looking like a Barbie, Bambi, and then subverting that by being this deeply intelligent, wonderfully talented musician, humanist person that cared about others, donated money, but you would see her tits and be like, oh, she's just, and I think that was kind of like

a little bit of her thing. Yeah, that is kind of like a living, legend, dying kind of. shit. Yeah. She was a living legend. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. It's not kind of brother. It is. It is, brother. It is. Damn. I never really enjoyed Dolly Parton's music all that much. You ever hear Jolene slow down

to like 13 rates per second? Yeah. Unreal. It sounds of course. I want that. Dude, that plays when you inject heroin and just accept fate. Is it? Oh my God. Have you done heroin? Yeah, because I know you're sober, but what was your thing?

I'm sober as well. I used to do heroin. Really? Yeah. Intravenous. Yeah. Not me. Really?

No, I think he did it into his vein, not into his penis. You did intra penis? I did boofing. Yeah. God damn it. I was more of a front guy. You're a back guy. Top bottom situation kind of vibe.

Did you smoke it or did you? I did smoke it for a while, but then eventually you got to inject. Yeah. You know, the Yety monster comes around. You say not yet. And then that Yety monster comes and he takes over, brother. Yeah. So wait.

How long. Clean are you? October will be like a decade. Every time you go on a podcast. Every time. Dude, when I did soders pod, the full hour was him asking about, which was nice. You know, you talk to myself, about myself. But yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm over 11 years sober. No drugs or no booze. But heroin was, I never shot it. I snorted it. Yeah. Not even like I made sure to like do it and then not do it again so that I wouldn't get addicted. Because by the grace of God, if I did.

do heroin more than once, I would have been hookline and sync or phone. I wish I had thought of that. How did you get? How often were you shooting? Um, oh no. Is it making your tummy hurt? It's so gross. Call one eight under pussy.

Shooting is nuts, dude. Uh, wait, what did you ask how often? How long were you in? Or how long was I doing it? How old were you? So 10. I got sober when I was 22. I turned 23 while I was in rehab.

So I got sober really young. So, Since? That was my first, like, it was my first, like, impatient rehab. I had tried other, I was, like, doing the Suboxin thing for a while and therapy and whatever that didn't really take. But that was my first, like, big go of it.

And then, yeah, I've been, been sober sense. I was shooting up for probably like a year. God, damn. Most, mostly every day. Yeah. Every day you'd wake up doing it. Every single day. I would have, like, spurts on and off.

Were you Christmas? Yeah, I love stealing. I also used to take Xanax. You just steal against your will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even, I'm just like, you become green goblin with on Zanx. Yeah, it really is.

Do it. Take it. Do it. Bro, I was hit the travel size toothpaste from CVS. I was in my brain with a guy who blacked out on Xanax and just was breaking into people's cars and homes. And he came out of a blackout and was in jail. And they're like, you are fucked. Imagine take Zanax.

You're like, I'm going to steal the declaration of independence. That really is. That really is what happens. Did you ever do it on Christmas? Do heroin on Christmas? Dude, I actually have, dude. So one time I was in the sanctity of, of, I ruined Easter one time doing Oxy.

But I one time. Easter though, who cares? Yeah, that's true. But my entire family was at my house. My entire family cared. It was like 20 people and my nieces were like scared of me. Like so it was like, yeah. You're just sweating gone.

I found all the eggs. Yeah. Yeah. I took all the $1. I took all the $1. Yeah. How come there's pills in my basket, Uncle Matt?

Matt's been in the backyard. One time on Christmas Eve, I snuck out and I was, this is when I was still smoking heroin, and I ended up with the guy I bought it from, who was also just another heroin addict. Sure. The like, the like fucking like shitty rundown apartment he was in.

It was him. I remember, dude, you would think this could bring me back, like into reality. I was sitting. in the corners of the bathroom smoking it. His meth head neighbor was talking to me about nothing, which is what they'd love to talk about.

And then he was sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles, like trying to hit a vein in his thighs. And I was just like, happy to be there. And holly jolly Christmas. It was like one of those moments. Jingle bells. I'm like, I can't believe.

Christmas music, for the most part, the slow ones are great heroin songs. You just jingle bells. Yeah. It's like spooky. It's Christmas time. Dude, I straight up my, this is like the, just like what, I mean, I'm sure you absolutely relate, but like one Christmas, I was living in that farmhouse apartment and I, uh, I had vodka, booze,

everything and I got fucking fucked up Christmas Eve. I got kicked out of a bar on Christmas Eve and I went to another and I handed in my AA chips because I heard if you hand in your AA chips, you'll get free drinks. And the guy was like, that was like a joke in AA. Uh-huh. And I tried. And the guy was like you're gonna fucking leave man like this is yeah That's so sad you're like you're like get it and then and then the next day

I went I knocked on my neighbor's door and I was like yo I can't do this anymore I'm fucked up I gotta get sober here's my booze take my weed take my coke Merry Christmas I'm starting fresh today Jesus's birthday day one sobriety and then I went to a family thing and by 2 p.m. I stole I stole a bottle jack Daniels got lit in my car and then drove back like drunk and just was on a fucking bender. And I had every intention and will to be like, this is it. And then I went around booze and I was like, it's mine. I've thrown away drugs so many times. Like, this is it.

In front of my girlfriend. This is it. Watch me. I don't think this is going to hit at all. But you remind me of like from when you went from like that life to who you are now. Did you ever see the Powerpuff Girls episode Where they have to battle like a mime Never seen the show

But I'm glad you did not say Stuart Little They have to like They battle this like sad mime And then he becomes a clown When he gets his color back Oh that's like yeah Or he loses his color And becomes an angry mime

And that's you What am I? The other one Well now you're You didn't matter That literally was for nobody That was for any of the Powerpuff fans that are

Any PowerPov stands out there? Wait, what's the hardest drug you've done? Rapping. Tell me about it. I've been having a video of me. Rapping go by. Begumming. The most hooks you've ever been. Take my style out. A video. A video. Raps on. Yeah, rap. I'd rather wrap my head in plastic and not be able to breathe. It's actually kind of good at it, though. Piano man. I'm like at a piano. The one that falls on your head? Yeah, it's the one where Daffy Ducks said, or Donald Ducks said the N-word and lightheaded.

Oh, speaking of the N-word, I have a funny story. Go ahead. No, I was just going to finish that joke. But anyway, tell me a funny story. I was in Winnipeg this weekend. And how was you guys' weekends? Was it good? Yeah, it was pretty good.

I did the Commonwealth Comedy Club on Friday. How was that? In Kentucky, Northern Kentucky, basically Cincinnati. It was great. Really great. Really? Yeah. Yes.

And old boy does that whole neighborhood show it. That's great. You should do that club. You both share it. It's really fun. It's in like an old church that they've remade. There's bats flying around. You would love it.

Lord. And, but it is in the middle of the ghetto. You look around and you're like, holy shit. I love that. The neighborhood is shameless. I was in near Louisville.

I told the crowd, it's good that they're laughing because if they were silent, we'd hear their cars being broken into. Can I have that for when I do? You take it. Yeah. I took a bunch of stuff. There's a church down the road.

And I went, does that church do improv? I went, I went no wonder God left this. Yeah, the only bills they don't believe in are GLP ones. Hey,

oh. Hey, they're fat. Hey, no. Come on out. Come on. Oh, so I was in

Winnipeg, shout out rumors, five sold out shows. I appreciate it. Thank you. I love you. I, every town I go to,

I try to make friends. So when I go back, I'm not lonely. And there's a big punk skin scene up there. And shout out. Punk West. skins, skinheads. Oh.

Do you guys, okay, let me just say it right here. But like a good one. They're good. Yes, yes. They're not. Skin heads, sharps. Sharks. Sharp's.

Skin heads against racial prejudice. Skin heads against racial prejudice. Sharps. The bad skins, they're not even skins. They're called bone heads. Nazi skins. Fuck you. You beat the fuck out of Nazi skins.

Get them out of the scene. Yeah. Skins are good. Humans are just desperately looking for like connection. Connection. That's in our DNA to connect and find your people. Not my DNA. You're telling me you mean another.

You mean a lone wolf. You're telling me, you meet another guy. You mean another silly guy who's like, dude, you should hear me freestyle. You wouldn't be like. No, I'd feel threatened like I was a fighting fish. Dude, it's like you do the same. God damn. If pain ready starts freestyle, like I'm going to have a real problem with that.

It's just two beta fish in the same fucking bowl. Going, yo, check my style out. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. There's only room for one rapping white guy at the stand. Well, luckily, they don't book me there. Oh, perfect.

Yeah, him and Chris Turner have a fuck to the death. Yeah. So, well, the skin movement started in Jamaica with Roots Rock, Steady, Skah, and then it moved to England where Roots Rock Steady Skah kind of moved. And it was a movement of like street kids, working class kids that would get beat up for being different. So they all shave their heads and dress the same so they could identify each other. And then Harley Flanagan from the Kromags went over there. And when he was like 15, got involved.

then came over and kind of brought skins to America. And there are different skins and different scenes and everything. Good guys, great people, back tarred. But there's a big scene in Manitoba, which is great. And so they've all kind of like embraced me and coming out to the show. So I go to this bar every time I'm there called the Handsome Daughter. And which is also his type. Yes, yes.

And also very much so. Looking for the handsome daughter, but I will settle for an okay brother. I show up there I'll go for the I uncle I I like that I keep going Okay so so I go to this bar after after the The last night everybody's hanging out

And I get out the Uber and there's like this this Kid there who's got like a battlejack on he's like a punk and everything And I had like my shirts and posters battle jacket Yeah it's like a jean jacket that you have like patches on on the back of like bands and shit you like so um i i i get out of the uber and i my posters and this kid looks at me and he you can tell he's like fucked up and he's like oh my guy he's a freak out he's like i love you blah blah blah like but and then he starts to be like touchy and he's like no seriously i fucking love you like i i'll suck you dick like please and i'm like oh man suck your

hey hey hey and he starts touching me i'm like i appreciate it let's go in the bathroom but like cool it save it for later i'm staying at the high sober up i don't want toothy head sober up i don't want to get a me too and you're kind of ugly it's a me too um so he is touch me i'm like yo man don't touch me i don't like that please like don't touch me and he's like is that a poster can i have a poster i'm like yeah take the poster i give it to him i go inside and then um i'm inside and a friend comes in with the poster she goes dude this guy's being a problem he's been doing coke all day i'm sorry but will are is this boring you you're looking at your watch Are you okay?

When did you get that? Do you don't want to be here? I've never seen you with that before. What? My wife? And how do you not know about skins? You've got punks tattooed on your hand. That's a great fucking point.

That is a good point. The only skins I know is the Kim Kardashian skins. You know what I'm saying? That's skims. Oh. Yeah. You should have looked that up on your fucking watch. Yeah.

You should. That's what I was looking at. You should skim a Wikipedia page. You know why you got punk's tattooed on your hand before you've done. I got this. I got this because Billy Joe Armstrong does it and I was 18. Sick. If Billy Joe Armstrong jumped off a bridge, would you?

Yes. I would go, is there a Green Day concert down there? You would just be an American idiot. Anyway, so this, I give him a poster. Deadbeat holiday. So a friend comes in, she's like, yo, this guy's causing a problem and he won't leave unless you sign his poster. Can you just sign it?

And I'm like, all right. So I take a mark of the marker won't work. I just scribble and she goes out, gives it to him. And then we hear this like screaming outside. So we all run out on the street and this kid is like drunk and one of the skins goes out. And he's trying to get him to leave. It kind of gets physical. And the kid is like, fuck you.

Goes to the car and we're all standing on the sidewalk. We're looking. And he fucking is like, fuck you skinheads. You skinhead. Mm-hmm. And he says, yeah, more. And he's thinking like, I'm going to say this and everyone's going to want to fight. me and he's like you skinhead nwards skinhead n words and everybody's like ha ha ha ha what are you

are they black are you now um and he's like and everybody's like you're stupid what's a matter with you everybody laughs at him he doesn't get the response he wants so he goes in his car puts on a baseball batting glove runs it's like i'm gonna fuck you up and starts running across the street this fucking girl comes out of nowhere shout out jess she fucking he comes at her she's slipped him puts him in a headlock and takes them on the street. Everybody's like, oh my God. And he's hitting her and he's like, fuck you. So I run up and I just like grab him by the chest.

I'm like, do you like me? And he's like, I love you. I go, if you like me, then you'll fucking leave. And he's like, okay, I'll leave, I'll leave. Oh my God. And I have him like in a fucking headlock. I'm like, what the fuck is it matter with you? You got to get the fuck out of here.

And he's like, I'm sorry, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I open the door. I throw him in the car. and he looks at me and he goes Did you sign my poster? And he's like, yeah, yeah. And he fucking leaves, but the funniest part is when he was out of skinned Edwards, he's holding my poster with my face on it.

Hilarious. What did you, did you sign the poster, did you say anything with it? I just scribble in a name. I just, thanks for being a fan. Yeah.

But of course it turns out. Nothing finer than being in your diner. We hate to say, But we got it. We're a band and our name's devil. Where's Prada? Why do you find, how do you, you keep finding yourself in these situations where you're grabbing people and you're being,

and there's violence happening. You put yourself in stupid situations. Yes, I think you know it's true. But to be fair, you're doing a lyric. To be fair to, because I've, I've been on the road with you before. Yeah. He's going out and doing stuff.

Yes. Yes. You just smoke a bowl and go play fucking steam deck. Yeah. None of that can ever happen if you don't do stuff. I know, I know. That's so true. That is true.

You go out and you go. It's a numbers game. Why do you, when you're on the road, you just don't want to be in the hotel. No. I don't want to be. You hang out with the crowd after? No, I'll make friends. Um, of like friends and no friends.

Like the music communities really hooked me up with like different bands. Or like, if I have a friend that's friends with someone, well, then they'll be my friend. Right. And, um, will you be the MX to my PX? Pretty much. Dude, coolest thing. I played Seattle. and fucking MXPX was in the crowd.

And I came out to party my house be there. And that was like a dream. That was like the coolest. But yeah, I try to make, because I don't want to be alone on the road. You can rot in bed.

It gets depressing. You know, you're away every fucking weekend. Yeah. And I just try to go out and do activities, find people, things to get into.

I'll bring like, the opener's cool. I'll like bring them wherever. I've been going to cat cafes and shelters and then linking up with them and donating my last night's merch sales. and getting like QR codes to like try to get cats adopted. That's been like, I feel so good like on the road now

because I'm not just like sitting alone. That's nice. Watching forensic files. I do love. Also like I, you know, I'd rather, you know, die on my feet than live on my knees. Shout out half heart. So if something's going on, I'm going to like insert myself. I'll go to jail or the hospital to prove a point.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Okay. I should do more stuff like that. But it is also fun. I would love if you would join. What town are you in next? Yeah.

Yeah. I'll be in Cape Cod this Saturday, but I'm going to be with Cannon and Jason Choi. So why don't you guys go on and do something? We're going to, we're going to. We're going to Friday. They have a huge courthouse. They have really good lobster and seafood.

Courthouse. A friend of mine has a house in Cape Cod. I can see if you can have a beach pass. Oh, that would be cool. Oh, yeah. We're going up Friday, but whatever. But then after that, where am I alone? Yeah.

All the time. I think South Bend, Indianapolis. Okay. You can find some stuff to do there. Why don't you go to a cat cafe? That would be nice. Is South Bend is that what, what,

isn't there a college? Notre Dame. Yeah, right. Is that Notre Dame? Go fucking walk around. Dude, there's so much beautiful.

Yeah, I'll do that. Get in touch with your heritage. I'll do that. Yeah. There's no way you don't have some Notre Dame. Oh, that is Notre Dame.

Dude, when I'm in towns, it's nice out in the summer. I take my shirt off and I walk into town. Hey, everybody. I have a question. What do women want?

Start with a nice. consensual dick appointment thanks to blue chew they will work up to it don't just hey how are you want to take appointment you know women really want listening and you know what is hard to do it's hard to listen when you're worried if your cock is going to work or not that's why blue chew gold is the way to go you don't have to worry about if you're going to get hard later you don't have to worry about what's going to happen all you have to do is take a blue chew tablet and set it and forget it. Blue chew gold is a four in one tablet with a new arousal boosting formula designed for better sex gets you turn on mentally and physically so you can focus on the good stuff. That's right. You

know me. I use it. If you don't use it, you lose it. And I keep them in my pocket so I don't lose it. That's right. I don't know if I should tell everyone this, but I keep one in my pocket because you never know what's going to happen. And guess what? It's been in the point. It's been in the pocket for a very long time. I'm kind of on a celibate journey right now, but the blue chew in my pocket, it's kind of like Coke. It always made me feel good to know it's there just in case. And when I do it, I'm going to be up all night.

No more waiting for a pill to kick in, no more performance anxiety. The process is 100% online and super simple. There's a reason Blue Chew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at bluechew.com. You've got a special deal for B&E in with Jordan fans. Right now when you buy two months of Blue Chew Gold, you get a third month for free with promo code SCA. That's right. That's promo code SCA for a third month free.

You'll also receive an additional 10% off and free overnight shipping in your first order. This is a deal. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. Thanks to Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast and the bedroom. Hi everybody. Your summer wardrobe should be comfy and easy. Get dressed with quints. Everything from quince is high quality without the high price tag.

With active wear to formal wear and everything in between, quince makes it easy to look great anytime, anywhere. Think Italian swim trunks for days on the water, organic cotton teas and sweats for casual days inside. Quince even has European linen outfits when you want to class it up. Quince is great. Oh my God, Glenn. love you. Quince is great. They're like Glenn. They're perfect all the time. Cute,

fashionable. Everyone loves it. Just like Glenn. Be the Glenn of clothing wear and get Quince. If you already love Quince's clothing, check out their premium accessories, aluminum carry-ons and Italian leather duffel bags for travelers. Beautiful jewelry that makes a great gift. Premium polarized sunglasses for just 50 bucks. Wow. Quince partners directly with ethical factories and top artisans, means you spend 50 to 60% less than similar brands. You can't beat that. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com slash ska for free shipping and 365 day returns.

Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com slash scott. That is, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash S-K-A for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash ska. Thanks for partner and with us and enjoy the show. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance.

Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday, produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose to two.

Dude. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? It's fun. Yeah. Got a little suntan. That would be fun. People are like an Ian fan and you're just driving in your town.

You're like, is that Ian fire? Yeah, yeah. People yell out and I'm like, hello. Bro, I was thinking that when we did joke world festival two weekends ago or whatever, we all went to a bar after. It was really fun. We all went to a bar after.

And a guy, I watched the guy come up to you. And then he came up to me. And I was talking to him for a second. He was like, I'm just at the. bar I'm at every weekend and like 50 of my favorite comedians walked in. I was like, that must have been a crazy scene for he's just like sitting at the end of the

bar of like his watering hole. I left soon after. Yeah. Yeah. You don't say one one line please. I'll go to a punk show in the town of men or something. I was up in JFL doing the nasty show club soda every night and me and Alfa Robles. I want to do the nasty show.

Social distortion. We walked across the street to like the Metro Plus. Oh, that's Yeah, it was sick, man. You could also do, I've been going to, and I know you know this, but I've, I've been going to, sometimes I'll spend my afternoon at like a bathhouse doing saunas and cold plunges. That's sick. You feel good?

He goes out. Matt goes out. I do. I've been on the, I've been on the road with him and Soder multiple times where during the day, I'm out doing stuff and I know that they, and I'm like, hey, you guys, they're like, Matt. Yeah. No. No.

I go to vintage stores, record shops. Always go, I'll go thrifting. I will kind of do shit like that a little bit. If I'm doing a whole weekend, I got to get out of the house. But I'm also like, fuck it. I'd also rather just wake up, smoke some weed, get some lunch, go write, and then go do the show. We write too. Yeah, when do you find time to write with all these cat cafes and record stores?

I go out early in the morning and then I go back to my hotel and write about my experiences. And then I take a nap, go to the gym and go to the gig. Nice. And I also do my writing like late at night, like when I can't sleep. I get like, that's when like my creative goes. So, yeah. I mean, yeah, and then I'll just like talk about the things I do in the town. Okay.

Well, yeah. Yeah. I stand corrected. Dude, they remember the, what was it, Pat and Oswald, Zach Alfenakis, Maria Bamford. Comedians of Comedy. Dude, what about the adventure comedians? And we all go tour together and we do adventure stuff. Doesn't that sound like that a pedophile group, the adventure?

or what were they called South Park made an episode about it. I don't know. Nambla? No, there is Nambla, but there's like, they did something like the chef,

remember when the chef episode where he's like, yeah, he's like not there. Dude, I started Nambla, North American band love association because I love music.

And boy, did I get in trouble. And then I tried to find like a dating type thing and I was a North American but love association because I love blood. Boy, was I in trouble. It's tough.

I could keep. Is there a Sambla? A South American boy loving association? Different chapters. Yeah. The Amla, Iraqi American. The Hells Angels Club in the city shut down or something. Did they?

Yeah, I think they shut it down or something. There's a Hells Angels Club here. That's cool. See? Nice. I'm down for adventure. I'm down for the adventure tour. Yeah.

I'll go on the event. And then we film it and put out a video every week. That sounds beautiful. Yeah, I literally am down to do that. I mean, we definitely got to work on the name. But the North American. Untitled comedians go on the road project. Or North American, um,

let's call it Nambla. Yeah, yeah. The North American, North American, um, blast lovers. Because we love having a blast. We do love having a blast. Yeah. Yes. That's what we're going to have a blast.

Blast lovers. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. Namja Jala. North American joke lovers. Okay. All right.

Now we're working with something. Nice. I would like to do that. I think that would be really cool to go get a van. Go on the road for like a couple weeks. Film it. A week or two. Yeah.

Totally take that idea. Dude, I guarantee. And put out our own version of the comedians and we literally should call it the comedians in cars too. Like new generation. Two. Comedian and. Cars doing adventures and comedy. I love that.

What's the event? Well, that's like, that's the thing that we got to do. That's the thing that you're mixing is the adventure. You don't do adventures. Go to like water parks. I assume and you have to be. I've been thinking about a water park lately. I know.

Roller coasters. Yes. I do love water. Water parks, but I'll say. Kayaking. Uh, kayaking is not as fun as you think it is. Yeah, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work for. All right. I will. I will. Yeah, that's true. I think we're more canoe guys. I'm a, I don't even like lakes. You don't like a lake?

Okay, that's where we, that's where I do like a lake. Although when I was in Florida, Key West, next time you're in Key West, ask them to take you to like the, it's like this shit where like the grass is all over you. Not that like trees are all over. By you? Something like that.

No. You're like going like this and shit. Well, do you noodle? Noodling. When you reach your arm and yank out. I've never done it, but that's big. I grew up in Oklahoma.

It's big there. Oklahoma. Oklahoma, really? Were you so scared of tornadoes and stuff? Not really, because you're just so used to it. Were you in the military? No. Why do you look like that?

I know. I know. I was looking at a picture of you and I was like, you look real good with a shaved head because you still have like a hairline intact, even though it looks like the M and Metallica. I know. But when I met you, you had a full head of hair. I did. I still.

To be fair, I still do have a full head of hair. I just shaved it off. Yeah. This isn't a last ditch effort kind of vibe. I've always had like a pre. I will say. I did not know how intense my widow's peak was until it was way too late. It's,

I wouldn't call it intense, but it's definitely, you were married. It's definitely a little like off to the side, I'd say. It's not entirely even. It's not even. One side does go higher than the other.

I wonder how I would look at the shape. Because I feel like this looks all right, but if I shade, it would like be so far bad. I think you need to have that, that hair forever. You need to have that. I like it.

I feel good. Krusty the clown. It looks good. In a good way. In a good way. I mean that in a good way. How do you mean that in a good way? Yeah.

How's that a good way? Well, what would you say it looks like? A cool guy. Specifically, though. I think cool guy. Cool and look. What character? Cool hand, Luke.

You can't pin me to, I'm me. You're me. Yeah. You're you. Yeah. The earring is I feel so much great. How long you think that's going to last? until the next thing.

Do you ever get like when you do a new thing, do you ever get like excited to just wake up and go out? Yeah. Like recently, recently I tried to grow up with a backout. I tried to do kind of a skullet vibe, which was received with a lot of pushback from my friends who are mean people with no style at all.

I tried to grow. I was, I grew out the back. Yeah, but that takes a while. You can't let anyone see until it's there. It was too late. People noticed they,

my friends were really mean about it. I also ended. up not really liking it, but I remember when it got just long enough where like, I was actually here, my buddy, like did it. He's a very, very good barber. If you guys ever need a good haircut, my brother, Crooked Finger on Instagram.

He's, he legit is like an amazing barber and he blended it all and whatever. And I remember waking up, dude, I woke up in Bushwick. Like, I can't wait to go to a coffee shop. Like, I was so excited to like, fucking get out there. And then, you know, nobody really noticed. There's a whole like this thing with the fucking mullet is. What do you mean?

There's like a new, you know, modern kind of cool guy mullet. Would you say I'm a part of that or is this different? No, no, because different. You're all party in the back. It seems like the work in the front has shut down. Oh, it's on unemployment. You've been laid off. Unemployment and he cannot get benefits.

The business in the front has been laid off. That building was destroyed. Yeah, he didn't get severance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To speak to your Oklahoma, this was bombed by Timothy McVeigh. Yes, yes, yes. Actually, which he didn't do with, there were multiple people, and everyone who said that he did, that they saw multiple people ended up getting killed.

Officer Yeeke, the guy who was one of the first people on site said he saw multiple people. And then he went to the news with it. And then a month later, he was found in a field, stab wound, shot in the back of the head. it was ruled a suicide. Suicide, yeah. Classic way to kill yourself. That is actually really crazy. I know people who are in that, like, kids.

I went to school with a kid who was in the, like, was pulled from the rubble. Oh my God. He's a big scar on his face. He's the man. Holy shit. Yeah. But, um, what's that like hearing that for me? Is that upsetting to you since you're from that area?

No, I mean, I was, I was such a baby. I don't even really remember. I, I, I was taught it when I got older. Do you know people who have some theories? No. No. No. I think there's so many other things that have theories about that...

Like what? I don't think, well, you know, the classic ones, 9-11. Now we're being bombarded with things that have the... Nobody trusts anything now. Everything is Israel's fault. There's also the Epstein stuff. Nobody's thinking about Timothy McVeigh anymore. I know.

I'm glad you are. That was, to be honest. Yeah, Terry Nichols. Yeah, okay. Makes sense. Two guys. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Right. Yeah. You don't even know about that? I don't know about this. Whoa. Did you know about the Oklahoma City bombing? at all? I know the name of that. I've heard that

before. If it's not a Green Day song. Yeah, seriously. It does sound like a Green Day song. I go, was that off warning? That was a Duky B sign. That was actually on a kerplunk, believe it. Yeah, that was when they were pinhead gumpowder. Yeah. Well, no tragedies,

no bombings or anything where you come from? New York. Long Island. New York? What the fuck do you think this is? Somebody forgot. We're the king of tragedies and conspiracy theories. I'm doing a thing about not respecting the tragedy that. 9-11. 9-11.

Yeah. Yeah, what's the, yeah, that's the one now. That's the new one. That's a new one. It means your pussy smells. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to the two. I'm going to go to the.

You should go. Let's go to the 9-11 museum. Then adventure. Yeah. Doing it solemnly. No, I'm just not forgetting how stinky, stinky it was. Yeah, from all the people flesh. Yeah.

Wow. Sad. But, no, Long Island, there was a tragedy. My mom was actually, this guy shot up a Long Island railroad. And my mom was supposed to be on that exact train car. But you were hungry in the morning or something? Yeah, and I went to, Mommy. I asked her to guess.

Mommy, I need more egos. Mommy, bring home dominoes. I want lava cakes, mommy. So, yeah, I guess that's kind of a tragedy. A lot of people died. The Gilgo Beach. I mean, that's... I don't know about...

I've heard for years. Dude, that guy... The serial killer, Rex, whatever. That guy, his wife still lives in the home and has moved her bed to the basement where he had his, like, kill chamber. Jesus Christ. Whoa.

I would love to watch, because, like, a documentary about it, because we heard about this. my entire life. Really? Yeah, my entire, like, for most of my conscious being, there are people going, oh, you know, there's a serial killer on Long Island, you go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, the Gilgo Beach killer, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, never got caught. And then, like, two years ago, they caught him. Really? And he lived in the town next to where one of my girlfriends used to live. I was in that town all the town. He got, he was in Massapee Park. Oh. And who was he killing?

I'm from Sioux. Sallis. Yeah. Who was he killing? Did he have? What was his? Oh, okay.

He was killed. It's like we, there's supposedly a serial killer in Austin doing the, uh, the, uh, the rainy street. Yeah. It's like bodies keep turning up. It's always young, hot boys. Well,

we know the serial killers are not Tony. Um, there's also a, Matt, possibly, uh, he's got certain allegiances. I have,

hey, listen, I got no. Yeah. Can I say my biggest, about soda. and you're going to get it, you're going to get hands from this couch.

My, my couch too. The whole basement. Talk shit about soda. What? I was saying, I was saying we got no allegiances, but you'd start talking shit about soda.

Oh, no, I have no, I have no, I have no, Austin-based allegiances. Yeah. Other than,

other than like relatively cheap rent and an easy way to live. My biggest wife. My biggest right with the Austin comedy scene is a public. Oh my God. You at, no, no, no, no, no, this is fair. No, no, no, this is fair because I,

when I did, when I, when I was, here, whatever, and I did your podcast. 20 minutes of it was you asking me about the awesome comedy scene. A podcast, which I bombed, by the way. I want to bring that up. I felt really bad about it. You were great on it. People loved you. Oh, well, thank you so much. But I just did it all for you to say that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you go, oh, but I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm bombing today. Let's do it. I want to make, I want to make a comedy. I want to be on a slop video and this feels like the big, like, no, no, no, no. You listen before you put your hat is biggest. Okay. Sure. My biggest gripe with the Austin comedy scene is a public perception that it's all racist, transphobic, mean, homophobic, just based on the mothership in this ecosystem that Rogan and Tony have created respectfully.

I, there is a scene outside of that that is full of racist, weirdos, cool, funny guys and gals that doesn't get any shine. I think it's myopic and lazy to just say, oh, Austin, the Epstein guy. It's like, no, dude. Yeah, I saw your... That's like liking rock music and being like, well, Nickelback sucks so I hate all rock music. It's like, dude, there's more to it than that.

You fucking loser. I agree. That's a great take. And I saw your comment the other day. Thank you for mentioning me in that. That was very kind. He was responding. You, Josh Francis, Dylan Carlina.

Wait, what happened? Somebody commented and was like, you know, because what did you? You posted like a photo dump of your time in Austin. And I had like a blast. And then... And I didn't even go to the mothership or do any of the other stuff. you know, I hate the heat.

It's fucking terrible. Dude, when I, when I was walking here is 77 degrees, I forgot that it couldn't, I forgot that summer could be that somewhere. Is that fair to me to say? Yeah, no, feel all you want to feel,

but if you don't dig deeper and think one scene is just one thing, this is, it's like so fucking stupid and intellectually lazy. I tell people that all the time and I don't think people always even really care, whatever, but like, like, I can imagine it sucks for you being like,

yeah, I'm from Austin and I was like, this guy, it feels weird. Like I've had, I'm, I'm over it. now, but like my couple visits here, like my first couple visits like doing spots and stuff and people ask me where I'm from, I was like insecure to Texas. Or you feel like you have to say Austin

and then be like, but don't worry. I'm not like, you know, like whatever. But it's like, yeah, man, like I. There is a culture that exists that is very homogenous and there's like one black comic there. I will say that is that is there are there is a lack of black comics in Austin. That is. Blacks go to Not and then are there? A couple that we do have are like, you know. White. Even the couple we do have. They're white coated.

Even the couple we do have, they red bone. They like skin. They light skin. They light skin. They light skin. But yeah, you are, that is a very accurate portrayal of course. And I think is going to have their stupid vibe. Just when I'm like, yeah, I love trans women.

People are like, you're a chance. or you're fed or something. No, I like people. I don't care what they are. I'm just saying I do like trans women and I'll date who I want to date, love who I want to love. Right.

But the idea that I'm only one thing is so like short-sighted and lazy, you know. And that's like a stink that I get that really upsets me. Let me ask you something. Oh, fuck Tony. So you like trans people. And you like trans people too, right? So if when you started dressing up like a woman,

would you fuck the other person or what? If I like the person. Like if Matt started looking, if Matt came down in a dress with some fake tits. Well, it doesn't mean he's trans transdressor. Yeah, that could be a cross-dresser. Or a transvestite or an audience pile. You're going to upset your mother. Oh, ma.

Matt, Matt wears a dress. He turns me down. I put a bag over my head to sit on a diving board. Yeah, no, I mean, that's the thing. I like the person, but there's a distinct. I like I like the dolls. It's not like and I don't care where your privates are, but it's like it's do you face that at all? Oh yeah. Dude, all the time, especially also like my first couple videos that went the my first video that went like really crazy that got me a lot of my followers was like a silly stupid joke about me going to a gay bar. So I got a bunch of gay followers. And then I got there was this chunk of material that I did that was a lot about like who I am and kind of like I described myself as more like a feminine. it, not really, you know, a masculine man, whatever, right, which is how I feel.

And then that went really viral. And I get a lot of people who are like, you know, gay baiting and doing, like, that's what they say. And I'm like, no, I'm like, I'm not, you know, I was having, I was literally having this conversation last night. I was like, don't gay bait me. I suck dick sometimes. Don't, don't call me that.

That's not fair. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I got to like, fucking re-up on my come to make people believe I'm like a thing. Yeah, right. It's like, don't compare me into like some fitness influencer who. who works out with his fucking dick hanging around. Like that's not the same.

Yeah. So fucking he can bait women into think he's not a rapist. It's like, dude, there's a fucking difference. Yeah. Or these straight dudes who like wear like short shorts and talk about musical theater and shit all the time. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like that's like the biggest fucking baiter ever. And it's like, what the fuck are we doing? You got a problem with old. No, I just got a problem with people not like being who they are and like, be, I. But what if that is who he is? Well, then, like, say, like, I'm an effeminate guy instead of just being like, no, I'm straight.

Right, right, right. Like, live your life. But I'm a hypocrite because, like, this fucking says he's by. And then I'm like, uh, yeah. No, he only says bye to women. I love it. It is funny when I, dude, I was having a conversation. People look at me like, oh, he's not by.

And I'm like, that's why I'm like, that's why. saying queer because I feel like that encompasses more of like everything. And also queer means weird and I'm fucking weird. So that's okay. True. Yeah. But that trans thing fucking bothers me because I'll get shit of people thinking I'm like,

whatever. It's like I've spent my public life advocating for men liking trans people not feeling shame or feeling gay. Yeah. At the same time I'll be looked at as like whatever. It is hilarious to be like, you can, people in the right are like you're a with AIDS and the people are left like, you're, you only like us for that.

I'm like, I can't fucking win. Yeah. I'm a uniter in the fact that people. You can like trans people. You don't need to feel gay. That's funny to me. What's that? You're like, I'm,

what's funny about that? No, no, no, no, no. No, what's funny about that? Show you, show you. Oh, no. What makes it gay? Why is that funny? Why is that funny?

No, it's what he said. It's what he said. You're you fucking enough cancer. No, I'm going against the narrative that it does make you gay. But I'll also say it doesn't make you like the straightest man on life. What I'm saying is what's wrong. Feeling gay. Nothing.

That's my whole thing. Feel how you want to feel. You don't have to feel gay or shame liking who you like. That's what I've been advocating my whole public career. But yet somehow I get slings and arrows as if I'm like a fucking chaser like fetishness and I'm not. I just like who I like. I also think the problem is not the way you feel or the people on here or the people there. It's literally just the internet.

That's what every. And I understand I came out about my like publicly as the same time I was doing it privately. So my language and stuff as I was figuring it all out was like very clunky and I get it. But like to be judged for like stuff. And you know, there were like some podcasts that like made fun of me for this shit. Clunky sounds like the bartender at the bar, the trans bar slings and arrows. Hi, welcome to strings and arrows. I'm the owner.

Clunky. You're my favorite bartender. Clunky. You're my favorite. Where can I find love, Cunky? No, but like, I got made fun of this shit very publicly

and then now like a couple of people that did that are like woke heroes and it's like very frustrating. And it's like people can be like, you know, it's been said before. People have gotten stoffed in the back and I just feel like, you know, it's a thing too.

Like I, people can change. Hey, they can change. But then why am I still looked upon? It's like a fucking whatever when I've been on your side the whole time. Yeah. Yeah.

It is funny. It is, it is just. funny. It's all ironic. You can't, you know. Isn't it ironic? It feels like when you think. Yeah, that's what she should have been talking about. Like, uh, uh, an old man comes out the closet.

His friend on a podcast calls him a fuck for life. And that comedian starts becoming super liberal. And talking about how all the comedians. Protecting people who he made fun of someone. one for loving. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think. But it's okay.

People can grow. So why don't you? I don't know. I mean, how do you feel about that? Because I feel like you, you like get like embraced and liked. But you face eight too?

A little bit on the on the internet and stuff. You know, but it's very few. far between. It's like, I don't get any more hate than I think like, like, you know what's funny is I'll get something every once in a while

where somebody would be like, this is all he jokes about or like this is he's baiting or like the fetishizing thing is something you see every once in a while or it's like, all right, whatever. But then have you ever talked to like, have you ever talked to like any female comic

who's ever posted anything online? What do you mean? It's every comment they get. Oh, yeah. is like, fuck you, you stupid girl. And it's like, okay, maybe what I, it's not, maybe it's not that bad for a couple people to misunderstand me. It's brutal more because it's like, I get shit about like my, my looks and my sexuality and

like my opinions will be discounted because I've done X, Y, and Z sexually. And it's like, well, the, when they do that to women, it's like so hurtful. And then I, I know how it feels. And it's like, man, it's so fucking a million times more tougher for them and that fucking It's your shows that should be discounted. Sorry. You know, I, look, I, look, I, look, I thought of that. And you're very, obviously, I don't believe that.

You know what? I'm going to stop, stop, stop, stop. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I'm called clunky. And they are going to fucking, you put a boot up your head. And their girlfriend knives are going to fuck you up. Yeah.

Well, I just thought if anybody had said that. And River and Spoon are going to shank you. Well, anyway, so yeah, I just thought of that joke. It was a good joke. It could have been anybody. That was a great joke. That was a good joke. It was a good hateful joke.

You should come to Austin. True at times. You think I would do well in Austin? Like, would I struggle? The thing that pisses me off though that Austin is I will play a certain, like, club that's like alien. And then I'll have to follow someone. and all their punchlines are the things that I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really funny. The mothership thing in general is crazy, because sometimes I'll be on a, because I perform there whenever they give me spots. I've been passed for a while. It's a great club. But I do, I'll never be like, don't do that joke.

I like it kind of in a way, because when I go up, I'll hit back at it. You know what I really love about it? Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. You'll get that at every club. You get that at the cellar. You get that at that.

I watched a clip from somebody at the stand today. I literally, I hate watched it earlier. It was recorded through meta glasses. Boo. No, you know who. You know who. He had no sleeves on. No, girl.

Boo. Bro, it was funny. It's funny when. Did he have to do a lot of heavy lifting? He had to do a lot of heavy lifting. Did he bomb? Because he's Israeli. It was crazy because it's funny.

because it's funny because the fucking, like some of the New York vibe is like, well, Austin, this, Austin, that. And I'm like, this guy's at one of your main, like he's at the club and he's, I mean, dude, it was worse than shit. It's so ridiculous. It happens everywhere, but there is a concentrated

amount of it at the mothership. Everybody is just so desperate to have everything figured out in their heads. So they'll look at something that's like, it's so, like, I'll say, like, they want to put a label on Austin. They want to put a label on like, oh, that's the racist place. If somebody goes up and does something racist, transfer, whatever, it's like, yo, give them the benefit of the doubt that they're trying it.

They're trying to wear. And then maybe it'll evolve into something better. But if it's the same joke over and over, it's like, I don't fuck you. Well, what I don't love, the thing that I like the least about it is if I am trying to have a, say I have a joke that may, that does, that's, that has the word retard in it. Or I have like, I've been like trying to do this. Like you're describing yourself. Like I've been trying to do this.

Yeah. Thank God. It wasn't about me. It feels shitty because it's like if I'm somewhere else and people know that I'm from Austin and I do a joke that people will go, well, he did that. And I'm like, you're almost pandering. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like maybe there was actually. Maybe it made sense in the context. You know, there is no better word that I could have used. I'm an artist. I'm an artist. I know what's important.

I followed, I followed, um, women home. Is there something going on? The singers are really crazy. Just trying to have fun. But not about personal things that I told you I stopped doing years ago. Yeah, you're most Luzlack going, my name is Mo, but as most women call me, hey, you behind the bush.

When they're doing stand up. Do you remember that episode? A lot of references out of you today. A lot of references. A lot of explanations. Dude, yeah, sick reference. Tell me about it. I'm not on.

No, you are. It's just, I just haven't seen. You are. It's just a little evil. You've got a little devil on your shoulder today. You're being a little bitch today.

Yeah, man. I'm an earring guy now. Not like a bitch like a pussy, but like you're being like a bitch. Yeah. Damn. I like it's kind of fun. I'm not being a bitch.

You want some cranberry juice. You get you acting like a bitch. You're not, you aren't a bitch, but you're acting like a bitch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not acting like a bitch nor am I being a bitch. Okay.

You're being bitchy. Yes, that's more accurate. Bitchy. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being a little bitchy. I like that. Yeah.

I'm being bitchy. Cunty is the, as. Yeah, I'm serving cunty. I'm serving cunt. Cunty is, you're calling your waiter over it to Slings and Arras. Cunty. Cunty. I'd like to order some, uh, Moscow mule.

I would love another phony to groney, Cunty. I'd like a Moscow mule. mulecock, please. Non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholic. Anyway, what were we talking about? I don't know. There was a point.

I felt like there was a point about to be made and then you and then you ruined it. Oh, why? You said you followed. Oh, yeah. I followed Tony and he did this thing about how Elon is like the best, whatever. And I went up and I was like, dude,

if you fucking cap or take up for Elon, like I've had more dicks in my body than there are letters in the alphabet and that's way gayer than anything I've ever done. Yeah. And I got booed. You got booed. And then, yeah, oh, I ended up walking a table because she was like, enough with the gay stuff.

And I was like, oh, you don't like gay male anal sex? And I just like went into it. I actually really like that. And they got up and left. There is a certain level. It's not, not every crowd is like that there, but there is a certain level of like when I can just joke about what I want to joke about. And it goes well knowing that I disagree with the viewpoint of the crowd. It feels better.

Yeah. But also sometimes you got to, because I like saying the silly thing of being like, the joke is that I'm saying something so ridiculous that wouldn't it be funny to live in the world where what I'm saying is real? And we're all in the social contract of laughing at how ridiculous that juxtaposition is. But if I sniff out that you're laughing

for the wrong reason, I'll either call it out or notice that it keeps happening and drop the joke. You know what I mean? And I think in like again, I will never tell a comic what they can and can't say, make the joke, be fucking whatever you want. But I will also,

fucking joke about it and it's like no no beef whatever do your thing what are you giggling on that bitchy beef got I'm excited I'm excited of kind of beef got me excited it's funny what do you know I was just thinking of

cuncee is Jordan's act you said can and can't say and I went cuncee is uh Jordan why do you why don't you consult your why do you consult your sense

and learn how to fucking be in the moment better I was just thinking of it. The fact that that was funny enough to you that you, like, laughed out like, like, like, like to where we noticed it is crazy. I know. That's a little stupid. But that's what you got to make yourself laugh before you can make other people laugh.

That's true. And that's sometimes saying the bad thing and then you realize it's not good. So then the next set you say the right thing. So I don't like judging comics based on one set being like it's always like unless I see it over and over. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah.

That makes perfect sense. Yes. Yes. Totally. Totally. Now, let's talk about what's wrong with the LA. scene. Yes.

Yes. That is funny. There's never any. There's never the opposite. There's very rarely anybody going. There is a lot of drama with the LA clown scene. Oh. Do you know about this?

I didn't even know what's going on in the clown scene. Well, like clowning is huge. Zach Zucker is, you know, Stampedown, which is a brilliant show. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I saw some of this.

I forgot how it came up. Because I think like a big part of clown. He's Googling clowning in L.A. I'm here. man. I'm here. I'm here. Anyway, go on about the clown scene in LA. I want you to be like an oasis album. Be here now. Don't look back in anger.

I don't want to look back at this in anger. You know, you barely look back at this. Feel something. You know what? Don't lean your head against the Wonderwall. Oh, geez. Have you been drinking a gallon of water a day? Nice. It's a good idea.

That is good idea. My name's Ian, and I'm here to say, my health is back and I'm a okay. My health stuff is way better. Everything. This has been a summer of hell. I had gout and then kidney stones. I was in and out of the hospital. Gout?

Yeah, yeah. Gout to me is like scurvy. It's like I didn't even really know people got like, you know what I mean. And then I had to go, I had tuberculosis. Oh my God. Things are better now, though. Good. I'm glad.

So I've been drinking water for a long time. What's that? we want you here for a long time. Thank you, my friend. A good time and a long time. Good time and a long time. Yeah. Thank you, my friend.

Yeah, but I've been drinking the water. I think I'm going to start doing that. I've been seeing a lot of signs for me to do that. Bro, if one thing you take away from me, drink fucking a ton of water. I got the kidney stones from dehydration because I was only drinking ice coffee thinking it had water. And also, I had calcium oscillate stones, which I got from eating too much. spinach because I changed my diet after having

Gall to eat healthy, so I was just housing spinach all day. That fucking sucks. That's bullshit, dude. So now I can't have spinach, I got to switch to kale. Yeah, I got to switch to kale. Poor Popeye. I know. I was being a little Popeye looking for my olive oil. Olive oil.

Fuck, man. Yeah, that sucks. What can you do? God. He's pumped. He's like, not going to eat spinach then. Yeah. He's like, well, I'll never get candy. Thank God. Yeah. Thanks for teaming up on me. You little fucking queens of the Stone Age. We just wanted to, you know,

I just wanted everything to feel fair. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Oh, so how are things with the Wurio? Your cat? My cat is great. Yeah. He's the fucking man.

I love hanging out with him and he's the best. Are you a cat guy or a dog guy? I historically am a dog guy, but at my last apartment, there were these two little kittens that showed up. And as a building, we all took care of them. and I made really good friends with the orange one who I named Tony.

And then I took care of him for a while. One of my neighbors unknowingly took him in for a little bit. So I thought he was gone. And then let him back out. She was a bad person, committed domestic violence. I did get to watch it out of my window, though, which was exciting.

That's great. And then I took care of him for a while. And eventually I put a collar on him and everything, but he just kind of stopped coming back. A collar. I don't know if somebody took it. I'm hoping somebody ignored my collar. stuck in a bush and took him or he got a damn collar on him.

Or something. Don't say the collars why he's going to be dead. Could be. That's why Oreo doesn't wear a collar. There was the collar killer going around Austin. Oh, right. Fuck. I forgot about the pussy collar killer.

When I was in Winnipeg, I went and did radio in the last station. Shout out QX 1045. Carly, you're the shit. QX1045. We got Ian Finance here at the studio talking men's cacks. Call my mouth a giveaway at the ballpark on a hat sale Because one size fits all Anyway, they brought in kittens from

Radio Free Humane Society Here with Ian Finance. WK45, we're playing Queen. We're playing, we're playing Elton John Brendan Sagalow here We're playing John Popper We're playing every day We're playing jelly roll Fat boys

We're playing a jelly roll of the fat boys As well as John Popper 45 minutes WK4F5 We've started our 24 7 weird out Eidathon One of the best things about Going on the Road to Soder

And you can attest this Is when you're in the car with him He'll do a thing called Dan Radio And he drives around and he goes You're listening to Dan radio coming at you at right now. We're driving up for a month. And he's playing it as a song is starting.

And he does that so perfectly. That's the best. Doing that and having it lead right in to when the song is. He is so good at it. He's very good at it. He's incredibly good at it. I saw him at the airport when I got back from Winnipeg. He got back from Spokane.

And we got coffee and walked out together. I like, I like being with you guys. Because you guys, you guys riff on a different level than me. King Rifts. I like to just kind of sit and then every once in a while I'm like, there's one for me.

But it's like the ratio is like fucking 20 and one with Rifts. You have to be so intimidating. It's crazy. I don't have to be so intimidating because I was like if I was there, I don't know if I could keep, like you guys are just so sympathetic. You have to settle in and just you got to tag in when you can

but it's hard to keep. I've tried to keep up with it. It's just embarrassing. It's impossible. Well, what are you going to do? I mean, we're the kings. They both do. We're the, we're the,

The Rift Kings of comedy. You're the D.L. You're, he's D.L. He's D.L. He's, you're, Sedric the entertainment. I'm Bernie Mac. What'd you say? You're on the D.L. That's funny. I'm on the D.L.

I wish I was. The disabled list because you're retarded. I've got her. Dude, I think I'm getting smoking my fucking eye from you smoking these cigarettes. Well, good. You deserve it. Let's get pizza. Let's get pizza. I'll order it out.

Yeah, order pizza right now. So we can watch. bird cage and have some pizza and do a watch a lot. Could we watch bird cage, do a watch a lot? I do have to, I do have to I can't join for that, but that does sound very cool. What time are you meeting? You're having your meeting. Supposed to be at five having my meeting.

I'm going to have dinner with my ex. He's getting on his hands and knees. Do you mind getting into it and spilling that tea? No, I'm not. I'm not. No, no, no. I can't. Good for him. Respect. Yeah. So we will fill in the gaps.

Yeah. Well, I know, and I'll say this. No, I would really hate that. Your heart just went, I really hate that. I would never, ever do that. Thank you. I would never,

absolutely ever do that. All right, so let's roll into the Patreon and we'll eat pizza and hang. We're not set up. Can we just like take a break? Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, okay. Like roll, take a break.

Join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash beanie and pod to see the part two. And guys, tell everyone at home in TV land where they can check you out. Check my style out. I have two podcasts, one with Mike Cannon called Fark Carnival.

I also have another podcast called Sag Daddy Da Pod. And so check those out. I am on the road, Brennan Sagalow.com. I will be one second, one second. I'm going to be at Dead Crow Comedy Club, Wilmington, North Carolina for four shows. Friday, October 2nd to the 3rd. then I will be at the in South Bend,

Indianapolis, Thursday, October 8th, Battle Creek, Michigan, Wyoming, Michigan, London, Ontario for the Sari Comedy Festival, and then Skankfest in New Orleans. Whoa. Get your tickets now.

Yes. Brendan Sagalow.com. Matt Ross. That's good. Matt Ross comic on all platforms. I have a podcast, uh, Friendly Fire podcast that I do with my buddy Josh Francis.

Shout out Josh. Great, great, great. Shout out Josh. Very funny. Um, I'm also. Also on tour, we're in Atlanta. I don't know when this comes out,

but I'm Atlanta next week on September 4th through 6. Atlanta Helium. Atlanta, actually an Alpharetta. It's actually 45 minutes away from where you live. But it's worth it. It's a great room. It is worth it.

It's a great room. I know it's Labor Day weekend or whatever, one of those weekends that we celebrate that stuff, but it'll be a good time. It's a great room. Wichita, October 8th. No, sorry, Tulsa, October 8th, Wichita, October 9th, Kansas City, Missouri, October 10th, and then Lawrence, Kansas, just across the state line on the 11th.

So check out my pod. Come see me live if I'm around there. That would be great. Yes. Ian financed for all my dates. Madison, Wisconsin, Comedy on State, September 3rd to 5th, Saratoga Comedy Festival, September 11th, 12th, Charlotte, North Carolina, 17th, and 19th. Dallas, Texas, Addison Improv, October 1st to 3rd. Let's sell that out.

Billy Helium, November 5 to 7th, going to be a big one. And we're putting together a tour in Australia for next year. I'm so fucking stoked. Dig it out there, mighty. And I got dates going all over at emfinance.com. Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs out every other Tuesday with YMH, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy, Patreon.com slash be anem pod. And punchup.com slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates.

Go see her on the road. And we'll see you next time. We love you. Bye.